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WAYS TO 365BE YOUR OWN LIFE COACH A programme for personal and professional growth – in just a few minutes a day SECOND EDITION David Lawrence Preston Visit our How To website at www.howto.co.uk At www.howto.co.uk you can engage in conversation with some of our authors – all of whom have ‘been there and done that’ in their specialist fields. You can get access to special offers and additional content but, most importantly, you will be able to engage with, and become a part of, a wide and growing community of people just like yourself. At www.howto.co.uk you’ll be able to talk to, and share tips with, people who have similar interests and are facing similar challenges in their lives. People who, just like you, have the desire to change their lives for the better – be it through moving to a new country, starting a new business, growing their own vegetables, or writing a novel. At www.howto.co.uk you’ll find the support and encouragement you need to help make your aspirations a reality. How To Books strives to present authentic, inspiring, practical information in their books. Now, when you buy a title from How To Books, you get even more than words on a page. Dedication This book is dedicated to all those friends and colleagues from whom I have learned so much, and the many great teachers who have guided me on my journey (especially the greatest teacher of all – life itself). Testimonials On behalf of all the students on the Life Coaching course, I would like to place on record our sincere appreciation of David’s skill and professionalism together with his teaching abilities. He is a fine example of your service. (JAE – one of David Lawrence Preston’s students) I feel I have been very privileged to have been able to receive such professional, first class coaching. You were highly professional, have a wealth of expertise and knowledge and yet you still made me feel as though I had just found my best friend. I am so excited because I know you have given me the tools to start living life to the full. All you have taught me in these few weeks I will now pass on to my own children. What fantastic value. Oh and one last thing – you told me to think with my heart sometimes. That made me realise I have not done that for years – how liberating. Thank you from the bottom of my heart (and my head!). JR, Poole Thank you so much for your encouragement and advice. I can say hand on heart that you have been the single most inspirational person with regards to my confidence and personal development, which are very important to me. I cannot thank you enough for the help you have given me. JH, Bournemouth iii Published by How To Content, A division of How To Books Ltd, Spring Hill House, Spring Hill Road Begbroke, Oxford OX5 1RX, United Kingdom Tel: 01865 375794 Fax: 01865 379162 [email protected] www.howtobooks.co.ukk All rights reserved. No part of this work may be reproduced or stored in an information retrieval system (other than for purposes of review), without the express permission of the publisher in writing. © 2009 David Lawrence Preston First edition 2005 Second edition 2009 First published in electronic form 2009 British Library Cataloguing in Publication Data A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library. ISBN 978 1 84803 360 3 Produced for How To Books by Deer Park Productions, Tavistock Typeset by specialist publishing services ltd, Montgomery Note: The material contained in this book is set out in good faith for general guidance and no liability can be accepted for loss or expense incurred as a result of relying in particular circumstances on statements made in the book. The laws and regulations are complex and liable to change, and readers should check the current position with the relevant authorities before making personal arrangements. Contents Welcome to 365 ways to be your own life coach 1 How to be your own life coach – an overview 3 The TGROW method 3 What is life coaching? 11 Self-coaching 13 Eight steps to success 21 Step one: clear intentions – choosing your goals 24 Why goals matter 24 Benefits of setting goals 31 Your mission 34 Setting your goals 37 Work-life balance 48 Step one: summing up 50 Step two: using the awesome power of your mind 51 The Law of Attraction 52 The ITIA formula 52 The power of thought 54 Watch your language 65 Ask the right questions 68 Beliefs 74 Developing a positive mental attitude 84 Great expectations 87 Use your intuition 89 Use your imagination 99 Getting the most from creative imagery 103 The ‘as if’ principle 111 Motivating yourself 112 Step two: summing up 118 Step three: building desirable personal qualities into yourself 119 Who do you think you are (and who would you like to be)? 120 The qualities of success 126 Three ways to build new qualities into yourself 132 Step three: summing up 135 Step four: evaluating your current situation 136 Step four: summing up 140 v 365 WAYS TO BE YOUR OWN LIFE COACH Step five: considering your options 141 Step five: summing up 142 Step six: action – what you must do to succeed 143 The Law of Giving 144 Time management 158 Taking good care of yourself 163 Step six: summing up 168 Step seven: monitoring your progress 169 Step seven: summing up 173 Step eight: plugging into the power of persistence 174 Step eight: summing up 176 The art of relating 177 Communication skills 188 Active listening 191 Rapport 204 Conversational skills 206 Assertiveness 211 Eight ways to become more assertive 214 Happiness: the point of it all 221 Seven keys to happiness 224 Appendix 229 References and further reading 230 vi Welcome to 365 ways to be your own life coach Since you’re reading this, I imagine you want to make some changes to your life, but you’re not entirely sure how to go about it. You’re not alone. That’s why there’s been such a phenomenal growth in life coaching in Britain and many other countries in the past few years. The first time I heard the term was in a talk by the inspirational motivational speaker and author, Anthony Robbins, ten years ago. ‘Some people call me a guru,’ he said, ‘but that’s not true. I’m not a guru, I’m a coach. I coach people to get the best out of themselves.’ Since then, life coaching has become big business. Training, diplomas and certificates are offered not only by a profusion of private schools and ‘institutes’ worldwide, but also educational institutes accredited by officially-recognised statutory bodies. For example, in the UK, coaching and its closest cousin, mentoring, form part of the training for teachers, managers and certain health practitioners. In a relatively short time, life coaching has come of age! Life coaches offer their services to individuals, groups and businesses, often at exorbitant rates. A friend of mine recently paid £375 for three, 55 minute, four-way telephone conversations with a life coach. That’s over £9 for every minute of his share of attention from the coach! He claims to have benefited from the sessions, but obviously many of those who need help can’t afford to pay that sort of money. Hopefully everyone can afford to invest in this book. What do life coaches aim to do? Simply to support and encourage their clients in their personal and professional growth by helping them to identify and achieve their goals. They use a variety of conversational and written techniques to help them find the best way forward, strengthen their motivation and take action. Good coaches don’t give advice, but help the client to find the answer for themselves. It occurs to me that I have been a life coach for over 30 years, although I have only recently begun to refer to myself as such. I have unwittingly coached my children, friends, colleagues and students. I have also been a life coach to my clients (I have been a hypnotherapist for nearly 20 years), and often found life coaching to be more useful 1 365 WAYS TO BE YOUR OWN LIFE COACH to them than therapy. That’s one of the reasons I developed my internet-based ‘Life Enrichment Programme’. Some of my ‘coachees’ completely turned their lives around and went on to great success in their chosen fields. None paid anything like £9 per minute, and neither need you. If you follow the tried and tested methods offered in this book, you can transform your life with no financial outlay other than the cover price. I base my methods on three simple ideas. You will become very familiar with these in the weeks ahead: I The TGROW method. I Eight Steps to Success. I The ITIA formula. I believe the best coach for you is you, and I aim to give free rein to him or her. This book will show you exactly what you need to do to turn yourself into your own life coach. There are 365 priceless ideas, exercises and skills to learn from and apply. I want you to get more from this book than a warm feeling. I want you to put these principles and techniques into practice so you will reap the rewards. But you won’t gain full benefit if you merely read my words.

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