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Changing your child’s screen habits Part two of a series

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November 2016 • BROOKLYN Family 3 Brooklyn Family November 2016 Features columns 8 Changing screen 10 Just Write Mom habits by Danielle Sullivan Is there life without electronics? 18 Healthy Living Part two of a series by Danielle Sullivan By Myrna Beth Haskell 22 Ask an Attorney 12 Uniquely Rosie By Alison Arden Besunder, Esq. A mother of a special-needs son pens a series of books starring a 28 Dear Dr. Karyn pink hippo By Dr. Karyn Gordon By Shnieka L. Johnson 30 Behavior & Beyond 16 The new debate over By Dr. Marcie Beigel homework Many parents think their kids have 32 Family Health By Dr. Pramod Narula, MD too much. Is the answer to have none at all? 34 Good Sense Eating By Tammy Scileppi by Christine M. Palumbo, RD 20 Good holiday 36 Divorce & Separation 16 ex-etiquette By Lee Chabin, Esq. Ten tips to peaceful solutions By Denise Yearian 44 Tips for Feeding Kids By Dawn Lerman 23 Hunger in America When children have nothing to eat 46 New & Noteworthy By Alexa Bigwarfe By Lisa J. Curtis 24 On becoming a special sections ‘mother-by-love’ Because ‘mother-in-law’ is 14 Special Needs Providers antiquated! Directory By Carolyn Waterbury-Tieman 33 Healthcare Providers 26 Educating boys We Like A psychologist on how the education system has failed 45 The Marketplace By Allison Plitt calendar 38 November Events

12 38

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November 2016 • BROOKLYN Family 5 letter from the publisher

day. This is as it should be. But she is a grown young woman now, yet still I am embarrassed for all the per- Politics and kids sonal smutty negativity she has had to hear in this election. Grown people behav- his election seems the inappropriateness of it all ing without cordiality and hurling insulting to have been going and ensuring their children’s personal slurs at each other is no intel- T on even longer than attention was elsewhere. ligent person’s idea of true campaigning. usual, or perhaps it’s the in- When I was a child I went This election has truly been a circus, not sane media coverage and the to the polls with my parents completely, but enough so to turn off a new circus-like atmosphere that and we voted “together.” They young voter and to have to close the ears accompanied a good deal of instilled in us a sense of voter or the media outlets so that very young it. One can only hope it hasn’t privilege and politics was a children didn’t get exposed. affected our children with hot topic around our dinner One can only hope that the the out- long-term negativity, because table, sometimes pleasantly, come of the election is respected and that participating in the electoral and sometimes not so pleas- we can move forward with some sense of process is an important part of our citi- antly. As we youngsters began to think dignity. Our country is dependent on this zenry, and one should be engaged and for ourselves, our opinions didn’t always and so are our children. The show needs proud to have the right to vote. coincide with the parental stance around to end and governing on behalf of our elec- Unlike any past election I can recall, the us, and great debates took place that could torate needs to commence. tone of this went beyond decency and pro- become quite passionate. Thanks for reading. fessionalism almost repeatedly. It seemed Taking my daughter to vote with me to grow quite ugly from the first, with vitriol over these past years has been a ritual usurping sensibility as the tabloids and that has really paid off. She is very vested other media practically salivated and rat- in the process and is one of many politi- ings skyrocketed. We were bombarded with cally engaged millennials. We talk about sexual innuendo and tasteless personal ref- politics and we discuss the candidates Susan Weiss-Voskidis, erences almost from the start, and I was left and the issues regularly, and I know she Publisher/Excutive Editor wondering how families were coping with will do the same with her children one [email protected]

Community News Group Contact information ceo: Les Goodstein advertising: Web or Print address President & Publisher: (718) 260-4554 New York Parenting Media/CNG Jennifer Goodstein [email protected] 1 Metrotech Center North 10th Floor circulation Brooklyn, NY 11201 New York parenting (718) 260-8336 [email protected] Publisher / executive editor: Susan Weiss editorial www.NYParenting.com Publisher / business Manager: (718) 260-4554 Clifford Luster [email protected] oPerations associate: calendar Tina Felicetti (718) 260-2523 sales rePs: Alexis Benson, Erin Brof, Jay Pelc, Stephanie Stellacio art director: Leah Mitch The acceptance of advertising by New York Join the conversation on Facebook. Parenting does not constitute an endorse- New York Parenting has been recognized for Web designer: Sylvan Migdal ment of the products, services or informa- editorial and design excellence by PMA. tion being advertised. We do not knowingly graPhic designers: Arthur Arutyunov, present any products or services that are New York Parenting is published monthly by Richard Chance, Gardy Charles, Earl Ferrer, fraudu lent or misleading in nature. New York Parenting Media/CNG. Subscrip- tion rate is $35 annually. Reproduction of John Napoli, Mark Ramos Editorial inquiries, calendar information, New York Parenting Media in whole or advertising rates and schedules and subscrip- part without written permission from the tion requests may be addressed to New York th publisher is prohibited. All rights reserved. Parenting, One Metro tech Center North, 10 Copyright©2016 Managing editor: Vince DiMiceli Floor, Brooklyn, N.Y. 11201. assistant editor: Courtney Donahue New York Parenting can also be reached by coPy editors: Lisa J. Curtis calling (718) 260-4554, emailing Family@ NYParenting.com or by visiting our website, calendar editor: Joanna Del Buono NYParenting.com.

6 brooklyn Family • November 2016 COBBLE HILL, BROOKLYN LePort Montessori

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November 2016 • BROOKLYN Family 7 Changing screen habits Is there life without electronics? Part two of a series

By Myrna Beth haskell share your concerns and give them some Parental controls: ideas for constructive offline activities,” erhaps you’ve encouraged a variety Are you lost as to she says. of social activities and have found where to begin? Dr. Lisa Strohman, a clinical psycholo- P creative outlets for quality family Here are some additional re- gist, co-author of “Unplug: Raising Kids in a time, but you still find that your child is sources to find out more about con- Technology Addicted World,” and founder spending too much time with his face trolling what your child sees and of Technology Wellness Center (www.tech- glued to a screen. You would prefer that he participates in throughout cyber nologywellnesscenter.com) warns parents learns to control his own behavior, but you world: of the affect long periods of time using are finding that he is unable to do so. • Everything You Need to Know electronics can have on kids’ brains. It’s time that you monitor his tech time, about Parental Controls (Common “The longer kids are connected — and set specific guidelines and, if necessary, Sense Media): www.commonsen- studies now show over six hours a day — utilize parental controls so you can be cer- semedia.org/blog/everything-you- the more it’s affecting their brain develop- tain he is not spending all of his free time need-to-know-about-parental-con- ment.” with his smartphone, iPad, gaming device, trols She reports that MRI studies show that or other tech toy. • The Best Parental Con- the brain starts to atrophy with obsessive, trol Software for 2016 (PCMag. prolonged technology use. Why monitor tech use time? com): www.pcmag.com/arti- “Addiction to technology during the According to a 2015 national survey cle2/0,2817,2346997,00.asp teen years will also affect students going conducted by Common Sense Media, • Activate Parental Controls off to college.” tweens spend approximately six hours a Around your Home (Internetmat- She reports that kids have the highest day with technological media and teens ters.org): www.internetmatters.org/ susceptibility to create change in their spend approximately nine hours per day. parental-controls/interactive-guide brains between the ages of 13 and 20. So, This included gaming, cellphone use, so- • Using Parental Controls for TV these are critical years for brain develop- cial media, watching TV and videos, listen- (TVguidelines.org): www.tvguide- ment. ing to music, and computer use (including lines.org/parentalcontrols.htm making digital art and programming), but Setting guidelines it excluded time spent with technology for kids and teens doing homework. tech, it can be quite concerning,” says As with all other aspects of parenting, However, many experts agree that chil- Sue Scheff, a nationally recognized par- it’s all about setting up rules and being dren learn best by real-world experience enting advocate, author, and founder and involved with your children, according and interaction, and that limiting technol- president of Parents’ Universal Resource to an October 2015 article written by Dr. ogy use in order to maintain a balance of Experts Inc. Ari Brown, Dr. David Hill, and Dr. Donald non-tech social experiences is extremely She says it’s easier with younger kids Shifrin, titled “Beyond Turn it Off: How to important for a child’s social and emo- because parents are the ones arranging Advise Families on Media use” (American tional development. and monitoring play dates. Academy of Pediatrics). “When you hear the statistics about “However, with your tweens and teens it “The same parenting rules apply to how much kids are attached to their so- comes back to communication. If you feel your children’s real and virtual environ- cial media, text messaging, and all things they are spending too much time online, ments. Play with them. Set limits. Be in-

8 brooklyn Family • November 2016 volved. Know their friends and where they during meals should always stay involved. are going with them,” they write. • N o devices during social events “I do believe in parental controls; how- Common Sense Media suggests a • S e t consequences for breaking the ever, it should never replace parenting,” screen-time schedule. rules Scheff states. “My philosophy has always “If you’re concerned about heavy media been: when safety trumps privacy, that’s use, consider creating a schedule that Privacy and parental when you have to take it to another level works for your family. This can include controls of possible snooping. This is when you weekly screen-time limits and the kinds of It’s true that it can be extremely diffi- suspect your child is in danger or at risk, screens kids can use. Get your kids’ input cult to physically monitor your children’s and they aren’t opening up to you.” so the plan teaches media literacy and self- tech time. Therefore, some parents opt for She stresses that parents must continue regulation.” parental control software and devices to their offline chats every day to check in And the early you start, the better. monitor and limit their children’s tech or with their child about cyber health. “For those who have young children, online activities. “New surveys are coming out regularly start early with device boundaries and “Let your kids know their actions online about how much time kids are spending guidelines,” advises Scheff. “Set up tech are public and permanent. It’s not about ‘I online and how it can cause depression limits that fit your individual family. Start- think you’re making bad decisions.’ It’s and possible addiction, not to mention ing early can really help your kids with a about safety,” says Strohman. cyberbullying. Growing up is hard enough healthy digital life.” She explains that more kids are now without having to deal with social media For parents who have already given getting cellphones by age 6, and that chil- pressure, too. As a parent, you must be their tweens and teens smartphones with- dren at this age cannot possibly under- present on all levels.” out limits, she reminds, “You’re paying the stand the complicated aspects of online Myrna Beth Haskell is an award-winning bill for their privilege.” safety and protocol. “Children should author, columnist, and feature writer. Her work Scheff also suggests family meetings to be told as early as possible that cell- has appeared in national and regional pub- go over expectations: phones and technology are not equal to lications across the U.S. as well as interna- • S e t a time to unplug (i.e. during home- privacy.” tionally (www.myrnahaskell.com). She is also work time) Scheff says that while setting paren- cofounder and managing editor of “Sanctuary” • F i n d a place where devices are stashed tal controls can certainly help, parents (www.sanctuary-magazine.com).

November 2016 • BROOKLYN Family 9 PARENTS

JUST WRITE MOM DANIELLE SULLIVAN

where. Gotta run to the grocery store, visit a friend, or gasp … go to a movie? You won’t always have to take your child with you or preplan ahead of time and hire a babysitter. There will come a time when your child will be able to stay home Five (temporary!) alone. And I know it seems like right now when you are bogged down in diapers and spit-up, that you might not see it, but it will happen, and likely before you are parents’ struggles ready for it to happen. Having a scared child crawl into your y kids are five years apart, which Being awakened at a godforsaken bed. It may be after a nightmare, or every can make for some very good ex- hour each weekend. Whether you are night, depending on the personality and M periences, like having time with now accustomed to being awakened by sensitivity of the child. You think that the baby while the older one is in school. a harrowing squeal from a screaming may never ever sleep with your partner But it can also make for some unpleas- toddler or you have a more calm start to alone again but trust me, it will happen. ant experiences, like having to start over the day upon hearing footsteps and rum- (And with three children with different again, knee-high in diapers and late-night maging around the kitchen in search of sensibilities who are five years apart, I feedings, once you have finally exited the Frosted Flakes, there will actually come can happily assure you it will.) baby stage with your older child. With my a day when you will wake up — on your Having to oversee homework and youngest just reaching the teen years, I am own — before your child does. And just studying. With enough effort in the early now experiencing a multitude of newfound like that, it will be closely followed by years, by the time a child gets a few freedoms. your preteen or teen sleeping in and you years of school under his belt, there Take it from someone who has been will be the one waking them up (after you is really no need to micromanage his down deep in the trenches just where relish that newfound morning silence). school life. Not only is it up to the kids to you might be right now, frantic from Being at a social gathering and not do their work, metaphorically and liter- non-stop crying, sweaty, exhausted, and having to constantly watch your child at ally, but also, if they learned good school depleted. Rest assured, there will come every moment. I can remember the first habits early on, it is already instilled a day when all the things you are going time my husband and I attended a party, in them. So all of those homework ses- through right now will cease (and dare I and I didn’t have to run after a curious sions, countless study reminders, and say you may even miss it!). toddler. I actually had conversations, sat oral quizzes the night before a test will I won’t lie; the freedom I have now is down, and chatted at length with friends eventually fade away. amazing. I can barely remember the days while my daughter happily and safely And once all of these little nagging, when I couldn’t shower, sleep at night, entertained herself close by. I had never annoying inconveniences cease and your watch my favorite show, or even read a even known this was something I would growing kids are independent and self- book whenever I wanted. At the time, have given up for those baby and tod- sufficient, well, you are going to wonder I thought those long, busy days would dler years. I also didn’t quite realize how how fast they have grown and in all likeli- never end. sweet it would be until I was able to hang hood, only wish you had just a few more You will get here, and until you do, up my safety hat around the time my last of those hectic days! keep these five things in mind, because child reached school age. Danielle Sullivan, a mom of three, is a they will go away (I promise!): Having to take your child every- writer and editor living in New York City.

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November 2016 • BROOKLYN Family 11 Uniquely ROSIE A mother of a special-needs son pens a series of books starring a pink hippo perception of you depends mostly on how you see yourself. BY SHNIEKA L. JOHNSON standing. The tomes are a creative and Shnieka Johnson: What led you to fun teaching tool for parents, caregiv- write children’s books? om and author Helen Hipp ers, and teachers to use with children Hellen Hipp: My father had a dream writes vivid books about whim- who may feel different than their peers. to share an African safari experience M sical characters that encounter They encourage children to have a posi- with his family. Little did I know then real-life issues. Her own encounter with tive outlook and use their personal chal- that this trip would encourage me to a pink hippopotamus while on safari lenges to help them grow. Hipp’s books write children’s adventure books. birthed the idea of her character Rosie are designed to help children see that The storyline made its appearance the Hippo, and led to a series of chil- being different can be an asset. when my family spotted a pod of hippos dren’s books about differences starring The first, “A Different Kind of Safari” and one stood out because of her lack of the rosy mammal. Hipp’s experience rais- (released in 2013), introduced Rosie, and color. She was pink! All of the other hip- ing a child with special needs led her to encouraged the reader to transform per- pos were dark gray. My son Ray, 14 at the complete a Master of Arts in clinical psy- sonal challenges into opportunities. Her time, immediately named her “Rosie.” chology. She committed to never letting latest book, “Rosie and Friends Positively Curious and wanting to learn more anyone but her son define his ability or Different,” addresses issues such as anxi- about this hippo, we asked the guide potential. Because of this, her life’s work ety, fear, physical differences, and poor many questions about hippos and hippo as a mom evolved into her professional self-esteem. Hipp presents the issue of behavior. Specifically, I wanted to know practice. being different in a way that children can why the pink hippo stood so far outside Hipp’s book concept created an effec- relate to and understand. She encourages of her pod. The familiarity of the guide’s tive way to motivate kids (of all ages and happiness in spite of the challenges. Her answer took me by surprise. He explained abilities) to meet their challenges with message “uniqueness is not a weakness” that “Rosie” was tolerated, but not neces- self-acceptance, confidence, and under- truly puts into perspective that others’ sarily accepted by the herd because of her skin color. This made her different to the other members of the pod. As the parent of a child with special needs, I immediately felt a strong [af- finity] with Rosie’s situation, as did my son Ray, who has experienced his own challenges with acceptance. Inspired, I

12 brooklyn Family • November 2016 decided to share the story of Rosie with the world by weaving it into children’s “As the parent of a child with adventure books that celebrate differ- ences. special needs, I immediately felt SJ: What appeals to you most about children’s books? a strong [affinity] with Rosie’s HH: I find the presence of innocence, imagination, and creativity that is woven situation, as did my son Ray, into many children’s books to be very who has experienced his own captivating. I guess you can say I am a child at heart. challenges with acceptance. SJ: Why this particular topic? HH: Perceptions shape your reality. Inspired, I decided to share the Rosie and Friends help children to un- story of Rosie with the world.” derstand that their uniqueness is not a weakness. SJ: Which children’s books have in- spired you as a writer? SJ: What vision do you have for your HH: Yes, there is a need for books of HH: Maurice Sendak’s “Where the book series? all types. Particularly books that expand Wild Things Are” is a book that I often HH: My adventure books have already upon and challenge thoughts and foster think about when developing an ageless taken me on a journey that has given me imagination. storyline that I want my books to be — the opportunity to meet a large number SJ: Where can your books be found? fun and pertinent to readers young and of wonderful people, all of which I refer HH: My books are available on Ama- old. to as my “Safari Family.” zon and at Barnes & Noble. “Blueberries for Sal” by Robert McClo- I cannot imagine anything more re- SJ: What else do you want parents to skey and “Angels on Horseback” written warding than bringing more of Rosie’s know about Rosie the Hippo? by Norman Thelwell were also instru- adventures and their powerful message HH: Rosie puts things into perspective! mental, influencing me with simple, yet onto the stage and into schools to cre- Shnieka Johnson is an education consultant compelling, creative expression styles ate an atmosphere of happiness, under- and freelance writer. She is based in Manhat- that brought the characters to life for me. standing, and acceptance. tan where she resides with her husband and As a child and now as an adult, I continue SJ: Is there a need for more books son. Contact her via her website: www.shnieka- to enjoy all of these books immensely. like this? johnson.com.

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Special Advertising Section November 2016 • BROOKLYN Family 15 The new debate over homework cal” approach to their curriculum, and say- Many parents ing “no” to homework assignments. Experts such as pediatricians and think their kids WebMD medical editor Dr. Hansa Bhar- gava, believe that youngsters can ben- efit emotionally and physically when they have too much. spend more free time with their families, or engaged in creative play. While some Is the answer to parents love that idea, others feel home- have none at all? work should take priority. The great homework debate Ask any young New York City student if By Tammy Scileppi he likes homework, and most likely, with a few exceptions, the answer will be a Pediatrician and WebMD medical editor Dr. s homework good for our children? resounding “NO!” In kids’ minds, there’s Hansa Bhargava with her twin fifth-graders. Does it boost learning and encour- nothing good about the “H” word. After I age higher achievement? Or does it hours of working in school, who wants to are getting much more homework than cause added stress in your kids’ already- come home to more work? In fact, if you students did 20 or even 30 years ago. over-scheduled lives? ask parents, many would probably admit Would a no-homework policy at your that they secretly hate homework, too. Finding a balance child’s elementary school hinder her aca- The heated homework debate — for or If too much homework is assigned, it demic progress? against — is indeed sparking quite a bit of can get overwhelming. Not only for young- And how can parents and teachers bet- controversy lately, as elementary school sters, but for the entire family. Too little or ter manage students’ workloads to ensure students seem to be coming home with none at all, and many parents worry that their well-rounded development? more and more assignments each day. their kids aren’t learning enough or getting In a controversial, nationwide trend, Some parents are questioning whether a good education. a handful of elementary-school teachers all of that extra work is worth the extra Other parents are wondering if no home- have been going rogue by taking a “radi- stress. And many believe that their kids work is a better alternative.

Author’s aside rewards to get him motivated and ex- approach would drive me crazy. Back When my smart, well-rounded son, cited about doing homework. Nothing then, I was a “get it done, or else” helicop- Brian (now 23), attended elementary seemed to work. He just wanted to get it ter mom who didn’t believe in that laissez- school, he usually got good grades, even over with. faire philosophy when it came to raising though he hated studying. Then one day, We made sure his free time was spent kids. Perhaps I should’ve taken the hands- he and homework became arch enemies. doing what he liked. He loved baseball, off route, but then, who knows how many My rule was: When he got home, he video games, and spending time with homework assignments wouldn’t have could have a snack and relax for a while friends and family. Weekends were great. been completed or handed in on time? (maybe watch a little TV), but he had to But when he got more homework, It took me a while to figure out that get his homework done, neatly and cor- he couldn’t handle it, and his behavior my son actually resented having to do rectly. The system worked for a while, caused a lot of tension at home. My hus- his homework. He seemed to have an but as my son got older, getting him to band and I would bicker a lot; both of us arrogant, “How dare they make me do it, start and complete assignments turned were working, juggling household chores, when there are so many other things I’d into a daily battle. Like most kids, he felt and always feeling tired. Looking back, rather be doing now?” attitude. (somewhat justifiably), that homework homework was just one more thing that If I could, I would have said “NO” to was getting in the way of his valuable made life more difficult and stressful. homework! free time. In addition, we had different parenting With all due respect to my son’s teach- I spent many years stressing out about styles, which added fuel to the fire. My ers, years later, I’m really grateful that it: arguing, coaxing, negotiating, and try- husband was more laid-back than me, all of those dreaded homework assign- ing to reason with him. I even offered and his “Leave him alone, it’ll get done” ments are finally behind us!

16 brooklyn Family • November 2016 Did you know? Studies have shown that having dinner together as a family three The new debate over times a week has many benefits and can lead to more grounded children, and also to better education and less likelihood of later drug abuse. “This dynamic can impact kids at all levels, but specifically younger homework kids,” Dr. Bhargava noted. cal” approach to their curriculum, and say- What can teachers do? Many parents ing “no” to homework assignments. Teachers have rules dictated by the Experts such as pediatricians and National Education Association, including think their kids WebMD medical editor Dr. Hansa Bhar- a standard homework rule of 10 minutes gava, believe that youngsters can ben- per grade. Dr. Bhargava suggests they try have too much. efit emotionally and physically when they to stay within those parameters, and “be spend more free time with their families, more aware that there are other things or engaged in creative play. While some going on in the child’s life, so they can be Is the answer to parents love that idea, others feel home- a bit more realistic.” work should take priority. In an ideal world, homework shouldn’t have none at all? be a one-size-fits-all, because kids learn The great homework debate differently and handle assignments differ- Ask any young New York City student if ently. So teachers could modify their work- By Tammy Scileppi he likes homework, and most likely, with load with that in mind, says Bhargava. a few exceptions, the answer will be a Pediatrician and WebMD medical editor Dr. She also suggests more project-based s homework good for our children? resounding “NO!” In kids’ minds, there’s Hansa Bhargava with her twin fifth-graders. learning, in which students would get Does it boost learning and encour- nothing good about the “H” word. After more real-world learning rather than fill- I age higher achievement? Or does it hours of working in school, who wants to are getting much more homework than ing out worksheets. cause added stress in your kids’ already- come home to more work? In fact, if you students did 20 or even 30 years ago. Of course, if your child is unable to com- over-scheduled lives? ask parents, many would probably admit plete the volume of assignments because Would a no-homework policy at your that they secretly hate homework, too. Finding a balance of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, child’s elementary school hinder her aca- The heated homework debate — for or If too much homework is assigned, it anxiety, or any number of special needs demic progress? against — is indeed sparking quite a bit of can get overwhelming. Not only for young- or learning disabilities, by all means, ad- And how can parents and teachers bet- controversy lately, as elementary school sters, but for the entire family. Too little or vocate for your child. ter manage students’ workloads to ensure students seem to be coming home with none at all, and many parents worry that “If you’re the parent of a child who isn’t their well-rounded development? more and more assignments each day. their kids aren’t learning enough or getting able to handle homework, advocate for In a controversial, nationwide trend, Some parents are questioning whether a good education. your child,” says Bhargava. “Absolutely a handful of elementary-school teachers all of that extra work is worth the extra Other parents are wondering if no home- Bhargava, who doesn’t advocate for re- having more homework to do than those of talk to teachers and see what you can do. I have been going rogue by taking a “radi- stress. And many believe that their kids work is a better alternative. moving homework from school curriculums, past decades is just not so. would say, don’t take away homework, let’s suggests parents look over all of those after- “When you actually look at the num- keep it in regular parameters and make it school activities they’ve got lined up for bers, there’s essentially not a lot of it,” she reasonable.” Author’s aside rewards to get him motivated and ex- approach would drive me crazy. Back their kids. Is their schedule too overloaded notes. “And interestingly, the amount of In the end, Bhargava says, academics, When my smart, well-rounded son, cited about doing homework. Nothing then, I was a “get it done, or else” helicop- with all the homework they’re getting? time spent on homework has been consis- activities, and family time can happily co- Brian (now 23), attended elementary seemed to work. He just wanted to get it ter mom who didn’t believe in that laissez- As the mother of twin fifth-graders (a tent over the decades. We need to put this exist with proper balance. school, he usually got good grades, even over with. faire philosophy when it came to raising boy and girl), who get an hour and a half in perspective based on the data.” “We have to have some trust in educa- though he hated studying. Then one day, We made sure his free time was spent kids. Perhaps I should’ve taken the hands- of homework every night, she knows first- Kids have a lot going on, with compet- tion and hope they do know what they’re he and homework became arch enemies. doing what he liked. He loved baseball, off route, but then, who knows how many hand what it’s like to help her kids balance ing priorities: activities, time with family doing,” says Dr. Bhargava, who agrees that My rule was: When he got home, he video games, and spending time with homework assignments wouldn’t have school responsibilities with leisure time. and friends, and homework. And that’s homework isn’t the be all and end all, but could have a snack and relax for a while friends and family. Weekends were great. been completed or handed in on time? Family time is crucial for kids’ emotional much more so today than in the past. reminds parents: “At this point in time, the (maybe watch a little TV), but he had to But when he got more homework, It took me a while to figure out that development, says Bhargava, who enjoys They are overscheduled. According to the bigger problem is just creating time for get his homework done, neatly and cor- he couldn’t handle it, and his behavior my son actually resented having to do lots of it with her twins. American Academy of Pediatrics, family families.” rectly. The system worked for a while, caused a lot of tension at home. My hus- his homework. He seemed to have an She says it’s all about balance. time and creative play for younger chil- Tammy Scileppi is a Queens-based free- but as my son got older, getting him to band and I would bicker a lot; both of us arrogant, “How dare they make me do it, “When we did a survey here at WebMD, dren — when the brain is still developing lance writer and journalist, parent, and regular start and complete assignments turned were working, juggling household chores, when there are so many other things I’d the majority of parents reported that the — are essential. contributor to New York Parenting. into a daily battle. Like most kids, he felt and always feeling tired. Looking back, rather be doing now?” attitude. number-one stressor for younger kids was To alleviate stress, Bhargava suggests: (somewhat justifiably), that homework homework was just one more thing that If I could, I would have said “NO” to homework,” she noted. “We do need to be • Re-examine your kids’ entire schedule Additional reading was getting in the way of his valuable made life more difficult and stressful. homework! mindful that there are other things going and think about re-prioritizing or remov- www.webmd.com/hansa-bhargava free time. In addition, we had different parenting With all due respect to my son’s teach- on in a child’s life as well; a lot of activities, ing some activities altogether. www.webmd.com/news/breaking- I spent many years stressing out about styles, which added fuel to the fire. My ers, years later, I’m really grateful that screen time, devices. So, I think that com- • K n ow your kids and how they handle news/teen-stress it: arguing, coaxing, negotiating, and try- husband was more laid-back than me, all of those dreaded homework assign- peting priorities for that time after school homework — some take longer, and some “The Homework Myth: Why Our Kids ing to reason with him. I even offered and his “Leave him alone, it’ll get done” ments are finally behind us! is not just about homework.” do better resting or playing before div- Get Too Much of a Bad Thing” by Alfie In fact, she says the idea of today’s kids ing in. Kohn.

November 2016 • BROOKLYN Family 17 HEALTH

HEALTHY LIVING DANIELLE SULLIVAN

be completely cured. I, along with my colleagues, devel- oped the Endovenous Laser Ablation technique, which became approved by the Food and Drug Administration in 2002. Now used worldwide, Endovenous Laser Ablation is the preferred method of treatment over traditional ligation and stripping, due to its minimally invasive characteristics. DS: What are the risks and compli- cations of laser ablation? Does it ever cause blood clots? There is help for DN: There are very minor risks and complications associated with laser ab- lation treatment. Minimal black-and-blue bruising may occur, and there is a minor chance that it can cause blood clots — varicose veins! this is very rare. DS: What are the rates of success with mong the myriad of uncomfort- Dr. Luis Navarro: Some women are laser ablation? able and unattractive ailments of more prone to varicose and spider veins DN: There is close to a 100 percent A pregnancy are unsightly varicose because they are genetically predis- success rate with laser ablation. It is veins. The bulging purple or red veins posed to them. More than 60 percent of an extremely beneficial treatment for might not pose a health threat, but they patients who have vein troubles have a varicose veins, and with the 25-minute can be uncomfortable. family history with this. Varicose and treatment time under local anesthesia Often varicose veins can begin in preg- spider veins rarely indicate more serious with no downtime, it is a great option to nancy but last a lifetime, unless medical medical issues, but things such as preg- cure the veins. intervention is pursued. Some people nancy, standing all day, or sitting all day DS: What are some at-home treat- experience an ache and heaviness due to can bring on the veins. ments for varicose veins? the blood pooling in their veins, so living DS: How effective are compression DN: Home treatments to help ease with the condition can also be painful. socks as opposed to laser ablation? symptoms of varicose veins include There is help available, says Dr. Luis Na- DN: Compression socks and stockings wearing compression stockings, and to varro, founder and director of The Vein are complementary to actual vein treat- help with swelling, individuals can take Treatment Center in New York City. ments such as laser ablation. Compres- horse chestnut seed extract. These at- Danielle Sullivan: Why do some sion stockings diminish the symptoms home remedies will not cure the veins women get varicose veins and others of varicose veins, but do not cure them. like professional treatments will, but don’t? Does it signal a serious health You’ll need laser ablation to cure the they will help manage the symptoms as- issue, such as a circulation problem? veins, and once your laser ablation is sociated with varicose veins. Does it develop from standing too done, you will no longer need to wear Danielle Sullivan, a mom of three, is a much? compression stockings because you will writer and editor living in New York City.

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November 2016 • BROOKLYN Family 19 Good holiday ex-etiquette to compromise so you can both partici- pate in giving those “prized possessions.” Ten tips to peaceful solutions Avoid competing for your child’s affec- tions when buying gifts. Focus your ef- By Denise yearian to have a good holiday?” Pursue that. forts on quality time rather than quantity 2. Communicate and cooperate. Es- of gifts. hen a family is fractured by di- tablish a good working relationship with 4. Be gracious with gift exchanges. vorce, it creates added stress your ex on behalf of your child. You don’t Helping your child make or choose a gift W during the holidays with regard have to be buddies, but you do need to for his other biological parent models to child visitation, gift giving, and attend- be team players. Talk early in the season thoughtful, generous behavior you ulti- ing children’s programs. But it doesn’t about how you are going to handle special mately want to see displayed in him. In have to. If parents will let go of their differ- days and events. Create a schedule for visi- high-conflict situations, however, partici- ences and focus on communication, coop- tations and be respectful of your ex’s time pating in these gift-giving endeavors may eration, and compromise, the season can with your child. When transitioning from be too difficult. If so, don’t deny your child be a little less stressful for everyone. Here home to home, arrive on time and keep this privilege; find a neutral adult who will are 10 tips to help: goodbyes short to avoid extra stress. If, in step in and help. 1. Pursue the big picture. Although the planning stages, the conversation gets 5. extend courtesies to relatives. Rec- you and your ex may have past disap- heated, stop and arrange another time to ognize the importance of your child’s rela- pointments and present disagreements, talk. Equally important, do your own com- tionship with extended relatives on both set aside negative thoughts and feelings municating; avoid making your child the sides of the family. Keep grandparents for your child. Look, instead, at the big- messenger. and other family members central in his ger picture and consider how it will affect 3. Call for a compromise. Discuss with life during the holiday season. him in the long run. Don’t think, “What do your ex items your child has asked for 6. Partner for programs. Holiday con- I need?” Think, “What does my child need with regard to gifts, and look for ways certs, plays, and other programs are a

20 brooklyn Family • November 2016 time to celebrate your child’s accomplish- ments, so it’s important for both parents Subject-related Oxhorn-Ringwood and Louise Oxhorn to be in attendance. You don’t have to resources for parents with Marjorie Vego Krausz. sit together, but you should be cordial Books Websites and courteous to one another. Come with • “Ex-Etiquette for Parents: Good Be- • https://bonusfamilies.com. An or- other family members or attend alone; havior after a Divorce or Separation” by ganization dedicated to peaceful coex- this is not the time to introduce casual Jann Blackstone-Ford and Sharyl Jupe. istence between separated or divorced dates. Each parent should also be given • “ Fa m i l i e s Apart: Ten Keys to Suc- parents and their new families. time alone to interact with your child. For cessful Co-Parenting” by Melinda Blau. • www.divorcecare.org. This web- example, coordinate schedules so one par- • “Healing Hearts: Helping Children sites contains a listing of local Divorce- ent takes him to the event and the other and Adults Recover from Divorce” by Care support groups for adults and chil- brings him home. Elizabeth Hickey. dren. Groups meet weekly to help peo- 7. Set clear expectations. When par- • “Mom’s House, Dad’s House: Mak- ple face the challenges of divorce and ents of young children who have recently ing Two Homes for Your Child” by Iso- move toward rebuilding their lives. separated are willing to come together lina Ricci. • www.smartstepfamilies.com. This peacefully during the holidays, it gives • “Stepwives: Ten Steps to Help Ex- organization offers tools to help fami- their children the opportunity to experi- wives and Stepmothers End the Strug- lies get to know each other better and ence the celebration as an intact family. gle and Put the Kids First” by Lynne communicate more effectively. If you decide to go this route, set clear expectations and communicate them to your child so he doesn’t misunderstand this and keep an open line of communica- ship for the long haul. There will be gradu- and think you are permanently reuniting. tion so he can freely share his thoughts ations, weddings, grandkids — even great It can be confusing for a child, who may and feelings. grandkids. So set the stage now for a good already be dealing with reconciliation fan- 9. Be reasonable. The first few years relationship with you ex in the future. And tasy. Keep the time together fun, easy, and after a separation and divorce can be the remember, the best gifts you can give your stress-free. Focus on your child, not on the hardest time to enjoy the holidays. Don’t child is your unconditional love and accep- relationship with your ex. expect things to be perfect. Create a few tance, and the freedom to express love to 8. Be a sounding board. Give your new traditions, and bear in mind it takes his other parent. child the opportunity to discuss past holi- time to heal wounds and adjust to a new Denise Yearian is a former educator and days, if he desires. Most kids grieve the family unit. editor of two parenting magazines, whose loss of an intact family with every holiday 10. Set the stage for the future. Bear personal experience prompted her to write Good holiday and at each stage in life. Be sensitive to in mind you are in this parenting partner- this story.

ry talent since 1 The Preparatory Developing extraordina 978! ex-etiquette Center for the to compromise so you can both partici- Performing Arts pate in giving those “prized possessions.” Ten tips to peaceful solutions Avoid competing for your child’s affec- tions when buying gifts. Focus your ef- Music, By Denise yearian to have a good holiday?” Pursue that. forts on quality time rather than quantity Theater & Dance 2. Communicate and cooperate. Es- of gifts. hen a family is fractured by di- tablish a good working relationship with 4. Be gracious with gift exchanges. Ages 3 to Adult vorce, it creates added stress your ex on behalf of your child. You don’t Helping your child make or choose a gift W during the holidays with regard have to be buddies, but you do need to for his other biological parent models to child visitation, gift giving, and attend- be team players. Talk early in the season thoughtful, generous behavior you ulti- www.BCPrepCenter.org ing children’s programs. But it doesn’t about how you are going to handle special mately want to see displayed in him. In 718-951-4111 have to. If parents will let go of their differ- days and events. Create a schedule for visi- high-conflict situations, however, partici- 2900 Bedford Avenue, ences and focus on communication, coop- tations and be respectful of your ex’s time pating in these gift-giving endeavors may eration, and compromise, the season can with your child. When transitioning from be too difficult. If so, don’t deny your child 234 Roosevelt Hall, be a little less stressful for everyone. Here home to home, arrive on time and keep this privilege; find a neutral adult who will Brooklyn, NY 11210 are 10 tips to help: goodbyes short to avoid extra stress. If, in step in and help. 1. Pursue the big picture. Although the planning stages, the conversation gets 5. extend courtesies to relatives. Rec- you and your ex may have past disap- heated, stop and arrange another time to ognize the importance of your child’s rela- pointments and present disagreements, talk. Equally important, do your own com- tionship with extended relatives on both set aside negative thoughts and feelings municating; avoid making your child the sides of the family. Keep grandparents for your child. Look, instead, at the big- messenger. and other family members central in his ger picture and consider how it will affect 3. Call for a compromise. Discuss with life during the holiday season. him in the long run. Don’t think, “What do your ex items your child has asked for 6. Partner for programs. Holiday con- I need?” Think, “What does my child need with regard to gifts, and look for ways certs, plays, and other programs are a

November 2016 • BROOKLYN Family 21 ADVICE Healthcare proxies — why do you need them?

healthcare proxy allows you to still grasp that he is appointing someone communicate your end-of-life to make those complex decisions. A choices if you cannot speak for Advance directives such as healthcare yourself. It is important to create a health- proxies and powers of attorneys are in- care proxy before a crisis hits. If you tended to avoid the need for a guardian- receive a dire medical diagnosis, the last ship proceeding under the law of Mental thing you want to be thinking about is ad- Hygiene Law Article 81. A proceeding is dressing these documents. costly and time consuming, not to men- It will allow you to appoint another per- tion emotionally burdensome for going son (whether family member or friend) to through the process of asserting that a make healthcare decisions for you if you are loved one lacks competence. This often no longer able to communicate with doctors, angers the person over whom a guardian- or lack the capacity to make decisions. In the ship is sought, and causes strife among absence of a proxy, the statutory law in New adult children of that person or other fam- ASK AN York provides for a hierarchy of persons ily members. That said, a guardianship who make medical decisions for another proceeding is sometimes still necessary, ATTORNEY person. The first is a spouse, and then a as where a person has signed conflicting ALISON ARDEN BESUNDER, ESQ. child — without specifying which child, documents or is believed to have been which can lead to ambiguity with adult chil- susceptible to undue influence. dren who don’t get along or agree. Another complication can arise where We like to have clients prepare health- there is a guardianship in place but a person no one else when the patient is able to care proxies for their children under the executes a healthcare proxy. Decisions by a communicate. age of 18, who by definition “lack capacity” healthcare agent take priority over decisions The agent’s authority is not unfettered. to make their own decisions. In the par- by any other person. Nor does an Article 81 An agent cannot override a decision al- ents’ absence, or incapacity, parents can guardian have the authority to revoke a des- ready made by a patient. If a patient has appoint another person to make medical ignation of an agent. The written designation communicated a “do not resuscitate” order decisions for that child. of an agent is presumed valid, and the per- to a physician and later loses capacity, in Even if a person lacks healthcare deci- son making it is presumed to have had the general, the agent cannot change plans. sion-making capacity, he can still designate requisite competence. Court intervention is An agent also cannot limit visitation a healthcare agent and sign a proxy if he required to revoke the designation. to the patient, although in circumstances is “competent.” According to Public Health New York State does not recognize the where a client is concerned about strife Law 2981.1, every adult is “presumed com- designation of “co-agents” on a healthcare among family members, or unwanted per- petent” to appoint a healthcare agent un- proxy. Policy dictates that only one person sons coming to visit, language to that ef- less determined incompetent by a court. be imbued with decision-making author- fect can be included to persuade the medi- The requisite “competence” standard for ity. To do otherwise imposes risks on the cal facility that the patient would exclude making the proxy is different from the stan- health of a person who is in need of clear those persons if she were able to do so. dard of “capacity to make healthcare deci- direction to medical personnel. A person A healthcare proxy is a brief document sions.” “Capacity” in that context means may designate an “alternate” or successor but can still be fraught with potential for “the ability to understand and appreciate agent, but the law is clear on the appoint- conflict and complexity. It is important to the nature and consequences of healthcare ment of a single agent. consult an attorney to answer questions decisions, including the benefits and risks A healthcare agent’s authority is not you may have regarding the implementa- of and alternatives to any proposed health- triggered unless and until the person lacks tion of a proxy in various contexts. care, and to reach an informed decision.” decision-making capacity. The agent may Alison Arden Besunder is the founding at- What this means is that a person who not supersede the principal’s own deci- torney of the law firm of Arden Besunder P.C., cannot make his own medical decisions sion making simply because they’ve been where she assists new and not-so-new parents because he cannot process the informa- appointed as agent. The physician may with their estate planning needs. Visit her web- tion and make reasoned decisions, can only take direction from the patient and site at www.besunderlaw.com.

Disclaimer: This column is provided by Arden Besunder P.C. and New York Parenting Media as a public service to inform readers of legal issues. It is not intended to advise. Since legal issues vary with an individual’s situation and needs, one should consult with an attorney. It is impossible to cover all aspects of the law in an article. Please be advised that the laws are constantly changing. The content in this article reflects the current law. Nothing contained in this article is intended as advice and does not create an attorney-client relationship between the reader and the firm. Individual consultation with an attorney is required to determine the specific facts and circumstances of any particular situation. A written retainer agreement between you and the firm is required before any attorney-client relationship may be created. Circular 230 Disclosure Notice: To ensure compliance with Treasury Department rules governing tax practice, we inform you that any advice contained herein (including in any attachment) (1) was not written and is not intended to be used, and cannot be used, for the purpose of avoiding any federal tax penalty that may be imposed on the taxpayer, and (2) may not be used in connection with promoting, marketing or recommending to another person any transaction or matter addressed herein.

22 brooklyn Family • November 2016 trict there were more than 1,200 homeless children last year. It breaks my heart. Again, I imagine a 5 year old fending for himself and taking care of younger siblings. Here is one of the craziest statistics of Hunger all: in South Carolina, a worker earning the minimum wage of $7.25 must work 79 hours per week, 52 weeks a year in order to be able to afford a two bedroom apart- ment at the Fair Market Rent. Seventy nine hours a week, every week of the year. And in America in Columbia, in order to afford that, they have to make $14.34 per hour. When children have nothing to eat What can you do to help during Hunger and Homeless Awareness Week? By AlexA BigwArfe year old. The thought of them coming There is a national backpack program home on Friday night, looking through the through Feeding America (www.feed- ur pre-school director informed bag, and planning how to make the food ingamerica.org) if you want to get involved, us at the beginning of the school last throughout the weekend just takes or you can start your own local program O year that the school had taken my breath away. Imagining my 6 year old by working with the social workers at your on a new weekly service project. Each opening a fruit cup for my daughters — I child’s school. Thursday we would pick up 20 backpacks cannot bear it. Thanksgiving is coming soon. Please from a coordinator and fill them with food Yet, this is a common occurrence. consider donating to your local food shel- to send home with needy children for the Our children deserve better. We live in ters to give back. It’s so easy to donate a weekend. one of the most affluent countries in the “Thanksgiving pack” — a canned ham, Without these backpacks, these chil- world. Hunger, especially amongst chil- yams, boxed potatoes, and green beans. dren and their siblings would likely not dren, should never be a problem. You might spend $8 on that, and you can have anything to eat until breakfast at And yet, it’s an enormous problem. feed a family. school the following Monday morning. November 12–20, 2016 is Hunger and Today, and every day, I am so thankful That, in itself, is heartbreaking. But Homeless Awareness Week. that my children and I have never known what she told us next brought me to tears. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, real hunger. And I pray we never do. “We will provide boxed milk and juice, 46.5 million people live in poverty in our Download the Awareness Week Orga- canned foods, fruit cups, granola bars. country! nizing Manual (http://nationalhomeless. They all have to be able to be easily Nationalhomeless.org reports that one org/about-us/projects/awareness-week) opened by a child 5 and under. Often, in five children go to bed and wake up or look for an event to attend! these are young children and they will be hungry. And in my very own city, we have Alexa Bigwarfe is the mother of three young alone, perhaps with younger siblings to hundreds of children who rely on the free children and is a freelance writer. She writes also feed.” breakfast and lunch program for their about her experiences through motherhood I have a 6 year old, 3 year old, and 1 warm meals. In my neighboring school dis- and advocates regularly for children.

November 2016 • BROOKLYN Family 23 On becoming a ‘mother-by-love’ and his now-wife creating a vibrant rela- Because ‘mother-in-law’ is antiquated! tionship that is extraordinary to behold. Law had absolutely nothing to do with it. By Carolyn WaterBury-tieman emony, I was not even required to make a Their devotion to each other and their fu- pledge. However, my son was asked to take ture together has been inspired, motivated, ast month, I joined ranks with one a series of vows. That’s right! You guessed guided, and enhanced by love. It is through of the most maligned groups in the it. On the first Saturday of October, I offi- love, with love, and by love that her pres- L civilized world. Members of this cially became a mother-in-law. ence has been added to our lives. And so, sorority are stereotypically described as My first order of business is to make that is how I plan to refer to myself, as her conniving, undermining, competitive, su- an adjustment to this antiquated moniker. mother-by-love. perficial shrews. Historically, they have The name “mother-in-law” smacks of an The next order of business is to avoid been the butt of jokes, fodder for stand-up obsolete patriarchal system that identi- perpetuating the myth of the stereotypical comedians, and a staple of classic sitcoms. fied everything in terms of its relationship mother-in-law. Fortunately, my own mother- Perhaps the only other familial role de- to property. The property, in this case by-love has provided an exceptional role picted as equally villainous is that of step- the bride, was transferred from ownership model for conducting myself in this new mother. Yet, in spite of all the unpopular by the father to the husband, so that the facet of my parental identity. From the very press associated with this group, I could husband could track, with confidence, the beginning, she welcomed my involvement not wait to join! distribution of his wealth to his legal heirs. in her son’s life. Over the years, we have There are no prescribed qualifications Well, hooey on that! become friends and confidants. We have for membership. During the initiation cer- For six years, I have witnessed my son walked miles and talked for hours. We

24 brooklyn Family • November 2016 and develop all of his abilities and talents, encouraging him to always do his best, Fortunately, my own mother-by-love has provided an guiding him through making decisions, exceptional role model for conducting myself in this new coaching him in creating and nurturing re- lationships with others — and six years of facet of my parental identity. From the very beginning, observing his courtship, engagement, mar- riage preparations, and wedding, I have she welcomed my involvement in her son’s life. come to the conclusion that this is the role we have been preparing him for. There is tremendous pressure to raise have recommended and discussed books love for his mother is not a sign of disloyalty our children to be successful. And when with each other. We have traded recipes, to me, nor is his loving me being disloyal people say successful, they are primarily shared parenting strategies, and travelled to her. It is because of her love that he is referring to financial success. Well, statis- and vacationed together. We have debated capable of loving me and accepting my love tically speaking, of all the things our chil- politics and religion. We have elected to in turn. Each of us has benefitted from the dren could become, they are most likely to agree to disagree because keeping our re- love abiding between the other two. become spouses. I tell you right now, there lationship intact has been more important Love does not exist in limited quanti- is nothing like having your son whisper than asserting our point of view. We have ties to be doled out incrementally. Love is in your ear, during the mother-son dance helped each other find humor in the most a quality of character we learn to demon- at his wedding reception, “Thank you for trying of circumstances. We have com- strate toward others because of the way we being such great parents. I am ready for forted one another when no humor could have experienced it ourselves. The quality this. Thank you for preparing me so well.” be found. In her, I discovered what Anne of love is not strained by the presence of ad- And when he presents you with a young Shirley called “a kindred spirit.” ditional people in our lives. Love deepens woman whom you are honored to call your Underlying the success of our 34-year and expands to embrace all those who seek daughter-by-love, you know you have done association has been mutual respect, genu- it. Love begets love. Each of us is better for something good. ine affection, and a shared conviction that the love we have known from each other. Carolyn Waterbury-Tieman is a resident of when it comes to love, there is always room As parents of young children, you may Lexington, Ky. She has been married for 29 for more. My love for her son has not dimin- be wondering what any of this has to do years and has two sons. She spent 15 years in ished, nor was it intended to replace, her with you. Well, after 26 years of parenting a various agencies and clinics as a family thera- love as his mother. Her love for my husband son — meeting his basic needs, surround- pist and parent educator and has written exten- has not threatened, nor was it intended to ing him with people who loved him, pro- sively on the topic of parenting. To contact her, usurp, my love as his wife. My husband’s viding him with opportunities to explore please e-mail [email protected].

     

November 2016 • BROOKLYN Family 25 Educating boys A psychologist on how the education system has failed

By Allison Plitt Sax writes, boys thrive on competition. In the United States, competition in the n the book “Boys Adrift,” author Dr. schoolroom has become practically non- Leonard Sax, a psychologist with a existent, because every participant wins I background in scholarly research, dis- a prize so as not to hurt the self-esteem of cusses a developing epidemic for boys the students who lose. According to Sax, growing up in the United States — an low self-esteem is an innate trait in girls educational system that does not interest who often underestimate their abilities them. Thus, he says, boys are turning their and “value friendship above team affilia- backs on academia and embracing the tion.” virtual world of computer games to cre- Sax says boys, on the other hand, prefer ate their own reality. And he argues that it competitive activities against each other could come from our country’s emphasis (even in physical contact like football) and on education at an early age, how students usually overestimate their abilities. Since are taught, and less “manly” options for American schools no longer teach a cur- young boys. riculum geared towards male students, Sax first comments that, of all the stu- boys become absorbed in video games dents tested globally in high school, the where being hyperactive and inattentive highest ranked students come from Fin- are assets towards winning in a virtual land. According to Sax, in Finland and world, he writes. other European countries, children don’t And this preference for competition begin to learn to read and write until they carries over to what boys prefer to learn are 7 years old. about, Sax says. Many male students like Author Dr. Leonard Sax. In the United States, however, within the to learn about war, and write about the last 30 years, the first-grade curriculum of “generic” violence that happens during reading and writing has become the stan- scores rank at the bottom of those in most war, he writes. For example, Sax said when dard for kindergarten classrooms. Accord- first-world countries, he writes. he was in high school, he wrote about the ing to Sax, while girls have an innate desire In many European schools, such as in violence that happened during the Battle to please their teachers, “boys have more Germany, there is a difference between of Leningrad during World War II. Sax says allegiance to each other.” It is more com- “Kenntnis” (German for “to know” or “be he received high marks for his creative mon for 5-year-old girls to sit still in their familiar with”) and “Wissenschaft” (Ger- writing. chairs and learn to read and write than man for “to know” as in knowledge from “Generic” violence should not be con- little boys, who wiggle in their chairs and books or computers). There is now a fused with more personal violence when seem more interested in playing outside. grassroots movement in Germany to move a student writes about shooting his class- So kindergarten in the United States is all learning for students who are 5 and 6 mates and teachers, writes Sax. This type not a favorable academic beginning for years of age to classrooms outside, year of writing about personal violence has many 5-year-old boys, says Sax. When round. For example, the students can go often foreshadowed many school shoot- the kindergarten class becomes separated to a pond and search for frogs and get to ing incidences. And since there is such a into those students who can sit still and hold the amphibians in their hands, which strong fear of these shootings happening, pay attention and the other students who would be “Kenntnis.” In the United States, Sax says, boys are no longer allowed to are looking out the window, boys will more however, kids these ages learn about frogs write about any violence at all. likely be placed in the inattentive group. from books or on computers, which is Because boys are asked to sit still in They know they aren’t in the “smart” “Wissenschaft.” classrooms for long stretches, faculty group, so they most likely will not enjoy European schools place value on both often propose giving these students medi- going to school and being assigned to sit types of learning. But over the years, Sax cation for attention deficit hyperactivity in the “dumb” group, he writes. says, the United States’ academic cur- disorder, with stimulants such as Con- And, he says, many parents know be- riculum has eliminated “Kenntnis” and has certa, Metadate, and Adderall. Sax cites forehand that their sons will not be able come to rely soley on “Wissenschaft.” recent research that has found that boys to sit still in a kindergarten class, so they In Germany, these outside classrooms who take these medications for years end are now opting to enroll their children into even take place in the winter, when boys up decreasing an area of the brain where schools at the age of 6 instead of 5. But can throw snowballs back and forth at activity for motivation is fueled. despite the United States advancing the each other, which in the United States has Sax strongly believes most of the young teaching of reading and writing one year become a prohibited activity at recess. boys diagnosed with the disorder do not earlier, our high schools students’ test Besides preferring “Kenntnis” learning, really have it at all. If boys can focus and

26 brooklyn Family • November 2016 It is more common for 5-year-old girls to sit still in their chairs and learn to read and write than little boys, who wiggle in their chairs and seem more interested in playing outside.

a priority that every student go to col- lege, and have viewed vocational train- ing to be “blue collar work.” As a result, he says boys who could apply them- selves to a trade to become a carpen- ter or an electrician believe this type of work is below them. Consequently, it is now first-generation immigrants in the United States who have taken these trade jobs, and because so few of them exist in some communities, they can command up to six-figure salaries, he writes. From his years as a therapist, Sax has seen boys today thrive in all- boys schools where there is compe- tition in the classroom and on the playing field, and many of the teach- ers are men. He writes there is also research showing that there is a pe- riod in a boy’s life when he benefits from learning from other men. While Sax says it is important that women be treated as equally as men, it is inherently impera- tive, he says, that boys have a safe place to go to speak frankly with men and learn “manly” skills such as using common tools or surviv- ing in the outdoors. He cites the Boy Scouts as an excellent program where which, he says, there have been no scien- men teach boys skills where they learn to tifically found side-effects. use patience and tenacity. pay attention in sports and extracurricular He goes on to say that many of these “[Our] culture has failed,” writes Sax. activities outside of the school, he argues, boys who took stimulant drugs for atten- “The culture has not provided a commu- then they probably don’t have ADHD. Sax tion deficit hyperactivity disorder gradu- nity of men to train the boys … We must, blames the fault of the school for not ate from high school with little motivation for the sake of our children, rebel against changing curriculum to attract the inter- to move on to college. Across the United the culture. We must create a subversive est of boys. States, he says, there are now more women counterculture that promotes such unfa- Sax says even short-term use of these enrolled in colleges and universities than miliar notions as: 1) Real men love to read. drugs can cause changes in a child’s per- men. Men are also more likely to drop out 2) What really counts is not how you look sonality turning “an agreeable, outgoing, of college, where as women are more likely but who you are. 3) Achievement in the and adventurous” boy into becoming “lazy to graduate and receive honors when they real world is more important than achieve- and disengaged.” If medication is abso- graduate, Sax says. ment in the virtual world.” lutely necessary as a last resort, he says, Sax also takes to task schools that Allison Plitt is a frequent contributor to NY children should take non-stimulant drugs have demeaned vocational work. Since the Parenting and lives in Queens with her 10-year such as Wellbutrin, Intuiv, or Strattera — 1980s, he says, high schools have made it old daughter.

November 2016 • BROOKLYN Family 27 Advice Your emotional intelligence

re you focused on developing the adults is geared to awaken this self-starter emotional intelligence within your “muscle.” A kids at home and your team at work? You should be! The New York Times P = Passion article “Today’s Students May Be Emotion- A person who is passionate about her ally Unprepared” (June 22, 2016) stated life! Her passion is contagious and be- that American teenagers are facing more cause of this, people want to work with stress than their parents, according to a her! The powerful part of this emotional report by the American Psychological As- intelligence muscle is that it’s contagious. sociation. It went on to say that these teens Just think of one of your favorite leaders, “attempt suicide more often than youths in teachers, mentors, coaches, or manag- most other countries, and they are among ers. Chances are good that these people the world leaders in violence, binge drink- were passionate! When we are around pas- Dear ing, marijuana use, obesity, and unhap- sionate people, we feel it and want to be piness, according to a Temple University around them! But the opposite is also true; Dr. Karyn professor, Laurence Steinberg.” if we are around people with flat energy, It found that “a growing body of re- we will likely feel disengaged and bored. Dr. Karyn GorDon search demonstrates that the way people When students are deciding on a career manage their emotions — that is, their path, I advise them to identify their pas- emotional intelligence — matters for per- sions, values, and, most importantly, to muscle. Another resources for adults in- sonal growth and to the success of the create a plan for their passion. The “Stra- clude “The Power Of Story” by Jim Loehr. broader society and economy. Emotions tegic Career” one-day event for students drive learning, decision-making, creativity, and adults (via LIVE webinar) is designed e = emotionally aware relationships, and health.” to tap into this muscle, helping students How well do you manage your emotions? In the last 20 years emotional intelli- identify their passions and strengths as What motivates you and stresses you? Do gence has gained popular attention, largely they zero in on their dream careers. you carefully manage your life, exercising because the internet has made the infor- your self-starting muscle to maximize your mation available for everyone, and not just A = Assertiveness energy and emotions? for academic researchers. But, if you start One of the main reasons marriages and For example, if you know that running reading about emotional intelligence on families split and business partnerships around to 10 different extra-curricular ac- your own, it can often be overwhelming. fail is because of this one muscle. The ma- tivities on the weekend with your family is So, in the course of studying and research- jority of people do not know how to con- going to drain you, are you careful to use ing this topic during the last 20 years, I’ve structively deal with and resolve conflict! your assertiveness to set limits, using your created an acronym to help simplify its People with high emotional intelligence do confidence to say “yes” to what you want components — which I call “SPACE.” not fear conflict, and they face it knowing and “no” to what you don’t want? If we All leaders will possess different mea- they have the skills to successfully navi- don’t properly exercise these other mus- sures of these five (some may only be gate difficult conversations. cles, our ability to be emotionally aware strong in one!) — but outstanding leaders There are many ways to learn this skill can really get stuck, causing anxiety, de- will typically score high in all five areas. I including individual counseling, reading pression, exhaustion, burnout, and stress. often refer to these components as mus- books (“7 Habits Of Highly Effective Peo- So where can you learn more about this cles, because if you exercise it, you will ple” is one of my favorites for explaining emotional intelligence component? I teach become stronger in it! So as I go through this), and simply studying people in your it in all of my courses. this list, ask yourself: How do you and your life who know how to do this well! As you focus on developing each of your teen measure in each of these elements of emotional intelligence areas, remember emotional intelligence? Where does your c = confidence that all of these muscles are 100 percent family need to become stronger? Confidence is such a fundamental core learned (which is exciting!). If you have fig- of helping a person to be successful be- ured out an area to improve in, be encour- S = Self-starter cause ultimately this attitude we have aged that you have just taken the first step A person who knows what he wants, about ourselves drives our decision-mak- to becoming an even more outstanding sets goals, delays gratification, and moves ing! When someone is confident he is more leader, supervisor, parent, and friend! And towards the goals regardless of whether likely to set and achieve goals; choose if you recognize that you need more help he “feels like it” or not. These people are friends and partners that treat him well; in any of these areas, let us know! motivated, ambitious, and make their lives strive for excellence (not perfection); be Dr. Karyn Gordon is a regular contributor happen (as opposed to life happening to decisive; be assertive and resolve con- to “Good Morning America,” best-selling au- them). They carefully manage their time flicts; and ask for help when he needs it. thor of “Dr. Karyn’s Guide To The Teen Years” and energy (emotional and physical) to So where can you learn it? My “Power (Harper Collins), and a motivational speaker. ensure they achieve their goals. My “Dare Of Confidence” one-day event for students Visit her at www.dkleadership.org and on Twit- To Dream” one-day event for students and and adults helps to awaken this emotional ter: @DrKarynGordon.

28 brooklyn Family • November 2016 MAKE THIS SCHOOL YEAR GREATER THAN LAST YEAR!

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November 2016 • BROOKLYN Family 29 Advice Put technology away and play

have many fond childhood memories down late into the night to fit in one more of doing puzzles with my family. My piece. I favorite one depicted different candy What a great time that was! A time bars and was 1,000 pieces. It took us of family bonding that taught me about Behavior weeks to complete. After finishing the teamwork, project planning, patience, border, we went right to the easiest part and how to share. It taught me to cel- & Beyond of the puzzle: the words on the wrap- ebrate team members’ success while I Dr. Marcie Beigel pers. struggled. When I sometimes became There was a stack of puzzles that was frustrated — puzzles can be hard! — I in the corner of the dining room. As soon learned to take that emotion in stride. as we finished one puzzle, we began an- I’m a better person for having done puz- other. zles with my family! We never got bored of doing the same During long weekends, I sometimes This creates opportunities to teach your puzzle over and over again, as it always spread a puzzle across my living room children skills that can only be learned felt like a new challenge. It was always floor. The activity warms my heart and through experience. Time when your heartbreaking when we had to clean up brings me right back to my childhood. family accomplishes something together an unfinished puzzle so that the dining Do you regularly complete activities is critical. room table could be used for holiday like this now with your family? For many Considering our busy schedules, it dining. families, these types of bonding activi- can be challenging to find time to con- It was the best time! We each had a ties have unfortunately been replaced by nect like this. My biggest tip for you: role to play. My dad hates puzzles, so video games and watching the plethora commit small amounts of time each day. he simply sat at the end of the table and of offerings available on the various Some days, my family and I only had five chatted with us while we put pieces to- screens around the house. minutes to work on the puzzle before gether. My sister and I fought to sit in Regular family bonding time that re- we had to go to school, or 10 minutes at front of the puzzle and my mom calmly quires everyone to put their devices night before bedtime. Those small and watched it all unfold. She was more away and for all members to interact consistent pieces of the day made a huge dedicated than all of us and often snuck is part of what glues a family together. impression me. This can happen for your child! The kind of time you spend with your family is more important than the amount of time you spend. This means that there is no multitasking — including checking e-mails while your small one does an activity near by. Try to create clear, unin- terrupted, and focused time when you and your small one can accom- plish something together. If you want more details on how to create better behavior in your home, check out my new book, “Love Your Classroom Again.” Al- though the examples are based on a classroom setting, the strategies are applicable to any environment. For a special gift for New York Parenting readers, please visit: bit. ly/vid-nyp Dr. Marcie Beigel is a behavioral therapist based in Brooklyn. She has worked with thousands of families for more than 15 years. For more on her, visit www.BehaviorAndBeyond.net.

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November 2016 • BROOKLYN Family 31 HealtH

Family HealtH Dr. PramoD Narula, mD Chairman of Pediatrics New York methodist Hospital

cases of head trauma, are helpful in detect- ing brain injury, such as internal bleeding or skull fracture. While a scan can be an extremely helpful tool in diagnosing brain injury, it exposes the child’s still-developing brain to radiation, and should only be used when absolutely necessary. To that end, pediatric emergency medicine phy- sicians follow a strict protocol in deter- mining whether a child with head trauma should receive a scan or if staying in the department for observation will be suf- ficient. As you may remember from your trip to the emergency room, the doctor will ask about behavior changes: is the child acting abnormally in any way? Did the child lose consciousness after the fall? The doctor will feel the head for hema- Scanning for head toma or possible skull fracture. If the child is acting normally, and there is no palpable skull fracture, the physician will most likely avoid ordering a scan and in- trauma in babies stead ask that you stay in the emergency room for observation. Last month, my 6-month-old daughter ou did the right thing by bringing On the other hand, if your child is fell off of the changing table. I looked away your daughter to the emergency behaving unusually or if the doctor feels for only a second to grab a diaper and she Y room after her fall. Unlike other that there may be skull fracture, he or rolled over; it happened so fast! She was types of injuries, injuries to the head she might recommend a scan for further crying and there was a bump on her head. can’t always be seen with the naked review. I panicked and took her to the emergency eye, which is why computed tomography Scans are excellent tools, but should room. After the examination, the doctor said scans are sometimes ordered when a only be used when indicated. Otherwise, that although she looked fine, he wanted her child comes to the emergency room after the risks outweigh the benefits. If a scan to stay for observation. We were released a experiencing trauma to the head. is recommended, your doctor will prob- few hours later with a clean bill of health. The scan takes a series of X-rays and ably explain why he or she believes that However, my mother-in-law scolded me and combines them to give a multi-dimen- it is indicated. said I should have demanded a CT scan. I sional image. They are especially useful Babies can give you a lot to worry just want what is best for my child. Should for providing sharp images of soft tissue, about — whether a CT scan is the right I be worried? blood vessels, and internal organs, and, in choice shouldn’t be one of them.

32 brooklyn Family • November 2016 Healthcare providers we like

EBS Therapy of New York dentist a positive and fun experience. Dr. T. Francis and 718-238-0377, www.ebstherapy.com the staff make sure that both parents and children are aware and educated about the special dental health EBS is the global leader in birth to 21 year-old programs needs while providing a warm, caring and professional and the largest provider of services to the pediatric service. The objective is to put your children’s mind at population. EBS has an ease by having: unparalleled commitment to providing the highest quality • a fun loving staff that can be comforting to them services, training, membership • soft music and television to entertain them while and support. Through our getting their treatment family of services we are • rewards for a job well done positively impacting the lives of children. This pediatric dental office is colorful, fun, and child- friendly, and is changing the way people view dentistry EBS therapy of New York is a multi-disciplinary team for kids! From the moment you enter you will see of highly-trained specialists with a passion for working kid-fun technology, TVs, and a relaxed reception area to help children and adults move, communicate, and for parents. The entire team is dedicated to providing learn to their greatest potential. Our clinic is located in children the personalized, gentle and comprehensive Brooklyn, New York, but our services reach far beyond care that they deserve. – into schools, homes and the communities throughout the five boroughs. We work with families to determine the best and most effective places and times to meet New York Methodist Hospital the unique needs of each child. Our mission is to make 506 Sixth St., Park Slope a difference within the community by helping our 718-499-CARE (2273), www.nym.org clients achieve success in communication, learning and This voluntary acute- movement. care teaching hospital houses 651 inpatient beds Fidelis (including bassinets) and provides services to over 1-888-FIDELIS, 1-888-343-3547 www.fideliscare.org 35,000 inpatients each year. Another 200,000 outpatient Fidelis Care, the New York State Catholic Health Plan, is visits and services are logged annually. Recent programs the largest government programs-based health insurance and services added include an extensive neurosciences company in New York State. program and the New York Methodist-Cornell Heart With more than 776,000 Center, which provides Brooklyn’s most modern members in 59 counties cardiology facilities. New York Methodist Hospital is statewide, Fidelis Care was affiliated with the Weill Cornell Medical College and founded on the belief that is a member of the New York-Presbyterian Healthcare all New Yorkers should have System. access to affordable, quality Dentistry for Adults health insurance. Fidelis Care offers free or low-cost health insurance through Tracey H. Joseph, D.D.S.’sand Children New York State’s Child Health Plus, Family Health Plus, 1655 Flatbush Avenue, Suite A 104 and Medicaid Managed Care programs. Fidelis Care also 718-377-1319, www.brooklynfamilydds.comTracey H. Joseph, D.D.S., PLLC offers quality, affordable coverage for seniors through Dental office provides quality care for the entire our Medicare Advantage and Dual Advantage programs, family. Modern'ENTLE &RIENDLYAND.UTURING#AREFOR9OUR&AMILY techniques and state of the art dental and Fidelis Medicaid Advantage Plus helps members live equipment are used for regular safely in their homes for as long as possible. Fidelis Care and emergency treatment. members are covered for regular checkups, preventive A commitments3CHOOL&ORMS to provide s7HITE&ILLINGS care, hospital and emergency care, and more, and have the most effective service of access to a provider network of more than 40,000 preventives%XTRACTIONS and cosmetic options s3EALANTS health care professionals statewide. help patientss&LEXIBLE0ARTIALS achieve a cleaner, s.IGHTGUARDS healthier and more attractive Park Slope Kids Dental Care smile. s$ENTURES s)MPLANTS 150 4th Avenue (between Their comprehensive services Butler St. & Douglas St), include; cosmetic bonding, teeths4EETH7HITENING:OOM 718-488-0200, www. whitening, children’s dentistry, crown and bridges, parkslopekidsdental.com implant restorations,s3PECIAL!TTENTION4O.ERVOUS!ND!PPREHENSIVE0EOPLE root canal therapy and dentures. Park Slope Kids Dental Care is a In addition, a percentage of thes(OUR2OOT#ANAL4REATMENT practice is devoted to state-of-the art office, completely providing oral health care to children. Tracey H. Joseph, decorated and geared towards D.D.S. works in conjunctionNew Ultramodern with parents Facility to become Conveniently Located At children. The primary goal is to partners in influencing their child’s dental experience make every child’s trip to the and perception of oral&LATBUSH!VENUEs3UITE! health.

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Good sense eatinG ChRisTiNe M. PaluMbo, RD

ing with nutrients and can be a healthful substitute for candied sweet potatoes drip- ping in fatty marshmallows and butter. Pumpkin. The deep orange color is a tip-off that this fruit is rich in beta- carotene and vitamin C. It also provides plenty of potassium, phosphorus, and fiber. When eating pumpkin pie, keep the calories under control by eating it sans ice or whipped cream, and leaving most of the Giving thanks crust on the plate. Nuts. Put out a bowl containing a variety of shelled nuts before or after dinner. Nuts are harvested in the fall and a fresh crop can be found in your store’s produce sec- for superfoods tion. Pecans, walnuts, hazelnuts, almonds, and Brazil nuts provide heart-healthy un- hether you sit down to a veg- when comparing Better Homes and Gar- saturated fats, protein, vitamin E, potas- etarian meal on Thanksgiving dens recipes from 1956 to the 2006 edition sium, L-arginine, phytosterols, and fiber. W or the traditional turkey with all of the “Better Homes and Gardens New Cranberries. Unlike most traditional the trimmings, chances are there is some Cookbook.” Thanksgiving foods, these tart berries ac- guilt involved in anticipation of the feast. While many of us groan at the possible tually were served at the first Thanksgiv- Estimates abound on the typical num- calorie disaster if we overeat, many of the ing in 1621. Loaded with vitamin C, biofla- ber of calories consumed during that one items that make an appearance on your vonoids, and fiber, they’re best served in meal. Numbers range from an eye-popping Thanksgiving table can be considered nu- a sauce or relish with some added sweet- 2,000 to 4,000. trient-rich superfoods: ener. My favorite way to serve them is For example, one estimate for a Thanks- Turkey. Fresh turkey is low in fat and chopped in a food processor with a whole giving dinner that includes a turkey drum- rich in vitamins niacin and B6. While dark orange, some walnuts, and just enough stick, rolls, corn, candied carrots, green meat is slightly higher in fat than the sugar to taste. beans with almonds, stuffing, mashed po- breast meat, it provides more iron. And if And about that monstrous calorie tatoes, candied sweet potatoes, and pump- your budget allows, serve a fresh turkey count? By limiting your portions and cut- kin pie was 2,057. that is free of basting juices and sodium- ting back on the gravy, desserts, and alco- Yet, it may not be Grandma’s recipes laden additives. hol, you can whittle down your Thanksgiv- that are to blame, but the large portion Tofu turkey. A popular option for veg- ing feast to about 1,000 or less. sizes we’re consuming. etarians, this soy-based option can be a Christine Palumbo is a Naperville-registered Several years ago, Cornell University’s tasty and nourishing substitute for a tradi- dietitian nutritionist and Fellow of the Ameri- Food and Brand Lab analyzed cookbook tional turkey. can Academy of Nutrition and Dietetics whose recipes from the 1950s and compared Roasted root vegetables. A toss of favorite holiday is Thanksgiving because of them to contemporary versions. Calorie roasted sweet potatoes, carrots, parsnips, the foods. Follow her on Twitter @PalumboRD, counts for five of the eight recipes tested turnips, rutabagas, and beets along with Facebook at Christine Palumbo Nutrition, or actually dropped by almost one third a little chopped onion and herbs is burst- [email protected].

34 brooklyn Family • November 2016 Dentistry for Adults Dentistryand Children for Adults Dentistry for Adults Traceyand H. Joseph, Children D.D.S., PLLC and Children 'ENTLE &RIENDLYAND.UTURING#AREFOR9OUR&AMILYTracey H. Joseph, D.D.S., PLLC 'ENTLE &RIENDLYAND.UTURING#AREFOR9OUR&AMILYTracey H. Joseph, D.D.S., PLLC French For Little Ones s3CHOOL&ORMS'ENTLE &RIENDLYAND.UTURING#AREFOR9OUR&AMILYs7HITE&ILLINGS s%XTRACTIONSs3CHOOL&ORMS s7HITE&ILLINGSs3EALANTS French Immersion Preschool s3CHOOL&ORMS s7HITE&ILLINGS s&LEXIBLE0ARTIALSs%XTRACTIONS s3EALANTSs.IGHTGUARDS and After School Program s&LEXIBLE0ARTIALSs%XTRACTIONS s.IGHTGUARDSs3EALANTS s$ENTURES s)MPLANTS for children 2 to 6 years old s$ENTURESs&LEXIBLE0ARTIALS s)MPLANTSs.IGHTGUARDS s$ENTURES s)MPLANTS s4EETH7HITENING:OOM s4EETH7HITENING:OOM s3PECIAL!TTENTION4O.ERVOUS!ND!PPREHENSIVE0EOPLE s3PECIAL!TTENTION4O.ERVOUS!ND!PPREHENSIVE0EOPLEs4EETH7HITENING:OOM s(OUR2OOT#ANAL4REATMENT s3PECIAL!TTENTION4O.ERVOUS!ND!PPREHENSIVE0EOPLEs(OUR2OOT#ANAL4REATMENT 33 Nassau Avenue • Brooklyn, New York 11222 s(OUR2OOT#ANAL4REATMENT NewNew Ultramodern Ultramodern Facility Conveniently Located Located At At frenchforlittleones.com • 347-263-6404 &LATBUSH!VENUEs3UITE!New&LATBUSH!VENUEs3UITE! Ultramodern Facility Conveniently Located At &LATBUSH!VENUEs3UITE! FlatFlat (Philip (Philip HowardHoward Apartments)Apartments) DigitalDigital ScreenScreen TV TV XraysXrays & & Flat (Philip Howard Apartments) IntraoralDigitalIntraoral & Patient& Patient 718-377-1319718-377-1319 Screen TV CameraXraysCamera & HeadsetHeadset 718-377-1319 Intraoral & Patient WWWBROOKLYNFAMILYDDSCOMWWWWBROOKLYNFAMILYDDSCOMW Camera Headset WWWBROOKLYNFAMILYDDSCOMW WEWE SPEAK SPANISHSPANISH -OST-AJOR)NSURANCES-OST-AJOR)NSURANCESWE SPEAK SPANISH !CCEPTED !CCEPTED -OST-AJOR)NSURANCES !CCEPTED Illuminating young minds

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November 2016 • BROOKLYN Family 35 ADVICE

DIVORCE & SEPARATION LEE CHABIN, ESQ.

The timeline and than six hours. “Let’s say it takes 10 hours,” the me- diator suggests, noting that it could be shorter or longer. “That would come to costs of mediation $3,000, plus $50 for the consultation.” The mediator adds that finishing media- ill and Angela have been married 10 • This mediator, who has a sliding scale, tion doesn’t mean couples are divorced. years and have decided to divorce. will charge $300 per hour; and work with There are things that follow: B They have two children, ages 6 and both of them, together. “Whether you mediate or go to court, 9. They also own a home, other assets, and • They can split the fee, and there is you’ll need a separation agreement (es- have joint credit cards. In this and upcom- a $50 consultation that they will attend sentially all of the agreements spouses ing articles, we’ll follow this realistic albeit together. come to, written in a format that courts hypothetical couple as they deal with their • The mediator is paid at the end of require). There is a separate fee for that conflicts, assisted by a mediator. each session (unlike most attorneys, who service.” Since the couple has decided to use a require a retainer upfront). “I encourage parties to each meet with mediator for their divorce, they will pay • Bill and Angela will make decisions their own review attorney to go over the $3,350 for services. By contrast, in many about their children and everything else. agreement before signing it,” he adds. litigated divorces, each spouse pays more The mediator won’t decide for them. A review attorney is someone who will than twice that amount ($7,500 or more) • If they begin mediation, either party review the agreement, and may charge for the lawyer’s retainer. That’s $15,000 can end it at any time. hundreds of dollars — a small fraction of between them. And very often, that is just the tens of thousands of dollars that the the beginning of the court process. Nov. 8 same lawyer might charge to litigate the In mediation, many spouses will incur Bill and Angela discuss mediation. same case. costs lower than $3,500 for their sessions. Angela wants to try it. Bill is reluctant, He also adds that each party may hire a For couples who split the cost in half, that thinking it a waste of time. But, since the lawyer at any time. will be about $1,750 each. consult is $50, and he would pay $25, he Angela and Bill read the “Agreement to Mediation usually costs about $300 an agrees. What’s to lose? Mediate” form, which largely sets out how hour. mediation works, and sign the form. Mediation ends when parties have Nov. 15 Bill and Angela each pay $25 for the reached their agreements. The agree- Angela and Bill attend the consultation. consultation fee, and they schedule a first ments then need to be written and filed They both like the idea of saving money working session for early December. with the court. — as opposed to what litigation costs. And Next time: Parenting discussions Here’s a timeline of how Bill and An- they would like to be amicable (as much as New York City and Long Island-based di- gela’s mediation will start: possible), because they’ll have to interact vorce mediator and collaborative divorce law- with each other for years to come since yer Lee Chabin helps clients end their relation- Nov. 1 they have fairly young children. ships respectfully and without going to court. Angela calls the mediator, who answers They learn that many couples complete Contact him at [email protected], several questions. mediation within six to 12 hours. (718) 229–6149, or go to http://lc-mediate. Since Angela and Bill have children, com /. Follow him on Facebook at www.face- Nov. 2 own a home, and other assets — and have book.com/lchabin . Angela tells Bill what she has learned major disagreements — the mediator of- Disclaimer: All material in this column is for informational about mediation: fers that the case will probably take longer purposes only and does not constitute legal advice.

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November 2016 • BROOKLYN Family 37 Calendarnovember Associated Press / Diane Bondareff

Get ready for the 90th annual Macy’s the marchers and goggling at the giant Thanksgiving Day Parade on Nov. 24. balloons floating high above the avenue. Before the The giant event features balloons, Bringing up the rear as always is the floats, marching bands, performance ever-popular Mr. and Mrs. Santa Claus, groups, and loads of entertainers. with Rudolph at the head. Santa and turkey The 2.5-mile march kicks off at W. 77th sleigh heralds the end of the parade and Street and Central Park West, winding its the beginning of the holiday season. way downtown to the viewing stands in Thanksgiving Day Parade, Nov. 24 front of the world-famous Macy’s of Her- from 9 am to noon. Free. ald Square. Macy’s Herald Square (Broadway and W. Children of all ages will love watching 34th Street in Manhattan).

38 brooklyn Family • November 2016 Never miss a great event! Sign up for our FREE newsletter and get twice-a-week ideas for you and your family right in your mailbox. NYParenting.com Calendar

Submit a listing This calendar is dedicated to bring- ing our readers the most comprehen- sive list of events in your area. But to do so, we need your help! Send your listing request to brook- [email protected] — and we’ll take care of the rest. Please e-mail requests more than three weeks prior to the event to ensure we have enough time to get it in. And best of all, it’s FREE!

Wed, Nov. 2 In Brooklyn Middle Grade Book Club: powerHouse on 8th, 1111 Eighth Ave. between 11th and 12th streets; (718) 666–3049; www. powerhousearena.com; 5:30 pm; Free. Jordan Nielsen hosts a discussion on “Lily and Dunkin” by Donna Gephart. RSVP requested.

Fri, Nov. 4 In Brooklyn “Speech & Debate”: New Workshop Theater at Brooklyn College, Campus Road between Hillel Place and Avenue H; (718) 951–4500; depthome.brooklyn.cuny.edu/ theater.; 7:30 pm; $12 ($10 students). The theatre department is performing this play by Stephen Karam as the second offering from its spring season. Suggested for older teens, in high school and college.

Sat, Nov. 5

In Brooklyn Zaid Islam Flight Quilt Show: Lefferts Historic House, 452 Flatbush Ave. between Empire Boulevard and Eastern Parkway; (718) A faraway adventure 789–2822; www.prospectpark.org; Noon Rabindranath Tagore’s dance opera in search of adventure. He is accom- to 4 pm; $3. “Tasher Desh” (“Land of Cards”) comes panied by a disciplined merchant, and Join the Prospect Park Alliance to see the wonderful work of The Brooklyn to the Kumble Theater at Long Island the mismatched pair get shipwrecked Quilters’ Guild. This year’s exhibit features University on Nov. 12. in the Land of Cards, whose playing- the artist’s personal interpretations of This Bangladesh Institute of Per- card inhabitants are well regulated and “Flight.” These original creations range forming Arts production depicts a bat- devoid of emotion. With the wild force from traditional to contemporary to mixed tle between bold new ideas and strict of his personality, the prince starts to media fiber art. While you are here, try tradition. Choreographed by New York influence the cards, and gradually their your hand at making your own paper quilt Foundation for the Arts’s 2015 Folk Arts human qualities begin to emerge. collage or add to our community paper Fellow Annie Ferdous, the drama devel- “Land of Cards,” Nov. 20 at 7 pm. patchwork quilt. ops through a narrative that combines Tickets are $12 for adults and $7 for “Speech & Debate”: 2 pm and 7:30 traditional Bangladeshi dance and Tag- students and children under 10. pm. New Workshop Theater at Brooklyn ore’s original songs with English dia- Kumble Theater at Long Island Univer- College. See Friday, Nov. 4. logue. sity [1 University Plaza between Willoughby The story is a satire of a society and DeKalb avenues in Fort Greene, (718) Further Afield ruled by strict convention. A prince, 488–1624; www.brooklyn.​liu.edu/kumble- 5K Birch Family Run and Walk: tired of suffocating in his palace, goes theate​r]. Hudson River Park, Pier 64 at W. 24th Continued on page 40

November 2016 • BROOKLYN Family 39 Calendar Our online calendar is updated daily at www.NYParenting.com/calendar

Continued from page 39 Street, Manhattan; (212) 616–1801; www. birchfamilyservices.org; Noon to 2 pm. The fourth annual Family Day and 5K Run and Walk is a family-friendly event that celebrates the abilities of the 1,500 children and adults with autism and other developmental disabilities supported daily by Birch Family Services throughout New York City and the surrounding areas. All ages and abilities are welcomed.

Sun, Nov. 6 In Brooklyn Sunday Story Time: powerHouse on 8th, 1111 Eighth Ave. between 11th and 12th streets; (718) 666–3049; www. powerhousearena.com; 11:30 am; Free. Author and illustrator Paulette Bogan shares her story “Bossy Flossy.” RSVP requested. Creativity Lab: Brooklyn Museum, 200 Eastern Pkwy. at Washington Avenue; (718) 638–5000; www.brooklynmuseum.org; 4 to 5:30 pm; Free with museum admission. Visitors of all ages are invited to drop by our studios and explore their creative side. In this drop-in workshop, take inspiration A visit from Sinterklaas from our galleries and get messy, experiment with materials, and learn Get ready for a visit from St. Nicho- family recipes. artistic techniques with a new project las at the Winter on a Flatbush Farm The man of the hour arrives at 3 each month. Bring the whole family and event at Lefferts Historic House on pm, and will hand out oranges and stay for as long as you like. Nov. 27. chocolate coins to children. Stop by the Dutch farmhouse in Winter on a Flatbush Farm, Nov. 27 Mon, Nov. 7 Prospect Park to learn how families from 1 to 4 pm. Admission is $3. in the 1880s prepared for winter. Lefferts Historic House [452 Flatbush In Brooklyn See quilting, spinning, weaving, and Ave. at Empire Boulevard in Prospect “Speech & Debate”: 7:30 pm. New woodworking demonstrations, plus, Park, (718) 789–2822; www.prospect­­​ Workshop Theater at Brooklyn College. See enjoy Dutch treats made from Lefferts park.org]. Friday, Nov. 4.

Tues, Nov. 8 Join the Prospect Park Alliance at the and young adults. This is the true story In Brooklyn Lefferts Historic House, where kids vote of Connie Converse, a musician in the too! All children under 18 are welcome early 1950s who wrote and self-recorded Election Day: Prospect Park Audubon to cast their votes for national and local original music. Center, Enter park at Lincoln Road and representatives, make their mark with a Ocean Avenue; (718) 287–3400; www. quill pen, and try on a tricorn hat. Polls prospectpark.org/audubon; Noon to 5 pm; close at 4 pm. Thurs, Nov. 10 Free. In Brooklyn Join the Prospect Park Alliance for “Speech & Debate”: 7:30 pm. New nature education programs and spend Workshop Theater at Brooklyn College. See “A Star has Burnt My Eye”: 7:30 pm. Election Day having fun with programs Friday, Nov. 4. BAM Howard Gilman Opera House. See such as Bird Nerds Game Hour, where Wednesday, Nov. 9. you’ll test your knowledge of birds in this Wed, Nov. 9 fun, mildly competitive hour of puzzles. Fri, Nov. 11 Join Alliance naturalists in learning In Brooklyn more about the animals in the Audubon “Speech & Debate”: 7:30 pm. New In Brooklyn Center’s collection and even assist in an Workshop Theater at Brooklyn College. See Veteran’s Day: Prospect Park Audubon actual feeding. Friday, Nov. 4. Center, Enter park at Lincoln Road and Kids Vote Too!: Lefferts Historic House, “A Star has Burnt My Eye”: BAM Ocean Avenue; (718) 287–3400; www. 452 Flatbush Ave. between Empire Howard Gilman Opera House, 30 Lafayette prospectpark.org/audubon; Noon to 5 pm; Boulevard and Eastern Parkway; (718) Ave. between Ashland Place and St. Felix Free. 789–2822; www.prospectpark.org; Noon Street; www.bam.org; 7:30 pm; $25. Join the Prospect Park Alliance for to 4 pm; $3. This play is suitable for older teens nature education programs and spend

40 brooklyn Family • November 2016 Our online calendar is updated daily at www.NYParenting.com/calendar Calendar

Veterans Day having fun with programs such as Bird Nerds Game Hour, where you’ll test your knowledge of birds in this fun, mildly competitive hour of puzzles. Join Alliance naturalists in learning more about the animals in the Audubon Center’s collection and even assist in an actual feeding. “Hansel & Gretel”: Puppetworks, 338 Sixth Ave. at Fourth Street; (718) 965– 3391; www.puppetworks.org; 12:30 and 2:30 pm; $9 ($10 adults). Celebrate this Veteran’s Day with this version based on the Brothers Grimm fairytale. It is adapted into a gentler version and tells the story of two beloved children lost in the wood after a bird eats their breadcrumb trail, and their adventure with Rosina Sweet-tooth, a silly witch who wants to turn them into gingerbread, only to end up as a cookie herself. Folk songs from Humperdinck’s opera accompany the production. Suitable for children 3 years and older. Reservations suggested.

Race around the Farm Yard: Lefferts Khamaali Vernon Historic House, 452 Flatbush Ave. between Empire Boulevard and Eastern Parkway; (718) 789–2822; www.prospectpark.org; 1 Experiment and learn pm to 3 pm; $3. Get out and get moving in the Lefferts Kids get creative at the Creativity new project each month. Bring the yard! The whole family can participate in Lab at Brooklyn Museum on Nov. 6 whole family and stay for as long as potato sack races, spoon races, stilts and and 27. you like. other old-fashioned games. Visitors of all ages are invited to Creativity Lab, Nov. 6 and 27 from 4 to “A Star has Burnt My Eye”: 7:30 pm. drop by our studios and explore their 5:30 pm. Free with museum admission. BAM Howard Gilman Opera House. See creative side. In this drop-in workshop, Brooklyn Museum [200 Eastern Pkwy. Wednesday, Nov. 9. take inspiration from our galleries and at Washington Avenue in Crown Heights, get messy, experiment with materials, (718) 638–5000, www.brooklynm​useum. Sat, Nov. 12 and learn artistic techniques with a org]. In Brooklyn Book Fair: Brooklyn Children’s Museum, pm; $12 ($7 students and children under House, 452 Flatbush Ave. between Empire 145 Brooklyn Ave. at St. Marks Avenue; 10). (718) 735–4400; www.brooklynkids. Boulevard and Eastern Parkway; (718) org; Noon to 4 pm; Free with museum The story is a satire of a society 789–2822; www.prospectpark.org; Noon admission. ruled by strict convention. The dance to 4 pm; $3. opera develops through a narrative that The museum is hosting its 10th annual combines traditional Bangladeshi dance Join the Prospect Park Alliance to see event, which will feature award-winning and Tagore’s original songs with English the wonderful work of The Brooklyn children’s authors, illustrators, and dialogue. Quilters’ Guild. While you are here try hands-on art activities and workshops. “A Star has Burnt My Eye”: 7:30 pm. your hand at making your own paper quilt Baby Loves Disco: BRIC Arts Media BAM Howard Gilman Opera House. See collage or add to our community paper House, 647 Fulton St. at Rockwell Place; (718) 683–5621; www.bricartsmedia.org; Wednesday, Nov. 9. patchwork quilt. 3:30 pm to 5 pm; Free. Presented by Party Like Brooklyn, the Sun, Nov. 13 Wed, Nov. 16 event offers a roster of deejays, emcees, In Brooklyn breakdancers, and beatboxers that take In Brooklyn children on a nostalgic trip through Sunday Story Time: powerHouse on Tween club: powerHouse on 8th, 1111 8th, 1111 Eighth Ave. between 11th and different generations of music, mixed with Eighth Ave. between 11th and 12th streets; interactive dance activities, special live 12th streets; (718) 666–3049; www. (718) 666–3049; www.powerhousearena. performances, and more. powerhousearena.com; 11:30 am; Free. The creators of “Mervin the Sith is com; 5:30 pm; Free. Rabindranath Tagore’s “Tasher About to do the Best thing in the World” Desh” (“Land of Cards”): Kumble “Outrun the Moon” by Stacey Lee is on shares this crazy and inventive book. RSVP Theater at Long Island University, DeKalb tap for this week’s club meeting. RSVP requested. and Flatbush avenues; (718) 488–1624; requested. www.brooklyn.liu.edu/kumbletheater; 7 Flight Quilt Show: Lefferts Historic Continued on page 42

November 2016 • BROOKLYN Family 41 Calendar Our online calendar is updated daily at www.NYParenting.com/calendar

Continued from page 41 Sun, Nov. 20 In Brooklyn Where the family boogies Sunday Story Time: powerHouse on Spiff up that disco 8th, 1111 Eighth Ave. between 11th and ball, put on those 12th streets; (718) 666–3049; www. glam glad rags, and powerhousearena.com; 11:30 am; Free. come on down to Creator of “Marcel,” Eda Akaltun, Baby Loves Disco on comes for a visit. RSVP requested. Nov. 12 at Bric Arts Flight Quilt Show: Lefferts Historic Media House. House, 452 Flatbush Ave. between Empire Presented by Boulevard and Eastern Parkway; (718) Party Like Brooklyn, 789–2822; www.prospectpark.org; Noon the event promises to 4 pm; $3. a fun time for the Join the Prospect Park Alliance to see the wonderful work of The Brooklyn whole family. Come Quilters’ Guild. While you are here try and listen to a roster your hand at making your own paper quilt of deejays, emcees, breakdancers, and Baby Loves Disco, Nov. 12 from 3:30 collage or add to our community paper beatboxers that will have you up and to 5 pm. Free. patchwork quilt. out of your seat. BricArts Media House [647 Fulton St. at Rockwell Place in Fort Greene, (718) Tony Danza: Brooklyn Center for the Children will also have fun with in- Performing Arts at Brooklyn College, teractive dance activities and enjoy live 683–5621; [email protected], 2900 Campus Rd. between Hillel Place entertainment by local talent. www.bricartsm​edia.org]. and Avenue H; (718) 951–4500; www. brooklyncenter.org; 3 pm; Starting at $36. Iconic actor, singer, and performer beginning of the holiday season when “Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood”: Tony Danza combines selections from Santa and Mrs. Santa arrive in their sleigh. Kings Theatre, 1027 Flatbush Ave. between the “Great American Songbook” with Beverly Road and Tilden Avenue; www. storytelling, a dash of soft shoe, and a Sat, Nov. 26 kingstheatre.com; 2:30 pm and 6:30 pm; healthy dose of charisma. Starting at $30. In Brooklyn Donning his iconic red sweater, Daniel Thurs, Nov. 24 Flight Quilt Show: Lefferts Historic invites the audience on an interactive House, 452 Flatbush Ave. between Empire musical adventure as he and his friends Further Afield Boulevard and Eastern Parkway; (718) explore the vibrant world of their much- Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade: 789–2822; www.prospectpark.org; Noon loved Neighborhood of Make-Believe. Macy’s 34th Street, Herald Square and W. to 4 pm; $3. 34th Street, Manhattan; 9 am to noon; Join the Prospect Park Alliance to see Sun, Nov. 27 Free to watch. the wonderful work of The Brooklyn Come on down to this time-honored Quilters’ Guild. While you are here try In Brooklyn tradition. Beginning at 9 am, this year’s your hand at making your own paper quilt Winter on a Flatbush Farm: Lefferts parade offers the same characters and collage or add to our community paper Historic House, 452 Flatbush Ave. between loads of new ones. The parade signals the patchwork quilt. Empire Boulevard and Eastern Parkway; (718) 789–2822; www.prospectpark.org; 1 pm to 4 pm; $3. Get ready for winter as they did in the 19th-century farming village of Flatbush. He’s the boss Learn how to make a candle, watch a Who’s the boss? Tony Danza is — and master spinster spin wool thread, and he’s at the Brooklyn Center for the Perform- enjoy Dutch treats made at our outdoor ing Arts at Brooklyn College on Nov. 20. hearth from a Lefferts family recipe. St. The iconic actor, singer, and performer Nicholas will visit at 3 pm. combines selections from the “Great Amer- Creativity Lab: Brooklyn Museum, 200 ican Songbook” with storytelling, a dash of Eastern Pkwy. at Washington Avenue; (718) soft shoe, and a healthy dose of charisma. 638–5000; www.brooklynmuseum.org; 4 Suitable for teens and older children. to 5:30 pm; Free with Museum admission. Tony Danza, Nov. 20 at 3 pm. Tickets Visitors of all ages are invited to drop by begin at $36. our studios and explore their creative side. Brooklyn Center for the Performing Arts at In this drop-in workshop, take inspiration Brooklyn College [2900 Campus Rd. between from our galleries and get messy, Hillel Place and Avenue H in Midwood, (718) experiment with materials, and learn 951–4500; www.brooklync​enter.org]. artistic techniques with a new project each month. Bring the whole family and stay for as long as you like.

42 brooklyn Family • November 2016 Our online calendar is updated daily at www.NYParenting.com/calendar Calendar

Long-running In Brooklyn Craft Room: Jewish Children’s Museum, Running for special needs 792 Eastern Pkwy. at Kingston Avenue; Put on your trainers and (718) 907–8833; www.jcm.museum; get ready for the annual 5K Sundays – Thursdays, 12:30 pm to 2:30 pm, Tues, Nov. 1 – Wed, Nov. 30; Free with Birch Family Run-Walk on museum admission. Nov. 5. Get creative with a variety of Jewish- Birch Family Services is themed crafts to choose from! inviting you to this fam- ily-friendly walk that cel- Educational Center drop-in hours: ebrates the abilities of the Brooklyn Bridge Park, Pier 6, Atlantic Avenue at Furman Street; (718) 222–9939; 1,500 children and adults www.brooklynbridgepark.org; Tuesdays, with autism and other de- Thursdays, Saturdays and Sundays, 3 to 5 velopmental disabilities pm, Now – Tues, Nov. 22; Free. that are serviced through Get to know Brooklyn Bridge Park and the many programs pro- visit the giant aquarium filled with East vided at Birch Family Ser- River critters, the reading corner, and so vices in New York City and much more. surrounding areas. Community Farmer’s Market: Hatie The event brings to- Carthan Garden, Lafayette and Nostrand gether the community that avenues; www.nycgovparks.org; Saturdays, is dedicated to supporting 9 am to 3 pm, Now – Sat, Nov. 19; Free. those with special needs. Fresh fruits, health foods, activities, and All ages and abilities are welcomed. to an after party at Jake’s Saloon, educational programs. Sponsors include Pfizer, Jackson located at 2012 Ninth Ave. in West Religious services: No Limit Beulah Lewis, Sterling Risk, and Juice Press, Chelsea. Sabbath Pentecostal Church, 5417 Avenue The New York Post, and New York Participants may register online or N between E. 54th and E. 55th streets; Parenting. at the site the day of the event. (718) 241–8100; www.nolimitbeulah.org; New York City trainer Ngo Okafor Birch Family Run-Walk, Nov. 5 from Saturdays, 11 am; donation appreciated. is the special guest runner and will noon to 2 pm. Kick off is at Hudson Sabbath school for children. lead participants in warm-ups prior River Park, Pier 64 at W. 24th Street. Museum Highlights: New York Transit to the start. Birch Family Services [104 W. 29th St. Museum, Boerum Place at Schermerhorn At the end, awards will be pre- between Sixth and Seventh avenues in Street; (718) 694–1600; www.mta.info/ sented to top teams and runners. All Korea Town, (212) 216–9780, (212) 616– mta/museum; Saturdays and Sundays, runners and supporters are invited 1801; www.birchfamilyservices.org]. Noon and 3 pm, Now – Sun, Nov. 27; Free with admission to the museum. Join our expert museum educators on a Train Operator Workshop: New wyckoffmuseum.org; Saturday, Nov. 19, 1 dramatic journey through the building of York Transit Museum, Boerum Place at pm; Thursday, Dec. 22, 1 pm; Free. New York’s subway system, the evolution Schermerhorn Street; (718) 694–1600; of the city’s surface transportation, and Kid-friendly tours, hands-on activities, www.mta.info/mta/museum; Saturdays our priceless collection of vintage subway scavenger hunts, and more on select and Sundays, 3:30 to 4:30 pm, Now – Sat, and elevated cars dating back to 1904. Saturdays. If the weather’s nice, bring Dec. 24; Free with museum admission. a picnic and enjoy our grounds before “Hansel and Gretel”: Puppetworks, Drop by our Computer Lab to take or after your visit to the house. If you 338 Sixth Ave. at Fourth Street; (718) 965– control of a city subway car and operate plan to visit with children under 10, we 3391; www.puppetworks.org; Saturdays it over virtual miles of track, using some recommend visiting before 2 pm to take and Sundays, 12:30 pm and 2:30 pm, Now incredibly realistic software! Space is advantage of specially planned activities – Sun, Dec. 18; $10 ($9 kids). limited, recommended for children 10 for younger children. A marionette version of the fairy tale, years and older. with folk songs from Humperdinck’s Further Afield BAMKids Movie Matinees: BAM opera. Suitable for children 3 years and Mario Batali’s Kitchen Gardens: Rose Cinemas, 30 Lafayette Ave. between older. Reservations suggested. New York Botanical Garden, 2900 Lafayatte Avenue and Hanson Place; (718) Southern Blvd. at Fordham Road, The Educational Center: Brooklyn 636–4100; www.bam.org; Sundays, 2 pm, Bridge Park, Pier 6, Atlantic Avenue at Bronx; (718) 817–8700; www.nybg.org; Now – Sun, Nov. 27; $10 ($7 for children Tuesdays – Sundays, 1:30 pm to 6 pm, Furman Street; (718) 222–9939; www. under 12). brooklynbridgepark.org; Saturdays and Now – Sun, Nov. 20; Included in All Garden Sundays, 1 to 5 pm, Now – Sun, Nov. 20; The series offers families the perfect Pass Admission. Free. introduction to classic films on the big Garden beds are filled with plants screen. Get to know Brooklyn Bridge Park and featured in the favorite recipes of the visit the giant aquarium filled with East Family Day: Wyckoff House Museum, chefs from Mario Batali’s restaurants. Kids River critters, the reading corner and so 5816 Clarendon Rd.; (718) 629–5400; can explore the gardens to solve Mario’s much more. [email protected]; Menu Mystery.

November 2016 • BROOKLYN Family 43 HealtHy eating

Tips for feeding kids Dawn leRman

they are not with you. Pick a day of the week to cook together. Most kids love the Smarter snacking idea of a stone soup, throwing a variety of vegetables and herbs together to produce here’s something so warm and com- or an almond butter and banana sandwich a hearty broth. I always include a thermos forting about the taste of fall — on whole-grain toast, or a pumpkin yogurt of soup in my daughter’s lunchbox for T warm soups, seasonal muffins, and smoothie. after-school. She says it fills her heart as decadently sweet drinks. While many food Turn fresh-baked goods into nutri- well as her belly. Anything interactive with and beverage companies advertise their tional power houses. With busy sched- children makes it more delicious. products as healthy snacks, most pre-pack- ules, we’re often lured by convenience In the words of my maternal grand- aged fast-food items are actually loaded foods and fall prey to the the closest vend- mother, Beauty, who taught me to cook at with sugar and contain very little nutritional ing machine or fast-food establishment. age 9, sending me a weekly recipe card and value. But with a couple of easy tricks, you But if we prepare homemade muffins, $20 bill: “Good food is not fast, fast food is can transform your kids’ diets and help cookies, and brownies with superfoods not good, and if you know how to make a pot them power through their busy days while like oats, chia seeds, and coconut oil, we of soup, you can nourish yourself for life.” boosting their mood and immune systems: satisfy our kids’ sweet cravings without Dawn Lerman — also known as “The Re-think your family’s snacks. A smart compromising their health. Snacking Mama” — is a top Manhattan nutri- snack is meant to be a mini meal: contain- Fill your thermos together. If your chil- tionist and the author of the best-selling book, ing good quality protein, a brain-boosting dren are involved in their snack prepara- “My Fat Dad: A Memoir of Food, Love, and fat, and a complex carbohydrate. Try a tion from start to finish, they will be more Family, With Recipes.” Follow her on Twitter@ turkey roll up with avocado and cucumber, inclined to make healthy choices when DawnLerman.

Vegan, protein-packed kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper squash is easily pierced with a knife, 20 butternut squash soup to taste to 25 minutes. Uncover the soup and let it 1 cup coconut milk, plus additional cool for 15 minutes. Yield 6-8 servings (optional) starting on slow speed and increasing to INGREDIENTS: 1 sprig fresh rosemary high, purée the soup in small batches in a blender until smooth. place a towel over 3 tablespoons olive oil or coconut oil DIRECTIONS: in large stockpot or dutch the top of the blender in case of any splat- 1 large onion, peeled and finely chopped oven set over medium-high heat, warm the ters. You can also use an immersion blender olive oil until shimmering. Add the onions 1 cup (150 grams) raw cashews (let the soup remain in the pot), but it will 1 clove garlic, finely chopped and cook, stirring, until they begin to soften, about 5 minutes. Add the cashews take longer to purée until smooth. 1 large butternut squash (about 2 pounds), and cook, stirring, until the onions are if using a blender, return the soup to the peeled and diced into 1/2-inch pieces translucent and the cashews have slightly pot, add the coconut milk and rosemary 5 cups vegetable stock browned, about 3 minutes. stir in the garlic sprig, and cook over low heat, covered, 2 tablespoons minced, fresh ginger and cook for 30 seconds. Add the squash, until slightly thickened, for about 15 to 20 2 teaspoons ground cumin broth, ginger, cumin, coriander, curry pow- minutes. serve immediately or refrigerate der, turmeric and stir to combine. season until ready. if serving the soup later, while 2 teaspoons ground coriander to taste with salt and pepper, and bring the reheating the soup, thin it out with more 1 teaspoon curry powder soup to a simmer. reduce the heat to low, broth or coconut milk until the desired con- 1 teaspoon ground turmeric cover the pot, and cook the soup until the sistency.

44 brooklyn Family • November 2016 theMarketplace

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November 2016 • BROOKLYN Family 45 New & Noteworthy By Lisa J. Curtis Do-it-yourself science lab Have you ever wondered why the ice have a deeper understanding of scientific cream inside a baked Alaska doesn’t melt? concepts — and with Challoner’s new According to Jack Challoner’s new book book, it’s also just plain fun. — Maker Lab — you can thank the in- The full-color, amply illustrated how- sulating property of air trapped inside to tome contains detailed instructions whipped albumin molecules, but hey, why and photographs for families to conduct not use his recipe to make the dessert 28 science experiments and activities and learn about the scientific concepts that can be executed with objects found while it bakes? The hands-on aspect of ex- around the house. Among the highlights perimentation ensures that children are pages of instructions for making sticky slime (a “non-Newtonian fluid”); creating invisible ink (and learning about chemical reactions); and even how to make sugar crystal lollipops (and why molecules form into crystals). Recommended for readers ages eight (with guidance from an adult) to 12 and beyond, each project description has a time estimate and difficulty level. Challoner has written more than 30 books on science and technology and his experience shows with Maker Lab, which has all the info needed to con- duct a successful experiment and learn why it works the way it does. His recipes and activities enable readers to discover that applying the scientific method can be absorbing, interesting, and often, delicious! Maker Lab book by Jack Challoner, Rise and shine $19.99, www.dk.com. Mornings can be hectic. Getting the lunches made, the kids dressed, fed, and out the door on time for school is choreographed chaos. And even when I Pump smarter find a breakfast my son likes and will eat Pumping breast milk for your baby is quickly, I can only serve it up so many literally a labor of love, and it means a lot to days in a row before palate fatigue sets find a product from a company that seems in. to have listened to the challenges work- That’s where the folks from Good ing moms face — and yes, they make an Food Made Simple come in. Their expan- app for it! Recently, Lansinoh announced sive selection of frozen breakfast bur- the launch of the first Bluetooth-enabled ritos are free of artificial preservatives, Smartpump, a double electric breast pump colors, flavors, and sweeteners. Because which syncs to its Lansinoh Baby app. The they do have healthy ingredients like app records the date, time, and duration of cage-free eggs and antibiotic-free meats, each pumping session, and mom can also they are guilt-free. Our family’s favorites use it to record the amount of breast milk are the turkey sausage, the uncured pumped, as well as baby’s feeding history, bacon (which is also free of nitrates), diaper changes, and growth. The logs can and the Mediterranean veggie egg white, even be downloaded and printed out for levels. It’s packaged in a bundle that as well as the spinach and mushroom the pediatrician! includes a tote, cooler bag, and bottle- cafe wrap. They’re delicious and take And when mom has those middle- feeding accessories. just minutes to prepare in a microwave, of-the-night questions or concerns, the Juggling it all can be difficult, but car- giving you extra time to find your kids’ app has tips and links to resources. The ing for baby just got a little easier! misplaced shoes. compact Smartpump has three pump- Lansinoh Smartpump bundle, $199.99, Breakfast Burritos by Good Food Made Sim- ing styles and eight adjustable suction www.babiesrus.com. ple, $2.39, available at ShopRite and Target.

46 brooklyn Family • November 2016

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