THE FILIPINA‐SOUTH FLORIDIAN INTERNATIONAL INTERNET MARRIAGE PRACTICE: AGENCY, CULTURE, AND PARADOX

by

Pamela Sullivan Haley

A Dissertation Submitted to the Faculty of

The Dorothy F. Schmidt College of Arts and Letters

in Partial Fulfillment of the Requirements for the Degree of

Doctor of Philosophy

Florida Atlantic University

Boca Raton, Florida

December 2008

Copyright by Pamela Sullivan Haley 2008

ii

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

I would like to thank my advisor, Dr. Lynn Appleton for her support of and

dedication to this project from its inception. Her timely feedback greatly

influenced the completion of this dissertation. Moreover, her outstanding

teaching while pursuing my Masters Degree was the spark that ignited this

academic journey. Without her outstanding teaching skills, mentoring, and

encouragement, none of this would have been possible. A note of thanks also

goes to two former teachers, Dr. Noemi Marin, who taught me the nuances of rhetorical analysis and Dr. Mary Cameron, who taught me the value and skill of ethnographic interviewing. I would also like to thank the men and women who

graciously shared their experiences with me. Deep gratitude also goes to my

brother‐in‐law, Dr. Jerry Morris, who spent countless hours editing numerous

drafts and my sister, Sue, who assisted in some formatting glitches. Finally, this project would not have been possible without the full support, encouragement,

and practical assistance of my husband, Dale Haley, whose management of

computer glitches and all daily household chores—without ever complaining—

allowed me to complete this dissertation.

iv

ABSTRACT

Author: Pamela Sullivan Haley

Title: The Filipina‐South Floridian International Internet Marriage Practice: Agency, Culture, and Paradox

Institution: Florida Atlantic University

Dissertation Advisor: Dr. Lynn Appleton

Degree: Doctorate of Philosophy

Year: 2008

This dissertation concerns the structures and individual agency of Filipina

brides who met their American husbands through Internet or pen pal advertisements. Popular media, legal scholars, and some feminists have largely described the phenomenon in terms of its oppressiveness toward the women involved, thus dismissing any agency on the part of the women.

Similarly, much of the scholarship has located the American Internet grooms as ogres who are out to exploit these women for domestic and sexual

services. If prominent researchers of this phenomenon are correct in their

assessments that Filipina Internet brides operate as effective agents, then one also assumes these women continue that agency when they settle into their new lives

v as Filipina wives married to American men. Therefore, my central research

question is: How has this agency manifested itself, and has this manifestation been

problematic for the American groom, who, from the typical Internet adʹs text and

images and coupled with prevailing American cultural assumptions, assumed he

was getting a submissive wife? To explore possible answers to these questions I

performed a rhetorical analysis of two typical Internet advertisements. The focus

on the ads is important to my study because the Internet advertisements both

shape and reflect the popular view of the so‐called Filipina “mail‐order bride.”

Next, in order to gain the Internet brides’ and grooms’ perspectives of the

phenomenon, I interviewed three Filipina‐Americano couples currently living in

South Florida between November, 2005, and October, 2007.

My findings support the scholars who forefront the brides’ agency and,

therefore, reject the stereotypes projected on the Internet advertisements. My

findings also reject the stereotype of the exploitative husband. From my

interview data, the women appeared agentive and the men encouraged their

wives’ agency. An unanticipated and paradoxical outcropping of the interviews

was the participants’ descriptions of their courtship and subsequent marriages.

In this one area both the brides and grooms unanimously deemphasized their own agency, and instead highlighted romantic narratives with each insisting that they had “fallen in love.” vi

DEDICATION

This manuscript is dedicated to my late mother, Helen Sullivan Rogers, who, even though she did not live to see me graduate, had always encouraged me to pursue this goal.

vii

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Chapter 1: INTRODUCTION...... 1

Purpose and Justification...... 2

Definition of Terms...... 5

Chapter 2: LITERATURE REVIEW ...... 12

The Web Sites ...... 14

Exploitation of the Filipina Internet Bride...... 22

International Brides as Both Agents and Victims...... 30

Chapter 3: METHODOLOGY ...... 41

The Advertisements...... 41

The Interviews...... 43

Interviews and Expectations ...... 45

Chapter 4: THICK DESCRIPTION AND ANALYSIS OF INTERNATIONAL

BRIDE ADS ...... 50

Wedding Symbolism and Patriarchy ...... 70

Chapter 5: STRUCTURAL FACTORS THAT UNDERWRITE THE FILIPINA

INTERNET BRIDE PRACTICE...... 81

Filipino Colonial History, Capitalism, and the Construction of the Submissive

Filipina...... 81

The Othering of the Filipina ...... 92

Chapter 6: THE INTERVIEWS...... 97

The Couples ...... 98

Nileen and Bob ...... 98

Neneng and Jay ...... 99 viii Nora and Mel...... 100

The Interviews...... 101

Extended Family Relations...... 125

Disappointments...... 132

Conversational Asymmetries...... 139

Conclusion ...... 142

Chapter 7: TALES OF ROMANCE...... 145

Chapter 8: CONCLUSIONS ...... 159

NOTES ...... 169

WORKS CITED...... 175

APPENDIX...... 178

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THE FILIPINA‐SOUTH FLORIDIAN INTERNATIONAL INTERNET MARRIAGE PRACTICE: AGENCY, CULTURE, AND PARADOX

When you buy a horse, an ox, a dog, clothes and a bed, even a cup and a pitcher, you get the chance to look them over. But no one displays a bride, lest she displease beforee th marriage.

Chapter 1: INTRODUCTION

The above misogynistic medieval quote may have been applicable in

Chaucer’s “The Wife of Bath’s Prologue,” but today brides are often literally displayed in a format that Chaucer could have never imagined—the World Wide

Web. A January, 2008, Google search with the key words mail‐order brides yielded

over 250,000 web addresses. An advanced Google search limiting the search to

.com sites with the keywords Filipina brides rendered over 82,000 hits. These

simple Internet searches suggest that procuring a wife from an international

Internet bride advertisement is a novel yet burgeoning marriage practice that has emerged during the last few decades. For example, in the 1990s the number of online matchmaking companies grew exponentially (Schaeffer‐Grabiel 331). The

majority of these web sites consists of businesses that assist Western men in procuring foreign brides, most of whom come from First and Second World countries. Today, most brides are from the Philippines and most grooms from

1 the United States (Chun 1). Indeed, the international Internet bride phenomenon

has become so common in the Philippines that in 1990 the Philippine Congress

passed Republic Act No. 6955 which states that it is unlawful to match Filipino

women for marriage to foreigners on a mail‐order basis (“Republic Act No. 6955”

Legal News Page”). In 2006, President George W. Bush signed the Violence against Women and Department of Justice Reauthorization Act of 2005. Title VIII of VAWA 2005 is entitled, “Protection of Battered and Trafficked Immigrants,” and contains Subtitle D, “International Marriage Broker Regulation.” (U.S. Dept. of Homeland Security Interoffice Memorandum)

Purpose and Justification

The scholarly debate concerning this type of international bride practice has

largely focused on human agency versus victimization, with the majority of

scholars emphasizing the bride as exploited, commodified, and even trafficked.

The victimization approach locates these women as victims—specifically victims

of unscrupulous web site businesses, but more broadly victims of a set of

structural forces over which these women have little or no control. Conversely,

the agency approach situates these women as human agents who, although they

are relatively powerless and easily victimized, are nevertheless actively

attempting to escape a bleak future of what they see as dead‐end lives in the

2 Philippines. Advertising themselves on international Internet web sites or joining pen pal organizations is a step towards getting out of the Philippines and poverty.

Generally, this dissertation concerns female agency and the overriding structures that both initiate and constrain that agency. Scholars have examined the international bride phenomenon from both the human agency and social

structure approaches and found that neither of these perspectives alone is

sufficiently nuanced to capture the complexity of these women’s lives and choices.1 Social scientists have increasingly avoided dichotomizing social phenomena as either agency or structure (Wharton 373), as clearly both the structural and agentive are necessary when analyzing a social phenomenon.

Hence, my research will avoid taking a contrastive stance in favor of one approach over the other, but it will offer a synthesis of this often conflicting

dualism. In other words, my paper will not be a debate over the primacy of

Filipina individual agency over local or global structures or vice versa. Instead, drawing on Giddens’ 1984 structuration theory (169), I posit that the overarching structures of the Filipina brides’ experience are both enabling and constraining—

enabling in that the Filipina brides have managed to muster enough resources to

act in their self‐interests, but undoubtedly constrained by a plethora of

social rules by which they must abide. 3 Feminist theory teaches that patriarchal structures tend to impede women’s self‐determining agency (Meyers 5). For example, external structures such as

colonial values that honored virginity, fidelity, and patriarchy have been

internalized to produce a certain kind of agency, an agency that feminists might

argue is negative or that Bourdieu might argue is illusory (81). Clearly, structural

forces shape all of our lives regardless of whether we recognize them or not. As my literature review suggests, individual agency is indeed a factor in the

Filipina‐Americano international marriage practice. However, structural factors, beginning with the gendered history of the Philippines, ultimately encompass

and fashion events leading up to the Filipina placing her picture, height, weight,

education level, and so forth on international Internet web sites in the hopes of

attracting a Western male.

Specifically, my research will examine the Filipina international bride

experience from an angle which social scientists have not yet explored. If social

anthropologists such as Constable and Roces are correct in their assessment that

Filipina Internet brides operate as effective agents despite the structural forces that constrain them, then one must also assume these women continue that

agency when they settle into their new lives as Filipina wives married to

American men. Therefore, my central research question is: How has this agency

manifested itself, and has this manifestation been problematic for the American 4 groom, who, from the typical Internet ad’s texts and images and coupled with prevailing American cultural assumptions, assumed he was getting a submissive

wife? Has this human agency of which Constable speaks, and that I suspect the

brides themselves will claim, been denied or preserved in their new roles as

American wives?

So far, the narratives of the couples involved in international matchmaking

agencies have been produced by others and not the couples themselves. For example, we have learned about the couples through web site creators,

newspaper reports, legislative action which focuses on those who have been

abused, and even the academy. However, few of these sources have solicited the perspectives of the couples involved. This study highlights and analyzes the

narratives and experiences of three Filipina‐Americano married couples whom

met through Internet matchmaking agencies or pen pal organizations and whom

I interviewed between November, 2005, and October, 2007. An unexpected and

paradoxical outcropping of these interviews occurred when all six informants

described their courtship experiences as romantic despite the agentive strategies

each took in procuring a spouse.

Definition of Terms

By international marriage practice and drawing on Pierre Bourdieu’s

5 practice theory (Barfield 376), I am referring to strategic acts of foreign women

who meet their husbands through international introduction businesses,

commonly referred to as mail‐order bride web sites or pen pal organizations. I use the term structure throughout this dissertation to refer to both the social systems that form meaningful connections between individuals and the historical

and cultural forces which guide human behavior. As will be explained below, in

the case of the Filipina I am concerned with both familial and communal beliefs

and practices as well as colonial and post‐colonial events that have contributed to

her set of circumstances. Within the term structure, as mentioned above, I will

draw upon the theory of Anthony Giddens who recognizes the duality of structure and agency and concludes that one impacts the other. In addition, I will

apply Sharon Hays’ 1994 analysis which includes cultural beliefs (58) as also

encompassing structural forces. Even though culture is usually associated with a

micro‐study of a group, culture also entails structural forces such as religion,

government, and kinship. As Ortner points out, “agency is always culturally and

historically constructed” (136). Ahearn suggests that the term agency can have

various meanings. However, generally, I use the term to refer to the kind of actor

who has a certain amount of control over her future. Juxtaposed against social

structure, I am referring to an individual’s power to negotiate, redefine,

transform, challenge, or even resist the social structures that surround her. 6 Similarly, and again drawing on Ortner’s current work, the actors possess a

conscious intentionality to achieve a set of planned goals (134). As MacLeod

notes,

even as subordinate players, [women] always play an active

part that goes beyond the dichotomy of victimization/acceptance, a

dichotomy that flattens out a complex and ambiguous agency in

which women accept, accommodate, ignore, resist, or protest—

sometimes all at the same time. (qtd. in Ahearn 116)

In addition, as implied above, I avoid essentializing the terms agency and

structure as binary opposites. My literature review will demonstrate how the

Filipina international bride’s agency can only operate from within a set of

structural constraints that are beyond her control. In other words, individuals

act within the limits imposed upon them by the historical, cultural, and societal

structures that surround them (Wardlow 5).

Similar to Bourdieu’s concept of habitus, Strauss and Quinn theorize how

socialization processes manipulate individuals and how individuals manipulate culture. In other words, individuals are not totally bound by structure, but neither are they totally unbound by the possibility of choice. According to

Strauss and Quinn, we are not robots whose actions are ruled by cultural edicts.

Social actors, in fact, make deliberate choices and control their environments—to 7 a degree. But the motivation to act depends on an internalized set of schemas

embedded within actors’ perceptions of and their worlds (38). Expanding on

Bourdieu’s habitus, Strauss and Quinn label their schemas as intrapersonal and

extrapersonal knowledge. For them these schemas involve humans’ reactions to

their situations based on: (1) their intrapersonal, or what they know; and (2) their

extrapersonal, or their social and physical environments. Humans, they assert,

are in constant negotiations within these two realms of cognition (45).

Along with Bourdieu, Ortner, and other scholars of the structure‐agency

interplay, Strauss and Quinn provide us with yet another understanding of the

dynamics that guide human behavior. They argue that humans can actively

choose to support the imperatives of social structures. Social actors can indeed

accept, resist, or engender change depending on the situations in which they

find themselves. Contrary to earlier structuralists, Strauss and Quinn place more

emphasis on individual human agency and offer explanations of how human beings actively engage in, but also consent to, their cultural/structural forces.

Besides clarifying structure and agency terminology, two other lexical problems require clarification. Through my initial stages of research I quickly learned that the term mail‐order bride is problematic and highly contested in

that it disparages the women involved. Leo R. Chavez reminds us that the

mainstream has the power to negatively define groups and therefore exclude 8 them from the mainstream (119). A term like mail‐order bride gives the brides

an unwelcomed identity based on negatives which sharply contrast with the

mainstream narrative of traditional brides and traditional marriage, casting both

the Filipina bride and her American husband as outsiders. As Henrietta Moore

affirms and drawing on Edwin Ardener’s theory of muted groups:

…dominant groups in society generate and control the dominant

modes of expression. Muted groups are silenced by the structures

of dominance, and if they wish to express themselves they are

forced to do so through the dominant modes of expression, the

dominant ideologies. (3)

Constable found many of her informants were offended by the term in that it stereotypes the women as desperately poor and the men as exploitative losers

(Romance on a Global Stage 2‐3). Piper and Roces point out that labeling these women reduces them to “brides” and therefore ignores their roles as agentive women (6). Simons argues that the term is simultaneously used and condemned by women’s advocacy groups (58) but concludes that while the term can be misleading, replacing it with a less offensive term could alter the distinct

connotation of the phenomenon (Ordonez qtd. in Simons 59).

The term is also problematic in the sense that it connotes men ordering wives

from a catalog. Although e‐catalogs are used, typically these businesses 9 introduce couples who correspond, meet, and then decide if they will marry one

another. Still, numerous writings, both journalistic and scholarly, refer to the

practice as such. Therefore, as is the case with much of the English lexicon, some

sexist terminology is unavoidable. I concur that the phrase may seem to

contribute to the pejorative discourse describing women who meet American

men through the Internet or pen pal clubs, since it tends to entrap the reader in

perpetrator/victim or active/passive dichotomies. This study will challenge

these dichotomies and present the Filipina international bride in an alternative

portrayal and depict the great diversity among Filipinas’ immigrant Internet/pen

pal marriage experiences. Because of this controversy, I have refrained from consistently using the term mail‐order bride as it is considered by many to cast

a stigma on foreign women who meet their husbands via the Internet.2 I will

further explore this perceived stigma in my dissertation as it is an indirect topic of several of my interview questions.

In a similar vein, I use the term Filipinas although noting that this term is a result of Spanish colonial rule of the Philippines (Daly 229), and is therefore contested by Filipina feminists. Of course, even the term the Philippines could

justifiably be contested because the Spanish colonizers named the islands the

Philippines in honor of Spain’s King Philip II.

I chose the topic of Filipina international brides because it encompasses 10 several themes of the public intellectual discourse such as: (a) gender and class,

(b) colonialism and neocolonialism, and (c) social structure and human agency.

Consequently, I am also interested in the structural frameworks of the Filipina

Internet bride phenomenon and the individual agency that accepts some structures while rejecting others. The brides’ experiences cannot be understood without examining them holistically through these frameworks. In addition, the topic satisfies a personal interest concerning sociological and anthropological aspects of marriage processes. I also selected South Florida Filipinas for two purely instrumental reasons: first, the Filipino ethnicity is well‐represented in

South Florida, which would therefore allow some access to my target group; and second, because English is taught in Filipino schools, many Filipinas speak

English fluently, allowing for more efficient communication between my informants and me.

11

Chapter 2: LITERATURE REVIEW

In order to examine the Filipina bride’s agency and the social structures that both constrain and support that agency, I will examine the international bride scholarly literature that has been developed from two perspectives: (a) the majority of authors who position international Internet brides as exploited

victims of the inherent structural inequalities that exist between the more

powerful consumer‐husband and the disempowered, Third World object‐bride;

and (b) the minority of authors who acknowledge the coercive structural forces

that shape the brides’ circumstances, but reject the victimhood discourse. This latter group of authors emphasizes the agency these women demonstrate by taking control of their lives and acting in their own self‐interests.

In addition, I will be examining the scholarly articles that have analyzed

“mail‐order bride” web sites and the ads’ projection of the brides as submissive.

This analysis is critical to my study because these Internet advertisements serve two functions: (a) they reflect cultural assumptions about marriage in general and the brides in particular; (b) they are the first step in the international Internet marriage practice.

I could only find one book (anthropologist Nicole Constable’s Romance on a 12 Global Stage), two doctoral dissertations, and several scholarly journal articles

devoted exclusively to the subject of international Internet brides from a

perspective that did not emphasize victimhood. Besides Constable these works

produced by scholars such as Nicola Piper, Mina Roces, and Lisa Simons argue

that the “woman as victim” school of thought is reductive in that it fails to

recognize the bride’s agency. They imply that the international bride practice is

not as oppressive to women as women’s rights groups claim. Although these

scholars recognize the global structures that contribute to the practice, they

suggest that the international bride market is not victimizing because the women

“choose” to participate. They assert that the women place themselves on the web

sites, and in doing so demonstrate that they are not passively accepting their plight in the Philippines. Instead, these women are attempting to improve their lives and are thereby acting as intentional agents in the shaping of their own

destinies. Constable argues that labeling these women as victims denies their

agency, or any individual power that the women act upon in the international

Internet marriage practice. Therefore, she concludes, some feminist groups

unintentionally contribute to the subordinating discourse about Third World

women (65).

There are also several articles that critique the Internet bride web sites and

bride catalogs, the apparatuses seemingly responsible for the proliferation of the 13 recent increase in the international matchmaking phenomenon. International

Internet bride web site deconstruction is essential to my research because the

web site advertisements simultaneously function as: (1) components in agentive

processes; (2) reinforcements of constraining social structures; and (3) manifestations of Orientalist representations. Most of the articles critiquing the web sites can be classified within the exploitation camp, at least in terms of examining the structural dynamics that place the women in subordinate positions. For example, the authors point out how these sites reinforce Western

patriarchal hegemonic structures represented by the ubiquitous colonial,

romantic, and anti‐feminist texts and images. Paradoxically, these sites also

support the brides’ agency by providing a space for the brides to act. Posting

their profiles on the web sites is the first step in changing their lives. This review

begins by exploring the articles that examine these web sites followed by a

discussion of international Internet brides as both agents and victims.

The Web Sites

Articles about matchmaking web sites are critical to my literature review because, as previously stated, these sites are where actors begin the international

Internet bride process. As mentioned above, there are numerous Internet “mail‐ order bride” advertisements, and most web site analysts situate the women as

14 passive victims and the men, in collusion with the web sites, as exploiters.

However, there is a growing minority who challenge this assertion, which will be

discussed in more detail later on in this dissertation.

R. Vartti conducted a study of 60 German matchmaking Internet businesses and differentiates between egalitarian and non‐egalitarian German Internet bride web sites. According to Vartti, egalitarian web sites tend to: (1) target people

with little to no differences in power or economic level; (2) exclude photographs;

and (3) operate as non‐commercial pen‐pal clubs (55). In contrast, she notes, non‐

egalitarian sites are characterized by offering poor women to relatively rich men

as commodities to be sold and even traded up. For example, many of the latter sites have periodic marketing promotions during which they promote pictures of

new women in their catalog picture galleries (53). Another non‐egalitarian

characteristic is that men from rich countries choose women from poor countries

with the women advertised as pretty, young, faithful, undemanding, family‐

oriented, feminine in the “old‐fashioned” way, and sexually acquiescent to their

husbands. They advertise the women as good cooks and housekeepers,

and willing to quickly learn their husband’s language (62). Vartti also points out

that the ads typically portray these women in contrast to career‐oriented Western

feminists (64). She observes that the web site owners adamantly refuse to use

terms such as mail‐order brides, and blames feminists for promoting this 15 terminology (65). Vartti explains how participants create a post‐colonial rescue

fantasy where the women fall in love with Western saviors who treat them much better than the men in their native country (67). The web sites in my literature review are clearly non‐egalitarian ones.

Except for Lisa Simon’s dissertation, all the scholarly articles that I reviewed critiqued the web sites3 unilaterally as spaces for exploitation of the Asian brides.

In addition, despite visiting at least 30 of these types of sites, I was hard pressed

to find even one that deviated from an essential blueprint. The common Internet

bride template stereotypically promotes the potential Filipina bride as young,

docile, physically attractive, exotic, feminine, sexy but family‐oriented, devoted,

and submissive.

Subsequently, all of the scholarly articles I reviewed deconstruct the typical

web sites in terms of their essentially exploitative nature, especially the sites that

represent the Filipina in the Orientalist passive “other” stereotype.

Anthropologist Ara Wilson argues that the web catalog brides are totally

objectified where the “…basic formula resembles catalogues of machine parts,

hardware, or seeds” (117). Similar to Wilson, Shirley Geok‐lin Lim argues that

the international matchmaking web site “…facilitates the conversion of

women’s bodies globally to trade goods, displayed, bartered, contracted,

kidnapped, and sold in the media.” Adding Orientalism to the mix, J. Ridenhour‐ 16 Levitt describes the businesses that sponsor these sites as places “…where race

and ethnicity laden concepts of gender are manufactured, packaged and

commodified to serve the perceived needs of Western male customers” (qtd. in

Sahib et al. 62).

One piece of scholarship from the bride‐as‐victim camp is Rolando B.

Tolentino’s 1999 “Filipinas in Transnational Space.” His article encompasses several of the structural themes mentioned thus far in terms of discourse,

representation, and neocolonialism; and he situates them all within an emerging

transnationalism. Like Wilson, Tolentino begins with the catalogs’ representation

of Filipinas as commodities to be packaged, ordered, and transported.

Characterizing the transaction in terms of the first world consumer grooms

seeking sex and domestic labor and Third World Filipina brides seeking material

comfort (10), he analyzes: (1) how the Filipinas are represented as Orientalist

victims in need of rescue by Occidental males; and (2) how the marketing and packaging of the bride rekindle yearnings for the fading American patriarchal

nuclear family, a site where Filipinas can substitute for First World women who

have vacated the laborious domestic sphere (1‐3).

Lacking in Tolentino’s piece, as well as several other international Internet scholarly articles are interviews with the Filipina brides themselves. He

acknowledges this shortcoming which he partially blames on his usage of the 17 term mail‐order bride when he advertised for interviewees (51). Consequently,

he was unable to find any Filipina participants in the Los Angeles area who

would, in his words, “come out” and speak openly for fear of social backlash (2).

I also had a difficult time finding Filipina‐Americano married couples in South

Florida who were willing to be interviewed, but I managed to locate three.

Similar to Tolentino’s, Felicity Schaeffer‐Grabiel’s 2006 analysis examines the matchmaking web sites in terms of race and gender in a transnational space. Her chat room ethnography, which includes chat room visits and interviews (335), focuses on the men who marry Mexican and Colombian brides. Acknowledging

that some couples who meet through international web sites do form “love” relationships, Schaeffer‐Grabiel, nevertheless, argues that these couplings cannot be separated from structural forces such as class, gender, and the global economy

(332). Her central theme is that the web sites provide a space for First World men to not only rescue poor women from Third World poverty, but also to substitute

“untainted” Latinas for American women who have been corrupted by feminism

(333‐334). In this way the men justify their search for foreign brides as a kind of moral imperative that relies on a neocolonial masculine fantasy consisting of the

men viewing their actions as good‐guy American patriotism (352). The imaginary consists of manly heroics that restore the nation to traditional

patriarchal family values while saving poor women of the Third World (337). 18 This rescue narrative mentioned by Schaeffer‐Grabiel is played out in Henry

Makow’s 2000 account of his personal experience of marrying a Filipina Internet

bride in his book, A Long Way to Go for a Date. Makow, a middle‐age college

professor, describes how he rescued both his soon to be ex‐wife and her family

from the clutches of poverty. Describing his thoughts at his Philippine hotel, he writes: “Puffing my cigar, I look at the other beautiful young women working at the hotel. I regret I can make only one happy” (39).4 The rescue narrative is

evident in my one of my interviews that will be discussed in Chapter 6. But the

rescue narrative can go both ways as is pointed out in Ramaswami

Mahalingam’s and Janxin Leu’s 2005 piece, “Culture, Essentialism, Immigration

and Representations of Gender.” Here the authors analyze over 60 Internet

marriage ads and develop a feminist gendered psychology of immigrant women.

They conclude that in order to affirm positive self‐concepts, these women

imagine themselves superior to liberated white women, and therefore conceive their submissiveness as a kind of moral virtue (854).5

Similar to Schaeffer‐Grabiel’s neocolonial themes, Asian female representation within a Western male hegemonic space is the main focus of Rona

Tamiko Halualani’s 1995 essay, “The Intersecting Hegemonic Discourses of an

Asian Mail‐Order Catalog: Pilipina ‘Oriental Butterfly’ Dolls for Sale.” Here the author performs a close textual analysis of Asian Romance, a Filipina Internet 19 bride web site. She convincingly argues that these sites promote the ubiquitous

“Anglo patriarchal superiority” (50) where “Anglo patriarchal capitalist hegemony is affirmed under the guise of romance” (46). Halualani astutely

deconstructs imagery and text and shows how the ads manipulate symbolic

forms that reinforce themes of romance, which she describes as a foundation for the preservation of patriarchal ideology (48). Moreover, she finds that many web

ads intertwine feminist descriptions of the women such as independent,

educated, and ambitious with traditional adjectives such as exotic, pleasing, and

sexy (58). Her piece differs slightly from the others in that, besides highlighting

euphemistic romance language, she recognizes that although the Anglo

patriarchal structures are preserved, the bride nevertheless exerts agency because

she manipulates these patriarchal structures to her advantage (62). Halualani

concludes that to recognize this agency, scholars must solicit more perspectives

from the Filipina women themselves (62).

One of the more recent articles that explore the Internet bride web site frames

the practice in terms of ever‐increasing global capitalism. Christine So’s 2006

“Asian Mail‐Order Brides, the Threat of Global Capitalism, and the Rescue of the

U.S. Nation‐State” looks at the international Internet bride practice as an

outcome of global capitalism and posits that the practice exposes the hidden

economic structures that underpin Western marriage and family institutions. So 20 locates the practice as a phenomenon where Asian immigrant women are replacing mainstream Anglo women as housekeepers, caregivers, mothers, and wives (398). As the title suggests, by emphasizing the traditional wife model, the ads for the “submissive” Asian bride ironically turn the rescue fantasy on its head as the wives see themselves as restoring the beleaguered patriarchal structures of the American family and in doing so rescue the nation (406).

The common thread amongst all of the above articles is the recognition of the international Internet bride web site ads as either implying or stating that the

Filipina is “different” from the typical American wife—different in the sense of being more “feminine,” that is more family‐oriented and submissive. The

Filipina, therefore, is represented as an antithesis of the American feminist. The authors that criticize the ads emphasize how the ads reinforce traditional

Western style patriarchy. In the five bride web site critiques that I reviewed, that is Tolentino, Schaeffer‐Grabiel, Halualani, Vartti, and So, the following recurrent themes are evident: (1) all recognize that the sites represented the women as anti‐ feminist with adjectives such as obedient, subservient, traditional, virginal, loyal, and submissive—all sexist stereotypes of the idealized wife; (2) all but one emphasize patriarchal nuclear family restoration and preservation; the rescue fantasy in which middle‐aged Western men save Third World women; and a late capitalist neocolonial trade in a transnational economy. Only one, Schaeffer 21 Grabiel’s “Planet‐Love.com,” includes interviews of international Internet brides

themselves, although both she and Halualani recognize the dearth of bride

voices in current scholarship. Absent from all but one of the articles mentioned

so far, however, are the participants’ perspectives. My interviews will help fill

this void by eliciting responses that will permit me to compare the Filipina

brides’ self‐described realities with the manufactured web images.

Exploitation of the Filipina Internet Bride

As mentioned above, there are essentially two schools of thought used to

analyze the Internet bride phenomenon. The majority of analyses situates

Filipinas as victims and, therefore, devoid of any agency. These arguments

portray the international Internet bride web sites as distributors, Western males as buyers, and the Philippines as supplier. Indeed, these articles highlight how structure trumps agency as economic and social structures engulf these women.

The group of scholars that forefronts structural causes emanate from feminist and legal critiques, and their analyses are similar to those developed by the bride

web site deconstructionists. Several articles, which will be presented below, from

the feminist arena strongly argue that the Internet bride industry is another way

to oppress women. For example, Julie Pehar’s 2003 article connects the

international Internet bride proliferation to the rise in personal computer

22 ownership and claims that the Internet has exacerbated the problem of women

used as commodities for sale to Western men who are positioned in the role of privileged purchasers. More recently, writing about Filipina immigrant brides in

South Korea, Kwon’s 2005 article argues that when brides immigrate to foreign lands, they are forced to assimilate, meaning they must learn the language as

well as every aspect of the culture. She posits that this forced assimilation

subjects them to multiple layers of oppression which include an interlocking of

nationality and race with class. For example, darker skin, Third World origin, and immigrant status as “imported brides” coalesce to reduce them to states of

victimhood with the wealthier country merely offering them a less oppressive

oppression.

Another article from the Women’s Studies International Forum, Yu Kojima’s

2001 “In the Business of Cultural Reproduction: Theoretical Implications of the

Mail‐Order Bride Phenomenon,” looks at international Internet brides immigrating to Japan from both structural and agentive frameworks. However,

Kojima is not writing about the brides’ agency, but the agency of Japanese women who are resisting traditional Japanese patriarchy by working outside the private sphere. Kojima views the phenomenon as part of a capitalistic substructure that maintains patriarchy by supplying unpaid domestic worker

substitutes for native Japanese women who have resisted traditional roles (201). 23 Within this context, Kojima situates the international Internet brides as victims of

not only capitalist and patriarchal structural forces, but also victims of some

Japanese women who no longer accept their roles as servants of Japanese men.

This is an ironic twist of fate in that the Japanese women have indeed developed

their agency—but on the backs of the Filipinas which ultimately supports traditional patriarchal structures.

Similarly, several critiques of the international Internet practice have been

written from legal perspectives that highlight these women’s vulnerabilities to

abusive relationships. Such is the case with Christine S. Y. Chun who, citing a

resurfacing of the practice in response to the 1970s Women’s Movement, argues

that the international bride industry is laden with disparities and relies on global

and local economic inequalities which are maintained by gender, class, and ethnic subordination of international brides. Moreover, she argues that the bride is at a severe disadvantage because she has been displaced from her cultural and familial support systems, and is therefore at the mercy of her American husband.

Her husband’s mercy might be tested, Chun asserts, when “reality does not match the stereotype” (10). Here Chun recognizes the brides’ agency when she notes that the women who respond to these ads are actively trying to change

their lives. But, she suggests, this agency also contradicts the submissive wife

that the husband bargained for, and therefore places the bride at risk for abuse 24 (10). Subsequently, Chun calls for effective legal responses, including immediate changes to immigration laws which force the brides to stay married for at least two years or otherwise risk deportation (17). In addition, she suggests instituting

more US government regulations of Internet matchmaking industries (18).

Similar to Chun, Beverly Encarguez Perez’s’ 2003 critique looks at the international Internet bride phenomenon from a legal perspective and calls for legislation to protect these immigrant women (227). Her article also solicits an

Asian‐American feminist response that supports all Asian Internet brides (214) whom the author describes as desperate and vulnerable women whom see the

American husband as a “one way ticket out of hell” (219). Poor Asian women, the author writes, are easy prey for unscrupulous web “international correspondence services” (213) that perpetuate a modern day form of slavery

(220).

Similar to Chun, attorney Perez cites anecdotal evidence of many

international Internet bride marriages that end in tragedy (226‐227). Like Chun

she faults present immigration legislation that locates the brides at a grave

disadvantage. First, the 1986 Immigration Marriage Fraud Amendments

imposed conditional immigration status on the bride for two years in order for

the marriage to be proven legitimate and not a scam to obtain entry into the

United States. Perez, Chun, and other legal scholars have argued that this law 25 places the bride at the mercy of her husband who can threaten divorce and

subsequent deportation within the two‐year period. Ensuing 1990 legislation

tried to remedy some IMFA flaws by permitting divorce without the fear of

deportation, but the legislation still placed the immigrant spouse at a disadvantage, because it required the bride to prove the marriage was non‐ fraudulent and validate any abuse by documenting visits to psychologists or counselors (230). In response to the growing number of abuse cases, Congress then enacted a second piece of “mail‐order bride” legislation purporting to protect the brides. This amendment stated that if the immigrant spouse can prove she has good character, the marriage is in good faith, abuse has occurred,

and deportation would be an “extreme hardship,” conditional status could be

removed, and the bride could not be deported (231). Again, as Perez points out,

the burden of proof falls on the Filipina, who often speaks little English and,

because of a lack of resources, has difficulty traversing the complicated legal

system (230). Lastly, Perez cites a 2001 Federal statute that stipulates that US

matchmaking agencies must inform the brides of their status, rights, and the

historical problems of international matchmaking businesses, and that this information must be in the bride’s native language (231). Citing Chun, Perez

concludes that while this statute offers some protection, the power

overwhelmingly continues to rest with the husbands and leaves the wives 26 vulnerable to abuse (231).6

A similar stance is taken in an article by two Canadian law professors, Louise

Langevin and Marie‐Clair Belleau, entitled “Trafficking in Women in Canada: A

Critical Analysis of the Legal Framework Governing Immigrant Live‐in

Caregivers and Mail‐Order Brides.” These authors offer in‐depth profiles of the brides’ “consumer‐husbands,” and the agencies that link the couples. From a feminist theoretical framework, the authors echo the theme of unequal power

relations that are often precursors to spousal abuse. They suggest legal

protections for the international brides which include: (1) removing marriage as a

condition for acquiring visas; (2) prohibiting sponsorships that position the

women at the mercy of their fiancées; (3) raising the minimum age requirement

for women immigrating to the United States for marriage (185); and (4) greater

Canadian governmental regulation of the Internet bride agencies (186).

Somewhat problematic is that Langevin’s and Belleaus assessmentt is tha it

relies heavily on Mila Glodava’s and Richard Onizuka’s 1994 oft cited critique of the industry, Mail ‐Order Brides: Women for Sale. Glodava’s and Onizuka’s book deserves mentioning in this review because it is widely quoted in both scholarly journals and the popular press. Glodava, a Colorado advocate for “mail‐order brides,” created the Mail‐Order Bride Legal Aid Fund, which assists Asian women in need of support and also counsels their American husbands (xiii). 27 Onizuka is a psychologist who specializes in multi‐ethnic mental health issues and diversity management. Their book, the first widely read critique of the international Internet bride practice, provides an overview of the business and

lists common cultural misunderstandings between spouses. It also describes the

participants, immigration issues, case studies, and the Philippine government’s

attempts to ban the practice. A particularly interesting section compares Asian

and Western values that, the authors argue, underpin the problems embedded in

the international Internet bride practice.

Glodava’s and Onizuka’s book has also been severely criticized by several

authors. Nakamatsu lists Mail‐Order Brides: Women for Sale in the genre of

literature that depicts international brides in pejorative terms. For example, as

explained above, the term mail‐order bride itself stigmatizes the women because

their method of courtship is viewed as inferior. Constable emphasizes Glodava’s

and Onizuka’s biased perspective by pointing out that Glodava is a founder of the Mail‐Order Bride Legal Aid Fund (69). Constable devotes an entire chapter to

debunking what she refers to as “the myths of the mail‐order bride experience,”

and accuses the authors of patronizing and drawing over‐generalized

conclusions about both the women and men. In contrast to Glodava and

Onizuka, Constable concludes that these marriages are, in reality, no different

from typical mainstream marriages except that immigration policies and the 28 media have portrayed the actors in a negative manner by using stereotypes of

controlling men and conniving women (13‐14). An even more comprehensive

criticism than Glodava’s and Onizuka’s is Lisa Simons’ 2001 doctoral dissertation

on international matchmaking agencies. After an exhaustive review of the

available evidence, Simons concurs with both Nakamatsu and Constable and

charges that Glodava’s and Onizuka’s evidence relies too heavily on popular

press accounts and anecdotal evidence (9).

As I have shown, the exploitation theme of women as preyed upon victims

predominates in scholarly articles which describe and analyze the web sites and

which emanate from women’s advocacy groups, including those coming from

feminist and legal arenas. All these scholarly works view the practice as

extremely asymmetrical with Western men located in positions of power and the

brides in positions of subordination. In a manner reminiscent of second wave

feminism, this body of work casts the women as unfortunate objects of men’s

desires—only this time embedded within the globalization of love, sex, and

marriage. Now the Filipina brides have been recast in the subservient housewife

roles usurping traditional American dutiful wives, who, although hardly acting as radical feminists, have nevertheless slowly, but consistently, vacated

traditional wifely roles.

The problem with the articles mentioned in the section above is that they omit 29 the voices of both the Filipina Internet brides and their American husbands. The

next section will provide an alternative view of the international bride practice

with the majority of authors (Constable, Simons, Ordonez, and Julag‐ay)

presenting the Filipina’s authentic voice. Although these scholars acknowledge

the structural forces that shape the bride’s experience, they nevertheless

foreground her agency. They collectively agree that without presenting the

women’s views, the brides’ agency becomes muted. In addition, as Mix and

Piper inform us, we cannot assume that the bride is generally the victim and the

groom the offender, and to engage in this victim/offender binary oppositional

scenario is reductive (56).

International Brides as Both Agents and Victims

As introduced above, Constable, Piper, Roces, and Simons view the international bride phenomenon in opposition to the authors in the victims’ camp, because they believe that positioning these women as victims dismisses

any agency on the brides’ part. It is not that Constable and the others adamantly

reject the notion that international Internet brides are exploited victims of First

World hegemony; instead, these authors provide a more complex assessment of

the situation in arguing that these women are also agents of their own destinies.

For example, in Wife or Worker: Asian Women and Migration, Piper and Roces

30 write prolifically on the agency of women who marry foreigners. They argue that many of these women view marriage as freedom from sex work or domestic work (9). In addition, they assert that the women are consciously making these decisions that will benefit themselves and their families and, therefore, are acting in their own interests (9). Piper and Roces argue that the current literature on the

subject consists of “stereotypical essentializing of women as victims on the

assumption of universal, simplistic definitions…” (9‐10). These authors address

far more complex international Internet bride scenarios while highlighting that

many brides support family members back home and also become productive

US citizens by raising children, volunteering, and joining the paid workforce

(10).

Constable’s work is perhaps most crucial to the international Internet bride

research. An Asian feminist anthropologist, her 2003 ethnography, Romance on a

Global Stage, delves into multiple aspects of international dating including

legalities, immigration, shifting global boundaries, Internet brides, and the men involved. Unlike the majority of authors in both the victim and agency camps,

and adding to her reliability, Constable not only showcases the women’s voices,

but also provides the husbands’ perspectives. Rejecting the prevalent claims of

transnational bride exploitation, she looks at the complex social, historical, and political‐economic contexts in which the relationships form and evolve. For 31 example, in a 2003 article Constable stresses how some brides migrate not to

escape Third World poverty, but to fulfill a strong desire for a respectable marriage, an opportunity that may not be available for them in the Philippines because divorce is illegal (164‐165). Constable continues her ethnographic look at international matchmaking couples in her 2004 “A Tale of Two Marriages:

International Matchmaking and Gendered Mobility” where she presents the

stories of two female participants, one from China and the other from the

Philippines (176). Strongly rejecting the notion that most matchmaking organizations are in the business of buying and selling women (167), she

concludes that the women who use these agencies do so in order to better their

lives, or in her words, for “…opportunities to achieve mobility through

marriage” (186).

Like Constable’s work, Lisa Simons’ 2001 doctoral dissertation relies on

interviews with men and women involved in international Internet marriages.

Simons’ work is particularly important to my research because her study finds that the brides’ husbands contradict the stereotypical ogre view prominent in

both mainstream and scholarly literature. She also notes that first meetings

between potential spouses always occur in the sending country and with the

women far outnumbering the men (49). Obviously, this unbalanced arrangement

places men in the position of choosing, but Simons defends the admittedly 32 asymmetrical arrangement by arguing that: (1) men should be able to choose

from a large number of brides because they are traveling great distances and, therefore, investing more time and money; and (2) meeting sites are not “meat markets” because the companies “…go to great lengths to make the atmosphere comfortable and to get people talking to one another” (49). Of all the books and articles that I reviewed, hers is the only one that uses these free‐market criteria to vindicate the Internet bride matchmaking sites.

Contrary to Simons’ defense of the Internet bride agencies, articles published by women’s advocacy groups predictably view the phenomenon as a practice entrenched within capitalism and its concomitant patriarchal structures. For example, The Institute of Women’s Studies published a two‐part article by Mina

Roces who describes the phenomenon as a “Filipino Diaspora.” According to

Roces, women often migrate from the Philippines for two reasons: first, it allows them an opportunity to gain material wealth and thus send remittances back to

their families; and second, they are either non‐virgins or past what Filipinos

consider marriageable age. Migration offers a better chance to fulfill wifely roles.

Filipino culture, Roces continues, stigmatizes unmarried women past a certain

age, and with their identities inextricably tied to marriage, under these

circumstances they willingly aspire to marry a foreigner. Roces clearly recognizes

the contradictions here as she points out that, although the Filipina demonstrates 33 active agency, she nevertheless has also fallen victim to the dictates of a

patriarchal society in which a woman’s status is dependent on her relation to a

man.

Agnes Estur Reyes’s 1993 article also looks at the international bride practice as emanating from structural forces that suppress the brides’ agency. She conducted a rare case study on the phenomenon that focuses on the Filipina’s

motivations for becoming an international Internet bride. According to Reyes,

cultural and economic forces combine with both American and Filipino

stereotypes to provide the conditions conducive to the phenomenon. She points

out that, because the Philippines have a long history of colonization by Western

powers, Filipino consciousness has been socialized to view all things Western as

superior. For example, the United States instituted a Western model education

system that “disclosed to them the grandeur of the Western world” (29). In

addition, Reyes argues, Filipinos have developed a fetish for anything American

brought due to being inundated with American media. Consequently, Filipinas

have been conditioned to believe in the superiority of Western males over

Filipino males most of whom are perceived as good lovers but irresponsible

fathers and demanding husbands with critical in‐laws (59). Agreeing with Roces,

Reyes points out that as the Filipina ages, her value as a desirable mate begins to decline. Therefore, if she is not married by around age 30, her family begins to 34 pressure her to lower her standards (26). Fear of spinsterhood, coupled with the

practice of remaining virginal until marriage, situates unmarried 30‐something

women in a pitied/scorned social status (27). Consequently, Reyes asserts,

Filipinas exercise agency by looking outside the country for marriage partners

(28), a task made extremely easy with advances in Internet technology. Lastly,

there exists a growing economic crisis in the Philippines, and, as Reyes points

out, Filipinas are charged with the responsibility of taking care of the family (33).

With few employment opportunities in the Philippines, Filipinas look to the

West for economic survival, and one way of getting to the United States is by marrying an American.

Like Reyes and others, Raquel Ordonez’s 1997 article assesses the practice from the perspective of its structural roots in colonization and subsequent economic influences. For example, she points out that before Spanish and

American colonization, indigenous people of the Philippines had matriarchal structured family units. With the imposition of Spanish and American patriarchies, the Filipina’s status devolved in value but left her with the main

responsibility of caring for the family (133‐134). With dire economic conditions back home, becoming a First World wife allowed the Filipina to send remittances

and, therefore, to meet familial obligations (134). Ordonez’s piece is exceptional

in that, besides Chun’s, it is one of the few that targets US past and present 35 foreign policy as a culprit in the international bride practice. Similar to Chun,

Ordonez posits that by only accepting Filipinos in different waves of immigration, US immigration policy contributed to the Filipina‐Americano bride practice (132). Filipina Barbara Posadas supports this assertion by pointing out that US‐Filipino immigration policy has been inconsistent. Depending on labor force needs, immigration officials have inconsistently granted visas to specific occupations such as physicians and nurses (38‐42). These selective preferences have made marriage to a foreigner an attractive alternative vehicle for emigration

to the United States.

Unlike Reyes, who concentrates her studies in the Philippines, Ordonez

focuses on 40 Long Island, New York families (124) who have bonded together using the Filipina‐Americano bride practice as their social core (128). She disputes the popular media suggestion that these marriages are doomed to

failure (131) and instead finds that the biggest negative in these couplings is the stigma and subsequent shame experienced by the spouses from both the

Filipino‐American and American mainstream communities (132‐133). These

families have, therefore, united with one another for social acceptance and

support. So, although several structural factors have closed in around the

Filipinas brides, many have taken positive steps to engender community support. Indeed, my interview data indicate that my participants enjoy a local 36 circle of Filipina bride friends upon whom they rely for support.

Like Simons and Constable, another doctoral dissertation, “Correspondence

Marriages Between [sic] Filipinas and United States Men,” relies on fieldwork

experiences and participant voices to explain the exponential growth in the

Internet bride industry through global economic, cultural, and social conditions.

Here Cecilia Julag‐ay conducts interviews with 14 men who indicated they viewed feminism as a threat to marital stability. Julag‐ag found the men were not

“ultra‐conservative misfits” whose only concern was to acquire wives for sexual

services and domestic housekeeping (194). She likewise agrees with Simons and

Constable in their contention that the international brides are not usually victims

of abusive relationships (vi). Like Ordonez’s, her stance on the Filipina’s agency,

however, is garnered from Filipino pre‐colonial history during which Filipinas

had egalitarian gender roles. She surmises that vestiges of this matriarchal

history have been passed down and, therefore, US men who are expecting

submissive Filipina wives might be in for a surprise (11). My interviews with

the men and women have pursued this speculation further by examining the motivations, expectations, and marital realities of the women and men involved in the international Internet marriage practice.

Finally, Teresita C. del Rosario’s 2005 article “Bridal Diaspora: Migration and

Marriage among Filipino” also looks at both structural and agentive factors. Del 37 Rosario connects the Filipina‐Americano international Internet bride practice to the colonial relationship between the US and the Philippines in which “American

cultural superiority and American benevolence provide the filters for Filipino

women’s marital preferences” (253). However, she strongly rejects the theory

that these structural factors alone determine Filipinas’ desire to marry American

men and migrate to the US. Interviewing 10 Filipinas, del Rosario focuses on

well‐educated and middle‐class Filipinas and looks at the resources they garner

to immigrate and adapt to a new life in the United States. While admitting that

some of these women are victims of abuse, she stresses the initiative her subjects

employ in order to marry and get out of the Philippines. She also points out that

poverty is not the only push factor for Filipinas wanting to marry Western men

and notes that her informants were middle‐class and well‐educated. Del

Rosario’s work underscores two critical issues important to my study. Her study

supports my conclusion that (1) the stereotype of the submissive Filipina bride is

a false one; and (2) both structural factors and individual agency play significant

roles in inducing Filipinas to marry Western males and immigrate to the United

States.

In summary, with the exception of Lisa Simons, the studies reviewed here

generally agree that Internet bride web advertisements are, as Vartti puts it, non‐

egalitarian in that they commodify and objectify women as consumable goods. In 38 addition, legal scholars point out the need for government intervention to protect

women from unscrupulous predators that non‐egalitarian web sites might attract. Finally, feminists and human rights advocacy groups echo the ways in

which these ads showcase the inherent inequalities which situate women in extreme asymmetrical power positions, making some women at risk for abuse.

However, several bodies of scholarly work, such as Constable and others,

have discredited the “international bride as victim” analyses and offer an alternative accounting. Their works realize the vulnerabilities of the women

involved in these international Internet marriage arrangements, but they also acknowledge the structural prerequisites that underpin the international bride

phenomenon. For example, they note the historical, socio‐economic, cultural,

gendered, and Internet technology milieu surrounding the practice. However,

they also strongly criticize the scholarly work that solely casts these women as

victims. Their criticism is that by casting the brides as victims, the women’s

agency is being denied. Their investigations challenge the “women as victims”

clichés and instead emphasize the agency these women demonstrate by

highlighting their resolve to create better lives for themselves and their families.

These works that recognize the women’s agency are particularly credible,

because the investigators actually interviewed informants. Constable, del

Rosario, Julag‐ay, Ordonez, and Simons all gather fieldwork data where they 39 solicited the brides’ and husbands’ views. From these critical works, we can

conclude that agency is indeed a generally overlooked factor in the international

Internet bride practice, and that these brides are not merely victims of the social

structures that surround them.

Like all social actors, even though circumscribed by a myriad of constraints,

the brides nevertheless make sense of their world and change it by acting in meaningful ways. They strategize, negotiate, redefine, adjust, and set goals

(Fuchs 24). Evidently, the Filipina bride‐to‐be has recognized what she perceives as disadvantageous structural realities in the Philippines. They have reacted by placing their ads on web sites or joining pen pal organizations with the intention of marrying a Western male.

If agency is, indeed, a factor as these scholars have postulated, then how does this agency play out in the couple’s new married life? Seeing that the web site ads project these women as submissive and compliant, how does the groom react to the submissive and compliant bride he thought he was getting? Do both parties (re) negotiate their relationship, and if so, how? As introduced above, these are the central questions of my dissertation. Using the Filipinas’ and their husbands’ authentic voices, I hope to determine the actions and narratives which the couples construct that accept, contest, or traverse the structures that regulate their world. 40

Chapter 3: METHODOLOGY

In this chapter, I will discuss the multiple sources of data and varying

methods I use in this dissertation. These include the role of the Internet bride

advertisements and the use of interviews of three South Florida couples.

The Advertisements

Internet bride advertisements play a significant role in the proliferation and success of the international bride business because they are often the first step in

the Internet bride process. These ads not only offer numerous clues about

American culture and its relationship with the Philippines, but they also testify

to the ways in which Filipinas are represented and marketed to the American

consumer. They are frequently the site where the future husbands are directly or

indirectly introduced to their brides in a way that sets the tone for the kind of

wives they think they are getting. In contrast, as previously mentioned, these are

also the site in which the brides display their first agentive steps in the

international Internet marriage practice. Therefore, analyzing both texts and

images, I discuss the production of these sites and examine their techniques of

41 transforming a seemingly tawdry narrative into a normative one. First, drawing

on Pierre Bourdieu’s insights and applying rhetorical criticism, I analyze two of these typical Internet “mail‐order bride” advertisements which are representative of the 30‐plus that I visited online. I illustrate how these cultural artifacts both shape, and are shaped by, what Bourdieu identifies as habitus, that is, the taken‐for‐granted conditions of human social behavior. I deconstruct these

images and texts in search of deep underlying meanings that offer clues as to

why these ads are so effective. Critical in this deconstruction is the way in which

the web sites project the bride as the anti‐feminist who is subservient and submissive. To assist in the web site deconstruction, I employ rhetorical criticism which provides methodologies to delve deep into texts and images especially those that have been designed to manipulate public opinion and subsequent public action. Drawing on rhetoricians can significantly reveal the way in which

readers consume texts and images which are designed to persuade. Similar to

analyzing a piece of fine art, their methods direct the critic to intricately describe,

characterize, interpret, investigate, reflect, and speculate on words and images

invoked in the rhetorical message. A rhetorician analyses a piece in terms of the

advertisement’s organization, emotional approach, style, delivery, and

persuasive affect.

42 The Interviews

As mentioned above, through interviews, I examine the contemporary lives

of Filipina‐Americano brides currently living in South Florida, specifically those

whom met their Western husbands through web advertisements or pen pal organizations. In addition, I interviewed the international brides’ husbands to gather information on their roles and perspectives of the experience. Data were collected using semi‐structured interviews. I gained access to some informants

through the South Florida Philippine Consulate Honorary Consul General,

Angelo S. Macatangay and his wife, Mary Lou. A colleague recommended

another informant with whom he worked and who had married a Filipina through a pen pal organization. This couple, in turn, introduced me to a third

couple.

I met with Macatangay in November, 2005, and explained my research. I

inquired about the function of the Philippine Honorary Consulate’s office, and

Macatangay explained that his organization assists individual Filipinos in the

South Florida Philippine community. His office offers Filipinos immigration and

legal advice, plans Filipino community events, and provides news of the homeland. After providing my credentials and reviewing the purpose of my research, Macatangay said he had a Filipina bride address that he would share.

I called the individual to whom I will refer to as “Nora” and introduced 43 myself as a Florida Atlantic University researcher who had contacted Dr.

Macatangay about Filipina Internet brides willing to share their marriage stories.

I added that I was especially interested in the experience of Filipinas whom had married American men, and that I would like to conduct an interview with her at a time and place of her convenience. Nora responded in a positive manner while

displaying an excellent command of English, and we planned to meet at her

friend’s house in the South Florida area. The friend is also a Filipina married to

an American, but she unfortunately refused an interview. The meeting place is

significant in that her friend’s house offered a neutral setting as opposed to a

setting that would cast the interviewer in a superior position. I reminded Nora

that I would pay $15.00 per hour, but she responded that she did not care about the money and only wanted to tell her story so that “others will know.” From

our brief conversation, I inferred that her story was a positive one. From this

initial contact, I had hoped to expand my contacts to include numerous Filipina

Internet brides and their husbands whom currently reside in South Florida. It

was important to gain the husband’s insights because, as mentioned above, I

wanted to know how the bride’s post‐wedding agency has played out and the groom’s reaction to this agency. However, as will be explained below, I was only able to interview three couples. Once my informants were selected, I used the

interviews to develop narratives about how these women and men create 44 meaning through their own narratives within the context of being international

Internet brides and grooms (Denzin and Lincoln xviii).

When transcribing the hours of taped interviews, I discovered that the

written word does not always fully reflect the spoken words. Therefore, I used the three dots (…) to indicate a pause. In addition, I generally noted emotional

expressions within parentheses, and yelling was denoted with upper case letters.

Finally, I presented the interviews exactly as I heard them phonetically. Because

the female informants varied in their abilities to speak English, I recorded exactly

what I heard them say.

Interviews and Expectations

Ahearn reminds us of the importance of determining how actors imagine

their own actions and what forces have shaped their lives (113). Similarly,

Reinharz argues that interviews are the most authentic means by which

researchers can directly involve the voice of the informants (18). Therefore,

following Reinharz’s defense of using semi‐structured interviews with both close

and open‐ended questions, I attempted to become a catalyst in helping informant

pursue their own path of expression and self‐reflection. In other words, as long

as the discussion elicited pertinent information and progressed in a seemingly

positive direction, each participant had equal control of the interaction. In

45 addition, I used the silent probe and echo interview techniques suggested by anthropologist H. Russell Bernard as effective methods to elicit responses in a relaxed and unhurried environment. The silent interview technique allows respondents to take a reasonable amount of time to reflect before answering, while the echo technique—where the questioner restates the informant’s response—helps to clarify understanding (215‐216). Areas of questioning were

flexibly outlined in order to avoid preconceived control over the informants’

responses. As mentioned above, questions centered on how and why Filipinas

and their American husbands participated in the international bride practice and

how they viewed their marriages.

A couple of words of caution are needed here. Although my contact with the

Philippines Consulate produced the first informant, subsequent interviews were difficult to obtain. First, as Tolentino (2), Mahalingam, and Leu have pointed out

(851), because of the stigmatization of this type of marriage practice, interviewees

were difficult to find. In addition, a few potential interviewees thought I was a

solicitor, and quickly hung up on me; others thought I was from Immigration

and Naturalization and, therefore, was not to be trusted. Some were also shy. But

the main problem was that several women were too busy to sit down for an

extended conversation. For example, at first Maria said she would speak with

me, but when I called her she explained she was too busy. Apparently she was 46 working both full‐time and part‐time jobs with weekends dedicated to cleaning

her house, attending to her children, and attending Sunday church activities,

which left no time for interviews. One of my committed informants even reneged

on a scheduled interview because she was exhausted from working an 80‐hour week, a schedule she claimed most of her Filipina friends followed.

Subsequently, I was only able to locate three South Florida‐Filipino couples who

were willing to submit to extensive and numerous interviews. With such a small

sampling size, my findings might not be transferable to a larger sampling. In

addition, my interviews were limited to married women and men, who may tend to have a bias towards the benefits of this kind of marriage practice. It is

therefore conceivable that responses were skewed towards the benefits of

marriage.

Relying on the testimony of South Florida Filipinas obtained through

personal interviews, a significant section of my dissertation examines the Filipina

Internet brides’ and their husbands’ international marriage experiences. The

literature review presented above guided my interview questions. Generally, my

questions elicited data that address the social settings which produce these

practices, the men’s and women’s depictions and rationalization of the process

and, most importantly, their views of the subsequent marriages. Specifically, as

introduced above, I wanted to know if the women who are no longer brides have 47 exhibited the submissive behaviors ubiquitous in the ads and normalized in

mainstream consciousness, or if they re‐negotiated or even challenged these representations, and if so, then what were their husbands’ reactions? In order to explore the brides’ agency, I wanted to investigate the Filipinas’ motivations for marrying a virtual stranger and moving to a foreign land. More importantly, do they view themselves as women who fit the submissive stereotypes projected in these ads? Finally, how does the Filipina international bride create a fit for herself between three sets of competing structural constraints: (1) her own internalized values; (2) the broader demands of her social world; and (3) the realities in which

she finds herself living as a bride in the United States?

As mentioned, I interviewed three Filipina Internet brides and their

husbands, both together and separately. Because so little of this kind of research

has been done, I anticipated that these interviews would generate new topics,

knowledge, and questions about the international marriage experience. In this

way, my research has been inductive in character as I drew conclusions based on

the interviews. In Barrett’s words, “…ethnographic research is maddeningly

inductive” (220). I expected most of the participants would tend to defend the

practice and emphasize the bride’s agency. I realize that the research is limited

because exploited or abused women may be reluctant to come forward and those

that do may not speak freely. I am also aware that these women and men may 48 have been less than forthright in our conversations. I reduced these potential problems by ensuring confidentiality and having several dialogs during ongoing conversations.

49

Chapter 4: THICK DESCRIPTION AND ANALYSES OF INTERNATIONAL INTERNET BRIDE ADS

Advertisements both shape and reflect cultural norms. In 1957 Roland

Barthes illustrated how advertisements can be interpreted at two levels: the surface level, which is the actual reading of the text; and the more powerful

underlying text which conjures up images in the viewer’s subconscious (Danesi

and Perron 282). Although the underlying messages are not definitive, this

deeper level reveals the ad’s subtle signifiers that convey meanings beyond the

surface and, therefore, provide us with clues to the ad’s effectiveness.

Ethnographers have long realized the importance of going beyond the surface

message as they search for meanings in everyday life—clues that provide a more

intense understanding about relationships among social actors. Reflecting upon

some of these latent meanings, this section of my dissertation will explore two

international Internet bride web advertisements that are representative of the 30‐

plus sites that I visited and the five sites that were specifically discussed in my review of scholarly articles. Deep analysis of these advertisements as cultural artifacts provides insights about the underpinnings of mainstream American

culture, and therefore contributes to an explanation of how international Internet

50 bride marriages emerged at this particular point in time.

The following discussion provides thick descriptions and analyses of two

international Internet bride advertisements. The two ads are similar in content

concerning gendered relationships of power. In other words, a deep analysis

suggests that these advertisements covertly display who dominates and who

submits. Erving Goffman’s critical analysis of hundreds of photographs provides

insight about how gender roles are performed at the most subtle level or the

subtext, that is, the latent depictions that target and infiltrate the subconscious.

Drawing on Goffman’s insights, I have examined the images of the following ads at both the surface and sub‐textual levels.

The main photo in the upper left corner of the asianation.com ad displays a clock‐like template with head shots of eight women encircling one central photo with a tropical setting backdrop.7 The center photo stands out because this woman has her left arm and hand delicately wrapped around her head. Goffman notes, “Women, more than men, are pictured using their fingers and hands to trace the outlines of an object or to cradle it or to caress its surface…” (29). In this pose the woman’s head cants noticeably to the left. Goffman might read this

type of head positioning as a signifier of “…subordination, an expression of

ingratiation, submissiveness, and appeasement” (46). All of the women are

smiling to various degrees except two—the one in the center and the one with 51 dark skin. Goffman observes that women smile much more than men, an

indication of actors who deem themselves inferior (48). The ad also subtly

addresses racial differentiation: out of nine photographs, only one woman

appears to be dark skinned. While there is an array of hair colors of blonde,

reddish blonde, light brunette, dark brunette, and black, only one has short hair.

The authors seem to be offering as much variety as possible, while still

maintaining the preference for longer hair, smiles, and a definite preference for

light skin. Lastly, the tropical background perhaps suggests that the customer is

viewing something exotic. Asian women have traditionally been stereotyped as exotic and with heightened sexual proclivities. For example, Said reported in the

late that Westerners have long been fascinated with Asian exotic sexuality, which

they view as a stark contrast to that of Western women (190). In short, deep

analyses of these images uncover traditional American gender and racial

expectations.

Next, I analyze the textual elements of the same advertisement for, as Stuart

Hall points out, text and images are inextricably bound together to produce

meaning and to discover the underlying messages and the myths that they create

(226). According to Hall, “Two discourses—the discourse of the written language

and the discourse of photography—are required to produce and ‘fix’ the

meaning” (228). The following excerpt from asianation.com completes the 52 process of communicating meaning to the viewer.

Our objective is to pair up single men whom are serious and ready

to marry with a attractive Asian bride. Our brides to be are mainly

from the countryside. They are gentle, attractive, young, devoted to

family, faithful, submissive and virgin, their age between 18‐30

years old. Asian dating on line offers bachelors, divorcees or

widowers a great way to meet and select Asian women of their

dreams within days of our Asian singles tour. Our professional

matchmaking team will plan, arrange and coordinate every

detailed step of the entire process for you. This allows you to spend

more time in selecting the most compatible Asian girls of your

dreams. The Asian singles tour begins the exciting tour by flying

you to Asia. Once there, we will introduce the prospective brides to

you. You will short list the prospective oriental brides and invite

them for dinner or lunch together. When you have chosen your

future asia bride, she will be sent to a local doctor for an

examination. You can turn down the marriage if the doctor does

not certify her to be a virgin bride or of good health.

(http://www.asianation.com/)

The textual elements on this page also link the user to several other “Asian 53 girls” web pages which promote everything from marriage to “swinging.” This

broad continuum seems to contradict the assertion that Asian women are

“submissive and virgin,” although this type of sexual dichotomy could be

reminiscent of the Madonna‐Whore Complex, where a man simultaneously desires a wifely saint and a tiger in bed. Promoting marriage, the first sentence states that the matchmaking company’s objective is to “pair up single men whom

are serious and ready to marry.” The next sentence indicates the women are from

the countryside. Implied in this message, then, is that the women are poor and

naïve, and therefore easily controlled. The authors also apply particular and

traditional feminine modifiers such as “gentle, attractive, young, devoted to

family, faithful, submissive and virgin,” evidently to reinforce that the women

will adhere to the conservative patriarchal marriage model. Another interesting

outcropping is the viewer’s active positioning and the object’s passive one. He

chooses her by “short listing.” She gets sent to the local doctor for an

examination; his medical status is ignored.8 The examination notation, therefore,

reassures the customer that his bride will not only be virginal but also free of sexually transmitted diseases, particularly HIV/AIDS, a more recent Filipina

stereotype (Tan 158). The marriage, therefore, has a medicalized context under

which the Filipina becomes even more objectified and her status more tenuous.

The second ad is similar to the first, but it attempts to evoke a more 54 traditional and ethereal narrative, and consequently avoids direct references to

virginity or gynecological examinations. This ad appears to be sponsored by

Personal Liaisons International, a self‐described travel agency that offers tours to

the Philippines packaged from $495 to $4,295,9 while supplying additional services such as visa kits and personal consultations. Apparently the matchmaking organization arranges for a group of American men to travel to the

Philippines where they will meet a large group of Filipinas at an organized social gathering. Like the first example, this ad situates the target audience as choosers.

The hard‐copy brochure advertises: “With so many ladies to choose from, you’ll

be confident with your decision.”

Personal Liaisons International is organized into two sections—photographs

and text. On the left side of the ad there is a wedding day photograph of two

seemingly mixed‐sex couples. Both brides are wearing traditional white wedding

gowns with requisite white veils. Each bride holds a bouquet of white flowers at

her waist. Similar to the first example, the brides look to be in their mid‐twenties

or early thirties and of Asian descent, although notably of light skin. The two

grooms are dressed in tuxedos and appear to be middle‐aged, Caucasian, and

considerably older than the brides.10 Several international Internet bride scholars concur with this observation when they analyzed various “mail‐order bride” advertisements.11 Both grooms are standing behind their brides and on both 55 brides’ left sides with each bride’s shoulder turned slightly inward toward her

groom’s chest. All participants are smiling and standing under a palm tree

amidst a beautiful sunny day. “Do you believe in miracles?” is written at the bottom of the pictures. On the right side of the ad is the following paragraph:

Congratulations! You have taken the first step towards discovering

an eternal treasure! This will happen when you find your number

one Asian lady whose main objective in life is to please her

husband. The enthusiasm shown and the pleasure they derive in

accomplishing this goal is almost embarrassing! The beauty in this

unique kind of treasure quest lies in the reality that somewhere in

the vastness of Asia’s densely populated continent and thousands

of tropical islands, a compatible lady is waiting to meet you. But

don’t read another word if you’re completely satisfied with your

romantic life. Have you ever dreamed of finding your ideal lady—

loving, beautiful and devoted? Well, this is the opportunity you’re

[sic] been waiting for—for so long. (Personal Liaisons International)

The two main points that stand out in the ad are the exclamatory

“Congratulations!” and the picture of the seemingly happy couple surrounded

by a tropical paradise, a setting widely associated in advertising with romance

(Illouz 92). The persuasiveness of this ad is obvious to a particular kind of 56 viewer. Through words and images, presumably older lonely men can easily

obtain love, sex, and companionship by the click of a mouse and spending some

money. Highlighting that the women emanate from a densely populated area,

the ad implies that there are thousands of women from which to choose. More

explicitly, the ad offers hope that a miracle could happen to them. The prevalence of this kind of paragraph, which is found throughout Internet bride web pages, suggests evidence of its effectiveness as it has been appropriated by multiple Internet bride agencies over the last 15 years. Through my research I have come across similar versions of this same text used by several different

Internet bride companies dating back to 1990s. The ubiquity of this type of ad

indicates that a key component of the ad’s success is the oft repeated claim that

Asian women are submissive, compliant, and available.

Unlike asianation.com, Personal Liaisons International avoids using the work

submissive explicitly and uses devoted instead. I argue that the word devoted as

in devoted wife implicitly suggests that these women will tend to be, in fact,

submissive toward their American husbands. A devoted wife has traditionally

been one who submits to her husband. The word traditional evokes nostalgic

sentiments about the traditional wife—before feminism, women’s liberation, and

civil rights eked out into the mainstream national consciousness. The traditional

American wife, although never thought of as totally submissive, nevertheless 57 tends to be subordinate to her husband, as is required from the Biblical

admonishment, “Wives, be submissive to your husbands.” This national

sentiment has long been ensconced in the traditional patriarchal marriage where the husband dominates, controls, and is deemed more important than his submissive wife who submits to the authority of the husband. Admittedly, the

ad’s “submissive Asian woman” claim is probably more a cultural fantasy than a

cultural reality. Indeed, these particular ads, as with all advertisements, are

trying to sell a fantasy, not a reality. This repetition of the devoted/submissive

wife theme is significant because, as Hall theorizes:

…images do not carry meaning or ‘signify’ on their own. They

accumulate meanings, or play off their meanings against one

another, across a variety of texts and media. Each image carries its

own, specific meaning. But at the broader level of how ‘difference’

and ‘otherness’ is being represented in a particular culture at any

one moment, we can see similar representational practices and

figures being repeated, with variations, from one text or site of

representation to another. (235)

Implicit in the advertisement is the suggestion that the Asian wife is more

devoted and family‐oriented than the American wife. “Asians possess old‐

fashioned, traditional, family‐oriented values that help people create lasting 58 happiness” (Personal Liaisons International). The “old‐fashioned” wife is

intended to evoke nostalgia for the 1950s American wife who subordinated her

own needs and desires to her husband’s as evidenced in the traditional marriage

vows that solely require the bride to “love, honor, and obey” her husband.

An example of the 1950s traditional American wife ideal is revealed in a 1953

article from an academic journal, Marriage and Family Living, where the author

found that joke‐telling is a mechanism through which societal norms are

reinforced, and, subsequently, therefore function as a form of social control. In this article Mildred Perlis found that there were no jokes about dominant husbands or submissive wives, but ample jokes about hen‐pecked husbands and bossy wives (50). Her findings indicate that the dominant husband/submissive

wife role was the norm in the 1950s (50).

Over fifty years later, and in the post‐modern cyberspace web site ads, the

emphasis on the traditional wife indicates a tenacious preference for the

submissive wife, at least for a considerable number of people. The preference is

revealed through the ad’s implicit juxtaposition of the Asian wife against the

modern, career‐oriented, American wife. These sentiments were expressed by

one of my informant’s comments about his earlier relationship with his

American long‐time ex‐girlfriend:

Pam: So why did you take this route to marriage? 59 Mel: For a couple of reasons. Now the ex wasn’t like this, but all the other girls I’d been with before in relationships—they were either cheaters or they did something bad. They weren’t good people, necessarily nature

wise. They were more like, “I’ll make sure that I don’t get hurt in the end;

he’s the one that’s gonna get hurt.” That kind of deal. They just had

attitudes, like things that they were brought up American wise. On top of that, all the other girlfriends that I’ve been with, and I’ll be honest, you know probably about 95% of them—none of them were clean. I mean my last girlfriend that I was with, two kids, she would never clean the house.

She would come in the door and the house would be clean— from me cleaning— and she would come home and drop her coat on the floor. I’d

say, “There’s a coat rack on the wall.” The kids would throw their book bags on the floor. Shoes would come off, socks would come off right at the door. And I’d say, “Are you gonna pick that stuff up?” And she’d say,

“Oh yeah, I’ll do it this weekend.” This was a huge problem. I’m not a clean freak—I’m fine with a little bit of clutter, but I have this thing about the entire house being a mess. I really do. I have allergies to dust and other things, and living with my ex I felt like I was sick most of the etime becaus

of the amount of dust. She’d leave out food for days and say that she’d clean up on Saturday. And Saturday would come, and she’d be out with 60 her mother, and I’d say, “You said you were going to clean three

Saturdays ago. What’s going on?”

Pam: So, you thought Filipinas would be cleaner?

Mel: No, not at all. It was what she showed me that was different when I

met her. And what I mean by that was when I met her I had a suitcase full

of clothes. I was getting ready to go to another area. She repacked all my

clothes in a way so I could fit more in my suitcase which I couldn’t do. She

took my dirty clothes. I asked her if she could get them laundered for me. I

was gonna give them money to do it. I found out later that her mother

hand‐washed my clothes for me. They didn’t want to waste the money,

and her mom said it was fine; she would do it. If I would have known that

I would probably have taken the dirty clothes to a laundromat myself.

They ended up doing them before I could do it. I came there with three

suitcases and when I came back with two suitcases, a suitcase inside of it

and still had things to give to everybody in the house because she had

repacked everything for me.

Pam: Your initial introduction to the web site—why did you choose that

particular web site?

Mel: I chose the web site because I had heard from other people that were

friends of mine that marrying a foreigner woman—they’re more dedicated 61 to relationships for one; and number two, they treat their husbands with

greater respect than American women do…and it wasn’t that I was

looking for somebody to be a pushover on me…but someone who could

respect me equally like I respect them. My ex was big on…she was a big

feminist. And what I mean by that was…it was a girls only type world for

her, and no man was ever gonna tell her what to do and this and that.

Pam: She self‐identified as a feminist? If you asked her she would say,

“I’m a feminist.”?

Mel: OK. If you have a woman come up to you and say, “No man’s ever

gonna tell me what to do!” What do you take that as? She’s telling this to

my face…”NO MAN’S EVER GONNA TELL ME WHAT TO DO!” So

what do you think at that point? Oh great! And you’re thinking, “My

gosh, what is she teaching to my children?”

From this interview exchange, Mel’s long‐term experience with his American girlfriend appeared to be less than satisfactory. Mel’s responses support the research on motivations for procuring a Filipina bride that finds it is an alternative for American men who covet the traditional wife and reject what they perceive as feminism. For example, Mel thought a feminist was a woman who wanted to control her man.

The role of the American wife has indeed changed over the last half century. 62 With the majority of married women employed in the workforce, no longer is the

wife totally dependent on her husband for financial support. Today’s American

wife typically no longer submerges her identity into that of her husband’s as was

the case in the 1950s (Yalom 400); instead she forges her own identity. This social

situation has made many men uneasy, especially those who are products of the patriarchal family model prominent in the fifties and sixties, as is Mel.

Infusion of non‐traditional gender values, such as women’s financial independence from men, has indeed generated a shift in cultural values.

Transformations of cultural values are always suspicious, and this is especially true of unconventional marriages. Trying to disassociate their businesses from

the stigmatization of international matchmaking organizations, the ad’s authors

address these suspicions in the “Frequently Asked Questions” section of the

advertisement:

Question: Isn’t this a mail‐order‐bride scheme?

No! In fact, that’s not even possible. The U. S. Citizenship and

Immigration Service (CIS) requires that before you can bring an

alien fiancée into the USA, you have to have meet [sic] in person.

You have to go there, meet in person, and establish a relationship.

Then you return to the US and file the petition of alien fiancée.

After five to eight months of processing, she will receive her visa 63 and becomes eligible to enter the USA. Bottom line – you can’t “mail order” her.

(Personal Liaisons International)

Here the authors issue both a warning and a reassurance. They recognize the negative connotation of any “mail‐order bride” reference and want to distance

their business from it. Moreover, they are attempting to deny any “mail‐order”

scheme where the man is vulnerable to any exploitation by the woman who is

only interested in financial rewards or getting a green card. This reassurance is

addressed in later rhetoric in the FAQ section where the men are assured that the

woman will “stick with him through thick and thin” and “for better or worse.”

The authors even cite one study that supposedly found that there were no

divorces between Asian women married to American men and they make

references to unspecified claims that estimate “Asian‐American divorce rates to

be well under 10%...” (Personal Liaisons International). More blatantly,

addressing the question, “Do the ladies just want to get away by becoming citizens through marriage?,” the authors assuage the men’s fears by reiterating

US immigration law that requires the husband and wife to prove the legitimacy

of their marriage for two years lest she be deported (Personal Liaisons

International). Here it appears that the authors are aware of all the constraints that could de‐legitimize their advertisement and hence take steps to reinforce credibility. Government officials mimic the authors’ concerns about the potential 64 abuse of men. For example, according to US Citizenship and Immigration

Services, the main motivation of many alien women advertising on these web

sites is to gain permanent US resident status, a point Constable strongly refutes

as does my own data. Nevertheless, these claims from governmental

organizations further underscore the necessity to project an image that suggests conventional American marriage values—or patriarchal values that are becoming increasingly difficult to locate.

Indeed, themes of anti‐feminism, patriarchy, and traditional gender relationships frame the Internet bride advertisement narrative. This patriarchal familial master plot is critical in these types of advertisements because the authors are attempting to sell a practice that has the potential of appearing improper at best and pathetic or vulgar at worst. Rhetorical critic Walter Fisher suggests that the most effective method of human communication is narration.

Fisher contends that: “…the world is a set of stories which must be chosen

among to live the good life in a process of continual recreation” (297). These stories are not merely fantastical myths; they must have what Fisher refers to as

narrative probability and narrative fidelity (297). They must, therefore, be

coherent and faithful to the participant’s worldview, which includes, racial,12 moral and religious overtones, and which makes for what Foss and Foss submit as convincing verbal and visual effects (527). An example of attempted verbal 65 and visual effects is located under the images of the aforementioned bride and

groom in traditional wedding garb with the words, “Do you believe in miracles…?” Here, two intentions are probable: (1) the subtle interjection of a

religious theme by attempting to integrate the American image of mainstream

Christianity into the; ad or (2) the suggestion that even the most unattractive

man can find a beautiful wife. Text in tandem with photographs of smiling

couples in customary wedding garb disguise the unorthodox aspect of the

Internet bride business and, instead, cloak it in symbols of purity, dignity,

festivity, and most importantly, godliness.

Injecting symbols of godliness into the images and texts of advertisements

helps to situate the patriarchal family as morally superior. The ideology fits

nicely around the Biblical injunction for wives to be submissive to their husbands

and to love, honor, and obey until death do them part. Words like eternal and

miracles summon religious images while simultaneously re‐conceptualizing a

potentially exploitative action into a virtuous one. The landscape can now be

embedded within the Biblical framework of the husband’s entitlement to his

wife’s sexuality because he will deflower his symbolically virginal bride. The

potential lecher is now safely ensconced in God’s plan which quickly dispels any semblance of tawdriness. The authors’ strategy has successfully situated their message within the sacred by redirecting their audiences’ gaze away from any 66 hint of sexual exploitation. Ivie refers to this manipulation as being the basis of

all rhetorical invention (351), and the entire scene delivers what Foss and Foss

refer to as the “masculine spectatorship” (527) within which both women and

men fall prey to the dominant masculine model. The ad’s projected ritual of

traditional marriage, therefore, functions as a way of both expressing and

reinforcing a kind of patriarchal cohesion that attempts to morally unite the

audience with the international Internet bride practice.

As alluded to previously, the web site’s designers are undoubtedly cognizant of the American public’s probable skepticism about and distaste for this type of advertisement. The creators, therefore, have projected strategic aesthetic codes,

meanings, norms, and values into the scene. They have successfully employed an

effective strategy by fusing traditional romantic love narratives with the un‐

sentimentality of free market capitalism inherent in: (1) the profit‐making nature of all matchmaking businesses; and (2) the commonly held view that these men are purchasing wives as products.13 The ad’s creators, therefore, have

implemented strategies to manipulate skeptics into accepting this unorthodox

path to marriage. By casting marriage partners in conventional romantic

frameworks, they gain support and acceptance from their target audience and those who may be prone to stigmatize the participants. Drawing on what

Kenneth Burke refers to as “language as symbolic action” (qtd. in Brock 11), the 67 ad’s authors have used symbols of traditional wedding texts and images to persuade their audience to identify the ad as within the American mainstream view of order and decency. This identification stabilizes the practice because the images are kept “pure” and true to American mainstream marriage values (Hall

236); thus, they establish narrative probability and fidelity. The authors are

aware that people seldom marry in a vacuum; most of these men have friends,

families, and co‐workers. For example, in her study of marriage symbolism,

Nicole Belmont points out that the marriage ceremony traditionally has been a

community event, a manifestation of society giving its approval for the union

(qtd. in Forster and Ranum 5). This reality was realized with my interview with

“Jay” as he relates the humiliation he suffered amongst a group of co‐workers whom mocked his marriage to Neneng:

So my brother said, “Look…I’m happy, I’m married…if you want to do

the same thing, it’s up to you. Now if you’re smart…the women here, they

don’t want ya…they think they’re on a high pedestal. Get a girl from the

Philippines. Get married…you be happier.” So that’s what I did. And then

some of the guys [at work], they want to know, of course, so they tell me,

“Can’t ya get an American girl to marry ya? Ya gotta go outside your

own country?”

Pam: So, they would tease you, but not in a good way? 68 Jay: No, not in a good way. These people are like enemies. They thought

because they had American wives, they were higher.

Pam: So they taunted you?

Jay: Yeah.

Pam: How did you react to that?

Jay: I went through hell…the way they treated me. They weren’t friends.

A friend will help ya out and not hurt ya. And that’s what other people

told me. They’re not your friends.

The international Internet bride ad, therefore, attempts to suppress the kind

of sentiment expressed by Jay’s former co‐workers. The ad’s authors have

invoked a more palatable narrative which encourages the men to participate in the international Internet bride practice, and at the same time salvage their dignity. In short, in order to be enticing and effective, the representations in the

ads must subconsciously fit within the mainstream ideological romantic narrative, a narrative that typically evokes the melding of masculinity and

morality. This conflation of the moral and the masculine narrative is illustrated

in the next section and suggests why invoking images of a traditional American

wedding is so effective in enticing some American males into the international

marriage practice.

69 Wedding Symbolism and Patriarchy

In his final book, Masculine Domination, Pierre Bourdieu astutely describes

the power of masculinity as thus:

The strength of the masculine order is seen in the fact that it

dispenses with justification: The androcentric vision imposes itself

as neutral and has no need to spell itself out in discourses aimed at

legitimating it. The social order functions as an immense symbolic

machine tending to ratify the masculine domination on which it is

founded: it is the sexual division of labour, a very strict distribution

of the activities assigned to each sex, of their place, time and

instruments; it is the structure of space, with the opposition

between the place of assembly or the market, reserved for men, and

the house, reserved for women…. (9‐11)

For Bourdieu, differentiation of the sexes is part of Western ideology. To

preserve patriarchy it is necessary to essentialize, and therefore differentiate,

human bodies based on biological sex into two distinct entities while

highlighting those sex differences. Traditional American wedding ritual images

exploit this American social convention. Strategically, the Internet bride ad

authors co‐opt traditional wedding images to accomplish key distinctions by

using pictures that situate the bride into natural and private realms opposite the 70 groom, who has been situated intentionally in the cultural and public realms. For

example, the bride is holding white flowers that symbolize the female’s closeness

to nature, the binary opposite of culture. Pamela Frese argues the wedding

flowers carried over the bride’s womb connect the bride with nature in the sense

that they represent the cyclical and fertile qualities of biological reproduction

(102‐103). Supporting Frese’s claim, Merlock Jackson asserts that the flower girl

dropping flower petals in the path of the bride walking down the aisle represents

a hope for future fertility of the bride (143‐144).

In the early 1970s, Sherry Ortner proposed one of many theories about women’s universal subordination to men. She theorized that cross‐culturally women have been more closely associated to nature than men, and men see themselves, at least in some fashion, as controllers or mediators of nature, and therefore controllers or mediators of women. Bodily functions of menstruation and childbirth were typically allied with lower order natural processes whereas men’s physiology was connected with higher order, Western cultural values (73),

such as the admired characteristics of civility and rationality. In other words,

from this perspective, it was man’s purpose to controld an harness the

unpredictably of nature, and since women were connected to nature, it was man’s purpose to control women.

Frese points out that the symbolism involved in American wedding rituals 71 serves as a potent social reproduction function. Encased in the ideology of

romance,14 the bride is steered toward her future in the domestic sphere (101).

This point is illustrated in the previously referenced photographs used in the

Internet bride advertisement. Aside from the flowers, the colors, poses, dress style, and props are worth noting as they communicate sharp contrasts between male and female wedding actors.

In Western tradition the whiteness of the bride’s dress has traditionally been

associated with chastity in general and virginity in particular. The white gown

and veil connect the bride to modesty and purity as well as to the white milk produced by lactating women (Frese 104). Further, a classic bridal gown, where the cut of the dress draws in toward the waist, tends to accentuate the woman’s bosom, hips and buttocks, which are considered the physical sites of fertility.15

The fabric is typically cut tight around the woman’s waist which draws the spectators’ eyes to the hips and breasts. This focus on women’s sexual anatomy ironically appears to contradict the white veil as a symbol of modesty; instead it emphasizes sensuality and fertility while simultaneously communicating seductiveness and chastity (reminiscent again of the Freudian Madonna‐Whore

Complex).

Goffman also alerts us to the significance of the wedding gown. He notes that

some dresses (and I think a wedding dress aptly fits into this category) function 72 as a kind of costume, something only worn on one occasion which costs an

extravagant amount when compared to the tuxedo. The traditional ornate

decorations of the typical wedding gown, for example the satin, diamonds, lace,

intricate embroidery, underscore the bride’s frivolous function—beautiful

maybe, but unnecessary, and a person not to be taken seriously, but something to

be passed from one male to the next. The essence of the dress makes for inactivity and forced dependence on others to move the bride from place to place.

Conversely, the tuxedo is more like a business suit, which the groom could

conceivably wear again. It projects seriousness, with the padded shoulders,

which emphasize authority (Rubinstein 51) brute force, and the pant legs which

accentuate the male physique and readiness for running, fighting, and

protecting. The groom’s attire, therefore, signifies doing while the bride’s attire

signifies being. She is a passive object passed from her father to her husband. She

is walked down the aisle by her father, passed to her future husband by her father, led out of the church by her husband, helped into the limousine by her husband, et cetera. Even at the reception, the bride’s function is to follow the lead of her husband onto the dance floor and, of course, during the dance scene. The

daughter is given in marriage and, according to ancient European tradition, will

soon be led or carried to her husband’s house (Belmont qtd. in Forster and 73 Ranum 2). Her being has now been ritualistically transferred from her father to

her husband.

The blackness of the traditional tuxedo is also significant. Although black

symbolizes several statuses, for men it symbolizes seriousness and a “… signature for what they have of standing, goods, mastery” (Harvey 10) and a

negation of the feminine (16). While, at least in American culture, the white dress

and veil punctuate female virginity and modesty, the tuxedo signifies civility

and worldliness and, thereby perpetuates the woman/nature, man/culture

dichotomy. Or, as Frese contends, the groom’s garb associates him with “…

public events, reflecting the male control of public time and are distinctly

different from the objects used by women in the ritual sphere to symbolize ethereal, sacred nature.”

A similar observation can be made of the quintessential ceremonial pose of the bride standing in front of the groom with her shoulder turned slightly

inward toward the groom’s chest, a position in which her body is ensconced

within his body. The meaning here suggests that her body becomes engulfed into

his as he symbolically assumes ownership and subsequent protection. Reflective

of any typical American wedding photograph, the bride is always standing in

front of the groom with her shoulder turned inward toward the groom’s chest.

This pose corresponds to the typical centripetal female orientations of forces 74 projected inward. For example, the female’s near universal segregation in the

division of labor (Ember & Ember 162) is geared to activities that take place

inside the home where she serves other family members. The female biological

function of bearing offspring positions her role near the nurturing space of her

children, the home. Conversely, male roles and activities occur outwardly or are a centrifugal force that orients him outside the home—that is the public or

cultural space. For example, in modern industrialized societies the male will be

socialized to be worldly, protective, and to work outside the home. In opposition,

the female has traditionally been socialized to be domestic, protected, and

continue to be largely responsible for most of the household duties. Generally

women still cook dinner, raise the children, care for the elderly, and plan the

weddings. Although today’s mainstream American women do not strictly follow

the June Cleaver housewife model, there remain tenacious vestiges of women’s

exclusion from public domains.16

In most gendered American cultural practices, the male is expected to project

his actions outwardly and the female inwardly.17 Uhlmann observes that men’s arms and legs tend to spread out over more space whereas women hold their limbs inward towards their bodies (151). Even the masculine way of speaking and inhabiting public space project his masculine “outwardness.” For instance, a woman who speaks loudly is typically scorned more harshlyn tha a loud‐ 75 speaking man.18 In the public sphere, a man can comfortably sit alone at a bar,

but a woman is more likely to feel uncomfortable in that setting. The public sphere has traditionally been reserved as the masculine space, with female

incursion viewed as either suspect or dangerous.19 Men even tend to take up

more public space in sitting positions than do women. Indeed, Barrie Thorne’s

1991 study of young children suggests that males have been socialized to feel

more entitled to public spaces than females. These conceptions, although never

articulated, are nevertheless robustly symbolized in the picture of the bride and

groom. The stance and dress of the bride and groom convey subtle meanings

about the expected gendered roles of the future husband and wife.

According to Bourdieu, these systems of male/female bodily oppositions

suggested above accentuate difference while muting any similarity. In The Logic of Practice, Bourdieu devotes an entire chapter to bodily oppositions and explicates their power when he writes about the weight of opposition between

the masculine and feminine (78). He expands on this theme in Masculine

Domination, where he illustrates how rites of institutions symbolically and

effectively highlight sexual differences which emancipate the male but constrain

the female. Through an emphasis on demarcation of the sexes, all dimensions of

the female body are in some way dominated by the masculine resulting in a narrative of female inferiority. Commenting on this exaggerated differentiation 76 Bourdieu writes:

The principle of the inferiority and exclusion of women, which the

mythico‐ritual system ratifies and amplifies, to the point of making

it the principle division of the whole universe, is nothing other than

the fundamental dissymmetry, that of subject and object, agent and

instrument, which is set up between men and women in the

domain of symbolic exchanges, the relations of production and

reproduction of symbolic capital, the central device of which is the

matrimonial market, and which are the foundation of the whole

social order—women can only appear there as objects, or, more

precisely, as symbols whose meaning is constituted outside of them

and whose function is to contribute to the perpetuation or

expansion of the symbolic capital held by men. (42‐43)

The inflated constructions of oppositions of which Bourdieu writes are clearly present in the traditional American wedding ritual, and the image is reproduced in the typical Internet bride advertisement. The masculine/feminine, inward/

outward, black/white, nature/culture, public/private binary oppositions

strongly influence and reflect the heavily gendered human habitus and tend to

corral the mind towards a predetermined line of thinking which results in and

from fixed ideological conceptions of the world. This habitus, similar to Strauss’s 77 and Quinn’s cultural schema, is where participants are inclined to unconsciously

accept traditional action and a certain state of being as a natural way of behaving.

In this situation, actors tend to socially reproduce behaviors by reinforcing and

transferring these patterns of experience to the next generation and thus creating

a kind of historical durability (Strauss and Quinn 112). The binary oppositions

exaggerated by the ad and, indeed, the accompanying photographs perpetuate

and reflect the prevailing consensus on gender relations in both the United States

and the Philippines.

To conclude, the gender displays prominent in these ads echo American

culture. International Internet bride ads signify the women as submissive and

family‐oriented; and they implicitly juxtapose her against the demanding,

independent, American, and feminist bitch. The implied message is that the

Filipina “other” is different from the American woman, can be more easily controlled, and, therefore, is less likely to resist patriarchal dominance. As

Wilson points out, the men who view these ads share a widespread perception of

the Asian woman as submissive, a common view held in the fantasies of the

Occidental for hundreds of years (116).20

The stark contrasts between the images of the bride and groom in the

international Internet bride advertisements reinforce the asymmetrical pairings

of the two actors and, through ritualistic display of the wedding photos, reflect 78 the dichotomous expectations of each gender. The ads’ texts and images do not

produce culture; instead they reflect symbiotic relationships involved in the

cultural reproduction (Jones 5) of patriarchy.21 In this manner they invoke several

cultural codes that emit one message of a traditional American value—women

should submit to men. Jedlicka’s 1994 study of Internet brides indicates that the

majority of male clients are white, older, politically conservative, and college‐

educated (qtd. in Glodava and Onizuka 25‐26). If his study is accurate, we can

conclude that this demographic is the ads’ target audience. The statement that

declares that the Asian lady’s main purpose in life is to “please her husband”

suggests to audiences that these men, many of whom were brought up in the

1950s and 1960s, can recapture the conventional wife who is willing to assimilate into American traditional religious and gendered roles, roles that have steadily

declined in contemporary American culture. A large part of this devotion requires her to be submissive to her husband. As Mary Daly suggests, Western patriarchy was sanctioned out of the biblical “God the Father” myth (13) which

teaches wives to submit to their husbands.22 The image of a happy bride and

groom appears to be an innocuous Internet bride advertisement; however, this

cultural artifact provides cultural clues as to why a segment of American society

finds the Internet bride practice so appealing.

While Chapter 4 focuses on how international bride advertisements tap into 79 men’s nostalgia for an era of patriarchy (i.e. the motivations and expectations of the American male bride client), Chapter 5 will focus on the motivations and expectations of the Filipina bride. Here we see that her incentives for leaving her natal family and marrying a virtual stranger are best understood withine th

context of Filipino colonial and postcolonial events—events that would instigate

a Filipina bride diaspora.

80

Chapter 5: STRUCTURAL FACTORS THAT UNDERWRITE THE FILIPINA INTERNET BRIDE PRACTICE

As discussed in Chapter 4, American cultural ideology strongly influenced

the Filipina‐Americano bride migration. Continuing with structural factors, this

chapter will connect colonialism and capitalism with the stereotype of the

submissive Asian woman. This chapter will also illustrate the social conditions, or the institutions and structural agents, which encourage the international

Internet bride phenomenon. These structures include colonialism, capitalism, and patriarchy.

Filipino Colonial History, Capitalism, and the Construction of the Submissive Filipina

The terrain of the international Internet bride practice can only be understood

in terms of colonial history. Holt reminds us that before colonization the Filipina

had a dominant role in marriage such as a voice in her daughter’s future spouse,

the guarantee of her inherited property rights, and the right to refuse to accept

her husband’s name (12). But that strong agency seems to have been

compromised by colonization.

Filipino colonial history begins with Spain, continues with the United States,

81 and has a direct influence on the recent Filipina bride diaspora. In 1521, Spain colonized the Philippines and ruled over the islands for over 300 years.

Followed by a brief self‐rule, this colonization continued with American occupation for around 100 years beginning in 1898 and ending around 1989

(Eviota viii). There is evidence that Filipina devaluation either began with, or

was exacerbated by, double colonization. According to a 2002 study by the Asian

Development Bank (Sociolegal Status of Women in Indonesia, Malaysia,

Philippines, and Thailand 22), during pre‐colonization Filipinas enjoyed some

autonomy and high social status. Although not equal to men, Filipinas were prominent in production, had a voice in reproduction, and enjoyed high status in

the religious realm (Eviota 36). Despite the Philippines’ long history of being colonized by Spain and the United States, both patriarchal cultures, the cultural

traditions of the Philippines are more closely related to matriarchy. Even in their

more recent history, Filipinas have always held positions of power especially within the family structure. Mina Roces argues that even though Filipino men

control politics in the Philippines, women exercise ample power “behind the

scenes”, for example in the Ferdinand and Imelda Marcos regime (293). In addition, Roces points out that Filipinas hold power through kinship ties (295) and were seen as the “moral guardians” of Filipino virtue (302). James Eder points out that even today Filipina wives commonly co‐manage the family 82 finances in what he describes as “dual leadership” roles (412). However, this pre‐

colonial Filipina status precipitously deteriorated under Spanish rule because

Filipinas were considered the legal property of their fathers and, after marriage,

their husbands (Sociolegal Status of Women in Indonesia, Malaysia, Philippines,

and Thailand 22). Following American domination, women’s status increased

somewhat, but Filipino Family Code law still establishes the husband’s authority

over the wife concerning property ownership, child custody, marriage and divorce decisions (47), contracts and loans (75), and marital rape (77).

The works of two scholars illustrate how colonialism had a grave effect on the lives of Filipinas. East Asian ethnographer Niels Mulder captures the Filipina life in Inside Philippine Society: Interpretations of Everyday Life and Inside

Southeast Asia: Religion, Everyday Life, Cultural Change. In these works the

cultural anthropologist discusses the colonial arrogance of both Spanish and

American colonizers who created a huge gap between men’s and women’s roles

when they relegated women’s position in the home as wife and mother, while

repressively separating women from the public sphere (108, 2000 and 129, 1997).

Mulder asserts that today’s Filipinos, having adopted the Spanish machismo

model, are still expected to be macho as in womanizing, boastful, authoritarian,

and dominant (109, 2000). “…the men vie with each other for recognition, the

demonstration of influence and potency, and set a prize on their virility” (128, 83 1997). Conversely, drawing on the marianismo model, women, ideally, are

supposed to be pure, suffering, moral, and subservient (109, 2000). Asserting a

definite form of agency, many Filipinas have continue to resist these roles and

are, instead, looking to marry Western men, whom they have been socialized to

believe are more loyal, considerate, and less demanding than their Filipino

counterparts. These sentiments are supported earlier in my literature review23

and in one of my interviews with Nora:

Since childhood I have this fascination with marrying an American guy.

Because I feel like…not just financially secure but they have this…They

take a lot. They’re more mature than Filipino guys. Filipino guys are

stopped up [sic] on culture…They feel [women] have to stay home and

take care of the children.

Perhaps Nora’s discontent with marrying a Filipino can be traced back to her

childhood where she was socialized to believe in superiority of the Western

male. This perceived myth of Western superiority was a direct result of

American colonization and post‐colonization that has adversely affected Filipina

status and created a favorable climate for the international Internet bride phenomenon. Although technically the Philippines gained independence following Japanese occupation, just after World War II, the country has since

entered into a post and neo‐colonial phase with US influence deeply ingrained 84 into the Filipino culture. Following the brief Japanese occupation (Constable,

2003, 121), the Philippines became entrenched in American ways, both

economically and socially. For example, since World War II and until recently, the US has had military bases in the Philippines, and these bases have greatly contributed to the Filipino economy.24 American men met Filipinas at brothels and bars and began to establish relationships (Holt 126) that resulted in many

Filipinas marrying US military and subsequently immigrating to the US. They sent remittances back to the Philippines in order to support their families

(Simons 1999, 131‐132) and, by doing so, contributed to local economies. In addition, under American occupation, Filipino school children were under the tutelage of a completely Americanized school system where they learned English and used American textbooks which glamorized the American hero (de Jesus 48).

This pro‐American socialization is evident from all three of my informants who had learned English as a second language in their Filipino schools. Constable

also notes how glossy Filipino magazines promote anything western as superior,

emphasizing the eligible white male bachelor (122). Renato Rasaldo writes how

Filipinos consider themselves as having no culture because of 300 years of

Spanish rule and “a half century in Hollywood” (77). As del Rosario puts it, the likes of Elvis Presley and James Dean augmented the Filipino desire to come to

America (259). Hollywood indeed influenced one of my informants, Nileen, and 85 her decision to immigrate to the United States. Here she describes how her friend

tried to convince her to write an American when they realized he was from

Florida. Nileen subsequently connected her American pen pal with the 1980’s TV

action drama, Miami Vice.

Nileen: You know the first thing is really my friend…she know he’s from

Florida, and I always that show…what is it, honey?

Bob: (Nileen’s husband): Miami Vice.

Nileen: Miami Vice, yeah. And she’s excited that I gonna write…that my

friend write to him. (The friend is doing the writing because she knows

more English.) And I don’t expect him to write back…you know she write

to him…I’m not gonna know he’s not like Don Johnson…all I know is

that he’s from Florida, and I say, “Oh, that’s good.”

In a similar pro‐American vein, Nora’s husband Mel provides this description

when he describes how he was treated like a rock star when he visited his then

pen pal Nora in Manila. Here I ask Mel and Nora how the Filipino community reacted to their type of marital arrangement:

Pam: How did the community feel about your type of “pen pal” wedding?

Did you get any feedback from them?

Mel: They’re very envious of it, actually (chuckles).

Nora: They’d say, “America, it’s a good place. It’s greener pastures. 86 Mel: When I was on the street there, I had people following me all the way

to her house.

Pam: Did you have other offers?

Mel: Tons! Oh yeah, people I’d never even met before were offering.

Nora: Cause he looks handsome to us. I didn’t know that here.

Mel: (starts to laugh heartily) Oh, so I find that out now!?

Pam: So you had people following you?

Mel: Yeah, even kids. “Johnny Babo.” Have you ever been there? You

should go there as part of your research. You’ll see how you’re treated

there. You’re treated like you’re a movie star.

Pam: Didn’t you feel like staying there if you were treated so well?

Mel: Well, yes and no. Uh, I can be honest with you. The Philippines is a

very beautiful country. It’s great there. Manila is not so beautiful—it’s

like city slums. But when you start getting out to the provinces, it’s very,

very beautiful. The people are very, very nice. But there’s a lot of shady

stuff that goes on there. They think right off that you’re American, and

that Americans are very rich and they just don’t care about money. So

there were a couple of times that people tried to take advantage of me, and

I didn’t like that.

Poverty, indigenous cultural loss, and the glorification of American culture 87 indeed made it easier for Filipinas to be persuaded to leave their homeland in

search of the American Dream. All of these pro‐Western value incursions

conflated to lead to more Filipino cultural loss and American enculturation, an

easy crossover when one culture is socialized to view another as superior. Even

more recently, the September 11th attacks have underscored US cultural

hegemony when the US began its “war against terror” by exporting even more

American values around the world (Ileto vii), including the Philippines.

Another means by which Filipinas were indoctrinated into American values

involved the colonial period’s ideals. These ideals projected the married woman

as the virtuous housewife who was subservient to her husband. Vestiges of these

ideals are apparent in one of my conversation with Nora when I asked about her

daily tasks within her new family:

Pam: Do you like “the housewife” work?

Nora: Oh yeah. I love it because my mom raised us that way… to be good

wife.

Indeed, culturally imposed female domesticity creates a Filipina gender role

based on gendered differences. These differences can be seen in what Eviota calls the virginity cult, a Filipino value brought about by private ownership. In the

Philippines, virginity is seen yas a highl valued commodity that runs parallel

with the concept of women as men’s property (22), and has its roots in 88 colonialism. Toward the end of Spanish rule, a Spanish book of manners guided

the Filipino elite in their gender roles. Included in this guide was the

admonishment for women: young women should guard their virginity, and married women should be devoted to their families and subservient to the heads

of households (60). Arnold Azurin traces the virginity commodity and ideology of gendered separate spheres back to Spanish colonialism and its Roman

Catholic religious beliefs. Here he illustrates the separate sexual spheres brought about by the virginity/virility dichotomy as he describes the Filipino male

circumcision ritual:

To demonstrate the whole process in an experiential manner, one

may contrast the Filipina’s early rearing with the male’s rite of

passage: the boy’s mandatory circumcision on reaching puberty,

then before leaving their teens, the young men are expected to go

through their first binyag, either with women in a Kalookan brothel

or with their girlfriends. Very explicitly in the male’s coming‐out

rite is the peer pressure, plus the tacit tolerance of elders. But

among females, carnal knowledge must be sub rosa, or something

not to crow about since a deflowered woman is supposedly a

“damaged one” (158).

Nora also made reference to this virginity cult when she said one of her 89 motivations for marrying an American was his placing less stress on female

virginity.

Most Filipino guys are perfectionists. Before marriage most guys prefer

that you be virgin when I marry—if not, that’s gonna be an issue all

through the marriage—like “I wasn’t your first guy!” They’re different.

But I’m not saying all. As with all things there are exemptions. But most

are like that.

Besides the ideology of separate sexual spheres that suppresses the Filipina,

another macro‐level force that influences the Filipina bride diaspora involves

global free markets. Drawing on Maria Mies’ theory that capitalism fosters a competitive and masculinist imaginary, both Eviota and Kojima argue that

American capitalism has exacerbated sexual inequality in the Philippines as

women’s household production of goods was taken over by factories. This

takeover relegated women either into the middle‐class undervalued realm of unpaid housewife, or into the lower class occupations of subsistence farmers, low‐wage factory workers, or domestic servants (Eviota 76). The 1950s and 1960s brought a modicum of Western‐induced industrialization, but the jobs associated

with this industrialization favored the hiring of men over women, and soon women became dependent on men’s incomes for economic survival (80). With this unequal sexual division of labor, women became dependent upon men for 90 economic survival.

In summary, colonial Spanish law that deemed women as private property

followed by American cultural, militaristic, and economic dominance, provided

conditions that would create the backdrop for the Filipina Internet bride practice.

In the last few decades this globalized American script, together with Filipino

economic difficulties, has encouraged massive migration out of the Philippines,

with many Filipinas leaving via marriages to American men (Constable 2003,

121‐122). These conditions have underwritten the Filipina Internet bride

phenomenon. Without American militaristic, cultural, and economic hegemony,

it is doubtful that this particular type of marriage practice would exist, at least not between the Philippines as a sending country and the United States as a

receiving country. In fact, citing Malaysia’s decrease in the bride business

because of its increase in prosperity, Eviota suggests that the international

Internet bride practice would radically decline if poor nations had a decrease in

poverty (140). It is no coincidence that Eastern Europe, Southeast Asia, and Latin

America generate virtually all the international Internet brides. No Internet

brides come from the so called First World; therefore, it is not an over‐

simplification, and seems plausible, to conclude that global capitalism and its resulting global inequalities exacerbate the bridal diaspora from the so called

Third World. Because of a lack of scholarship in this area, I can only speculate 91 why the West does not import brides from other Third World regions such as

Africa, India, and the Caribbean. As argued, one attraction to Asian brides appears to be the notion that of their essential submissiveness along with the aforementioned argument that Filipinos have been socialized to view all things

Western as superior. In addition, I suspect, as suggested by the absence of dark‐ skin women in the ads’ advertisement, racism could be another factor.

The Othering of the Filipina

The othering process, or displaying texts and images that signify a group as different, relates to my thesis because, as I have argued, it is this conception/

perception of the Filipina as more devoted, submissive, compliant, and family‐

oriented than American women that attracts the American male to an Asian bride web site in the first place.25 As introduced above, numerous scholars

have described the detrimental effects of colonization on the Philippines.26

Filipino and American histories provide the backdrop for Filipina othering which is a necessary component of the prevailing narrative which situates the

Occidental as different from the Oriental. As mentioned above, racial aspects of potential brides are depicted subtly in the asianation.com ad as the brides exhibited exceptionally light skin color. Racial devaluation, a common factor in the othering process for the Filipino, became part of academe toward the end of

92 the nineteenth century with the development of the social sciences, and in

particular within the discipline of anthropology. Racial othering was evident during this era when Sir Francis Galton, an early British anthropologist, proposed his eugenics thesis. His theory asserted that selective breeding is

necessary for moral order among the “primitive,” “uncivilized,” and colonized

other (Holt 7). Then, in 1892 another Englishman, John Foreman, wrote The

Philippine Islands, a dilettante‐type ethnography based on the author’s sporadic

life on the islands that spanned 16 years (Foreman 1). Foreman claimed that

Filipino children had a spot on the base of their vertebrae which made them a

suborder of the human species (8). Other British ethnologists constructed the

Filipina as sensual bare‐breasted beauties fully committed to their families (9),

and in need of civilizing, a kind of “white man’s burden” and a site for

“humanitarian imperialism” (Rosaldo 112). In short, Filipinos were reduced to a

“fetishized” spectacle in anthropological literature. These sentiments reflected

mainstream American thought toward Filipinos at the turn of the nineteenth

century.

According to Edward Said the Western fascination with the Orient continued

through the nineteenth century with novelists such as Flaubert whose writings

associated Asian women with exotic sexuality offered without demands (186), a stark contrast to the women of the Victorian West (190). In addition to being 93 misleading, this stereotype connotes that all Asians are members of a monolithic

group who share essential traits. Aki Uchida argues that even the term Oriental

signifies geographical, cultural, and sexual difference (161). The mythical submissive Oriental, Uchida notes, has been injected into Western consciousness

based on the Western colonial experience and then objectified in Western

discourse (161‐162). Said’s analysis of the othering process begins with his

definition of Orientalism as a “Western style for dominating, restructuring, and

having authority over the Orient…(3),” and can be directly applied to the

Filipina bride Internet advertisement. Said asserts that Orientalism encompasses

an entire “network of interests,” in a systematic discourse that the West engages

in to describe the Oriental (3). For Said, the world consists of “two unequal

halves—Oriental and Occidental” with privilege, power, and prestige

advantaging the Occidental (12). Orientalism explains how the othering process

came to signify the Asian female as submissive. A submissive woman is easily

controlled—and juxtaposed against the independent American woman, for some

men this essentialist myth is especially seductive. The current representation of

the Filipina Internet bride as submissive is critical to my study because it is this

perception/conception of and appreciation for the submissive Filipina that

initially attracts the American male. If not for the discourse that positions Asian

women as possessing different qualities from American women, it is my 94 contention that this practice might not exist.

Chapter 5 has addressed the structural factors that shaped the lives of the

Filipina and propelled many to seek marriage to American husbands. The next

chapter will focus on the Filipinas’ lives after the wedding. Clearly the Filipina

who leaves her natal family and journeys several thousand miles away from her

natal home into a foreign land would need a strong sense of personal agency.

Despite the coercive social structures that would pigeonhole her into a fixed set

of gendered expectations, the Filipina who would risk marriage to a relative

stranger demonstrates: (1) her willingness to take big risks to attain an economic

and social status that seems unlikely in her homeland; and (2) her strong sense of

individual agency and her willingness to take decisive action to gain what she

hopes will be a better life. Whereas Chapter 4 focuses on the acceptance of the

international Internet bride practice by the American groom, Chapter 5

addresses how the Filipina came to accept this practice. Chapter 5 also

explores Bourdieu’s habitus concept as a theoretical explanation for

understanding the underpinnings of the success of the international Internet

bride business. Finally, the chapter has discussed how national ideological

narratives, present in both Filipino and American imaginations, have

underpinned the social milieu necessary for the Filipina‐Americano international

Internet bride praxis. The next chapter deals with the couples’ adjustment to 95 married life in the United States. Do their expectations become reality? What happens to the bride’s strong sense of agency once she becomes acculturated to

American norms?

96

Chapter 6: THE INTERVIEWS

Each person’s life is lived as a series of conversations. ‐Deborah Tannen, 1990

This chapter deals with the voices of my interview participants as they

describe their experiences with transnational marriages. As stated previously, I

interviewed six participants, or three married couples, who had either met through the Internet “mail‐order bride” web sites or through pen pal clubs. From the participants’ responses discussed below, we are able to get a snapshot of the subjects’ experiences in the international Internet marriage practice. The interviewees take us through their struggles and successes of daily married life in America. They discuss their expectations, disappointments, dealing with in‐

laws, and the brides’ overall adjustments to living in the United States. This

chapter also illustrates the interplay between individual agency and the social

structures that affect that agency. I provide a glimpse of the Filipina deploying

that strong agency as she attempts to manipulate constraining social structures to

her advantage. The brides will explain how they took control of their destiny and

traveled across the Pacific Ocean to begin new married lives in a foreign country.

Thus, this chapter deals with the question: What happens to that undeniable

97 Filipina agency once the “honeymoon is over?” Will she deny, reveal, or

transform that potent agency now that she has become an American wife? And, if that agency is exposed, and, therefore, contradicts her supposed

submissiveness, then what is the husband’s reaction to his assertive bride?

The Couples

Nileen and Bob

Nileen and Bob reside in Sunrise, Florida, one of the many suburbs that span

the South Florida urban sprawl landscape. The area in which they live is

dominated by small apartment and townhouse complexes, strip malls, and gas

stations. Nileen and Bob live in a small townhouse with their two elementary‐age

children in one of many Sunrise subdivisions. All the townhouses in their

subdivision are identical with pods of around four townhouses surrounding a small courtyard. The neighborhood appears middle‐class, ethnically mixed, and densely populated. A few townhouses have missing shutters, rotting wood, and hanging street numbers. Their particular townhouse is spotlessly clean and in need of no noticeable repairs.

Nileen and Bob first made contact through a pen pal Internet agency, a kind

of dating service for American men who want to marry Filipinas, in the early

1990s when she was 26 and hes wa 37. They began corresponding shortly

98 thereafter. This was Bob’s second marriage and Nileen’s first. At the time of their

meeting, Nileen was unemployed in the Philippines, but had previously worked

the nightshift from 9 p.m. until 7 a.m. in a tuna cannery where she began

working at the age of 14. Bob currently works as a police detective for the City of

Sunrise, and Nileen is a housewife, although she occasionally assists Bob at his office and also does some seamstress work on the side. Nileen and Bob seemed particularly comfortable with one another with neither competing for

conversational dominance, although Nileen appeared self‐conscious about her

English and often asked Bob for help in explaining events. Both regularly looked

toward one another for clarification when trying to recall past events. They smiled frequently at one another, made eye contact, and laughed at the same stories.

Neneng and Jay

Neneng and Jay also met through a Filipina pen pal organization recommended to them by their acquaintances, Nileen and Bob. Neneng and Jay

also live in Sunrise, Florida, in a small second‐story apartment. Their neighborhood appeared to be lower middle‐class with a mixture of low‐rise

(under three stories) apartments and larger (approximately 2000 sq. ft.) houses.

The streets were well kept with manicured lawns and divided into several

99 subdivisions.

Jay looked to be in his mid‐40s and Neneng in her mid‐30s. Jay works as a

maintenance landscaper for the City of Sunrise, and Neneng works two jobs: a

receptionist for an insurance company and a shelf stocker for Lowe’s Home

Improvement. Prior to marrying Jay, Neneng had been a seamstress in the

Philippines. Neneng and Jay have been together since 1998 and have one

daughter who was eight years old at the time of our first interview. This was the

first marriage for both.

Unlike Nileen and Bob, Jay’s and Neneng’s relationship seemed to be

somewhat hostile, at least on Neneng’s part. As I will illustrate, Neneng appeared to be dominant in this relationship, and clearly “called the shots.”

Nora and Mel

Nora and Mel live in Tamarac, Florida, a lower middle‐class suburb of Fort

Lauderdale, Florida. They met through CherryBlossoms.com, an Internet

matchmaking web site, and live in a small two‐bedroom single‐family house on a

treeless street where houses have zero lot lines, or minimal space between

houses. At the time of my first interview with Nora in 2005, she had recently

married Mel the previous March, had just turned 22, was pregnant, and was

unemployed. During the second interview, Nora and Mel had recently

100 celebrated their son’s first birthday, and she had found a part‐time job at Publix, the dominant supermarket chain in Florida. Mel is a computer programmer in his early 30s and works for a computer company. This was Nora’s first marriage; however, Mel had been in a long‐term live‐in relationship with another woman just previous to his marriage to Nora, which produced one daughter.

Nora and Mel also appeared to be very comfortable with one another,

although I did notice that Mel tended to dominate the conversation, while professing to encourage verbal assertiveness in Nora. When speaking alone with

Nora, I noticed that she was much more loquacious than when I interviewed

Nora and Mel together. Still, they appeared to be comfortable with one another, made frequent eye contact, and laughed at each other’s jokes.

The Interviews

One of the most surprising outcroppings of my interviews was that, at varying levels, all three brides expressed disappointment in living in the United

States. Nileen and Bob even stated a desire to one day retire in the Philippines,

their rationale being that the Philippines offers a more affordable, relaxing, and

communal lifestyle. Two Filipina informants expressed astonishment at the

amount of work they had to perform in the United States just to make ends meet.

During my first interview with Nora in November, 2005, she articulated her joy

101 at living in such a rich country with so much “luxury.” Having only been in the

US for eight months at the time, Nora seemed enthralled with the material wealth of her new surroundings. Although still generally optimistic about her new life in the US, Nora’s initial euphoric sentiments about American life became somewhat muted by our second interview 17 months later. During this second interview she observed that although she liked her house, it was small, “…but not much to clean…I don’t have a dryer. I live like a Filipina style.” Nora had also quickly discovered that life in the US required both spouses to work outside the home even if the couple recently had a baby. In addition, Nora had realized that in order to meet financial demands, she not only had to find a job outside the home, but also needed to acquire a college degree which required her to be proficient in English.27 The following excerpt details Nora’s struggles with school, home, and work and her determination to succeed in the US.

Nora: Like this motherhood in America—you gotta go to work. You gotta

take care of your husband and everything. I was going to work at Publix

at night about 30 hours a week. I applied at FAU [Florida Atlantic

University]. I had over 60 credits from the Philippines, but didn’t get

accepted because of the TOEFL [Test of English as a Foreign Language].

FAU has a very high passing rate. I missed it by two points. They told me

to go to BCC [Broward Community College]. They discouraged me. 102 Pam: How much did it cost to take the TOEFL?

Nora: $150—I spend $200 to get all my paperwork. I get so discouraged.

A woman I work with encouraged me. I had this inferiority complex. I feel

people won’t understand me. I spent over $500. I’ll probably go to BCC

and take some classes because my aunt told me I need to establish student

status, and that’s what I’m going to do. So, this morning I had a Bank of

America interview–I’m gonna apply. I’m gonna work at a bank as a teller.

They said they gonna send me for training. They gonna call me back for

the training dates. It’s only a teller. You can’t jump at the top. It’s not

full‐time. I’m going to work 12 to 4 and then go to Publix 5 to 10. I put

the baby in day care, and my husband can pick the baby up, and they can

spend time together.

Pam: So, why do you want to get a degree?

Nora: It’s different when you have a degree. When you look for a job, they

price you if you have a degree. They can’t just give you $7 an hour if you

have a degree. They look at your educational background. And I have a

son. I want to be a good teacher, so I want to learn more. I want to have

money for him.

The above excerpt demonstrates Nora’s rapid grasp of the US employment

system and its abundance of low‐wage jobs. Moreover, it is interesting to note 103 Nora’s attitude change from my first interview with her. In that interview, she

espoused the virtues of being a housewife, how she was raised to be “a good

wife.” Now she realized she needed to work full‐time, place the baby in daycare,

and subsequently expected her husband to attend to the baby while she was

working at her new job.28

This interview found that Nora had discovered the difficulties of succeeding

in the United States, especially for a second language learner. Therefore, she

wanted to upgrade her English and education levels believing that these

additional skills would increase her value in the job market. Clearly Nora valued

education, wanted to be an educated role model for her son, and seemed willing to do whatever it took to achieve her goals.

One of my other informants, Neneng, who has been married to Jay for almost nine years, long ago realized the amount of work required to live comfortably in the US. Neneng worked two full‐time jobs, one for an insurance company entering computer data and the other stocking shelves for a home improvement store, working a total of 14 hours per day. Jay worked eight hours per day as a

city landscaper. Neneng’s motivation for working two jobs was based on her

concern for her daughter’s future. The following exchange demonstrates

Neneng’s apparent resentment toward Jay for his failure to complete household tasks while Neneng was at work. Her attitude was evident right before the 104 interview, because, as I approached their condominium, I overheard Neneng loudly chastising Jay for his consistent failure to do housework. She later told me he had not cleaned the kitchen properly. As Neneng and I began our conversation, Jay scurried into the kitchen and began cleaning.

Pam: Is he a good housekeeper?

Neneng: No! Look at that! There’s papers all over. I told him, “Honey, if

this house a mess, I’m gonna go someplace, and I’m gonna miss Pam

again.”29

Pam: Thank you for cleaning, Jay.

Neneng: (irritated and raising her voice slightly) I did clean it! He

didn’t clean it! I did it!

Pam: Did you threaten him?

Neneng: I did, but nothing happened. It’s not gonna happen.

Jay: (sitting on the couch) Why? It’s because of my eyes.

Neneng: See! He always uses that! So I told him, “When it’s like this,

please maintain it.” No, two days…go back to the same thing again.

Pam: So, do you do most of the housework?

Neneng: Pretty much…fixing…me…everything. And then he say, “I

want more kids.” I want more kids too. But you have to do it first, because

I have already experienced with this one. I’m home for a couple of months 105 with my daughter, and she be so excited when he open that door. You

know where he go straight!? In the bedroom! And he forgot he had a kid

who’s excited to see him. And then the baby just like, “OK. I guess he

don’t want me.” This is typical. I say to him, “Look at your daughter!

Your daughter so excited…big smile cause she wants you. Come on, Jay,

you have your kid!” So that’s why I told him that. “So you wanna do

another one!? The same thing will happen!” He said, “No, because it’s a

boy.” I say, “No, I don’t think so!” I’d have to quit my job. I say, “If

you’re ready, that’s fine. I can stay home and you can go and get two jobs.

That’s fine for me. For six years you can do that. That’s a lot better for me,

too. Because raising the kids is not easy.”

Later on during the interview, Neneng became even more irritated with Jay. This

is illustrated in the following exchange where she emphatically complains about

Jay’s refusal or inability to listen to her.

Neneng: When I’m talking he has to listen. That way it’s no repeat and

repeat the same problems. But he’s not listening. He has lots of problem,

that’s why I told him, “You know what, if you keep doing that I’m not

gonna stay the rest of my life with you because I want somebody that I can

depend on or to communicate that everything’s gonna be taken care of.” I

don’t want to have to call him at work and say, “Jay, did you do this, did 106 you do that?” He never say, “Is this OK, did I do it all right?” It never

happen yet! He say, “Oh, my back is hurt. I can’t do anything.” That’s

not the one I wanna heard. I say, “Jay, what did you make for the baby

[referring to daughter]? Did you fed her? It’s almost eight o’clock.” “No,

because I read the paper.” You gonna read the paper!?

Jay (yelling from the kitchen): I asked her and she says, “I’m not

hungry.” Then later, she says, “Daddy didn’t feed me!”

Neneng: Before six o’clock she should eat!

Jay: She don’t wanna eat!

Neneng: (disbelieving) Yeah.

Later in the interview, Neneng again implicitly threatened to leave Jay if he did

not begin listening to her.

The most important thing is communication. That’s number one. If you’re

married long and there’s no communication, that will break it up…when

I’m talking he’s not listening. I think his mind is out there in space. I say,

“Honey, I want you to do this.” And on the day it happens, he say, “Oh, I

forgot.” I got tired of that!

During this entire conversation, the body language of both Neneng and Jay signified Neneng’s dominance. Neneng looked me in the eye, sat straight, and

used her voice in a confident tone. Jay, on the other hand, sat with his shoulders 107 slumped, never interrupted, and spoke softly with his head down, neither

looking at Neneng nor me. Jay’s demeanor had completely changed from my

first interview with him alone while Neneng napped. In that initial interview Jay was much more animated and confident as illustrated by the following exchange where he explained his motivations for marrying a younger Filipina.

Jay: We all say it’s better young than older. Cause when they younger

they can do more…more for us. It may be a lot, but to us it doesn’t seem

like a lot. The women here…they want…. For myself I’m glad I didn’t

marry an American girl, because now it’s a lot different. You marry a girl

from the Philippines, and they do everything for you where American

women won’t do.

Here Jay implies that one of his motivations for marrying a Filipina was the

likelihood that she would provide a larger part of labor both inside and outside

the home.30 However, I do not think he expected so much resistance from

Neneng, to the point of Neneng voicing threats to leave him if he did not both

listen to her and contribute more to household tasks. In the following exchange

with Neneng present, Jay stated that Neneng has changed considerably since

coming to America, a charge which Neneng adamantly denied.

108 Pam: Jay, do you think she’s changed since you got married and since she

came to the US?

Jay: (softly with his head down) You’re like an American now.

Neneng: Jay, why can you say that!?

Jay: You’re like the rest of the people that come here.

Neneng: What do they do?

Jay: You’re working two jobs.

Neneng: That’s not a fit answer. That’s not fit the question. Have I

changed a lot? I never change. That’s why when I get home they don’t

expect the same as when I left. They expect that I change to something

different.t Bu they say, “Oh, it’s still you!” A lot of Filipina that came

abroad, overseas, when they come back they’re totally different. I says,

“You don’t need to make change.” That’s the way I am. Maybe that’s the

way I die. You don’t need to change your life. For what!?

As demonstrated, Neneng displayed no reservation about letting Jay know exactly how she felt. In addition, she chastised Jay for giving an inappropriate answer. Ironically, although Jay was the only husband I interviewed who seemed to expect his wife Neneng to cater to him, he married the most

domineering wife. But, as suggested by the interview excerpts above, he

was in for a rude awakening with Neneng, who appeared to assume the 109 dominant role in their relationship. Not only did Neneng seem confident in

expressing herself to Jay, she also controlled the finances by deciding when and

how their incomes were spent.31 Without hesitancy and sitting next to Jay,

Neneng asserted that occasionally she sent money to the Philippines.

Like today, I just send because I just sent to pay the phone bill. It’s not like

obligation that I have to send… A lot of our bills are taken out

automatically from checkbook. So, we’re not touching that checking at all.

His job takes care of the bills, so that account never gonna be touched.

That’s what I told him if you want me to have a baby, you have to find

another job that replaces my income because I told you that. If you don’t

want me to do it, don’t try to get me pregnant or something like that

because that’s the deal. I don’t wanna put the baby in daycare. I don’t

want anyone touching my daughter.

The above conversation suggests that Neneng visibly dominates this

relationship. Although Jay admitted in our initial interview that he married

Neneng expecting her to work for him both inside and outside the home,

Neneng plainly was not compliant to these expectations. On the other hand,

Neneng did work two jobs to Jay’s one. However, she did not quietly accept this and expected Jay to reciprocate by completing more household tasks and taking

better care of their daughter. In short, although Jay’s self‐reporting of his 110 expectations support the stereotype of the demanding American groom,

Neneng’s words and demeanor strongly rejected the Filipina bride submissive

stereotype.

Clearly, in this interview Neneng displayed behaviors that contradict the submissive Asian woman stereotype; and she was, indeed, considerably agentive in her relationship with Jay. Her words and actions indicate that, despite the asymmetrical division of labor between them, Neneng is dominant as indicated by Jay’s change of deportment when he was with Neneng. In addition, earlier

Neneng had pointed out that, besides managing household finances, she also

controlled extended family interactions, which will be discussed at length later in this chapter.

Like Neneng, Nora indicated that she never considered herself submissive—

in fact quite the opposite of the submissive Asian woman stereotype represented in the typical Internet bride advertisement. These feelings emerged when I asked

Nora how her family felt when she decided to place her profile at

CherryBlossoms.com.

My mom was so worried, but I was the type of child that I would do

whatever I want. Since I was three years old, I always told my mom, “I’m

gonna go here, go there!”

Pam: So you were adventurous? 111 Nora: Right. I’m like my dad. He has an adventurous personality. “I’m

gonna do this, I’m gonna do that.” And my mom says, “Isn’t it

dangerous?” I say, “No, just watch!”

Pam: What did your dad say?

Nora: My dad was basically the type of person who is in the corner. He

don’t say anything.

Mel interjects: That’s the kind of a husband she wants, too. (both laugh)

Nora: I worked in Singapore before that—as a maid. My mom didn’t

want it. I said, “No, I’m gonna go on an international flight.” In the

Philippines flying is not that popular.r It’s like fo only rich people when

you go to a place where you need to work. And for me flying international

and my mom said I’d never been on a plane in your life. It was like, “Why

you wanna go there?”And it’s like, “I just wanna go there.” dI always ha

these dreams in my life that I’m gonna help my mom and my dad—they

always had this little house—I wanna do this for my family.

Both Neneng and Nora exhibited assertive behaviors in the above exchanges,

and, by that action further impugned the submissive Asian woman stereotype.

While Neneng’s husband, Jay, seemed meekly to regret Neneng’s assertiveness,

Mel, on the other hand, appeared to welcome Nora’s. Throughout the interview

both Nora and Mel described Mel’s encouragement toward Nora to speak her 112 mind and even return to school to further her education:

Mel: I try to wear the pants, but she wears them most of the time. The

reason is because in her country…she came from a country where she

didn’t have choices and decisions. When somebody said this is what we’re

having for dinner, they didn’t have the choice to eat something else. So, I

knew she came from that kind of life. So, when she came here I always let

her decide things. That was my big thing—you decide—you have a choice

now, so you decide. I spoiled her. Now she tells me everything she wants

now—this is how something is gonna be.

Nora: If it weren’t for him I wouldn’t be confident. He keeps pushing me.

He says, “You can do it! You can do it!” He believes in me.

Pam: So you have shared decision making in your male‐female roles?

Does someone have the final word?

Mel: Yeah, her.

Nora: Oh, Mel! (giggling)

Mel: It’s true! It’s true! When have I made the final decision?

Nora: Who makes the final decision?

Mel: (emphatically) You! I always say my opinion, and you always say

yours, and usually the final decision goes to you.

Pam: So she wins out more? 113 Mel: Well, the reason is because I want her to be strong enough to stand

on her own and make her own decisions. She didn’t always have that in

the Philippines. You know she always listened to what other people told

her to do. And by doing that it almost puts you in a submissive type place.

And I wanted her to feel like here in America women are just as important

as men and that she has just as much rights as I do, and that she’s allowed

to make just as many decisions as I do.

Pam: Mel, has Nora changed, or has your view of her changed from when

you met her in the Philippines?

Mel: A 100%. She’s more independent now…very, very much so…

Nora: (smiling) I’m driving now, too.

Mel: When she was in the Philippines, she was independent, but to me it

was like she was dependent. And what I mean by that is that she was

dependent on the place she had to work. She was dependent on the things

she had to do for her family, that kind of thing. It was like a dependency

thing, like she had to do what they had done for her, that kind of deal. Over

here she’s gotten a very different attitude towards life. She goes off and

drives on her own. She’ll go into the bedroom and sleep for a couple of

hours all by herself. She doesn’t care if I’m with her or not. I’ll do

something on the computer, and she does her own thing. 114 Pam: Does she go out with her friends?

Mel: She’ll go out with her friends. She gets mad at me for being on the

computer every now and then.

Nora: But I don’t go out like party or go shopping, no…it’s like once a

month.

Mel: Yeah…it’s very rare. Shes like to go out and play bingo. She does

that a lot of times. That’s one of her hobbies. I’ll watch the boy while she

does that. But, before we would have done that kind of thing together, but

now she’s more independent.

Pam: And you don’t have a problem with that?

Mel: No, not at all. I encourage her to do it. I like her to go out and do

things on her own and meet friends. You know I think that’s important for

everybody.

Pam: What has been the most difficult marriage adjustment?

Mel: The communication. That’s been a very, very big issue with me and

her. And what I mean by that is a lot of times I don’t see her point of

things, but there’s a lot of times she doesn’t see my point. And what it

comes down to is…

Nora: (interrupting) Compromise.

115 Mel: …is we both have a point. We both need to make our point, and we

just need to get it out and over with. After we’ve made our point we need

to come to the realization that we’re entitled to our opinions and our

points. There’s no right and wrong about something. We just need to

make a common decision together and realize that we love each other and

we’re making these decisions together for reasons.

Pam: So it seems like you try to listen to one another.

Mel: Well, I try to listen. I can’t say that she always does.

Nora: I do.

Mel: No, that last fight in the car was pretty intense. The one where you

said, “Oh, just shut up. I don’t wanna hear you. You don’t need to say

anymore. Don’t talk to me! Leave me alone!” She gets like that.

Pam: (addressing Nora) So, do you think you need some help with that?

Nora: Yes. (laughing) Maybe some anger management…

Mel: (interrupting) Yeah, she does. Anger management and maybe some

marriage counseling, too. I’ve suggested that to her, too. What I want her

to realize is that I’m not arguing with her to make her mad. I’m only

arguing to a point where I get to get my information out too. She got her

point out. There comes a time when fair is fair, and I need to get my point

out as well, and she should listen to what I have to say. Once I’ve said 116 what I have to say…you know…fine…let’s talk about how we resolve it,

ok? We’ve both made our points. We’ve both had our differences. Now I

understand where she’s coming from. She’s already said what she has to

say. I can’t tell her where I was coming from because she doesn’t wanna

listen to it. But eventually she comes around and listens to what I have to

say. It takes a while. She needs some coaxing. “Please, I love you. I’m not

trying to do this to be mad at you…I still love you. However it comes out

we’re still gonna be together. You just need to know what I’m trying to

say to you.” That’s usually how it ends. I get my point out, and she says

ok, and we work it out, and we go on with life.

Pam: So, she has more of a temper than you?

Mel: A fiery temper. She’s like a little firecracker ready to explode.

Nora: Because you spoil me.

Mel: She says I give her too many choices…that I give her too much

freedom. She’s told me that. But I think that’s important. It gives her more

character. I don’t want a wife that ldoesn’t tel me how they feel…who just

comes home every day, sits there smiling all the time…like they’re having

a good life and this and that…you know where you almost got this fake

life. I’d rather have a wife that tells me how she feels…you know, how her

day went. 117 Pam: Even if it might not agree with how you feel?

Mel: Everything doesn’t always agree with me, and everything doesn’t

always agree with her, but that’s how life is.

Still, Mel was not totally amicable to Nora’s having the final say in decision‐

making. Mel voices this concern below by articulating that he didn’t want to end up like his dad. According to Mel, his dad was completely submissive to his

mom. Much to Mel’s dismay, his mom made every decision leaving his dad

voiceless. Mel swore to himself that he would never be like that and admitted

this was a huge factor in his decision not to marry his former feminist girlfriend.

I think the woman should have a voice; however, I came from a family

where the woman had all the voice. My father…when I was growing up,

my mother was the more dominant one. My father would try to argue

things with my mom, but it came to a point where it would become

useless, and my dad stopped arguing with my mom over time, over the

years. And, I think that there’s compromise…a compromise that they had,

but it’s not the kind of compromise I want in my life. I think everybody

should have an opinion in this household, including my own. And, if it

takes until I’m 92 just to get my point across, then that’s what I’ll do.

Cause I don’t want to have the same kind of life my mom had with myd da

which was my dad finally had no voice, he couldn’t give his opinion. My 118 dad’s to the point right now that he says…or my mom will say, “Do you

feel like doing this or doing that?” And my dad will say, “I don’t care,

Pat, we’ll do whatever you want to do.” He’s a yes man.

Pam: So he’s just given up?

Mel: He’s given, up. And I understand where my dad’s came from. I’ve

seen some of the fights they had growing up. My dad went through a lot.

If my mom didn’t win at some of the arguments (her way of winning was

calling names) causing a lot of drama in the family. And, I don’t like that.

I don’t like that. I think family business that happens with us is our

business, you know if we have a fight or something. There’s gonna be some

drama, but so what? That’s how life is, but I’m not gonna ever get to a

point where she doesn’t have a right to give me an opinion anymore, and I

don’t have a right to give her an opinion anymore. I think both of us need

to give our opinion and come up with a reason why we need or don’t need

something to happen and figure outt the bes solutions.

Nevertheless, both Mel and Nora agreed that Nora should be more assertive and independent. However, as stated above, there appeared to be some ambivalence on Mel’s part in that he was occasionally put off by Nora’s assertiveness. Both explicitly stated that since coming to the United States, Nora was much more confident and unafraid to voice her wants and needs. For 119 example, Mel emphasized how Nora had no choices in the Philippines and that she had to do what others expected. He even stated that, in terms of independence, she had changed “100%” since arriving in the States. He added

that here in the US women and men have the same rights and that he encouraged

that attitude in Nora. In addition, he stated that Nora learned how to drive, took time for herself by napping, and went out with friends. However, later on in the interview Mel expressed concern with Nora’s burgeoning assertiveness, to the point where they have discussed anger management classes for Nora and joint marriage counseling. Mel even voiced concern that at times Nora refused to listen to him. All the same they both seemed willing to reconcile their differences.

Mel seemed to prefer an independent woman who spoke her mind, so long as he was allowed to speak his.

It is not surprising that both Nora and Neneng exhibited assertive behaviors.

From Mel’s perspective, Nora had once been dependent and passive in the

Philippines. Of course, the only time he saw her interact with her family was during his initial two‐week visit. Perhaps at the time she was playing the submissive role, one that, as previously stated, she believed may have initially attracted Mel to the web site. Ironically Mel claimed that during his two‐week

stay with Nora and her family, it was Nora’s display of temper that strongly

attracted him to her. 120 Pam: What attracted you to Nora?

Mel: Her attitude was the first thing, honestly. The night I was leaving

the Philippines, she had the paperwork for me to fill out for the marriage. I

remember I was texting one of the other girls who I had been with and that

I’dt there. me And, when I didn’t pay attention to her, she got all bent out

of shape. She took the marriage paperwork and tore it up and stormed

out…and I’m supposed to bring the paperwork back with me. She ripped it

up in my face and threw it all over eth place.

Pam: So why were you texting someone else?

Mel: They were asking me a question, and I was trying to reply like, “No,

I was still in the Philippines, and my plane’s not leaving until tomorrow.”

And, she got bent out of shape about it so I said, “Ok—that’s fine.” So I

went and laid down and went to sleep because I had to catch an early

plane the next day.

Nora: He was supposed to bring those paper here with him to start the

process. I got so upset with him.

Mel: I went back…

Nora: LET ME FINISH!

Mel: (ignoring Nora) She thought that was gonna be the last time she

ever talked to me. 121 Nora: (in a softer voice) Let me finish. I ripped it up, cause I thought he

should be paying attention. This is immigration papers. It’s very strict.

You gotta bring this paper with you. If there’s something missing in this

you gotta send it back. It’s gonna be 10 days. I gonna send it back to you,

so we need to focus on it. So I got pissed off. You know what if you’re not

gonna pay attention then I’m not gonna care. You don’t care.

Mel: I paid attention to her after that! She really got my attention when

she ripped that up.

Nora: That made him realize that I wasn’t kidding.

Mel: That’s one thing that attracted me to her was the seriousness of the

thing.

Nora: I thought that was the last time that we would see each other.

Mel: She told me she thought that was the last time I’d ever talk to her. I

liked that about her, because the whole time I was there she was almost

like a “Yes, ma’am” type. You know, she’d do whatever I’d say or

whatever.

Pam: So you didn’t particularly like that?

Mel: No, I didn’t. But the thingt tha caught my eye when I was leaving

was when she did that. When she did that it changed my whole attitude

about her, because I wanted somebody that made choices on their own. But 122 maybe I went too far because now she does it all the time to me.

(laughing)

Clearly, Nora does not fit the submissive Filipina stereotype. Although in

certain situations Nora acted submissive, for the most part she demonstrated the

behaviors of an extremely strong woman—one who voices her intentions and

then attempts to follow through by taking decisive and strategic actions to

achieve her goals. As mentioned previously, Nora had worked as a maid in

Singapore before she posted her profile on Cherryblossoms.com. Feeling abused by her Chinese employer, Nora quickly returned to the Philippines, but was undeterred in adopting new strategies to change her life. Although devoted to

her natal family, Nora nevertheless took action that indicated she has personal goals as well. In no way did she fit the profile of a traditional housewife that is

projected in the typical “mail‐order bride” Internet web site.

Moreover, recall that in my first interview with Nora, she recounted how she

informed her family about her future plans to come to America. According to

Nora, she did not ask for permission from her family, but made the decision

entirely on her own. Therefore, we can conclude that Nora didt no develop her

individuality because of Mel’s encouragement or American cultural influence.

From her self‐reporting she possessed this agency even as a young woman living

in the Philippines. Still, both Nora and Mel described Nora’s initial period in the 123 United States as somewhat passive and constrained. Of course, this is not

unusual behavior for social actors adjusting to a new environment. With Mel’s

encouragement, it does appear that Nora’s agency quickly re‐emerged. This

same agency was clearly evident in her familial dealings in the Philippines, was

briefly self‐constrained during Mel’s visit to the Philippines and again during her

first few months in the US. Speculating whether this agency would have

presented itself without Mel’s interference is unknown. What is known is that

neither Nora nor Mel supported the commonly held notion of the submissive

Filipina bride and her domineering husband.

Neneng and Jay also defy stereotypical beliefs. Although one could interpret

Jay’s behavior as stereotypical of the international Internet husband’s self‐ interested and chauvinistic motivations for marrying a Filipina, Neneng boldly

and quickly dismantled those assumptions. From what I observed, Neneng was

in full control of decision‐making in their marriage. Jay’s meek body language

suggests that he might have been afraid of Neneng’s actions. Unlike Nora,

Neneng appeared to have no situations in which she could be described as

submissive. If anyone were submissive in their marriage, it appeared to be Jay.

Both Neneng’s and Nileen’s agency is further demonstrated in the next section as

the couples describe their relationships with their mothers‐in‐law.

124 Extended Family Relations

Extended family relations appear to play a major role in the lives of the

Filipina‐Americano couples. With all three couples, much of the conversation

revolved around either natal or in‐law family members. Of course, as the

literature indicates and is supported by my informants’ testimonies, Filipinos

have a solid tradition of strong family orientation. My literature review and interviews suggest that a common motivation for marrying an American is the resulting ability to send remittances back to the families. All three American men that I interviewed reported affection for their wives’ families. For example, as mentioned, Bob and Nileen were seriously considering moving to the

Philippines upon Bob’s retirement. In addition to financial motivations, one of the reasons for moving was that Bob felt very comfortable with Nileen’s family.

Mel also had amicable relations with Nora’s family and appeared to

empathize with their poverty. During their courtship and subsequent marriage he was generous in helping them build an extra room onto their small house in addition to buying furniture and kitchen appliances.

Mel: I sent her money a couple of times. I’d seen her life there. They didn’t

have anything. They didn’t have a refrigerator, so I gave them money to

buy a refrigerator so that they could keep food longer. They had no way of

keeping food, so they’d have to buy their food every day. Her mom did all 125 the clothes by hand, so I bought them a washing machine. They were all

sleeping in a one room house which was no bigger than this living room,

and it was just one big open house with the exception of one big plywood

wall that separated her parents’ bedroom, and that was it with a sheet over

the door. And, I sent her money so they could have a separate addition put

on so the kids would have a place to sleep. And then I sent money so they

could buy mattresses. They were sleeping on mats on the floor.

Nora: wIt’s ho you make what you have.

Mel: She sent pictures of what she’d bought. She bought a couch and some

furniture. She bought two couches, a coffee table, and end table and

everything for 200 bucks, and I thought that was incredible. That was like,

“Wow!” That’s great, you know? But, I mean I got to see what she was

doing with the money, and it wasn’t like she was going out and gambling

with it or spending it here or there. She was actually using it for the good

of her whole family, and that meant a lot. The most important thing for

her was giving them a life that she had never had. So that meant a lot to

me.

After their marriage ceremony, Nora and Mel continued to send goods and money back to the Philippines, a commitment that Mel enthusiastically continued, and one that strongly attracted Nora to Mel. Nora emphasized 126 the importance of Mel’s affection and support of her family when I ask her what attracted her to Mel:

Probably the way he accepts my family. It was never an issue. Being

here…you can just take the luxury. You can see that this is luxury…being

here is not just the luxury, but you can look back where you came from.

Like when you see a nice home you can just look at them, or you can say,

“What is my family eating today?” Especially someone like me who came

from a very, very close family. It was always his priority too, to send

money to the Philippines. So that’s the best thing for me. I don’t have to

say, “Hey, can we send money there?” No, it’s always him…even sending

little things…the packages. He’s gonna go to store and pick up

stuff…little things. Loving my family is really the best thing—very

wonderful. It’s amazing!

Nora’s familial obligations are supported by the research about Filipinos‐

Americans sending remittances back home.32 However, in this study the

husbands’ willingness to support their brides’ natal family strongly contradicts

much of the research that situates these men as ogres whose only concerns are

self‐serving. Two of the three male informants were enthusiastic about

financially assisting their wives’ families with monthly checks, and one, Jay,

seemed indifferent. For Jay and Neneng, it was not an issue, because Neneng 127 saw little need in regularly sending money. Mel was even assisting Nora in her

attempts to petition for her parents to live in the US permanently.

Not all extended familial relations were harmonious, particularly those

between the couples and the American in‐laws. I have included the negative

relations with the mothers‐in‐law, not to imply that this is an outcropping of

particular Filipina‐Americano marital relations, but to provide further evidence of Filipina agency. Although Nora was on amicable terms with her mother‐in‐

law, whom accepted her with open arms, both Neneng and Nileen voiced their conflicts with their mothers‐in‐law—not because of any concerns about marrying a Filipina through the Internet or pen pal mechanizations, but because of the mothers‐in‐laws’ interference. Neneng assertively voiced that conflict when I ask her about her biggest adjustment to life in America.

I…uh…his mom! Yes! I don’t have a problem with the father. His

mom…we always fight because I don’t care. I told her that…I don’t

care…I’m the bitch in the Philippines; I’m not gonna be different over

here. I am what I am, and if you don’t like it, too bad! It’s up to you to deal

with it…that’s how I am! Two or three years ago we have fight all the time

with your parents. If she (referring to mother‐in‐law) cannot go see her

(referring to daughter) cousins, she gets mad. Don’t tell me that we have

to spend every weekend at your house. That’s the only time I get to spend 128 with my daughter, because I work Monday through Friday. That’s a lot!

And, on the weekend you have to take that, too?!

Jay: The family is breaking up.

Neneng: (angrily) And you know what she (referring to mother‐in‐law)

keep saying? “God is watching, blah, blah, blah.”

Jay: Wel hear that al the time.

Neneng: You know what? I’m gonna recoil! I’m gonna recoil. That’s

what happened with your family, because that’s the way you guys treat

people. Our culture is not like that. You know we just wait. If our parents,

if my mom, when we are there, it’s ok if she visits with us or we go there.

That’s fine…no complaint. But over here, she’s so totally different.

Jay: The family should be together…stuck like glue…as Elvis used to

say—“stuck on glue.” But as I said before, the family is breaking

up…because of how my mother is, her deafness and everything else. She’s

crazy.

Neneng has forcefully declared her negative opinion of, and independence from,

Jay’s mother, and Jay agrees with her. Nileen had similar reservations about

Bob’s mother which were expressed less strongly than Neneng’s, but still quite

adamantly. Nileen’s negative relationship with her mother‐in‐law began the first

day Nileen arrived in the US when Bob’s mother prepared an Italian meal which 129 Nileen could not eat.

Bob: We had dinner at my mother’s which was not very comfortable for

her.

Pam: Had your mother met [Nileen] yet?

Bob: No, they hadn’t met her yet.

Pam: So you take Nileen to your mom’s. How was that?

Bob: (laughing) You’d better talk to my wife.

Nileen: (laughing) No, that’s not really good.

Bob: My mother’s uh…well…a typical Italian mother…a pain in the ass.

Pam: Did [Bob’s mother] ask a lot of questions?

Nileen: Yes, she asked a lot of questions. “What did you eat at the

airport?” She said, “Oh, that’s!” it She make something that I cannot

even eat…you know…I’m not used to eat out. (Addressing Ben) What

did she make me?

Bob: Baked ziti or lasagna. I don’t even remember.

Pam: So she made an Italian dish.

Nileen: When you’re in the airplane for 24 hours, it’s typical to eat. You

know I get sick. I look at lasagna and I cannot even eat it! (Everybody

laughs.) And she’s upset. I’m nervous. I’m not used to the food here, you

know. 130 From these excerpts, one can readily conclude that both Neneng and Nileen had

declared their independence from their mothers‐in‐law. For both couples, the

strained mother‐in‐law/daughter‐in‐law relationship appeared to cause little conflict between the husbands and wives. If anything, both husbands agreed

with their wives’ negative mother‐in‐law assessments and strongly supported

their wives’ positions. Again, these relationships indicated that these Filipinas

did not tolerate what they perceived as a domineering mother‐in‐law. Their actions suggest their refusal to be exploited, dismissed, or disrespected—a direct contradiction to the stereotypical image of the submissive .Filipina

As suggested above, the husbands appeared to support their wives in varying degrees. Mel encouraged his wife to be independent and to pursue personal interests. Jay submitted to his wife’s authority. From all of my interviews, none of the women felt that their husbands fit the “ogre” mold. In fact, two of the three brides considered their men exemplary husbands who supported them financially and emotionally. The men cleaned, cooked, cared for the children,

and seemed to deeply respect their wives. Even Neneng, who strongly voiced her displeasure with Jay, did not refer to him as a bad husband, only as a lazy one. For Neneng, the problem was Jay’s failure to listen and clean, common complaints of married women throughout the US.33 Furthermore, the husbands’

willingness to financially support the wives’ families back in the Philippines 131 seemed to have garnered much appreciation and respect from their wives. The

husbands’ support was further demonstrated in how they helped their wives

cope with loneliness when the wives first arrived in the US.

Disappointments

One of the biggest disappointments of all three Filipina informants did not

concern marital adjustments, but instead, involved dealing with the social

isolation of living in suburban South Florida. In fact, two of the three informants

appeared extremely satisfied with their marital statuses. Neneng was the only

informant who expressed dissatisfaction with her marriage, even to the point of

threatening to leave Jay, although eI got th impression that she has been

threatening for some time. Like Nora, Nileen expressed how happy she was in her marriage. For all three, the biggest disappointment was loneliness and a

sense of isolation, especially when they first arrived in the United States. Nileen expressed this sentiment when I asked her about her adjustment to life in the US:

Well, you know a lot of people in Philippines…they think, “Oh, the

United States, it’s beautiful, you know like you’re in heaven!” A lot of

people say that, but when I came here…after how many months, I say,

“Oh, it’s not really like that.” (Both laugh.) I know Philippines is poor

country. But you know when you get out you see relatives and neighbors

132 and you can talk…but here you don’t have nobody. So that’s… what you

call it… so depressing for a year. (Nileen looks to Bob for assistance to

explain.)

Bob: It was a big adjustment culturally for her.

Pam: Tell me about that cultural adjustment. You don’t have any family

here, right?

Nileen: I have family in other states, but we don’t really call each other

before, you know. It take a long time to meet people here, you know. He

wonder if you wanna go back home and everything. And I say to myself,

“If I go back home, I’m gonna be so embarrassed. They say “Why you

back!” (Both laugh.) “He threw you out!” I don’t know. One relative said

just go to cousin in Tampa, cause she live in Florida, too. But she has 11

kids…what am I’m gonna do, there, you know. I’m so depressed…I’m

thinking how many times what I did here. It’s so quiet.

Pam: So it was a year that you were depressed?

Nileen: Yes, depressed, you know. And I’m pregnant with my daughter.

Pam: (Addressing Bob) How did you deal with her depression?

Nileen: He’s upset.

Bob: It was difficult. I feltd ba for her. I was wondering, “Did I do the

right thing myself, you know.” I didn’t want her not to be happy. So, we 133 discussed if she wanted to go home. So, I had her to come in with me at

work which kept her busy. It worked out very well, because she was a big

help to me. So, we worked together, and it kept her mind busy and kept her

from just sitting here…we didn’t live here at the time…it kept her from

just sitting home alone with nothing to do and no one to talk with…she

was pretty isolated, really, you know…it’s not like where she’s from where

there are people everywhere…relatives…the whole neighborhood is all

relatives…doors are always open literally…people in and out coming and

going. We live isolated lives in America.

Nileen: Yeah, because we go to our neighbor…we leave the door open.

Bob: Yeah, the doors are open…the chickens are walkin in some of the

houses.

US fragmented communal and familial life is evident in Nileen’s description of her first months in South Florida. Bob appeared sympathetic, so much so that

later on in the conversation he expressed a desire to one day retire in the

Philippines. Still, Nileen dealt with her loneliness by going to work with Bob and

helping out with office tasks. This seemed to take her mind off her boredom

while at the same time assisting her appreciative husband. Eventually she met

another Filipina who “become like my older sister” which made her feel less

homesick. 134 Nileen: We can have something here, but I’m not really think the United

States is the best. And, we think when we retire, we go back home.

Bob: It’s going to be quite a culture shock for me this time to live there

permanently like that, but we can live comfortably on a pension…and her

family’s there which I’m comfortable with…I like her family…and, you

know, I think I’d like it so we are considering that.

Nileen: Yeah, I’m thinking about my son because I think it’s best for him

to go to college there because there it’s different because even in high

school the kids respect the teacher…I see in my child’s classroom that is

not the case.

Similar to Nileen, Nora expressed her and her husband’s coping mechanisms with loneliness when she first arrived in the US:

(Voice cracking) I was always cry. I was so sad, so sad. I cry every day.

Even now, there are nights when all I want to do is go home, but I think

having a baby is the best thing cause every time I think of it, I just look at

the way that…I don’t need to be selfish. I’ll have my baby soon. I made

this choice. I should stand by this.

Pam: How does your husband feel?

Nora: He’s very affected. He’s supportive. He said if I want to go live in

the Philippines, I’ll go with you. He said that is still your house. I’m not 135 gonna hold you here. We’ll go back there. We made this decision, so it

shouldn’t be a problem moving back there.

Pam: Do you think you’d want to go back?

Nora: No, I mean there is a lot of opportunity here. I worked hard to get

my paperwork done just to come here. The life here is better. He just said

to me, “We’ll get them.” Because when I get my citizenship I can apply for

them.

Pam: Do you think in the future you might bring them here?

Nora: Yeah—five years maximum. The first petition would be my

parents. And, so my parents can bring with them all the minor children.

So, the brothers and sisters—I can apply for them.

Pam: How did you solve the problem about missing your family?

Nora: There’s no solution to that, but it’s not as bad as before because I’m

pregnant. It helps when I’m so upset and thinking about going back home.

I just touch my belly and…I should stand by my decision, because I made

my decision and I should be by my husband. I should make decisions with

him, cause it’s regardless where you are…I couldn’t be with my family

forever. And also, it helps when every time we send money to them or send

something they call me and say, “We got your money; we got the

packages.” And, I see their eyes how happy they are— how excited they 136 are. It makes me feel like I need to stay here and give them more. It’s not

that they are after that, but it’s different when you know that their life is

getting better because you can help…so it helps also.

Both informants expressed considerable homesickness and longing to be

reunited with their natal families. Even though Nileen had been in the US for over eight years, she remained in what Victor Turner refers to as a liminal state

(94), or an apprehensive period of not being fully incorporated into one’s new

culture. Nileen was no longer in the Philippines, yet she was still uncomfortable

in her new surroundings. This was evident from her broken English, lack of

American friends, and little contact with Americans other than her husband and children. Somewhat similarly, Nora expressed a less severe sense of being

isolated in suburban South Florida, but seemed convinced that having a baby

would relieve her loneliness. She also had definite and optimistic plans to bring

her entire family to the United States. Indeed, in another interview with Nora 17

months after our initial one, she was still determined to bring her parents to the

US, but felt less optimistic about her chances.

My husband decided to send me back to the Philippines so they could see

my baby. So, when I went back I decided that I was going to bring them

here. Because when I went back I was able to see the difference between

here and there. Because I have these hopes and dreams that one day they’re 137 gonna see my life—cause I’ve seen them. So, I came back here, and after

that I started working.

Pam: So your parents haven’t visited since you came here?

Nora: No, because it’s a long process. They have to prove that they have

so much funds there. They have to get a tourist visa—many requirements

to get a tourist visa. See, I could just come here on tourist visa for six

months, and then you can renew it. But, you have to pay the processing

fees, and they have to prove they have property for themselves and around

a lot of money to come here. They have to prove to the government that

they have funds—that they can financially support themselves as a

tourist.

Nevertheless, again displaying a strong individual agency, each informant took

steps to form varying degrees of social networks, many outside their immediate

families. Nora played bingo and frequently socialized with several other Filipina

friends. Neneng had a considerable network amongst other Filipinas. Nileen

eventually met other Filipinas in the community. Two couples belonged to the

local Catholic Church and socialized with other Filipino members. They all

reported that being able to form social networks with other Filipina brides

helped them to adjust to life in the US and feel less lonely. Social relations seemed to help two of my Filipina subjects avoid depression and a sense of 138 isolation, and these relations were strongly encouraged by their husbands.

Interestingly, financial concerns did not seem to create any marital conflict.

The husbands were fully aware of their wives’ poverty in the Philippines because all had visited the families prior to the weddings. In addition, the husbands seemed to have no problem with sending money to their wives’ families. Further,

within two families the wives controlled the household finances. Lastly, the men

had no problem with their wives working outside the home, and even

encouraged it. My findings dispute data collected in a 1998 study of marital

conflict and finances among Filipinas in Australia. In that study, researchers found that finances were a major cause of marital conflict. Filipinas’ high expectations of wealth went unrealized as they were not able to provide more for their extended families back in the Philippines; husbands resented their wives working outside the home; and overall the couples had strong disagreements

about the management of household finances (Woelz‐Sterling et al. 791).

Conversational Asymmetries

Although the couples seemed to share a relative egalitarian relationship, a

conversational analysis suggests some asymmetries in the couples’ relationships.

For example, when interviewed together, both Mel and Bob clearly dominated the conversations between themselves and their wives. Recall that Mel

139 vehemently praised and encouraged his wife’s independence and budding

self‐assurance. However, during one interview that I had scheduled with Nora

alone, Mel returned home unexpectedly and subsequently joined in on the

conversation. Within a short time he totally dominated the responses. Analyzing

my interview data, Mel spoke 320 lines to Nora’s 62 which equals about a five to

one ratio. In addition, I counted six times in which Mel interrupted Nora.

Patterns of men interrupting women are to be expected in mixed‐sex

conversational settings (Smith‐Lovin and Brody 432).34 Further, Mel’s conversational style was more one of lecturing than of dialogue. For instance, on several occasions, he informed me and Nora about dire conditions in the

Philippines such as environmental pollution and massive poverty. His negative descriptions of the Philippines seemed to embarrass Nora as indicated by her avoidance of eye contact when Mel broached this subject. Mel seemed grossly insensitive to Nora’s body language, to the extent that Nora became visibly irritated with him. Sociolinguist Deborah Tannen addresses these particular conversational dynamics among Americans in her 1990 classic You Just Don’t

Understand: Women and Men in Conversation. Although Tannen never labels

disparate conversational styles between men and women as indicators of

patriarchy, she points out when men are conversationally insensitive and tend to

interrupt and lecture, they are trying to covertly control women (283). 140 Unlike Mel, Bob seemed more sensitive to Nileen’s feelings and refrained from interrupting or lecturing. In addition, he waited patiently for Nileen to

express her thoughts. Although Nileen’s body language indicated shyness, she

never seemed humiliated like Nora. Still, Bob did generally control the conversation, albeit amicably. He spoke 202 lines compared to Nileen’s 132 for a ratio of about eight to five. In addition, Nileen deferred to Bob seven times, while

Bob deferred to Nileen four times. So, while Bob was less strident than Mel in

conversation control, he nevertheless dominated. In Neneng’s and Jay’s

interview, Neneng clearly dominated the conversation. As mentioned

previously, Jay sat quietly as Neneng described her experiences. Neneng spoke

in a clear and confident voice, whereas, when Jay did speak, he mumbled and

never interrupted.

These conversational styles of the three couples mirror mainstream American

couples, with the exception of Neneng and Jay. When comparing mixed‐sex

conversations, sociolinguists have found that men tend to interrupt more frequently than women; men tend to dominate mixed‐sex conversations; and men, more so than women, tend to be insensitive to women’s conversational needs (Speer 40‐41).35 Thus, these styles, although not discounting agency on the part of the women, nevertheless indicate that at least two of the couples follow patriarchal patterns in conversational scripts, but not unlike those scripts 141 followed by mainstream American couples.

Conclusion

From my interview data, the three couples in this study—Nileen and Bob;

Neneng and Jay; and Nora and Mel—unequivocally departed from the stereotype of the dominant husband/submissive wife dichotomy generally

represented in Internet web advertisements. The brides, with the exception of

Neneng, appeared to have strong, if not fully equal, voices in their marriages.

Neneng, ironically, seemed to have the dominant voice in hers and Jay’s

relationship. Further, all of the women seemed to be the ultimate decision‐

makers concerning relations with extended family members. Two of the men,

with the exception of Jay, steadfastly encouraged their wives’ autonomy.

However, Neneng needed no encouragement from Jay, because her

independence seemed to be a given. Neneng and Nora especially highlighted their agency both in the Philippines and the United States, both before their marriages and after. Nora’s husband Mel indicated that, with his encouragement,

Nora had learned how to become more assertive since moving to the United

States. However, Nora had always described herself as adventurous,

independent, and assertive. Moreover, Neneng adamantly proclaimed that she

was the same person in the US as she had been in the Philippines—an

142 unapologetic “bitch.” Nileen, on the other hand, appeared somewhat less

autonomous but seemed to relish the roles of housewife and mother.

Nevertheless, as evidenced by Nileen’s and her husband’s desire to return to the

Philippines, we cannot assume that theirs is an unequal relationship. Further,

neither Nileen nor her husband felt that Nileen fit the submissive stereotype.

Finally, a brief linguistic analysis of the couples’ conversations revealed similar

asymmetrical and gendered conversational styles, but no different from those

occurring between American mainstream mixed‐sex couples. With the exception

of Jay, the men generally controlled the conversations, but at varying degrees.

From my interview data among the three couples, we cannot conclude that the brides’ agency was problematic for the husbands. Neither can we conclude that

the brides’ agency was denied. All three brides appeared to have had strong

agency all along, both in the Philippines and in the United States. Nora appeared

somewhat submissive in certain situations; however, as her husband testified, in

most cases Nora demonstrated strong agency—both in dealing with her husband, her natal family, and her in‐laws. Although Nileen appeared quiet and reserved, neither Nileen nor Bob considered Nileen submissive. Neneng clearly

was the most dominant of the three brides. Ironically, Jay’s initial interview

responses corresponded most closely with the stereotype of the Western

husband who expects wifely subordination. However, his expectations were 143 quickly crushed by the powerful Neneng. We can conclude, therefore, from what was stated during the interviews, that the agency of these women was preserved—strong as single women in the Philippines and equally strong as married women in the United States.

144

Chapter 7: TALES OF ROMANCE

Romance not only played a major role in the international Internet advertisement, but was also a significant outcropping in all my informants’ rendition of courtship experiences. Each of my informants to varying degrees described their courtship processes as romantic. Even though all participants unambiguously played agentive roles in searching for marriage partners, at

various levels all six adamantly denied this particular area of agency and,

instead, highlighted romantic versions of courtship events. For example, all

asserted that they really weren’t looking for marriage—that the situation sought

them; they did not seek it. sMel wa just curious; Bob wasn’t taking it seriously

but started receiving letters. It was “in God’s hands” for Neneng, and “just the

luck” for Nora. Each participant emphasized the fatefulness of their respective

love encounters, something beyond their control, and the feeling that they were

meant to be together. They described their encounters as miraculous and that,

out of all the others he or she could have chosen, he or she chose me.36 In other

words, all stressed the transcendent qualities of their courtship experiences.

Here, in my initial interview with Nora, she related how she fell in love with Mel

before they had even met face to face and how each had chosen the other from 145 among several other pursuers:

Even before I met him in person, I fall in love with him with an attitude.

It’s different. He’s perfect for me…like I’ve never…he’s just different.

When I asked Nora about Mel’s strategies for marrying a Filipina, Nora replied:

He said he actually wasn’t that serious gin gettin involved with Asians.

Pam: He wasn’t particularly looking for a bride?

Nora: No, he wasn’t really.

Pam: But then he fell in love?

Nora: Um hmm. That’s what I know—really (laughs).

Similarly, Bob recounted how he nonchalantly started corresponding with

Nileen but amazingly fell in love with her shortly after meeting her:

It was interesting because I don’t even know how far…before that I had

seen a classified ad in the Sun‐Sentinel in reference to meeting Filipina

women. So I called to get information and left my name and I guess my

address, and… uh… I got some information and never did anything with

it…you know, and it was interesting. I just put it aside and that was the

end of that. And then I guess…I don’t know… maybe a year or so later I

started getting letters. And I had no idea where they were coming from.

Apparently this gentleman who was doing this, he was married to a

Filipina, and I had never met him before, and subsequently we met 146 through friends. And he decided to go ahead and publish my name

anyway. And he put my name in a pen pal thing over there. I was getting

letters from all these Filipinas and hadn’t a clue. I was constantly getting

letters. My wife was one of the first letters that I had received and I liked

the letter. It was nice and I loved the picture. So I responded back.

Bob then related that soon he was on a plane headed toward the Philippines

where he would meet and visit with her and her family for three weeks. Upon

their first meeting, Bob recounted how he knew Nileen was the woman he

wanted to marry:

It was just amazing to me, you know, I…after getting over the initial

nervousness, and even though we didn’t speak a lot, you know…uh…I

really felt a connection to her. I really did. It’s amazing. I was really quite

timid to get involved with someone again…yeah…so I was nervous. But

after getting over that initial nervous…even though we didn’t speak that

much, we liked each other. I felt comfortable around her. And I knew…

(smiling), I really knew that this was the woman I wanted to be with.

After their three‐week courtship Bob proposed to Nileen. Bob also stated that he

had spoken to an immigration attorney about bringing Nileen to the United

States as his wife while they were still corresponding via the pen pal club. This

suggests that Bob was indeed actively and deliberately planning marriage before 147 he had even met Nileen. In other words, he was being practical even though he

tells a story about falling in love. Jay also emphasized romantic aspects of his and

Neneng’s courtship. Recall that Jay had earlier implied that he was looking for

someone to service him sexually and domestically. However, he later stated that

he and Neneng “just fell in love.” Even for the proudly independent and

practical Neneng, marrying an American had a level of romantic fatefulness as

articulated in the following exchange:

Pam: So you didn’t particularly have your sights set on an American to

get married?

Neneng: No, it just happens. That’s why I said to God, “If you give this

to me, I will accept it.” But, you know, I didn’t dream of this life. Because

you know I fill out the form to be published, but nobody writes me, so I

guess that America is not for me. So all of a sudden he came when he saw

my picture, the same picture I sent to both [pen pal] applications for the

American saw me but I guess they don’t like it, because nobody write me. I

say, “OK, it’s not for me.” So I just say, “OK, God. I’m ready.”

The above responses seemingly offer contradictory stances where the subjects

enhance romance over practicality. A similar response is evident in Del Rosario’s

2005 study of migration marriages. Here she relates how one of her informants decided to marry an American suitor soon after her relationship with another 148 American suitor fell through.

I asked about love. Did it happen to her? Without batting an

eyelash, and with characteristic self‐assurance as if to dispel my

doubts, and hers too perhaps, she said, “Yes, oh yes. I knew that I

loved him when he made me speak to his mother on the phone. She

welcomed me into her life without even meeting me yet.” (272)

Del Rosario does not attribute her informant’s newfound love to the traditional

American idealization of love, but to the joy her informant felt because both families accepted the union. As mentioned previously, and bearing in mind that

the Filipina comes from a collectivistic society where familial obligations are paramount (Levine et al. 567), del Rosario’s informant’s love sentiments seem rational in what Constable terms the “cultural logic of desire” (256). In other words, the informant’s idea of love is both logical and rational instead of the inherently illogical and irrational attributes of romantic love. Constable argues that conceptions of love vary widely, and that many cultures apply that term to a strongly positive feeling that is a consequence of a relationship that is personally beneficial and socially appropriate.

Bourdieu recognizes this cultural logic of desire about which Constable

writes. He argues that most marriages have practical considerations. In

Distinction Bourdieu claims that romantic love has implicit covert strategies and 149 calculations geared toward finding a mate who meets one’s qualifications. For example, one’s race, social class, and even sexual preference are all qualifiers that people use to evaluate potential love interests (243).

Another “cultural logic of desire” explanation of this tendency toward romanticizing marriage is that of Russian revolutionary Alexandra Kollontai. She argues that America’s individualist and capitalist ideology produces an

“inescapable loneliness” which actors seek to avoid through love and marriage

(qtd. in Stevi Jackson 39). Kollontai’s analysis of romantic love applies to the

international Internet marriage practice in that it critiques the isolating effects of

capitalism where competition trumps cohesive social connections. Recall that the

corpus of Internet bride literature suggests that the brides marry for economic

factors while the men marry because of loneliness.

Other sociologists have long theorized that economic concerns serve as a

basic motivating factor in actors’ lives (Dowd and Pallotta 550). Kurland, for

example, argues that economic factors have always been of utmost importance in

mate selection (72). Most social scientists conclude that romantic love is a cultural

universal; nevertheless, ethnographic studies report that most marriages are not

rooted in romantic love, even when the ideal is heavily encouraged by Western cultural ideology (Jankowiak and Fischer 153, 159). Americans generally believe that happier marriages emanate from romantic love unions (Kurland 72). Kurt 150 Back describes the popular conception of romantic love as unpredictable,

uncontrollable, passionate, extremely unique, and therefore extremely rare (267).

He is pointing out the paradox of the many who say they have experienced it, yet

the extreme rarity of finding that unique individual out of all of humanity. This

paradox is played out by my six informants who reported that they had, indeed,

fallen in love during the courtship phase of their marriages. Moreover, all assigned a kind of predestined element to their encounters. However, supporting

Bourdieu’s and del Rosario’s theories, the actors I observed and interviewed clearly made economic and social choices consistent with their self‐interests. So, the question becomes: Why would these particular social actors emphasize romantic and discount practical versions of their coupling?

One obvious explanation of the informants’ tendencies to forefront romantic

aspects of their encounters is that they embrace the American belief system that generally privileges romance, a notion that corresponds positively with

American ideals of democracy and individualism. Individualist societies tend to view romantic love as a prerequisite for marriage (Levine 567 and Dion 58).

Therefore, the subjects—reacting to the social stigma cast upon alternative motivations for marriage such as family unification, loneliness, financial security,

et cetera—are likely to forefront the romantic and downplay practical

considerations in their narrative scripts of these unions. However, the actors, as 151 members of a culture that promotes romanticism, are aware of the high value of romance in American culture. Stressing love connections facilitates approval from their families and peers and, therefore, validates their unions within their

social circles.

Indeed, social approval seems to be a major influence in the kinds of

narratives which actors formulate, especially in the partner selection. For

example, Beall and Sternberg argue that social actors tend to appraise romantic

partners at high levels if they conform to romantic stereotypes (422). In addition,

Parks et al. found that couples report experiencing love longer and more

intensely when families support their unions (qtd. in Beall and Sternberg 433).

Beall and Sternberg’s work supports social learning theory which posits that

actors will gauge others’ reactions to their behaviors, and adjust for a favorable

response. This suggests that in order to elevate their experience and gain social

approval, these actors have adapted their stories away from the pragmatic and

toward the culturally privileged romantic love narrative.

Drawing on Kollontai’s connection of romance with capitalism, a related

explanation as to why couples tend to report romantic attributes in their

courtship phase could be that these versions offer antidotes to the cold, calculating, and impersonal foundations of free‐market capitalism. Recall that the

Internet bride web sites all tend to foreground romantic aspects and conceal any 152 mutual financial benefits, such as her needing money for her family or him

needing the unpaid labor of a housewife/extra income earner. This intellection

makes for an insecure relationship and reminds the couple that either spouse

could be easily replaced, much like inexpensive consumer goods in the capitalist

market system. eA palatable mor romantic narrative offers the couple a form of psychological security where they can avoid seeing themselves as easily substituted interchangeable parts. If it is romantic, then it must be destiny, and,

at least in American folklore, an experience considered rare and treasured. As

Eva Illouz so aptly articulates: “…romantic love stands above the realm of

commodity exchange…” (3). Romantic versions of marital events elevate cold‐ hearted practicality to a sacred realm—something that is not easily relinquished

—and, therefore, provide more stability, at least over the commodity exchange scenario.37 A romantic story, therefore, erases any inkling of a desperate

predicament and sublimates it to an ethereal level. The husband’s inability to

find or attract a suitable American wife and the Filipina’s desire to escape abject

poverty can be buried within the subconscious by believing that their union was

“meant to be” or “in God’s hands.”38 Obviously, practical considerations are

paramount in these relationships. She’s escaping poverty, and he’s looking for a

more traditional wife. But neither of them has to admit this, whether to

themselves, one another, or to their friends and family. 153 We can see how conveniently the romance narrative fits into the international

Internet bride practice, as it appears to be the least offensive narrative available for all parties, both in the ads and the participants’ self‐persuasion. Ironically,

several scholars view this narrative to be one that covertly keeps women

subordinate to men. Many feminists, starting in the 1970s, have taken a cynical

view of why Americans tend to romanticize heterosexual relationships. For

them, the ideology of romance is just another way to enforce patriarchal values.

More recently, Chrys Ingraham argues that romantic love suits the interests of

male dominance and capitalism because it reinforces a gendered division of labor

which: … subordinates women’s needs to men’s desires and is central to

the heterosexual imaginary. Creating the illusion of plenitude and

fullness, the ideology of romantic love produces a belief that sexual

objectification and subordination is both natural and justified.

Enormous inequalities are overlooked when the promise of

romance presents itself. And women are more subject to this

outcome than men, given their positioning by the wedding‐

ideological complex (86).

Stevi Jackson offers an interesting explanation for the attraction of romance. She

posits that romantic love is particularly attractive to women, because it is one of

154 the few genres that provide a narrative where women can have unbridled power

over men (43). In the international Internet bride dynamic we can assume that

both parties have been unlucky in their search for power over the opposite sex.

Perhaps, in some way, a romantic narrative assuages feelings of powerlessness for both sides. All the women in my study clearly bought into popular romantic

narratives, at least in the initial stages of courtship and marriage. Despite the agency they displayed in garnering resources to migrate to the United States, and despite the agentive voices they seem to have in their respective marriages, they nevertheless seemed to abide by the gendered division of labor and traditional patriarchal family values, including patriarchal romance. With the exception of

Neneng, my two other female informants took on housewife duties of caring for children and tending to the majority of household chores. Perhaps Nicola dFiel

astutely situates the power of romance when she opines, “Romance is there to

blur the past, and fudge over the real contradictions of the present, in order to

control the future” (29).

The intent of this chapter is not to suggest that the couples in this study did

not “fall in love;” rather, to point out that the subjects all adhered to the

tenacious American cultural script that highlights romance over practicality.

Moreover, the chapter has highlighted a denial of agency in this particular circumstance, a topic that has not yet been analyzed in international Internet 155 bride scholarship. Clearly, the brides exhibited agency in securing their

marriages to American males. There appears to be little fatefulness involved in their courtships as all participants exhibited straightforward objectives, goals, and strategies during their marriage searches. Ironically, both the male and female subjects unabashedly claimed the brides’ agency in all other aspects of

their marriage. For example, each proclaimed the brides had an equal voice in

family decision‐making while simultaneously denying any submissive behavior

towards their husbands. Two of the three wives worked outside the home and

managed the family incomes. All of the women controlled both consanguine and

affinal family interactions. Yet, all of the subjects, including the men, down‐ played their agency in the courtship process and instead embraced the American cultural belief in irrational romantic forces that dictated this one situational part of their lives.

The male participants never directly addressed economic realities such as the obvious financial motivations of their wives marrying them to escape poverty,

although all seemed fully aware of the brides’ impoverished living conditions

prior to the marriages. Brehm’s work may provide an explanation for the

participants’ emphasis on romantic narratives as he observes two irrevocable

marriage rules that are dominant in American society: rule one is that couples

marry for love, and rule two is that love can overcome all obstacles (qtd. in 156 Dowd and Pallotta 578). Recall that in Chapter 4, I provided ample evidence that romantic narratives are routinely foreground in Internet bride advertisements and therefore rendered invisible less palatable marital motivations such as desire

for convenient sex or escape from abject poverty. Interestingly, the Philippines

would be considered a more collectivist culture, one that would tend to

disregard the individualistic romantic version. However, bear in mind, as

suggested in Chapter 5, Filipino culture has been heavily influenced by

American media in the form of romantic television shows and movies. These

cultural artifacts produce a particular narrative that reinforces specific romantic

behaviors (Dowd and Pallotta 554). As La Rochefoucauld postulated in the 1700s:

“few people would fall in love had they not heard about it” (qtd. in Illouz 180).

Filipinas have long heard of love through American movies and television.

There is little doubt that American media valorize romantic marriages over

practical ones. And, this privileging of romance pervades throughout American

culture, as suggested by participants’ responses in this study that over‐

whelmingly indicated that they married for love. Correspondingly, Constable found that international Internet bride participants were often defensive about their marriages being romantic because they sensed the public’s assumptions that these marriages were absent of love, and that Americans marry for love (120,

2003). In short, marriage for economic or security motivations violates the 157 American cultural script, and, therefore, devalues the marriage in both the eyes

of the participants and their respective familial and social circles. It is, therefore,

something to be shrouded within romantic myth‐making.

Romantic narratives appear to contradict agency in that these narratives may

bolster the American patriarchal social structure. Yet, these same narratives

possibly provide a psychic and social escape valve that allows the participants to

better adapt to their situations. Similar to the way in which the Internet bride advertisements exploit romantic narratives to their advantage, the brides and grooms call upon these narratives when they provide a beneficial function. In other words, they have internalized the culturally imposed romantic ideology and draw upon it when necessary. Thus, this particular kind of agency

ultimately co‐exists with the structures that surround it. As Ortner and others

remind us, agency is socio‐culturally constructed, and this claim seems

applicable to the Filipina Internet bride practice.

158

Chapter 8: CONCLUSIONS

This study set out to determine the ways in which international Internet brides exhibit individual agency under the rubric of constraining social structures. Those structures, represented in Internet bride advertisements, include a set of cultural beliefs that stereotype Asian women as essentially submissive. My central research investigation addressed: (1) how this agency is manifested; and (2) the grooms’ reaction to this manifestation of agency. From an investigation of gendered historical events between the Philippines and the

United States, I first established that, historically, Westerners have largely believed that Asian women are “naturally” submissive, especially when comparing them to Western women. Today vestiges of these beliefs are projected on and reflected in “mail‐order bride” web sites which promote Asian women as devoted and submissive. Therefore, I analyzed two typical Internet “mail‐order bride” advertisements that reinforce and reflect these stereotypes. I found that these web sites reproduce and reinforce traditional patriarchal belief systems that still permeate throughout Western culture. Finally, I interviewed three Filipina‐

Americano couples who had met their spouses through these web site venues.

From the authors I researched, and from my independent analyses of Internet 159 bride web sites, I conclude that these women are severely misrepresented on

these Internet sites. Therefore, even though the grooms may have thought they were getting submissive wives, these women undeniably established themselves as agentive women. They were agentive in the Philippines when they strategized and carried out their plans for marrying American men, and they are agentive in

the United States as they have settled into their lives as American wives. My

interview data, therefore, support the findings of Constable and others who

found that, even though these women are vulnerable and caught within

oppressive social structures, they have nevertheless utilized those structures to

their advantage. By doing so, the brides have acted as assertive agents in that

they have looked out for the interests of both themselves and their families. The

brides indeed took intentional agentive steps when they strategized plans for

meeting an American and subsequently migrating to the United States for

marriage. Despite some hesitancy from their families, the brides seemed

determined to change their lives. They placed ads, wrote letters and emails, sent

pictures, screened undesirables, and accepted foreign men into their homes to test for compatibility with both themselves and their families. They werel wel

aware of the risks as indicated by their hesitancy to recommend the practice to

others. Therefore, this study corroborates the findings of Constable and others in

their positions that the agency of Filipina Internet brides who marry American 160 men has been erroneously discounted in much of the scholarly research.

Having established the strength of the brides’ agency, then how did this

agency manifest itself once the wives have settled into their lives as American

wives? Moreover, how did the groom react to this agency even though he

thought he was getting a submissive wife? My interview data suggest that the

wives continued their strong agency that they had exhibited when they

aggressively sought out American husbands. Once settled in the United States, they worked outside the home, furthered their education, controlled family finances, procured social networks, spoke their minds to their husbands, and

stood up to sometimes demanding mothers‐in‐law. They seemed to have preserved that strong and ambitious agency that was evident in the Philippines.

Clearly their actions suggest that the stereotype of the submissive Filipina is mythical. From the advertisements’ representations and the general American stereotype that Asian women are submissive, the grooms may have inherited

some notion of Filipina submissiveness. However, much of the literature review

and my own research undoubtedly debunked any notion of Filipina

submissiveness, which seems to be more fantasy than reality. As Jay’s responses suggest, the grooms may have fantasized on some level that they were marrying

submissive wives, but, as my study indicates, as well as scholarly works by

Constable and others, none of the wives’ behaviors upheld that stereotype. 161 Indeed, only one of the husbands seemed disappointed in this revelation, but

because of the extremely strong agency of his wife, he was in no position to

mount any effective offense. Paradoxically, this groom seemed to fit the

exploitative groom stereotype, but his actions ultimately demonstrated that

he was much more submissive than his dominant wife. In short, the three

relationships that I studied appear no different from average American couples who attempt to compromise and build a life together.

Ultimately, the Filipina accepted some of the American and Filipino social structures. As mentioned, my study suggests that the Filipina Internet brides

irrefutably exhibited strong agency in the Philippines as single women and in the

United States as married women. By doing so, they strongly resisted some of the

social structures that once constrained them in the Philippines. They refused

marriage with a Filipino, and they rejected the expectation of virginity. On the

other hand, they strongly accepted Filipino familial structures of responsibility

for their natal family and the institution of marriage. In addition, as mentioned

previously, they followed the American cultural dictate which advocates that

romantic marriages are better marriages. This suggests that their strong agency

was nevertheless mitigated by a cultural belief system shaped by multiple forms

of domination, but particularly colonialism, and that advocates not only

heterosexual marriages but romantic ones. Filipinas indeed accepted some social 162 constraints and rejected others, because it was in the best interests, if not

survival, for them and their families.

Structures indeed shaped most aspects of the Filipina Internet marriage

practice. Had these structures not been in place, the Filipina‐Americano

international Internet marriage phenomenon would most likely not have come

into existence. The brides’ perceptions of the United States and Western males

were clearly shaped by American hegemonic socialization processes in the

Philippines, and these processes were heavily influenced by post‐colonial

America. As argued, with post‐World War II American neo‐colonization of the

Philippines, in terms of military bases, political influence, and subsequent cultural hegemony, an esoteric habitus was formed that fostered the Filipina’s

perception of Western men being superior to Filipino men. This conception

melded with the Filipina’s desire to escape abject Third World poverty, and marriage to an American male emerged as a viable option.

Social structures also played a significant role in the desire of American men to seek marriage to Filipinas. Over the last few decades gendered cultural shifts have occurred in the United States because American males have had to forfeit some of their household authority. With large numbers of American women attaining economic independence from their husbands, many American women

have demanded more autonomy, often resulting in male resistance to these 163 women’s transformations. The result is a significant number of American men

desiring an alternative type of marriage to Asian brides whom they perceive as being more willing to accommodate their needs. By evoking normative cultural modes, the international Internet bride business seems to have accommodated the needs of a significant number of both Filipinas and middle‐age American males, as indicated by the recent exponential proliferation of the oft referred to

“mail‐order bride” web pages.

Further, although the brides exhibited strong agency, this agency was only

operational within a formidable set of social structures of which the brides had

little or no control. Still, as stated in my introduction, if we apply Anthony

Giddens’ theory of the duality of structure, (Sewell 4) we can understand how the brides exploited the structures available, even the romantic ideological ones, by manipulating the structures to their advantage. They reacted to their situations based on the resources that were accessible to them. Refusing to accept a life of poverty in the Philippines, they advertised themselves as devoted and family‐oriented, found suitable American spouses, sent remittances back to their families in the Philippines, and appeared to have achieved viable married lives

in the United States. These women can be labeled as neither submissive nor as

victims, at least no more so than the average married American woman.

My study also challenges the stereotype of the husbands as controlling male 164 chauvinists. There was no evidence that any of the men that I studied abused

their wives in any way. On the contrary, they appeared supportive and

encouraging, even going to great lengths to financially and emotionally support

both the brides and their families back in the Philippines. Still, a linguistic

analysis indicated that the women follow typical patriarchal structures where

males tend to dominate conversations, suggesting that their relationships may be somewhat asymmetrical despite verbal claims to the contrary. However, this

inequality is no different from the American mainstream, where men tend to

dominate conversations and, consequently, manage to cling to some vestiges of patriarchy. Therefore, we cannot conclude that these women are victims anymore than typical American females are victims, all of whom live under varying degrees of patriarchal structures.

With the evidence indicating robust agentive powers of the brides, an unexpected and finding of my interviews was the participants’ unanimous agreement that they had all “fallen in love” with their spouses. Paradoxically,

this was the one area of agency that neither the brides nor their husbands would

claim. All participants adamantly denied any assertive strategies that they took

to find and marry foreign spouses or partners who could offer something that

spouses from their natal countries could not. For the husbands it was devoted

wives, and for the wives it was not only devoted husbands, but husbands who 165 would accept and support their natal families. Downplaying any agency that

they employed to fulfill these goals, the participants highlighted romantic

narratives to describe their courtship patterns and eventual marriages. Here the

brides, to a larger extent than the grooms, seemed to embrace American romantic beliefs that there are unseen forces—a kind of ethereal structure39—that

predetermined their marriages. These contradictory findings may suggest that by

invoking romantic narratives, the couples were attempting to alleviate some of

the internal and external stigmatization of the pejoratively called “mail‐order

bride” practice.

Perhaps romantic narratives also allowed both the brides and grooms to more

easily ignore some constraining structures in which they found themselves. For

the brides globalized capitalism has generated the poverty prevalent in both

colonial and post‐colonial Philippines. Without poverty it is extremely doubtful

that these brides would have had any desire to migrate to the United States.

Conversely, globalized capitalism provided the financial assets that the grooms

needed in order to be able to marry Filipina brides. These assets included having

enough disposable income to cover multiple expenses such as web site charges,

travel expenses, immigration and attorney’s fees, and financial support for the

bride’s natal family. However, the grooms were also vulnerable to other

compelling, perhaps more negative, capitalistic forces that they may have 166 wanted to elude. Stressing romantic aspects of marriages allowed the grooms to

ignore that they had sought Filipina brides out of a sense of loneliness, perhaps

itself a derivative of the isolating cultural effects of capitalism, a system where

competition trumps cohesive social connections. Similarly, a focus on romantic

aspects of the practice supplants the cold and calculating processes of procuring a wife through an impersonal business venture. Romantic narratives, therefore,

appear to be the least offensive stories that couples could conjure up in order to

make their “choices” seem palatable. The power of romantic ideology to turn

something so potentially tawdry, exploitative, and desperate into something magical and lovely is truly remarkable.

Romantic narratives not only determined how couples framed their renditions of courtship and marriage, but how web site designers framed their ads. As argued in Chapter 4, the web sites mimic the often contradictory duality found between structure and agency. The web sites strongly reinforce traditional values of patriarchal marriage and commodification and othering of Filipinas.

Yet these sites also, paradoxically, provide a space where the women could become agentive actors operating in their own self‐interests. Nevertheless, as a simple linguistic analysis suggested, the participants’ conversational styles indicated that the majority of women ultimately succumbed to patriarchal

structures, but no more so than the average American woman. 167 In closing, my study introduced two phenomena that had not been addressed in previous research. First, I highlighted the grooms’ perspectives. With the exception of Constable who interviewed one American groom married to a

Filipina, no scholarly study that I found engaged the views of the American

grooms. These men’s voices have been largely absent from scholarly research.

Therefore, more research needs to be undertaken that employs the grooms’

description of events. Similarly, although some scholars have enlisted the voices of Filipina Internet brides themselves, more voices need to be heard, from both married and divorced Filipinas. Until we enlist the views of the actors themselves, we run the risk of academically “otherizing” our subjects.

Second, my study addressed an original area of research. Up until this

writing, there has been little research showing patterns of Filipina Internet bride

responses in terms of their marriage experiences. Specifically, there have been no

studies which have examined the relationship between romantic narratives and

the international Internet bride practice. Further research should be initiated to

investigate the phenomenon of actors’ tendency to foreground romantic

narratives while discounting obvious agentive factors, a seemingly common

American cultural practice. This is an area of research that could offer more insight into a new dimension of the international Internet bride practice.

168

NOTES

1See, for example, Constable, Roces, and Tolentino.

2See Constable in Romance on a Global Stage, Piper, Simons, and Roces in

“Kapit sa Patalim.”

3See, for example, Tolentino, Schaeffer‐Grabiel, Haulaulani, and Vartti.

4In a personal email correspondence with Henry Makow, he indicated that he

had since married a “naturally submissive” Mexican woman and that their

marriage was very successful.

5Citing the difficulty in obtaining interviews with Filipina “mail‐order

brides,” the authors conducted their analysis strictly from Internet advertisements (851).

6In 2006 President Bush signed into law legislation that requires visa

petitioners to provide past criminal information to fiancées.

7See Appendix A.

8Recall, ironically, that the Filipino male expectation of the virginal bride was

a reason Nora gave for wanting to marry an American, who she assumed would

be less demanding of her virginal status.

169 9This particular web page is copyrighted and, therefore, cannot be

electronically reproduced. To view web page, visit http://www.plionline.com/.

10We can assume that the target audience is middle‐aged men because in the

“Frequently Asked Questions” section the following question addressing older men‐younger women concerns was posed in the following: “Question: Wouldn’t

age be a factor for them? Answer: Asians seem to prefer older men, as much as

twice her age or more. Most Asians in their 20’s marry much older North

American men, 36‐55 on average. They are generally between the ages of 18‐35

with the average being about 25. The Asian is renowned for believing that ‘age and looks don’t matter.’” (Personal Liaisons International)

11See, for example, Halualani, Schaeffer‐Grabiel, and Tolentino.

12Since traditional marriages have been endogamous in relation to race, it is

interesting to note that both brides portrayed in the Personal Liaisons

advertisement are light skinned.

13See Wilson, for example.

14Romance ideology and its connection to the Internet bride practice will be

further discussed in Chapter 7.

15Pre‐Bronze Age pottery figurines suggest that the hips and buttocks were

considered sites of fertility in ancient times (Bolger 152).

170 16Since September 11, 2001, women’s relegation to the private sphere has had a “surge.” For example, see Faludi, Tickner, and Sturken.

17Bourdieu refers to this opposition as the centrifugal male orientation versus

the centripetal female orientation (77). Here, I believe he is referring to the male

body operating as an outward force – outward in the sense that the male body

not only projects its genitalia outwardly but also projects his behaviors

outwardly. For example, Bourdieu writes how social organizations typically

assign males to activities outside the home such as political arenas, history, or

war. “…for a man, the house is not so much a place he enters as a place he

comes out of, movement inward properly befits a woman.” (91). Typically

females’ bodies and subsequent activities inhabit the centripetal orientation

where sexual organs and activities are directed inwardly. For the female, the

vagina projects inside her body and her space is accorded inside the home (77).

This female habitus, therefore, functions as a kind of prison for women’s bodies

where they are confined to an ascribed place due solely to their anatomy.

18For example, see Vogel, et al. who classify feminine behaviors as “…acting

dainty, talking softly, smiling, acting submissive, and fidgeting. Examples of

masculine behavior included being assertive, talking loud, making big gestures,

posturing expansively…” (464). Cancian reports that Americans

171 typically classify the traits as dependency, passivity, and submissiveness as

feminine (4).

19See, for example, Day and Scraton and Watson.

20Fantasies of the Occidental will be discussed more fully in the next chapter.

21By symbiotic relationship I mean the how the images and the viewer feed

off one another to perpetuate cultural meanings. People see images, digest them, and project these thoughts and behaviors back into the culture.

22Anthropologist Peggy Reeves Sanday asserts that before monotheism

developed, 50% of the creation myths had male deities, 32% had a divine couple

narration, and 18% a female deity narration (61, 66). Besides Sanday, see Gerda

Lerner for more on the origins of patriarchy.

23See Reyes, for example.

24Under President George H.W. Bush, the US began removing its military

bases; however, the US continues its access to the Philippines with nuclear‐

armed naval ships (San Juan 92).

25The Internet has exacerbated these stereotypes exponentially. Filipino‐

American scholar Perla Paredes Daly alerts us to the fact that men are the usual

owners and operators of these web sites which contributes to “a Filipina

cybermyth” (222).

26See, for example, Eviota, Bonus, Holt, Go & Foster, Rafael, and Tolentino. 172 27Nora had said earlier that in the Philippines she had two years towards her

degree in accounting, a goal she wished to complete in the US and one in which her husband was very supportive.

28Recall from page 80 that one of Nora’s motivations for marrying an

American was her perception that Americans expect fewer “housewife” duties,

such as cleaning and childcare tasks.

29Later in the interview Jay said that the reason he was remiss in completing

household chores was because of back pain to which Neneng replies, “Yeah, he

need to lose the stomach, and that will help his back pain. He don’t listen. Lose

this (points to Jay’s mid‐girth) and the pain don’t come back no more!”

30It is interesting to note that such macho talk probably would not have been

stated in front of Neneng.

31Recall that it is normative for wives to control household finances in Filipino

society.

32For example, see Piper & Roces, Constable, Simons, and Reyes.

33See Hochschild’s The Second Shift.

34For more on mixed‐sex interruptions, see Henley, Bernard, and West and

Zimmerman.

35For more on gendered styles of speaking see West and Zimmerman or

Spender. 173 36Only one informant, Jay, hinted at any desperation.

37Here I am suggesting that romantic union scenarios only trump commodity

exchange scenarios in terms of stability. Arranged marriages, where family ties

considerations often take precedence over romantic marriages, historically offer

greater marital stability.

38I am not arguing that the Filipino‐Americano romantic story concoctions are any different from any other American mainstream marital experiences.

American cultural theorists have long argued that romantic narrations are mythical tales that actors commonly employ.

39It is interesting to note that Americans tend to dismiss any structural

causality with the exception of ethereal ones.

174

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