Spring Matters
Spring 2021 1
The Third Age Trust (Operating as the University of the Third Age) Croydon U3A Registered Charity Number 1029466 www.u3asites.org.uk/croydon
Croydon U3A Management Committee 2020–2021
Chairman Jenny Wilson [email protected]
Vice Chair, Joy Ellery Venues & Archivist [email protected]
David Apps Membership, [email protected] Data & Travel Team [email protected]
Business/Minutes Roger Brimble Secretary [email protected]
Bulletin and Linda Grigsby Travel Team [email protected]
Interest Groups Carol Milgate Co-ordinator [email protected]
Treasurer, Gift Aid Paul Smith & Travel Team [email protected]
Risk Cliff Brett Publicity Maggie Chan Peggy Green Diversity & Inclusion, Jacqueline Harriott Publicity
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Dear Member of Croydon u3a,
Who would have thought, almost a year ago, that so many members would now have masses of technical expertise? There is so much on-line learning, and so many discussions, virtual social gatherings and parties taking place. Other members are keeping in touch by email and phone calls, and I am immensely proud of our response to the pandemic. The ingenuity, the flexibility, the stoical can-do attitude of Group Leaders and their members are truly terrific. I was able to make contact with an I.T. guru and she has coached over a dozen members so they can now join all Zoom talks and other events. Our Welfare Officer, Lesley Wood, is doing a truly amazing job regularly telephoning members who are not connected to the internet or who are battling with isolation. We have much to be thankful for and proud of within our u3a.
We wait patiently for the restrictions to be lifted so that face to face meetings can be resumed, and I know there will continue to be virtual meetings and talks running alongside them. Be assured that rigorous attention to detail for Risk Assessment procedures will be carried out so that all members feel safe and supported. The most important risk assessment will remain as each of our own personal, private considerations of what we are happy to take part in, with regard to our health and circumstances.
Let us look forward to Croydon’s 34th Anniversary on 15th April and celebrate everything that is going on. I hope you will say a personal ‘Cheers’ with your favourite tipple. In the early summer we will be promoting the u3a on the first National u3a Day. Wednesday 2nd June is the day to spread the best kept secret – for anyone who is no longer working full-time and not raising their own children, the u3a could be the way to make the best of the future. I call on you to be an ambassador and spread the word.
Keep safe, stay well,
With every good wish
Jenny
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Hi, I’m Bob, I’m New Here - Help!!
My first editorial (if that’s what this is), so where to start? Obviously only one option, with a massive thank you to retiring editor Gordon Thynne for his efforts over the last nine years or so, coupled with Barbara Lister who provided him with such great support in the design and composition of the magazine. Mind you, that doesn’t mean they can put their feet up - I expect to see a continuation of their excellent contributions into the future.
The photograph? Well, I was 9 when I first decided that I wanted to become a journalist, so that seemed a reasonable place to start. I never did so, but during a career in computing I did get heavily into technical and commercial authorship, soI hope that’s going to help me.
Trust me, I will need the help. Most of all, I need to know what you as a reader want from the magazine. We shall be looking to combine some new thoughts (slipped in a few already), along with more of the good stuff to which you’ve been accustomed in the past. So let me know whether or not you like it.
And don’t forget we need contributions to keep us rolling. I’ve relied heavily on long serving favourites for this issue, and will, very gratefully, continue so to do, but we also need all you budding writers out there to come up with the magazine of the future, writing about what interests you. Or just people with something to say. So please do not be shy, and please, please, please don’t think you need to be a Charles Dickens.
We have another new book by a member this edition. Darrielle Mayhead has written a fictionalised account of the life of her ancestor Sarah, who faced hardship and tragedy when emigrating to Australia in 1851. And there is a host of goodies from many regular contributors. But, with apologies to everybody else, pride of place must go to Maggie Chan, who has just been announced the winner (and therefore literally gold medalist) of the National Wenlock Olympian Society Flash Fiction Award for 2020-21.
We’ve introduced a few brain testers for you - give them a go on a rainy afternoon, not that it makes much difference at the moment.
I hope you enjoy. Bob Garner
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WOT’s Our Very Own Olympic Champion!! Maggie Chan wins The Wenlock Olympian WHERE Society 2020-21 Flash Fiction Gold Medal Read her winning entry on p5
London History 2 Zoom in on London’s Livery Companies p8 A Lifetime in the Music Group News Industry takes Brian Literally a Good Read Dunham from Ringo Starr’s Talks And Musings on George garage to a very special New Groups Elliot’s Middlemarch school in Sierra Leone on p10 p15 P28
Ever suffered from test nerves? A very David Talbot takes a nostalgic strange examination from Ann Smith on p21 look back to the Golden Age of BBC Radio Comedy on p19
The Moving Finger debates the wisdom of parents choosing children’s names on p24 Bookworm reviews
A A Milne always delights, as in his Darrielle Mayhead’s whimsical farewell to Winter on p27 account of a very special woman p23 Exercise Your Brain Try the Film Quiz on p4 WordSearch p26 Try this meat free WordBlock p29 version of a classic Double Crossword p30, European Dish on or just read all about the hippocampus on p 25 p32
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A Identify these films that celebrate a (x5 year) anniversary this year, along with their year of release— answers page 33
B C
D E
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G H I
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L K
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All That Is Gold Does Not Glitter
Wenlock Olympian Society
1st 2020-21 Gold Medal Winner—Flash Fiction Margaret Chan As day dawns, I grab the bundle of dirty laundry and run down to the river, to get the washing
done before class. My aim is to arrive at the schoolhouse just as Teacher opens the doors; I won’t waste one moment of the two years of school time that I’m allowed, now that I’ve fulfilled my social duty and produced a healthy, virus-immune, baby.
Teacher says I’m a good student and the Guardians have promised that, if I give birth to a second immune child, I can continue my education for a further two years … ‘You’re lucky,’ Mother says, ‘I didn’t get the chance of any learning. Girls weren’t educated in my day…’ Poor Mother, she anyway birthed only one healthy baby – me. All the others are buried in the Baby Cemetery.
Rooting around for stones to use for pounding and scraping away the dirt from our clothes, my fingers dredge up a strange-looking pebble. It feels warm to my touch and almost soft; it gleams in the pale light of the morning sun. I hold it carefully in my open palm, admire its yellow colour; there seems to be some sort of pattern etched into it … Pretty! I give a whoop of pleasure – then look around guiltily when I realise I have made an open-mouthed sound outside the safety of the family Bubble. Luckily, there is nobody about yet to report me. I will keep the pebble and show it to Teacher; maybe he will help me to find some information about it in one of the precious books in the library. I like to do some extra reading before class begins; particularly when Teacher joins me, our heads nearly touching as we pore over the words on the fragile pages. Once, he pointed to one of the magic pictures that the BeforePeople
5 called photographs. ‘See, you have her name, Kylie. She was famous in the Beforetimes.’ ‘What did she do?’ I asked … Teacher laughed, ‘She did singing –that up-and- down sounding the BeforePeople liked to make. They didn’t understand the risks back then …’ Sometimes in class I feel Teacher’s eyes on me and I do believe he cares for me. He often chooses me to read aloud and praises the way I try to voice the Oldspeak words, to tease out their meaning. He smiles at me more than at the other girls. I have a secret plan: Now that I have produced a virus-immune child, the Guardians will let me have some say in who fathers the next one … I’ll ask if Teacher can be selected – and hope that he agrees. Then, if we have a healthy child together, he might choose to be my Life Partner and we could live together in a family Bubble … Just the thought of it makes my heart skip with joy. I finish the washing and hurry home to feed Jessie. She nuzzles my breast and I kiss her soft head, amazed, as always, that the wrinkled elder the Guardians chose to lie down with me sired this sweet -faced child. Mother says that he’s over fifty – but I don’t believe her; nobody lives that long. He may be old, but he’s often picked for a first lying-down because he’s known to be kind and careful – and successful. And I conceived quickly; I didn’t need to lie with him many times. At the schoolhouse, Teacher looks up and smiles. ‘Early as usual, Kylie …’ ‘I wanted to show you something,’ I hold out the pretty stone ‘Ah,’ he says, ‘where did you find this?’ ‘In the river, just now. Do you know what it’s called?’ ‘It’s called gold.’
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‘Like the colour?’ I think of the bright tint the dyers make from crocus flowers. ‘Yup,’ he says, ‘that’s how the colour got its name. In the Beforetimes this metal was prized; people hoarded it, stole and cheated for it, even killed for it…’ ‘Why?’ I ask, astonished, ‘What’s so great about it? Does it make special tools or something?’ ‘No,’ Teacher says, ‘it’s too soft for that. They used it for adornments – this is part of a necklace,’ and he touches the leather Cord of Honour around my neck, which shows that I’ve given birth to a healthy child. ‘So the BeforePeople thought a useless metal was so important that they would kill and die for it? Were they stupid?’ Teacher shrugs. ‘I wouldn’t call them stupid exactly – they were certainly very ingenious in devising all that Tech we read about. But this craving they had for gold metal was like an addiction. They hid it away when the Virus struck them down … Seems they treasured it; hoped to go back for it in the Aftertimes. We know better today, of course – that Jessie and the other children like her are our real treasure ... ’ Without thinking, I place my hand on Teacher’s; he turns his hand over and our fingers fold together. ‘Kylie,’ he begins, and suddenly he seems hesitant, almost shy, ‘I’ve been thinking … when it’s time for you to birth again, perhaps I might ask the Guardians whether ….’ But, at that moment, the other girls come crowding into the school room, and he stops mid-sentence. Urgently, I lean into him, ‘Yes,’ I whisper …. I slip the gold stone into the pouch at my waist; Jessie can play with it. Margaret Chan
All that is gold does not glitter, Not all those who wander are lost; The old that is strong does not wither, Deep roots are not reached by the frost …
Tolkien, The Riddle of Strider
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History of London 2 - We’re Virtually Back
Belatedly, the History of London 2 group has joined the technological age, having decided to take the plunge and have a Zoom talk for our January meeting. But what should it be, we wondered? Being a history group it seemed pertinent to look back at our roots. The group was set up in 2006 by Vera Foster, who successfully applied for Heritage Lottery funding. It was these monies that allowed the group to employ a professional guide to give talks and take walks around our capital for a year. The person chosen was David Williams, who was very enthusiastic and knowledgeable. It seemed fitting to go back to David for our very first Zoom talk, a full fifteen years on. How times have changed! The subject chosen for the talk was ‘The City of London Livery Companies.’
The Vintners initiating a new master. The wine porter sweeps the way whilst the vintners carry posies, both traditions reflecting the state of the city in times gone by.
The Livery companies evolved from medieval guilds, becoming corporations under Royal Charter responsible for the training in their respective trades, as well as for the regulation of aspects such as wages, labour conditions and industry standards. The companies also cared for their members Salters in sickness and old age. Today, they continue to support both their members and wider charitable aims and activities, including education and training. Several schools in the UK are associated with the livery companies, such as Merchant Vintners Taylors' and Skinners'. In 1515, the Court of Aldermen of the City of London settled an order of precedence for the 48 livery companies then in existence, based on those companies' contemporary economic or political power. The 12 highest-ranked companies remain known as the Great Twelve City Livery Companies. One interesting story concerns the Merchant Taylors and the Skinners, who have long disputed their precedence as they both received their Charters in 1327 with no proof surviving as Fishmongers 8 to which was granted first. So once a year (at Easter) they swap between sixth and seventh places. This mix-up is a favourite theory for the origin of the phrase "at sixes and sevens”. Today there are 110 livery companies, with all post-1515 companies ranked by seniority of creation. Nowadays the majority of the companies’ original roles have become defunct, but they have changed with the times and taken on different aspects of our modern world: For example, the Worshipful Company of Tallow Chandlers' Company is no longer a trade association of candle makers (due to its decline precipitated by the advent of electric lighting), but now exists as a charitable institution supporting education in oil-related fields. Likewise, the newer companies encompass the wide spectrum of modern life: for example, the Worshipful Company of Information Technologists became the 100th livery company. Throughout the City of London you can find many indications of the livery companies, such as the 39 livery halls still in existence, blue plaques where the livery halls were, or livery marks showing that they own the building – but be prepared to look up high to see them. Also don’t forget, when normality returns, to look out for sheep being herded over London Bridge, the Vintners initiating a new master, the London Bridge Fayre or the traditional Livery pancake race at the Guildhall.
Mary Berry in 2017, driving sheep across the Thames, re-enacting the Freemen of the City of London’s historic right to bring their sheep to market in the city. A big thank you to David Williams for starting off our foray into Zoom talks. We are looking forward to our next talk on suburbia, by Barry Goodwin in February, but also to the time we can return to our walks around London. Lynda Dawson
About David Williams I started LONDON FOOTSTEPS 15 years ago after completing a year attending a City of London guide-lecturer course and getting my certification in 2005.
One of my first talks was to the Croydon History of London Group…and I have been back most years since then - although this was the first time I had to remain at home in my office and give a talk via Zoom. Have a look at www.londonfootsteps.co.uk if you want more details.
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SOME TALKS THAT WE ENJOYED
Which is not to say we did not enjoy others, but these three were those that have supplemented (replaced?) recent General Meetings The Food of the Gods : CHOCOLATE
Sandy Leong gave an excellent and well -illustrated talk to a packed audience. We had 91 devices logged on and more u3a members participating as some came with their other half! Sadly, we were unable to share any free samples!
Here are a few bits of information which might be useful for quizzers::
The Greek for Food of the Gods is Theobrama Cacao, which is the taxonomic name for the tree.
The dates when different chocolate lines were launched – Dairy Milk 1907; Bournville 1908; Turkish Delight 1914; Flakes 1920 (a bit of genius using the waste off-cuts); Crunchie 1929; Aero 1935; After Eights 1962; and Crème Eggs 1977.
It has been said that red wine and chocolate are good for you. One member told us that a medical consultant had suggested these remedies for ‘white coat syndrome’. High grade dark chocolate is reputed to be beneficial, however we weren’t sure on the daily prescription– trials in progress!
We also discussed the links between chocolate and migraines, the new ‘flavours’ of chill and sea salt, Fairtrade products, and why eating chocolate makes your clothes shrink! A really informative and fun afternoon was had by all. Jenny Wilson
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The Little List
Are you on it? Are you ever likely to be? Those of you who missed Bernard Lockett’s talk at the February GM may be asking “What list?”
Gilbert and Sullivan fans will know immediately. It’s from The Mikado and it’s Ko Ko’s list. Anybody who even mildly displeased The Mikado got put on the list and Ko Ko, as the Lord High Executioner, kept it. Whether he actually executed anyone isn’t clear – it isn’t that kind of show. However, we will assume that no Croydon u3a members would do anything that would merit their inclusion. (ed: don’t you believe it).
WS Gilbert was born in 1836 to a wealthy family and was a rich man in his own right. He didn’t need to work, but did need something to do. At first he became a barrister, but was soon overwhelmed by the corruption endemic in the law at that time, so he took an alternative route and became a writer and theatre director. Arthur Sullivan was born in 1842, the son of Irish immigrants, and, unlike Gilbert, was very poor. His father was a trumpet player, and Sullivan himself started composing early in his life, studied in Leipzig with Rossini and formed a collaboration with Gilbert in 1870. They mounted their first production in 1871, “Thespis”, which was a resounding flop, lasting only 9 performances.
Sir William Schwenck Gilbert Sullivan wrote many hymns and carols (71), amongst them “While Shepherds Watched Their Flocks” and “Rock of Ages”. In 1879, the D’Oyley Carte Co. joined forces with Gilbert and Sullivan and so began a run of productions, the most successful being HMS Pinafore which ran for 700 performances, a record at the time. However, the most often played music at any time and in any place worldwide, is reckoned by those who know about these things, to be “The Mikado”. Surprisingly, it wasn’t about Japan – it was a satire on the government,
11 and Gilbert thought the only way he would avoid censorship would be to set it in Japan. Altogether Gilbert and Sullivan jointly wrote 14 shows, a record which has not yet been exceeded, even by Rodgers and Hammerstein or Andrew Lloyd Webber and others.
Rumours of their constant rows are exaggerated – they had their differences but always settled in the end. Sullivan died in 1900 and is buried in St. Paul’s, whereas Gilbert, although he attained a knighthood (as a magistrate!), was buried in 1911 in a small churchyard in Stanmore.
We were all delighted, after the talk and questions, to be sung out by John, in true G&S patter style. Sir Arthur Seymour Sullivan PS. If you missed the video link which was sent round with the meeting reminder, here it is: https://gsopera.tv/programs/introducing-gsoperatv Margaret Derrick
Do You Like Kipling? History of the Picture Postcard
We have all surely sent picture postcards at some time, and James Taylor gave us a riveting talk on the history of the peculiarly British version of the product – although as he emphasised, other countries have their equivalent.
The earliest example of anything considered a postcard discovered is the Penny Penates, postmarked 14th July 1840 to the writer Theodore Hook. As can (just) be seen, the card carries a Penny Black stamp, the only example known to do so. It sold at auction in 2002 for £31,750, a world record for a postcard.
Notice both the economy of the address (Thomas Hook Esq, Fulham) and the absence of any other detail (not permitted). The first British postcards were plain card and issued by the Post Office, a monopoly until 1894, when permission was granted to private companies, and the first picture cards appeared. It was 1902 when the ‘Divided Back’ was introduced, allowing
12 the address to be written on one half and a message on the other, a format still with us – as is the standard size of 5½” x3½”, introduced in 1899.
The start of the century saw the sending and collecting become a national craze both here and abroad. With dependable postal service, they provided an immediate and cheap form of communication before the telephone became popular. The period up to the start of WWI is seen as the Golden Age. Humour was introduced, but most were straightforward depictions of landmarks, celebrities, scenic views, or specific typesof card, often deriving from the style of individual artists. Location postcards were particularly used to promote travel, promoting both the resort and the railway used to transport people there. A selection from a long list of artists includes:
Hilda Cowham – specialised in humorous child illustrations
George E Studdy – creator of ‘Bonzo the Dog’, who featured on many of his designs
William Barribal – famous for art deco railway images, and elegant, fashionable women
Arthur Butcher – humorous topics during WWI, gravitating to society figures
Louis Wain – famous for his anthropomorphic cats, prompted by his wife’s pet during her lengthy illness and early death
Mabel Lucie Attwell—was famous for her depictions of cute, chubby babies, largely based on her daughter
Bamforth Card Co. made popular the saucy postcard with which we are all so familiar
And king of the genre, Donald McGill created around 12,000 designs, with 200 million copies printed. He produced gently humorous designs during WWI, encouraged by a government that saw them as an aid to morale. His forte, of course, became the saucy postcard. His ‘Kipling’ card, to the right, is said to have sold six million copies, by far a world record.
A fascinating talk, evidenced by the lively and lengthy Q&A session which ensued – thank you, James.
Trevor Truthseeker
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GROUP NEWS AND NEW GROUPS
If you hadn’t noticed, it’s been a fairly rough year. So, at least for Croydon u3a, there can surely be very little more encouraging for 2021 than the emergence over the last few months of three new interest groups. Each has been well signposted in recent circulars, so we at the magazine will do no more than to point you toward their information and wish them well for the future
Environment and Climate Change Group Contact Jenny Wilson for more information
The flyer says pretty much all, but you should be aware that internet access will be required. Contact Julian Marcus if interested:
Ever said ‘But that’s not the ending in the book!’? Maybe this will provide some answers for you. For more information on how the group will operate, contact Jacqueline Harrington:
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Legacy of a 20th Century Boy
So there I was – on the scrapheap again. Having served the demanding mistress of a job in the music business, looking after the copyrights of the Rock n Roll Icon that was Marc Bolan for 25 years, I had persuaded the mysterious ‘suits’ in the Bahamas to sell the Bolan catalogue so that Rolan, the son of his relationship with the soul singer Gloria Jones, might finally inherit the fortune to which he was morally entitled. Thereby killing the golden goose which had given me a good living for a few years. I had then decided I was too young to retire and needed a fresh project that I could get my teeth into. Foolishly I decided to try to tell the story of Marc Bolan’s life through producing a Juke Box Musical featuring his songs. Cost me a fortune, but it was highly rewarding in a creative sense. Hey Ho. The scriptwriter, an experienced director of Rock Pantomimes in Ipswich, wanted to tell the story by looking back at Marc’s life through the eyes of his only begotten son Rolan. I too felt it would resonate with theatre audiences, so I had to go to Los Angeles to seek the blessing of Rolan and his Mom. Gloria appeared to be quite chuffed we were telling her story. The result was 20th Century Boy - the Musical, which in 2012 enjoyed a modicum of success and 4-star reviews in its initial run in Ipswich. But it never quite made it to the West End. Quel dommage. I was also heavily involved in the creation of the DVD of the musical, which meant, amongst other things, scrabbling around Ringo Starr’s garage searching for source material—the things we do! So, back on the scrapheap and looking for a new challenge, I was invited by Gloria in February 2015 to a fundraiser in Thames Ditton in order to support the efforts of ‘Tyrannosaurus’ Jed Dmochowski (a Bolan fan and teacher at Haberdashers Aske in New Cross) to raise money to help their charity, the Light of Love Foundation. Light of Love Charity Launch 15
Their objective was to build the Marc Bolan School of Music and Film in Sierra Leone – to provide a root for a generation of children riven by civil war and exploitation. It was then that Gloria asked me to persuade Terry Churchill (Bolan fan and Logistics Director of a Dubai based Shipping Company) that he ought to ask the Sheik he worked for to put money into my musical. Bless her little cotton socks – it turned out he actually worked for some Sikh brothers. But he also turned out to be a great guy who later played a huge part in getting ‘The Container’ out to Sierra Leone. Anyway, malapropisms aside I was totally inspired by Gloria’s message, and her aim to help the youth of Sierra Leone. And I was also moved by her gravelly voice – her vocal cords got cut in the crash that killed Marc Bolan, which meant she could no longer earn BD with Gloria Jones a living as a singer. Albeit her voice lives on through her recordings. In places like Wigan she is known as the Queen of Northern Soul through the popularity of her recording “Tainted Love”. Inspired by her message I even had a go at writing a song I called it “Ode to Gloria Jones – our lady of Makeni”. To the tune of “Then He Kissed Me”, the Crystals song. The verse through which I tried to broadcast her message went like this: So she thought what can I do this just isn’t right Boy soldiers said Mama we don’t want to fight Looked up to heaven and it was written in the stars To help heal their wounds and some of their scars They got to lay down their guns and pick up guitars – to mourn the departed It may not be the greatest song ever written but, Dear Reader, you will get the gist of it. I was hooked on helping the boy soldiers of Sierra Leone. By maybe helping them smile again with the gift of learning music and film in the Marc Bolan School of Music in Makeni.
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So I helped her launch the Light of Love Foundation to the British Media in June 2015, and was invited onto the Board as a Trustee.
I quickly assessed the situation and as Director of Operations pushed for the use of all our resources to send out a “Starter Pack’ of classroom furniture for thirty pupils, together with IT and musical equipment, and a recording desk, in a shipment to Makeni.
However it took us the best part of two years to raise the money to cover the costs of sending a container with all of the above essentials – to help school the Children of Africa. The biggest cost item was “Local Tax or Customs Charges” plus the Insurance cover to ensure the goods reached their destination safely. Africa is notorious for stuff getting Lost in Transit, as they euphemistically call it.
Finally the “MSC Diego” left London Gateway on 30th August 2017 on its way to Sierra Leone, bearing a container full of classroom furniture donated by Steve Thomas, IT equipment donated by Haberdashers Aske School, and musical Instruments donated by Bolan Fans. It reached the Marc Bolan School of Music and Film in Makeni on or around the 21st September – in good time to “Celebrate Summer” on Marc’s Birthday – 30th September!
The Light of Love Foundation is proud to be making a difference in the building of the Marc Bolan School of Music and Film to preserve the enduring legacy of the music that Marc Bolan gave the World. For three years I was very proud to be part of that mission. Helped get it established and it is now doing great things. Students from the School have been in the vanguard of the fight against COVID-19. If you are interested feel free to check out the Website www.marcbolanschool.com Brian Dunham
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THE GOLDEN AGE
I was lucky enough in the late 40s and early 50s to be part of the audience in the Paris Theatre in Lower Regent Street, to see and hear what we all thought in those days were really funny shows that were able to attract a large listening audience before TV began to take over. It is true that some of these had been preceded by such shows as ‘The Band Waggon’ with Arthur Askey and Richard ‘Stinker’ Murdoch, and even ITMA with a devoted following both during and after the war – but my only acquaintance with these has been, specially with ITMA, in hearing oft repeated excerpts or catch- phrases.
Then there was also a generation of radio comedy shows that lasted well into the Television era. Not all would now be tactful to quote, but the more memorable included The Navy Lark and two vehicles for a quite unlikely comic, ‘Beyond our Ken’ and ‘Round the Horne’. ‘Take It From Here’ also had a surprisingly long run, with two significant new cast members – more anon.
There were also shows that I Kenneth Horne (centre) with regular cast members did not see and hear recorded, such as ‘Breakfast with Braden’ and ‘Bedtime with Braden’, both of which featured Nat Temple and his Band. And what about ‘Life with the Lyons’ – Ben, Bebe and their real-life children Richard and Barbara. All North American imports, Ben originally made his name as a leading man in silent movies, and Bebe appeared in 230 films – including playing Dorothy in ‘The Wonderful Wizard of Oz’ some thirty years before Judy Garland!
Anyhow, the two I most remember in the I can’t stand innuendo. If I see one studio theatre were ‘Much Binding in the in a script, I whip it out immediately Marsh’ and ‘Ray’s a Laugh’. I think I was also Kenneth Williams present at the recording of the show featuring Eric Barker and his wife Pearl Hackney – that may have been ‘The Eric Barker 19
Half-Hour’, but I’m not certain. Let’s feature ‘Much Binding’, perhaps my favourite, though as a boy I never realised the meaning of the word ‘binding’! The ubiquitous Kenneth Horne was its foundation as a senior officer, assisted by the now - well known Richard Murdoch. Then there was the ‘Good Morning, Sir, was there something?’ from a deep- The Navy Lark Cast—note a young Ronnie Barker voiced Sam Costa, sounding quite different from his alter ego, the pre-war band show crooner. A rather distinguished actor, Maurice Denham, made up the quadrumvirate, making a most peculiar introductory noise that doesn’t translate into print!
Ted Ray and Kitty Bluett’s programme was even more amusing, when the dialogue from the lead actor was ‘Why, it’s a little girl, what’s your name?’ ‘Jennifer’ was the answer that brought shrieks of laughter from the studio audience because it was a man speaking in falsetto. I know it doesn’t sound funny now, but it certainly was then!
‘Take It From Here’ was, I think, the third of the programmes I remember really well, with the original cast of Joy Nichols, Dick Bentley, and Jimmy Edwards, and catchphrases like ‘Black mark, Bentley’ from Jimmy. When Joy Nichols, who had been starring in ‘The Pajama Game’, left for Australia, she was replaced by June Whitfield, whose dialogues with Dick Bentley were the highspot of the new show, in which Alma Cogan did the vocals and a small part of making a noise as an elderly relative in the script. As a footnote I should recall that these shows provided early platforms for stars of the future such as Kenneth Williams, Max Bygraves, Ronnie Barker and Julie Andrews, amongst many others. David Talbot
In 1971 Ted Ray was asked to suggest his own obituary. He offered: Ted Ray died peacefully in his sleep at 95 years of age in a Brighton hotel. A young blonde is understood to be helping police with their inquiries
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THE EXAMINATION HALL
I arrive to invigilate the exam but they tell me that no, I'm a candidate. The room is enormous. It's freezing and cold, as all the windows are wide open. I'm glad I'm wearing my three-layered mask and my furry earpieces. There are dozens of us, of all ages, from four to eighty. There is an answer book on every desk. In a stentorian voice the invigilator tells us to complete all the details on the front cover, but not to open the booklet. So I start filling in the boxes. My NHS number is requested. I vaguely wonder why. I can't remember the current one, so I write in the old one, COWE 45. This always raises a laugh when I mention it at dinner parties;
21 stand up. ‘Sit down!’ yells the invigilator who seems to have morphed into Boris Johnson. He ambles slowly up the aisle, ruffling his hair, until he reaches me. ‘I'm not sure this is the right paper’, I say tentatively. ‘I don't understand the questions. I don't think this was in the syllabus’. “Oh, just give it a whirl”, he cries. Realising that I'm struggling, ‘Try the pre- school section,’ he adds amiably. ‘you could always draw a picture of your own fireplace- by the way, there are some great ones at Eton, you know’. ‘But who is this Gavin?’ I ask. ‘He's a chum of mine’, he responds, ‘he was Education Minister until last Thursday, when he ran out of options... But there's light at the end of the tunnel, the cavalry is coming over the hill to end this thesaurus of grief ‘… Suddenly there is a loud crash. The Examination Hall vanishes. I'm in bed. It's pitch dark but bright lights stream through my curtains. It's 6am, and Croydon's noisy dawn refuse collection is in full swing as it rattles down the hill. In that fleeting state between waking and dreaming, I recall that just yesterday evening I had been thinking about lighting my coal fire - not only as a shield against the bitter Winter weather, but as a temporary welcome escape from current harsh realities. Ann Smith
Croydon by Sunset
Just Because
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A WOMAN OF THE WEST
Factionalisation from Croydon u3a’s Darrielle Mayhead
East Anglian farmworkers in the first half of the 19th century reeled under the impact of a revolution in agriculture. Australia beckoned, as a new land of literally golden opportunity to those thrown out of work. It is against this background that Darrielle Mayhead introduces us to the story of Sarah, her great-great grandmother. Somewhere between a family memoir and a historical fictionalisation, but not quite either, Darrielle tells the story of a determined woman with a goal to achieve and a gypsy’s ominous prophecy to overcome. Sarah Brighton Sarah Brighton was born two years after the child that would become Queen Victoria, with none of the advantages. Facing a life in service, punctuated only by childbearing, Sarah needs little persuading when her husband William looks to emigrate to the new world of Australia, painted glowingly by a government keen to attract manpower to build the new colonies. We read also of the early exploits of others who will become major elements in Sarah’s future.
The hardships of the voyage, realities of the arrival, and the tragedies and triumphs that follow, as Sarah pursues that future, are engagingly presented in a manner that gives us an interesting flavour of both Norfolk and the new colonies at that time. A book I enjoyed reading.
Originally published privately, simply for friends and family, the positive reaction received is pushing to a wider distribution and the book is now available on Amazon Port Adelaide Docks Around 1850 Kindle. If you want to know more, contact Darrielle. Bookworm
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WHAT’S IN A NAME?
Ed: My predecessor revealed the identity of The Moving Finger in the Autumn magazine. It falls to me to tell you that Peter Steptoe has now decided to hang up his digit and move on, this being his final piece. If true (?) I thank him for his efforts over many years and am grateful to be able to be involved with this one last contribution
‘Why are you so depressed?’ I said to my old and trusted friend. ‘Parents should be abolished for the potential misery they inflict when naming their children,’ he replied. And continued, ‘Never name a male child William Charles.’ ‘Why ever not?’ I said. ‘Because the initials are WC, and my friend Geoffrey Poole was forever grateful that his parents had not christened him Cecil. Because at school he would have become ‘Cesspool’ with the possible nickname of ‘Sewer.’ ‘I think you exaggerate,’ was my response. ‘Tell me why Mr and Mrs Cumbers had the temerity of inflicting a lifetime of misery by naming their son Quentin? And what possessed Mr. and Mrs. Prior to give their son, a busines acquaintance of mine, the forename Uriah? We called him John. Did the Uriah result from a propensity for rhyming, or to curry favour with a similarly inflicted wealthy ancient relative?’ ‘What about females?’ I said. ‘My sister insists that she had a classmate named Pearl Barley, and that Eileen White was black and Maureen Black was white.’ ‘Those are surnames and inherited,’ I protested. ‘Yes,’ he said. ‘And the pathetic lengths they go to to avoid detection. I met a chap in the course of my work and enquired his name. O’Nyons, he replied. Thinking he was of Irish ancestry I asked him to spell it. O.N.I.O.N.S. That’s onions, I foolishly said. And sadly he nodded his head.’ ‘What about you?’ I asked. ‘I am completely fed up,’ he replied ‘with enquiries as to the health of my father and brother Harold. And they even inquire as to the health of the BLOODY HORSE.’ The Moving Finger
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HURRAH FOR THE HIPPOCAMPUS
In each hemisphere of our brain lies, like a secret inner ear (for it is indeed shaped like a miniscule hearing aid), a little looping organ lodged in a fold of the cerebellum which some have likened to a seahorse. This is the seat and store of memory, a cell battery of recall. It feeds into the brain and mind the words and images we summon to meet the contingency of the moment. Sometimes, of course, these words and images do not wait to be summoned and tumble out in a nonsensical jumble, which is entertaining but hardly conducive to making coherent sense of the world. Such a word to jump out for no reason at all just now was the Catalan ‘botifarra’, a delicious type of sausage I hadn’t tasted for nearly fifty years. What did this possibly mean? I think it just proves that we are, above all, biological creatures with a host of ghosts on our brains brought back to life by our sense of smell or hearing, which triggers a delightful image or sensation of disgust directly rooted in the cerebral cortex, implanted via the olfactory bulb.
Like all batteries, the ‘hippo’ needs to be constantly recharged. If we want to continue to enjoy the faculty of recollection, then exercise it we must. Some of us can keep it charged with Scrabble or Sudoku, but this is mere nimble word and number play. Most of us hardly need the challenge of completing the Times crossword in ten minutes when our most pressing need is to locate our glasses or keys or mobile phone in the morning. ‘If memory serves…’ you say, while priding yourself in the ability of your little seahorse to continue swimming valiantly against the tide of age and forgetfulness. It’s funny how we often forget names, but never faces. They lie imprinted on our minds like indelible snapshots. Facts and dates and places are another matter; they lie in the outer reaches of recall.
The great Italian Jesuit father, Matteo Ricci, devised and constructed in his mind a ‘Memory Palace’ in which he stored everything he felt he needed to retrieve without delay – from different rooms, wings and annexes arranged by category and by association. This proved to be, if not infallible, then highly effective as a means of expediting the search and rescue mission to locate vital
25 information needed on the spur of the moment. There is, in fact, little need to go to such grave lengths, if we are to function as moderately ‘quick’ individuals. All it takes is to remember to store those items essential to our daily well-being in a fixed, familiar place for convenient location. Passwords, for example, need never be that elusive; they should ideally be deceptively simple rather than a scramble of mixed upper and lower-case letters and symbols. Shopping lists are best carried in the head; once written down they are invariably mislaid or forgotten. A quick flick through the Rolodex of the alphabet can provide the mnemonic prompt for the right name or word sought.
Hearing the signature of a known voice will immediately open the door to the memory store and even the outhouse. A particular smell or taste or a snatch of music has the same effect. There is no need to freeze the brain with striving for an answer; it’s best to seek some harmless displacement activity and let the little seahorse do its job and come bobbing to the surface with it.
Barnaby Powell WORDSEARCH
Find the 18 Croydon related words/names hidden in the square.
Names may be the full name, surname only, or initials and surname.
By pure random luck, there is both a national capital and a perfect Mediterranean island skulking together on the same line—bonus points for them!
Answers on page 33
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Literally A Good Read Idle Thoughts on a Great Novel
I’ve been sitting by the living-room window of my south-facing house in the mornings. On a fine day, the sunshine is so strong through the glass it stuns the back of my head, making up my probable vitamin D deficiency and stirring me to fiery thoughts in my mind’s eye of deeds undone and other old enemies of promise. In more focused moments, I’ve been reading – at the urging of friends and very belatedly – the great Victorian novel, ‘Middlemarch’ by George Eliot, alias Mary Ann Evans. At over 800 pages it’s a slog to get through, but it has been well worth bearing with – if only in half-chapters first thing in the morning with the mind at its most unclouded. It cannot have been written to be read at a sitting. Most likely it was consumed in monthly instalments by the leisured classes, amused and curious to understand how best to maintain their exalted status above the common herd of provincial strivers.
In an age before radio, television and the cinema, this book provided the sort of window on the world of others’ lives that could scarcely have been better imagined. It describes the affairs and network of relationships between the different classes of people in a small Midlands town – And of course men know best actually a fictional Coventry – in the early about everything, except what nineteenth century. The lives which drive the women know better narrative are those of the local pillars of society – George Eliot, Middlemarch the banker, the doctor, and the clergyman – and the incomers. But the main thrust of the story is the locomotory role of women in that society with the advent of the railway. This is shown through the eyes and mind of the author who effectively inhabits the character of Dorothea, an idealistic heiress of
28 independent means and thinking, determined to live by her own illuminating lights. She becomes the still centre of this urban microcosm, around whom all others gravitate, the generous benefactress who enables others to break with the tight conventions loosened by the age of Reform and follow their hearts.
If it were not for the high-minded and acute perception of the author’s psychological insights and liberal peppering of her prose with classical allusions and references, the novel might pass as a high falutin’ Mills and Boon romance. But the story merits as much, if not more, investment of time as ‘War and Peace’ for its engaging perspicacity, for here is much virtue and villainy displayed, the one masquerading as the other in ways that are in many cases undetectable. You have to concentrate as you read – the book is hardly a page-turner wracked with action and suspense – because the story is a slow weave around these provincials caught in a web which binds them all together and makes private lives public on pain of disgrace and the sentences are as long as this and the previous one and often longer, so you can easily forget how they began.
‘Middlemarch’ is really about each character’s struggle for his/her own cultural identity, to be allowed to become themselves. I have in mind here the mean wit of Oscar Wilde, when he wrote: ‘Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else’s opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation.’
Barnaby Powell
I V R B WORDBLOCK O T N A Using the letters in the block no more than once, you need to E I A B make as many words of four letters or more as possible. All words must include both of the two central letters in the block. Capitalised words and plurals are disallowed, and at least one word can be made using all twelve letters. No idea what a good total is, see what you can do. The twelve letter word is revealed on page 33
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DOUBLE CROSS
Two sets of Clues, just one solution. If you prefer to solve the quick straightforward clues, use the set below. Or go for the cryptic set on the opposite page. Answers can be found on page 33
Across Down 1` Mouth doctor (7) 1 Turn aside (7) 5 Small shred of material (5) 2 Fashionable, chic (5) 8 Thunderbirds call sign (3) 3 Ruffle feathers (8) 9 Bringers of news (9) 4 Fred Astaire wore this film (3,3) 10 North African (8) 5 Type (4) 11 What bees are supposed to be (4) 6 Male of the Capreolus Capreolus (7) 13 Religious texts (6) 7 Assertive, bossy (5) 15 Grange Hill spinoff (6) 12 Most mercurial (8) 18 Two wheeled carriage (4) 14 Staggering! (7) 19 Internet radio programs (8) 16 Saving price at auction (7) 22 Deliver unexpected blow (9) 17 Respectful, civil (6) 23 Paddle (3) 18 Log or Dinner (5) 24 Parasite of grass and grain (5) 20 Jolly good type (5) 25 To authorize (7) 21 Correct or reword (4)
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Across Down 1 Hollow leader looks you in mouth (7) 1 Sidetrack learner into 5 Throw away a fight (5) shortcoming (7) 8 What Edina’s sixpack is? (3) 2 Stylish World Cup winner (5) 9 They write about beer (9) 3 Is it artier to disturb and annoy? (8) 10 African gin type? A change 4 Short surgical procedure wearing required (8) that headgear (3,3) 11 Actively get sooty? Quite the 5 Arrange the type (4) reverse (4) 6 Ferry what stops here, we hear, 13 Draws out pamphlets after dear (7) professional leaves (6) 7 Bossy, after up is down at 15 Aussie food in Northam school (6) coconut stall (5) 18 Do return, with no apparent 12 Fastest search contains reason, to corner (4) pointless choice (8) 19 They broadcast the throwing 14 Fantastic—I am a zingy person of peas (8} In part (7) 22 Confuse flanker when not open (9) 16 Save jam after losing power (7) 23 Auditors alternative for rowing (3) 17 Courteous Edgar Allan brightened 24 Roger got sick eating fungus (5) up inside (6) 25 Allow hospital department a 18 Story about a follower may be damaged tile (7) periodic (5) 20 Show basketball, perhaps (5) 21 Paper boss loses more heart to amend (4)
Some trivia on the crossword The British journalist Arthur Wynne US versions work to a created what is generally regarded as format including many the first modern crossword puzzle in more white squares than the New York World on December 21st 1913 their British equivalent
In most Japanese formats, The New York Times opinion of the shaded squares do not genre in 1924? ‘This is not a game at have any connected sides, all, and it hardly can be called a and all corner squares are sport.’ white
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COOL COOKERY CORNER
Easy Mushroom Stroganoff So Easy, So Flavoursome, So Why Not? INGREDIENTS 2 tsp olive oil 1 onion, finely chopped 1 tbsp smoked paprika 2 garlic cloves, crushed 300g mixed mushroom, chopped 150ml vegetable stock Worcestershire sauce (1 tbsp or to taste) or vegetarian alternative* 3 tbsp soured cream (soy-based options for vegetarians, or try coconut milk) Small bunch coriander, roughly chopped 250g pouch of cooked wild rice. METHOD Heat the oil in a large non-stick frying pan and soften the onion for about 5 mins. Add the paprika and garlic, then cook for 1 minute more. Add mushrooms and cook on a high heat, stirring often, for about 5 mins. Pour in the stock and Worcestershire sauce. Bring to the boil, bubble for 5 mins until the sauce thickens, then turn off the heat and stir through the soured cream and most of the coriander. Make sure the pan is not on the heat or the sauce may split. A typical beef stroganoff would accept a small slug of brandy at this point – feel free! Heat rice following pack instructions, then use as a bed for the stroganoff, garnished with the remaining coriander. If you want to be fiercely independent and prepare your rice from scratch, then use six volumes of water to each unit of rice. Salt to taste, bring to boil and then reduce to a simmer for around 45** minutes. Strain and fluff.
* Be aware that even some vegetarian alternatives contain fish (eg anchovy)
** Times vary according to strain of rice, so be sure to check as you go.
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Edit 21 Sport 20 Table 18 Polite 17 Reserve 16 Amazing 14
1 Deflect 2 Nobby 3 Irritate 4 Top Hat 5 Sort 6 Roebuck 7 Pushy 12 Quickest Quickest 12 Pushy 7 Roebuck 6 Sort 5 Hat Top 4 Irritate 3 Nobby 2 Deflect 1 Down:
Entitle 25 Ergot 24 Oar 23 Blindside 22 Podcasts 19 Trap 18
1 Dentist 5 Scrap 8 Fab 9 Reporters 10 Egyptian 11 Busy 13 Tracts 15 Tucker Tucker 15 Tracts 13 Busy 11 Egyptian 10 Reporters 9 Fab 8 Scrap 5 Dentist 1 Across:
Cross Double
bonus the for Crete and Sucre Plus Whitgift Tramlink, Norwood), South in
RalphMcTell (brought up in Croydon), Sanderstead, Selsdon, Stormzy (born and raised raised and (born Stormzy Selsdon, Sanderstead, Croydon), in up (brought RalphMcTell
Addiscombe and Sanderstead), PeterCushing (born in Kenley, lived in Purley), Purley), in lived Kenley, in (born PeterCushing Sanderstead), and Addiscombe
DHLawrence (taught at Davidson Road School), KateMoss, (born and raised in in raised and (born KateMoss, School), Road Davidson at (taught DHLawrence
came to Upper Norwood to attend Dulwich College), Clocktower, Clocktower, College), Dulwich attend to Norwood Upper to came - (Raymond
Addington, Addiscombe, Airport, Ashcroft, Banksy, Centrale, Coulsdon, Chandler Chandler Coulsdon, Centrale, Banksy, Ashcroft, Airport, Addiscombe, Addington,
WordSearch
Vibration, Vibrant, Vent,
Retina, Tarn, Tavern, Tenor, Tern, Tine, Tone, Toner, Torn, Train, Variant, Variation, Variation, Variant, Train, Torn, Toner, Tone, Tine, Tern, Tenor, Tavern, Tarn, Retina,
Novate, Oaten, Obtain, Obtainer, Orient, Ornate, Rant, Ratan, Ration, Rent, Retain, Retain, Rent, Ration, Ratan, Rant, Ornate, Orient, Obtainer, Obtain, Oaten, Novate,
Bent, Bint, Inert, Inertia, Inter, Into, Intro, Invite, Inviter, Nate, Native, Neat, Nitre, Note, Note, Nitre, Neat, Native, Nate, Inviter, Invite, Intro, Into, Inter, Inertia, Inert, Bint, Bent,
eain At, vn, vain Bne, abtn, aioe Bre, aoe, Baton, Baronet, Barnet, Baritone, Barbitone, Banter, Aviation, Avant, Ante, Aeration,
it: beat can you sure m ’ I found, ve ’ I what is This
WordBlock: ABBREVIATION word letter 12
Story Side West 1961 G
Kid The 1921 M Louise and Thelma 1991 F
Desire Named Streetcar A 1951 L Driver Taxi 1976 E
clue?) the (see Kane Citizen 1941 K Falcon Maltese The 1941 D
Life Wonderful a What 1946 J Beast the and Beauty 1991 C
Rocky 1976 I Ark Lost The of Raiders 1981 B
Lambs the of Silence 1991 H Impossible Mission 1996 A
Anniversaries Film
Do? You Did How So
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