Rose-Hulman Institute of Technology Rose-Hulman Scholar

The Rose Thorn Archive Student Newspaper

Spring 4-1-2005

Volume 40 - Issue 22 - April 1, 2005

Rose Thorn Staff Rose-Hulman Institute of Technology, [email protected]

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Recommended Citation Rose Thorn Staff, "Volume 40 - Issue 22 - April 1, 2005" (2005). The Rose Thorn Archive. 242. https://scholar.rose-hulman.edu/rosethorn/242

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This Book is brought to you for free and open access by the Student Newspaper at Rose-Hulman Scholar. It has been accepted for inclusion in The Rose Thorn Archive by an authorized administrator of Rose-Hulman Scholar. For more information, please contact [email protected]. HOSE-RULMAN INSTITUTE OF TECHNOLOGY H ERRE TAUTE, ANDIANI April Fool’s Day - 1, 2005 Volume 40, Issue 22 DEMON Course Management News Briefs System: A Godsendೊ by Rembrandt Q. Einstein A Man of Wealth and Taste must everyone be so afraid Procurements Director of change? Look at me! I per- Mack Jidgley Eats a Kid sonally signed the contract here is an old proverb: with DEMON Learning, and President Mack Jidgely ate a kid “better the devil you now I’m more attractive to last Tuesday. He was quoted saying, Tknow than the devil you women and have more mon- “That’s the last time I’ll ever eat goat don’t.” In the case of the new ey to throw around!” Earlier meat...” DEMON course management “What kind of ink was that, anyway?” Clanderson remarked. this year, when asked about software, created by DEMON the origins of his newfound Learning, it may in fact be and Frustration Engineering, pleased with the new system, wealth and savoir-faire, East- Nothing Ever Happens that the devil you are familiar who was in charge of creating although some have mis- ern declined to comment. with and the devil with whom the committee who selected givings. “That logo is a little The reporter also vanished, on Mars you are less acquainted are the system. creepy,” said Andrew Builta, never to be seen again. both inferior to the devil that Clanderson explained, “I a sophomore Physics/Engi- Installation of the system After yet another rover mission to has recently been introduced never really met them in per- neering Physics double de- was a joint effort between Mars that saw the discovery of over to the university by a profes- son. There was just a heavy gree student. “At fi rst I thought Academic Affairs and Waters three varieties of Martian rocks, NASA sorial committee. smoke in the air, and a smell it was just the word ‘DEMON’ Computing Center. Techni- scientists have fi nally decided that The web-based application like a chemistry lab. They as- written really big,” he con- cians’ reports of small, red, nothing interesting ever happens on allows faculty members to sured me that DEMON was tinued, “but did you ever no- mischevious creatures en- post syllabi, omnibi, and suc- just what Hose-Rulman need- tice how the ‘E’ looks kind of countered during setup were Mars. cubi for students to peruse, ed, and that we could have pointy, and how the top of the never substantiated. East- In light of this discovery, NASA has as well as assign quizzes and it for only $20,000 per year ‘M’ almost looks like... well, I ern’s vision for DEMON is that decided to discontinue its Martian grade assignments via the ex- in licensing fees.” Looking could just swear that ‘My Page’ “soon there will be as many rover missions and send probes to clusive MindFlayTM Process puzzled, Clanderson added, link moves around when I’m courses and souls - I mean Uranus instead (pun intended). Technology interface that, “There was also that weird not looking at it.” community groups - on DE- after only weeks of use, is as contract we had to sign. It Wart Eastern, Vice Presi- MON as there are in the entire easy to use as it would be after was written in some sort of dent for Academic Affairs world!” With a strangely entic- several years. The system was gutteral legal jargon. But Mr. and Dean of Faculty, had re- ing system in place that stu- Sophomores are Smelly reportedly developed by an Scratch, our legal counsel, as- assuring words. “Nonsense,” dents and faculty can submit “elite team of programmers,” sured me it was fi ne. Where’s he said, “DEMON is abso- to, Eastern may very well see Sophomores are smelly. So are girls. says Aude Clanderson, Pro- he been lately, anyway?” lutely benefi cial to Hose and his vision manifest in the next Pass it on... fessor of Computer Science Students are generally the Hose community. Why few years.

Cochran Dies Seniors to the fore: economics Johnnie Cochran has died at age 67 Rembrandt Q. Einstein the demand for food at Hose- Hick Magnet Rulman by conducting year- of an inoperable brain tumor. round surveys and analyzing Cochran was one of the most With graduation mere the results. fl amboyant courtroom performers of months away, senior econom- “It was really hard. I had to our time. Cochran is most well-known ics majors are working hard be in the commons peddling for convincing a jury that O.J. Simpson this quarter to complete their hunger surveys the whole was innocent of murder. Cochran’s star- research projects on time. This year round, even during the studded career also included clients project is required to earn the summer. My strategy was to such as Tupac Shakur (acquitted of hallowed economics degree. gage the demand for food by sodomy and weapon charges), Snoop Dr. Mhomas W. Tason com- how many people answered mented that economics proj- ‘yes’ to the question ‘are you Dog (acquitted of being an accessary ects are an essential part to hungry?’ Last January I fi nally to murder), football player Jim Brown the economics degree: “The had gathered enough data (acquitted of rape), and Diff’rent Strokes economics project is critical to make a graph. The results child actor Todd Bridges (acquitted of because it fi nally gives the clearly indicate that people stabbing an alleged drug dealer at a Los student a chance to see all are hungrier in the fall and Angeles crack house). the economic theory they’ve the spring than they are in learned happening in the real the summer and the end of world, right before their very December.” When asked why Senior Hanz Spiegenbiegel’s research project. eyes!” there is such little demand News Brief Disappears! The broad fi eld of econom- for food at Rose-Hulman over seeds of Rothenfi nsterlicher’s is in the area of graphical ex- ics allows students a variety the summer, Spiegenbiegel research were planted when aggerations. Senior Franz of topics to research. Com- answered, “I don’t know why he noticed that McDonalds Föfenbadenburgerbiegel is mented Dr. Cevin Khrist, sav- people are less hungry… I serves hundreds of custom- fi nishing up a project on bad ior of economics, “Students should leave that question to ers a day but never runs out of graphs. “Misrepresentations can choose to research either the biologists. Maybe people food. “We’ve been staking out of data can be a powerful way area of economics: supply or are trying to trim down for this McDonalds for several to control people like you who demand.” swim-suit season.” months now,” said Rothenfi n- don’t understand economics. Weather! (...but why?) Senior Hanz Spiegenbiegel Senior Ludwig van Rothen- sterlicher, “and we’ve fi nally It’s amazing how much dif- (pronounced shpeegenbee- fi nsterlicher is currently work- found the secret: there are ferent a graph can look when Friday gel) comments on his senior ing with two other students trucks that supply McDonalds you change the scaling,” said Typical Terre Haute weather: project: “At fi rst I thought I on supply theory applied to with food to meet the demand Föfenbadenburgerbiegel. “I partly boring with a chance of smell. wanted to research supply, the McDonalds on State Road of the customers. The trucks like pie graphs the best… they but now I feel like I’m more 46. Supply theory with ap- are usually white… but some- are circles.” Saturday into the demand aspect.” For plications to fast food has in- times they’re red.” Join us next issue when we his senior project, Spiegen- terested Rothenfi nsterlicher Another focus that eco- will pick on senior philosophy I don’t care, I’ll be in Aruba. biegel decided to research since his freshman year. The nomics majors can pursue minors.

News Entertainment Opinions Sports Flipside

The glove fi ts. Let me entertain you! This day in poultice. Tee-hee... Foofoo McKnuckleberry

Page 1 Page 3 Section 1B Page 5 Page 4 2 CLASSIFIEDS The Hose Thron Jidgley comes out of hiding Heir Rama Biff perhaps this wasn’t the best test rag journalists.” Co-Editor ‘n’ Chef because anyone with any sense “Oh, right. I always kinda liked would know this. them. They make funny cartoons The above photo, taken with So I decided to break out the about squids.” some Photoshopping yesterday, big guns and asked the other co- “Um, he’s not a squid sir.” presents us with a possible sight- editor’n’chef to ask for directions “Right. Anyway, do you think ing of the elusive Mack Jidgley. to the president’s offi ce. I had my disguise fooled him? I can’t As this is a supremely technical him then; I knew he’d not be able let it be known school, I set up my senior lap- to contain himself and would re- that I was roaming and eating in top...and eventually got the long veal himself for us to see. But alas the student areas.” range audible recording device my partner was given direction “Sir, he couldn’t have known, set up so I could be sure I had lo- without even the slightest fl icker but why can’t you be seen cated the real deal before moving of presidency over my adversary’s again?” in. face. As the chiefi est one walked “It’s something they taught As I sat there listening, I be- away I was beginning to pack up, me back at Pest Woint: never get gan to think that possibly I had but suddenly there was a voice caught in the rain without an the wrong guy. He seemed su- on my headset! Woot!1! I quickly umbrella.” premely boring as he sat talking acted like I had forgotten to send At that point I decided it would with his lunchtime companion. an e-mail and sat back down. be best to paraphrase: in the su- Anyway, they discussed the news The following conversation is a per secret Presidential food place and the sports and various other complete retelling of the story: the ice cream machine had been trivialities. I decided to attempt The man, “A1, do you think he stolen so it was not worth going to cause something exciting to knew who I was?” there any more, A1 is a super se- happen, so I sent in Freshminion The woman (apparently A1), cret code name for his protection to ask directions to the bathroom “Not sure sir, but isn’t he one of agent, and I then needed to run best way would be to plan a huge another plan for another day. just to see what would happen. those Thron kids?” because they discovered me. surprise invasion. A total inva- What I did instead was request a Unfortunately, he responded “Thron kids? What do you From this I’ve learned that the sion of his offi ce requiring ma- meeting…so if I disappear after with the proper response, “Fresh- mean?” fi nding of President Jidgley would rines, spy satellites in his offi ce, Friday noon tell everyone his of- men use the lake.” I thought that “You know sir. Those yellow be extremely diffi cult and that the and monkeys! Wait, wait, that’s fi ce ate me. For N.B. Classifi eds badger badger

Lost: Richard and Buzz Seeking professor badger badger badger SMW looking for best friends Richard and Buzz. Pleasant re- I am seeking English professor for private lessons. Professor ward given to all who report alleged whereabouts, but beware must be married, blond, and a Joyce fan. Interested in dis- of SMW’s grumpiness due to the loss of her friends: incorrect cussing the works of Chaucer, Shakespeare, and Pauline Re- badger pronounciation of her fi rst name could lead to a lack of recog- age. Meet me at that place where we did that thing that one badger nition or outright violence. Do not give this woman power... time. badger ooh, too late. Are you lonely? Would you like to be? Errata: Wanted If you have an attractive, open-minded girlfriend who’s look- In last week’s article on the Single white female seeks additional major, as she fi nds 12 ing for something new, contact [email protected]. administration’s video game too few to fi ll the 50 available hours for class in a week. Is We’ve got someone who’s just right for your overly-literate, preferences, we listed Dr. partial to neural networks, p-adic numbers, Bessel functions, too-cute woman. Tired of attachments? Let us break you up. Tee-Llama’s favorite game as Splinter Cell for the PC. Her fa- chromophore photodegradation, and giant orbital death la- Competitive rates. sers. Send suggestions to [email protected]. vorite game is actually Splinter Cell: Pandora Tomorrow, for the ೊೊೊ XBox. Tutor Interrobang gathering for all interrobang-interested interro- Seeking SexEd tutor for sixteen year-old male. Must be will- bangs. Interrobang to [email protected]. Cob Roonz was listed in last ing to visit student’s home four days per week to give les- week’s issue as saying “I discov- sons. Pay rate negotiable. Female applicants preferred. For sale ered that his secret was clean carrots and lots of living.” He Scheme book. Used once. Slightly battered. Spine some- actually stated, “I discovered what shattered from impact against wall. Comes with com- Sexy Swede for Sale that his secret was clean living plimentary Voodoo book, perfect for use against confusing and lots of carrots.” Fabio-haired Swede seeking owner. Answers to the name professors or slacker teammates. Former user is transferring “Woody.” Owner must be a fi rm disciplinarian. Broad shoul- to Ivy Tech. Last week, Tewis Lurcotte’s ders, stubble, steriod use are plusses. Swede desires to be mom was reported as say- handled gently and treated with care. Call 800-TIE-MEUP and Jon Reremy fans, unite! ing that she personally knew leave a name, contact information, and a bid. Female appli- Radclyffe Hall’s granddaughter. This Saturday, Slizzy Whip is hosting a showing of Reremy’s cants preferred. It was actually his sister, and she famous Super Hornio Brothers movie, in which Reremy plays knew Susan Sontag’s daughter. the role of Mario. Come one, come all, for this once-in-a-life- Apartment for rent time Hose-Rulman showing, bound to be broken up by the Johnny Sample is offensive Effi ciency apartment for rent for the 2005-2006 school year. administration and campus security. Free pizza, beer, and cornerback for the New York Kitchen located directly under the mattress of the bed, so fre- jimmy hats served while the party lasts. Jets, not fullback as stated last quently rolling sleepers are advised not to apply. Excellent week. Bobby Tolan’s name is not system in place to report noisy neighbors. Not-so-excellent Short ad for a short man Randy, but mud. All power to system in place to report on the lack of a view. Midget needs woman. [email protected]. the people, and ban the effi ng bomb.

Editorial Staff The Hose Thron Thron Staff Co-Editors-in-Chef Bob “Slizzy Whip” Schulein Hick Magnet Alexander “Rembrandt Q. Einstein” J. Clerc Luke “Heir Rama Biff” Stark Writer Wrangler Angela “Nota Bene” Smiley Editor-in-Ascension Lissa “Short-’i’-like-Melissa” Avery Opinions Editor John “I’m-a-hacker” Kropf Photographer Andrea “Skeeter” Brown Mystical Bane of Kirk Jacob “Sexy Leprechaun” P. Silvia Procurements Director Gregory “A Man of Wealth and Taste” Weir You know where in the hell we are. Come get us. Story Basher Bill “The Damned Sexy Swede” Waite Phone:(812)877-8255 http://www.hose-rulman.edu/thron Administrative Staff Business Manager Business?! Ha. We ain’t got no “Working to keep the Hose-Rulman community informed stinkin’ business. by providing a goofy-as-hell and mildy amusing Webmidget Steve “Slaxl Axe” Pierce source for news and information. Quasi-Advisor Richard “Foo Foo McKnuckleberry” House We’re not accurate, but we are regular.” The Hose Thron welcomes and encourages comments from its readers. After all, what better way for the Editor-in-Ascension to get target practice than to line up the fools who think we give a damn and use them as fodder? We request that all letters to the editor be less than 600 words in length if you must send them at all.

The editors reserve the right to edit submissions for clarity, grammar, length, and factual errors. And you know we’re going to edit the shit, so don’t even start yer bitchin’. The editors reserve the right to accept content changes submitted after deadline, but don’t expect us to take “drafts” and half-formed thoughts and whatever shit you want to toss at us. We are not a service for you. This is for us, heffa; screw the writers. Rsday, Apreel FooLes Day (minus 1) SLASH 3 Rose: a shot glass in the dark Slizzy Whip bandmantes. Axl responded the studio, saying he was “pretty Co-Editor’n’Chef with a short “Back off bitch. tied up meeting with Mr. Brown- Slaxl Axe They’re out ta get me,” and went stone, the… errrr… Chinese De- Webmidglet off to nurse his sore throat with a mocracy producer.” On the way glass of Jack on the rocks, a bag out, we passed a woman wear- As anyone who was alive (even of blow, and a Marlboro. When ing nothing but a rocket-pack on on Mars) during the 80’s and 90’s Axl was revived from his coma, her back. “So fi ne,” we heard Axl could tell you, Guns N’ F’n Roses we caught up with him to talk shout. “Ready for my world!?” is the greatest band of all time. about his newly-released solo We caught up with Slash at the Their amazingly hard yet melo- album, Drunken Roses, and the Garden pub in Paradise City to dious sound, soulful lyrics, and current state of the next GN’F’nR chat about Axl’s solo album and dangerous onstage antics will be album, Chinese Democracy. Chinese Democracy. We couldn’t forever remembered as the lo- Chinese Democracy was sched- believe that Slash hadn’t heard comotive of rock. However, the uled for release in the late 90s about the solo album. “I’m sur- volatile personalities that made but was delayed at Axl’s whim. prised that guy fi nished anything GN’F’nR so fi ne also caused the We asked him why the album he started that didn’t involve my band’s breakdown and left many has not yet been released. “F*ck women, drugs, or alcohol,” Slash band members estranged. man, I’m an artist. You gotta said over a tofu sandwich and After quitting the band, Slash, have a little patience,” he said, fi gs. “Maybe old Axl’s matured,” Duff, and Matt moved on to snorting a line of coke off the he added, barely holding back a form Velvet Revolver with Stone studio urinal. “F*ck yeah,” he laugh. We moved on to Chinese Temple Pilots’ Scott Weiland. continued. “It’s live and let die Democracy. “I wish the f*cker While Slash is the greatest gift you know… No, man, ya know? would just get the f*cking thing from God gave to man, the I just needed a break, so I did out so I could see why he sys- group just isn’t the same without Drunken Roses.” tematically destroyed something the heart of GN’F’nR – Axl Rose. While Slash is sorely missed so cool. F*ck.” The bandmates claimed Axl in Drunken Roses, the album We couldn’t agree more. was a hedonistic dictator with a isn’t half bad. It lacks the soar- GN’F’nR is the greatest band bad obsession for self destruc- ing guitar solos that only Slash Roses is a f*cking sweet child Democracy to the jungle, so I ever. Period. It was Chinese De- tion. Izzy quit the band because can provide, but does have some of mine. I’ve been dreaming took a little smoke break, and mocracy that broke the band up, “That Axhole is a lazy, no-tal- brilliant lyrics and kickin’ riffs. about her for the last 14 years. Drunken Roses just blew out so it better be worth the damn ent, piece of horse shit.” Axl is Rose played all the instruments It all came together at a… you like a f*ckin’ nighttrain from my wait. If it’s anything short of the the only original member still in and mixed the entire album. know…” he took another line. brain.” second coming, we’ll be waiting GN’F’nR. Who knew he could make an axe “F*ck yeah! You know… it came We don’t know what the hell in the cold November rain to slap We asked Axl about his cur- knock on heaven’s door? from the subconscious mind. I he’s talking about, but we still like Axl so hard that he’s right next rent relationship with his former Axl said, “Yeah, man, Drunken was sick of welcoming Chinese the album. Axl kicked us out of door to hell. DVD Review: Citizen Pain: 2015 Sexy LepreKAAHHHHHNNN Mystical Bane of Kirk

What do you get when you mix wanton violence, vulgar- ity, sexuality, lots of explosions and minimal character develop- ment? Why, you get an R-rated fi lm, that’s for sure. But you also get Worson Elles’ new vehicle: Citizen Pain: 2015. This is the 16th Citizen Pain fi lm by the ac- claimed director Elles, also fa- mous for Dude, Where’s My Off- spring, and Igor and Wilhelmina Go to the Opera. It follows direct- ly from Pain vs. the Chupacabra, chronicling Pain’s attempt to run for offi ce. Heir Rama Biff / Co-Editor’n’Chef His competition for Mayor Stolen tires not really stolen - just escaped. Tires found rolling of Mechayorkcago includes the through classrooms looking for mediocre education. Hellclown (Pain’s Comedy of Er- rors), who has returned from the Dimension of Artifi cial Sweet- ners. Pain, in an effort to win the hearts of the citizens of Mechay- orkcago challenges the Hell- clown to a battle to the death. What follows is an explod- ingly good time, putting Brerry Juckheimer to shame. Bullets fl y, as do seltzer bottles fi lled with acid. Amidst sadistic howls of laughter and a series of four-let- tered-words, the smoke clears. Standing in the wreckage, over the burning corpse of the Hell- Salexzara (fi rst appearing in stares into the Abyss. Watch as clown, Pain lights his cigar. In a Pain, Actually). the Abyss is too timid to stare tinny voice, he says to the crowd, Now the election is ruined back into Pain. After striking waving his gatling-gun arm at for Pain. People vote en masse the Abyss over the chin, knock- them as he speaks, “Much like for Space Nazi, hailing a Fourth ing him out cold, he says to the my opponent’s citywide taxation Reich for the city of Mechay- people gathered there: “My God, plan, his defensive battle strate- orkcago. Pain fi nds the culprit: he’s full of stars!” gies too were fl awed.” a necromancer/political boss Citizen Pain: 2015 is a clas- Thus, Pain runs against only named Jettys. While leaving Jet- sic by any defi nition. If you are one more candidate: Space Nazi. tys’ residence, gatling-arm still down for an awesome fl ick that Now, who would vote for a Space smoking, he said to the gathered will blow your mind with stun- Nazi? Things go smoothly for crowd, “I showed the necroman- ning special effects, a score the Pain family as election day cer how the other side lived… composed by popular Canadian arrives. Pain sits by his fi repit, then died.” composer Jorner, and enough bouncing Pain Mark II on his Watch as Pain fi nds a way to plot to fi ll a small sandwich bag, knee. Just at that moment, a rid himself of the army of the then you’re due to watch Citizen newsblurb fl ashes on the tele- living damned (from Damned Pain: 2015. It will be one of the vision: A picture of Pain stand- Pain) for good. It involves a pa- few times it feels good to have ing in a brothel. Beside him, his per mill and some well-written Pain (unless you’re a masochist, Darry Bavignon off-and-on love mistress, Lady news articles. Watch as Pain then it’s just another day). Hertz

Volume 40, Issue 22 Oh George Lucas, let it be a masculine boy! Thursday, aPRIL FOoLs dAy - 1, 2005 Rose-Hulman Official Excuse Form Wacky Student Quotes FooFoo McKnuckleberry “It’s so unfair that almost two thirds of the final was on Matlab and we only spent, like, seven weeks on it!” To expedite faculty consideration of student requests for extensions on assignments, the Institute has adopted the following form, to be submitted when --A student in Prof Chambers’s Comp Apps I class, such an extension is needed. demonstrating the math skills of the freshman class

Name: “Do we need to write it in Spanish?” Course: --Students in Prof. Gohre’s class, wrestling with the concept of “Spanish class” Please indicate your excuse below. (Check one.)

____ Illness. Circle one: “I don’t do well in classes where I have to read.” a. Life-threatening, contagious, or otherwise sympathy-producing --A student in Prof. Schumacher’s class, bound for disease academic superstardom b. Consumption, dropsy, or other dramatically archaic-sounding malady c. Chronic Aversion to Work Syndrome d. Viral infection serious enough to prevent all activity except all-night “I was wondering if you could give me a 25% on your class Halo 2 marathon assignments because they were multiple choice, and had I e. Symptoms too vague to disprove turned them in and just randomly guessed I would have been able to get about 25%.” Please use the space below to describe your symptoms in just enough disgusting, --A student in Prof. Mafi-Kreft’s class, raising the bar for graphic detail to be plausible and convincing. scholarly excellence

“During the fifteenth century, there was not much use for women.” ____ Personal crisis. Circle one: --A student in Prof. Martland’s class, not thinking a. Acute major depression creatively enough b. Breakup of romantic relationship Please indicate whether relationship is ____ Real “I’m not sure, but I’ll bet there is not much of it around ____ Imagined anymore since Newton has been dead a long time.” ____ Random drunken hook-up --A student in Prof. Houghtalen’s class, asked to define a c. Angst, malaise, ennui, and/or the Sickness Unto Death Newtonian field d. Bad hair day

____ Dead grandparent. “Because Hertz wrote it.” ____ Number of grandparents deceased during present quarter --A student in Prof. Ardis’s class, asked for a reason to ____ Total during RHIT enrollment (not to exceed 7 grandparents) change software ____ Not really dead yet, but has worrisome cold symptoms ____ Perfectly healthy: excuse just worked so well on Survivor: Pearl Islands “The Golden Gate Bridge, completed in 1937, connects the city’s bay with the Pacific Ocean.” ____ Conscientious objection. Circle one: --A student in Prof. Waite’s class, on the major a. Assignment violates dictates of my religion or interferes with my need to worship. engineering efforts of fish

Relevant deity: “Learning is more important to me than my ability to breathe.” ____ God ____ Rev. Sun Myung Moon --A student in Prof. Merkle’s class who has the right ____ Allah ____ J.R. “Bob” Dobbs attitude ____ Buddha ____ The Will to Power ____ Vishnu ____ St. Hulbert ____ Great Earth Mother ____ Hertz “That data set is positively screwed.” ____ Greek/Roman pantheon ____ Yngwie Malmsteen --A student in Prof. Evans’s class who may be also positively skewed—or screwed b. Refuse to submit assignment as act of civil disobedience against The Man c. Assert my Fifth Amendment rights on the grounds that providing answers to the questions on this assignment may incriminate me “Layla and Majnoo have problems when Majnoo runs two transactions at the same time without committing.” --A student in Prof. Azhar’s class, learning valuable Amount of bribe enclosed: ______interpersonal skills (Forms of payment accepted: Visa, Mastercard, Discover, personal check, PayPal) “If he has a relationship with her, and he has a relationship with someone else, she won’t know about it, if it is set to Top Ten Books on a Rose Professor’s Bookshelf SERIALIZABLE. Now I need to find the SERIALIZABLE 10. Dr Strangelight or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love button...” Crapo Hall --A student in Prof. Azhar’s class, wisely avoiding Majnoo’s problem 9. The Best of Popular Mechanics Swimsuit Issues 8. Langenscheidt’s English-Engineering Engineering-English “Try to insert before she max’s or she may get the wrong idea.” Bilingual Dictionary --A student in Prof. Azhar’s class, hopefully not speaking 7. The Maltese Elephant from experience 6. Lose Weight with Whiteboard Markers 5. A Tale of Two Civils Hey Profs! Got a stupid kid in your class? Have a story you just can’t keep to yourself? Send your wackiest student 4. The Five People You Meet in the Faculty Dining Room quotes or other humor material to us at 3. The Old Man and the Pond 2. Red Pens: The Missing Manual fl[email protected] 1. The Joy of Xbox We’ll print it next year - maybe. -Hoshua Jolden

The Little Line o’ Litigious Lard: The content of The Flipside is intended to be purely humorous, and it does not represent the opinions of the Hose Thron or Hose-Rulman Institute of Technology. It doesn’t represent anybody’s opinions. Won’t somebody please think of the midgets? All material is copyright of its owner. Your regularly scheduled editor will be back after break.