Music to My Ears

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Staying in, tuning in, and coming out: Music as imagined space in lesbians’ coming out geographies A thesis submitted in partial fulfilment of the requirements for the degree of Master of Arts at The University of Waikato by LISA CAROLINE HARDIE July, 2012 ii Abstract This thesis examines the mutually constitutive relationship between lesbians, music, place and space. It is argued that music creates safe spaces for a small group of lesbians during their coming out process. Feminist, post-structuralist and queer theories and methodologies provide the framework for this research. In particular Foucault’s concept ‘heterotopia’ is utilised to argue that music can subvert hegemonic sexualised spaces and create temporary utopic imagined spaces for lesbians. Based on a series of semi-structured interviews and music elicitation with ten lesbians (aged between 27 and 34) in the United Kingdom and New Zealand, the findings show how imagined spaces created by music play a significant role in the performance of lesbian sexual identities, coming out, and feelings of belonging. Three themes frame my analysis of lesbian music heterotopias. First, I argue that music can create safe spaces for lesbians who experience feelings of shame, fear, and embarrassment. Acting as a type of mobile and symbolic ‘closet’, music may shield young lesbians from homophobic attitudes and reactions. Second, music may be understood as intimate space in which same-sex longing, loving and heartache can be explored and expressed. Music becomes a technology of memory whereby the listener creates a heterotopia of time to reminisce past same- sex desires and heartache. Third, I consider the way in which music can be understood as connecting space. Places such as bars and concerts are transformed by music and become places in which lesbians may connect and socialise. Feelings of isolation dissolve when connections are made in both imagined and real spaces of music. These findings illustrate that both the private and public lesbian geographies of music helps create communities of belonging. This thesis responds to the lack of attention paid to lesbians’ coming out geographies and demonstrates the power of music in subverting the sexual hegemony of everyday imagined and real spaces. Considering lesbians’ coming out music heterotopias may encourage a more critical understanding of power, sexualities, music, space and place. iii Acknowledgments This thesis could never have gone beyond a dream if it wasn’t for the support, enthusiasm, and encouragement from my supervisor, Prof Lynda Johnston. Despite being literally half a world away, Lynda always made herself available and our weekly Skype dates were the perfect motivator throughout this journey. Lynda, I seriously could never have done this without you! Secondly, I wish to thank the Faculty of Arts and Social Sciences for providing me with the financial support to present my initial findings at the Association of American Geographers Conference. Not only did you help me tick something off my ‘bucket list’, but the opportunity that you afforded me has also been extremely beneficial in this research process. Thank you to all the participants who all freely gave up their time to talk about their coming out process – which for most was something they left stored in the closet for several years. Thank you for sharing your stories with me, and allowing me to use them in this research. It really was an honour and a privilege to interview you all. I hope you all enjoy the music compilation we created. A special thank you goes out to all the musicians who comforted, protected, and excited me. I would not be where I am today if it wasn’t for Tori Amos, PJ Harvey, Bjork, Cat Power, Tegan and Sara, Ladyhawke, and Peaches. The way you have transformed spaces within my everyday routines has been the primary motivator for this research. And to Karen: thank you for having such an iv impeccable taste in music, and introducing most of these artists to your annoying little sister. Jo, there are no words that could express how grateful I am for you love, support, and confidence in me (especially during those times when I had next to none). Thank you, rock lobster! v TABLE OF CONTENTS Abstract ............................................................................................................... ii Acknowledgments .............................................................................................. iii List of Tables and Figures .................................................................................. vii Chapter I: Prelude ................................................................................................ 1 Research objective............................................................................................ 4 Situating the research ....................................................................................... 7 Outlining the chapters....................................................................................... 8 Chapter II: Literature Review ............................................................................... 9 Lesbian geographies ......................................................................................... 9 Music, place and identities ............................................................................. 12 Emotional and affectual geographies .............................................................. 15 Heterotopias ................................................................................................... 17 Summary ........................................................................................................ 21 Chapter III: Finding a rhythm............................................................................. 22 Methodological Framework ............................................................................ 22 Recruitment of participants ............................................................................. 24 Participant characteristics ............................................................................... 24 Semi-Structured Individual Interviewing ........................................................ 25 Music elicitation ............................................................................................. 27 Positionality ................................................................................................... 28 Interview Analysis.......................................................................................... 30 Conclusion ..................................................................................................... 31 Chapter IV: Full of secrets I’m too afraid to tell ................................................. 33 Hiding in music – redefining private space ..................................................... 35 Negotiating public spaces – music as a mobile closet...................................... 39 Music barometers – measuring the safety of spaces through sound ................. 44 Conclusion ..................................................................................................... 49 Chapter V: I think we’re alone now.................................................................... 50 Geographies of desire ..................................................................................... 51 Music as technology of memory ..................................................................... 59 Conclusion ..................................................................................................... 64 Chapter VI: Where are all the lezzers like me? ................................................... 66 vi Constructing lesbian social spaces through music ........................................... 66 Building virtual connections through sound .................................................... 72 Conclusion ..................................................................................................... 77 Chapter VIII: Last verse ..................................................................................... 79 Limitations ..................................................................................................... 81 Future research ............................................................................................... 81 Finally ............................................................................................................ 82 References ......................................................................................................... 83 Appendix 1: Email introduction letter ................................................................ 95 Appendix 2: Information sheet for individual interview ....................................

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