Other Ways Besides the Door

THE mountains were gone. And the water beneath the bridge was also gone. Only the bridge seemed to exist, lines penciled against a sepia sky. An abstract entitled: From Nowhere to Nowhere. As far as Nate could tell, the cars, including his, were creeping across the Lion’s Gate into an abyss, on- coming traffic emerging from it. If Misty were here, which, of course, she wasn’t, she’d attempt to forge this all into a poem or song or even a painting, something about the end of the world. The sun, still visible, bled through the smoke, a fiery apocalyptic red, and Nate could taste every incinerated tree in the province, even with the windows up and the A/C blasting. The car in front slowed and stopped, so Nate slowed and stopped. Particulate floated by his windshield and he hoped for rain. Who didn’t hope for rain? His cell phone went off and his sister’s voice filled the car. “You at the ferry,” she said. “On the bridge.” “Finn gets in in, like, two minutes. His boat is pretty much there.” “Ramona. I’ll get him. Don’t worry.” “I’ve sent two texts and called. He’s not answering.” “He’ll be there. Why wouldn’t he be?” “I’m just… he wasn’t very happy when we said goodbye.” Finn was fifteen. Had she forgotten fifteen? Beginning of the Goth epoch—years she caked on ghostly foundation and caged her eyes in black eyeshadow and liquid eyeliner. Hardware through her septum and lower lip. All the snubs and put-downs any time Nate, five years her junior, dared to cross her path. “You weren’t happy at Finn’s age,” he said. “Like, ever. Don’t you remember?” Nate managed to pull two car lengths ahead without her saying a word. She was probably practicing non-reaction, something she’d counseled him in after the whole Misty/airport debacle. Finally, a resigned huff gusted through the speakers. “Yeah, but it’s Finn.” She sounded teary. Maybe she imagined Finn lured into some cult or running away to fight the fires. He couldn’t blame her—people could be there and then not be there, vanishing into another life. “Listen,” Nate said. “his battery probably died. We’ll call once he’s in the car. Promise.” • • • Traffic didn’t ease. After the bridge, it was still start and stop. Nate texted Finn to say he was running late, and seconds later a thumbs-up emoji zoomed back. A week ago, Ramona had called to report Finn’s misdemeanor. Apparently, he’d been hanging out with what Ramona called a band of hoodlums over the past months, slouching around the gas station and post office of their small town, sucking back giant Slurpees and pegging off cars with spitballs. Nothing exactly criminal until they tossed a rock through the window of an elderly widower’s garage. Finn swore it wasn’t his idea and Ramona chose to believe him. Ditto after the boys’ joyride down the lake road on what Finn insisted were borrowed bikes. But the most recent crime had her panicked; she’d recounted the story in such a breathless hurry for Nate that he’d asked her to repeat it. Apparently, Finn, on some dare, had slipped through the book return slot at the library (Nate was still working out the physics of that one) and swiped a couple graphic novels from the shelves. His buddies had recorded it, uploaded it onto Snapchat, but by the time Nate heard about it, the video had dissolved into the ether. Anyway, Finn had been caught, and though they’d dropped official charges, Nate had been roped, albeit willingly, into Ramona’s makeshift rehabilitation program. Now Nate wondered if all this acting out had to do with Finn’s dad, who’d spent exactly ten days with Finn after he was born. Then bailed on those colicky nights to work in the oil patch and never came back. He sent money and gifts sporadically, and then, not at all. Nate could only remember a single discussion with Finn about his dad. At three, when Nate babysat five times a week, Finn had said, “Are you my dad, Uncle Nate?” And when Nate explained how no, no, he wasn’t, Finn had shrugged his little shoulders and said, “It doesn’t matter. You’re better than a dad.” Even the memory of it made Nate weepy. So maybe he was Finn’s problem. The deadbeat uncle. More insult than Finn’s dad leaving before they’d ever bonded. In the past months, Nate had basically dropped out of Finn’s life. Not so much as a text or Instagram like since last September, let alone a phone call or visit. He’d mired himself in work, and if not work, then pot and Netflix. Hardly an excuse. After all, he’d known and loved Finn through diapers, Lego and dinosaur obsessions, through a new stepdad and twin baby brothers. And when Ramona moved her new family to the Island, when Finn was five, Nate arranged to visit at least once a month. Which he did until Misty entered, and then exited, the scene. So, when Ramona had spoken to Nate about Finn, he’d offered to take the week off work and give Finn a break from the hoodlums. Himself a break from himself. • • • By the time he reached the terminal, the main ferry traffic had dissipated. There was still a taxi or two, and a few cars dropping off passengers for the seven o’clock boat. Nate parked, got out of the car and into the smoke. Finn didn’t glance up as Nate approached. He’d contorted his body over and around a whale statue, thumb and gaze glued to his phone. He hardly looked a hoodlum, his shorts had splashes of neon orange on them, his t-shirt bunched high up his back and exposed the xylophone of his ribcage. There’d been a shift in his face since Nate had last seen him. A familial topography: nose from a great-grandfather, and the begrudging brow from Nate’s dad. “Hey!” Nate said, and grabbed the bag at Finn’s feet. Finn pried his stare away from the phone and looked up. He had the same pragmatic blue eyes they all did—Nate, Ramona, their mom and all her sisters—only his were fresher, more curious. “Uncle Nate!” Finn said, and disentangled himself from the statue. He straightened his shirt and beamed. He was now a full inch taller than Nate. Not exactly an accomplishment since most everyone had an inch on him— but Finn didn’t mention it. Nor did he allude to the ten months of no phone calls, visits, or Instagram shares. No, Finn only braced his scrawny arms around Nate, pinning Nate at the elbows so he could only flap his forearms to pat Finn on the waist. All the way back to the car Finn’s voice alternated between boy and man registers as he talked about how the smoke was bad on the Island, but not this bad, and how he’d read that the fire near William’s Lake burned at over four-thousand hectares. “That’s, like, four thousand football fields.” Finn took the pack from Nate and hoisted it over his shoulder. Then said, “Why do they compare everything to football fields?” Nate laughed and left the question alone. A survival technique he’d learned from when Finn was little and asked why? why? why? a million times an hour. Nate beeped the car doors open and they both slid in and buckled up. Finn unzipped his backpack and rustled through it. “Mom wanted me to give you this,” he said. Nate thought it might be money, a little cash toward groceries and entertainment, but Finn plopped a jar into the cup-hold. “Raspberry jam. From last year. She’s making room for new stuff.” “You gotta call her,” Nate said. “Or text.” Something flickered over Finn’s face, a scowl or grimace. “Come on, dude,” Nate said, turning the key. “She’s gonna call in two minutes anyway…” Sure enough, Ramona was on the speakers again, asking if Finn had eaten on the ferry, if his phone battery had died, if he’d given Nate the jam, and if he’d meant to leave behind the book she’d given him. He answered in a short survey fashion: yes, no, yes, yes. And when she signed off with, “I love you, Sweetie,” he rolled his eyes and said, “Yeah Mom, I know.” • • • Nate lived west of Main between 17th and 18th. A first-floor suite, though they had to go around the side and down three steps to the entrance, which meant it verged on basement. Aside from the six-foot ceilings, it didn’t feel too subterranean, thanks to good-sized windows and French doors that opened onto the back garden. Sometimes water seeped beneath them during winter rains and puddled on the tiled floor, leaving behind faint traces of mildew and mould. Right away, Finn seemed to zero in on the low shelves under the front window and climbed over the couch to get there. A cluster of Star Wars action figures next to one of Misty’s lopsided vases. He picked up R2D2 and waggled it at Nate. “You still have these!” “Something to drink Finn?” Nate leaned over the kitchen counter. It jutted out, suggesting a division between living room and kitchen, and served as a dining table.

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