Journey to the Upper Realm: How I Survived the Deaths of My Sons and Learned to Communicate With Them on the Other Side Maria I. Pe © 2013 by Maria Pe June 21, 2013 Dedication For Sean and Kyle The lights of my life and my greatest teachers All that time I thought I was teaching you And you were really here to teach me. I honor you. 2 PROLOGUE On June 21, 2011, my two sons began their transition to the Other SiDe. At the time, I didn’t see it that way. TuesDay, June 21, 2011, was a "normal" morning for me. I finished getting ready for work and was just about to leave the house. I was ready to click the tv off when the news story caught my attention: MurDer-suicide in Bonita. The camera panned to a neighborhooD anD I saw the house across the street from my ex-husbanD Tom's house. My heart began to beat faster, panic began to set in. The news reporter inDicateD that a man and two young boys had been killeD. My heart began beating even faster. I calleD Tom's home phone. No answer. I calleD Tom's cell phone. Voicemail. I called Sean's cell phone. Voicemail. I called Kyle's cell phone. Voicemail. No. No. No. No. I rushed out of the house anD got into my car. I drove the six miles to Tom's house. I was in a state of panic and disbelief. There is no way this coulD be my sons! I got to the neighborhood which was filled with news crews. The area was corDoneD off with yellow crime scene tape. I parked my car in someone's Driveway and ran down the street to the first police officers I saw. "Tell me that it's not my sons," I beggeD them. "Please tell me it's not my sons." They escorteD me to the house across the street. A man came anD askeD me my ex-husband's name. My son's names. Sean. Kyle. He confirmeD that it was their house. Then he said that there had been gunshots. No! No, no, no, no, no! I crumpleD to the grounD. There were no worDs. There were no worDs possible. My ex-husband, Tom, haD killeD my sons, Sean and Kyle. He haD given them sleeping pills to make them fall into a Deep sleep, then he haD shot them while they slept in their own beDs. Then he had shot himself. This is how my journey began. This book is the story of my journey – my “Journey to the Upper Realm.” It is the story of my experience During the 13 months after my boys were killeD, Day by day, as it was happening. It is my story of how I survived the deaths of my sons anD learneD to communicate with them on the other siDe. AnD ultimately, how I founD myself on the road to forgiveness. Prior to my sons’ Deaths, I had never kept a journal, but I started writing in a journal shortly after my sons DieD. I DiDn’t really know why, but I felt that I haD to recorD my thoughts and feelings, and the things that I learneD along my journey. It was through the process of writing this book that it finally became clear to me why I haD been keeping daily journals about my experience. I was “guiDeD” to write this book by my sons, and by Spirit. I understand now that this book is part of my remaining work here anD my contribution in this lifetime. This is my journey. It is my Truth. AnD the gift that I received. LIFE BEFORE JUNE 21, 2011 Nothing in my life coulD have preDicteD for me that I woulD be faced with one of the greatest challenges in my life at the age of 49. I was born on July 4, 1962 in the city of Manila to a Chinese father anD a Filipino mother. My father, RaymunDo Lim Pe, had a childhood that was very Different from my own. He was born on July 11, 1928 in China. His mother was the second of four wives to his father, Pe Bungking, anD my father was one of twenty-two children. He anD much of his family immigrateD to the Philippines when he was seven years old, and he liveD in the town of Coron located on one of the islands of Palawan. 3 He was a child during World War II. As he recalls in his autobiography, “Living in Sang-ham as a six year olD, I remembereD having nightmares as the talk centereD on the Sino-Japanese war, nightmares of evacuation, family separation . .” On December 8, 1941, after the Japanese attacked Pearl Harbor, “school was let out and everyboDy in Coron was in turmoil not knowing what to Do next.” For the next few years, he was taken care of by various family members, half-sisters and half-brothers in Manila. He returned to Coron in 1945 after the war enDeD. At 17, he enrolled in the 5th grade, but his eDucation was interrupteD by family neeDs anD obligations. He moveD back to Manila with his mother anD brother, anD liveD with a large number of relatives. Even at that young age, he unDerstooD the importance of getting an eDucation: “It was difficult to find jobs, having no real qualifications. I was in the illiterate, ignorant pool of workers and this spurreD me on to get an eDucation.” He decided to return to Coron to start a general store anD continue his eDucation there. After persuaDing his mother to move back to the province, they set up a moDest storefront. With his mother tenDing shop, he was able to transfer from his night school in Manila to a newly establisheD high school in Coron. In his fourth year of high school, he transferred to the University of Santo Tomas for his last year of high school. After four years, he earned his bachelor’s degree in electrical engineering. My mother also liveD through the experiences of World War II, being just one year younger than my father. Her father, Feliciano Villanueva, came from a large family of ten children, all well educated with professional careers in accounting, law, meDicine, engineering, and agriculture. My mother’s mother, Paz De Guzman, was an elementary school teacher for thirty years. My mother was born on December 5, 1929 anD christeneD ZenaiDa Villanueva. She was the youngest of five children. She liveD with her family in Manila. She had just started elementary school when WorlD War II broke out: “I remember being in school arounD noon. We were tolD to go home because war haD starteD. This must have been December 8. We didn’t know what it meant. That evening we witnesseD the Japanese anD American aircraft in a ‘Dogfight’ to shoot each other Down. Against the Dark night, we hearD the rapiD planes’ fire. It was scary. At the same time, it was exciting. Tony, my brother, anD I woulD try to slip by our mother to go out anD watch the action. We haD a makeshift shelter in the ground floor of our house.” Shortly after war broke out, she, her brother and her sister were put on a train to their uncle’s house outsiDe of the city. “People were rushing out of Manila to escape the Japanese occupying forces.” When the war finally endeD, she recalleD: “Liberation came in 1944 when the Americans DefeateD the Japanese. The Japanese burneD anD DestroyeD what they coulD anD killeD many before they retreated south of Manila. There were no lights because of curfew regulations anD yet I remember the first night American solDiers starteD coming into the city, it was well lit because of the many fires going on. There was also the unforgettable sound of boots – the retreating Japanese stepping in cadence. I hid and peeped at them as they marcheD by our house. The surrenDer of Japan in 1944 markeD the beginning of getting back to normal. Schools were openeD. We were olDer. I was 18 when I graDuateD from high school – a three-year Delay. Our school was partially DamageD. There were no walls. We lackeD everything because war DepleteD everything. I remember my class sitting on the grounD unDer a tree because of lack of classrooms. In spite of this, we were eager and glad to be back in school again.” She went on to attend the University of the 4 Philippines where she earneD her bachelor’s Degree in psychology anD her masters Degree in guidance and counseling. My parents met in 1958 anD were marrieD that same year in October. They were older newlyweds – my father was 30 anD my mother was 29. Nine months later, they haD their first child, a daughter christened Maria Lourdes (Marylou). Then their first son, RaymunDo, Jr., was born on December 3, 1960. In 1960, my father was working for the ED. A. Keller Co. LtD, a Swiss traDing company, which supplieD raw cotton to all of the textile mills in the Philippines. As part of his job duties, he was sent to Memphis, Tennessee for training, his first trip to the United States. When he returneD, he continued to progress in his career, earning a good living that enabled him to builD a comfortable home for his growing family. They liveD in a suburb of Manila anD enjoyeD an upper miDDle class lifestyle complete with maiDs, a driver and other servants.