Rose-Hulman Institute of Technology Rose-Hulman Scholar The Rose Thorn Archive Student Newspaper Spring 4-1-2005 Volume 40 - Issue 22 - April 1, 2005 Rose Thorn Staff Rose-Hulman Institute of Technology, [email protected] Follow this and additional works at: https://scholar.rose-hulman.edu/rosethorn Recommended Citation Rose Thorn Staff, "Volume 40 - Issue 22 - April 1, 2005" (2005). The Rose Thorn Archive. 242. https://scholar.rose-hulman.edu/rosethorn/242 THE MATERIAL POSTED ON THIS ROSE-HULMAN REPOSITORY IS TO BE USED FOR PRIVATE STUDY, SCHOLARSHIP, OR RESEARCH AND MAY NOT BE USED FOR ANY OTHER PURPOSE. SOME CONTENT IN THE MATERIAL POSTED ON THIS REPOSITORY MAY BE PROTECTED BY COPYRIGHT. ANYONE HAVING ACCESS TO THE MATERIAL SHOULD NOT REPRODUCE OR DISTRIBUTE BY ANY MEANS COPIES OF ANY OF THE MATERIAL OR USE THE MATERIAL FOR DIRECT OR INDIRECT COMMERCIAL ADVANTAGE WITHOUT DETERMINING THAT SUCH ACT OR ACTS WILL NOT INFRINGE THE COPYRIGHT RIGHTS OF ANY PERSON OR ENTITY. ANY REPRODUCTION OR DISTRIBUTION OF ANY MATERIAL POSTED ON THIS REPOSITORY IS AT THE SOLE RISK OF THE PARTY THAT DOES SO. This Book is brought to you for free and open access by the Student Newspaper at Rose-Hulman Scholar. It has been accepted for inclusion in The Rose Thorn Archive by an authorized administrator of Rose-Hulman Scholar. For more information, please contact [email protected]. HOSE-RULMAN INSTITUTE OF TECHNOLOGY H ERRE TAUTE, ANDIANI April Fool’s Day - 1, 2005 Volume 40, Issue 22 DEMON Course Management News Briefs System: A Godsendೊ by Rembrandt Q. Einstein A Man of Wealth and Taste must everyone be so afraid Procurements Director of change? Look at me! I per- Mack Jidgley Eats a Kid sonally signed the contract here is an old proverb: with DEMON Learning, and President Mack Jidgely ate a kid “better the devil you now I’m more attractive to last Tuesday. He was quoted saying, Tknow than the devil you women and have more mon- “That’s the last time I’ll ever eat goat don’t.” In the case of the new ey to throw around!” Earlier meat...” DEMON course management “What kind of ink was that, anyway?” Clanderson remarked. this year, when asked about software, created by DEMON the origins of his newfound Learning, it may in fact be and Frustration Engineering, pleased with the new system, wealth and savoir-faire, East- Nothing Ever Happens that the devil you are familiar who was in charge of creating although some have mis- ern declined to comment. with and the devil with whom the committee who selected givings. “That logo is a little The reporter also vanished, on Mars you are less acquainted are the system. creepy,” said Andrew Builta, never to be seen again. both inferior to the devil that Clanderson explained, “I a sophomore Physics/Engi- Installation of the system After yet another rover mission to has recently been introduced never really met them in per- neering Physics double de- was a joint effort between Mars that saw the discovery of over to the university by a profes- son. There was just a heavy gree student. “At fi rst I thought Academic Affairs and Waters three varieties of Martian rocks, NASA sorial committee. smoke in the air, and a smell it was just the word ‘DEMON’ Computing Center. Techni- scientists have fi nally decided that The web-based application like a chemistry lab. They as- written really big,” he con- cians’ reports of small, red, nothing interesting ever happens on allows faculty members to sured me that DEMON was tinued, “but did you ever no- mischevious creatures en- post syllabi, omnibi, and suc- just what Hose-Rulman need- tice how the ‘E’ looks kind of countered during setup were Mars. cubi for students to peruse, ed, and that we could have pointy, and how the top of the never substantiated. East- In light of this discovery, NASA has as well as assign quizzes and it for only $20,000 per year ‘M’ almost looks like... well, I ern’s vision for DEMON is that decided to discontinue its Martian grade assignments via the ex- in licensing fees.” Looking could just swear that ‘My Page’ “soon there will be as many rover missions and send probes to clusive MindFlayTM Process puzzled, Clanderson added, link moves around when I’m courses and souls - I mean Uranus instead (pun intended). Technology interface that, “There was also that weird not looking at it.” community groups - on DE- after only weeks of use, is as contract we had to sign. It Wart Eastern, Vice Presi- MON as there are in the entire easy to use as it would be after was written in some sort of dent for Academic Affairs world!” With a strangely entic- several years. The system was gutteral legal jargon. But Mr. and Dean of Faculty, had re- ing system in place that stu- Sophomores are Smelly reportedly developed by an Scratch, our legal counsel, as- assuring words. “Nonsense,” dents and faculty can submit “elite team of programmers,” sured me it was fi ne. Where’s he said, “DEMON is abso- to, Eastern may very well see Sophomores are smelly. So are girls. says Aude Clanderson, Pro- he been lately, anyway?” lutely benefi cial to Hose and his vision manifest in the next Pass it on... fessor of Computer Science Students are generally the Hose community. Why few years. Cochran Dies Seniors to the fore: economics Johnnie Cochran has died at age 67 Rembrandt Q. Einstein the demand for food at Hose- Hick Magnet Rulman by conducting year- of an inoperable brain tumor. round surveys and analyzing Cochran was one of the most With graduation mere the results. fl amboyant courtroom performers of months away, senior econom- “It was really hard. I had to our time. Cochran is most well-known ics majors are working hard be in the commons peddling for convincing a jury that O.J. Simpson this quarter to complete their hunger surveys the whole was innocent of murder. Cochran’s star- research projects on time. This year round, even during the studded career also included clients project is required to earn the summer. My strategy was to such as Tupac Shakur (acquitted of hallowed economics degree. gage the demand for food by sodomy and weapon charges), Snoop Dr. Mhomas W. Tason com- how many people answered mented that economics proj- ‘yes’ to the question ‘are you Dog (acquitted of being an accessary ects are an essential part to hungry?’ Last January I fi nally to murder), football player Jim Brown the economics degree: “The had gathered enough data (acquitted of rape), and Diff’rent Strokes economics project is critical to make a graph. The results child actor Todd Bridges (acquitted of because it fi nally gives the clearly indicate that people stabbing an alleged drug dealer at a Los student a chance to see all are hungrier in the fall and Angeles crack house). the economic theory they’ve the spring than they are in learned happening in the real the summer and the end of world, right before their very December.” When asked why Senior Hanz Spiegenbiegel’s research project. eyes!” there is such little demand News Brief Disappears! The broad fi eld of econom- for food at Rose-Hulman over seeds of Rothenfi nsterlicher’s is in the area of graphical ex- ics allows students a variety the summer, Spiegenbiegel research were planted when aggerations. Senior Franz of topics to research. Com- answered, “I don’t know why he noticed that McDonalds Föfenbadenburgerbiegel is mented Dr. Cevin Khrist, sav- people are less hungry… I serves hundreds of custom- fi nishing up a project on bad ior of economics, “Students should leave that question to ers a day but never runs out of graphs. “Misrepresentations can choose to research either the biologists. Maybe people food. “We’ve been staking out of data can be a powerful way area of economics: supply or are trying to trim down for this McDonalds for several to control people like you who demand.” swim-suit season.” months now,” said Rothenfi n- don’t understand economics. Weather! (...but why?) Senior Hanz Spiegenbiegel Senior Ludwig van Rothen- sterlicher, “and we’ve fi nally It’s amazing how much dif- (pronounced shpeegenbee- fi nsterlicher is currently work- found the secret: there are ferent a graph can look when Friday gel) comments on his senior ing with two other students trucks that supply McDonalds you change the scaling,” said Typical Terre Haute weather: project: “At fi rst I thought I on supply theory applied to with food to meet the demand Föfenbadenburgerbiegel. “I partly boring with a chance of smell. wanted to research supply, the McDonalds on State Road of the customers. The trucks like pie graphs the best… they but now I feel like I’m more 46. Supply theory with ap- are usually white… but some- are circles.” Saturday into the demand aspect.” For plications to fast food has in- times they’re red.” Join us next issue when we his senior project, Spiegen- terested Rothenfi nsterlicher Another focus that eco- will pick on senior philosophy I don’t care, I’ll be in Aruba. biegel decided to research since his freshman year. The nomics majors can pursue minors. News Entertainment Opinions Sports Flipside The glove fi ts. Let me entertain you! This day in poultice. Tee-hee... Foofoo McKnuckleberry Page 1 Page 3 Section 1B Page 5 Page 4 2 CLASSIFIEDS The Hose Thron Jidgley comes out of hiding Heir Rama Biff perhaps this wasn’t the best test rag journalists.” Co-Editor ‘n’ Chef because anyone with any sense “Oh, right.