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PRESORTED STANDARD U.S. postage Notre Dame Archives PAID 607 Hesburgh Library Notre Dame, IN Notre Dame IN 46656 Permit No. 2 COVER ILLUSTRATION ERIC I RYAN SUBSCRIBE TODAY DOVERSBERGER GREENBERG to the only student-produced magazine serving Notre Dame students, parents and alumni

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- THE ELEVENTH OF APRIL ' ':~ ,', 2001 & 2002 Indiana Collegiate Press Shattered Security 10 SCHOLaSTIC' TABLE OF CONTENTS ' by Christopher Kelly.. .'.' . ..:' Association News Magazine of the Year Notre Dame's security and police say that INFORMED. INTELLIGENT. OUT OF THE ORDINARY. ·vehicular vandalism is on the rise. What are' » 'Into the Sunset by Sarah Childress 07 they doing about it, and wha~. can students do to protect theircars?" . » Building up the Prestige by Carolyn LaFave 08 ' '. .'. . ND Notebook 4 Week in Distortion 34 The football team'looks to make' ~ fresh .' Campus Watch 21 Calendar 35 , ~'.:: . II Splinters 25 Final Word 36 ~tartwi,th CoachTyrcme Willihgha~'s'·· •. ·· · revamped offense. '.' .. .' ... .-1. 'I: .'.,:. ," .',./ COVER ILLUSTRATION ERIC I RYAN SUBSCRIBE TODAY DOVERSBERGER GREENBERG to the only student-produced magazine serving Notre Dame students, parents and alumni

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Editor in Chief Sarah Childress Managing Editor Jessica L. Daues "'~~-i Executive Editor Cristin E. Fenzel I News Mike Borgia I Christopher Kelly Annie Robinson \ ...... ' '------..:....;.--_. Campus Life Sean Dudley, editor Carolyn G. LaFave, assistant Sports Gerard J. Meskill, editor Gotcha! Jimmy Atkinson, assistant t was a busy day at the newsroom, and as a summer intern, I was even busier. My phone David Murray, assistant I Entertainment rang and I snatched it up. "Sarah? This is Rick Walker from 98 FM-KCQ, how are you Carrie E. Sweeney, editor today?" He said that he had read my article about a school-board election squabble and Tracy Evans, assistant Matt Killen, assistant wanted to talk about one of the key players - on the air. Departments "So you'll do it? We're on in five seconds," Rick said, without giving me a chance to Jennifer Osterhage, editor speak. He let the Dixie Chicks fade out and started firing questions at me. "So a lot of us Meghan Gowan, assistant Design are serious fans ofthis guy," Rick says. ''What do you think about him?" Eric Doversberger, editor ''Well, I don't really know hi-" Ryan Greenberg, assistant The Milchael Patrick Griffin "Well, yeah but didn't you two used to date awhile back?" Matthew Barr Nick Dailey The man was 50 years old. ''What? No, we never dated-" Crissy Manary ''Ever go to a movie? Share popcorn with the guy?" I tried to laugh off the questions, but Photography they became increasingly crude. I cringed, my face reddened. I was about to protest when Mike McNary, editor Rick burst out laughing. "You've just been scammed!" I heard laughter in the background Liesl Marx, assistant Graphic Arts as my friend came on the line and explained that he and his co-worker had conspired to Maryn Necel, editor trick me. Neither could believe I answered those questions "on the air." Luckily for my Michael M. delaRosa look for friend, I didn't get mad. I was a little'chagrined, sure, but I laughed' with him. I had to Copy ISSUE 12 Cecilia Hadley, chief on admit, it was pretty funny. Soquel Harding APRIL 25 In a similar spirit, I present "Sarcastic;" eight pages that I hope you'll fmd as entertain Distribution Mike McNary, manager ing, if not less cringe-worthy. We point and laugh at everybody: administrators, students, Business that one campus newspaper - and of course, the new alcohol policy. Ifyou find anything Jessica B. Polish, manager too outrageous, let us know, but remember, it's meant as ajoke. And, we hope, a joke well Online played. IJamie L. Moran, manager ,i Advisor IIRobert Franken '69 Four Cheers II Last weekend, Scholastic was named News Magazine of the Year for the second L.J year in a row by the 2002 Indiana Collegiate Press Association. Several senior staff Disce Qllasi Semper Viclllrus members received awards: Adam Aroian, Kat Corte, Katie Freddoso and J acki Kiefer, Vive Qllasi Cras Morilllrus as well as the last two editors in chief, Jim Pastore and Michael Griffin. Current staff members Jessica Daues, Cristin Fenzel and Gerry Meskill also won awards, as well l Published biweekly at the University of Notre Dame fj and printed at Ave Maria Press, Notre Dame, IN, as former News Editor Matthew Ziegler and photographer Kate Foster. The Juggler I 146556. The entire contents of Scholastic magazine is once again won Literary Magazine of the Year. The Dome and The Observer won , i Copyright © 2001. All rights reserved. No contents of 'I : this magazine, either in whole or in part, may be second and third places, respectively. Congratulations to all the winners. Ireproduced in any manner without written consent of ! Ithe publisher. Scholastic magazine does not assume I, liability for unsolicited manuscripts or material. All lifetime opportunities with multinational organization , Icorrespondence should be sent to Scholastic Good Morrow and Good Luck I ,magazine, LaFortune Student Center, Notre Dame, IN !I I' 46556. Three words: I'll break you. To be published in This is the first issue in four years for which Michael Griffin did not sacrifice his sleep • the next issue, letters must be received by 5:00 p.m. FOR GRADUATING SENIORS and sanity. He and the other graduating seniors invested an incredible amount of time and I 1 Monday before the issue. All letters must include the I I writer's name, address and phone number. All letters energy in the magazine. At the same time, I know the young and talented staff that has i Imust be signed. Names will be withheld upon request stepped up to take their place will certainly follow in their footsteps - thanks in part to the i ,in certain instances. Scholastic reserves the right to 'I' i edit letters for space. Requests for corrections made seniors' guidance. Good luck next year; we will miss you all. , more than 21 days after publication cannot be : 1 guaranteed. The subscription rate is $35 per year. i I Available back issues are $2.50 per copy; please ! ! specify volume and number, or date. Copies of the I I annual football review are available at $5 per copy. www.nd.edu/f'Vvocation I I' Advertising rates available on request. The opinions I ,expressed in Scholastic magazine are not necessarily 'I i those of the University of Notre Dame or the student cJL{~ i body. Sarah Childress, Editor l~

2 SCHOLASTICFROM THE EDITOR Vol. 142, No. 11 '11 APRIL 2002 SCHOLaSTIC

2 SCHOLASTICFROM THE EDITOR "Screw class." 82 Years Ago Making the Grade - psychology professor, still in his office a half- ) . hour into class I Shopping phobia I" Notre Dame athletes rank among the elite of the NCAA In the Nov. 13, 1920 issue of The Notre Dame Scholastic, a reporter comments on ANNIEROBINSON cent Xavier in a semifinal match-up. art of balancing isn't easy, she points out, males and the art of shopping. Stanford, with its 100 percent rate, would especially during the height of the season. "I saw my date for the SYR- she'svery average, so I'm o Notre Dame didn't make it to the Fi crush St. John's 80 percent rate, and move The Irish players "take pride in their accom thinking I got a chance at her." A man ... enters a ·store at random ....he snal Four in Atlanta. Instead, after los on to win the finals. plishments in the classroom." ) - overheard student ing a nail-biter to Duke in the second round, If Notre As if this wasn't enough to brag about, a makes a selection with the speed ofan Olym the Irish exited the tournament without Dame took on comparison with competing schools gives pic hurdle1; and beats a swift retreat . ... But shame, leaving Irish hoops fans to ponder Duke in the Domers another reason to hold their heads what does the gentleman do when a gmment what might have been: classroom, a little higher. Compare the student-athlete "This is more food coloring than salad dressing." is absolutely unacceptable? Does he at once But take heart, Domers. Notre Dame even timeouts graduation rate of ND to that of the "real" - student, on the red dining-hall resort to that privilege which is the joy ofthe would be a shoo-in to compete in another, and three championship game. Imagine the head-to ) salad dressing lady shopper; namely the exchange system? far more intellectual Final Four competi point plays head battle of Maryland's 19 percent ver Unless he is ofan unusually intrepid nature, tion. couldn't save sus Indiana's 43 percent. How about he does not. One ordeal has been sufficient According to the Bloomberg News Ser the Blue Dev Arizona's 13 percent? Or throw in without returning for further t011ure. He de vice, an "Academic Final Four" would wel ils. Duke's Cincinnati's eight - that's right, eight - "Does your girlfriend make out with her roommate? 'Cuz if termines to bear this loss and never to enter come Notre Dame, Stanford, St. John's and men's basket percent. she did, that would be pretty cool.'.' . in the future the store responsible for the out Xavier. Throw win-loss records, free-throw ball gradua So while Notre Dame,men's basketball ) - overhead student rage . ... The terrible ordeal, vmying only in percentages, and team dynamics out the tion rate was continues to aim for a coveted spot in fu circumstances, is repeated many times in the window - this Final Four is based on per 73 percent, ture Final Four competition, they claim course of a lifetime. But the. end seems al formance in the classroom. which would allow Notre Dame to claim achievements to their name that are above ways to find the same vacillating, cowardly Recent graduation statistics from the the Southern division title. and beyond anything accomplished on the shopper that existed in youth. Some day per "I'd rather have a rum and coke." haps man may assel1 himself and the old or NCAA indicate the men's basketball pro "I think it says a lot that athletes here are court. More importantly, these NCAA sta -:- Dining-hall worker grams from these four schools all boast the able to be good students in the classroom tistics demonstrate what should truly be ) der will change. top scholarship-athlete graduation rates in and can balance the academics," says taken into account when assessing the over their divisions. With a graduation rate of Bernadette Cafarelli, associate director of· all success of any collegiate athletic pro- I'll believe that one when I see it! 77 percent, Notre Dame would face 70-per- Notre Dame's Sports Information. And the gram. Take that, Terps. 0 -Jennifer Osterhage

"Snootchie BootchieNootchies!" lfthis doesn't What is it like working with some of home? Poor Righteous Teachers (a hip-hop reggae Do you have anything in the works Ten Questions ring a bell in your mindless movie dialogue Hollywood's heavyweights, like Ben All you would see is my white ass ... No, band) ... some DRE and Snoop ... I like a for us to look forward to in the future? with Silent Bob's sidekick ... memory, maybe you remember that long-haired Affleck? I'm kidding. Well, it's me kickin' it at home, bunch of different stuff, back and forth. Hole's A sci-fi movie ... I'll be playing a totally dude who recently hosted this year's NAZZ. I'm from a small town, so out here [in LA] Igo watching Matlock and Murder She Wrote. new CD; Celebrity Skin - I can listen to the different character this time. I'm also shoot JASON Familiarly known as Silent Bob's sidekick, out to the bars and I'll see like five famous Sometimes, I'll go with a friend to an audi whole thing over and over. ing a few scenes in Jersey Girl this July. Kevin Jay, Jason Mewes has kept us laughing (ifnot people - it's just like that all the time - you tion and harass some cute girls. wrote and directed that one. MEWES a bit perplexed) in plenty ofKevin Smith's cult just say what up. Is it strange to see yourself on the big films. Butwhat is the realJay like? After giving Alanis Morrissette ... as God? Your screen? How about a little ND trivia ••• what His friend is him a call, Scholastic found there's not much Who was your favorite person to work movie Dogma had an interesting spin They have dailies where everyone watches do you think of when I say the word silent, but he ofa difference between the two. with? 'parietals'? They are like curfews, speaks volumes on religion. How do you see God? the tapes from the day before ... but.! don't Will Farrell, off the top of my head. He's a I was "always brought up with that picture enjoy seeing myself. I like to go more to see with gender restrictions. So, Jay, I mean Jason ••• everyone really sweet guy and also a really funny dude, your grandparents have on the wall ... with what other people are doing. Ub, never heard of it ... but you're allowed refers to you by your character. Are even when he's not doing dialogue. . brown hair and a beard. I wouldn't think God's to stay up as late as you want? Hm, I think it's you a lot like that in real life? a female, but I guess it's possible. Do you see If you could design the ideal movie a little silly. It sucks for you guys, but I guess When I was 14 or 15, that's exactly how I was In the movie Clerks, we watched the yourself as a god? to act in, what would it be like? if you got to study it's a good thing. I think - 100 percent. Now it's like 60 percent. action through the eyes of a Maybe karate ... like a Jackie Chan movie weekends should be all-nighters, though. When I was younger, I didn't care what I said surveillance camera. What would we What would we find in your CD player with some sword fighting scenes. Or some to people. Now I know my boundaries. see if we placed a camera in your on a typical day? thing real gark, like with Hannibal Lecter. -Tracy Evans

4 SCHOLASTICNOTEBOOK SCHOLASTICNOTEBOOK 5 "Screw class." 82 Years Ago Making the Grade - psychology professor, still in his office a half- ) . hour into class I Shopping phobia I" Notre Dame athletes rank among the elite of the NCAA In the Nov. 13, 1920 issue of The Notre Dame Scholastic, a reporter comments on ANNIEROBINSON cent Xavier in a semifinal match-up. art of balancing isn't easy, she points out, males and the art of shopping. Stanford, with its 100 percent rate, would especially during the height of the season. "I saw my date for the SYR- she'svery average, so I'm o Notre Dame didn't make it to the Fi crush St. John's 80 percent rate, and move The Irish players "take pride in their accom thinking I got a chance at her." A man ... enters a ·store at random ....he snal Four in Atlanta. Instead, after los on to win the finals. plishments in the classroom." ) - overheard student ing a nail-biter to Duke in the second round, If Notre As if this wasn't enough to brag about, a makes a selection with the speed ofan Olym the Irish exited the tournament without Dame took on comparison with competing schools gives pic hurdle1; and beats a swift retreat . ... But shame, leaving Irish hoops fans to ponder Duke in the Domers another reason to hold their heads what does the gentleman do when a gmment what might have been: classroom, a little higher. Compare the student-athlete "This is more food coloring than salad dressing." is absolutely unacceptable? Does he at once But take heart, Domers. Notre Dame even timeouts graduation rate of ND to that of the "real" - student, on the red dining-hall resort to that privilege which is the joy ofthe would be a shoo-in to compete in another, and three championship game. Imagine the head-to ) salad dressing lady shopper; namely the exchange system? far more intellectual Final Four competi point plays head battle of Maryland's 19 percent ver Unless he is ofan unusually intrepid nature, tion. couldn't save sus Indiana's 43 percent. How about he does not. One ordeal has been sufficient According to the Bloomberg News Ser the Blue Dev Arizona's 13 percent? Or throw in without returning for further t011ure. He de vice, an "Academic Final Four" would wel ils. Duke's Cincinnati's eight - that's right, eight - "Does your girlfriend make out with her roommate? 'Cuz if termines to bear this loss and never to enter come Notre Dame, Stanford, St. John's and men's basket percent. she did, that would be pretty cool.'.' . in the future the store responsible for the out Xavier. Throw win-loss records, free-throw ball gradua So while Notre Dame,men's basketball ) - overhead student rage . ... The terrible ordeal, vmying only in percentages, and team dynamics out the tion rate was continues to aim for a coveted spot in fu circumstances, is repeated many times in the window - this Final Four is based on per 73 percent, ture Final Four competition, they claim course of a lifetime. But the. end seems al formance in the classroom. which would allow Notre Dame to claim achievements to their name that are above ways to find the same vacillating, cowardly Recent graduation statistics from the the Southern division title. and beyond anything accomplished on the shopper that existed in youth. Some day per "I'd rather have a rum and coke." haps man may assel1 himself and the old or NCAA indicate the men's basketball pro "I think it says a lot that athletes here are court. More importantly, these NCAA sta -:- Dining-hall worker grams from these four schools all boast the able to be good students in the classroom tistics demonstrate what should truly be ) der will change. top scholarship-athlete graduation rates in and can balance the academics," says taken into account when assessing the over their divisions. With a graduation rate of Bernadette Cafarelli, associate director of· all success of any collegiate athletic pro- I'll believe that one when I see it! 77 percent, Notre Dame would face 70-per- Notre Dame's Sports Information. And the gram. Take that, Terps. 0 -Jennifer Osterhage

4 SCHOLASTICNOTEBOOK SCHOLASTICNOTEBOOK 5 NOTEBOOK

I] Judgment Calls ENTERTAINMENT FORTNIGHTLY II Opinions and observations Television Gra"eyarcJ •. ' '.j Low ratings might spell doom for some Jj ... RING BY SPRING struggling shows by Time's running out for the seniors. But if you haven't met the love of your life yet, take heart - there's I Matt Killen always reunions. Or the priest etwork executives are grinding their to keep it on the schedule. Though ·hood. Naxes. As another television season FOX has made no decision on the winds down, they're gearing up to announce show, its absence will spell doom for their new fall schedules at the end of May. its future. DINING-HALL TURKEY With dozens of new projects in develop FOX also has halted production on ~ TETRAZZINI ment, networks hack excess material from Futurama, the animated sci-fi comedy Sure, it's good the first night. But their schedules. This year, low ratings mean from the creators of The Simpsons. by day three, it's just not appetiz- that several quality shows won't make it to Constantly preempted this year by NFL ing anymore. Maybe it has the 2002- Sunday foot something to do with its slightly 2003 slate. ball games, greenish tint. Already "This year, low ratings mean that FOX still » After 41 years, the universitY's confirmed claims that it "living bridge" to Japan retires· dead are several quality shows won't" make plans to run POST -EASTER SNOW critical it to the 2002-2003 slate." the dozens of sion of women, the reduction of parking spaces, and the enhance ~ The only good thing about the hits Once episodes it has ment of the university's reputation, which shifted from football to white stuff in April is spring skiing, & Again left next sea- SARAHCHILDRESS wards a prominent national and international institution. and there slJre isn't spring skiing andRoswell. Once & Again, now in its third son, though their commitment to this Perhaps Furuhashi's greatest influence, however, lies in his work in South Bend. season at ailing ABC, has seen several dif show seems tenuous. Despite this, rofessor Yusaku Furuhashi still takes off his shoes before he en expanding the international aspect of Notre Dame. The university ferent time slots since its premiere. ABC some of Futurama's small yet in Pters his third floor office in the Mendoza College of Business. He had started to expand its community in Europe, but no programs ex DAYLIGHT SAVINGS never kept it on a single night for very long, tensely loyal fan base have started flashes a shy smile when you notice. ''That's the Japanese in me," he isted in Asia. Furuhashi seemed the perfect choice to help develop a ... If South Bend is immune to a time meaning that its fan base never grew be Web-based petitions to keep the show says. "There's nothing special about it. That's the way I am." study abroad program at Sophia University, the Catholic institution change, why is Friends now on at yond its small, yet loyal audience. Roswell going, though their chances of success Furuhashi has a reputation among his colleagues for humility. He where he began studying English so many years ago. "He's been the 7:00? followed Buffy to UPN bilt couldn't muster are next to zero. doesn't like to brag about his involvement in the identity-shaping living bridge between us and Japan," Hesburgh says. the ratings that the vampire slayer com-. 24, one of the best new dramas of changes he has helped bring to the university, often even downplaying The program attracted a few students, but the university offered no manded. the season, might not make it, either. his role - but his contributions are no less significant. This spring, Japanese classes upon their return. So, on top of his business classes, ALUMNI WAKE The future of Denis Leary's sharply writ This high-paced action-oriented drama after 41 years of academic and administrative service, the man who Furuhashi taught his native language - on the condition that the t Live it up dawgs - there won't be ten cop sitcom The Job isn't looking too was lauded by critics. FOX, however, brought Japan to Notre Dame will retire. university hire language professors. "I taught as a stop gap," he says. another one like it ever again. promising, either. Another victim of ABC's placed it in the most competitive time Furuhashi grew up a self-declared "country boy" in a tiny Japa The program now draws about 10 students to Japan each year, and scheduling game of hot potato, The Job slots (9:00 p.m.) on the most competi nese village about 20 yards from the Pacific Ocean. For many people four professors offer classes in the language. originally aired last year, only to be held tive night of television (Tuesday). The he knew, coming to the United States was merely a distant dream. Furuhashi also helped to expand the business school internation FINDIT off until March as a midseason replacement. show's popUlarity amongst the critics Nevertheless, 10 years after World War II, Furuhashi left Japan to ally, helping to found the Center for U.S.-Japanese Business Studies, t Blazing-fast and loaded, this NO- Putting it up against NBC's ratings power was enough to convince FOX to keep finish his higher education in the United States. which he directs. The center sends American graduate students to based file-sharing engine lets house The West Wing didn't help, and the the show on the air for the full season After earning his doctorate, Furuhashi planned to retum to Japan and Japan each summer and brings Japanese students to the US for three users download audio, movies, show has (yet again) been taken off the air. run, but it might not be enough to gar teach - until he got a call from Notre Dame. He was attracted by the weeks for the groups to learn about cultural differences in business. and software better than any The chances of its return look slim. ner a second season next year. "When students see a broader world, a larger world, beyond US Napster clone. university'S new international vision. The "world outside" - which, in A similar fate likely awaits several FOX Unfortunately, if the television net Japan, meant the US and now included the rest of the world - had shores ... they live in a globalized world in which lives are intercon shows as well. Undeclared, which was works keep cutting back, they may always fascinated him. Now, he could participate in it. nected," Furuhashi says. "In a real sense, the globe is getting smaller." praised for its hilarious and merciless look leave unrealized potential on the chop -By the time Furuhashi arrived, the university'S "bubble" already Perhaps most importantly, Furuhashi feels a part of the Notre Dame at college life, couldn't muster the numbers ping block. 0 had begun to expand .. "International" was the buzzword in academia, family. Both his wife and daughter are ND alumnae, and the country replacing the out-of-date concept of "foreign." Changing the word, he planned only to visit for a year has become home. The university Furuhashi explains, alters students' mentalities. Business strategies at which he planned to teach for two years has consumed his life. DomeLights focused on a global, not local, community. Excited by the possibili And, although he has little inter~st in sports, Furuhashi even goes to I ties the-new ideas presented, Furuhashi says he just jumped in and home football games - "When the weather is good." COMPILED BY JENNIFER OSTERHAGE Source: Lieutenant Jeff Korros, NDSP started teaching, making his mark on the university on a professional That's why retiring, for Furuhashi, doesn't mean that he'lljust hang Having wheels on campus is definitely a plus, whether you're making a late-night run to Meijer or a two-minute race to that and personal level. up his hat. "What do you mean by retire?" he asks. Furuhashi will 8:30 a.m. class, and the majority of students have some form of transportation on campus. Take a look at the stats. "Everybody knows Yu," says former president the Rev. Theodore continue working at the center, and spend more time reading, study Hesburgh, CSC. "He's a wonderful guy ... He's become an integral ing and visiting Jack, his two-and-a-half year old ')oy" of a grand T.otal parking spaces for faculty, staff and students: 7,200 part of the place." Furuhashi had a big hand in sculpting the original son, in Washington, D.C. Furuhashi also plans to keep up his twice Number of students with registered vehicles: approximately 5,700 curriculum for the master's in business administration (MBA) as well yearly visits to Japan. ' Number of bicycles registered each year: 500-600 as several degree and non-degree programs. He also served as the Still, of his accomplishments, Furuhashi doesn't have much to say. Number of bicycles on file: 3,300 dean of the business school. "I taught at Notre Dame. I came here to teach and I taught at Notre Furuhashi saw many changes to the university at large: the admis- Dame." That, and a few other things. But that's just the way .\1e is. 0

6 SCHOLASTICNOTEBOOK SCHOLASTICNEWS 7 NOTEBOOK

6 SCHOLASTICNOTEBOOK SCHOLASTICNEWS 7 ~jl------~~""======"------"""""""·~"""""""""""""""""""""...... ~-I ii i !I -i ;1 ,I i ! "'1 il II !il iiji iLw.~~G ij~ i~1t. ~itSi~GIt il iii Plans to expand the law school will boost its reputation and give students more space i::'1 J::

CAROLYN LAFAVE "I t's like you're waiting in line to go to current post office. knowledges the need for space and im separate issues." Law students will have to wait awhile class," Jason Linster says as he de "The law school here has an excellent provements. "We are excited that [the ex Students seem to have mixed feelings before the project is complete. After 24 to scribes some of his frustrations with tradition, an excellent foundation," says pansion] will double our space and be de about the role of rankings in the new build 30 months of construction, the project will the university's law school. third-year student Carolyn Trenda. "In or- signed to give a cohesive environment." ings. Darrell Taylor is a second-year law not reach completion until sometime in Law School Expansion 2006. Of Linster is a first-year law student who Indeed, the plans will Glance' remained at Notre Dame for graduate greatly increase space for course, this At a school because he liked the community students and faculty alike. "The law school here has an is a costly and the high quality of the professors. But With the exception of the excellent tradition but it needs to be project as with 89 fellow first-years in his core main reading room, the in well, totaling When: 2004-2006 classes, Linster says he has little room to side of the current building developed. " $56 million. maneuver in hallways already packed will be completely redone -Carolyn Trenda, third-year law student O'Hara says How Much: $56 million with second- and third-year students. in order to house a new law that the "The library is spread out all over the library. funds are not Where: Site of current post office building. As a first-year trying to find my While benefits for the student who came to Notre Dame because entirely accounted for yet, but university and existing facilities - way around, it kind of makes you not law community are impor of the combination of faith and law that is benefactors should provide the main incorporated into the curriculum. He be source of income. want to find books - it's intimidating. tant, the school's national What Will Change: It should be accessible and in one area." rankings also could profit lieves the changes are necessary in order There also are no plans to increase en Fortunately for Linster, plans are in place by the changes. The uni to improve the rankings. "Having been to rollment, despite the new space. Instead, -three-story archway to help remedy the situation. versity currently ranks at other facilities, to be in the top echelon of the law school hopes to improve the fac - more classrooms The law school plans to expand in number 24, according to law schools, they really need expanded fa ulty-student ratio, which the law school • new law library . 2004, adding a second building and an ELBOW ROOM Law schoool student complaints of cramped the recent U.S. News and cilities and updated technologies," Taylor currently reports at 20 to 1. This year, the '. added faculty and. adjoining three-story archway. While the hallways and a confusing library system have resulted in World Report. Sitting just says. "All incoming students have to look school added three new faculty members, ad m in istrative offices finalized plans to exparid and redesign the existing facilities. current building already has been ex inside the top 25, the law at is rankings when making their deci and hopes to continue the trend in the near • incre.asedstudent space panded twice - in 1972 and 1987 - it school has plenty of room sion." future. More professors will mean smaller contains limited offices and classrooms to improve. Adds Linster: "I think everyone realizes course loads and class sizes, as well as What Wori'fChc1l1ge: . for the 550 law students. der to grow and to expand, it needs to ex Although the expansion could place [the expansion] is something that needs more time for faculty research. Until the • class enrollment size... The two new structures will house ad pand as well. It's an old building - like Notre Dame higher on national scales, to, be done." project reaches completion and the new ditional classrooms, student space and going to class in 0' Shaughnessy. It's very O'Hara says rankings have not played a Trenda disagrees. "More people look to rankings are in print, law students will offices for faculty and administra,tion. small and it needs space. Its technology is significant part in the expansion plans. ward a particular area of law or job place continue to be pressed for space,profes With th~ expansion, the law school will good now, but it needs to be developed." "[We] began studying space problems in ment, and Notre Dame excels at that," she sors pressed for time, and the law school extend toward the south, in place of the Law school dean Patricia O'Hara ac- 1997," she says. "So t4ey are completely says. pressed for a competitive edge. D

8 SCHOLASTICNEWS SCHOLASTICNEWS 9

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8 SCHOLASTICNEWS SCHOLASTICNEWS 9

~-----~--~~-----. . , -- - ins since January. There were 49 incidents locks - for a new tool that Rakow describes around campus." involving vehicles in 2001. Rakow says car as "a screwdriver-type instrument that car Contrary to many students' Opl1l10nS, thefts occur in a cyclical pattern. "We're at thieves pop in the keyway to twist it off. This Rakow is confident in the ability of his de the upswing of the cycle right now, and it's type of damage to a car is much harder for partment to deter potential thieves. "We do not just on campus. Malls, church services our patrol men to see." With all of these fac a lot of patrolling in the parking lots, and and other locations with many cars have also tors working against them, it appears that we always have sufficient people around," been hit hard recently." Car theft will climb the NDSP will forever be fighting an uphill he says. Johns disagrees, complaining that gradually around the South Bend commu battle against car theft. she periodically sees officers spending their nity until the NDSP or another agency makes So why haven't surveillance measures time issuing tickets in Main Circle to ille an arrest. Then, crime will then die down been improved? Grace Hall does have long gally parked cars. "If they are so strict about for a short period oftime before starting back distance security cameras to watch over the that, why can't they be more concerned up again. D210t. "We don't have anybody sitting and about our cars and patrol D6?" When investigating car break-ins, Rakow watching the cameras, but we can go back Rakow concedes that his department can believes that his department operates on ex and look at the tape to try to get suspects," only do so much, explaining that car theft is cellent relationships with surrounding agen says Rakow. Despite the cameras, he main a crime of opportunity. "Criminals look for cies, such as the South Bend Police Depart tains that D2 is not any safer than D6. cars with not much foot traffic around them, ment. "We often collaborate with other agen Another tool that the police employ is the and they wait for a time of day when no one cies to compare cases in the hope that to presence of students in the parking lots. Be is around. So we are always trying to adjust gether we can make an apprehension. Some lieving that attentive car owners can help schedules and surveillance times." He says times we're able to match cases up." prevent car theft, the NDSP encourages stu that during periods of increased crime, the Rakow can name many reasons to explain dents to take action upon viewing a suspi department steps up communication be-· why car thieves spend so much time at ND. cious person in one of the lots. Rakow ad tween other agencies and warns officers to "Our campus has acres and acres of cars, vises, "If you are doubtful about a person's stay on alert. Even parked on campus, student cars might not be safe many of which are a cut above the average behavior, report it to one of the gates, or call With criminals putting so much prepara vehicle." Also, many students leave their the police from one of the security phones tion into their operations, it might seem dif- CHRISTOPHERKELLY thetic. The officer who inspected the vehicle Even after this incident, however, Johns cars unchecked for days, sometimes weeks, alking to her car on a normal Sat initially refused to take the time to finger still was not immune to vandalism. A few and this prevents the NDSP from setting a RIPPED OUT When sophomore Felisia Johns opened her car in February, she found that thieves W urday afternoon this February, print it, and only did so after excessive prod weeks after the break-in, her car and many parameter of time to investigate. Without had stolen not only her stereo (be/ow) but also her CDs and sunglasses as well. . sophomore Felisia Johns noticed ding by Johns' friends. The officer did pro others in D6 had their tires slashed. having any reasonable estimate of when a nothing out of the ordinary. But when she vide a piece of plastic to cover the broken Take the case of junior Lindsay Charles. crime took place, police struggle _ spotted her '96 Mazda Protege in D6, the windshield and advice on how to contact the She also had her stereo stolen - twice. to find any suspects. Further parking lot that serves South Quad, she no insurance company. An official report was While she was staying on campus last year more, Rakow adds "vehicles' se ticed that her car was not in the same condi filed within an hour. Despite the assistance, for a summer program, Charles regularly curity systems don't help, be tion as it was when she last drove it to the Johns says, "It was very annoying, especially parked her car in D2, on the northeast end cause society has become im Keenan Revue. Her windshield was since I was parked pretty close to the secu of campus. One day, after leaving her car mune to car alarms." smashed. Glass was sprawled across the rity building. It seems like security does unchecked for about a week, she discovered Another obstacle facing the front and back seats. The faceplate of her nothing. They just fill out paperwork. They that her new stereo was gone, along with NDSP is the fact that it's hard to stereo was lying near the gearshift. The ste might as well be secretaries." the CDs she kept in her car. "What's so frus watch for a typical break-in. A few reo speakers were missing. Five CDs and a (Director Rex Rakow says the trating, is that was the first time I didn't take years ago, Jeep Cherokees were pair of sunglasses were gone. Felisia Johns department's standard procedure is to dust off the panel," she says. involved in a high percentage of had been robbed. for fingerprints, if possible, and check for But for Charles, D2 was not the only spot theft, but currently no vehicle But Johns was more discouraged by the matches in the NDSP database and those of for bad luck. As a resident of McGlinn Hall model is being specifically tar treatment she received from the Notre Dame surrounding agencies. While he declined to during the school year, Charles parks in D6. geted. "Obviously, convertibles are SecuritylPolice department, than the theft it comment on Johns' case, Rakow says the Early one weekday morning last September, easier to hit than hardtops, but in self. She had parked her car in clear view of decision to fingerprint is left to the individual about a week after last using her car, Charles general the crimes are fairly ran the NDSP building in the hopes of discour officer's discretion, adding that in most again was confronted with the all-too-famil dom," Rakow says. Recently, crimi aging would-be thieves. When she reported cases, fingerprint evidence can't be obtained iar scene: Another stereo gone, another un nals have dropped the old instru the break-in, Felisia says no one in the se due to moisture or variation of the surface solved crime. ment of mischief - the "slim jim" curity building acted surprised or sympa- texture.) Rakow says there have been 16 car break- that slides down windows to pick

10 SCHOLASTICNEWS SCHOLASTICNEWS 11

---~ ~------~ - . - . . ins since January. There were 49 incidents locks - for a new tool that Rakow describes around campus." involving vehicles in 2001. Rakow says car as "a screwdriver-type instrument that car Contrary to many students' Opl1l10nS, thefts occur in a cyclical pattern. "We're at thieves pop in the keyway to twist it off. This Rakow is confident in the ability of his de the upswing of the cycle right now, and it's type of damage to a car is much harder for partment to deter potential thieves. "We do not just on campus. Malls, church services our patrol men to see." With all of these fac a lot of patrolling in the parking lots, and and other locations with many cars have also tors working against them, it appears that we always have sufficient people around," been hit hard recently." Car theft will climb the NDSP will forever be fighting an uphill he says. Johns disagrees, complaining that gradually around the South Bend commu battle against car theft. she periodically sees officers spending their nity until the NDSP or another agency makes So why haven't surveillance measures time issuing tickets in Main Circle to ille an arrest. Then, crime will then die down been improved? Grace Hall does have long gally parked cars. "If they are so strict about for a short period oftime before starting back distance security cameras to watch over the that, why can't they be more concerned up again. D210t. "We don't have anybody sitting and about our cars and patrol D6?" When investigating car break-ins, Rakow watching the cameras, but we can go back Rakow concedes that his department can believes that his department operates on ex and look at the tape to try to get suspects," only do so much, explaining that car theft is cellent relationships with surrounding agen says Rakow. Despite the cameras, he main a crime of opportunity. "Criminals look for cies, such as the South Bend Police Depart tains that D2 is not any safer than D6. cars with not much foot traffic around them, ment. "We often collaborate with other agen Another tool that the police employ is the and they wait for a time of day when no one cies to compare cases in the hope that to presence of students in the parking lots. Be is around. So we are always trying to adjust gether we can make an apprehension. Some lieving that attentive car owners can help schedules and surveillance times." He says times we're able to match cases up." prevent car theft, the NDSP encourages stu that during periods of increased crime, the Rakow can name many reasons to explain dents to take action upon viewing a suspi department steps up communication be-· why car thieves spend so much time at ND. cious person in one of the lots. Rakow ad tween other agencies and warns officers to "Our campus has acres and acres of cars, vises, "If you are doubtful about a person's stay on alert. Even parked on campus, student cars might not be safe many of which are a cut above the average behavior, report it to one of the gates, or call With criminals putting so much prepara vehicle." Also, many students leave their the police from one of the security phones tion into their operations, it might seem dif- CHRISTOPHERKELLY thetic. The officer who inspected the vehicle Even after this incident, however, Johns cars unchecked for days, sometimes weeks, alking to her car on a normal Sat initially refused to take the time to finger still was not immune to vandalism. A few and this prevents the NDSP from setting a RIPPED OUT When sophomore Felisia Johns opened her car in February, she found that thieves W urday afternoon this February, print it, and only did so after excessive prod weeks after the break-in, her car and many parameter of time to investigate. Without had stolen not only her stereo (be/ow) but also her CDs and sunglasses as well. . sophomore Felisia Johns noticed ding by Johns' friends. The officer did pro others in D6 had their tires slashed. having any reasonable estimate of when a nothing out of the ordinary. But when she vide a piece of plastic to cover the broken Take the case of junior Lindsay Charles. crime took place, police struggle _ spotted her '96 Mazda Protege in D6, the windshield and advice on how to contact the She also had her stereo stolen - twice. to find any suspects. Further parking lot that serves South Quad, she no insurance company. An official report was While she was staying on campus last year more, Rakow adds "vehicles' se ticed that her car was not in the same condi filed within an hour. Despite the assistance, for a summer program, Charles regularly curity systems don't help, be tion as it was when she last drove it to the Johns says, "It was very annoying, especially parked her car in D2, on the northeast end cause society has become im Keenan Revue. Her windshield was since I was parked pretty close to the secu of campus. One day, after leaving her car mune to car alarms." smashed. Glass was sprawled across the rity building. It seems like security does unchecked for about a week, she discovered Another obstacle facing the front and back seats. The faceplate of her nothing. They just fill out paperwork. They that her new stereo was gone, along with NDSP is the fact that it's hard to stereo was lying near the gearshift. The ste might as well be secretaries." the CDs she kept in her car. "What's so frus watch for a typical break-in. A few reo speakers were missing. Five CDs and a (Director Rex Rakow says the trating, is that was the first time I didn't take years ago, Jeep Cherokees were pair of sunglasses were gone. Felisia Johns department's standard procedure is to dust off the panel," she says. involved in a high percentage of had been robbed. for fingerprints, if possible, and check for But for Charles, D2 was not the only spot theft, but currently no vehicle But Johns was more discouraged by the matches in the NDSP database and those of for bad luck. As a resident of McGlinn Hall model is being specifically tar treatment she received from the Notre Dame surrounding agencies. While he declined to during the school year, Charles parks in D6. geted. "Obviously, convertibles are SecuritylPolice department, than the theft it comment on Johns' case, Rakow says the Early one weekday morning last September, easier to hit than hardtops, but in self. She had parked her car in clear view of decision to fingerprint is left to the individual about a week after last using her car, Charles general the crimes are fairly ran the NDSP building in the hopes of discour officer's discretion, adding that in most again was confronted with the all-too-famil dom," Rakow says. Recently, crimi aging would-be thieves. When she reported cases, fingerprint evidence can't be obtained iar scene: Another stereo gone, another un nals have dropped the old instru the break-in, Felisia says no one in the se due to moisture or variation of the surface solved crime. ment of mischief - the "slim jim" curity building acted surprised or sympa- texture.) Rakow says there have been 16 car break- that slides down windows to pick

10 SCHOLASTICNEWS SCHOLASTICNEWS 11

---~ ~------~ - . - . . "'~.... .~ ' J ficult to improve the present state of secu , , ;: rity on campus. Students have several sug " gestions, however. Charles calls for "little guardhouses in the parking lots." She says, "Security guards don't even let ND kids on campus, so why don't they put more energy into patrolling the parking lots?" Johns adds, ,I "They could raise the parking fee ... to hire more people, more security guards, some one to patrol the lots. They should definitely step up measures." I Most on-campus residents have fairly high expectations for the safety of their vehicles, especially if they park a/ew feet from the security headquarters. But as most car theft victims agree, relying on a false sense of security could prove dan- gerous. 0

- With reporting by Annie Robinson CAR SAFETY OUTSIDE OF THE BUBBLE W ith the safety of cars parked on campus in question,. majority of the cases that we receive concerning auto theft what can off-campus car-owners expect? Are stu at the apartments in question actually involve students leav- . dents placing their cars and valuables at greater risk away ing their keys in the car with the doors unlocked," Cauffman from NDSP cameras and personnel? ' says. "It doesn't matter what year, make or model you drive. According to Sergeants Wayne Boocherand James 'If the keys are just sitting there, a car thief is going to go Cauffman, heads of the South Bend Police Department's right for your vehicle .." ' Investigative Division of Auto Theft, apartment complexes Another major concern for off-campw~ students is the such as Turtle Creek, Lafayette and College Park are easy . quality of the security forGes hired by the apartment com and popular targets for thieves. and vandals, primarily be plexes. "[The owners of Turtle Creek Apartments] tell us cause they house such large student populations. "The they have a security guard, ,but no one I know has ever main problem that [off-campus] students experience with seen him around," Vulin says. "At Notre Dame I have a their cars is larceny," Boocher says. much greater sense of security than at Turtle Creek. ND "Thieves want expensive stereo equipment and popular has security working around the dock and there is a greater CDs ... items that are common in student cars," adds threat of getting caught in the act [of auto theft or vandal Cauffman. "All studenthousing complexes are at high risk." ization]. After 4 a.m. at TC, anything goes. Nobody is pa Although Eddy Vulin, a senior living at Turtle Creek, has trolling the area." Despite these complaints, neither senior not personally experienced any vehicular vandalism or views car safety as an issue that would prevent ND stu theft, he relayed information about a recent incident that dents from moving off-campus. affected his neighbors and friends. "Last Friday, 12 resi So what's the best way to stay safe? dents had their tires slashed. Occasionally, some hood "Lock your car and never leave your keys in the vehicle," lums will throw· a beverage or food on random cars," he advises Boocher. "Don't even leaveyour car unattended if says: Vulin, however, reported no knowledge of any break you let it warm up in the morning." Cauffman adds that ins or thefts. Nor did Lafayette resident Christopher students "should not leave valuable items in the car in plain McBride. But the senior did know of an isolated incident of view if it can be avoided." vandalism between students. Overall, McBride describes These recent developments leave ND car owners with the'lncidence of car-theft and vandalism at Lafayette as few options. If your car isn't safe parked next to the NDSP "low to moderate ... as long as you are smart about things." building, and it isn't any more secure in front 9f your own According to Boocher and Cauffman, most off-campus apartment, then what is a Notre Dame student to do? students would benefitfrom increased awareness. "A high - Mike Borgia

12 SCHOLASTICNEWS "'~.... .~ ' J ficult to improve the present state of secu , , ;: rity on campus. Students have several sug " gestions, however. Charles calls for "little guardhouses in the parking lots." She says, "Security guards don't even let ND kids on campus, so why don't they put more energy into patrolling the parking lots?" Johns adds, ,I "They could raise the parking fee ... to hire more people, more security guards, some one to patrol the lots. They should definitely step up measures." I Most on-campus residents have fairly high expectations for the safety of their vehicles, especially if they park a/ew feet from the security headquarters. But as most car theft victims agree, relying on a false sense of security could prove dan- gerous. 0

12 SCHOLASTICNEWS PARODY PARODY

COACH O'L1ARY 16 years ago Boom at the Boat Club He's probably better off going 1 I pro, anyway. Men of the Year Underage students driven out of bar to accomodate legal upperclassmen ust 16 years ago, Mike Switek and Don J Montanaro granted Sarcastic an exclu SKYESMIRNOFF Daniels. "I believe that I committed to com student, "Acousticafe will never be the same." WOODTYPE ORNAMENTS sive interview after the magazine named ing to Notre Dame under false pretenses. My Another student who asked to remain t +llilC""*~-~ il-->"""1"'-'l'in°_>*• them Men of the Year. This title was be "They just kicked me out," sobs junior Jim older brother told me that I could always get anonymous told Sarcastic that each week he Your professor will never know stowed after the pair managed to pull off Beam, fighting back tears. "I mean, I cel into a bar somewhere, but now I have noth and a group of his friends congregate on the how much your paper sucks, and "the upset of the year" in the student body surprisingly large Catholic block on this ebrated my 19th birthday there last year, and ing to do on weekends besides drink Natty lawn of Moreau Seminary to imbibe hard this font lengthens papers more elections on a platform promoting crayons campUs. Do you think this strategy played a I've been a regular since freshman year, but Light and attend Flip Side events." alcohol under the assumption that "no one effectively than Courier New. and macaroni. large role in your victory? now I can't even get past the bouncer. I heard Students who legally can drink aren't too will look there." Unfortunately, it seems that Here's what they had to say: M: Political analysts sometimes forget that they can't accommodate the underage stu thrilled with the situation, either. One 21- , this student ~as not very bright as they will there are indeed quite a few Catholics here on dents any more because of fire codes." year-old student says, "I swore I wouldn't most likely start looking there much more SMC CHICKS WHO WRITE Sarcastic: What will be the first thing you do campus, and in election their votes can Such has been the lament of many under set foot in Boat Club ever again after I turned often - especially since this article has been LETTERS TO SARCASTIC ~lose when you walk into your offices on the morning age students since the recent change in al 21, but what choice do I have now? Since printed. 0 Well, at least they can write. make the difference. Of course, we don't get cohol policy has driven droves of students Fr. Coorsman prohibited hard alcohol on ofApril2? the religion break-down of the votes - so out of their dorms to party. According to campus I once again have had to seek out Don: Turn on the lights, I guess. we'll never know for sure. ° FRIDAY CROSSWORD Boat Club owner Ima Lush, "The Boat Club entertainment in the deepest darkest circle S: How do you think that the student body will S: Are there any individuals that you PUZZLES does not serve underage students now, nor of hell, The Boat Club." react to your crayon expenditures? specifically would like to have in your cabinet ? have we ever. We have noticed a significant The Observer shouldn't make D: So far all crayon funds have come strictly M: We have only named one cabinet position Beam accuses The Boat Club of collabo me feel ... whatever a is-letter increase in the number of student custom out of our own pockets. thus far: Bruce Lohman will be playing the rating with the administration to change the word for stupid is. ers recently, but we attribute this to the fact , alcohol policy. He points out that "not only Mike: Also, we want to continue to stress that role ofDr. Spock. . that we've started clearing the inch-thick have they seen an increase in business, but STUDENTGOVERNMENTISNOLONGER S: What sort of relationship with the beer sludge off the floor every six months." local law enforcement agencies will also A PRIVATE CLUB, our crayons are available Adminsitration do you think you'll have next Many underage students are on the verge stop bothering the nightspot about carding." TAKING THINGS FOR for student use at any time. year? of quitting school now that the Boat Club is But fear not, underagers. Rumors of re t GRANITE S:Mike, you 're thefirststudentbodypresident D: Purely platonic. This is ourfinal decision. turning them away. "I have a $50 ID wast bellious students organizing speak-easies It's better than printing obsid in Notre Dame history to sport a dangling ing away in my wallet," says freshman Jack have sprung up allover campus. Says one ians OJ drinking quartz of liquor. crucifix earring as part ofyour normal attire. Obviously, the current student government You said at the debate that you wear the has a lot to learn. earring in hopes ofsecuring the support ofthe - Master Splinter

It's well known that the hallmarks of a just maybe pressing our bodies closer barrassed afterwards? and Arkansas, the two crappiest states in perverts do you have working on your maga Eleven Questions good story are who, what, when, why and than the Holy Ghost might have wanted Only if the person T hook up with is the Union. Then again, I don't think we got to zine? with a complete stranger ... where, and here at Sarcastic, we do our us to, and someone kissed my neck. excessively unattractive. discuss our respective home states, so maybe best to observe those tenets ofjournalism. Sure, I mean, maybe it wasn't necessar I finally got someone cool, like Hawaii. Hey! We're supposed to be pretending ur Last So we thought that this week we' dfind out ily you, but it might have been, so ... we So when we pass on the quad, will you that I'm the person you hooked up with, those things for you that you really want hooked up. say hello to me, nod your head in recog So what do you think about the new remember? You're totally ruining the Hook-up to know after last Saturday night. Using a nition of our shared-saliva history or just alcohol policy? effect, especially since I haven't actu The person savvy combination of journalistic skill How was my breath? run like hell the other way? My sex life is going to take a beating, ally hooked up since that one time at you can't and acting ability, Sarcastic took on your The sweet, sweet smell of Bud Light was Hey, I'm a nice person. Plus, I do a great that's for sure. band camp! Try to forget that I work for remember. first person point-of-view to learn the what I was really hoping for, but I've devel nod of recognition. Sarcastic, will you? I am the last person truth. Listen up, because we've got the oped a fondness, or at least tolerance for the Sex? Students at Notre Dame have six? you hooked up with. hook-up ... Natty Light as well. - Did I mean anything to you? Not that Oli, you know what I mean. All the Oh, sorry. you meant anything to me, of course! I things I do instead of sex, so I can say that Why don't you give me your narrative of Was I a good kisser? mean, I just wanted to know, do you I'm still a virgin. Okay, let's try to wrap this up. Did alco the evening's events? I don't see why not. usually hook up with a lot of people? hol have anything at all to do with us Well, it was kind of dark, and we kind of My friends and I are trying to get all the Silence ofthe Lambs: Good or bad hook hooking up? just ... kept falling, er, bumping into each What's your feeling on making out in 50 states down by the end of the year, but up movie? Urn, yes. other. Then I think we were dancing or front of other people? Are you ever em- so far my only contributions are Indiana Are you some kind of sicko? What kind of - Wonder ,Woman

14 SARCASTICNOTEBOOK SARCASTICNOTEBOOK 15 PARODY PARODY

14 SARCASTICNOTEBOOK SARCASTICNOTEBOOK 15 ~ . . . . " "", - .

PARODY PARODY " ')'iT'";::-:' '-C7:~~'~~'i7. r-~~~~~--~~----~~~~~~~ __~~~ __~ ______~ __~ ______~~~r <1~J * ~~='~=\=1!:::'~..::'~~"==\VA~Vr=:;'=OO=='~:::I:::'LIM~' ~U~@~·~~n~i~~@~,~1A\j~1~¥~(@==· ··:::111~· •. = .. '=' =====::::=:======":'::=!i •.> Despite All Their Rage Reality Comes to the Bubble MTV Chooses Notre Dame as the Real World's newest Location Students find they are still just rats in a cage when it comes to the Ban on Hard Classes I, ~ 3 SAMADAMS revised since 1842, was ready for some major wants to take my engineering book away,! Iwan Cash as he explained his choice of dorms. "But, don't worry ,; "ThiS is the story of seven strangers picked to live in two separate changes. 'This university needs to get with the they'll have to pry it from my cold dead~ dorms and have their lives taped to find out what happens when we will restore both dorms to their delapidated glory once we are o the chant of "Save our seminars," hun T times, really," he said. hands!" He also accused the administration I people stop being polite and start getting real. The Real World: Notre finished filming." dreds of undergraduates stood outside the The most significant change is a ban on all of being out of touch with reality. "I'm not Dame." So why did they pick ND? "We always put the innocent virgin Main Building clutching textbooks, course hard classes regardless of major and grade going to let a bunch of old, white, celibate Seven ND students were hand-picked by the MTV network to be characters into environments in which they must struggle to defend packets and calculators. Several students level. The e-mail stated: ''While one obviously men tell me what to do." When pressed, how filmed for this summer's season. As a reward for agreeing to hav their beliefs - think Julie in New Orleans - this time we're turn burned DART books while others hurled pen may become stressed out with any class, we ever, Someone-press-mute-o, whose room ing their privacy completely invaded they received free room and ing the tables," says a publicist for the network. "Also this is the cils and computer disks at the Main Building, heard credible evidence that the most serious mates call him "Vanilla Ice," admitted that he board as well as enlarged dorm rooms - created when the show only school where we found a disabled orangutan, and we wanted calling to Fr. Darth Coorsman to come down incidents of stressed behavior occur when stu hasn't had so much as a study date in his en took over blocks of rooms in Zahm and Cavanaugh. "We didn't to take on the issues involved in being a student of a different spe and give them a say in the recent change to dents take hard classes. Because of the high tire three years at this university. want to put them too far apart from each other," says show creator cies AND battling a physical disability - talk about diversity!" academic policy which includes a ban on hard homework content in relation to time, the classes, sets new regulations on outside-of abuse of hard classes is particularly danger It's all about the 8enjamins class lectures and threatens the take-home ous. In general, the students involved in the True to form, the administration is not budg exam as we know it. The only response was most serious incidents of abusive studying ing from their position on hard classes, regard the appearance of NDSP, who quickly broke seemed to fall into two categories: those who less of student reaction. Sarcastic caught up up the protest. tried a hard class with no prior experience and with Coorsman at Senior Bar for an exclu The uproar among the student body started those who deliberately took large quantities sive interview about the policy. He empha on March 18 with an e-mail from Coorsman, of hard classes and studied in short time sized the extensive research that the adminis the Vice Head Honcho of Student Affairs, frames, a behavior known as 'cramming. '" The tration conducted over the last two years in which informed students that, after a two-year policy will take affect in September, but the revi which the university gathered focus groups study of the effects academics has on Notre sions to DART have already been made. comprised of bartenders, Burger King man agers, grad students, athletes and their deal Destroying a Tradition ers, and even a chimp. "We wanted the focus In typical Domer fashion, stu groups to be representative of the entire stu .Lola· sophomore Previous residence: Farley Steve· junior dents unwilling to devote much dent body," he explained. Natasha • sophomore Originally from: Chicago, IL Previous residence: studying abroad Previous residence: Zahm effort to finding an effective so When asked about the accusations by stu Major: Finance at ND. Originally from: San Francisco, CA lution to the problem were out dents that the administrators were just doing Two words that best describe you: Originally from: Estonia Major: Civil Engineering spoken in whining about the it for the money, Coorsman said "Damn right. laid-back & amicable Major: Gender Studies Two words that describe you: caring Likes: people, Marlboro Lights, foun and happy policy change. The day after re The standards at this university are simply too Two words that best describe you: tain Coke moody & apathetic Likes: track lighting, *Nsync ceiving Coorsman's e-mail, stu high. With hard classes gone, we can take Dislikes: chicken-in-the-pot soup, Likes: Hard alcohol and heroin Dislikes: closed-mindeq people, dents gathered at Stonehenge to anyone regardless of their IQ and SAT scores. neat-freaks Dislikes: Virgins, jocks squirrels burn the DART book and talk We want a National Championship .... For trash about the administrators. get U.S. News - it's all about the BCS." Students protested their lack of Coorsman realizes the need to find a re- . SITIING OUT Student government organized a sit-in at the involvement in the policy change, library and they are hoping that the unusually high turnout will placement for hard classes. The administra influence the administration. though there is no precedent for tion is planning on establishing several other student participation in decisions bars on campus. Prospective locations include Dame student life, administrators had decided of this nature, and many expressed concern Lafortune and Fitzpatrick. He notes, however, , to change ND's academic policy. The focus that the elimination of take-home exams and that the latter may be unnecessary when plans ~ ", was on the heavy workload of the student body relegation oflectures to the Holiday Inn would " to replace the College of Engineering with the ",... ~ .~\ ", and the perception that ND was a serious aca ruin the highly academic culture unique to College of Sports Broadcasting go through. demic institution. "The picture that has Notre Dame residence halls. Many said they t "Doesn't everyone want to be Dick Vitale?" emerged ... is both encouraging and alarm would probably move off campus for more Coorsman is optimistic about the future of - '''''.-L~, ing," the letter read. "A significant number of intellectual stimulation. the policy. 'This is only the first step," he says. Kristen - freshman students either do not go to class or make the Several students took the stage to speak out, "We fully intend to replace all the books in Previous residence: Home Miguel - junior Dunsten - senior Originally from: Mexico, IN Previous residence: Keough Previous residence: Potawatami Zoo responsible decision of taking the classes in among them Shmo Someone-press-mute-o, the Library with color-by-number workbooks Major: Chemical engineering (but will Originally from: Rialto, CA th Originally from: Jungle moderate amounts by sleeping through parts president of some nerdy guys' dorm whose J. - 5 year student and Dr. Suess. Then we will force Admissions be marketing by the end of the year) Major: ALPP & Spanish Previous residence: Stanford Major: Anthropology of each. However, our study also confirmed main extracurricular activity is Tetris. Some to stop worrying about SAT scores and require Two words that describe you: ideal Two words that best describe you: Originally from: Plano, TX Two words that best describe you: the perception that a significant percentage of one-press-mute-o led off with an articulate dis only a picture essay in the application pro istic & enthusiastic quiet, studious Major: FTT and Art opposable thumbs students engage in high-stress classes and course, informing Coorsman that his policy Likes: *Nsync, stuffed animals, Likes: long walks on the beach with Two words that describe you: F*** off. Likes: Being God's gift to females cess. Eventually, we hope to eliminate classes cheerleading HTH, volunteering at EI Buen Vecino Dislikes: Angry homo sapiens, din abusive studying behavior." Coorsman added is ''f-!:**ing bull s***." He continued to taunt Likes: soldering metal, graffiti art all together and get students out there havirig Dislikes: Men who disrespect Dislikes: loud music and people who Dislikes: perky people and monkeys ing hall Nazis who only allow him that the academic policy, which has not been Coorsman, saying, "If the administration good, irresponsible fun." &l women, loners, sex abuse their bodies, messy people one banana 16 SARCASTICNOTEBOOK SARCASTICNOTEBOOK 17 ~ . . . . " "", - .

CAMPUS NEWS BRIEFS Arafat backs students New Academic Standards: The Ad Squirrels missions Office has increased the num Leader puts alcohol before people ber of ways applicants can qualify for ASSOCIATED PRESS - Of Course special-interest status when applying to run for RAMALLAH the university, effective with next year's Palestinian leader Yassir Arafat, speaking over satellite freshman class. Siblings of current and telephone from his besieged headquarters, has expressed his former students, as well as grandchil office: "deepest, most sincere sympathy" for all the students that have dren of alumni, will not have the same been affected by the new alcohol policy changes. The "flexible" academic standards currently seriously Palestinians, thousands ofwhom have lostfamilymembers and enjoyed by athletes, minorities, and are in desperate need of food during the bitter struggle with children of alumni, staff, benefactors, ByBYEIQUIT Israel, have still found time to reach out to the students of the and faculty. In addition, applicants of NuwsWriter University ofNotre Dame in whatever ways they can, offering Irish descent will be consideredminorites. In a surprising move, two squirrels have public consolations and prayers for the victims. Said one An official in the Admissions Office said entered the race for student body presi spectator at a massive pro-hard-liquor rally in Bethlehem, the changes will mean 80 per cent offirst dent and vice-president. Rikki McQuad tant to the race iliat we've forgotten their "There is a tank where my kitchen used to be. The soldiers spit year students will now be in the spe and Slick Williams hope to bring a new names. on my daughters. But how can I complain when people across cial-interest category, requiring the re attitude to student government. Perhaps more surprising than the the ocean from us have had their rights so ruthlessly taken from maining 20 per cent who have no spe When asked why she was running, squirrel's entry into the race is their un them?" cial status to score approximately 1580 Presidential candidate McQuad replied: orthodox campaign strategy. Instead of Tensions Mounting in West Quad or higher on their SAT tests. "because I'm nuts about students." She communicating with students, the squir Meanwhile, at the university, the climate has taken a tum for later offered a witty and original follow rels will distribute baseball cards. the worse. Campus police has placed an order for a fleet ofnew Communion Restrictions: Notre up, saying, "Besides, it's a race, silly." McQuad explained the campaign in Durangos, citing their excellent ability to drive on sidewalks. Dame students under the age of21 will Opposition Presidential candidate and these terms: "You see, we're squirrels. Experts estimate that as many as four drunken students have no longer be permitted to receive wine current student body Vice-PresidentTry'n So being irrational animals, we figured passed out on the front steps of the main building in protest during Holy Communion as the result ToConYa was practically speechless. we'd go with an irrational campaign against the changes. One ofthem, according to witness reports, of the rules issued this week by the of "Envision the possibilities," he said. strategy." was so upset that he defecated in his pants. fice of Campus Ministry. Underage "Squirrels running the s~dent govern Students around campus are excited at The Rev. Mark Boreman is standing firm, however; he sees the studnts will still be permitted to receive a ment! It's eye-popping to think about." the idea ofthis fresh approach to campaign changes as the only way to curb what he calls "student happiness." host made of either leavened or unleav When asked to comment, opposition ing. He has repeatedly rejected SecretaIy of State Colin Powell's ened bread, but wine will be restricted Vice-Presidential candidate Axle Foley, "wow, I hope I can collect them all," requests for a meeting with Student Body President Libby Bishop, to_ those students_ who ue .£"~1. - standirig five feet taller -than 'lils 'riiiiliing said a Super Dope. "'And I get a prize if who remains isolated wl.ttrfieC15c;'dyguards---one of whom is mate Lippy Pushup, tripped. I'm the rrrst to do it? Wow! I'm voting reported to have been injured by a large granite ball-in the A New, Safer Grotto: The flickering Ye pI' Pervert vaguely remembers an for the squirrels!" Coleman-Morse Center. "Bush doesn't grasp the situation on this light of the Grotto will become more ofa e-mail endorsing yet another candidate Yet political analysts see the strategy campus. Only people who have donated enough to be named to the ~teady glow next fall, when renovations pair, but in reality they are so unimpor- as a dumb move. Only time will tell. Board of Trustees can really understand how this should work." to the cherished Notre Dame meditation spot are completed. The candles, which have symbolized the prayers, hopes and dreams of generations of students, staff University tells students to bend over and alumni, will be replaced with tiny electric lights, each controlled by a By BOREEN 1960 and 2000. "This year, we're only raising it by 10 small switch. The change was prompted "Assistant" to the Editor in Chief percent!" he beamed. In addition, he pointed out that the by the university's Office of Risk Man Tuition will once again be raised for the 2002.:.2003 University has given 2.3 percent more in financial aid to agement, which cited a recent fire at the academic year, University Executive Vice President Fr. students this year than in past years. "And when I say Grotto that blackened several stones and Some-Call-Me-Tim Scammy announced at a press 'financial aid,' I mean 'federal pound-me-in~the-ass loans. '" required several man-hours to clean. conference yesterday. In a brief statement, he said that Scammy called accusations that the University is bleeding Risk Management first gained notori although students will continue to "pay through the nose," the student body dry in order to fund its quest for top ten in ety several years ago when it ordered this increase is 2/7 of a percent less than last year's hike. U.S. News and World Report's annual poll "preposterous." an end to An Tostal tug-o-wars and other "You see, we are helping save students money by charging "We know we don't have a snowball's chance in hell at events requiring physical exertion, and them less more this year than last year," Scammy gleefully getting into the top ten on the U.S. News poll," he said. "But more recently when it allowed the proclaimed. our desire for excellence is such that we are willing to Fisher Regatta to proceed only when or He says that this represents "a dramatic downturn" in cripple students financially for the better part of their young ganizers promised that the boats would comparison with the 700 percent tuition increase between lives just to have the number one bathroom in the country!" not actually be placed in the water. Possible Murders at Keough Hall Only 4 Inches Tom Kelly Tom, how do you keep Sometimes I cheat. Wow. So you're pretty lazy return repeated phone calls. They were writing such funny comics For example, I could after all. * This time rooms 100, 543, when you have so much most likely busy silencing witnesses. make an entire strip using 545,567,582 and 513 homework? the same drawing. But residents in 513 seemed intimidated should be persecuted by our questions. Observer: "Did you murder anyone?" By MCGRUFF 513: "No." The entire Saint Mary's freshman class Observer: "If you don't say yes', I'll may possibly have ingested some kinds of print your room number in the newspaper poisonous drugs. According to an alleged tomorrow." crime report from St. Mary's Security,they 513: (silence) might have been murdered. Observer: "I'm serious. I have no jour Be sure to buy 'The Best of 4th and Inches' by Tom Keeley "We really don't know anything about nalistic integrity at all. I'm evil. I will do what's going on," a representative of St. it. " Mary's Security said. "All we know are 513: (dial tone) Survey indicates that students the room numbers." On a related note, a member oftheOb ignore duLac regulations The alleged murders occured in rooms server staff heard Vulgar words coming Empty condom packages were discovered in a 100,543,545,567,582, and 513 Keough from room 513 Keough last night. Some North quad dorm bathroom garbage bin yesterday. Hall. ' one within the room took the Lord's name University officials were surprised to learn that not . When asked by phone whether or not in vain, and then commented on what a all students follow their regulations. Now the cam they had commited any offenses, residents wonderful time he had at the Vagina pus must deal with the shocking news that students in. rooms 100, 543 and 567 declined to Monolgues. L- I _ - __ .,,,,-.~; in many university dorms really do have sex with comment. (Viewpoint letters are now being ac I '! real live girls. ~>~=---'-'--~ . ---./-~ . -, Residents in rooms 545 and 582 did not cepted on the subject.) - _ .. _-~-._-.-.- .-~ . - - Partly Crappy Administrator caught tailgating No dancing, no singing, no women! Thursday ::::=Jl1 Today's weather - how Excise Police mistakenly arrested a senior administration Taliban consultant streamlines duLac. :·:=~I APRIL 11, ::::51 . useful at dinnertime! Look official after he was spotted in the student section holding News • page 0,5 out the damn window. a beer can he claimed he had confiscated from a student. 2002 'PER An Independent Compilation a/Notre Dame and Saint Marys Press Releases

TODAYI owdy, Gipplings. For the last three a bottle of gin from Fisher Hall in her back-seat passengers scrambling to stay Hweeks, the Gipper has been lan corduroys last weekend, according to a tipster inside, and cabbie staring in shock. -'ttlniversity of tNotre 1Jame: -~, -~ ~ Have you been sinning recently? guishing away by his computer, of high repute. That isn't the funny part, When she returned, our friend handed the • stealing from the Huddle mart? waiting on a response from the Good Rev '": , although you could have been forgiven for driver her money and walked off, as though ' . presents this . ~ • picking tulips on God Quad? erend. Apparently, Fr. Poorman saw no good thinking it was, had you seen her sauntering nothing had happened. • raiding the basement keg-erator on Sundays? reason to write in and correct any of the down South Quad with a foot-long bulge Certificate of Salvation • making the sign of the cross backwards? Gipp's assumptions. Nor did any other ad down one leg . Tsk, Tsk, Dear Gipp • homosexual? ministrator. The funny part is that she decided to set Thus began a letter that the Gipper received to Which means, dear Gipplings, that this, our up shop in front of the Fr. Sarin statue on this week from an upset student. She claimed Now, you can secure your space in Heaven! campus, is going dry. Completely dry. The God Quad, offering shots of the previously that there is plenty to do besides drink, and . [Your Name Here!] Gipp's sources have said as much before, but that the Gipp simply wasn't putting enough Salvation, as guaranteed by a monotone priest, costs the Gipp thought it only proper to make sure. faith in the student body's creative powers in recognition of the recipienfs high level of piety only $50 million and comes with your very own Times are changing, friends. Chances are, o when he said that there was too little to do. and willingness to donate large sums Certificate of Salvation. For just a bit more, we'll name you'll all be able to make it out of here before "In the same March edition of the Scholastic," of money to our poverty-stricken school. a building after you, assuring that students will come . they ban mouthwash, but you better warn she wrote, "there was a five-page spread about up with all sorts of lame abbreviations for your name your little brothers and sisters. r;;7 ~I.Z, all of the arts events going on on campus, and ~J.'61f" •..." 1M MI2 f'lk for years to come. All this and more, available at the numerous articles on multiple sports venues, Ronald Re~~!n Extra Rev. Edward Malloy jewelry counter at the Hammes Notre Damned Development Olllce Pope Nutty Danish concerts and lectures which were available for Bookstore, next to the rack of $75 ND Bibles. Before getting into the regular tips, the students to attend." Gipper would like to respond to a most Sadly, dear respondent, the five-page spread peculiar e-mail he received from Denmark. was about the art department, not "art events." This is not made up. It went: And, as much as the Gipp loves lectures, he Think graduation means the end of your dining-hall days? gets enough of those during the week. "Hi Mister Gipper ;) However, your point is appreciated. Maybe I tried to find 'a page on how to pronounce the Gipper is just jaded by campus events after THINK AGAIN! "Sheik" and your page was google's first accidentally stumbling in on an SR-71 concert hit. It stroke me that my favorite band's last semester. Now you can learn to recreate the magic of the dining hall in name, "Eaten By Sheiks" was often pants-ed punch to passers-byers for 25 cents your own kitchen! pronounced "sheeks" instead of "shakes" apiece. She stood out there for over an hour Before parting, the Gipper would like to ND Food Services' own ChefBoyardee will teach you all the tricks, as I knew to be correct and is stated on your and - surprisingly - made few sales. The offer a salute to all the alums who, through from how to save money by utilizing every part of the chicken (even page as well. aspiring bartendress later sold the remainder an untiring devotion to the university, the beak!) to gettingjusttherightconsistency for your brown sauce. Looking further I found http:// of the bottle to an unnamed woman at continue to write letters to The Observer www.bartleby.com/68/35/5435 .html Denny's. explaining student life to a naive-but You also will learn how to prepare these delicacies to serve at your where they say "sheek" is the American When hard liquor is gone, how will the grateful student body well into their fifties. own Candlelight Dinner. - pronounciation, "shake" rather Brithish, university continue to encourage such Thanks for reminding us, as you so • Poop-on potatoes wheras the latter is rather spelled "sheikh". entrepreneurship? graciously do, that alcohol is not a right, • Cauliflower au Gratin and that we are ungrateful. Seeing our own • Buffalo Chicken Lasagna (Also included in this lesson - how Regard Sailing Too Close to the Wind graduates of decades past spending their to raise your own buffalo chickens.) Ralf' A young woman of the Pasquerillas was days reading and responding to Viewpoint returning from a night out at So'uth Bend's not only reminds us how great this place is, "IF YOU CRAVE VARIETY, THE Thanks for the tip, Ralf, it was truly exclusive marina not too long ago, filled with but what promise there is for our own DINING HALLS HAVE IT ALL!" stroking. delicious Keystone Light, in a cab filled to futures. capacity. While the driver was busy collecting Get Your Shots in money from the six dozen or so other Well, that's it ladies and gentlemen. Next 'SHROOMS ADDED TO CRAP 'N' GO! While You Can occupants, she decided to take the car for a issue is this Gipper's last, so help him make After enjoying your healthy dining-hall lunch in the privacy of your own room, snack A Breen-Phillips resident, characteristically test drive around Main Circle. So she popped it a memorable one, and get your best tips on some 'shrooms for dessert to get ready for a psychedelic study session. Counts eager to put things down her pants, smuggled it into gear and took off, doors wide open, m. 0 as an entree or two sides.

SCHOLASTICCAMPUS WATCH 21 PARODY BUY YOUR I N DU LG ENCES

SCHOLASTICCAMPUS WATCH 21 the benefits of the tutoring center. veteran tutor at the center, estimates that are opportunities for all students to uti , . "When you have so many things going roughly one out of every seven to 10 stu lize their specific talents and interests; as \ 'FAS£W1'gSWmi \1' on at once, it's easy for a long-term as dents who seek help at the center has a a marketing major, Chasey helped design L,:, The signment to get away from you," says first language other than English. "Part the events surrounding the opening cel- sophomore Brittany Becker. "The advis of our training is ebration of the ing is probably constructive, but I've oriented directly to center's new home never really made the effort to get help." wards helping stu in the Coleman The center employs more than 30 uni dents who don't Morse building versity undergraduate students as tutors. speak English as a last spring. Write The tutors must undergo a significant first language," he Chasey truly amount of training -12 hours over two explains. "We learn finds his work as a weeks - and attend continuing educa to address their con tutor a gratifying tion meetings. These sessions teach the cerns as opposed to experience. tutors to communicate more effectively a native [English] "It combines in with the students seeking help, some of speaker." For ex teraction with other Stuff whom come from different language ample, he says that students in a help backgrounds. Most of the student tutors a student of Asian ful way," he says, were recommended by professors of First background who "and [it allows me »The Writing Center might not help you pen the next Great American novel, but they can Year Composition or literature classes to has studied English to] make a differ assist you with that pesky philo paper undergo the training, and they boast a might be extremely ence, even in a wide variety of interests and back proficient in gram small way, for stu grounds. They all are fully capable of as matical rules, but he dents." STEPHANIERUBINO Coleman-Morse study haven - the center genre of writing. sisting students on many different levels or she may require Ul timately, in formerly worked out of the basements of Students may come in with assignments of writing, from FYC papers to law extra assistance in conjunction with emember those "Breakfast at the DeBartolo Hall and several dorms - but in any stage of the writing process. Some school applications and Fulbright Schol organizing and structuring the flow of a pa tutors, Duffy endeavors to change stu Writing Center" flyers and e-mails R much of the attraction may be due in part arrive with finished essays, while others arship essays. per. Most ESL students have similar diffi dents' views and approaches toward writ floating around last year? Some of due to their students' increasing success. simply bring a paper topic or assignment. Senior Kristen Schank stresses the im culties adjusting to writing in English, and ing. "Students need to eliminate the idea you probably said to yourselves, "Mmm ... Many First Year Composition profes Tutors usually begin by asking the stu portance of including students of all ma the tutors are prepared to help out. "Inevi that once you have completed a piece of donuts." sors often require students to visit the wrIt dents to identify any major problems they jors as tutors. "It's nice to have tutors with tably, we end up dealing with a lot of gram writing, it's finished. Good writers know Most of you were probably thinking, ing center. Those who go once often head want to address. Students then typically a lot of different interests. If someone comes matical and word selection issues," Larson that the secret is to talk about your writ "Breakfast? Who gets up for breakfast? back when they see their grades improve. are asked to read their paper aloud to spot in with a government paper, it's more help says. ing, ask questions and continue to revise. Anyway, I was accepted to this presti "Students realize the value of the Writing higher-level issues, such as structure and ful to have a tutor who has had government Chasey appreciates the great deal of in I want to teach students to express them gious university for my exceptional in Center and return for work that is not un organization. And, the tutors are quick to classes and knows what to include." put students and tutors have to continu selves. If you can express your ideas, you telligence and stellar application essays. der the direction of their professors," says emphasize that they are not editors - Andy Larson, a senior and three-year ally change and improve the center. There can do well." 0 I already know how to write." Director John Duffy. grammar and syntax problems are the last You might want to reconsider that no Now in his fourth year with the center, hurdle, not the only hurdle. tion. Duffy, also an English professor, feels \: Freshman Melissa Galindo has used the it The University Writing Center, now op that such interaction is only one of the center twiCe. She says that although many erating out of the Coleman-Morse Center, aspects that makes the writing center the professors suggest peer revision, the pro offers help to any student on campus, re most exciting place at the university. cess offers -only limited feedback on her gardless of skill or class level. "Learning to write is like a central cur compositions. "It's niCe to get an outside "We can help students of any ability rency," he says. "Writing is the lifeblood point of view about my writing," says have more success with essays, papers, of the university, and we hope to teach Galindo. "If someone outside of class can applications or even personal writing," students to think and behave like writers." understand what I've written, then 1 know says senior Ryan Chasey, a third-year tu Students who have used the center I've said what 1 want to and said it clearly." tor. Those who frequent the center range agree that after working with tutors, they Although' there has been nearly four from students studying English as a sec have more success writing papers on their fold increase in the center's activity, there' ond language (ESL), to those applying to own. The tutors try to teach general writ still are thousands of students who have graduate school. ing principles for every step of .the pro never.attended a tutoring session for help During the fall of 2000, only about 300 cess - from understanding the topiC and with their writing. people visited the writing center. By the forming ideas to organization and stylis "I usually end up starting my papers right following fall semester, however, die cen tic tips - while still addressing specifiC before they're due," says sophomore ter saw a 350 percent increase in attendance, problems individual students may hav.e. Natalie Ladine, who has never used the cen whiCh peaked at nearly 1,400 students. By covering a variety of important tex ter. Many students agree that although ad The rising popularity of the center may tual issues, students can take what they've vice on the work might be nelpful, they sim be attributed to its new home in the A COZY CORNER Since the writing center moved from the. Debartolo basement to the new, roomy Colema.n~Morse Center in 2001, student use has learned and apply it to any paper ill: any ply don't begin early enough to really reap more than doubled. Students who come to the center for help with one paper often come back again. . .,

22 SCHOLASTICCAMPUS LIFE SCHOLASTICCAMPUS LIFE 23 the benefits of the tutoring center. veteran tutor at the center, estimates that are opportunities for all students to uti , . "When you have so many things going roughly one out of every seven to 10 stu lize their specific talents and interests; as \ 'FAS£W1'gSWmi \1' on at once, it's easy for a long-term as dents who seek help at the center has a a marketing major, Chasey helped design L,:, The signment to get away from you," says first language other than English. "Part the events surrounding the opening cel- sophomore Brittany Becker. "The advis of our training is ebration of the ing is probably constructive, but I've oriented directly to center's new home never really made the effort to get help." wards helping stu in the Coleman The center employs more than 30 uni dents who don't Morse building versity undergraduate students as tutors. speak English as a last spring. Write The tutors must undergo a significant first language," he Chasey truly amount of training -12 hours over two explains. "We learn finds his work as a weeks - and attend continuing educa to address their con tutor a gratifying tion meetings. These sessions teach the cerns as opposed to experience. tutors to communicate more effectively a native [English] "It combines in with the students seeking help, some of speaker." For ex teraction with other Stuff whom come from different language ample, he says that students in a help backgrounds. Most of the student tutors a student of Asian ful way," he says, were recommended by professors of First background who "and [it allows me »The Writing Center might not help you pen the next Great American novel, but they can Year Composition or literature classes to has studied English to] make a differ assist you with that pesky philo paper undergo the training, and they boast a might be extremely ence, even in a wide variety of interests and back proficient in gram small way, for stu grounds. They all are fully capable of as matical rules, but he dents." STEPHANIERUBINO Coleman-Morse study haven - the center genre of writing. sisting students on many different levels or she may require Ul timately, in formerly worked out of the basements of Students may come in with assignments of writing, from FYC papers to law extra assistance in conjunction with emember those "Breakfast at the DeBartolo Hall and several dorms - but in any stage of the writing process. Some school applications and Fulbright Schol organizing and structuring the flow of a pa tutors, Duffy endeavors to change stu Writing Center" flyers and e-mails R much of the attraction may be due in part arrive with finished essays, while others arship essays. per. Most ESL students have similar diffi dents' views and approaches toward writ floating around last year? Some of due to their students' increasing success. simply bring a paper topic or assignment. Senior Kristen Schank stresses the im culties adjusting to writing in English, and ing. "Students need to eliminate the idea you probably said to yourselves, "Mmm ... Many First Year Composition profes Tutors usually begin by asking the stu portance of including students of all ma the tutors are prepared to help out. "Inevi that once you have completed a piece of donuts." sors often require students to visit the wrIt dents to identify any major problems they jors as tutors. "It's nice to have tutors with tably, we end up dealing with a lot of gram writing, it's finished. Good writers know Most of you were probably thinking, ing center. Those who go once often head want to address. Students then typically a lot of different interests. If someone comes matical and word selection issues," Larson that the secret is to talk about your writ "Breakfast? Who gets up for breakfast? back when they see their grades improve. are asked to read their paper aloud to spot in with a government paper, it's more help says. ing, ask questions and continue to revise. Anyway, I was accepted to this presti "Students realize the value of the Writing higher-level issues, such as structure and ful to have a tutor who has had government Chasey appreciates the great deal of in I want to teach students to express them gious university for my exceptional in Center and return for work that is not un organization. And, the tutors are quick to classes and knows what to include." put students and tutors have to continu selves. If you can express your ideas, you telligence and stellar application essays. der the direction of their professors," says emphasize that they are not editors - Andy Larson, a senior and three-year ally change and improve the center. There can do well." 0 I already know how to write." Director John Duffy. grammar and syntax problems are the last You might want to reconsider that no Now in his fourth year with the center, hurdle, not the only hurdle. tion. Duffy, also an English professor, feels \: Freshman Melissa Galindo has used the it The University Writing Center, now op that such interaction is only one of the center twiCe. She says that although many erating out of the Coleman-Morse Center, aspects that makes the writing center the professors suggest peer revision, the pro offers help to any student on campus, re most exciting place at the university. cess offers -only limited feedback on her gardless of skill or class level. "Learning to write is like a central cur compositions. "It's niCe to get an outside "We can help students of any ability rency," he says. "Writing is the lifeblood point of view about my writing," says have more success with essays, papers, of the university, and we hope to teach Galindo. "If someone outside of class can applications or even personal writing," students to think and behave like writers." understand what I've written, then 1 know says senior Ryan Chasey, a third-year tu Students who have used the center I've said what 1 want to and said it clearly." tor. Those who frequent the center range agree that after working with tutors, they Although' there has been nearly four from students studying English as a sec have more success writing papers on their fold increase in the center's activity, there' ond language (ESL), to those applying to own. The tutors try to teach general writ still are thousands of students who have graduate school. ing principles for every step of .the pro never.attended a tutoring session for help During the fall of 2000, only about 300 cess - from understanding the topiC and with their writing. people visited the writing center. By the forming ideas to organization and stylis "I usually end up starting my papers right following fall semester, however, die cen tic tips - while still addressing specifiC before they're due," says sophomore ter saw a 350 percent increase in attendance, problems individual students may hav.e. Natalie Ladine, who has never used the cen whiCh peaked at nearly 1,400 students. By covering a variety of important tex ter. Many students agree that although ad The rising popularity of the center may tual issues, students can take what they've vice on the work might be nelpful, they sim be attributed to its new home in the A COZY CORNER Since the writing center moved from the. Debartolo basement to the new, roomy Colema.n~Morse Center in 2001, student use has learned and apply it to any paper ill: any ply don't begin early enough to really reap more than doubled. Students who come to the center for help with one paper often come back again. . .,

22 SCHOLASTICCAMPUS LIFE SCHOLASTICCAMPUS LIFE 23 I '.", / ... • ,.." • -- ) ., ... ~: \' '.' • • • I

1I,

My role models are: my teammates. I'm at Jimbo's Jabber Golden Anniversa practice everyday with them and they really Brother Louis Hurcik, CSC, celebrates 50 years as a brother by remaining as active as ever motivate me. Last Saturday the Irish football team practiced for I MARYMORGAN My best track experience was: this past the first time under new head football coach Tyrone year's NCAA indoors. I placed fourth in the ] Willingham. The football oly Cross brothers have no priestly duties. They 400 meters, and just making it to the NCAAs squad will practice a total of t Hdon't celebrate Mass, hear confessions or preside with my 4x400 team was a thrill for me. 15 times this spring and at confirmations. So, how do they keep busy? culminate the workouts in Brother Louis Hurcik, CSC, hasn't had a problem find My worst track experience was: freshman the Blue-Gold Game on ing things to do during his 50 years as a Holy Cross year nationals. I lost because I didn't know April 27 .... The Irish brother: He uses the time to serve the community. what I was doing. But I like to take things baseball team, down 3-4 against Western Michigan Throughout his career, Hurcik has gone out of his way from those losses. I remember the races that I lose much more vividly than those that I with one out in the bottom of to help others, donating his time to groups all over cam the ninth, rallied to win 5-4 win. I learn from my mistakes so I can never pus and the South Bend area. But around Notre Dame's at home on Tuesday. campus, 68-year-old Hurcik is best known as the guard make the same ones twice. 3B Andrew Bushey ignited ian of the Rock. the rally with a base hit. Hurcikjoined the Rockne Memorial staff and the Notre What I still have left to accomplish: I SS Javier Sanchez and Dame physical education staff in 1970. Now, more than would like to take my 4x400 outdoors team DH Matt Bok then drove in 30 years later, he still works for these two departments. to nationals. Taking a relay team there is an the tying and winning runs, He acts as director of the Rock and continues to teach a amazing accomplishment. And I enjoy respectively. This was the squad's ninth win in the last variety of gym classes, such as swimming, lifeguard train winning the relay events more than the individual events, because it' s so much better 10 games, bringing their ing, first aid and American Red Cross CPR, as an associ overall record to 18-11 .... ate professional specialist in the Physical Education De when you have three girls to celebrate with. • LIFETIME TEACHER Brother Louis Hurcik has spent a Iitt On Monday, junior 1B Lisa partment. How well does Hurcik know the Rock? "Oh, Mattison was named Big "over 30 years. of his life working. at the Rock, both My plans after I graduate this May: I am I'd say 1 know it pretty well," he says jokingly. supe:rvising and teach!ng students subjects such as . . East softball player of the But Hurcik's work is not confined to inside the Rock. ." Iif~guarding, first aid and.CPR. ~ '. ,'. . . taking a year off and getting married in week. On Tuesday, the He is a member of numerous committees at Notre Dame, January. Then I am off to law school in fall softball team (18-12) won its including the Board of Directors and the Technology final vows in 1952 and was assigned to Sacred Heart 2003. As far as running, I would like to some 10th consecutive game, Committee. When off campus, Hurcik is an EMT and vol Church, Little Flower Parish. He also worked for the day compete for the Italian national team. defeating Valparaiso 4-0 and 8-0 in a doubleheader. unteers every Friday at St. Joseph Medical Center, and is Catholic Boy and Miss magazines for two decades. ~ -- " . I'm already running times that would spark . . , interest in Italy. Freshman RHPs Steffany a member of the National Ski Patrol at Swiss Valley. Hurcik looks fondly upon his 50 years in the religious ':, ." " ", . Stenglein and Carrie Bill Drew, the Rock's building supervisor, can attest to life. "I'm thankful that I've been able, as a brother in Holy . . - Wisen combined for a no . - If I could play any other sport, it would Hurcik's essential role in the community. He says that Cross for these years; to be able to know and work with r " ".-'.. hitter in the first game. Hurcik sometimes works from 8:00 a.m. until 12:00 a.m. so many great people and works," he says. be: diving. I've never done it. It looks hard, Junior SS Andria Bledsoe "It seems like he is just about everywhere," Drew says. Over the years, Hurcik has seen the university undergo but it' s cool and you canirnpress your friends homered in game one to "He is a good man, with a good heart." many changes, both positive and negative. "[The univer at pool parties. drive in three runs .... The Hurcik's drive and inspiration for his work over the sity] has grown tremendously, not just in buildings, but IRISH ninth-ranked women's years have to a great extent arisen from his faith life. "I also in what it has been able to accomplish both here and What I will miss most about Notre Dame lacrosse team lost at 15th internationally," he says. But he mentions with some after I graduate: my teammates and my ranked Ohio State on Tuesday, 12-11, to drop to regret that the Holy Cross presence on campus has coach. ,":,':,;" 8-2. M Danielle Shearer led diminished in the past 50 years:' "Naturally, there EYES .. ·.• ·L1z\:·· the offense with four goals. are fewer [priests and brothers] now than when 1 My favorite class I have taken at Notre Both defeats on the season, came," he says. "I wish there were more [religious .:.:GROW."'. Dame is: poetry writing. each one-goal margins, 'ON ".,.;., . vocations] nowadays, but we also have many more ..... '. have been suffered at the lay persons involved very closely in the works of My favorite place in the world is: Paris, hands of ranked teams .... like what I was told by someone: 'Get up in the morning, . the Church and Catholic education." This year Senior track sprinter Liz Grow fin because that's where my fiance proposed. The women's rowing team say a prayer - tell God that you are up and reporting for Despite changes in university size, influence and per- ' ished fourth nationally in the indoor 400 meter, finished fifth in the grand duty - and see what opportunities and challenges come sonnel, Notre Dame has maintained its commitment· My favorite dining hall dish is: rotisserie final of the Jessop-Whittier . earning All-American honors in the event for the Cup at the San Diego Crew up that day,'" he says. "And following Nike's advice Hurcik says,' "to education in the 'Catholic tradition and . chicken. second straight year. She holds school records in Classic on Sunday .... ·'Just do it.'" to service of the Church and the cominunity." the indoor 200 and 400-meter runs and the outdoor Freshman F Jacqueline Hurcik began to consider joining the religious life while Although Hurcik could brag about all he has done for If I could be any animal, I would be: a Batteast and junior GAlicia in high school in Chicago. "I was invited to visit Notre the university in the past 50 years, he'expresses 400-meter run, placing her among the top female mermaid. I used to pretend that when I was Ratay were named co Dame at the home of the mission band, which is now Old only gratitude for his time here. "It's nice know track sprinters in Notre Dame history. little. It would be fun swimming around recipients of the Notre CoIlege,"Hurcik says. "After meeting the priests and ing 1 have been able to be a part of so'mething uninhibited and being able to .. breathe Dame National Monogram brothers at Notre Dame, I had decided to join Holy Cross that has done so many great things for the underwater and on land. Club MVP Award on and to serve by becoming a HoI Cross Brother." He took Church, and its students," he - Jimmy AtkilZson Monday night. 0

24 SCHOLASTICCAMPUSLIFE i SCHOLASTICSPLINTERS 25 I ~ I '.", / ... • ,.." • -- ) ., ... ~: \' '.' • • • I

1I,

24 SCHOLASTICCAMPUSLIFE i SCHOLASTICSPLINTERS 25 I ~ Boston (99 points); 2. Philadelphia (95); 3. improvement, it is not a very large one, Carolina (86); and 4. Toronto (94). Carolina especially when 13 of the 30 NHL teams is ranked third in the conference, even though have at least 10 ties this season. If the NHL

it has tallied significantly fewer points than wants to fix the tie situation, it needs to do ,:,.' , fourth-place Toronto. This is because when more than just reduce the number of dead . '", . - . the NHL divided a few years ago into two locks; it needs to make them an infrequent RANT conferences of three divisions each, they occurrence. BY GERARD MESKILL decided that the top finishers in each division To do this, it must do a few things. First, the 'ts Let:t~'fs:·S dents: should be ranked in the top-three spots in the NHL must scrap its overtime loss policy. It conference. looks stupid when you list a team's record and While in theory this seems like a noble it looks stupid in the standings. It is true that the ... /:.:;~~!i:~~~Voice Heard idea, the absurdity of it quickly is shown number of ties has been reduced since its '" .. :..,:.<~~)~, . :':,'.-:,_.:'\:" .. :-'" ,". "J '<',:'):" when Carolina is compared to eighth-place inception, but one cannot solely credit that to Montreal. The Canadiens have amassed 87 the scoring change. It is just as likely that the points, which would actually place them one change was caused by the reduction in the point ahead of the Hurricanes, if Carolina number of skaters. A loss is a loss. Teams

'. ".,' ; .•. \'; weren't currently leading the Southeast Di should not be rewarded for losing, even if the vision. In essence, this system rewards the loss takes almost five minutes longer than ····i'i'jlfV}:L;~:::~s~::::~c;::i~ ,Words of .", ': ' ,';" " Hurricanes - who played majority of their usual. games against teams in the worst division in After the overtime-loss scoring policy is hockey - by giving them home ice advan abolished, the NHL should consider length tage for at least the first round of the playoffs: ening overtime to either 10 or 20 minutes. Once you get over the position of the Hurri Hockey does not have the time problem that iflf~ii~I~~¥~'M"1t canes, glance down the rest of the conference baseball currently is experiencing, and so a Officer'Positionavailcible for 2002-2003 school year: treasurer Spring has sprung, and hockey standings. In addition to noting how ridicu longer overtime would be more exciting for season is winding down. Now that lous it looks to have four columns now that fans. Perhaps even more importantly , a longer the NHL has played under several overtime losses are counted, one can't help overtime wpuld result in more scoring op new rules for three years, it's time but notice that there are an awful lot of ties in portunities, which would lead to more sud hockey. den-death goals and fewer ties. This would to evaluate whether these rule contact ALSAC at: [email protected] Ironically, this is why, following.the 1998- offer a solution that rewards the fans, ben changes actually have made a 99 season, the NHL decided to assign a value efits the sport and doesn't even require a positive difference in standings of one point to overtime losses. The way the goofy new column in the standings. NHL saw it, teams often played conserva If that change doesn't sufficiently solve by and the excitement value of ...

After losing a tough game After having a four-game Duke, coming off a to Ohio State, the ninth winning streak snapped c'rushing 18-6 loss to ranked women's lacrosse with a one-goal loss for the Virginia, will not be able to LaFonune Ballroom. team looks to rebound second time this season, get back on track against SPORT: WOMEN'S LACROSSE against Duke on Friday. the Irish have returned the Irish. ND bounces back OPPONENT: DUKE Danielle Shearer leads the home with a vengeance. ' from a close loss at Ohio Please sign up at WHERE: NOTRE DAME offensive frenzy, scoring 4 They will take care of . State and beats Duke at WHEN: FRIDAY, APRIL 12, 4:00 PM goals in a 12-6 rout of the Duke on Friday, 10-7. home by a touchdown, 14- Blue Devils. 7. www.nd.edul~~c.lass02/donor/index2.htmlf' ' - - Gerard Meskill - David Murray - Jimmy Atkinson Sports Editor Assistant Sports Editor Assistan.t Sports Editor

26 SCHOLASTICSPLINTERS Or walk-ins welcomel Boston (99 points); 2. Philadelphia (95); 3. improvement, it is not a very large one, Carolina (86); and 4. Toronto (94). Carolina especially when 13 of the 30 NHL teams is ranked third in the conference, even though have at least 10 ties this season. If the NHL it has tallied significantly fewer points than wants to fix the tie situation, it needs to do ,:,.' , fourth-place Toronto. This is because when more than just reduce the number of dead . '", . - . the NHL divided a few years ago into two locks; it needs to make them an infrequent RANT conferences of three divisions each, they occurrence. BY GERARD MESKILL decided that the top finishers in each division To do this, it must do a few things. First, the 'ts Let:t~'fs:·S dents: should be ranked in the top-three spots in the NHL must scrap its overtime loss policy. It conference. looks stupid when you list a team's record and While in theory this seems like a noble it looks stupid in the standings. It is true that the ... /:.:;~~!i:~~~Voice Heard idea, the absurdity of it quickly is shown number of ties has been reduced since its '" .. :..,:.<~~)~, . :':,'.-:,_.:'\:" .. :-'" ,". "J '<',:'):" when Carolina is compared to eighth-place inception, but one cannot solely credit that to Montreal. The Canadiens have amassed 87 the scoring change. It is just as likely that the points, which would actually place them one change was caused by the reduction in the point ahead of the Hurricanes, if Carolina number of skaters. A loss is a loss. Teams

26 SCHOLASTICSPLINTERS Or walk-ins welcomel began a series of bad appearances for the effective versus the option, if you can get it tern, with Howard and Fisher combining for young quarterback, and he lost the starting to the right side." another 126 carries. Part of the reason Davie job to Holiday early in the 2001 campaign. "If you know people put nine, eight people used this strategy was because all three play Holiday didn't play much better, leading the in the box, well if you've got that safety in ers were upperclassmen and veterans. mediocre Irish offense for much of the 5-6 the box, then who [on the opposing defense] This is not the case with the 2002 Irish, as season. is going to compensate for that option re only Jones has significant experience. How The past failures of these two quarterbacks sponsibility of taking either the quarterback ever, former Irish runningback Tony Fisher leaves Willingham with the difficult task of or the pitch on the perimeter? So the option does not believe that experience will be a choosing a starter from a pool that includes has a place, because it is an equalizer," he factor because of the new offensive style. LoVecchio, Holiday, Jared Clark, incoming says. "Coach Willingham is coming from the freshman Chris Olsen and possibly Arnaz With the option reduced from Notre West Coast and so he's going to bring a West Battle. Dame's primary attack to a strategy meant Coast offense, so I feel that it won't matter Davie moved Battle from quarterback to to throw opposing defenses off guard, Notre how much experience they have," said flanker after the signal caller broke his wrist Dame's entire offense must be overhauled. Fisher. "With the offense so wide open, ev during a contest against top-ranked Ne While selecting the starting quarterback is eryone will have an equal opportunity when braska in 2000. During the 2001 season, crucial toward achieving that goal, there still it comes to running the ball. I think all of Battle performed reasonably well in his new are many other issues that Willingham must the will need to be ready." position, but like other receivers in Davie's address to prepare for 2002. Second only to In a system where offense, he saw few passes. With blue-chip the quarterback situation in importance. is runningbacks will see freshmen wide receivers Rhema McKnight establishing the role of the runningbacks in less carries, New coach Tyrone Willingham is ready to unleash a new and Maurice Stovall arriving on campus in the new scheme. Willingham has to the fall, Battle might no longer have a place Since Notre Dame's current offensive decide whether it brand of Notre Dame football this season as a receiver and might once again find him players were recruited by Davie for a rush will be favorable to self in the quarterback pool. But Willingham ing attack, Willingham faces the dilemma rely on one starter GERARDMESKILL from the NFL]," says Willingham. "What Holiday, who showed his prowess as an op insists he will not initiate any such move. of working these players into his scheme. to handle most of made Notre Dame a great opportunity for tion quarterback in 2001, doesn't seem con "I don't like moving guys around too Notre Dame's most consistent runningback our months ago, Notre Dame foot- Tyrone Willingham is that it is the most pres cerned by the change in offensive style. much," says Willingham. "I think it's im in 2001 was senior Tony Fisher (4.9 yards Fball was in shambles. On Sunday, tigious football program in the country. It "I think [the new system] will work fine," portant that a young man find a home, and per carry), but he will graduate in December 2, 2001, Bob Davie an- has a record that matches the tradition and said Holiday. "For me it will be fun. I don't we've got to find the right home for [Battle]. May. Senior Terrance Howard nounced that he had been fired as the head the expectation of excellence." think it will be a major adjustment from what So, number one, I will not initiate a move (3.3) also is graduating, leav football coach of the Fighting Irish. Athletic To meet the expectations of excellence I'm doing. We were all recruited here be [back to quarterback], but we'll see what irig junior Julius Jones, Director Kevin White left campus immedi- that Willingham openly embraces, he intends cause we can throw the ball, and I think we'll happens, I guess is the best way to say it." sophomore Ryan Grant and ately to find Davie's successor, and exactly to institute some major changes in Notre 'get the opportunity to do that now with this While Willingham has ensured that he will incoming freshman Nate one week later, he returned seemingly tri- Dame's football strategy, including a com new offense." bring a more complete scheme to the previ Schiccatano as the viable umphant with Georgia Tech's George plete overhaul of the offense. This transi Holiday's enthusiasm gives merit to the ously one-dimensional Notre Dame offense, candidates for the posi O'Leary. tion begins with an all-new coaching staff, speculation that the lack of passing oppor he has been unwilling to completely discard tion. However, O'Leary was exposed five days comprised almost entirely of his assistants tunity in Davie's restrictive option offense the option attack. Jones had majority later forlying about his football playing days from Stanford. Stanford's coaches likely might have stunted the quarterbacks; pass "An option game, run well, is still a very of Notre Dame's car and for claiming to have received a master's brought the passing-oriented "West Coast ing potential. However, Willingham is not powerful attack. That's the truth. Anything ries in 2001, netting degree from NYU .. Less than a week after offense" with them on their trip east, which ready to point a finger at any specific expla executed well can win," says Willingham. 718 yards on 168 at taking the job, he resigned, leaving Notre is expected to replace Notre Dame's slower, nation. "It forces people to balance up and make tempts, an average of Dame with a mammoth black eye and a very ground-based attack. "Well I don't know whether to label it sure that they take their responsibilities se 4.3 yards per carry. large hole to fill. Quickly. Possibly the biggest concern for such a because of a restriction, or whatever," riously. So there's always a place for the However, Davie em White spent the rest of the month search- change lies in Notre Dame's quarterback Willingham says.- "Other people can do that. option, and a smart coach will probably ployed a platoon sys- ing for a new head coach for the second time quandry. Over the past two seasons, none of But I think we can honestly say [Notre make sure that he has some option some in the same offseason. On January 1, he an- the Irish's signal callers have demonstrated Dame's quarterbacks] have not reached their where in his package." nounced a hiring that made many of the Irish a passing capacity necessary to lead an air passing potential. ... And really what I But this is not to say that the Irish offen faithful forget O'Leary ever received the based offensive scheme. Over the 12-game would say is, I'm not interested in them sive scheme will be anywhere near similar honor of being called Notre Dame football schedule, the Irish completed just 109 passes reaching their potential. I'm interested in to Davie's rushing style, since Willingham coach. Tyrone Willingham, Stanf.ord's on 218 attempts, averaging just 9.1 comple them exceeding their potential." intends only to use the option as a check on highly successful coach who reportedly had tions per game. The average yardage per Willingham does not intend to platoon the opposing defense in specific turned down offers from the NFL to leave pass was just 5.1 yards. Meanwhile, Notre quarterbacks, which means that one player situations. the Cardinal," made the transition from Palo· .. Dame was intercepted 11 times, a rise from must be selected from the quarterback pool "The option is an equalizer in Alto to South Bend, scoring a major coup just four picks in 2000. Perhaps most alarm to lead the Irish in 2002. In 2000, that player terms of defensive schemes," for ND's embattled athletic director. ingly, the Irish completed just four touch- was Matt LoVecchio, who responded to be Willingham says. "If you're do "First of all, I never confirm or deny ariy down passes in 2001, a letdown from 2000. ing selected by finishing the regular season ing a whole lot of zone blitz, of those alieged offers [concerning offers However, freshman quarterback Carlyle .7-0. But his performance in the Fiesta Bowl that's not exactly designed to be

28 SCHOLASTICS PORTS began a series of bad appearances for the effective versus the option, if you can get it tern, with Howard and Fisher combining for young quarterback, and he lost the starting to the right side." another 126 carries. Part of the reason Davie job to Holiday early in the 2001 campaign. "If you know people put nine, eight people used this strategy was because all three play Holiday didn't play much better, leading the in the box, well if you've got that safety in ers were upperclassmen and veterans. mediocre Irish offense for much of the 5-6 the box, then who [on the opposing defense] This is not the case with the 2002 Irish, as season. is going to compensate for that option re only Jones has significant experience. How The past failures of these two quarterbacks sponsibility of taking either the quarterback ever, former Irish runningback Tony Fisher leaves Willingham with the difficult task of or the pitch on the perimeter? So the option does not believe that experience will be a choosing a starter from a pool that includes has a place, because it is an equalizer," he factor because of the new offensive style. LoVecchio, Holiday, Jared Clark, incoming says. "Coach Willingham is coming from the freshman Chris Olsen and possibly Arnaz With the option reduced from Notre West Coast and so he's going to bring a West Battle. Dame's primary attack to a strategy meant Coast offense, so I feel that it won't matter Davie moved Battle from quarterback to to throw opposing defenses off guard, Notre how much experience they have," said flanker after the signal caller broke his wrist Dame's entire offense must be overhauled. Fisher. "With the offense so wide open, ev during a contest against top-ranked Ne While selecting the starting quarterback is eryone will have an equal opportunity when braska in 2000. During the 2001 season, crucial toward achieving that goal, there still it comes to running the ball. I think all of Battle performed reasonably well in his new are many other issues that Willingham must the will need to be ready." position, but like other receivers in Davie's address to prepare for 2002. Second only to In a system where offense, he saw few passes. With blue-chip the quarterback situation in importance. is runningbacks will see freshmen wide receivers Rhema McKnight establishing the role of the runningbacks in less carries, New coach Tyrone Willingham is ready to unleash a new and Maurice Stovall arriving on campus in the new scheme. Willingham has to the fall, Battle might no longer have a place Since Notre Dame's current offensive decide whether it brand of Notre Dame football this season as a receiver and might once again find him players were recruited by Davie for a rush will be favorable to self in the quarterback pool. But Willingham ing attack, Willingham faces the dilemma rely on one starter GERARDMESKILL from the NFL]," says Willingham. "What Holiday, who showed his prowess as an op insists he will not initiate any such move. of working these players into his scheme. to handle most of made Notre Dame a great opportunity for tion quarterback in 2001, doesn't seem con "I don't like moving guys around too Notre Dame's most consistent runningback our months ago, Notre Dame foot- Tyrone Willingham is that it is the most pres cerned by the change in offensive style. much," says Willingham. "I think it's im in 2001 was senior Tony Fisher (4.9 yards Fball was in shambles. On Sunday, tigious football program in the country. It "I think [the new system] will work fine," portant that a young man find a home, and per carry), but he will graduate in December 2, 2001, Bob Davie an- has a record that matches the tradition and said Holiday. "For me it will be fun. I don't we've got to find the right home for [Battle]. May. Senior Terrance Howard nounced that he had been fired as the head the expectation of excellence." think it will be a major adjustment from what So, number one, I will not initiate a move (3.3) also is graduating, leav football coach of the Fighting Irish. Athletic To meet the expectations of excellence I'm doing. We were all recruited here be [back to quarterback], but we'll see what irig junior Julius Jones, Director Kevin White left campus immedi- that Willingham openly embraces, he intends cause we can throw the ball, and I think we'll happens, I guess is the best way to say it." sophomore Ryan Grant and ately to find Davie's successor, and exactly to institute some major changes in Notre 'get the opportunity to do that now with this While Willingham has ensured that he will incoming freshman Nate one week later, he returned seemingly tri- Dame's football strategy, including a com new offense." bring a more complete scheme to the previ Schiccatano as the viable umphant with Georgia Tech's George plete overhaul of the offense. This transi Holiday's enthusiasm gives merit to the ously one-dimensional Notre Dame offense, candidates for the posi O'Leary. tion begins with an all-new coaching staff, speculation that the lack of passing oppor he has been unwilling to completely discard tion. However, O'Leary was exposed five days comprised almost entirely of his assistants tunity in Davie's restrictive option offense the option attack. Jones had majority later forlying about his football playing days from Stanford. Stanford's coaches likely might have stunted the quarterbacks; pass "An option game, run well, is still a very of Notre Dame's car and for claiming to have received a master's brought the passing-oriented "West Coast ing potential. However, Willingham is not powerful attack. That's the truth. Anything ries in 2001, netting degree from NYU .. Less than a week after offense" with them on their trip east, which ready to point a finger at any specific expla executed well can win," says Willingham. 718 yards on 168 at taking the job, he resigned, leaving Notre is expected to replace Notre Dame's slower, nation. "It forces people to balance up and make tempts, an average of Dame with a mammoth black eye and a very ground-based attack. "Well I don't know whether to label it sure that they take their responsibilities se 4.3 yards per carry. large hole to fill. Quickly. Possibly the biggest concern for such a because of a restriction, or whatever," riously. So there's always a place for the However, Davie em White spent the rest of the month search- change lies in Notre Dame's quarterback Willingham says.- "Other people can do that. option, and a smart coach will probably ployed a platoon sys- ing for a new head coach for the second time quandry. Over the past two seasons, none of But I think we can honestly say [Notre make sure that he has some option some in the same offseason. On January 1, he an- the Irish's signal callers have demonstrated Dame's quarterbacks] have not reached their where in his package." nounced a hiring that made many of the Irish a passing capacity necessary to lead an air passing potential. ... And really what I But this is not to say that the Irish offen faithful forget O'Leary ever received the based offensive scheme. Over the 12-game would say is, I'm not interested in them sive scheme will be anywhere near similar honor of being called Notre Dame football schedule, the Irish completed just 109 passes reaching their potential. I'm interested in to Davie's rushing style, since Willingham coach. Tyrone Willingham, Stanf.ord's on 218 attempts, averaging just 9.1 comple them exceeding their potential." intends only to use the option as a check on highly successful coach who reportedly had tions per game. The average yardage per Willingham does not intend to platoon the opposing defense in specific turned down offers from the NFL to leave pass was just 5.1 yards. Meanwhile, Notre quarterbacks, which means that one player situations. the Cardinal," made the transition from Palo· .. Dame was intercepted 11 times, a rise from must be selected from the quarterback pool "The option is an equalizer in Alto to South Bend, scoring a major coup just four picks in 2000. Perhaps most alarm to lead the Irish in 2002. In 2000, that player terms of defensive schemes," for ND's embattled athletic director. ingly, the Irish completed just four touch- was Matt LoVecchio, who responded to be Willingham says. "If you're do "First of all, I never confirm or deny ariy down passes in 2001, a letdown from 2000. ing selected by finishing the regular season ing a whole lot of zone blitz, of those alieged offers [concerning offers However, freshman quarterback Carlyle .7-0. But his performance in the Fiesta Bowl that's not exactly designed to be

28 SCHOLASTICS PORTS tern as soon as possible. "My approach has always been to favor Scam-O-Rama the best player," says Willingham. "If you put the best players on the field - it doesn't 008 returns from break with an empty wallet and a sore backside matter whether they're high school seniors, freshmen, sophomores, juniors, seniors, just got back from spending my spring break in Italy, Land I couldn't stop laughing, because while giving us his shpeal, the fifth-year seniors, it doesn't make a differ- Iof Missing Toilet Seats, where everyone speaks English until salesman butchered every idiomatic expression that passed his you ask for the price. Don't get me wrong - it was burst- lips. While pointing out that some of the etchings on the glass "'"1 i ence - if you play the best players, it's go ing at the seams with culture and history, and I had a lovely were diamond-cut, he reminded us that "Diamonds are the best I ing to give your team the best chance to win. And that's all we want to do is win." time. Oh, except for the part that I spent teetering on the ice girlfriend." When Steph finally caved and bought a glass In addition to using wide receivers more cold, millimeter-wide edge of the typical Italian toilet. And necklace, he asked her, "Am I taking your shirt off?" (He meant often, Willingham hints that he will utilize the part that I spent being ridiculously overcharged for every "Am I taking the shirt off your back?" but this was only tight ends as receivers more often than thing. Once I was actually ridiculously overcharged to use a discerned after several somewhat unnerving silences.) I bought Davie did, an action that would,answer one toilet. When it was all over, my travelling companion, a picture frame for my parents and was finally released. About of the most popular criticisms of the former Stephanie, and I agreed: We had been hosed at least 20 times. three steps from the factory, I found the same frame for half of what coach. I should mention that prices in Italy are in euros, and the fig I gave Idiom Man. By the end of the day, I was definitely tired and "If you're going to utilize a tight end, you ures I'm about to relate would be sick of paying through the toes. want a guy that is amazingly big, amazingly slightly less in dollars. This some- The next day we traveled to agile and plays some portion of the game how fails to ease the pain. CJ) Florence, where we weren't even like an offensive tackle, some portion of the Case in point: Venice, where tourist - \S' trying to buy anything, and we game he plays like a wide receiver," says hosing reaches theme-park 0 still got hosed. See, the churches Willingham. "If we have someone that can proportions. The first day, I paid 11 and piazzas in Florence - and do all of those things, then you'll see him euros for a stick of almond brittle and Italy in general- used to be full go for deep patterns, you'll see him run in 50 euros for a half-hour gondola ride. of breathtaking art you could see termediate patterns, you'll see him run short Then we paid 16 euros each to see an for free. Now they are full of patterns, you'll see him also be a major in "opera" performed in a "theatre" that copies. They've removed all the gredient in our run game, in terms of the bore a striking resemblance to South real art in order to "preserve it." blocking and the schemes we use from that Dining Hall. You couldn't use the That means you go to the museum standpoint. " bathroom until 10 minutes before the behind the church or piazza and The ultimate goal of all of these changes performance because it doubled as a pay eight euros to see half the is to revitalize an offense that showed ma dressing room. It, of course, stuff they ripped out. The other contained a toilet with a wafer-thin half is, of course, in the museum GREASED LIGHTNING Under Willingham's new "West Coast"-style offense, speed will be the jor weaknesses in scoring touchdowns, name of the game. Receivers will be a more integral part of the offense, and quarterbacks, once 'reaching the end zone on offense just 20 edge. During the show, I tuned out down the street. evaluated by their ability to run the option, will be judged by the strength of their passing. times in 2001. One of the glaring weaknesses the "singers" by pondering questions I returned to London with an low a platoon system similar to Davie's. will always be able to give absolutely his that contributed to this failure was Notre like: "Why have a toilet bowl at all empty wallet and a newfound However, he insists that that decision ulti- best effort, because he is fresh from a physi Dame's lack of proficiency in the red zone. then, really? Ale you supposed to appreciation for how expensive it mately will be made by the players. cal standpoint," he adds. "And from a team Willingham believes that his offensive even try to sit down? If so, how do really fat people keep from is to live here. Sure, you still pay through the toes, but at least "In terms of a runningback, you let your standpoint, it means that everyone has, changes, combined with the proper attitude, getting their butts stuck in there?" I never did find out, by the no one tricks you into doing so. Plus all the museums are free. team tell you what to do as a coach," says again, a vested interest in what's taking will result in the necessary changes in of way. And if I had, it probably would have cost three trillion The other day I went to the Tate Modern, a giant modern and Willingham. "If we have one youngman that place, and it's not just a guy standing on the fensive performance. euros to get the explanation in English. contemporary art gallery. This place is so switched on it has T just proves beyond the shadow of any doubt sideline, hoping the team does well." "The real goal is not to get in the red zone. The hosing reached its pinnacle during our visit to the nearby shirts with nipple tassels on them in its gift shop, and admission that he is absolutely the back that should be One offensive position that seems to be There are some people that just want to get island of Murano, where they make Venetian glass and they is free! Incidentally, the Tate houses a minimalist piece by out there 35, 40, 50, 60, 70 plays, then a solid heading into the summer is wide re to the red zone," said Willingham. " ... We don't let you leave until you buy some. The seemingly nice Marcel Duchamp called Fountain, which is simply a toilet, smart coach is going to keep him out there ceiver. Among the 18 players headed to want to score touchdowns in the red zone. folks who ran our hotel said the people from the factory would large cushy seat included. Hey Italy! This stuff is art! Put seats 60, 70 plays. And if not, then you balance South Bend in the fall are receivers Stovall We want to be crystal clear on what our goal pick us up and give us a tour for free, and that "if you purchase on your toilets and double your museum ticket prices! off his strengths and his weaknesses with and McKnight. Both men almost unani is." something, they're happy." What they left out was "if you Oh no, I'm not bitter at all. I'lljust eat nothing but cereal until the next guy." mously were labeled by recruiting experts While the goal sounds simple enough, the don't, they will fire you, sculpt you with metal tongs, and I can bear to look at my checking account balance without But he would prefer to use all three play- as among the top-five wide receiver recruits Irish must addresS issues at the quarterback, drown you in the Adriatic ..", We were locked in upon arrival and blushing. I really did lose quite an embarrassing sum of money. ers. in the nation. However, since they both will runningback and wide receiver positions to relentlessly pursued by a slick, Armani-clad salesman who How much, you ask? "As a football rule, if you can have more be true freshmen in August, one must won be prepared to score touchdowns. In that stalked us, salivating for a sale. I was actually scared of him, but Mi dispiace, non parlo inglese. 0 guys participate in the actual game, you be- der how· soon they will be ready to play. regard, it appears that time, not talent or at come a stronger football team, because then With Notre Dame opening the season in titude, will be Notre Dame's greatest enemy everyone has a vested interested in what's Giants Stadium against Orange Bowl loser in 2002. I~ Willingham can sort out his of taking place," he says. "So that doesn't just Maryland, their inexperience will be an fense quickly enough to survive tough early apply to runningbacks. That applies to all early concern for Willingham. contests against Maryland, Purdue and the positions. While Willingham does not know if he Michigan; th,enhe just might have a chance "If you can have a lot of guys play, then will start the freshmen against the Terrapins, to bring Notre D'ame back to prominence it makes you stronger, because that player . he is determined to work them into his sys- immediately. Only time will tell. 0

30 SCHOLASTICSPORTS SCHOLASTICOUT OF BOUNDS 31 tern as soon as possible. "My approach has always been to favor Scam-O-Rama the best player," says Willingham. "If you put the best players on the field - it doesn't 008 returns from break with an empty wallet and a sore backside matter whether they're high school seniors, freshmen, sophomores, juniors, seniors, just got back from spending my spring break in Italy, Land I couldn't stop laughing, because while giving us his shpeal, the fifth-year seniors, it doesn't make a differ- Iof Missing Toilet Seats, where everyone speaks English until salesman butchered every idiomatic expression that passed his you ask for the price. Don't get me wrong - it was burst- lips. While pointing out that some of the etchings on the glass "'"1 i ence - if you play the best players, it's go ing at the seams with culture and history, and I had a lovely were diamond-cut, he reminded us that "Diamonds are the best I ing to give your team the best chance to win. And that's all we want to do is win." time. Oh, except for the part that I spent teetering on the ice girlfriend." When Steph finally caved and bought a glass In addition to using wide receivers more cold, millimeter-wide edge of the typical Italian toilet. And necklace, he asked her, "Am I taking your shirt off?" (He meant often, Willingham hints that he will utilize the part that I spent being ridiculously overcharged for every "Am I taking the shirt off your back?" but this was only tight ends as receivers more often than thing. Once I was actually ridiculously overcharged to use a discerned after several somewhat unnerving silences.) I bought Davie did, an action that would,answer one toilet. When it was all over, my travelling companion, a picture frame for my parents and was finally released. About of the most popular criticisms of the former Stephanie, and I agreed: We had been hosed at least 20 times. three steps from the factory, I found the same frame for half of what coach. I should mention that prices in Italy are in euros, and the fig I gave Idiom Man. By the end of the day, I was definitely tired and "If you're going to utilize a tight end, you ures I'm about to relate would be sick of paying through the toes. want a guy that is amazingly big, amazingly slightly less in dollars. This some- The next day we traveled to agile and plays some portion of the game how fails to ease the pain. CJ) Florence, where we weren't even like an offensive tackle, some portion of the Case in point: Venice, where tourist - \S' trying to buy anything, and we game he plays like a wide receiver," says hosing reaches theme-park 0 still got hosed. See, the churches Willingham. "If we have someone that can proportions. The first day, I paid 11 and piazzas in Florence - and do all of those things, then you'll see him euros for a stick of almond brittle and Italy in general- used to be full go for deep patterns, you'll see him run in 50 euros for a half-hour gondola ride. of breathtaking art you could see termediate patterns, you'll see him run short Then we paid 16 euros each to see an for free. Now they are full of patterns, you'll see him also be a major in "opera" performed in a "theatre" that copies. They've removed all the gredient in our run game, in terms of the bore a striking resemblance to South real art in order to "preserve it." blocking and the schemes we use from that Dining Hall. You couldn't use the That means you go to the museum standpoint. " bathroom until 10 minutes before the behind the church or piazza and The ultimate goal of all of these changes performance because it doubled as a pay eight euros to see half the is to revitalize an offense that showed ma dressing room. It, of course, stuff they ripped out. The other contained a toilet with a wafer-thin half is, of course, in the museum GREASED LIGHTNING Under Willingham's new "West Coast"-style offense, speed will be the jor weaknesses in scoring touchdowns, name of the game. Receivers will be a more integral part of the offense, and quarterbacks, once 'reaching the end zone on offense just 20 edge. During the show, I tuned out down the street. evaluated by their ability to run the option, will be judged by the strength of their passing. times in 2001. One of the glaring weaknesses the "singers" by pondering questions I returned to London with an low a platoon system similar to Davie's. will always be able to give absolutely his that contributed to this failure was Notre like: "Why have a toilet bowl at all empty wallet and a newfound However, he insists that that decision ulti- best effort, because he is fresh from a physi Dame's lack of proficiency in the red zone. then, really? Ale you supposed to appreciation for how expensive it mately will be made by the players. cal standpoint," he adds. "And from a team Willingham believes that his offensive even try to sit down? If so, how do really fat people keep from is to live here. Sure, you still pay through the toes, but at least "In terms of a runningback, you let your standpoint, it means that everyone has, changes, combined with the proper attitude, getting their butts stuck in there?" I never did find out, by the no one tricks you into doing so. Plus all the museums are free. team tell you what to do as a coach," says again, a vested interest in what's taking will result in the necessary changes in of way. And if I had, it probably would have cost three trillion The other day I went to the Tate Modern, a giant modern and Willingham. "If we have one youngman that place, and it's not just a guy standing on the fensive performance. euros to get the explanation in English. contemporary art gallery. This place is so switched on it has T just proves beyond the shadow of any doubt sideline, hoping the team does well." "The real goal is not to get in the red zone. The hosing reached its pinnacle during our visit to the nearby shirts with nipple tassels on them in its gift shop, and admission that he is absolutely the back that should be One offensive position that seems to be There are some people that just want to get island of Murano, where they make Venetian glass and they is free! Incidentally, the Tate houses a minimalist piece by out there 35, 40, 50, 60, 70 plays, then a solid heading into the summer is wide re to the red zone," said Willingham. " ... We don't let you leave until you buy some. The seemingly nice Marcel Duchamp called Fountain, which is simply a toilet, smart coach is going to keep him out there ceiver. Among the 18 players headed to want to score touchdowns in the red zone. folks who ran our hotel said the people from the factory would large cushy seat included. Hey Italy! This stuff is art! Put seats 60, 70 plays. And if not, then you balance South Bend in the fall are receivers Stovall We want to be crystal clear on what our goal pick us up and give us a tour for free, and that "if you purchase on your toilets and double your museum ticket prices! off his strengths and his weaknesses with and McKnight. Both men almost unani is." something, they're happy." What they left out was "if you Oh no, I'm not bitter at all. I'lljust eat nothing but cereal until the next guy." mously were labeled by recruiting experts While the goal sounds simple enough, the don't, they will fire you, sculpt you with metal tongs, and I can bear to look at my checking account balance without But he would prefer to use all three play- as among the top-five wide receiver recruits Irish must addresS issues at the quarterback, drown you in the Adriatic ..", We were locked in upon arrival and blushing. I really did lose quite an embarrassing sum of money. ers. in the nation. However, since they both will runningback and wide receiver positions to relentlessly pursued by a slick, Armani-clad salesman who How much, you ask? "As a football rule, if you can have more be true freshmen in August, one must won be prepared to score touchdowns. In that stalked us, salivating for a sale. I was actually scared of him, but Mi dispiace, non parlo inglese. 0 guys participate in the actual game, you be- der how· soon they will be ready to play. regard, it appears that time, not talent or at come a stronger football team, because then With Notre Dame opening the season in titude, will be Notre Dame's greatest enemy everyone has a vested interested in what's Giants Stadium against Orange Bowl loser in 2002. I~ Willingham can sort out his of taking place," he says. "So that doesn't just Maryland, their inexperience will be an fense quickly enough to survive tough early apply to runningbacks. That applies to all early concern for Willingham. contests against Maryland, Purdue and the positions. While Willingham does not know if he Michigan; th,enhe just might have a chance "If you can have a lot of guys play, then will start the freshmen against the Terrapins, to bring Notre D'ame back to prominence it makes you stronger, because that player . he is determined to work them into his sys- immediately. Only time will tell. 0

30 SCHOLASTICSPORTS SCHOLASTICOUT OF BOUNDS 31 , . . . , . ..'

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PRO MEETS NOVICE The cast of The Life of Galileois an impressive mix of 26 actors, bringing together Notre Dame students and professional stage actors. The performance will be in coordination wth an on-campus conference, "Galileo imd'the Catholic, , .~ -- .- . / »Notre Dame thespians collaborate with professionals to bring the life of Gameo Church." to the stage Lutz, the German actress who originally debuted the role of Virginia for Brecht at SHEILAFLYNN eral awards in the United States and Ger- The cast of The Life of Galileo seems the Berliner Ensemble in 1956. many, brings to the production an under adequately suited to portraying such com "I'm very nervous to talk to her," says ot every college can boast that standing of both US audiences and the plex, significant characters and historical Kertez. "Meeting the woman who origi Npeople from all over the world German culture ofthe original playwright, figures. The 26-member cast is headed by nated the role is a really intimidating flock to its campus to see stu- Brecht. Tony Lawton, who will play Galileo. A thing." dents perform. Nor can most colleges Those who only know of Galileo from 1989 graduate of Notre Dame and a 10- Lutz is not involved in the production claim that their theatrical productions are lyrics of Queen's song "Bohemian Rhap year veteran of the Philadelphia stage, solely as a spectator, however. She played directed by renowned Europeans and in sody," might be surprised by the play. The Lawton has spent the last two years teach a significant role in advising Teschke in clude professional stage actors in their show reveals a man whose life is filled ing acting at the university as a visiting his preparation of the play and will con casts. But Notre Dame is one university with discovery, defiance, conflict and professor. He has been preparing the role duct an acting workshop for Notre Dame that can. emotion. Galileo, after developing a tele of Galileo for almost a year. theater students during her time on cam On April 17, an international audience scope allowing increased observation of "Playing Galileo is hard because he is pus. Galileo expert Dava Sobel also made will gather in Washington Hall for the first the heavens, refutes the traditional belief. so huge," s~ys Lawton. "He is so much considerable contributions to the FTT pro Notre Dame performance of The Life of that the Earth is the center of the universe. bigger than me and his ideas are so much duction, and she, too, will attend the play. Galileo. Written by celebrated German This support of a Copernican, or sun-cen bigger than mine." The author of the book Galileo's Daugh playwright Bertolt Brecht, the work was tered, universe sparks a feud with the But Lawton's efforts to invest the char ter, Sobel gave Teshke two letters writ translated into English by British play Catholic Church, which refuses to accept acter with appropriate dynamism and ten by Virginia for use in the play. These wright David Hare. Notre Dame's produc the information as true and bans Galileo's enormity are more than successful. invaluable firsthand sources allow further tion of the show, sponsored by the De writings. Subsequently 'reduced from a Galileo's brilliance and mischievousness insight into the relationship between partment of Film, Television and Theatre, brilliant and outspoken scientific hero to leap out to the audience from the stage, Galileo and Virginia, as well as between will be directed by Holger Teschke of the a crushed and controlled recluse, the eld enhanced by Lawton's extensive comedic Virginia and the Catholic Church. Teschke famed Berliner Ensemble, a theater troupe erly Galileo appears completely defeated developments and passionate conveyance cites the letters and Sobel's book as the and playhouse founded by Brecht and his until he engineers a final subtle and inge of intense emotion. And the portrayal of sources which truly revealed to him the rians, writers and impeccable caliber of the wife in 1949. Teshke, the recipient of sev- nious act of defiance. Galileo's daughter, Virginia, played by significance of Virginia's character, both astronomers from play is undeniable. The Notre Dame sophomore Katy Kertez, is in history and in the play. countries and insti "Playing Galileo high quality of the acting equally impressive. Kertez captures the "I believe historically Virginia was por tutes of higher edu is hard because and directing extends to fierce loyalty, concern and pain that Vir trayed as very timid," says Teschke. "She cation all over the the scenery and cos ginia must survive as she witnesses her was really very educated and smart and world. his ideas are so tumes - members of the father's battle and persecution - making actually read her father's books, although The four perfor FTT faculty supervised it nearly impossible to guess that this is they presented problems for her as a nun." mances of the play much bigger both aspects. Bruce Kertez's first role on the main stage. A This emphasis on problems and contra will be followed by Auerbach, associate double major in English and FTT, Kertez diction, especially between religion and analytical discus than me," chair of the department, . eschews the traditional presentation of science, is one of the main points of sions. Sobel and designed and built the : Virginia as a passive watcher, depicting Teschke's interpretation of the play. In Lawton will each -Tony Lawton set, and Rick Donnelly, ; her instead as highly involved in her contrast, Brecht's original version focused lead one of these associate professional i father's life. post-performance specialist, oversaw the I on .exploring neither contradictory mat ! "She's the only person who remains ters nor Virginia's role. discussions, and actors' wardrobes. These i faithful to him throughout the entire or- "What we tried to do was to find out Lutz and Teschke will together lead an detailed facets of the show enhance the . i deal," says Kertez. But Kertez, while ex . the complexity beyond what Brecht tries other session. The complex theatrical pro production by offsetting theatrical bril I cited about performing such a challeng to express in the play," says Teschke. duction of the play easily paves the way liance with memorable visual impres I ing and prestigious role, also is consider The play was scheduled this weekend for profound discussions and debates sions, drawing the audience into the world ! ably nervous about opening night - a to coincide with "Galileo and the Catho about Galileo's life and role in history, of ancient Italy in a time of intellectual I typical emotion of lead actors that is par lic Church," a conference of renowned and the goals of the performance are high turmoil. I ticularly intensified in Kertez's case. Galileo scholars from around the world. - and nearly indescribable, 'says The Life of Galileo offers an entertain I In addition to suffering from typical The conference will examine the Church's Teschke. ing ride through theological and scientific i pre-show jitters, Kertez is anxious be react,ion to Galileo's discoveries and its "If I could say what my goals are in history, throwing in humor, emotion and I cause her audience will include Regine three or four sentences, then I would write vivid character development. You can I treatment of his scientific work. The Life i ." --.' .'. '., . .... of Galileo will be a major highlight of the a poem about it," laughs Teschke. "But I laugh while you learn and question while 1 , STAR .GAZING:Gal!leo (Tony Lawton ND '89) event. The conference will feature vari can't." you cry, and you might just end up know .\ r~f1~c~~on -il car~~r-gone awrj,ashis daughter, But despite the fact that the goals and ing more about Galileo than you did from __ , .... ___ .. ,~ ...,--.·1 Virginia (Katy KeJ1ez ND '04) looks on .. ous lectures and discussions. Participants .... ;...... , , '1 '" ::.'. .' . include philosophers, theologians, histo- lessons of the play may be intangible, the a Queen song. 0 --...... :.....:--.;-.- .. -'--...:--~.~~.~ .. - •. -.,~--_~_... ~. _'~_ ~ __~,..:..-~ .....:..._:....._. ____ .....:.._~_ .... _____._J

32 SCHOLASTICENTERTAINMENT SCHOLASTICENTERTAINMENT 33

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32 SCHOLASTICENTERTAINMENT SCHOLASTICENTERTAINMENT 33

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I ":"'-,'; I . ~------I' 'I .' " Apr. 11 - Apr. 24 A Farewell to Dreams and Cereal /-,~.------:---:c----,-,~./--.--:--:---. --.--. --:--- --~ ~:-- --:-. ---.-:--.1 I might never be the Leprechaun, but I can still eat like one

SEAN DUDLEY spent most of this year telling frie~ds all that head-banging.) Krispies that I could never get with my EDITOR'S CHOICE LECTURES Iand random strangers that I was gomg Speaking of leprechauns, I'm ecstatic spoon. Where's the Sun? • Fri 12 Mary Trotter, "The Woman to be the Leprechaun next year. So why that Lucky Charms will be returning to the Although I'm not lucky enough to see on the Road: Invasion, Eviction and am I not trying out? I can't grow a beard. dining halls next year. If hearts, moons, Cocoa Krispies come back next year, nor the Homeless Woman in Modern here's a month of school left and we My 16-year-old brother has more hair than horseshoes, diamonds, stars, rainbows, pots to be the Leprechaun and pretend it's actu Irish Drama," 3:00 PM, 1125 Tstill haven't seen much spring weather. I do. of gold and clovers don't belong on this ally me whose Lucky Charms they're al Flanner Hall. I left budding trees, blooming flowers, and I'm also a little too tall to be the Lepre campus, I don't know what does. ways after, I have had my fair share of luck • Fri 12 and Sat 13 "In Multiple 70-degree weather in St. Louis on the Car chaun. Although I'm this year. Sure, I knew what a bike-time Voices: Challenges and Prospects dinals' opening day. Once we got half-way a bit upset about it, commitment it would be when I found out for Islamic Peachebuilding After up the state of Illinois, we were driving in 30 it's a huge relief to be last summer that I was going to live in September 11," Fri - 3:00 PM, Sat- degree temperatures, seeing snow-covered too tall for something Carroll. But it turns out I was dealt the per 8:30 AM, C-100 Hesburgh Center. fields, and being pelted by hail. If you're other than the ball pit fect cards, especially when two of my three • Fri 19 Vincent Cornell, "What is anticipating warmer weather as much as 1 at McDonald's. I roommates moved out halfway through the Authentic Islam? Debating Diversity am,'dig out your grass skirt and head to the stopped playing bas year, leaving me with only one roommate and Extremism," 4:00 PM, Hawai'i Club Lu'au this Saturday. There ketball my junior in a gigantic, one-room quad. Hesburgh Library Auditorium. will be Hawaiian food, entertainment and year of high school You should see what we've done with student singers and dancers. when 1 realized 1 had the room. 1 think the interior decorator deep CINEMA The baseball and softball seasons are in been five-foot-l0- inside all of us surfaced a little in me as 1 • Thu 11 Christine Swanson, FIT full swing. Go and cheer on our teams to inches since seventh rearranged the room three times at the be Alumni Filmmakers Series, All About get yourself in summer mode. grade. Here at ND, 1 ginning of this semester. 1 even bought a You, 7:00 PM, Hesburgh Library On another note, SUB is bringing Harry have to wake up ev wicker couch to blend in with Carroll's Auditorium. Potter to campus this weekend. Go and ery morning and face wood paneling and rustic ambiance. Sure, • Thu 11, Fri 12 and Sat 13 Harry watch it again. If you haven't seen it, you're the fact that I'll never 1 took a lot of flack for it - 1 guess wicker Potter and Dark Side of the really missing out. be an Irish Guard in is not very dorm-esque - but you know Rainbow, Thu - 10:00 PM, Fri and a kilt nor a basketball what? Someday that couch is going to be Sat - 7:30 PM and 10:00 PM, - Jennifer Osterhage guard in ajersey. My in my bedroom, and my wife and 1 are go DeBartolo 101 and 155. only memory of Ce 'ing to sit on it and watch TV together, dar Point is standing dammit, and I'll be glad 1 bought it! SPORTS • Thu 18, Fri 19 and Sat 20 Black • Fri 12 Softball:ND vs. Connecticut, • Sat 20 Softball: ND vs. Virginia Tech, on my tippy-toes try Then again, being a guy who is great at i Hawk Down and Lady and the 11 :00 AM, Ivy Field. ing to convince the scoring negative points with girls, 4:00 PM, Ivy Field. Tramp, Thu - 10:00 PM, Fri and Sat • Sat 20 and Sun 21 Golf: ND Men carnIes 1 was tall I'm starting to wonder if!' 11 ever convince • Fri 12 Baseball: ND vs. Virginia - 7:30 PM and 10:00 PM, DeBartolo Big East Championship, All day, enough to ride the someone to marry me. I'm a master Tech, 5:05 PM, Frank Eck Stadium. 101 and 155. Warren Golf Course. Magnum. Two of the of poor timing, excessive flirtation and • Sun14 Softball: ND vs. Syracuse, • Tue 23 International Film Series: • Sun 21 Lacrosse: ND Men vs. four girls 1 dated in typical male oblivious-ness (1 like 11 :00 AM, Ivy Field. Tito and Me (Yugoslavia), 7:00 PM Fairfield, 1 :00 PM, Moose Krause high school were to call it "self-transcendence"). I'm about • Sun 14 Lacrosse: ND Women vs. and 9:00 PM, Montgomery Theatre, Field. taller than me and loved rubbing it in by On a downer, though, how did Cocoa as good at reading signs from women Yale, 2:00 PM, Moose Krause Field. LaFortune Student Center. wearing high heels anyway. Krispies not make the cut on the cereal sur as I am at sight-reading Braille. • Mon 15 Baseball: ND vs. Central • Tue 23 Baseball: ND vs. Chicago State, 6:05 PM, Frank Eck Stadium. Furthermore, I am not buff enough to be vey? Have we lost our awe at the cereal's At least being pitiful with women will Michigan, 6:05 PM, Frank Eck THE ARTS • Wed 24 Baseball: ND vs. Bowling the Leprechaun. I refuse to be a mediocre ability to change what once was ordinary always provide me' with ample song Stadium. • Mon 15 Womyn With Wings Green, 6:05 PM, Frank Eck Stadium. mascot who secretly hopes the Irish won't milk into chocolate greatness? Before material when I'm a famous pop star. 1 al • Tue 16 Baseball: ND vs. Ball State, Actors, 7:00 PM, LaFortune Student STUDENT LIFE score for a while so I don't have to turn Notre Dame, when I didn't have the op ready have four songs from my high 6:05 PM, Frank Eck Stadium. Center. • Sat 13 2002 Hawai'i Club Lu'au: blue in the face doing more push-ups. If I portunity to drink chocolate milk at every school experience with being dumped: "In • Wed 17 Softball: ND vs. Indiana • Sun 21 ND Jazz Bands Spring Holoholo Kakou, 6:30 PM, LaFortune ever do manage to don the green outfit, I meal, Cocoa Krispies was the only source decision," "Burned," "Cruel Reality" State, 4:00 PM, Ivy Field. Swing, 3:00 PM, Band Building. Ballroom. will be a monster who can flip like a mad available. I vividly remember all those and "Better Off." Watch for my CD some man, throw cheerleaders like a pro, and times I would - and still do - pick up time within the next five years; I'll be THE WEEKENDER dance like Usher rather than Urra. (My less the bowl and hastily down the bottom third a hit - they don't have a facial hair re Post your even in Scholastic's What: South Bend Symphony Orchestra's Masterwork's 19th than-thigh-tliick neck just isn't cut out for of it, including the three or four stupid quirement for pop stars. 0 Seri~s: Coming Distractions. Century Revolutionaries (featuring Beethoven, Wagner and Llszt) When: Saturday, April 13 at 8:00 PM Get the recognition your event deserves. E-mail Where: Morris Performing Arts Center your submissions to Jennifer Osterhage at Cost: $5 for students [email protected]. For Tickets: call 1-800-537-6415 or visit www.morriscenter.org . Submit an SOO-word essay for Week in Distortion. E-mail us a~ scholast@nd,edu, • All submissions are subject to Scholastic approval.

34 SCHOLASTICWEEK IN DISTORTION SCHOLASTICCALENDAR 35

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34 SCHOLASTICWEEK IN DISTORTION SCHOLASTICCALENDAR 35

, , , ~-~~ ...~~-----.---- '~ . . . \. ~ -:. . . ,~------., The Priest Crisis by Matt Vereecke

ednesday nights usually find me with a more than once what I think about the situation. Each W load of homework in my backpack, camped time, I try to give an answer that I feel is a little less out at a table in the upper levels of the human. A basic part of me wants to defend what library. I read, study, outline.and highlight for two or happened, because the perpetrator is somehow con three hours after dinner, reveling in the silence and nected to me. But I can't defend him or what he praying for a break. At 9:45, no matter what I' m doing, did, and instead I choose to agree with the ques I close the books, pack up my bag and travel to O'Neill tioners. Yes, it is a horrible tragedy. Yes, the Church Hall. should do something about that. Yes, I hate what he Wednesday nights are Father John Herman's ice did as well. cream nights. Six or seven students get together, cel But despite all of these thoughts that go running ebrate Mass, and then join Father John for ice cream through my head, I arrive right back at the place and conversation. The world isn't a scary place inside where I started: a sense of sickness at the fact that that chapel or within his room. During that brief hour things like this happen in the first place. And this when our group gathers every week, all wars cease, sense of sickness is compounded because the very the news disappears and problems no longer exist. type of person who is supposed to heal situations After an hour of laughter and fellowship, good-na like this is the one .~ho caused it. tured ribbing and ice cream, I head home across South For a short time, I thought the Church was going Quad. It is always very dark by this time, and I can to have to change everything. Psychological test always see the Dome just before I round the corner to ing would have to be done each year. Hotlines would get back to Old College. And it is at that moment, ev have to be created in order to prevent and monitor ery week, that I cannot help but feel absolutely privi future abuse. Whatever it took, and whatever in leged to be a seminarian in the Congregation of Holy convenience or mistrust these actions caused would Cross. And then a month ago, I heard about Boston. be irrelevant. What would be important is that it The news media has labeled the situation in Boston never could happen again. a "crisis" in the Church, and they may be right in do Last week I was walking home from Father John's ing so. I find no reason to defend what has happened room, feeling discouraged and lost about the whole there. Part of me wants to find anything to say that affair. It had been mentioned in passing that night, ------~------"It is sickening to think of someone in might make the Church and once again, no real conclusions had been reached. look better, but a larger part I walked around the corner to Old College, and I saw such a trusted position taking thinks that what happened the Dome. I expected to feel the same taste of revul advantage of young people at such an in Boston is despicable. It sion in my mouth that I got whenever I thought about innocent age. And it can sometimes be is sickening to think of the scandal. But I didn't. Instead, I felt absolutely worse to think that I am putting myself someone in such a trusted privileged to be a seminarian in the Congregation of into a position to be associated with position taking advantage Holy Cross. It was then I realized that the Church is of young people at such an not in crisis. The Church is stronger than ever. someone like that." innocent age. And it can For every unbalanced person out there who has Matt Vereecke is a sometimes be worse to think that I am putting myself stumbled into this ministry, there are a hundred oth sophomore in Old into a position to be associated with someone like that. ers like Father John who live out the Church's com College majoring in Someday, I may be putting on a Roman collar, and mands in ways that inspire the rest of us to live holy English. He is from perhaps I'll even walk down the same streets he did, lives. And for every hundred priests like Father John, Grand Rapids, Mich. seeing the same people. And maybe instead of seeing there are a thousand other young people who want me, they'll see him all over again. to be like them, who want to join them, who want During freshman orientation I met a couple of girls to give back what they've learned from them. who had never heard of Old College before. I began Notre Dame has some of the most dynamic, like to explain the dynamics of an undergraduate seminary able priests that the Church has to offer. They can't when one of the girls mentioned that the priest at her undo what has been done, and a thousand good ac parish got caught molesting children, and they didn't tions on their part are not going to change the lives do anything about it. Then she asked me if I thought of those who suffered. Desp,ite this, it is their guid that was OK. At the time, I let this insult pass. I moved ance, their love and their dedication that will keep on, ignored the conversation. In my mind, it was com the Church alive. This is not a crisis for the Church, pletely unnecessary, because things like that don't hap because it did not bring to light a corruption that pen in the real world. And then all of a sudden you makes everything else look dim. Instead, it brought wake up, and they do. to light a corruption that makes everything else look Since the breaking of the scandal, I've been asked .. that much brighter. . 0

36 SCHOLASTIC FINAL WORD The Priest Crisis by Matt Vereecke ednesday nights usually find me with a more than once what I think about the situation. Each W load of homework in my backpack, camped time, I try to give an answer that I feel is a little less out at a table in the upper levels of the human. A basic part of me wants to defend what library. I read, study, outline.and highlight for two or happened, because the perpetrator is somehow con three hours after dinner, reveling in the silence and nected to me. But I can't defend him or what he praying for a break. At 9:45, no matter what I' m doing, did, and instead I choose to agree with the ques I close the books, pack up my bag and travel to O'Neill tioners. Yes, it is a horrible tragedy. Yes, the Church Hall. should do something about that. Yes, I hate what he Wednesday nights are Father John Herman's ice did as well. cream nights. Six or seven students get together, cel But despite all of these thoughts that go running ebrate Mass, and then join Father John for ice cream through my head, I arrive right back at the place and conversation. The world isn't a scary place inside where I started: a sense of sickness at the fact that that chapel or within his room. During that brief hour things like this happen in the first place. And this when our group gathers every week, all wars cease, sense of sickness is compounded because the very the news disappears and problems no longer exist. type of person who is supposed to heal situations After an hour of laughter and fellowship, good-na like this is the one .~ho caused it. tured ribbing and ice cream, I head home across South For a short time, I thought the Church was going Quad. It is always very dark by this time, and I can to have to change everything. Psychological test always see the Dome just before I round the corner to ing would have to be done each year. Hotlines would get back to Old College. And it is at that moment, ev have to be created in order to prevent and monitor ery week, that I cannot help but feel absolutely privi future abuse. Whatever it took, and whatever in leged to be a seminarian in the Congregation of Holy convenience or mistrust these actions caused would Cross. And then a month ago, I heard about Boston. be irrelevant. What would be important is that it The news media has labeled the situation in Boston never could happen again. a "crisis" in the Church, and they may be right in do Last week I was walking home from Father John's ing so. I find no reason to defend what has happened room, feeling discouraged and lost about the whole there. Part of me wants to find anything to say that affair. It had been mentioned in passing that night, ------~------"It is sickening to think of someone in might make the Church and once again, no real conclusions had been reached. look better, but a larger part I walked around the corner to Old College, and I saw such a trusted position taking thinks that what happened the Dome. I expected to feel the same taste of revul advantage of young people at such an in Boston is despicable. It sion in my mouth that I got whenever I thought about innocent age. And it can sometimes be is sickening to think of the scandal. But I didn't. Instead, I felt absolutely worse to think that I am putting myself someone in such a trusted privileged to be a seminarian in the Congregation of into a position to be associated with position taking advantage Holy Cross. It was then I realized that the Church is of young people at such an not in crisis. The Church is stronger than ever. someone like that." innocent age. And it can For every unbalanced person out there who has Matt Vereecke is a sometimes be worse to think that I am putting myself stumbled into this ministry, there are a hundred oth sophomore in Old into a position to be associated with someone like that. ers like Father John who live out the Church's com College majoring in Someday, I may be putting on a Roman collar, and mands in ways that inspire the rest of us to live holy English. He is from perhaps I'll even walk down the same streets he did, lives. And for every hundred priests like Father John, Grand Rapids, Mich. seeing the same people. And maybe instead of seeing there are a thousand other young people who want me, they'll see him all over again. to be like them, who want to join them, who want During freshman orientation I met a couple of girls to give back what they've learned from them. who had never heard of Old College before. I began Notre Dame has some of the most dynamic, like to explain the dynamics of an undergraduate seminary able priests that the Church has to offer. They can't when one of the girls mentioned that the priest at her undo what has been done, and a thousand good ac parish got caught molesting children, and they didn't tions on their part are not going to change the lives do anything about it. Then she asked me if I thought of those who suffered. Desp,ite this, it is their guid that was OK. At the time, I let this insult pass. I moved ance, their love and their dedication that will keep on, ignored the conversation. In my mind, it was com the Church alive. This is not a crisis for the Church, pletely unnecessary, because things like that don't hap because it did not bring to light a corruption that pen in the real world. And then all of a sudden you makes everything else look dim. Instead, it brought wake up, and they do. to light a corruption that makes everything else look Since the breaking of the scandal, I've been asked .. that much brighter. . 0

36 SCHOLASTIC FINAL WORD · opening act

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