Femininity Undone. Pending between Anagnorisis and Peripeteia Elisabeta Zelinka University of the West, Timişoara

To a dear friend Anyndia

Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars. Khalil Gibran (1883 – 1931)

We have developed speed but we have shut ourselves in. Machinery that gives abundance has left us in want. Our knowledge has made us cynical, our cleverness hard and unkind. We think too much and feel too little. More than machinery, we need humanity. Charlie Chaplin, The Great Dictator (1940)

Abstract: The article investigate different Occidental (West European and USA) lifestyles, values and philosophies, in order to arrive at my result: more and more men and women find themselves in the obvious impossibility to live up to the gender/social expectations of the contemporary Occident. The Author argue that societies that have not yet been fully Occidentalized/ capitalized often preserve a higher level of traditional values, such as human warmth, empathy, spirituality and respect towards the traditional family unit as the basic social unit. Scientific materialism, ergomania, super-technology and the cult of hyper-individualistic competitiveness being lesser than in (over)developed Western countries, these developing societies indeed may be considered economically inferior to Occidental Europe and to the USA. Further on, collectivist cultures with spiritual, nonviolent and pacifist (ahiṃsā) traditions (Hindu, Buddhist) again present a more considerable guarantee of humane values and empathy as compared to the individualistic Occidental cultures.

Keywords: feminism, Occidental culture, dehumanization, postmodern culture, sexualization

Colloquium politicum Vol. 3, Nr. 1 (5), January-June 2012

Introduction

The dusk of the 20th century – the dawn of the 21st century, a transitory epoch and stage in human history as well as in the Occidental individual’s psychosocial profile, marked by an instant of anagnorisis: the post Cartesian/post Industrial Revolution paradigms of modus vivendi, epistemology, axiological axes and Weltanschauung prove to be suffocating the Occidental capitalist individual, his inner jihad, his self-analytical needs and capacities, his humanity, inner peace and equilibrium. The present contemporary anagnorisis warns that the super- competitive, over-individualistic, ‘capital’-ist Westerner has traded his inner peace and balance precisely for the present Occidental ‘capital’, thus embracing materialism, “scientific materialism” (Dalai Lama, 2011, 66) and a “McDonaldized” (Ritzer, 2003, 13-50) android-like lifestyle. He has over- technologized / robotized himself and his modus vivendi and he has over- masculinized his axiological system to such extent that now he has become a void, alienated, depressive automaton, diligently attending therapists’ counseling. Moreover, the contemporary Occidental woman is being choked in the vise of traditional gender roles, family and maternity versus the semi- or misapplied gender liberties she has gained over the last two centuries.

Methods

In the present article I will apply the critical, analytical research method as well as the analytical comparison in investigating different Occidental (West European and USA) lifestyles, values and philosophies, in order to arrive at my result: more and more men and women find themselves in the obvious impossibility to live up to the gender / social expectations of the contemporary Occident.

Results: Postmodern Soul. Masculine Ablation and Abolition

One of the first psycho-social consequences of the post Cartesian era is the over accentuation of masculinity-related values. The new pseudo gods of the 20th century, that have been gearing mankind since the Industrial Revolution (sterile Reason and Science, unprecedented scientific materialism and positivism, dehumanizing super-technology and schizoid, virtual realities, God replacing Genetics laboratories, the over-accentuated cult of the capital, job and workplace, the aggressive cult of individualistic over-competitiveness) gradually ousted the femininity-related deontological and existential values, although they are a priori conditions for personal inner balance and harmony: empathy, sympathy, spirituality and spiritual / moral values, self-analysis and inner jihad (Nasr, 1987, 33), communicativeness.

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Moreover, the unresolved, swift transition from the traditional societal and gender values to the postmodern gender roles has inflicted psychosocial wounds, questions, mistrust and alienation: (semi)masculinized, frustrated women and castrated, frustrated men. We are facing a challenging 21st century reality: neither-nor entities trapped within postmodern hermaphroditism and their traumatized offsprings, misbalanced family harmony and shattered childhood and youth. Therefore I dare pose the following interrogation: has the postmodern Occidental android failed the ideals of the French Revolution of liberté, égalité, fraternité, ideals that he so desperately fought for, no longer than two centuries ago? After self-sacrifice and bloodshed for the ‘liberty’ of his spirit and mind, he in fact paid reverence to the Industrial and to the Scientific/Technological Revolutions, becoming their ‘soul-washed’ and brainwashed, automatized slave. Consequently, another psycho-social issue needs to be faced: is the Occidental ‘slave’ on the verge of an imminent illumination and peripeteia? Will the 21st century give him the force to veer around or will he dissolve in the contemporary web of paradoxes and of oppositional binaries: (apparent) utmost freedom and human rights versus drifting, alienation, neuroses, metaphysical loneliness, incertitude, divorces, unprecedented informatization versus lack of knowledge in maintaining gender and family roles, super technology gagdets versus lack of time, religious liberty versus pseudo-gods? It is a fact that the illuminated minds of the 19th – 21st centuries have been constantly warning the Occidental android over these dehumanizing jeopardies: all the aforementioned masculine / masculinizing values, macerate the quintessence of the ‘eternal feminine’, the subsistence of the affection based family and of community life. In the same line of thoughts, illuminated minds are warning the postmodern hyper rational human: Anne Lamott (1994, 112) argues in her bestseller Bird by Bird: Some Instruction on Writing and Life: “You get your intuition back when you make space for it, when you stop the chattering of the rational mind. The rational mind doesn’t nourish you. You assume that it gives you the truth, because the rational mind is the golden calf that this culture worships, but this is not true. Rationality squeezes out much that is rich and juicy and fascinating.” Similarly, in his shattering speech The Great Dictator, Charlie Chaplin emphasizes the same scientific materialism that has overshadowed the human being’s soul, intuition and humanity: “we have lost the way. We have developed speed but we have shut ourselves in. Machinery that gives abundance has left us in want. Our knowledge has made us cynical, our cleverness hard and unkind. We think too much and feel too little. More than machinery, we need humanity. More than cleverness, we need kindness and gentleness. Without these qualities, life will be violent and all will be lost. We think too much, we feel too little” (The Great Dictator, 1940).

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A Culture of Aggressiveness and Psychosocial Exhibitionism

The majority of contemporary literature also mirrors the aforementioned dehumanization of the Occidental individual and the aggressive overtaking of his soul by hyper-technologized, over-competitive individualism. The list is long, yet not exhaustive: Isaac Asimov’s works, especially his celebrated novella Profession (1957 / 1959), Cunningham’s Specimen Days (2005), Coelho’s Veronika Decides to Die (1998), Huxleys’ Brave New World (1931), Jelinek’s The Piano Teacher (1983), Orwell’s Animal Farm (1945) and 1984 (1949), Gabriel García Márquez’s novella Chronicle of a Death Foretold (1981), Angela Carter’s Nights at the Circus (1984), Charles Stross’ novel Glasshouse (2006) or Foucault’s concept of the Panoptic Tower in his Discipline and Punish (1975), further developed by Shoshana Zuboff in In the Age of the Smart Machine: The Future of Work and Power (1988), Jensen and Draffan in Welcome to the Machine: Science, Surveillance, and the Culture of Control (2004 ). Secondly, the entertainment and the film industries mirror the same set of psychosocial, emotional, cultural and familial vise crushing the confused Occidental individual, especially the contemporary woman and her transition- trapped family. It is imperative to mention that neither of them proves able to provide the postmodern woman with viable advice or existential role models that might function for her and for her family. Some of the best examples of cinematic productions in this sense might be: Nip / Tuck (2003 – 2010), Sex and the City (1998 – 2004), Private Practice (2007 - 2013), Lipstick Jungle (2008 - 2009), Grey’s Anatomy (2005 - ), Bridget Jones’s Diary (2001), Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason (2004), The Hours (2002), Wit (2001), Elegy (2008), Sex and the City (2008), Amour (2012), October Baby (2011) or Eat, Pray, Love (2010). Thirdly, within music industry, the overwhelming majority of Western female superstars / postmodern goddesses promote the same aggressive, defeminized and dehumanized ideal. The colors used for the background, for stage clothing and for make-up are usually unnatural colors (neon, fluorescent, heavy metallic), in concordance with the science-fiction backgrounds. The chromatic association is often aggressive, disturbing and over-exciting for the nervous system as well as toxic and depressing: black or aggressive contrasts containing black, or anxiogenic associations of black, white, metallic grey or animal print. The most frequent ‘natural’ colour proves to be red, yet it is usually ‘spiced’ with blood, corpses, flesh, biological waste or internal organs (Lady Gaga’s Alejando, Applause, Paparazzi, Judas, most of Britney Spears’ singles such as Scream & Shout, Work B**ch, Kill The Lights, Womanizer, Piece Of Me, Toxic, Till the World Ends, Stronger, Criminal, Alexandra Stan’s All My People, Mr. Saxobeat or Rihanna’s Diamonds, Russian Roulette or Disturbia). The singer’s facial expressions are anything but positive, feminine or empowered. They are rather vengeful, grinning, blood-thirsty, teeth-grinding, frowning or growling, usually associated with exaggerated (non-feminine) eroticism, condescendence, helpless fury and despair. The (pseudo-)artistic

30 Vol. 3, Nr. 1 (5), January-June 2012 Colloquium politicum dance is most often seasoned with sexually explicit movements, which overstress the sexual invitation through jerky, frantic, robotic, non-feminine body language and provocative, often science fiction type of gothic clothing: black leather with stripes, nails, chains or animal print inputs. Even the animals whose skins are worn remind of non-femininity and of aggression: leopards, tigers, snakes or crocodiles. The monstrous / futuristic female look is sometimes ‘softened’ by sadomasochistic nudity, pornographic messages or languorous body language: Lady Gaga - Alejando, Applause, Telephone, Miley Cyrus - Wrecking Ball, Alexandra Stan - All My People, 1.000.000, Britney Spears’ Scream & Shout, Work B**ch, Kill The Lights, Womanizer, Piece Of Me, Toxic, Till the World Ends, Stronger or Rihanna’s Diamonds and Russian Roulette). Little is natural, the background is most often an inside one, anti-natural, artificial and depressive, even anxiogenic: science fiction laboratories or factories, ruptured highways and bridges, half demolished garages or buildings, post-explosion sites, construction sites with scary, futuristic furniture and artificial, neon illumination, science fiction cars and further means of transportations, imaginary, grotesque planets, demolishing sites, underground sewage canals, deserts, caves, grottos, water worlds populated by water monsters. Nature is usually absent, the audience sees no grass or animals, but monsters and robots: Miley Cyrus’ Wrecking Ball, almost each of Lady Gaga’s hits, the majority of Spears’ singles Scream & Shout, Work B**ch, Kill The Lights, Womanizer, Piece Of Me, Toxic, Till the World Ends, Stronger, Do Somethin’, Alexandra Stan’s All My People, Mr. Saxobeat, 1.000.000 or Rihanna’s celebrated Disturbia and Russian Roulette. No wonder the postmodern audience has grown to love the same kind of aggressive products of the film industry, such as Star Wars, Star Treck, The Terminator, The Mask, Batman, Hannibal or of literature: Huxley’s Brave New World or Cunningham’s Specimen Days. These cultural icons’ songs usually lack lyrical message, harmony, melody or lyricism. They overstress electronic sounds and drums that over-stimulate the nervous system causing distress, anxiety, depression. The same effect is caused by the images running so fast and with such light bombarding the postmodern viewer’s retina, that they exhaust both eyes as well as the viewer’s entire nervous system. To make the soul ablation complete, songs usually terminate in an apocalyptical image, potentially causing further distress and anxiety: explosions of light, blood or fire, nuclear bomb explosions, army raids, extermination, death, flight: Lady Gaga - Paparazzi, Rihanna - Man Down, Russian Roulette, Disturbia, Miley Cyrus - Wrecking Ball, Britney Spears - Scream & Shout, Work B**ch, Kill The Lights, Do Somethin’, Womanizer, Piece Of Me, Toxic, Till the World Ends, Stronger.

Exhibitionism and Mass Media Sexualization: Timeline

The contemporary physical and psychological ‘exhibitionism’, the aggressive exposure of the private sphere in exchange for (material) wellbeing is a natural

31 Colloquium politicum Vol. 3, Nr. 1 (5), January-June 2012 consequence of the sexualization and even pornography-zation processes in mass media, since the 1950s. In 1953, the Occident was so ‘chaste’ and ‘moral’ that even the word “pregnant” was banned from the script of America’s favorite sitcom, I Love Lucy, even if the main character indeed was pregnant in episodes “We’re Having a Baby, My Baby and Me” and “Lucy Has a Baby” (I Love Lucy, 1953). “Pregnant” was too sexual to be uttered on screen, CBS only permitted “to have a baby”. Sixty years later, however, eroticism and pornography have invaded almost all sectors of the individual’s public and private spheres, through the mass media and the Internet. One further stage of the sexualization of the quotidian and of the mass media occurred in the 1960s. The Occidental Sexual Revolution became rampant when the American president’s and his brother’s sex scandals became daily news: J.F. Kennedy and Robert Kennedy in the Marilyn Monroe (widely exhibited) scandals. One consequence was the fact that in the 1960s - 1970s sexual emancipation and fulfillment become existential goals: “Jouissance without limits!”, “mandatory orgasm”, “ridiculed marriage”, “erection, insurrection!” (Bruckner, 2006, 110, 115). The traditional couple became mockery, a mummified, reactionary anachronism (120), while a fierce “anti-family terrorism” (120) derided Judeo-Christianity as the sordid enemy who infringed sexuality and free love. John’s Gospel 15:12 “Love each other as I have loved you” was mocked as “Love each other” (117), thus pushing love into promiscuity, pedophilia, violence (121). The same 1960s witnessed the first institutionalized type of female pornography settling inside the Occidentals’ homes. In October 1963 Playboy recorded unprecedented success with the first female nude pictorial, featuring Christine William. Thus the Chicago pornography magazine was the first to institutionalize (also through Playboy Clubs) pornography, occasional sex, polygamy, hedonism and orgies, paving the way for the hardcore Penthouse, first issued in September 1969 (Zelinka, 2013,). Parallel to the written literature, the Occidental sexualization of the mass media and the objectification of the female body were massively backed by the James Bond film industry: through the over-sexual, voyeuristic message of these films, commencing in the 1960s (the Ursula Andress - Sean Connery couple in Dr. No, 1962). The film industry found a faithful ally in the music industry too, promoting even more aggressive carnality and promiscuity – Jim Morrison and The Doors (Zelinka, 2013). For the first time in the history of mass media, the 1980s witnessed eroticism glide into sado-masochism, encouraging obscenity, aggressive sex and voyeurism, featuring the body / genitalia as sexually torturable objects that offer pleasure: Dressed to Kill (1980), Nine ½ Weeks (1986) or Fatal Attraction (1987, Zelinka, 2013). Not surprisingly, even contemporary literature mirrors genitalia mutilation as a “hobby” (Jelinek, 2004, 87). The 1998 Zippergate Scandal proved to be the last step before the sexual perversion of Hollywood’s box office hits in the 1990s and post 2000: Clueless, 1995, American Pie, 1999, American Pie 2, 2001, American Wedding, 2003, Dawson’s Creek or Friends (Streitmatter, 2006, 196). The XXX Generation (Streitmatter,

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2006, 221) knows no limits: ‘the sky is the limit’. Utterly dehumanized, the individual shows no (conscious) need for privacy, self-analysis: the canonical nosce te ipsum is ousted (Zelinka, 2013). Following this train of thoughts I dare reiterate my interrogation: will the contemporary stage of shattering anagnorisis trigger a phase of peripeteia, when the Occidental individual might veer around a hundred and eighty degrees and attempt to reconsider his modus vivendi and his axiological system? Does the latter hide a near-future boomerang effect of further dehumanization and (psycho-emotional) decay? Aristotle defined anagnorisis in his Poetics as “a change from ignorance to knowledge, producing love or hate between the persons destined by the poet for good or bad fortune” (2006, II, A.3: d). The dilemma is whether the Occidental android is or will be able in the 21st century to recognize the necessity of a “change” from his “ignorance” to a more knowledgeable modus vivendi and to produce the necessary feeling of denial towards his artificial, dehumanizing axiological system. In other words, will he have the necessary willpower and sensibility to shift from spiritual abolition to spiritual ablation? Sadly enough, similar to Oscar Wilde’s Dorian Gray (2003) or to the Hollywood productions of this character (1973, 2009) the contemporary Occidental woman and man are staring at each other and at their own unrecognizable reflections in the mirror (‘the Dorian Gray Effect’). In a fit of existential anxiety neither of them seems to like or to even recognize ‘their strangers in the mirror’. We became alter egos of the protagonist of the film The Student of Prague, who sells his mirror image (his soul and traditional values) to the Devil for one pile of gold, in postmodern terms, for immanence and financial control: we also control our ‘everlasting’ youth aided by technology, in exchange for money. Similar to Wilde’s Dorian Gray, the Student must also endure the punishment / the boomerang effect of his Luciferic Act. When his image (his guilty conscience released by the Devil) starts pursuing him in all streets of Prague, he shoots his own image, in despair. Yet, while the specular image in the mirror smashes into pieces, it is the Student who drops dead, killed by his own bullet. Reality replaced the simulacrum.

Failed Feminism – Victims?

It is a fact that the liberation of the feminine principle is a natural outcome of the socio-political changes over the last four centuries, starting with the Industrial Revolution and with the paramount role women played in Paris during the French Revolution (Kropotkin, 2010, 157). The former granted lower class women the first work places, the first embryo-forms of economic independence, the rural exodus and the urbanization which loosened traditional authorities, mentalities and structures and permitted the first affection-based marriages (Simonnet, 2006, 139-140).

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The World Wars and the Marxist ideology created further premises for the feminine role’s expansion. Along the 19th – 20th centuries’ technological explosion, women had their first massive access to information, to social networking and to sexual, professional and financial fulfilment. Similar to a domino effect, this triggered progressively greater expectations from her(self) to constantly outdo herself, while men are challenged to constantly accept this radical turnover. Tragically enough, it is children who are most often stripped of parental affection, physical presence and of psycho-emotional involvement. Following the second wave of feminism in the 1960s-1970s, women have been granted a considerable spectrum of new gender roles, mostly based on gender equality. Gender equality triggered the possibility of equal professional and economic fulfilment. Yet most feminists, psychologists and sociologists seem to have failed to foresee the issue of time-consuming careers as well as the question: who will raise the children? Unless we accept that child education needs neither substantial time nor the physical presence of both parents in the children’s lives, the state education institutions, the mass media and the Internet will seem influential enough factors. Secondly, sociologists also overlooked the two ‘professional parents’ possible mutual envy, professional over-competitiveness, motivational divergences, their sense of guilt, frustration, alienation from each other, from the grandparents and from their own children. The Occidental human places the cult of the working place and the cult of capital above his home address and above the ‘my home is my castle’ concept. The job and the employer have become the novel gods of the postmodern Occidental individual while the work place has ceased to be a mere place where he accomplishes his daily duty. It has evolved into a topos of identity dwelling, a place / the (single) topos which provides the individual with self-respect, self-confidence, identity outline and socializing, at the cost of alienation and family neglect. This also reminds of the concept of the (fake) private sphere (Ciupercă, 2000, 186, Bruckner, 2011, 50, 55, 58) in the postmodern society: cynically enough, nobody is allowed to trespass on the 21st century human’s private space, not even one’s family members, yet melancholia, depression, aggressiveness and aggressive craving for affection have become the basic features of the Western humanoid’s neurotic personality (Lorenz, 2006, 74-87, 94-102, Horney, 2010, 23-33, 79-154, Minois, 2005, 273-297). Although I strongly argue in favor of gender equality and women’s rights, a third oversight must be mentioned: feminist expected all their radical alterations to be not only immediately implemented, but also instantly accepted by men. The millennia long (erroneous or correct) ‘gender-Decalogue’ was upheaved, yet this psychosocial process of assimilation does necessitate at least a number of decades and at least one new generation to pass away (Ciupercă, 2000, 22-24, 54, 102, 158). Feminists failed to foresee the imperious necessity of a transitory stage, as well as the inevitable psychosocial price of this transition of gender roles: intra-familial / intra-couple gender roles chaos. Fourthly, unless this adaptation period is patiently granted, the present transitional chaos and identity crises will not be surmounted, either in the case

34 Vol. 3, Nr. 1 (5), January-June 2012 Colloquium politicum of men or in the case of women. In the 21st century the two categories of gender roles are still disharmonious: while women are pushing to fast-forward their emancipation, men still tend to hinder it and to comply with the ancien gender roles. The end result is frustration, tension, corrupted communication, mutual manipulation and rupture or divorce. Men are already tired of their female partners’ overburden, culture-bound diseases, burn-out-related diseases, stressed lifestyle and lack of time and / or affection. What is more, male partners often feel emasculated due to women taking over certain traditionally male prerogatives (Bruckner, Finkielkraut, 2005, 8). On the other hand, women are still tired of the ever-lingering patriarchy, of their own exhausting double- or triple-burden and of male partners’ whining. This anomy of gender roles aliments mutual frustration, blame, slandering, victimization, manipulation, projection and this most often causes the partners / spouses to tear each other apart (de Beauvoir, 1998, 443). Within the present transitory chaos, both genders are still trying to find equilibrium between the traditional and the postmodern gender roles. Gender roles have still not been unequivocally and definitely contoured. It is beyond doubt that the 20th century human rights movements, as well as the three Waves of Feminism have commenced to reshape Occidental gender roles. Yet these radical psychosocial and economic alterations have proven to be too swift after millennia of patriarchy. It was as late as the Second World War, or rather the seventh decade of the 20th century, that women started to enjoy full human rights. I strongly believe that four decades is too short a span of time in order to alter the millennia-long patriarchal mentalities, no matter how well articulated the feminists’ argumentation was or is. Therefore, what the Occidental average citizen perceives is not a full acceptance of women’s and men’s new roles but rather an anomaly of the new gender roles, leading to incomprehension, apprehension, frustration, alienation, dissention, lack of communication and often separation / divorce.

An Epoch of Paradoxes and Lamentation – Macerating the Woman

The 21st century opens an epoch of lamentation and of drifting among paradoxes and oppositional binaries. As Simonnet (2006, 12-14) argues, one of the major paradoxes of the third millennium is that the contemporary Occidental enjoys a boom of inventions in almost all possible domains. Even the Moon has been ‘conquered’ and Mars is queuing up. Paradoxically, the same postmodern human is profoundly unhappy, alienated and bored. Furthermore, the paramount obligation of this human is to be(come) happy, to be a competitive entrepreneur and to construct his own ‘happiness’, ‘fulfilment’ or ‘destiny’. Paradoxically, in the era of the most revolutionary technological inventions (outer fulfilment), the human being’s inner fulfilment is still a failed target. That is why personal happiness has become a postmodern must, not an option (Simonnet, 2006, 14, Wilson, 2009, 7). Consequently, an

35 Colloquium politicum Vol. 3, Nr. 1 (5), January-June 2012 entire cult and meticulous strategies have been developed to achieve this mirage: armies of counsellors and of clinical psychologists, long therapy sessions and an industry of antidepressants. Not only does the postmodern woman face an era of paradoxes, but she must also cope with (still) deeply rooted patriarchy and misogyny. For example, sociologists and psychologist underline that prejudices related to gender- specific socio-medical realities still have not been altered (Ciupercă, 2000, 183- 184). The patriarchal Occident still regards women as physically disadvantaged and weaker as compared to men, due to their lesser physical strength. Paradoxically, this prejudice prevails in an age when artificial intelligence replaced human physical labour with one-finger clicks on touchpads and touchscreens. Consequently, as a rhetorical question one might wonder: why would the man still be superior to the woman in light of his (superfluous) physical strength? Secondly, women are still considered to be weaker due to their maternity (the physical and the psychological weakness related to her menstrual period, to pregnancy, and to post-partum depressions, Ciupercă, 2000, 183). Despite her ‘weakness’ a woman must still meet the same ambitious expectations as her physically ‘superior’ male counterpart, who is exempt from pregnancy. Therefore, the Occidental society still applies this prejudicial differentiation when evaluating the expectations and results of men versus women, disregarding the woman’s gender-specific double or triple ‘burden’ (motherhood, gender specific anatomic shortcomings, ibid. 184). This might explain why Occidental masculine ‘superiority’ still regulates the female body, dismantling female self-confidence. Patriarchy is dislocating the natural female body, contemporary femininity, women’s self-esteem and it has created a utopia of the 90-60-90 beauty standards and of the “McDonaldized” (Ritzer, 2003, 13-50) cosmetic surgery industry. These patriarchal myths aliment women’s perpetual dissatisfaction, even rejection of their own bodies, their corporeal identity and their femininity (Ciupercă, 2000, 185). Expecting a woman to be both top-standard beautiful as well as well-educated and successful in all private and public sectors of her existence indeed throws an unbearable psychological and physical burden upon her shoulders. Moreover, the same patriarchal set of norms constrains her into a vicious circle: the more these masculine norms force the woman to meet all requirements (aesthetic, intellectual, professional), the more overloaded she feels and the more likely she becomes to collapse under the weight of these psycho-social norms. Further on, the sooner she collapses, the more likely she is to be stigmatized by the very same masculine social sovereignty. Paradoxically, the Occidental hyper-competitive society does not allow, it even castigates any psychological imbalance, emotionality or distress. In order to meet the patriarchal requirements of the 21st century perfectionist individualism, the woman ‘must not’ suffer from any diseases caused by normative patriarchy: anorexia, bulimia, depression, self-hatred, self-destructive diets. On the contrary, regardless of her double and triple burden, she must stay fit, healthy and optimistic (ibid, 186, Kaufmann, 2008, 71). These are nothing

36 Vol. 3, Nr. 1 (5), January-June 2012 Colloquium politicum less but the prerequisites of an idealized super-woman. Therefore, I conclude that the contemporary over-competitive patriarchal Decalogue still presents unrealistic requirements from women which prove toxic and impossible to achieve. A most natural outcome is that the Occidental woman indeed develops repulsion towards her own body, sexuality, feminine identity and towards gender-related issues such as maternity / pregnancy (ibid, 186), coined as the ‘Bridget Jones phenomenon’ (Di Massa, 1998, 10). The Occidental society expects the 21st century woman to be a both – and: to embody both the set of values belonging to the gender roles of the past (the faithful, submissive, tolerant, gracious wife and devoted mother) as well as the new values belonging to the gender roles generated by the 20th century human rights movements: an economically independent professional, yet in the same time a patient, devoted mother and wife; a successful career woman, but a sensuous queen of night life; natural and unsophisticated, yet a foxy, arousing lover; supportive, open- minded, unprejudiced, yet strong willed and unbeatable; exciting, passionate, but modest and submissive; spontaneous, yet controllable (Chivu, 2013). The two registers are oppositional and hardly possible to fulfil. Pascal Bruckner describes this vise-like phenomenon as a cake with multiple layers or as a psychological carambolage / collision of the Occidental world and of the Western woman, trapped inside her suffocating overlapping roles. Octavian Paler’s (2005) famous editorial summarizes the postmodern individual’s and the woman’s existential defeat: the paradox of our historical times is that we have larger buildings but smaller hearts; broader highways but narrower minds. We spend more, yet we have less; we buy more, but we enjoy life less. In his own words: “we have larger houses, but smaller families. We have more accessories, yet less time; we have more degrees, but less wisdom; more knowledge, but less reason; more experts, yet more issues; more medicine, yet less health. We have multiplied our fortunes, but we have reduced our values. We chatter too much, we love too seldom, we hate too often […] We have conquered the atom, but not our prejudices […] We have built more computers: to stock more information or to produce more children than ever before, nevertheless we are communicating less and less”.

The Postmodern Modus Vivendi Dismantling the Family

It is an alarming fact that neither our “McWorld’s” axiological system (Barber, 1992) nor its modus vivendi encourages the postmodern human’s (especially the woman’s) gender roles, peace of mind, self-reflective analysis or family life. Therefore the Western individual faces the following paradox: does the postmodern modus vivendi not purposefully dismantle the physical, mental and spiritual balance of the individual, of the couple / family and of their offsprings? Paradoxically, yet still understandably, this super-technologized, warped-up modus operandi deprives the postmodern android of any physical and psychological time to know himself, to delve into his own abyssal depths and to

37 Colloquium politicum Vol. 3, Nr. 1 (5), January-June 2012 complete his nosce te ipsum process, so that he may grow aware of his true identity, needs, limitations, cravings and joys. Deprived of this basic process of self-comprehension, it is natural that the Westerner cannot comprehend the ‘Other’ either, be that his family ancestors, friends, descendants or his / her life partner. The Michelangelo Effect necessitates the nosce te ipsum process. The former cannot exist without the latter. Therefore, I argue that this void in the psychosocial nucleus breeds all further frustrations, similar to concentric circles, echoing around the personal / private frustrations. If one does not have time to know oneself, how could one attempt to know the ‘Other(s)’, to accept them, to grow to love and to cherish them? How could he find time to permanently construct emotional relationships, partnerships and families with the ‘Other’? Time has become the Occidental android’s deadliest enemy in deciphering his failed personal life, his family life and the Stranger in the Mirror staring back at him. The “McDonaldized” (Ritzer, 2003, 13-50) android’s warped-up lifestyle acts upon his existence as a destructive outer force, incessantly macerating his basic inner needs (personal time and dialogue with oneself, emotionality, intuition, intuitive self-analysis, time to spend with the ‘Other(s)’, spiritual, emotional and physical nourishment) and balance. No wonder that the postmodern feminine is suffering under the weight of an anti-feminine lifestyle which also proves anti-natural, neurotic and aggressive (Bruckner, Finkielkraut, 2005, 5-16, 141). The ‘capital’-focused, ‘capitalist’ human is by far too obsessed with material fulfilment, so that he may avoid emotional hollowness, anxiety, disappointment and identity crises. The same two authors underline the fact that only in a deeply unhappy world does the desire to attain happiness become so tenacious and so open (141). Similar to a toxic domino effect, the more hostile the outer environment is, the more imperative it becomes to the couple to prove their fulfilment and substance (Wilson, 2009, 19). Therefore, happiness has become a must in the Westerner’s private life, especially in his couple / family life. The spouse and the marital partner have become a must-have name card, a mandatory signifier of one’s social and personal wellbeing. Even though this is no more than a fake, artificial mask and a masquerade hiding contemporary alienation, the cult of the ‘mandatory’ partner / wedding ring is developing after Feminism and different social movements so fiercely battled for personal independence (Bruckner, Finkielkraut, 2005, 141, Simonnet, 2006, 12). Such ‘Maya-couples’ perfectly integrate into the image of artificial postmodern simulacra. They represent the handiest camouflage to conceal one’s emotional hollowness, existential drifting, senselessness and alienation. Within this Venetian mask type of camouflage couple life, the ‘we’ replaces the ‘I’. A natural psychosocial consequence is the fact that couples often refuse to officially get married, in order to avoid the suffocation of marital commitment. Instead they choose to live in scattered, temporary and serial relationships, which exempt them from any responsibility. These pseudo-relationships rather resemble an archipelago than a constant bond which should incessantly cause

38 Vol. 3, Nr. 1 (5), January-June 2012 Colloquium politicum the two partners to mould and to act upon each other (the Michelangelo Effect). The archipelago nature of contemporary human relations causes another striking paradox: the right to intimacy, self-protection, personal space have increased, yet loneliness, emotional safety and stability, affection, communication and the sense of belonging are decreasing. What remain are intra-familial crises and the spouses’ occasional reunion for make-up sexuality. This is what Baudrillard coined as fatal pathology: “hypertely” (1996, 15-18, 64) or “the death of the soul” (21), utter identity and communication “loss” (74, 192), “schizophrenia” or “schizophrenic voyeurism” (73-77). Sociologists argue that capitalism has pushed the Occidental individual into a modus vivendi that overstresses the importance of ‘capital’, competitiveness and stress, thus pushing him further down into alternative patterns of family life, therefore into certain promiscuity (Ciupercă, 2000, 158, Wilson, 2009, 12). In the age of scientific supremacy, our Weltanschauung oversees the importance of teaching existential wisdom from Humanities (social sciences, gendered psychology, sociology, religion, communication studies). Without offering any specific guarantees, this knowledge might nevertheless facilitate the alienated individual’s self-analysis, social and communication skills and aid him in constructing more durable familial fulfilment. Therefore youth often feel similar to a Thanksgiving turkey: in the epoch of informational power, they are stuffed with information about anything but psycho-emotional comfort. Thus they lack the vital education about (couple) psychology, self-analysis, self-education, spiritual evolution, communication. This is one viable explanation for the contemporary boom in self-help literature, chick lit, male audience pornography and “genitocracy” (Bruckner, Finkielkraut, 2005, 6). Further on, the Occidental youth has little knowledge about intra-couple stress management, the effects of compromise (238), sexual education meant to maintain the healthy intra-couple passion (232, 237). In our epoch of paradoxes and lamentation, couples often discover that they lack the necessary know-how to maintain the ‘fire’ of their relations, so they resort to self-destructive resignation and / or complaisance (240), which then trigger isolation, divorce / separation and drug-like, alternative family patterns. A wide spectrum of avatars for the canonical (absconded) marriage has been invented: concubinary successive polygamy / serial monogamy (Bruckner, 2011, 40), PACS (civil solidarity pacts), civil unions, transitory affairs, amitié amoureuse, homogamy, open relationships, registered partnerships or cohabitation. On the emotional- spiritual level, feminine emotionality, sensitivity, introspection and self- reflection, love and archetypal courting have been expunged by voyeuristic exhibitionism and aggressive sexuality (Fizscher, 2009, 53). Moreover a postmodern cult and necessity for orgies have been installed, as an ‘antidepressant’ thunderbolt for the unprecedented level of stress, expectations and neuroses of the third millennium lifestyle (Partridge, 2005, vii, 187-207, Bruckner, Finkielkraut, 2005, 5-16). As a conclusion, under the impact of the mass media and of the Internet, Occidental sexuality is often perceived as a manipulative transaction, as a salvation mask and self-programing discourse meant to prove harmony within

39 Colloquium politicum Vol. 3, Nr. 1 (5), January-June 2012 the couple. The Western homo sexualis is inculcated to offer only after he has been given – yet another contemporary philosophy that dissolves the couple and the family unit (Ciupercă, 2000, 242-253). The aforementioned lifestyle insures no personal fulfilment, it rather encourages spiritual and physical involution or destruction, through its toxic, “hedonistic dance” (Ciupercă, 2000, 232) that mistranslates Occidental sexuality, human rights and individualism. Super-individualism often becomes complementary with the cult of ambition and self-realization, celebrating the individual’s fulfilment at the price of the ‘Other’s’ destruction. Consequently, it indirectly causes alienation and undermines traditional socio-moral values such as tolerance, empathy and sympathy (Ciupercă, 2000, 112, 233). Therefore, the family and the couple are directly dissolved by over-competitive, aggressive egotism. In conclusion, specialists as well as lay people have arrived at a moment of utter confusion and at the following interrogation: it is possible that the Occidental society will gradually shift back to the tradition of (semi-)arranged marriages and forms of union? It should be mentioned that the aforementioned contemporary pseudo-marriages / avatars also contain certain arrangements for mutual goal(s): financial or professional status, offsprings, intra – couple (‘acceptable’) sexuality (Ciupercă, 2000, 232). It appears that after a century of utter freedom and human rights, the Occidental individual is not always able to shoulder the immense responsibilities that are accompanied by his new freedom and rights. The borderline between freedom and anarchy seem fragile from a psycho-emotional and social standpoint.

Conclusions

Given the unavoidable capitalist breeze (or rather hurricane) of change that macerates the human soul, it is logical to pose the following interrogation: what can the individual do to stay human and preserve his humanity? Does he enjoy the luxury of eluding the Western train of capitalization that often implies the prevalence of sterile Reason and the purgation of the Soul? I argue that societies that have not yet been fully Occidentalized/capitalized often preserve a higher level of traditional values, such as human warmth, empathy, spirituality and respect towards the traditional family unit as the basic social unit. Scientific materialism, ergomania, super-technology and the cult of hyper-individualistic competitiveness being lesser than in (over)developed Western countries, these developing societies indeed may be considered economically inferior to Occidental Europe and to the USA. Nevertheless the Occidental visitor may be surprised by the spiritual richness, openness and genuine human warmth of the average society member, well concealed by economic inferiority. At a general level (disregarding the inherent exceptions of any society) south Balkan societies, non-extremist Muslim states within Asia Minor, as well as India, Mesoamerica, South America, or Russia, considering her celebrated “velikaya russkaya dusha” (Williams, 1970, 573, Rries, 1997, 29-30,

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70) often surprise with the warmth and human values of their people. It seems that metaphorically speaking, capitalist economic wellbeing has developed into an exchange currency for contemporary dehumanization. It is placed in a reversed proportionality ratio with the human soul and with human warmth. The West traded the inner values for its outer / material pseudo-values. I also consider that another category of Westerners who may preserve their humanity is represented by those individuals who work in domains where it is imperative to constantly apply introspection and self-analysis, to delve into one’s abysses and to incessantly improve oneself. I am specifically thinking about professionals in different areas of Humanities: theology – religious studies, philosophy, arts, as well as in disciplines of Social Sciences, such as psychology, psychiatry, counseling, psychoanalysis, thanatology, cultural anthropology, communication studies or cultural studies. Moreover, those Occidentals who do not practice within these Humanities fields, yet they regularly practice self-introspection (constantly being aware of their ontological and deontological values), are also likely to preserve more humanity and less capitalist emotional metastases. Further on, collectivist cultures with spiritual, nonviolent and pacifist (ahiṃsā) traditions (Hindu, Buddhist) again present a more considerable guarantee of humane values and empathy as compared to the individualistic Occidental cultures. Lastly, I argue that the same may be stated in theory about marginalized and persecuted individuals or communities: different minorities (sexual, gender, ethnic, religious), the financially, physically or mentally challenged, combat zone refugees and asylum seekers, victims of any other type of aggression.

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