Welcome to the Gun Show Pissing Around Arctic Monies

Nikki Addison contemplates the merits (and Mark Fullerton puts the NRL on blast for Jack Gradwell takes a look at the lucrative muscles) of our potential Bond replacements punch-ups and pee pants prospects far, far north (and far, far south) [1] Headline events: 16 May Research Works Wonders – Live Join the University of Auckland’s big thinkers to 15–26 MAY 2017 find out how their research is playing a part in New Live research events, panel Zealand’s and the world’s discussions, information sessions and future. one-on-one advice sessions to inspire your postgraduate study. 24 May Dislocation in an age Play a part in New Zealand’s future of connection – a panel discussion Are new technologies connecting or disconnecting us? Panel discussion with Associate Professor Jay Marlowe, Law alumna and Young New Zealander of Register to the Year, Rez Gardi, and Associate Professor Luke attend Goode.

postgradfestival.ac.nz ISSUE NINE CONTENTS

6 14 NEWS COMMUNITY

DEBT OVER THE DITCH SPEAKING UP Oz Goverment gets wet at pros- The state of free speech in pect of Kiwi students’ debt New Zealand

17 18 LIFESTYLE FEATURES

INTRODUCING FUN-DAMENTALS OF ALCOHOLLY WRITING A UoA sommelier on the perks Armando Iannucci on writing of pinot gris comedy in the era of Trump

27 33 ARTS COLUMNS

CHECK YO’SELF STICKING IT TO THE MAN Anoushka Maharaj on the Caitlin Abley suggests ways importance of minority repre- to flip off the University at sentation in media graduation

[3]

EDITORIAL

Catriona Britton Samantha Gianotti

The Name’s Hole, Ass Hole Piers Morgan (full name Piers Stefan Pughe-Mor- for certain is that James Bond movie titles go a hell kin has a real problem with women’s bodies, it gan, which only goes some way to convey what a of a long way towards cataloging Pete Merman’s seems. He put Emily Ratajkowski and Kim Kar- wanker he is), presenter on Good Morning Britain, fuckery. Allow us to demonstrate. dashian on blast for posting a nude selfie togeth- editor for the Mail Online, and certified pissbag, Dr. No (1962, dir. Terrence Young): This latest er in 2016, because if he doesn’t police women’s has once again made a desperate clamour for rel- defence of James Bond’s manhood is not Pears’ bodies then for the love of god, who will? He drew evance with his latest foray into being a giant cunt first rodeo. In 2015, he wrote a piece in full-blown issue with the fact that this display of nudity was on Twitter. In his most recent traversal into twat- support of Roger Moore’s statement that, no, not a feminist act and any women who did think it tish territory, Purse took his fellow men to task: James Bond couldn’t be black, gay, or a woman, might be were gon’ learn today. And again, when @piersmorgan: I'm not convinced by this because, no, that was simply not the character Ian Emma Watson dared to flagrantly display some new trend of male public soul-bearing. Fleming had conceived of back in 1953. Firenze underboob in a photoshoot for Vanity Fair (argu- Time for our gender to get a grip, agreed entirely with Sir Rodge—James Bond was ably the least saucy part of any boob). Any dedi- methinks. Life's tough- man up. only ever intended to be a straight, white man cation Reese’s Pieces might have hoped to fake (Note: we had to scroll through Purrs’ Twitter feed for with a glock in hand. In fact, Piazza conceded that to the feminist agenda was thoroughly squashed nigh on ten minutes to find the original tweet because Roger Moore was his favourite Bond: “a suave, when he discussed Kim Kardashian’s body again of the amount of utter tripe he espouses on a daily ba- smart, sophisticated, eloquent, absurdly charm- on Good Morning Britain earlier this year, after his sis, probably typed while wearing an open silk robe, ing, utterly ruthless assassin who oozed testoster- co-presenter Susanna Reid noted that she thought flagellating himself slowly.) one-fuelled heterosexual pheromones from every untouched photos of KK’s cellulite were some- Twitter users immediately shot back at Piss for his pore.” For a dude who vehemently believes James thing to be celebrated. Gruyere appeared to have flagrant disregard for those struggling with mental Bond should be straight… the portrait he paints to call on all his strength not to simply tell Reid to illness, and the backward brazenness of this idea is pretty schteamy. We wholeheartedly endorse get fucked, instead stating that cellulite was some- that men should be stoic and unemotional. One the pairing of Morgan/Moore, and hope Peps has thing to be tolerated, but certainly not celebrated. user pointed out that Puds had the wrong idea the makings of a scintillating fanfic on the topic He then tweeted the suggestion to Reid that they about what makes a man: of Roger’s testosterone-fuelled pheromones in his “celebrate” her own cellulite live on air the follow- @MicheleBadger: Man up yourself @ Twitter drafts. ing week. Honestly, he’s just such a fucking cunt. piersmorgan. Real men show pain, love, From Russia With Love (1964, dir. Guy Ham- Spectre (2015, dir. Sam Mendes): Prat Bourbon etc. We all need to feel we can talk to any- ilton): Pit Persimmon’s Twitter picture features shows no intention of giving up the ghost. Just one when we need to. him sitting behind a desk with Donald Trump last week, after Emma Watson lauded the MTV (Dab on ‘em, Michele.) floating beside him, hands on his shoulder, like the TV & Movie Awards for their first genderless act- Miers Porgan replied with a question that was fucking Ghost of Christmas Future whose warn- ing award category, Prick Vermin took to the air likely meant to be rhetorical, but proved decidedly ing nobody heeded and now look where we’ve during Good Morning Britain to share his disdain otherwise: ended up. Pliers has been a consistent defender of for the fact that the special snowflakes had snuck @piersmorgan: Is James Bond not a real Trump’s (birds of a feather flock together, or, big- their Machiavellian agenda into the fucking MTV man, then? ots of a feather circle jerk together), which led to TV & Movie Awards (the epitome of cultural Ahhh, no, Perez. ‘Fraid not. him sitting beside comedian Jim Jefferies onReal achievement), fearing for what would be made of When you ask Priss Borgen who his favourite Time with Bill Maher shortly after Trump’s inau- the Academy Awards should they follow suit. At historical figure is, does he say James Bond? Does guration. When Pretz worked to speak in favour this point, Piers Morgan is like the ghost of Jacob he wonder how his handsome hero has stayed so of Trump’s (awful, discriminatory, fear-monger- fucking Marley, groaning and dragging his chains young for so long, or why his appearance is ev- ing) policies, Jefferies resoundingly told him to about, damned to wander the earth whining about er-changing? Does he think James Bond regularly fuck off on live TV, which immediately made our the liberal agenda for all eternity. While Scrooge undergoes facial surgery, à la the 1997 John Travol- souls leave our bodies as we reached spiritual nir- implored a plucky young lad to purchase a Christ- ta/Nicholas Cage sci-fi thriller,Face/Off ? vana. mas Turkey as big as him—Penis Scrotum, we’d be Perhaps. We couldn’t say for sure. What we can say Octopussy (1983, dir. John Glen): Prayers Spor- hard-pressed to find a dick as big as you. ◆

[5] NEWS

Cost of Studying in Australia Set to Skyrocket for Kiwis BY ELOISE SIMS

Kiwis studying in Australia will have to cope in a recent press release. but insisted there would be no subsequent fee with triple the rate of fees next year, due to the “New Zealanders will be left short- change for Australians studying here. Australian Government’s recent decision to changed as a result of these changes, forking “We prefer to be in a situation where we stop subsidising enrolments for New Zealand out thousands more dollars to study in Aus- have a positive relationship with Australia and citizens. tralia,” Gee stated. Kiwis get a good deal in Australia.” On average, from 2018 onwards, Kiwi New Zealanders in Australia will now “That's better than some sort of mutual students will go from paying around $7000 have access to the Australian student loan armed war to see who can treat each other's per year to study in Australia—to a whopping scheme, and Kiwis already enrolled will not citizens worse," he said. $24,000. The decision has been met with have their fees raised—but for Gee, and many The move to raise fees is understood much outrage from both sides of the ditch, other students across the country, this will to be part of Prime Minister Malcolm with Australian and New Zealand students simply just result in more crippling student Turnbull’s new efforts to put “Australia calling the proposals “outrageous”. debt. First”, and free up the budget for financial Declan Gorman, a Biomedical Honours “While we’re concerned that the fee rises assistance for families—yet Kiwi students student at the University of Queensland, will result in the ballooning of student debt, in Australia claim it has left them feeling noted the fact that fees will not be rising for the situation presents a stark reminder of how unwanted. Australian students to study in New Zealand unfair our own loan scheme is here in New Lily Dalton, a second-year French and at this stage. Zealand,” he explained. Politics student at the University of Mel- “We get treated like domestic students in In response to the changes, NZUSA are bourne, said the changes had made her recon- New Zealand, and our tourism and other in- calling on the New Zealand Government to sider her postgraduate plans for study entirely, dustries are intrinsically linked. Why on earth restore access to domestic fees—something due to the new costs. can’t we hop between countries to study too?” Prime Minister Bill English has promised to “Legislation of this nature has the effect “It’s un-Australian,” Gorman concluded have a “serious discussion” with the Australian of making New Zealanders feel undervalued in speaking to Craccum. Government about. and even unwelcome in Australia.” Jonathan Gee, President of the New Zea- In speaking to Newshub, English has The changes are expected to pass through land Union of Students’ Association, agreed made his displeasure about the policy clear, the Australian Senate within the month. ◆

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[7] NEWS

World Politics Wrap PATRICK NEWLAND TAKES US THROUGH WHAT YOU MIGHT HAVE MISSED IN THE PAST FEW DAYS OF WORLD NEWS.

the most complete polling picture of the elec- with abuse of power, bribery, coercion, and AUSTRALIA torate before the general election on June 8th. leaking government secrets. Moon Jae-in was As has been seen across the pond in America, favoured to win, and he is the first member of While the next Australian election is not for local politics has been increasingly affected by his party to hold the office, after his Demo- two years, if you look at the country’s track the opinions of central government. cratic Party was founded in just 2014. record, that means they are just about due for There had been fears that the Labour Par- a new Prime Minister. With an average Prime ty may implode on the back of its unpopular Minister lifespan of 2.25 years, Malcolm leader, Jeremy Corbyn. While there was no FRANCE Turnbull is getting closer to his moment of implosion as such, the Labour Party took a reckoning—with Liberal spill motions even severe bruising—losing a net 382 seats and Emmanuel Macron has stormed to victory more common. (A “spill” is when members of the control of 7 councils. in the French Presidential election last week, one’s own party ask for a vote on their leader.) While the Conservatives picked up the with a huge 33-point margin. His adversary, This has been the longest period (since lion’s share of these seats and councils, includ- the far-right Marine Le Pen, only managed John Howard’s Government came to a close ing 130 from above the Scottish Border, this to gain 10,637,120 votes—compared to Ma- in 2007) without such a motion. Opinion can be chalked up to UKIP supporters mov- cron’s overwhelming 20,703,694. polling is showing movement to support ing across to the Tories in the wake of their It is the biggest gap between two can- the average lifespan, with the Liberals down newly strong anti-EU stance. didates since Le Pen’s own father made the to their lowest level since the rolling of Tony runoff in 2002. At that time, he earned just Abbott. If that rate of decline stays constant, 17.8% of the vote. While this is undoubt- they should reach that level before the end of SOUTH KOREA edly a large victory for Macron, who has the year. While Turnbull is still ahead in the never previously held elected office, it is also preferred Prime Minister stakes, he is falling One of the country’s darkest periods came to considered a win for the European Union— and will be on par with Labour Leader Bill an end last Tuesday, as clear favourite Moon which most likely would have collapsed with Shorten in the not too distant future. Jae-In was elected as the country’s 12th Presi- a Le Pen victory. dent, formally replacing the impeached Park All eyes in Europe now move to Germa- Geun-hye. ny, which is having its own election later in UNITED KINGDOM Despite being heralded into office as the the year. Using an MMP system like our own, country’s first female president, Park Geun- there is the risk that far right anti-EU parties, With the General Election looming, the lo- hye was unceremoniously removed from such as Alternative for Germany and PEGI- cal council elections that were held on May office by her own party following corruption DA, will be able to gain a significant level of 4th have been overshadowed. Yet they form claims. She has since been formally charged control. ◆

[8] NEWS Government Purchases Four Submarine-Killer Planes GINNY WOO EXPLORES THE GOVERNMENT’S RECENT DECISION TO PIMP UP OUR MILITARY FORCE.

In what sounds like a beautiful way for Amer- While the militaristic and generally staggering rates of homelessness (and shoul- ica to extend a hand in friendship to some of warmongering ways of the US have been dering the burden of every second politician its Oceanic counterparts, the United States something the rest of the developed world being unpleasantly xenophobic), the idea that has approved the sale of four submarine-killer tolerates on a regular basis, the price is a little our Government is willing to shell out over a planes to good ol’ New Zealand. dearer this time—specifically, $1.46 billion billion dollars on some aircraft that our De- Their Defense Security Cooperation dearer. fence Force likely lacks the training to use is Facility has touted the generous move as a The average Kiwi may have got used almost comical. way for the US to strengthen its “national to our Government asking “How high?” Do we need more advanced technology security”, and to enhance its overseas initia- whenever the US says “Jump”, but the re- to help defend our country in an age where tives. It appears that humble New Zealand is ality is that the immediate financial cost of every global superpower has nuclear capa- viewed as an “important partner” on issues of us doggedly going along with the Ameri- bility? Probably, yes. Should we prioritise the critical foreign policy variety—and what can political agenda has never been this spending on those aircraft over ensuring that better way to show someone you love them high. every citizen has the right to live with digni- than by sending them incredibly powered-up At a time when New Zealand is strug- ty? That’s a moral dilemma our Government military vehicles? gling under the weight of a housing crisis and has been very silent on. ◆

Tinder: Helping UoA Students Cope With Loneliness? BY MARK CASSON

Asking someone out on a date can be a hard popular Munchie Mart while holding a pie tool for someone to use, when they migrate and daunting task. We’ve all been through the and a tin of baked beans, but Tinder makes overseas.” standard, awkward conversation starting with that possible. Current University of Auckland stu- “Hey” and then saying nothing else while star- Stuff interviewed twenty-eight-year old dent, Alex, who declined to give a last name, ing at each other. Rachel Clarke, who found Tinder useful after agreed—saying Tinder gets a bad rep for a few This is why apps like Tinder are there to moving from the South Island to Melbourne. terrible experiences. support us. As literally everyone knows, the She said, “This is my first foray into Inter- “I think it’s more about meeting the right app connects through our Facebook profiles net dating (if we’re calling it that). I suppose people. I have had a relationship with some- and allows us to connect with others through throwing a few photos up from Facebook and one I met on there, and it wasn’t a pleasant a liking and disliking activity. There are cer- not going through the rigmarole of creating an experience.” tainly concerns regarding whether Tinder is a Internet dating profile speaks more to Gen Y.” “The idea is good. When I moved to good method for meeting people. After all— The online matchmaking app is easily the Auckland, I had my flatmates to keep me the recent case of New Zealander Warriena most popular programme that is used for peo- company, but I did talk to a few people on Wright’s death after a Tinder date with Gable ple to meet each other. The seriousness isn’t al- there, and some people are actually really de- Tostee highlighted the dangers of meeting ways taken into account, as former University cent.” ◆ people online. of Auckland student and now Perth resident, Hundreds move from all over New Zea- Kendra Stephenson, says. land and internationally to attend the Univer- “You get those people who are on there to sity of Auckland, as the biggest university in just muck around, but there are people who New Zealand. For example, as of 2015, 6,351 you can meet on there who are really genuine.” international students attended the Universi- “I met my boyfriend on there, and we have ty—from 33,488 students enrolled in total. been together for eight months now, so I do Many of those students may not know any- think it’s a real blessing that behind all these one, or would like to meet someone beyond people who just want to hook-up, there is their flatmates and classmates. someone special.” Not everyone will have the confidence to “When I moved to Perth, I met my best ask someone out while in line at the overly friend on there as well, so I do think it’s a good

[9] NEWS

On Santa, Penguins, Global Warming, Russian Submarines, Donald Trump and... You JACK GRADWELL ANALYSES TRUMP AND PUTIN’S RECENT FORAYS INTO THE NORTH AND SOUTH POLES.

On Friday 28th April, President Donald named Cold War, Trump’s order signals his the great powers. Indeed, the United States, Trump signed an executive order lifting re- clearest intention yet to challenge Moscow’s Russia, China and India not only do not strictions on Arctic oil drilling. While the Arctic expansion. The surest sign of global recognise our claim, but reserve the right to media largely focused on the environmental warming’s capacity to ignite the flame that claim all of it. implications, the wider political significance could explode the gas of conflict, the Arctic is However, before shrinking at the pros- of the move went largely unnoticed. In sign- fast transforming into a battlefield for control pect of facing off against dauntingly mighty ing the order, Trump has committed America of its resources. rivals, there are advantages to being a part to a little known, yet growing, international However, while Santa rests on enormous of a small party so close to the frontline. competition to control the riches under the riches, the North Pole is small fry compared While Washington is yet to expand their Arctic ice. to the potential further south. strategic presence in the region (and in- While once considered a frozen waste- While the Arctic ice covers cold seas, deed, has been cutting it back), the United land too inaccessible and expensive to mine, Antarctica, 12,000 miles south, lies host to 14 States retains by far the largest Antarctic rising temperatures, growing scarcity and fast million square kilometres of dry land. Rich presence of anyone. advancing technology have rapidly increased in iron ore, oil, coal, natural gas, diamonds, Possessing capacities well beyond any the potential Arctic profits. Faced with an gold, silver, nickel and fresh water, the po- others, there is little doubt that were the estimated $30 Trillion USD in oil and gas tential profits to be made in Antarctica dwarf United States committed, they could over- deposits, Trump is not the first player to lust those found further north. whelm any rivals. at control of the North Pole. While mining and new territorial claims However, Washington is not without its While Russian access was once blocked are banned by the Antarctic treaty system, it weaknesses, and herein lies New Zealand’s by a massive ice sheet stretching her North- comes up for review in 2048—and the vul- advantage—American access to the Ant- ern border, warming temperatures now tures have certainly been circling. arctic is utterly reliant upon Christchurch’s afford Moscow’s ships admission for several Waiting impatiently for open season in ports, airfields, and Antarctic research centre. months a year. Ever fearful that a failure to Antarctica, Russia, China, India, Argentina, Acting as America’s gateway, this leaves dominate her surroundings will result in a Chile and Brazil have all moved to deepen New Zealand with a unique opportunity to repeat of the tragedies of Russia’s history, it their footholds. Investing in a plethora of new leverage this position to influence Washing- is perhaps unsurprising that in the new era icebreaker ships, bases, aircraft, and geologi- ton. Be it through influencing conservation of Arctic imperialism, none have brought so cal surveys, the new players look ready for a efforts in a changed Antarctic world, or much veracity to the table as the Kremlin. repeat of the scramble for Africa. through taking our share as keepers to the In 2015, Russia claimed 1.2 million kilo- So what does this mean for us? Thus far, gate through which all the southern riches metres of the Arctic continental shelf as her our geographic proximity has left New Zea- must pass, New Zealand has a significant own. While Norway, Denmark and Canada land a leading player in conservation and opportunity to assert itself as a meaningful have all expanded both their claims and pres- scientific efforts, most recently on issues of player. ence, none have matched the intensity of the Antarctic fishing. Operating a year-round When 2048 comes, the university stu- Kremlin—casting shadows below the surface presence in Scott Base, we lay claim to dents of today will be at the peak of their of the ice, Putin’s Hunter-Killer submarines 450,000 square kilometres of Antarctic land. careers. Bringing the innovation, determina- recently descended to the seabed to plant a Nonetheless, while a significant stake- tion and entrepreneurial spirit that defines Russian flag below the North Pole. holder in times of peace and cooperation, their generation, they will shape the future of Despite how Washington’s fleets have when it comes to strategic competition, Wel- the Antarctica—and that’s an exciting pros- conducted Polar operations since the aptly lington cannot hope to match the force of pect. ◆

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UoA Football: The Mid-Season Roundup BY MARK CASSON

It is Round Four of the football season for of the competition saw them play Kamarak again. They now rest merely two points be- University of Auckland teams, with the FC at Rongomai Reserve. The result finished hind table leaders Fencibles United. Men’s First Team well on track to achieving in a favorable score line, with the Reserves In Round Four of the reserves games, their end-of-season goal of promotion to the winning the match 2–0. In Round Five, the Women’s Reserves played Lynn Avon Re- ASFA Premier Division. Reserves went down to Zamantix Rovers Re- serves at Ken Maunder Park, but went down In Round Four, University of Auckland turn in a tight 4–3 loss at Eastdale Park. They to a close game of 1–0. In Round Five, the Firsts took on Kingsland Athletic at Cox Bay remain in fourth place on the table. Conference Reserves suffered a second con- Reserve. The game finished all square in a In women’s football, the Conference side secutive defeat against Papakura Reserves, by dramatic 3–3 draw. In Round Five, the Firsts took on bottom of the table Lynn Avon in a five goals to nil. They remain in fifth place in took on City Fringe FC at Walker Park, and close match at Ken Maunder Park. Confer- the table. edged a win in a very close match, with the ence managed to edge a close 2–1 win over The AFF Women’s Division three team game ending 3–2 to the students. The win the home side, with goal scorers Min Khan- had a bye game in Round Four, and did not means the Firsts currently sit in second place thee and Ashleigh Marinovich delivering no- feature throughout the weekend. In Round with 11 points on the table above varsity ri- table performances. Five, they took on Metro and came close in vals AUT, who dropped to third this week. The Round Five battle for second place a tight game—eventually losing the match The University of Auckland Reserves cur- with Papakura City ended in a tight 1–0 win 1–0. They remain firmly in seventh place, one rently sit fourth in ASFA Division One, after to the Conference side, with skipper Ash- point above bottom-placed teams Pukekohe two wins, one draw and one loss. Round Four leigh Marinovich netting the winner once AFC and Bay Olympic. ◆

New Zealanders Take a Stand Against Homelessness BY ERIN ROGATSKI

With the onset of winter just around the put in place an effective national strategy worse daily, but it was still difficult to know corner, the number of homeless people in that tackles homelessness as a distinct social the extent of it. New Zealand is on track to reach a new crisis issue, as well as the creation of a Minister for "If there are families there, people don't point. Increasing house prices and the rising Homelessness. In other OECD countries, in- want to be seen. They are concerned about cost of living mean one in every 100 New cluding the United Kingdom, Australia and what would happen with their kids if some- Zealanders are now homeless—a level larg- Canada, there is already an MP responsible one finds they're sleeping in their cars. So er than at any other time in recent memory, for this cause. often you don't see the extent of the prob- and still continuing to grow. To make matters “New Zealand is way behind by in- lem." worse, a study by the University of Otago es- ternational standards in actively planning Despite a recent cross-party enquiry, timated that more than half of these people around homelessness. We are in a crisis where twenty recommendations were made are younger than 25. that’s been in the public eye for more than (with the core recommendation being the James Crow of Gimme Shelter and Ac- 12 months and little strategy has been creation of a national strategy to address tionstation is calling on the Government to shown by the Government. It’s time to up homelessness), the Government insisted that make a difference. Labour Deputy Jacinda our game,” says Crow. it has always been an issue—and that they are Ardern and MP Phil Twyford accepted a pe- A Salvation Army Officer, Nicki Dutton, already solving it. ◆ tition signed by over 10,000 New Zealanders, helps people sleeping in cars by providing YOU CAN SIGN THE PETITION AT HTTPS:// which they will now table at Parliament. food and blankets, but can’t give them shel- OUR.ACTIONSTATION.ORG.NZ/PETITIONS/ The petition asks the Government to ter. Dutton claims the problem is getting DEMAND-POLICY-AND-PORTFOLIO-CHANGES- TO-END-HOMELESSNESS-IN-NEW-ZEALAND

[12] Student AdvocacyNEWS Network 2017 MAREE: My name’s Maree and I’m in my fifth EMILY: Hi! My name is Emily and I’m one of ZENAS: Shalom! My name is Zenas and year of a Law and Commerce degree. Over the the Student Advocates this year. When I’m I am currently in my fifth year of law and years I’ve experienced flatting, working, volun- not falling asleep in my 8am classes I en- commerce. I have faced personal lows as a teering, and many of the ups and downs that joy buying books I don’t have time to read, student and had lots of moments of stress come with undertaking a university degree, so learning irrelevant facts for pub quizzes I and worries such as family grievances, fi- I understand how overwhelming it can get. My don’t attend, and telling people to listen to nancial and academic issues. Things can get favourite things are coffee, brunch, and cats. NPR’s hit podcast Planet Money (listen to it). real tough in life! Being part of an awesome Come see me at the Hub - I’m really looking I’m in my last year of a BA/LLB so I’ve had team of student advocates this year, I want forward to helping you get the best out of your a fair few experiences with stress. Life is to actively listen and engage with students experience at university. hard! But it’s better when you have people and further help overcome their challenges. to talk to. We’re always happy to listen and RAVI: Hi! My name is Ravi and I’m in my 4th help out at the Hub if you need it. DENISHA: My name is Denisha (Denny), I am year of a Law and Commerce degree. When a fifth year student studying LLB/BSc (psych). I’m not locked up in the library doing readings, LILY: Hey there my name is Lily and I am I am a bubbly and talkative environmental- I enjoy binging TV shows on Netflix (Suits is my a strong believer of there is no such thing ist, movie and crimes buff with a passion for all time favourite!) and getting outside for a as too much cheese. I am currently working travel, blogging and books. I have heaps of round of Golf. Like all of the advocates, I am towards completing my Bachelor of Laws pets and if I could would spend all my time super approachable so if you have any prob- (Honours). I support educating everyone on lazing around for hours with my dog. I am lems or concerns don’t hesitate to come by the their human rights and pride myself on ad- hugely passionate about human rights and hub for some help! vocating for myself and others. achieving justice. My aim is to help as many people as I can throughout my life in whatev- MIN KYU: Kia ora. I’m Min Kyu, a fifth year LL- LINDA: Hi, my name is Linda and I’m a 5th er way possible, and AUSA is the perfect way B(hons)/FTVMS student. This is my third year year law and arts student. My hobbies in- to do help students. I am very excited to be as a student advocate, and I really enjoyed my clude eating, making lists about hobbies I a part of this years student advocacy team experience so far. I love solving problems, and should take up and telling people to watch and to learn hands on experience in law and look forward to helping you solve yours! Parks and Rec. I know very well the pres- to try aid in issues facing uni students. sures of student life and how tough it is to JANE (SOCIAL WORK INTERN): Bula! My find and maintain a healthy balance. Come SEAN: Hi there! My name is Sean and I’m name is Jane and I am a 3rd year student, cur- and see me at the Hub to chat more or just currently in the fourth year of my BA/LL- rently studying Bachelor of Social Work. This to rant about nothing - always happy to lis- B(Hons). While procrastinating, I like to play year, I have the privilege of doing my practi- ten! the guitar, start books and make excessive cum at the Student Advice Hub. Somethings I use of the internet. find most enjoyable is playing with my ador- ZOE: Hey there, I’m Zoe! I’m currently in able cat, watching funny youtube videos about my fifth (but unfortunately not last) year DIANA: Kia ora! My name is Diana and I’m cats (well mostly), bird watching, and I like to of a Bachelor of Law and Bachelor of Com- in my third year studying an LLB/BA major- have a sneak peak on NASA’S latest info on merce conjoint, majoring in Economics. In ing in Economics and French. I love getting new discoveries. my spare time, I enjoy gracing my flatmates involved with wider University life and chat- with the noise I call ‘jamming’ on the gui- ting to people about feminism and intersec- tar and exploring all the beautiful places tionality. In my spare time, I’m at the beach SAL: Hi, I’m Sal and I’m a sixth year Law and with friends or making cards for them for Health Sciences conjoint. I am passionate NZ has on offer. I have a strong sense of their birthdays. Come chat to me about about helping students - I’ve learned that social justice and loving giving back to the anything! Always happy to help. University can throw some pretty challenging community in any way I can, hence my ex- things your way, so I think it is really import- citement about being an advocate this year! GORDON: I’m Gordon Chan and I’m in my ant that students feel supported. If I manage I look forward to meeting you and helping fifth year of my BCom/LLB(Hons) degree. In to find some spare time, I’ll generally be with out in any way I can. the unlikely event where I emerge from the friends or food (or both), preferably in the sun. CAITLIN: Hi! My name is Caitlin and I study Law Library, you’ll either find me in at the Law and Psychology. Some of my favourite Hub or wondering aimlessly in the pursuit JASPER: Greetings and salutations! My name things are dancing,singing, camping and of something decent to eat. My life beyond is Jasper and I am currently a Health Science Doctor Who! study is more interesting. Where I do get and Law student which I am enjoying every free time I can be found at the gym or fin- moment of. Being a student advocate, I want ishing a meal at KFC. to help fellow students to the best of my abil- ity and to learn more about the issues facing FALINE: My name is Faline and I am in my SHANNANE: My name is Shananne, I’m today’s students. I am passionate about equi- fourth year of a Law and Commerce con- 23 years old and I’m a fifth-year law and table outcomes for students and hope to solve joint degree, majoring in Economics. I love commerce student! I love being active! In your problems! When I am not stressing about volunteering at the Student Advice Hub as it my spare time, you will probably find me exams, you’ll find me gaming or playing foot- gives me the chance to help other students. walking along one of NZ’s many beautiful ball and enjoying a good film (or food for that In my spare time, I enjoy keeping up to date walking tracks, eating something delicious matter)! with political news, watching TV comedies, that I’ve seen on Instagram or watching and relaxing with a nice cup of tea. one of my favourite TV series. If you see me around campus, come and have a chat! Feel free to stop by the hub or to contact us, as a chat and a little bit of advice can go a long way! Student Advice Hub Free // Confidential // Experienced // Independent[13]  Old Choral Hall (Alfred St Entrance)  [email protected]  09 923 7299  www.ausa.org.nz COMMUNITY

Seek, Receive and Impart: The State of Free Speech in New Zealand In a world in which neo-Nazi movements are on the rise, Donald Trump is President, and the UK is scrambling to deal with the repercussions of “Brexit”, the issue of race relations is at the forefront of our minds. Hannah Yang addresses the everlasting debate of when freedom of speech simply becomes hate speech in a New Zealand context.

In a recent open letter signed by various notable lawful in a public place to behave in a way that is ening, or insulting manner, which is likely to cause New Zealand figures, including Sir Bob Jones, likely to offend, insult, humiliate, or intimidate violence against people. Section 4 makes it an of- Sir Geoffrey Palmer, Dr Don Brash, and Dame another person, based on the race, colour, or eth- fence to behave in an offensive or disorderly man- Tariana Turia, Professor Paul Moon from the nic or national origin of the person. The proposed ner in a public place, or to say anything intended to Auckland University of Technology has warned changes would have replaced the words “offend”, threaten, alarm, insult, or offend another person. against the “forceful silencing of dissenting and “insult”, and “humiliate” with one word—“harass”. The drawback to these provisions is that they do unpopular views” on university campuses. There In New Zealand, race-based attacks are cov- not specifically target race-related incidents. is no right not to be offended, Professor Moon ered under various different provisions that pro- It is inarguable, therefore, that there are laws states, and the suppression of free speech is driven vide different remedies. already in place under which racial attacks can be by fear and intolerance, rather than stopping it. Section 63 of the Human Rights Act covered. The question is whether there is a need to This move comes after a mounting awareness 1993 protects against racially discriminatory be- create a separate, specific offence for hate crimes. on issues relating to racial abuse and anti-immi- haviour. Under this section, it is unlawful to use Doing so would show greater moral condemna- grant sentiment, particularly in the wake of the language, visual material, or behaviour which ex- tion, send a stronger message as to the seriousness election of Donald Trump. In January, Race Re- presses hostility against, or brings into contempt of such behaviour, and ideally increase the law’s lations Commissioner Dame Susan Devoy called or ridicule a person, for reasons of race, colour preventative effect. On the other hand, it may for a review of hate speech legislation to cover or ethnicity, provided that the expression is also also produce a chilling effect whereby discussion the “harmful language” that takes place on the hurtful or offensive to that person and it is of such around sensitive issues are stifled out of fear of internet. In February, Police Commissioner Mike significance as to cause detrimental effect. prosecution. A perfect balance between the two Bush raised the possibility of creating specific leg- Section 131 of the Act protects against racially is difficult to strike. While the answer to whether islation targeting hate crime, after a racial attack abusive language by making it an offence to use or the need for the former outweighs worries of the on a Muslim New Zealander. In early March, the publish words that are threatening, abusive, or in- latter will vary according to judgement, it should Auckland University European Students’ Associa- sulting, provided that they are likely to excite hos- ultimately be informed by empirical evidence, and tion, a new club that employed white supremacist tility against or bring into contempt people based perhaps a collection of data would be a sensible motifs and a Nazi slogan, temporarily disbanded, on their race, and that there was intention to cause place to start. ◆ citing safety concerns. such excitement. THIS ARTICLE WAS ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED BY THE While the Government has rejected the possi- There are, however, limitations (not in a pejora- EQUAL JUSTICE PROJECT. FOR MORE CONTENT bility of creating a new offence, with Prime Min- LIKE THIS, CHECK OUT THEIR WEBSITE: EQUALJUS- tive sense) to these provisions. There is a difference TICEPROJECT.CO.NZ. ister Bill English saying that New Zealand has a between conduct that is “unlawful” and conduct “tolerant public discussion”, and Police Minister that is an “offence”. An offence is only created where Paula Bennett warning against generalising from an Act attaches a punishment to the conduct, al- Know your rights! The legislation mentioned the behaviour of “a few individuals”, the question lowing police to bring a criminal prosecution. This in this article can be found online at: http:// remains as to whether there is statistical evidence is not the case with section 63, which only provides legislation.govt.nz of a rise in hate crimes (according to Bush, hate that such conduct is “unlawful”. People may instead Want to learn more? Check out some of these crimes are not specifically recorded as such), lay a complaint with the Human Rights Commis- organisations: whether a new offence is necessary, and what the sion, and bring civil proceedings before the Human appropriate place is to draw the line between pro- Rights Tribunal. While section 131 does create a The New Zealand Human Rights Commis- tecting racial minorities and curtailing freedom of punishable offence, prosecutions under that sec- sion: https://www.hrc.co.nz speech. tion may only be brought with the permission of That’s Us: http://www.thatsus.co.nz In Australia, attempts to reform laws that pro- the Attorney-General. Racial Equity Aotearoa: https://racialequi- tected against racial insults were met with strong There are, however, wider offences that may tyaotearoa.wordpress.com opposition and ultimately proved unsuccessful. cover racial abuse in the Summary Offences Act Shakti New Zealand: http://shakti-interna- The current Australian law under section 18C of 1981. Section 3 makes it an offence to behave, or tional.org/shakti-nz/ the Racial Discrimination Act 1975 makes it un- to incite someone to behave in an offensive, threat- ART BY ISOBEL GLEDHILL (@ISOBEL_G) ART

[14] COMMUNITY Finding Sanctuary With Upcoming Animals Community By Avril McIntyre Events

As a student who spends 99% of the time sitting a day and stop for a swim at the old cement works The Equal Justice Project is hosting their on my backside, getting outside and moving on the way home. Unsurprisingly, mainly roosters first symposium of the year: around is particularly enjoyable, even if it usually reside at The Roost (although there are also three Neurodisability involves animal poo or hard labour. I leave feeling alpacas!) The first job of the day is to feed all the and Therapeutic physically tired, but happy and fulfilled. It is great animals, and a lucky three volunteers get the op- to meet like-minded people and some of them portunity to feed the alpacas. On our last trip to Jurisprudence are now among my closest friends. A day volun- The Roost, we cleaned out the rooster and hen When: Thursday 18th May, 6pm–7pm teering is personally rewarding to me, and having houses and then spread out limestone in the mud Where: University of Auckland, 109–B15 many people volunteer is highly rewarding for to stop it being slippery and unsafe in winter. (General Library Basement) sanctuary owners who rely heavily on volunteers The third sanctuary, Paws Awhile, is in Raglan. Price: Free! and donations. The Auckland University Animal Due to the distance, these trips are overnight, and Age restrictions: All ages Rights Group (AUARG) organises volunteering the resulting road trip is a fun bonding experi- Event info: “For many reasons, individuals trips throughout the year to three different animal ence. There is also a mandatory card game for all with neurodisabilities are placed in extreme- sanctuaries. attendees. We usually stay at eco-retreat Solscape, ly vulnerable situations when they encounter The first animal sanctuary is appropriately which has a stunning view. Food and petrol for the justice system. The area of ‘therapeutic named The Animal Sanctuary and is in Matakana. this trip are provided by AUARG, ensuring the jurisprudence’ seeks to address the shortcom- Most volunteers who visit the sanctuary say that trip is affordable for students. There are four steers: ings of our legal system in respect of this. Ul- Sparky was their favourite animal. He is a gentle Batman, Ghandi, Robin, and 007. They are all timately, we ask the question of whether we giant, a physically imposing steer with a loving na- quite shy except Robin. He enjoys being scratched should adapt the procedures and parameters ture. Volunteers are often surprised by how friend- between the ears and runs up to people he knows of our justice system to facilitate those who ly he is. Sparky was raised from a young age in a car- to nuzzle and demand cuddles. There are rescued are affected by neurodisabilities. Should ing environment. Most calves in New Zealand are battery hens, who will never have to endure this therapeutic jurisprudence be incorporated separated from their mothers days, or even hours, horror again: they are now free to roam around into our legal system to a greater extent than after birth and experience little, if any, love in their wherever they please. it currently is?” life. Sparky got his foot caught in an electric fence I especially like taking part in more perma- Guest speakers: Warren Brookbanks (Pro- when he was very small: hence the name Sparky. nent jobs. Cleaning stables is an essential task, fessor of Law at AUT and author of “Ther- His foot was cut right to the bone. But his owner but it is slightly disheartening to see animals apeutic Jurisprudence: New Zealand Per- did not want to euthanise him, as he wanted the almost immediately dirty it. We have planted spectives”), Sally Kedge (Director of Talking profit from selling Sparky at full slaughter weight. over 50 trees, created a vege garden, and built Trouble Aotearoa NZ), Anthony Duncan His owner did not treat the wound and Sparky goat, chicken, dog and duck houses. Seeing the (Acting/Deputy Director of Mental Health suffered terribly until Shawn heard about him and trees’ growth each time I return is a special kind at the Ministry of Health and National Ad- adopted him. Even today after many surgeries and of satisfaction. ◆ visor for Intellectual Disability Compulsory much vet care, his foot still troubles him. IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO ATTEND A SANCTUARY Care and Rehabilitation), and Douglas Han- TRIP, KEEP AN EYE OUT ON AUARG’S EVENTS TAB The Roost is only 45 minutes north of Auck- HTTPS://WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/AUANIMAL- cock (Head of the Human Rights Commis- land, in Puhoi. In summer, we often work for half RIGHTS/ sion Disability Team).

Want to feel empowered? Support the Auck- land Writer’s Festival and hit up their Women and Power event!

When: Friday 19th May, 5:30pm–6:30pm Where: ASB Theatre, Aotea Centre Price: $25 standard, $12.50 for students! Age restrictions: All ages CHARITY/ORGANISATION OF THE WEEK Event info: “Join Auckland Feminist Ac- tion at this Writers Festival event! Michele Did you know it’s World Turtle Day on Tuesday no signs of illness until extremely unwell, and of- A’Court, Roxane Gay and Mpho Tutu van 23rd May? To celebrate, you can support Turtle ten rescue turtles require months and even years of Furth unpack the disaster that was 2016 for Rescue, a sanctuary for rescued turtles in New rehabilitation to recover from their ordeal. At any women and suggest courses of required ac- Zealand. Many turtles suffer due to inadequate one time, there are more than 90 turtles at Turtle tion to continue the battle for sexual equality. environments or diet from inexperienced owners. Rescue! Support their good work, and learn more Dinner and drinks to debrief after the event These turtles can arrive vitamin deficient or with a about what they do, by heading over to their web- somewhere close by. All genders welcome.” variety of shell conditions and stress. Turtles show site: http://www.turtlerescue.co.nz ◆ Buy tickets at: writersfestival.co.nz. ◆

[15] LIFESTYLE What’s On

Ha the Unclear GOLDEN DAWN TAVERN

Local band Ha the Unclear are at GUIDE TO… Golden Dawn Tavern on Thursday 18th May for their “Big City” single Having a Successful Night Out release tour. These guys have a super It’s 3am and you’re vomming on the side of the getting drinks stolen or spiked. unique indie sound, so get there at road, feeling like absolute shite. You stumble Eat Something Greasy: When else can you in- 8pm for a 9pm start. home, crawl into bed and wake up the next day dulge in basically any fried, fatty, greasy foods you with a pounding headache and mad case of the want other than when you’re rip-roaring drank? drys. We’ve all been there—sacrificing the health Jordan Luck Band Find the greasiest burger/pizza you can, and eat. of our liver for a night of drinking, dancing and HOWICK CLUB Not only will it taste AMAZING, it’ll help soak DMCs. Now that we’re older (and so much wiser), up some of that alcohol. We all love The Exponents, right? it’s possible to have a cracker of a night without the Lead singer Jordan Luck’s fab rock bad shit that often comes with it. Juuust Peak: This is the hardest one to manage. group the Jordan Luck Band are play- You want to drink enough so that you just reach th ing Friday 19 May as part of their Gears: Seriously consider your footwear when your prime, meaning you’re on the ultimate Who Loves Who tour. Catch them at putting your outfit together. Don’t wear high and buzz—not sloppily falling over people, slurring the Howick Club for 30 bucks. uncomfortable heels because you’ll end up tak- extravagantly or vomming on too many footpaths. ing them off at some point during the night. Go You don’t want to go the other way, either, when Poparazzi Quiz for the “practical-but-cool” look (it’s a thing, we you haven’t quite had enough and everything is swear) and wear wedges, chunky heels or nice flats BUNGALOW 8 horrid. It’s a fine line, friends. like loafers instead. Bungalow 8 is bringing back their Hydrate Pre-sleep: Oh how we wish someone had Poparazzi quiz—a free pub quiz fo- Preload: Number one rule for a successful night told us this golden titbit years ago. Drink a lot of cused on the who’s who and what’s out? Drink some alcohol before you leave (note: water (like 1+ litres of water) before you get into what of pop culture, music and we don’t mean scull multiple vessels at home bed. It might not be what you feel like right then, movie trivia. The quiz will start on alone—pls have social drinks with friends). This but it will 100% help you in the morning. Trust Monday 15th May and run every fol- will save you a lot of $$$ and minimise the risk of us. ◆ lowing Monday from 7pm–9.30pm.

2017 Official Music Month Summit The Best Crumble Ever AUCKLAND MUSEUM Winter means we’re allowed to indulge in de- ter) and set aside. The 2017 Official Music Month licious, warm desserts. Oh how we love a good 3. Peel the apples, de-core them and slice thinly. Summit will happen on Satur- crumble—and this one is just the bestest! Think Spread them out in the greased dish and add day 20th May from 10am–5pm at steaming, stewed fruit with a hint of cinnamon, the drained peaches. Auckland Museum. The theme is coated in a golden, sugary topping and comple- 4. Pour the lemon juice over the fruit, then sprin- “For The Love of Music” and will mented with a little whipped vanilla bean cream. kle with white sugar (mmm, sugar). involve 15 musical industry profes- We’re drooling just thinkin’ about it. 5. In a big-ass bowl mix together the flour, rolled sionals and artists discussing their oats, cinnamon and brown sugar. Get right in passion for music. Reserve your What’s In It there with your hands and stir shit up. free tickets at http://www.mmf. Filling: 6. Cut the butter into teeny tiny cubes. When soft co.nz/2017-summit. 3 big, juicy apples enough, add the butter to the flour mix and 1 tin of sliced peaches, drained slowly rub through the dry ingredients. Now 1 tbsp lemon juice show me how you work work work work work 90’s Club Night 1 dessert spoon white sugar until that bowl is full of a crumbly, but not dry, THE ZOOKEEPER’S SON Topping: mixture. ¾ cup flour 7. Sprinkle the crumble over the fruit until the The Zookeeper’s Son will be host- ½ cup rolled oats apples and peaches are 100% hidden. ing a 90’s Club Night on Thursday 1 tsp cinnamon 8. You did it! Whack that baby in the oven and 18th May. Starting at 8pm, The Zoo ½ cup brown sugar set the timer for 45–50 minutes. will be serving the very best of the 75g butter 9. Remove from the oven when the crumble is 90’s—from music to food. If you’re How Yah Do It golden and crunchy. Serve hot with whipped longing for a dose of your child- 1. Don’t be a Forgetful Fred: preheat the oven, cream, custard or vanilla ice cream. Yaaas. hood, you won’t be disappointed. stat! 180°C will do the trick. 10. High five yourself, ‘cause you just made the best They’ve even promised a fairy- 2. Grease a dish lightly with butter (mmm, but- goddang crumble ever. ◆ bread cocktail! ◆

[16] LIFESTYLE Alcoholly Top 5… Holly is a postgraduate student in UoA’s Wine Science Programme. She’s being held hostage on Waiheke Island, so figured she’d utilise her free time to Auckland Hikes bring all you winos out there the inside scoop straight from the vine.

What even is Pinot Gris and why do I keep buy- the fridge section, it will taste good at room temp. Te Henga Walkway ing it? Vaguely French-sounding and usually the Check it out at www.glengarrywines.co.nz. CONSTABLE RD, MURIWAI second-cheapest, Pinot Gris is fancy enough to be Woven Stone Ohau Pinot Gris ($15): This is my For some banging coastal views and everyone’s new fave. The name is French for Grey mum’s drink and she’s a cool mum with vape and actual decent exercise, give Te Henga Pinecone, so-named because the grapes are grey- a convertible—you can trust her. Sweet and sour Walkway a crack. You can start at ei- ish and the bunches look like grapey pinecones. just like a juicy apple, this will be fire with Sichuan ther the Bethells or Muriwai end, both It’s a pretty easy little grape to grow in New Zea- BYO even if you’re too broke to afford a main. of which provide some hearty climbs land, but the flavour will change a lot depending Get it at New World. that’ll get the thigh muscles a-burnin’. on how ripe the grapes are and what sort of sweet- tooth the winemaker has. Durvillea Marlborough Pinot Gris ($15): Dry as, for those of you who are done with stinky Sav- Mercer Bay Track Raupara Springs Pinot Gris ($16): This is on the vy B, but don’t want it too winey. Here’s an out- LOG RACE RD, PIHA sweeter side so it feels really rich and thick in your of-context quote from the winemaker I found Mercer Bay has two options, the first mouth (ayooo) with flavours of stewed pear and online: “As a young man at university I studied being a one-hour loop track suitable cinnamon. Don’t worry if you can’t find one in seaweed.” Take a peek at www.caros.co.nz. ◆ for all fitness levels and dogs (on a leash). The second is much more in- tense, with a hidden, almost vertical track plummeting down through thick Seasonal Sweet-things bush to the wild Mercer Bay below. We may be heading into the winter months, but that support of the critically endangered Maui dolphin, Warning: the climb back up will damn only means that our drinks need to be warmer and Dear Jervois has come up with this ingenious drink. near kill yah! our desserts sweeter! Auckland agrees, and our cafes White chocolate, sprinkles, rainbows and a marsh- and restaurants are coming up with amazing treats to mallow horn to boot, all proceeds from this hot Mt Tamahunga keep us cosy in these colder months. Here are some of chocolate will be donated to WWF’s Maui Dolphin RODNEY RD, WARKWORTH the desserts you need to try before the month is out! Challenge. There are only 63 dolphins left, and we Don’t let “mountain” put you off climb- Mega Cookie (Moustache, K Rd): Our favour- have 63 days to save them. ◆ ing this baby. Mt Tamahunga is a breezy ite milk-and-cookie bar Moustache is serving piz- three-hour return hike over rolling za-sized cookies three times the size of your head! farmland and through native bush. They will deliver straight to your door, or you can pick up in store. You can super-size any of their regu- Fashion on lar cookie flavours and they’ll even ice a personalised Wairoa Loop Track message on your giant cookie, perfect for any gift or Campus MOUMOUKAI RD, HUNUA RANGES even just to provide a motivational message as you Shouts to Jen. When in doubt, wear red. plough through it solo. There are tonnes of hikes in the beau- Any pie (The Pie Piper, K Rd):You can never have tiful Hunua Ranges, located just an too much pie, as the ladies at The Pie Piper have hour from the CBD. The Wairoa Loop proven. After two years of markets and events in the Track is a particularly great one, with city, The Pie Piper has teamed up with Doornuts to stunning views of the Wairoa Reservoir, open a store right in the heart of the city. The grand surrounding bush, and close to the im- opening was this past weekend, so head on down to pressive Hunua Falls. their store on K Rd for your servings of piping pie and doughnuts! Dessert dumplings (Xuxu, Britomart): If you Tiri Tiri Track TE HARUHI BAY, WHANGA- haven’t already stuffed yourself with their steamy, PARAOA savoury dumplings, then don’t be afraid to try Xuxu’s delicious, dessert dumplings. Ranging from choc- Shakespear Regional Park is a gem, olate-pumpkin to salted caramel-banoffee, these home to dozens of outdoor activities. flavourful dumplings are perfect for a wintry day or Tiri Tiri Track takes just under two night. hours and is a gentle stroll that anyone can manage. Walkers will pass an old Unicorn Hot Chocolate (Dear Jervois, Herne Māori settlement before following the Bay): Dolphins and unicorns. Two of every child’s cliff edge for some beaut views of Tir- favourite animals. And now they’re teaming up. In itiri Matangi Island. ◆ PHOTO BY SAIA HALATANU

[17] FEATURE DONALD TRUMP ALWAYS STARTS FIVE SENTENCES AT ONCE (And Other Wisdoms For The Aspiring Writer) Malinna Liang on Armando Iannucci, writing for comedy and why the best things happen unplanned ART BY ISOBEL GLEDHILL (@ISOBEL_G) ART

[18] FEATURE In the back of my mind, as I sit down between President who has, in the scant hundred days since BBC, Iannucci reveals, who writes a report every Tweed Gin And Tonic and Woodstock Char- he took office, walked out of an executive order year that charts, on bar graph and Venn, the num- donnay, the thought occurs to me: there must be a signing without signing it, admitted on camera ber of fucks and cunts. A quid pro quo exchange German word for that feeling you get when you see that Australian universal healthcare is better than Iannucci recalls fondly, as follows: someone whose career you want. American, installed a red button in the Oval Office BBC: Can you cap this episode at 23 fucks? It’s not jealousy per se which, contrary to pop- that summons a butler who brings a Diet Coke at Iannucci: Can I have one cunt? ular usage, is actually a different beast from its a press, and who’d rather “be on a mattress in Mos- BBC: If you can get this episode down to 22 fucks. cousin—envy; jealousy happens over something cow taking a piss?” Tweed Gin and Tonic laughed Woodstock Chardonnay didn’t laugh at that. you already have, envy over something you don’t. at that; Woodstock Chardonnay didn’t. I contemplated taking notes: one Moleskine page Why not jealousy? I’m 22, I don’t have it in the first Not my job anymore, says Iannucci, whose torn out that says ONE CUNT = TWO FUCKS. place. Why not envy? He’s 53, so there’s probably tenure ended on season 4 of Ve e p—he’s now work- FOOD FOR THOUGHT. a laundry list of good reasons why he does. Quib- ing on a comedy about the death of Stalin. But he What does come across quite vividly is a cer- bling over the minutiae of that particular emotion- offers a fascinating observation that later doubles tain willingness to completely overhaul. Writers al topography seems bleak when everyone around as a bit of writing advice: Trump always starts five have delicate egos. I know this because one time me has a drink, so I shuffle the thought away for sentences at once. Break down any prolonged someone told me something I’d written was over- later: a Sunday perhaps, overcast, with light rain, speech Trump makes since taking office that wasn’t written, and I considered plunging over Canyon when I am wearing a pensive turtleneck. Creative monitored by three teleprompters and Paul Ryan Fox on my learner’s licence like Thelma without Me ignores the fact that when alone, Actual Me and Mike Pence playing charades off camera, and Louise. Iannucci didn’t say this, but I’m saying it rarely wears pants. this is what you get: “It was 59 missiles—they told now to myself, and to all five of you who’ve made it The lights dim and I sneak one last nosy 360 me over the most beautiful chocolate cake—Pres- this far: you’re never the funniest or the smartest in around the packed theatre; two more thoughts oc- ident Xi enjoyed it—the best cake—no one has the room, even when you are. Sometimes, the best cur to me, neither of them kind. Item One—why ever seen a more beautiful cake. Bigly.” This kind moments in Ve e p happen not during the delivery is everyone at these things old enough to have di- of thing doesn’t just come from the mouth of a of an insult, but on the reaction—and the insult, vorced twice? Item Two—why does everyone old man who possibly can’t read—it’s the way most sometimes, is one that the actor didn’t even know enough to have divorced twice know each other? people talk, to varying degrees, and one of the de- was coming, is one that was never written. Natural- Tweed Gin And Tonic thanks me for making fining characteristics ofVe e p and The Thick of It is ism. It happens because it happens, not because it’s room. Another horrible realisation: I own his jack- the naturalism of the abuse. How many times have planned; when it does, it’s worth all 23 fucks. What et, and that’s my drink. you read a book or seen a film where some design- comes across most strongly in Iannucci’s session is Armando Iannucci starts the night off by er stubble protagonist speaks, unencumbered, for this inherent need: a writer must, sometimes, stop clarifying that he does not swear as much as his a paragraph or a minute without pause? Iannucci mothering. characters do. The crowd chortles. I chortle too, explains: no human being talks that way, and no Auditions with actors: Iannucci interviews and run through a fond select reel of my personal human being thinks that way. While writing might them while they’re in character, not to see if they’re favourites: marzipan dildo, jolly green jizz face, be about distilling life, Iannucci’s comedy does that funny, but to see if they can go off the page. Brain- Frankenstein of dead dicks. For those of you in and keeps the intercuts. storming sessions for Alan Partridge: Iannucci the unknown of what that trinity of verbiage rep- Example. Malcolm Tucker’s final rant inThe and writers transcribe Steve Coogan’s in-character resents, it hails from a show that Washington insid- Thick of It, a diatribe against the mouth-to-anus rants about dishwashers into the hundreds in page ers say is the closest that art comes to life. Iannucci’s human centipede nature of politics and media, count, in case they need a line on the day. On set, Ve e p , an unofficial successor to his BBCThe Thick was not in fact one speech, but five speeches. Five final shoot: tell Actor A he looks like melted play of It and In the Loop, details the day-to-day life of writers had written five separate philippics, and of dough stuck to a flagpole, and see how he reacts. Vice-President cum interim President cum Dem- each Iannucci had picked the best lines, rearranged And that’s the key: preciousness encumbers the ocratic nominee cum failed presidential candidate them so that they began in the middle of each oth- product. Manufacture makes comedy less comedic, Selina Meyer, which has won Julia Louis-Dreyfus er, and then dropped them like a missile on a Syrian but this takeaway isn’t strictly relegated to screen or five consecutive Emmys for Outstanding Comedy airbase (that is to say: ineffectively). The end result humour. How many times has tossing out what you Actress. The sheer amount of cum in that sentence, is something that a spin doctor could feasibly shoot already have led to something better? There’s a com- which I use in a purely Latinate fashion, should tell off, off the cuff, on live TV. The point is to script mon image for people who fancy themselves cre- you how many narrative turns the series progresses without being scripted. atives: it comes, always, at once, and in a deluge, and through, prophesies real-life policy screw ups, and This correlates with what one of the actors of someone flicks on a lightbulb over your head, and public gaffes. No wonder the packed theatre. Ve e p , Reid Scott, has said recently about Iannucci’s the process of creation becomes creation ex nihilo. A funny thing Iannucci mentions is the diffi- process—the fact that the cast is sometimes given This isn’t true even for mediums that aren’t inher- ART BY DAPHNE ZHENG (@BREAKFAST.EXPRESS) culty of writing satire in the age of Trump, whom five episodes in advance in a medium that regularly ently collaborative, like film or TV—anyone, not he calls “walking satire” himself. So much of what sees the shooting of ten pages a day means that they just Nobel Prize winners, will tell you that the first Iannucci does is distorting that which had always get rehearsal time that other shows don’t get. That draft of anything is always shit. You always need the existed, be it human fallibility, the pitfalls of bu- time gets put to good use: improv and ad lib, then cavalry, and for something more solitary, like prose reaucracy, pure idiocy—and sometimes something a complete overhaul by the writers to incorporate or poetry, that cavalry becomes yourself—yourself, as banal as mishearing “the press thinks you’re re- all improv. Final shoots see seven or eight takes per two days from the first draft; yourself, two months pugnant” for “the press thinks you’re pregnant”. scene, and the final minute count often comes to from the first draft; yourself, sober; yourself, shit- That’s what separates Veep fromHouse of Cards over a hundred per episode, which is then edited faced at a wedding; yourself, in an existential crisis; and The West Wing, both of which are inherently down to twenty-eight minutes—and that’s why yourself, when the planets align. Each copy of you unbelievable because congressional representatives Veep averages five jokes per minute. adds something and deducts something. And each actually do work in them. What else? copy of you needs a voice loud enough to tell the That’s satire in a nub. How do you do that to a Vulgarity is a see-saw. There is someone at the first you to shut the fuck up. ◆

[19] FEATURE ART BY JOSH HART (@VRIJKOTTE) BY JOSH HART ART

[20] FEATURE

THE POLITICS OF LOVE Meg Williams interviews University of Auckland alumnus Max Harris on his new book and defends his concept of the politics of love

On May 3rd I had a meaningful Skype call with new outlook on life, earned a prestigious schol- change, campaigning as a means of broadening Max Harris, University of Auckland alumnus arship at All Souls College, Oxford, which discourse around issues. “Politics,” he says, “is and author of recently-released book, The New would allow him the freedom to devote time about history, culture, economics, and other Zealand Project. Harris was easy to talk to. and energy to topics that were meaningful forces: all of these things affect the traction that Sometimes he took long pauses to think about to him. Harris chose to use the seven years of ideas, individuals, and identities have.” Har- the questions I would ask, and would always his scholarship researching and writing about ris hopes that the book “is read in the spirit in reply with an articulate answer getting straight New Zealand politics, the biggest issues facing which it is written: as an attempt to amplify oth- to the heart of my question. I left the Skype Aotearoa, and how we should be engaging in ers’ voices, and an invitation to debate.” call feeling like there was one issue in particu- discourse around these issues. The book that I first heard aboutThe New Zealand Proj- lar over which we seemed to connect: the idea came out of those times explores ideas such as ect over New Years. I was up in Panguru, a tiny of love’s place in politics. Critics have said that a new economic system, rejecting the neolib- town in the Far North, with a group of people this idea is insubstantial, and they’ve laughed eral system New Zealand has been plagued by who turned out to be mutual friends of mine at it too. I’m here to defend Harris, and to say since the fourth Labour Government, decolo- and Harris’. A few of us were sitting around a ta- that the rejection of this unorthodox idea is nisation, decarceration, and something he calls ble peeling potatoes talking about a new book symptomatic of what Harris calls a “paralysing “the politics of love”— specifically applied to coming out this year by Harris, though then I cynicism” in New Zealand politics. the changing world of work, beneficiaries and didn’t know who he was. They told me that he Bridget Williams Books released The New people less-abled. had written a blog post entitled “The Politics Zealand Project on April 11th this year. The The New Zealand Project is self-aware, in of Love” about the role that love has to play, book is about issues in New Zealand politics, that it claims to be unashamedly idealistic. It or should play, in the forming of our politics. I and how discussion around these issues, such puts forward imaginative ideas and solutions was instantly drawn to this idea, having grown as climate change, wealth inequality, incarcera- for the biggest issues facing Aotearoa, perhaps up with a theologian as a dad, whose theolo- tion, and decolonisation, seems to have dimin- hoping to ignite some creativity and passion gy always centred around the mantra “Love ished. The book claims that New Zealanders’ within readers. It doesn’t claim to be a manifes- comes first”. While I no longer consider myself imaginations have become unequal to the enor- to about how to be progressive yet credible and religious, this has always stuck with me, and I mity of such issues, and that this is especially so electable—when Harris talks about “politics”, would argue that it has defined my politics in for young people. he’s talking about something broader than Par- a large way. When I interviewed Harris over The book opens with Harris’ story, how he liamentary and party politics. He’s talking about Skype about his new book, I couldn’t help but came close to death and subsequently, with a politics in terms of activism, campaigning for continuously steer the conversation towards his

“They told me that he had written a blog post entitled “The Politics of Love” about the role that love has to play, or should play, in the forming of our politics.”

[21] FEATURE idea of the politics of love. which are a little less orthodox. Further he is fundamental, or perhaps prior to a politics of Harris began thinking and talking about not willing to think meaningfully about them. love that I wanted to make more central… I love in politics during his undergraduate stud- Mclauchlan’s response to the politics of love, could talk more, but I think the reason for ies at the University of Auckland with his friend Harris says, is symptomatic of a much broader the response is a combination of cynicism, a Phillip McKibbon, with whom he co-wrote the issue in New Zealand. narrow overton window, and challenges in the blog post. He started feeling like the concept “I think there’s a paralysing cynicism some- concept of love itself. ” kept popping up in conversations and in things times in New Zealand politics,” Harris says, “and The book is not explicitly all about this he was reading, and he and McKibbon both de- that’s one of the reasons for writing the book, idea of the politics of love. It explores many cided to explore the concept further. or one of the things I wanted to tackle through different ideas, and only one chapter is enti- “I remember Michael Kirby,” Harris says, the book… In the book I talk about the overton tled “The Politics of Love.” Yet, that idea is “who’s a retired Australian judge, a really kind of window—the window into what’s politically what has stuck with me, and I cannot help brave and principled lawyer, suggested in passing possible—and related to that cynicism I think but imagine that this idea in fact underpins that love might underpin human rights, and I re- we have quite a narrow overton window, which most, if not all, of the ideas Harris explores member just thinking, ‘Oh, that’s a really inter- allows for unorthodox ideas, or ideas outside the in the book. When asking what a “politics esting idea, bringing love into these discussions’. mainstream, to be shut down quite quickly.” of love” would look like in a practical sense, I remember reading about it in the context of Harris acknowledges that while ideas about we can read Harris’ chapter on the changing Tikanga Māori as part of law. Once you’re inter- the politics of love may be new in a colonial New world of work, but we can also read the rest of ested in an idea that seems new to you, you just Zealand context, it is something that has in fact his book—to me his book is essentially what sort of find references to it everywhere.” been talked about among African-American Aotearoa would look like if, like Bell Hooks While the book has received an over- writers, and has featured in other traditions suggests would be beneficial, our politics were whelmingly positive response, it has no doubt such as Māori and Pasifika. Bell Hooks writes, informed by a love ethic. dealt with its fair share of criticisms too. “All the great social movements for freedom In a piece Harris wrote for Aeon, which Danyl Mclauchlan’s article in The Spinoff is and justice in our society have promoted a love came out recently, he says that “love is always, of particular note. Mclauchlan and I are both ethic… Were a love ethic informing all public everywhere, a project of planting ambitious ex- Green Party members, yet I disagree with his policy in cities and towns, individuals would pectations within a set of defined relationships. outlook on Harris’ work a great deal. Entitled come together and map out programmes that A radical politics of love merely requires an ex- “The New Zealand Project offers a bold, urgent, would affect the good of everyone…” Che Gue- pansion of the types of relationships to which idealistic vision. I found it deeply depressing”, vara wrote, “At the risk of seeming ridiculous, expectations of love should be attached.” I fear Mclauchlan’s article claims that while he agrees let me say that the true revolutionary is guid- that cynicism causing people to reject these with most of what the book puts forward, the ed by great feelings of love. It is impossible to sorts of ideas will stunt the way our conversa- book “is actually a compilation of arguments think of a genuine revolutionary lacking this tions will develop around political ideas in the and policy statements that have been advanced quality.” James Baldwin described love as “a future, and I’m thankful that Harris had the by… political parties, thinkers and activists… state of grace” and “a tough and universal sense guts to come out and say what is real: love isn’t for such a long time their ideas have become of quest and daring and growth.” just a noun, it isn’t just an emotion—it’s a verb, conventional wisdom on the progressive left.” Having experienced cynicism around this it’s an action, an event that actually happens On the politics of love, Mclauchlan says that kind of discourse myself, I asked Harris if he in time and space. A politics of love, Harris “the idea is exactly as insubstantial as it sounds: was scared about including the chapter entitled writes, “reminds us that the personal is politi- ‘love’ is a floating signifier, it means whatever “The Politics of Love” in his book. cal, as feminism has long emphasised”. It steers anyone wants it to mean, and I shall pass over “I wasn’t scared,” he said, “but it’s true that I us away from individualism and self-interest, this idea with a quote from Oscar Wilde: that didn’t want the whole book to kind of rise and since, as Iris Murdoch put it in “The Sublime you’d have to have a heart of stone not to laugh.” fall on that concept… I knew that there would and the Good” (1959), love “is the extremely It’s interesting that Mclauchlan argues the be some people that wouldn’t be on board with difficult realisation that something other than book is a compilation of ideas that are conven- it, and I’ve also thought there were also other oneself is real. It takes us in the direction of tional wisdom on the progressive left, but then related ideas like the value of care, the idea of an other-regarding politics: a politics of other dismisses ideas, such as the politics of love, a values-based politics, that were perhaps more people.” ◆

“...while ideas about the politics of love may be new in a colonial New Zealand context, it is something that has in fact been talked about among African- American writers, and has featured in other traditions such as Māori and Pasifika.”

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events media media FEATURE

[24] FEATURE A GUIDE TO THE AUCKLAND WRITERS FESTIVAL Wen-Juenn Lee asks people around campus about their thoughts on some Auckland Writers Festival events

To imagine; the writer, the thinker, the artist the top writers at three South Auckland high effective, to connect both the personal and the who had craftedthose words onto that page, who schools, 1001 Nights uniquely reinvents the political. That’s why I’m going. Also, it’s a free had shaped and teased language to speak to you stories from the Arabian Nights, setting them event with Teju Cole, so how can you not?” as if it was an old friend, to imagine that they in contemporary Auckland. Meanwhile, you can see George Saunders in the would actually appear in front of you, a living, Paula also hoped all her creative writing stu- free event “Strange Happenings”, along with breathing person, was unequivocally thrilling. dents would come to hear writers like George Viola DiGrado, Emma Neale and Jenny Pow- And what’s more? You could see them for free. Saunders and Teju Cole, whose work they ell where all four writers read from their work This year’s Writers Festival offers an extensive list study in class. One creative writing student on death and life, the body and the spirit; the of free events for students and the public. Gener- who has taken this to heart is Melanie, who strange happenings (aha!) in the world. al events also offer students a discount of $12.50. studies English Literature and Screen Pro- You can learn something new, you can watch ac- duction. Melanie told me she’s going to see all If contemporary fiction bores you, well firstly, claimed writers in discussion—all you need is a four Teju Cole events in the Writers Festival. why? Secondly, the Writers Festival offers a little bit of curiosity. So I turned to the staff and When I pressed her further, she said, “Would prolific list of panels, discussions and writers’ students at the University of Auckland to ask it be enough to just say that I love him?” Teju conversations about current affairs, science, them what events they were interested in—what Cole’s most recent work, Known and Strange politics, and the media. Science students won’t events would they recommend students to go Things, is a book of essays covering his wide want to miss “Time Travel”, with James Gle- to? Some were involved in the Writers Festival ranging interests in art, photography, peo- ick, the multi-award winning science writer and others had only heard of it for the first time, ple and politics. Teju Cole will be discussing who will be discussing his latest book, Time but all had suggestions to offer for the stingy and “Known and Strange Things” in conversation Travel: A History. Nicole, Coordinator and the curious, the science, the politics and the art with writer Kevin Rabalais on Friday May 19th Content Writer from the Science Department student in us all. at 1.00pm. In what may be especially appealing at the University, says “He’ll deftly combine Paula Morris, writer and Lecturer of Cre- to students, Teju Cole will guide the audience literary criticism with philosophy and physics ative Writing at the University, urged students on a virtual tour of his twelve current favourite to explain why time travel (apologies Dr Who to attend the University of Auckland’s free photographers. Melanie said, “It just sounds lit. fans!) is not possible.” Find out more on Satur- lecture about the crisis in New Zealand’s con- Like of course I want to know what Teju Cole day 20th May at 6.00pm. temporary literature; namely, the under-repre- is into outside of writing. Like, yes, tell me all The highly anticipated event “The Truth sentation of Māori and Pasifika writers. Amber, about your aesthetic, Teju Cole. Also, his Ins- About Language” should appeal to Science a Fine Arts and English Literature student tagram is sick.” Art and photography lovers can and Arts students as well. Michael Corballis, who works at the Fine Arts Library, says she’s see “12 Photography Favourites” on Sunday the Emeritus Professor in Psychology at the noticed that American and European art dis- May 21st at 12pm. George Saunders, consid- University of Auckland, will be tackling lan- course dominates what books people are ac- ered one of America’s most prominent contem- guage theory evolution and the human mind. cessing at the library, despite there being texts porary writers, will also be in conversation with Nicole, from Science said, “I was fascinated by anchored in Aotearoa and Pacific life worlds. Paula Morris on Saturday May 20th at 12pm. [Corballis’] theory of language evolution when In Paula’s words, an illustrated talk by novelist Paula says, “We'll be talking about America, he taught me, and his new book tackles accept- Tina Makereti will “provoke discussion about dysfunction, dystopias, and his astounding new ed wisdom from the likes of Noam Chomsky what kind of culture we want here—and what novel Lincoln in the Bardo, which is populated and Stephen Jay Gould.” Dr Aroha Harris, we can do to make it happen.” “The University by hundreds of ghosts and President Lincoln.” from History also had high praise for Corbal- of Auckland Free Public Lecture: Tina Mak- If you don’t have a spare $12.50 to see ei- lis. “I have never been interested in psychology, ereti, Poutokomanawa” will be on Wednes- ther two writers, you can see Teju Cole in the and have instead regarded myself as ‘not into’ day May 17th at 5pm. The second event Paula free event the “Art of the Essay” along with science. But Corballis changed that. His work was invested in is her own “1001 Nights ... in Bad Feminist author, Roxane Gay, and Can You is approachable, funny and relaxed, and what ART BY GEORGIA ARNOLD Auckland” on Saturday May 20th at 4:30pm. Tolerate This writer Ashleigh Young on Satur- I find most striking is that it is understandable Paula says, “[It] features visuals and music as day May 20th at 10.30 am. The three writers will to me. I hope that all students, at some time, well as a re-telling of Ali Baba by more than be discussing how the essay—at its best—can get to listen in person to an author whose craft a dozen teen writers—and me, filling in gaps decipher the personal, political and cultural they admire and enjoy.” See “The Truth About with my own nonsense.” With recent Masters climate we live in. Melanie said, “It’s difficult Language” on Saturday, 20th May at 10.30am. Creative Writing students collaborating with to write essays in a way that’s compelling and Students, especially those pursuing, Media,

[25] FEATURE

Communications and Politics degrees, should the Book” and “Hallelujah for Leonard Co- tion in his LA neighbourhood. See Paul Beatty go to “Truth or Dare”. The panel session dis- hen” at the festival. “The Song of the Book” in conversation with Paula Morris on May 19th cussing the state of journalism currently, is features songwriters Steve Abel, Anna Cod- Friday at 2.30pm. Similarly, despite mention- chaired by the University’s own Gavin Ellis, dington, Reb Fountain, and Francis Kora ing to Jayson—another Commerce student— who lectures in Media and Communications, who will perform works they were challenged the free event “Chinese Shadows”, he seemed and features Chris Barton, the freelance jour- to compose in response to a book featured in stubborn on “The Book of Forgiving” with nalist and Architecture Lecturer at the Univer- this year’s festival. Dr Aroha Harris says, “I am Mpho Tutu Van Furth, where Furth will be sity. Chris says, “My view is that journalism is in particularly keen to see what Kora produces…I discussing the art of forgiveness in her book, serious trouble, so much so that I often wonder have an enthusiasm that rides on a mix of the co-written with her father, Archbishop Des- whether it’s now dead.” Mainstream media, in talents of the four composers.” Listen to the mond Tutu. But what about Chinese Shadows? the face of declining circulation, has decided to songwriters on Saturday, 20th May at 6.15pm. I asked. It’s free. “That sounds too dramatic,” he appeal to what it perceives as the mass market. Meanwhile, the free event “Hallelujah for said. He was “more into forgiveness.” “The result is media that’s increasingly stupid Leonard Cohen” celebrates the esteemed nov- It’s not surprising that my peers were inter- and has no answer to alternative facts, accusa- elist, poet and songwriter Leonard Cohen with ested in events specific to the people and the tions of fake news and those in power openly festival writers Steve Abel, Caroline Broth- topics they knew about, whether it was their fa- lying.” Chris believes “New Zealand main- ers, Denis Johnson and Steve Sem-Sandberg se- vourite writer, or someone they had heard, but stream media seems particularly stupid and lecting one of Cohen’s works, discussing its this generally meant that the events they chose particularly irrelevant in this respect. I don’t significance and reciting it. Chris Barton says featured internationally well-known writers, imagine the others on the panel—one edits the he’s excited for the event because “I’m a huge over free events that featured more local writ- Weekend Herald and the other teaches journal- fan and feel duty bound to attend this tribute ers. Thus, the free events I mentioned to some ism at AUT—will agree with my assessment, so to the late, great genius.” “Hallelujah for Leon- were dismissed based on its title or its unknow- I guess I’m looking forward to a robust debate.” ard Cohen” is on Sunday 21st May at 4pm. ability—it sounds dramatic, it sounds like work, See Chris Barton debating with Editor Miry- Lastly, a combination of music, art, literature but once I told them more about the events, iana Alexander and AUT Lecturer Richard Pa- and the outdoors (!) “Walk on High” is my per- and how it related to their interests, many were matatau for free on Saturday May 20th at 9am. sonal favourite. The highly anticipated event fea- quick to take note of it. Oscar is now going to Chris also strongly recommends seeing Susan tures more than twenty writers and performers Truth or Dare, because he was interested in Faludi in “In the Darkroom”. Susan Faludi, a taking part in a word trail along High Street on the rise of “fakeness” in journalism, amongst Pulitzer-prize winning journalist and author, has Friday night. There will be live performances, a other things. “There is a lot of fear and uncer- a new memoir In the Darkroom which is about her Walk on High choir and activities such as Poetry in tainty around the world, and populist ideas re-acquaintance with her long-estranged Hungar- the Dark, a poetry session at the Michael Holmes are becoming more popular; it makes you ian father who underwent gender reassignment Optometrist where different poets read to the au- question what now, and what next?” Amber surgery and changed his name from Steven to dience in the dark (Get it? Poetry…in the dark… is now going to “The University of Auckland Stephanie. Chris says, “Having recently binged at an optometrist) and Insta-essay sessions, where Free Public Lecture: Tina Makereti” because on Transparent and still grappling with the new writers reveal their Instagram images taken some- “under-representation fits into a neo-colonial pronouns, I’m hoping this session will give en- where in Auckland, and an essay accompanying it. world, but it is not something I have heard spo- lightenment.” Those interested in the negotiation While Chris was looking forward to the activities, ken about, so I would be keen to learn more.” of identity and history can see Susan Faludi on Nicole saw it as “a sampler of Festival talent” and For Melanie, if people don’t know about Saturday 21st May at 4.30pm. value for money—you’re seeing twenty writers, lo- the free events, “I think it’s because of the mar- Along with Teju Cole’s “12 Photography cal and international, engaging in readings, poetry, keting. Maybe people don't go because most Favourites”, art and music lovers can rejoice and games in the city for free. Come along to High of the free events feature New Zealand writers in a range of events. Amber, from Fine Arts, is Street at 6.30 pm on Friday 19th May. and I feel like the Festival tends to push inter- excited to see Chris Kraus, the writer, art crit- It was interesting that the University of national writers in their promotions.” Like Am- ic, and editor. “Chris Kraus is a familiar name Auckland staff were thoughtfully aware of stu- ber, who felt overwhelmed at the proliferation from critical art discourse. Her novel I Love dents’ budgets—many suggested events that of choices presented at the Writers Festival, Dick catches my eye in libraries and has float- were free, or seemed apologetic at suggesting perhaps the free events become swallowed up ed around my flat for months without me ever paid, general events. Yet, Oscar, a Commerce by the more glamorous, international features. picking it up. So maybe hearing her speak will and Politics student, showed me that money But situating oneself in the local, as well as in- be the prompt I need to give time to her writ- wasn’t the main issue, but interest. He had to ternational landscape is equally important. As ing.” Kraus will be discussing her much talk- be seriously interested in an event to dedicate Melanie said, “When else am I going to be able ed about memoir-fiction novel,I Love Dick, the one-hour train journey into town. When I to sit in a room full of accomplished writers which has been described as “radical” and “gos- suggested “The Art of the Essay”, he said, “But and listen to them spit some serious knowledge sipy”. You can also see Kraus in the free event I associate essays with work.” Even though it’s for free?” Free or paid, international or local; “Lost Properties”, where she discusses the free? Yes. Instead, he would rather go to Paul events at this year’s Auckland Writers Festival unconventional methods in which one can be, Beatty’s “The Sellout”, because the “savage promise conversation, comedy and compas- and is, an artist. Kraus will discuss artists who satire” appealed to his politics studies. Indeed, sion. It is, after all, the year of the Love Story. have found creative engagement away from in- Beatty’s “The Sellout” is guaranteed to be a The Love Story of writing and reading, think- stitutions conventionally associated with art, stimulating conversation on the hypocrisies of ing and connecting. In a strange and turbulent on Sunday 21st May at 1.30pm. contemporary America—the novel maps an climate, we need words even more to connect artisanal marijuana and watermelon grower’s us to the landscape we inhabit. I hope I’ll see Music fans should take note of “The Song of attempts to reintroduce slavery and segrega- you all there. ◆

[26] ARTS EDITORIAL

Not All White People * *I am fiercely opposed to generalisation so this is a genuine title. With Anoushka Maharaj

I’ll never forget the phenomenal overreaction that In the first episode, Samantha, one of the pro- so many of us will never have to deal with because was the alt-right’s response to the announcement of tagonists, pre-empts criticism and channels the re- of our respective privilege. There are pre-existing Netflix release,Dear White People. They pre-emp- sponse that Simien would have had to constantly conditions that come with being a black person in tively cancelled their subscriptions, announcing reiterate, “‘Dear White People’ is a misnomer. My America, and DWP depicts these through com- their brave acts of protest with intellectual tweets show is meant to articulate the feelings of a misrepre- plex and diverse characters that deserve to be seen like, “CANCELLED! NO NEED FOR MORE sented group outside the majority.” Trying to educate and shared on their own terms. HATE SPEECH DIVIDING!” Its trailer on You- people about white privilege is an exhausting, and It is odd that so many people are averse to Tube has eight times as many dislikes as it does often inefficacious argument that, frankly, isn’t the minorities having their own space to talk about likes. This outrage over a show that hadn’t even responsibility of the minority to uphold. Likewise, experiences with prejudice, or operate under been released yet was astonishing—almost like my it isn’t their responsibility to coddle white feelings, the assumption that this promotes “anti-white” feverish (and admittedly misplaced) anger at the or justify why they deserve a show outside of the rhetoric. A recent episode of Brooklyn Nine- trailer of Viceroy’s House, a film I assumed perpet- mainstream, that focuses on the triumphs and trib- Nine (innocuously titled “Moo-Moo”) was led uated the “white saviour complex” and furthered ulations of being a minority in America. by Andre Braugher and Terry Crews in its de- the racial divide between India and Pakistan. But Privilege is like this: you are starting a race piction of racial profiling, wherein Sergeant Jef- that is an issue for another time. And even though halfway up a hill, and the other person is starting fords is stopped by an aggressive white cop who I’m probably right about this, I should still wait to from the bottom. You’re obviously going to win arrests and points a gun at him based purely on see the finished product before I make a (correct) because you have a head-start. The argument his appearance (“you don’t look like you belong in judgment about it. that “you just have to work harder” is missing that neighbourhood”). Consequently, the episode Rather than assuming reverse racism, these an- the point entirely—because everyone should be highlights the (very real) ostracism that can occur gry people could have benefited from a little educa- starting at the same place. But we don’t. And to as a POC attempting to rise through the ranks tion that would have been freely received by simply oversimplify this as, “not necessarily having any- while calling out racism and discrimination in the watching the show (or the original film). It isso far thing to do with race” is both ignorant and sim- workplace. Jeffords also talks about the fear that from the “anti-white propaganda” that all these ply untrue. Like history is written by the victors, comes with being the parent of a black child—a furious broflakes1 seemed to think it is—unless your social comfortability is dependent on how powerful statement at a time when the most re- “anti-white” is the inaccurate label that one would much power you have, often determined by your cent police shooting of 15-year-old Jordan Ed- give to a show unabashed in its overt portrayal of ethnic history—where the advantage, to refer- wards is at the forefront of our minds—yet one of systemic racism. Rather than putting energy into ence centuries of a broken, reinforced system the comments left on the show’s Instagram was, denying these issues, why not attempt to under- rigged in favour of the privileged, falls in favour “this is supposed to be a happy show to escape reality… stand them, and the personal experience that goes of white people. worst episode of the series.” into creating shows like this? Thus, rather than propagate some kind of “an- But this is the tragic reality of so many people On the backlash prompted by the show’s very ti-white” agenda, DWP focuses on the underrepre- in the world. It was the reality of Jordan Edwards, existence (fairly symbolic of its subject matter), sented minority, who use their (rare) opportunity Trayvon Martin, Tamir Rice, Emmett Till. To re- director Justin Simien said, “You know what, man, to share their perspectives. DWP addresses police quest media that ignores the ongoing suffering of that's part and parcel of being a black person in this brutality, sexuality, interracial relationships, and these groups is to deem their truths unimportant, country. Everything's harder. It just is. You have to equally interesting, the internal issues that exist and essentially asks them to pretend that these explain yourself all the fucking time, it never lets up… within the black community. It is topical, edgy, prejudices don’t exist at all for the comfort of the Any time a black person has the audacity to tell every- funny, and deeply upsetting—because it is all based viewer. body else that they're also human beings, they are con- in reality. It deals with common arguments, like, Like any good piece of art, these television fronted with all kinds of malice and violence and ill whether a non-black person can sing the n-word shows are confronting and profound. And while will. It's been that way since black people were brought in a song because they’re just “repeating the lyrics” it might be uncomfortable to acknowledge our to this country.” (they can’t); what happens when racism is dis- individual and collective failings, this courage is missed as “oh, yeah, because of slavery”; or how white necessary, as James Baldwin so wisely noted: “Not allies can often feel isolated by POC in discussions everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing 1 Credit to The Independentfor coining this delightful about privilege. Notably, it approaches issues that can be changed until it is faced.” ◆ term.

[27] ARTS SPOTLIGHT ART BY YOUNG KIM (@VAGUELYYOUNG) ART

[28] ARTS SPOTLIGHT

Bondage: A Tricky Dilemma

Nikki Addison offers us five potential James Bond replacements.

He’s one of the biggest fictional British charac- Roger Moore, Timothy Dalton, Pierce Brosnan films, I’m 99% certain that Hardy can actual- ters there is, with an impressive twenty novels and our most recent Bond, Daniel Craig. There ly do anything, not just look convincing while and twenty-four films featuring him as the pro- are a lot of heated opinions in regard to who acting something out. He’s the number one, tagonist. He has a catch phrase, some seriously has been the best Bond, with many favouring folks. (Plz see Lawless ASAP if you haven’t al- great theme music and a set of skills that will Connery and Moore. That, however, is a whole ready.) leave you feeling inferior in no time. He’s also different kettle of fish. well-dressed, witty and the picture of hand- This spotlight looks to the future, not the Charlie Hunnam some. past. Who will play Bond next? Who will fill He’s Bond, James Bond. Created by novelist Craig’s very big shoes? Sons of Anarchy fans, rejoice. Would Char- Ian Fleming in 1953, James Bond is now one of There are a few prerequisites that a wan- lie Hunnam not be a bloody fantastic Bond? the world’s most beloved cultural icons. Fleming nabe-Bond must fulfil. Firstly, the mannerisms The man is beautiful, and has definitely got would perhaps be surprised at how classic Bond’s have to be on point. Bond is suave, dashing and the rugged edge that Craig brings to the role. famous introductory line has become, given that smooth with the ladies. He’s distinguished, in- A lesser-known actor than my other options, he had other hopes for his character: “I wanted telligent and generally soft-spoken. This isn’t Hunnam would bring a freshness to the part, Bond to be an extremely dull, uninteresting man to your typical big-talking, guns-blazing hero. encouraging viewers to watch the film for its whom things happened,” he told The New Yorker Bond is measured and modest. Secondly, the Bond status rather than its movie star status. in 1962. “When I was casting around for a name physical attributes must be consistent with pri- Also, Hunnam has already proved he can navi- for my protagonist I thought ‘By God, [James or Bonds. He should be in his late thirties, fit, gate a solid car chase. Bond] is the dullest name I ever heard.’” muscular and handsome. Following in Craig’s Fortunately, the character is far from dull. wake, the replacement Bond may want to do Tom Hiddleston Bond is a secret service agent for the British In- a few thousand deadlifts to keep up. Craig telligence, MI6. He is referred to by his classifi- also brought a kind of rugged handsomeness There’s a big calling in the media and fanbase cation code, 007, and is one of the organisation’s to Bond, which worked well. Let’s keep that for Hiddleston to take on the next Bond role. top agents. His primary weapon is a small pistol, theme rolling, am I right? Thirdly, there’s the Before seeing Kong: Skull Island I was sceptical, beginning with a Berretta 418 and moving onto skillset. Bond is a super spy and must be able not thinking him gritty enough for the part. I a Walther PPK, though he uses a variety of guns to do anything. Therefore, whoever plays him was wrong. Hiddleston would be a good Bond. throughout the novels and films. He also gets to needs to look convincing in any number of in- He certainly aces it in the mannerisms category drive a range of beautiful sports cars, his most stances, e.g. flying a plane, riding a horse, deep- (so classy), and after seeing him covered in dirt famous being the silver Aston Martin DB5 used sea diving. Lastly, whoever replaces Craig has to and sweat with a bit of stubble in Kong, I think in eighteen of the films, fromGoldfinger (1964) be British. None of this “we’ll get an actor not the look will suffice. A solid contender. to Skyfall (2012). Bond’s choice of drink is tradi- from that country to play someone from that tionally a dry martini, “shaken, not stirred”, and country even though there are lots of talented Idris Elba he has a sneaky side-interest in golf. Thankfully, actors in that country who would be fab”. Step some of Bond’s poor traits have left the charac- aside, Hollywood. With all that in mind, here Another popular Bond replacement choice is ter, most notably his homophobic and racist ten- are my five ideal Bond replacements if( Craig Idris Elba, who is known for his role on the TV dencies. There is still work to be done in the area leaves. I would be quite happy for him to play show The Wire.Elba is a reputable actor and of gender, however—he’s more ladykiller than Bond forever). would be the first black person to play Bond— ladies’ man, and there are definite cringe-worthy which, sadly, is causing some dispute. With his comments directed at women in some of the re- Tom Hardy distinguished, quiet manner, Elba would be a cent films. great choice for Bond. Bond has also appeared in comics, video I’m not numbering my Bond preferences, ex- games and on television. The film series is one cept for this one. Tom Hardy is my number one James McAvoy of the highest grossing to date, and the longest ideal Bond replacement. Not only is he an in- running series ever. Fleming was right in his credibly talented actor—see: Bronson, Lawless, A more mainstream actor, McAvoy has played pre-Bond assertion that “I’m going to write the Legend—he checks off all the boxes perfectly. some great parts (Atonement, X-Men: First spy story to end all spy stories”. Bond is now such Mannerisms? To the point, quiet-type, soft wit. Class and the recent Split to name a few). He’s an iconic character that choosing the right ac- Appearance? Lawd Hardy is a unit. With mus- got the right conduct and is definitely hand- tor for the part is the target of much conten- cles like that, he’ll give Danny Craig a run for some. However, he may need to prove himself tion. Seven actors have played him in film, be- his money. He also happens to be VERY James in terms of convincing action. With a bit of ginning with Sean Connery in Dr. No (1962) Bond handsome when clean-shaven and suited added bulk I think we could tolerate him in the and followed by David Niven, George Lazenby, up. And the skills. After watching most of his role of Bond. ◆

[29] ARTS REVIEWS

ISON Morningside In Transit Sevdaliza Fazerdaze THEATRE REVIEW BY ADORATE MIZERO ALBUM REVIEW BY BEKA ATUK ALBUM REVIEW BY CHRIS WONG In Transit is a coming-of-age story that centres Consider yourself extremely lucky to be stumbling Under the name Fazerdaze, Amelia Murray makes around young Ahmed, who was born to a Pākehā upon Sevdaliza now if you haven’t already. Se- wistful and dreamy bedroom indie-pop, bursting mother and African father, as he learns about and vdaliza is an Iranian-Dutch singer and songwriter with topics straight from the heart, accumulated connects to his African heritage through the an- who recently dropped a surprise debut album ti- from her own personal experiences. ecdotes of his father and his friends around him. tled ISON, released on her own Twisted Elegance Morningside puts this on display, aptly named af- The intergenerational and cultural tensions label. It is a delicious and meticulous work of art ter the place the album was recorded and the suburb between child and parent are evident in the re- that reflects the artist’s aesthetic perfectly. she calls home. Its release shows just how far Murray lationships of the young character Ahmed (Fathe ISON carries strains of industrial R&B, soul- has come, from when Fazerdaze was her own tiny Tesfamariam) and his friend Maisha (Sonaalofa ful (not shuffle) dubstep and trip-hop. Each bedroom project, to the worldwide release of a debut Eliesa) and their parents. This is a coming-of-age song entwines into the next, creating a heavy album, supported by national shows including an ap- story with a twist, as identity, culture and tradi- atmosphere, but Sevdaliza’s sexy, silky voice and pearance at Laneway as well as a European tour. tion are all brought to the table for examination ethereal beats bring a lightness to the gloom. It Morningside is mainly grounded in a fuzzy Pix- and thoughtful reflection—the two characters is a strange mixture of dark and light that makes ies-esque 90s alternative sound, recalling parts of are awoken to the sometimes ridiculous and in- you want to fall deeply into every song. But the pop, grunge and shoegaze equally. Throughout the tensely traumatic past experiences of their elders. deeper you sink into this album, the more the record, Murray touches on the intimate motions of The play is written by Wanjiku Kiarie Sand- artist seems to break apart. Each one of the six- love, deep friendships, the blissfulness of travelling erson as a dedication to late New Zealand actor teen tracks acts as a distorted mirror of the artist’s and the dilemmas we face while growing up with Martyn Sanderson. It is directed by Justine Si- identity, displaying her vulnerability and project- honest and unapologetic emotion. Although most mei-Barton, bringing a special twist of African ing her ideas of love, life, sexuality, pain, depres- of the songs on Morningside were recorded with only and Pasifika performing art to the stage. This sion, and healing. one mic linked up to a laptop in Murray’s room, their collaboration is pleasantly surprising, with the The opening track is “Shahmaran”, possibly ethereal melodies and lo-fi sounds still manage to blending of Pasifika, Māori and East African named after an Anatolian goddess of wisdom wrap themselves around the entranced listener like a dance, song and costume. who treats and heals the sick, and is compas- blanket of warmth, embracing and closing in about The performances are fresh, natural and quite sionate through self-sacrifice and goodness. Al- them. personal. I appreciated that the actors did not though Sevdaliza’s poetic voice is rather obscure, However, there is an underlying darkness to these take themselves too seriously, with the connec- she clearly reflects and twists these characteristics tracks, too, as she sings about her many worries, fears tion between them evident. The live band was a through lyrics such as, “I’d fall a billion times / But and depression on tracks like “Little Uneasy” and highlight, helping move the story forward, while you wouldn’t let me” and “All the affections / as they “Misread”. Another example is low-key highlight entertaining the audience. The familiar thud of infect us, love couldn’t help us.” Whether she or the “Friends”, which wakes us up from the quiet slumber the drums was accompanied by stirring vocals by person she addresses is “Shahmaran” is up to your of surrounding tracks with a bruising chorus that Milly Grant-Koria, whose abilities are showcased imagination. roars to life as Murray wails at the top of her lungs across more than a few languages such as Swahili, Her rich, poetic lyrics continue to impress atop noisy and distorted chords, expressing her fear Te Reo Māori and Samoan. throughout the album with “Hubris” having one of losing friends and her importance to them. Considering the political climate surround- of my favourite lines, “The autopsy report read / Murray also makes the effort to draw the listener ing refugees and asylum seekers, In Transit brings The insides were beautiful”, “Marilyn Monroe” in and make it seem like they are really there expe- light and a little humour to some of the awkward, carrying one of the heaviest, “I’ve never been the riencing the moments described, such as on the last terrifying and harsh realities that are not usually one in your eyes / I’ve never been the truth / All you track “Bedroom Talks”, layering the sounds of cicadas reflected in mainstream media, or given thought saw was a broken mirror” and “Bluecid” having onto the track to evoke the authentic feelings of in- to in everyday New Zealand society. ◆ my entire heart, “And I could only have you in my timate chats in the bedroom during summer nights. dreams / Oh, so it seems, so it seems.” Make Morningside one of the key homegrown I hope she creeps into all of your playlists this releases you check out this year. ◆ winter. ◆

[30] ARTS REVIEWS

Dislawderly Everybody Othello WEB SERIES REVIEW BY JACK ADAMS Logic THEATRE REVIEW BY JULIA WIENER ALBUM REVIEW BY NEIL LINDSAY “I’m putting in, like, ten hour days and I’m still As someone who likes to think of herself as cultured only getting Bs. I feel like shit.” Logic’s anticipated new album release, Every- and somewhat dramatic, I traipsed along last Friday body, is basically the musical equivalent of a to the Pop Up Globe’s production of Othello. It's not often students are known for quality Stage I course at university. Logic, although an As with all productions of Shakespeare, I production in film. It rings true in a joke I once undeniably talented rapper, producer and lyri- found myself understanding the dialogue more heard about a plane, quality. I suppose I also saw cist, tries to cover so much serious material that and more easily as the scenes progressed. The ac- a meme about it on the Vic Uni Meme page. Re- he barely goes into depth for any of them. From tor playing Othello was marvellous—controlled gardless, this is something special, something un- being biracial (covered in “Black Spiderman”, and emotive, he moved his character first into the like what we usually associate with student pro- “AfricAryan”), to his anxiety (on “Anziety”), and audience’s sympathies, then into their horror, with ductions. Kiwi producers Marina Mersi, Caitlin the topic of suicide (on “1-800-273-8255”), Log- fantastic theatrical skill. The actress playing Des- Lynch, and Georgia Rippin present their seven ic has great ideas, but barely grazes the surface of demona was slightly weaker, but still played her episode mini-series, Dislawderly. The trio satirise any of them. character well. the more awkward (lawkward?), pretentious, The main highlight onEverybody is the al- Desdemona’s lines were cut significantly from and outright abhorrent aspects of Auckland Law bum’s impeccable production quality. The beats the original (according to Shakespeare nerd friend School through the eyes of the protagonist, Au- (most of which were made by Logic himself ), are with whom I watched the show), and though in a drey. amazing and show an incredible range—from play as long as Othello some trimming is necessary, Having left her life behind in Wellington, Au- the hard-hitting “America”, to the super chill “An- I didn’t think the need for brevity justified how drey ventures northwards to the glorious bastion ziety”, the music is superbly crafted. The problem much the director flattened her character. Iago of culture, the Law Faculty at the University of lies in Logic’s topic material; his seriousness sim- was well-played, too, although the actor chewed Auckland, where the series takes the piss out of ply sucks all the fun out of the album. Logic’s the scenery at times. Minor drawbacks aside, the the finer elements of legal culture—from net- raps are great, but his monologues every second casting was infinitely more impressive than the last working, to dating, to tutorials, to free sushi. song do get tiresome. Luckily, he is accompanied time I saw Othello live, which starred a white guy in The series is a genuinely hilarious project by a great array of features (including J.Cole, and bronzer as the titular character. playing on the common experiences of university the Neil DeGrasse Tyson), who seem to get to the There was, as there sort of has to be in every live students—to the more specific tribulations faced subject material better than he does, and help to Shakespeare production, merriment in the in-be- by those in the Law programme. The seven epi- make the songs as fun as possible. tween moments; the crowd chanting “DRINK, sodes provide a broad, yet detailed portrayal of Compared to his previous albums, Everybody DRINK, DRINK” to Cassio, the winking banter of student life, deriving humour from the situation- is a little disappointing. It’s a pretty fun listen, Emilia and Desdemona early in the plot. al peculiarities, to the minute elements that dis- but doesn’t really compare to Logic’s earlier Aside from some hamfisted costuming (wow, tance the protagonist from her seemingly filthy work, and there are no songs that have any po- I never would have guessed that everyone in black and unforgiving environment. tential on their own. In saying that, the messages leather is bad and everyone in white cotton is Often student projects are left to the depths in his songs do have a great lot of appeal—he just good!), the mechanics of the play were flawlessly of the internet, only to be viewed ten years later doesn’t talk about it in enough detail for Every- executed. The stagecraft was stunning. as the result of a Facebook memories post. In- body to be a truly great album. You can tell he’s The end of the play is unwatchable at the best of stead, this is a series made from their full passion put a lot of heart into it, but sadly it doesn’t work times, and meant to be so. No one can sit through for film and humour—whilst also touching on as well as it should. the live performance of a man killing his wife in a the more egregious elements of student culture. Everybody is great, just not that great. It’s a jealous rage without feeling very uncomfortable. Regardless, I do hope that the rumours are fun listen, but Logic’s Bond-villain-level mono- Overall, I would say don’t watch Othello if watch- true and this troupe have more in store for either loguing gets old fast, and isn’t gonna hype you up ing domestic violence will upset you—which is Audrey or more student satire. You can catch this any time soon. ◆ true of every production of the play, and not par- show on YouTube—episodes 1–7 are uploaded ticular to the decisions made by this director. The now. ◆ season (which includes Henry V as well!) ends this week—I can’t recommend it enough. ◆

[31] ANZAC Day Tree Planting Event ANNA CUSACK AND ALANA MISSELBROOK

On Saturday, 29th of April, despite the pouring rain, AUSA’s own Political Engagement Officer Anna Cusack, and Environmental Affairs Officer Paht Satjipanon created in an amazing event to honour the fallen soldiers of ANZAC.

Forty young people planted over 1,200 native trees at Puhinui Reserve in honour of ANZAC Day. The event was organised by AUSA in partnership with the Auckland City Council. Auckland May- or Phil Goff welcomed the volunteers and took part in the tree planting himself. A range of native trees were planted, including Kahikatea which will grow to 55 meters tall. The volunteers joined over 3000 people from around the country, who together pledged over 9000 hours to serve for New Zealand, in remembrance of ANZAC Day.

This was an amazing event, with an incredible turnout. As the soldiers fell, the trees will grow in honour, and will be a constant reminder for the sacrifice of their lives. Lest we forget those who fought, and are currently fighting in wars, as their sacrifice will forever be appreciated by the people who they are fighting for. ◆

FIONA’S FEATURES

Kia ora friends! James Koo from Niesh will share his sponsor- See you there on Tuesday May 16th at Room With the fresh excitement of a new half-semester ship secrets, telling us how he managed to raise 312-398, below Shadows Bar. now beginning to fade, what better way to re-enliv- funds from renowned organizations like MYOB, en your enthusiasm for university life than attend- for his hugely successful student-run social enter- Comida y conversación: The food’s on us - come ing some of the upcoming events university clubs prise. You will also have the opportunity to hear to iSpace (level 4 of Kate Edgar) Tuesday May are holding this week? from investors themselves. First Cut Ventures will 16th at 5.15pm to enjoy some empanadas and From learning the ‘art of pitching’ from suc- be sharing the exclusive insights about the ele- get to know your fellow Spanish and Portuguese cessful student entrepreneurs to a calm medita- ments of a winning pitch, and how you can secure speakers/enthusiasts on campus! tion workshop, the following activities will help funding for your social enterprise. you stay upbeat in a stressful semester, have plen- Come along to OGGB Case Room 3 on Mon- ty of fun and overcome the beginning of winter day 15th at 6.30pm, and who knows you may be UoA Buskers Festival blues. sitting next to your potential business partner or Throughout this week between 12-2pm on City investor. Campus, talented students at UoA will be per- Coming up this week: forming at the first-ever UoA Buskers Festival on campus! Social Innovation New Zealand Sustainability Network We’ll have students performing all types of We are stoked to present the most popular work- Meditation Workshop: Take time out from styles throughout the week, from acrobatics, shop of the Kickstart Series, to help you learn the studying. One key for success is - ‘Sharpening the dance, singing, juggling to puppeteering, magic ‘Art of Pitching’. Saw’. During these workshops we will be practising and painting or any other special talent, with some Why this workshop is a must attend for all easy mantra meditation and gaining wisdom about great prizes up for grabs, so come along and sup- aspiring entreprenuers and social entreprenuers? how to harmonise body, mind & spirit. port your favourite performers! Because being competitive isn’t enough. You have You will learn how to prioritise tasks for short This is a cashless festival - a public voting sys- to be compelling! & long term. [32] tem will determine the winners.◆ COLUMNS

Quarter-Life With Crisis Caitlin Abley

The Lady Doth Protest Too Much Each week Caitlin, disgraced former-editor-in-chief, tackles an item from her list of Twenty Things To Do In Your Twenties and tries to pass it off as journalism.

Last week, I finally fucking graduated. As my 1. Wear a t-shirt that says “I Went To University à la Ulay and Marina Abramović in their fa- ex-co-editor Pork Fullerton handily pointed out, Of Auckland And All I Got Was This Lousy mous 1977 performance art Breathing in/ it took a mere 1,894 days (over the course of five Degree”. breathing out (death itself). years) for me to get my Arts Degree. Some said it 2. Pull a “down-low/too-slow” on Stuart Mc- 16. Say “I know you are but what am I” when they was never going to happen. To them I say, “Fuck Cutcheon when shaking his hand. announce your name. you, what else was I gonna do with my life, get a 3. Get “fuck you” in nail art à la Lindsay Lohan 17. Fart while walking past the academics #drive- job?” After five long years I have become irrepa- at her probation hearing in 2010. by. rably lazy. In this spirit, I decided to kill two birds 4. Streak across the stage. 18. Smash plates on stage and claim you’re Greek with one stone and complete my column chal- 5. Wet-willy the guest speaker. as they drag you off. lenge as I graduated. I decided on: 6. Lash self to a lamppost outside Aotea Square 19. Do that awkward thing where you have your Make a stand for something you believe in. and sing “We shall overcome”. headphones in your iPod but the volume’s up Oh boy. I believe I have been fundamentally 7. Sack-tap Stu McCutch. really loud and you haven’t slid the lock thing mistreated as an Arts student at the University 8. Copy Fossil Free UoA and unfurl a banner on over and you bum-tap the play button and it of Auckland. UoA has its mouth firmly wrapped stage, but instead of reading “STOP FUND- starts playing “Sugar We’re Going Down” by around the shaft of STEM subjects, and won’t ING COAL, OIL, GAS.” it says “EAT MY Fall Out Boy from their critically-maligned even give Arts a feeble wristy. Over the course ENTIRE ASS.” but clearly excellent 2005 album From Under of five years, I’ve seen the loss of almost all the 9. Cover entire hand in mayonnaise before shak- the Cork Tree just as you walk across the stage admin staff in the English Department, the dras- ing Stewie Mac’s. and it’s that quiet tinny headphone noise but tic reduction of the number of papers offered in 10. Whisper “it rubs the lotion on its skin or else it everyone knows it’s you except for you and both History and English, the History Depart- gets the hose again” to McCutchy in the hope you finally realise but the iPod is wedged in ment’s beautiful historic building demolished, that he will get that my reference to Silence of your pocket and it takes a solid minute to get tutorials abandoned in favour of cost-efficient the Lambs is in reference to the time he literal- it out and turn it off and by then it’s too late “discussion hours”, and lecturers becoming in- ly froze and starved baby lambs for his doctorate and your special day is in tatters. creasingly overwhelmed as they lose all support (Google “A study of some factors affecting 20. Cover self in kerosene and self-immolate on staff and have to be lecturers, tutors, markers, the resistance of newborn lambs to cold-stress stage. administrators and researchers simultaneously. with particular reference to starvation and ex- As I sat in the theatre, looking at my parents It’s shitty enough that the rest of society craps posure mortality” if you don’t believe me and smiling down at me, I realised that I didn’t need on Arts degrees, but the University doing it want to read a gnarly 386-page thesis). to humiliate them in order to fulfil this protest through its allocation of funding away from the 11. Bum-shuffle up the stairs and across the stage, challenge. Getting an Arts degree after five years Faculty is a constant slap in the face. So yeah, insisting that you have vertigo. of being told, in varying degrees of subtlety, by maybe I would make a stand at graduation. But 12. Grab the Vice-Chancellor’s hand and start a friends, by distant relatives, by old school teachers what form would my protest take? In the spir- “stop hitting yourself ” gag. and by the University itself that it’s worthless, is it of my list of Twenty Things To Do In Your 13. Put superglue on palm and get stuck to Cutch- an act of protest in itself. Suffering through the Twenties, I made a list of Twenty Ways To Pro- eon McStuart when shaking his hand and cut torturous “so what do you plan to do after univer- test A Soul-Sucking Corporate Money-Grab- arm off with a pocket knifeà la James Franco sity” conversation hundreds of times, explaining bing University That Undervalues The Shit Out in 127 Hours leaving the VC with a mutilated the value of critical thinking to baby boomers year Of Your Degree And Cuts All Funding But Still amputated limb stuck to his person. after year, defending yourself to your Engineering Charges You The Same Fees As Students Who 14. Eat whole physical degree on stage. mates, dropping out of Law because you hate it Actually Get Some Resources Out Of The Tens 15. Convince a fellow graduate to do the thing and you love Film Studies or English or Anthro- Of Thousands Of Dollars They Pour Into The where you block your nostrils and breathe pology, sticking with the degree even as you see Place. Here’s what you can do to protest a grad- into one another’s mouths until you’re both it being dismantled before your very eyes—that’s uation: inhaling carbon dioxide and pass out on stage really sticking it to the man. ◆

[33] COLUMNS

By Popular With Demand Michael Clark

13 Reasons Why: The Ethics of Suicide Media Each week Michael, long-time writer and all-round teddy bear, tries to persuade you to take pop culture seriously.

CONTENT WARNING: THIS COLUMN DISCUSSES ISSUES RELATING TO SUICIDE AND MENTAL ILLNESS

In 1774, a German fellow named Goethe wrote line). In New Zealand, the guidelines are held by Leaving behind a series of tapes is not some- a fiction calledThe Sorrows of Young Werther the Ministry of Health who have done an exhaus- thing someone does when they have run out of which detailed the life of Werther in letters. tive study on the topic and have a handy do and hope. Thirteen tapes is not the equivalent of a Werther, reflective with fits of passion, falls in don’t cheat sheet for “busy journalists”. suicide letter. Suicide letters look for closure; love with a woman called Charlotte. Charlotte To my knowledge, there is no equivalent thirteen tapes to be passed around indicates marries a man called Albert and, Werther, un- code for fictional suicides. It is becoming com- that Hannah has some life in her. able to overcome his love, kills himself. The last mon practice, in lieu of outdated classification To market 13 Reasons Why as a rhetoric letter is from The Editor themselves, detailing labels, to place trigger warnings preceding against suicide would be unwise and unethical. the extent of Werther’s death. questionable content as a sign of good faith It’s good that suicide is now being more openly Suicides spiked afterSorrows was published. between author and audience. This allows the discussed by people who haven’t been affected In reading the novel, you can understand how. audience member to make a judgement on the by it, but it is not a great deterrent. Werther’s letters were intimate; his false justi- content in question, but this just removes trau- Perhaps there should be a code of practice fications are persuasive; his depression is slow matic surprises and misses the point. After all, when approaching suicide in fiction. I’m not and methodical, and it’s hard not to synchronise talking about suicide doesn’t encourage people saying that suicide should be censored, because with his mood. Authorities in some countries to kill themselves; it is the way it is represented it definitely shouldn’t; it is a thing that exists banned the book to try and lessen this phenom- that determines its impact. and we should address the fact that it’s a public enon, but it remained noticeable across Europe. This is why13 Reasons Why was thrown health issue. This wasn’t a freak cult-like occurrence or a into question. A lot saw its depiction of suicide What I am saying is that authors, writers, religiously-motivated mass event. It happens all as clumsy and uninformed, as if it were written creators, whatever need to be informed and the time; even to this day. Sorrows was merely by someone who didn’t quite understand the take steps to ensure that what they are produc- the first documented case in Western culture of concept. It is trauma porn for non-suicidal peo- ing is able to have a positive effect on an indi- what is called “The Werther effect”. Whenever ple and misses all the marks of being a suicide vidual’s decision-making rather than a negative a highly publicised suicide occurs in the media, prevention tool. As Zoe Williams says, “If there one. They need to be able to use a fictional char- whether fictional or otherwise, the number of was a list of ways not to portray suicide, this acter’s suicide as a powerful deterrent against suicides increases for a period of time. It’s why would tick every box.” It legitimises death as it; to not sensationalise and glorify taking one’s you have to be incredibly delicate with the way an option. It doesn’t explore alternatives to the own life; to not oversimplify the death as the you approach suicide. crisis. It lingers on the method of completion. end result of a cause; to not linger on the meth- To this extent, a journalistic code was devel- It sensationalises the death by withholding the od of killing; and to explore alternatives in a oped to deal with suicide reportage. It differs scene until the end of the season then showing crisis. somewhat between institutions but recurring us as a reward for our commitment. Because lives are at risk. And information is rules are: never oversimplify the cause (as fac- The series even perpetuates the cardinal your weapon. I got mine from the Ministry of tors are numerous and likely interconnected), myth that suicide is the result of a cause. That Health, googling “suicide and the media”, a play avoid publishing materials surrounding the death there’s something or someone to blame. People called Every Brilliant Thing, and most impor- (letters, photographs, etc.), never sensationalise don’t kill themselves solely as a reaction to a tantly, people who are/were in crisis. ◆ (headlines that read “suicide epidemic sweeps negative change. Change often provokes hope, AND HEY, IF YOU WERE AFFECTED BY ANYTHING the nation”), and always direct affected people to and people in crisis only complete when they YOU READ HERE, PLEASE CALL LIFELINE NEW ZEA- places that can help (a phone number to a help- falsely perceive their futures without hope. LAND ON 0800 543 354. THEY’RE GOOD.

[34] COLUMNS

Amateur With Hour Jordan Margetts

Penal Dysfunction Each week Jordan, disgraced former-editor-in-chief, tries to impart political wisdom but mainly just cries in the shower.

Let’s indulge in a counterfactual-hypothetical: sad palm trees that make it look like it’s trying to be this Act: if our fictionalYou , who stole the video You’re eighteen years old and male. You’re from LA) and boom you’re there. You get to the mall and games, after being sent to prison takes Correc- Auckland, a shitty part, but not nearly the worst. you’re a bit scared and excited and… tions to court for negligence or a breach of You’s Let’s say Panmure. You went to the local high So. Here’s the thing. You got caught. Cause your human rights and wins, You does not actually get school (Tamaki?), Dad works, Mum doesn’t. You plan was stupid. The security guard (big bloke, any money. At least for a bit. The money goes have three siblings. You aren’t super poor, but rent looks like a bouncer, he clearly hates you, he swears into a pool whereby the victim (so defined in costs a lot and pocket money definitely isn’t a thing. a lot, seems to get off on scaring you, you cry a lot, Section 8 of that Act if you’re interested)—in Now, because you’re male and young it’s almost it’s far from manly) has apprehended you (Curtis You’s case the Dick Smith owner—gets to apply totally impossible to get a part-time job. And since ran off, the snake)...1 to dip into the fund first. fun = money, you’re fairly bored. And since study This act is starting to blow my word count. Which, in our increasingly victim-conscious is boring (and tragically uncool), you sort of find The point is, if you get caught and things don’t world, sounds kind of fine and acceptable until yourself vaguely loitering. Your friends are in a go your way, for a theft like this (I’m told by a you think about it for two minutes. Are we as pretty similar position. Now being an un-moneyed lawyer friend who I made do the research for a society really okay with preventing a victim of teenager and probably suffering from a maelstrom me) you’re facing, assuming no prior convic- the incompetence or malice of the prison system of hormones and insecurities and pimples and anx- tions, perhaps a few months in prison. And given from receiving their compensation merely be- ieties and what-the-hell-am-I-going-to-be-and- our prisons aren’t, well, great, and we do things cause they committed a crime in the first place? who-am-I-and-why-do-I-smell-funny type feel- like delegate their operation to profit-driven Are we really okay with what is essentially dou- ings, you need distraction. And let’s say one pretty multinational corporations that let prisoners ble punishment for a single crime? Are we really reasonable source of distraction is, ummm video develop fight clubs and the like, you’re actually okay with these sorts of bizarre damning non-se- games, and let’s say you can’t afford video games fairly likely to come out having been damaged in quiturs?2 (STEAM or otherwise). And the Pakuranga Mall some legal (as opposed to just psychological— Well yup, is the answer. The 2013 Amend- is nearby and there’s a Dick Smith’s and you reck- but that’s a different topic) way. ment Act made this regime permanent. Again, on you could bring your school bag (black, bulky, Take the early 2000s case of Taunoa v Attor- let’s not forget that most people in the penal sys- it looks awkward and dorky, you do your best to ney-General. A group of prisoners took the Gov- tem are there because of property-related crimes slick things up by slinging it over one shoulder, and ernment to court for breach of the NZ Bill of (unlawful entry etc. and burglary etc. being the fuck does your shoulder hurt by the end of the walk Rights Act. In what was dubbed a “behavioural two largest categories), not the visceral sorts of home) with you to just look at some games and sort modification regime” by Corrections, some al- crimes we associate more readily with labels like of shuffle the bag in front of you and just kind of ready severely mentally unwell prisoners were “victim”. pour one of those new crisp looking video-game box- placed in solitary confinement (dank, unventi- New Zealand’s (rather weak) sense of self-es- es into your bag and then, like, really casually walk lated cells) for up to twenty-three hours a day teem in the wider world is based on ridiculous out, and the Dick Smith’s is right by one of the en- over a period of, in some cases, almost a couple bloviating about “punching above our weight” trances so you can pretty much just walk/run your of years. or being willing (fucking thirty years ago) to way right out and up to Reeves Road and from In cases like these, one might think, given stand up to the United States’ desire for nuclear there saunter to the bus stop on East Tamaki Drive the systemic poverty and disproportional Māori warships to visit our shores; or the fact we had and away you go. You need an accomplice, of course, representation among our prisoners, that per- a tantrum about racist rugby teams once. But because now you have the idea, you’ve sort of lost the haps when one of these unfortunates gets actu- if things get even slightly less cut-and-dry, we guilt bit and just feel excited because this seems cool ally fucked over by the state they might get com- make it even slightly easier to let ourselves off the and you get a video game, and your friend Curtis pensation in some meaningful way. Yes? hook, and our strong stances and liberal policies (taller and skinnier than you, but with worse pim- No. Or, at least not quite. And here’s the melt away. A criminal is a criminal. Who gives ples and greasier hair so it kind of evens out) is keen point (this column is really just a PSA): check a shit if he’s abused by the state. Fuck ‘em eh? ◆ as all shit to get up to some petty crime, so you make out the Prisoner’s and Victim’s Claims Act 2005. the plan. After school (uniforms still on, you aren’t What interests me here is the practical effect of 2 After all, the initial crime that lands someone in prison the brightest) you saunter over, quick bus from has nothing whatsoever to do with potential future abuse by the state, and surely denying someone (now Panmure village to Pakuranga (just outside the 1 The above story is pilfered from a now defunct Craccum a victim themselves) compensation is a pretty effective mall, the suburban highways studded with weird columnist. Some fictional licence has been taken. As far as way to increase recidivism and, like, further alienation we know the former columnist is still at large. type stuff.

[35] COLUMNS

How to Talk With About Sport Mark Fullerton

DON’T TAKE DRUGS, KIDS, OR YOU’LL NEVER PLAY FOR THE KIWIS; but if you want to beat a guy up then go for gold Each week Mark, disgraced former-editor-in-chief, tries desperately to write a column about sports but ends up replacing any discernible point with way too many unnecessary footnotes.

In June 2013, Russell Packer urinated through weeks, you’ll know where this is heading. Jesse it seems highly unlikely that we’ll see legions of his shorts onto the field of Suncorp Stadium.1 Bromwich and Kevin Proctor, captains of the six-year-old Kiwis fans hanging around Hob- Five months later he appeared in court for New Zealand national league team and the son St looking for a nasal hit just because Jesse punching a man to the ground outside a club Gold Coast Titans respectively, caught alleged- and Kevin did.8 and stomping on his head, causing two frac- ly buying and taking cocaine outside a night- Is it right to very publically punish two men tures to his face.2 Packer was sentenced to two club in Canberra. They’ve now been dropped for partaking in recreational drugs9 while being years, served one, then rejoined the NRL with from the Kiwis for the League World Cup4 and 100% a-okay with letting a man with an assault the St George Illawarra Dragons at the end of are about to have VERY awkward conversa- conviction pull on the white V and piss all over 2015 before being named as part of the Kiwis tions with their NRL clubs. the field?10 Apparently, according to NZRL test side earlier this year. We’ve had quite the spate of sports stars CEO Alex Hayton. Packer’s story is not one of redemption. behaving badly. One Aaron got drunk and “NZRL and the Kiwis will continue to Granted, he did enter an early guilty plea, but missed the plane to Argentina, another Aaron work hard to ensure the people of New Zea- further than that he hasn’t said much of the in- got jiggy in a bathroom, Ali Williams lost his land are proud to support our teams both on cident,3 and is happily playing away at the high- contract with whatever French team he plays and off the field,” he says. est level of rugby league. But, on the whole, he’s for5 for buying a bit of coke on the streets of If the NZRL are wanting to be taken seri- a thug who engaged in some NRL-sanctioned Paris, while Dan Carter got a slap on the wrist ously ever again then they need to take a long thuggery before branching out for a bit of free- for driving drunk through the very same city.6 hard look at themselves because to be honest, lance thuggery (of which the NRL does not I get that people look up to All Blacks as Alex, if I had to choose someone of which I had approve—poor profit margins) before almost role models. They shouldn’t, because really all to be proud, I’d pick those two poor wannabe immediately being welcomed back into the they do is run into people or have people run Scarfaces over that field-pissing face-breaking fold and further engaging in beating other men into them or are very good at not running into fuckball any day. ◆ up, but this time on grass not the footpath so people, but people do. But surely we don’t that’s okay. need NZRL to tell us what is and isn’t good If you’re a fan of league, or if you’ve been behaviour? People are quite often sensible vaguely following the news over the last two enough to make up their own minds about the terrifying spate of car-hood stompings that occurred in the wake of Doug Howlett’s unruly behaviour what is and isn’t inappropriate behaviour,7 and post-2007 semi-final loss to France. So many damaged vehicles. The horror, the horror. 1 Thereby joining a long list of players who have relieved 8 Although this is more to do with the fact that there themselves on the field, including the late great Jerry 4 The vagaries of the Rugby League World Cup are are, in fact, no six-year-old Kiwis fans because there are, Collins, the Brazilian great Ronaldo and great mate almost worthy of their own column. It appears that in fact, no Kiwis fans because the Kiwis do, in fact, suck. Zane Fookes, who, after walking about twenty metres they just hold it whenever they feel (1995, 2000, 2008, Some would consider NOT being picked for the Kiwis across the Western Springs field on the way to watch 2013, 2017) and apparently it’s being co-hosted by New World Cup Squad to be a more prestigious honour than Eminem at Rapture 2014, decided that he needed to piss Zealand this time what the fuck since when making the cut. so rallied the troops with a cry of “boys, make a wall!” 5 Either you already know or you don’t care, so why 9 James Graham, captain of the Cronulla Sharks, is so far and went and wee’d all over the ground as thousands should I bother looking it up? the only NRL figure to come out vaguely in support of strolled past. 6 A far more immediately accessible crime in New the pair, arguing that he didn’t care what his opponents 2 Jerry, Ronaldo and Zane may have their flaws, but Zealand than cocaine because cocaine is damn hard to did on the weekend and that the NRL should be focus- they’ve never done THAT. come by in NZ and everyone knows that what you do ing on their anti-doping programme instead. 3 “Not much” meaning “only slightly more than what he end up finding is going to be pretty shite so why even 10 SERIOUSLY. WHO THE FUCK PISSES ON A said about the pissing incident”, meaning slightly more bother? Ubers are expensive, and that Land Rover is FIELD. THROUGH HIS SHORTS AND EVERY- than a single tweet that read “Good win when u gotta go winking at me. THING. LIKE, PEOPLE ARE GOING TO TACKLE u gotta go lol”. 7 For me, at least, I tremor with fear when I remember YOU.

[36] QUESTION MARK’S CORNER Baby’s bottom sudoku Kisses and Quizzes

EASY (ONE POINT) 7 8 9 5 4 1. What is the closest planet to the Sun? 2. In what country does the New Zealand Survivor take place? 1 4 6 2 3. What was the name of King Arthur’s sword? 6 7 2 3 MEDIUM (TWO POINTS) 4. What colour is kakariki? 5. A sommelier is someone with expertise in what? 3 9 7 2 6. Which author created the characters of Boo Radley, Tom Robinson and Dill Harris? 7. Which half of comedy duo Key and Peele directed the recent filmGet Out? 6 1 5 9 HARD (THREE POINTS) 5 1 9 8 8. What did Dmitri Mendeleev compile? 9. Which two All Blacks were involved in the series-ending speartackle on Brian O’Driscoll in the first Lions test in 2005? 4 10. New Zealand is comprised of how many regions – 10, 12 or 16? 3 6 4 5

ROCK SOLID SUDOKU Herald’s Heroes Every week we’ll trawl the comments section of the NZ 9 3 1 6 Herald Facebook page to find the hilarious, the repulsive, and the outright absurd. 7 2 5 4 2 5 St Kentigern (AKA St Mungo, AKA Kent) was brought up by St Serf in 8 4 6 2 medieval Scotland. At the age of twenty-five, Kent began his missionary la- bours on the Clyde, the site of modern Glasgow. He built his church across the water from an extinct volcano. For some thirteen years, he laboured in the district, living a most austere life in a small cell and making many 5 6 7 3 4 9 converts by his holy example and his preaching. A strong anti-Christian movement in Strathclyde, Kent retired to Wales, via Cumbria, staying for 6 5 7 3 a time with St David, and afterwards moving on to Gwynedd where he founded a cathedral at Llanelwy. While there, he undertook a pilgrimage 9 5 7 1 to Rome. He eventually returned to Glasgow where a large community grew up around him. It was nearby, in Kilmacolm, that he was visited by St Columba. The two saints embraced, held long converse, and exchanged 1 4 their pastoral staves. In old age, Kent became very feeble and his chin had to be set in place with a bandage. He is said to have died in his bath.

So, contrary to popular belief and defamatory and downright blasphe-

Mealamu, controversially receiving no punishment 10. 16 10. punishment no receiving controversially Mealamu, mous social media comments, and perhaps due to his incredibly saintly

To Kill a Mockingbird Mockingbird a Kill To 7. Jordan Peele 8. The Periodic Table 9. Tana Umaga and Keven Keven and Umaga Tana 9. Table Periodic The 8. Peele Jordan 7. Answers 1. Mercury 2. Nicaragua 3. Excalibur 4. Green 5. Wine 6. Harper Lee, in in Lee, Harper 6. Wine 5. Green 4. Excalibur 3. Nicaragua 2. Mercury 1. Answers social circles, St Kent never did anything dangerous or stupid in his life. Sorry Tai. ◆

[37] the people to blame.

EDITORS Catriona Britton & Samantha Gianotti [email protected]

SUBEDITOR Hannah Bergin

DESIGNER Nick Withers

SECTION EDITORS News Eloise Sims Community Rebecca Hallas Lifestyle Nikki Addison & Grace Hood-Ed- wards Features Ginny Woo Arts & Culture Anoushka Maharaj Columns Caitlin Abley Games Mark Fullerton Visual Arts Isobel Gledhill

WRITERS Cracklin Abley, Jack Adams, Nikki Addison, Beka Atuk, Mark Casson, Michael Clark, Pork Fullerton, Samantha Gianotti, Jack Grad- well, Rebecca Hallas, Grace Hood-Edwards, Wen-Juenn Lee, Malinna Liang, Neil Lindsay, Anoushka Maharaj, Jordan Margetts, Avril McIntyre, Adorate Mizero, Patrick Newland, Erin Rogatski, Holly Russell, Eloise Sims, Julia Wiener, Meg Williams, Chris Wong, Ginny Woo, Hannah Yang

COVER ARTIST Young Kim

ILLUSTRATORS Georgia Arnold, Mark Fullerton, Isobel Gledhill, Saia Halatanu, Josh Hart, Young Kim, Nathan Wood

SHADOWS “CONTRIBUTOR OF THE WEEK” Chris Wong

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[38]

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