Table of Contents Title page January - Clerihews February - Acrostics March - Haiku March - Limericks April - Short(ish) stories May & June - Buzzwords July - Stories in Rhyme August - Beginnings and endings September - Pyramid poems October & November - Two-part stories Other writings 2 Stories & Poems from Compaid 2016 This book is made up of writing and art by clients at Compaid in 2016. Illuminated lettering by Ros Bennett, Liz Chessell, Michael Crawford, Alex Piper and Jane Sanderson. This e-book compiled and created by the magnificent Steffon Marshall. All work in this e-book copyright Compaid 2016. 3 January: Clerihews A forerunner of the Limerick, the Clerihew is a short rhyme which always begins with the name of a person. George Clooney Makes me swoony If only he was mine We could sail down the Rhine, drinking wine! Evelyn Waghorne y friend Meryl Can be a peril Burning her cakes That she makes! Poem & Illuminated letter by Ros Bennett Jack Black carried a sack On his back He is a star He drives a fast car Vicki O’ Mahony Brad Pitt is very fit He’s definitely a great hit He could not get any hotter He’s better looking than Harry Potter. Carol Parker My friend Jane Is completely insane She even went out to bathe in the rain. Stuart Goodwin To Susanna Bowdery 4 We’d like to say Howdy She’s such a joy at the day centre You couldn’t invent her Laura Parris Peter Terry Went on a ferry. He said “If I get to Spain I’ll go insane. Like Jane”. Stuart Goodwin Queen Elizabeth the First Almost died of thirst. Her food was all salty And her taps were all faulty. Josie Singer haron and Phil Were dressed to kill They owned the Queen Vic Where the pints went down very quick Ros Bennett Illuminated letter by Michael Crawford Princess Charlotte Dressed in scarlet Her big brother George in blue All dressed up and nothing to do Vicki O’ Mahony Audrey Hepburn Had a yearn to become a famous star She went to Tiffany’s for breakfast And then became quite reckless Jane Sanderson 5 Ellie Simmonds Who competes in the Women’s Freestyle swimming near & far Has won lots of medals & become a star Laura Parris Gordon Brown Felt very down Prime Minister Blair Didn’t seem to care. Jenny Wythes Fanny Cradock Liked a Haddock Johnnie did not agree He preferred Prawn Cocktail for tea Carol Parker Sheila Brown Doesn’t know how to frown If she had any more cheer I would think she was full of beer Laura Parris Sheila Brown Likes to go to Maidstone Town Her bus goes by Laura’s flat in Pelican Court Perhaps she’ll see her at the Bus Stop, just a thought. Laura Parris Terry Wogan had a slogan Terrys old geezers really liked Malteasers Stuart Goodwin Steve Wright had a fright his radio show had no go Stuart Goodwin 6 Man in a hat Lost his cat He felt such a twit for losing it He only looked away for a little bit. Carol Parker Our friend Bill Lived in a Mill He works all day for very little pay. Hoping he will be rich one day, Carol Parker Jim Baines Sometimes complains About Susanna’s singing It sets his ears ringing Laura Parris David Bowie Named his son Zowie Oh, so many moans and groans So, now he is know as Duncan Jones! Evelyn Waghorne Paul O’Grady Made a great lady Lily Savage was the name He hung up his dresses, and still has the fame Evelyn Waghorne Frank Lampard I wish I could personally send him a card Congratulating him on what he has helped the team achieve Every game I watched, in him I believed Carl Wood My neighbours’cat Is as blind as a bat. When hunting a mouse 7 Shr could not find a house. Josie Singer My favourite food Depends on my mood. If I want some wine I say why not Josie Singer Judy Dench is fine old wench And spends time on an old park bench She picks up rocks with some threadbare socks And sends them abroad in a cardboard box. Josie Singer Josie Singer Is a right mud-slinger. But enjoys her scrabble And likes a dabble. Josie Singer Gina Stiles Can run for miles, But still comes here Because she cannot hear. Josie Singer Jonathan Sargant, As an eater, is ardent. He loves eating chips But gets covered in drips Josie Singer Sharon Emery Has an amazing memory. She’ll always remember The fifth of November. Josie Singer Our friend James 8 Goes up in flames. He likes to break the mould (Everyone else is cold). Josie Singer Everybody loves Val She’s very good pal. She’s always willing To spend her last shilling. Josie Singer Butterfield, Mike Is a naughty old tyke. (Not so much ‘old’, And, really, good as gold). Josie Singer Our friend Jen Has billions of Yen. She’s not Japanese, But she is the bee’s knees. Josie Singer Is lovely Lyn Quite without sin? I wouldn’t have thought it. She must pay a forfeit. Josie Singer Jonathan Ross Was looking rather cross. He was very rude Because no-one was in the nude. Stuart Goodwin Our friend Stuart Eats so much suet, If it doesn’t make him sick He’ll turn into a spotted dick. Stuart Goodwin 9 Ken Bruce Turned rather puce. He said “I’m not blushing: The blood to my head is rushing.” Stuart Goodwin Jimmy Tucker Is a really good mucker. He likes to have a good laugh In the bath. Stuart Goodwin os Bennett Should be in the senate. As a politician, she’d do well Because she can really yell. Stuart Goodwin Illuminated letter by Ros Bennett Jenny Wythes Split her sides. She laughed so hard She was all in shards. Stuart Goodwin Madonna Had something coming upon ’er. It wasn’t nice And made her feel like ice. Stuart Goodwin Camilla, Queen in waiting, Was prone to fits of fainting. Charles said to stop the gin So he threw all the bottles in the bin. Sharon Streeton 10 The Queen all dressed in green She looked like Robin Hood Was she up to no good? Sharon Streeton 11 February: Acrostics J enny is so very kind E veryone is of the same mind N othing is too much for her N ever stressed and always calm Yet likes to belt out a song or psalm Ros Bennett V icki likes the Royal family I like Prince William C harlotte is their baby K ate is a princess I like Queen Elizabeth Vicki O’Mahony S miling face full of Laughter & fun H appy people all a round A rms out stretched ready for a hug R uns around to look after people in her care O pen for a cheeky chat N oble & kind to everyone Evelyn Waghorne C ats and Dogs 12 A re friendly and lovely R eally fun to own O nce they are in your family L ove is always shown Carol Wells C helsea is basically my life A ccountant is what I was going to achieve R emember I had a serious life threatening accident L augh is what I can easily make people do!! Carl Wood M ood enhancer or settler U nderstanding the culture of the tunes S tationary does not usually happen in this topic I ndispensible 2 Me. C arl bangs out a beat. Carl Wood L aura’s birthday is the same as the Queen A pril the 21st is the date U p to London Maybe she’ll go R eady to give out a cheer A nd when she gets home have a beer Laura Parris T eddy was about to be joined by a lamb. 13 ‘E e by gum. I hope she does’t eat my jam!’ ‘D o sheep eat jam?’ the rabbit asked. ‘D o they not prefer a bit of grass?’ Y es, so they do,’ the pussy said ‘B ut they can’t eat catfood instead.’ ‘E ach to his own.’ observed the owl. ‘A nd I find grass and catfood foul.’ ‘R ight.’ they said. ‘as lambs don’t bite. S hall we try her with Marmite?’ Josie Singer Jacqueline is very thin A nd she likes to sing. C reativity is her thing. Q uick and sharp she loves her bling. U nderstated she is not. E specially when she types a lot. L ots of fun she does have. I ntellectual times abound. N eat and tidy she can be found E ither at home or at COMPAID land. Jane Sanderson Daytime tea - bisuits 14 Everyone table a seat Boil the kettle Brew the tea, pour the coffee In goes the milk and sugar Enjoying a chat at Compaid Debbie went to Wallington HigH Even her friend AmandA Belonged to the same schooL Both walked together up a big hilL In an open field past the wood Every day to get to school. Debbie Hall Jane is a jolly soul although she can sometimes be droll And when she smiles she is very happy Now and again she becomes very sad Even though she is down at times she does not let people see her frown. Jane Sanderson Sausages are very nice Yes even with a bit of spice Large or small it really does not matter Variety makes the world go round Interesting things can astound us 15 And I will risk it for a biscuit Jane Sanderson 16 March: Haiku Interest of mine, People can relate to it.