DOG SPIDERS
Written by Ammon Gilbert
From a Concept by Ammon Gilbert, Jim Law, and Johnny Moreno
© BingeMedia
1 We open up the movie in a science lab, and not just any science lab, but something out of THE AMAZING SPIDER - MAN (that's for you Law, no w shut your mouth), something that's filled with lab coats, beakers, and fancy high - tech equipment that nobody really knows how to operate, but goddamn does it look cool. There are various scientists wandering around with clipboards, pocket protectors, thi ck - rimmed glasses, and classic white shin - hanging lab coats. It's a typical day at the ol' science lab doing typical science lab shit.
Trotting down one of the many isles like it owns the place is a Golden Retriever. Like many Golden Retriever, this one ha s a perpetual smile on its face and looks about as happy as a pig in shit just being there. We focus on its collar to find its name is GINGER ). Ginger trots down the a isle on its way to its owner, Dr. Jack Hammer. Jack is a regular Rico Suave: handsomely g ood looking with a chiseled chin and a beefed out frame to match (i.e., the perfect role for Paul Logan). He is also sporting a lab coat and thick rimmed glasses because he's a scientist and that's what scientists do. He's currently working on some science shit, pouring liquid into various beakers, analyzing data, and concentrating intensely.
Ginger stops trotting and sits by Jack , obviously wanting attention. Jack completely ignores Ginger , forcing Ginger to whimper and nudge Jack's leg with its head. Jack blindly pats Ginger’s head for a second but doesn't stop working on his science shit. Fed up with being ignored, Ginger scampers away in search for attention. We follow Ginger as Ginger wonders around the lab, looking for someone to play with, but only fi nds scientists too busy doing science shit to give him any attention.
A super secret vault - like lab within the science lab, surrounded with 6 - inch thick glass (giving it that aquarium/fishbowl look), open its door with a hiss as a single scientist dressed head - to - toe in protective lab gear exits, holding a tray of vials and walking as if any movement could cause said vials to explode. As the door slowly hisses shut behind him, Wolf enters the super secret lab, unnoticed by the scientist who is occupied wit h his vials. The lab door hisses shut and locks with a deafening *thunk* like any heavy duty bank vault would.
Inside the super secret lab (the lab within the lab), we see various science gadgets and high tech thingy - ma - jiggers lying around. Trailing aroun d the room, we see an aquarium - like cage full of plants and green vegetation. Within the green vegation
2 we notice that the entire interior of the aquarium - like cage is covered in spider webs and coccons. We don't see any spiders... just spider webs and it ain't pretty. Sitting next to the aquarium is another tray of precariously placed vials. These vials are filled with bubbling green ooze that looks like all sorts of bad news. On the opposite table from the aquarium and the deadly vials is a half - eaten ham sandwich, left by some absent - minded scientist mid - lunch. Since Ginger is a dog, and dogs are always up for a good meal, Ginger puts its front paws on the table and digs into the sandwich... and loves it. Ginger loves it so much its ta i l is wagging like c razy as she gets all up in that sandwich (apparently Ginger wasn't looking for attention, Wolf was looking for food).
Unfortunately for Ginger , the tail wagging knocks both the tray of vials and the spider aquarium to the floor, both of which smash and bre ak into a billion pieces. We see the ugliest spider you've ever seen covered with the deadly ooze, smoke starts rising off its back, and you can hear a tiny spider scream coming from its spider mouth. The screaming spider starts running like crazy to get a way from the ooze, trying to escape the pain it's going through. Ginger , on the other hand, has retreated to a corner of the lab, watching with intense interest of what's going down. The crazed spider runs at Ginger and jumps into Ginger’s mouth -- and insta ntly sinks those giant spider teeth into Ginger’s tongue. A second later, Ginger starts chomping and swallows the ooze - covered spider in a few bites.
Scientists from around the lab, including Jack, come running towards the sound of the glass - breaking commo tion only to find Ginger sitting there quietly amidst the broken equipment with that silly grin that only Golden Retrievers can get away with. From the looks of things, the damn dog knocked over some shit and broke some glass, which the scientists all shru g off with a "Get control of that damn dog of yours, Hammer!". The heavy doors open and Wolf runs out to Jack, who immediately puts on its leash and walks it to his science work station.
Once there, Jack examines Ginger to see if there were any cuts from t he glass -- he sees nothing wrong. Ginger is panting and smiling its stupid smile -- and the camera gets extreme close up to the tiny spider bite on its tongue. Then we go inside the spider wounds INNERSPACE style and watch as the mutated spider cells start at tacking and taking over the regular dog cells (yes, another blatant SPIDER - MAN rip - off sequence).
CUT TO TITLE CARD: DOG SPIDERS
3 CUE OPENING CREDITS SEQUENCE
After the most epic spider DNA taking over dog DNA opening credit sequence ever filmed, we open up on a sunny afternoon sky and pan down to see the latest high - rise condo just within the generic city limits. The sign on the condo reads “The High Life” and it’s the most fancy - pants high - brow condo ever built, the latest in condo substantiality technolog y. The High Life is equipped with its own grocery store, fancy boutiques, running shoe store, Cinnabon, Starbucks, Annie’s Pretzels, Tim Hortons, a fully - equipped gym, and a doggy daycare, cleverly called Doggy Daycare.
Rolling up and down into The High Li fe’s parking garage is Dr. Jack Hammer in his rustic Land Rover, with Ginger hanging her head out the backseat window. After parking, the two hop out and proceed to the elevators, hitting the number 88 on the panel on their way up to the 88th floor. Ginger is acting normal, as if nothing happened earlier in the day that should be of concern (like being bit by a mutated spider in the mouth), and Jack, disappointed with Ginger , muters a “What are we gonna do with you, eh Ginger ?” with an affectionate pat on t he head.
At the Lobby the elevator door opens and in comes a man with a giant Sombrero on his head, a thick handlebar mustache, and rockin' a T - shirt that advertises “Moreno’s Taco Muchacho” with a Taco Truck shaped like a giant Taco on it. The two exchang e pleasantries as they are both happy to see each other.
“Hey essay, how’s it going?”
“Hey Moreno, its going ok, Wolf here got kicked out of the lab again. The sixth time this month! I think it might be the last straw, if I bring her back again, I’ll pro bably get fired.”
Moreno then talks to Ginger directly, which scratching her head. “Hey mami, what’s the problem, homes? You can’t be messin’ with Dr. Jack’s job. If he doesn’t have a job he won’t be able to afford living here in The High Life, and if he a in’t livin’ in The High Life, he ain’t buyin’ any of my tacos!”
The elevator door dings open and Moreno exits the elevator. “Will I see you later, vato?”
“It’s Tuesday, isn’t it?”
“You know it, meng!”
4 The elevator door closes, goes up a couple of floors, and opens again. This time, a large bald man enters with three kids, each holding a Bear Claw pastry in one hand and a Maple Bar donut in the other. Before the doors shut we see that this is the floor where the Tim Hortons is located. The kids are excited to see Wolf and the man and Jack chat. These two are also friends.
“How’s it going, eh?”
“Good Jimmy, thanks for asking. Hitting up Tim Hortons again?”
“Oh yeah, you betcha. You can’t beat a hot Bear Claw just out of the oven, you know. It’s like heav en, eh.”
The elevator dings and Jimmy and his family exit and a tall smokin’ hot blonde in a khaki uniform gets on the elevator. This is Mary Jane Nelson (it’s a weed reference, not a Spider - Man reference goddamnit), the love interest of Dr. Jack Hammer. B y Mary Jane’s side, as always, is her mutt Big Willy. Big Willy and Ginger are both super excited to see each other (as are Jack and Mary Jane).
“Oh, hey there Stranger. Fancy seeing you here.”
“Floor?”
“Whatever floor you’re getting off on.”
“That’s w hat she said.” The two laugh, embrace, and kiss.
After, Mary Jane pulls back. “You ok, Jack? Something wrong?”
“No, it’s Ginger . I can’t bring her into the lab again, or else I’m fired. I don’t know what to do. I can’t leave her cooped up in the condo all day, and everyone else I know either sells Tacos all day or has kids, I just don’t know what I’m going to do. What do you do with Big Willy when you’re out killing bugs all day?”
Ah yes, here's a little twist: Mary Jane is a professional Exterminator. Whe n your home is infested with bugs, you call Bug Killaz and Mary Jane comes over and terminates them. Yes. A professional Bug Killer, thus Bug Expert, and all around Bug Specialist.
Ok. Back to the elevator.
5 “I drop Big Willy off at the Doggy Daycare every morning down there in the Lobby. You don’t do that? Everybody in the building drops their dogs off there before heading out for the day. They’re really awesome. Seriously, every dog here spends part of their day down there. I’m telling you, drop Ginger do wn there in the morning. She’ll have a blast, and Big Willy will keep her company.”
“Yeah, I guess you’re right. Tha t sounds like a dog paradise.”
“ It really is. They even get to spend part of the day outside on the deck.”
“Just one thing.”
“What’s tha t?”
“We’ll drop Big Willy and Wolf off at the Doggy Daycare in the morning together.”
Ding! The elevator door opens and happy couple and their happy dogs get off the elevator.
Later in the evening, we see Jack and Mary Jane having tacos from Moreno’s Taco Muchacho taco truck over a candle light dinner in Jack’s condo. The two talk, share intimate secrets, flirt, and the whole thing gets really Romantic Comedy - like until the two head off to the bedroom with some “Bow - chicka - wow - wow” music rockin’ in the bac kground. But we stick with Big Willy and Ginger as they too drum up some intimacy. Yes, they do it…and they probably do it doggy style. Cause they’re dogs. And that’s how dogs do it.
Afterwards, while both Big Willy and Ginger are lying together at the foo t of Jack’s bed and everyone is sleeping and it’s dark and shit, Ginger hops up like she has to piss or something and wanders out of the room (without disturbing Big Willy), heads down the hallway, and into the living room. She’s panting, she lets off a co uple of yelps, she’s pacing around like something is going to happen. And then… something does happen. The fur on her sides begin puffing out in an almost bubbling - like fashion. Wolf is in pain but there’s nothing she can do but just pace around and let wh at’s happening to her happen.
Then, where her fur is pulsating/bubbling on her sides, giant SPIDER LEGS shoot out! Two additional giant dog - sized spider legs splurt out of her side. It’s a scene of slimy grossness.
6 Once all four additional legs are out, Gi nger runs around the living room a bit and her additional spider legs are being used to help her run, therefore, she runs with extra fast speed and agility!
Testing out her new legs and running as fast as she can, she runs down the hallway — but as she nears the wall at the end of the hall she realizes she is running too fast and tries to stop herself. But as its hardwood floors and she’s a dog, she starts slipping and sliding down the hall and right when she’s about to smash into the wall at the end of the h all, her legs reach out to help her stop… and she begins running UP the wall and ONTO the ceiling! Yes, she has spider legs, she can now cling to walls and hang upside down!
Fade out to a morning shot of The High Life with the sun rising in the background.
The next morning after Ginger's first spider transformation Dr. Jack Hammer and his girlfriend Mary Jane are getting ready for the day, mulling around the apartment with the spectacular view in the background, getting dressed, drinking coffee, eating brea kfast, and reading the paper. Neither of them notice the mess left by Ginger's nasty transformation from the night before except Big Willy, who is growling at the clumps of mangled hair and goop behind the couch. The growling catches Jack's attention.
"Hey boy, what you growling at over there?"
Jack walks over to behind the couch to kneels down to pat Big Willy on the head and sees the splattered mess of fur goopy nastiness.
"Oh gross. Jesus Big Willy, what'd you eat last night?"
Big Willy barks and runs away.
"What'd you say?"
Mary Jane walks into the living room in her full bug - killing uniform.
"Oh, your dog totally made a mess behind the couch last night. Must have been something he ate."
"I'm sorry, I'll clean it up."
7 "Nah, don't worry about it, I 'll clean it up later when I get home. Let's get these two to the Doggy Daycare."
During this whole exchange Ginger is sitting in the corner on her doggy blanket pad watching and steadily panting with that silly smile only Golden Retrievers can pull off, e xcept something's not quite right.
"Alright crew, let's roll. Come on!"
Jack's commands shakes Ginger from her stasis and she and Big Willy run towards the door where Jack and Mary Jane are leaving, headed towards the elevator.
On the elevator on the way down to floor the main floor where Doggy Daycare is located, Jack and Mary Jane begin discussing the status of their relationship.
"Mary Jane, I think it's time we moved in together. It doesn't make sense financially for us to pay rent on two different ap artments in this building when we're always at my place anyway."
"Just financially?"
"Well, yeah. And Ginger and Big Willy get along great and I just think that it'd be better, you know?"
"But what about my apartment?"
"Well, I have the better view -- an d it's bigger. Come on, what do you say?"
At that moment the elevator pings and the doors open and in walks Moreno. This time, he's wearing a poncho but has left the sombrero at home. He's carrying a Chihuahua.
"Hey mami, Jackie boy, where you off to thi s morning? How were those tacos last night?"
"Morning Moreno, the tacos were fabulous as always. We're taking Ginger and Big Willy to the Doggy Daycare."
"No way, that's where me and lil' Pedro are going. I used to have Pedro be with me in the Taco Truck all day until he started pissing and shitting all over the place. Can't have that in the a kitchen, you know, that ain't sanitary. So now Pedro hangs out
8 with his bitches all day at the Doggy place. He seems to like it, the little player."
Pedro wiggles o ut of Moreno's arms and the three dogs start sniffing each other's buttholes whatever dogs do to say hello. Pedro looks at Ginger and the two hold each other's gaze for a moment until Pedro starts yipping and scrambles up back into Moreno.
"Hey Pedro, you gots to chill, meng. That's just Ginger, she wouldn't hurt a fly. My poor mami, it's ok, like calm down ok?"
The elevator door dings open and the group have reached the first floor, home of the Doggy Daycare.
"Have a good day!"
"You too Moreno, enjoy ma kin' those Tacos!"
The couple drop back from Moreno on their walk towards the Doggy Daycare front desk.
"I'm not sure I'm ready to move and lose my apartment. This is a big step, I just don't know. I'll give you a definite maybe... let's talk more about t his tonight, ok?"
"Yeah, ok. Sounds good."
"Oh balls, I'm late. I gotta run. Can you check in Big Willy for me too?"
"Yup! I got this."
The two embrace and Mary Jane scampers off in a hurry.
"Alright Big Willy, you gotta help me convince her to move in , ok?"
Bark!
"Big Willy I know, but who is this?"
The clerk checking in dogs at Doggy Daycare is the head cheese of Doggy Daycare, Natasia, who is also smokin' hot with a thick Ukranian accent.
9 "Oh, this is Ginger. It's my first time dropping her off fo r the day, I just can't take her into the office anymore. Is she going to like it here?"
"She's going to love it -- all of our dog clientele do."
Jack goes through the process of checking Ginger in, then pats her on the head and starts walking towards the parking garage when he quickly remembers that he forgot his lunch ("Oh darn, I forgot my lunch!") -- and runs back towards the elevators.
The elevator door DINGS open and Jack exits onto his floor and quickly makes his way into the kitchen to grab his lunch when, out from the corner of his eye, he sees smoke coming from behind the couch. He slows down enough to cast a curious expression across his face and goes to investigate -- only to find the goopy nastiness from earlier is burning down into the floor, eatin g away at it like acid.
"What the hell???"
Since he's a scientist though, his mind leads him towards investigation rather than fear and he pulls out a fancy beaker from the kitchen cabinet with a sealed lid. Using a utensil of some sort, he scoops a clump of the acidic - like ooze from the smoldering floor and inserts it into the beaker. "Where the hell did this come from?"
Cut to a MONTAGE of dogs in dog heaven at the Doggy Daycare: twenty different dogs running around, frolicking around the Daycare area, r unning outside, eating out of doggy bowls, lapping up water, fetching balls and Frisbees and having the ultimate dog day. Doggy Daycare is where doggy heaven resides in the eyes of dogs. Except for Ginger. The whole time all the other dogs are having a bla st, she's sitting sulking in the corner, watching the other dogs with a calmness about her that is very un - doglike. All the other dogs steer as far away from her as possible, even Big Willy.
Cut to the state - of - the - art science lab where Jack works. Jack's at this desk looking at vials and beakers and being all Scientiesty. He's talking to another scientist in full labcoat gear and thick - framed glasses, his best friend Dr. Wescott Thurman, a specialist in all things arachnid.
10 "I just don't see why she has t o think about it? I mean, doesn't it make sense that we live together by now? We've been dating for 9 months already for Pete's sake."
"Well, she didn't say 'no', right? Which means she could totally say yes."
"Dude, she said 'maybe'. That's like the death seal of fate -- maybe always means no."
"Yeah, you're right. There's no way she's moving in with you."
"Thanks for the vote of confidence."
"That's what friends are for. Hey, what the hell is that?"
Jack is testing analyzing the goop from earlier.
"I don't know. The dogs were playing with it earlier and then it started burning a hole in my floor. I think it's some sort of acidic substance. I've never seen it before."
"Can I take a look?"
"Yeah, help yourself."
Wescott holds the goopy substance up to the l ight and squints HARD at it, like he is trying to figure out what it is using psychic abilities.
"You mind if I run a few more tests on this?"
"Go for it, I have all these TPS reports to deal with anyway. Let me know what you find out."
"Fascinating..."
Wescott takes the beaker of acidic goop with him to another part of the lab.
Time cut back to the Doggy Daycare where it is nearing towards the end of the day (but before any of the dogs have been picked up by their owners). The dogs are all in the back where there are a string of doggy crates with beds in them. This is where the dogs rest and chill out after a day filled with exhaustive running around and carrying on. Except now, they're growing restless and more aggressive towards each other than what w e saw
11 earlier in the day. Tension is rising, more and more of the dogs are barking and snapping at each other, fighting over the food and water.
Ginger is still sitting in the corner by her lonesome, cool and collected, watching the events unfold in front of her. She's not barking. She's not pacing. She's not eating. She's just sitting. And watching.
Suddenly Big Willy starts freaking out and BAM! out pops giant spider legs out of his sides, spraying goops of gore and fur in all directions. As he's chomping with rage and full - blown fear we notice that his two front fang teeth have gotten ferociously bigger. The hair on this forehead starts pulsating until SPLAT! the hair and gore fall away to reveal grouping of six eyes that has sprung out of his forehead a bove his regular two. The barking turns ferocious and enraged. The other dogs go apeshit.
Then another dog transforms into a dog spider! Then another one! Then another one! Even Pedro the Mexican Chihuahua turns full dog spider. And in no time, the room is filled with hate - filled dog spiders, all of them seeping with malice that is almost unprecedented of the canine breed. This is no longer Doggy Daycare heaven... this is Doggy Daycare HELL!
Out in reception, enjoying her break and sipping on a Starbucks Fr apaccino, Natasia can't help but hear the barking commotion coming from the back room. Curious and concerned, she heads towards the back, and slowly opens the door to investigate why the dogs are barking so much. The lights are off and it's completely pitc h black. The barking stops completely and the room is filled with an eerie silence.
"Hello? Dogs?"
We hear the pitter patter of 8 feet (times 20 dogs) as we focus on Natasia's face as her eyes grow large with terror.
Cut to an exterior shot of The High Li fe, looking peaceful in the late afternoon sun, except for the blood curdling scream that rings out from within the depths of the Doggy Daycare.
In the science lab, Dr. Jack Hammer is working on some science shit under a microscope when the phone on his de sk rings. He distractedly picks it up without losing much focus.
“Yeah? ”
12 It’s Dr. Wescott. We see him in his office analyzing some data doing other science shit.
“Hey man, you got a minute?”
”Not really, but what’s up?”
“Come to my office, I have to sh ow you something.”
Jack walks into Dr. Wescott’s office — it’s messy, with papers and files and beakers and crap all over the place. He has a pretty awesome command center of six monitors lined up in a row, each one with sciencey data lookin’ all technologic al and shit. He’s studying what appears to be some sort of 3D DNA diagram. He’s excited in the geekiest way possible.
“Ok, check this out. This is the DNA of the spider soldiers I’ve been working on for the last 12 years. I designed them myself: they are s uper - fast, super smart, and their webs are spun from an acidic substance that kills its prey instantly. Over time, they have even developed the ability to see in the dark using a type of nigh vision. It's my life’s work.”
“Yeah, ok, cool. This is what y ou ’ve brought me down here for?”
“Now check this out.”
The next screen displays a similar 3D DNA model… one that is similar, yet different.
“This is the DNA of the goop you brought in earlier. On a molecular level, it’s exactly the same.”
Wait, what are yo u saying?”
“Jack, where did you say you found that goo?”
“Behind my couch. Wescott, this doesn’t make any sense. Are you saying that one of your spider soldiers made that mess?”
“No… because it’s not exactly the same. There are little differences baked here and there within the DNA that suggests that the spider DNA isn’t working alone. That it’s been mixed with something else.”
13 Jack is in disbelief. He’s not sure what to make of the information, trying to process the implications of what Wescott is sayin g.
“Ok. Then how the hell did it end up in my living room?”
“I thought the same thing. Then I remember the other day when Ginger was in here taking a bite of my sandwich — she knocked over one of the containers that had a prototype of the spider soldiers l iving inside it. I assumed the spider died outside of its cage as we haven’t tested it in this type of environment, but maybe… maybe the spider hitched a ride on her fur or something? Maybe it mated with a regular spider and that's the discrepancy we're se eing in the DNA. If that’s the case — “
“ — then I have a spider soldier crawling around my apartment!”
Back at The High Life, we see Moreno’s Taco Muchacho taco truck sitting outside. Moreno is closing up for the lunch crowd… which means he’s closing the big window on the side and locking the back door. He plans on being back in the early evening. He’s parked here permanently, more or less, and only leaves when competing in Taco Cook - Offs at the local Swap Meet twice a month.
Moreno waltzes into the building a nd down the hallway toward the Doggy Daycare. Usually, at this time of day, the dogs are barking in anticipation of going home. Today, however, everything is completely silent. There is not a sound echoing down the hallway or out of the belly of the Doggy Daycare. Moreno notices this and is perplexed.
At the counter, there is no one there to greet him.
“Hey, Natasha, like, are you here, mami?”
Silence. He cranks his neck to see if someone is in the back.
“Hey Pedro, you here little buddy?”
Out of nowhere Pedro jumps onto the counter. Moreno screams like a girl. Pedro has turned back into a regular Chihuahua and (physically) has no indication of the events that took place earlier. But now he is calm, his demeanor is cool, and he doesn’t bark or make a nois e. He’s cool as ice.
14 “Holy shit Pedro, you scared me. Where is Natasha? Eh? She not here? She went to Starbucks and not at my truck for a Jarrito on her break? Ok… well, we have to go lil’ homey, we have to get back to the truck for the dinner rush.”
Pedro jumps off the counter and heads down the hallway — this is not the same yippee dog we met earlier. This dog is strictly business and dead in the eyes. Moreno sort of notices this change, but shrugs it off and follows after him.
Coming down the hallway in th e opposite direction are other people on their way to pick up their dogs from the Doggy Daycare.
“Natasha is on break or something, just call your dog’s name and they should be able to hear you and come out from the back.”
Cut to a residential neighborhoo d in the middle of suburbia U.S.A., where all the houses more or less look the same, the trees are green, the grass is mowed, and everything looks real nice. A Bug Killaz van is parked out in front of one of the houses.
“Ok, I think I found the problem.”
M ary Jane is in the dark, damp, and dusty crawlspace of one of these houses. She’s on the job, in full uniform, with a dusk mask and protective eye gear on her face and a Maglite in one hand. She’s on her side, shining the light on… a HUGE spider’s nest, ni cely built in the corner of the house. It’s covered with dead flies and other insects. There appears to be no movement. Mary Jane reaches out and pulls on one of the webs… and one of the biggest Wolf Spiders you’ve ever seen scampers out from a hidden crev ice near the nest in search for its prey.
Mary Jane reaches into her gear bag and pulls out some fancy ass spider killer bug spray. She sprays the Wolf Spider, which SCREAMS in rage as it dies… the scream calls all the baby wolf spiders in the nest and sud denly hundreds of baby wolf spiders begin pouring out of the nest. It’s pretty much the grossest thing ever.
Always a quick thinker — and a professional — Mary Jane doesn’t miss a beat and sprays the nest and all the baby Wolf Spiders before they have time to spread. The screams of the baby spiders slowly fade out as the spray does its job.
15 Out from under the house and on the front porch, the man of the house (in a pastel colored shirt, no less) is thanking her, writing a check, and signing off on the paperwork for a job well done.
“I’ve been trying to get rid of those damn things for weeks… thank you so much! My family will be able to sleep better at night because of you.”
“All in a day’s work. It’s what I do. “
Back at The High Life, dog owners throughout the building are bringing their dogs’ home from the Doggy Daycare. While they thought it was weird that Natasha was not there to check the dogs out, all the dogs appeared to be there and accounted for, so their worry and concern stopped short before it escala ted into anything substantial.
On the 22 nd floor, the elevator door DINGS open and a little OLD LADY slowly emerges (her name is MARGARET), using a cane to keep her steady. She’s holding three leashes in the other hand as her three trusty dogs emerge from the elevator as well. Three mutts who would normally be pulling her down the hallway are now nicely subdued and walking with her at her own pace.
As they walk down the hall a door on the right opens a crack to reveal another old lady peering out into the h all suspiciously. This is LENORE, the building’s CRAZY CAT LADY. In the background, behind the cracked door, we can hear loud MEOWING. A couple of cats peer out from between her ankles.
“Oh, it’s you.”
“Hello Lenore.”
“Your dogs were up all night barking again.”
“They did not, you’re hearing things.”
“If you don’t’ shut them up I’m going to have to call Management.”
“Damn you, Lenore, my dogs have never done anything to you.”
“They barked at my babies… they’re a menace. They should be locked up.”
16 “By e Lenore.”
The three dogs look and growl at the cats peering out of the doorway, but otherwise don’t see care one way or another. Margaret and the three dogs continue to shuffle down the hall towards their apartment. They arrive, she opens the door, and th ey enter, slamming the door behind them.
Lenore has watched them the whole way. Now that the show is over, she closes the door. We are now INSIDE her apartment as she bolts the top three deadbolts and slides the locker - chain into position. As she turns aro und she sights.
“I don’t let them get to you, my darlings.”
We pull back to REVEAL her apartment is crawling with CATS — probably 20 - 30 of them, easily. Cats are on furniture, on bookshelves, on couches, on the table, in the cupboards of the kitchen… every conceivable place is filled with cats. She is the mother of all crazy cat ladies.
On the 14 th floor, inside another apartment unit, the door opens and a dog enters, bee - lining for the couch. The owner enters behind the dog. His name is JERRY, he has a tie d - dyed shirt, longish shaggy hair, and a joint in cusp of his ear. There’s the faint sound of Bob Marley and the Wailers playing in the background and there multiple incense stations set - up and burning throughout. The apartment is the ultimate stoner sanct uary.
“Supka, I missed you today, man. Like, really. Did you have a good day? Work was ok, I was able to like sneak away for a nap for lunch.”
Jerry opens a cabinet in the living room, revealing shelves upon shelves of bongs, pipes, and other marijuana pa raphernalia. He pulls out the biggest bong there, the bowl pre - packed with weed, and sits on the couch. This is his after work ritual.
“Today, I smoke in your honor, Supka. You’re my best friend.”
He takes a long rip of the bong and blows the smoke towar ds Supka’s face. Supka doesn’t even blink.
“Let’s go do something, man. Let’s go play some Frisbee, yo. Yeah, Frisbee.”
17 He picks a satchel up sitting next to the couch — it’s filled with a variety of Frisbees and hack - e - sacks.
“Let’s get some Tacos on the way out, man. I’m starving. You ok, man? You’re usually like, running around and shit? Oooooh, I know man, you’re really high, right? Awesome man, that’s just awesome. Come on, those Tacos are like calling my name.”
Inside the Moreno’s Taco Muchacho taco t ruck, Moreno is cooking up some tacos. He’s a one - man working machine inside the truck and there’s a line of people waiting. It’s the pre - dinner / late lunch rush. Pedro is sitting in the corner, watching... and waiting. Suddenly, very large and very ugly cockroach crawls out from between a crack in the truck floor. Its antennae twitch in every direction as if assessing the situation. This peaks Pedro’s interest, who is now staring intently on the little creature.
The cockroach begins to scurry towards More no’s feet, who is oblivious to what’s going on because of the mad rush of taco making he’s doing. The ground around him his littered with bits of cheese, hamburger meat, lettuce, and other taco debris.
Pedro’s mouth snaps open and a WEB shoots out (from hi s tongue, maybe?), snapping up with the cockroach, then whips it straight back into his mouth. Pedro takes a few healthy chomps, we can hear the crunching of the cockroach, and then a gulp…. and the cockroach is no more. Pedro licks his lips.
Out in front of the building, Jerry and Supka waltz out of the main entrance and head towards the Taco Truck. Jerry sees the line and is immediately bummed out .
“ A hhh, man. A line?”
H e bee - lines for the end. Once in line, he busts out his hack - e - sack and starts kicki ng it around to the dismay of the others in line.
Back at the lab, Jack and Wescott are studying more data on the monitors in Wescott’s office, the two furiously trying to figure out where the new strand of spider soldier DNA has come from.
“This just does n’t make any sense, Wescott. According to all this data, while it looks like soldier spider DNA, it’s not… not entirely, anyway. And there’s no way the mess in my apartment
18 came from a spider. It was too big. Looked like something my dog threw up or someth ing.”
“Wait, did you dog throw up?”
“Yes, like a big pile of dog puke.”
“Hmmm. Let me try something. I’m going to think out loud for a second. Ok, Ginger is in here eating my sandwich and something happens to the spider solider, and the spider soldier is crawling around the office….but instead of hitching a ride on Ginger and making its way to your apartment, the spider is having a snack of its own inside the sandwich and BAM! when Ginger takes a bite, she eats the spider whole! Later, she throws up in yo ur apartment. Maybe the missing DNA here is dog!”
“Ok, but why is the dog puke acidic? Wouldn’t that have melted through Ginger’s insides?”
“No man, its science. I engineered the acidic webbing of the spider soldiers to not be able to penetrate the inside of bodies, so the inner liner of Ginger’s stomach would have protected her from getting hurt. Once exposed to air, the acid web turns deadly. But before then, it’s just inner body fluid.”
“Science. Ok, let’s cross - test the DNA we have with canine and see w hat if there’s a match.”
Wescott hops on the nearest computer and begins to furiously type into the keyboard something that looks and sounds important. A few seconds later the monitors all turn RED with the word MATCH blinking on and off. In the background of the monitors there is a picture of a dog next to a picture of a spider.
“I better get home and check on Ginger, make sure she’s feeling ok. Actually, I’ll do one better, I’ll give the Doggy Daycare a call. Can I use your phone real quick?”
Without wait ing for an answer, he picks up the office phone from the desk dials, and the ringing tone starts immediately.
Back inside the Doggy Daycare, the phone is ringing loudly and the handful of dogs still there are going apeshit because of it. Ginger is still in her corner, watching the group of her newly formed dog spider army go nuts — yet she stays calm, but a burning rage building inside her. We can see it in her face. She closes
19 her eyes and when they open, all EIGHT eyes open (her normal 2 and the 6 on her fo rehead) and they’re all glowing RED.
The phone continues to ring as we focus on the corner on the ceiling of the back room. Hanging in the corner is what appears to be a giant SPIDER WEB and wrapped up in the middle of the spider web is a BODY wrapped up l ike a COCOON. This is the corpse of Natasha, wrapped up for the dog spiders to snack on later.
Back in the lab, Jack hangs up the phone.
“Weird, no answer. They must be outside playing. I’m worried about Ginger man, she could be really sick.”
“Have they c alled you at all today? I’m sure if she was sick, they would have called you. My guess is, this was a one - time thing. She ate it, it didn’t agree with her system, she threw it up. She’ probably fine.”
“My phone’s in my office. I’m gonna go check it. I’m su re you’re right. Thanks Wescott. ”
“It’s what I do!”
Jack leaves the office, Wescott goes back to studying his monitors.
In the grassy park next to the High Life, Jerry is sitting in the grass finishing his taco, Supka is sitting next to him, watching a SQUI RREL run up a nearby tree. There is no wag in his tail. No joy in his face. Just pure indifference.
“Supka, this is the best taco I’ve ever had, man. Like, really.”
Jerry pulls out a joint, lights up, and takes a few puffs.
“Ok man, like, let’s play some F risbee, yo. You ready, man?”
He pulls out a Frisbee from his bag of Frisbees, gets up and throws it as hard as he can. Supka jumps up and chases after it. It hits the ground before he can catch it --- he picks it up and brings it back to Jerry. This time, he ’s ready when Jerry throws the Frisbee, and this time he catches it in mid - air in full dog - jumping - and - catching - a - Frisbee glory.
20 Jerry throws it again, this time a little too hard, and this time, straight towards the 15 foot chain - link fence that separates the park’s property. It’s headed straight over the fence.
“Oh shit man, sorry, too hard!”
Supka chases after it, straight towards the fence. When it’s clear that there’s no way he can catch it and it’s headed straight over the fence, Supka jumps in the ai r and mid - jump, a thread of WEB shoots out of his TAIL and catches the Frisbee in mid - air! The web retracts and whips the Frisbee to Supka, who then catches it in his mouth before the web breaks free of the Frisbee.
Jerry, high as shit, doesn’t know what t o think. He’s trippin’ hard at what he just saw. Supka brings the Frisbee back to Jerry and lays it at his feet, wanting another go at it. “Whoa. Supka man, that was crazy. Jesus that was some good weed. You want to do that again?” Jerry picks up the Frisb ee and throws it hard as he can straight for the fence. Supka chases after it and ZING! shoots web out of his tail, catches the Frisbee in mid - air, and pulls it back to his mouth.
“Oh man, that was awesome!”
The Frisbee is brought back. Jerry throws it aga in, harder this time. Supka chases after it but instead of shooting the web out of his tail, this time he opens his mouth and the web shoots out from his TONGUE, catches the Frisbee, and retracts it directly to his mouth.
“This may be the best weed I’ve ev er smoked.”
Jerry is too high to really grasp the implications of what Supka is doing, but it’ not lost on us. Supka drops the Frisbee at Jerry’s feet then the same squirrel from earlier catches his eye, climbing up a nearby tree. He opens his mouth, shoot s web from his tongue directly at the squirrel, grabs the squirrel square in the face, retracts the web, pulling it straight into his mouth, which has expanded into a much larger mouth than before(a giant spider’s mouth), with an extra set of FANGS. CHOMP – CHOMP – CHOMP Supka eats the squirrel whole, then smacks his giant spider lips with his giant spider tongue.
Back in LENORE’s apartment (aka The Crazy Cat Lady), it’s reaching early evening and the sun is slowly going down. Lenore
21 is in her living room w ith all the lights off watching the NBC Nightly News. We see a few cats roaming around the room and in the background, with four of them sharing space on the couch with Lenore.
She watches the TV for a beat and then hears a CRASH and a labored MEOW coming from the other room (the kitchen, to be exact). She looks up from the TV and looks at the cats on the couch — they look back indifferently. There’s another CRASH and more MEOWING, followed by stiff silence. She’s weirded out — gets out and (naturally) goes to investigate.
The kitchen is dark — not pitch black, but dark enough to need a light on (yet no lights are on). In the darkness she sees what appears to be a dog in the middle of the kitchen eating something (sloppy and squishy) on the floor. The TRASH SHOOT in the kitchen is sitting open.
“Hey! Get out of here, damn you! Get out of my kitchen!”
The screaming lady scares the “dog” who jumps into the open door of the TRASH SHOOT and out of site, the door slamming behind it. Lenore flips the light switch so she can assess the damage and see just what it was the dog was eating.
The lights go ON.
Lenore is faced with a bloody mess of meat and chunks of fur on the floor, on the counters, and oozing out of the refrigerator. She can’t believe her eyes — shock begins to take place. Then she looks up so see the biggest horror of all: the entire kitchen’s ceiling is lined with a Giant Spiders Web with somewhere between 10 - 15 bodies wrapped up in cocoon - like shapes. The bodies are all quite obviously cats. There’s cat corpse s in the web on the ceiling, in the corner, and even one dangling from a web from the middle of the room.
Lenore starts screaming bloody murder — equal parts rage and terror.
At the offices of BUG KILLAZ, sits BOB NORK, the company’s owner and full - time desk jockey. He’s older, wearing a washed - out exterminator who pays others to do the dirty work. The phone rings and he picks it up on the third ring.
“Bug Killaz, how can I help you…. Uh - huh….. uh - huh…. Did you say giant spiders? With cats in the web? Uh - huh… Ok, yeah… Ok, sure.
22 Yeah yeah, calm down ma’am, I’m going to send out our finest for this job. Yeap… Ok, see you soon. Bye.”
“Jesus.”
He hangs up and dials a new number.
“Hey there Mary Jane, it’s Bob. Yeah. Hey listen, we got a weird call about a giant s pider out in your neck of the woods. Do you know a Mrs. Lenore Johnson? She says that a giant spider has infected her house, it’s webs are huge and — get this — her cats are in them. Yeah, flippin’ weird is what it is. Can you check it out? Just think of it as an excuse to go home early. Uh huh… yeah, ok, see you then, MJ Bye!”
Inside the Bug Killaz truck, Mary Jane slams the door shut and starts the engine. She thinks for a beat and gets out of the truck, looking behind her. In the far - off distance we can see The High Life standing tall against the fading horizon, a feel of foreboding doom is seeping from its pores.
She gets back in the truck, starts the engine, flips a U - turn, and guns it towards The High Life.
Inside the truck of Moreno’s Taco Muchacho, Moren o is whistling “La Cucaracha” while frying up some tortillas, browning the meat, and slicing tomatoes. The line has died down outside but it’s the calm before the storm when the real dinner rush kicks in.
Pedro is sitting in the corner of the truck, starri ng up at Moreno with dead eyes. He starts whimpering and growling with every note of “La Cucaracha”, then it starts to happen: four giant spider legs explode out of his sides; six additional eyes pop open on his forehead, all growing red; and when his mout h opens he reveals a ton of new teeth, sharper and deadlier than ever before.
When Moreno hears the strange sounds of the transformation, he slowly turns his head over to look down at Pedro. Pedro sneers up Moreno and quickly spider - jumps onto Moreno’s fac e! Moreno screams and panics and flails around the inside of the truck, smashing into pots and pans and bags of chips and tortillas and vegetables and utensils. He grabs Pedro but Pedro has all eight legs wrapped around Moreno’s head — he can’t shake it off!
23 Moreno blinding reaches out and grabs hold of the handle of the hot frying pan full of meat. He slams it against Pedro’s back a few times until Pedro lets go and jumps off to the ground — before he crawls away up the wall and onto the ceiling, Once on the c eiling he gets ahold of his bearings and gets ready to pounce again.
Moreno staggers back and gets a look at Pedro on the ceiling and can’t believe what he’s seeing.
“Pedro, what’s gotten into you?”
Pedro opens his mouth, shooting a string of web out grabb ing ahold of the pan in Moreno’s hand, then yanks it back, flinging it to the other side of the truck. Pedro then bark / spider screams in rage.
“Aye Carumba!”
Moreno turns and dives down into the front cockpit, scrambling into the driver’s seat. The keys are already in the ignition — he starts the car and peals out blindly trying to drive away from Pedro as fast as he can. Only problem is… Pedro is still in the truck!
A group of people walking toward the truck for some early dinner tacos sees the truck speed away towards the fenced park around the back of The High Life.
“Hey, what gives? We want tacos!”
The truck smashes through some shrubbery as it speeds off - road, sending dirt and debris recklessly into the air. Moreno is screaming the entire time — he looks up in the rearview mirror and sees Pedro staring at him with his glowing red eyes, still perched the ceiling. Pedro shoots a web at Moreno’s reflection in the mirror. Moreno screams even louder and SLAMS on the breaks as hard as he can.
Pedro the Dog Spide r is FLUNG forward from the impact — right into the deep fryer pit! A terrible SCREAM erupts as he completely loses his shit while being burned / fried alive.
Moreno is watching the whole thing in horror from the front seat.
24 Pedro eventually jumps out, but i t’s too late. He’s partly deep - fried, he can barely walk, and he is growling and screaming. He’s full - blown Dog Spider as well — his spider jaw is completely open revealing all of its nasty spider teeth. He’s just as ugly as ever before, but uglier, as he’s now completely burned all over and his skins appears to be melting off. Pedro staggers forward towards Moreno in the driver seat. It’s a pathetic sight.
Moreno feels a sting of remorse and sadness at what his best friend has become.
“Pedro…”
In a final eff ort of life, Pedro lifts his deep - fried head…. And shoots a spray of acidic spider web into Moreno’s face!
Moreno screams and blindly grabs at his face, which is now melting from the acid. In his flailing, he knocks the gear shift into DRIVE and his foot s lams on the gas, thrusting the taco truck into overdrive through the park, tearing up the grass and the landscape. The truck is headed straight for a tree!
“Holy frijoles!!!”
The truck crashes into the tree with incredible violence — and instantly EXPLODES i n a gigantic ball of flames — then it EXPLODES again once the propane tanks at the back catch fire. It’s the biggest explosion ever allotted to a taco truck in cinematic history.
Cut to Mary Jane driving in the Exterminator truck, headed down the highway. We can see The High Life in the distance ahead — and a stream of heaving smoke rising from just the taco truck crash site to the right of it.
“What the hell…”
Sirens erupt from behind her and she is immediately passed by a string of fire trucks headed towards the emergency, followed by an ambulance and a few police cars.
CHAOS is ERUPTING all over the front of The High Life. Fire engines, police cars, ambulances, the smoldering wreckage of Moreno’s Taco Muchacho truck, and eye witnesses screaming and freaking o ut, trying to cope with what just happened.
25 Among the chaos Mary Jane pulls up in the Bug Killaz truck through the building’s round - about and hops out. A police officer yells at her
“Hey, you can’t park that here!”
“It’s ok, I live here.”
While it’s absolu te craziness outside, once Mary Jane is inside the lobby area of The High Life, it’s mellow as usual. She makes her way to the elevator and pushes the button. DING! She gets in and hits floor 14.
When the doors DING open, Mary Jane gets out and heads down the hall walking cautiously towards the apartment where she knows Lenore lives. The light in the hallway is blinking on and off. Everything is quiet and still… a little too quiet and still. Mary Jane rests her hand on her Maglite and knocks on the door.
“L enore? Hey Lenore, it’s me Mary Jane, from downstairs. I heard you have a spider problem. Bug Killaz sent me. Hello?”
Knocking on the door is only met with silence. Mary Jane tries turning the knob herself and voila — it’s unlocked. She pushes the door open — it’s completely dark inside. She pulls out Maglite and turns it on, shooting beams of light through the dark and dusty apartment.
“Hello? Lenore? Are you home?”
Mary Jane slowly walks into the apartment, looking for signs of life. Oddly enough, there are n o cats running around her feet. There’s absolutely no movement from inside the apartment. She moves from the living room into the kitchen and notices giants WEBS in the doorway — much larger than what she’s used to and she’s a professional.
She pushes back t he WEB and into the kitchen to find the ceiling is COVERED with cocooned cats! Twenty to thirty cat bodies can be seen wrapped in Webs and hung all over the kitchen’s ceiling.
“Oh… my… god…”
Her flashlight catches something in the kitchen’s pantry, which i s open just a bit. Stepping over webs and cat carnage on the floor, she pushes the door open with one hand while shining the
26 light of her Maglite into the pantry with the other. The light reveals…
… the cocooned body of a woman — Lenore! Her face is barely showing through the web that’s covering the rest of her head, but it’s her alright. Mary Jane stares in horror. She doesn’t know what to think. Lenore’s body starts to twitch a little bit — then it starts twitching a lot and just when Mary Jane thinks it’s b ecause she’s alive, the HEAD of BIG WILLY BURSTS through the stomach area of the cocooned Lenore, splashing blood and gore all over the kitchen and Mary Jane!
Big Willy is chewing on chunks of meat and looks inquisitively at Mary Jane, who is wiping the bl ood out of her eyes and off her face. Then she sees what / who it is…
“Big Willy? What the…”
Big Willy emerges from the carcass of Lenore using all of its eight legs to crawl through the dead body and lands on the floor. The gravity of what Mary Jane is se eing takes a moment to kick in. Yup — it’s a bonafide DOG SPIDER! Big Willy looks up at her and snarls, then barks/screams at her, revealing giant dog spider mouth full of scary teeth.
Mary Jane spins around and bolts for the front door. As she’s sprinting t rough the living room other Dog Spiders begin emerging from the random places: from under the couch, from the bathroom, from the bedroom, and from the hall closet. Seeing Mary Jane run they instinctly starting running after her as fast they can, BARKING, S NARLING, and SPIDER - SCREAMING as they run.
Lucky for Mary Jane, she is fast. She makes it out into the hallway and runs for the elevator door. She gets to it and hast to hit the button repeatedly, looking over her shoulder as a hoard of DOG SPIDERS are rac ing down the hallway, headed right for her.
DING! The elevator door opens — she gets in and immediately pushes the Lobby button. DING! The door starts closing and the hoard of DOG SPIDERS are closer than ever before. And just when the door is about closed an d Mary Jane thinks she’s safe, in flies BIG WILLY, who jumped through the air sideways and into the elevator a millisecond before the door closed shut.
Big Willy smashes into the adjacent elevator wall, Mary Jane scurries to the opposite corner. Big Willy recovers and jumps up
27 on all eight feet, snarling at her from the adjacent corner. The moment is tense and silent. On Mary Jane’s utility belt is where she keeps her most lethal compact bottle of bug spray — the same type spray she used earlier. She inches h er hand towards it, but Big Willy sees and opens his mouth, shooting a WEB out of his mouth straight at her!
She ducks and rolls forward towards Big Willy — and when she comes out of the roll she’s inches from his face and has the Bug Spray pointed directly at Big Willy’s open DOG SPIDER face.
“Bad dog!”
She sprays Big Willy directly in the mouth — Big Willy SCREAMS in pain and rage! He jumps at her, on top of her, and tries to bite at her, but it’s a blind rage and she’s able to beat him off (he - he - he) with th e Maglite, which she still has in her other hand.
In the fit of rage, one of Big Willy’s DOG SPIDER legs smashes the STOP button on the elevator panel — breaking it, sending sparks. The elevator jolts to a stop.
Big Willy jumps onto the wall and slings a web at the ceiling, pulling down a panel and revealing a door into the elevator shaft. He looks at Mary Jane and snarls again, then scampers up the rest of the wall, onto the ceiling, and out through the hole in the roof and into the elevator shaft.
“What the hell was that?”
Back in the Science Lab, Dr. Wescott is working in his office looking in microscope and furiously typing on the nearest keypad. Jack walks in, agitated.
“There’s no answer at the Doggy Daycare man, should I be worried?”
Wescott looks up fr om his science shit and pauses.
“Well, I did create the Spider Soldiers to be the deadliest organic weapon on the planet…. But I’m sure she’s fine, Jack. If she wasn’t, I’m sure you would have heard something by now.”
“That’s what worries me. I’m gonna cal l Mary Jane, maybe she’s home and can pick her up for me.”
28 He whips out his cell phone and dials Mary Jane. The phone rings and when it’s picked up the connection is static and choppy.
“Hey Mary Jane — “
“Jack! Jack, help… I’m stuck… giant spiders… Lenore an d… cats… help!”
“Whoa, slow down! What’s going on? Where are you?”
“I’m stuck….home… elevator… dogs… spiders…”
The line drops.
“Shit!” Jack re - dials but it goes straight to voice mail.
“It’s Mary Jane — she’s in trouble! Sounds like she’s stuck in an elevato r, and…”
“What man, what happened?”
“I’m pretty sure she said something about dog spiders.”
“Dog spiders? Uh - oh. “
Jack bolts for the door while pulling on his jacket.
“I have to go save her! You stay here and figure out how to kill your perfect organic we apon — and fast! It doesn’t sound like she has much time.”
And he’s out of the office, leaving Wescott alone by himself, a million different thoughts racing through his mind.
“Fuckin’ dog spiders.”
He jumps on the nearest computer and monitor and starts typi ng furiously — because now EVERY SECOND COUNTS!
The scene inside The High Life is starting to become more and more chaotic — there’s an uneasiness radiating out of the pores of the building, yet on the surface nothing seems wrong: it’s quiet, it’s still, and t here’s not much out of place. But this is unusual for a big building like this. Shit is getting weird.
The door to apartment number 1542 opens and out strolls Jim Law, clad in an over - sized Hockey jersey. The SOUNDS of kids
29 screaming and carrying - on are ex ploding from within the apartment as he’s closing the door.
“Don’t forget the Bear Claws!”
The door slams and Law is met with the silence of the hallway. He takes a big sigh of relief and heads towards the elevators.
Back to Jack Hammer driving recklessly at top speed in his white Ford Bronco, weaving in and around traffic, trying to get to The High Life to save Mary Jane’s life as fast as he possibly can. He’s causing accidents all around him (cars smashing into each other to avoid smashing into him, cars veering out of the way to run into fences, fire hydrants, and buildings, etc…).
His phone rings — he picks up and starts yelling.
“Tell me you have good news for me, Wescott!”
Back at the lab, Wescott is working furiously on eleven different keyboards trying to hack his way into knowing how to find a way to kill his Soldier Spiders… or rather, Dog Spiders.
“Jack, I think I found a way to get rid of the Dog Spiders. I have no way of knowing if it’ll work, of course, but I theoretically it should work. “
“Spit it out!”
“Ok, you have to chop their heads off. Removing the head from the rest of the body should kill it completely, but Jack, be careful — their blood is acidic. If it gets on you, even a drop, it’ll burn a hole right through to the other side. This stuff is nothing to joke about."
“So all I have to do is chop their heads off?”
“Yeah, chop it off. But if you have a shotgun or something, the blast could be big enough to blow their heads clean off… that would work too.’
“Jesus.”
“Also, Jack, something else y ou should know. If you don’t severe the head from the body — like if you just injure it — it’s bound to get super pissed off and go totally apeshit on you. So don’t go for the injury — go for the killshot… every time.”
30 “Got it.’
Jack throws the phone into the pa ssenger seat and speeds around more cars.
Back at the High Life, Jim Law strolls out of the elevator to the main floor, and starts making his way to the Tim Hortons at the end of the hallway, towards the building’s entrance. He has one thing on his mind: B ear Claws… and donuts… and coffee. He’s taking his sweet time, too, as he needs a break from the craziness of his household.
Suddenly, a man runs by him, sprinting towards the entrance as fast as he can. Then another man. Then a woman blows past him. Then more and more people are hightailing it towards the front entrance / exit.
Jim Law is confused — he’s not sure why everyone is running and all he wants to do is stroll. He stops in his tracks and turns around slowly to see what’s going on behind him.
Running at full speed directly at him is a horde of Dog Spiders! There are at least fifty of them barreling down the corridor. A woman is running as fast as she can — but not fast enough. A Dog Spider jumps on her back, smashing her to the ground flat on her face. Once she hits the ground, the Dog Spider sinks its arachnid / canine teeth into the back of the woman’s head and starts ripping her skull apart for the sweet brainy goodness inside.
This knocks Jim Law out of his stupor and he begins to run as fast as he c an. The horde is gaining on him, but he’s surprisingly fast for a giant Canadian in a Hockey jersey, and just when he’s about to burst through the door of the Tim Hortons, a Dog Spider catches up and bites him in the arm — then rips his entire arm off. The D og Spider runs off with Jim Law’s arm clenched in his teeth.
Jim Law stops and his socket is spraying blood everywhere. Another Dog Spider grabs his other arm and rips it clean off, spraying even more blood out. While dazed and confused, another Dog Spider runs up and starts humping his leg. Jim Law screams in terror and anger at the Dog Spider humping his leg — which is when the Spider part of the Dog Spider takes over and dives its face into Jim Law’s crotch — and rips his cock - n - balls clean off (chewing on t hem as a pre - dinner snack).
31 Jim Law drops to his knees, then falls flat on his face… as the horde of Dog Spiders jump all over him like he’s the main course of a Thanksgiving feast.
Outside, Jack Hammer’s Bronco arrives at the High Life and it’s total and complete chaos — from the scene earlier with the firetrucks and ambulances everywhere, to the people mourning the death of their favorite Taco vendor… and now a stream of people are flooding out of the front doors screaming bloody murder, running as fast as they can with absolute terror on their faces.
Jack jumps out of the Bronco and screams
“Mary Jane!!!”
Jack Hammer’s Bronco arrives at the High Life and it’s total and complete chaos — from the scene earlier with the firetrucks and ambulances everywhere, to t he people mourning the death of their favorite Taco vendor… and now a stream of people are flooding out of the front doors screaming bloody murder, running as fast as they can with absolute terror on their faces.
Jack jumps out of the Bronco and screams
“M ary Jane!!!”
He runs over to a uniformed police officer who was in the middle of taking down statements from a group of onlookers when the flood of screaming people started running towards him. His nametag reads OFFICER GARRETT. Officer Garrett is overwhel med by the chaos… this may be his second week on the job.
“Hey! Officer! I need your firearm! Now! It’s an emergency!”
“My firearm? Calm down, sir. Tell me what this is about. What’s going on?”
“Listen man, I don’t have time to explain — my girlfriend’ s trapped inside and the only way to take these suckers out is to blow off their heads. So I need your gun!”
“On who’s authority? I just can’t hand over my gun, I’d lose my badge ”
“You’re gonna lose a lot more than that in a minute if you don’t hand it ov er right now!”
32 At that moment, a scream erupts near the entrance of the High Life. They both look over to see a herd of Dog Spider scurry out of the front door, attacking people left and right. They’re jumping through the air onto people’s backs, shooting webs out of their tongues and tails at faces, and using their giant canine - arachnid jaws of death to eat their prey. It’s a total bloodbath.
Office Garrett: “Oh my God, what the hell is going on???”
One Dog Spider hones in on Officer Garrett and Jack and s tarts charging at them — with eight legs, the bastard is fast.
Jack uses the moment to quickly reach over and remove Office Garrett’s side arm from his holster, take aim, and just as the Dog Spider is leaps off the ground to attack, Jack fires, UNLOADING on the Dog Spider directly in the head. Six rapid shots later in the face/neck region, the Dog Spider drops to the ground like a dead sack of potatoes, the momentum sliding the body so it finally stops just at Jack’s feet.
Office Garrett (in shock): “Holy cra p, Mister. Take the gun. It’s yours.”
"Do you have anything bigger than this?”
The TRUNK of the Officer Garrett’s police cruiser opens (POV Trunk Shot). Officer Garrett reaches down in it and removes a police - issued pump shotgun and a few boxes of ammo, as well as an ammo belt, a holster, a SWAT - like helmet and baton, and a bullet proof vest. He hands it all over to Jack.
MONTAGE: Jack preparing for battle. Loading the shotgun. Cocking the shotgun. Loading a new clip into the handgun. Strapping on the bulle t proof vest. Loading the ammo belt with shotgun shells and extra clips. Sliding the baton in his utility belt. Putting on the helmet and lowering the face shield. Jack is ready for action.
“Need anything else?”
“Wish me luck. I’m gonna need it.”
In The Hi gh Life, a hallway somewhere within the many floors of the building, covered in debris and the aftermath of an attack. The elevator door starts to open with much effort — the doors are manually being pulled apart. Dirty hands and arms emerge down by
33 the bott om of the doors to reveal Mary Jane. Once pried open far enough, she crawls out. She’s filthy, but otherwise OK.
She looks around, gathering her bearings. All the floors of The High Life look the same… she sees the number on the door across from the elevat or: 1409. Realization kicks in. She’s on the floor of Jack’s apartment.
She heads down towards the end of the hall to the apartment — the door is slightly ajar. She slows down and cautiously opens it and goes in. It’s dark inside… a little too dark. She can ’ t see anything. At first, everything appears to be fine….
Then she walks into a giant Spider’s Web — it’s not strong enough to hold her, so she wipes her face free and gets a good look around now that her eyes have adjusted to the dark to reveal…
… the entir e interior of the apartment is like one giant SPIDER LAIR, covered in webs. Hanging from the walls and the ceiling are cocoons, all of which appear to be holding the bodies of people and cats alike. This is like the kitchen of her neighbor from earlier, on ly 100 times worse.
As she begins to back up the door slams shut behind her. Noises of scurrying and the pitter - patter of eight tiny feet across the hardwood floor surround her. She whips her head around looking for the source of the noise, but can’t pinpo int it. Her eyes are wide with fear.
She pulls out her Maglite, turns it on, and shines the light on the walls and her surroundings, revealing even more of the Spider Lair horror. She slowly moves towards nearby cocoon to exam it more closely.
A face can b e seen just under the surface of webs. Mary Jane parts the webs to get a closer look, revealing NATASHA’s face — eyes closed and emotionless, she appears dead. Then her eyes FLASH OPEN. Mary Jane jumps back startled. Under much duress, Natasha speaks just ab ove a whisper:
“Help me…”
With her mouth open, a flood of tiny baby Dog Spiders pours out of her mouth and cover her body — and they all start digging in to their first meal, devouring her face and everything else in the process.
34 She turns to run away when h er Maglite catches movement in the corner to reveal an even bigger spider web... and sitting neatly in the middle of it is GINGER, the mother of all Dog Spiders. She is bigger than the other Dog Spiders, scarier looking, and more menacing. She is the Queen Bee of Dog Spiders and she's starring down Mary Jane with a pair of the scariest empty eyes you've ever seen.
Horror initially crosses Mary Jane's face then it softens with recognition.
"Ginger? Is that you?"
She takes an innocent step closer -- and is met with force as ten other Dog Spiders scamper out of various hiding places around the apartment, surrounding her -- she is a threat to their Queen and they are up in arms about it. The Dog Spiders all bare their ferocious mouths of teeth, a few are standing up on their hind legs ready to sling their webs of acidic destruction -- they're all holding back for Ginger to give the word to tear her apart.
Ginger, with a quickness that is staggering and in contrast to her size, scurries down her web, across the room, an d gets right in Mary Jane's face -- standing on her hind legs so that it's snout to nose. Mary Jane is paralyzed with fear. Ginger releases a guttural growl from deep within her belly, then opens her jaws of death and destruction, showing Mary Jane the horro r that is the mouth of a Dog Spider. From within, out slithers Ginger's tongue, a grotesque and alien - looking thing... and licks the side of Mary Jane's face, leaving a trail of drool and slobber.
Mary Jane screams.
Jack Hammer cautiously enters the main l obby of The High Life, shotgun raised, assessing his surroundings. The lobby is in shambles: everything is tore up, like a herd of Dog Spiders just ravaged the place. Giant spider webs cover the ceiling and the walls.
The first place he heads to is the Dog gy Daycare, as it appears to be Ground Zero of the chaos. As he makes his way through the main entrance, he spots of group of Dog Spiders in the play pen area. They are all laying down, gnawing on bones — human bones.
The first Dog Spider notices him and giv es him a curious cock of the head… then it starts to growl ferociously, revealing the scariest mouth of canine/arachnid teeth you’ve ever seen. The
35 other Dog Spiders look up and see him. There’s a pause as they asses each other, then… the Dog Spiders all J UMP UP and sprint towards Jack.
Jack BLASTS the Dog Spiders. Their heads EXPLODES, their bodies dropping like sacks of dead meat. The leader of the pack is closer now, the only one left not dead, his eyes as pissed off as ever.
Jack takes one final aim.
“B ad dog!”
BLAM, the shotgun blows the Dog Spider's head clean off in an explosion of blood, brains, and goop.
Jack quickly goes through the Doggy Daycare, assesses the chaos. He comes across a lair of Web in the back with a few bodies wrapped in cocoons. He pulls the web away from their faces, revealing his fellow High Life occupants and dog owners, but no Mary Jane.
The last face he looks at appears gaunt and drained, like all the blood has been removed from the body.
“Bloodsuckers… goddamnit.”
At that mome nt Jack hears a noise, he lifts his Maglite up to the ceiling, revealing eight GLOWING RED EYES looking down at him. There’s a mangled bark/scream, then the Dog Spider jumps down on top of him, landing on his chest, knocking him down on his back. Jack’s sh otgun is knocked out of his hands landing just out of reach. The Dog Spider arms are pinning him down, he is only able to fight back with one arm.
The Dog Spider jabs down with its jaws at Jack’s neck, he blocks it with his free arm. There’s a struggle. Ja ck PUNCHES the Dog Spider in the face, stunning it enough to BICYCLE KICK the Dog Spider off his chest and into the adjacent wall.
Jack scrambles up, taking out the handgun to fire. The Dog Spider is back and knocks it out of his hand before he has a chanc e to fire.
Weaponless, he kicks the Dog Spider in the face, then spins and runs away… towards a glassed - in Emergency Fire Axe in the wall. The Dog Spider is chasing him now, hot on his tail, and jumps.
36 Jack ducks out of the way. The Dog Spider smashes into the wall, breaking the glass encasing the Fire Axe.
As the Dog Spider regains its footing, Jack jumps on its back, pinning it to the ground.
“Sit!”
Jack grabs the Fire Axe from the wall and slams it down the middle of the Dog Spiders head, splitting it in half.
“Stay!”
The Dog Spider convulses and twitches, then ultimately stops moving.
“Good dog.”
Out of the darkness, another Dog Spider barks/screams, and jumps out at Jack. Instinctively , Jack throws the Fire Axe at it — chopping off a few of the Dog Spide rs legs in mid - air before slamming/sticking into the wall.
The Dog Spider YELPS in pain and retreats towards the Emergency Exit / Stairwell, heading up.
Jack pulls the Fire Axe out of the wall and retrieves his handgun and shotgun from the ground. His phon e rings — he answers.
Back at the Lab, Dr. Wescott is eating a sandwich in front of his command center of monitors.
“Jack, have you found Mary Jane yet?”
“Not yet. I don’t even know where to look. She could be anywhere. It’s a goddamn war zone in here.”
“I’v e been thinking about that. Where to find her, I mean. My guess is there’s a main lair somewhere in the building, a massive spider’s den, a home base for this suckers. This particular strand of spider will seek shelter at the den if they get hurt — the Queen Bee will help heal them or whatever. "
Jack takes a moment to look at the stairwell as realization kicks in.
“Up. The little bastard went up.”
37 “What? Yeah, well, you injure one of them, then follow it home to the den. You do that, my guess is you’ll find Mary Jane… hopefully it’s not too late. You’ll have to hurry.”
“Thanks Wescott.”
Jack hangs up.
He enters the Stairwell and looks up the stairs — it’s a mass of webbing, cocooned bodies of people and cats. There’s enough space to climb the stairs though and he starts to make his ascent.
The stairwell is dark, only lit by crappy fluorescent lightbulbs, most of which are flickering on and off.
A few flights up, a Dog Spider attacks. He blows its head off with the shotgun. Another few flights, another attack. An other dead Dog Spider.
Around the 10 th floor, Jack is soaked in sweat and is out of breathe. He’s taking a rest. He hears a noise and looks down the stairwell to see a pack of four Dog Spiders charging up the stairs. They move from the stairs to running at him on the walls, mouths open. One shoots a web out of its mouth and hits Jack in the shoulder before he has time to react.
Jack starts blasting away with his handgun, killing all but one of them. As the final one descends upon him, he lifts the shotgun a nd blows the Dog Spiders ass/tail off. With a yelp, the Dog Spider retreats up the stairs — and Jack follows close behind.
He chases the Dog Spider up the stairwell past the 10th floor sign... then the 11th floor sign... then the 12th floor sign... then it d awns on him where he's going... the 14th floor. The floor of his apartment.
Jack Hammer cautiously enters the 14 th Floor’s hallway. It’s dark, with only flickering fluorescents illuminating the chaos and destruction. He heads to the left, towards his Apart ment, the door covered with giant spider webs.
Half - way down the hallway, a Dog Spider emerges from the Apartment to confront him. It’s BIG WILLY. For a moment, Big Willy’s dog self looks at Jack affectionately and curiously, tilting his head. His tail wag s.
38 Then a low GROWL emerges. His eight eyes flash RED. And Big Willy goes from friendly dog to killer Dog Spider mode just like that.
“Hey Big Willy… good boy… stay calm… easy boy… easy Big Willy… Where’s Mary Jane? She in there…?”
Big Willy BARKS and CHAR GES towards Jack. He slings Dog Spider webs out of his tail and his tongue towards Jack, missing both times. Jack raising his shot gun to fire — Big Willy connects with his web this time and pulls the shot gun out of Jack’s hand, flinging it against the wall .
The next web shoots out and attaches to the Fire Axe, which is flung against the other wall.
Big Willy is close now and LEAPS through the air, landing on Jack’s chest, pinning Jack to the ground with his eight legs. One of the legs lands with just force that it goes straight through Jack’s shoulder, impaling him.
Jack’s other hand is free. He uses it to push up on Big Willy’s neck, holding Big Willy’s face and powerful snapping jaws away. Big Willy’s Dog Spider growl, bark, and jaw snapping is ferocious, but Jack keeps him at bay… for now. But it doesn’t look for Jack.
Jack remembers Big Willy is a boy dog who still has his balls…. He swings his leg up and kicks Big Willy in the balls as hard as he can. Big Willy yelps in pain, loosens his grip, and pulls out his leg from impaling Jack’s shoulder. Jack kicks again. Big Willy is in even more pain. Jack reaches down and pulls out his handgun, and shoves it in Big Willy’s yelping mouth.
“Chew on this!”
BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! Jack rapid - fires the hand gu n, splattering Dog Spider brains all over the place. Big Willy dies.
Jack pushes Big Willy’s heavy carcass off of him and takes a moment to regroup. He collects the shotgun and the Fire Axe and makes his way towards his Apartment. He enters.
The inside of the Apartment / Dog Spider Lair is as it was before, but with more webs and more cocooned bodies strung up on the wall. Everything is eerily silent.
39 In the giant spider web in the corner, he sees Mary Jane. She’s not wrapped in a cocoon, but is unconscious and bound with webbing to the web.
“Mary Jane!”
She stirs a bit at her name. He rushes towards her.
Ginger scampers into the room in all of her Queen Bee glory, cutting him off. She is now between Jack and Mary Jane. Ginger is pissed. Ginger is growling.
Jack doesn’t recognize her at first… then he does.
Ginger scampers backward, up and onto the giant web, and positions herself in attack mode over Mary Jane.
“Get away from her, you bitch!”
Jack raises the shotgun but is met in force by a herd of Dog Spider s emerging from the hidden nooks and crannies of the apartment. They are all snarling and growling and making those Dog Spider noises we’ve become accustomed to.
“I’m sorry! Ginger, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it. Please… let Mary Jane go. You don’t need her, girl. She never did anything to you. She treated you like one of her own.”
Ginger growls, signaling the herd of Dog Spiders to stop in their tracks. They continue to stare, but at least they have stopped.
For a moment, it appears that Ginger’s dog side is taking over.
“Come on Ginger, remember the good times? Remember all the fun we had? Don’t be like this. Come on, girl, let her go.”
Jack slowly lowers the shotgun, appearing to show surrender. His other hand moves to the Fire Axe, incognito style.
Ginger snarls again… and the horde of Dog Spiders start to retract, returning to their nooks and crannies.
Jack starts to slowly walk towards Ginger, Mary Jane, and the giant spider web in the corner. He’s only half a room’s length away now.
40 “Good girl, good Ging er. Thank you. Now please move away from Mary Jane and let her go.”
Ginger opens her giant mouth and powerful jaws, extending her tongue, which slobbers down and licks Mary Jane across the face. Mary Jane stirs awake. She panics when she sees the predicame nt she’s on.
“Oh my god, Jack, help me!!!”
Jack takes the chance and throws the Fire Axe at Ginger. The Fire Axe slams into her gut, slicing her stomach open. She screams in rage and pain.
Out of the bloody mess of guts also flows a bunch of tiny BABY Dog Spiders. The spawn of Big Willy and Ginger!
Ginger is distraught by the wound in her belly and the pouring out of her baby Dog Spiders.
Jack seizes the opportunity. He pulls out his handgun and shoots the webbing that is binding Mary Jane’s wrists and ankl es. Once those are free, he pulls her off the web.
“You ok?”
“Let’s get the hell out of here!”
The horde of Dog Spiders have been alerted to the chaos and begin to ascend upon Jack and Mary Jane. Jack hands her the shotgun and the two start blasting their way out of the room… and into the KITCHEN, where they create a sort of barricade behind the bar and the island.
Jack looks around: he sees the GAS STOVE. He sees the GAS OVEN. He sees the MICROWAVE.
“Hold them off for me, I have a plan.”
“How, they ever st op coming!”
“Shoot them in the head. When they don’t have a head, they don’t live.”
Mary Jane blasts an oncoming Dog Spider.
“What are you gonna do?”
41 “Science!”
Mary Jane blasts a few more Dog Spiders.
Ginger is collecting her Baby Dog Spiders. She’s barki ng and screaming in rage. More Dog Spiders start coming, pouring in from all angles.
Jack rummages through the kitchen cabinets and drawers, finding Duct Tape, Paper Clips, forks, spoons, and other random Kitchen crap. He puts them all together. He turns o n the gas on the stove. He turns on the gas in the oven. He puts his MacGyvered contraption in the oven and sets it for 1 minute.
CLOSE UP: The MICROWAVE counting down from :59, :58, :57…
“Alright, let’s go!”
“How?”
Jack opens another lower kitchen cabinet revealing a tray of POTS & PAN LIDS. He pick on up and throws it across the room… and a few of the Dog Spiders start chasing it.
“Throw these all that way. Then, we run for it! We have to hurry!”
Jack and Mary Jane each pick up lids and start throwing the m like FRISBEEs towards the opposite end of the room, down the hallway towards the Master Bedroom. Eventually, all the Dog Spiders chase after the lids. They have their window.
Jack and Mary Jane run towards the door. The Dog Spiders return with LIDS in th eir mouths, see them on the run, and take off after them.
Ginger screams, alerting the horde to chase the prey.
Jack and Mary Jane are closer to the door.
Ginger shoots a web at Jack. Jack turns at the last moment and CATCHES the web in mid - air.
“Bad dog!”
He pulls the web, throwing Ginger off balance, off the web, and onto the floor. She screams.
42 Mary Jane is out of the apartment first… followed closely behind by Jack.
CLOSE UP: the Microwave: :20, :19, :18…
Jack slams the door behind him.
They run down th e hallway, there’s nowhere to go… except the elevator.
The door BURSTS open as the Dog Spiders blasts through, charging after them.
Mary Jane turns and starts blasting away with her handgun.
Jack strong - arm’s the elevator door open. He looks down the eleva tor shaft. It’s a long drop to the bottom.
He grabs onto a nearby spider web and pulls on it. It’s tough. It’ll hold their weight.
“We got to go. Now!”
Mary Jane stops shooting, turns, embraces Jack. He wraps them both around once with the spider web.”
“Ho ld on!”
CLOSE UP: the Microwave: :03, :02, :01 – BEEP — BEEP — BEEP —
There’s a spark within the Microwave.
We see the Kitchen ignite in flames.
Ginger, her Baby Dog Spiders, and all the Dog Spiders in the apartment instantly EXPLODE.
Mary Jane and Jack jump dow n the elevator shaft at the explosion.
From outside The High Life, we see the entire 14 th floor EXPLODE, shooting flames and fireballs out of the windows on all sides. The whole High Life is essential cut in half by the explosion. People on the ground look up in horror.
Jack and Mary Jane are falling down the elevator shaft, using the web to break their eventual fall. Behind them, the FLAMES of
43 the explosion are chasing them down the elevator shaft. They are literally out - falling the explosion.
They’re almo st at the bottom. Their webbing snags something within the elevator shaft, slowing them down. They hit the ground… but they’re unhurt.
The explosion flames are still coming down the shaft.
They bust out the elevator door into the lobby. As they clear the d oor, the explosion hits, sending flames and debris out into the hallway.
The hallway is filled with Dog Spiders. Jack and Mary Jane make a bee line for the entrance (their exit). As they charge away from the fire and explosions behind them, they are blowin g away every Dog Spider they come across. Dog Spiders are dying left and right. It’s a bloody mess!
Jack and Mary Jane bursts through the exit… as a S.W.A.T. van pulls up to the building.
The S.W.A.T. leader meets them out front.
“What the hell is going on here?”
“Shoot them in the head! Take their heads off, they die. They’re everywhere, goddamnit!”
The S.W.A.T. leader whistles for his team piling out of the S.W.A.T.
“You heard the man, take ‘em out!”
The S.W.A.T. team approaches the entrance, guns blazing .
Jack and Mary Jane collapse where they stopped, embracing each other, falling to their knees.
The High Life is on fire, burning behind them.
“Jack, about moving in together…”
“We don’t have to if you don’t…”
“I changed my mind. Let’s do it. Let’s move to a house in the suburbs. I’m never living in an apartment again.”
44 Jack is happy. Mary Jane is happy. They kiss.
“Great. Also, I don’t ever want another dog again.”
“Deal. No dogs. Eff dogs!”
“We could get cats.”
“I love cats.”
“I love you.”
“I love you.”
T hey get up and walk away into the sunset. With The High Life burning behind them and chaos erupting from all the emergency vehicles and on - lookers.
The camera pans over to the park next to The High Life… to a CAT. The cat is sitting there, licking itself a nd not caring about what’s going on around it… a typical cat. It then MEOWS loudly. Starts to twitch. And four legs BURSTS out of its sides. Six eyes open on its head, each one glowing red with rage. The mouth opens up and it’s even scarier looking than th e Dog Spider mouth.
The cat MEOWS again and HISSES, a sound coming from the depths of hell itself: behold a CAT SPIDER!
Cut to: BLACK
45