The Beavertown News April 2021

MARLBOROUGH ULYSSES RESCUE RIDE. TH SATURDAY 24 APRIL. Raising Funds for the NELSON/MARLBOROUGH RESCUE HELICOPTER.

Meet at Picton Marina Carpark off Waikawa Rd, 11-30am. Depart 12-00 mid-day & ride through to Blenheim, ending at Brayshaw Park Carpark. Bar-B-Que Sausages, onions & sauce with bread $2-00 each. Badges $10-00. Open to all registered bikes, scooters & three wheelers. All Proceeds to The Nelson/Marlborough Helicopter.

Organised by Marlborough Branch of Ulysses.

BRANCH COORDINATOR Tim Wills Ph 579 2363 [email protected]

SECRETARY Melissa Wills Ph 579 2363 94 Howick Road, Blenheim 7201 [email protected]

TREASURER Allan de Reeper Ph 579 1173

COMMITTEE MEMBERS Jock Woodley Ph 573 9139 John Sinclair Ph 578 7110 Carol Spaulding Ph 021 872 443 Kelvin Watson Ph 577 6822 Neil Dixon Ph 0224676409 Andrew Noble Ph 578 2443

CLUB NIGHT ORGANISER Kelvin Watson Ph 577 6822

WELFARE OFFICER Chris Donaldson Ph 027 853 3670 [email protected]

RETREADS RIDERS (Thursday Rides) John Sinclair Ph 578 7110 Grant Johnson Ph 578 0901

BRANCH SHERIFF Jock Woodley Ph 573 9139 [email protected]

BRANCH QUARTERMASTER (Ulysses gear orders) Evan Teale Ph 03 972 0481

COMMUNITY NOTICES COORDINATOR Evan Teale Ph 03 972 0481

WEBMASTER Bob Marks Ph 547 1177 [email protected]

NEWSLETTER EDITOR Louise Pearce Ph 027 448 9290 [email protected]

Coordinator’s Word

Hi everyone Welcome to April’s addition of the Marlborough Ulyssian it seems like just the other day I did the last coordinators word the months are flying by. Just another reminder that on the weekend of the 9th – 11th April it is National Rally and AGM at Lake Karapiro in Cambridge. For those of you that are going I hope you have a great time and bring back some story’s’ to tell and maybe write something to add to the newsletter. For those of us that are not able to go, no worries as Kelvin has an awesome club night planned for Saturday 10th April at the Yard Bar at 7pm. Come along it will save you having to cook and do dishes, unless you forget your wallet then you’ll be doing dishes all night. Please let Kelvin know if you are going. Put in the diary the weekend of the 24th April for the Marlborough Ulysses Rescue Ride. This year we are supporting the Nelson/Marlborough Rescue Helicopter. Please meet at the Picton Marina carpark next to St Johns Ambulance and coastguard building from 11:30 departing at 12pm heading for Brayshaw park where there will be a BBQ and no doubt plenty of laughter. Please support this by coming along and let all your mates know. This is a great cause that hopefully we don’t have to call on but good to know that they are there. Bring some gold coins for the BBQ and $10 for a Badge. We are starting to plan for the Mid-Winter dinner to be held in June. Date and time to follow. Keep your eyes and ears open as I hear our penny-pinching sheriff is on the prowl looking for some fines to dish out or maybe you want to dob someone in. if so, have a quiet word to Jock Woodley. It’s always a good night and a great turnout. If you have anything to add to the next Marlborough Ulyssian can you please send it to Louise by the 24th of the month. C’mon don’t be shy. Well, that’s about it from me for now so get out there and be disgraceful. It gives us something to talk and laugh about. Cheers Tim Wills #9600

Marlborough Ulysses Branch Committee Meeting

Meeting: 17th March 2021, A & P Park Portacom, Maxwell Road, Blenheim. Meeting start: 7pm Attendees: Tim Wills, Melissa Wills, Allan deReeper, Carol Spaulding, John Sinclair, Louise Pearce, Andrew Noble, Neil Dixon, Jock Woodley, Kelvin Watson Minutes of previous meeting: True & Accurate John/Jock Matters arising: None Inwards correspondence: Bereavement notice Margaret James-Kelvin, Feb Natcom minutes, Marl AGM minutes-Suzie Pen- telow, Newsletters-Canterbury/Manawatu/Nelson/Nth Harbour/Tauranga. Tauranga branch not renewing post office box emails to [email protected] and correspondence to [email protected] - Tony Doms, Deposit $85 John Warren? -Debbie Morgan, Ulysses Nat Rally reminder-Tim Stewart, Invoice Dallies Dunnies $161-Kelvin, Mistake/Revised Membership form-Tim Stewart, MMSS (Marl Multiple Sclerosis society 10th April Runway Café-Gaby Watson, Apex Trophies Order-Hope, Nat Raffle update tickets-Wayne Painter Outwards correspondence: AGM meeting minutes 2021 to Suzie Pentelow Treasurers Report & Accounts for Payment: Allan discussed profit/loss for our bank account. Dallies Dunnies $161.00. Paul & Muff Newton $1,100.00 Kaituna Back to basics meal. Apex Trophies $493, Blenheim School $50. $1804.00 in total to pay. Allan moved that we pay accounts/Jock Allan moved treasurers report be accepted/Jock General Business: AGM Date 2022: February 16th 7pm, Tim to book Redwood town hall closer to the time. MMSS at the Runway café 10th April, Kelvin said we will be there just turn up. Club night April: 10th Yard Bar 7pm. Rescue Ride update: Badges ordered; Kelvin will contact the Sun newspaper to organize an article going in for this. Kelvin has forwarded poster to the Patriots, Vintage people and the Motorbike shop, Jock will put on Facebook. Mid-Year Dinner: John Sinclair will book the Clubs of Marlborough for the 26th June 5.30pm. Melissa will contact Debbie to find out who is due a 10, 15…. year badge. Everyone to bring a grocery item for raffle. Tim moved that we subsidise the meal by 50% each member/Allan Tim would like Louise to update the details of our Coordinator etc. on our monthly magazine. Tim said the cut off date to send articles to Louise for our magazine is the 24th of each month. Kelvin will continue to distrib- ute them. Jock suggested Bruce Ramsey to do sign boards to advertise the Ulysses club, we need to think about the wording, something bold. Maybe Marlborough Ulysses Club, Andrew said Caring for our community. We will each think and bring our ideas back next meeting. Jock needs fines for mid-year dinner. John said 11 riders are coming for Karamea, weather is going to be good. John said 3rd October Bearings/brakes/BBQ’s. We will be asked to help cater for this. The Ride Forever Courses were well attended, 12 riders. John said he heard good comments about our train club night. Carol will be away for our next meeting. Allan said we need to change signatory on our account. Allan moves that we bring on Tim Wills as a signatory for our bank account and remove Kelvin Watson as he has been replaced as Coordinator by Tim/Jock John said our Club trailer needs to be registered, it is registered under John Sinclair but it belongs to the Marlborough Ulys- ses Club. John has donated payment for the Registration. Louise is resigning from the Committee as she is moving to Hamner Springs, she will still do our monthly newsletter. We are very grateful to Louise for continuing on with doing our magazine Meeting Closed: 7.45pm Next Meeting will be at 7-00pm on 21st April. 4

Retreads to Whites Bay, 4th March As predicted by JG the weather was overcast but fine. We met as usual at Burleigh at 11.00am with our picnic lunches and beverages. I looked desper- ately for Murray Brooks to help me with all the names but he was not to be seen. I was pleased to have the support of Bob Moss, Andrew Nobel (who lead the motley crew), Terry Moloney, Pete Beckett, Kelvin Watson, who can now stand to his full height as the weight of responsibility is off his shoulders! He was very helpful with the names of people and also offered to be the "sweeper". Neil on the big Triumph was ready to tackle the Port Underwood metal along with Paulette and Malcolm on their Yamaha. Garry Tyson, Bruce Morton, Evan Teale, John Rodger, John Hadfield, Malcolm V4 Honour, Chris Devlin, Wally Allen, Allan Graham, Graham Howarth (another promising Port Underwood likely), Arend Wasink, Peter Nelson, and trickling in at the last minute who else but Bob McCrindle. It was a team effort to negotiate what course we would take out of Benheim. I omitted the stop just out of Blenheim, by mistake ,but was saved by the usually frustrating road works! The forced stop allowed us to get back together. I had been promised by Andrew Nobel that if he was not riding with JG he would be the very best lead rider and keep velocity to the recommended limits. He was as good as his word and did a fine job. The road surface was excellent with no gravel or wet patches so we all arrived at Whites Bay to see Murray Brooks and Lindsay Learmonth by their bikes. Great to see Lindsay riding again after a fair while . I opened the Surf Club rooms and we put the chairs out on the deck. It was warm, sunny but we were pleasantly shaded and ate our food in fine company. It was Arend's first time over to Whites Bay and it was a treat for his Birthday! He had brought sweets for all and they went down very well with tea (and whatever Hadfield has in his thermos). Murray wisely suggested we got a photo of all on the deck, which I hope we can show you. After tidying and shutting up everyone put in a bit of a Koha as we never know when we might need saving at the beach! 56 Dollars is pretty good ! Then the plan was Graham, Neil, Paulette and myself to ride the Port Underwood Road, and several others would go back out on the tarmac and meet us in Picton for coffee and cake. This was the type of road made for Graham and the Enfield Himalaya. Great fun to watch them in action until he cleared out. We all made it to Picton and heard how bad the new seal was between Picton and Blenheim. Several of the riders were going back to Blen- heim via Havelock to avoid it. I risked it and think in retrospect they just wanted a longer ride on a beaut day.

Cheers Sawbones #4004

K J Morgan Plumbing Ltd 11 Purkiss Street, P O Box 925, Blenheim 7240 t: 03 578 0060 f: 03 578 0994 www.morganplumbing.co.nz

Retreads to The Trout Hotel, 11th March

Today we awaken to a dark sky and a strong southerly but we’re betting the day is going to improve and even be sunny at our destination. We’re off to The Trout and the 23 strong Mob includes Neil Dixon, Kelvin Watson. Dave Jackson, Terry and Brad Molony, Evan (ice cream) Teale, Joan Robinson, Pete Beckett, John (Tonto) Hadfield, Chris Devlan, Wally Allan, Arend Wansink, John Rodger, Derrick Stripling, Bob McCrindle and me. Then en route we catch up with Graeme Howarth and at the venue, Louise and Allan, Lindsay Learmonth, Murray Brooks and Pete Nelson who has escaped the Tirimoana batch for the duration.

“What a motley lot,” reflects Tonto. “My mother would turn in her grave if she realised I was keeping company with this lot.” If you do hear from her John, get her to give us a call. There’s one or two things we’d like to discuss with her too……..

The ride out starts off just fine then we come to the Foxes Island roundabout. And we wait. And we wait. And we wait. Three lots of South bound traffic come through before our light turns green. My estimate is about 7-9 minutes on hold. We were mostly near the front of the queue so we decided to give the catchup at Wairau Bridge a miss. Had we not done this we would have been at the other end of the procession which by now probably reaches Renwick. With the two cars in front despatched, we have an enjoyable ride on a clear road all the way to Canvastown.

At The Trout we are greeted at the door by Louise at full salute. But get this; her hair has turned BLUE! I am dumbfounded to the extent I never think to get a photo. She also announces she has sold her home and has bought another with a bit of dirt at Hanmer. There’s no knowing eh.

Then we join the ordering queue and guess what? The publican forgets we are coming today and his wife has departed for a shopping trip to Blenheim. He curses. He takes the orders alone and this takes a lot longer than the wait at Foxes Island. A lot longer. Eventually, the meals start arriving. Some sit indoors but the majority are outdoors where the sun is shining – but then we all sit in the shade don’t we!! I tell you #@&** ……… WTF.

Devotions today are led by Evan Teale and a great repertoire he recites too - his voice strengthened by the steak, two sausages, two eggs, chips etc he demolishes - and not a green in sight. Then JG has a go and shares a couple too. Perhaps it’s the food but there is little appetite to venture to St Arnaud, Havelock or Picton for more. But I’m betting that Guts Evan would have found room for a Havelock Real Fruit ice cream on the way past? The thought of that plate of grease mixing with an ice cream as he bounces home over the bumps makes interesting reflections. I think the protests from his stomach would be long and loud were it not for the sound being overwhelmed by his Honda.

Come and join us if you want a laugh.

JG # 9272

Burt Munro Challenge 2021 Neil Dixon

At the invitation of three mates from Wellington I tagged on their trip to this year’s Burt. We met at The Store Kekerengu for breakfast on Sunday 7th February with a view to take three days to arrive in Invercargill. The guys were Mike on a heavily modified 2012 Bonneville Black complete with Suzuki Bandit forks and twin disc set up and tuned rear shocks. This bike may be down on power but is a force to be reckoned with in the twisties albeit bearing a very capable pilot. Marty on a Triumph Tiger Sport and Lew on his not quite quick enough Yamaha FJR 1300. Pilot issues were tendered as an excuse. We rode south to Amberley to pick up the inland scenic route 72 to Rangiora and onwards over the Waimakariri river and join 77 to cross the Rakaia river. A spirited run sees us greeting a police car at the junction where we need to turn left for Methven just as we have selected decel from our ride mode menu.

We had a great night staying at the pub, enjoying hearty meals and engaging with the locals in their weekly quiz and coming a credible second out of eight teams.

Next day sees us heading for Alexandra via a Pie stop in Fairlie at the Fairlie Bakehouse. I can recommend the Steak Cheese and Mushroom. We wound our way through Mackenzie country after our pie stop and had lunch in Twizel. As we set off from Twizel I was separated from the group because of traffic and was very conscious of not playing catch-up as this would probably result in a donation to the Police Ball. This reminds me of a story about a guy who was pulled for speeding and the perp commented to the officer about making such a donation to the Police Ball, to which the officer replied “ Sir the Police don’t have balls……”

So In my quest to remain legal I was stuck behind a motor home which was in turn stuck behind a car towing a Caravan. Remembering back to my Ride Forever training I held off at a safe distance and occasionally moved into “5” to show my headlights to make the Motor home driver aware I was behind him. I waited until there was a good gap, moved up closer, mirror, signal, over shoulder check and go…….. No. Mr Motorhome decided he was going too. So… brake and move back in until I could see again. I eventually passed and arrived into Omarama expecting the guys to be waiting. No. So I thought oh well it’s a solo ride through the Lindis pass which turned out to be thoroughly enjoyable. On approach to Lindis crossing I checked my mirrors and found a group of once lost bikers catching up with me. Yes they had taken a left turn in Omarama, gone down the road a few kms before realising they were wrong.

A good nights rest and Dinner at the Centennial Motel in Alexandra saw us heading off the next morning in rain. So much rain in fact that my Tiger 12 reminded me on a few occasions of the very capable traction control assisting our desire for progress through bare seal. Lunch stop at Illeys café in Tapanui and staff were mopping the floor and displaying a wet floor sign on our entry. Ten minutes after the mop up another group of 12 motorcyclists turned up and quickly undid the good work, out came the mop again!

So the arrival in Invercargill came without incident and we quickly found our house for the duration. Various methods of drying gear were employed varying from max performance settings on the Heat pump to drying gloves in the oven.

Wednesday saw us venturing out for a walk to the Truck museum just up the road from our digs. Just as we arrived outside I saw a familiar bike pull up. It was our very own Andy Noble and his mates! Quick greetings were exchanged before we headed our own ways. We visited both the Truck and Bike museums and thoroughly enjoyed them. My favourite of the day was the modern Brough Superior on display in the Bike museum. Trick parts on this bike included engine cases, handlebar clamps and wheels all machined from billet aluminium.

Thursday arrived and we were keen to get to Bluff for the Hill climb but the weather was not very good, so a quick online check told us the Hill climb was cancelled due to high winds of around 120k. Oh well we could look forward to the “Harley Davidson Twilight Drag Racing” that evening. Why we’d want to watch guys dressed as ladies riding irrigation pumps designed in the early 1900’s was beyond me. So we opted to go to the Cinema to watch a Liam Neeson I’ll find you and kill you type of film instead.

On Friday I took a side trip to see a friend of mine Andrew Howden who has a Dairy Farm in Seaward downs about 25 kms from Invercargill. On the way there I saw Andy Noble again travelling into town and we exchanged waves. Andrew farms on 212 acres and milks 150 cows twice daily. He was also involved in the Croydon Aircraft company at Mandeville airfield. We took a drive up there to see the workshops and the Muse- um. Andrew also co owns Tiger Moth ZK-BFH which is used for pleasure flights there. I have an interest in Aviation and was sched- uled to fly BFH with the museum pilot but he was racing at Teretonga the next day and the aircraft had suffered a ladder penetration to the upper wing canvas. I’ve been promised a flight the next time I’m down there.

I got back into town with just enough time to meet up with the guys and ride out to Oreti beach for the races. There was all kinds of machines racing there ripping up the sand and it felt a little surreal for me being a first timer at the Burt to imagine the man himself doing the same.

The Sprint races at Teretonga on Saturday were very good. The good weather had returned and we saw some awesome racing through all classes. There was a 750 Guzzi in the classic races doing very well and won outright. The Superbike races were very entertaining and we watched a Ducati 1099 going head to head with an Aprilia RSV4 over several laps. Exciting stuff! I had to laugh when I saw one of the Sidecar teams forming up on the dummy grid. Their team name emblazoned on their leathers was Far Canal Racing. I had to rack my brains to think where that was? Oh well maybe it’s one of the canals in the Hydro electric system.

Part 1.

You will have to wait patiently for Part 2 next month. Good story Neil. Ed.

April Birthdays

Michael Brasch Jeff Champion Robert Graham Derek Harding William Jellyman John Laing Peter Pinion Susy Pouwhare Brian Tuffey Arie Verhey Ian Wiffen Philip Robertson

MARLBOROUGH ULYSSES CLUB NIGHT.

Saturday 10th April, 7pm onwards. The Yard Bar Maxwell Road for Drinks, Meals & Laughter. Bring your wives, partners or a friend and join us for a great night out. It will save you cooking that night. So throw away your cook books. RSVP to Kelvin by 8th April: Mob. 027 300 1309 Hm. (03) 577 6822

16 Auckland Street, BLENHEIM (03) 577 7783

Membership I decided this year to attend the AGM as an observer to see how the local Branch was moving on. I accept that the pandem- ic has caused a lot of disruption over the last year but we are at Level 1 so was very disappointed at the low attendance at the 2021 AGM held at Redwoodtown Hall on Thursday 18th March. Information that this was to be held on this date was published in all forms of media so communication was no excuse for members to say they didn't know it was on. Any Club has dissenters who are always the first to complain if their wishes are not met yet they can't or won't attend an AGM where they can voice these views, ideas or concerns. I accept that some club members are still working and others have other commitments but quite frankly of the membership at 128 financial I find 17 attendees at this years AGM appalling. I have been associated with the Club for over 34 years through Ken (Member No #744) and myself (Member No # 918) . I cancelled my membership as the National committee was struggling for funds and were sending out two newsletters to the same address, so I became an associate under Kens umbrella. I have stayed within the social network of the Club as for me it is a family friendly, helpful environment. I will always offer my time to any event that needs assistance & thank you all for your friendship. I am going to single out one person to personally thank for keeping the newsletter read worthy. That is JG and you all know who that is as he is the only one who regularly sends in articles for the newsletter. This is the only way some members can keep up with what is happening within your Club so it would be great to read of others exploits. I don't necessarily mean bike excursions either, some members get to go out of town for work or just a casual ride on a day off or even trips within our own country. So I look forward to reading these articles and also it will make the editors job a lot easi- er to collate a newsletter for us all to read whilst having our morning cuppa. My last request is for all members to please have input to the running of a successful branch because if you don't it will have to dissolve and I am sure no one wants that to happen. Regards to everyone and ride safe so we see you at next years AGM in greater numbers. Wendy Anderson

Retreads to Queen Charlotte Tavern, 18th March

It’s a southerly day and quite cool so we’re heading out to the Queen Charlotte Tavern for our lunch, hopefully the sun, and nonsense. The 21 who are braving the cold are Neil Dixon, Bruce Morton, Andy Noble, Kelvin Watson, Gary Tyson, Derrick Stripling, John Rodger, John (Tonto) Hadfield, Pete Beckett, Wally Allen, Pete Nelson, Terry Molony, Don Best, Allan Beck, Louise Pearce, Allan Graham, Chris Don- aldson, Ali Windleburn (great to see you back Ali) Arend Wansink, Bob Moss (waiting at the Bridge because he had to fit a new chain first) and me. At Brayshaw Park we are pleasantly surprised to get a visit from Joan Robinson who is off on her bike to CHCH today. We were hoping we could ride together to Ward but we decided to leave the cold southerly to her. We’re going to miss Joan. She has contributed in many ways to making our club as good as it is. Her upbeat personality is going to be missed. The ride out is routine until, just as we enter the Okaramio Valley, a cockroach walks up the inside of my visor! A bee doing this looks the size of a Morris Minor but I can assure you a big black cockroach looks as big as a Fonterra Tanker! This is damn distracting and all I want to do is stop and get it out of my helmet. The trouble is, if I stop, most of the Mob might stop too and I can just imagine what a mess a TNL truck might make rounding a bend and finding the road littered with bikes, blokes and blokesses. I flip the front of the helmet up and carry on with water streaming from both eyes. I hate cockroaches but reflect that they don’t bite – so I named this one Cyril and talked to him all the way to Linkwater - where he couldn’t be found in my helmet. Hmmm. Louise is riding Carol Spaulding’s XT250 today and is really enjoying it. Watch out Carol, your generosity is looking like being repaid with theft! We eat indoors today in front of a thoughtfully provided open fire. Lunch is superb and by the time we are finished, the sun is out so we have devotions outside. This is led by Pete N. JG, Don Best, Ali and John Rodger. There is hilarious laughter. All have been asked to bring a joke to tell today. Some do, some don’t. Tonto Hadfield is excused as he is riding his joke! We split to Havelock for ice creams and Picton for more coffee and some cake. We have 12 at Picton. It’s a great ride around QC Drive today. Afterwards, we negotiate all the new sealing at Spring Creek. We make our way home exhausted by the continual banter and abuse. Don’t you just LOVE Thursdays? JG # 9272

Ulysses trip to Karamea

What a motly crew we were as we gathered at Brayshaw Park on a chilly Saturday morning, March 20. Just about every style of motorcycle was represented: Stu Wyness on a Ducati, JG on his Vstrom, Bob Moss on a F650GS, John (Hiawatha) on his Indi- an, Neil and Jill Dixon on their Triumph Tiger, Chris and Susanne Donaldson on their Yamaha XJR and Kevin and Julia Watson on their Can-am Spyder. Luggage options varied from slick British boxes to rope-tied-on-the-mudguard Indigenous.

JG led the pack, setting a cracking pace with Kelvin and Julia being tail end Charlie, while Chris couldn’t figure out why his bike wouldn’t start. Panic was starting to set in before he flipped off the kill switch – duh.

First stop was at the St Arnaud loos for a leg stretch etc. then Murchison came up fast for lunch at 11.30. Obviously some members hadn’t had breakfast, ordering big ones at River Cafe. Bob’s breaky spread was so massive it came on a special oversize plate! But that wasn’t the end of the matter; when we stopped at Mokihinui for afternoon tea he inquired if they had all day breakfasts! He had to make do with a cup of coffee that looked and tasted like cold dishwater.

Well deserved dessert for John Susanne on the Heaphy track

The ride into Karamea involved a wicked, windy mountain road with exciting little piles of shingle and horrible potholes just where you don’t expect them. This was as much a challenge for the pillions as the riders. When we arrived at the Karamea Village Hotel, which is great by the way, Jill needed a lie down to recover from sea sickness!

JG had done an admirable job of setting up this trip for us all and he also put his hand up to be van driver and guide for our next day excursion into the Oparara Basin, Kahurangi National Park. It was a wise decision not to go in on the bikes. It was 16kms of corrugated, rutted, practically one way death trap track for all bar JG who maintains he has the rare gift of discerning when a vehicle is about to appear coming the opposite way. Just as well. Many a white knuckled driver passed us, including two wanna be Ewan McGregors on shiny GS1200s and a young man who was terrified to keep to his side. JG asked him, window to window, when he’d be going back to Auckland!

Once there, we enjoyed a beautiful stroll through unspoilt rainforest, along a clear, tannin-stained river, observed a massive overhead limestone arch, and explored huge limestone caves where prehistoric bones, including moa, have been discovered. It was then back in the rental rattletrap van for a 30 minute drive to the end of the road north, and the jump off point of the Heaphy Track.

After a delicious cut lunch produced by our hotel kitchen, we decided to walk off our lunch by heading up the track. We should have waited for an hour, but…..the day was sunny, the sand was white, the sea blue and the nikau grove beckoned us and was frankly quite magical, with sunlight filtering through the fronds onto the path below. We crossed a swing bridge where Chris played the giddy goat by jumping up and down and scaring the crap out of those in front. We hiked for 20 minutes up a steep hill to a look out. Thanks VERY MUCH Mr fitness freak Stu. Warning: don’t over exert yourself for at least an hour after eating a heavy lunch! However, the view of the northern coastline was magic and well worth the effort.

Kelvin, John, Neil, Jill, Julia, Stu, JG, Susanne, Bob, Chris behind the camera.

We returned to Karamea for pre dinner drinks in the Sports Bar and watched the Crusaders thrash the Blues and enjoyed another evening of good food, great company and a lot of laughs, thanks especially to Hiawatha.

After a comfortable night and good sleep, we hit the highway home at 8.35am. Susanne insisted on a coffee stop at Westport. Chris insisted on a bike lineup photo shoot, and then away we went, except Haiawatha left his headband/designer cap, on top of his luggage which was tied on his mudguard and proceeded for a good 80kms before it flew off into the path of the following rider, who picked it up.

Neil presented the lost headband after Hiawatha wept profusely over the loss of his precious headgear and the shame of exposing his combover. With headgear in place once more, his sense of observation focused on a worksafe car over the road and a young painter being harranged by the female officer for not using a harness. John H marched over, informed the officer he and his friends were all lawyers and that he didn’t think the painter had done anything wrong. The officer told him to piss off, which he wisely did. The rest of the trip back was pretty uneventful. We had a cuppa at the Runway Café, then that was it. It was a great weekend and we felt these sort of excursions should be regular occurrences. Where to next time? Finally, a big shout out to JG for a well organised, well led excursion. Also to Diana, the proprietor for the last 38 years of the historic Karamea Village Hotel who is super friendly and runs a very tidy establishment. Not to forget the chef at the Murchison River Café for commendable all-day breakfasts and delicious sheep shank pies topped with mashed potato and carrot. Chris Donaldson # 8972

Retreads to Jolly Roger 25th March

Today we’re off to the Jolly Roger because it might be sunny there. In Blenheim we awaken to low cloud which turns to quite heavy drizzle for a while as we wait at Brayshaw Park. By departure time though, the drizzle has stopped and blue sky is sighted to the south. The 19 strong Mob includes Neil Dixon, Kelvin Watson, Andy Noble, Joan Robinson, Pete Nelson, John Rodger, Graeme Howarth, Ali Windleburn, Dennis Church, Grant Johnson, Don Best, Pete Beckett, Bob Moss, Lindsay Learmonth, Murray Brooks, Dave Jackson, Allen and Sue Beck, and me. On the ride out we are being particularly careful not to slip on the wet road which you know for sure is wet mud on the surface, given it hasn’t rained here for weeks. The rain stays away and we stay dry. Some come by tintop. The orders arrive quickly and we devour these sitting outside in the sun. Yay! In fact, it gets disgustingly hot until a fresh breeze arrives to make life more comfortable. Grant and Bob both restrain themselves to chowders only, which arrive inside a baked bun. Neil and Pete Beckett had the biggest meals by far, at least at our table. The fare? Bangers and Mash. Devotions take place and we laugh at the yarns by Ali, Pete Nelson, Andy, Alan and Grant. Nearby punters lean in to share the humour. We continue to sit and enjoy the sun for another half hour or so. Nobody is in a hurry to leave. When we do split, five of us go for a spirited ride to Havelock where we indulge ice creams. And get this; the proprietor of the café is closing at 3.00 and offers us pies for free. His offer is accepted by none other than Sawbones who quickly stows his windfall on his bike and disappears homeward.

Another great day. JG # 9272

Marlborough Ulysses March Club Night. Fifteen of our members had a great night at The Woody on Saturday the 13th March. We were in the main bar unfortunately where it was very noisy --- rugby games going on some TV screens & horse racing on others, didn’t make for easy conversation Some of our members who had not been to The Woody for a meal previously wanted to know what they were like- bar meals don’t vary a lot from place to place, but the ones at the Woody are usually good, and generous portions there too. When Phil’s meal arrived, he said “I should have ordered a half size meal”. I was sitting beside him I could see he looked to be enjoying it, but I think some of it might have made its way home wrapped in a serviette---steak for breakfast Phil? Julia ordered beef schnitzel, when it arrived (and it was the last one to be delivered) it covered her whole plate! I ended up with half of that as she couldn’t eat it all, anyway I don’t think anyone had any complaints about the meals they chose -well I didn’t hear any, but I didn’t have my aids in so who knows! As usual it wasn’t a late night and it was good to welcome some people that we hadn’t seen at club night dinner for a while/before, those present were Don B, Darrell and Gisela, Tom B, Stu and Nadine, Neil and Gill, Phil and Julia, Joan R, Kelvin and Julia, Christine and John There was lots of laughter & most people enjoyed a drink or two before going home. Apologies for no pictures-I forgot Kelvin Watson #3602.

The newlyweds were only married two weeks, when the husband said to the wife, "Honey I'm going to Hank's Tavern to have a beer, I'll be right back." "Where are you going, Coochy Coo?" asked the wife. "I'm going to the bar, Pretty Face," he answered. 'I'm going to have a beer.' The wife said, "You want a beer, my love?" She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer, brands from 12 different countries: Germany , Holland , Japan , India . The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was, "Yes, Lollipop... But at the bar... You know...they have frozen glasses.." He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying, "You want a frozen glass, Puppy Face?" She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it. The husband, looking a bit pale, said, "Yes, Tootsie Roll, but at the bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious... I won't be long. I'll be right back. I promise. OK?" "You want hors d'oeuvres, Poochie Pooh?" She opened the oven and took out 5 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, and little quiches. "But my sweet honey... At the bar... You know . There's swearing, dirty words and all that..." "You want dirty words, Cutie Pie?... LISTEN UP, YOU CHICKEN SHIT! SIT YOUR SORRY ASS DOWN, SHUT THE HELL UP, DRINK YOUR DAMN BEER IN YOUR FROZEN ASS MUG AND EAT YOUR HORS D'OEUVRES BECAUSE YOU'RE MARRIED AND YOUR SORRY ASS AIN'T GOING TO NO DAMNED BAR! THAT SHIT IS OVER, GOT IT, JACKASS?"

And... they lived happily ever after. Isn't that a sweet story?

What would I have done without Julian?

From the Editor, As you know, I’m moving to Hanmer Springs. Moving is always a mission, and this has been more than a mission than all previous moves. 270km from here to Hanmer. Several van and trailer loads of the accumulated junk we all call useful items or equipment delivered. The shit hit the fan. Broken spring at Waiau. We loaded that trailer onto another with the help of two burly farmers. We arrived back in Blenheim to find that the trailer springs were no longer available. Julian to the rescue (PICTON TOOL and TYRE), obtaining new springs and hangers which were profes- sionally fitted, then off to Hanmer again with another successful load. The return journey was going so smoothly, with very few cars on the road. BANG! A bloody blowout on the trailer with no load. Bugger! 5pm Saturday, just north of Kaikoura, and no spare. What now? Phone Julian (PICTON TOOL and TYRE). Where are you? He asks. An hour and a half from Picton. Julian says come on up and phone me when you get to the workshop. 6.30pm. Phone, and 10 minutes later there is a roar of a 6 litre Holden V8 ute arriving and within 15 minutes a new tyre is fitted and I’m on the way back to the trailer. Julian: Great service and very happy to go the extra mile after hours and on the weekend. Members—support this advertiser. Louise #6855

42nd Annual Pukekohe Classic

First race report 2021. Hi again everyone, after a short but busy break since our last meeting in 2020, through the festive season, and into 2021 ready to face the new challenges with the world seemingly becoming even more in disarray. Hopefully common sense and good guidance will prevail. So, a warm welcome to OUR 2021 to you all and I must say how grateful we are for your support and encouragement doing what we are doing. We are so lucky to have you in our Team!

Cath, Lester and I packed everything into the trailer and set of for the 42nd Annual Pukekohe Classic. We headed North early in order to have a practice run on the Friday open practice day put on by the Pukekohe Circuit as a great build up to the week-ends racing. We were determined to give the Conti tyres a good hearing, we also had a borrowed set of ‘Swarbrick Racing” exhausts to try to see if the mid-range ‘doughy’ bit was still happening in the acceleration out of corners part of the power curve…. We had three runs on the practice day adjusting and re-setting suspension and tyre pressures etc. We did however have a major exhaust pipe crack so luckily had our original Ferdinand pipes to fit back on. Now remembering that this track is by far the roughest track I have raced on……we had our challenges but by the time we got to the end of the day we were feeling OK enough to feel ready for qualifying on Saturday morning. Believe me we had long discussions about what to do, I thought I was having such a hard time with the roughness that it was me, not so much the circuit. So I was delighted (yep, delighted) when so many others said the track was even rougher than last year.

Qualifying was a bit of a disaster in that I was just getting into it and doing a fast flying lap when the Qualifying was red-flagged. Damn I said but was astounded that I had still qualified first in class and second on the grid with the pre1995 Formula 3 bikes. AWESOME! We were now feeling like we were setting everything up as good as it could be. What a boost for our confidence. Suspension was working well, Conti tyres were doing a great job and I was feeling ready to attack. Lester regularly looks down the intake throat and up the exhaust port at the amazing Meteor Pistons and the cylinder walls and is always smiling as the NZ Cylinders plating job has been excellent and looks after the pistons well. So the racing began and I had a real scrap with Doc Martin on a very fast Moriwaki Kawasaki 600, managing to just beat him to the line. A good start for the weekend, we continued the trend and picked up two more first in class placings on Sunday morning. We came to the last race for the meeting and I managed to hole-shot the start and was still in the lead a good deal in front of the whole field when the right hand exhaust pipe split into two. It just couldn’t quite go the distance. So a DNF for the last race. Considering that Lester built those pipes about 15 years ago and they have been on numerous bikes, they have done wonders. However I still managed to walk away from the meeting with the 3rd place plaque for the class, and therefore sitting in 3rd place in the NZCMRR championship 2021. This meeting attracted over 270 riders and close to 350 bikes! What an atmosphere. Made better for us that we had so many family and close friends there supporting us. Especially good that Matt, Sophie and Isabella from our Blank Canvas Wines family were there for the first time to see me race, and they have been supporting us for some years now. They came away rapt with how we do our business

We stayed with family while in Auckland, Ollie and Kate fed us well and we had no pressure on us outside of the race meeting. Jack and Sue who sponsored us our race trailer were there also. Fantastic! So now we have to attend to a bit of maintenance and get the bike ready for the next meeting which will be at the Bruce McLaren motorsport Park in Taupo, middle of March. We will be really looking forward to that. The circuit is smooth and fast. The Conti tyres will get another outing…… Thanks to Julian at Picton Tools and Tyres. Best regards to you all The250Guy, Cath and Lester.

The 2021 Dusty Butt 1400km ride on the Enfield. Graeme Howarth #9436

Leaving home in the rain. You can see how clean we are. You can’t possibly see how naïve I was.

Intro

Andrew, AKA The Viking, is the father of my daughter’s husband. He’s a 7 foot tall bearded red head hill country farmer and all energy & enthusiasm but not much riding experience. Andrew bought his KLR650 and was keen to use it to free him from his workaholic tendencies. He’s fit as a buck rat with 5XL size hands and proved to be a very handy chap when my bike needed pulling off rocks or out of mud. He had friends who did the Dusty Butt (DB) last year and were doing it again and we were joining up with them. They’d have GPS’s & experience so we just had to tag along. Sounds good eh? They were too late to register so we were on our own. Like everyone I have some health issues: a shortened left leg and a seized ankle from back in ’81 crunching a GS1000 into a rock wall. This means I had to lift my whole leg to change gear. I’ve been suffering from Chronic Fatigue Syndrome for over 2 years. If I don’t get enough sleep I get dizzy & can’t think and I get days when I am exhausted for no apparent reason. So I was wondering if I should accept The Viking’s invitation to the event, but I’d just turned 60, which required some sort of commemoration. If I didn’t do it now then I knew there’s no guarantee that I’ll be better (or even alive) next year eh? Another year older and more tired. Now’s the time! I had spent a couple of seasons learning to race a 250 Ninja and had owned MT-01. Both of these things I loved but had to surrender to the illness. I had done no dirt riding in over 40 years. That's the setup. What could possibly go wrong? In the Beginning

Before the Riders Briefing I met up with an old high school friend Maurice. He helpfully recommended tyre pressures of 23PSI (really good – at the end you could see where my front tyre had been pushed up about 1/3 the way up the side of the rim in many spots but no flatties). Maurice had done the Dusty Butt 3 or4 times before, once with his ex-wife on back. He didn’t think it was too bad. The Challenge sections OK he said, just keep it rolling.

The Bike

A 2017 Royal Enfield Himalayan acquired mid 2020 with 8400kms on it. I jacked up rear shock and dropped the yokes 10mm in an effort to get more weight on the front wheel to make it stick better on gravel (having no experience, such was my reasoning). I fitted a one tooth smaller (14T) sprocket.

The following modifications I found to be absolutely indispensable:

Soft hand grips, good Knobbies and a 15mm mudguard risers to accommodate the front knobby; I also got an engineer to weld a folding tip on the gear lever; I bought a Happy Trails bash plate from America. You really need something like this.

But let’s look at what the organisers say about the event shall we?:~ "The DB1.4K event consists of approximately 1400km of sealed, gravel road & off road route. It will take you on a journey through remote sections of the South Island offering absolutely spectacular scenery, however it is important to keep in mind this is no dawdle in the park, nor even a typical trail or road ride. Riders must endure a 1400km route that is physically & mentally draining and will require between 10 & 14 hours of riding a day depending on your riding skill & the amount of stops you have. … The route encountered will include terrain that will challenge your bike control skills over extended rough, steep, rutted or rocky tracks, deep bogs and multiple stream & river crossings. These sections will also challenge your fortitude as you navigate tracks sidling past very high steep slopes & bluffs. Much of the route is at sub-alpine to alpine altitudes (up to 1700m). While this ride is during the dry season, rain, wind and cold should be expected. All riders must therefore be prepared for high altitude severe weather conditions and carry appropriate warm & waterproof gear. This is especially important as on many parts of the route should a motorbike break down the distance to shelter could be many hours away. Be prepared for snow, even in February! … general hazards include but are not limited to: road & farm vehicles, dogs, stock & other wildlife (including unpredictable Wallabies), gates, poor condition cattle stops, road washouts, sharp bends and blind crests. In general approach all hazards with caution! No road closures are in place and no official bike recovery service."

Additionally, during the briefing the organiser said he would be ignoring all phone calls for help – and he was serious. He couldn’t fix a faulty card pump or move a tree off the track. And if you got injured “ring 111”. We only had ourselves and each other to depend on. There was also a warning about the Awakino Challenge section on the last day. The Cocky says it’s impassable and other riders say you’ll need ropes to lower bikes down at the end where the river washed its bank away. If you’re not a confident & experienced rider you might like to recon- sider going this way, the man gently suggested. “What was that you were saying Maurice?” Turns out Maurice was from another planet and had ridden Enduros for years - an absolute gun rider on his KTM790. So his word for “manageable” translated directly to my word for “impossible”. After this I am not exactly brimming with enthusiasm.

On the Briefing night we met another new guy, Mark, on his DRZ400 and we decided to travel together. That should help, the more the safer. Mark pointed out that one of the other riders was international Enduro star Chris Birch (google this man!) so we were in some extraordinary company.

Some random internet guys from an earlier year – they seem to be having quite a bit more trouble with this hill than the Himalayan did! Honestly, it was slow but I hardly ever put a foot down.

Part 1. Watch this space next month.

One of the British national daily newspapers asked its readers: “What does it mean to be British?” This one from a Swiss was the winner. “Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer.” “Then traveling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV.” He buys a holiday in Spain, skiis in France, fancies Swedish birds and has a Romanian au-pair.” And the most British thing of all? “He is suspicious of anything foreign!

Every Saturday morning 10:00 is coffee morning at Runway Café. Note DOD = Decide on the day Thursday rides depart Brayshaw Park. Sunday rides depart Railway Station Carpark. All rides are weather dependant

Thurs 1st Apr. 11am. Retreads Group. Sun 4th Apr. 1pm. Social Ride, Rai Valley. Thurs 8th Apr. 11am. Retreads Group. Sat 10th Apr. Club Night Yard Bar. Kelvin. Sun 11th Apr. 11am. Nelson for lunch. Thurs 15th Apr. 11am. Retreads Group. Sun 18th Apr. 1pm Social Ride, Kekerangu. Wed 21st Apr. 7pm Committee Meeting. Tim. Thurs 22nd Apr. 11am. Retreads Group. Sun 25th Apr. 11am Pelorus Bridge for Lunch. Thurs 29th Apr. 11am. Retreads Group. Sun 2nd May. 1pm. Social Ride, Queen Charlotte Tavern. Linkwater.

9-11 April 2021; National Rally & AGM, Waikato Branch at Lake Karapiro. Further info in your next Ulyssian magazine. Book you accommodation in Cambridge now.

th Sat 24 April Rescue Ride (To raise funds for Nelson/Marlborough Rescue helicopter.)

03 October Bearings Brakes and BBQ

See the newsletter for more information.

JG # 9272 Communications Assistant 027 3142151

Right at the end of a Radio programme recently, there was a discussion about the obscene cost of entry into Premiership football games, the cheapest price of £60 and £100 per game is not uncommon. An older chap being interviewed said he could recall many years ago arriving at the West Ham turnstiles, "That will be ten quid, mate". What?!" the old chap said, "I could get a woman for that !” The guy on the turnstile retorted, "Not for 45 minutes each way, with a brass band and a meat pie in the interval, you wouldn't !"

At one time in my life, I thought I had a handle on the meaning of the word "service."

"It's the act of doing things for other people." Then I heard these terms which reference the word service:

Internal Revenue Service Postal Service Telephone Service Civil Service City and County Public Service Customer Service Service Stations

Then I became confused about the word" service." This is not what I thought "service" meant.

So today, I overheard two farmers talking, and one of them said he had hired a bull to "service" a few of his cows. BAM! It all came into perspective. Now I understand what all those "service" agencies are doing to us.