Cinderella
A pantomime by
Robin Bailes
Spotlight Publications
COPYRIGHT © 2009 ROBIN BAILES Published by Spotlight Publications
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ISBN 978-0-9560209-9-4
Cinderella
CAST (in order of appearance) Page Prince Charming - principal boy Dandini - the Prince's advisor Ambrose - the Prince's dog Fairy Godmother - benevolent busybody Buttons - Cinderella's best friend Baron Clarence Bankrupp - Cinderella's absent-minded father Baroness Crimea Scrounge - Cinderella's evil stepmother Cholera Scrounge - 1 st Ugly sister Rubella Scrounge - 2 nd Ugly sister Cinderella - heroine and principal girl Alice - Cinderella's dog Waitress
And Chorus of Courtiers, peasants and fairies.
SYNOPSIS OF SCENES
ACT 1
Scene 1- The Great Hall of Castle Charming
Scene 2- The Village of Little Charming in the Wold
Scene 3- The Forest
Scene 4- The Hallway of Bankrupp Hall
Scene 5- The Ugly Sisters’ Bedroom
Scene 6- The Kitchen of Bankrupp Hall
ACT 2
Scene 1- The Kitchen of Bankrupp Hall
Scene 2- The Ballroom of Castle Charming
Scene 3- The Kitchen of Bankrupp Hall
Scene 4- The Village of Little Charming in the Wold
Scene 5- The Ugly Sisters Bedroom ‘ Scene 6- The Village of Little Charming in the Wold
Scene 7- The Ugly Sisters’ Bedroom
Scene 8- Song Sheet and Walkdown
MUSICAL NUMBERS
ACT 1 1: 'Here at Little Charming in the Wold'- words by Bailes and Hales (based on 'Omnibus- A Transport of Delight' by Flanders and Swann) 2: 'Anything You Can Do I Can Do Better'- words by Bailes and Hales (Irving Berlin) 3: 'It's Only Love'- words by Bailes and Hales (Lennon and McCartney) 4: 'It's Only Love'- Reprise. 5: 'I Feel Pretty'- words by Bailes and Hales (Leonard Bernstein and Stephen Sondheim) 6: Director's choice- any dance tune that can be played in here and used again in the ball. 7: 'Suddenly Cinders'- words by Bailes and Hales (based on 'Suddenly Seymour' by Alan Menken and Howard Ashman)
ACT 2 8: 'Dancing Queen' (Abba) 9: As Song 6. 10: 'Find Princess Bella'- words by Bailes and Hales (based on 'Eye of the Tiger' by Survivor) 11: 'That's Not My Name'- words by Bailes and Hales (The Ting Tings) 12: 'We Met at the Ball'- words by Bailes and Hales (based on 'You Can't Stop the Beat' by Marc Shaiman and Scott Wittman) A NOTE ON THE PRINCIPALS (in order of appearance)
Page. The Prince's page. A comic character who performs a variety of functions within the palace.
Prince Charming. Principal boy. Handsome and dashing and not wedded to the traditions of his kingdom, hence his search for a bride amongst the commoners of his land. He is very used to deference from those around him and is delighted to find someone who treats him as an equal. Singing role.
Dandini. The Prince's chief advisor, a role he also performed for the aging King. Dandini is the guardian of tradition and court etiquette, he is appalled by the idea of the Prince marrying a commoner. Despite his straight-laced nature he also displays a dry sense of humour and he genuinely cares about the Prince.
Ambrose. The Prince's dog. Ideally played by one person in a suit alternating between hind legs and all fours. Ambrose is loyal, active and a little mischievious.
Fairy Godmother. Relatively traditional Fairy Godmother, but more self-aware than most; it's just a job after all. She has an unusual relationship with Buttons, who thinks she is a little crazy. Singing role.
Buttons. The classic pantomime character. He is the audience's link to the onstage action and is Cinderella's best friend as well as having a fairly major crush on her, which she unfortunately does not reciprocate. Never the less he is hugely loyal and protective of his friend. He is active and bouncy with a boyish sense of humour. Singing role.
Baron. Baron Clarence Bankrupp is Cinderella's father. He loves her very much and knows that his marriage to the Baroness has not worked out well for her (or him), but he is also very absent-minded, a little weak-willed and more than a little dotty.
Baroness. Baroness Crimea Scrounge is the typical evil stepmother. She has plenty of money, which she has no plans on sharing, and only married the Baron because she fancied a title. She dotes on her own daughters, the ugly sisters, but treats Cinderella like a slave. She would do anything to get her daughters married to the Prince.
Cholera. The first of the ugly sisters. Cholera is smart in a devious sort of way, she is also, mean-spirited, argumentative and cruel. She genuinely believes that she is a beautiful and desirable woman despite all evidence and experience to the contrary. The role is written to be played by a man dressed as a woman and is a singing part.
Rubella. The second ugly sister. Rubella is extremely dumb but no less nasty for that. Like her sister and her mother she treats Cinderella like a slave and is thoroughly horrible to her as well. Also like her sister she believes she is very beautiful and, most importantly, more beautiful than Cholera. The role is written to be played by a man dressed as a woman and is a singing part.
Cinderella. Beautiful heroine and principal girl. Cinderella has not had an easy life but she is a fighter. She is very protective of her father and her best friend Buttons. She is fast-talking and has a wicked sense of humour which gives her a sparky and confrontational relationship with Prince Charming. Singing role.
Alice. Cinderella's dog. Like Ambrose she is designed to be played by one person in a costume. Alice is bouncy and fun with a habit of chasing her own tail. She looks after Cinderella and is always keen to come to the rescue.
ACT I
Scene 1 (This scene takes place in front of the greys)
A throne is central, a few courtiers scattered about either side (including the Fairy Godmother in courtier costume). Dandini stands stage right
Page enters stage right
Page Ladies and Gentlemen! In the royal blue corner, weighing in at a majestic 140 pounds, the most gracious, handsome and modest majesty ever to perch his peach upon a throne, your monarch and mine.... Prince Charming!
All courtiers bow as the Prince enters with his dog Ambrose. He looks oddly at the Page
Prince (to Dandini) Does he have to do that? Dandini It is traditional, sire. That has been the official royal introduction for over two hundred years, ever since King Wildly Charming the Ungrateful. And as your royal father is... Prince Knocking on? Dandini Growing older. It will now be your Highness's privilege, and pleasure, to enjoy the crushing burden of ruling. Prince Oh good. And that includes getting married? Dandini Oh yes your Highness. Marriage is essential. Our land has not been without a queen since King Barely Charming the Obnoxious. A king must have a queen. And not just anyone, someone of birth, station and dignity.
Someone 'suitable'. Prince This I think is where we differ: on the definition of 'suitable'. I've seen some of the girls you've got lined up. Dandini Just meet them, Highness. They are all eminently 'suitable'. Prince That's what I'm afraid of. Oh, very well, bring them in. Here, Ambrose!
Ambrose has been exploring the courtiers, sniffing, pawing and jumping on them, he now goes to lie at Prince Charming's feet as the Prince seats himself on the throne
Dandini hands a scroll to the Page and goes to stand next to the Prince. Page unfurls the scroll
Page From the far off kingdom of Catonia, Princess Kerry!
A very young girl enters and goes to stand in front of the throne
Princess Kerry enjoys soft toys, early nights and toilet training. Prince (to Dandini) She might be just shade too young. Dandini Next!
Princess Kerry exits
Page Next, all the way from the fantastic and whimsical land of Eastbourne, Princess Gladys!
An elderly woman enters and makes her way slowly towards the centre
She enjoys short walks, Countdown and having things repeated to her loudly and slowly. (To Gladys) DON'T YOU, DEAR? SHORT WALKS? Prince (to Dandini) You've gone a few decades too far the other way.
Dandini Your Highness is being very picky.
Princess Gladys has just reached the centre of the stage and stops
Next!
Princess Gladys reluctantly starts moving again towards the opposite wing
Page And now, hailing from the distant and perplexing kingdom of Topsy Turvia, Princess Pauline!
A man dressed unconvincingly as a woman enters and goes to stand centre stage
She enjoys beer, football and taking things apart for fun. Prince (to Dandini) Well that's clearly a man. Dandini Most of her duties would be ceremonial. Prince I don't care! This is insane! I'm sorry, Princess Pauline, but you're just not quite what I'm looking for. Pauline (gruff) Your loss.
Princess Pauline exits just as Gladys does
Dandini Highness, any of these ladies would be a highly suitable bride and an excellent future Queen. Prince One of them wasn't even a lady! I'm not marrying any of them. Dandini Why not? Prince Well, much apart from anything else, I don't love them. Dandini I can't imagine why that would matter. A king hasn't married for love since King Highly Charming the Seductive. And he did it twelve times so really one has to question the depth of his feelings.
The Fairy Godmother comes forward and curtseys
Fairy Godmother Your Highness, I am just a humble courtier, but have you considered a girl from the village? Dandini (horrified) A girl from the village?! Prince What a good idea! Dandini (more horrified) A good idea??!! Highness, a girl from the village? Why don't you just put on a pair of clogs and go line-dancing? Prince Dandini, I could find a girl I actually like. No! A girl I actually love! Someone I can talk with, laugh with... Dandini Divorce? Prince No. My mind is made up. The girl for me is out there. Come, Dandini. Here, Ambrose.
Prince exits with Dandini and Ambrose following
Fairy Godmother goes centre and talks to audience
Fairy Godmother He'll find her. And sooner than he thinks. Welcome to the village of Little Charming in the Wold.
Scene 2
Greys open onto the village square where the Chorus of peasants (and Buttons) perform the opening number
(NOTE: unless production has a large cast, keep the number of courtiers in Scene 1 to a minimum so enough people remain for the opening number)
Song 1 (Sung to the tune of Flanders and Swann's 'A Transport of Delight' - minus the introduction and the fiddly middle bit. This song can be split many ways, I have suggested one - it is advisable to split it somehow or people will run out of breath in the last chorus)
Group 1 If you are on vacation, And you don't where to stay, Group 2 A place to rest and unwind, On a seaside holiday,
All Don't worry there's a place where all your dreams will soon unfold, There's sunny beaches, friendly people, here at Little Charming in the Wold.
Group 1 If you want perfect service, And a well stocked mini-bar, Group 2 You'll find our local hotel's Not really up to par.
All The beds are filled with dry rot and the bath is filled with mould. There's no room service, stone-age plumbing, peeling paintwork, much asbestos, here at Little Charming in the Wold.
Group 1 The weather isn't glorious, The scenery's not great; Group 2 There's sewage in the river, And the buses are all late.
All But if you like a climate where the rain is not too cold, Group 1 Then we'd be quick to recommend Group 2 So good you'll want to bring a friend. All There's harsh nor'easters, courteous drunkards, rabid sheep dogs, swine flu outbreaks, here at Little Charming in the Wold.
Man 1 It might not be Las Vegas, Woman 1 But it's got bags of cheer, Both And locals shout, Local "Get off my land! You don't come from round 'ere!"
All We're not that great at spelling, At math we need a hand, But charming storytelling Is famed throughout the land. So sit back and put up your feet, And we'll a tale unfold.
Group 1 Just join us for an hour or two, Group 2 For songs and jokes and laughter too, Group 1 Will true love triumph in the end? Group 2 The greatest story ever penned, Group 1 There's ugly sisters, Group 2 Charming princes, Group 1 Elves and fairies, Group 2 Happy endings, All Here at Little Charming, Here at Little Charming in the Wold.
Buttons breaks away from the Chorus as the song finishes and comes front and centre to talk to the audience
Buttons Hello there! What a lot of people there are in our little village today. And I don't think I recognise any of you. Well, introductions first; my name is Buttons. It's a perfectly normal name. What are all your names?
Audience shout names
Well I didn't catch half of those! You're not shouting loud enough. Have another go.
Audience shout names
Well... I suppose that was a bit better. But I still don't feel like I really know you. One more time, on three. 1, 2, 3!
Audience shout names
That's the way. Now we're all introduced I suppose I'd better tell you a bit about myself; I'm the odd-job man up at Bankrupp Hall and I work for Baron Bankrupp. Poor Baron Bankrupp, he's got as much money as a smashed piggy bank. I blame the credit crunch, and the worldwide financial crisis which is pushing prudently invested people everywhere to the point of financial ruin. Also he likes playing online poker. And he's not really playing with a full deck. His second marriage isn't working out too well either, she only married him for the title. No, the only good thing in the Baron's life is his daughter, Cinderella. He loves Cinderella and... can you keep a secret? (Yes) I love Cinderella too. She's the most beautiful, the most wonderful and the most... happyful girl in the whole of the world. But I'm not sure if she feels the same way about me, it's very sad. (Ahhh) Oh come on, it's much sadder than that! (AHHH) That's better. Oh! Here comes Baron Bankrupp, bear with him, he's a little slow.
Baron enters
Baron Ah, excuse me young man, we've never met but I was wondering if you might have seen my daughter Cinderella, she's... Buttons Baron, it's me. Baron What? No, no, no. You're not in the least bit like Cinderella, as I was saying she's... Buttons No, Baron, it's me, Buttons. Baron What about your buttons? Buttons No, Baron. I am Buttons. I work for you. You've known me for almost fifteen years. Baron Ah yes, Buttons, of course. I know you. You work for me. Buttons You said you were looking for Cinders? Baron Who? Buttons Cinderella. Baron No, no, my dear fellow. I'm Baron Bankrupp. Cinderella is my daughter. You can't possibly confuse the two of us, she's... Buttons No, I know Cinderella, you said you were looking for her? Baron I haven't seen her I'm afraid. But good luck in finding her, whoever you are. Baroness (offstage) CLARENCE! Buttons (to audience) Uh oh, that's the Baron's wife, the Baroness. She's a meanie. She's rotten to Cinderella and ..
Baroness storms on
Baroness Clarence! Baron Ah, Crimea my dear, I'd like you to meet a young gentleman of my acquaintance. (To Buttons) I'm sorry, dear fellow, I've forgotten your name. Baroness It's Buttons you idiot! Baron Buttons you idiot, this is my wife Crimea Scrounge. She kept her own name when we married. Baroness Of course I did! You won't catch me going Bankrupp. Where have you been, Clarence? Baron Errr... here? Baroness Didn't you hear me calling you? Baron (darkly) Yes. Yes I did. Baroness What are you doing here?! Baron I thought I might buy a little something for Cinderella. Baroness Worm! If you've got money then you should be buying something for your wife! Baron I'm afraid she's dead. Baroness Me! Imbecile! Your second wife! Baron I can't have two wives. There's a penalty for that.
Buttons indicates Baroness
Buttons There certainly is. Baroness Come on, peabrain.
Baroness drags Baron off into the wings by his tie
Buttons Poor Baron. But it's Cinderella I feel really sorry for, can you imagine having a stepmother like that? And let me tell you, that's not even the worst of it. Cholera (offstage) Come on, Cinderella! Get a move on! Rubella (offstage) Stop slacking! Lazy girl! Buttons Here comes the worst of it.
Cholera and Rubella enter, carrying one shopping bag each, followed by Cinderella loaded down with bags, hat boxes etc. Cinderella is followed on by her dog Alice, who is also carrying some of the Ugly Sisters’ shopping
Cholera (to Cinderella) Pick up your feet! Rubella She can't pick up her feet, what would she walk on? Cinderella I'm sure you'd think of something. Buttons (smitten) Hello, Cinders. Cinderella Oh, hello Buttons. Rubella No talking to the help! Buttons Hey! You two shouldn't be making Cinders carry all your shopping! It's not good for her. Cholera True. But that's never stopped us in the past. Cinderella (slightly strained) She's right; it hasn't. Rubella Besides, she's built for it; she's got big broad shoulders. Not dainty ones like us.
The Ugly Sisters give their bags to Cinderella, who topples over backwards. Buttons rushes to help her and dig her out
Cholera Lying down on the job. Typical!
Buttons, dropping Cinderella, goes to lead the audience in booing
Who are you booing?! Rubella Us, I think. Cholera Don't you know who we are?! We are the daughters of the Baroness Scrounge. I'm Cholera. Rubella I'm Rubella. Cholera (indicating Cinders) And she doesn't matter.
Alice has now helped Cinderella up
Cinderella (to Alice) Thanks Alice. (to Ugly Sisters) I'm not going shopping with you two anymore. I try to be a good stepsister and you treat me like a pack mule. Rubella What do you expect? You look like one. Buttons No, she doesn't. You two are the ugly ones! (To audience) Aren't they? Audience Yes. Rubella What would you know about it?! Cholera Keep out of this, you horrible lot! Whining whingers! Rubella Moaning morons! Cinderella Who are all these people? Buttons How rude of me; audience, Cinderella, Cinderella, audience.
Alice paws at Buttons
Oh yes, and this is Alice.
Alice curtseys
Cinderella It's lovely to meet you all. Cholera Well they're clearly not a very observant bunch! Us? Ugly? Why we're the prettiest girls in town. Rubella Men throw themselves at us. Buttons Only after they've run out of other things to throw. You two are as ugly as they come. Cholera Oh no we're not! Buttons Oh yes you are.
And so on. Alice helps Buttons in motivating the audience
Cinderella There's nothing like a reasoned, well-balanced debate. The point is, I'm not being your skivvy any more. I'm done carrying your shopping, sweeping your floors, tidying your bedroom and I'm definitely done cleaning your toilet. And Alice is too.
Alice indicates her defiance
Cholera Oh is that so? Well you know what happens then don't you? Cinderella (deflated) Yes. Rubella Really? I don't. Cholera Yes you do! Rubella Do I?... No. No, I'm pretty sure that I don't. Cholera If she doesn't do as she's told then we tell Mummy, and Mummy makes life hell for her precious father. Rubella Oh. Well I knew that.
The Page enters with a scroll which he unrolls
Page May I have your attention please! Ladies and Gentle... oh who am I kidding? Filthy peasants and slightly less filthy peasants! I bring a proclamation from the Castle. His Royal Highness, the magnificent, the munificent, the mellow, nine out of ten subjects prefer him, Prince Charming, would like to announce that he is a holding a Grand Ball to search for a bride. All are invited! Even people like you.
Page points at a specific peasant or audience member
The ball will be held this very night in the Great Hall of Castle Charming.
Page rolls up the scroll and exits. There is general excitement
Cinderella Oh Buttons, did you hear that? A ball! Cholera You're not going to any ball! Cinderella But I... Rubella You've got chores to do. Cholera That's right. Now take our shopping home and then get off to the forest to collect some firewood. We don't want the place to be cold when the Prince comes round to propose to me.
Sadly, Cinderella and Buttons gather up the shopping and exit with Alice
Cinderella Robin Bailes’s new version of the classic tale with additional lyrics by Jonathan Hales.
Plot Summary Robin Bailes has produced a fresh version of the traditional story that is faithful to the original. Cinderella is the downtrodden daughter of Baron Bankrupp, and ill-treated by her stepmother Baroness Crimea Scrounge and her daughters Cholera and Rubella. However she does go to the Ball and meets her Prince Charming, aided by her pal Buttons and her Fairy Godmother. This version has humour and slapstick in generous doses, and of course the unique Bailes & Hales parodies of popular songs, including Eye Of The Tiger, That’s Not My Name , and I Feel Pretty.