Why We Can't Have Nice Things

Team 3 Music by Anton Chesnokov Book & Lyrics by Chie-Hoon Lee Based on the play by Lloyd Suh

Anton Chesnokov e [email protected] Chie-Hoon Lee e [email protected]

12 December 2020 (12/12/2020) Characters / cast Andie - 20s-30s, female, any ethnicity Christine Wade Bobby - 20s-30s, male, any ethnicity Benjamin Larson Place A seaside place you'd honeymoon in Time The day after their wedding Today-ish

Musical numbers

Title Characters script integrated score

1. All of the Things...... Andie & Bobby 2 7 [INSERT VOCAL RANGES] 1

WHY WE CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS Bobby and Andie on their honeymoon. Bobby on his tablet, Andie relaxing. ANDIE We should get ready. The reef awaits us. BOBBY I've found a Thing! ANDIE Not another one. BOBBY You have to see it. ANDIE We're spending til-death-do-us-part together. You sure you want to have the first fight of our marriage on Day 2? (beat) It really can't wait? BOBBY Not this Thing.

(1. All of the Things)

WWCHNT (Team 3) 12/12/2020 2

BOBBY HERE IS THE THING OF ALL OF THE THINGS I’VE EVER POSSESSED OR DESIRED ANDIE Uh oh, here we go. BOBBY THIS IS THE THING THAT’S BEGGING THE MOST TO BE IT SIMPLY MUST BE ACQUIRED

ANDIE So what is it this time? BOBBY THE RAREST OF THINGS THE SOVIET THING A KGB LISTENING DEVICE A GENUINE COPY PLEASE DON’T BECOME STROPPY IT’S TEN PERCENT OFF THE LIST PRICE BEFORE WE GO SNORKELING PLEASE LET ME BUY THE THING ANDIE I DON’T THINK SO YOU KNOW I KNOW THAT EVERYTHING YOU’VE EVER HAD YOU’VE LOST OR SMASHED TO BITS IF YOU BREAK ANOTHER ONE YOU KNOW I‘LL LOSE MY WITS The answer is “No”. BOBBY But don’t you see - ALL OF MY THINGS - ANDIE I HATE ALL YOUR THINGS THAT CREEPY WEIRD UNATTACHED HAND? A TOY THAT YOU BROKE

WWCHNT (Team 3) 12/12/2020 3

BOBBY HEY THAT WAS NO JOKE TO ME IT SIMPLY FELL OFF THE STAND ANDIE Did it though?

I’M GETTING STRESSED IT’S LIKE YOU’RE OBSESSED THE THINGS THAT YOU BUY ON A WHIM THAT ORANGE ROCK GIANT BOBBY A GIFT FROM A CLIENT HIS NAME FYI IS BEN ANDIE The client? BOBBY The Thing! ANDIE Seriously, you play with your thing more than me!

BOBBY BUT I THOUGHT YOU LIKED IT WATCHING ME PLAY WITH MY THING ANDIE DIFFERENT THING DEAR! THAT’S IN THE BEDROOM BOBBY Oh! …Well, I BELIEVE THAT LIFE GETS BETTER WITH EACH THING LIFE BRINGS ANDIE AND I BELIEVE THAT LIFE IS DANDY EVEN WITHOUT THINGS BOBBY I THINK THE THING THAT YOU BELIEVE WOULD SURELY MAKE YOU FROWN CAUSE I DON’T THINK THE THING YOU THINK THAT YOU BELIEVE YOU REALLY DO BELIEVE DEEP DOWN

WWCHNT (Team 3) 12/12/2020 4

ANDIE HERE’S WHAT’S GLADNESS WHAT’S HAPPINESS FOR ME IT’S SEEING YOUR FACE LIGHT UP WHEN YOU TELL ME ABOUT THEM EACH THING YOU DISCOVER ANEW YOUR LAUGH AS YOU SPOT THEM OR BUY THEM OR MAKE THEM AND YOUR LOPSIDED POUT AS YOU BREAK THEM I REALLY LIKE YOUR FACE Beat. BOBBY AND I LOVE YOU TOO ANDIE We’ve found our thing, haven’t we? ANDIE & BOBBY THIS IS OUR THING OUR OWN SPECIAL THING THAT GETS US THROUGH TROUBLE AND STRIFE IT’S THE LOVE THAT WE MAKE ANDIE THE GIVE AND THE TAKE BOBBY THE PLEASURES ABUNDANTLY RIFE ANDIE & BOBBY IT’S THE SONG THAT WE SING TO THE “US” THAT WE CLING TO ANDIE THE HOPES AND THE FEARS BOBBY THE LAUGHTER AND TEARS ANDIE & BOBBY THAT WE BRING TO EACH OTHER’S LIFE A MIDNIGHT EMBRACE THE LOOK ON YOUR FACE BOBBY LIKE YOU LOOK AT ME NOW

WWCHNT (Team 3) 12/12/2020 5

ANDIE & BOBBY SO THIS WE AVOW AS NEWLYWED HUSBAND AND WIFE TODAY AND TOMORROW THROUGH GOOD TIMES AND SORROW IT’S EVERYTHING THAT WE HOLD TRUE THAT’S ALL THE THINGS FOR ME AND YOU ANDIE All right honey, click the button. BOBBY I already did babe.

WWCHNT (Team 3) 12/12/2020 6

[INSERT PIANO VOCAL]

WWCHNT (Team 3) 12/12/2020 7

Bobby continues browsing. Then: BOBBY Hey, how do you feel about John Carpenter movies?

THE END

WWCHNT (Team 3) 12/12/2020