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DOG SPIDERS Written by Ammon Gilbert from A DOG SPIDERS Written by Ammon Gilbert From a Concept by Ammon Gilbert, Jim Law, and Johnny Moreno © BingeMedia 1 We open up the movie in a science lab, and not just any science lab, but something out of THE AMAZING SPIDER - MAN (that's for you Law, no w shut your mouth), something that's filled with lab coats, beakers, and fancy high - tech equipment that nobody really knows how to operate, but goddamn does it look cool. There are various scientists wandering around with clipboards, pocket protectors, thi ck - rimmed glasses, and classic white shin - hanging lab coats. It's a typical day at the ol' science lab doing typical science lab shit. Trotting down one of the many isles like it owns the place is a Golden Retriever. Like many Golden Retriever, this one ha s a perpetual smile on its face and looks about as happy as a pig in shit just being there. We focus on its collar to find its name is GINGER ). Ginger trots down the a isle on its way to its owner, Dr. Jack Hammer. Jack is a regular Rico Suave: handsomely g ood looking with a chiseled chin and a beefed out frame to match (i.e., the perfect role for Paul Logan). He is also sporting a lab coat and thick rimmed glasses because he's a scientist and that's what scientists do. He's currently working on some science shit, pouring liquid into various beakers, analyzing data, and concentrating intensely. Ginger stops trotting and sits by Jack , obviously wanting attention. Jack completely ignores Ginger , forcing Ginger to whimper and nudge Jack's leg with its head. Jack blindly pats Ginger’s head for a second but doesn't stop working on his science shit. Fed up with being ignored, Ginger scampers away in search for attention. We follow Ginger as Ginger wonders around the lab, looking for someone to play with, but only fi nds scientists too busy doing science shit to give him any attention. A super secret vault - like lab within the science lab, surrounded with 6 - inch thick glass (giving it that aquarium/fishbowl look), open its door with a hiss as a single scientist dressed head - to - toe in protective lab gear exits, holding a tray of vials and walking as if any movement could cause said vials to explode. As the door slowly hisses shut behind him, Wolf enters the super secret lab, unnoticed by the scientist who is occupied wit h his vials. The lab door hisses shut and locks with a deafening *thunk* like any heavy duty bank vault would. Inside the super secret lab (the lab within the lab), we see various science gadgets and high tech thingy - ma - jiggers lying around. Trailing aroun d the room, we see an aquarium - like cage full of plants and green vegetation. Within the green vegation 2 we notice that the entire interior of the aquarium - like cage is covered in spider webs and coccons. We don't see any spiders... just spider webs and it ain't pretty. Sitting next to the aquarium is another tray of precariously placed vials. These vials are filled with bubbling green ooze that looks like all sorts of bad news. On the opposite table from the aquarium and the deadly vials is a half - eaten ham sandwich, left by some absent - minded scientist mid - lunch. Since Ginger is a dog, and dogs are always up for a good meal, Ginger puts its front paws on the table and digs into the sandwich... and loves it. Ginger loves it so much its ta i l is wagging like c razy as she gets all up in that sandwich (apparently Ginger wasn't looking for attention, Wolf was looking for food). Unfortunately for Ginger , the tail wagging knocks both the tray of vials and the spider aquarium to the floor, both of which smash and bre ak into a billion pieces. We see the ugliest spider you've ever seen covered with the deadly ooze, smoke starts rising off its back, and you can hear a tiny spider scream coming from its spider mouth. The screaming spider starts running like crazy to get a way from the ooze, trying to escape the pain it's going through. Ginger , on the other hand, has retreated to a corner of the lab, watching with intense interest of what's going down. The crazed spider runs at Ginger and jumps into Ginger’s mouth -- and insta ntly sinks those giant spider teeth into Ginger’s tongue. A second later, Ginger starts chomping and swallows the ooze - covered spider in a few bites. Scientists from around the lab, including Jack, come running towards the sound of the glass - breaking commo tion only to find Ginger sitting there quietly amidst the broken equipment with that silly grin that only Golden Retrievers can get away with. From the looks of things, the damn dog knocked over some shit and broke some glass, which the scientists all shru g off with a "Get control of that damn dog of yours, Hammer!". The heavy doors open and Wolf runs out to Jack, who immediately puts on its leash and walks it to his science work station. Once there, Jack examines Ginger to see if there were any cuts from t he glass -- he sees nothing wrong. Ginger is panting and smiling its stupid smile -- and the camera gets extreme close up to the tiny spider bite on its tongue. Then we go inside the spider wounds INNERSPACE style and watch as the mutated spider cells start at tacking and taking over the regular dog cells (yes, another blatant SPIDER - MAN rip - off sequence). CUT TO TITLE CARD: DOG SPIDERS 3 CUE OPENING CREDITS SEQUENCE After the most epic spider DNA taking over dog DNA opening credit sequence ever filmed, we open up on a sunny afternoon sky and pan down to see the latest high - rise condo just within the generic city limits. The sign on the condo reads “The High Life” and it’s the most fancy - pants high - brow condo ever built, the latest in condo substantiality technolog y. The High Life is equipped with its own grocery store, fancy boutiques, running shoe store, Cinnabon, Starbucks, Annie’s Pretzels, Tim Hortons, a fully - equipped gym, and a doggy daycare, cleverly called Doggy Daycare. Rolling up and down into The High Li fe’s parking garage is Dr. Jack Hammer in his rustic Land Rover, with Ginger hanging her head out the backseat window. After parking, the two hop out and proceed to the elevators, hitting the number 88 on the panel on their way up to the 88th floor. Ginger is acting normal, as if nothing happened earlier in the day that should be of concern (like being bit by a mutated spider in the mouth), and Jack, disappointed with Ginger , muters a “What are we gonna do with you, eh Ginger ?” with an affectionate pat on t he head. At the Lobby the elevator door opens and in comes a man with a giant Sombrero on his head, a thick handlebar mustache, and rockin' a T - shirt that advertises “Moreno’s Taco Muchacho” with a Taco Truck shaped like a giant Taco on it. The two exchang e pleasantries as they are both happy to see each other. “Hey essay, how’s it going?” “Hey Moreno, its going ok, Wolf here got kicked out of the lab again. The sixth time this month! I think it might be the last straw, if I bring her back again, I’ll pro bably get fired.” Moreno then talks to Ginger directly, which scratching her head. “Hey mami, what’s the problem, homes? You can’t be messin’ with Dr. Jack’s job. If he doesn’t have a job he won’t be able to afford living here in The High Life, and if he a in’t livin’ in The High Life, he ain’t buyin’ any of my tacos!” The elevator door dings open and Moreno exits the elevator. “Will I see you later, vato?” “It’s Tuesday, isn’t it?” “You know it, meng!” 4 The elevator door closes, goes up a couple of floors, and opens again. This time, a large bald man enters with three kids, each holding a Bear Claw pastry in one hand and a Maple Bar donut in the other. Before the doors shut we see that this is the floor where the Tim Hortons is located. The kids are excited to see Wolf and the man and Jack chat. These two are also friends. “How’s it going, eh?” “Good Jimmy, thanks for asking. Hitting up Tim Hortons again?” “Oh yeah, you betcha. You can’t beat a hot Bear Claw just out of the oven, you know. It’s like heav en, eh.” The elevator dings and Jimmy and his family exit and a tall smokin’ hot blonde in a khaki uniform gets on the elevator. This is Mary Jane Nelson (it’s a weed reference, not a Spider - Man reference goddamnit), the love interest of Dr. Jack Hammer. B y Mary Jane’s side, as always, is her mutt Big Willy. Big Willy and Ginger are both super excited to see each other (as are Jack and Mary Jane). “Oh, hey there Stranger. Fancy seeing you here.” “Floor?” “Whatever floor you’re getting off on.” “That’s w hat she said.” The two laugh, embrace, and kiss. After, Mary Jane pulls back. “You ok, Jack? Something wrong?” “No, it’s Ginger .
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