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Copyrighted Material inety - four percent of women between N the ages of eighteen and forty - fi ve start thinking about how to change a man within the fi rst four minutes of a date. A man would never say about a woman he just went out with, “ She ’ s got poten- tial. ” ItCOPYRIGHTED ’ s almost a comical notion: two MATERIAL men are sitting at a bar, and one says to the other, “ So, man, how was your date yesterday? ” The other nods and replies, “ Yeah, this one, she ’ s got potential. ” cc01.indd01.indd 1 111/11/091/11/09 88:05:34:05:34 AAMM He’s Got Potential They each take a swig of beer. “ If I can get her to swivel less on her golf swing, ” the second man continues, “ she could break forty. And I ’ m sure that leg curls would take care of that bit of cellulite on the back of her thighs. She snorts when she laughs, but I can probably get used to that. Yep, this could be the ticket. ” The fi rst man slaps his friend on the back and says, “ Good luck, man. You are more of an optimist than I, my friend. Remember that babe last year? I thought she was almost perfect. I thought I could change her. There were just a few little things that drove me nuts: that friggin ’ little dog of hers that she ’ d bring everywhere, that vegetarian kick she was on, and then the last straw— a Mets fan. ” Sigh. “ But good luck, my friend.” Never. It never happens. You, on the other hand, have said it a hundred times, and you ’ ve thought it twice as much. You are excited when you say, “ Whew, baby, now this one, this one has some po - ten - tial! ” Just a few tweaks, you think — whiten the teeth, throw out that dorky shirt he wears every third date, zap the propensity to quote Superbad or Top Gun at every possible moment — and he ’ s golden. Are you kidding? You become exasperated when you put together Ikea furniture or fi x the glitch in the garbage disposal. Now you have a man who is hardwired to remember every Robert De Niro or Russell Crowe line ever uttered, and you think you are going to change him? Regardless of your pathetic failure rate with past fi x - it projects, somewhere inside you there is a voice saying, “ Go for it. It ’ ll be easy! ” Are you high, girl? You have a better chance of birthing tri- plets at age fi fty than slipping that gnarly shirt off the hanger and into the garbage without him noticing. Rarely will a woman report, after a fi rst date, that the guy is perfect exactly the way he is. No man is perfect. It ’ s just that some have Prince Charming potential (PCP). 2 cc01.indd01.indd 2 111/11/091/11/09 88:05:36:05:36 AAMM Prince Charming Potential We polled friends, family, patients, and strangers to fi nd out the most popular reasons women label men as guys with potential rather than as ideal. It ’ s because he does or is the following: ● Bites his nails ● Watches sports too much ● Is not romantic enough ● Surrounds himself with immature friends ● Is messy ● Watches only dude movies ● Has terrible table manners ● Has funny tics ● Displays bad hygiene ● Has a bad sense of humor ● Doesn ’ t get along with his family ● Doesn ’ t get along with your family ● Is a people pleaser to an extreme ● Is a little chunky ● Looks at other women ● Has a very narrow food range ● Drives like a maniac ● Is terrible to take to parties ● Is jealous ● Is stingy ● Is moody ● Works too much ● Works too little 3 cc01.indd01.indd 3 111/11/091/11/09 88:05:36:05:36 AAMM He’s Got Potential ● Is always weighing in on how you look ● Is too controlling ● Hogs the bed ● Is too hairy ● Won ’ t try new things Women love to commiserate with one another about these things. Think about it: your friend tells you that her new boy- friend has an annoying habit of leaving dirty Q - Tips on her sink, and you can hardly wait until she ’ s fi nished to tell her about your ex ’ s dirty little habit of putting his toothbrush facedown on any surface in the bathroom. You never did get over his nose hairs, his mispronunciation of a particular word, the way he danced, or the fact that he didn ’ t dance at all. You both laugh. Then the conversation usually turns to how you failed to change him. You tried everything: cajoling, humor, bribery. Maybe you stumbled along, seething and nagging about the dirty toothbrush, until he slipped up with an indiscretion or a lie, and only then did you break off the relationship. Perhaps the conversation turns to how the toothbrush guy also made you laugh all the time, was there for you through a crisis, or got your brother a job. You learned to rinse off the toothbrush and put it in the holder yourself because you realized that in the scheme of things, it was worth it. There is a third, distant, possibility: that he actually learned to stop leaving the toothbrush around. There is a chance that some- thing you said or did got through to him, whether it was a positive incentive (sex) or blackmail (no sex). Of course, this is the most desired outcome, because it seems to affi rm that he really loves you. It ’ s why women will gloat over successes in changing their boyfriends but linger over failures as if they were as personally meaningful as SAT scores. 4 cc01.indd01.indd 4 111/11/091/11/09 88:05:37:05:37 AAMM Prince Charming Potential Exactly how one managed to change a boyfriend is an essential part of this conversation. Tactics (usually subversive ones) are shared and analyzed. Women pride themselves on spotting PCP and on how they made their man change. Persistence, creativ- ity, and the three Bs — bargaining, bribery, and blackmail — are the most common feminine fi xer - upper tools. Women use them without any shame, and that is what blows men away: women will change men (or try to) without batting an eyelash, and then rehash the whole thing over salad with a friend. Blame Music For every feisty Pink song, every girl - powered TLC song, and, of course, Gloria Gaynor ’ s “ I Will Survive, ” there are hundreds of ditties playing in elevators, supermarkets, and gyms all around the country that are whispering the same message in your ear: love will conquer all. Male singers croon, “ Without you, I am nothing.” These messages are — surprise! — hogwash. Whether you are divorced or holding out for a one and only, chances are that you want a man who will be a good gym partner, a vacation mate, your fi nancial and intellectual equal, and some- one who dreams as you do of bigger and better. Women now, more than ever, see that they have the choice not to marry or to stay single after a divorce. They are exploring all of the twenty - fi rst - century options, which include coparenting and cohabitation as well as other alternative situations. It turns out that marriage is not always such a great thing for women, and this is not a recent fi nding. In 1972 sociologist Jessie Bernard reported in her book The Future of Marriage that fulfi lled single women lived longer than their disappointed married sisters. Men, on the other hand, needed to be married to live longer than their unmarried counterparts, regardless of their happiness. 5 cc01.indd01.indd 5 111/11/091/11/09 88:05:37:05:37 AAMM He’s Got Potential Blame Hollywood Nearly every “ chick fl ick ” out there, culminating with The 40-Year- Old Virgin , is about a guy with a heart of gold who has undergone a change in order to get the girl. At other times it ’ s the woman who has to step up her game, whether it ’ s learning to break - dance ( Step Up ) or trading in her poodle skirt for a pair of high - waisted spandex pants ( Grease ), all to show the guy that underneath it all, she is the one that he wants. She thinks, “ You may not be attracted to a woman like me, you may be embarrassed or think we have nothing in common, but I will change your mind. ” Maybe the change she encourages is showing him that his soft side, the little boy inside him, is safe with her. Whether the man is Baron von Trapp, Rocky, or Jason Bourne, she can melt his icy heart. It ’ s worth it; he has PCP. It ’ s hard to fi nd a major motion picture that features a female lead who is content to be single. Almost every plot includes a romantic story line, preferably one that culminates in a big wedding. It ’ s such an important device in feature fi lms that the quality of the male partner seems to take the backseat. All he has to do is show up. Sex and the City was practically one long commercial for a wedding, and for what? So Carrie could marry the guy who had been stringing her along for years and then left her at the altar? In Knocked Up , Alison sidelines her successful career to mate with an unemployed pothead. In Bridget Jones ’ s Diary , the heroine chases down a man in the street — in her underwear, in the snow.
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