volume 45 issue 20 TUESDAY MARCH 29, 2011 retrieverweekly.com Spring ’11 Chipotle graduation coming may be to UMBC Molly Bradtke delayed mexican Correspondent

Chris McKinney & Food options are finally expanding a bit on campus this fall. Chipotle is com- baltimore (ap) ing to UMBC! The new Mexican grill, along with a full dining area, will be lo- According to the UMBC Registrar’s cating to the second floor of University Office, there is a possibility that the Center, replacing the Chemistry Discov- Spring 2011 Commencement may be ery and ESL Centers. pushed back one day, from Monday, Chipotle’s philosophy is “Food with May 23 to Tuesday, May 24. integrity.” The eatery uses naturally raised This potential move is a result of pork and chicken, and organically grown a conflict at the 1st Mariner Arena produce in all its dishes, ensuring that where spring graduations are usually students will have a sustainable food op- held. Due to a system glitch, UMBC’s tion on campus. Even better, the restau- graduation overlaps by one hour with rant will accept meal plans, so students a concert scheduled at the Arena that strapped for cash will not have to worry evening. about spending real . The univer- “It is not the actual ceremony that sity is not paying for Chipotle’s services overlaps, but the time counted after- either. The grill will be paying UMBC a ward for mingling, photos, and good- percentage of its profits in order to retain byes,” explains Eleanor Lewis, Senior the rights to sell food to students. In re- Director of Communications. “No turn, UMBC will provide Chipotle with doubt it will take a while for students security guards to keep order during and their families to clear the arena.” free hour, when students will no doubt To avoid the chaos that could result swarm the place every weekday. with UMBC guests leaving and the con- This new dining option has been a cert attendees coming in, Jacques La long time coming to UMBC. The deci- Font, the Arena’s Director of Program- sion is the product of a year long debate ming, has suggested moving the com- among administrators about whether the mencement ceremony to the following next dining option on campus should be day. Chipotle or Panera. Though the Arena’s directors will However, now that the decision has not comment, it is rumored that Justin been made, the process should go much Bieber and mentor Usher will be per- faster. Construction on the restaurant forming a joint concert at the arena that will begin this summer, and administra- evening. tors say it should be ready for its grand “We apologize for this terrible in- opening by the beginning of the fall se- courtesy georgetown.edu > see Commencement[5] UMRP’s Professional Studies building will be modeled after Georgetown University’s Healy Hall. > see chipotle [1] University System of Maryland plans new campus

Olivia Ignacio timore: Roland Park. 23 undergraduate programs altogether, the formation of UMRP. of UMRP. colonization correspondent The University of Maryland, Roland including Business Administration, Ac- The University will also offer 16 mi- Plans for UMRP have been in the works Park (UMRP) will be a four-year under- counting, Social Work, Information Sys- nors and 9 certificates in its undergradu- since late 2009 following USM’s decision A new addition to the University Sys- graduate university offering programs in tems, Political Science, Religious Studies, ate program. There are currently no plans to create an ideal learning community for tem of Maryland (USM) is scheduled to the sciences and liberal arts, specializing and Club Management. to include a graduate program as of yet. students who want fast tracks to careers open its doors in approximately two- in business and professional studies. “[My wife and I] are tremendously ex- “UMRP’s academic distinction will in the business and professional sectors and-a-half years. The University System The university will comprise three col- cited for the opening and honored to be derive from its high level of hands-on while experiencing a quality education. of Maryland opened successful, new leges: the Sherman College of Business an integral slice of this new institution,” education and a great teacher-to-student Located in the community of Ro- campuses in Hagerstown (UMUC) and and Economics, College of Liberal Arts, said James Sherman, Baltimore County ratio which will directly prepare students land Park, Baltimore, the university is Adelphi a few years ago. The directors and College of Science and Engineering. resident and founder of Ideal Initiatives for jobs in the real, professional world,” have decided to expand to northern Bal- These colleges will initially offer a total of Group Inc., who donated $5 million to said Dr. Andy Stanton, future President > see ROLAND PARK [3]

News 01 opinion 06 arts 12 sports 16

Cloning llamas: “I love Powerpuff Radiohead disbands Curling: is it a sport or See the rest of the what next?? Girls!” raves Collin W. as Bieber fills the void a fashion statement? picture online :D 2 News MARCH 29, 2011 The Retriever Weekly

We lost the Opportunity in the Gustev’s Crater Courtney Ring Jim Smith main engineer, handyman; up so quickly that they almost didn’t wrapping all exposed parts of the tanks disappointed, however, to discover on alien Correspondent Geraldine (Jerry) Smith, Jim’s wife, make it back inside before everything mechanisms with duct tape, but even further inspection that what seemed to chief scientist. As the youngest, I round went black. The dust is also one of the with that, we can only stay outside for have been carved or hewn out of rock Note: This article is based off of out the group, cataloging samples and most annoying things about the place, 45 minutes at the maximum, exploring was probably simply due to the erosion the transcriptions of reports between doing all the odd jobs necessary. as it gets into everything. I swear it and collecting samples. of the wind and dust storms. The rock NASA and the mission to Mars via the Since we can’t fly around on the even finds its way into our vacuum- Despite all the problems and an- was incredibly soft and yielded easily SER telecommunications system. Due planet (the Shuttle just dropped us and packed, dehydrated provisions. The noyances, however, this place really is to the touch, so it was easy to see how to the fact that a UMBC alumnus was our equipment on the planet it will be SER has had particular difficulty, as amazing. I have stood looking down the caves could have been hollowed among the crew, The Retriever Weekly back in about another year to pick us dust continues to cause mechanical into Mariner Valley, the solar systems out over time even a relatively short was granted exclusive access to these up), we have our lab equipment and problems with the treads. As a result, largest canyon, and I have climbed time. reports. living quarters in what’s called a Sur- about every fifty miles we all get out Mons Olympus, also the largest known That also happened to be the day As the first UMBC alum to set foot face Exploration Rover (SER). It looks and work on removing the dust from mountain in the solar system. One of we picked up a faint signal near the on the Red Planet, greetings from kind of like an RV, but with treads between the bearings in the treads. the most amazing sights we have seen Gustev Crater that we think might be a the manned mission to Mars! We instead of tires. This is to spread out We’ve discovered that compressed air so far, however, was at the tail-end of transmission from the Opportunity. So, have been on the planet for about six the weight of the vehicle as evenly as and some grease work the best. one of the dust storms. The storm was after our explorations, we moved up months after an almost nine-month nearer to the Crater to have a look in long journey from Earth. Our job on this area. Right now, I’m alone on the the planet is to perform maintenance SER, holding down the fort and catch- checks on the robot probes currently ing up on cataloging that was neglected collecting data from the surface of the other day. Since the rest of the team Mars. What this means in practice is is, out searching for the Opportunity, that we have to track down each probe Im also in charge of making dinner to- based on the transmission data that night. I have to say, I cannot wait to eat streams to our shuttle. Once located, real food again. For reasons of packing our team takes the probe on board and space and long-term preservation, all carefully cleans and tests it before re- our food was dehydrated and vacuum- leasing it into the wild once more, as packed before the launch, meaning Nate, our mission chief, likes to say that making dinner really means add- (the guy swears by Jack London and ing a little bit of water to the food. The National Geographic). We also collect fruit and veggies arent too bad a little the samples from each probe and store slimy, but still fairly recognizable some them before replacing the collection of the other protein and meat stuff we equipment on the robot. Organizing have to eat is barely palatable, though. and cataloging the samples is my job News flash to NASA: A desiccated, on the crew. two-inch lump of cardboard does not This mission is a little different relate to anything resembling beef. Our from others, though, because in ad- meals actually provide more exercise dition to routine maintenance work, to our imaginations than to our jaws, we’re also here specifically to find the usually: When Nate gets back to Earth, MER-B Opportunity probe (short for he wants his mom’s fried chicken Mars Exploration Rover-B). One of the (don’t hold it against him, he’s from longest operational robotic missions to Kentucky); Tina wants a real, fully Mars, we last heard from it on June 9, courtesy Geology.com organic salad; Jim wants some variant 2008. We’re not sure if it has stopped possible to keep it from sinking into The sun is another oddity of this slackening, and the day was just about of meat and potatoes (it varies from functioning, if its equipment has got- the fine red dust that covers the entire place. So far, we’ve stayed mostly to end. As the sun set, for one brief mo- meal to meal); Jerry fantasizes about ten broken, or if it has wandered out planet. You wouldn’t believe the dust near the Equator, so there are seasons, ment, it slipped below the level of the baking cookies; and me, I’d be really of range. At any rate, NASA is really in- on this planet its hard to walk on the meaning that the temperature changes dust clouds, lighting them up from in- happy with a thick, greasy hamburger terested to know what is going on with surface because our boots sink down in a fashion roughly similar to what side and underneath like a torch. In an right about now. Cooking is prob- one of its most successful robot probes up to the ankles, and then you have we experience on Earth during winter, instant, our world changed from nearly ably the most depressing part of the ever. The obvious question becomes, to carefully lift your shoe out to avoid spring, summer, and fall. However, the pitch black to fiery red-gold. The only day, as it reminds us most of what we why are we just setting out to look for being pulled down farther. Based on further we travel away from the Equa- thing I can think to compare it to on miss back home. As a result, everyone the probe in 2011? Part of the answer measurements we took when we first tor, the more extreme the temperature Earth would be the aurora borealis, the tends to try and avoid it. As the young- has to do with the coincidence of Mars got here, it’s a little frightening to think changes, and the less the sun seems to Northern Lights. It had that same kind est member of the team, and the one and Earth’s orbits. Mars is at its closest about just how deep the dust is. One penetrate. Also, the sun never seems of shimmering, dancing quality to it. It who spends the most time in the lab to Earth approximately every 260 days. night, we had to move quickly out of to be quite in the right place in the was gone almost as quickly as it came, cataloging, I usually get stuck cooking. So, even though we heard from the camp because the dust started to shift sky, and it’s too small. It’s another one leaving us rubbing our eyes and pick- When it comes to chores, that seems to probe last in 2008, we couldnt launch and settle underneath the SER, almost of those little things that you always ing our jaws up off the floor. happen a lot. until October 15, 2009. We landed in capsizing us! know somewhere in the back of your That was the most violent (though, The transcripts end here. The last late June 2010, and have been keeping In a completely desolate world, the brain, but it never hits you until you’re thankfully, not the longest) dust storm transmitted report was sent the next our eyes and ears open for any signs dust is the most prominent feature of in the middle of it. we have had to endure, and it uncov- day by Tina Randall. The team appar- of the Opportunity while locating and the landscape, followed closely by the Outside of the SER, yes, we do all ered by far the most spectacular rock ently did not find the Opportunity in the working with the other probes. So far, rocks and fanciful outcroppings that have to wear space suits. New technol- formation we have seen here. Carved Gustev Crater and were moving back we haven’t had much luck, but we litter the surface. The problem is that ogy, however, has allowed NASA to out of one single piece, and blasted towards the region of Olympus Mons. thought our instruments picked up a the wind tends to whip the dust into streamline our suits, so that there is smooth by the abrasions of wind and NASA has not heard anything more trace of something electrical last week giant storms without warning, com- more insulation (due to the cold), and dust, it rose towering out of the ground from the team since then and all trans- in the area of the Gustev Crater, so we pletely blocking out the light of the less weight. I think Tina in particular is to the east of us, overnight seemingly. mission between the SER and Houston are currently about 5 miles south of the sun for hours or even days at a time glad that she doesn’t look like a cross Slender minarets and spires of rose- has ceased. The next possible launch crater, searching. (the longest one we recorded lasted a between a teddy bear and a marshmal- colored rock sprang away from broad, date is November 7, 2011, and NASA How does our mission work in little more than a week and crowded in low in her suit. The one problem we stately terraces of deeper, ruby stone. is planning to launch another robotic practice? Well, we’re a small group and near darkness with four other crabby, continue to have, though, is with our Plateaus and long smooth alleys alter- probe, the MER-C Aurora, to try and everything is as compact as possible. cramped people is not an experience air tanks. Again, the dust somehow nated with what looked to be caves. locate the team. Right now, it is con- There are five of us altogether: Nate I’m eager to relive). Once the clouds manages to work its way into the valve We spent an entire day taking turns sidered too dangerous to send another Rubowsky, missions chief, navigator, clear, the landscape is often unrecog- on our oxygen tanks, reducing the exploring the formation thoroughly human team to Mars. and all-around wise guy; Tina Randall, nizable as the dust buries once familiar valves ability to draw air, and short- because, after all, who doesn’t go on she takes care of our transmissions, landmarks and exposes completely un- ening the amount of time we can stay these missions without a small, secret Comments may be sent to me@ tracks the locations of the probes daily, familiar juttings of rock. We almost lost outside. Jim and I did come up with hope to be the first to establish con- marsexploration.com. and sends our reports back to Houston; Tina and Jim in one storm that came a way to help reduce this problem by tact with extraterrestrial life? We were The Retriever Weekly MARCH 29, 2011 News 3 More Mexican food this fall

> from CHIPOTLE[1] willingly live off Chipotle. er hand, is ecstatic about the incoming mester. Not everyone is so excited at the pros- Chipotle. “I was considering transferring Students concerned about the ESL pect of UMBC hosting the Mexican grill. schools,” he says. “But if there’s going to If you were stranded on a Caribbean and Discovery Centers should not worry. “I’m worried about how having a Chipo- be a Chipotle, I’m staying right here.” Both will be available as resources for stu- tle on campus will affect the health of Senior Mark Colins agrees that it can Island over spring break, who would dents, but they will be operating through UMBC students,” says Gloria Jean from only be a good thing. “I wish there had the AOK Library next semester instead of University Health Services. The universi- been a Chipotle during my four years you want to be with? through University Center. ty is known as an obese campus already, here,” he says. “It would have helped a A recent Gallup Poll shows that 99.8% with a higher average Body Mass Index lot with stress, knowing that I could grab of college students, regardless of race, than other schools, and Jean believes a burrito whenever I wanted. Salsarita’s, gender, and income, would live with that the high calorie food will make the what’s that?” Chipotle as their sole sustenance, and problem worse. Jean also expressed con- this figure is on the rise. It is projected cern that the administration is selling the that within the next two years, every col- health of the students. Comments may be sent to lege student in the United States would Sophomore Steven Joseph, on the oth- [email protected]. UMRP opens August 2013 > from ROLAND PARK [1] “I think the decision to place the Uni- campus I don’t really think we need one, versity in Roland Park was a good one,” plus it sounds like they’ll have the same 66.6% expected to attract mainly commuter said Dr. Lea Unkrich, current Religious programs as all the other schools.” Scarlett Johanssen students, but will also house students in Studies professor at Towson University, Senior English major James Lasseter 25.0% two residential halls, which will have oc- who will assume the position of Dean of agreed, “The University System has The TRW Editors cupancies of 400-450 persons, according the College of Liberal Arts upon UMRP’s enough schools they should be worrying 8.00% to Dr. Stanton. opening. “They have a long-standing about before they open up a new one, Betty White Roland Park, which was added to history of academic excellence, and they but I guess it’ll be good for people up in 0.35% U.S. National Register of Historic Places have a Starbuck’s.” Northern Maryland.” Stephen Colbert (NRHP) in 1974, was an obvious choice The formation of the new University is UMRP will begin accepting student 0.05% for the University’s founders because of not without its matches, however. Cur- applications in January 2013. Glenn Beck its location in Baltimore, its rich history, rent UMBC sophomore and Political Sci- and its recent reputation as an up-and- ence major Maribeth Park said, “I’m, like, Comments can be sent to olivia. coming neighborhood. not sure why they’re opening another [email protected] Vote in next week’s poll at retrieverweekly.com Justin Bieber, Usher take over the 1st Mariner Arena > from COMMENCEMENT [1] convenience, a deal is in the works that their families,” argues senior American Loyola University, whose own com- However, the administration empha- convenience and glitch. However, we will allow UMBC students and family Studies major Monica Farrell. mencement will be held at the Arena sizes that it has not finalized a decision. want to make sure that the ceremony to purchase tickets to the concert at a The change has not yet been con- on Saturday, May 21, has generously It has promised to keep the UMBC runs as smoothly as possible for UMBC heavily discounted price. firmed and the administration is still offered its Reitz Arena to UMBC for use community updated and will hopefully students, families, and faculty,” says La Nevertheless, students are not deciding on the best possible way to on May 23. reach a decision within the next week. Font. pleased. “My entire family’s flying in tackle this situation. A source from the “They can’t have graduation at the The glitch apparently resulted while from Michigan and my grandmother, Registrar’s Office, who requested to Reitz! It’s a freaking basketball court. the computer systems were upgraded who is bipolar, is driving up from Ten- remain anonymous, revealed that an- Spring graduations are always at the Comments may be sent to from PCs to Macs. nessee. This is not going to make her other option that is being looked into is Mariner Arena,” protests Joshua Kamin- [email protected]. In order to compensate for the in- happy. It’s not fair to the students or a change of venue. sky, senior Biology major.

reported. he failed to put a lock on it. UMBC Police do keys were stolen. The victim later broke into March 12: not really care, and are only half-heartedly the suspect’s home and took the television Dining Hall searching for these items that will probably remote control. Erickson Hall Mass Theft never be found. March 21: March 23: UMBC Police were called to the dining Indecent Paraphernalia hall in the afternoon after a reported mass Administration Building Center Road AOK Library theft: several UMBC students, believing Apparent Possession (Weed) Driving while intoxicated Attempted Theft A resident UMBC student of Erickson they could take food from the dining hall A UMBC staff member apparently wit- Apparently, crime does not get spring UMBC Police were called to the AOK Hall was found parading back and forth since they paid for it, reportedly stole every nessed a drug transaction (with weed) go break. A UMBC student, overjoyed by the Library around lunchtime when a student from his room carrying a portable stripper cereal bowl and ice cream cone, and at- down in the elevator of the Administration commencement of his break from classes attempted to rob the library of every Shake- pole. Police were called to the scene and tempted to take one of the chocolate milk Building in the early afternoon. After UMBC and all that is evil, was caught driving while speare book she could find, stating she determined the student was not intoxicat- machines. None of the stole property has Police investigated, it turned out the stu- intoxicated on Center Road after failing to had loads of studying left to do. Police were ed, but is simply a little weird. been recovered at this time. dents were mere Environmental Science stop at a stop sign. When the officer began at a loss; after questioning her, it seemed majors who were exchanging and examin- charging the suspect with DWI, the student she still thought classes were in session. Patapsco Hall AOK Library ing grass. offered the officer a pound of marijuana in She was taken to Mercy Medical Hospital Possession of Fictitious ID Arson return for letting him off this time. Needless for the trauma of not knowing it is spring A resident UMBC student of Patapsco Police arrived at the scene of another March 17: to say, more charges will be filed. break. Hall was found in possession of a particu- arson in the AOK Library; the suspect, ap- larly poorly made fake ID after police parently displeased with his grade from Walker Avenue March 26: crashed her party. The ID was so poorly his English professor, set fire to his paper Attempted Robbery March 22: made that after looking at it, the police in one of the study rooms and left. A staff A crazy insomniac UMBC student de- UMBC Loop could only laugh hysterically. member proceeded to put out, and cided to take a light jog at some ungodly Fine Arts Building Vehicular Theft found only the bottom half of the paper hour of the night when a hooded figure with Theft UMBC students have stooped to a new March 14: indecipherable; the suspect’s name re- a large afro attempted to rob the victim at Somehow, unknown suspects waltzed low leading up to the week of fools: one mained legible at the top. Arson and stu- gunpoint while he was taking a breather. into the Fine Arts computer lab once again UMBC student went out to his car to find Math/Psych Building, Ground pidity charges have been filed. Using super-ninja skills, the victim knocked and proceeded to walk out, this time only his tires, windshield wipers, rear-view mir- Floor the gun out of the assailant’s hands and stealing five Apple computers. No witness- rors, and hood missing. Police are still in- Attempted Theft March 15: ran away. es have come forward, but UMBC Police vestigating this most hilarious act. Yet another weak individual attempted AOK Library are still investigating this embarrassing to break into a vending machine in Math/ RAC Theft third incident. Psych and failed miserably. A slight nick in Theft A UMBC student reported that while he the plastic covering to the machine was Some moron reportedly had his jacket was studying (or sleeping, obviously), his discovered; otherwise, no other damage is and iPod stolen out of his locker because jacket and lanyard with car and apartment 4 News MARCH 29, 2011 The Retriever Weekly SGA NEWS SGA officers and advisor accused of embezzlement

Richard Blissett Dholakia, “How could the SGA use the scandal is David Hoffman, SGA’s advi- put new officers in place, NASA will be reached for comment, except for Criminal correspondent money to fund their own trips?” sor. Known to many through his blog, have some of its own employees fill one (unnamed) who says that it wasn’t This same sentiment of shock and Co-Create UMBC, Hoffman has served the vacant positions. Mabassum Ta- his fault and that really, if anyone knew Over the next , over a disappointment was echoed by NASA, an important role in ensuring the sus- jid, a UMBC alumnus and former SGA him they’d know that he’s still a nice dozen members of the Student Gov- who in their letter to the SGA called tainability of the organization, among member, will be filling in the role of person and that this shouldn’t change ernment Association will be forced to the news completely unexpected and other things. While he did not use any President. anything and that really the vacation resign from their positions as a result a clear indication that things need to of the embezzled funds himself, it is “I’m glad to be returning to UMBC,” wasn’t all that good anyway so it wasn’t of embezzlement charges. change. NASA then mandated that unclear as to whether he was aware of says Tajid. “But I would have hoped even worth it so he doesn’t understand The National Association for Student the SGA force the resignation of the the officers’ activities. Rumors that the that the circumstances were different. why everyone’s so mad. Action (NASA) received word from an involved officers. These officers, in- Office of Student Life has put together I am saddened by the recent events but The full transition should be com- anonymous source that funds that, ac- cluding the one writing this article, a for a new Assistant will do my best to make this transition plete by the time SGA’s elections be- cording to signed documentation, had will have one week to prepare for their Director only creates more suspicions as smooth as possible.” gin so that the new officers have a full been allocated to various student orga- departure. that Hoffman may have been asked to A full review of SGA’s financial week to settle into the organization nizations had actually been distributed (Note that this writer is still cur- resign as well. guidelines and procedures is also un- before being replaced. among various SGA leaders to fund rently an employee of The Retriever “I approve of the forced resignation derway. NASA’s plan to reboot the SGA “If this has always been happening, their spring break activities. Weekly, though the permanence of that and find it disgusting that individu- begins with a redefinition of the orga- I definitely want a new organization,” The total sum and actual expen- status is being reviewed. Any students als in such positions would use their nization, led by the interim leaders. says Dholakia. ditures are not being released to the who have concerns should feel free to power to fund their own interests,” “I believe the organization knows public. forget about them and take immediate says Josh Palmer, senior computer en- what's best, and as a caring student, I “That’s horrible,” says junior me- notice of the weather.) gineering student. trust them,” says Palmer. Comments can be sent to chanical engineering student Nishant Also possibly implicated in this While the organization works to None of the charged officers could [email protected]. UMBC to construct new residential apartments

Alethea Paul bathrooms will hold full bathtubs, and each into their apartments. As a result, Hudson will decided if students will be allowed on the roof rently slopes down steeply into a small stream Baltimore Lifestyle Correspondent apartment unit will have a balcony. While be entirely keyless. Further, students will have to enjoy the greenery. Campus officials worry bed and is filled with trees. As a result, most of one- and two-bedroom apartments will have the opportunity to live in co-ed units. about residents goofing off and possibly fall- this summer will include removing the trees UMBC will break ground this August for one bath, three- and four-bedroom apart- “This is going to be totally awesome! I can’t ing off the roof. and rerouting the water before building the a new residential apartment community. The ments will include 2 full baths. wait for these apartments to be built. I’m go- “These apartments will be available to up- foundation actually begins. apartments, called “Hudson,” will open in fall The kitchen will include a stove, oven, ing to live in Hudson no matter how much perclassmen only and as a result, alcohol will “Hudson will be an excellent addition to 2013. The project will cost $4.5 million. refrigerator, built-in microwave, and dish- it costs,” declares freshman Forensic Science not be prohibited. We’re concerned about the our campus. It will allow more students to live Hudson, named after the Hudson River, washer. A few select units will also include major Janette Wilmingham. behavior of intoxicated students and what they on-campus and offer a wider variety of hous- will be located behind the Terrace, Hillside gas fireplaces. Though pricing has not been Perhaps the most interesting aspect of might do when their judgment is skewed,” ing options,” says Director of Residential Life and West Hill Communities. It will be the released for the five-story building yet, these Hudson will be its green-roof. It will have a explains English professor Ryan Bloom, who Jackie Wilson. largest on-campus residence hall with the ca- units will be the most expensive. 15-centimeter depth of dirt on the roof with will serve as Hudson’s Community Director. pacity to house 982 residents. Access to the dorms will be swipe card drainage pipes leading into the gutters of the The biggest obstacle to the new residence Comments can be sent to alethea1@ The rooms will be similar to those in Er- entirely. Students will need a card to enter building, allowing grass and plants to grow. hall is the terrain. The area behind the campus idigexpensivehousing.com. ickson and Harbor with a few differences. The anywhere past the front desk and even to get The roof will be fenced in, but it is yet to be apartments where Hudson is to be built cur- UMBC to build new parking garage Jack Mitchell He went on to say that, due to the cur- In keeping with Maryland’s green an impressive 27 parking tickets over the Freshman Timothy Wao expressed Reverse Cowgirl rently inadequate parking situation, that initiative, the elevators will be solar-pow- past three years. “I always said there’s no his excitement about the groundbreak- all parking tickets are being rescinded ered and may be out of service during place to park. I walk in late to class and ing ceremony. “I already have my free UMBC recently announced that stu- and/or all fines refunded. prolonged periods of rain. the professors yell at me. They don’t un- bag of dirt from the Performing Arts and dent parking areas will be expanded. The garage will be modeled on Col- “I see it as an opportunity to break our derstand parking is so inadequate.” Humanities groundbreaking,” he said, With a generous allocation in the current lege Park’s newest resident parking struc- elevator addiction,” says Ashanti Patel, a Whiting-Turner, the construction “and look forward to expanding my col- state budget, a sixteen-story parking ga- ture and will accommodate roughly 500 member of the UMBC Wellness Initiative. company currently building the Per- lection.” rage will be erected on Erickson field. vehicles or 1,000 mopeds. Due to its “Besides, most UMBC students could use forming Arts and Humanities Building, “We realize that our parking policy has central location on campus, parking will the exercise.” will break ground at the end of May. The Comments can be sent to eic@ been a major issue,” says Pete Samson, be open to all students, parking passes “I am sad to see that it took so long to ground-breaking ceremony will be at- retrieverweekly.com. head of Parking Services, “and sincerely A, B, C, D and F. Visitor parking will be do this, but I’m glad that it’s finally hap- tended by Lieutenant Governor Brown apologize for all inconveniences this has on floors 3, 8 and 9, except on Sundays pening,” said Michelle Doyle, a Senior and attendees will receive a commemo- caused the students.” after 2 p.m. Psychology major, who has racked up rative bag of dirt.

Vitamin C linked to spring allergies

Emily Jackson passages become inflamed or irritated, making foods into your diet. Fruits and nuts correspondent it difficult for a person to breathe. This conges- Most citrus fruits and juices, (oranges, lem- tion could be a result of allergies, a virus, or just ons, limes, and grapefruits), other fruits such Do you feel like you’re suffering spring time basic irritants from one’s surroundings. as cherries, strawberries, melons, and guavas, allergies or constantly catching the virus widely As Vitamin C is vital in preparing the body’s vegetables, peppers, cauliflower, leafy green known as the common cold? defenses against infectious bacteria and other vegetables, and even herbs such as cilantro are If you’ve answered yes to either of these unwanted organisms as well as aiding in cell all rich in Vitamin C. questions, your Vitamin C intake could be regrowth, it makes sense that Vitamin C intake So the next time you feel yourself catching called into question. has a direct effect on nasal congestion. a cold, listen to what your mom and doctors Once believed to only help reduce com- Vitamin C is able to ease this nasal cavity used to tell you as a kid and break out the mon cold duration, new evidence suggests pressure because of a certain component of carton of orange juice or grapefruit juice if you that a person’s Vitamin C intake is directly the vitamin, the reducing agent L-ascorbate. prefer it. related to the occurrence and severity of the As Vitamin C is released into the body through Or just eat some oranges. common cold and nasal congestion. various food sources, its related agents travel to That means those with a higher intake ex- the affected or inflamed areas in the nasal cav- perience fewer colds while those with a lower ity where they then help to reopen the nasal intake are more likely to experience some passages allowing for improved airflow. Comments can be sent to em- form of nasal congestion. Nasal congestion If you’re a victim of constant congestion, it’s [email protected]. courtesy toomanymornings.com happens when blood vessels inside the nasal best to start incorporating Vitamin C-enriched The Retriever Weekly MARCH 29, 2011 Advertisement 5

6 MARCH 29, 2011 The Retriever Weekly opinion

TRW Staff email addresses are first name initial followed by full last name @retrieverweekly.com You stay classy at the party, UMBC Editor-in-Chief Paul-William deSilva 410.455.1252 UMBC students, you continu- sit around playing video games or the bored and desperate students All in all, we love going to this [email protected] ously make us proud with your studying all day. Parties on this of Towson and College Park. They crazy school. We feel a surge of Managing Editor Courtney Ring crazy antics and wild parties. When campus are practically unavoidable. know the parties can always be pride every single time we see that 410.455.1253 I applied to this school during our We can’t visit a single apartment found here at UMBC. the outer loop is full of student cars [email protected] last year of high school, my friends without having to avoid loud music Of course, some students decide on the weekend or when we hear told me that this school was not and drinks flying everywhere. You that college is for learning and move music blasting from every window. News 410.455.1270 and never could be a party school. never hear a single complaint from on to other universities. Having too We know we applied to the right [email protected] Thankfully, they were incredibly bored students with nothing to do much fun at school can kind of be a school when we can’t walk back to Editor wrong about our school. These on the weekends; if your friends drag for those that actually want to our rooms without seeing drunk Rima Kikani years on campus have been nothing aren’t partying, they’re probably do well in their classes. One day, we students mouthing off to cops or Assistant Editor Chris McKinney more than one continuous party. hung over. Parking on the week- hope the school will catch on and throwing up in the bushes. Our Here at UMBC, students never ends is always a nightmare since make our courses even easier so we only wish is that you stay awesome, Opinion have to worry about sitting in their everyone always stays on campus. won’t have to worry about home- UMBC, and dont ever change. 410.455.5898 [email protected] rooms alone. Our students never Several parking spots belong to work amidst all of our partying. Editor Collin Wojciechowski Assistant Editor Ryanne Milani Surplus parking lots hold untapped potential cure that boredom in a secretly educa- Arts 410.455.5899 tional way. It would have lions, tigers, [email protected] maybe even bears. It would have the Editor Anissa Elmerraji whole cast of Finding Nemo. I know I Assistant Editor would love to have a giraffe and baby Ingrid Garcia elephant within walking distance. Think of all the revenue it would bring sports in. Families would come from miles 410.455.5984 [email protected] to see our miniature zoo. Kids would Editor love it and beg their parents to come Corey Johns back. Then they will start to associ- Assistant Editor Dan Levin ate UMBC with fun times. By the time they’ll be college-age, they will be beg- Photography ging UMBC to accept them.

[email protected] The only downside to this is that Editor some students and faculty might think Abnet Shiferaw that there is not enough parking. So Assistant Editor I say we start finding places to park Julian Brezon instead of just having them handed to us with pretty white lines. That’s right. copy editors I’m talking about improvising. There Sam Medema is plenty of grass space to park to your Claire Sheldon heart’s desire. I know the major roads around campus have shoulders. Per-

production courtesy of www.sandhparking.com haps people should start parking there 410.455.1266 and walking to class. Everyone could [email protected] Since most of our parking lots look like this on the weekends, why don’t we turn them into something awesome? use the exercise anyway. I think that Manager Liz Scott the summer or winter, for that matter. in the basement, with comfy seats and the positives, which would be these Assistants Julie Meier I think it’s time we started using that a concession stand. Everyone could go awesome new buildings, would out- Emily Beveridge contributing writer space more effectively. Think of all the there between classes to hang out, or weigh the negatives, which would be Mallory Clites having no where to park on campus. Wally Liu possibilities. maybe have some serious fun over the Kanan Patel I think we have too much room set We could build buildings. Fun ones, weekend. We would get so much money from aside for parking on campus. Driving I mean. Think of it like the Commons We could always use that extra these buildings. And all we would around, all I see is parking space after Gameroom, except bigger. It would space to build a miniature zoo. How need to sacrifice is a teeny, tiny park- technology parking space. Sure, they sometimes have floors of lounges where we could cool would that be? You could be sit- ing space. Consider it. 410.455.3901 [email protected] have a car parked in them, but when play video games, pool, and air hockey. ting in your dorm room, bored out of Manager you really think about it, a big part of We would, of course, dedicate an entire your mind, trying to think of things Comments can be sent to Darwin Mach our campus is parking. Parking that floor to laser tag. And it wouldn’t stop to do, when suddenly you remember [email protected]. Online Editor isn’t even used on weekends, or even there. We could have a movie theater that a new building was just created to Vania Dienzo System Administrator Paul Swenson Webmaster Greg Fiumara

The Retriever Weekly welcomes your comments. Letters to the editor must be submitted before 5 p.m. Friday via e-mail to [email protected] business or delivered to The Retriever Weekly office, UC 214. Please limit letters to 300 words and include your full name, year and major.The Retriever Weeky 410.455.1261 retains the right to edit submissions for content and length. [email protected] Business Manager Nimit Bhatt Ads Manager Now Hiring

Faculty Advisor The Retriever Weekly staff editorials reflect the views of the editorial board; signed columns and advertisements represent the opinions of the individual writers Christopher Corbett and advertisers, respectively, and do not necessarily reflect those of The Retriever Weekly or the University of Maryland Baltimore County. The Retriever Weekly publishes weekly on Tuesdays during the regular school year. Editors can be reached at (410) 455-1260 during normal business hours or at University Center 214; Design 1000 Hilltop Circle; UMBC; Baltimore, MD 21250. The Retriever Weekly is an equal opportunity employer. Tazuko Sugajima The Retriever Weekly MARCH 29, 2011 opinion 7

Get the guns off the streets and out of our homes

Chris McKinney vide for a means of self-defense has Editorial Staff minimal merit, it subjects children in a family household to the notion that Long has the second amendment violence is an answer to problems, and in the Bill of Rights been contested provides for an unsafe home environ- between those who are pro-guns, and ment, an environment that should be those who are for certain restrictions. as safe and comforting as possible. I But how far do the rights guaranteed mean, would you want your son or actually extend, and what sorts of limi- daughter picking up your shotgun tations are reasonable? and pointing it who knows where and A well-regulated militia, being nec- firing it? essary to the security of a free state, the Weak control of guns and firearms right of the people to keep and bear are just another method of causing arms, shall not be infringed. While destruction. Not merely physical dis- many who value the right to bear tress, but mental and emotional pain arms may see this amendment to the as well. Lacking control leads to fire- Constitution as clear-cut and final, it arms landing in the wrong hands and simply is not. First, it’s important to to disastrous attacks when a national observe that no right is absolute, even system promoting control of these vile those granted by a higher power or weapons is not satisfactory. Imple- by any legal document: the protec- menting a functional system would tions assured in the first amendment, ensure firearms become out of reach to providing for freedom of speech and those who are dangerous or mentally press, have been limited for the safety unstable. of the general population. Think of the Now, the only way to go from here classic example of yelling “FIRE” in a is to get stronger: strengthen federal crowded theater when there is no fire. gun control laws and bring back the Bearing arms as a deterrent to ty- federal assault weapons ban. As part rannical government: while this may of the Violent Crime Control and Law seem to be a reasonable defense, it Enforcement Act of 1994, the assault isn’t. Not only do we have a way to weapons ban did just what it says: elect our leaders (indirectly, thank you prohibited civilians from using these Electoral College!), we do have ways dangerous firearms, even forbidding courtesy of www.sodahead.com to un-elect, or more bluntly, throw the manufacturing of assault weapons Worried about getting robbed at gunpoint? Too bad, because guns are still evil. out ineffective or defective leaders. It’s for civilians. Since its expiration in called checks and balances, something 2004, however, a similar prohibition perished, and legislators don’t have only them crazy Minnesota people do at gunpoint? Call the police! Or maybe our forefathers constructed so that no law has not been passed. Befuddled? the audacity to pass a new one! (and taxidermy is just plain creepy), lock your doors, theres’ a novel idea. one individual ever has too much au- I am, too: a law banned these danger- So what is the best solution? Clearly, and quite frankly, everyone would be thority and power in government. ous semi-automatic weapons (how the we should ban all guns. Who needs better off without firearms in their Comments can be sent to While an argument that guns pro- Congress defined assault weapons) them? Hunting is an archaic sport that homes. Worried about getting robbed [email protected].

Bring me my guns, weapons, firearms, and bombs

ful to be able to pull out your weapon in the middle of a tense situation, like a bar fight, and be able to back your- self up when you yell “don’t you dare mess with me!” For those of you that still aren’t with me, remember that by owning a gun you’re preparing yourself for the future. As far as we know, the world might be ending in about a year and a half and I, for one, don’t want to be underprepared when the campus starts being overrun by real zombies or the apocalypse decides to arrive. In the world of the future, guns and food

courtesy of Warner bros. pictures may become the only valuable things a When the world starts looking like a scene from The Book of Eli, you’ll wish you owned a gun. human can own. Maybe you’re sitting back and Ryanne Milani As most true and hardworking wouldn’t be able to become violent if like you and I had to quake in fear thinking that being a whiney pacifist Editorial Staff Americans know, guns are an impor- he’s already been shot. every single time we have to enter a and swearing off guns is the right thing tant safeguard against the crazy and Of course, there’s always going to dangerous area? to do. Maybe you think that the gov- In this day and age, the second oppressive government. How would be some bad seeds that don’t under- Of course, I’m not suggesting that ernment should take away our Con- amendment to the Constitution has we be able to sleep at night knowing stand right from wrong. Still, whether just any idiot should be able to get stitutional right to bear arms. Maybe been coming under constant fire. Ob- that we wouldn’t be able to protect or not our government illegalized their hands on a gun. I think we should you really believe that guns, and not viously, some people think the right to ourselves from the government gain- guns, criminals and people with foul all agree that young children that can’t people, kill people. All I have to say bear arms can be loosely interpreted. ing too much power? How could we intentions would still be able to obtain even read or talk should not be able about that is when the apocalypse However, as all real Americans know, feel safe in our own homes knowing guns on the black market. Wouldn’t to operate a weapon. However, I see comes, your gun control laws won’t be owning a gun is an important part of that we wouldn’t be able to protect it make you feel safer to be able to no reason why anyone with the proper protecting you from danger, my gun being a true and loyal citizen of this ourselves from any intruders? Ob- protect yourself from people that ar- instruction in handling a gun should will. nation. Shooting and owning a gun for viously, in some situations, the au- ent going to follow the law anyways? be restricted from owning and carry- the first time should be a right that the thorities shouldn’t be trusted. As for How messed up would it be in a world ing their own weapon. Carrying a gun Comments can be sent to government can’t ever take away from those pansies that think that violence where only criminals and cops could would make the average American feel [email protected]. its citizens. only perpetuates violence, a criminal carry a weapon, while regular citizens safe. Also, it would be extremely use- 8 opinion MARCH 29, 2011 The Retriever Weekly The cure to the common senioritis cold discovered

limit per semester for all seniors. With a letter drop can be emotionally chal- to class in fear of a letter grade drop this lighter load of courses, students lenging. While you know you should are typically so detached and de- will be less stressed and feel capable go to class, it’s difficult to leave behind pressed by the weather, they might to put more energy into their work. others with senioritis who are feeling as well not even be there. So, why It’s also required that these classes unmotivated and need your support. not cancel class? Grades, time, and only be after 12:00 p.m. Seniors are It only feels right to be with them and emotions can be spared by class be- not allowed to sign up for earlier share your sufferings together. Teach- ing weather-permitting. Students will classes, unless of course they have ers must understand that, as a student be put at ease knowing their grade work or team practice obligations. body, we’re just looking out for one won’t be sacrificed for missing class, As we age, it takes longer for our another. Therefore, if a senior does and teachers can put their time into brain to wake up and function at its not attend class, all materials should something else. maximum ability. So when we are be available for him or her via Black- With changes like these, seniori-

courtesy of www.highschoogle.com forced to attend an early class, we’re board. Isn’t the point of Blackboard to tis will be closer than ever to being College seniors should not be wasting their valuable nap time by studying. not retaining the information prop- be able to have online class anyway? cured. Students everywhere will be erly, if at all. This then affects our Weather also strongly factors into much more motivated and excited Claire Sheldon and a strong desire to interact with class performance and potentially the mood of not only seniors but all about their approach to graduation. contributing writer other sufferers, particularly during our GPA. Nevertheless, with limited students, and greatly impacts their The poor sufferers are simply burnt class time. This disability has gone on course numbers and later class times, academic motivation. We’ve all ex- out from school that is as they have Senioritis is a disease that plagues long enough without proper atten- senioritis sufferers will be more posi- perienced those mornings where we worked hard for the past several students all around the world who tion from university administrators. tive about attending class, and might wake up and the sky is completely years. All we ask for is a little slack are approaching college graduation. So what can be done? It only seems even actually go! grey as rain pours down; going to before we take on the real world. Guys, girls, nerds, burn-outs, athletes- fair to give these victims privileges Class attendance is another issue class is just painful to think about. senioritis spares no one! Its effects in- in order to help them through such that needs to be adjusted for seniors. Students often choose their warm Comments can be sent to clude not graduating on time, a low times of unfocused delusion. The pressure of knowing you must bed over the lecture, and classrooms [email protected]. GPA, overall lack of self-motivation, One solution is to have a three class attend class or your grade will suffer are left barren. And those who do go TRW goes paperless, moves entirely to the iPad

Collin Wojciechowski falling on hard economic times. With who typically follow my column, this Editorial staff ad revenues just not what they used may seem a bit out of the ordinary. I to be these days, we’ve been forced to am typically a champion of all things We have to get on the same page, look for alternative, and sometimes classic and wear suits that would place both literally and figuratively. As time odd ways of cutting costs. We tried me in 1954 rather than 2011, but I moves on and cultures change our outsourcing, layoffs, and CEO bonus- am embracing this change, hook, line, perceptions, digestive tendencies of es; you know, all the stuff that every and sinker. The industry is changing news shift as well. The newspaper in- other American company has resorted and we need to get on the surfboard dustry will never again be the crown- to in this rescission. But alas, none of and ride the wave, not be stuck wad- ing source of information and ink it seemed to work. ing in the kiddie pool. that it once was. I have, albeit sadly, And so after much and The iPad will allow a new reader- accepted this reality. As Bob Dylan deliberation, the final decision was ship experience unparalleled to any- once rasped, “The times, they are a- made (don’t shoot the messenger) to thing we could offer you today in our changin’,” and though Ron Burgundy switch The Retriever Weekly to an all- standard print form. News will be had never heard that song, I think the online news source. However, since more gripping, arts more encompass- sentiment still applies here. our website didn’t seem to be making ing, comics will seem more controver- And so, it is with both a heavy heart all that much headway to begin with, sial. Who knows, maybe even people and a positive outlook that I complete- the editorial staff looked for different will start taking my writing seriously ly and 100% endorse and approve of options to increase readership: enter (I’m not holding my breath). For bet- The Retriever Weekly’s shift from print stage right, the Apple iPad. With its ter or for worse, The Retriever Weekly courtesy of www.ipad-answers.com Starting next week, find the latest school news right on your iPad! to iPad. For those of you who haven’t ability to make magazines look as real is migrating like a goose and heading seen the constant polls or attended any as they do on a newsstand and give towards that Steve Jobs cloud in the by the emptiness and lack of print. reading The Retriever Weekly, per se. of the town hall meetings (they were papers the flip sound they make in, sky. I encourage, nay, I implore you, Simply grab your iPad and join the But it’s ok, none of you are, either. advertised in the paper), we here at you know, real life, it just seemed like next week when you walk around revolution. The Retriever Weekly have had to make a natural next step. campus and look for the paper in its Now I myself don’t actually have an Comments can be sent some drastic decisions as a result of Now I know that to those of you traditional stands, don’t be alarmed iPad so I suppose I will no longer be to [email protected]. Snoop Dogg cancels tour, Nickelback picks up slot mal? Well, thanks to the fantastic new stepped up in a big way and got the students the opportunity to be creepy cess to Nickelback, an excellent move Josh Palmer SEB decision, you can’t become these next best thing: Nickelback. anonymously. It isn’t often that a hip on SEB’s part, as I’m sure they are Staff Writer things, but you can hear songs about That’s right! Nickelback will be band graces this school with its pres- aware of the uproar that could result. them! When Snoop Dogg canceled his headlining at this year’s Quadmania ence. Sure, Third Eye Blind came last Also, I’m positive many of Snoop’s fans Have you ever wanted to feel like a Quadmania gig due to some unplanned and bringing all of its Canadian glory year, but let’s face it: who wants to see are also closet Nickelback fans who rock star? Or maybe feel like an ani- jail time he was forced to spend, SEB with it. Personally, I must applaud SEB a bunch of fifty-year-old men thrust just don’t know it yet. This concert will for its quick decision and fine choice. around on stage? Definitely not me. give them a chance to show their true Nickelback will bring everything And we can’t forget about the lyrics. Canadian colors, and I look forward to UMBC could want and more with One cannot simply dismiss Nickel- seeing many of them there. amazing guitar riffs and fascinating back’s simple yet deep lyrics. They’re As an added bonus, SEB has lined lyrics. This will be a show to remem- a yearning for a better life. They tell us up internet and pop sensation Rebecca ber. to live our lives to the fullest, but also Black to open for the band. As a fan Now, maybe you are a hater. Maybe, to care. They’re a reminder to always of Black and her songwriting, I believe for some reason, you despise Nickel- care and never cry. If everyone loved, SEB has wrangled the latest Justin Bie- back and its music. You think your and nobody lied, then maybe no one ber. Mark my words: with their similar music is best, that you know what’s will die. Can your band’s lyrics do music styles and writing, it’s going to right. You know you’re not going; that? I submit that they cannot. be one heck of a show. I cannot wait you’re better than that. I’ve got a kick- SEB’s handling of the sudden tran- to see you all there, rocking out until butt Quadmania party planned, you sition between artists has been done it’s hard to say it, but time to say it: say. No way I’m going to that noise- with great poise. Due to the fact that goodbye. fest. I like my hearing. there had been a large number of tick- Well, hear me out. This is, in my ets already purchased for Snoop Dogg, Comments can be sent courtesy of www.blastro.com opinion, the greatest thing that’s hap- ticketholders will be pleased to know to [email protected]. We can’t wait to see this awesome Canadian quartet at UMBC. pened to UMBC since LikeaLittle gave that their tickets will ensure them ac- The Retriever Weekly MARCH 29, 2011 opinion 9 Higher rates of veganism precipitate bovine takeover Yasmin Radbod the number of vegans in the United senior staff writer States is leading to a mass problem of domesticated farm animals being Many people have tried to prepare stranded and taking over rural areas for the alien invasion depicted in so across the United States. This includes many science fiction novels and mov- animal rampages, looting, burning of ies. For those of you who have seen human homes, take-overs of grocery District 9, aliens boarding a mother- stores, and more. The one benefit of ship who are obsessed with catnip the growing number of unfettered do- seemed real enough. I’m here to in- mesticated farm animals is that these form you that there is a much more animals are killing off local gangs pressing and real takeover occurring across the country, replacing human within our national borders. Get gangs with farm animal gangs. ready. The last sentence left me all germy We love animals. Many Americans on the tile for another ten minutes. adore their pets, dressing them up Here’s the basic problem for those and entering them in silly pageants of you who can’t comprehend the because they don’t have their own severity of what the FDA is describ- children to doll up. Or maybe they ing. Vegans don’t eat animal products. just like putting make-up on animals. Today, sixty percent of the American The point is that our society values population is vegan. This jump from animals a lot. We love domesticating one percent to sixty percent in the them and then making them subordi- past ten years has left an increasing nate to us (yes, there is a term for this: number of domesticated farm animals speciesism). Furthermore, as much as without homes because farmers are we love domesticating animals, we losing their businesses and are forced also love asserting that humans are to let go of these animals. The cows the most brilliant species, that we are have become especially problematic, the top of all civilization. I tend to leading the forefront in animal gangs, think animals are more civilized than better known as ANGst. (That stands us, but that’s beside the point. Maybe for Animal Gangs in the streets). watching The Gremlins while writing The FDA recommends that we im- this article wasn’t the best idea. mediately stop eating fish, as seafood So we love animals, we love to are not going to jump out of the water claim we are the top species, and we and takeover the planet, and rather to love to put animals in their place. start eating land animals as rapidly as courtesy of www.joystickdivision.com It’s all quite ironic since humans, as possible. The FDA stated that obesity Because of the selfish vegans of this world, angry cows will be invading your homes and cities soon. the smartest species out there, have is the best alternative to our species led to their own demise. Why? The immediately jumped out of my skin, vegan for four years, and am going FDA states, “Vegans are supposedly dying out. Happy hunting, everyone. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) onto my cold tile floor, and got all to raise little vegan minion babies, harmless.” recently released a report entitled, germy for a good five minutes. too. This movie is so distracting. So, Veganism is supposed to be a “Vegans save the environment but kill Many of you who know me know anyway, I was alarmed when I saw the harmless ideology. However, recent Comments can be sent to off humans.” When I saw this title, I that I am a diehard vegan, have been report. I read the abstract, and the studies have shown that the spike in [email protected].

Commons’ Sense By: Anonymous Help Wanted

Need passionate, driven and focused intern to help me Do you have an opinion about something going on in the find the ultimate Rebecca Black parody video. world, on campus, in your home or in your bathroom? Do you have questions, comments, concerns, thoughts, Having already witnessed several hundreds of these proverbs, citations, quotations, dreams, hopes, or other videos on YouTube I simply cannot take this adolescent adjectives on your mind? Have something you wrote in singing overload anymore. I’ve seen Hitler’s Downfall. class, on a bus, on the back of a cocktail napkin, or on I agree that when she says “Fun, Fun, Fun,” I really do someone’s back? Have remotely interesting thoughts that feel like I’m having fun. I’ve even watched the videos your positive would make the world a better place if other in which her car bursts into flames. people knew them? Have really not interesting thoughts that few people would really care about? Have a pulse and There are simply too many of these amazing videos the ability to form sentences? for me to comprehend. I need to find that one that’s right for me. A special video that speaks to my specific If you answered yes to any of the above questions or just interests and needs. Like a significant other, only in bothered reading that whole paragraph: Send Us Your Rebecca Black parody video form. Opinions.

These videos have changed my life. I never knew my Email your thoughts to [email protected] and days of the week or how to properly select seating in a they may just appear in Commons’ Sense! vehicle before I saw this clip. Please just help me find the parody that I’m destined for. It will make you friends! It looks great on a resume! Its what all the cool kids are doing! It’s fate that we find each other but I need a minimum wage intern to help with . 10 TRW Staff MARCH 29, 2011 The Retriever Weekly The The Retriever Weekly Edition Michael Scott Jan Levenson Office Editor-in-Chief Managing Editor

Angela Martin Pam Halpert News Editor Arts Editor Opinion Editor Sports Editor

Meredith Palmer Dwight Shrute Kelly Kapoor Andy Benard Copy Editor Copy Editor Assistant Editor Assistant Editor Assistant Editor Assistant Editor

Kevin Malone Creed Bratton Karen Filippelli Todd Parker Photography Editor Assistant Editor Tech Manager Online Editor System Administrator Webmaster

Oscar Martinez Hidetoshi Takinawa Roy Anderson Jerry DiCanio Lonnis Collins Business Manager Production Manager Production Assistant Production Assistant Production Assistant Production Assistant The Retriever Weekly MARCH 29, 2011 Advertisement 11

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14G speeds delivered by HSPA+ with enhanced backhaul. Available in limited areas. Availability increasing with ongoing backhaul deployment. Requires 4G device. Learn more at att.com/network. Mobile broadband not available in all areas. 2Requires a DataPro Tethering Plan. Devices connected to your Mobile Hotspot use data from your DataPro Tethering Plan. If you do not use a password, others will be able to use your Mobile Hotspot connection. IMPORTANT INFORMATION: Limited -time offer. Requires a 2 year agreement on a qualified plan. Credit approval required. Geographic, usage and other conditions and restrictions (that may result in service termination) apply. Taxes and other charges apply. Prices and equipment vary by market and many not be available from independent retailers. See store or visit att.com for details and coverage map. Smartphone Data Plan Requirement: Smartphones require a DataPlus (200MB) or DataPro (2GB) plan. If you exceed your initial data allowance, you will automatically be charged an additional $10 for each additional 1GB provided on DataPro or an additional $15 for each additional 200MB provided on DataPlus. All data allowances, including overages, must be used in the billing period in which the allowance is provided or they will be forfeited. For more details on Data Plans, go to att.com/dataplans. Early Termination Fee (ETF): None if cancelled during the first 30 days, but up to $35 restocking fee may apply to equipment returns; thereafter ETF up to $150 or $325 applies depending on device (details at att.com/equipmentETF). Agents may impose additional fees. Subject to change. Regulatory Cost Recovery Charge up to $1.25/mo is charged to help defray costs of complying with government obligations and charges on AT&T and is not a tax or government required charge. Monthly discount: Available to qualified employees of companies and/or government agencies with a qualified business agreement (“Business Agreement”). Must provide requisite proof of employment. Eligibility for offer ceases when you are no longer a qualified employee. Service discount may be interrupted and/or discontinued without notice to you. Service discount applies only to the monthly service charge of qualified plans and not to any other charges. A minimum number of employees, minimum monthly service charge for qualified plans, additional AT&T services or other requirements may apply for discount eligibility. Discounts may not be combined. Offer subject to change at any time. © 2010 HTC Corporation. All rights reserved. The HTC logo, HTC Inspire and HTC Surround are trademarks of HTC Corporation. © 2011 AT&T Intellectual Property. All rights reserved. AT&T, the AT&T logo and all other AT&T marks contained herein are trademarks of AT&T Intellectual Property and/or AT&T affiliated companies. 12 MARCH 29, 2011 The Retriever Weekly ARTS The Hobbit returns for lovers of Lord of the Rings

With the goals of giving just attention Hobbit where Gandalf departs, and not leave the United Kingdom due to to passages from the book and bridging through the later books, it is under- age and disabilities. Although some the gap with The Fellowship of the Ring, stood that he leaves to meet with the filming will occur in England, Jackson Jackson is formatting The Hobbit as a White Council. Jackson hopes to utilize seeks to venture as far as the United duology. If all goes well, the first half such instances to introduce themes and States and New Zealand. UMBC stu- is likely to be in theaters by the end of characters from The Lord of the Rings. dents are reminded that with filming 2012, with the second half premiering The Hobbit has serious potential be- occurring in Baltimore in mid-April, a year later. Although the project and cause Jackson is creating a cast com- campus will most likely be closed the header of both films will beThe Hobbit, posed of new skilled actors paired with week of April 11. If so, any students potential individual film titles include the talented veterans from the trilogy. still on campus as of April 8 at 8 p.m. The Hobbit: There and Back Again, and The lead role of Bilbo Baggins has been will be evicted. It is expected that most The Hobbit: The Unexpected Journey. given to Martin Freeman, celebrated professors will be posting their les- Jackson's greatest struggle will be for his portrayal of Arthur Dent in The sons and assignments on Blackboard. Courtesy Warner Brothers the incorporation of outside material Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. Some However, more information will follow. Bilbo Baggins returns to prove Middle-Earth what a real hobbit is made of. and applying it to the original story: of the most prominent actors from The Should this occur, the UMBC commu- Morey Rosner In December 2007, Jackson was Bilbo Baggins' adventure and the defeat Lord of the Rings will be reviving their nity is expecting campus to reopen as Staff writer named the executive producer of the of the dragon Smaug. As Tolkien fans characters, including Ian McKellen and of May 1. upcoming film project. The next year, know through The Silmarillion and the Andy Serkis, who played Gandalf and After almost a decade, there is finally The Return of the King premiered in Guillermo del Toro was asked by New Unfinished Tales of Numenor and Middle- Gollum, respectively. Due to Jackson's a film series that will attest to the legacy theaters, concluding New Line Cine- Line to direct, announcing that the pre- earth, many unmentioned events occur goal of incorporating outside material of The Lord of the Rings. Although the ma's film adaptation of J. R. R. Tolkien's quel would indeed be Tolkien's cele- simultaneously with the storyline from to build the foundations of The Fellow- legalization of production and the fi- trilogy, The Lord of the Rings. Under Di- brated novel The Hobbit. However, with The Hobbit. Jackson aims to incorporate ship of the Ring, other old cast members nalization of the cast were arduous, rector Peter Jackson, the three films— delays and slow work, a frustrated del these events into the upcoming duol- will be returning. These include Cate The Hobbit is ultimately on track for The Fellowship of the Ring The Two Tow- Toro ultimately left the project in May ogy as a means to strengthen The Hob- Blanchett as Galadriel, Christopher the big screen. Jackson hopes that the ers, and The Return of the King—were 2010. Finally, this past October, New bit's ties with The Lord of the Rings. Lee as Saruman the White, and Hugo resulting Tolkien pentalogy will rest on nominated for 30 Academy Awards, Line approved Jackson as director of The For example, Jackson wishes to ex- Weaving as Elrond, all of whom are firm foundations. He expects a smooth winning 17 thereof. In the aftermath Hobbit, which is expected to premier in pound upon the White Council. First members of the White Council in The transition from The Hobbit project to of the success of The Lord of the Rings, December 2012. Indeed, photography mentioned in The Lord of the Rings, this Lord of the Rings. The Fellowship of the Ring, completing a Jackson and New Line entered into a was underway as of March 21. is a coalition of wizards and Elves that In order to satisfy his vision, Jackson decade-long epic. battle about who would direct a possi- Thanks to Jackson's leadership and checks the growing power of Sauron, aims to filmThe Hobbit in as many plac- ble prequel to the trilogy. This delibera- aspirations, The Hobbit is likely to earn the ultimate antagonist in the trilogy. es as possible. With older cast members Comments may be sent tion would last the rest of the decade. similar acclaim as The Lord of the Rings. There are numerous instances in The including Christopher Lee, many can- to [email protected] Universal Pictures changes filmmaking strategy whatever they want to see in a movie in day, and have proven to be huge success- teenager-produced films, rival studios friends playing ding-dong ditch. Daniel Supanick it." es with the young male demographic. panicked. Warner Brothers, the home of Many are saying that this strategy fore- Senior Staff Writer This decision came about when the One film was simply over-exposed foot- the “Harry Potter” films, reportedly tried bodes the end of film as a legitimate me- studio realized that teenage boys, the age of boys skateboarding and wiping to fight this by giving all of their devel- dium, but Meyer disagrees. "This proves In a bold new business strategy, Uni- target demographic for most films made out on rails, while another was footage oping projects to even younger boys. that anyone can make movies, and versal Pictures announced this week that by any studio, was not interested in see- from Family Guy recorded directly off of There's even a reported reboot of Super- completely opens up the playing field," they would no longer be hiring career ing movies like the Amy Adams vehicle a television intercut with images of fire- man being developed where he watches he stated. "It's just up to the older gen- filmmakers to make their films, and “Leap Year,” or the Zac Efron-starring crackers going off in a driveway. YouTube videos and fights his stepdad. eration of filmmakers to catch up." With would instead be handing their projects “Charlie St. Cloud.” "We've done all we "It's all brilliant," Meyer commented "They're only going to get lost in the that, he turned his attention to blurry to teenage boys. can," Meyer says. "Now we're just leaving while watching high definition footage fray," Meyer said of the other studios' ef- footage captured of girls in a pillow fight "I mean, they're our target audience it up to these young men to make what of a young boy's convenience store crime forts to catch up. "They're only trying to at a slumber party. anyways," Universal President Ronald they want." spree. "This is exactly what teenage boys haphazardly emulate a formula that took Meyer said. "They usually don't even After only a week, results have begun want: Brainless, sometimes violent, and lots of time to build." When asked what Comments may be sent to care if the movie's even well-made. If we to show in droves. Five movies have been effortless. Quite effortless." that formula was, Meyer instead pointed [email protected] give it directly to them, they can just put produced, one made over the course of a Upon hearing of the success of these us to footage a young man took of his Rebecca Black replaces Snoop Dog on a Friday

Courtney Haupt kindergarten (after all, "Tomorrow place Snoop Dogg. Contributing Writer is Saturday, and Sunday comes af- "It is a shame that Snoop Dogg will terwards"). "Friday" was produced no longer be able to make it," said a Snoop Dogg is out, and Rebecca by the Ark Music Factory in Los Student Events Board member who Black is in as UMBC's headline Angeles, which has long been ridi- wished to remain anonymous. "But Quadmania performer. culed by the press as a cheesy joke. we feel as though Rebecca Black is Snoop Dogg was forced to cancel Perhaps more shockingly, Black's young, hip, and able to provide an last week after work for his upcom- mother paid the company $2000 to educational concert for UMBC stu- ing movie was delayed. He will be write and produce her song. dents." replaced by Rebecca Black, a 13 Quadmania will be Black's debut Some UMBC students are anxious- year-old YouTube phenom whose hit tour performance. After her stop at ly awaiting the upcoming concert. song "Friday" has gotten nearly 48 UMBC, she will be performing at "Rebecca Black is really talented. million views in the last month. This several local elementary schools. In I don't know why everyone makes young artist has received sparkling addition to her hit song "Friday," fun of her," enthused Christy Jones, reviews by stars ranging from Lady she is expected to perform several a freshman at UMBC. "I personally Courtesy anorak.co.uk Rebecca, we too have great difficulty deciding whether to sit in the front or Gaga to Jay Leno. I mean, Lady Gaga original songs, including "Factors," am really excited that she's coming backseat. Thanks for understanding. said it, so it must be true. "Rhode Island," and "Prime Colors." here." "Friday," Black's only hit, is so The rapper from the "Friday" music Others aren't so enthusiastic. "I though I would much rather see this week at the Commons Informa- bad it's almost good. Maybe it's video will also be making a special saw her video a few times on You- Snoop Dogg." tion Desk. the overuse of auto tune, the lyri- appearance. Tube," commented Steven Taylor, a So, which seat are you going to cal debate over which seat to take, Many may be wondering why sophomore at UMBC. "I guess it will choose? Will you be at the Rebecca Comments may be sent or a calendar lesson straight from UMBC chose Rebecca Black to re- be cool to see her in person, even Black concert? Tickets go on sale to [email protected] The Retriever Weekly MARCH 29, 2011 arts 13 Twilight is work of literary genius

BY DANIEL SUPANICK

Hop [PG] A guy injures the Easter Bunny (voiced by Russell Brand) and becomes his caretaker as he recovers. Looks uninteresting.

Source Code [PG-13] From the director of 2009’s awesome Sam Rockwell-starring Moon, this film follows a man (Jake Gyllenhaal) who becomes part of a government experiment where he is able to cross over into the last eight minutes of another man’s life in order to solve the mystery of a train crash. I’m going mostly off how great Moon was, so I’m naturally excited to see more from this director. Word on this coming out of the South-By-Southwest Film Festival was also good. I think it’s worth it.

Insidious [PG-13] From the guy that made Saw, this horror film follows a family that moves into a house possessed by a demon that turns their son into (get ready for it) a creepy kid. I’ve had it with creepy kids in horror movies, so count me out.

Super [R] After his wife (Liv Tyler) leaves him for a high-class drug dealer (Kevin Bacon), Frank (Rainn Wilson) copes by becoming a Courtesy Summit Entertainment superhero named the Crimson Bolt, hoping to save her from the criminal underworld. Word on this movie has been good, and it Yes, Twilight deserves to be next to Grapes of Wrath. May I dare say that they are even better than Harry Potter! looks morbidly funny. Not for everyone, but see it if you’re into dark humor. Michelle Sumpter Edward's reason for shying away at la's decision to become a vampire, Contributing Writer first was very sound. Turns out, he's which would mean not seeing her a vampire. He was so tempted by the real family or friends, shows read- Every once in a while, books smell of Bella's blood that he had to ers that true love is indeed the most come around that are life-changing. keep himself away from her so he powerful emotion of all. As long as These books stay in the hearts and wouldn't kill her. Gradually, how- you have love, you don't need any- minds of their readers for eternity. ever, he trains himself to grow im- thing else. Queries for Christie They tell stories of great heroism, mune to her scent and the two form There is also a symbolic element the overcoming of impossible ob- a love that seemingly could never be to these books. At first, the were- stacles, and good triumphing over broken. wolves and vampires butt heads, but evil. Often, they are coming-of-age Another important character in- then they come together to battle a tales, or depict an important age in troduced in the first book is Jacob. greater enemy: the Volturi, a vam- Dear Christie, history. Novels like Steinbeck's The He becomes Bella's first real friend, pire government that feeds on hu- I see my roommate and her boyfriend fight all the time. He's over but he also seems to have a crush Grapes of Wrath, Hemingway's The mans. Couldn't the vampire govern- in our room a lot, and while sometimes they act normal and are Old Man and the Sea, and Bronte's on her-feelings she doesn't return. ment resemble governments today? suited to be around people, they can also be lovey-dovey or be Jane Eyre, all have a special place Edward and his family are peaceful Could the two groups not symbol- at each other's throats. As a third party observer, it bothers me on bookshelves everywhere. Next to vampires and only kill animals for ize groups who have clashed in the because it interferes with my studying or homework, sometimes them are the vastly entertaining and their blood, but when a small group past? There are also biblical refer- to the point that I have to seek refuge in someone else's room, fantastical stories of Tolkien, Lewis, of non-peaceful vampires come into ences, like the apple on the cover of sometimes even overnight. This is getting out of hand, and while I Carroll, and even Rowling. All of town, they have their sights set on Twilight, symbolizing temptation; as have tried to talk to her about taking their fights somewhere else, them classics, loved by all who ex- Bella. Edward and the rest of the well as a Shakespearean reference to she doesn't seem to take me seriously. Illuminate me? perience their pages. Cullens go to great lengths to pro- Romeo and Juliet, which is paralleled -Peeved in Patuxent Now we have another book to tect her, culminating in a battle be- in many ways in the series. add to this group of literary giants, tween the two groups. At the end of With such bright characters, fluid or rather a series of books. Stepha- the book, everything seems like it'll prose, and obviously well thought nie Meyer has reached the ranks of be happily ever after, but a survivor out symbolic elements, these books these great authors with her Twilight of the final fight is determined to should not just be enjoyed, they saga. In fact, I think it would be safe avenge her murdered lover. should be studied. If schools every- to say that she's surpassed them and The next three books follow Bella, where study the likes of Shakespeare, should be recognized as the greatest the Cullens, and Jacob (who turns Wilde, and Fitzgerald, why not study author ever to live. In the first book, out to be a werewolf!) as they fight an author who is far more talented Dear Peeved in Patuxent, Twilight, we meet the great heroine, evil in order to protect the ones they than anyone prior to her? These Bella. Meyer not only created a lov- love. We experience heartache, joy, books need to be taught throughout First of all, it's her room, too. She has a right to bring her boy- able character, but one that is also and emotional conflict as Bella has the world, in every country. Only by friend over and behave however she likes. You mentioned you're going out of the room when it gets to be too much. GOOD! If you strong, well-rounded, and an ex- to decide between Edward and Jacob reading the Twilight saga can anyone can't tolerate their behavior, it's only fair you get out and leave who, along with fighting enemies, cellent role model for the number become a truly well rounded, well- them to work off their issues in private. As far as what your next of girls who are, no doubt, reading are both fighting to win her heart. read, and wise person. These books move should be, try finding a boyfriend of your own, maybe that these marvelous books. Throughout this epic saga we also are important, and will be until the will make you less bitter about your roommate and see just how Bella moves from Arizona to the cheer for Bella, who longs to give up end of time. hard being in a relationship is. Sometimes fights erupt and can't small town of Forks in Washington everything she has to be turned into be contained. You just have to learn to deal with them. state. At first, she's sad about leav- a vampire. ing her home, her mom, and the These books aren't only enter- Yours in spite, sun, but she knows that moving in taining, they're profound. People of Christie with her dad will be for the best. all ages can experience the journey Comments may be sent taken by these wonderful characters Soon, her apprehensions of this to [email protected] Questions can be sent to [email protected] small town vanish when she meets and feel as though they're fighting Edward. For some reason he seems right alongside them. The timeless to not be able to stand her, but then lesson that good will always triumph he befriends her and an attraction is portrayed better here than in any between the two is obvious. But other book known to man. And Bel- 14 arts MARCH 29, 2011 The Retriever Weekly

Spring fashion UMBC band gets signed by trends for UMBC Fueled by Ramen record label Tania Chatterjee your clanging, you can pat yourself on When asked what they mostly Contributing Writer the back for a job well-done. write about, Morris jumped to an- What's out: your regular eyeliner- swer eagerly, "We write about any- Ah, springtime. A time for rain, fresh gloss-blush routine. thing: from love, to hate, to things flowers, and of course, a whole new What's in: Statement makeup. Tired we see happen around us. We think wardrobe! Ready to go shopping? Me of the same old makeup routine day af- of songwriting as self-expression, too! This spring is all about coming out ter day? Spice up your look with bright since none of us can draw," she end- of the fashion closet and going against makeup. Think blue and black lipstick, ed with a chuckle. Not being able to the norm. Follow these latest trends and neon eye shadows, jewel eyeliner and draw doesn't hinder the band's cre- turn Academic Row into your personal more! Mix and match shades to create ative abilities, as seen in the creation runway! your signature look. Be sure to add glit- of their band name. What's out: Ballet flats, flip flops, flat ter and sequins to further enhance your "We came up with our name from sandals, Ugg boots. look. For maximum impact, mix togeth- a Rob Zombie song," stated Howard. What's in: High heels. The bigger the er unexpected shades like puke green "We couldn't come up with a name better? Ala Lady Gaga. Who needs com- and pumpkin orange, or neon yellow, and then we heard that song and fort when you can stumble theatrically eggplant purple, and canary red. thought it was perfect, considering down Academic Row, fall up and down What's out: Hobo bags. Courtesy Interscope Records there's only one girl in the band." the endless maze of stairs, and break What's in: Fanny packs. That's right "Maybe that's what got us the re- Fueled by Ramen has also signed Fall Out Boy and Paramore. your ankles? At least you'll look good on ladies and gentlemen, fanny packs are cord deal," interjected House. your way to the hospital. back with a vengeance! Are you tired of Being a male-dominated band What's out: Edward Cullen approved carrying a bag that is bigger than you? Vanessa Rueda up the courage to perform in bigger is probably what got them the gig, pale skin. Tired of having to dump out all of your Staff Writer venues than the miniscule practice considering FBR has signed mostly What's in: A spray tan to rival even the possessions at various places on Aca- rooms. When asked why they didn't bands made up of guys with the most orange of housewives of Orange demic row to find your lip gloss? Fear Panic! At The Disco. Gym Class come out to Battle of the Bands in exception of Paramore and Versae- County. This spring, orange is the new not: carry your essentials in a fanny pack Heroes. Paramore. Do any of those the beginning of the semester, Mor- merge, but they seem to be attracted "pale." The more you resemble a pump- and save yourself from being late to class! bands sound familiar? Well, they ris answered, "It's not like we had to female power vocals, vocals char- kin, the higher your status in the fashion You can find a fanny pack to match your should, because they are a few of the just started, but we were still afraid acteristic of Cassie Morris. world. Case in point: Donatella Versace. style in floral prints, smiley face prints, artists signed with Fueled By Ramen of performing in front of other peo- When I went to interview the band Get to your nearest tanning salon today! suede, velvet, leather,and more! (FBR), a record label fond of punk ple." about their new gig, they performed What's out: Minimalist jewelry. What's out: coordinated outfits. rock. FBR is adding another band Practicing in these small practice a cover and one of their original What's in: Statement-making jewels. What's in: color clashing. Do you to their line-up: UMBC punk rock rooms is exactly how this rock act songs, and Morris' voice definitely Ladies, it's time to part with those dainty wake up every morning and painstak- band Living Dead Girl. This punk started, doing cover songs while also makes the cut. Her voice and the studs and pearl necklaces, and time to ingly match your outfit with your acces- rock act of five got the surprise of working on their own sound. "Our snappy lyrics of their original songs invest in hanging chandeliers for your sories? Well, good news! You can sleep in their lives when the CEO of the la- music is a mix of Paramore, Break- make me think they have a chance ears! Statement jewelry adds spark to any and instead wear whatever you see when bel, after seeing them perform at a ing Benjamin, and Rise Against, of going mainstream. At the very outfit, weighs you down on a windy day, you wake up. Matching? Boring. Clash- local bar, offered them a deal. although you could argue that the least, they have a good chance of not and makes for great weaponry should ing? Makes you look so much more in- Living Dead Girl is made up of last two are almost the same," states bombing it like Rebecca Black. you be accosted by a creepy stranger in teresting! The more you look like you got Cassie Morris (lead vocals), Jason Cavanaugh, chief song-writer. "I try a dark alley. Necklaces should be visible dressed in the dark, the better, ala Helena Cavanaugh (lead guitar and back- to write songs based on the work of from a distance of at least 30 feet, and Bonham Carter. Add mismatched high up vocals), Riley Bateman (rhythm those bands while also adding some earrings should be a minimum of five heels, a fanny pack of your choice, as guitar), Tyler House (bass), and Eric of our own sound." Comments may be sent to inches long. Bracelets and bangles should much statement jewelry as you can carry Howard (drums), five sophomores "I write sometimes, too," adds [email protected] jangle loudly as you pass by or take notes on your person, and you're good to go! that started out practicing in the Bateman, "but we mostly leave the in class, much to the annoyance of your Fine Arts building and slowly built writing to Cassie and Jason." fellow classmates and professor. If pass- Comments may be sent ersby throw you annoyed looks due to to [email protected]

Tuesday, March 29 Thursday, March 31 Live Music: The Green Armada Migra- Spring Career Fair Evening with Industry: The Arts tion UC Ballroom. 2p.m.-5p.m. Job positions 1st Floor FA. 5p.m.-7p.m. An opportunity Flat Tuesdays. 9p.m. Bands: The Leify Green and internship information will be available. to network with various organizations if Conspiracy, Dreamboat Armada, and Migra- Bring your resume and dress professionally. interested in working in the arts industry: tion of the Herd. Comedy Night: Tommy Sinbazo Creative Alliance, Walters Art Museum, Flat Tuesdays. 7p.m. Free comedy night Threespot. Saturday, April 2 featuring Tommy Sinbazo. Opening Acts: Bill Rock Band Night Black Light Toga Dance Party. Monaghan, Kevin Brennan, and Michael Gameroom. 7p.m. Bands of three compete Flat Tuesdays. 8p.m. Its exactly what the Finazzo. for Rams Head Live Tickets. Free pizza! Visit name says. White sheets will be provided the SEB website for more information. along with a chocolate fountain. Wednesday, March 30 80s Karaoke So you want to be an Entrepreneur? Sportszone. 8p.m. Sing your heart out to all Weekly Movie Series: True Grit those lovely 80s songs. UC Ballroom Lounge. Noon-1p.m. Advice Sportszone. 8p.m. Please buy tickets before- from Larry Davis, VP of Community Relations Weekly Movie Series: True Grit hand at the Commons Front Desk. Popcorn for SCORE, will shed light on myths and dif- LH1. 10p.m. Please buy tickets beforehand is included. Tickets $2. ficulties of starting your own business. at the Commons Front Desk. Popcorn is UMBC Talks included. Tickets $2. Commons 2B23.Noon. This weeks topic: What it means to be Black vs. African Ameri- Friday, April 1 can vs. African. Groups of 10+ please RSVP Vegas Wedding via [email protected] Sportszone. 7p.m. Get married ala Britney Womens History Month style. Certificate will be provided. Casino Social Justice Lounge. 12p.m.-1:30p.m. games, free food and prizes will be provided Celebrate the birthdays of various feminists. for your guests and wedding crashers alike. Free cupcakes and games will be provided. Evening with Professionals Weekly Movie Series: True Grit UC Ballroom. 6p.m.-8p.m. Founder and CEO LH1. 8p.m. Please buy tickets beforehand of Under Armour, Kevin Plank, will start the at the Commons Front Desk. Popcorn is evening with a talk followed by informal included. Tickets $2. roundtable discussions with alumni from various industries. The Retriever Weekly MARCH 29, 2011 arts 15

Tower of Babel Timb Mantegna Smoking Policy

Crossword puzzle It’sThe a New joke, TODAY.com get it? [email protected] for March 28, Your Best Way To Keep Up To Date All Day Long. Don't Miss a Moment. 2011 www.TODAY.com

CROSSWORD mirroreyes.com/crossword

ACROSS ACROSS 1. Coke or Pepsi 22. Sequin 40. Scrape by 1. Coke or61. Pepsi Bushbaby 5. Cut of beef 23. 52 in Roman numer- 41. Hyrax 5. Cut of beef62. At the peak of 10. Smack als 42. Indian antelope 63. Stow, as cargo 14. Chief Norse god 24. Horse 43. Nobility 10. Smack64. Directs from the front 15. Not over 25. Implementation 45. Style 14. Chief Norse65. Fail godto win 16. Vagabond 32. Eccentric 49. Childhood game15. Not over 17. Protective ditch 33. Embankment 50. Precipitating 18. Sayings from the 34. Trendy 53. Wither 16. Vagabond Sermon on the Mount 37. Achy 57. Spotless 17. Protective ditch 20. The state of being 38. Assail 59. A Roman emperor18. Sayings from the behind 39. Distribute 60. Security for aSermon debt on the Mount DOWN 20. The state of being 1. Deep sleep track 31. Mesh behind 47. Directed 2. Fragrance 11. Hostel 34. Tableland 48. Silly 3. Teller of untruths 12. Poplar tree 35. Auditory 22. Sequin51. Void 4. Gazelle 13. Modeled 36. Declare untrue23. 52 in Roman52. Joy numerals 5. An authoritative rule 19. Flavor 38. Tavern 24. Horse 53. Wall support of procedure 21. Well-ventilated 39. Borderline 25. Implementation54. Disallow 6. 1 1 1 1 25. Otherwise 41. A gold coin of 55. God of love 7. American Dental 26. Cozy corner ancient Persia 32. Eccentric56. Easy gait Association 27. In front of 42. Cicatrix 33. Embankment58. American Medical 8. Collections 28. Lacquer ingredient 44. Not these or 34.those TrendyAssociation 9. Journey 29. Plateaux 45. Ruffle 10. Transfer to another 30. Happening 46. Female demon37. Achy 38. Assail 39. Distribute DOWN 1. Deep sleep 19. Flavor 41. A gold coin of 40. Scrape by SolutionSOLU for TICrosswordONS TO Puzzle LAST of WEEK’S March PUZZLES14, 2011 2. Fragrance 21. Well-ventilated ancient Persia 41. Hyraxkrazydad.com/sudoku SUDOKU 42. Indian antelope 3. Teller of untruths 25. Otherwise 42. Cicatrix 43. Nobility 4. Gazelle 26. Cozy corner 44. Not these or those 45. Style WHAT TO DO: 5. An authoritative rule 27. In front of 45. Ruffle 49. ChildhoodFill all gameempty squares of procedure 28. Lacquer ingredient 46. Female demon 50. Precipitatingso that the numbers 6. 1 1 1 1 29. Plateaux 47. Directed 1 to 9 appear once in 53. Wither 7. American DentalC R O SSW D 30. Happening 48. Silly each row, column and 57. Spotless3x3 box. You might Association 31. Mesh 51. Void 59. A Romanwant emperor to use a pencil! 8. Collections 34. Tableland 52. Joy 60. Security for a debt 9. Journey 35. Auditory 53. Wall support 61. Bushbaby 10. Transfer to another 36. Declare untrue 54. Disallow 62. At the peak of track 38. Tavern 55. God of love 63. Stow, as cargo 11. Hostel 39. Borderline 56. Easy gait 64. Directs from the front 12. Poplar tree 58. American Medical Back to the puzzle.

Last modified: March 13, 2011 Copyright 2011 Mirroreyes Internet Services Corporation. S UDO K U 16 MARCH 29, 2011 The Retriever Weekly

Mario Chalmers, Mario Chalmers is better than Joel the best player in Anthony, pg. 17 FROLF the NBA, pg. 19 Retriever broadcasts are about to get more exciting Gus Johnson will call play-by-play for every UMBC sport starting next year Corey Johns Previously, when Stein or Mittermeier Editorial Staff were unavailable, either Levy or Troy Green, the voice of the UMBC women's The voices of UMBC basketball are basketball team, would fill in and will about to get a third member to their staff. still have the same role as they previously For four years Paul Mittermeier and Gary did. Stein have been the primary broadcast- Johnson will do the play-by-play for ing duo for UMBC men's basketball more than just UMBC men's basketball games, but with the program’s move to games. He has announced that he will the PAC-10, they have decided to bring leave his jobs commentating NFL games in a third, more nationally recognizable and other college basketball games, name to join them: Gus Johnson. strikeforce MMA, and his job with Show- "All of the best broadcasts have two time so he can become the full-time voice color commentators and one play-by- for all UMBC Retriever sports. play man," UMBC Sports Information "This is a dream come true," Johnson Director Steve Levy said. "Gus Johnson said. "When I was going around the and his enthusiasm are going to give country doing the play-by-play for a fans a big time excitement to our game different team every night it got a little broadcasts." stressful. It was a lot of studying for new Known for his uncanny ability to teams to know everything about every make the most basic bounce pass sound program. Now I get a chance to settle like it was the most intense game-win- down, be connected to one particular ning 3-pointer, and the most intense program, and have that sense of com- game-winning 3-pointer sound like Greg munity." There really should be a NATIONAL TALK LIKE GUS JOHNSON DAY!!! OHHHH!!!!! Getty Images Oden completed an offensive play with- Johnson got his first look at UMBC in out getting injured, Johnson will take 2009 when the Retrievers played Penn membered they played Georgetown a timore, and on the West Coast, where I Stadium. over play-by-play duties for the team State in University Park, Pa. Johnson was few years before in the NCAA tourna- haven't done too many games before." "I must admit. I don't know too much while Stein will join Mittermeier as a the play-by-play announcer for the game ment," Johnson said. "Even though they Johnson will begin his stint with about Cross Country," Johnson said. "I'm color commentator. as he previously worked for the Big Ten lost both games I saw, I really liked how UMBC athletics starting at the start of sure I'll figure out how to do play-by- "Gus Johnson is an incredibly excit- Network, which aired the game to a na- scrappy they were and I did a little more the 2011-2012 athletic season as the Re- play for it though." ing broadcaster to listen to," Levy said. tional audience. research and when they approached me trievers will begin to do live broadcasts "He rivals soccer commentator Andres "I was getting ready to call that game to be the voice of the program as they are of all UMBC athletics. Currently, the only Cantor in the ability to make things ex- and I was thinking to myself where I moving in the PAC-10 I felt it was a great sports UMBC does live broadcasts for are Comments can be sent to citing." knew the name UMBC from and I re- way to hit a new audience, both in Bal- games in the RAC arena and in UMBC [email protected]. Bruce Pearl added to men's basketball coaching staff Corey Johns contact with each other, calling each Editorial Staff other after big wins to congratulate each other and consoling each other Recently fired as head coach of the after tough losses. Tennessee Volunteers after admitting The day after Pearl was let go as that he lied to the NCAA about com- head coach of the Tennessee Volun- mitting NCAA recruiting violations, teers, Monroe called him to tell him "if Bruce Pearl will join the UMBC men's you need anything just let me know." basketball coaching staff, ironically as Pearl responded with something a volunteer, taking a position as a vol- that Monroe was not expecting: "How unteer assistant coach. about a position on your staff?" "I'm thrilled to have him join my "At first I thought he was joking," staff," seventh-year Coach Randy Monroe said. "This is a multi-million Monroe said, "He's a proven winner dollar coach that just wants to have and led Tennessee to a No. 1 ranking something to do with basketball. After in the country at one point. Adding we talked about it for a few seconds, him to our staff for free is a slam dunk I decided to make a position for him for our program." on my staff." Pearl, who had a 145-61 record Pearl could not be reached for ques- at Tennessee and led the program to tions, but he did release a statement six-straight NCAA tournaments, es- through the UMBC athletic department tablished himself as one of the nation's saying, "I'm incredibly happy that I'm top collegiate basketball coaches but able to be involved with basketball in was unable to find a new coaching job some way. I live and breathe basketball since being a paid coach would mean and I was in a position, because of my the school that hired him would have poor judgment, that it could have been to bear the scholarship and postseason taken from me. Every single person I sanctions that come with him. called turned me down immediately, Monroe said that through the years but Randy [Monroe] opened up to me of the two being coaches they have and I'm incredibly grateful for that and "met on more than few occasions. We I'm thrilled to be working along side go to the same tournament and camps him and I'm thrilled to be involved to look at various players and we were with UMBC athletics. Go Retrievers!" sitting next to each other one day and we just hit it off." Comments can be sent to Getty Images Since that day, the two have been in [email protected]. If there is any coach that can rival the intensity that Randy Monroe brings to the court, it’s Bruce Pearl. The Retriever Weekly MARCH 29, 2011 FROLF 17 NOT Athlete of the week: LAST WEEK’S RESULTS Joel Anthony Competitive Hackey Sack UMBC 4, Kenneshaw State 10 - UMBC dominated the owls, which dropped Corey Johns the hackey sack 10 times while UMBC only dropped it four. Skylar Ellis com- Editorial Staff pleted a perfect game as the only member of the three-man squad to not drop it. If you're a fan of the Miami Heat, or just know about what the Miami Heat San Diego 2, UMBC 8 - The “Brahs” of San Diego were nearly perfect against has done this year, you'll know that they have far from lived up to the hype UMBC and seemed to confuse them with their round-house juggles and be- they had coming into the season with LeBron James and Chris Bosh joining hind the back passes. Dwyane Wade to make the Heat the first team in NBA history to sign three of the top players in the same free agency class. While they have a 50-22 record, third in the East, their play is not anywhere near as pretty as their play. It was Synchronized Diving pretty clear what the downside of signing three big ticket stars would mean; the team would not be able to afford many other good players and so far UMBC 598, Maryland 487 - We assume UMBC won this; nobody really this season the Heat has just beaten up on bad teams but have a horrible re- knows how the scoring system of synchronized diving works. cord against teams with winning records. Probably the biggest reason for that mediocrity has been Forward-Center Joel Anthony, a 6-foot-9, 245-pound AP Photos 28-year-old that is supposed to be in the prime of his career. But Anthony flat Women’s Alpine Skiing out stinks. He's not good. He's one of the biggest guys on the court night in and , yet only averages 1.9 point and 3.3 rebounds per game and he averages nearly 20 minutes. The only good support player to the big three has been UMBC 1,092, West Virginia 989 - Again, it is assumed UMBC won this because Mario Chalmers, who has been getting the final shot of the game more and more because the team is finally realizing like synchronized diving, nobody knows how the scoring works in skiing. that he's really good and is often only guarded by the opponent’s fourth defender. But Anthony, is the only guy in the NBA that can get eight offensive rebounds without even taking a shot. All Joel Anthony does is give more and more reason for a return to the court from the greatest Miami Heat player ever: Alonzo Mourning. Shuffleboard Comments can be sent to [email protected]. UMBC 45, Deluth CC 32 - UMBC started their season off with a near perfect score. Murray Sayjack scored 21 of the team's points. Florida 48, UMBC 42 - Florida was two points away from a perfect score Chattin’ With: Shaquille O’Neal while Murray Sayjack was stellar again, totaling 24 of the team's points.

For 18 years, Shaquille O'Neal has dominated oppo- Shaq: The Lakers are a great team and beating them Chess Boxing nents on the hardwood in the NBA, winning four NBA would be great but sorry I don't know anybody by that Championships, being named the final MVP three times, name. UMBC 7, Harvard 0 - Believe it or not, this sport actually exists and like regular the league's Most Valuable Player in 2000, and an All-Star chess, UMBC rocks at it but with the Boxing aspect it is a REAL sport now. UMBC, 15 times. Six different teams have had the pleasure of TRW: Didn't you once ask him in a rap how your ass as always, brought in several ringers, such as Wladimir Klitchko, who was found having one of the most popular players in league history tastes? eligable to compete in NCAA sports as Chess Boxing is a different sport than Box- suiting up for them but no matter which team it has been, ing and he has not been paid to Chess Box yet. Klitchko got a first round knockout he has made it pretty much impossible for opposing fans Shaq: Ha, there's a website devoted to that rap. in the Heavyweight weight class while Maksym Bursak got a first round knockout to hate the basketball player, actor, and rapper with his in the middleweight weight class and Juan Manuel Martinez had a third round humor, charisma, and talent. TRW: What do you say to people who call you out on check mate victory over his opponent in the light weight division. your free-throw shooting? The Retriever Weekly: Even though you're 39-years- old you're still one of the most dominating players in the Shaq: Me shooting 40 percent at the line is just God's NCAA Tournament league, how do you keep your stats so impressive every way to say nobody's perfect. year? VCU and Butler, how did that happen? TRW: What is your favorite nickname? Shaq: The stats win nothing. I'm still sexy. I'm still great. Shaq: Diesel and Superman are the THIS WEEK IN SPORTS classics. Shaqtus, Manny Shaquiao, Thursday 04/01 TRW: Well clearly you're great and you're on a great Shaqmu, The Big Shamrock, team, how much would it mean to you if you meet and they're all funny. But I am Ka- Teach Paul-William deSilva about sports - 8:33 a.m. beat Kobe Bryant and the Los Angeles Lakers in the fi- zaam. nals? M. Walking vs. CCBC Essex - 9:07 a.m. TRW: What was your fa- Shaq: Who? vorite movie you acted in? W. Walking vs. CCBC Essex - 11:140 a.m.

TRW: Kobe Bryant, your former Shaq: Definitely Good Teaching Paul-William deSilva about sports (Session 2) - 12:34 p.m. teammate, and the Los An- Burger. Welcome to Good geles Lakers, you're Burger home of the good Rock Paper Scissors team vs. Deluth - 1:12 p.m. former team. burger, can I take your order? Dance Off: True Grit vs. The Hartford Hawk, Grudge Match - 2:02 p.m. TRW: Speaking of orders, rumor has it that you wash Teaching Paul-William deSilva about sports (Session 3) - 2:02. 34 p.m. down 24-ounce steaks with 12-ounce steaks, is that true? Shouting at the ref contest: Randy Monroe vs. Phil Stern - 2:39 p.m.

Shaq: Yup. M. Dodgeball at Ohio State - 2:46 p.m.

TRW: Does anybody touch the W. Dodgeball vs. Ohio State - 3:27.23 p.m. Shaqtus? W. Jump Rope vs. Duke - 3:34 p.m. Shaq: Nobody touches the Shaqtus. Teaching Paul-William deSilva about sports (Session 4) - 3:47 p.m. TRW: So I have to ask, how did you get so many Q's? M. Curling at Arizona - 4:73 p.m.

Shaq: Don't worry about it. Teaching Paul-William deSilva about sports (Session 5) - 5:29 p.m.

W. Bowling at Mississippi-Biloxi - 6:31 p.m. Interview conducted by Corey Johns

Courtesy of Getty IMAGES Teaching Paul-William deSilva about sports (Session 6) - 8:22 p.m. 18 FROLF MARCH 29, 2011 The Retriever Weekly

Corey’s Soccer star quits team to Sheen Corner spend more time with family new SID Dan Levin Editorial Staff COREY JOHNS The 2010-11 season has been an Change the mascot up-and-down year for UMBC athletics As the famous Shakespeare line including championships for the men's goes, "What's in a name?" At UMBC, soccer team, men's swimming and div- our athletic teams are named the Re- ing team, women's swimming and div- trievers. Honestly, when I think of a ing team and others. But now with only pet dog, I'm not intimidated. Are you a few weeks left in the academic year, the afraid of a Chesapeake Bay Retriever? UMBC athletic department has decided Are you afraid of a Banana Slug, the to go in a different direction in handling nickname of UC-Santa Barbara? Have the media. Dr. Charles Brown has an- the Banana Slugs ever done anything? nounced that actor Charlie Sheen will Before UMBC falls down that road, they take over as the head Sports Information should consider changing their name to Director (SID) for the remaining weeks something intimidating. After all, why of the spring semester. do you think the Duke Blue Devils, Sheen was recently fired from the hit Michigan State Spartans, and Florida CBS show Two and a Half Men and has Gators are so good at everything? They recently been heavily criticized for his have intimidating mascots. over-the-top interviews on networks UMBC should trump all of those. such as ABC and NBC. Sheen will now Change the nickname to the "Fire- work along with Steve Levy, who has breathing Robot T-Rexes with Tank been with UMBC for the last twenty years Treads.” WTF! That's some scary stuff. and is currently the Communications Di- If you're walking down the street and rector for the Athletics Department. in your path is a Retriever, what are you "I think this is a great opportunity to going to do? Probably pet it, right? Now bring in someone who's used to dealing if you're walking down the street and a with the media," said Levy. "Sheen is a Spartan Warrior comes running at you, winner, and that's what we want around you'll probably run. If a Fire-breathing here." Robot T-Rex with Tank Treads comes Corey Johns —TRW As Sheen gets prepared to bring his barreling toward you, you're probably His dad may be the coach, but Pete Caringi III is walking away from a promising soccer career at UMBC. "rock star Vatican assassin" life to UMBC not even going to try to get away, you'd his main tasks won't include being an probably just submit. Corey Johns Pete Caringi, Jr. said. "But as his fa- I have to be in study hall for so many SID for any one particular sport, but That's what UMBC wants its op- Editorial Staff ther I'm honored that he is willing to hours, go to class all day long around mostly just trying to get UMBC athletics ponents to do, submit before give up playing a sport that he loves my practice schedule and, during into the public eye. even begins, and there might not be a UMBC men's soccer forward Pete so we can spend more time with one practice, he [my dad] is working with "I want people to realize that these more intimidating nickname out there Caringi III has decided to leave the another." everybody, so it's not really like we're UMBC athletes are addicted to winning," than a Fire-breathing Robot T-Rex with Retriever soccer team so he can spend As big a role as Caringi III played as together all the time." said Sheen. "True Grit will be high as Tank Treads. It has a nice ring to it, too. more time with his family. a freshman, he was expected to play While Caringi, Jr. said he felt a kite these next few weeks on a drug The UMBC Fire-breathing Robot T-Rex Caringi III, played, in all, 20 games an even bigger role next year as the honored that his son would give up called Charlie Sheen." with Tank Treads; it's catchy. for the team last year and started 14. team looks to defend their America soccer so he could spend more time With so much excitement spreading Just think about it, when you run He scored six goals and five assists, East championship title. with him, he also said that, if his team around over the new hiring, people have into somebody from Maryland and ranking third on the team with 17 "It was a tough decision for me, but loses a championship because of him been wondering if UMBC students will they say "Go Terps," and you respond, points, en route to being a unanimous I felt so disconnected from my fam- leaving the team, he would never talk even be able to concentrate on school "Screw that. Go Fire-breathing Robot T- all-rookie team pick in the America ily. It was like I barely ever saw them to his son again. with all the winning going on. Computer Rexes with Tank Treads," how do they East. anymore," Caringi III said. "Yes, my Science teachers, MCS teachers, history respond? You’ve already won the battle, "It's really hard to lose a player as dad was my coach but there is a lot Comments can be sent to teachers, etc, are all worried that students they give up. good as he is," men's soccer coach that goes into being a varsity athlete. [email protected]. will pay less attention in the classroom If you're not sold on that name, there and more attention to the winning. are plenty of other intimidating ones to "I'm going to inject Tiger Blood into consider, like the UMBC Clowns. There "Air Freeman" to be new mode of this school, man," said Sheen. He was aren't many things scarier than a clown. later informed that Tiger Blood is prob- If you're sitting behind the basket in the ably a bad idea, with local rival Towson RAC and an opponent is shooting foul transportation for UMBC athletics just 20 minutes away. shots, how can he possibly concentrate Corey Johns UMBC Athletic Director Dr. Charles the more money you make off of ticket To start off his new job at the school, while there are 100 people sitting there Editorial Staff Brown said. sales, television contracts, and NCAA Sheen has up kept his challenge to Tw o with clown masks on? There's a win. The purchase of the brand new air- tournament appearances," Brown said. and a Half Men creator Chuck Lorre to Maybe you could call UMBC the "Tax The UMBC athletic department has plane also allowed the Retrievers to make "It's a large chunk of our budget to buy a cage match. Collectors." Tax collectors strike fear in purchased a Boeing 737 to serve as the a move to the PAC-10 conference. a jet now, yes, but it will only make this "I want to show this school what even the toughest of men. Or the Pen- main source of transportation for its Re- "That's a long bus trip for our teams; program more money to work with in bi-winning really means," said Sheen, guins, now that's pretty frightening. triever team. we would have to leave about a week be- the future." which is a very good thing, because no Any of those new nicknames are Named "Air Freeman," the 140-pas- fore our games, but now we can fly there The athletic program also plans to sell one really has any idea what he is talking bound to strike fear in an opponent. senger jet has been colored black and with ease," Brown said. some of the extra seats on the planes to about. You may not believe it, but when a team gold with a picture of Dr. Freeman A. The decision to buy a jet has also led fans and parents so they can support the Sheen is expected to start at his new looks down on their schedule and sees Hrabowski III on the left side in front of to more interest from some of the top teams no matter where the team may position within the week, and the other that they have to play a team like the the wing, a picture of mascot True Grit high school athletes in the country. play. It also makes it possible for both the SID's are just as excited as the student Fighting Okra (Delta State), it's impos- on the right side, and UM and BC on the "Who doesn't want to travel in style to spirit squads, such as the band, dance population. sible to take them seriously. But when wings. every game?" Brown asked. "The jet gives team, and cheerleaders, to travel to sup- "I'm also an F-18, bro," said Tom Fens- they look down and see they're going to The Jet cost the Athletic Department, us a huge advantage in recruiting. What port the teams. termaker. "I like to think I am a total rock play the Fire-breathing Robot T-Rexes which runs on a separate budget from athlete would rather bus for 6 hours "When the women's basketball team star from Mars, too," said Jess Bernheim. with Tank Treads, they just sit there, the University, $52.78 million, but was when they can fly for one hour?" got seeded in Florida for the WNIT, we With all this hype around the new wide-eyed, imagining the thing chasing a long-term investment to save the pro- With more interest from more of the knew it was going to be hard to get sup- hiring, we will see how much Sheen’s them down a street while shooting fire gram in the future. nation's top athletes, the school is in an port groups and student media outlets “winning" attitude will help as the spring at them. "When you add up all the costs of even better position to win morein com- down there," Brown said. "Now our season continues. plane tickets, bus rentals, and hotel stays petition, and that should lead to more teams will be supported everywhere.” for every athlete we have at UMBC, it money coming into the program. Comments can be sent to gets really expensive. In a matter of only "It's simple: the better athletes you get Comments can be sent to Comments can be sent to [email protected]. a few years, the Jet will pay for itself," the better you do, and the better you do [email protected]. [email protected]. The Retriever Weekly MARCH 29, 2011 FROLF 19

Retrievers moving to the PAC-10 next year Good Call

DAN LEVIN Top 5 NBA Athletes There are so many fantastic ath- letes in the NBA today, but if I had to narrow down my list of the top five currently in the league’ this is who it would come down to: 1) Mario Chalmers: Point Guard- Miami Heat There is no question that Chalmers is by far the best point guard in the NBA right now. Despite getting hurt last week, Chalmers is the best player on a team featuring LeBron James, Dwyane Wade, and that guy from Canada who looks like Snoop Dogg. His skills are unmatched and his leadership is unquestioned, and after leading Kansas to a National Cham- pionship, Chalmers has been nothing but a star in the NBA. The sky is the limit with this kid. Can you say Air Corey Johns — TRW Chalmers? UMBC Athletic Director Dr. Charles Brown has slowly helped UMBC move up the ranks, and now the program he runs will be apart of the PAC-10. 2) Aaron Afflalo: Shooting Corey Johns to join, with top candidates being now," Brown said. "We can go when- new conference does not sponsor la- Guard- Denver Nuggets Editorial Staff Quinnipiac, North Dakota State, and ever and wherever we want now, and crosse. Both the men's and the wom- First of all, his name alliterates, Radford. that really made the decision to join en's teams will remain in the America how awesome is that? Afflalo is a In the midst of one of their most "We're thrilled to be a part of this the PAC-10 a simple one." East conference, however, with the knock down shooter from the wing successful seasons in the America expansion," Brown said. "The PAC-10 In today's sports world everything growing popularity of lacrosse on the position for a Nuggets team that has East conference, UMBC Athletic Di- is a fantastic athletic conference with is about the best market for televi- west coast, specifically in Oregon and gotten better after Carmelo Anthony rector Dr. Charles Brown has decided some of the best teams and some of sion contracts. By joining the PAC- Washington. The conference is mak- took his talents to New York (another that the Retrievers will join a new the best programs in the country. To 10, which will eventually change its ing strides to sponsor the sport in the Baltimore guy to NY, this is all Teix- conference, the PAC-10. be associated with them is going to name, the conference has now tapped near future. eira's fault). Afflalo is now the best For nearly a year now the PAC-10 make our athletic department even into the Baltimore media market. "I think it is a tremendous move to player on the Nuggets team and, has made it clear that they are at- better." "UMBC is a very nice up-and-com- go into the PAC-10," women's basket- with the random assortment of talent tempting to become a 16-team super The move was made possible by ing athletic program with good sports ball Coach Phil Stern said. "They have around him, the former first team All- conference. After the Big 12, which the purchase of a 140-passenger Boe- all around," PAC-10 Commissioner some of the best programs around, American Afflalo could lead his team now has 10 teams, decided to stick ing 737 by the UMBC Athletic De- Larry Scott said. "We wanted to make and it will only make our teams to title town. together rather than joining the con- partment. UMBC, which is currently sure we got in touch with them be- stronger simply by associating with 3) Rudy Fernandez: Shooting ference, they decided to look other in the America East conference, cur- fore another conference realized their them. Besides, I could use a weekly Guard- Portland Trailblazers places rently busses to most locations. The potential to be a big draw in one of vacation in southern California in the Rodolfo "Rudy" Fernandez is the UMBC is set to join the conference average bus trip to Albany, NY takes the East Coast's biggest cities." middle of Baltimore winters." best player on a Portland team that in the 2011-2012 athletic season with 6 hours and 10 minutes, while a non- The only UMBC sports that will pretends LaMarcus Aldridge doesn't Utah, while Colorado will join the stop plane trip to Los Angeles, CA. not be associated with the PAC- exist and has seen Brandon Roy go following season. The conference is takes only 5 hours and 35 minutes. 10 immediately are the men's and Comments can be sent to down with injury. Fernandez can ex- still searching for three more schools "We're truly a national program women's lacrosse programs, as the [email protected]. pand defenses with his superb three- point shooting and can also throw it down when he needs to, as shown Retrievers to sponsor a varsity co-ed Rifle in his performance at the 2009 slam dunk contest. When you hear chants of "Ru-dy, Ru-dy" echo through your team starting in the 2012-2013 athletic season town, you know the Spanish Spark- reigning national champions, Mem- plug is doing work. Corey Johns phis, NC State, Nebraska, Ole Miss, 4) Acie Law IV: Shooting Guard- Editorial Staff and West Virginia, which has a nation Golden State Warriors best 13 national championships in the In reality, Law really isn't very UMBC has announced that they will sport. good. I honestly just put him on the sponsor two new sports starting in the "It's a tough league, but in order to list because I think he has a really cool 2012-2013 season. The school will be the best you have to beat the best, name. It sounds like the name of the sponsor co-ed Rifle after taking a full and the only way to beat the best is leader of a really cool army branch athletic season to go through the start- to compete against the best," Brown that people should be really afraid up process. said. of. But in reality he's averaging only "Rifle is just another sport that the UMBC is already in the process of four points per game on a non-playoff school can make a mark in," said converting the basement of the RAC team. At least he was good in college. UMBC Athletic Director Dr. Charles arena into a shooting range complete 5) Mario Chalmers: Point Brown. "It's a growing sport and we with a seating area behind the marks- Guard- Miami Heat want to get a jump on the competition men for people to view the relays. He is so good. by building our program now before it A head coach has not been named gets flooded and we're competing with to lead the new winter sports for the Honorable Mentions: Ty Lawson, everybody for recruits. If we start now, Retrievers, but they are already in the Lou Amundson, Pops Mensah-Bonsu then we'll already be an established interview process for . As soon and I just wanted to give an honor- program by the time it catches on ev- as the head coach is named they will able mention about how terrible Joel erywhere else." purchase all of the necessary equip- Anthony is. Seriously, that guy is aw- UMBC has already accepted an invi- ment and then begin recruiting. ful. tation to be a part of the Great Ameri- courtesy West Virginia Athletic Communications can Rifle Conference (GARC) which Comments can be sent to Fourteen-time national champion West Virginia is going to have some big Comments can be sent to currently hosts Army, Kentucky, the [email protected]. competitition soon in co-ed Rifle. They had better watch out. [email protected]. The Retriever Weekly MARCH 29, 2011 sports 20

WOW! THIS LOOKS COOL

UMBC should seriously consider adding a 17 Joel Anthony isn’t good 18 “Air Freeman” jousting team WEB Dan Levin gets fired Courtesy iflPhoto.com