May 24, 2016 'Longyearbyen at Its Best:' Modern Tragedies, Triumphs Part of Traditional Tributes During Syttende Mai Celebration Page 7
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FREE Weather summary Cloudy and partly cloudy, with strong winds and precipitation at times, and temperatures around freezing. icepeople Full forecast page 3 The world's northernmost alternative newspaper Vol. 8, Issue 17 May 24, 2016 www.icepeople.net 'Longyearbyen at its best:' Modern tragedies, triumphs part of traditional tributes during Syttende Mai celebration Page 7 “ To believe that the governor can rescue people out, regardless of circumstances, is wrong. There is no guarantee for that. - Per Andreassen, police lieutenant Svalbard governor's office ” Late update: 12 MARK SABBATINI / ICEPEOPLE apartments vacated "Victims" of a simulated mass shooting incident at Longyearbyen School, left, are treated by medical and other emergency officials Thursday night. again due to building, At right, a man wielding a knife acts as the perpetrator during the second of two violent incidents during a drill designed to improve prepardness. infrastructure damage. icepeople.net Exactly one week – to the hour – after this newspaper was dealt an almost certainly fatal blow, it was resurrected. Our demented editor (the fact he refers to himself in third-person plural should be MASS DRILLING WENCHE RAVLO sufficient proof of that), was at his usual table At a school with guns and teachers trained to use them, emphasis is on escape during attack in Fruene (not so much lately, since By MARK SABBATINI students rely on a different kind of training. shoot only as a last resort if getting students "camping" isn't cool during peak tourist Editor "If I get a weapon in a situation like this I safely inside isn't possible. The same mentali- season) when Anne Lise Sandvik, who for A large masked man stabbing everyone he don't know how I would react," said Vice ty applies to using weapons in a violent attack. years has been our pick for "Best Community encountered while running through the halls of Principal Hans-Gunnar Skreslett. "I might "It's not our responsibility," said Åse Ma- Organizer" on the "Best of Svalbard" Longyearbyen School might have been the ul- cause more damage." nengen, a high school math, science and geog- timate case of bringing a knife to a gun fight – Teachers carry guns whenever they're out- raphy teacher. "It's our responsibility to protect except the teachers toting weapons daily near doors for protection against polar bears, but See ATTACKER, page 6 Svalbard a Big Mac attack victim? Greenpeace claims 'big win' in and other Arctic waters. It might be even bigger mercial fishing in the Arctic. if McDonald's hadn't stopped buying cod alto- "This means that any fishing companies anti-fishing pact, but impact on gether nearly a decade ago. expanding into pristine Arctic waters will not local expansion efforts dubious The "big win for the Arctic" announced by be able to sell their cod to major seafood brands the environmental organization this week in- and retailers," Greenpeace stated in a press re- By MARK SABBATINI volves a voluntary agreement companies such lease. Editor as the fast food giant, the British grocer Tesco, Expanding commercial fishing and estab- Greenpeace says it's big news McDonald's and several seafood companies such as Young's lish a seafood processing industry in Svalbard 'We want to adopt you': Two hours of hell is agreeing not to buy cod caught in Svalbard Seafood not to support an expansion of com- See SEAFOOD, page 4 and angels evacuating my home. Quadruple jeopardy Icy elitists Power trip Time warped again Page 9 Tip: Snow is a UNIS turns If you can read What the dino crappy summer darkness into this, it's due to expeditions will MARK SABBATINI / ICEPEOPLE parking place light this fire be like in 2033 Page 2 Page 3 Page 5 Page 12 An LNS Spitsbergen worker carries a bag of trash outside of an apartment building on Vei 505 that is partially evacuated due to sewage flooding. Page 2 May 24, 2016 Who's to blame and how Four degrees (above zero) of separation to express your wrath Editor Mark Sabbatini Principal of principles Kristan Hutchison Psychiatrist Irene Gallion Accomplice Jeff Newsom Mailing address Get some real dirt on icepeople! Icepeople Vei 210 -2- 13 Our global headquarters available for rent during the March 20 eclipse! Sleeps three on actual Longyearbyen, Svalbard furnishings (double bed and sofa), plus a few can squeeze in on the floor. Washing machine, turbo 9170 wi-fi and about a 5-10 minute walk to most places. Plus, you'll be helping provide our pitiful little Norway newspaper with desperately needed funds. Contact [email protected] for details. Telephone Norway: +47 41 51 46 38 VIDE BRANDT Presenting…the first-ever streaming video in a U.S. +1 (970) 673-4472 Four snowmobiles sinking slowly into the salt water just beyond Svalbard Snøscooterutleie on newspaper: This may look like a snapshot, but PRIVATE it's actually a 15-minute "live from London" stage E-mail Monday are unable to send out an SOS on their own, so Vide Brandt posted a picture of the performance playing in real time on this page. [email protected] scooters on a local Facebook page hoping the owners will toss them a lifeline. Web site ANONYMOUS www.icepeople.net Icesheet Icepeople is published weekly (or thereabouts) on Tuesdays (or thereabouts), with printed Random bits of the week's weirdness: copies available free on a limited basis in Can you identify the object in the picture Longyearbyen. Additional printed copies are to the right? If not, don't feel bad – the ex- available locally and by mail upon request. perts at Svalbard Museum couldn't either. Charges are on an "at cost" basis. They posted the picture on their Facebook page Monday asking for help, with the following de- scription: "The object was found in Nilsebu in Copyright stuff Husdalen on Hopen. The diameter of the circle in the middle is 16cm, the entire object is 55 Briefly Original contents of this publication can be cm long. On one half side of the circle there are SVALBARD MUSEUM reproduced for non-commercial purposes free nine holes, on the other half side there are 10 Since we'd burn the house down trying to of charge if Icepeople is credited as the holes. The holes are about 0.5 cm in diameter. install it: We're thinking this fireplace accessory Cruising: Getting out of source. The original writers, photographers There are varying distances from the hole to the might work better as the ultimate politically and other contributors retain their rights to all edge. From all the holes there are a slot that collect paddle since it had handles for both left- danger, but into 'death?' published works. goes to the edge. The hole in the center has a handed and right-handed punishers. Another cruise season is about to embark diameter of 3.2 cm. The circle has a thickness tourists starting to arrive during the next week full speed ahead in Svalbard, but the smiles of Mainland town claims to be top Corrections policy of 3.6 cm." It took roughly four hours for Tone can solve it on their own: what's the story be- those greeting passengers aren't being shared Aalstad to post the correct response (and a yond those local parcels with "TNT" labels? by a lot of industry executives these days. per-person telethon giver, a title When we screw up you'll know about it – on helpful weblink at tinyurl.com/zpzzqbf). The You'll be able to find the answers and many They took a blow last month when Britain held by Longyearbyen for years the front page. One of the big complaints answer (in our possibly incorrect translation) is other fun facts on our newly revised "Alter- issued a warning telling travelers cruising here about newspapers is they tend to bury it's an ancient register plate which, according to native Walking Tour of Longyearbyen" map is too dangerous. That warning may be re- corrections and clarifications deep inside the internet, "seals off the chimney so that only that will be available free next week. Among where few people who read the original article the flue connection of a stove installed into a the other new additions this year are town's see them. If we need to fix something, an alert fireplace with an existing chimney is passing ugliest (yet most coveted) housing sites, the box on the front page will state what story is in through it." The museum folks, BTW, now say real (and non-intrusive) attraction worth seeing error and where the full correction is printed. that was their assumption all along … Speak- for those near the avalanche zone and the place ing of fun Facebook inquiries, we'll leave an- where it's relatively cool to engage in a bit of SYSSELMANNEN Submitting material other mystery unanswered so the waves of disaster tourism if that's your thing. Letters, columns, photos and other material are welcome, but we can't offer pay for The Mac Hack published items since nobody here is getting paid at the moment. Submissions in electronic We impishly dissect, gleefully crush and sadistically drown form (text, Word documents, JPEGs, etc.) are Macintoshes. But since not many people are willing to pay highly preferred, although typing and/or erything community activist (and the literal scanning of items will be considered on a per- for that, we also repair, upgrade, disinfect Macs, and offer savior of this fishwrapper) Anne Lise Sandvik. case basis. We reserve the right to edit spare cables, batteries and other parts – cheap! Look for a (hopefully) well-translated version submissions for length, clarity, accuracy, libel Got a truly dead machine? Let us have "fun" with it! on our website soon.