An Unwavering Since Harker’s founding in 1893 we have Commitment to offered unrivaled academic programs and extracurricular offerings for students Excellence. to explore their interests, discover their passions, and develop the skills to succeed in an ever-changing world. We are honored to have educated the students of the valley for over a century and will proudly continue our unwavering commitment to excellence for generations to come.

then&now

We invite you to learn more about our history, programs and public events, such as the Harker Concert Series and Harker Speaker Series, by visiting our website.

The Harker School | San Jose, CA | K-12 College Prep | www.harker.org

2 www.gayparentmag.com September-October 2020 Issue #132 www.harker.org INCLUSION • DIVERSITY • EXCELLENCE • ACCEPTANCE • LEADERSHIP

The IDEAL Difference In our diverse and inclusive K-21 community and within our robust academic program, IDEAL students recognize their potential to effect change and are equipped with the tools to do so. They strive for excellence in and out of the classroom and recognize and draw out the potential for excellence in their peers. They possess the self- awareness to advocate for themselves and the compassion to stand behind others. They not only appreciate but also seek out difference, understanding that only in community are we IDEAL. IDEAL is New York’s only K-21 independent inclusion school, where we celebrate the tremendous social, emotional, and academic growth born in a diverse and nurturing educational community. Visit our website to learn more about IDEAL’s rigorous and differentiated program, innovative social justice curriculum, and uniquely inclusive community, and also about IDEAL’s Next Steps Transition Program, open to students aged 18-21. #SchoolCanBeIDEAL

LOWER SCHOOL OPEN HOUSES UPPER SCHOOL OPEN HOUSES Thursday, October 8, 9-11 AM Thursday, October 15, 9-11 AM Thursday, November 5, 6-8 PM Tuesday November 17, 6-8 PM Thursday, April 8, 2021, 9-11 AM Thursday, April 15, 2021, 9-11 AM

314 West 91st Street 270 West 89th Street New York, NY 10024 New York, NY 10024

IDEAL has in-person and online openings in select grade levels for qualified candidates. www.theidealschool.org For further information, contact us at [email protected] or 212-769-1699. www.theidealschool.org September-October 2020 Issue #132 www.gayparentmag.com 3 NEW YORK | SÃO PAULO | SHENZHEN | ONLINE Reinventing Education for a Fast-Changing World.

When Avenues: The World School opened in New York City, one of our goals was to reinvent education for a fast-changing world. Today, you will find Avenues students in São Paulo, Shenzhen, as well as in our original campus here in New York. Five years ago, in order to fulfill our commitment to innovation, we began developing Avenues Online to provide a world class education to students and their families anywhere they happen to live. So, whether you plan to attend our state-of-the-art campus in New York, or anywhere else, there is an Avenues program designed to fit your needs.

Avenues New York: Our first brick and mortar campus for toddler–grade 12 Avenues Online: A proprietary platform for toddler–grade 12 Avenues Studio Hamptons: A small campus in East Hampton for grades 4–10 Avenues@HOME: In-home instruction in select locations for toddler–grade 5

To learn more about Avenues: The World School, visit www.avenues.org.

4 www.gayparentmag.com September-October 2020 Issue #132 www.avenues.org or https://bit.ly/2CfJvwW Promoting the value of local independent school education, and working collaboratively to make the admission process more accessible for all prospective families. SOUND EDUCATION. Your guide to the right school for your child.

Featuring 40+ independent schools, our website features school profiles, application info, and a complete calendar of school fairs and open houses to guide your search of independent school education. All member schools are accredited by the Northwest Association of Independent Schools (NWAIS). PSIS Member Schools Include: Bertschi School Lakeside School The Jewish Day School of Met. Seattle Billings Middle School Leadership Preparatory Academy The Lake & Park School Bright Water School Open Window School The Little School Eastside Preparatory School Seattle Academy The Meridian School Epiphany School Seattle Country Day School The Northwest School Explorer West Middle School Seattle Girls’ School The Overlake School Forest Ridge School of the Sacred Heart Seattle Jewish Community School The Perkins School French American School of Puget Sound Seattle Waldorf School The Valley School French Immersion School of Washington Soundview School University Child Development School Giddens School Spruce Street School University Cooperative School Hamlin Robinson School St. Thomas School University Prep Harbor School The Bush School Villa Academy KapKa Cooperative School The Downtown School: A Lakeside School Westside School Lake Washington Girls’ Middle School The Evergreen School Woodinville Montessori School SCHOOL PROFILES, FAIR INFORMATION & MORE AT: www.pugetsoundindependentschools.org www.pugetsoundindependentschools.org September-October 2020 Issue #132 www.gayparentmag.com 5 K-8 progressive education in Oakland‘s Temescal. September-October 2020 issue #132 FEATURES Important Message from GPM - A call to action from Gay Parent Magazine. - page 8 EMAIL & SOCIAL MEDIA - Family photos and feedback from our audience. - page 10 22nd Annual Gay Parent Magazine LGBTQ friendly Independent School Directory - Over 100 schools, ranging from nursery to college, from across the country and listed by state. Includes schools for students with learning differences, bilingual schools, all girls or all boys, boarding, and religious schools. Contact these schools to find out what they are doing to protect your children during the pandemic. - page 12 8 Tips to Help LGBT Families Navigate Homeschooling - College professor and writer Aubree Calvin and her wife have been homeschooling their daughter for three years. She shares some tips. - page 24 ADVERTISER SPOTLIGHT: Media-Providence Friends School - Read how this Quaker school in Pennsylvania put together a plan to safely and effectively teach their students. - page 30 Learn from the Children - As LGBTQ parents, we worry about how our children will be treated at school by their teachers and fellow students. This is the first of three articles in this issue by regular contributor Christoper Katis. - page 34 Love, Under Our Roof - Rebecca Stanton suppressed her attraction to women when she entered a straight marriage at 19. But her mental parkdayschool.org health suffered and after having two children they divorced. After meet- ing her wife, Stanton was inspired to write a children's book. - page 36 (510) 653-0317 Life in Isolation - The opportunity to discuss gratitude with his children is how this dad views the pandemic. This is the second of three articles www.parkdayschool.org in this issue by regular contributor Christoper Katis. - page 40 Pregnant and Trasgender - Foster McKeon shares his personal story of being pregnant and navigating a traditional healthcare system. - page 43 A Blended Family - Autumn and Estrella Lopez wanted a daughter. But they are a happy family with five sons. Autumn is a surrogate for gay men and recently gave birth to the couple's fifth child. - page 46 The Church and LGB Couples - A student of theology, Chris Bennett writes how the church can learn from LGB couples. - page 54 Choosing My Religion - Christopher Katis discusses finding a religion in which to raise your family. This is the third of three articles in this issue by Katis. - page 59 April 5th is Family Day - Meet Manny Velasquez-Paredes, editor in chief of Connextions Magazine and director of student affairs at the University of North Florida's LGBT Resource Center. Find out why April 5th is a special day for his family. - page 63 Ad Index - page 69 Unclassified Ad - page 69 Cover photo by Xioger Sandoval. Photos this page, top to bottom, photo courtesy of Romeo66, Callahan family, Estrella Lopez. APPLY NOW Foster McKeon, and Aubree Calvin. Gay Parent Magazine Inc, PO Box 750852, Forest Hills, NY 11375-0852 718-380-1780 FOR FALL 2021 [email protected] ▼ www.gayparentmag.com September-October 2020, Vol. 22, No. 132, ISSN 1545-6714 Also publisher of Gay Parent Magazine - New York 31 WEST COULTER STREET, PHILADELPHIA, PA 19144 Publisher/Editor: Angeline R. Acain Ad Sales Manager: Vivian Schepis Ad Sales Reps: David 215-951-2345 • GERMANTOWNFRIENDS.ORG Kenney, Linda Rizzo Webmaster/Graphic Designer: Brett Cohen Marketing, Administrative, Distribution Assistants: Jiana Eisenberg, Ben Suazo Editorial Contributors: Deadra Albrecht- A Quaker, Coed, Independent Day School for Frasch, Chris Bennett, Aubree Calvin, Christopher Katis, Foster McKeon, Ali Polizzi, Rebecca Preschool through Grade 12 Stanton. SUBSCRIPTION INFORMATION: digital download-$17 1 yr. or $27 2 yrs. Make check payable to Gay Parent Magazine. Visit our web site www.gayparentmag.com to order a subscription online, a single digital or remaining print issue, for a listing of parent support www.germantownfriends.org groups, and for more information. Gay Parent Magazine is not responsible for the claims of ▼ 6 www.gayparentmag.com September-October 2020 Issue #132 its advertisers. Copyright © 1998 - 2020 Gay Parent Magazine Welcome to Oakwood Friends School!

On September 14th, Oakwood launches the Fall semester!

With health and safety our overarching policy, we welcome students, boarding and day, grades 5-12, for our 5-day, in-person programming, including academic and extracurricular. Protocols meet and exceed all NYS health and safety standards and guidelines. • Staff fully trained to engage students both in-person and remotely. Ample classroom and socially distanced instructional spaces in multiple outdoor classroom locations and newly constructed interior classrooms

• SEL (Social & Emotional Learning) integrated into programming; full-time school counselors to support students in- and outside the classroom

• Social justice, diversity, equity and inclusion central to community

For complete details about our Health & Safety Protocols, and 2020 life at Oakwood, go to: OakwoodFriends.org

Join our Virtual Open Houses Tues Sept 29 • 7:00 PM and Tues Oct 13 • 7:00 PM Upper School Day & Boarding Programs (5 and 7-day) Middle School Day Program

22 Spackenkill Road, Poughkeepsie, NY For more info or to join us, write or call: [email protected] (845) 462-4200 Discover! oakwoodfriends.org www.oakwoodfriends.org September-October 2020 Issue #132 www.gayparentmag.com 7 A Call for Action to Vote Blue Dear Readers, and our sitting president has led this country to - Ballotpedia the horrible position of having the most cases https://bit.ly/3gyvdpq In the past, we at Gay Parent Magazine of Covid-19 infections and deaths of the entire have never published content that could be con- - The National Vote At Home Institute world. While we watch as other country leaders strued as blatantly political. We’ve published a https://voteathome.org/ have been able to decrease the number of in- few articles about politicians who were LGBTQ fections and deaths among their citizens, our - The National Council of parents but we’ve never endorsed a specific current president consistently displays his in- State Legislatures politician. However, we are living in unprece- competence and inability to handle this crisis. https://bit.ly/3hAD4UP dented times and feel the need to use our plat- By voting for Biden/Harris we have a form to encourage readers of this publication to Please encourage your adult children to chance to turn this country around. If you are vote for Joe Biden and Kamala Harris. Not only vote for Biden/Harris. If your teen will be age 18 able to safely vote in person wearing a mask, do we want you to vote for Biden/Harris but also on election day, they can exercise their right to we highly recommend doing so. If you think you implore you to tell all your family and friends to vote for the first time. In some states your 17 may need to wait in line bring food, water, and a vote for Biden/Harris. year old can register now if they will be 18 on portable chair. If your family members are plan- Our current president has worked system- election day. Go to this website for the rules in ning to vote by mail this November, request your atically to destroy our democracy. His adminis- your state for your teen: ballots now and return them in the mail as soon tration is characterized by a blatant disregard for https://bit.ly/2ECFAv0 as possible, or deliver them to your local elec- the law and the constitution of the United States. tions office or a ballot drop box if it's an option in He has no problem with interference from Rus- Thank you for reading this and voting for your state. You can even drop them off at your sia in our elections and prioritizes relationships Joe Biden and Kamala Harris. polling place. See the below for other helpful re- with ruthless dictators as opposed to our allies. sources to help you request a mail-in ballot and Sincerely, Our current president has admitted that he learn more about voting in your state: would block additional funding and election as- sistance for the US Postal Service to sabotage - VoteAmerica mail-in voting. This is the thinking of a dictator https://www.voteamerica.com/ and a fascist--our democracy is at stake. Angeline Acain - Vote.org The USA is six months into the pandemic Editor, Gay Parent Magazine https://www.vote.org/

A 14-YEAR PROGRESSIVE EDUCATION

An LREI education is: Preparing tomorrow’s • Active and interdisciplinary thinkers and leaders today. • Inquiry-based and globally focused • Dedicated to the whole child • Committed to social justice VISIT LREI.ORG TO LEARN MORE.

Little Red School House & Elisabeth Irwin High School 272 Sixth Avenue | 40 Charlton Street | New York, NY 10014 | 212-477-5316

8 www.gayparentmag.com September-October 2020 Issue #132 www.lrei.org THINK EXCELLENCE THINK INCLUSION THINK DOWNTOWN

CITY AND COUNTRY SCHOOL LITTLE RED SCHOOL HOUSE www.cityandcountry.org & ELISABETH IRWIN HIGH SCHOOL 212-242-7802 www.lrei.org 212-477-5316 CORLEARS SCHOOL www.corlearsschool.org ST. LUKE’S SCHOOL 212-741-2800 www.stlukeschool.org 212-924-5960 FRIENDS SEMINARY www.friendsseminary.org UNITED NATIONS 212-979-5030 INTERNATIONAL SCHOOL GRACE CHURCH SCHOOL www.unis.org www.gcschool.org 212-584-3071 212-475-5609 VILLAGE COMMUNITY SCHOOL www.vcsnyc.org 212-691-5146

www.cityandcountry.org www.friendsseminary.org www.lrei.org www.stlukeschool.org www.corlearsschool.org www.gcschool.org www.unis.org www.vcsnyc.org September-October 2020 Issue #132 www.gayparentmag.com 9 EMAIL & SOCIAL MEDIA

My beautiful rainbow family. We are the Callahans, Alison, Jamy, Joseph, Starly, and Sailor. - Romeo66 We love to hear from you. Send us your photos and comments by email at [email protected] or through face- book/gay.parent.magazine.com. t

MEDINA, WASHINGTON Fall Open Houses! Saturday, Oct. 17, 2020

• 10:00am - 12:00pm Early Childhood (Pre-K and Kindergarten)

• 1:00 - 3:00pm Lower School (grades 1-5) www.wsmsnyc.org Wednesday, Nov. 18, 2020

• 7:00 - 8:00pm Middle School YOUR VISION, (grades 6-8) OUR MISSION

St. Thomas School is committed to maintaining a connected and inclusive community where all families are celebrated, and every child is cambridgefriendsschool.org loved, supported, and inspired.

CULTIVATING CRITICAL THINKERS PRESCHOOL – 8TH GRADE INSPIRING COMPASSIONATE LEADERS VISIT US AT STTHOMASSCHOOL.ORG www.ryecountryday.org www.cambridgefriendsschool.org www.stthomasschool.org 10 www.gayparentmag.com September-October 2020 Issue #132 OVER 30 YEARS OF SERVICE NO SPERM BANK DOES MORE TESTING Fairfax Cryobank has a history of and reputation for offering With the highest standards for semen quality, donor health and exceptional donor sperm and related services. Part of that testing; less than 1% of applicants become Fairfax Cryobank history has been helping women, regardless of sexual sperm donors. orientation or marital status, to achieve pregnancy and fulfill their dreams of expanding their family. We have a FACEMATCH™ knowledgeable and sensitive client services team who is fully Fairfax Cryobank’s exclusive free online service where you supportive of your choice to have children. upload a photo and we list the donors that most resemble that photo. Used over 300,000 times since its inception, it is one of 450+ VARIED SPERM DONORS the most popular services provided. Visit the Donor Search page on our website to browse through over diverse 450 sperm donors. Look at child and adult photos, INSEMINATION SERVICES AVAILABLE listen to audio interviews, and read through the donor’s medical Insemination services are available on-site in Pasadena, California history. through our affiliate, Pacific Reproductive Services (PRS), and in Fairfax, Virginia through our affiliate, Genetics & IVF Institute (GIVF). For information and to schedule an appointment, please contact PRS at 888-469-5800 or GIVF at 800-552-4363.

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www.fairfaxcryobank.com September-October 2020 Issue #132 www.gayparentmag.com 11 22nd Annual Gay Parent Magazine Independent Schools Directory elcome to our 22nd Annual Private Schools Directory where we highlight our advertising independent schools ranging from preschool to college. Most are co-ed but a few schools are all girls or all boys. Most are day schools but also include boarding. Some schools indicated are for students with learningW differences, teach language immersion or are religious. One school even has students studying abroad in different countries. The schools are located in California, Colorado, Connecticut, District of Columbia, Florida, Illinois, Maryland, Massachusetts, New Jersey, New York, Pennsylvania, Texas, Virginia, and Washington. Contact information for each school is listed alphabetically by state. Visit our web site at www.gayparentmag. com to read short descriptions of some of the schools. During the pandemic, read what each school is planning to ensure the safety of their students and faculty. CALIFORNIA 818-952-0925 K - 6th grade Brentwood School The College www.crestviewprep.org The Harker School See ad on page 14 Bentley School K - 6th grade Preparatory School K - 6th grade 500 Saratoga Ave. K - 8th grade 12001 Sunset Blvd. 6100 Broadway See ad on page 20 San Jose, CA 95129 Kirby School 1 Hiller Dr. 310-471-1041 Oakland, CA 94618 408-249-2510 425 Encinal St. Oakland, CA 94618 7th - 12th grade 510-652-4364 The Crowden School www.harker.org Santa Cruz, CA 95060 510-843-2512 100 S. Barrington Pl. www.college-prep.org 1475 Rose St. K - 12th college prep 831-423-0658 9th - 12th grade 310-476-9633 9th - 12th grade Berkeley, CA 94702 See ad on page 2 www.kirby.org 1000 Upper Happy Valley Los Angeles, CA 90049 See ad on page 45 510-559-6910 6th - 12th grade Rd. www.bwscampus.com www.crowden.org Head-Royce School See ad on page 66 Lafayette, CA 94549 K - 12th grade Cow Hollow School 3rd - 8th grade, ensem- 4315 Lincoln Ave. 925-283-2101 See ad on page 12 65 Funston Ave. ble-based curriculum Oakland, CA 94602 Maybeck High School www.bentleyschool.org San Francisco, CA 94129 See ad on page 21 510-531-1300 2727 College Ave. K - 12th grade The Center for 415-921-2328 www.headroyce.org Berkeley, CA 94705 See ad on page 41 Early Education www.cowhollowschool. German International K - 12th grade 510-841-8489 563 North Alfred St. org School of Silicon Valley See ad on page 39 www.maybeckhs.org The Bishop’s School West Hollywood, CA ages 2.6 - 5.9 yrs. 310 Easy St. 9th - 12th grade 7607 La Jolla Blvd. 90048 See ad on page 20 Mountain View, CA John Thomas See ad on page 50 La Jolla, CA 92037 323-651-0707 94043 Dye School 858-459-4021 www.centerforearlyedu- Crestview 650-254-0748 11414 Chalon Rd. Orinda Academy www.bishops.com cation.org Preparatory School www.gissv.org Los Angeles, CA 80049 19 Altarinda Road 6th - 12th grade Toddler - 6th grade 140 Foothill Blvd. Preschool - 12th grade 310-476-2811 Orinda, CA 94563 See ad on page 39 See ad on page 67 La Canada, CA 91011 See ad on page 62 www.jtdschool.com continued on page 14

BRENTWOOD SCHOOL INSPIRES EVERY STUDENT TO:

Think critically and creatively. Act ethically. Shape a future with meaning.

Trust • Respect • Responsibility Honesty • Caring • Community • Diversity

(K-6) 12001 Sunset Blvd., 310.471.1041 (7-12) 100 S. Barrington Pl., 310.476.9633 LOS ANGELES, CA 90049 www.bwscampus.com www.buckleyschool.org www.bwscampus.com 12 www.gayparentmag.com September-October 2020 Issue #132 www.cryobio.com September-October 2020 Issue #132 www.gayparentmag.com 13 22nd Annual Independent Town School for Boys www.wns-la.org Schools Directory 2750 Jackson St. Preschool - 8th grade continued from page 12 San Francisco, CA 94115 See ad on page 51 415-921-3747 925-254-7553 www.townschool.com/ The Willows www.orindaacademy.org admissions Community School 7th - 12th grade, for all K - 8th grade, boys’ 8509 Higuera St. levels of learners school Culver City, CA 90232 See ad on page 56 See ad on page 29 310-815-0411 www.thewillows.org Park Day School The Urban School DK - 8th grade 360 42nd St. of San Francisco See ad on page 30 Oakland, CA 94609 1563 Page St. 510-653-0317 San Francisco, CA 94117 Winston www.parkdayschool.org 415-626-2919 Preparatory School K - 8th grade www.urbanschool.org 1 Saint Vincents Dr. See ad on page 6 9th - 12th grade San Rafael, CA 94903 See ad on page 19 415-993-5533 Peninsula School www.winstonprep.edu 920 Peninsula Way The Waverly School 4th - 12th grade, for Menlo Park, CA 94025 67 W. Bellevue Ave. students with learning 650-325-1584 Pasadena, CA 91105 differences How a child learns to learn will www.peninsulaschool.org 626-792-5940 See ad on page 23 Nursery - 8th grade www.thewaverlyschool. impact life forever. See ad on page 65 their org COLORADO Preschool - 12th grade Pluralistic School One See ad on page 61 Dawson School City and Country School 1225 Broadway 10455 Dawson Dr. Santa Monica, CA 90404 Keeping the progress in progressive education. Two-Year-Olds – 8th Grade The Wesley School Lafayette, CO 80026 310-394-1313 x107 146 West 13th Street, New York, NY 10011 Tel: 212.242.7802 4832 Tujunga Ave. 303-665-6679 www.psone.org North Hollywood, CA www.dawsonschool.org K - 6th grade 91601 K - 12th grade See ad on page 26 www.cityandcountry.org 818-508-4717 See ad on page 46 www.wesleyschool.org www.cityandcountry.org Prospect Sierra School K - 8th grade CONNECTICUT Elementary School See ad on page 29 2060 Tapscott Ave. Winston El Cerrito, CA 94530 Westland School Preparatory School 510-809-9036 16200 Mulholland Dr. 57 West Rocks Rd. Middle School Los Angeles, CA 90049 Norwalk, CT 06851 960 Avis Dr. 310-472-5544 203-229-0465 El Cerrito, CA 94530 www.westlandschool.org www.winstonprep.edu 510-809-9000 K - 6th grade 4th - 12th grade, for www.prospectsierra.org See ad on page 47 students with learning TK - 8th grade differences See ad on page 54 Westmark School See ad on page 23 5461 Louise Ave. Sequoyah School Encino, CA 91316 DISTRICT OF K - 8th grade 818-986-5045 COLUMBIA 535 S. Pasadena Ave. www.westmarkschool.org Pasadena, CA 91105 2nd - 12th grade, school Aidan Montessori 626-795-4351 x219 for students with learning School 9th - 12th grade differences 2700 27th St. NW THE JOHN THOMAS DYE SCHOOL 301 N. Orange Grove See ad on page 15 Washington DC 20008 Blvd. 202-387-2700 Pasadena, CA 91103 Westridge School www.aidanschool.org 626-441-2076 The John Thomas Dye School offers 324 Madeline Dr. age 18 months - www.sequoyahschool.org grades K-6 on an eleven-acre campus Pasadena, CA 91105 6th grade K - 12th grade 626-799-1053 x 256 See ad on page 51 nestled in the hills above Los Angeles. See ad on page 58 www.westridge.org 4th - 12th grade, girls’ Capitol Hill Day School Stratford School Learn more about us at school 210 South Carolina Ave., Campuses throughout the See ad on page 50 SE www.jtdschool.org Bay Area and Southern Washington DC 20003 California Westside Neighborhood 202-547-2244 www.stratfordschools. School www.chds.org Email [email protected] com/tours 5401 Beethoven St. Pre-K - 8th grade to set up a tour today! Preschool - 8th grade Los Angeles, CA 90066 See ad on page 37 See ad on page 35 www.jtdschool.org 310-574-8650 14 www.gayparentmag.com September-October 2020 Issue #132 continued on page 16 www.westmarkschool.org/openhouse September-October 2020 Issue #132 www.gayparentmag.com 15 22nd Annual Indepen- www.fwparker.org/apply 301-907-3265 Weston, MA 02493 dent Schools Directory Junior K - 12th grade Elementary – Secondary 781-642-8600 UNDER ONE ROOF continued from page 14 See ad on page 53 9600 Forest Rd. www.csw.org Bethesda, MD 20814 9th - 12th grade, day and Little Folks School MARYLAND 301-530-8260 boarding school 3247 Q St. NW www.rochambeau.org/ See ad on page 41 Washington DC 20007 Barrie School gayparentmag 202-333-6571 13500 Layhill Road age 2 - 12th grade The Chestnut www.littlefolks.org Silver Spring, MD 20906 See ad on page 45 Hill School ages 2 - 5 yrs. 301-576-2800 428 Hammond St. See ad on page 31 www.barrie.org Sandy Spring Chestnut Hill, MA 02467 age 12 months - Friends School 617-566-4394 St. Albans School 12th grade 16923 Norwood Rd. www.tchs.org Mount St. Alban See ad on page 58 Sandy Spring, MD age 3 - 6th grade Washington DC 20016 20860 See ad on page 19 202-537-6435 Bullis School 301-774-7455 www.stalbansschool.org/ 10601 Falls Rd. www.ssfs.org/learn-more Commonwealth School admissions Potomac, MD 20854 Pre-K - 12th grade, day 151 Commonwealth Ave. 4th - 12th grade, boys’ 301-299-8500 and boarding Boston, MA 02116 day and boarding school www.bullis.org/admission See ad on page 18 617-266-7525 See ad on page 57 K - 5th grade www.commschool.org See on page 49 Washington 9th - 12th grade St. John’s Episcopal Waldorf School See ad on page 42 Preschool Friends Community 4800 Sangamore Rd. 3240 O Street, NW School Bethesda, MD 20816 Dedham Country Washington, DC 20007 5901 Westchester Park 301-229-6107 Day School 202-338-2574 Dr. www.washingtonwaldorf. 90 Sandy Valley Rd. www.stjohnsdc.org College Park, MD 20740 org Dedham, MA 02026 ages 2.5 - 5 301-441-2100 Pre-K - 12th grade 781-329-0850 See ad on page 37 www.friendscommunity- See ad on page 49 www.dedhamcountryday. school.org org FLORIDA K - 8th grade MASSACHUSETTS Pre-K - 8th grade See ad on page 18 See ad on page 41 The Vanguard School Bancroft School 22000 US Hwy. 27 Friends Meeting School 110 Shore Dr. Inly School Lake Wales, FL 33859 3232 Green Valley Rd. Worcester, MA 01605 46 Watch Hill Dr. 863-676-6091 Ijamsville, MD 21754 508-853-2640 Scituate, MA 02066 www.vanguardschool.org 301-798-0288 www.bancroftschool.org/ 781-545-5544 6th - 12th grade, day www.friendsmeeting- open www.inlyschool.org The Chapin School prepares a and boarding school school.org Pre-K - 12th grade, offers Toddler - 8th grade diverse and talented community for students who learn K - 12th grade companion program for See ad on page 48 differently of young women to thrive and See ad on page 18 students with language See ad on page 45 lead in a global society through based learning differenc- Milton Academy its dedication to academic McDonogh School es, 2nd - 8th grade 170 Centre St. ILLINOIS excellence, personal integrity 8600 McDonogh Rd. See ad on page 59 Milton, MA 02186 Owing Mills, MD 21117 617-898-1798 and community responsibility. Baker Demonstration 410-363-0600 Bay Farm www.milton.edu School Believing that an equitable, www.mcdonogh.org Montessori Academy K - 12th grade 201 Sheridan Rd. inclusive community is essential Pre-K - 12th grade, day 145 Loring St. See ad on page 38 Wilmette, IL 60091 and boarding school Duxbury, MA 02332 to learning, Chapin actively 847-425-5800 See ad on page 32 781-934-7101 The Rashi School seeks families, faculty and www.bakerdemschool. www.bfarm.org 8000 Great Meadow Rd. org staff who bring a range of The Nora School age 12 months - Dedham, MA 02026 Preschool - 8th grade experiences and backgrounds 955 Sligo Ave. 8th grade 617-969-4444 See ad on page 29 to our school. We hope you will Silver Spring, MD 20910 See ad on page 38 www.rashi.org/inquire 301-495-6672 K - 8th grade, Reform visit www.chapin.edu or call Chiaravalle Montessori www.nora-school.org Cambridge Jewish school our Admissions Office at 212- 425 Dempster 9th -12th grade Friends School See ad on page 44 Evanston, IL 60201 744-2335 to learn more about See ad on page 23 5 Cadbury Rd. 847-864-2190 our program and our school, Cambridge, MA 02140 Roxbury Latin School www.chiaravalle.org Rochambeau, 617-354-3880 101 St. Theresa Ave. which educates students in 16 months - 8th grade The French www.cambridgefriendss- West Roxbury, MA 02132 grades Kindergarten through See ad on page 25 International School chool.org 617-477-6317 Class 12. Maternelle – Preschool Early childhood - 8th www.roxburylatin.org Francis W. Parker 7108 Bradley Blvd. grade 7th - 12th grade, boys’ School Bethesda, MD 20817 See ad on page 10 school The Chapin School 330 W. Webster Ave. 301-767-1683 See ad on page 57 100 East End Avenue, New York, NY Chicago, IL 60614 Elementary The Cambridge 773-797-5107 www.chapin.edu 3200 Woodbine St. School of Weston 45 Georgian Rd. 16 www.gayparentmag.com September-October 2020 Issue #132 Chevy Chase, MD 20815 continued on page 18 www.worcesteracademy.org September-October 2020 Issue #132 www.gayparentmag.com 17 22nd Annual Independent New York, NY 10001 See ad on page 19 Nursery - 8th grade Schools Directory 212-524-9000 See ad on back cover continued from page 16 www.avenues.org The Chapin School Pre-K - 12th grade 100 East End Ave. Ethical Culture Wellan See ad on page 4 New York, NY 10028 Fieldston School Montessori School 212-744-2335 33 Central Park West 80 Crescent Ave. Bank Street School www.chapin.edu New York, NY 10023 Newton Centre, MA for Children K - 12th grade, girls 212-712-6220 02459 610 W. 112th St. school 3901 Fieldston Rd. www.wellan.org New York, NY 10025 See ad on page 16 Bronx, NY 10471 Toddler - 8th grade 212-875-4433 718-329-7300 See ad on page 25 school.bankstreet.edu Chelsea Day School www.ecfs.org Nursery - 8th grade 319 Fifth Ave., 2nd Floor Pre-K - 12th grade The Winsor School See ad on page 48 New York, NY 10016 See ad on page 21 103 Pilgrim Rd. 212-675-8541 Boston, MA 02215 Blue School www.chelseadayschool. The First Presbyterian 617-735-9503 241 Water St. org Church Nursery School www.winsor.edu New York, NY 10038 ages 2 - 5 12 W. 12th St. 5th - 12th grade, girls’ 212-228-6341 See ad on page 27 New York, NY 10011 school www.blueschoolconnect- 212-691-3432 See ad on page 54 ed.org Churchill www.fpcns.org age 2 - 8th grade School & Center ages 2 - 5.3 Worcester Academy See ad on page 44 301 E. 29th St. See ad on page 26 81 Providence St. New York, NY 10016 Worcester, MA 01604 The Brick 212-722-0610 Friends Seminary 508-754-5302 Church School www.churchillschoolnyc. 222 E. 16th St. www.worcesteracademy. 62 E. 92nd St. org New York, NY 10003 org/openhouse New York, NY 10128 K - 12th grade, students 212-979-5030 6th - 12th grade, day and 212-289-5683 with language based www.friendsseminary.org boarding school www.brickchurchschool. learning disabilities K - 12th grade See ad on page 17 org See ad on page 35 See ad on page 9 ages 2 - 6 yrs. NEW JERSEY See ad on page 43 City and Grace Church School Country School Junior K - 8th grade Moorestown Brooklyn Heights 146 W. 13th St. 86 Fourth Ave. Friends School Synagogue Preschool New York, NY 10011 New York, NY 10003 110 E. Main St. 131 Remsen St. 212-242-7802 212-475-5609 Moorestown, NJ 08057 Brooklyn, NY 11201 www.cityandcountry.org 9th - 12th grade 856-914-4426 718-522-2070 age 2 - 8th grade 212-475-5610 www.mfriends.org www.bhsbrooklyn.org See ad on page 14 www.gcschool.org age 3 - 12th grade ages 2 - 5 See ad on page 9 See ad on page 47 See ad on page 41 The Co-op School 644 Gates Ave. Green Meadow Westfield The Buckley School Brooklyn, NY 11221 Waldorf School Friends School 113 E. 73rd St. 347-721-3408 307 Hungry Hollow Rd. 2201 Riverton Rd. New York, NY 10021 www.thecoopschool.org Chestnut Ridge, NY Cinnaminson, NJ 08077 212-535-8787 Preschool - 8th grade 10977 856-829-0895 www.buckleyschool.org See ad on page 28 845-356-2514 www.westfieldfriends.org K - 9th grade, boys’ www.gmws.org Preschool 2 - 8th grade school Corlears School Nursery - 12th grade See ad on page 49 See ad on page 12 324 W. 15th St. See ad on page 33 New York, NY 10011 Winston Preparatory Buffalo Seminary 212-741-2800 Hackley School School 205 Bidwell Pkwy. www.corlearsschool.org 293 Benedict Ave. 901 Route 10 East Buffalo, NY 14222 Preschool - 4th grade Tarrytown, NY 10591 Whippany, NJ 07981 716-885-6780 See ad on page 9 914-366-2642 973-500-6480 www.buffaloseminary.org www.hackleyschool.org www.winstonprep.edu 9th - 12th grade, day and The Ecole K - 12th grade, day and 4th - 12th grade, for boarding girls’ school Main Campus boarding students with learning See ad on page 40 111 E. 22nd St. See ad on page 24 differences New York, NY 10010 See ad on page 23 Cathedral School 646-410-2238 The IDEAL School 1047 Amsterdam Ave. Fifth Avenue Building Mailing address NEW YORK New York, NY 10025 206 5th Ave. 314 W. 91 St. 212-316-7500 New York, NY 10010 New York, NY 10024 AVENUES: www.cathedralnyc.org 646-766-1843 Upper school The World School K - 8th grade www.theecole.org 259 10th Ave. continued on page 20 www.ssfs.org/learn-more 18 www.gayparentmag.com September-October 2020 Issue #132 www.friendsmeetingschool.org www.friendscommunityschool.org www.tchs.org www.marymcdowell.org

Please join us this Fall for an Open House:

Thursday, October 22, 6:00–7:30 pm

Thursday, November 19, 6:00–7:30 pm Kindergarten through 8th Grade Independent | Coeducational | All Faiths Register at cathedralnyc.org

These are the years that count.

These are the years for The Cathedral School.

Bold Minds, Thoughtful Scholars Compassionate Leaders for a Complex World Traditional Foundation, Visionary Approach

1047 Amsterdam Avenue

New York, NY 10025 facebook.com/cathedralnyc 212.316.7500 twitter.com/cathedralnyc cathedralnyc.org instagram.com/cathedralnyc www.cathedralnyc.org www.urbanschool.org September-October 2020 Issue #132 www.gayparentmag.com 19 22nd Annual Independent www.ianyc.org Lower and 212-348-0952 Upper School Prenursery - 12th grade Schools Directory Pre-Nursery - 8th grade Middle School www.manhattancountry- 23 Sidney Place See ad on page 68 continued from page 18 See ad on page 34 272 Sixth Ave. school.org Brooklyn, NY 11201 New York, NY 10014 Pre-K - 8th grade 718-855-0141 Rye Country 270 W. 89th St. The Kew-Forest School High School See ad on page 51 www.marymcdowell.org Day School New York, NY 10024 119-17 Union Turnpike 40 Charlton St. K - 12th grade, school Cedar St. 212-769-1699 Forest Hills, NY 11375 New York, NY 10014 Mary McDowell for students with learning Rye, NY 10580 www.theidealschool.org 718-268-4667 212-477-5316 Friends School disabilities 914-925-4513 K - 12th grade www.kewforest.org www.lrei.org Elementary School See ad on page 19 www.ryecountryday.org See ad on page 3 Preschool - 12th grade Pre-K - 12th grade 20 Bergen St. Pre-K - 12th grade See ad on page 60 See ad on page 8 Brooklyn, NY 11201 New Amsterdam School See ad on page 10 International 718-625-3939 62 Ave. B Academy of New York Little Red School Manhattan Country Middle School New York, NY 10009 Saint Ann's School 4 E. 90th St. House/Elisabeth Irwin School 133-135 Summit St. 212-533-1820 129 Pierrepont St. New York, NY 10128 High School 150 W. 85th St. Brooklyn, NY 11231 www.newamsterdam- Brooklyn, NY 11201 212-641-0260 New York, NY 10024 718-625-3939 school.org 718-522-1660 www.waldorfnyc.org www.saintannsny.org Early childhood - 4th Preschool - 12th grade grade See ad on page 67 See ad on page 40 St. Luke’s School Oakwood 487 Hudson Street Friends School New York, NY 10014 22 Spackenkill Rd. 212-924-5960 Poughkeepsie, NY 12603 www.stlukeschool.org 845-462-4200 Junior K - 8th grade www.oakwoodfriends.org See ad on page 9 6th - 12th grade, day and boarding school Science, Language See ad on page 7 & Arts International School Park Avenue Methodist 9 Hanover Pl. Day School Brooklyn, NY 11201 www.cowhollowschool.org www.crestviewprep.org 106 E. 86th St. 718–636–3836 New York, NY 10028 www.slaschool.org 212-289-6997 Nursery - 8th grade www.pamdayschool.org See ad on page 55 ages 2 - 5 See ad on page 34 Staten Island Academy 715 Todt Hill Rd. Pusteblume Staten Island, NY 10304 International Preschool 718-303-7802 244 W. 14th St. Pre-K - 12th grade New York, NY 10011 www.statenislandacad- 212-206-1137 emy.org www.pusteblumenyc.org See ad on page 57 ages 2 - 5 See ad on page 28 THINK Global School Headquarters: Riverdale 1460 Broadway, #7032 Country School New York, NY 10036 Lower School 646-808-0675 office 1 Spaulding Lane www.thinkglobalschool. Bronx, NY 10471 org 718-549-7780 10th - 12th grade, global Middle & Upper School traveling high school 5250 Fieldston Rd. See ad on page 52 Bronx, NY 10471 718-549-8810 Trinity School www.riverdale.edu 139 W. 91st St. Pre-K - 12th grade New York, NY 10024 See ad on page 58 212-873-1650 www.trinityschoolnyc.org Ross School K - 12th grade 18 Goodfriend Dr. See ad on page 37 East Hampton, NY 11937 631-907-5400 www.ross.org www.miquon.org/program 20 www.gayparentmag.com September-October 2020 Issue #132 continued on page 22 www.crowden.org

Media-Providence Friends School Enrolling Students Age 3 - Grade 8 Virtual Open House: Oct. 16th . RSVP Today at mpfs.org/rsvp www.mpfs.org/rsvp

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George School is Where You Are A Quaker boarding and day high school 40 minutes from Center City Philadelphia in Newtown, PA. • Financial aid and merit aid available • • More than 40 advanced (AP and IB) courses • • Comprehensive college counseling program • • 25 varsity sports, state of the art facilities • • Virtual-learning ready • • 240 acre campus • Contact [email protected] to learn more about applying to George School.

www.georgeschool.org www.georgeschool.org September-October 2020 Issue #132 www.gayparentmag.com 21 22nd Annual Independent New York, NY 10128 1st - 8th grade, for Friends School Center City www.mpfs.org/rsvp Schools Directory 646-213-3400 students with learning Haverford The Curtis Center age 3 - 8th grade continued from page 20 www.wetherby-pem- differences 851 Buck Lane 601 Walnut St. See ad on page 21 bridge.org See ad on page 53 Haverford, PA 19041 Philadelphia, PA 19106 United Nations Nursery - 8th grade 610-642-0354 215-951-2345 The Miquon School International School See ad on page 36 Buckingham Friends www.friendshaverford.org www.germantownfriends. 2025 Harts Lane 24-50 Franklin D. Roos- School Nursery - 8th grade org/ec Conshohocken, PA evelt Dr. Winston 5684 York Rd. See ad on page 51 K - 12th grade 19428 New York, NY 10010 Preparatory School PO Box 159 See ad on page 6 610-828-1231 212-584-3071 126 W. 17th St. Lahaska, PA 18931 George School www.miquon.org/program www.unis.org New York, NY 10011 215-794-7491 1690 Newtown Lang- Greene Towne Nursery - 6th grade K-12th grade 212-496-8400 www.bfs.org horne Rd. Montessori School See ad on page 20 See ad on page 9 Transitions: K - 8th grade Newtown, PA 18940 2121 Arch St. 240 Madison Ave. See ad on page 58 215-579-6500 Philadelphia, PA 19103 The Philadelphia Village New York, NY 10016 www.georgeschool.org 215-563-6368 School Community School 646-869-4600 Falk School 9th - 12th grade, day and www.gtms.org 2501 Lombard St. 272 W. 10th St. Long Island: on the University of boarding school Toddler, Pre-K, Kinder- Philadelphia, PA 19146 New York, NY 10014 30 Deforest Rd. Pittsburgh campus See ad on page 21 garten 215-545-5323 212-691-5146 Dix Hills, NY 11746 4060 Allequippa St. See ad on page 32 www.tpschool.org www.vcsnyc.org 631-779-2400 Pittsburgh, PA 15261 Germantown Academy Preschool - 8th grade K - 8th grade www.winstonprep.edu 412-624-8024 340 Morris Rd. The Haverford School See ad on page 53 See ad on page 9 4th - 12th grade, for www.falkschool.pitt.edu Fort Washington, PA 450 Lancaster Ave. students with learning K - 8th grade 19034 Haverford, PA 19041 TEXAS West Side differences See ad on page 30 267-405-7070 610-642-3020 Montessori School See ad on page 23 www.germantownacad- www.haverford.org St. Andrew’s 309 W. 92nd St. Friends’ Central School emy.net Pre-K - 12th grade, boys’ Episcopal School New York, NY 10025 PENNSYLVANIA 1101 City Ave. Pre-K - 12th grade school Lower & Middle School 212-662-8000 Wynnewood, PA 19096 See ad on page 60 See ad on page 64 1112 West 31st St. www.wsmsnyc.org Benchmark School 610-649-7440 Austin, TX 78705 ages 2 - 6 yrs. 2107 N. Providence Rd. www.friendscentral.org Germantown Media-Providence 512-299-9800 See ad on page 10 Media, PA 19063 Pre-K - 12th grade Friends School School Upper School 610-565-3741 See ad on page 63 Main Campus 125 W. 3rd St. 5901 Southwest Pkwy. Wetherby-Pembridge www.benchmarkschool. 31 W. Coulter St. Media, PA 19063 Austin, TX 78735 School org Philadelphia, PA 19144 610-565-1960 7 E 96th Street continued on page 24 One World | One Community | One School

Located on Beautiful Mercer Island Just East of Seattle, Washington

• 24 Months – Grade 8 Bilingual Education • French Not Required Before 1st Grade • Diverse and International Student Body • Small Class Sizes (7:1 Students/Teacher) • Daily Bus & Hot Lunch • Tuition Assistance • Accredited by the Northwest Association of Independent School (NWAIS) and the French Ministry of National Education DISCOVER FASPS: FASPS.org • [email protected] • (206) 275-3533

22 www.gayparentmag.com September-October 2020 Issue #132 www.fasps.org Think differently. At The Nora School, these are words we take to heart. This small, college preparatory high school, grades 9–12, works to bring out the best in students with diverse

WWW.NORA-SCHOOL.ORG learning styles since 1964. MD SPRING, SILVER

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PRE-K TO 5TH GRADE BERTSCHI in Seattle’s Capitol Hill neighborhood SCHOOL 206-324-5476 | www.bertschi.org

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The Winston Preparatory School does not discriminate against applicants and students on the basis of race, color, or national or ethnic origin. The WPSLI campus is not associated with the Half Hollow Hills Central School District. www.winstonprep.edu September-October 2020 Issue #132 www.gayparentmag.com 23 ENTER HERE 8 Tips to Help LGBT Families TO BE AND Navigate Homeschooling FIND A FRIEND By Aubree Calvin With no end to the COVID-19 pandemic in sight, many parents are hesitant to send their children back to school in the fall. As school dis- tricts grapple with rules concern- ing masks, social dis- tancing, and virtual class- es, some parents are choosing to homes- chool their kids. Even before the coronavirus, the number Left to right, the author Aubree Calvin, daughter Corinne Calvin, of families age 10, and Aubree's wife Victoria Calvin.

22nd Annual Independent St. Stephen’s and 206-324-5476 school.org Schools Directory St. Agnes School www.bertschi.org ages 3 - 5 yrs. continued from page 22 Lower School Pre-K - 5th grade See ad on page 47 400 Fontaine St. See ad on page 23 512-299-9700 Alexandria, VA 22302 Puget Sound www.sasaustin.org Middle School Ecole Franco-Ameri- Community School K - 12th grade 4401 W. Braddock Rd. cane du Puget Sound 660 S. Dearborn St. See ad on page 28 Alexandria, VA 22304 3795 E. Mercer Way Seattle, WA 98122 Upper School Mercer Island, WA 98040 206-324-4350 VIRGINIA 1000 St. Stephen’s Rd. 206-275-3533 www.pscs.org Alexandria, VA 22304 www.fasps.org 6th - 12th grade Browne Academy 703-212-2705 age 24 months - See ad on page 23 5917 Telegraph Rd. www.sssas.org/admis- 8th grade Alexandria, VA 22310 sion See ad on page 22 Puget Sound 571-451-1006 age 3 - 12th grade Independent Schools www.browneacademy.org COME TALK See ad on page 57 Lake Washington See member schools Preschool - 8th grade Girls Middle School listed on ad on page 5 See ad on page 53 TO US ABOUT Tandem Friends School 810 18th Ave. 279 Tandem Lane Seattle, WA 98122 Seattle Country The Congressional KINDERGARTEN Charlottesville, VA 22902 206-709-3800 Day School School 434-951-9314 www.lwgms.org 2619 4th Ave. N 3229 Sleepy Hollow Rd. www.tandemfs.org 6th - 8th grade, girls’ Seattle, WA 98109 Falls Church, VA 22042 5th - 12th grade school 206-691-2625 703-533-1064 See ad on page 49 See ad on page 62 www.seattlecountryday. 293 BENEDICT AVENUE www.congressional- org school.org TARRYTOWN, NY 10591 WASHINGTON New Discovery School K - 8th grade Preschool - 8th grade 7219 Roosevelt Way NE See ad on page 25 (914) 366-2642 See ad on page 55 WWW.HACKLEYSCHOOL.ORG Bertschi School Seattle, WA 98115 2227 10th Avenue East 206-447-2377 Seattle, WA 98102 www.newdiscovery- www.hackleyschool.org 24 www.gayparentmag.com September-October 2020 Issue #132 continued bottom of page 25 opting to educate at home has been Plan to Homeschool on returning them to public school, steadily rising, with estimates put- Are you looking to homeschool you have more freedom on how you ting the number of children close to for just the pandemic or are you con- structure their education. No matter 1.8 million. There is no one universal sidering a permanent change? If the your choice, there is no one correct reason why families choose to opt out plan is to return your children to pub- way sequence of material or speed of of the formal public school system, lic school when it is safer, consider instruction that works for every child, and contrary to popular belief, not all a curriculum or course of action that and if you plan on homeschooling homeschool families consider them- keeps your child’s education closely permanently, you have more freedom selves conservative Christians. Many lined with what they’d be learning in to alter the speed of instruction, and LGBTQ families have turned to home a traditional classroom. Every state how the material is taught to fit your education after their children were has their academic standards pub- children’s needs. subjected to discrimination or bullying lished online and you can research in the public school system. As the what your child is supposed to learn 3. Explore Different Curricu- mom of a homeschooled daughter, in a given year. If you do not plan lums I’d like to share eight tips I’ve learned during my family's homeschool jour- ney. Wellan Inspiring gifted students K-8 welcomes 1. Check Your State Laws Educating your child at home is YOU allowed in every state and U.S. terri- tory. Like most education regulations, homeschool laws are primarily made Join us for a virtual tour at the state level, and each one will at wellan.org have different rules related to curricu- lum, length of the school day, qualifi- cations of the teacher, and what type 206.691.2625 seattlecountryday.org of record keeping is needed. In some Toddler – Grade 8 · Newton Centre, MA states, Texas as an example, parents www.wellan.org www.seattlecountryday.org do not have to submit any documen- tation to a state agency. Other states, such as New York, require homes- chool students to follow a specific attendance, registration, and testing guidelines. The best thing you can do is look at the laws in your state.

2. Determine How Long You

22nd Annual Independent The Valley School Schools Directory 318 30th Ave. E continued from page 24 Seattle, WA 98112 206-328-4475 St. Thomas School www.thevalleyschool.org 8300 NE 12th St. Pre-K - 5th grade Medina, WA 98039 See ad on page 28 425-454-5880 www.stthomasschool.org Whole Earth Preschool - 8th grade Montessori School See ad on page 10 2930 228th St. SE Bothell, WA 98021 University Child 425-486-3037 Development School Experience a modern www.wemschool.org 5062 9th Ave. NE Montessori education Preschool - Middle Seattle, WA 98105 School that inspires independent, 206-547-8237 See ad on page 43 compassionate, and www.ucds.org/institute t Infant - 5th grade innovative thinkers See ad on page 42 425 Dempster, Evanston, IL www.chiaravalle.org

www.chiaravalle.org September-October 2020 Issue #132 www.gayparentmag.com 25 Spend any amount of time in the homeschool Face- book groups, and you will start to notice most of the con- versations are about curriculum choice. Finding the right material to teach is one of the most daunting decisions in a homeschool journey. And there are lots of options. You should also consider how involved you want to be as a parent. Some programs require extensive planning on the part of the parent/teacher. Others are open and go, with everything already planned. Many homeschoolers, like my A non-sectarian program family, are eclectic and will pick different programs based on the subject matter or how it’s taught. All in one curricu- welcoming all children since 1952 lum does exist, or you can pick from a variety of sources. Dedicated to children’s growth and learning And if a program isn’t working, it is okay to try switch to a different curriculum. It is a good idea to start with free Experienced, nurturing teachers samples of a curriculum before buying the program. With LGBTQ families, decide how much religion you’re com- Children ages 2.0-5.3 fortable with, if at all. Let’s be frank, there is a disparity in Specialists for Music, Movement, Studio, homeschool resources with the majority of the curriculum Gardening, & our Healthy Snack Program being Christian with heterosexual based values and exam- ples. There are quality inclusive, secular curriculums avail- Large, airy classrooms, rooftop playground able, but they are not as prevalent as the religious ones. & an indoor play space The most LGBTQ inclusive curricula are explicitly secular and try to stay away from promoting gender norms. The Secular, Eclectic, Academic Homeschoolers site has ter- The First Presbyterian Church Nursery School rific resources on finding good curriculum, and also has a 12 West 12th Street, New York, NY 10011 Facebook group for LGBTQ Homeschool families. 212.691.3432 | www.fpcns.org 4. Examine the Costs www.fpcns.org The price of home education can add up, but you don’t have to break the bank to homeschool effectively. Utiliz- ing free or low cost curriculums, discount codes, and a To expand your child’s little creativity, it is possible to teach your children and not compassion and ambition kill your family budget. Use your local library, especially if you’re able to reserve books for extended periods of time. There’s a well-worn trope about how much homeschool families love libraries, and many of us are on a first name basis with our local librarians. You will need to spend some money on supplies and printing, but when looking at the costs, it can be helpful to compare it to how much you’d spend in a normal school year for school supplies, activity fees, uniforms, equipment, lessons, etc. Many stores like Barnes and Noble and Target extend their educators dis- count programs to homeschool families. And more mature and older high school students may benefit from dual en- At PS1, children grown up in—and help shape— rollment at a local community college or university. an exceptionally joyful, empathetic, dynamic learning community. From this intentionally created 5. Don’t Stress the Socializing microcosm your child emerges excited and prepared Homeschool parents grow tired of questions from well-meaning friends, family, and strangers about social- to change the wider world for the better. ization. Let’s be clear, homeschool kids usually have plen- ty of opportunities to be around their peers. Whether it’s www.psone.org co-ops, sports or arts activities, or just seeing kids in their 310-394-1313 x 107 neighborhoods, home educated children get plenty of so- Inquire & Connect with Us! cialization with kids and adults. If anything, what COVID Apply Online Now! has done is make it harder for all kids, regardless of their school status to be around their peers. Depending on their age and your level of comfort, using technology to keep www.psone.org www.gayparentmag.com September-October 2020 Issue #132 PS1 Ad 263-5 x 4-625.indd 1 7/7/20 13:21 in touch with their school friends can “As caring as the physicians who wrote it, help relieve some of the boredom. De- The New Rules of Pregnancy contains pending on your geographic location, all you need to know about the amazing there’s usually a local homeschool sci-fi adventure that group that your kids can plug into. is having a baby. Don’t be afraid to try different ones Wise, beautiful, until you find the group that works for and needed.” your family. Depending on your loca- tion, many of the groups may be faith —Amy Poehler based, and if you aren’t comfortable 2019 with that, you will have to go the extra National Parenting effort to find inclusive groups, but they Product Award Winner do exist. thenewrulesofpregnancy.com

www.thenewrulesofpregnancy.com www.chelseadayschool.org 6. Explore their Interests The beauty of homeschooling is you have the freedom to explore your children’s various interests. Uti- Helping Small Miracles Happen lizing specialized curriculum, project based learning, or unit studies, you can dive into what your kids are ex- cited to learn about. For example, my daughter is a ballet dancer so this summer we’re doing a unit study on the art form’s history, costuming, and significant figures. You can explore a personal culture or heritage in a way that is personal to your family. And if there’s a topic that your child shows an unexpected affinity for, you can dwell on it longer before moving to the next. Sites like Outschool have hun- dreds of low cost classes that cover numerous topics.

7. Learn Your Child’s Work Style Related to exploring their inter- ests, you’ll learn what structure works for them at their age. Undoubted- ly, homeschooling is more work for • COMPREHENSIVE FERTILITY CARE • INTRAUTERINE INSEMINATION (IUI) parents when children are in prima- • IN VITRO FERTILIZATION (IVF) • RECIPROCAL IVF • PREIMPLANTATION GENETIC TESTING ry rather than secondary school. No • DONOR EGG • DONOR SPERM • GESTATIONAL CARRIER (SURROGATE) matter the age, homeschool provides The Reproductive Science Center of NJ is a leading provider of advanced reproductive technologies. Our a great chance to explore their learn- center combines a commitment to compassionate care with a cutting –edge fertility program. We believe ing styles. Are they independent, that everyone should have the opportunity to be a parent and a treatment plan can be customized to fit his self-starters, or do they need a lot or her unique situation. We believe that the most important quality a fertility clinic can oer is genuine concern and understanding for you and your emotional needs. Our experienced doctors, nurses, and sta of handholding? Do they work better fully understand the emotional and medical challenges that confront prospective parents. We strive to first thing in the morning or need to do make all patients feel calm, comfortable and confident throughout their entire course of treatment. something physical before beginning RSCNJ has 3 convenient locations within Central NJ oering free phone consultations and free second opinions by phone, along with evening and weekend hours. their studies? Overtime, you figure out what works best for your family. And don’t be surprised if their favor- Reproductive Science Center of NJ ite place to work is a comfy couch or DR. WILLIAM F. ZIEGLER | DR. ALAN M. MARTINEZ bed rather than their desk. Maybe EATONTOWN • TOMS RIVER • LAWRENCEVILLE they prefer games and activities over 732-918-2500 l FERTILITYNJ.COM worksheets or an online program.

www.fertilitynj.com September-October 2020 Issue #132 www.gayparentmag.com 27 8. Relax and Self Care 2. Teachers Pay Teachers: LGBTQ issues. Aubree and her wife, Most importantly, relax and re- https://www.teacherspayteach- Victoria, homeschool their 10 year old member that you can do this. As a ers.com/ daughter and live in North Texas. She parent, you already teach your chil- 3. Barnes and Noble Educator’s can be contacted at aubreecalvin@ dren about life every day. It might be Discount: https://help.barnesand- gmail.com. hard at first, but it will get easier over noble.com/app/answers/detail/a_ time. Remember that you’re their par- id/4382/~/about-the-educator-dis- Photos courtesy of Aubree Calvin ent first before you’re their teacher. count-program Don’t be afraid to take time for your- 4. Outschool self. This pandemic has meant that Classes: Out- our kids are around us all the time, school.com and even as a family who’s been ho- 5. ProPubli- meschooling for a while, it is still im- ca Homeschool portant to take private or individual Law Guide: https:// time where available. Enjoy this time projects.propubli- you have with your kids and always ca.org/graphics/ remember there’s plenty of support homeschool and encouragement out there. t

List of Resources Aubree Cal- 1. Secular, Eclectic, Academic vin is a part time Homeschoolers website and Face- writer and profes- book groups: https://www.seahomes- sor of government choolers.com, https://www.facebook. at a Texas com- com/groups/seahomeschoolers/, munity college. https://www.facebook.com/groups/ She writes about SEALGBTQ/ race, politics, and Left to right, Aubree, Corinne, and Victoria.

GRADES K–8 Joyful Learning Learn more about our approach, core values, Co-op commitment, and application process at thecoopschool.org. 212-206-1137 Pusteblume International Preschool www.thecoopschool.org provides children with a fun and community-oriented multicultural environment.

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www.mcdonogh.org | Owings Mills, Maryland www.gtms.org www.mcdonogh.org Gay Parent Magazine 7-26.indd 1 7/26/19 11:50 AM 32 www.gayparentmag.com September-October 2020 Issue #132 morning with Advisory in their virtu- al classroom, which gives students a Beautiful outdoor spaces chance to say good morning, see each Small class sizes others' faces, share any news and "be" together. Students then rotate through For your children’s safety, we are reinventing many aspects of school life their various core subjects as well as for Fall 2020. Contact us to learn how specials as a class. The afternoon is we will help your child thrive. blocked off for lunch, physical activity, Now busing from NYC! and independent work, and office hours with their teachers. Middle school stu- dents end the day with another period of Advisory. 845.356.2514 x302 Our full-time School Counselor, gmws.org Teacher Laura Taylor, continues to col- MCFEE ©NATT laborate with teachers, meet with whole www.gmws.org classes, small groups, and individuals virtually. This work is vital to sustaining and nurturing the social and emotional well being of our students during these The Valley Hospital Fertility Center challenging times. Creating Families Together Another Quaker testimony that the MPFS community has continued to truly embrace during this challenging time is Service. Service Learning is an integral part of the MPFS experience. Through Service Learning, students gain a sense of responsibility for one another, their community, and their world, along with self-worth, compassion, and empower- ment. Students in the MPFS community have helped raise funds for local fami- lies in-need of groceries, sewed fabric masks for donation to local healthcare workers, and written letters to residents of local senior centers. Media-Providence Friends School is a Quaker day school for students age 3 through grade 8, located in Media, Pennsylvania, providing a challenging academic program infused with values. Morning snuggles brought to you, in part, Community involvement and service by The Valley Hospital Fertility Center. play an integral part in curriculum, con- necting MPFS students with the larger Miracles happen at The Valley Hospital. world. MPFS is now enrolling for the Having a baby is one of the most exciting journeys of your life. Each person’s wants and needs for 2019-20 school year. building a family are unique. That’s why The Valley Hospital Fertility Center has team members with Despite the COVID-19 criss, MPFS incredible skill and compassionate hearts who are dedicated to making your dreams come true. is still enrolling for the 2020-21 school Our higher-than-average success rates and variety of services — from gestational carrier year. The Admissions office has institut- services and ovum donor services to intrauterine insemination — mean you’ll receive ed a new application process to provide the most individualized care and improved chances of success. our prospective families with a virtual Explore your options for growing your family. and interactive alternative to our Ad- Let the experts at The Valley Hospital Fertility missions process including live virtual Center help you start your journey. Learn Open Houses. To learn more, visit mpfs. more at ValleyIVF.com. org/rsvp or contact Angela DiMaria, As- sistant Head of School and Director of Admissions & Academic Program at 610.565.1960 x104. t

Photos courtesy of Cristina Perachio www.valleyivf.com September-October 2020 Issue #132 www.gayparentmag.com 33 Leadership. Confidence. Compassion. Learn from the Children By Christopher Katis his past Thanksgiving, a substitute An early photo of the teacher at an elementary school family. The author, Chris- not farT from where we live in suburban Salt topher Katis (wearing red Lake, asked each of the fifth graders in her sweater) with his husband class why they were thankful. An 11-year Kelly Huntington (top), and old boy said because he was being adopt- their sons, Gus (middle) ed by his two dads. The teacher responded and Niko. See page 42 for a with a homophobic diatribe, telling the class recent family photo. that homosexuality is wrong, two men living together is a sin, and the adoption wasn’t what it was like not to look like something to be proud of. your parents. “In this class,” That is the type of horrifying hatred and she added, “We learn that ev- ignorance that kids of LGBTQ+ parents can ery family is different but they face in schools every day. Luckily – thank- all love us.” fully – my kids have never experienced any- I wrote the principal re- thing quite that bad at school. There have questing Ms. Brown be my even been some unexpectedly positive oc- kid’s teacher. currences. But in Utah it was differ- For example, during kindergarten ori- ent. On the first day of first entation with my son Gus, I told the teacher, grade, I stayed after class to Ms. Brown, “My son has two dads, how do out our family to the teacher. you handle that?” Without hesitation, she She responded, “Does he live couple that was breaking up, and it caused told me she was adopted herself and knew with both of you? Last year I had a lesbian problems.” I was dumbfounded.

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By Rebecca Stanton hen I wrote my children's book, I wanted to Wpaint a picture of what love is like, Under Our Roof. And positively promote acceptance of same- sex parenting after another parent declined to let their child come to a sleepover at our house. I always had intentions of writing a children's book but never thought it would be for the LGBTQ+ Community. When this dis- crimination happened and caused my child pain, I had to The author, Rebecca Stanton (seated middle) at her book signing hold- put myself outside of my comfort zone and be an advo- ing Dylan. Around her left to right are Hannah, wife Jill, and Katelyn. cate. I've always tried to keep to myself and live a life as Left inset, cover of Under Our Roof illustrated by Kristy Gaunt. privately as possible. Becom- ing an advocate for my family has helped walked. Or how they don't agree with his "choices" and asked that me face many of my past struggles. he not come over again. I internalized this display of hatred. I feared For me, coming out has been a life- embracing my identity, and I wasn’t able to live my truth. long internal battle. I grew up in a small After graduation, I convinced myself that I could live my life as a town in Indiana. I didn't know anyone who straight woman, and everyone would be happy. I met Austin, we mar- was gay. I just knew I felt different and ried at 19 and had Katelyn and Hannah together. Being in a hetero- had a crush on Amy Valentine in grade sexual relationship was the only way I thought I would be accepted school. It wasn't until high school, where I and not lose my family and friends, but I was miserable. I always felt met a close friend who was openly gay. He'd come over after school, like part of me was missing. and we'd do our eyebrows and paint our nails together. I felt like I had Throughout my marriage, I had irrational fears that if I filed for di- a real chance to be vulnerable and share my truth. But my courage vorce, my ex-husbands family would take my girls away. I assumed I was crushed when my parents would make comments about his sex- knew how everyone would react if they knew why I wanted a divorce. uality and say inappropriate jokes about how he sounded or how he I continued to bury my feelings and avoid- continued on page 38

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www.wetherby-pembridge.org 36 www.gayparentmag.com September-October 2020 Issue #132 Learn from the Children might get the sub in trouble and, after two our children. t continued from page 35 failed previous adoptions, he was terrified Christopher Katis has spent his ca- scholastic career. (Knock on wood!) that an issue like this might cause his would- reer in public relations and corporate com- I like to think that the absence of is- be dads to back out, too. munications. For the past 10 years he has sues is a sign not only of greater diligence The teacher was stopped by three girls, penned the award-winning column Who’s by teachers and staff, but by greater accep- who repeatedly asked her to stop. When she Your Daddy, which appears monthly in tance of all types of families. wouldn’t, they marched to the principal’s of- QSaltLake. He lives in Murray, Utah with his Not many years ago, that substitute fice, explained what was happening, and a husband of 31 years, Kelly Huntington, and teacher who felt it appropriate to verbally few moments later watched, along with the their teenage sons, Gus and Niko. Read two attack a boy about his gratitude probably little boy, as the teacher was escorted from other articles in this issue by Katis: 'Life in wouldn’t have faced much repercussion. the class. Isolation' on page 40 and 'Choosing My Re- While it was happening, the little boy re- Apparently, the old adage is right: ligion' on page 59. Photo courtesy of Christopher Katis mained silent; he was afraid saying anything sometimes, there is much we can learn from

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Top photo, Rebecca and Jill at the courthouse when they eloped in 2016. Middle photo of the family when they At Bay Farm, children learn in an recently vacationed at Hilton Head. environment that fosters Bottom photo, left to right, independence, curiosity, and Hannah, Dylan, and Katelyn. empathy. Students are equipped ed addressing them. I lived with crippling with the confidence to challenge anxiety and depression for years because I themselves and excitement to felt stuck. I'd have panic attacks and didn't try new things. Bay Farm serves know how to talk to anyone about what I was students ages 12 months to 8th feeling. I tried ignoring what I've been feel- Grade from all across the South ing my whole life. I thought if I ignored that Shore of Massachusetts. part of me, it would go away. Members of our church reached out to me to preach and tell me how this divorce would turn my life upside down, break up, and embarrass my family. I was at such a low place and struggling with my mental health; at this point, I had enough. I couldn't handle another whisper in my ear. It was a challenging time, but eventually, we negotiated a fair divorce. When I met my wife, Jill, meeting her for the first time was like discovering a new color. We met through a mutual friend at work. She took me to my first PRIDE event www.bfarm.org in Indianapolis in 2016. Jill ignited a fire in me that I thought only existed in movies. What I've been feeling was finally validated. Jill works in database marketing for a major travel company and is currently finishing her bachelor's degree. We're celebrating our 4th anniversary this year. Coming out is a scary thing, but coming out to our kids was a breeze. The girls were ages 4 and 7 when Jill and I got together. I remember Hannah seeing us hold hands for the first time and directly asking us why we were doing that. I said, "Mommy loves Jill, and she makes my heart happy.” That's all it took for Hannah to accept and understand. Katelyn questioned our relationship in the beginning. She struggled with overhearing a family member on her dad's side make comments about how her mom is sinning by being with a woman and not a man. In her own time, she saw how we loved each other and understood that you could love anyone. Coming out to friends and family was refreshing. Together we did a “Hey, world! I’m gay!” Facebook post announcing that we ran off to the courthouse after being together from so many. For once, I didn't feel like I for six weeks. It was a shock to many, but the owed anyone an explanation. After about a relief I felt was long overdue. We received year together, we began the process of ex- www.milton.edu unyielding support and unconditional love panding our family. We welcomed Dylan, our 38 www.gayparentmag.com September-October 2020 Issue #132 third daughter, via IUI in 2018. There’s a lot and promote acceptance. garden, pulling weeds, and having tea par- of love, Under Our During the writing process for ties with our puppy. Roof. This story Under Our Roof, I'd sit with my girls, As a family, we love to travel and make gives insight into us and we'd reminisce about our favor- memories. We're trying our luck at gardening and our parenting ite things we do together. Hannah, this year and doing lots of DIY around the style. We've always my middle daughter, immediately house. Being present, involved, and hands- been open, honest, blurts out, "Armpit tickles and but- on with our girls is our priority. t and direct with an- terfly kisses!" Katelyn, my oldest, is Excerpt from Under Our Roof: swering any ques- the first to bring up making dande- What is love, Under Our Roof? tions the girls ask. lion wishes and catching fireflies in Under Our Roof, love is armpit tickles and We provide struc- June. Or how traveling and making butterfly kisses. Love is catching fireflies in ture, responsibilities, memories is our favorite thing to do June and making and consequences as a family. Hannah, 9, has always dandelion wishes. for their actions. Rebecca (left) and Jill. been my wild, strong-willed girl who Under Our Roof, LOVE IS LOVE They have a voice has taught me to be more patient IS LOVE. and are encouraged to make their own de- and mindful. The kid who makes me laugh Available in paperback and eBook from cisions. As a family, we sit and talk about when she's in trouble and begs for tickles Amazon.com at https://amzn.to/2Eo567D or how we're feeling and work through our before going to bed. Katelyn, 12, is out- https://www.amazon.com/Un- problems. We want the best for our kids, and spoken, not afraid to tell you how she feels, der-Our-Roof-Rebecca-Stanton/ we'll raise them, teaching that love is what the best big sister, and my artistic dreamer. dp/1099023084 matters most. We want to raise great kids Dylan, 2, is obsessed with tending to our Photos courtesy of Rebecca Stanton

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since 1887 4315 Lincoln Avenue, Oakland 510-531-1300 headroyce.org www.headroyce.org September-October 2020 Issue #132 www.gayparentmag.com 39 Life in Isolation By Christopher Katis

has changed parenting – maybe for- ever. For the first time in my life, I’m actuallyCOVID-19 concerned about the future. Folks, we’re going to have an entire generation of kids who were homeschooled – by day drinkers! Joking aside, this pandemic is like nothing anyone has ever expe- rienced before. I’d like to think that we’re all coping as best as we can. I certainly hope we’re all doing the best we can as parents and simply as human beings. Our family has been incredibly lucky. So far, all of our struggles have been about inconvenience. I have a job; we have food; we have a home; all of our loved ones are safe and healthy. For far too many other families that isn’t true. Sure, I miss Sunday dinner at my mom’s; our 17-year old misses the gym; his 13-year old brother misses hanging out with his friends; and my husband misses having us all out of the house during the day. My biggest struggle is dealing with hair that hasn’t been this long since I was in 7th grade! Like every crisis, the COVID-19 pandemic has offered us as parents the opportunity to discuss gratitude in very real terms, while serving as examples of how to deal with these types of stressful sit- uations. We’ve always parented with equal parts teasing and humor The author, Christopher Katis (right) with his mother. – it seemed like a great idea when we first continued on page 42

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MASTER OF EDUCATION PROGRAM Immersive Practicum Small, Professional Cohort Action Research Left to right, Kelly Huntington (author's husband), sons Gus and Niko, and the author, Christopher Katis. ucds.org/institute became dads, but now we have a couple of snarky, but really witty, teenagers. So, after seeing TV reports of grocery stores mobbed with people fighting over toilet paper, when my husband and I headed www.ucds.org/institute out to buy groceries, our youngest lobbed a parting, “Try to come back in one piece!” Funny. UNCOMMON Curiosity But there was an altercation. As we walked from our car, a UNCOMMON Community man who clearly wasn’t dealing well with the situation saw our can- UNCOMMON Opportunity vas bags and began verbally accosting us. He threatened to cough in our faces and hoped we “got the disease and died.” Plus, he could tell we were a couple of (expletive) Mormons. We learned long ago not to engage with people in these situations, and simply agreed and kept walking. When we got home, we told the boys how we’d gone to five different stores and still couldn’t find everything we needed. Then we decided to use our experience as a reminder for the boys to be on their toes and to take the high road during these stressful times. We related most of our experience, but to alleviate any growing concern they may have had about our safety or their own, we high- lighted the bit about this guy deciding we were Mormons – the two middle-aged men in an electric car, carrying colorful canvas bags clearly must’ve been missionary companions! That miscalculation made the boys crack up. We’ve also focused on other’s positive actions. Neighbors are asking, “how are you doing?” and it’s no longer a meaningless pleasantry, there’s real concern behind the question. Kids’ chalk An independent, co-ed high school where small classes, art is both inspiring – “Be like a pineapple: stand tall, wear a crown gifted faculty, a strong community, and high academic and be sweet inside” – and hysterical – “Poop!” Appreciative stu- standards inspire students to do their best work. dents are cheering parades of teachers. Yard signs proudly alert us to the homes of the Class of 2020, while banging pots herald Boston, MA | commschool.org gratitude to the indispensable. 151 Commonwealth Ave., Boston, MA | commschool.org It's been great to see so many families out for strolls, riding bikes and walking their dogs. We had no idea so many of our www.commschool.org neighbors even had dogs – and by the look of the pups, these may 42 www.gayparentmag.com September-October 2020 Issue #132 be the first walkies they’ve ever been on! continued on page 44

Gay-Parent.indd 1 8/10/20 3:25 PM Pregnant and Transgender By Foster McKeon partner and I were two gay men ages 27 and 30, re- spectively, when we decided to try to get pregnant. I al- teredMy my hormone levels by simply quitting my weekly testosterone injection and allowing my natural progesterone production to reignite, and in a few months I ovulated for the first time in five years. There are a number of difficulties navigating pregnancy and birth whether you're transgender or gender-nonconforming. You don't have to be a trans man to experience the ways pregnancy can cause friction with your gender. Any masculine-of-center woman or even a woman who's not thrilled about the annoyingly frilly prettiness of ma- ternity wear may find discomfort at some point during their pregnancy. From clothing that fits your growing body to proper healthcare to so- cial implications such as no longer passing or outing yourself as trans at work, all of us who defy traditional presentation for a person with a uterus experience pregnancy with greater difficulty. It's already a deeply personal thing to find an OB or midwife you not only trust, but feel you could scream in front of while pantless for hours. Add to that the complications of transgender healthcare, which, as any trans person will tell you, are anxiety-inducing at best and trau- matic at worst, and you have a difficult task ahead of you. And that's not even mentioning the specific difficulty of navigating a healthcare The author, Foster McKeon (right) with his part- need that is traditionally gendered. First, you must find care that won't ner Atticus and their daughter Ellison. cause you to dread each appointment continued on page 44

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www.wemschool.org www.brickchurchschool.org September-October 2020 Issue #132 www.gayparentmag.com 43 Pregnant and Transgender continued from page 43 (You're preg- nant! You should get to be excit- ed to check on your little one!). Sec- ond, your provider needs to be educated in trans-specif- ic health; to know what complica- tions may occur due to having been on testoster- Foster McKeon (left) and partner Atticus. one; or, as was my case, to understand that your identity may not med- ically affect your pregnancy whatsoever. Between living in Texas and having Medicaid for insur- ance, I was deeply concerned about my options. The won- derful trans-educated OBs who came up on my Google searches weren't accepting new patients or didn't accept Medicaid or both. Eventually my search turned into cold-call- www.blueschoolconnected.org ing obstetrics offices and asking the receptionist, "Do you take Medicaid? Are you accepting new patients? And oh, by the way, is it OK if I'm trans?" I was thrilled to find the one midwife in our city who accepts continued next page

Life in Isolation continued from page 42 There’s a sense of community that we haven’t seen in years. It's also been inspiring to see my own younger family mem- bers think of ways to stay connected with my almost 90-year old mom. My nephew brought is daughter to wave through the picture window; on Greek Orthodox Easter, my niece arranged a group FaceTime for us all to say a prayer together and share plenty of laughs. We’ve rediscovered the simplicity of family life – the everyday interactions that made us want to be parents in the first place. We’re spending more time together. Working from home allows me to do more of the cooking. Our boys are hanging out just as friends, laughing and playing video games. A recent order that they go outside for a little exercise was met with a parting, “If we have to run from the cops, will that count?” (See above snarky, yet witty, kids comment.) If any good has come out of the COVID-19 pandemic, I think it’s been resiliency. There’s been a new sense of community, a rekindling of empathy, and a rediscovery of the simplicity of life. Now if I can just get the kids back to school and myself to a barber, we’ll be good. t Read two other articles in this issue by Christopher Katis: 'Learn from the Children' on page 34 and 'Choosing My Religion' www.rashi.org/inquire on page 59. 44 www.gayparentmag.com September-October 2020 Issue #132 Photos courtesy of Christopher Katis Pregnant and Transgender a person say "woman" and "mom" so though we were sitting right next to continued from page 44 many times in one hour before. After each other. We both walked out of the Medicaid until I actually met her. I didn't introducing herself to me, she ignored appointment feeling certain she was in- want to make my baby's care about my partner's attempt at a greeting or terested in treating women, period. The my comfort, but I've also never heard handshake and refused to look at him search continued. or address him for the entire hour even One of continued on page 47

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www.vanguardschool.org September-October 2020 Issue #132 www.gayparentmag.com 45 A Texas Family By Deadra Albrecht-Frasch strella Lopez and her Ewife Autumn live in Mansfield, Texas and have been together for five years. They have been legally mar- ried since May 2019. Estrel- la came into the relationship with three adult sons while Autumn also had a son who is now 14 years old. Togeth- er they now have a one year old son named Kassius who was conceived through IVF. Estrella said she initially reached out to the magazine because she “loved [Gay Parent] magazine since day Right photo, Autumn (left) and Estrella Lopez. one.” Left photo, baby Kassius. Estrella grew up in Tex- like step- built their home, they made sure to as, and Autumn grew up brothers include enough space for everybody in California but moved to or stepmom; they are all just brothers with seven bedrooms, game room Texas in 2012. Estrella explained that and moms and are a very close knit and home theater to name a few. Even their blending of families was a smooth family. So much so, that when they their continued bottom of page 48 transition and that they don’t use terms

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“The attention placed on the learning process and intangibles, such as a strong sense of self, rather than just the results themselves, Atticus holding Ellison. separates MFS from other schools.” my cold calls led me to a clinic with no – Jalen Patel ’20 particular indication of LGBT-friend- liness, but I was desperately in need Hometown: Allentown of my first prenatal exam, so I went. I Activities/Honors: National Merit Commended don't know what gay guardian angel Scholar, ZeroRobotics International ISS Finals; looked down on me, but there I found NJ Governor’s School - Engineering and my OB. She looked like she couldn't be Technology; National Spanish Honors Society; Delaware Valley Science Council Excellence a day over twenty, yet her presence felt in Science Award; Rutgers Oncology deeply grounding. She picked up on Olympiad; Varsity Golf and Fencing Captain; our queerness and I never had to even 2019 League Championship golf team; say I was trans. It was a non-issue. She Varsity Soccer; Three-time Burlco Consumer Bowl Champion gave me hope about the possibility of my breastfeeding after top surgery and Memorable Academic Project: Published never once used the phrase "pregnant research on the fabrication and characterization of implantable polymer-based nerve conduits; woman" or referred to me as a mom. presented this research at at an international She was perceptive and kind and com- MIT research conference petent. On sheer luck, we'd found our Senior Internship: Machine Learning and Image OB. Detection with Raspberry Pi and OpenCV Now I turned to the next task. I wasn't out at work; everyone knew me College: University of Pennsylvania as a gay man. In the small branch where Career Interests: Computer Science and Finance I worked, I was the only queer person. Eventually I would have to tell my boss I was pregnant and I had no idea how to do so. He may think I was joking; what if he laughed? What if it made every- Meet great kids like Jalen at an upcoming Open House: one uncomfortable and I lost my job? I wasn't sure, but morning sickness was Age 3 through Grade 12 Sunday, October 18 setting in and I'd already had more than Tuesday, October 27 one morning rush to the bathroom. I For more information or to RSVP: asked my boss for a minute in his office. (856) 914 - 4426, [email protected], or www.mfriends.org. I had a loosely planned script that flew Moorestown Friends is dedicated to academic excellence, out of my mind the moment I sat down ethical development, diversity, and service to the community. across from continued on page 48 www.mfriends.org September-October 2020 Issue #132 www.gayparentmag.com 47 Pregnant and Transgender tosterone in a year and a half. Preg- continued from page 47 nancy undid in three months what took him. Instead all that came out was, "I testosterone two years to accomplish. realize you probably didn't, um, see this Deepened voices do not return to their coming, but, I'm pregnant." previous register and hair follicles once He was silent. Then, "Oh, I didn't activated by testosterone do not stop see that coming!" He chuckled a little. growing hair. But body fat and muscle "Well, congratulations! When are you growth vary with hormone levels, as il- due?" Relief washed over me. I could lustrated by my current pear shape and check this off my list. weak shoulders. Until I can reshape Now my daughter is two months myself, I have no hope of passing as old and I just took my first dose of tes- male with these child-bearing hips. It's going to be a grueling recovery of my

Foster McKeon and Ellison. rightful self-presentation with heaping helpings of dysphoria in the meantime, but this physically, mentally, emotional- ly taxing years-long process has given me a beautiful baby girl, and that means the world. t Photos courtesy of Foster McKeon www.school.bankstreet.edu or https://bit.ly/3b0y89d A Texas Family continued from page 46 REGISTER! grown children live at home and are Middle School Virtual very involved in Kassius’ life. Open House Autumn explained that before she Thur. Oct. 15 7pm even met Estrella, she decided to be a surrogate for others. She loves be- ing pregnant and had an easy preg- E SCH DL O nancy with her 14 year old. She knew D O I L

M S

she didn’t want any other kids at the

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Y

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I time that she first decided to pursue

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H T T surrogacy (before meeting Estrella), so she decided to bless other people. She contacted an agency and only chooses to be a surrogate for gay Confident and ! men or single men. She explained independent that it can be more challenging for those populations to find those willing Loves to learn to carry children for them so it’s her way of giving back. Autumn has been Prepared for a surrogate three times so far, with the future plans to continue as long as she can. She keeps in touch with all of the men ENROLLING NOW | ALL LEVELS she’s helped and gets to see pictures. At the time of this interview she was in TODDLER – GRADE 8 SCITUATE, MA the process of starting another surro- gacy journey for someone, and then inlyschool.org after that, she and Estrella will try for www.inlyschool.org www.queenscouplestherapy.com a girl of their own. 48 www.gayparentmag.com September-October 2020 Issue #132 continued on page 50 Join us for an open house Oct. 18: Grades 6-12 Nov. 8: K-Grade 5

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Their IVF journey that produced Kassius wasn’t with- out surprises. Both women knew they wanted to have more children, so with four male children already, they opted for genetic testing that would allow them to choose only female embryos to implant. Estrella said that they chose an anonymous sperm donor with race not being a determining factor. She explained that Autumn’s father is African American while her mother is Japanese. Es- trella’s father is Puerto Rican while her mother is African American. They instead chose to focus on education and family health history when it came to choosing a donor. Once the IVF process started, they ended up having three viable female embryos and one male embryo. The plan was to implant a female embryo and then a year late implant the male embryo. Everything was going well and they got pregnant on the first try. However, they would later find out that the tech accidently pulled the male em- bryo. They actually didn’t find out that they were having a boy until the sixth or seventh sonogram visit. At the time www.westridge.org/admission it was frustrating, but of course they couldn’t imagine life continued on page 52 50 www.gayparentmag.com September-October 2020 Issue #132 without Kassius now. Kassius has www.wns-la.org www.manhattancountryschool.org OPEN HOUSES OCTOBER 2 | NOVEMBER 6 | DECEMBER 4

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Call to schedule a virtual tour AGE 18 MONTHS TO GRADE 6 610.642.0354 Preparing children to learn confidently, think independently, and succeed wherever they go. CO-EDUCATIONAL | QUAKER VALUES | NURSERY SCHOOL – GRADE 8 851 Buck Lane | Haverford, PA 19041 | 610.642.2334 | friendshaverford.org SCHEDULE YOUR VISIT AT AIDANSCHOOL .ORG | 2700 27TH STREET NW, WASHINGTON, DC www.friendshaverford.org www.aidanschool.org September-October 2020 Issue #132 www.gayparentmag.com 51 A Texas Family continued from page 50 also gathered quite the following on his Facebook page where his Moms have documented their journey. Estrella and Autumn both work for the government which has allowed them to work from home since the coronavirus pan- demic. They said that Texas has been hit hard with coronavirus, and that only one of them goes into the store when needed. They instead opt to do a lot of online shopping. Since having Kassius, Autumn had been able to stay home. However even though they both are now working from home, managing a one year old while working can be challenging. They are considering having an in-home Nanny come in as needed. Their fourteen year old son will also continue to have school remotely for the fall semester as he did last spring. As far as life in Mansfield, Texas, Estrella said there isn’t really an LGBTQ scene nearby and the closest LGBTQ community would be about 45 minutes away in Dallas. However their community is very diverse and they haven’t had any issues of acceptance. Estrella said they wanted to be featured in Gay Parent Mag- azine to “show the heterosexual communities that gay couples are just like regular couples; loving, affectionate…you want fam- ilies just like they want families…we are just as loving as they are and our children are as normal as their children are, if there is such a thing as normal.” Autumn said she hopes that their story can inspire others to “follow your dreams and don’t let any- one tell you that you can’t have a family continued on page 55

Photos on right of Estrella and Autumn when Autumn was pregnant with Kassius.

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Francis W. Parker School 330 West Webster Avenue fwparker.org PAExpandingR LearningKChicago, EIllinois 60614 R773.797.5107 www.tpschool.org www.fwparker.org/apply September-October 2020 Issue #132 www.gayparentmag.com 53 What the church can learn from LGB couples By Chris Bennett rowing up in the deep south I had strong opin- ions on the LGBT lifestyle and what I assumed it was.G Together with an undergraduate in theology I formed strong and harsh opinions about the LGBT community. I fell in line with the nurture debate, I thought homosexuality was a mental condition or that homosexuality was brought about by some sort of trauma in early childhood. I carried these views with me throughout the years, but after mov- ing overseas and seeing America outside of its bubble, I began to see some major disconnects on this issue. I did not really understand the LGBT community, but I knew that somehow, they were being treated unfairly by the church. As I began my studies in marriage and family therapy, I read something that changed views and stopped me dead in my tracks. It was only one brief sentence and it stated that, there is no research that says LGB couples are any worse than heterosexual couples, as a matter of fact they may be slightly happier than heterosexual couples. This sentence was enough to send me spiraling into a world of research concerning the differences of LGB relationships The author, Chris Bennett. and heterosexual relationships. If they were doing it better find commonalities in one another and begin to reach out then couldn’t we as heterosexuals, or the church, glean an olive branch to the LGBT community in hopes of provid- something from that? Maybe we as the church can begin to ing them a safe space and healing continued on page 56

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www.congressionalschool.org September-October 2020 Issue #132 www.gayparentmag.com 55 What the church can learn from LGB those outside the church, clearly mentally different than heterosexual couples continued from page 54 something is wrong, something is couples and we have much to learn damages that we have brought upon amiss. If LGB couples have a lower from them and how they structure them. separation rate, what are they doing their gender roles. Throughout post-Constantine that heterosexuals are not doing? Is church history, you will find argu- it something that we as heterosexuals 1. LGB Couples have changed ments both for and against women in can adopt in our own relationships, gender norms and how they struc- authority over men and her place in and perhaps change the divorce rate ture gender roles the hierarchy of the marriage. If one within the church? were to go research now, after a de- No research has suggested that LGB couples favor equality and cade of study they would only be able they are less likely to succeed or that autonomy more than the traditional to scratch the surface of the debate. they are less happy than heterosexual heterosexual relationship. LGB cou- Divorce rates within the church match relationships. LGB couples are funda- ples share in important decision mak- ing rather than one person being the sole decision maker. The male figure is not the head and the final say in de- cisions. LGB couples also show equal care and nurture to their children. This also leads that LGB couples usu- ally have equal share in household chores, certain chores are not split be- tween one or the other each partakes in household chores.

2. LGB Couples have greater marriage satisfaction in late life www.orindaacademy.org Because of this sharing of power and hierarchy within the relationship studies show that LGB couples have slightly more positive late marriage satisfaction than heterosexual cou- ples. Research suggests LGB cou- ples also tend to enjoy their quality time together more than heterosexual couples. Because of this organic hier- archy that flows between the two they can be influenced as well as accept influence which is one of John Gott- man’s largest predictors of divorce. Because they see one another as equal, they can give and receive influ- ence from one another, and the late relationship satisfaction shows.

3. Traditional marriage hierar- chy breeds conflict

Although women in heterosexu- al marriage state that they are satis- fied in their late marriage the studies show the contrary, that in fact levels of stress has up ticked; however, that is not so with LGB couples. Traditional marriage hierarchy breeds conflict be- tween the man and woman. Although the church teaches that the woman www.cryogam.com 56 www.gayparentmag.com September-October 2020 Issue #132 continued bottom of page 61 Pursuing Goodness as well as Knowledge

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119-17 UNION TURNPIKE FOREST HILLS, NY 11375 718.268.4667 WWW.KEWFOREST.ORG www.kewforest.org 60 www.gayparentmag.com September-October 2020 Issue #132 Choosing My Religion your family, regardless of your sexuality, continued from page 59 is: Why do we want a religion?” says Elena Joy Thurston, the founder of the nonprofit Pride and Joy Foundation. “Only then will you have a much bet- ter chance of successfully finding a faith community that not only aligns with your goals but also authen- tically connects with who you are.” Rabbi Mark Sameth, the author of The Name: A History of the Dual-Gen- dered Hebrew Name for God, and a New York Why Waverly? Times op-ed piece, “Is God Waverly has three Transgender?” agrees. distinct divisions and campuses, “Learn as much as you can about your elementary (preschool-6th), religion’s global, national, and local pol- middle school (7th and 8th), icies in respects to LGBTQ issues. The and high school. website churchclarity.org is a recom- Waverly’s environment is mended resource for learning about spe- developmental, intellectual, cific Christian churches’ policies.” and engaging. And don’t be afraid to ask ques- tions of the church’s leaders. Shane Waverly teachers are notes, “Asking questions about how intelligent, caring, flexible many members are LGBT+, watching for people who truly enjoy working body language and tone of voice can of- with young people. fer clues about how the leadership feels about LGBT+ people.” She also suggests Waverly AP Courses asking about marriage equality, and how are available to all students. well trans people are accepted. Waverly graduates attend a wide My mom continued on page 63 range of colleges and universities.

Top photo, Gus' baptism in 2005. Bottom photo, Christopher holding his younger Waverly is an son Niko at his baptism in 2008 as Gus looks on. open, inclusive community. What the church can learn from LGB the past 2-3 decades clearly show couples continued from page 56 the importance of sharing hierarchical should be submissive and give way power within a relationship. With these to the man, this has lasting effects on issues also it gives us, the church, an the woman. It builds in her over time important look at the LGB community stress and depression and makes her as a template of how we can model feel inferior, as if she has no say in im- our own families. We do not have to portant matters. These feelings come agree on every issue, that is unreal- from a deep longing to want to be istic for any group, but we must seek equal to her husband, to be an import- out those areas that we can agree on ant member of the marriage to share and come together boldly and happily Visit our website for the in equal responsibilities and decision to learn humbly from one another. t fall admissions schedule, making. Chris Bennett is a single dad living posted online at the end of August. We need to be careful in seeking and working in Tokyo, Japan. He has simple answers to complex questions. an undergraduate in ministry studies 67 west bellevue ave., pasadena ca 91105 Especially with issues that have very and is currently working on his degree [email protected] little longitudinal studies; however, the for Marriage and Family Therapy. www.thewaverlyschool.org research that has been gleaned over Photo courtesy of Chris Bennett www.thewaverlyschool.org September-October 2020 Issue #132 www.gayparentmag.com 61 www.gissv.org

62 www.gayparentmag.com September-October 2020 Issue #132 www.lwgms.org/openhouse April 5th is Family Day Interview by Ali Polizzi anny Velasquez-Paredes is a man on the go. He is the Editor in MChief of Connextions Magazine, a publication that focuses on LGBT travel. As the magazine’s official LGBTQ family travel writer, Velas- quez-Paredes loves to travel the world with his husband Jose Vega and their two children and write about their adventures. In addition to Connex- tions Magazine, Velasquez-Paredes is also the Director of Student Affairs at the University of North Florida’s LGBT Resource Center. He enjoys shar- ing his experiences and knowledge with audiences as a public speaker and in the following interview, I chatted with Velasquez-Paredes about his work and his family.

Ali Polizzi: You are an award winning family travel journalist for Connextions Magazine. With this pandemic curtailing travel, what have you done to adjust to this new reality regarding your work with travel writing? Manny Velasquez-Paredes: Well, yeah…we had so many trips planned for 2020 and then – pandemic! So we had to adjust and we cre- ated a virtual show appropriately titled Virtual Connextions, You can see samples through our YouTube channel, https://bit.ly/3lotDtD or https://www.youtube.com/user/ConnextionsMag continued on page 65 Clockwise from top left, Manny Velasquez-Paredes, his husband Jose Vega, Max, and Jaslene.

Choosing My Religion continued from page 61 took care of that for us. Due to traveling schedules, she had to get our oldest son’s baptismal certificate signed by the head priest at my family’s parish. When he asked her what my wife’s name was, my mom looked him square in the eyes and said, “He doesn’t have one. Gus has two dads. Is that a problem for you?” It wasn’t. He took great joy in sharing that story with me as he completed our youngest son’s certificate a couple of years later – which, like that of his big brother, bears both our names. It’s also important to ensure that your kids are given the same rights and religious opportunities as those with straight parents. For us, that’s never been an issue. Like their friends, our kids are altar boys, get bored in Sunday School, and played angels and wisemen in Christmas pageants. But that’s not the case for everyone. In 2015, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (Mormons) decreed that kids raised in two-mom or two-dad households could not be baptized or fully participate in the sacraments of the Church until they were adults, and only then after denouncing their parents’ marriage. DISCOVER FCS The decision caused great heartache for many Mormons, led to a public relations fiasco, and saw thousands of faithful removing All-School (Virtual) Open House: their names from the church’s records. Thankfully, the LDS lead- Monday, Oct. 12, 2020 • 9 am ership rescinded the decree in 2019. Personal, socially distant tours “Does a more accepting and affirming house of worship exist available! for your family to join?” asks Rabbi Sameth. “Does your preferred Exciting program updates for 2020-21: anti-racist coursework, leadership & religion or denomination have a local or national affinity group from bias training, Canvas & IXL! Find out how Friends’ Central goes further by visiting friendscentral.org. which you could learn about the range of responses to doctrinal issues? Groups like Mormon Spectrum, Dignity USA (Roman www.friendscentral.org Catholic), More Light (Presbyterian), continued on page 64 September-October 2020 Issue #132 www.gayparentmag.com 63 and Keshet (Jewish) are some of the many how social context has impacted the way groups which provide support.” Christians have practiced their faith over There’s something else to remember: the centuries. Even the English translation scripture is in the eye of the believer. Rabbi from Greek and Hebrew limits the meaning Sameth adds, “Some clergy and houses of of words. For example, John 3:16 reads, worship – within the same religion or de- ‘For God so loved the cosmos’ not ‘For God nomination – will interpret doctrine in such so loved the world.’ These limitations can a way as to be more accepting and affirm- be significant, especially in relation to sex- ing than others.” uality.” Rev. David Key, an ordained Southern He goes as far as to argue, “Homosex- Baptist minister (you read that right) says, “I uality should never have been included in would say that gay parents need to convey the scriptures. The modern concept was to children that there are different ways to not imagined in the ancient writings.” And Niko's baptism in 2008 as Gus looks on. interpret scripture. They need to highlight let’s face it: our sexuality has been, and too often still is, the point of contention for LGBTQ+ people and organized religion for millennia. No matter which – if any – religion LGBTQ+ parents choose for themselves and their children, issues with other family members may arise. “Grandma might still take your kid out for ice cream and try to bribe her to get baptized,” Thurston says. “If you’re secure in yourself, you’re less like- ly to see it as a personal attack and more likely to see them as loving, yet misguided, parents who need a reminder of what your boundaries are.” Preparing boys for life And Rev. Key cautions, “One can dis- agree with their family's religious beliefs without disrespecting them. As one leaves a particular religious tradition because of their condemnations of LGBTQ+ people, you shouldn't ‘throw out the baby with the bathwater.’ Ask yourself what’s still good about the tradition? What aspects would you like to continue? It is like eating fish without swallowing the bones.” In situations where there is a conflict between the religious choice you’ve made for you and your children, and the beliefs of your extended family, the experts agree: always be respectful, be secure in your Extraordinary educators. reasoning, address their concerns, and set boundaries to ensure dignity for everyone Remarkable boys. involved. But it’s OK to tell them why you and your kids are embarking on a different path. Shane adds, “Explain how the lack of At The Haverford School, we take boys’ energy inclusion for the LGBT+ community impact- and imagination and build something remarkable. ed your decision.” Our extraordinary educators leave nothing to chance in young boys’ journeys to develop the As for our post-baptism luncheon, well power of their minds and hearts. there ain’t no guilt like Greek mama guilt – we served chicken. Thankfully, Kelly forgot haverford.org Here, your son will discover his strengths; stretch to raise his sign declaring MEAT IS MUR- A nonsectarian college himself to meet the highest standards of effort, DER! preparatory day school for boys, achievement, and conduct; and find purpose with pre-k-12 pride as he becomes a great man. This family, comprised of three Greek Orthodox Christians and a Buddhist, be- lieves #BlackLivesMatter. t

64 www.gayparentmag.com September-October 2020 Issue #132 www.haverford.org Photos courtesy of Christopher Katis April 5th is Family Day nizers of Orlando Avanza, an event continued from geared towards the Latino community page 63 in Orlando, Florida, asked me to be their keynote speaker and to bring AP: Tell us a little to the forefront the LGBTQ voice. It about your work as was a shock for many in attendance, a multicultural/diver- because as I tell people, I am a tri- sity marketing pro- ple-threat--I am Hispanic, gay and fessional focusing educated! Now, I am also the Director on the Hispanic and of Student Affairs at the University of LGBT communities. North Florida’s LGBT Resource Cen- MVP: I love to ter, which gives me the opportunity to speak to crowds and speak to different corporations and talk about my experi- helps them to create more inclusive ence and expertise. workforces. During the month of June, I’ve had the pleasure Pride Month, I was asked to keynote to have been invited to for four different corporations and I be the keynote speak- am working on increasing these num- er in several events bers throughout the year because I throughout my life. As don’t believe that Pride should only a travel journalist, and be discussed and celebrated in June. editor for Connextions Magazine, I have been AP: Tell us a little about your blessed with the oppor- background. tunities I have had to MVP: I was born in Peru and represent the LGBTQ moved to the USA when I was 9 years voice in many events. old. The reason we moved is because Last year, the orga- my father passed away, so my mother

www.peninsulaschool.org www.giftoflifesurrogacy.com September-October 2020 Issue #132 www.gayparentmag.com 65 wanted to make sure her children had remarried my dad, my stepfather, who son. I remember growing up in Miami a chance to have a good future in life. took care of us and loved my mother Beach, where the weather is usually She decided moving to the USA would until the day she passed away. in the 80s and 90s and I would always be a good idea. Luckily, my mother’s wear a black, thick jacket, all through sister, my aunt, and her family lived a AP: How were your coming out high school. It was my “safety blan- few blocks away from us and we grew experiences? ket,” it was a barrier for me and every- up together. My aunt has three kids MVP: I came out when I started one else. And once I decided to come and we basically swapped houses all college and started to be a truer me. out, I got rid of it. It was the weirdest the time. Both of these great ladies At this point in my life I had the op- sensation, because it had become a showed me how to be a man and portunity to reinvent myself because part of me. I was the kid who would how to be a dad because my father I was starting my new life at my uni- wear a black, thick jacket in 95 de- did not. Once we moved to the USA, versity and I felt empowered by being gree weather – obviously my self-es- eventually my mother fell in love and able to be a completely different per- teem needed to be rebuilt. Eventually, I met some gay people who became KIRBY SCHOOL my friends and I started seeing a dif- KIRBY SCHOOL 425 ENCINAL STREET ferent life where I was accepted and SANTA CRUZ, CA 95060 I was just like them. They helped me EMPOWERS STUDENTS KIRBY.ORG (831) 423-0658 to overcome my insecurities, my body TO SHAPE THEIR FUTURES issues, and to feel comfortable in my skin. Eventually, I met someone I WITH CONFIDENCE. started dating and he came to visit me at my parent’s house one time, which wasn’t weird, because my friends would visit me all the time. But this time, my mother noticed something different about our relationship and after he left, she confronted me and asked if he was more than a friend. She basically forced me out of the closet. It was a difficult question for her to ask, and I am not sure if she was asking in acceptance or asking because it wasn’t what she wanted for me. However, she brought up the conversation and we talked about it as a family, more like shouted it – there was a lot of shouting and crying. Later on that day after my entire immediate family had partaken in this conver- sation and I had been outed to all of them, we went out shopping and to dinner. That was my coming out story, after that I came out to the rest of my friends and whomever didn’t accept me, they just moved on out of my life. Kirby School is an award-winning independent 6th-12th grade college preparatory school. We I have been very open about my sex- welcome learners from all backgrounds, beliefs, and experiences, and offer: ual orientation since then. However, • Challenging academic and award-winning visual and performing arts curricula coming out is an everyday process, • Class sizes averaging 12 students every time we meet someone new we • A highly responsive learning environment • Independent study and intensive path opportunities with support from a faculty advisor have to come out. • A caring student success team including the following services: Diversity and Inclusion, on-site Mental Wellness Counseling, Academic and Learning Services AP: Who is Jose? Continuity of education is a top priority at Kirby School. Ask us about our increased commitment MVP: Jose is the person who has to Tuition Assistance. Contact our Admissions Office for more information and to help you through allowed me to be me with all of my the application process: (831) 423-0658 or crazy ideas, “my perfect imperfec- [email protected]. tions,” to quote John Legend’s All of Me, which was actually our wedding www.kirby.org 66 www.gayparentmag.com September-October 2020 Issue #132 move in with him and I did. Then five years later, he asked me to marry him and I said yes. We were engaged for about five years, before we actual- ly got married. We actually became domestic partners a few months be- fore New York state allowed same- sex marriages. So we started to plan our wedding when our children came into the picture. First, we were foster parents to our children. Then we de- cided we would get married the same day we adopted our kids. Little did we know that it would take us five years to adopt our children. But on April 5, 2016, we walked into family court as four individuals and the judge married us and then finalized our adoption. So April 5th is known as Family Day for us. I really wanted a wedding so we decided that we would get married later that year and on November 26, song. He taught me to love, he broke just getting to know each other and 2016, we finally had a wedding cer- the ice around my heart that I had although we were just friends, af- emony and party. We had a cruise built over the years to protect myself. ter a few weeks of dating, he asked wedding, which was actually covered He saw right through me and accept- me to be his boyfriend. Three years on Connextions Magazine: ed me. We spent a few days together into our relationship, he asked me to https://bit.ly/34B9pah

www.centerforearlyeducation.org www.saintannsny.org

September-October 2020 Issue #132 www.gayparentmag.com 67 AP: How was it working with one so the state asked Jose and the adoption agency, You Gotta Be- I to take on both kids a month af- lieve? ter we had Max. We agreed right MVP: We had decided we want- away. We didn’t want the kids ed to be parents and we realized that to be separated so this was the our local LGBT center had parenting perfect opportunity for them to be classes, so we signed up for them. together. During this time we fell The classes were taught by You Got- in love with the children and al- ta Believe. We learned a lot and we though the kids were not free for actually finished all of the classes at adoption, we continued to foster the perfect time because our children them. Eventually, we decided we came to live with us as soon as we wanted to adopt the children and finished the classes. fought really hard to make it hap- pen. Eventually, love won and AP: In the Huffington Post Gay we were allowed to adopt our Voices / RaiseAChild.US “Let Love children. Define Family®” series article it stated that you and Jose “became AP: How has Maximus and foster parents somewhat acciden- Jaslene adjusting to the move tally”? to Florida, the pandemic, and MVP: We were contacted by a rel- school work during this pan- ative about the children and we were demic? asked to take Max, he was only 13 MVP: Kids are so resilient. months old then, and his aunt would They were excited to move to take Jaslene. His aunt did not want to Florida because it meant we raise boys so she was going to raise would be closer to friends and just Jaslene. However, the home envi- family. It meant new beginnings ronment at their aunt’s was not a safe and it meant bigger rooms! We showed them pictures of the house we were looking to purchase and they fell in love with it right away. They had to transfer schools halfway through the year and were only in school for about five weeks before the pandemic started and they had to go into online The only private, nonprofit school. It was a very strange time for us because suddenly, we were ALL K–12 school on the East End. home; parents working from home and kids doing school from home. This is a time, we will most likely not ever get back. This is a time for us to be together as a family and enjoy all of ourselves with each other. We’ve been pretty quarantined from every- one, going out rarely just to refill gro- ceries, etc. But for the most part we’ve been at home, which is a good thing, because it gave us all a chance to decorate our house the way we want- ed it, to paint it and love it. Our kids have played a great role in making all of that true. Once again, I don’t think ross.org we will ever have the opportunity to spend so much time together again, NURSERY–GRADE 12, DAY AND BOARDING so I welcome this pandemic time with 18 GOODFRIEND DRIVE EAST HAMPTON, NY ROSS.ORG my family. www.ross.org AP: How old are they now? MVP: Maximus just turned dou- 68 www.gayparentmag.com September-October 2020 Issue #132 cook, and sometimes UNCLASSIFIED AD I’ll cook. The Nation’s Top Gay, Lesbian & Gay-Friendly Realtors. The 1500 Realtors AP: Parenting is at GayRealEstate.com have been serving such an incredible our community for over 25 years! experience isn’t it? Free buyer’s representation – free seller’s MVP: Parenting market analysis, free relocation kit any city is amazing! I love to USA. Choose your preferred agent on-line; see the world through www.GayRealEstate.com my kids’ eyes. It’s like being a child again. HOW TO PLACE AN UNCLASSIFIED AD The one thing no one $25 minimum for 50 words or less. More than 50 ever mentions about words is 50¢ per word. Add your logo for $20. parenting is how diffi- Advertise in more than one issue. Submit typed cult it can be. Some- ad along with payment and mail to GPM, PO Box times raising children 750852, Forest Hills, NY 11375. Deadline for is not easy. As adults, our November-December 2020 issue is for the most part, we September 21, 2020. Visit our website, learn to deal with our https://gayparentmag.com/ quirks and personali- for more advertising options. t ties. But children have no filters and there- DISPLAY AD INDEX fore they are at times Assisted Reproduction Services exaggerated versions Cryobio - page 13 of themselves, or CryoGam Colorado - page 56 perhaps, their true Fairfax Cryobank - page 11 selves. However, the Gift of Life Surrogacy / IVF Michigan Fertility rewards are amazing. Centers - page 65 Pacific In Vitro Fertilization Institute - page 31 When your child looks Reproductive Science Center of NJ - page 27 at you and gives you University Reproductive Associates - page 29 a good night kiss The Valley Hospital Fertility Center - page 33 or asks you to tuck them into bed or look Books The New Rules of Pregnancy at you for guidance by Dr. Jacqueline Worth, Dr. Adrienne Simone, when they are afraid and Danielle Claro - page 27 or excited, those mo- ments are priceless. Independent Schools / Preschools / College ble digits – 10! We had his kara- For example, when we asked our kids See Directory starting on page 12 te-kid themed birthday party this past to be the ones who gave us away at weekend. We kept it very small and Psychotherapy/Coaching our wedding – they were beyond ex- invited only people we knew had Susan Eisenberg, LCSW - page 48 cited and they worked extra hard in been quarantined as well and were learning all of the choreography and Travel / Vacation healthy. Jaslene will be 12 in a cou- t their scripts. You can actually see the The Inn at East Hill Farm - page 31 ple of weeks, so we will also have a wedding here: https://bit.ly/3jjqnxY very small group visit us for a Par- t is-themed birthday party, which is what she wants. Visit Ali Polizzi is a regular contributor Gay Parent Magazine's web site to both to this magazine and Connex- AP: How do you and Jose split www.gayparentmag.com tions Magazine. She also writes the child care and household respon- blog, Family Life through Rainbow • scan the QR code (on right) to subscribe sibilities? Windows, http://alirothlizzi.blogspot. • digital download or print MVP: We do everything 50-50. com/ She lives in New York with her We don’t even think about it. If I wake • buy back issues wife and children. up earlier than him, then I will make • join our mailing list breakfast and vice versa. When we and follow us are working with our kids on home- Photos by Xioger Sandoval, work, I usually help our oldest and he https://www.xsphotographer.com twitter.com/gayparentmag helps our youngest. Sometimes, he’ll facebook.com/gay.parent.magazine September-October 2020 Issue #132 www.gayparentmag.com 69 Through our unique dual program, which incorporates both the French Thanks to our small class sizes, The École will be and American curricula, The École fully onsite in Sept. 2020. We are implementing offers students the lifetime benefits many safety measures, from social distancing to of a bilingual education, empowering regular sanitization to adjusting building circulation them to create and connect to in order to keep our students, staff and families a world filled with possibilities. safe. There are still spots available in some classes. Check out the virtual tours on our website and email [email protected] for more info!

www.theEcole.org Fifth Avenue Building Main Campus [email protected] Nursery-Kindergarten 1st Grade-8th Grade 646 410 2238 206 5th Avenue 111 East 22nd Street #beyondbilingual New York, NY 10010 New York, NY 10010

70 www.gayparentmag.com September-October 2020 Issue #132 www.theecole.org