BEST VIEWED WITH AN OUTSTRETCHED ARM... LIKE A DEPRESSING VAN GOGH WEEK 7 EDITION | 22 April 2009

Student violence 10 years on from Columbine

STAFF INTERVIEW THE INTERVIEW GASTRONOMIST The Tanya Sydney’s top Carillonist >06 Plibersek >10 chicks >21 WEEK 7 EDITION | April 22, 2009

04 08 > Allie Pollak calls in an Honi’s Guide to... > Ye Olde Rumour Mill gives you the hush-hush low > Patrick Caldwell explains tenancy laws and how not to get down on Union candidates evicted > Mark di Stefano vox-pops some happy vacationers 05 > Steph D’Souza looks at USYD Debating prowess > Michael Krasovitsky reports on the failed Palestine SGM and looks at a new Indigenous cadetship program 10 > Michael Krasovitsky speaks to Tanya Plibersek, Minister for Women and Minister for Housing

12 > David Mack looks at violence perpetrated by students here and around the world 14 > puts out. Yeya. > Alexandr Wansborough critiques a culture of complaint > Alex Lee slam dunks the funk at Slamball

20 > Jonno Seidler gets his hip-hop patriarchy bling on > Jacinta Mulders meanders through Florence > Alex Lee fries us up some chicken > Anusha Rutnam learns to colour between the lines!

22 > David Wilton covers inter-col boating > Jacqueline Barker looks at USYD sailing

06 > Katherine Connolly interviews Jill Forest, Carillionist > Cassandra Taylor quietly whispers why working in a book store may not be all its cracked up to be

EDITOR IN CHIEF Michael Krasovitsky EDITORS Will Atkinson, Katherine Connolly, Bronwyn Cowell, Mark Di Stefano, George Downing, Giselle Kenny, Alex Lee, Paul Mackay, Sriram Srikumar REPORTERS Allie Pollak, Cassandra Taylor, Tom Kaldor, Alexandr Wansborough, Tim Whelan, David Krasovitsky, Vivienne Egan, Anusha Rutnam, David Mack CONTRIBUTOR Steph D’Souza, Pat “Rugged” Caldwell, Alice Fraser, Giorgia Rossi, Jacinta Mulders, Jacqueline Barker, David Wilton, Daniel Richardson COVER Paul Mackay GRAPHIC DESIGN George Downing COMIC Sertan Saral and Patrick Magee CROSSWORD Ben Jenkins PUZZLES Tom Clement

ADVERTISING [email protected]/PO Box 794, Broadway NSW PRINTER Marrickville Print and Design, Unite E1, 46-62 Maddox Street, Alexandria, NSW 2015

DISCLAIMER Honi Soit is published by the Students’ Representative Council, University of Sydney, Level 1 Wentworth Building, City Road, University of Sydney NSW 2006. The SRC’s operation costs, space and administrative support are financed by the University of Sydney. The editors of Honi Soit and the SRC acknowledge the traditional owners of this land, the Gadigal people of the Eora nation. Honi Soit is written, printed and distributed on Aboriginal land. Honi Soit is printed under the auspices of the SRC’s directors of student publications: Mike Mackertich, Patrick Wall, Elly Howse and Samuel Moginie. All expressions are published on the basis that they are not to be regarded as the opinions of the SRC unless specifically stated. The Council accepts no responsibility for the accuracy of any of the opinions or information contained within this newspaper, nor does it endorse any of the advertisements and insertions. not mirroring the social cleavages of themselves into life-long matrimony Culture up to the student body at large. Since 90% over getting a job for a year. What’s of students don’t give a fuck about worse is that it never rates a mention. our arseholes Honi, a truly representative ticket, by Get real. The world, let alone K-Rudd, Since we last published, the Honi Louis Garrick, Arts III Tristan’s logic, would include 9 editors does not owe you a living. editors have been busy. One headed who pronounced Honi Soit without to Melbourne, another to Uluru and Dear Honi, any of the panache that a private yet another to Dubai. Three have Australian culture (and perhaps school education in French ensures. A recipe for been ‘working’ on their theses and Western Civilisation) has reached a one has been working on impressing low point. André Rieu is making a bullshit a new special someone. One observed guest appearance on ‘Neighbours’ Not Happy Jan catherine Dillon, Arts I Passover, another finished Lent, most had sex and two got hair-cuts. this week. I implore every student John Nowakowski, PhD Candidate, of the university to make an effort Dear Honi, throughout his or her life towards Engineering At the same time, things were happen- Now while I don’t intend to sound ing all over the world. Women pro- raising the cultural bar in Australia. like an A. skeptical. B. naive or C. We deserve and are capable of more. Dear Honi, tested in the streets of Kabul against pretentious (although there is more new legislation that denied their right I am very disappointed that there than enough of that getting around, wasn’t an edition released in Week to say No to their husbands’ sexual don’t get me started! Mac? Wayfar- advances; Richard Phillips, captain Sent from my 6. Honi this year has, so far, proven ers? Country Road bag? Check! Your the continuing downward trend of of a vessel taken hostage by Somali in!) first year (yes ! arts! And yes! It pirates, returned home to his family iPhone publications since I first started at The was my first choice!) student, I am Steve Hind, Law IV University in 2004. Yes, that’s right, safely; and the world’s biggest demo- intrigued, what now exactly is the cratic elections took place in India. I’ve seen enough Honi Soits to need function of our dear SRC president my own garter. Dear Honi, Noah White? All in all, a lot’s been happening, both When are we, the students who have to in our lives and in the world around Love your work! Now I will give him the benefit of the us. These changes represent the enor- put up with your meaningless dribble doubt, but I always seem to catch sight every week, going to see something of mous diversity of experiences and Last edition, Tristan Winter took of him casually wandering around opinions that typify both your lovely umbrage with the socio-economic worth. Is there really so little going on campus seemingly indifferent to the on campus that you just have to give Honi editors and the wider world. As breakdown of last year’s Honi Eds. functioning of the rest of the world, a publication, we’ve been criticised Let me assure him that three of our us weekly updates on Union Elections curls glistening and bouncing in the from Week 1? Tom Lee’s obnoxious, for many things: Islamophobia, ar- 10 editors were ‘educated’ at public sunlight. Now fair enough, but all I rogance and one-sidedness to name schools. Indeed, Anya and Alice but he doesn’t need such a big lead seem to have gathered of your func- up. a few. While we would like to think didn’t even attend trendy inner city tion provided to me by yours truly that what we’re producing every week public schools, but rather far-flung Honi Soit is that your major role as is a balanced and informative paper, outersuburban hellholes. Seeing your weekly “from the vault”, president of the Student Representa- I can only hope that you are looking we understand that not everyone is as tive Council is to provide us with a proud of Honi as we are. I myself went to a private school and for inspiration, and I hope it comes recipe simple enough for any half wit quickly. then college only because of generous to concoct and a weekly *deluded* To those who believe we are doing a scholarship assistance. Being margin- *optimistic* report that claims such poor job editing the paper, I would like ally less well off at those places cer- Get real y’all things as the recent mediocre at best to say two things. The first is, please let tainly did broaden my outlook, often and very, very placid turnout of two us know. We can only improve if you having to make do with substandard Rob Turnbull, Arts/Law II hundred students out of a student let us know what you have a problem domestic help and ‘sparkling wine’ population of thousands for the with. The second is to keep in mind instead of French Champagne. Dear Honi, recent campaign for your rights a that amongst our editorial team, there First, the SRC was onto it, then the resounding success?? are more perspectives than there are I also suggest that Mr. Winter look Herald got on the bandwagon and people. Add to that a university of a little more closely at his fellow Noah White keeps bleating on about Your ever avid reader. Even if it is only 48,000 people, and you’ve got a whole factionites. I’d be willing to bet that how all these young people are getting to be amused. At least you’re not as lot of different and often competing he’ll smell a little Chardonnay on their married to qualify for youth allowance trashy as the bull. ideas. So feel free to criticise us, but at breath if he does. as an independent. There is another least try to realise that we work tire- way: get a job, earn the $18,000 or so lessly to bring you the best paper we More importantly, it’s stupid to criti- and then bludge off the government. It Smiles all round can, one that expresses, as best it can, cise a group of involved students for really irks me that people would bind Samira Nathan, Science II the wonderful diversity of opinions at this university. was escorted into Wallace Theatre Dear Honi, by his personal bodyguard, a band of This is just to say that I think you guys With that in mind, enjoy what I would stalwart young Australians, their eyes are doing a good job with the paper like to think is one of our best editions blazing and hair gleaming. this year. Last year, I never really got yet! into Honi, but I’m really enjoying it After two minor speakers were booed this year. I know that people don’t Michael Krasovitsky from the stage, with cries of “We want often write in and say they actually Walsh,” “Is this a Communist plot?” like things, so I thought I’d break the the chosen candidate of the Boston T pattern! Just a helping In 1965, tensions were running Party (founded in 1904 by Thomas T hand, if you high between the student body Boston) appeared from the midst of and the State Government. his bodyguard, bounded onto stage Cultural don’t mind with daisies and his lapel shaking Richard Walsh, editor of the Justin Simon, Union Board Director infamous Oz, stood for election merrily, removed a streamer from his Confusion mouth, toilet roll from his hip-pocket against the incumbent M.P., Pat Sam Morris, Arts III Dear Honi, Hills, for the seat that included and proceeded with his policy speech. Sydney University. An article Dear Honi, I was wondering if, in next week’s At virtually every 16th word of this from the time clearly character- Perhaps ‘the hijab will never be ex- Noah’s kitchen, he could tell us the scintillating speech, interruptions ised his approach to the election: hausted’. Asserting ‘modesty’ and recipe for the chalk he used to write came in the form of flying red and ‘He will stand for the seat of ‘beauty’, concepts which are noth- his (still visible) name in the Carslaw blue streamers (the official colours of Phillip, which includes the Uni- ing more than the interpretations we courtyard last September. versity and portions of Glebe, the Boston T. Party) bursting balloons each have been inculcated with – of Chippendale and Darlington. and the screams of numerous girls what value to Australian society are When last seen Mr Walsh was standing in the aisles and seated on those undefined concepts of the veiled on very friendly terms with his the stage, wearing blue and red socks Muslim Malaysian International stu- SEND LETTERS & new Electorate. “I call it Pip” he tightly pulled across their far from dent? It seems helpful, practical and CONTRIBUTIONS TO confided.’ undeveloped bosoms. necessary to define these terms – and maybe accept that they are simply the [email protected] Wednesday 21st saw the opening of Mr Walsh was later heard to comment, product of culture: a culture which the campaign of the Boston T. Party, “I don’t know where the girls come puts its faith in ever changing ‘inter- Only submissions with your by its leader and sole candidate, from. Where’er I wander they simply pretations’. name, year and faculty Richard Walsh. After an interview pop up like daisies beneath my feet.” will be accepted. with Channel 10 and a brief but pungent press conference Mr Walsh Published in Honi Soit, Edition 9,1965.

>03 Honi’s Guide to... the iPhone Allie Pollak blue-tooths us her reflections on the iPhone world we live in

A quick spin around our campus con- ndeed, CrackBerry has been used to Rumours have surfaced that firms it- the iPhone is taking over, fast. who don’t blow their nose and describe this condition and its popu- Kim Jong-Il’s trusted brother Hugh Jackman”. As if we didn’t have enough reasons larity as a term was solidified in 2006 in law, Jang Song-Taek, is to be distracted when we should be when Webster’s New World College poised to takeover power from studious, the iPhone, with it’s boasted The police have seized $900,000 Dictionary named “crackberry” the the country’s ailing chair- in heroin and cash in simultaten- 15,000+ applications provides all “New Word of the Year”. man. These have been denied the distraction necessary to make us ous raids on three Sydney prop- by Jong-Il’s administration, erties, in Erskineville, Stratfield forget why we actually came to uni in who swiftly announced that the first place. and Sans Souci. A police spokes- the county’s glorious leader person commented, “Well, we will now be referred to as Kim What is the iPhone? always search the more dodgy, Jong-Healthy as a reminder shitter suburbs first when we’re Unless you have been living under a that his youthful vitality will rock or on exchange in a tribal com- looking for cash and smack. allows him to rule North Ko- This time we were spot on. One munity with no wireless or broadband rea forever. signal, you will no doubt know. More of the properties even had a glitzy than Inspector Gadget’s fine Honda CRV out the front! Dead Companies are increasingly giveaway mate!” An anonymous finger tools, the iPhone is slick, stalking their employee’s Fa- futuristic-looking and intimidating policeperson who was obvi- cebook profiles, much to the ously a bit of a loser, told Honi as fuck. The iPhone is based on the chagrin of disgruntled staff, assumption that we are all too busy, he overheard some of the cooler who’ve expressed their dis- officers talking about “getting too bored or just too lazy to live our satisfaction in their Facebook lives through the many different loose and smashing bitches with statuses. One employee is facing the sweet haul”. Hectic. mediums of technology already out charges for setting his boss’ there. Hence a heavenly saviour that desk on fire, claiming that his brings it all together. Work hard Jimmy and you too may The 5th Dwarf World Games one day be a hand model status, which announced that he will be held in Belfast, North- thought “the desk of his oppres- ern Ireland in July 2009. The Apple offers you the ability to ‘iPhone sor would meet a fiery end” and your life’, claiming ‘once you own an announcement was received The Players the charred remains of said desk with alarm by the city’s lep- iPhone, you discover that it’s more IPhones don’t discriminate. There the following morning was just than a phone. It’s a way of life.’ With rechaun population, who fear are a few social groups that have an unfortunate coincidence. that they will be outshone more anti-social applications con- been attracted by this invention. densed into one machine than ever by their more athletic coun- In a comment on the latest terparts, dwarf Olympians, before, the iPhone boasts sms, mms, The celebrity – the odd model/ boat people crisis, Prime camera, internet, weather updates, who are much more quirky actor/singer has been known to Minister Kevin Rudd has and interesting than them. an ipod, internet, calendar and gps use the phone as a substitute for a described people smugglers just to name a few. Also, you can pop After a successful bid to add chiwauwua, male friend or Hermes’ as “the vilest form of human new events to the games, a bubbles, make fart sounds and throw Birkin bag. life”. The quote in full, how- bottles at things! leprechaun spokesperson ever, actually reads “people remained confident however The business man – the slick inven- smugglers are the vilest form that his kind would dominate Origins tion provides the constant reminder of human life, except for The iPhone was unveiled to a salivat- the new gold-finding and that there will always be people paedophiles, people who walk havoc-wreaking events. ing American pubic on January 9, around the world working when slowly in front of you, people 2007 and went on sale in the US on he’s not, and the ring ring during his June 29, 2007. In the first 30 hours 30th wedding anniversary speech or of public availability 270,000 iPhones the beep beep of an email at 3.34am were sold. It has been reported that from Tokyo is the perfect wake-up since then, apple has sold more than call. 13 million iPhones, making it the third largest phone manufacturer. The core The law student – being such impor- of the phones appeal is its touch screen tant and inaccessible young minds, and virtual keyboard interface which the iPhone allows law students to was developed and marketed as the verify current legislation and check phones primary novelty. Fierce com- their myspace and facebook pages at petition has ensued between iPhone all times. and its prime competitor Blackberry, who together are to blame for the Time magazine named the iPhone hilarious dependence and addiction the ‘invention of the year’ in 2007 that millions of Blackberry/iPhone - with so many bored people in the users struggle with on a daily basis. I world, it’s no wonder why! Paddy got distracted during the race.

days behind can the landlord issue a You also represent yourself, so it’s a certain basics – water, heating, Tenancy Law notice of termination of rental agree- relatively stress-free environment. electricity, structural integrity etc. Patrick Caldwell moves in, and ment and apply to the Consumer, Should one of these things no longer work, you should write a letter to the leaves his shit everywhere. Trade, and Tenancy Tribunal (CTTT) The landlord wants to increase to end that agreement. You’re entitled the rent. landlord telling them to make it work. Your relationship with your landlord to stay until that decision is made. If you’re renting on a fixed-term If it’s urgent – like getting an electri- is governed by the Residential Tenan- contract (like 6 or 12 months), they cian out to fix faulty fuses or wiring, cies Act and regulations, and covers If cash is tight, have a chat with the can’t increase the rent. But if you’re for example – you can get up to $1000 all your rights and responsibilities landlord about a payment plan – it’s on a continuing agreement (which of urgent repairs done and claim in renting a property, as well as your generally going to cost them way less begins when the initial contract ends, reimbursement from your landlord remedies should everything go to poo. to wait for you to get back on your feet but you stay in the property), then through the CTTT, but again, make For a useful guide to every potential than it is to advertise the place again they can increase it providing they sure you put all the details in a letter. issue in renting a property, check out and let it sit vacant for that time, so give you 60 days’ notice. If you think the NSW Tenants’ Union at www. they’re likely to be pretty reasonable. they’re being crazy about how much You want to leave, or your land- tenants.org.au for factsheets, draft In the worst-case scenario, if you need they think you should pay, then as- lord wants you to leave. letters regarding property issues, and to end an agreement before the lease suming you want to stay there, you The rule is basically if you’re on a con- advice. Below is a quick guide to the is up, you can apply to the CTTT for can apply to the CTTT for an order tinuing agreement, either party can most common problems you might an order that you don’t have to pay that the rent increase is excessive give 21 days’ written notice to end the face: out the lease on the basis of financial and negotiate a lower rate. agreement. Exceptions apply where hardship. the property has become uninhabit- You’re not paying your rent. Something that should work able or one party has breached the If you can’t afford to pay your rent or The CTTT is an excellent dispute- doesn’t work. agreement. miss a payment, your landlord can’t resolution mechanism, and it only Under the Residential Tenancy Act, just kick you out. Only once you’re 14 costs $33 to have an issue heard there. the landlord is obliged to provide >04 We truly are Mass Debaters Student General Indigenous Steph D’Souza takes a look at USYD’s latest debating victory Meeting Fails Cadetship Fact: winning is flipping awesome. tournament. Designed to bring Michael Krasovitsky looks at the Program At the first major inter-varsity new individuals into the broader collapse of the SA motion tournament of the year, the Australian inter-varsity debating community. launched On April 1, an extraordinary Student Inter-varsity Debating Championships Universities are only allowed to send Michael Krasovitsky explores (affectionately known as Easters), held one ‘pro’ (someone who as debated General Meeting was held by the SRC. at the University of Queensland, Sydney at either the Australasian or Worlds While used heavily in 2005, student this exciting new opportunity for general meetings have in the last two University debaters demonstrated tournaments) per team. Indigenous students their appetite for success. In contempt years, been relatively absent from uni- at being dragged away from chocolate- Sydney, however, strictly prohibits versity politics, partly because of the enormous number of students needed A new Indigenous Cadetship program sharing, bunny-worshipping festivities, ‘pros’ from competing at this has been launched by the University of our brightest and best new debaters tournament at all. This is no and partly because the SRC is most of- ten able to resolve problems internally. Sydney. The program will see Indige- nevertheless put in an exceptional disadvantage - Sydney not only claimed nous students working with professors showing, winning the championship ‘Best Novice’ at the tournament (Daniel The official story was that the SRC and academic staff in their chosen fac- for the fourth time in six years. Swain), but also 2nd (Paul Karp), 5th ulties and will be launched next month. (Elle Jones), 8th (Michael Coutts), was calling for a student voice in re- gards to the situation in Israel-Pal- estine in order to open discussion on the issue of the University of Syd- ney’s response to the events there.

In fact, what transpired was a fail- ure on the Socialist Alternative’s part to mobilise student interest, or appeal to a broader student voice. The Socialist Alternative had called the meeting and written the reso- Indigenous achievements lution which was to be discussed.

Included in this resolution was a Cadets will work on a paid basis an motion to support the ‘boycott, average of one day a week. They disinvestment, sanctions’ move- will also be required to work full ment against Israel and to secure time over a two week period some $1000 every year to the fund- time during their cadetship The or- ing of Palestinian Solidarity Week. ganisers of the program state that While the political and social situ- “your schedule will be flexible and ation in Israel certainly does merit tailored to fit in with your study”. some discussion, the resounding failure of the Student General meet- Jobs will provide both technical ing, which managed to attract only training and mentoring to Indig- 57 people, shows the ever-increasing enous cadets, allowing them to prac- Yes. No wait, No! 10th (Dominic Bowes), 11th (Julia tice and hone the skills that their University of Sydney Union 1, Baine & Eliza Forsyth), 12th (Heydon divide between average students and the agenda of the Socialist Alternative. fields require. It will also provide comprising Elle Jones (Contingent Letcher), 14th (Jessica Bloom) & 18th them with a useful means of meet- Captain), Daniel Swain & Eliza (Ed Miller) and Mel Brooks achieved ing academics and scholars in their Forsyth, claimed their rights as 10th best speaker overall. World For a student general meeting to go ahead, at least 200 people must be area of interest and to build connec- victors in a unanimous 9-0 decision domination? Totes tions with these influential figures. against ANU 2 on the topic “That present. Clearly, this prerequisite was Indigenous communities should Was that all? Oh no you di’n’t! Sydney not met, and the meeting was dis- solved. Peculiarly, while the 500 sig- The cadetship will run for a maximum revert to customary law”. USU 2 (Mel also broke 6 adjudicators and upheld of three years to coincide with the Brooks, Ed Miller & Heydon Letcher) its reputation as the Lords & Ladies natures needed for a student general meeting to be called were gathered by standard 3-year degree. In order to be progressed to the semi finals, and USU of Debauchery. Incidents included eligible, you must be of Aboriginal or 3 (Paul Karp, Julia Baine & Michael thoroughly documented graphic the Socialist Alternative, Honi count- ed less than 40 people come to the Torres Straight Islander background Coutts) progressed to the quarter hooker-upperers within the contingent and be enrolled as a full time student. finals. In addition, Sydney left an (including an incident involving a meeting to vote in favour of their mo- indomitable mark on the tournament, pool table), a violent exchange with tion. This enormous discrepancy has raised a few eyebrows. In his email The University has stated that “a great with a further four teams proving extortionist Thai restaurateurs, the theft cadet is a student who is eager to learn themselves eligible to compete in the of all Championship Dinner balloons, to members of the Whigs, Andrew Coleman even posed the question, skills that will assist in their career af- octo-finals (USU 4, USU 5, USU 6& and a congratulatory pineapple being ter graduation”. USU 9), but due to tournament rules lobbed at Daniel Richardson’s head by “Maybe, just maybe, those who signed the document weren’t students”. were capped out. Director of Debates, Steve Hind. All in For more information, see all, Brisbane was taken by storm by a Having been defeated, the Social- http://www.icad.usyd.edu.au/ Justice was served, however, when the thoroughly enthusiastic and lovingly index.html. talent of Sydney’s novices dominated deranged Sydney constituency. ist Alternative are left with little the speaking tab. Easters is a novice option in regards to their pur- suit of Palestinian “solidarity”. To Carillion or not to Carillion? A Book to boot STAFF INTERVIEW Katherine Connolly talks to Jill Forest, University CAREERS Cassandra Taylor dotes on Carillonist the plight of book store staff Walker, took over for a year, during I work in a bookstore. Before you start which time auditions and interviews getting these romantic notions in your took place and I was fortunate enough head about sitting around all day on a giant beanbag with a soy flat white to be appointed to the position. Biblical Studies 1001 by Daniel whilst flipping through Wilde, let me Richardson What’s the history of the tell you: bookstores are just like all other retail stores. University’s Carillon? Question: What Would Jesus Do? The University of Sydney War Answer: Biblical Studies 1001. A I’ve had many a lovely customer, but Memorial Carillon commemorates the more pertinent question, though, is also, many dreadfully annoying ones 197 undergraduates, graduates and ‘how many conflicting accounts of too. Are you one of them? staff who died in World War I. It was the same millennia-old proclamation paid for by private subscription both have there been translated from the “I’m looking for a book.” Sure, we inside and outside the university, and original Hebrew..?’ was dedicated on Anzac Day 25 April have thousands. Could you be more specific? “I don’t know the author’s 1928. The original bells were cast in These questions and many, many name, or the title… it was released in England by the famous bellfoundry of more have been raised in my Biblical 2004.” Awkward silence. “Oh – and John Taylor and Co. of Loughborough, Studies tutorial, a subject that really I think the cover was blue!” What an SoCarols what for exactly all! is a Carillon and Leicestershire. In 1973, the Taylors puts the ‘trial’ in ‘tutorial’. how does it work? recast the top bells, and in 2003 the epiphany, Ma’am. I’ll take you to the blue section. Carillons are the largest musical top 33 treble bells were replaced I can say with some certainty at least instruments in existence. They consist by Whitechapel of London, the that I may be the only non-religious Then the horror that fills people’s of at least two chromatic octaves of bellfoundry that cast Big Ben. person in the whole course. I, for in- face when I say: Sorry IT’S OUT OF tuned bells, made from an alloy of 80% stance, would never answer the ques- PRINT. “Out of print? But I need it for copper and 20% tin, which sound when Is it difficult for players to access tion “What is the Bible?” with “The book club this Saturday morning! And struck by internal clappers of soft iron. the Carillon to practice? Lord’s instruction manual for us on I forgot to make scones last month, The Sydney carillon contains 54 bells Yes, this certainly restricts the number Earth, before we ascend.” No. I might so Dora is going to fret… don’t start (4 ½ octaves) that are hung in the clock of students. The Environmental have answered “A haphazardly com- me on Abigail…” Meanwhile a line of tower in the main quadrangle. The bells Protection Act precludes playing the piled, poorly translated anthology of disgruntled customers form a mob are fixed in position; their clappers are bells themselves before 8 am (if we Jewish, Mesopotamian and Greek behind, whilst I stare blankly into the connected by wires to a large keyboard were a chainsaw we could start at 7 myth”. in the room below the belfry. When am!), and of course during working abyss and wonder – what has my life become? the clapper strikes the inside of the hours and lectures they could be a Lucky, then, that my tutor didn’t pick bell, the bell’s diameter determines the distraction. So if you are jogging in the me. frequency of the fundamental note. morning between 8 and 8.45 am, or in My thoughts are shattered by the stupidest question of the day: “So… A number of overtones also sound, the evenings and weekends when there Eight weeks into the course, and I may if it’s out of print, does (our biggest including the minor third; these add are no other functions in the vicinity, just have changed my mind. richness to the sound. The instrument someone will be practicing. competitor) have it?” I calmly reply that I DON’T KNOW. “Well, can’t is played from a keyboard of manual No longer do I think the Bible itself to you look that up?” I clarify: Are you batons and pedals. What is the best time and place to be full of basically harmless moralis- asking me if it is possible to look hear the Carillon being played? ing, and Christians to be the deliber- up the inventory of a competing How did you get to become the There are free recitals every Sunday ately manipulative, highly-organised bookstore? “Yes. Do you have their University Carillonist? afternoon at 2 pm, and every Tuesday shysters responsible for its many de- phone number? It’s probably cheaper In its early years, the carillon was played at 1 pm, except when there are exams plorable distortions and mutations. by a number of honorary carillonists. in the vicinity. However, to hear the there anyway. Can I get a discount if I buy two books? Do you price match? In 1944 John Douglas Gordon bells at their joyful best one should “The God of the Old Testament,” says Where is your section on hairless cats was appointed the first University listen on the front lawns or in the main Richard Dawkins, “is arguably the from the nineteenth century? Can you Carillonist, a position that he held quadrangle before and after each of most unpleasant character in all fic- spare a nickel?” until his death in 1991. He taught me to the University graduation ceremonies tion: jealous and proud of it; a petty, play, and in 1978 I passed an exam and because then, as the Ceremonial Voice unjust, unforgiving control-freak; a Working in a book shop is fun, but joined the group of enthusiasts who of the University, the bells will rejoice vindictive, bloodthirsty ethnic cleans- remember that working in the big assisted him as Honorary Carillonists. with you. er; a misogynistic, homophobic, rac- wide world of books can be just as Later I studied carillon in New Zealand ist, infanticidal, genocidal, filicidal, frustrating and people-focused as any and Holland. When John died senior pestilential, megalomaniacal, sado- other low-paid retail job! Honorary Carillonist, Dr Reginald masochistic, capriciously malevolent bully” and after seven or so tutorials, I’m inclined to agree with him.

Anyone who has stumbled, even inno- cently, into the domicile of debauch- Spring Valley, hear me roar! ery that is the Old Testament would Tom Kaldor helps himself to a big bottle of placid consumerism know what I meant when I asked, two weeks ago: “GUYS! WHAT THE My favourite type of girl is the Red Bull men dressed as 1920s gangsters. my Blueberry Smart Energy. It wants FUCK?!” girl. They’ve got it all: good looks, free to be healthy and fruit-related but, at beverages, a vehicle that is trendy yet But Spring Valley has recently crossed the same time, it wants to maintain The story of The Golden Calf, for in- spacious, and cool composure when I the line. I was strolling up Abercrom- the rebellious, “this shit will jack you stance, tells of how God and not for scream at them from across the road. bie Street when I was stopped by an up” mystique of an energy drink. the first or last time, slaughtered ordinary guy offering me a comple- hundreds of people in a ‘tanty’; in an- So strong and endearing is my love for mentary energy drink – “Smart The result is some seriously confusing other, God kills twenty-four thousand Red Bull girls that I have conditioned Energy”. marketing. The can is clad in nice, people in a dummy spit of, if you will, myself to become aroused by people healthy colours and the word “smart” Biblical proportions. The Book of Exo- handing out free drinks from the back By this point in time, Spring Valley is emphasised to let us know that this dus then goes on to tell us, essentially, of any car. had already failed me twice: not only isn’t any ordinary, mix-with-vodka not to cheat on God with some idol, had they sent a guy, but they hadn’t energy drink. But lean closer and the because that fucker will KILL YOUR Very aroused. even put the effort in to dress him up cracks start to show. A blurb on the HEATHEN ARSE!’ as something interesting (like a 1920s can reads: The modern stresses of It is people like me that have made this gangster, or a Red Bull girl). stress can stress out the inside of our Or maybe he won’t. He’s tricky, that form of marketing very popular. In brain. Drinking this smashes fatigue God guy. Yes, they’re a largely un- second semester last year, I was even Spring Valley is traditionally known in the guts so you can rock out. That’s fashionable, intimidatingly happy de- tricked into thinking that milk would for its fruit juices, not its energy drinks. not very smart. mographic those Christians, but they be a refreshing beverage on a hot af- seem undaunted by the fact that God ternoon, simply because it was being This tension creates what could only could, hypothetically, turn around at distributed from the back of a limo by be described as an identity crisis for any moment and smite their sinful, Billabong-wearing arses: and for that, I applaud them. Amen.

>06 To $900 or not to $900 Boo-Boos and No-Nos The case for... movies can also do the job of the guy of every country but Australia. Not An earthquake wreaked havoc on Sriram Srikumar, Good mood who just sells the candy. Even more only does this mean the stimulus the Italian region of Abruzzo last problematically, a large amount of us payment won’t do anything to rescue week, killing 270 and leaving 28,000 The economy is what we think it is. It’s are working in service industries like our economy, it’ll also subsidise the people homeless. Ever the master a well-known truth that if everyone hospitality which are hit earliest by insufferable sense of self-discovery of tact and sensitivity, the fabulously expects to sell less cupcakes and TVs downturns. All this means that students that travelling seems to inspire in wealthy Italian Prime Minister Silvio then you’re likely to buy less cupcakes are early to become unemployed and students. If my Facebook feed is Berlusconi announced that those af- and TVs - a perfect self fulfilling very much need the money. going to be flooded with pretentious fected should “think of it as a week prophecy. This is why handing out messages about how the “real world” is of camping”. See, Silvio knows. He’s And here’s a last thing that has in an “unseen” Cambodian village that free cash to lazy students was one of been to the camps. Seen the marsh- the Government’s best ideas. A whole nothing to do with economics. In they’ve discovered on a package tour, between “voluntary” textbooks and I’d like to think that my tax dollars mallow-toasting, Kumbayah-singing group of the population who consider good times that people are having. “saving” lame will be out in force over subscriptions needed to do well in a aren’t paying for it. Those homeless Italian ingrates the coming months spending away course, $900 sometimes doesn’t even their unearned cash to buy our way cover the upfront cost associated with Also, stimulus payments are about need to stop whining and embrace out of any downturn. Students offer a semester’s education. Students are restoring the confidence of consumers the simple life. the government the biggest bang for put under enormous financial strain so that they feel comfortable spending. their buck; not only will they spend the and they deserve to be at the front of Students just never lost confidence. Taking an opportunity to articulate money immediately, they’ll also spend any handouts queue. We’ll keep on ploughing ahead with his administration’s desire to re- it in the high impact areas. our lifestyle of impulse purchasing pair US relations with the Islamic The case against... and weekend splurging. If any section world, President Obama last week Whereas others may spend the new Sriram Srikumar, Bad mood of the consumer base needed less confidence, it was us. voyaged to Turkey. Footage has re- money on paying down loans or saving cently surfaced of a Turkish news Third world countries the world over it in their bank, students will be busy anchor presenting an entire report continuing keeping alive fledgling rejoiced when K-Rudd announced the Economics aside, here’s the other on Obama’s visit in blackface – take-away restaurants, clothing stores $900 stimulus payment to be made thing. Students just don’t need the and bars. These sectors of the economy to many Australian students. The money. I hear now the cries of protest that is, with his whole once-white are most dependent on the very single biggest assumption behind the from those who have moved out of face painted black. Perhaps he discretionary spending that disappears stimulus package by the Wayne train home and suffer the adult pains of didn’t realise that in the English- in times of economic downturn. and the rest of Australian treasury is making the rent. Poverty isn’t quite speaking world this could be seen that the money is going to be spent in the same and deserving of pity when to be a teensy bit offensive. Perhaps While some students may disagree, Australia. The only local businesses it’s self induced. When others can’t he just really loves Barack and we’re a largely unskilled labour force. who are going to benefit from this make their fortnightly or monthly rent wants to be like him in every way. payments, they’re forced out onto the We do the jobs in the economy that cash handout are the STA and Qantas. But then, perhaps he just hates require very minimal training. Those Actually, probably not Qantas - even streets. If we can’t make our payments, we lose a little face as we move back in America like every good Muslim jobs are also more disposable when students aren’t that desperate. The and understands that if we can’t push comes to shove. In bad times, cash will instead flood into the pockets to the suburbs with our parents. Giving kill the infidel, we must at least the person who sells tickets at the of dingy hostels and dodgy tour guides students money is just a bad allocation of our very scarce resources. offend them. Who really knows? Leonardo da Vinci would not eat meat because he refused to make his body a tomb for animals. Ber- nard Shaw was a vegetarian be- cause he believed animals were And the his friends. And remember Vol- Tom Lee divides its resources between her and taire’s eloquent defence of animals: candidates are… Independent. Politics Society socials Brownless. ‘What a pitiful thing, what poor stuff You’ve no doubt noticed that Rumour officer (plus a bunch of others societies and things, just look him up on it is to say that animals are machines Mill has been glorying in the rumours deprived of knowledge and feel- and whisperings that have accompanied facebook). Asked a question one time A sporting the lead up to this year’s Union Board on Q&A. chance? ing...’. More recently, Peter Singer election. All good things must come to has adapted Utilitarianism to put David Mann an end however, and with the passing It’s not just the political hacks providing animals into the Consequentialist of the deadline for nominations, we can Independent. Likely heir to Doug Thompson’s make-sure-they-know- Honi with fodder for rumour mill; equation. Causing animals harm is present to you your candidates, along we’ve has also heard grumblings from bad and causing animals pleasure with information cobbled together you’re-hot campaign strategy. Paul’s boy, debater. Did we mention he’s a the direction of Sydney University is good. What’s more, brutes who from hearsay, scurrilous rumour and Sport and Fitness (SUSF). facebook. slamming hottie? torture animals are not the sort of Our sources from within SUSF have people one wants to be acquaint- Melissa Brooks Aidan Popely Independent. Active member of been complaining about the special, ed with. As crime investigation Independent. Kicks about the debating and apparently undeserved treatment programs reveal, such thugs often and SASS traps, Union Women’s SUTEKH and Surge (the Sydney uni radio). Incidentally, has anyone ever received by the University’s rugby have a propensity toward brutaliz- officer… kinda short. But don’t let that players. be the reason you don’t vote for her. even listened to Surge? For a radio ing their own species. station, doesn’t seem to do much Apparently, the rugby players do Scott Brownless broadcasting. But then, we don’t do And yet I remain unconvinced much journalism so… whatev. badly compared to other sports the NLS. Active member of CubeSoc, university participates in; they also that animals have rights. I believe the rubix cube and other puzzles Jessica Priebee are “barely passing their subjects”. rights are by definition belonging appreciation society. Well known This alone probably wouldn’t cause amongst science kids. Has a whiff of Independent. SASS Catering Director/ to people. Humans interact with O-Week director. Could be a Liberal, too much contention; gripes have the nerd about him, really. developed because despite this, rugby other humans and it is essential that might be an ex-Liberal but its not there is a code of conduct ensuring really clear. Definitely running as an players are consistently offered plum Michael Buckland graduate jobs from the “boys club” of rights. However, never are we on Unity (labour right). An also-ran from independent… but maybe with the Liberals behind her. Liberal. retired University rugby players. equal terms with animals. Lacking Union Board elections 08, he amassed is the Rousseau style ‘general will’ a monster 6 votes in total. Let’s shoot Jonathan Ribot Former USYD rugby players have for 7 this year Michael! Honi is right gone on to occupy some of the most uniting the interests of ‘man’ and behind you! Yeh! Independent. Head of International ‘beast’. So, our obligation remains House, goes by the intriguing nickname important government and private positions, and it seems that these firstly to our own species because Chris Ho of ‘Delicious Mauritius’, so looks like he’s got the all-important Mauritanian connections are paying off for some we depend on on one another. Whig. It’s not clear if he’ll be mining young athletes. his pun-tastic last name for campaign vote tied up. slogans. The only Ho on Union board That is why, when people are dying Giorgia Rossi No such safety net exists, it seems, for indeed. Sydney University badminton players. from hideous diseases, it is essen- Independent. Cheerleader, law revue- tial that animals be experimented er… Honi predicts she too will be Michael Falk on for medical research. Of course, Independent. Debater, writes for this capitalising on a pretty face. And a ready supply of perky, pom pom this is not to say animals should fine publication and the Bull. All- be treated badly. But any mani- around good guy, has a touch of the wielding supporters. zany to him though. festation of affection for animals Peter Seith GOT A that hinders medical progress is Amani Frijat Independent. Big in Union circles, RUMOUR? a betrayal of the human species. Whig. President of the Arab Student’s especially VegeSoc and the Food Co- op. If he gets on board, steel yourself [email protected] Experimenting on animals should Association. Her profile on the society’s derive from our more compassion- site says, “I can make any monster stop for a stealth campaign to turn all Union its tracks just with my powerful eyes”. outlets veggo. ate sentiments toward our fellow Cool power Amani. Come by the office human beings while stopping un- sometime and show us! Elizabeth Watt necessary pain to animals. NLS. Current USU Women’s Convenor. Will be interesting to see how NLS Alexandr Wansborough

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>08>08 Bjorn, Science (Advanced) III neither can they. Kill – Zac Efron 1. I am tutoring physics to 4. 77cm. impressionable high school students in Fisher. Bridie, Arts (MECO) IV & 2. I have, but am not sure what I will Shannon, Arts (MECO) III ARTHUR MUTAMBARA, DEPUTY PRIME MINISTER OF ZIMBABWE spend it on. Course debt? 1. B: Studying at Fisher, S: I work 3. Kill – Zac Efron, I hate musicals. for the Union organising the it’s Art THERE WILL BE NO HOLY Shag – Boat People, to give them Collection. COWS. THE AXE WILL HIT citizenship. Kill – Nicolas Sarkozy, 2. B: Have we got it yet? S: Yeah I WHERE IT MAY AND WE to get to Carla Bruni. have mine, it is going into savings WILL NOT TOLERATE ANY 4. However long is required. for a trip to Italy. GOVERNMENT OFFICIAL Christen, Commerce II & Anna, 3. Shag – Zac Efron, those body shots WHO IS PROLONGING LAW- at the start of 17 Again, Marry – Boat People, Kill – Nicolas Sarkozy. LESSNESS IN THE COUNTRY 4. As long as Efron can last in bed.

Commerce I 1. Studying for midterm International Business and Management exams. 2. We are international students, but Tom, Political Economy Vox Pops! we hear you Aussies are just going to (Hons.) Mark Di Stefano finds cats on campus during vay-cay. buy drinks with it. If we did get it we 1. I am doing my Political Economy would travel to Ayers Rock. thesis and require a Short Loan Questions 3. Shag – Sarkozy, he has good book economic policies. Kill – Boat 2. No, unfortunately I do not qualify 1. What are you doing at Uni People, if we can’t get citizenship because I tutor, scoring sweet cash- during the mid semester break? in-hand-no-tax-benefits. 2. Have you received you K-Rudd 3. Shag – Boat People, cause they’re $900? And if so what have you fiery, Marry – Zac Efron, cause he spent it on? reminds me of myself. Kill – Nicolas 3.Shag/Marry/Kill: Nicolas Sarkozy, parce qu’il a l’odeur d’un Sarkozy, Zac Efron, Boat People français 4. How long is a piece of string? 4. Twice as long from the middle to the end. Women, Housing and Tanya Plibersek Michael Krasovitsky talks politics with the Honorable Tanya Plibersek

The idea is that you pay 20% below that I’ve asked the Office for Women to into the not-for-profit sector Tanya Plibersek was born in the market rent rate for your property concentrate on is economic security rather than to the states. What Sydney in 1969. She completed and then the owner of the property, and independence, and that of course do you believe the affects of this a BA Communications with which could be either a private owner includes salary. change will be, particularly for Honours at UTS and a Masters or a community-housing organisation, students and women in crisis, of politics and public policy debit the government every year. The The other obvious issue that affects all escaping domestic violence for at Macquarie University. She reason we’ve decided to put this scheme women is physical safety. We’re doing example? was first elected to the House in place is because we want to add to a major piece of work on a national of Representatives in 1998 as a the supply of affordable property – it’s plan to reduce domestic violence and There are a couple of really big member of the Australian Labour no good just increasing the subsidy if sexual assault. This issue is particularly changes that we’re making in the area Party. Today, she is the Federal you’ve got a shortage of property in important to young women, who of homelessness and public housing. Member for Sydney and is serving the first place. That program is well may find themselves in distressing Women and kids escaping domestic as the Minister for Housing and the under way and I know that one project circumstances. violence will benefit hugely, not just Minister for the Status for Women. has been approved in Zetland. If we from the $6.4 billion injection into get projects like this in areas in close One of the things that I’d like to say public housing, but also from a number proximity to UNSW and USYD and about that is that university is a terrific of service changes. UTS, it’ll make a huge difference to opportunity for young men to consider students finding accommodation. the sort of relationships that they want The first big lot of changes that we’ve considered are through the At the moment, many students //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// homelessness White Paper process, are eager to take advantage of the Students “are finding it terribly dif- and we’ve set aside $1.2 billion to First Home Buyers grant and buy ficult to find an affordable place” fund this project. This includes $400 property. What advice or caution million extra for specialist types of would you give to students in //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// accommodation to be built and $800 such a position? million to improve services. Those to have with the women who are their improvements include things like I would be very, very cautious unless peers and the sort of society that they helping people who’ve been victims you’re confident that you can pay want to help create. I would hope that of violence to remain safely in their a mortgage and continue to pay a for male university students, they homes and removing perpetrators mortgage even if your circumstances would not just think about their own and specialist children’s workers to change. I know that there are students behaviour, but think about the sort of work with kids who have witnessed that are working lots of hours a week leadership they can show. The slogan or experienced violence in the family and I know that there are students “not violent, not silent” captures what home. Often, if a woman is taken to paying high rent. Although the I’m trying to say. Domestic violence a refuge with her kids, the funding difference between the rent they’re and sexual assault are huge issues for focus is on the mother. There hasn’t paying and their mortgage might not women, but they should also be huge been enough of an acknowledgement be great, people have to think very issues for men, and university is a of what a traumatic experience it can carefully. really good time to think about that be for kids. We’re trying to rectify this Do you believe that there is a and campaign for that. imbalance. crisis of student housing, as You need to take into account possible many student publications attest future changes in your employment So you’re putting the focus on to? your family, all of those things. If there both men and women? So we’re making lots of changes in how are two of you, what happens if the we deal with the really sharp, crisis I think there’s a crisis in affordable relationship changes or you have a Men have a responsibility to take end of the problem of homelessness: accommodation for anyone on a low baby, or if can’t work for some other charge not just of their own behaviour, trying to prevent homelessness in the income, and that applies particularly to reason? People need to do their sums because it’s of course important to not first place and placing a much greater rental accommodation and particularly very carefully. commit violence yourself, but also to act emphasis on prevention and join-up in our capital cities. If you look at rental out against injustices that their friends service delivery. This means that we’re vacancy rates around the country, in That said, a lot of young people believe or colleagues may commit. University trying meet the needs of the whole most capital cities they’re less than 2%, that it’s a great time to buy because is a place where men can say, ‘I have an person at once, rather than moving in fact, in most capital cities they’re the up front benefit is good and they opportunity to say influence my peer people around to deal with their hovering around 1%. feel confident of their income. Good group, so if I hear of someone who’s issues. luck to them! The reality is, I think The Real Estate industry would it’s more likely that the students that The third thing we’re doing with tell you that a 3% vacancy rate is will be taking advantage of this will homelessness is trying to curb the necessary for equilibrium. So the be studying part time and working cyclical nature of what’s happening – fact that we’re around 1% shows full time, rather than the other way most people experience homelessness that we’re desperately short of rental around. It is up to every individual to multiple times and we want people to accommodation. Most people, most do their sums very carefully. You need stay housed over an extended period. students, that I know, don’t use specific to keep a lot of space in your budget in student accommodation – colleges and case your circumstances change. On top of these changes, we’ve heavily so on. They prefer to share houses with invested in public housing and, as you friends. I know that they’re finding it As the Federal Minister for say, a lot of that new housing stock will terribly difficult to find an affordable Women, what issues do you be owned and managed by community place, well to find a place in the first believe most affect young female housing providers. Essentially, I think instance, and then to be able to afford students? How is the Government Hello children. departments of housing have done it. acting to resolve or deal with violent or sexist or harassing someone by-and-large very good work with these problems? in a college, then I can do something to very limited money. The previous How is the government stop that’. government ripped $3 billion over 10 responding to this lack of I think it’s extraordinary that when years out of public housing – there’s no affordable housing? today’s students graduate, an average There are a whole range of behaviours way that that wasn’t going to impact on female graduate’s starting salary will that we’re exposed to all too often and the availability of accommodation and We’re addressing this through our be $3000 less per year than a male university is an opportunity to speak the money that’s available for upkeep National Rental Affordability Scheme graduate’s starting salary. Although we up and say ‘Honestly, that’s terrible and maintenance. – it’s a $623 million scheme which will have women entering every professional behaviour’. The silent condoning or start building 50,000 new, affordable area and although we’re receiving the off-setting of social responsibility I think that what we’re seeing with rental properties over the next 10 more university graduates who are is incredibly destructive. the emergence of some community years. The first 4,000 of those have female, we still see that from the very housing organisations is a more been approved already, a number of beginning of a woman’s professional The federal government is about innovative service-delivery model and which are in Sydney. career, there are significant differences to embark on a reform of the a more nimble tenancy management in pay. One of the three streams of work Housing market, pushing funds approach. These groups are able >10 to develop a very good quality commitment to “closing the gap” the great challenges is resetting the the issue was dealt with was counter- accommodation for a reasonable price between indigenous and non- relationship between indigenous and productive in many ways. In the spring and, importantly, they’re able to borrow indigenous Australians. What, non-indigenous Australians. We took session of parliament we’re going to against their balance sheets, unlike in your opinion, are the main early action to do that by having the re-establish this important legislation government departments. This means challenges affecting indigenous National Apology on the very first day in the Northern Territory. Australians today? What steps of parliament and by introducing the //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// are the government taking to Welcome to Country to Parliament. So it’s all of these practical initiatives “Trying to prevent homelessness in close the gap? These were both very important done in the broader framework of the first place and having a much symbolic gestures. closing the gap that is compelling the greater emphasis on prevention and I think the main manifestations government at the moment. join-up service delivery” are those we see in life expectancy, And then there’s the ongoing infant mortality rates, chronic relationship with indigenous Final question. You’re the //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// illness and disease rates, educational Australians. The government is Federal member for Sydney. In achievement, unemployment and rate looking to a national indigenous your professional opinion, what that they can actually generate more of imprisonment. There are a number representative body to give a greater are the best restaurant, best housing for every dollar of government of areas where there are significant voice to indigenous Australians and a cafe and best bar in your fine money invested. gaps and we need to have policies and preferred model will be presented to electorate? programs in place for every one of government by July. We’ve also recently I think that this new system will mean those areas. signed the United Nations Declaration Ok, well my favourite restaurant is greater communication and learning on the Rights of Indigenous Peoples, Onde on Liverpool St in Darlinghurst. between states and not-for-profit So take education; we’re looking at which shows that we’re willing to move My favourite cafe.. Well.. organisations. The state departments making sure that every indigenous child forward and that we are willing to be of housing will learn from these has access to pre-school education so judged by international standards on Just to put you on the spot a organisations, as will the community that they don’t start school behind. We whether we meet our targets in closing little.. housing providers learn from the want to increase high school retention the gap and improving quality of life states. It’s not that one system’s terrible rates so that more indigenous children for indigenous Australians. Yes... Cafe Kawa on Crown St. And and the other fantastic – there are finish university or TAFE. So right my favourite bar, well it was a couple lessons to be learnt both ways. I think the way along, we’re looking for the The other important element of this of years ago now. I’m more of a club that having more providers of social government to play a bigger role in discussion is in regards to the Northern person. Can I say my favourite club? housing will give us a better system supporting indigenous education. Territory Emergency Response. The over time. The same goes for life expectancy and suspension of the Racial Discrimination Well. Sure. In a recent speech to the United infant mortality, chronic disease and Act has really worried us for some Nations Committee on the illness and so on. time. We acknowledge that action was Tank. Status of Women, you spoke needed to secure the safety of young of the Federal Government’s On the other hand, I think one of indigenous people, but the way that Wow. International Students Beware of Lending Money Students’ Representative Council, The University of Sydney

Problem: Recently, a number of International Students have come to the SRC for legal help in getting back money the lent to other students. In the cases that we have seen, it is female students who have been asked for money from male students.

It is often difficult to recover the money in these cases, mainly because it has been handed over without any receipt being given and no record of a bank account deposit. It seems that the money has been given on the basis of trust that it will be paid back.

Issues: Where students can go for help with money We recognise that in some cultures such as in The SRC understands that it may be hard for China, money is lent on the basis of trust and non-citizens of Australia to know where to go for a sense of deep personal honour that it must help when they have a difficult financial problem. be paid back – on time and in full. For various However, help is not far away. appointments are you and your counsellor. reasons, some students are not paying back their Telephone: (02) 9351 6346 (Darlington campus) debts in full or at all. This can leave the lender in If you are having a problem with money, or (02) 9036 7329 (Cumberland campus) financial despair. someone asks you for money, here are the Web: http://www.psych.usyd.edu.au/gtc/ services that can help you as an international Living far away from home and making friends is student: • ISSU has professional staff who can help you not always easy. Lending fellow students a small by discussing the stress of your financial situation amount of money to help them out if they are • Financial Assistance Office can lend and provide strategies to manage. This service experiencing financial difficulties can sometimes international students in financial need up to is confidential and especially for international show that you are a good friend, but often can $1,000. students. lead to problems which impact on the friendship. Office hours: 9.30am-4.30pm, Level 5 Jane Foss Address: Level 5 Jane Foss Building Building Telephone: (02) 8627 8437 Solution: Telephone: (02) 9351 2416 E-mail: [email protected] We suggest you should be wary of lending even E-mail: [email protected] a small amount of money to people you do not SRC Caseworkers: know well. We suggest you should never lend • International Office may agree for you to Of course you can always come to SRC HELP and any more money than you are prepared to lose pay your tuition fees in instalments if you are in talk to one of our caseworkers in private. – because it might turn out that the borrower is financial need. (Level 1 Wentworth Building, Tel 9660 5222 or not as trustworthy as you first thought. Address: Level 4 Jane Foss Building email: [email protected]) Telephone: (02) 8627 8300 If you are asked to lend some money to anyone, SRC Legal: even a friend, you must be very careful before • Gambling Treatment Clinic offers confidential And if you need legal help, please contact us: you give it to them. If there are no documents and free counselling if you think you have Drop-In sessions: Tuesdays and Thursdays to prove that you gave them the money it is very a problem with gambling. This will NOT be 1pm-3pm (no need for an appointment) difficult for a lawyer to help you get it back. reported to the Faculty or wider University. Appointments: Or phone for the SRC Office to The only people who will know about your make an appointment 9660 5222. //

At first, it sounds to you like I don’t like Mondays… centre of the community is the street, the difference now is…what we call in firecrackers. That’s what they all say, Dr Fast tells us, so here the school will public health ‘lethal means’: the means all those who climbed out of windows ‘Tell me why’ echoes the chorus of be the next logical choice for making a of killing a lot of people in a very short or hid under desks or were simply Bob Geldof’s 1979 pop single for The ‘mass statement.’ time and that didn’t necessarily exist spared by divine grace or pure chance Boomtown Rats, which was written in previous cultures where it wasn’t so or twisted irrationality and lived to tell in the aftermath of the Cleveland Of course, in using statistics to boil easy to find an instrument that would and retell and tell again their stories of Elementary School Shooting in San down atrocities into criminal profiles, kill a whole village.” escape: firecrackers being tossed on the Diego. 16-year-old Brenda Ann Spencer even one as scarily detailed and real ground in a far-off hallway by someone had recently been given a shotgun as that, we lose the human element in Alpers believes the shootings speak to mucking around and interrupting your by her father for her birthday and for translation. The same is true when we a technological shift, not a generational morning lecture. six hours she sat on her front porch look at the figures. Since the Cleveland one: “The difference now is not so opposite the school and shot at “red and shooting of ’79, there have been 41 much that our children have changed… The oddness of that thought lasts barely blue jackets.” She killed the Principal shooting sprees or attempted shooting but certainly they now have, some of a second before a distant scream sends and Head Custodian and injured eight sprees in US schools. If we follow the them now have, easier access to lethal your mind racing with grainy images children and a police officer. When internationally recognised definition means.” from TV news reports of students asked why she had embarked on the of a ‘mass shooting’ – yes, such a thing scrambling away from buildings, rampage, she shrugged her shoulders exists – where five or more need to Dr Peter Langman is the national gripped by panic and fear. and nonchalantly replied, “I don’t like be killed in a non-domestic conflict, director of the 126-year-old US Mondays. This livens up the day.” then that number whittles down to 8. children’s crisis charity KidsPeace, and In a lecture hall that barely seconds Nonetheless, 138 people have died in author of Why Kids Kill: Inside the ago was alive with learning and People have been asking why for a long American classrooms and corridors Minds of School Shooters. From his thoughts and words and whispers, time now. Why such violence from since Brenda Ann Spencer was arrested office in Pennsylvania, he shares with not a word is spoken. The silence is our children? Why have our schools on her porch. 21 dead in Canadian me some of the insight that has made literally deafening. You can feel your become arenas of death? In most cases, schools. 22 in Finland. 35 in Germany him one of America’s foremost experts ears straining to recapture what they the students and staff have barely been including the 16 who perished on on school shootings. glimpsed – or thought they glimpsed – evacuated before the media arrives March 11. a moment before. and begins building a public profile of “Though retaliation may play a role the gunman. But long after the press Technically then, there has not been in some school shootings,” Langman In an instant, you’re infinitely more trucks have rolled on to the next scene a ‘mass shooting’ in Australia since tells me, “often the victims are shot at aware of your surroundings than of devastation and the police have filed Port Arthur but there has been a random. If the people being shot never ever before. The feeling of the pen in away the case and the politicians have campus shooting. On October 21, harassed the perpetrator, it does not your hand. The bitter taste from your ended their moments of silence, the 2002, a commerce student at Monash appear to be retaliation.” morning coffee still in your mouth (Or University in Melbourne, Huan Yun

is that the adrenaline?). The number of //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// Xiang, burst into an econometrics But to a society in shock and left people between you and the door. The “They do seem to be peculiarly mod- classroom, stood on a desk and grasping at straws for answers, one height from the window to the ground screamed “You never understand of the easiest rationalisations to make below. ern events but they are really just an- me”, before opening fire. He killed about often-irrational events like other iteration of a very old instinct two students and was only prevented these is that they are purely retaliatory In the incredulity of the moment, and that is the homicidal instinct” from killing more by the heroic actions events.

people are surprisingly calm. Despite //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// of the wounded lecturer and students the stream of action movies that set up who tackled Xiang when he tried to “…Being teased or picked on by itself for you the character of the hostage, change weapons. Xiang was later does not cause school shootings. If 10 bystander or civilian as a frantic and people most closely affected are left found not guilty by reason of mental million students are picked on, and shrieking mess, there are no hysterics. with that nagging question. They sift impairment and could be held in a one of them goes on a school shooting, People move towards the door and into through past encounters for any clues. psychiatric hospital for up to a quarter it would be highly inaccurate to say that the hallway in a hushed camaraderie They question what made their town of a century. teasing causes school shootings,” Dr WHY SUCH VIOLENCE FROM OUR CHILDREN? WHY HAVE OUR SCHOOLS BECOME ARENAS OF DEATH? LONG AFTER THE PRESS TRUCKS HAVE ROLLED ON AND THE POLICE HAVE FILED AWAY THE CASE, THE PEOPLE MOST CLOSELY AFFECTED ARE LEFT WITH THAT NAGGING QUESTION

that has seemingly sprung from special. They band together, asking Langman says. “What we see among nowhere. ‘Why?’ Lethal Means school shooters is a convergence of many factors, among which teasing Be grateful you weren’t one of those Mass Statements Down the phone line, Associate may be one that results in a school taking chemistry, or history, or French Professor Philip Alpers from the shooting.” or whatever classroom he burst in on Brenda Ann Spencer is an anomaly. University of Sydney’s School of Public first. In the rain of bullets, they never The statistical profile assembled Health is at pains to remain measured //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// stood a chance. by Dr Jonathan Fast in his book and scientifically balanced. He doesn’t “Mass shootings are very, very rare Ceremonial Violence: A Psychological want to be referred to in the piece as events no matter how they seem to ‘This kind of thing doesn’t happen Explanation of School Shootings tells ‘anti-gun’ and his voice lightens as he be increasing or how many people here,’ you tell yourself as you scuttle mentions his love of target shooting. us a shooter is most likely to be male. seem to be dying in them” away from the building wherein shoots He will have a learning disability, a Alpers has studied gun violence can still be heard. small number of friends (with whom extensively and has the air of a man //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// he originally shared visions of his plot) who has been burnt in this debate too ‘This kind of thing doesn’t happen and some sociopathic traits: impulsive, many times before. One of these other factors is definitely here’ is what they all thought in one bad at taking rejection, indifferent to mental health. After Eric Harris and sense or another as hell bore down on the feelings of others. He will be the “They do seem to be peculiarly modern Dylan Klebold killed 12 students and a their school before their eyes. younger sibling to an over-achieving events but they are really just another teacher and wounded 23 at Columbine brother or sister and will live in a rural, iteration of a very old instinct and that a decade ago on April 20, Harris was evangelical community yet feel forever is the homicidal instinct,” he tells me. widely reported to be a sociopath but alienated from God. In urban areas the “We’ve been killing each other well Klebold remained more of an enigma. before recorded history began and “Klebold was extremely private

>12 //

MARCH 11, 2009. ANOTHER TEENAGER – THIS TIME IN GERMANY – OPENS FIRE IN A SCHOOL, ADDING SIXTEEN NAMES TO A LIST THAT IS AS HEARTBREAKING AS IT IS PECULIARLY MODERN. ANOTHER NATION BATHES IN BLACK AND GOES INTO MOURNING. ANOTHER SET OF STUDENTS AND TEACHERS AND FAMILIES AND POLITICIANS SEARCH FOR MEANING AMID THE BLOOD-STREWN TEXTBOOKS. TEN YEARS AFTER COLUMBINE, DAVID MACK SIFTS THROUGH THE PIECES AND ASKS WHY: WHY HIM AND WHY NOT HER? WHY THERE AND WHY NOT HERE? WHY THEM AND WHY NOT US?

and kept his unusual thoughts to “It’s generally assumed that the not to publish specific details of this himself,” Langman explains. Langman United States has 5% of the world’s plan as it may jeopardize our response examined 27,000 pages of records population and 50% of its guns… to future events,” he says. from the Jefferson County Sheriff’s Finland and Germany both also have Office including Klebold’s journal and high rates of gun ownership,” Alpers Through a measured and carefully says. “The suggestion that has been worded statement, he assures me that //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// made is that the more guns you have, the University has a “comprehensive “Nobody can say it’s not going to the more chance there is of somebody Crisis Management Plan” that has been happen to them” being shot.” “tested by a broad range of professional staff trained to manage any incidents //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// In the days following Port Arthur, on campus.” John Howard introduced sweeping his conclusions that Klebold exhibited new legislation that destroyed some “The safety and welfare of students, traces of psychosis were reported across 820,000 weapons or what Alpers staff and all members of our the US. Still, he does not hesitate to say estimates to be “a third of the nation’s community are of paramount concern that simply “being psychotic does not stockpile”, describing it as “the biggest to the University,” Kotic says. make someone dangerous.” shrinkage of a national stockpile in the world per capita ever recorded.” The Mr Kotic also refers to a “Campus In the promotional video for his scientist in him is careful in linking the Safety Plan” currently being discussed new book Columbine, journalist two, but he calls it “encouraging” that “with key stakeholders, including Dave Cullen explains how the boys’ there has not been a mass shooting student representative bodies, and is intentions had evolved and become (five or more dead, non-domestic) in being considered for implementation perversely grandiose rather than Australia since. “The risk of dying by which will further enhance the safety local. “They weren’t trying to punish gunshot in Australia has more than of students and staff.” the jocks,” he says, staring down the halved,” he says with some certainty. camera. “They were trying to terrorise SRC President Noah White isn’t as the entire country on television.” Alpers stresses though that this doesn’t confident. “It’s not a big secret that make Australia immune. “Every time this plan hasn’t been finalised”, he tells Cullen stands outside the new library they happen, the first thing everybody me. “We’re not satisfied with the level where thirteen trees have been planted. says is ‘Oh, it couldn’t possibly have of consultation between the University In the cool Colorado climate, there are happened in our town. Oh, we were and the SRC.” no leaves growing. It’s almost as if they so surprised and…he was such a nice never will. guy.’ You get this every time: ‘He was Noah can’t brief me fully though, he such a nice guy.’ When you’ve got that tells me. He wasn’t President when ‘Not in our town’ happening, nobody can say it’s not the issue was discussed and can’t get going to happen to them.” access to the file today. Besides, his “The thing is mass shootings are head is swimming from the “three very, very rare events no matter how Threat Assessment Procedure hour meeting” he had yesterday. they seem to be increasing or how many people seem to be dying in As recently as April 14, police had Maybe I’ve been thinking about this for them,” Alpers tells me. “They are still set up a command post at the UWS too long now but my frustration gets extremely rare events.” Parramatta campus after a letter the better of me. Noah gets defensive containing “disturbing information” when I question how seriously the SRC Despite their rarity, they still seem was found a week before in the regards the issue and assures me “they almost anticipated or habitually student administration office. A police will always fight for a safer campus.” predictable. As the media narrative spokesperson asked for “vigilance”. I believe him too, but maybe just WHY SUCH VIOLENCE FROM OUR CHILDREN? WHY HAVE OUR SCHOOLS BECOME ARENAS OF DEATH? LONG AFTER THE PRESS TRUCKS HAVE ROLLED ON AND THE POLICE HAVE FILED AWAY THE CASE, THE PEOPLE MOST CLOSELY AFFECTED ARE LEFT WITH THAT NAGGING QUESTION

permeates the collective social University staff emailed all students because there’s no one else who wants consciousness, these shootings seem warning them of the threat. By to talk about this. to drift into the background like some Wednesday afternoon, any immediate anthropological trend that future danger had “passed.” * * * academics will look back upon as a cultural curiosity. To Australians, there To help prepare and protect educational Over just a short period between is something distinctly American in institutions, Dr Langman advocates, March and April there were three flavour about them, no matter if it be a “increased mental health resources” more mass shootings in the US. Ten Virginia technical college or a German for students as a means of prevention dead in Alabama. Eight in a North Gymnasium. But the nagging question over “physical security measures such Carolina nursing home. As I sit at my remains: why there and why not here? as metal detectors and surveillance desk finishing this article, my mind cameras.” He does stress the need consumed with the horrors I have sifted From the home of the Second for a competent “threat assessment through in the name of research, my Amendment, Dr Langman tells procedure” to be in place, as well as TV springs to life. A deranged man was me “there is no clear answer”, but educating staff and students as to able to amass a stockpile of automatic Professor Alpers is prepared to be “what to look for and what to do.” weapons and leave fourteen dead in an more forward. “In the [Mach 11] case upstate New York community centre. of the boy in Germany, the difference Despite this advice, the University of I watch the television in a transfixed between a school yard punch up and a Sydney’s Chief Operating Officer and state of horror. I gasp. I sigh. I feel a massacre was the easy availability of a Deputy VC Bob Kotic isn’t keen to share wave of sadness. I am shocked, but I semi-automatic pistol,” he says. with me any details of the University’s am not surprised. response plan. “It is university policy Diary of Kevin Rudd Tim Whelan, uncoverer-of-diaries extraordinaire reveals the crushes and fears of our Noble Leader Dear Diary airspace, I could have had her evicted from the premises. In fact, I think it’s What an unwelcome shitstorm. Don’t standard protocol. As it stands, I can Alexandr Wansborough tackles the plebs realise that Chifley, Whitlam look forward to Hu Jintao mouthing and Keating all had their airline meals America and a culture of complaint ‘pussy’ at me for most of the next expressly customised as well? And APEC. I think I’ll pre-emptively ramp that they got hostesses whose hearing up commodity tariffs. Commentators have criticized the wasn’t obscured by their cleavage? “nothing if not criticial” art critic, When I asked the RAAF for a double-D Then there’s the asylum seekers. historian and Sydney Uni dropout hostess I didn’t mean Deaf and Ditzy. They’re a year early. Infuriating. Robert Hughes. He has been I specifically booked them for an called merely another fatheaded, What will the voters think with their election year. Johnny never had these rosy-cheeked, choleric Catholic Prime Minister refusing red meat, too? problems, no sir. It’s enough to make sermonising about the corruptions Not just avoiding, but refusing? Think a man yell at clouds. of contemporary culture. However, of who I’ve already lost: the AMA, who now thinks I’m iron deficient; Hughes’ oratory possesses a great Swanny will have to do, for now. He’s the ACTU, who wish I’d eat enough a punching bag to the stars. deal of merit, as demonstrated by cows to get Sharon Burrows without his excellent book Culture of Com- noticing, and Dairy Farmers, who plaint: The Fraying of America. want to know why I wasted a perfectly good stud. Even Ross Garnaut thinks Culture of Complaint is divided I’m trying to undermine him; the into three lectures: ‘Culture and methane from that cow was half the the Broken Polity’, ‘Multi-Culti reason the ETS date was being moved Kevin and Its Discontents’ and ‘Moral forward. I can’t fucking win. For in Itself: Art and the Therapeutic Fallacy’. In these three lectures, Still, that congratulatory call from the Indian Government was nice. Swings Julia Hughes examines academia, and roundabouts, I guess. multiculturalism and the art world. Of course, this is a simplification Can’t believe they’re still yammering of the numerous issues covered. on about how rude I was. I don’t get it! Take the third and final lecture in I spoke my mind at someone who so which Hughes covers Americas clearly, so obviously, so transparently discovery of European culture, the fucked up - that’s as Australian as it conservatives’ calls to restrict pub- gets. If it had happened in Chinese lic funding for the arts and how art is politically useless. Or take his lecture on multiculturalism where he argues against relativism and separatism but promotes cultural understanding, which is what he perceives to be the essence of multiculturalism. Hughes’ book is not only brilliant, it is humorous, particularly when he refers to lit- erature critics as ‘penis people’.

This is not to say Hughes is flaw- less. In one sentence he makes the careless mistake of using the term “Czarist forgery” referring to the Protocols of the Elders of Zion. A forgery is a copy of a document that actually exists - Hughes should have found a different word. Also, Hughes occasionally relies on rep- etitious clichés that are unbecom- ing of a ‘cultural elitist’ - surely the phrase “must be dreaming” must be annoying for readers.

Despite his critics and his minor faults, Hughes has a nuanced view of America, the world and the cul- tural zeitgeist. (What else would one expect from a catholic athe- ist?) And his sense of history and humour are especially valuable in our own Americanised society.

>14 Slamball, More than just squashed testicles! Hoorah! DUBAI: AN HOMAGE TO INSE- Alex Lee alley oops and bounces to her to the heart of this lovably stupid sport CURE MEN AND OIL. Now in 2009 Slamball has its own be a tad misleading, as coverage of AIM purpose-built arena and a coverage Slamball consists of 2 minute pack- To convert the desert into a deal with Spike TV (formerly ESPN aged highlights of 20-minute games. 8 “the Ocho”), the undisputed show- Even in these brief glimpses, there global city, complete with case of showcase sports. is a sense that the game can get ex- happy population and sparkly tremely messy. buildings. The slamball court is just like a bas- ketball court, except that at each end, A few other factors undermine the EQUIPMENT there are two trampolines where the credibility of Slamball. Although it 1 x Desert ‘key’ would normally be, and another may have a purpose-built arena, this 1 x Oil Money tramp on either side. Positions are arena is situated inside Universal 1 x Cheap labour similar to basketball, albeit with edg- Studios, making Slamball less a seri- What comes to mind when I talk of ier names like ‘gunner’. Slamball, as ous sport than a novelty sideshow for 1 x Male obsession with size an activity that combines the brutal and spectacle the name suggests, is all about the obese tourists who’ve forgotten how physicality of American Football, slam-dunks. I have often thought the to jump. There are only six teams the high-altitude acrobatics of tram- ‘slam’ in ‘slam-dunk’ to be the su- in the competition and their names METHOD polining gymnastics and the basket perficial and moreover utterly lame sound like they’ve been plucked 1. Find oil. The trick to this and ball of basketball? For those who component of the hyphenation, but straight from East Compton little somewhat simple task is two- watch Fuel TV on Monday evenings in the context of slamball, it is en- leagues (Hombres and Slashers any- fold. Hiring migrant labour is at 8:30 between October and De- tirely apt. one?) a great start, and exploiting cember, the answer comes instantly. them will make the task all the For the few who don’t, I’m talking Although the trampolines make the The sport doesn’t really have poten- easier! ‘bout Slamball. task of dunking easier, the results tial for rapid expansion, as attempts are outrageous. Imagine Shaquille to recreate the game in the backyard Slamball was the brainchild of failed 2. Sell the oil, but be careful O’Neill dunking a 6 foot hoop at full are liable to lead to at least severe American footballer/gymnast/bas- force. Actually don’t, it’s far more grazing and at worst horrible punc- to not give the money to dirty ketballer Mason Gordon from Los foreigners. In fact, if they’re not spectacular than that. Dunks usu- ture wounds caused by enclosed Angeles and like any 90’s creation, ally reserved for the NBA Sprite trampolines. However, the game is related to you, they shouldn’t Slamball’s early years featured an en- Dunk Contest are standard fare, and replete with personality and person- be near the action. Go so far as semble cast, horrendous fashion and three or four-pass ally-oops are com- alities such as ‘Shakes’ Fletcher, the to be wary of 6th cousins and an instantly annoying theme song by mon. This propensity for dunkage is MJ of Slamball, ‘Ice’ Lattimore, the beyond. the Rembrandts. Despite somewhat best utilised when a foul occurs. The ‘do-rag and glove wearing middle inauspicious beginnings, Gordon player fouled gets the opportunity aged executive look-alike’ stopper, 3. Hand over design control to persevered in his leased warehouse, to dunk, with a half-court run-up, and Janali Janice, reigning slamball a six year old child with a vivid honing the fundamental elements of while the offender has to defend the MVP and the REAL Coach Carter. the sport such as rules, court forma- basket. Superman-esque flight and With that kind of pulling power, imagination. Conventional tion and trampoline springiness. architects are bound to conven- clavicle-crushing collisions ensue. there is no activity more deserving of tional building, based on the This description of the game may the prefix ‘whack’ than Slamball. physical rules of reality. In this tropical/desert paradise, no such rules exist! Apparently... Courses at UTS with a higher entry mark than the equivalent course 4. Cheap labour, cheap labour, at USYD cheap labour. It’s the reason the pyramids and the Great Wall exist (and why New York still doesn’t have a new set of towers seven years on).

5. Don’t let any woman tell you that size doesn’t matter. With .... buildings, as with life, the bigger the better. What would women know about engineer- ing anyway?

CONCLUSION Real estate observers had it .... wrong all this time. Location has nothing to do with it. With careful planning by royal au- thorities and unlimited sums of money, any location can be converted into a playground for businesspeople and sport .... stars alike- a true global city. Follow-up studies are needed to examine the affect of desert conditions on bogan British tourists. ....

....

>15 PRESIDENT’S REPORT The University of Sydney Report of the SRC President, Noah White//[email protected] Australia doesn’t have such a great earning over $22 000. For a three- effect universities could offer private record when it comes to public year degree a student would pay $5 places to students that could afford NOAHS KITCHEN investment in higher education. 400. them. Students that could afford these In fact it is the only country in the fees would be allowed in on lower I used to love these things called “cheese triangles” that OECD to have decreased its levels of 1992 – The annual contribution is UAI marks. Prime Minister Howard you could buy frozen from investment recently. To compensate increased to $2 250, an increase promises Australia that there would the supermarket. They were for this the Government has had to of about 13%. It remains a flat fee never be degrees costing in excess of cheese and spinach filled puff- significantly increase the levels of regardless of subject area. For a $100 000 pastry triangles. Since moving private contributions to universities. three-year degree a student would out I haven’t been able to find pay $6 750. 2005 – The Government pushes for an them in my local supermar- To give you an idea of how focused increase in HECS costs of 30%. Due ket so I found out how to make around private funding our universi- 1997 – The new Liberal Govern- to community and student pressure them, turns out its pretty easy. ties are now I have written up a brief ment introduces differential HECS. the Government decides to increase history of private contributions to The Government divided up course HECS by 25%. The Government You will need: some olive oil, higher education in Australia. areas into “bands” and set prices for also isolated Nursing and Education 1 onion chopped, about 300g chopped spinach, 125g feta each band as follows: in their own band and identified cheese, 100g ricotta cheese, 1 Pre-1974 – Students attending uni- them as National Priority Areas. A packet filo pastry and 1 egg. versity must pay university fees but Band 1, $3,300 (Arts, Humanities, student in a three-year degree, not are able to apply for Commonwealth Legal Studies and Justice, Social in a National Priority Area will pay Cook the onion until clear and scholarships. The Curtin Labor Studies, Visual/Performing Arts, between $14 500 - $24 000. then add the spinach and cook Government significantly increased Education, and Nursing), an increase on a low heat until it is wilt- the number of these scholarships of- of 35% 2007 – The Government moves Ac- ed. Take this off the heat and fered in the 1940’s and by the 1970’s counting, Administration, Economics crumble in feta cheese and add almost 75% of students were Com- Band 2, $4,700 (Mathematics, and Business from Band 2 to Band 3, ricotta and the egg. Makes sure monwealth scholarship recipients. Computing, Other Health Sciences, increasing fees by 17%. There exist everything is stirred through. Agriculture, Renewable Resources, DUFFs places which cost in excess Take two sheets of filo pastry 1974 – The Whitlam Labor Govern- Built Environment/Architecture, of $250 000 (despite a promise by and place them on top of one an- ment abolishes University fees. For Sciences, Engineering, Processing the Government that they wouldn’t other and cut into 4 even strips. a three-year degree a student would and Administration, Business and reach $100 000) Take one of the layered strips pay $0. Economics), an increase of 92.5% spoon a few teaspoons full of 2008 – After a successful campaign cheese and spinach mixture at 1987 – The Federal Labor Govern- Band 3, $5,500 (Law, Medicine, by students the new Labor Govern- one end of the strip. Take a cor- ment introduced a Higher Education Medical Science, Dentistry, Dental ment abolishes DUFFs. Maths, ner at that end and fold diago- Administration Charge (HEAC) Services and Veterinary Science), an Statistics and Science are declared nally across the mixture into the of $250 (almost $500 in today’s increase of 125% National Priority Areas and the cor- shape of a triangle. Keep folding money). For a three-year degree a responding HECS costs are halved. around the mixture making sure student would pay $750. The Government also decreased the that it stays in the shape of a tri- angle until you get to the end. threshold at which graduates would 2009 – Following the decrease in 1989 – The Federal Government start having HECS contributions costs of studying maths, statistics Keep going until you have discontinues HEAC and introduces deducted from their pay by $8000 (it and science there is a surge in the run out of cheese and spinach the Higher Education Contribution meant people earning less would be number of students applying to study mixture. Brush the triangles Scheme (HECS). The scheme was required to pay more of their HECS courses in those fields. Students now with oil and then bake at 200 set at a flat annual rate of $1800, re- debt off). For a three-year degree a on average contribute to about 40% degrees for about 15mins. gardless of course, for each full time student would pay between $9 900 of course costs and in some degrees student (at the time this was roughly – $16 500. up to 80%. 20% of the average course costs). The rate was to be indexed, annually 1998 – The Government passes leg- Whether or not you agree with HECS in line with the Higher Education islation allowing universities to offer in the first place it is very easy to Operating Grants index. This cost Domestic Undergraduate Full-Fee see how perverted this system has was deferrable until the student was places (DUFFs). This meant that in become. EDUCATION REPORT Report of the Education Officers, Elly Howse and Rosie Ryan//[email protected] When I left high school and came to students whose parents could cush- to introduce deregulation of course of giving 17 and 18 year old high university I expected a radical change ion them financially were blessed places and demand driven funding school students ‘choice.’ Choice?! in my education. I naively saw a de- with shiny new textbooks and ample to the higher education sector. Cue This system limits choice through parture from the ruthless, mechanical study and socialising time. the death of education as the great restricting courses available, increas- push of final exams. equaliser. ing overcrowding and doing nothing The rest were left to juggle part time towards supporting students through How very wrong I was proven. work where they were demoralised For those from indigenous or low their education. and underpaid, forced to pay ridicu- socio-economic backgrounds higher I was forced to squish into over- lous rates of rent because the univer- education will become even less of a Our education is under attack. We crowded lecture halls, sitting on sity won’t provide affordable student realistic option. Rural and regional need to fight for it. Come to the the floor or standing outside in the housing and study without being able universities will become wastelands. Education Action Group, find out hallway straining to see the lecturer. to afford essential course materials. Teaching, nursing, sciences and more and get involved. It is crucial Tutorials soon revealed themselves In the midst of all this they’re meant humanities courses will be cut and in the lead up to the budget that we to be larger than many of my school to somehow find time to sleep and under funded. continue pressure on the govern- classes, and therefore likely to be socialise. The result? Scraped passes, ment to fund universities and support dominated by the same few people malnutrition, an enormous HECS Way to screw up Australia for the students through fair and accessible every week while the rest of us sat in debt, no social life and a half-baked long term. Education has always youth allowance. We meet 1pm anonymity. education. been the basis of achieving equal- every Tuesday on the Chancellor’s ity in society. Deregulation flushes Lawns next to Fisher Library. See Worst of all was that the glaring The Rudd Government has done that concept down the toilet. Skills you there! disparities in quality of education for nothing to remedy this situation, shortage? The government is palm- private and public school students opting to stick to a system of inac- ing off responsibility for the future of hadn’t magically dissolved. Those cessible youth allowance, and now Australia’s workforce under the guise

>16 The University of Sydney GENERAL SECRETARY’S REPORT The University of Sydney Report of the General Secretary, Russel Schmidt//[email protected]

‘Yellow Peril’ In a country where roughly 25% of a massive tool, but is also the Vice- Hilmer’s opinion, who is responsible the population is born overseas, I find Chancellor of UNSW. He wants not for the global financial crisis? Come closer. I have a confession to the ‘yellow peril’ hysteria whipped up only university places deregulated, Merchant bankers? No. Economists? make. In the past I have had a meeting every 12 months by ‘shock jocks’ and but prices as well so that universities No. The Illuminati? No, it’s even with a Chinese woman. SHOCK the Terrorgraph ridiculous. No-one can charge you, the beleaguered crazier; the humanities, more study HORROR! Oh the humanity, wont takes national security more serious student, as much as they want; to of ethics will solve the problem. someone please call ASIO pronto. than I, but the jingoism and racism not deregulate places is akin to being Douche. Joel Fitzgibbon, I feel your pain. is insane. Bikies were able to brutally “a little bit pregnant” apparently. beat a man to death in an airport Douche. And the winner is… She is a member of the Parliament of terminal and the fact that a minister Hong Kong and was in Australia on knows a Chinese woman who by all In his short stint as VC he has been In keeping with the trash journalist a fact-finding mission, and one thing accounts has done nothing wrong is in charge of some epic clusterfucks; thread that has woven itself through she was interested in was the state the real threat to national security? firstly the collapse of the Australian this column, I will be handing out of the student movement, so I was Douche. Graduate School of Management the prestigious, Douche of the Day lucky enough to meet this lovely, and secondly the all too memorable, award. interesting woman. But the whole Fred Hilmer hilarious UNSW Singapore campus time something was up, I had to fiasco which collapsed in weeks and Congrats to Fred ‘Douche’ Hilmer, be on my guard. For all I knew the They say you can’t teach an old dog left all of its six and a half students you just edged out ASIO and will be Chinese Government was checking new tricks, sadly for Fred Hilmer that out in the cold. Douche. taking home the Golden Douche. my SMS and infiltrating my email! I means he is doomed to a life of epic Just in case you were wondering, he was ‘alert, not alarmed’. fail. For those who don’t know (I’d isn’t smarter than he looks, I will share hope that’s everyone), Old Fredd is this pearl of wisdom with you. In Fred ANTI-RACISM COLLECTIVE REPORT Report of the anti-racism Officer, Feiyi Zhang // [email protected]

Rudd Signs UN Declaration… But through dispossession and punitive income management, compulsory Extends Racist Intervention blanket policies. Barbara Shaw acquisition of all land, and forced Far from helping to ‘close the gap’, from Mt Nancy Town Camp, Alice signing of 40 to 80 year land leases signing the UN Declaration on the On Friday the 3rd of April, the Springs has pointed out that “The in exchange for basic housing. Rights for Indigenous Peoples is Australian Government signed NT Intervention contravenes 25 of These laws are being rolled out nothing more than a propaganda the UN declaration on the Rights the 46 articles of the UN Declaration across Australia. Indigenous activist ploy to keep up appearances whilst for Indigenous Peoples. While the on Rights for Indigenous Peoples… Monique Wiseman has stated that maintaining the same racist polices. Minister for Indigenous Affairs, Jenny Aboriginal communities remain only 26 Indigenous communities Rather than continuing the rhetoric Macklin claims that it is a major step under the control of an explicitly across Australia have been deemed around the UN declaration, the towards “closing the gap”, in reality it racist government”. economically ‘viable’ to receive government must repeal the racist will serve only as a deceptive façade funding for housing, conditional on NT Intervention legislation and behind which the government can Like Rudd’s apology to the Stolen up to 99 year land leases. start making a serious commitment continue further human rights abuses Generations, the ‘symbolic’ gesture to Indigenous rights that has real against Indigenous Australians. of signing the UN declaration in no Furthermore, Rudd has recently outcomes on the ground in Aboriginal way represents a serious commitment supported the NT government’s communities. It is blatant hypocrisy to sign the to Aboriginal rights. Support for the attack on Indigenous language and UN declaration at the same time as declaration will have no binding culture in dismantling bilingual continuing and extending the racist legal impact on policy making. education in the Northern Territory. NT Intervention. The NT Intervention, This clearly contradicts any rhetoric which requires the suspension of the The government shows no indication around “re-setting” the relationship Racial Discrimination Act 1975, is of repealing the racist Intervention between Indigenous and non- assimilating Indigenous Australians laws, which includes blanket Indigenous Australians. ASK ABE SRC HELP: Level 1 (Basement) Wentworth Building, City Road Entry 9660 5222 or [email protected]

Hi Abe, half a semester. So for engineering LAST WEEK Abe talked about how you would be allowed to study the to get the Department of Housing to I’ve just been accepted back into full time equivalent of 4 years plus pay for your bond through a scheme the uni after having to appeal 1 semester. However, if there were called RentStart. Abe forgot to an exclusion from the faculty of whole semesters where you failed mention that the University Finiancial Engineering. I’ve been at the uni all of your subjects and you have Assistance Service provides loans and now for 4 years and am wondering documented evidence of an illness or bursaries (do not pay back) interest how my Youth Allowance payments misadventure that caused you to fail, free to students in need of all sorts are going to be effected. I’ve still got you can ask Centrelink to discount of things – bond included. They about 2 years left of study and really that time. It might also be worthwhile can also help with advice on how to need the money. trying to get those fails changed to consolidate loans and manage your DNFs. You may also consider asking budget more efficiently. They’re a Engo for your HECs or fees refunded for free service, are really helpful and the subjects that you failed. Ask one will not judge you. Just pop in to the of the SRC caseworkers to help you Jane Foss Russell Building (level 5) to This column offers students the Dear Engo, apply. Remember that you do have make an appointment. opportunity to ask questions on anything that may affect their a maximum of 10 years to complete “welfare”. This can be as personal as The Youth Allowance “maximum the course overall (according to your a question on a Centrelink payment allowable time for completion” is the Professional standards) and if you in or as general as a question on the normal length of your course plus one a Commonwealth Supported Place state of the world. If you would like semester. This is regardless of whether (HECS) you also have time constraints to ask Abe a question send an email to [email protected]. you received a payment for those there. semesters or not. If you have studied any semesters part time they count as Abe. >17 The SUPRA www.supra.usyd.edu.au

SAAO Postgrad Week Corner Dear SAAOs, Wednesday 22nd April

My PhD thesis supervisor Your Rights at Work Forum @ the New Law School seems to have too many students and not enough Seminar 022 from 4.00pm time to help me. I was thinking of asking for Come along and find out about the implications of the Fair Work Bill a change. I need more help. Can I ask for a new from organisations who have been advocating around Workplace primary supervisor? Rights for many years. Learn about your rights as a student who is Regards, Jennifer employed and discuss the implication of the Industrial Relations

Dear Jennifer landscape.

The University’s Code of Conduct for Supervision of Higher Degree Research Students Thursday 23rd April requires justification to be given if a supervisor Child Care Handbook Launch @ SUPRA from 3.00pm is supervising more than five students. You could Join us for afternoon tea with delicious cupcakes to launch SUPRA’s ask your postgraduate coordinator to confirm latest publication the Child Care Handbook. This guide contains lots of how many students they have. It would be perfectly useful information for those students with child care responsibilities. reasonable to ask for a new primary supervisor Children welcome! on grounds of supervisory load and needing more assistance.

Before making the request Friday 24th April you should consider a range of factors such as Immigration Seminar @ SUPRA from 2.00-4.00pm whether more associate supervision would assist and whether you Come along and listen as solicitor and registered migration agent can find someone else appropriate. If you want to Aristotle Paipetis discusses the requirements for migration and talk through options with options and pathways to permanent residency. someone independent before speaking with your supervisor or postgraduate coordinator contact the SAAOs to Postgrad Party in the Withdrawing Room, Holme Building make an appointment. from 4.30-6.30pm Also don’t forget to check out our Thesis Guide for What a week! After all this we think we’ll need a drink, so why not general tips on negotiating supervision; available on join us to celebrate life as a postgrad! our website and in hard copy from the SUPRA office.

Regards, For more information or to check details closer to the date, please The SAAO Team visit www.supra.usyd.edu.au or keep your eye on eGrad.

>18 Postgrad Pages

Social Security Payments from Centrelink… Subscribe to …What Can I Get as a Postgrad? SUPRA it’s FREE! Media reports suggest postgrad are currently $371.40 per fortnight Pension and Pensioner Education numbers at the University of Sydney for singles with the possibility of Supplement, and Family Tax Benefit By becoming a SUPRA Subscriber could jump by 17% on 2008 figures. rent assistance up to a maximum of A & B. Check out your potential you will be able to: Final statistics are not yet available $111.20. Payment rates increase if eligibility for anything and everything • Access our free, confidential but with over 15,000 postgrads you have children. You might also be Centrelink have on offer. You could be student advice and advocacy enrolled in 2008 the increase in eligible for a low income Health Care rewarded with much needed financial service enrolments will be significant. It Card that gives access to reduced cost help. If you are not eligible for • Participate in SUPRA events partly reflects hard economic times medicines and other benefits. benefits or still need some assistance and activities and a desire by many to upgrade skills over and above what is mentioned • Receive regular email updates Call Centrelink’s Youth and Student and qualifications. It means lots more above, the University’s Financial and electronic publications Services line on 13 24 90 for help. Also students need to figure out how to Assistance Office (Phone 8627 8419) (eGrad) check out the Fact Sheets and Links support themselves financially. If you offers various forms of help including • Use the SUPRA Resource and part of the SUPRA web site for more are a local student and returning to interest free loans. Meeting Rooms information helpful to postgrads on study after a long break, you might • Access discounted photocopy- Austudy, Youth Allowance and Health We hope the above advice helps not know that following years of ing, printing and faxing Care Cards: http://www.supra.usyd. postgrads in the short term. In the advocacy by student associations, • Vote or run in the SUPRA edu.au/Adv/Fact_Sheets_and_ longer term there is need for policy Social Security benefits have been Council elections Links.html change to offer higher payment rates extended to cover more postgrads. • Actively participate in your rep- and expanded eligibility to a range of None of this relevant to you? Are you resentative student association. For example, if you are enrolled in benefits. The Advice and Advocacy a postgraduate research student and By becoming a SUPRA Supporter a professional coursework masters team at SUPRA have worked with so not eligible for Austudy or Youth you will be able to: degree such as the Masters of our student Council to develop recent Allowance? Or are you enrolled in a • Access all of the above benefits Pharmacy you usually need to study submissions to various government masters by coursework degree not on • Receive a SUPRA Supporter full time. Like many professional Inquiries. We have called for changes the approved list? Don’t give up on Welcome Pack (including SU- masters programs the degree is to eligibility criteria for Austudy and help just yet! PRA highlighter and t-shirt) intensive and it is difficult to do any Youth Allowance and adjustments • Show that you appreciate the paid work. This degree along with a The current Australian Postgraduate to Child Care Benefits that would be value of an independent stu- range of other professional masters Award (APA) stipend rate of $393.40 favourable to postgraduates. Together dent run organisation. programs is now on a list of approved per week is significantly higher with the Council of Australian Complete your subscription online courses for the purposes of the than Austudy or Youth Allowance Postgraduate Associations (CAPA) at www.supra.usyd.edu.au/sub- Student Assistance Act 1973. There but still below the poverty line. It is we have had some success in gaining scribe then follow the links if you are 27 masters programs from the also below the low income Health favourable recommendations though would like to become a SUPRA University of Sydney on the approved Care Card threshold of $450 per the proof will be in whether changes Supporter. Alternatively you can list. The most significant impact of week. If you are a research student are included in the next Federal complete a form at our stalls or the approval is that it gives access and your only source of income is a Budget. More information is on our drop into the SUPRA office. to Youth Allowance and Austudy scholarship paid at the APA rate you website. benefits so long as you fulfil other should strongly consider applying This article is prepared by SUPRA’s eligibility criteria. to Centrelink for one of these cards. Student Advice and Advocacy If your coursework masters degree Criteria includes that you need Officers (SAAOs). SAAOs provide is not on the approved list and your to have been in Australia as an an independent, free, confidential degree structure articulates from a Raglan Street Building (G10) Australian resident for at least and professional casework service. Graduate Certificate and/or Graduate Darlington Campus 104 weeks. Australian residents With support from the University for Diploma up to a Masters, then you University of Sydney NSW 2006 include Australian citizens, holder of operational costs, the postgraduate might be eligible for Austudy or Youth Phone: (02) 9351 3715 permanent visas, or certain categories student community employs SAAOs Allowance payments whilst enrolled Fax: (02) 9351 6400 of New Zealand citizens. You usually to provide assistance to postgraduate in these portions of the degree. Email: [email protected] need to study full time. In the case students. Call 9351 3715 to arrange to Web: www.supra.usyd.edu.au of Youth Allowance (for those 24 Other Centrelink benefits that might see a SAAO or see the following site years and under) you need to satisfy be of interest to postgraduates include for more details: http://www.supra. an independence test. If you satisfy the Child Care Benefit for parents usyd.edu.au/Adv/Contact_a_SAAO. these and other criteria payments and guardians, Disability Support html

What’s coming up at SUPRA (see www.supra.usyd.edu.au for more information)

Mon 20 - Fri 24 April Postgrad Week - This Week!

Wed 29 April 12pm International Student Meeting @ SUPRA SUPRA Elections for the 2009-2010 Council - Nominations open soon. Coming Soon For details see www.supra.usyd.edu.au >19>21 Because it’s BALLET MUSICAL THEATRE ART all about the Firebird and Other Legends The Pirates of Penzance Yayoi Kusama: Mirrored Years inches… There’s something special about Sydney University Music Theatre Mirrored Years, a collection of Yayoi the ballet. The opportunity to throw Ensemble (MUSE) has struggled in Kusama’s artworks has been showing on a darling frock, sip champagne recent years to get broad recognition at the MCA since February 24 and is Jonno Seidler reads into Poker Face. amongst Sydney’s elite and ascend on campus as a performing society. It set to finish on 8 June. If you haven’t the stone staircase in the Opera has had little opportunity to perform, already seen the exhibition, do In a case of third-degree appropriation House’s forecourt almost makes you and has favoured it’s own in-group yourself a favour and get down to the that would make any Year 12 teacher forget you’re a struggling student with rather than reaching for new talent. MCA tout de suite! proud, a bunch of hip-hop dudes (see: relationship problems, assignment Now, new president Caitlin Kenny Kid Cudi, Kanye West, Common and deadlines and officially living below has sought to hoist the quality of her For all of you destitute art-buffs, which, A-Trak) have stolen an acoustic loop the poverty line. Opera spectacles, society’s work above the reputation lets face it, is all of you, the exhibition of the synth-pop hit Poker Face by daiquiris served at the interval, of high school/amateur clique, is free. Moreover, the exhibition is a the inexhaustibly annoying Lady Ga- limousines pulling into the turning kicking off 2009 with The Pirates of triumph of introspection, giving an Ga and turned it into a misogynist circle; a night out at the ballet is a throw Penzance. This Gilbert and Sullivan insight into the mind of Yayoi Kusama, anthem. That’s right, I Poke Her Face back to old-school entertainment. operetta tells the story of Frederic, currently 80 years old and living in a is presently doing the rounds on the apprentice to the Pirate King and his psychiatric hospital in Tokyo. blogs, and it turns out a whole lot of The Australian Ballet season puts on inept band of buccaneers, and his love people are getting hot under the collar four or five shows that tour around Mabel, who has a lot of sisters and a Kusama sees the world quite about the ‘suggestive’ lyrics. the country. The audience largely very weird dad. Safe, free to perform differently. She is noted for having consists of season regulars but single and requiring a big cast, this show is broken her leg during one of her Before the women’s collective come tickets are available for purchase guaranteed to make money and keep hallucinations, where her whole house running at me with pitchforks, let me through the box office. This particular everyone happy, and on opening became enveloped by red and white point out that while I don’t condone ballet has opened to a full house for night at the Tom Mann Theatre, the polka dots. Kusama has experienced hyper-masculine depictions of getting every performance and it’s easy to audience was very, very happy. these sorts of hallucinations since “brained in the library to get all that understand why. In my 13 years of childhood and she has described knowledge” and how Kanyeezy “got ballets, never have I been quite as Director Tom Heath allowed his them as often being violently suicidal seniority with the sorority/That taken as by Monday evening’s triple cast some freedom in improvising in nature. She was a leader of the explains why ‘I love College’”, it’s bill, the performance of Firebird and around the original dialogue, with avant-garde movement in America in important to remember what the Other Legends. A triple bill is where some very amusing results, though the 50s and 60s and developed into original song was about. If ‘Gaga’ itself three different ballets are performed, there was room for even more cheeky a sort of pseudo-feminist abstract isn’t a euphemism for oral fixation one per act. Usually it’s safe to say one modernisms, which would have given expressionist pop art form. then lines like “And baby when it’s will be exceptional, one will be decent some of the supporting actors more love if it’s not rough it isn’t fun” most and one will leave you wondering why to play with. Roman Benedict, the The choice of artworks in the definitely promote a strong, healthy you even bothered. Musical Director, has put together an exhibition is extensive and diverse. female character. I mean, why dissect incredible orchestra of 27 very skilful There are three ‘experience artworks’ gender politics when you can play The first Ballet was Les Sylphides, (unpaid) musicians, and though where museum-goers enter a room Russian roulette with male append- a plotless, classical ballet danced to tempo could have been a little jauntier and into an experience completely ages, right? the music of Chopin in ethereal white and at times they drowned the cast shaped by Yayoi. Two of these involve costumes. Heralded as a “meditation out, they did a sterling job. being closed in on all sides into two I Poke Her Face, absolutely juvenile, on beauty” you can’t help but be drawn very different rooms. The first omits disgusting and somewhat hilarious into this other world the dancers Curtis Dickson as Major General gave intense beauty (Fireflies on the Water) as it may be, is an important cultural inhabit, with their legs bending in an amazing performance that lived up and the other a kind of hospital- moment for many reasons. First, Kid ways they shouldn’t and porcelain to the wild applause that welcomed degree sickness that makes you feel ill Cudi lives up to the hype by saying faces. The 2nd ballet, to the music of him onstage. Robert McDougall (Infinity Mirror Room-Phalli’s Field). something other than ‘at at at night’ Stravinsky, sees the porcelain beauties was a perfect Frederic; his voice and However, the exhibition also includes repeatedly for three minutes (thanks transform into animated dolls at a comic timing herald the emergence works across all different media and Crookers!), Kanye transcends his St Petersburg carnival, an illusion of a new talent. Both gentlemen fully forms that include paintings, collages, gigantic auto-tune ego by replacing with a miraculous truth about it. The committed to the silliness of the sculptures and film. it with real rapping (vintage!) and final ballet, Firebird also performed show, as did Rebecca Wright as the his sexist one instead. But far more to Stravinsky, was choreographed slightly-deaf Ruth. Hugh Robertson’s I found the exhibition to be a wonderful importantly, this is the point where by Graeme Murphy, a collaboration kilt-wearing Pirate King was visually insight into the mind of someone who rappers finally turn around and any seasoned audience would hotly magnificent (that hair!), and his suffers greatly from mental illness. remind us that if Gaga can misplace anticipate since his Swan Lake dialogue excellent but his voice would It is an accessible and aesthetically love with lust and 3O!H3 can score a masterpiece. Telling of the triumph of benefit from more practice and fewer beautiful, yet at times confronting hit joking about the severely disabled good over evil, religious symbols and cigarettes. I was underwhelmed exhibition which, unlike some other Hellen Keller, then loquacious hip the animal characters again make it by Tristan Hons (Mabel), who will exhibitions at the MCA, has a large hop has been unfairly maligned for difficult not to regret giving up your develop into an excellent coloratura and diverse range of artworks. far too long now. We might be the childhood yearnings to be a ballerina. in a few years’ time, but whose voice generation who grew up after Deep is not yet rich enough for this tricky The inescapable long queues to enter Throat, but that doesn’t mean we Usually the ballet is a blast because part. In the ensemble, particularly the experience artworks and the MCA’s don’t know a good (blow)job when we of its trimmings and because it good comic work was done by Jessica refusal to include environmental hear it. So go on, have a poke. Prefer- provides you with an opportunity Priebee, Hannah Moore and Nick installations were the only faults I could ably somewhere in the region of Ms to pretend you’re in Russia or at the Starte, proving that being in the find in the exhibition itself. The MCA GaGa’s computerised face. London Ballet. This week the ballet chorus isn’t just standing in the right have otherwise done a sensational performance itself earnt it 4½ pointe spot. job, even including a room filled with slippers out of 5. books on Kusama and her works to The show was an excellent example give you some background. However, 4.5/5 of student work and while we had if you are not one to appreciate the to extend our imaginations beyond absurdity of Kusama’s idiosyncratic Giorgia Rossi the clack of wooden pirate swords, perspective on the world perhaps this this was a show created with joy and is not the exhibition for you. integrity and achieved exactly what it set out to accomplish. SEND REVIEWS, 4/5 TATTOO PHOTOS & OTHER CULTURAL PURSUITS TO: 4/5 David Krasovitsky honi2009@gmail .com Vivienne Egan Singing into the Dicrophone.

>20 Archtypal Italy The best chicken in Sydney Jacinta Mulders is charmed by Florence. Alex Lee makes white meat multicultural chicken tikka, a smashed up samosa, yoghurt and butter chicken sauce wrapped up in fresh naan bread. It’s all about the preparation, so chat up the person behind the counter if you want the full Indian kebab experience.

Taste, Newtown If you’re into trendy, organic, grain- fed, chemical and cage-free chickens, but with the old style charm of the lo- Get in mah bellay! cal chicken shop, then this is the place Korean BBQ Chicken for you. Go with a friend, get a flame- This bright pink place on Broadway grilled quarter chicken each and share is like KFC if Colonel Sanders was a big chips and a salad. But if you’re a health-conscious Korean. Even more into fried, greasy, hangover ab- though it’s huge overseas, here, it’s the sorbing chicken with buttloads of gra- little franchise that could, with only vy, and the traditional baked veggies, A city justa likea ya mama useda live ina. one outlet in Sydney. Everything’s head to Clem’s across the road. cooked in olive oil, you can get fried rice on the side and for five bucks, you Petersham Charcoal Chicken To begin with the glaringly obvious, popular ‘I Fratellini’ (literally, ‘The Before Oporto, Nando, Ogalo and all Florence is a city positively dripping Little Brothers’), where two grinning can get a Col-Pop - a big cup of coke with popcorn chicken on top in a little other chicken franchises that begin with charm. On my first night there I siblings behind a sturdy wooden bench and end with O, there was Little Por- felt as though I’d stepped into some will fill you a fresh warm panino with dish. Plus, all the staff look like they came straight out of a K-Pop video and tugal in Petersham, and before that we sort of fairytale melange of cobbled anything from spiced up salami to can only assume Big Portugal, in, well, corners, bridges glistening with artichoke hearts. My encounters with the colourful packaging delights me for reasons I don’t even understand. Portugal. The chickens at Petersham artisan gold and endless hazelnut the nightlife were not so spectacular – Charcoal Chicken are authentically gelato. If first impressions last longest, my advice is to cosy up with the locals Indian Home Diner, Glebe flat, smothered in home made peri- Florence does archetypal Italy better in understated wine bars rather than peri sauce and yet leave you feeling than most. hang out near the city centre. There, Their Indian kebab is all the delicious- ness of Indian take-away combined like you’ve had a proper dining experi- you’ll find a plethora of English boys ence and gotten some culture up ya at Culture vultures will enjoy revelling with the efficient consumption meth- on Gap sniffing out foreigners; alluring the same time. in the significance that the city holds them with the promise of free shots to ods perfected in the Middle East and as artistic and cultural centre of the seedy bars full of underage trashbags it only costs around five dollars! It’s European Renaissance. In the centre and last year’s Rihanna. there is literally something on every Hue are you? nections, red still has a sense of the street corner, whether you prefer From edgy vintage fashion to sweeping Anusha Rutnam slutty about it. Who could forget checking out the Botticelli in the Uffizi Medici palace gardens, as a tourist city, the book of Revelation, chapter 17, Gallery or Dante’s House is more your Florence ticks most boxes. Inevitably, Primaries verses 4-6 (not me!) “And the wom- thing. It’s easy to visit several things such a beautiful Tuscan centrality In 1965, Yves Saint Laurent designed an was arrayed in scarlet colour… in one day; the city occupies quite a can’t help but attract tourists by the a day dress directly inspired by Piet having a golden cup in her hand small area and has a grid like structure busload, so be prepared to grit your Mondrian’s colour-block paintings. full of abominations and filthiness that is relatively simple to navigate. teeth and put up with loud, arrogant The apparent simplicity of the cut of her fornication”. That being said, the streetscape is so tour operators and herds of umbrella/ of the shift-dress suited that of the pleasant and so abundantly sprinkled key ring/caricature bearing peddlers. three primary colours perfectly – Pink with artisan shops, losing yourself is Nevertheless, a listless wander along though indeed Mondrian’s work has The 1957 film Funny Face opens often just as much fun. the River Arno by night with a belly full not always been to everyone’s taste, with the musical number ‘Think of handmade pasta instantly redeems so to speak. In 1996, an art student Pink’ which includes the verse ‘Red Although people warned me about the any such transient discomforts. Trust vomited on the painting “Composi- is dead, blue is through, Green’s scarcity of good, cheap food in Florence, me, I should know. tion in Red, White & Blue”. He later obscene, brown’s taboo. And there my experience was exactly the opposite, explained that the up-chuck (which is not the slightest excuse for as long as you know where to go. Just was blue due to the large quantities plum or puce —or chartreuse.’ Ok. off Piazza della Signoria is the hugely of blue cake icing he had ingested Shocking pink was in fact fairly well beforehand) was in fact a deliber- represented in the F/W 09 shows ate attack on the painting’s ‘lifeless- and has also been seen on Kate ness’. Fucker. Moss recently, so we’ll no doubt be drowning in it in no time. Blue Before the industrial revolution, Chartreuse urine was commonly used to In Quentin Tarantino’s Death Proof, strengthen blue dye, including the Warren the bar owner notes that stuff Ancient Celts used to slath- Chartreuse is “the only liqueur so er themselves with before battle, good they named a colour after presumably because they thought it.” And what a colour! If you can’t it looked quite scary. If you hang picture it, just imagine drowning in around Newtown much you might a vat of acid. The last thing you see have seen Lucky Diamond Rich, before your retinas melted away the world’s most tattooed man. He would be chartreuse. In 2006 Zi Yi is blue. And quite scary looking, Zhang wore a tulle Giorgio Armani so maybe the Celts had something dress in this incredible shade to the figured out there. Golden Globes, going against the advice of the designer himself. He Red warned her ‘it was a difficult colour In the 17th century, King Louis XIV to wear’ but recanted after she stole of France decided that red-heeled the show in the amazing colour. shoes were the shit and accord- ingly decreed that only his BFFs Poo Brown (i.e. the nobility) could wear them. My sources tell me this winter is “The Nervous Wanderer”, Peace and Conflict Studies, I Today, red soles are commonly as- going to be all about Poo Brown. It’s sociated with Christian Louboutin’s the new black. vertiginous footwear and, increas- ingly, Christian Louboutin knock- offs. Whatever its prestigious con-

>21 Sail away with my Sydney... Your SU Sport SPORT Jacqueline Barker’s report on USYD sailing washed ashore in an olde bottle o’ rum. SPORT Honi tells you what’s coming up in Intercol sport Throughout my exciting but relatively it was time to jump in the water and short existence I have had my go at try my hand at something new. So at countless different sports, including O-Week this year, I signed up to the Swimming: 22 April, starts at 6 but not limited to: tennis, soccer, USYD Sailing club. Sydney Olympic Park Aquatic Centre swimming, hockey, Irish dancing, jazz, ballet, volleyball, table tennis, bad- Having paid my membership fee, there Rosebowl netball: 30 April, 1, 4, 5, 6 minton, track and field (hurdles, 100 was no turning back. The following May, from 6pm to 9pm metre sprint, triple jump), basketball Saturday I trekked down to Rose Bay, St. Andrew’s Courts and netball. Amazingly enough I’ve that beautiful water-side suburb full never been a star athlete, choosing to of soccer mums and Scots dads for my Rosebowl hockey: 13, 14, 15, 19, 20 move between sports after a significant first real life attempt. I was quite aware May, from 11am to 3pm enough exposure to embarrassment. of the stigma that goes with sailing and Cintra Hockey Turf Despite my obvious lack of hand-eye must admit that these fearful images coordination and the many injuries raced through my mind on the drive Rawson rugby: 18, 26 May, 3 June that I’ve encountered, I’ve always over. from 1pm to 5pm (3 June 5-10pm) enjoyed my time on the courts, fields Oval 1 and stages. Was I going to start shopping at Gant and Polo Ralph Lauren? Was I going to Rosebowl softball: 6, 7, 10, 11, 12 have to give up vegemite (too common) August from 1pm to 5pm and take up fois gras? Was I to be Paul’s Oval forced out of the Inner west and into Mosman? Rawson soccer: 17, 21, 26 August from 10am to 3pm Luckily, my fears were nothing but Paul’s Oval dangerous distractions, and as soon as I arrived I knew that I was going to Rosebowl tennis: 27, 28, 31 August, 1, have a terrific time. The other sailors 2 September from 9am to 5pm were laid back, welcoming and le- Manning Lawn Courts gitimately excited about sailing, actual sailing. Enthusiasm from members Rawson tennis: 4, 7, 9 September and executive especially was refreshing from 9am to 5pm and made everyone keen to jump in. Manning Lawn Courts Nerve racking at first, it was extremely rewarding when you were able to take ally make the boat go forward, at some Basketball: 10, 11, 14, 15, 16 Septem- control of the boat. speed without the fear of capsizing. Yes, ber from 6pm to 10pm High class and dangerous! of the many sports I have participated HK Ward Gymnasium I have returned to the club several in (and I use the term participated very In my second year of university, I weeks in a row now and can see myself loosely), sailing definitely is an exciting Athletics: 22 September from 4 pm to became determined to make my time easily becoming addicted to Saturdays breath of fresh air, commendable in its 9pm at USYD no less active. While last year of stunning sunlit harbour views, warm capacity to offer an enjoyable day on Sydney Olympic Park Athletic Centre the Tennis club treated me well, I felt water and my increasing ability to actu- the infamous Sydney harbour.

The inter-college Boatrace David Wilton takes it in from the finish line at Penrith much more. The passion inherent in interested in making rude gestures the Rawson Cup (men) and the Rose and generally shouting at each other. Bowl (women) rivals any professional Except Skancta, who just sat there and competition, and those that take part took it. At this point the Pauls cohort routinely put their bodies and uni coolly arrived and the real race of the grades on the line for their college. day began, the men’s eight. Jokes, Second only to ‘getting loose’, we take but seriously. With a quasi-Olympic this sport business very seriously. time Pauls managed to blitz the field, Think Henry V at Agincourt or Pachino and it was ‘handshakes’ all round in in Any Given Sunday. That level of the upper den that night for the best emotion plus a few drinks. Basically a strokers in intercol. lot of inches are given and taken. Basi- cally it’s kind of a big deal. In the final race of the day, the senior four, Womens took home line honours The Rowing always involves an early with Wesley coming in second to start and this year was no exception. secure an overall victory in the girl’s Luckily, most of the colleges managed competition. With the last bumslaps to arrive sufficiently drunk. Due to a and warcries the colleges got back on heightened police presence and hefty the buses, hangovers and missed tu- fines (I blame the Rudd Govern- torials just starting to creep into goon ment), the revelry was slightly more filled minds. Just another Wednesday constrained than in the past. There morning. Henley wishes it was Penrith was no diving off the bridge this year which would disgust the college purist, The general assumption is that college place at the Penrith Olympic Regatta but a bit of fisticuffs between Drews kids only care about rugby and telling Centre (somewhere West of Misenden and Wesley was enough to heighten everyone how drunk they were on Road). Intercol Rowing 2009. spirits on what was otherwise a dreary Wednesday morning. This couldn’t be morning. further from the truth. There is also For the uninitiated Intercollege Sport rowing. Forget Henley, last Wednes- may seem a trivial and fairly juvenile The first race, the female fresher crews, day saw the most anticipated event on excuse to wear jerseys, drink goon and was won convincingly by Drews, but in the international rowing calendar take shout obscenities. But it is this and so true college spirit spectators were more

>22 Page 23.

ACROSS 1. Prickly plant and 18 Across (9) 6. Comedic card and 18 Across (5) 9. Lands. (7) 10. Paid Leo out like a motherfucker. (7) 11. Begin teasing it silly! (8) 16. Off and unacceptable (3, 2) 18. Members of NBL; Ivan A. Milat is an enemy of Gotham! (6, 7) 22. Mails lost letters to religion (5) 24. Bird’s bogeyman and 18 Across (9) 25. Banishes de person at de docks (7) 28. Get naked? Tell me about it! (7) 31. Start again pulping trees… (5) 32. …and so the umpire metal. (9)

DOWN 1. Flightless fellow and 18 across (7) 2. Villainous parrot (4) 3. In, on and of the original wanker. (4) 4. Topless fabrics of these kinds. (4) 5. Ma walks the dog, for example (4) 6. Move Don! Raj is in Southwest Asia! (6) 7. Retain the fortress. (4) 8. Protesting against the banister. (7) 12. Little crazy llamas without first attack. (5) 13. Initially, I bought my computer (1.1.1) 14. Wacky tunas at family reunion. (5) 15. Argentinean in brave vitality. (5) 17. Three earlier points on German city. (5) 19. Sleep in deceit? (3) 20. Puzzling person and 18 Across (7) 21. Janus brother and 18 Across (7) 23. Mess? Rake!™ - At your local shop. (6) 27. Sprinkles last seasoning. (4) BCJ / BMFD 28. Apparently Doris and her family befuddle. (4) 29. Simple alkaline cake mix fortress! (4) BUT I DON’T DO CRYPTIC CROSSWORDS! 30. Parrotous villain. (4) That’s loser talk! The Honi Soit Cryptic is designed for people who don’t necessarily do Cryptic Crosswords so now you don’t even have an excuse. Unless you don’t have a pen. In which case get one.

Here’s a clue: A small confusion for some animals. (6)

Find the Literal Clue So, with a Cryptic, the literal clue (that’s what the clue actually means) will either be at the end or start of the phrase and if you can narrow down what the literal clue is - then the rest is easy. So the two options are ‘A small confusion’ or ‘Some Animals’.

Work out what’s Cryptic Then there’s the Cryptic element of the clue. In this example the cryptic element is an anagram, the word ‘confu- sion’ shows us that. Words like confusion, crazy, disorderly, jumbled, drunk, damaged...etc generally (but not always) denote an anagram. Then we need to find which letters to anagram. A SMALL has 6 letters and so does the answer..... so if we move them around (or ‘confuse’ them) - we get LLAMAS - some animals!

Anagrams are only one facet of the cryptic clue, there are many others, but as long as you are able to separate the Cryptic from the literal you should be fine.

Hope this has made things more confusing.

>23 Students’ Representative Council The University of Sydney

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