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Author Elizabeth Lesser: A World of Wisdom INDAGARE GLOBAL CONVERSATIONS | 1.02 Melissa Biggs-Bradley Hi and welcome to Indagare’s Global Conversations, a podcast about how traveling the world shapes our lives and perspectives. I'm Melissa Biggs Bradley of Indagare, a company I founded on the belief that how you travel matters. I'm sitting down with some of the most inspiring and innovative people I've met while on the road. They are activists and conservationists, designers and filmmakers, writers, chefs and entrepreneurs. They will share stories about their travels and how they lead lives of passion and purpose. They inspire me, as I hope they will you. Welcome to the conversation. As a passionate traveler, what I immediately missed the most when we first found ourselves in lockdown during the COVID-19 crisis was connecting with people because for me, the greatest discoveries when I distill travel down to its essence come from meeting new people and hearing new perspectives. And that human exchange can happen even when we can't get on planes. We can still tap out of our familiar lives and get a glimpse of a different one. And in the varied ways that people live, I see possibilities. So I reached out to those I consider true global citizens, people who I've met in my travels, who've spent their lives seeking and exploring, which is, by the way, the meaning of the word Indagare. And whether they fully immerse themselves in a destination or a discipline, where they've spent a lifetime moving between cultures and interests, they remind us of the many options of what life can be. So I thought even while isolated, we could continue to discover those infinite possibilities and learn from each other through conversation. Today, I'm thrilled to share with you a conversation I had with Elizabeth Loesser, who I have to confess was a hero of mine before she became a friend. I say that because when I was going through a rough time a number of years ago, a friend sent me a copy of Elizabeth's book, Broken Open, and it spoke to me so profoundly that ever since then, I send it to people who are in distress or despair or are going through a rough patch because I cannot think of anything more helpful. Seriously, it is like handing someone who is lost in the dark, a flashlight. Elizabeth has a huge fan base, including Oprah, who she's counseled on her Super Soul Sunday’s and through her work as the co-founder of the acclaimed Omega Institute in the Hudson Valley, she's met and in some cases advised just about every spiritual leader and thinker from the Dalai Lama to Deepak Chopra. But even with all of that, she is very open about still being a seeker herself. She has shared her journey and her wisdom at our annual retreats at Mi Amo and in her four books, including the soon to be published, Cassandra Speaks: When Women are the Storytellers, the Human Story Changes. We had a fascinating conversation where she talked about grieving for our lost world, managing in this new anxious moment and how to rebuild after loss. Hi, Elizabeth, ok, let's start with where you are in lockdown and what it looks like. Elizabeth Lesser I live in New York State's Hudson Valley, next door to one of my sons and daughters in law and two little grandsons. We decided early on that we would not social distance from each other. And so my lockdown looks like my husband and myself, my son and daughter in law, and these two wild boys who I now participate a little bit in home schooling and general madness. And I have enormous, enormous compassion for those of you who are home schooling your children right now or just trying to survive it. It's a lot. Somehow I thought at the beginning this was going to be like a few weeks and we’d all get a chance to clean our closets and do those projects. Homeschooling is definitely difficult. Luckily, my kids are all in college at this point. But can I ask how it has been balancing family time with work? I have never worked so hard in my life, mostly because I'm a co-founder of a retreat center and conference center, Omega Institute. We're a nonprofit and we are just struggling in survival mode. How are we going to survive this? So I've been working so much with my team through Zoom and then the boys and trying to be creative with them, pulling myself back up through meditation and prayer and just patience. So I've been like on this rollercoaster that I think we all have been on. Sometimes I feel like we're all in a state of shock. Actual biochemical shock. It happened so fast and so completely. So I allow myself every day to just kind of be in shock and not get hard on myself if I'm having a hard day. I've meditated for so many years of my life that I can sort of stimulate a mindfulness state just by a couple of breaths. And I've been relying on some old standard books that I'll just open to any page. Like this morning, I opened one of my favorite spiritual books, which is the collected sermons of Dr. Martin Luther King. It's called A Knock at Midnight. And I opened it to a line, he said, “I do not know what the future holds, but I know who holds the future.” I take that to mean we're not in control, this is a grand story, the story of humanity that we don't fully understand. Our brains are very puny divining tools. There is some amazing story going on. So I don't know what the future holds, but something is going on here that has meaning and purpose, and if we can align ourselves with that, we'll do better. MBB Yes, I think one of the big shocks has been being plunged into uncertainty and having to adjust to living in that state, you know, asking ourselves how long this is going to go on, how long we're going to have to social distance and live in this new way. Can you speak a little bit to the art of patience? Why is it so important? And can a time like this help us to attain it? EL Patience, so hard for us, humans, so hard. I think the opposite of patience is wanting to be in control. We want to control things against all evidence that we actually have no control of anything. Last night, a huge rainstorm came here and a windstorm. I had planted little lettuce starts in my vegetable garden and they were completely destroyed, pummeled by the rain. And still, I will go out and plant that garden again and somehow be offended when weather comes and wrecks it. Metaphoric, of course, of everything we try to control, whether it's people are children or mates or jobs, culture or society, politics. We get offended when we can't control things, even though there is no control. So that doesn't mean we shouldn't try to have an orderly, beautiful planned life, but when it doesn't go how we want, the watchword is patience. This, too, shall pass. We never were in control anyway, I'm going to put down the striving, I'm just going to put it down just even for five minutes. I'm going to put it down, I’m going sit in the wreckage, and just like that Phoenix bird who sat in the fire of change with this sense of faith that in the ashes I will reemerge as a better bird, that's the Pheonix process, that takes a lot of patience to trust that we will emerge. But we act, the weird thing is we can actually speed it up if we stop fighting it. I actually am a great fan of grief. Our society has adopted this idea of closure. Get over it and move on. And that to me is a sacrilegious attitude. I don't like the word closure when the people I love in my life have died, I've tried very hard to buck the system of get back to work, get back on the horse and to stay open, to keep my heart open, even if it hurts like hell, because in that openness is some kind of communion with the person we've lost. Whether you believe that person's spirit is there or just the memory, it's important to stay open to the beings we love and lose. And people are afraid that if they do, they might just cry forever and ever. I don't believe that. I believe the opposite, that if you don't cry and you don't feel you don't let yourself just fall apart, you become bitter and tense and you actually can get physically sick. So to me, grief and grieving is wise and healthy. I actually think we should lobby Congress to allow people weeks to grieve, people they lose to grieve losing a job. You know, the old cultures, the old country where women would wear black for weeks, months, years after someone they loved died.