Running Head: ONLINE DATING AND RACISM 1
Master’s programme ‘Entertainment communication’
Master’s Thesis
How racist is the online dating space?
A qualitative investigation of experiences related to race discrimination on online dating apps
among Black and Asian emerging adults from the ages of 18 to 25
Student: Mila Ganijun
Student number: 11749784
Supervisor: Sindy R. Sumter
Date of completion: 31.01.2020
Word count: 7,623 ONLINE DATING AND RACISM 2
Abstract
As online dating is becoming increasingly popular among emerging adults, it becomes relevant to research their experiences while dating online. The current study specifically focuses on Black and Asian emerging adults and the obstacles they face while dating online due to their race. The study was conducted among Black and Asian emerging adults (aged 18-
25) who participated in in-depth interviews. The results suggest five main themes when it comes to the experiences Black and Asian emerging adults face: treated as other, lack of knowledge of the majority group, race as a disadvantage, the online disinhibition effect and coping mechanisms. To sum up, it was an even split between those who would categorize their overall online dating experiences as positive and those who would categorize them as negative. However, even those that reported their overall experience to be positive – reported facing obstacles due to their race. Notably, the findings call for further research on online dating when it comes to people of color as well as including the skin color factor (colorism).
Keywords: racism, Asian emerging adults, Black emerging adults, online dating
ONLINE DATING AND RACISM 3
How racist is the online dating space?
A qualitative investigation of experiences related to race discrimination on online dating apps
among Black and Asian emerging adults from the ages of 18 to 25
Introduction
In today’s society, Black and Asian people still face discrimination in the work, academic and social sphere (e.g., Hahn, Truman, & Williams, 2018; Hunter, 2007; Verma &
Mallick, 2017). When we talk about the social sphere specifically, dating for Black and Asian people does not come without its obstacles either. These obstacles vary from person to person as well as from race to race, however, research has shown that people are less willing to date
Asian and Black people compared to white people (Tsunokai, Kposowa, & Adams, 2009).
This unwillingness to date Asians and Black people is fueled by negative pre-conceived notions of what the two ethnic groups behave like and look like (e.g., Bany, Robnett, &
Feliciano, 2014; Chou & Feagin, 2015). Furthermore, this race-based discrimination is present in the online world as well (Jakubowicz, 2017).
The racism experienced by Asian and Black emerging adults affects them negatively in several ways. Firstly, when these negative attitudes towards the two ethnic groups are maintained – they become incorporated into institutions and policies which lead to Black and
Asian people having less and unequal opportunities for employment, housing and education
(Verma & Mallick, 2017). Secondly, the lack of these opportunities results in poor living conditions, poor education and lack of job opportunities which impacts the mental health of these individuals in a negative way (Williams & Williams-Morris, 2000). Finally, the well- being of Black and Asian people is affected negatively when they internalize the racist stereotypes that they face which also leads to a negative perception of the self (Williams &
Williams-Morris, 2000). Having said this, it becomes important to explore the experiences
Black and Asian emerging adults face when they date in the online world.
ONLINE DATING AND RACISM 4
Although racism is experienced across the lifespan, focusing specifically on emerging adults - those aged between 18 and 25, becomes relevant as they are the group that are the fastest adapters to digital media as discussed by Valkenburg and Piotrowski (2017).
Nowadays, it is not uncommon that relationships in fact start on an online platform. With the development of technology, online communication has become easy, accessible and more relevant than ever before. Moreover, emerging adults are relevant to explore because they spend more time using the media than doing any other activity (Coyne, Padilla-Walker, &
Howard, 2013). As discussed by Hurd, Varner, Caldwell and Zimmerman (2014), emerging adulthood is a time when we become more vulnerable as we step into independence and we do not experience the same parental involvement as before. For emerging adults of color, this means that they are more likely to experience discrimination as they navigate adulthood (Hurd et al., 2014). This increased vulnerability makes it relevant to look into emerging adults specifically.
There is an immense amount of research that documents that racism against Black and
Asian people in the online world exists (e.g., Daniels, 2013; Gray, 2012; Hwang 2013; Keum
& Miller, 2017; Robinson, 2015). For instance, Gray’s (2012) study documents that women of color face oppression in the online sphere of Xbox Live by being subjected to racism and nativism. Moreover, there is research that also provides for evidence of race discrimination in the dating space both online and offline (e.g., Bedi, 2015; Callander, Holt, & Newman, 2016;
Hwang, 2013; Robinson & Frost, 2017). For instance, in the study conducted by Callander,
Newman and Holt (2015), the authors Ω that sexual racism or racism in the context of dating and sex, was significantly present both online and offline and that it was highly tolerated and presented as just a personal preference.
Moreover, the racism that Asian and Black people face also differs among their respective ethnic groups. As discussed by Zheng (2016), Asian women face so-called ‘Yellow
ONLINE DATING AND RACISM 5
Fever’, a concept that is frequently also referred to as fetishization. Fetishization refers to someone having a fetish for a specific race that they usually specifically seek out and it is characterized by exoticizing the person of that specific race. When fetishization occurs, the characteristics of the person are often put on the side while their race takes on the most important role. Zheng (2016) discussed the fetishization of Asian women as non-flattering as well as disturbing. Moreover, the author argues that this fetishization puts an enormous psychological burden on those who are fetishized - Asian women (Zheng, 2016). When it comes to Asian men, research has shown that they are the group that gets the lowest ratings from daters out of all other races due to perceived low attractiveness (Fisman, Iyengar,
Kamenica, & Simonson, 2008). In comparison to Asian women, research has shown that
Black women face the stereotype of the ‘angry Black woman’ in the dating world (Childs,
2005). Black women are often painted as being angry, aggressive and therefore not as desirable to date. Bany et al. (2014) further examined that daters perceive Black women as less attractive as a result of the ‘angry Black woman’ stereotype while Black men were excluded for being perceived as aggressive and dangerous as well as because of the fear of social disapproval by friends and family.
To sum up, the already existent research brings to light that Black and Asian individuals experience racism which has been linked to negative outcomes such as declining mental health. This is why it is important to conduct research on these two groups in order to comprehend the experiences these emerging adults face when they date online. Although some studies have investigated racism in relation to online dating, it remains unclear what types of experiences Black and Asian individuals have with dating - specifically on online platforms. This field remains relatively unexplored which is why it is valuable to address the issue, especially with a qualitative study that will provide for elaborate explanations on the experiences faced.
ONLINE DATING AND RACISM 6
My research in particular will investigate the racism Black and Asian individuals face in the online dating world as it seems as though there is a gap in this particular field of research from a media and communication perspective at this moment. Having said this, the research question for this study is: ‘Which obstacles do Black and Asian emerging adults, between the ages of 18 and 25, face when they date online?’.
Theoretical background
Personal preferences/racial profiling
In order to investigate the discrimination faced by Black and Asian individuals, I will primarily focus on personal preferences as a sensitizing concept. Personal preferences refer to the specific likes and/or dislikes of individuals. I will take on the role of analyzing how these preferences can be disguised as racist preferences. They are disguised racist preferences because they are not considered racist by those dating app users that perpetuate them. To those dating app users, these preferences are merely personal. However, Robinson (2015) discusses how these so-called personal preferences are used in the online space, specifically on dating apps, in order to perform exclusionary practices such as excluding specific people exclusively and primarily based on their race. These exclusionary practices are known as the concept referred to as racial profiling.
Racial profiling occurs when people claim that they date only specific races because they prefer their values, characteristics and culture, however, the decision-making process that resulted in that has been influenced by larger racial stereotypes and other pre-conceived notions (Sweeney & Borden, 2009). Thus, people may express they only date one certain race. These exclusionary practices known as racial profiling are also often encouraged by the features of the dating apps themselves as users are able to explicitly state which race they are willing to date and which not in their online profiles. For instance, on a gay dating social app called Grindr, it is encouraged to fill in the ethnicity drop-down menu where you are able to
ONLINE DATING AND RACISM 7 pick 9 different categories as to which race you identify as (Shield, 2018). Furthermore, if you purchase Grindr Xtra you are able to filter out people based on the ethnicity drop-down menu
(Shield, 2018).
According to Robnett and Feliciano (2011) Asian and Black people were more open to dating whites than vice versa. Furthermore, 97% of white men excluded Black women from their dating pool while 53% excluded Asian women (Robnett & Feliciano, 2011). In addition to this, 92% of white women excluded Black men from their dating pool and 93% excluded
Asian men (Robnett & Feliciano, 2011). Robnett and Feliciano’s (2011) study gives us an insight into what racial profiling in the online dating world looks like and the differences in which races are considered less desirable to date.
It is also important to discuss the concept of racial ideology in the context of online dating. Racial ideology is “the racially based framework used by actors to explain and justify
(dominant race) or challenge (subordinate race or races) the racial status quo” (Bonilla-
Silva, 2003, p. 9). Racial ideology indicates that the overarching beliefs and/or practices of the dominant group become the norm of society. This relates to the role of race in online dating because the beauty standards and desirable behaviors have been set by the dominant group (whites) which then affects the way that Black and Asian daters are perceived and the desirability to date those of the two ethnic groups is set by the dominant group. Bonilla-Silva
(2003) further discusses how some daters are subconsciously unaware how their racial ideology affects their dating habits and preferences. Moreover, the study conducted by
Sweeney and Borden (2009) about racial preferences of online daters gives us an insight into the fact that the dominant race ideology meant for daters that whites and those of lighter skin were valued more and preferred in the online environment. However, this study will not focus on those that exclude but on the excluded individuals themselves and the experiences they face as a result of being excluded.
ONLINE DATING AND RACISM 8
The online disinhibition effect
The online disinhibition effect will be used as a sensitizing concept as well. The online disinhibition effect refers to the absence of restrictions that occurs within people in the online sphere that emboldens them to do and/or say things that they normally would not face-to-face
(Fox, Cruz, & Lee, 2015). Furthermore, Fox, Cruz and Lee (2015) named six influencing factors of the online disinhibition effect of which two are relevant to this study: invisibility and dissociative anonymity. The reason as to why it is important to analyze these two influencing factors is because disinhibition can manifest itself as toxic which is seen in the form of negative online behavior such as cyberbullying and trolling. The influencing factors of the online disinhibition effect will provide for an understanding of why dating app users perpetuate discrimination in the online world which will help in relating it to the personal experiences with online dating of Black and Asian emerging adults.
When it comes to the discrimination of Black and Asian people online, (1) invisibility could play a role as being on the internet compared to face-to-face can give people a sense of security even if they are talking to someone that is not a total stranger. Not being physically present and operating in an online environment instead, users need not to be concerned by the potential nonverbal cues from other users which have an important role in face-to-face communication (Suler, 2004). Users also do not have to worry about what they look or sound like and they do not have to face the facial expressions and body language of the person they are talking to. Thus, I expect that some Black and Asian online daters will report having experienced more racist conversations in their online compared to offline dating interactions.
In addition to invisibility, (2) dissociative anonymity also plays a role in what people say online versus face-to-face. This happens because people often dissociate from their real self as the online world allows for freedom of choice of any type of information that would identify you in real life (real name, real photo, real personal information etc.) and you have
ONLINE DATING AND RACISM 9 the opportunity to present yourself as you please. In addition to this, when people dissociate with their real self, they are able to dissociate themselves with their online behavior as well.
This means that they believe that their online behavior is not necessarily who they are offline.
Moreover, the anonymity aspect of the internet can give people a sense of safety that they will not have to face the consequences of their words and/or actions.
Method
Study design
The current study was conducted in the capital city of the Netherlands – Amsterdam.
The study used qualitative analysis in order to explore data related to race discrimination on online dating apps. More specifically, it conducted in-depth, semi-structured interviews. The interviews were conducted during October, November and December of 2019. Convenience sampling was used which allowed me to select participants via personal networks. This was not only convenient in terms of finding participants but also allowed me to seek out participants that fit the requirements.
Moreover, all the interviews were held in quiet spaces where it was made sure that all the participants were comfortable. The interviews were recorded on a voice recorder after obtaining active consent in order to be able to transcribe them at a later time. The interviews lasted from 45 minutes to 1 hour. All of the interviews were conducted in English and all participants had a high command of the English language.
Sample
The exact number of the participants was determined by the point at which saturation occured, meaning that reoccurring data was present and no new data was revealing itself
(Hennink, Kaiser, & Marconi, 2017). This ensured that all the potential data was gathered from the participants and nothing was left out. In this study, saturation occurred at interviews number seven and eight which is why the total amount of interviews that was conducted was
ONLINE DATING AND RACISM 10 eight. Furthermore, the participants reported to have used one or more of the following apps in order to date online: Grindr, Tinder, Blued, Instagram and Facebook.
The average age of the participants was 22.25 years and the age range was from 19 years to 25 years. The sample was balanced in terms of gender as it included four women and four men. The main requirements for the selected participants were that they were Asian and/or Black. The second requirement was that they were between 18-25 years old as it fits the emerging adult category in the proposed research question. Finally, the participants had to have some type of experience with online dating, regardless of platform and/or app.
Data analysis
The interviews conducted were transcribed verbatim and were coded in atlas.ti. The list of codes can be found below in appendix B. The coding process involved the creation of
103 open codes and five axial codes. The axial codes represent the patterns found in the eight interviews that explain certain occurrences which will be discussed more in-depth. I applied the constant comparative method while coding the interviews which allowed for thorough comparison within each interview itself as well as comparison between the interviews in order to find reoccurring patterns (Boeije, 2002).
Furthermore, a CIM (Concept Indicator Model) is presented in appendix C to clearly portray the core themes and sub-themes that were found during coding (Holton, 2007). The
CIM refers to a visual model that connects the theory to the data found (Holton, 2007). The
CIM was developed by creating axial codes from the open codes by identifying which open codes created categories that implied similarities in experiences. As visible in appendix C, the
CIM has four levels: the general topic of research, the main overarching themes found through coding, the sub-themes that correspond to each main theme and the respondents’ quotes which are the empirical data from the study that support the sub-themes. The CIM provides a visual understanding of the main findings of this study.
ONLINE DATING AND RACISM 11
Results
The results section is divided into five main overarching themes – treated as other, lack of knowledge of the majority group, race as a disadvantage, online disinhibition and coping mechanisms. Firstly, the treated as other theme represents the common experiences that the respondents have reported in the interviews which relate to being treated as different to the ‘mainstream’. The second theme – the lack of knowledge of the majority group, relates to the stereotypes and lack of understanding of race-related issues the respondents have faced while dating online. Thirdly, the race as a disadvantage theme represents the sentiments of not feeling equal to the majority group. Fourthly, the online disinhibition effect theme stands for the role that the online aspect of dating has and its effects. Finally, the coping mechanisms theme represents the different mechanisms the respondents employ, whether they are conscious or subconscious, in order to deal with negative experiences online or to prevent them as much as they can. Both parts are divided into sub-categories that represent the overarching themes/patterns found.
Treated as other
Fetishizing. A topic that kept coming up during interviews, both among Black and
Asian respondents, was fetishization. Fetishization refers to permeating a specific race with power in a sense that it becomes associated with desire and sexual gratification (Schroeder,
2008). In terms of online dating, fetishization manifested itself as daters stating that they only date Black/Asian people or that those are the only races they find attractive. All respondents that had such experiences in online dating reported that they found this behavior disturbing and offensive. Respondents reported that they felt narrowed down to their race being their only or main point of desirability as opposed to their personality. One respondent said:
ONLINE DATING AND RACISM 12
‘If you're literally only dating Black girls and shutting off all the other girls, then it's
just weird. That's a fetish. Then every Black girl can do, it doesn't matter to you.’
(Black, female, 21, a)
Another indicated:
‘For me, I don't like them to say this and I don't think it's a compliment … I'm not sure
how they think about it but when I hear this I feel looked down upon. Seeing people as
races. You're Asian and I'm only into Asians. That makes me feel like they are higher
and I'm the submissive one.’ (Asian, female, 25, a)
As the topic of fetishization was prevalent in the interviews, two other respondents also indicated:
‘It would be a big turn off for me because I would rather her say 'I only date funny
guys' because it's a personality trait. Not the way I look.’ (Black, 23, male)
‘Sometimes I talk to people and they tell me directly 'I have Asian fever' or 'I'm crazy
about Asian boys' … I think initially their purpose is wanting to make you happy
saying that you are their target group and they really like you but sometimes I feel like
you don't want to talk to me because of me but because I'm Asian. So if there's another
Asian, you would talk to them as well. It doesn't matter to you. That makes me feel
like you're not talking to me as an individual, you're talking to someone Asian.’
(Asian, 24, male)
Exoticizing. Something that came up only among Black respondents was the fact that they felt like online daters viewed them as so different to the point where they were seen as exotic and wild. These assumptions were not based on any personality traits but simply on the fact that they were Black. Exoticism relates to fetishization; however, it specifically deals with labelling the person as the ‘other’ while prescribing characteristics such as exotic, wild
ONLINE DATING AND RACISM 13 and different based on their race. Moreover, respondents reported experiencing feelings of discomfort when daters would exoticize them because of their race.
One respondent indicated the following:
‘Yeah, most of the people I talk to, somewhere in the conversation they go 'Oh I never
talked to a Black girl before' or 'I never dated a Black girl before'. They think I'm some
super exotic thing. I'm just a girl that happens to be Black. They act like it's the most
exciting thing to happen that I matched with them … You just get treated like you're
this exotic animal.’ (Black, female, 21, a)
Another respondent added:
‘I think the depiction of Black girls is always exotic compared to white girls. They're
depicted with curves and stuff like that. I think that contributes to how people perceive
Black people.’ (Black, female, 21, b)
Getting treated as an ‘experience’. Another topic that came up among Black respondents only was that a lot of the times when they are dating online, they are not fully taken as a desirable candidate for a serious relationship but as an experience that the other person wants to have. Respondents reported that certain people just want to have the
‘experience’ of dating someone Black for the sake of it or because they view them as exotic but do not have real genuine intentions to form a real relationship.
One respondent indicated:
‘You just get treated like you're this exotic animal or like this 'period in time'. Like it's
just something you want to try once. Like an experience they need to have in their
lifetime. They don't really love you, you're just an experience. They will end up with
somebody of their own race.’ (Black, female, 21, a)
Another respondent indicated the following:
ONLINE DATING AND RACISM 14
‘If we're talking about a serious relationship, people don't want to have that with a
Black person. They want to only hookup and have one night with them because they
think they have something big. They just want to spend one night with them and
nothing else. They think they're just hot so that's enough. White people are more taken
into consideration for a relationship. There's many stereotypes that affect these
choices.’ (Black, male, 20)
Lack of knowledge of the majority group
Personality stereotypes. Both Asian and Black respondents reported having to deal with stereotypes related to their personality traits in relation to their race from online daters.
The respondents reported that these personality stereotypes made them feel uncomfortable and that they were degrading. Most respondents also reported that they would cut off communication with the dater if they expressed a stereotype that they perceived as extremely offensive. An Asian respondent, when asked about why she thinks online daters often prefer to date Asian girls, said the following:
‘… the stereotypes that they have of Asian girls such as that they are submissive, they
are more tender. I don't really like it.’ (Asian, female, 25, a)
Another Asian respondent indicated:
‘… they have this idea that Asian girls will stay at home and cook and clean your
house.’ (Asian, female, 25, b)
The stereotypes that surrounded Black respondents were in a way the opposite of those of
Asian respondents – which experienced daters assuming they are submissive, timid, gentle and passive. Black respondents experienced the stereotypes of being aggressive, angry and difficult. One Back respondent indicated the following:
‘… (they) stereotype me as the angry Black woman.’ (Black, female, 21, b)
ONLINE DATING AND RACISM 15
Unfamiliarity with and ignorance of different cultures. Moreover, both Black and
Asian respondents reported being asked questions while dating online that made them feel uncomfortable and odd. The respondents felt like this was the result of unfamiliarity with certain cultures but also ignorance of them. Black women, specifically, reported that they would often get questions about the state of their hair, whether it was real or fake which made them feel like people were sometimes ignorant. Moreover, this question was specifically only asked to Black women which some reported made them feel like they are different than others. One respondent discussed:
‘You get these comments about your hair you know. Your own race, they get you. I
wear weave, yeah. People that are Black are used to it because most of their family
wears weaves but a white guy, they don't wear weave so they don't know and then
they ask questions. In their mind it's this thing, that we're so different because I'm
Black and you're white.’ (Black, female, 21, a)
Moreover, Asian respondents reported that there was an ignorance to their diets as well as to the fact that they speak a language other than their mother tongue. An Asian respondent indicated:
‘Also along the road of meeting people online, I even met people asking how come I
speak English so well. For me, it's a language it doesn't really matter where you come
from but that tells a lot. They show ignorance.’ (Asian, female, 25, b)
Another Asian respondent commented on the diet stereotype saying:
‘There’s this stereotype that Chinese people eat everything including dogs. It’s really
offensive.’ (Asian, male, 24)
Race as a disadvantage
The feeling of not having equal opportunities as others. Both Black and Asian respondents reported that while dating online, they did not feel like they had equal
ONLINE DATING AND RACISM 16 opportunities of finding someone that will like them back opposed to other races. Both groups discussed that they felt like the chances of them finding someone with genuine intentions was much lower than for other races. One respondent said:
‘I feel most of the guys that are good-looking or interesting, I cannot really be a part of
the society in a way where I could date those 'great' guys. Yes, (I feel like) the outlier,
the minority. I don't feel like I have an equal opportunity that Dutch girls have here to
date.’ (Asian, female, 25, a)
Another respondent shared a similar experience saying:
‘I know I have a disadvantage. I know not everybody likes Black girls. I am not
delusional. That's why I ask people 'what's your type?'. None of them have ever said
Black girls … It's always white and I know they don't like Black girls and it's so
annoying sometimes because I don't want to be just that Black girl.’ (Black, female,
21, a)
Furthermore, another respondent shared that they felt a similar way saying:
‘… I can understand sometimes that it is race related. I can tell that some handsome
guys that I could compare myself to and that I was interested in didn't want to really
have something with me because I'm Black.’ (Black, male, 20)
Racial profiling. Racial profiling was relevant for both Asian and Black respondents and it was visible in experiences where daters claimed they only date a specific race (Sweeney
& Borden, 2009). The participants described these experiences as condescending, disrespectful and making them feel as though they are replaceable by any other member of their race. The experiences related to racial profiling that occurred made them feel like their personality traits did not matter at all as long as they were the desired race of the dater.
One respondent indicated:
ONLINE DATING AND RACISM 17
‘I found most of the people I've matched with - they have some preference for Asians
and according to their messages, they told me that they also have a lot of dating
experiences with Asians … I don't like people saying they only like Asian girls, they
only date Asian girls, because that makes me feel like you're only into my race, not
me.’ (Asian, female, 25, a)
Another respondent said the following when talking about situations where daters specifically only seek out Black people on dating apps:
‘... it makes me question: are you dating me for me or are you dating me because I'm
Black? And yeah, that type of stuff is what you come across on dating apps for sure …
I don't like to feel that way because it makes you feel really replaceable. When you're
dating you want to feel like you two got something special but when it feels like it's
only because of your skin color and the way you look ... yeah, it feels very shallow
and you don't feel special.’ (Black, male, 23)
The online disinhibition effect
The online factor. When discussing the online disinhibition from the theoretical background, a small amount of both Asian and Black respondents reported that they feel like some of the things that was said to them by online daters has to do with the fact that their conversation was online and not face-to-face. The respondents felt like because of the factors of anonymity and invisibility some daters did not feel like they would face the consequences of their actions for what they said online. Therefore, one respondent indicated the following:
‘On online dating apps, people feel like they can say everything because it's not face to
face. They say anything from 'Go back to your own country' to other things … They
feel more enabled to say some things online rather than face-to-face.’ (Black, male,
20)
Furthermore, another respondent added:
ONLINE DATING AND RACISM 18
‘People get away with disgusting things on the internet. Spineless people type out their
own spine and think they can get away with it because it's online and not face-to-face
… I think they feel safe online because they are behind a screen and they can reach
and hurt as many people as they want. Some people get a kick out of it, when they see
other people react badly. They think 'Okay I hit a nerve and now I have power over
them because I can control if they get upset or not. '’ (Asian, female, 19)
Coping mechanisms
Doing your research. Both Asian and Black respondents reported that one way they deal with dating online as a person of color is by inquiring before they invest their time, energy and effort into having a conversation with someone and potentially something more.
Respondents discussed that they would purposely ask the person they were talking to certain questions in order to find out their stance before they actually invest themselves. It was reported that this helped filtering out those that weren’t genuine about their intentions. One respondent indicated:
‘First of all, I know I have a disadvantage. I know not everybody likes Black girls. I
am not delusional. That's why I ask people 'What's your type?'’ (Black, female, 21, a)
Another respondent said the following in relation to the stage before actually going out with someone:
‘I ask this question every time 'What do you think of me as an Asian girl?' (Asian,
female, 25, a)
The respondent discussed that she would ask this question in order to see whether they were only interested in her because of her race or whether they already had some stereotypes in their mind about how she would be personality wise.
Lowering your expectations. Both Black and Asian respondents discussed that it was important to them to lower their expectations when they were dating online in order to avoid
ONLINE DATING AND RACISM 19 disappointment. Both groups said that it was easier to cope with certain situations when their expectations were low to start with. A Black respondent said the following:
‘I usually just think I'm not their type because like I said I always ask people what
their type is so I just usually don't assume I'm their type. I just don't bother anymore to
be honest. I kind of just joke around because I already know it's not going to be me so
yeah.’ (Black, female, 21, a)
An Asian respondent said:
‘I feel like there is a boundary … I feel most of the guys that are good-looking or
interesting, I cannot really be a part of the society in a way where I could date those
'great' guys.’ (Asian, female, 25, a)
Holding back. Another coping mechanism that was reported by Black respondents was holding back when they encounter challenging moments pertaining to their race.
Respondents reported that they would hold back in the things they would say even though they felt like they were fully justified. This was done for two different reasons. The first reason was to avoid being stereotyped as an angry or aggressive person. We see this in the following quote:
‘I kind of let it go because I don't want to give them a reason to stereotype me as the
angry Black woman, so I usually let it go and then talk to someone about it.’ (Black,
21, female, b)
The second reason why respondents hold back is simply because they ‘freeze’ in a difficult situation as a means of coping with what they heard/experienced. Some reported not knowing how to respond while others felt like they didn’t have full control of their thoughts at that moment as a result of shock. One respondent said the following about a comment by an online date that assumed Black people steal:
ONLINE DATING AND RACISM 20
‘That's assuming all Black people steal. It makes no sense so at that point, what are
you going to do? Are you going to educate her, talk to her or what do you do, you
know? … I was shook, I didn't do anything.’ (Black, 23, male)
Self-love. Black respondents specifically reported self-love as a coping mechanism as well. They reported that a way to deal with bad experiences while dating online is to practice self-love on a daily basis. It was important to maintain the mantra of being worthy and loving yourself in response to negative experiences. One respondent said the following:
‘Right now, cancelling1 people is a hype but I think the most important thing is to love
yourself and to know who you are. When I grew up I learned to not give a damn about
what people said, you know. If someone was calling you names, whatever, let them
but you know who you are and that you're beautiful. If someone says something
offensive, it hurts of course, you've been dating, you care about them but no one
should ever be your main source of happiness.’ (Black, 23, male)
Another respondent indicated:
‘But you know that saying 'What doesn't kill you makes you stronger'. When these
things happen to me I just think 'It's just a wave on the sea'. You have to love yourself
first.’ (Black, 20, male)
Discussion
This study explored the experiences of Asian and Black emerging adults between the ages of 18 and 25 with online dating. Using a qualitative approach, respondents participated in an in-depth interview that dealt with four main topics: types of platforms used for online dating, negative aspects of online dating, surroundings: friends’ and families’ experiences and coping mechanisms. The study focused on the specific experiences the participants faced in relation to their race. Overall, when asked whether their experiences of dating online as a
1 Flossy333 (2018). Cancelled. In Urban Dictionary. Retrieved January 22, 2020, from https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Cancelled
ONLINE DATING AND RACISM 21 person of color were mostly negative or positive, it was an even split between the two answers. In addition to this, those that reported that their overall experiences were positive still reported that they faced negative experiences with daters due to their race. Even though the respondents appreciated the fact that they were able to use online platforms to meet daters and form new relationships, they were sometimes discouraged by the experiences they faced due to being Black and/or Asian.
Online dating and racism: overarching themes
The interviews showed that while there were some similarities in the experiences between the two groups, there were also differences as some experiences were specific to a certain group. The results were divided into five themes: treated as other, lack of knowledge of the majority group, race as a disadvantage, the online disinhibition effect and coping mechanisms. The following part will reflect on the overarching themes presented in the results section and discuss them in more depth.
Treated as other. The treated as other theme was composed of three sub-themes: fetishizing, exoticizing and getting treated as an ‘experience’. This overarching theme explains the experiences that the respondents had that made them feel different than the majority group. The respondents reported that being treated as other made them feel ostracized, uncomfortable and disrespected. Out of the five, this sub-theme seemed to have brough out the most reactions out of the respondents as every single one had an experience that made them feel different compared to the majority group. These findings are in line with previous research which discusses that Black and Asian daters experience the feeling of being different or ‘other’ due to their race in comparison to the majority group (e.g., McClintock,
2010; McKeown, Nelson, Anderson, Low, & Elford, 2010). Moreover, most respondents were also able to recall a time when their friends and/or family experienced feeling different due to their race.
ONLINE DATING AND RACISM 22
Lack of knowledge of the majority group. The lack of knowledge of the majority group theme consisted of two sub-themes: personality stereotypes and unfamiliarity with and ignorance of different cultures. Similar to the previous theme, this theme also consisted of experiences that both Black and Asian respondents had. The lack of knowledge of the majority group theme represents the negative experiences the respondents have had to deal with because the daters had already pre-conceived notions about what the respondents were going to be like because of their race or they simply expressed no knowledge of their culture at all in an insensitive manner. These findings are in line with previous research which indicates that in the dating world Black people are stereotyped as loud, aggressive and angry while Asians are stereotyped as passive and submissive (e.g., Bany et al., 2014; Poon & Ho,
2008). Moreover, this theme seemed to be dominant among all respondents.
Race as a disadvantage. The race as a disadvantage theme consisted of two sub- themes: the feeling of not having equal opportunities as others and racial profiling. In line with the first two themes, this theme was also composed of experiences of both Asian and
Black respondents. The race as a disadvantage theme represents the negative experiences that the respondents felt like they faced solely because of their race. These negative experiences prompted the feelings of having less opportunities in online dating than the majority group while when they did get the opportunity, the respondents felt like it was based on the assumptions the daters had about their race rather than their personality traits. These experiences were regarded as disrespectful, unfair and condescending. Moreover, the majority of the respondents had an experience to share about this theme.
The online disinhibition effect. The online disinhibition effect theme consisted of one sub-theme: the online factor. As the previous themes, the online disinhibition effect theme involved the experiences of both Black and Asian respondents. The online disinhibition effect theme represents the experiences the respondents had where they felt like daters were talking
ONLINE DATING AND RACISM 23 to them in a certain why or saying certain things due to the fact that the conversation was being held online and not face-to face. The respondents reported that they felt like the online space sometimes emboldens daters to act in a certain manner because they feel like they are invisible or that they won’t face the consequences of their actions. These findings connect back to Suler’s influencing factors of the online disinhibition effect – invisibility and anonymity online which are in line with what the participants reported (2004). However, the online disinhibition effect theme was discussed to a much smaller degree than the previous themes mentioned above as not all respondents felt like the online space had a lot to do with the way daters acted. The reason as to why a lot of respondents felt like the online factor wasn’t necessarily present in their experiences is because their online and offline dating experiences had some similarities where they still faced negativity face-to face.
Coping mechanisms. The coping mechanisms theme consisted of four sub-themes: doing your research, lowering your expectations, holding back and self-love. This fifth theme was also composed of experiences both Black and Asian respondents faced. The coping mechanisms theme represents the strategies the respondents use, whether they are aware of them at that moment or not, in order to deal with negative experiences they come across while dating online. The respondents reported that these mechanisms are crucial to either to some degree prevent future negative encounters or to keep from feeling bad about themselves.
Furthermore, most respondents had one or more coping mechanisms that they shared during the interviews.
Shared and unique experiences for different ethnicities
When it comes to the specific sub-themes, both Black and Asian respondents experienced fetishizing, being stereotyped, the feeling of not having equal opportunities as others, the online factor, racial profiling, unfamiliarity with and ignorance of different cultures, doing your research and lowering your expectations. Even though no unique sub-
ONLINE DATING AND RACISM 24 themes were introduced by Asian respondents, some unique sub-themes were introduced by
Black respondents. The unique sub-themes reported by Black respondents are exoticizing, getting treated as an ‘experience’, holding back and self-love. Being exoticized and getting treated as an ‘experience’ is in line with previous research which showed that these were common experiences among Black people when they date (McKeown, 2010).
Limitations and future research
Although the current study has its strengths, there are also certain limitations that need to be taken into account. Several of these limitations provide interesting avenues for further research. The first limitation of this research is the fact that colorism was not taken into account as a factor. Colorism refers to the process that gives privilege to lighter-skinned people of color opposed to those that are darker-skinned (Hunter, 2007). The long history of colorism is present in areas such as housing, education, income as well as dating and marriage
(e.g., Bodenhorn, 2006; Kerr, 2005; Marira & Mitra, 2013). Previous research has shown that lighter-skinned people get married to higher-status people, have higher incomes and reside in higher-income areas compared to darker-skinned people (e.g., Espino & Franz, 2002; Hunter,
2007; Seltzer & Smith, 1991). Taking the long history of colorism into consideration and its impacts, it would be very valuable to take colorism as a factor in the experiences of people of color while dating online in future research. Future research should explore the differences in the experiences of those who are light-skinned and those who are dark-skinned people of color in relation to online dating and investigate the differences in treatment and opportunities. Furthermore, the disadvantages that darker-skinned people face was also brought up by a respondent who said:
‘… Some people are thinking of babies and you don't want a dark baby, you want a
light baby so you choose a light person. If you're lighter - you get more privilege. I
think also as a parent they don't want their kids to struggle so they think if they have a
ONLINE DATING AND RACISM 25
lighter child it will be better for them. They won't have to struggle as much. They're
perceived as pretty. But if you grow up with that mindset, you're just going to think all
light people are pretty so you are subconsciously going to filter out the darkest people
and not pay them any mind. Maybe you don't know that you're doing it but you are.
Because it's in your mind that light is pretty. It doesn't even matter if you want to have
a light baby or not but it's in your mind. You internalize it.’ (Black, female, 21, a)
The second limitation of this research is the fact that the research did not account for the differences between Asian and Asian Dutch, Black and Black Dutch respondents. Even though identity is complex and it is difficult to define what it means to be Asian and Asian
Dutch or Black and Black Dutch – the Dutch suffix implies a connection to Dutch culture and society in some way whether being born and/or raised in the Netherlands, having a Dutch citizenship, identifying with Dutch culture, having a Dutch parent and similar. The current study has used a variety of respondents, regardless of where they were born and raised and their relation or lack thereof to Dutch culture, as long as they identified with being either
Asian and/or Black. Furthermore, Kartosen and Tan (2013) explored Asian Dutch young people and their identities and found that Asian Dutch young people identify with multiple ethnic and cultural groups. The fact that they identified with Dutch, homeland (e.g
Indonesian) and Asian cultural-ethnic groups gives us an insight that identity is complex and how it is constructed affects us in different ways both offline and online, which is why this would be a relevant aspect to investigate in terms of online dating as well (Kartosen & Tan,
2013). Therefore, a recommendation for future research would be to take the identity factor into consideration when specifically exploring online dating in order to better understand how our ethnic identity affects us in this online sphere.
The third limitation of the current study has to with the sample as it was recruited through convenience sampling. Although convenience sampling has its strengths, it also has
ONLINE DATING AND RACISM 26 its limitations which is the fact that not every member of the population has an equal chance to become a participant. Non-probability sampling was used and participants were recruited from personal networks which did not allow for an opportunity for a more broad sample of participants.
Conclusion
Even though online dating is becoming increasingly popular today, the experiences that this digital space brings are not always positive for all its members. The results of the current study suggest that Asian and Black daters experience both similar and different forms of racism while dating online. These forms of racism manifest themselves through exoticism, fetishism, stereotypes, ignorance of different cultures, being treated as an ‘experience’, racial profiling and not feeling equal to the majority group. Moreover, the results further suggest that Asian and Black daters have developed specific strategies to cope with the negative experiences while dating online. Lowering your expectations, holding back, doing your research and self-love have been reported as crucial coping mechanisms in response to racism in online dating. The current study is unique in the way that it focuses on Black and Asian daters specifically while it explores a specific area of the digital space – the dating world.
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ONLINE DATING AND RACISM 32
Appendix A
Interview Guide
Introduction - Goal: to identify experiences in online dating - Recording: With your permission, this interview will be recorded for research purposes. - Informed consent: Hand the consent form that explains everything including that their information is anonymous and is used for research purposes only. - Background check: I will start off by saying a bit about myself. Then asking the participant to say something about themselves – background, age, education etc. Topic 1: Types of platforms Questions: Goal: to find out which platforms they have Which platforms and apps do you use the used in order to date and their preferences most? Which of those have you used to date List: online? - Facebook For dating purposes, do you prefer general - Tumblr apps or those specifically created for online - Twitter dating? Why? - Instagram How frequently do you use them for dating - Tinder purposes? - Grindr Have you ever met someone online and met - Bumble them in person? If so, what was that - Adam4adam experience like? - Happn
ONLINE DATING AND RACISM 33
- Plenty of fish Topic 2: Negative aspects Have you ever been in a situation while Goal: to find out what kind of race related online dating where you were really made situations they have faced online aware that you were a PoC? Describe. Have you ever been in a situation where you felt like your race was the main characteristic the person was interested in? Describe. (fetishization) Have you ever come across somebody’s photos or description on an online dating app that was race related and it made you feel a certain way? Describe. (ex/ ‘I don’t date/I’m not attracted to this race, I am only attracted to this race etc.) Do you remember a time when someone said they would/wouldn’t date or hook up with you because you are or are not their type? Describe. If so, how did this make you feel? *Did you feel discriminated against, uncomfortable, weird?* Topic 3: Surroundings Have you ever had a friend encounter a Goal: to find out if their friends encounter challenging race related moment while any/similar obstacles and perceived race dating online? Describe. preference Do you think this happens more to you or your friends? Why? As you know, how we perceive and Do you think there are certain races people experience racism isn’t only when its prefer to date? Why do you think that? directed specifically towards us but also Do you think this is prejudiced? towards those around us. This is why in this section we will talk about racism in relation to our friends and family.
ONLINE DATING AND RACISM 34
Topic 4: Coping mechanisms How have/would you react in a situation Goal: to find out how they deal with the where somebody told you your race is not obstacles discussed within topic 3 their personal preference? How have/would you react if somebody told you they only date people from your race?
Rounding up Highlight the most important points the Is there anything else you would like to participant brought up. comment on or elaborate? Compare my first impressions of the topic Anything else you would like to address? vs. how I see it after the participant’s insight. Do you agree or see similarly? If not, how so? Wrap up Do you have any questions for me? Or any comments? Thank the participant for participating. Explain the reasoning behind the research.
ONLINE DATING AND RACISM 35
Appendix B
Project: Online dating and racism
Codes Report
All (103) codes
○ Assumptions that Asian women are submissive
○ Assumptions that Asian women will be housewives
○ Awkward first date with an online dater
○ Been told 'I've never been with someone of your race'
○ Being angered by being stereotyped while dating online
○ Being asked odd racial questions on online dating apps
○ Being considered for a one night stand only because of race
○ Being into your race rather than your personality
○ Being made aware of your race by online daters
○ Being made aware of your race online
○ Being perceived as submissive because of race
○ Being pressured to date your own race
○ Being sexualized online
○ Black women getting the stereotype of being angry
○ Colorism
○ Cultural appropriation
○ Cultures as trends
○ Daters asking 'How come you speak English so well?'
○ Daters making insensitive racial jokes
○ Daters' perceptions on what Asian women behave like
○ Daters prefer to date White people and those that are light-skinned
ONLINE DATING AND RACISM 36
○ Daters saying 'I only date 1 specific race'
○ Daters saying they only date Black girls
○ Daters that perceive Black women as exotic
○ Dating online both negative and positive
○ Different beauty standards
○ Doubting if the person like you for you or for your race
○ Ethical guides
○ Experiencing racism in daily life
○ Experiencing the 'angry Black woman' stereotype
○ Feeling degraded after being stereotyped
○ Feeling disrespected when daters are only interested because of your race
○ Feeling exoticized
○ Feeling like an experiment to the dater
○ Feeling like an outlier because of race
○ Feeling like the respondent's race is a disadvantage
○ Feeling like you are not equal to others
○ Feeling like you don't have the same opportunities in the dating world as others
○ Feeling like you're an experience that the other person wants to have
○ Feeling looked down upon when seen as only their race
○ Feeling replaceable
○ Feeling unequal to your white friends
○ Fetishization
○ Forcing Black people into the 'Black Pete' discussion
○ Friends excluding certain races while dating
○ Friends experiencing fetishizing
ONLINE DATING AND RACISM 37
○ Friends facing prejudice online
○ Getting treated as an experience
○ Grindr being too much pressure
○ Having low expectations from the beginning
○ Holding back
○ Holding back to avoid being stereotyped
○ Holding back when faced with racial insensitivity online
○ Identity
○ Ignorance by online daters
○ Ignorance to different cultures
○ Inquiring about the dater's perceptions of race before investing yourself
○ Instagram and Facebook used only for social relationships with friends
○ Instagram as a means of dating
○ Interacting online for a significant amount of time before meeting in person
○ Inter-country dating
○ Internalizing colorism
○ Loving yourself as the most important factor
○ Meeting online daters in real life
○ Need for more diversity in the media
○ Negative online dating experience
○ Negative portrayal of dark-skinned people
○ Not feeling equal as a minority
○ Not wanting to be dated only because of your race
○ Not wasting your time with online daters that say offensive things
○ Not willing to date those that only date 1 specific race
ONLINE DATING AND RACISM 38
○ Offensive stereotypes
○ Online dater invading your privacy
○ Online daters coming on too strong
○ Online daters only wanting Black men for their physical parts
○ Online relationships turning into real-life relationships
○ People feeling more enabled to say some things online rather than face to face
○ People feeling safe offline to say offensive things compared to online
○ Personal preferences
○ Preference for Asians in online dating
○ Putting an entire race in one pot
○ Rampant colorism
○ Realizing certain daters specifically and continually date only Asians
○ Seeing Black women for their race not their personality
○ Seeking out to only date 1 specific race=racism in disguise
○ Sexualization of women
○ Stereotypes
○ Stereotypes about Asian women
○ Strong presence of the feeling of being a minority
○ The diversity of Asian people
○ The exclusion of Black and Asian people on dating apps
○ The feeling of not being equal because of race
○ The importance of deeming yourself worthy
○ The importance of knowing how to filter out people on online dating apps
○ The importance
○ The importance of respectful communication between races
ONLINE DATING AND RACISM 39
○ The necessity of diversity in the media
○ The perceived perception that Asians are under Westerners
○ The stigmas surrounding Black women's hair
○ Toxic masculinity
○ Use of dating apps
○ Use of social media
ONLINE DATING AND RACISM 40
Appendix C Concept Indicator Model (CIM) Fetishizing ‘… They tell me directly 'I have Asian fever' or 'I'm crazy about Asian boys'. So if there's another Asian, you would talk to them as well … That makes me feel like you're not talking to me as an individual, you're talking Exoticizing to someone Asian.’ (Asian, 24, male) Treated as other ‘You just get treated like you're this exotic animal’ (Black, female, 21, a) Treated as an ‘experience’ ‘You just get treated … like this 'period in time'. Like it's just something you want to try once. (Black, female, 21, a)
Personality ‘… the stereotypes that they have of Asian stereotypes girls such as that they are submissive, they are more tender. I don't really like it.’ (Asian, female, 25, a) Lack of knowledge of the majority group ‘There’s this stereotype that Chinese people Unfamiliarity with eat everything including dogs. It’s really and ignorance of offensive.’ (Asian, male, 24)
different cultures ‘I know I have a disadvantage. I know not everybody likes Black girls. I am not delusional. That's why I ask people 'what's The feeling of not your type?'. None of them have ever said having equal Black girls.’ (Black, female, 21, a) opportunities as ‘... it makes me question: are you dating me Online dating and Race as a others for me or are you dating me because I'm disadvantage racism Black? … I don't like to feel that way because it makes you feel really Racial profiling replaceable.’ (Black, male, 23) ‘They feel more enabled to say some things online rather than face-to-face.’ (Black, male, 20) The online The online factor ‘ I ask this question every time 'What do you disinhibition effect think of me as an Asian girl?' (Asian, female, 25, a)
Doing your ‘I usually just think I'm not their type research because like I said I always ask people what their type is so I just usually don't assume I'm their type.’ (Black, female, 21, a)
Lowering your ‘I kind of let it go because I don't want to Coping mechanisms expectations give them a reason to stereotype me as the angry Black woman so I usually let it go and then talk to someone about it.’ (Black, Holding back 21, female, b)
‘ When these things happen to me I just think 'It's just a wave on the sea'. You have Self-love to love yourself first.’ (Black, 20, male)