Bonus Episode: Merry Lesbian Christmas!

Remember like two weeks ago, when this film promised that it was actually I was like “That’s it for season one! gay and that there would be kissing Thanks for listening!”? Turns out I cannot throughout. So, obviously I went and saw and will not shut up. A huge surprise, I it and obviously I have thoughts. know. Anyway, it’s the holiday season which means that its time for everything I’m Alex, this is Pop Culture Boner – the to be stuffed with tinsel and inescapable bonus edition – and today I’m thinking Christmas carols, and for everyone whose about lesbian Christmas movie, The personal background encompasses Happiest Season. something other than Christianity to smile politely at their one Christmas loving co- Ok, so structurally, this episode is going worker trying to put a Santa hat on them to be a little bit different. That’s because, (we all know the type) and repress the aside from the need to talk about lesbian urge to explain to said co-worker how they rom coms, Wes and I also have some ideas worked through their [insert significant for next year. Which means we have to religious holiday here] because ‘Happy test remote recording. We have to test it holidays’ doesn’t actually incorporate all early and in a low stakes environment religious holidays, only the ones that are because I am a techno-idiot and I will conveniently located near Christmas. absolutely break this at some point. So, this is a test run – I’m going to talk Anyway, in spite of that opening, this is for like 15 minutes about what I think, actually a Christmas episode, because and Wes will be listening and maybe this year Hollywood decided to give occasionally chiming in, and then at the us a lesbian Christmas movie, written end we’re going to have a bit of a chat. by queer icon Clea Duvall, and staring So… if this sounds different, you know other queer icon, Kristen Stewart. And why. And if we get to the end of this and even though Christmas movies are not you haven’t heard from Wes at all, you extremely my shit (they’re usually just can assume that I fully broke whatever rom coms with snow, let’s be honest with flimsy recording set up we have and that ourselves), I am a homosexual. When I have gone back to relegating Wes to you emerge from your cocoon as a fully their role as tech gremlin as punishment formed lesbian, a butch and a femme for their crimes (they are actually my appear on your shoulder and make you crimes… shhh). sign a little piece of paper that says that if two girls kiss in a movie, or even put That’s the admin out of the way – let’s their faces quite close together, then you get on with the show. When The Happiest have to watch the entire movie, even if Season was announced back in 2018 the kiss is bad and right at the end. But there was a bit of buzz – not necessarily mainstream buzz, but definitely gay buzz – although given that it is a Christmas – because not only was it a lesbian rom rom com, if I tell you the plot you can com, it was written by Clea Duvall. Those likely guess the ending. Essentially, of us who came of age in the 90s and Abby, played by Kirsten Stewart, hates 00s likely remember Clea Duvall from Christmas. Harper, played by Mackenzie films like But I’m a Cheerleader or Girl, Davis, loves Christmas. They’re the Interrupted. Aside from being in some original odd couple. Not really, but they iconic films featuring actual lesbians, are a couple. Anyway, Harper gets so Duvall also has what I will call a classic horny for Christmas that she invites Abby case of gay face – it’s hard to explain, to her family’s house for the holidays. but if you’ve ever wondered how lesbians Abby gets so horny being included that identify each other from a distance, it’s she decides to propose to Harper. Except because some people just have gay face. on the way to the family home, Harper I absolutely cannot elaborate any further. reveals that she’s been lying to Abby, If you know, you know. Anyway, point is she’s actually not out to her family and – lots of gays were very excited. And then also could Abby please pretend to be her that excitement reached fever pitch when room mate for the week? Abby agrees later that year Kristen Stewart – a rare because it’s rom com logic baby! But very combination of A-list actress and big ol’ quickly realises she’s bitten off more queer – was attached to the project. The than she can chew with Abby’s extremely addition of Kristen Stewart essentially intense and competitive family, and assured the film a level of mainstream having to pretend she’s not madly in love. cool that isn’t normally afforded to any Also, Aubrey Plaza is there as Harper’s queer cinema that isn’t also Oscar bait. ex, Riley, and Dan Levy is there as Perhaps, for once, we would get a silly Abby’s best friend, John. Hijinks ensue! little comedy about our silly little lives. Christmas also happens. Snow!

Anyway, the movie came out and while If you’re queer, that plot description reviews were generally positive there maybe throws up a couple of red flags – was, as always, The Discourse. While the not only is Harper in the closet, she’s also discussion has actually managed to be forcing Abby back into the closet to for pretty nuanced (for once), takes ranged the sake of appearances. Now, a lot of from think pieces on the value of centring the aforementioned discourse around The queer coming out stories, to rants about Happiest Season really hones in on this the film portraying a toxic relationship. aspect of the film for two reasons. The So, I thought today we could take a look at first is that throughout the film, Harper some of the pressures that a mainstream isn’t actually very nice to Abby. While queer rom com is up against and whether the film does open with some pleasant or not The Happiest Season met all the set up to indicate that they’re happily weighty expectations of the queer world. in love prior to the events of the film, So, given that this is a Christmas movie the majority of the movie is occupied by that just came out, and you may not have the fact that having to hide her identity actually had a chance to watch it yet, I will makes Harper mean in ways she didn’t keep my recap reasonably spoiler-free anticipate, and of course Abby bears the brunt of it. She’s left alone at posh parties mean that the film is bad representation and forced to watch while Harper flirts of lesbianism overall. And if it’s bad with her high school boyfriend. The more representation then it’s a bad film and Abby points out she’s uncomfortable, the the queer community deserves better worse Harper’s behaviour becomes. etc. And look, I’m not here to criticise anyone’s particular reading of the film, The second is that, even though this but I think that reducing The Happiest film was touted as fun, queer Christmas Season to these two things alone ignores romp, it is still a coming out narrative. the nuance of the plot, and the fact that If you are queer and watch a lot of really the film does manage to fairly queer cinema, you’ve probably noticed successfully negotiate a real pressure that ‘coming out’ is often the central cooker of a genre smash. theme. Which makes sense if you think about how queer people have been Playing in a particular genre requires represented on screen previously – enough knowledge of the rules to rather than being explicit, they’re often know when to break or follow them. coded or ambiguous, meaning that some The Happiest Season is playing across sort of revelatory narrative feels almost Christmas movies, rom coms and queer necessary sometimes. But there have films, all of which have their own unique been hundreds of these stories told pressures. Christmas movies need a over and over, sometimes very well and happy ending, preferably with some sort sometimes extremely poorly, and queer of acknowledgement of the importance audiences, perhaps understandably, of family over material goods (AKA the have gotten a little sick of them. For one true meaning of Christmas). Rom coms thing, it would be nice just to watch an need a villain and temptation and true actual silly little film about our silly little love (obviously). I can hear you being lives without it being about the crushing like “What are the rules for queer weight of having to unburden yourself of cinema, Alex? Surely it’s just that there closet literally all the time. For another, are queers involved.” And look, you’re the way coming out is always presented not wrong. Queer cinema spans across as this final act of embracing who you actual genres, like comedies, dramas are can feel really reductive, especially and Christmas movies all the time. But if you’ve ever come out and you realise you know what the big draw card is? that you basically have to do it as an Queers will watch them, almost without ongoing process with varying degrees of fail. And it’s not that lesbians will only significance every day for the rest of your watch lesbians, or gays will only watch natural life. Sometimes it’s your parents, gays or anything else in between. We sometimes it’s the postman. All very fun. will ravenously consume almost anything Ultimately, the combination of these two that comes out because we’re starved for factors has meant that some reviews it. And that means that queer cinema has have kind of ended up in this weird this incredible pressure placed on it to death spiral where they equate the be all things for all homosexuals all the presence of a coming out narrative and time. Which is even more difficult than bad behaviour within a relationship to needing to get to a Christmas miracle happy ending from a writing perspective, central characters also be the villain, because it’s impossible to meet. but actually it’s treading over some pretty well-worn rom com ground. Lots Add to that the fact that people consider of rom coms with a male-centric story rom coms and Christmas movies to be have unlikeable men who need to learn frivolous, even though you could argue a lesson. Think Matthew McConaughey that Christmas movies in particular in Ghosts of Girlfriends Past. Or in How often have some sort of central moral to Lose a Guy in Ten Days. On second compass that isn’t actually frivolous - It’s thought, this may be a specifically a Wonderful Life is about friendship and McConaughey problem – anyway! Point your impact on the world, A Christmas is, your villain also being your lead is Carol is about giving and community, Die nothing new in romantic comedies. The Hard is about why we shouldn’t fuck with difference with The Happiest Season is Bruce Willis. But people don’t go to these that Harper’s villainy has an obvious root movies expecting to be moved, they just cause that isn’t just “my lecherous uncle want to be entertained. Which means told me that love wasn’t worth it at a when The Happiest Season decided to formative age” per the aforementioned tackle a coming out narrative, people McConaughey movies. And while we can were always going to be less forgiving see why Harper is causing the hurt that of the way that narrative was handled, she does, that hurt is never written off as or the fact that it was portrayed at all. silly and it’s never built up as a punchline. Never mind the fact that it was done well Abby is always the sympathetic character. – yes, the set-up is silly. If my girlfriend The coming out narrative, while not cornered me in a car and was like “we’re necessarily covering any new ground, is going to meet my parents but you have dealt with sensitively and with nuance. to say you’re my roommate because There were a few moments that were I’ve been lying to you this whole time genuinely heartbreaking in ways that about how out I am”, you know I’m lots of rom coms never truly manage, getting out in sub-zero temperatures and but the ending is the kind of happy that fucking hitch-hiking back to Pittsburgh or resonates across an entire family – not wherever. But that because I’m a real just Harper and Abby. And on top of that, girl with real problems (one of which there’s some really beautiful things is a genuine fear of being cornered in about queer friendship and queer family a moving vehicle where I can’t escape) that you don’t often see in a mainstream – I’m not Kristen Stewart in a rom com. film. Find me a rom com that isn’t based on one or other person making a series of One of the more frustrating reviews objectively unhinged decisions in order to that I read was by David Oliver for USA stay in a relationship, and I’ll eat my hat. Today. Oliver is scathing of the use of the Harper’s impact on Abby is obvious coming out narrative, saying that queer throughout, and it’s genuinely infuriating. audiences deserve better than watching When I was thinking about how to write yet another closeted queer negotiate this, I initially thought that the film was their way to personal freedom. Oliver treading a fine line by having one of its says, “There is such a thing as gay joy, and heartbreak unrelated to the feeling it dealing with something as complex as of being closeted. Think about films like a coming out narrative. Oscar bait movies Call Me By Your Name… and Moonlight. where a gay man stares sadly into the Or God’s Own Country, Portrait of a Lady ocean and thinks about his dead lover on Fire and BPM (Beats Per Minute). None before finally dying of a heart attack are of these required a coming-out narrative fine but how dare something as silly as to tell a meaningful LGBTQ story (though a rom com attempt integrate coming out most are still sad, and shows how far into its narrative. Sorry… I shouldn’t film has to go in telling a wider range of have come for A Single Man like that. LGBTQ [stories]).” It really is a beautiful film. But you see what I mean – it’s very serious and I said I wasn’t here to take away from beautiful and so it’s allowed to get away anyone’s reading of the film, and I’m with leaning on some depictions of gay not. Oliver says The Happiest Season’s life that would otherwise draw criticism. use of a coming out narrative made him uncomfortable and that’s ok. But if you One of the things that really makes me cannot make your point about the need uncomfortable about the discussion to move on from coming out narratives around coming out stories in cinema is without pointing to some of the saddest this impression that we somehow should bits of gay cinema ever, then maybe have moved past them. While I obviously you’re missing the actual value of The agree that we need more stories about Happiest Season. Call Me By Your Name queer lives that centre queer joy and not is beautiful, but definitely ends with one some sort of struggle with the closet, I character marrying a woman and a twink don’t think we’re at a point in film making sobbing into a fire. Moonlight is tender or the world where you can just take those and beautiful, but is definitely about stories off the table. Particularly when so two men’s journey back toward each many of the existing films have to fall other after being split by homophobia. into the kind of heartbreaking ‘serious’ Portrait of a Lady on Fire ends with the cinema I mentioned above in order to pair split with one woman married to a be taken seriously or made at all. Yes, man, communicating her heartbreak and it’s another coming out story but The longing through portraiture. God’s Own Happiest Season is a mainstream release Country is about a man struggling with his with an A-list actress attached that has a homosexuality in a rural setting. Beats happy ending where no one dies. That’s a Per Minute is an AIDS movie – perhaps huge step. Coming out is still hard for lots the most tragic of genres within the queer of people, even nice middle class white canon, even when it focuses on the more people, for lots of different reasons and beautiful stories that emerge from times one single film that’s aiming for a joyous, of great horror. Nothing mentioned here sentimental and neat conclusion is never is explicitly about queer joy in the way going to cover all of them. This film is that Oliver seems to imply The Happiest made by queer people and is designed Season is missing. The Happiest Season’s to reflect their own coming out stories in status as a frivolous Christmas film has a light and sweet way. So even if there meant that people are unwilling to accept is a lot of mess within what is ultimately a happy ending, The Happiest Season is This episode premiered on 23 December still laying some important groundwork 2020. that cannot be disregarded. Episode written by Alex Johnson and For her part, Duvall had this to say, “I produced by Wes Fahey. think the message that you can mess up, and that you can do the work and get Big thanks to Jamie Coghill aka The Jim- better is really important. And be kind my C for letting Wes edit his version of to yourself, and have compassion.” The Carol of the Bells (Shchedryk) into the Happiest Season has the entire weight of theme song for this episode, and also for all queer expectations on its shoulders, drumming on Wes’ Corona mashup in the and the least we can do is give it the kind Jackass episode. You can check out his of compassionate examination its asking Christmas single from a few years ago on for, instead of simply dismissing it as yet Spotify. another coming out story we somehow don’t need. And many thanks to The Black Lodge Choir for contributing their beautiful voices on such short notice.

Theme tune by Wes Fahey. (Soundcloud: lee snipes)

Visit us:

Web: www.popcultureboner.com

Twitter: @popcultureboner

Instagram: @popcultureboner