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CON SAFOS --A CHICANO'S JOURNEY THROUGH LIFE IN CALIFORNIA 601 Adventures of Elbie Jay! he United States government was going to give some land called El Chamizal on the T Rio Grande River near El Paso, Texas to Mexico. Apparently the river had shifted because of flooding over the years and Mexican authorities argued that the river encroaching on Mexican government land meant that the U.S. was gaining Mexican territory Lyndon Johnson because of Acts of God. Or something like that. Prez'dent of the Yew Ess Anyway, President Lyndon Johnson's po­ litical advisors had decided to invite a lot of Mexican Americans to be there when the documents trouble keeping up ... " were signed on the bridge between El Paso and JAY: "As I was sayin', boy, I want to do something Juarez. While they were there, a "White House about that poverty. Propose somethin'." Conference" would be convened to discuss other "Mr. Jay, how about a program where we let concerns of Mexican Americans with high govern­ these poverty stricken people, they like to call them­ ment officials. selves Mexicans, Mexican-Americans, or people of I did not attend the conference, but talked to at least Spanish ancestry; figure out a way they can help a half dozen persons who went and came back very themselves. Then all we do is give them some money, pissed off. Their government misled them into thinking let them fight among themselves, and they'll be too the President was going to listen to their problems). busy to worry about us not do in' anything for them." My editorial read as follows: "Good idea, boy! Good idea!" (ONE YEAR LATER) The Adventures of Elbie Jay! "Mr Jay, them people have done gone and organized (Opinions expressed or implied in this editorial are what they call Project SER. I think it stands for Super­ those of the undersigned and should not be construed or men, Everywhere, and Radio-Television Rights. They understood to be the official policy or thinking of the are goin' to run the show themselves. All they want from American GI Forum or any of its subordinate units. us is money!" --David Sierra AY: "Why, boy, now you and I both know we Our story begins in October of 1965, somewhere in just can't do that. If we give them money, just the great state of Texas. ELBIE: (calling in his chief J like in Vietnam, Korea, West Berlin, and Thai- advisor) "Boy, I been doin' some thinkin'. Being as how land, we have got to send in some military advisors." I'm such a good leader and dedicated to erasing the "But, Mr. Jay, maybe they don't want to be occu­ stigma (whatever that means) of poverty in the south­ pied!" west, and pru'ticularly among those Mexican American JAY: "Well , then, boy, how about some civilian who voted for me in the last election, I want to do advisors. We got a lot of them around Washin'ton, something for that great minority of the southwest who making money doin' nuthin'. Send some of them out have for many years voted blindly for me and .... " west, farther west than TEXAS, that is, and advise them "Please Mr. Jay, can you slow down? We ru·e having people." 602 CON SAFOS - A CHICANO'S JOURNEY THROUGH LIFE IN CALIFORNIA (ANOTHER YEAR LATER) time in January, say the first." MR. JAY: "How we doin' with them Mexicans, "Isn't that unreasonable, Mr. President, to run all the boy?" way out to Manila for a conference with Mexican "Wonderful, Mr. Jay. They look like they are very American leaders?" grateful for what we did for them. But now they're JAY: "Well, bless me and forgive me, boy! Plumb talking about comin' to Washington for what they call a forgot! This has nuthin' to do with my little war in White House Conference." Vietnam!" JAY: "Now, wait a minute, boy! Who ever told them I'll tell you what, boy, make that meeting for Mexicans they could come to Washin'ton? Didn't I El Paso, Texas. Ah've got to go down to El Paso invite one of them to the LBJ Ranch three years ago? anyway, to say hello to the Mexican President. If Didn't I appoint one of them to help us out in South we have the meeting down there and them America? Didn't I mention on television once that I had taught some Mexicans down in south Texas just after I Mexican Americans do something to embarrass graduated from teachers college? Didn't I say once that me, we can kill it in the press because of the I ate tortillas, can pronounce amigo like they do, and importance of my meeting with the President of didn't I send them a stenciled message for their national Mexico! convention last year?" Anyway, how can they come down there and talk "That's true, Mr. President, but they are starting about their problems in rich-rich California when people to believe they are being over-advised, over­ down in Texas just suffered through a flood and a guidelined, over-studied, and over-surveyed. It seems hurricane. They wouldn't dare!" that they want to talk personally to you." "What shall we call the meeting, Mr. President?" "Who's the agitators that are making all them noises?" JAY: "Call it the Pre-White House Conference, "They aren't agitating, Mr. President, just trying boy. That will imply that they is gonna be others. to get your attention. They claim they are American White House will imply that it has something to do citizens and entitled to their rights. They say that with me ••. the President. And use the word Confer­ they have their share of their men in Vietnam fight­ ence. Them Mexicans should be just about fed up ing your war and that their parents here at home with goin' to meetin's, but many of them ain't ever should get to talk to you about their problems here. been to a real old-fashioned White House Confer­ They agree on fightin' communism, but they also ence. want to fight their own war on poverty.'' Yessir, that ought to hold 'em until the '68 'lections. JAY: "Boy ... do you think we can stall them out past And if they start getting uppity again, we can hold the next pres'dential election? I don't want them Mexi­ another Pre-White House Conference later in the year, cans in large numbers here in Washin'ton. Somebody like the night before the elections!" might start to use their head and criticize me to the press. "Mr. Jay, they're startin' to complain about this It could cost me some votes." Project SER that we funded." "Mr. President, there is no way we can figure out JAY: "What's the gripe, boy? We gave 'em a Iotta what could happen. Sometimes them Mexicans don't money! Why, if they was to spread out that $5,000,000 even know themselves what they are doing." we gave that project they could give each livin' Mexican JAY: "What'sBobbydoin'?Ishegonnasitdownand American almost 68 cents! talk to them?" "Mr. Jay, they don't like the way they have to go "He ain't President yet, Mr. Jay, so quit worrying through other government agencies to do their work. about him." They claim they have experienced and capable leader­ JAY: "Boy ... ah've got it! Ah've GOT IT! Ah ship to handle the job. Besides, they claim the Employ­ wonder why I never thought of it before. Probably ment Service didn't handle the job before, that's why spendin' too much time making up the guest list for the these projects got started in the first place!" weddin'. Boy, ah've got it! Let's schedule a Pre-Planning JAY: "Now, boy, look, we give them these projects White House Conference. Schedule it for Manila some- so they can vote for us. Those ungrateful Mexicans are CON SAFOS -- A CHICANO'S JOURNEY THROUGH LIFE IN CALIFORNIA 603 starting to think for themselves. And we cain't have SM: "Para que hagamos bulto! You see they're going that!" to sign some kind of treaty giving Mexico some land that "What are we goin' to do, Mr. Jay?" isn't worth much anyway, and they need us North of the "Boy, let's go down to El Paso. Bring a camera. border Mexicans to let the South of the Border Mexicans Take my picture, and be sure you're standing to my (and the Republican Party) know that Elbie Jay is a good left because that's my good side, and take my picture guy!" with some of them Mexicans. Wait till I shake their DM: "I was going to ask the Committee on Mexican hand first. Be sure they get a picture to take home American Affairs about the treatment of Texans by the with them before they go home. That'll hold 'em for Texas Rangers but I don't think I will after all." sure! SM: "Why not?" And remind me to pat a few of 'em on the back and DM: "Gee, what kind of guy do you think I am tell them that some of my best friends are Mexicans." anyway? I come down here at my own expense, they *** give me a pretty brown leather brief case, print my HEMORALOFTHISSTORYIS:Don't name on a program, give me a few drinks, let me sit be bought off with a handshake, a photo in the same auditorium with a few cabinet members, T graph, or a few words of praise.

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