ISSUE #25 This Here... “...just shite. No debate. Shite. Period.” (C Connor)

yelling “get off my lawn” at anybody younger than 102 EGOTORIAL really does show that death, or gafia, shall not release you. It’s in us, it’s a part of us, and I’ll draw the footy comparison ALL RISE unashamedly, wherein your team is your team, for good or ill and you never lose that inherent loyalty. A lot of people might think that I write everything under the influence of either drink of various and increasing strengths Part of that little preach was inspired by Dave Cockfield (see or a fierce fuckin’ hangover. Actually they might be right. locs), blessim! As well as the lazy post on FBF I’d also here like to thank So we had the birthday party last night, decent turnout, them as expressed the usual amazement that I got around to cooked half the day and was a grumpy sod until people another birthday, and in two weeks’ time I’ll have exceeded started showing up bearing gifts of drink, oh how so well my father’s span by two years exactly. they know me. Jen indulges my love of Indian nosebag (which she does not partake of), so my carefully curated I well recall (no, really) being amazed when I made it to 30, menu (under the influence of and quite honestly that drink) was a biryani-ish amazement was shared by a vegetable rice thing with lot of people who knew me Madras paste, Goan in my 20s, some to their cost, vegetable Xacuti, chicken but perhaps more than that korma, peas paneer (with who’ve remained friends, if Mexican grilling cheese with a note of wariness, to substituting for the this very day. unobtainable paneer - pro It’s undoubtedly cynical to tip) and cucumber raita observe that, yeah, while which is still in the fridge you’ll lose friends over the because I forgot to take it course of time, others come out. The assembled locusts in to replace them, but with ate the fuckin’ lot, including that there internet machine it’s been, for me fershure, “boring steamed rice” and a spinach dip Jen made because reconnecting with a long list of those with whom I socialized not Indian, and bijou naan bread and pickles, and pakoras and and had varying levels of good to great time, and not only papads, the latter two brought by Kathy Lawson from the them, but getting found by my eldest son Sean (it’s a long reliable Rani foods. story) who is the spitting image, a fine man and provider of I’m knackered just writing that. And hungry. grandchildren. I deem it irrefutable proof that blood is thicker than water, given that I’ve been an absentee father to In other news, Brexit happened, allegedly, and little dipshit both my lads (due to circumstances, long story ect ect), and orange fingers over here was anointed emperor-for-life. yet, and yet we’re all well solid. Funny old world. I’m 62 and three days old you know. This Here... is 25... This community that we’re a part of, the ‘Faniverse’ as I like to call it allows for a fair bit of coming and going, and I’d It’s all good. suggest that the re-engagement of a bunch of ‘70s oldpharts Nic Farey, February 1, 2020

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five each in 1999 (Vijay Bowen v Sarah Prince - “who can TAFFNESSABOUNDS (4) blame them?”, also the lowest ever voter total at 91) and 2002 (Tobes v Magician - koff, falls off chair). What was the point of all those numbers? Ultimately, not much at all, because the fund will survive if only through sheer bloody-mindedness, or at least until all the remaining potential candidates Lichtman approves of (not Lloyd Penney, and should “candidates” even be plural?) have had a turn. There were a few comments scattered around FBF, though not on the TAFF page), one rather wishing that a particular previous candidate had run again, another describing this race as “unusual”, and a third opining “Hardly a race really”. The commenters may well recognize themselves, I can quite see why the administrators released the initial I’m not identifying them because I’ve got no clue how result without mentioning vote totals for Ann Totusek or public or otherwise their comments may have been, but of Hold Over Funds. After all Mike, who I’ve always said is a course they’re free to fess up in a loc... worthy candidate, deserved a moment in the sun, there. What was a bit puzzling, and bad optics if you ask me, was to give Mike’s and the “No Preference” vote totals, when RADIO WINSTON surely it would have been simpler to just announce his clear IT’S DIFFERENT FOR GIRLS win on the first round of voting and leave the sordid stats “Radio Winston and your later comments suggest to me until a minute later? that you have poorly developed musical tastes - or perhaps I’m assuming that Ann voted for Mike (given her egregious it’s me.” platform), so five people either didn’t get the memo or (Leigh Edmonds) wickedly cast a protest vote (nevertheless, thank you five, It’s you. whoever you were, for supporting the fund), but she did I’m more than willing to engage in discussion, banter and cover the spread against ‘Hold Over Funds’, while such in any genre you got, but here, as in the RW group equalling the lowest vote total ever for any candidate (Bo itself (and with old scrote G Charnock up in there, we have Stenfors, 1966, a four-way race). It would be interesting to to police this a bit) it’s considered “not done” to put the hear from voters willing to reveal their choice and rationale boot in on someone else’s tastes, and I do not consider it at behind it. all paradoxical that I’m vociferously critical on certain We can conjecture whether the voter total (fourth lowest in topics up in here. So let’s engage on this one, Leigh. the fund’s history) was influenced by the two obvious As you’ll see I’ve said later on in loccol comment, the factors of (1) a non-competitive race and (2) the very “argument” that because you don’t get or understand healthy state of the fund. I’ll note that in the very lopsided someone else’s tastes in music (or sport, or whatever) 1996 race (Tudor v Simo) there were 149 voters, and Simo doesn’t give you license to trash them. To your immense got 9. credit, you do check out music that gets mentioned (eg I’m not surprised “Hold Over Funds” didn’t get a lot of Jackie Mittoo lastish), and from that point on you make traction, and although it’s never been a popular option the your own informed decision, which you properly describe, four of us who favored it this year have been outnumbered on whether or not it’s your cuppa. What you don’t get to do five times previously. Fifteen voters (of 169 total) in 1982 is piss on someone else’s tastes in ad hominem fashion, and I thought neither Kevin Smith nor Rog Peyton ought to get will grant you that, occasional remark like the above aside, the trip (14 of them from Europe! What did they know, and that is a sin you tend to avoid committing. when did they know it?). The second top score of 12 (of Circling back, we’re a well diverse lot in RW, and not 513!!) was in 1985 which was won by the Neilsen Haydens entirely averse to taking the piss on occasion, as in my own and complicated by Margaret Beck’s write-in campaign (an contrarian views on, oh, Dylan, the Moody Blues, Santana, option since outlawed, and in any case despite her North Bob Marley (the list goes on) which inevitably get mocked American majority of votes, she got fuck-all off Yoorp). Ten by other members. And that’s quite all right - I get to worthies in 1989 didn’t care for either the Mighty Robt equally eye-roll at Don Miller and his adoration of Yello, Lichtman or Luke McGuff (and it’s so tempting to say “who some of the dodgy garage band stuff Rich Coad can blame them?”, utterly unfair but ey, a cheap larf) and

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occasionally punts, and half the weird stuff put up there by The ‘Rule of LAWS’ may yet prevail in some category or the very scary Gary Mattingly. another (although there’s no logical reason why it should for Graham James credits me rather generously with some the year under consideration), but I still suggest that U4E expertise on old ska and reggae, and it’s probably the case (‘Ulrika for Everything’) has a ton more merit. Of course, that I’m at least as well-informed on those genres as you, given my abject result in advocating for ‘Hold Over Funds’ Leigh, might be on Chopin. And that’s all good! in the recent TAFF race... eh, well, maybe I got a better argument here? Following up from Jackie Mittoo, it’s worth a mention that there were definite “headline names” of the era, often Voters have four slots in each category, and every vote has credited as “with” mostly the Skatalites (Tommy McCook equal weight, so I’m just going to suggest one or two names and Don Drummond as prime examples) but also Vin and titles, and identify the U4E slate contenders, because I Gordon (with the Upsetters) and Val Bennett (usually want to be clear about them. credited solo). It can be a task full of oddity to note that the Before that, however, let me state that Ulrika herself, as same slice is credited different ways, and I’ll cite ‘Race Track’ intimidating as she can be (cringes) has no part in this by the “Brentford Road All-Stars” there, which was also advocacy (nor any involvement with Ukraine that I know released as by Jackie Mittoo. of), in fact she thinks it’s rather amusing and silly. So let’s Speaking of “all-stars”, a couple years ago I found some begin... slices by “Dr. Ring-Ding and the Senior All-Stars” (notably BEST OVERALL FANZINE the excellent ‘Spanishtown Road’) and was curiously excited Steve Jeffery (locs) had as bit of confusion over this, so let me to find out which classic Jamaican personnel the group attempt to clarify: this vote is for your overall favorite included. Turns out they’re German! Achtung! fanzine of the year (2019), in any of the four categories (genzine, perzine, special, watchamacallit). This vote is independent of those in the other categories. Now we could presume that you’d vote for something here that you’ve nodded in its relevant category, but that’s not actually necessary, although it is highly likely, innit? U4E SLATE: This is a bit tricky, actually. The one which gets Ulrika an actual award is BEAM, but she’s also closely associated with the Luke McGuff edited special Thy Life’s A Miracle which really should get top spot. BEST GENZINE U4E SLATE: See above. Ahem... BEST PERZINE U4E SLATE: None. I continue to commend Opuntia (Dale Speirs) for it’s consistency and longevity. I’m still not sure where Fred Lerner’s Lofgeornost falls, since it’s an apazine (and thus a ‘Watchamacallit’) but is also distributed outside the apa. BEST WATCHAMACALLIT ZINE U4E SLATE: None. Leybl Botwinik’s CyberCozen is top of my list. FAAN DAMNED BEST FAN WRITER U4E SLATE: Ulrika O’Brien. Another given on any list of U4E, THE CHIRPY KITTEN SLATE mine is the Sainted Mark Plummer, and we’ve seen https://corflu.org/Corflu37/2020-FAAn-Ballot.pdf excellent work from Pete Young the last year an’all. BEST FAN ARTIST There again is your ballot link, voting closes on February 13, U4E SLATE: Ulrika O’Brien. so get on it! BEST SPECIAL PUBLICATION Yes, it appears I’m advocating a “slate”, with no Teddy-style delusions of ghodhood, honest. U4E SLATE: Thy Life’s A Miracle. I hadn’t previously mentioned that I also consider Random Jottings #17 (The Corflu Fanthology), ed. Michael Dobson a worthy contender.

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BEST FANZINE COVER ART politics, I want a progressive and moderate British U4E SLATE: Thy Life’s A Miracle, Ulrika O’Brien (art), Jae government, but I have to accept that most people don’t Leslie Adams (lettering), carl juarez (layout). Also Skyliner think like me; they value intangibles like “sovereignty” and #8, Alan White, perhaps atypically not the usual explosion in “patriotism”, whilst I’d prefer some concrete positives like a the grafix factory, and given the ish’s topic, exceptionally National Health Service and a social security system that poignant. Then there’s Banana Wings #75 for your actually supports people. additional U4E consideration. I promised Nic a column/loc about football after the New Year’s Day fixtures, which this is, but I just wanted to put on record that I believe there are things that are TRUE, but, in the kneejerk heat of the moment, are also deeply unpopular things to express, can potentially lose one friends, and, even when the dust has settled, are still regarded as not wise to have said. Strap in, I expect a few arguments… None of these arguments will involve either my team, Tottenham Hotspur, or Nic’s team, Watford. They won’t even involve Graham James’ team, Arsenal, despite the fact that they are my team’s traditional rivals. I am the fifth of seven generations of Tottenham fans; my great-grandfather and great-great grandfather were at Crystal Palace to watch the 1901 F.A. Cup Final between Spurs (Tottenham) and Sheffield United. After that game finished in a 2-2 draw, I am informed but can’t confirm that they both travelled to Bolton from North London for the replay a week later. Spurs won 3-1. My Grandfather, born in 1905, went to the 1921 F.A. Cup Final between Spurs and Wolverhampton Wanderers at Stamford Bridge (Chelsea, not the site of the English Civil War battle in Yorkshire that I’m sure several professional Yorkshiremen of this parish could bore for England on) with his father. Spurs won 1-0, the goal was scored by Jimmy Dimmock, and my grandfather would enthuse about him and his teammate Jimmy Seed until his death in the late 1980’s. Whole swathes of the family attended the 1961 and 1962 F.A. Cup Finals. The 1967 Cup Final was rather short- sightedly scheduled to clash with my maternal Uncle’s No comment on ‘Best Letterhack’ (which I’ve already wedding, so the ceremony was held in the morning and the weighed in on and am predisposed to the inhabitants of this reception started around the television in the upstairs here Loco Citato), nor ‘Best Online Achievement’. function room of the Elmhurst Inn, opposite the gates of Those of you still researching your votes should of course Bruce Castle Park in Lordship Lane, Tottenham. I was only check out efanzines.com (in which Bill Burns also provides small but I remember it because of the rarity of seeing all my his helpful cover gallery), but also the most recent (but not family in their black suits and white shirts and dark ties; that recent) ish of Guy Lillian’s listzine The Zine Dump something I would only see again at weddings and funerals, therein (just search for it). so it tended to stick in the mind. I’m still in touch with several friends from secondary school FOOTY via things like Facebook and it’s remarkable how similar all our stories are. We all support Spurs, we all had extended BY DAVID HODSON families locally, we drank in the same places, we all have There are some things in life that, no matter how distasteful largely similar memories of how our area and families they may be to think or say, are nonetheless true. developed over those embryonic times. We have a shared The fact that the Conservative government elected in cultural heritage is how it would be expressed these days I December 2019 is a nasty bunch of fascist narcissists should guess. I sometimes see snippets being written by Joseph not detract from the fact that the Labour party was so out of Nicholas or Graham Charnock about Haringey or its history, step with the views of the British public that they were most recently about Gestetner, the company that made considered unelectable. I agree with Jeremy Corbyn’s duplicators and was based at Page Green, South Tottenham.

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In the mid-1970’s, I used to drink with my Dad in the social Mauricio Pochettino was sacked in November and replaced club they had onsite, guests of the manager who employed by Jose Mourinho, one of the most successful club managers my father to do maintenance on the buildings; they had of all time. Results have picked up a bit, but it’s obvious wonderfully maintained full-sized snooker tables, the bar Spurs need an extensive rebuild of the side. The reason for manager was a full-time employee of the company, he didn’t the rabbit-ears either side of highly regarded is because the care I was only 15 or 16 years old at the time. media have built Pochettino up as the greatest thing since Different Times! sliced bread and linked him with Real Madrid and Manchester United, whereas a significant minority of Spurs I rarely travel to Tottenham these days for a variety of fans have been expressing disquiet for a while. He seemed to reasons, despite only living a few miles along the Hertford lose the plot at the start of last season, took a nose-dive after Road in Enfield. I tend to circle around, using buses to go to losing to Burnley in February and having an on-pitch bust- Turnpike Lane Station, which serves as a hub for the bus up with referee Mike Dean, and was unable to stop rumours routes I need to get into central London. I have ventured of having “lost the dressing room” with players not wanting along to look at the outside of the new Tottenham stadium to renew contracts and ex-players like Kieran Trippier, now though. It’s being called the most advanced football stadium at Athletico Madrid, publicly stating something was wrong anywhere in the world, it’s already hosted two NFL games behind the scenes. One current player referred to on its custom surface stored under a retractable grass soccer Pochettino’s management as a “regime” which many were surface and is being touted to host a Superbowl in the next sick of. To paraphrase Del-boy from Only Fools And Horses: couple of years (despite being short of the preferred capacity “This time next season, Rodders…” of 70,000 at 63,303), Anthony Joshua’s next heavyweight title defence will take place there, Guns ‘n’ Roses are booked in Now, I have a soft spot for Nic’s team, Watford, and it’s not a for 2 dates in May. It looks like a spaceship has landed in peat bog in Ireland. As I have said to Nic, I like Etienne North London and not a posh bit of North London either. Capoue as a player and I was disappointed with the way he The club are rumoured to be in negotiations with two big was treated at Spurs when he was bought with a slice of the American corporations about sponsorship and stadium Gareth Bale fee. It might be that he was treated poorly by naming rights deals – Disney and Amazon are the two Pochettino that has been one of the factors behind my own constantly cited, and the Amazon link-up is said to be even distrust of the ex-manager, he never completely convinced more extensive, with a buy-out supposedly on the table. And me. Anyway, I’m happy to see him have whatever success he yet, no matter how successful a football club may be, they can muster. My affection for Watford goes back to 1970 when are regarded as small and medium sized enterprises at best. they got to the F.A. Cup semi-final against Chelsea. The Spurs posted a World’s record profit for a football club in semi-final was always played at a neutral ground and their most recent accounts - £112.9 million post-tax. Amazon Tottenham was picked for it, so my grandfather got tickets made profits of $2.1 billion dollars in the quarter finishing and along we went. Chelsea won 5-1 and thus was born my September 30th 2019 alone. habitual preference for an underdog. Watford have looked I can’t be bothered like relegation fodder looking up Disney’s for much of this season figures, they’d frighten and themselves me. changed manager with Quique Sanchez Flores Spurs made what could being replaced by the at best be described as more up-and-at-‘em an erratic start to the Nigel Pearson. They’ve season, but the truth is had a new manager it continued a run of “bounce” and at least poor form going back to look like they have their February in the fate back in their own previous season despite hands. getting to the Champions League I won’t mention Final. “Highly Arsenal, it’ll upset regarded” manager/ Jamesy… [[...and coach (delete as you Tommy Ferguson. Ed.]] think applicable, the Liverpool, a club I manager/coach heartily detest, are couldn’t quite decide) running away with the

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Premier League title. Two seasons ago, Manchester City competition for five years after Heysel; football hooliganism walked the title with a 100 point total, last season City beat became known as “The English Disease”, despite the fact Liverpool to the title by two points, this season the that hooliganism was on the wane from its 1970’s heyday, turnaround is complete. I hate it! when West Ham fans would fight each other because they I have several reasons for detesting Liverpool (the football disagreed about whether a black man should play for their club, although I can’t claim to be a fan of the city itself either; team or not (but all pelted him with bananas, of course). it’s similar to Marseille in the south of France in that it’s a I have always believed Liverpool should have been port town with a reputation for being dangerous and drug prosecuted for corporate manslaughter after Heysel. Of addled. Marseille has been a thorn in the side of authorities course, the stadium owners and management should have all the way back to Roman times, with a legendary been and were held culpable for the state of the arena, and reputation for lawlessness). The primary reason is safety standards were upgraded all around Europe so no remembering watching the 1970’s and 1980’s sides kick the such tragedy could ever happen again (they hoped), but I fuck out of any opposition they faced. A lot of people who remember Liverpool fans coming to White Hart Lane in the have only experienced these sides via youtube uploads of 1970’s and 1980’s. Along with their Evertonian city mates, sanitised highlight shows Match Of The Day or The Big they were the first to be “tooled up” with retractable Stanley Match can’t understand the vitriol I have for them, but I knives fitted with curved carpet cutting blades. If a Heysel recall more than one conversation with Alan Dorey and Mike equivalent had happened in the United States, I suspect the Dickinson at the Wellington pub in the 80’s about broken club and its owners would have been sued into oblivion by nosed thugs like Alan Kennedy or professional hatchet men the families of the victims, and so it should have happened like Graeme Souness (a supposed hardnut who was run out here. As it is, Heysel is now known as the forgotten tragedy; of Spurs in the early 70’s for bullying other youth players overshadowed in England by Hillsborough where, on April after a showdown with then Assistant Manager Eddie Bailey. 15th 1989, 96 Liverpool fans died in a crush on the terraces of The problem with trying to build a “rep” in the 60’s and 70’s the Leppings Lane end stand during an F.A. Cup semi-final. I was the likelihood of running into ex-army fitness instructor stood on those same terraces in April 1981 as Spurs played WWII veterans who would happily flick you in the Adam’s Wolverhampton Wanderers in an F.A. Cup semi-final. apple with the edge of their hand and leave you choking on Several Spurs fans were helped from the crowd that day the floor). after suffering crushing injuries, including broken bones. The only side more universally detested in English football Anyone who dares question the events at Hillsborough in of the period would be Don Revie’s Leeds United of the 1989 is brow-beaten into blaming authorities, blaming late-60’s and early-70’s who developed the “kick ‘em, kick systems, blaming policing, blaming any one or thing ‘em early, kick ‘em hard, and they won’t come back to bother except… you for the rest of the game” approach that Bob Paisley and And people ask me when the English developed a “fuck ‘em, Joe Fagan would perfect at Liverpool after Bill Shankly they’re only foreigners” mentality? I can’t remember large stepped down as manager. portions of the population having anything but. The other reason I detest Liverpool is I honestly believe they So, it’s fair to say this season is fucking me right off! should no longer exist. On the 29th of May 1985, Liverpool faced Italian side Juventus in the European Cup Final at the Heysel Stadium in Brussels, Belgium. As was their frequent want, the Liverpool fans wanted to impose themselves on their opposite number, broke out of the paddocking they were assigned to, and started to “run” the Juventus fans they encountered. The Heysel Stadium, like a lot of football stadiums not just on the European mainland, but also on the British Isles, was old, crumbling, and poorly maintained. The retreating Juventus fans crushed against a wall and their combined weight made it collapse. Thirty-nine mainly Italian fans died and over 500 mainly Italian fans suffered injuries, some life-changing. All English clubs were banned from European

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As a season, it reminds me of 2015-16 when Leicester City I am sort of torn here whether to consider Thy Life's a Miracle won their surprise Premier League title. Liverpool is the as a fanzine or as a special publication, and if the latter best team in the league, I can’t deny that, but all the other whether Ukrika’s brilliant cover counts as fanzine cover. I major sides are in the middle of upheavals or rebuilds. The think it still does, on the basis that a fanzine (something general quality of the football being played is poor, but every -”written by fans for fans”-) could also count as a special newspaper and sports channel are hyping up “the product” publication, and vice versa. (I’m also tempted to include like cocaine dealers at a Tory dinner party. A number of Bruce G's three part SFC 50th Anniversary issue in the pundits are saying English football has never been better as special publication category.) I worry a bit about how this evidenced by the domination of European tournaments by might split the vote between different categories if voters are English teams last season, whilst conveniently ignoring the split between deciding something is a fanzine, genzine or poor quality of football all over Europe as the giants of the special (or even a watchmacallit, which I still haven’t quite current generation of players – Ronaldo and Lionel Messi – worked out) so that even though it gets most votes overall, it close in on the ends of their careers. I’m sure I’ll be accused never the first place in any individual category. This isn’t a of nostalgic romanticism for a past that never really existed, reflection on John's ballot form. To my mind, it’s always been but I watched Jimmy Greaves, and Pele, and Johan Cruyff, something of a problematic area, and the only suggestion I and Gerd Muller, and, notwithstanding the differing fitness could make would be to sum all the votes for the publication levels, which are much higher now (Greaves used to come categories (fanzine, genzine, apazine, website...) for a off the pitch at half-time, neck a snifter from his hip flask, cumulative Best Fan Publication vote. and spark up a fag…sorry, cigarette…to have with his cuppa I trust, though, that there will a significant degree of tea), the quality of their feet (encased in rigid leather saddle administrator discretion regarding category voting. soaped to enough softness to not cut into their heels) on balls that were twice as heavy as today and by no means However, I’ve only just skimmed through John’s ballot form guaranteed to be “round” were, I am also sure, infinitely and will have to go back and read it through more carefully. superior to today’s efforts. (Thanks for the link.) Sigh! [[Well, for meself I thought John’s setup was pretty clear, though after last year that’s not so high a bar to clear. I enjoyed the Superbowl though… Straightforwardly, to me anyway, you vote for your best fanzine irregardless of category (Genzine, Perzine, Special, Watchamacallit) as well as voting the title, presumably, in the category it belongs in. See ‘FAAn Damned’ thish for

LOCO CITATO further remarks...]] From: [email protected] I'm not going to tangle with David and Lloyd’s assessment January 4/5 of the political mess we have currently got ourselves into on Steve Jeffery writes: both sides of the Atlantic as it just makes me bounce between anger, disappointment, worry and being frightened Oh Gosh, Sally James. My teenage affections were torn for my friends. You're probably right that Boris is clever, between Sal and Gabrielle Drake (and Angharad Rees in rather than the bumbling buffoon he presents as. Poldark). Unfortunately is also venal, untrustworthy and a liar. So [[Good teenage crushes all, but I’d still put Ayesha Brough maybe the perfect politician? at the top of the list...]] Going back to your parade of Ageless Beauties in TH20, I (My dad had the hots for Wanda Ventham. I could see his don’t know if I commented on it at the time, but I found a point.) DVD of a film titled To Wong Foo, Thanks For Everything, Julie I’ll pass commenting on the Watford vs Aston Villa match. I Newmar that completely revises any notion of Wesley Snipes heard enough grief about that from Vikki. as an all-action hero/villain. Modesty (and when that has ever been a problem?) dictates I Re Bob Jennings’ quote in ‘Indulge Me’ in TH24. I always should pass on one of your FAAN Best Letterhack considered that Huxley was more prescient about the way recommendations, but I agree with all your others (though things would go than Orwell, although it seems we’ve of course not promising to be bound by them, as I still hold actually ended up with a dose of both (and looking to be personal long term allegiances to Claire and Mark for Banana including a fair amount of Atwood). Wings and to Bruce Gillespie for SF Commentary). I’d also Does the sainted Emmylou count as ageless by your criteria? suggest Will Breiding for Best Letterhack, but I know I’m Beauty certainly. She started pretty (along with Linda going to have a hard time limiting it to just four names [...]. Ronstadt), and ended as stunningly beautiful.

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[[Emmylou is an exemplar, certainly, but I’ve been punting with joyous abandon. Donations to TAFF for the privilege perhaps less obvious contenders. Just so you’ll stop asking, also welcomed...]] here she is as a bonus...]] But apart from that I’ve no mad urge (genetic or socially conditioned) to defend the flying tadpole one way or the other. It’s the flying frogs that lay the spawn I’m more worried about. Never saw the attraction to Joe & The Boys, except for Should I Stay (pic disk somewhere in the boxed collection) – same could be said of Lords of the New Church & their cover of Like a Virgin. But I’ve always held to the musical philosophy that you never know what you like until you hear it. I still listen to the New York Dolls 1st, bits of Sigue Sigue Sputnik, the Elvis Costello 12” extended version of ‘Green Shirt’ with the trumpet/brass ending, NRBQs album Tapdancing Bats or Brett Marvin & the Thunderbolts (aka Terry Dactyl & the Dinosaurs) or ? & the Mysterians, or the bolloxed version of ‘Ave Maria’ at the end of the Fantasia soundtrack. I still have Be Bop Deluxe’s Live! in the Air Age, and Sunburst Finish – but I couldn’t get into Bill Nelson’s Red Noise. The reverse could be said of Bram Tchaikovsky – couldn’t stand The Motors, but was very impressed with the solo ‘The Russians Are Coming’… [[I didn’t know there was a 12” version of ‘Green Shirt’, so I ✻ ✻ ✻ went and had a listen. It’s my favorite slice off the ‘Armed Forces’ set (and for the, ahem, record I fuckin’ (sic) hated From: [email protected] ‘Oliver’s Army’ a rarity in my general appreciation of that January 5 there Declan). I have to mention the Hot Chocolate (say what, now? Yep, Hot Chocolate) cover of ‘Green Shirt’ which Chuck Connor writes: is well good. You can find it on the YoobToob...]] Oh thou mischievous vagabond! You never know what you like until you hear it. Unless, of The actual quote from the BEAM letter should have been:- course, it was The Crass. They were just shite. No debate. “I’m sorry, but was it fecking Jafakin Mockney week Shite. Period. when you wrote it? For phuck’s sake, the fucking word Okay, that’s it for now – would’ve commented on the Footy ‘fucking’ has a fucking ‘g’ at the fucking end of it.” section, only I’m a rugby fan. That’s like American football, [[You ever hear the word “paraphrase”? Or “quasiquote”? but without the padding and overly tight Lycra. Fuckin’ (sic) eye-roll...]] “Trousers so tight you could tell what religion he was That aside, the only time I rain fire and damnation is when without asking.” – I’m sure that’s before the Robin Williams someone adds an O’ – or replaces the second o with an e – or, quote – the now sadly late Neil Innes & Eric Idle Rutles worst of all, pluralises me – eg O’Connor, Conner, etc. All are phase in regard to their second manager, Leggy variations stemming from the old Royal House of Ireland. Mountbatten? Around 10 or more years ago one Chris Garcia (faned of this ✻ ✻ ✻ parish) pluralised me in print, for which I offered a donation to TAFF if someone would take on a zap-gun hit should they From: [email protected] see him at their next convention. January 7 [[Would it do any good, though? I’m tempted to suggest David Redd writes: that, rather than laying the unedited hairball low, it might actually add to his already manic and ill-directed energies, Thought I'd better churn this out quickly, you cruel man. and that’s a risk no-one should be prepared to take. I’d Thanks for TH24 and thanks for the Corflu ballot link, which rather favor the concept I have for IFH Bacon, whacks in the worked fine and gave me a hassle-free print (from the saved bollocks with a set of increasingly large blunt instruments, file – I’ve learned that direct-from-web prints aren’t always

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ideal). Based on previous discussions, I’m nominating items where she used to live, but gave up because next day it was I’ve had real experience rather searching for worthy items as bad as ever. Having this grabbing hand makes me I’ve missed e.g. BEAM, apologies, so I’m trusting that with a wonder, have I found my true calling in life? (Or perhaps a good number of ballots all voters should eventually cover all proposed new law to fine the drivers of cars ejecting litter gaps. [...] might have some effect.) Varifocals ... don’t get me started. But currently I’m back on [[I’m not relying on you (or the likes of Jane Carnall, Kev them and they’re working well enough to read onward McVeigh, Graham Charnock ect ect) for “news” as much as I through This Here.... Ah, the Clash again I see. You realise am for viewpoint and analysis, personal observations if you that they’re just “newer stuff” to a Sixties teenager like me will that I wouldn’t get anywhere else, and as much as this brought up on the masterworks of Bob Dylan and the Kinks? might give you a larf, from those I consider trusted and Oh well, to every generation their own early discoveries. thoughtful sources...]] Relevance changes as the world changes. As for town life, people’s tempers are shorter now. [[I’d hardly call the Clash an “early discovery”, but most Yesterday, man overheard tackling the fatiguing task of definitely a seminal and transformative one. The first single entering his local corner shop: “Why can’t they have electric I ever bought (with my own money) was the Kinks ‘Lola’, in doors?” I hope he was joking. fact, and the first album Led Zeppelin III. The first record I I suppose all this is observation, and you asked for analysis. pressured mum and dad into buying for me was ‘She Loves Better luck next time. You’. My teenage years (if you count thirteen as the start of them, which I suppose we do) began in 1971, so I wasn’t [[See comment above...]] massively adrift from you flower children...]] Happy New 2020: my expectations are coloured by the three What’s this about on-the-spot analysis from me? My spot of major issues of Brexit limbo, international crises, and the the world is either in limbo or moving much too fast round world burning (Not just SE Australia, but Queensland, here, and has been for years. Already my gloomy thoughts Brazil, California, Siberia...) Actually I could list another last month have been overtaken by recent politics, which I three really major issues, say soil exhaustion, population could describe as a clash between “I can lick any man in the increase and species extinction, but the list wouldn’t stop house” and “Get Jihad Done” if the situation weren’t too there. Never mind, what’s new at home? A Christmas deadly serious even for gallows humour. Locally, not programme on Welsh tv (S4C) visited three houses to marvel improving. Today as I write our overstretched NHS area has at their decorations, and the families involved were two gay cancelled all operations in four main hospitals because couples and a single mother with 7 children. The swish of swamped with other matters. Outside health, overstressed the pendulum swinging gets rather loud. But at least civil understaffed organisations aren’t helped by some partnerships are now legal for heterosexuals, giving them increasingly capricious leadership which I won't detail but belated parity with others. Social evolution continues. which I doubt is just a local problem. Don’t know what others would make of my on-the-spot Anyway, you’re not really relying on someone like me for comments. Personally I’d rather read about taxi-driving in ear-to-the-ground news? Look, I’m a hermit out in the Las Vegas. Or bring back Graham Charnock. (Andy countryside, where the grass and earthworms aren’t saying Darlington featured his oeuvre on “Eight Miles High” much. Of course there’s all the plastic and fast-food debris recently, nice. Rely on Andy for interesting odd corners of around me too, but that’s not new. Thirty years ago Alan popular culture.) Coren in A Year in Cricklewood reported a volunteer removing [[And as I’m sure you’re by now aware, Grah has essayed a the scattered debris of the “grazing oaf”, as Coren put it. most welcome holiday special (my own contribution Fast-forward to my local paper dated January 1, 2020, and a notwithstanding)...]] news item beginning “A county councillor took cleaning up Again a Happy New Year, do stay healthy. the mess left by Boxing Day revellers into his own hands after receiving complaints from residents last week...” So even he can’t get the staff these days. (The regular street- ✻ ✻ ✻ cleaners had been diverted to fly-tipping elsewhere.) The litter on streets and main verges does seem worse just now. From: [email protected] Sometimes I get so fed up passing the same debris each time January 8 I’ve fetched a bag from the car and gone picking; one council Leigh Edmonds writes: worker saw me at it, stopped and handed me a bag-holder and “grabbing hand” picker to keep and use again. He The picture of that all-too-familiar face on your front page knew they need the reinforcements they can’t afford. A was enough to remind me of the horrors of that particular tv young lady I met dog-walking said she had litter-picked show. I don’t know about others, but I endured it because

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there was nothing else in which space travel was taken for time, but that was only because we were young and didn’t granted on the idiot box in those days. I see that there is a know any better, and we saw a performance of Salome in new version of the show out these days and some people say San Francisco while on my DUFF trip, but it is mercifully it isn’t that bad, but I’ve developed a phobia against short in comparison). anything with the title of ‘Lost in Space’ so I will have to [[In musical taste as well as just about anything else, it’s remain in happy ignorance. very much each to their own, innit? In classical music, I’m [[The new version is decent, but takes a while to get going in generally fond of most of J S Bach’s compositions, especially both seasons 1 and 2. Parker Posey is excellent in it...]] the Brandenburg concertos, and most definitely his church You do have an interesting time with your health. I guess music, something I find myself drawn to more generally in that we all do these days and could fill quite a few pages the classical oeuvre. I cannot comprehend, for example, even with the sad and dreary details. But after seeing the latest as overused as some of it is, how anyone could fail to be upsetting news about our mate Steve Stiles I’ve got nothing moved and uplifted by Handel’s ‘Messiah’ as much as it was to complain about, so I won’t. Apart from to add the the calculated top of the pops of its day. I consider question that I wonder how many other fans are kept going Bruckner’s ‘Mass No.2’ (in E minor) to be one of the these days, as I am, by the wonders of modern pharmacy. astonishingly best pieces of music ever, not least because of its rather experimental and ultimately massively I’ve never heard of Jackie Mittoo so I looked him up on you atmospheric arrangement, using just woodwinds and eight tube and it is currently playing me ‘Drum Song’. I can see voices rather than a full-pomp orchestra. I’m not just old what you mean about his keyboard work which is very cool ska and the Clash, y’know...]] (in the correct sense of the word), and it is all very nice and interesting, but it’s not something that I’m likely to look up Thanks for ‘FAAn Damned’ and the address for the awards, in the future. Of late Valma and I have been watching the tv which I had not seen elsewhere. So I went and looked, and series ‘Luke Cage’ which is memorable for, among other printed myself a copy. And I’m mortified, my ignorance of things, some of the high quality stage performances. Valma current fanzine fandom must be abysmal because I can’t and I were particularly taken by one episode which think of names to put in most of the categories. I suppose I feathered the bluesmen Gary Clark Jr and Kingfish Ingram, see regularly (perhaps not the appropriate word for most neither of which we knew anything about. So I chased them fanzines these days) half a dozen fanzines and almost all of up on you tube and have had a good time watching them in them are genzines. When I go to efanzines.com and dip in at action there. Last night the show included an excellent random most of what I see does not interest me enough to Reggae act which we both commented was very good, but feel that I can spend time printing and reading them (that didn’t turn us on the way that the blues did. So I’m here Franz Schubert wrote a lot of music in his short life). listening to Jackie Mittoo, which is very smooth stuff, and Seeking some enlightenment I turned to your suggestions. thinking that perhaps some more Gary Clark might be the Interesting ... I’ll have to think about it. Interesting to see go. Or perhaps, if I want some serious keyboard action, you’ve listed me as a potential letterhack. I don’t know some of the Chopin etudes. about that, I just like repaying the kindness of faneds in the best way possible which is a few hundred words of [[I think you may mean Kingfish Graham? He’s quite the chuntering on about this and that. Oh well, I will do my prodigy and very much of a throwback. It’s arguable that fannish duty and send John some votes. Which reminds me he’s actually a mimic of his forebears rather than a to congratulate John on a simple and clear voting form, I particularly original player with his own style, though...]] wonder if being a teacher has something to do with that. The trouble for me is that although it would be nice to have [[I’m gratified, as I’m sure John is, that you’ve seen fit to the time to dip into what is going on in popular music these vote. It’s not, and never has been about a few people with days - there were also a couple of Rappers on ‘Luke Cage’ universal knowledge of the field critically eyeing every that took my fancy and Rap did not interest me before, but I fuckin’ word out there (despite Mike Dobson’s star chamber started to get the point - but there is still the deep waters of contentions last year), which is an all but impossible task. ‘classical’ music and I, after fifty years of listening, am still Much more valid, to me at least, is the opinion of someone only in the waders end of the pool. So if it is the choice such as yourself who might (in reductio) simply return a between Jackie Mittoo and delving into Schubert’s late ballot naming one zine or contributor in one category quartets, Schubert wins every time. because they considered that or they to be the greatest thing As for Bruckner! A fan’s got to draw the line somewhere since Betty White. In other words, it’s not about and late romanticism is it for me (including most of Mahler comparisons necessarily, or rankings, but simply an and all of Strauss (though they keep playing the ‘Four Last expression of appreciation for something you admired...]] Songs’ on ABC Classic often enough that I’m getting familiar with them. Valma and I sat through Der Rosenkavalier one

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As usual, ‘Footy’ meant nothing to me, but I gather you are a [[Well, encouraged by the addition of Steve Jeffery’s ageless happier supporter than previously. I enjoyed Nikki Basar’s beauty request, here’s a pre-wispy hair Sally James as clear write up of going to a game and was intrigued about being evidence of why Chris Tarrant referred to her as “love in the ‘singing section’. We foreigners cannot help but notice goddess to millions”...]] that British sporting fans seem to burst forth in song at the ✻ ✻ ✻ slightest encouragement - and the Barmy Army is always entertaining when England comes out for a Test series - but it is not a habit that has taken on here. Sure, at the end of a game of our footy the fans will sing the winning team’s song, but that is different. Perhaps, and this is a personal aside I would not make in person, the game that you call ‘footy’ is such a dull spectacle that having a good sing along during the dull bits is the only way to relieve the tedium of the whole affair. As for Nikki’s mention of ‘frenzy’ in the spectators, it’s just as well that there is a frenzy somewhere at the game, it certainly doesn’t appear to be on the field. Have I just worn out my welcome? [[No, because I’ll never be shy about publishing opinions contrary to mine, but I will caution you (and anyone else) over a construction that reads as “I did not understand this and/or it was not in my area of interest, but I’m going to denigrate it anyway”. Of course you’ve redeemed yourself to an extent by praising Nikki’s report...]] I liked David Redd’s commentary on the state of politics in UK which seems as accurate as I am likely to get. Conservative politicians around the world seem to be getting into power through the power of simplistic slogans, which is all most people seem to remember. It is certainly From: [email protected] the same here. The only place in the world that still seems to January 27 have sensible voters is New Zealand, which might be related John Purcell writes: in some obscure way with the WorldCon there this year. You certainly are a productive cabbie, aren't you? Once I More than once Valma and I have talked about moving there, wipe the spilled coffee off the print copy of your latest but when the conservatives get into government there the perzine I should be able to make some cogent comments on place seems to become even worse that Queensland during this document. Although I must admit the zine makes for a the Petersen era - great for pumpkin scones but not much wonderful coaster for my coffee mug. else. [[If that was your attempt at getting a quote under the title, I hope that Lloyd Penney’s ambition to become an editor you must realize that it has to be out of context...]] works out. From my perspective editors are wonderful people who, among other things, understand the mythical Anyway. mystery of the apostrophe and how to spell. Perhaps Lloyd We had Christmas with two of our kids and their spouses - can increase his profile by doing what one editor I worked our son lives and works up in Iowa, so he didn't make it with did, which was to regularly take me to a very nice down for the " 'olidays", as you put it - and the grandkids Japanese restaurant for lunch. I don’t know that we spent were soaking up as much attention as they could. Christmas much time talking about the project, I think I was just an has always been for children, young and old, so it was a excuse to have a good lunch. I also recall that the last time good time to spend with the family. I got new socks and we were in America a famous New York editor took Valma some other trinkets, and Valerie and I got what we really and I out to dinner too. It was almost enough to make one needed: a new set of sheets for the bed and two sets of bath wish one wrote stf. towels. Works for us. Hell, our dog came away with more I take your point about liquidity. It’s a real bugger. goodies than we mere humans. Oh, well. I wonder what Sally James would look like without all that Now that the current TAFF race is over we can finally relax wispy hair? I would also wonder what she looked like first and let Mike Lowrey plan out his trip and enjoy it. From thing in the morning before the makeup, but perhaps not. what he has said so far, Mike's going to stop off in Sweden first, go to a convention there, then wend his way back over

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to that benighted isle called England for Eastercon. He my way. I really want to do something like this. Steve should have a good time. As for how this year's race went deserves it. down, it seems to me that Geri and Johan did a good job [...] figuring out what to do since the Worldcon is down in parts unattainable for many of us this year, and settled on another [[Quite agree about the Stiles tribute, of course. Even though West to East route. I can’t say I approve of Ann Totousek’s it might seem as though me and him were well on the outs approach - imho, she should have run on her own merits - so over his FAAn award issues, we’ve been friends since first the "race" wasn't at all many of us were hoping it would be, meeting at Ted White’s monthly get-togethers many, many which is too bad. At least the fund's account is healthy, and years ago, and I think any observer could discern that the that's important. Mike should be fine. Original Crazy Man held no lasting grudge over my criticism by submitting the ‘don’t vote for me’ cartoon, a Y'know, there are a lot of other conventions going on in typically wry response, and one he knew I’d be happy to Europe all year long, so I'm a bit perplexed at the publish...]] administrators settling on Eastercon, which put a real time- ✻ ✻ ✻ pinch on the nominating and voting periods. This resulted in pretty low numbers, sad to say, but the generosity of fans From: [email protected] came through in shining fashion once again. As you know, I fully support all the fan funds, and the upcoming Corflu 37 January 29 auction will raise fundage for the, er, funds and shall be sent David Cockfield writes: on to the proper administrators. TAFF, DUFF, and GUFF are Thanks for This Here... . I feel guilty for not responding but worthy endeavours of our continued support. my health, both mental and physical, has been a bit up and Your thoughts about this year's FAAn Awards are down for a couple of months. appreciated, Nic, and we are already receiving completed This isn’t much of a “loc” but I did want to express my ballots. I encourage folks to do so mainly because the gratitude as I love your fanzine. deadline for voting is February 13th - one month ahead of the convention - so that we can tabulate votes and prepare [[No apology necessary, because “I love your fanzine” has the spiffy awards to present at Corflu Heatwave. If you do you fully paid up. I’ve said time and again that any kind of not mind, Nic, I shall attach the fillable PDF version of the response, even a simple “Thanks!” a la Ron Gemmell (see ballot with this loc so that your readership can do their WAHFs) is our fundamental currency...]] fannish duty. As for U4E replacing the Rule of LAWS, this is Works on my high-rise block are driving me mad with the an interesting concept, I must admit. We shall see how that noise and the dust. (Picture below) all works out. On a related Corflu topic, things are coming together nicely, so I haven't panicked yet. But it's going well thus far. A word of warning regarding Corflu Auction items: if people are coming in with stuff to auction or sell, PLEASE send me an email a few weeks in advance describing what they are bringing in for the auction. I would like to list the Auction goodies in the Program Book in lots (much like what Dobbie did last year) so that people can have an idea of what's up for auction. There will be freebie and sales tables, and a drop off box for the zines produced for distribution at Corflu Heatwave, so all possibilities should be covered. I hope. I shudder at the thought of cutthroat cribbage at Corflu since this is supposedly a convivial convention. Nevertheless, two cribbage boards, plastic chips, potato chips, and multiple decks of cards will be on hand. Oh, and beer. To end this on a sad note, the loss of Steve Stiles will put a The only good thing is that at the end of it all the building damper on the gathering, and I am planning to honour will be much improved and I’ll have new double glazed Steve’s fannish contribution to our world. Because the windows. Much of the work is due to the Housing program room is PowerPoint presentation ready, anybody Association responding to stringent fire regulations who would like to send me something of his that is cover or following the disaster that was Grenfell. filler art for this presentation, please let me know and send it Thank goodness no cladding.

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As I’m a Leaseholder it will set this poor old pensioner back WAHF about £15,200 but at least the value should go up especially Harry Bell : “Liked what I’ve read so far” ; Bill Burns : “I with the new Crossrail link into London opening next year. think you’ve done a fine job with the discussions of both I don’t really have anything to do with fandom anymore TAFF and the FAAn awards, and I’m very pleased to see that although I’m occasionally in touch with the odd fan. It still our little bit of fandom can bring up these issues without any good to read about what is happening though and any rancor.” [[And yet again I’ll thank Johan Anglemark and cartoon by Steve Stiles is a bonus. Mike Lowrey in particular for their welcome and valuable contributions to the TAFF discussion...]] ; Ron Gemmell : [[It’s sad that you consider yourself out of “fandom”, but to “Thanks!” ; Taral Wayne ; me this little bit of interaction says that you’re really not, and you admit to staying in touch, however minimally. Stilesy’s going to be missed, fershure, but I’ve heard talk that INDULGE ME there might be a residue of unpublished work on some ✔ hopefully not waterlogged hard drive in remote Maryland. BEAM editorial conference. Ulrika: “...I’m a habitual The best live on, and it tends to feel like they’re still with us pedant.” Nic: “An habitual pedant...” as part of this gestalt...]] ✔ Footy story: I’ve got my workmate James Kerns into I’m a Sunderland supporter and was pissed off that my club proper footy and, of course, my Hornets. A few weeks ago he turned down Pearson considering how successful he is at the had some stuck-up Brit lad in his cab and, as he does, asks Hornets. However Parkinson seems to now be working his him which team he supports, getting the answer magic and hopefully both our clubs will continue to “Liverpool”. “My mate Nic is a Watford supporter”, he improve. offers, getting the reply “Oh well, he doesn’t know much about football then.” So James, being James, screeches to a I love your ageless beauty feature. The one actress I’ve halt at the kerb, turns to the passenger and (you remember wanted to meet for years keeps eluding me but my friend how scary he looks?) yells “GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY Roger managed to get a picture taken with her at a recent TAXI!!” The surprised and now somewhat apprehensive media fair. I had intended to be there but screwed up on the Reds tourist (as I assume he was, Brit footy fans know what dates. that means) asks “Seriously?” but the expression on James’ Take care and don’t write off the taxi. face induces him to indeed get, with some rapidity. ✻ ✻ ✻ Recounting the story to me later, James forcefully remarks: “No-one insults my friends. Except me...” PS: He did the same thing to some trendy-shirted Spurs plastics this week, apparently. Two or three of them, one was about to argue the point, but his mate wisely argued “No! Just get out!”...

✔ Inevitable and predictable coronavirus mention: despite my daily interaction with variously diseased members of the public I don’t have anything other than seasonally typical sniffles due to the extreme cold here in the Meadows, as it didn’t get above 49F the other day. Comment designed to get a rise out of Nikki Basar and any others out of genuinely frozen points north. However, after the birthday party and up until 1am with Theresa Cochran, boozing and listening to music, NewkyBrownvirus took its expected toll...

✔ TV Guide: the ‘Arrowverse’ shows have started back up in the aftermath of ‘Crisis on Infinite Earths’, and as per the original comic books, we’re now all on the same planet, if not entirely the same page. This is carefully plotted and written bloody good stuff. The latest Doctor Who we’ve seen (the one with the plastic) managed to be a right old panicky mess with a trowelled-on dollop of eco-preachy. Groans and eye-roll over here...

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✔ Non-PC trigger alert: had a lovely natter with an ✔ You might take a second to consider that I deemed expat Glaswegian who now lives in South Florida on the ride that the least offensive of the jokes he told me... from the ‘World of Concrete’ expo to the airport yesterday. ✔ Mad love and thanks to Dave Hod-me-son for thish’s Among other things (inevitably footy as well as expat life) he ‘Footy’ column, which I’m after handing over to him on a regaled me with three of the best jokes heard at the show, more-or-less permanent basis, though I’ll not be keeping me apparently a regular informal competition. None of them are gob entirely shut on the topic if I’ve got something to say... especially printable (not like that’s going to stop me, is it), but I’ll share this one, told him by a young Jewish go-ahead ✔ Ageless beauty: shamelessly Brit again, and after a assistant manager: Q: What’s the difference between a Jewish spate (is three technically a “spate”?) of Louises, let’s have girl and jello? A: Jello moves when you lick it... another Sally - Knyvette...

MIRANDA THIS HERE... is (mostly) written, edited and produced by: “Don’t you see yon narrow, narrow road, so thick Nic Farey, published on efanzines.com by the Grace of Burns. beset with thorns and briars? Locs & that to: 2657 Rungsted Street, Las Vegas NV 89142, or Email [email protected] That is the road to righteousness, though after it but few enquire...” Art credit this issue: Alan White (p4)

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