At Play Fall-Winter 03.Qxd
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representing the american theatre by publishing and licensing the works of new and established playwrights JacquesBrelisAliveandWell Polly Pen on Writing Musicals Cowgirls’ Mary Murfitt Issue 9, Fall/Winter 2003 MUSICALS INTERVIEW WITH A BAT BOY Director of Professional Rights Robert Vaughan and Director of Publications Michael Fellmeth met with Bat Boy in the Palm Court of the Plaza Hotel in Manhattan to talk about growing up in a cave in Hope Falls, West Virginia, Bat Boy: The Musical, and his rise to global celebrity as the lead in a hit show about his own life. The pointy- eared, fanged star arrived with an entourage of bodyguards, personal assistants, agent, lawyer and publi- cist. Bat Boy, immaculately clad in Savile Row, seemed only vaguely aware of their presence. He greeted us warmly, sat down, lit a miniature cigar and ordered a bloody mary. continued on next page FELLMETH. Let me begin by saying how taken I EDGAR. Ahhh, Jenna. Jenna the Menace, that lips” motion.) Perhaps we’d best not discuss Dr. am with your voice, Bat Boy. Did you have any was my pet name for her. She was such a terror. Parker. That is a difficult subject for me. formal training? The media had it all wrong, though. It was she FELLMETH. Understandably so. A father who BAT BOY. Please don’t call me Bat Boy. My name who took to following me. After I finally got a abandoned you in infancy to be raised by bats is Edgar. restraining order she went on that binge in Texas and then — as if that weren’t enough — tried to FELLMETH. Of course, my apologies, Edgar. that made all the papers. It’s sad, really. I loved rally a town to kill you. EDGAR. It’s all right. It’s a common blunder. her so. You don’t know where she is, do you? VAUGHAN. But it’s admirable the way you’ve Although, I imagine you might find it tiresome if VAUGHAN. Er … channeled all your pain into your art, rather the public persisted in calling you “Monkey Man.” FELLMETH. I’d like to return to the cave for a than exorcising it through violence, like you In answer to your question, no, I did not have any moment, if we could, Edgar. You grew to boy- used to do. formal training. I learned, shall we say, on the job. hood entirely in the company of bats, and I’m EDGAR. Excuse me? As I used to do? In order to hunt in the dark, twisting caverns, I wondering what your thoughts were when you VAUGHAN. Well, yes. The people you’ve employed “echo-location,” sending out sounds first encountered your own kind, the spelunkers attacked, eaten really … to seek out and identify my prey. Bugs echo dif- who discovered you. EDGAR. Attacked, eaten? … I? … What a strange ferently from rats, turtles, small lost children, et EDGAR. My own kind? A brace of vile cannabis- man you are. You say such silly things. I have no cetera. At first I used simple shrieks and guttural crazed adolescent morons? (Chuckles.) I hardly idea what you’re talking about. No idea whatever. garglings, but soon I found I enjoyed harmonizing think so. However, upon being set upon and with my own echoes. I learned to bounce notes, cudgeled by those ruffians, I recall my first scales, full contrapuntal melodies off my meals. I thoughts were these: (Emits a series of ear-rend- Once upon a time, my was quite literally “singing for my supper.” ing shrieks). In my language it closely resembles (Laughs.) Ah, good times … Anyway, eventually I your New Testament phrase, “My God, my God, dreams were the dreams improvised extended fugues and oratorios, why hast Thou forsaken me?” Thus: “(Shriek)” of any half-bat/half-boy. which I later recorded and submitted to earn my means “My God, my God,” or more accurately doctorate in ethnomusicology from Magdalen “My Bats, my Bats”; “(Shriek)” of course is “Why College, Oxford. And my ability to stun or even hast Thou forsaken”; and “(Series of shrieks, But to answer part of your odd question, yes, I kill prey with an ear-rending shriek came in handy grunts, metallic whines and earsplitting howls)”: do have a message for the young people: per- when I began performing on the stage: no micro- “me.” So yes, it was a difficult time. I spent much severance. That’s what it takes. Just follow your phones for me! of it in a sack. Are you all right, mates? You look dreams, that sort of thing. FELLMETH. Hanging there, upside down, har- a bit fagged. FELLMETH. Forgive my psychobabble, Edgar, monizing with nature, I find that an incredibly FELLMETH. Ouch. but it seems to me that your dream was to be moving image, Edgar. VAUGHAN. Migraine. accepted and loved as you are by your mother VAUGHAN. Me too. It must have been very dif- EDGAR. Oh. Right. Regular humans. Sorry, some- and father, the people of Hope Falls and, of ficult to adjust to society after leaving the cave, times I forget myself. (Cell phone rings.) Talk to course, by your beloved, Shelley. In Bat Boy you Edgar; after all, they wrote a musical about it. me! Paulie! Bubbie! … What’s the rumpus? … In make extraordinary efforts towards that end, But what have you found to be most trouble- Jersey? They did? Oh no … What does that mastering English from BBC tapes in a matter of some? For instance, there was your appearance mean, criminal charges or just a lawsuit? … Now, hours, mastering geography, mathematics, in the tabloids as a stalker of Jenna Bush. How Paulie, that’s just folderol, because I was pro- world events, even earning your CPA, and all the much truth was there to that? (Edgar’s mobile voked. Provoked, you understand? … Three while resisting the lure of fresh, warm blood, rings.) Is that me? Or — no, it’s you. Do you beers, tops. Maybe some bourbon and a Sex on subsisting on little more than your desire to fit need to get that? the Beach. But that’s immaterial. Habeas corpus, in. With all your success, do you feel at last that EDGAR. I’m terribly sorry. This will only take a sec- that’s what I say … Well, just fix it, then … Don’t your perseverance has allowed you to achieve ond. (Answers phone.) Talk to me … Bobby! give me that, Paulie-boy. Whose side are you on, your own dreams? Bubbie! Good to hear your voice … Uh-huh … anyway? … Well, you tell them that they’re EDGAR. Ah, yes. Once upon a time, my dreams (Laughter.) Oh Bobby, you are a caution! … Can treading on dangerous ground here. Don’t they were the dreams of any half-bat/half-boy. I you hang on? I’m getting another call. (Edgar understand what can happen when Edgar is dreamed of food, a warm spot in which to provoked? … D.A., shmee-ay. Nobody dictates sleep and freedom from predators. The world terms to me. Now stop wasting my valuable that the Parker family revealed to me was In my native tongue that time, and fix this like you’re paid to do! (Hangs beyond my wildest imaginings. Your language, up.) Oh, you two look better. your culture, your soft, fluffy bunnies — all of it! means … well, there really VAUGHAN. Okay, Edgar, time for word associ- It tickled the synapses in my human brain and is no English equivalent. ation: How about Shelley Parker…? stirred the passion in my animal loins. I wanted EDGAR. Innocent maiden / as beautiful to to take the bull of society by the horns, ride it behold / as my reflection. for eight seconds, then tear its head off and switches over.) Talk to me … Barbra! Bubbie! … VAUGHAN. Actually, word association is just drink my fill — metaphorically speaking, of How’s Jimmy? … Uh-huh … (Laughter.) Hmm, supposed to be the first word that pops into course. And, by God, I’ve done it! Look around could be a very lucrative endorsement deal, I hear your head. you now. Do you not marvel at the opulence? these dentists are loaded … Okay … Oh sweetie, EDGAR. Oh, right. Sorry. Sometimes I naturally Does your heart not beat a bit faster in my pres- no. You were a funny girl, and an even funnier lady, speak in haiku. Let’s try again. Go. ence? The loathed tabloid monster is now a star but what have you done for me lately, you know? FELLMETH. Meredith Parker. of the world stage! Ha-ha! Put that in your pipe … All right … Have your people call my people, EDGAR. Life was yours to give / I cried out for and smoke it, Sasquatch! and Edgar will see what he can do. Buh-bye, your mercy / but you turned away. Wait. I did it VAUGHAN. I take it you’re not satisfied with the Bubbie. (Switches back.) Bobby? Gotta run. We’ll again, didn’t I? Silly me. Do another. quality of the press you get. meet for sushi when I’m back on the left coast … VAUGHAN. Dr. Thomas Parker. EDGAR. Dear God, no. Still misunderstood, still Oh no, no. It’s “Bat Boy,” Bobby. Not “Bat Middle EDGAR. SCREEEEEEEEEECH!!! Sorry. Lost myself hunted, feared, mocked. (Snaps his fingers in the Aged Man.” … Okay, you know the drill … Edgar for a second there. In my native tongue that direction of an assistant.) Cassie, give me this will see what he can do. (Edgar hangs up, sighs.) means … well, there really is no English equiva- week’s News.