Everyday Terrorism: How Fear Works in Domestic Abuse

Everyday Terrorism: How Fear Works in Domestic Abuse Professor Rachel Pain Centre for Social Justice and Community Action, Durham University and Scottish Women’s Aid Centre for Social Justice and Community Action Everyday Terrorism: How Fear Works in Domestic Abuse Everyday Terrorism: How Fear Works in Domestic Abuse Contents Acknowledgements ............................................................................................................. 5 Summary ............................................................................................................................ 6 Introduction ....................................................................................................................... 8 Methodology ...................................................................................................................... 9 1. The feeling of fear .......................................................................................................... 10 1.1 Terror: fear in the moment 1.2 Chronic fear: “Treading on eggshells” 1.3 Entrapment: physical and social isolation 1.4 Fear of leaving: “If I’m scared of him now...” 2. How fear works ............................................................................................................... 14 2.1 Fear and control 2.2 The abusers voice 2.3 Doublethink: “It made me feel I was going crazy” 2.4 Doing the emotional housework 2.5 Layers of constraint: social inequality and fear 3. Fear for Children ............................................................................................................ 20 3.1 Children as victims and witnesses 3.2 The deliberate use of children in partner abuse 3.3 Give me a reason 4. Finding security: Strength and Fear ................................................................................. 22 4.1 Mixed feelings 4.2 Strength and resisting domestic abuse 4.3 Critical moments 5. After Separation: Fear, Trauma and Restoration ............................................................. 25 5.1 Fear as a result of continuing abuse 5.2 Trauma: the effects of chronic fear 5.3 Restoration: living with and past fear Conclusions ........................................................................................................................ 28 References ............................................................................................... 29 Acknowledgements e are very grateful to the women and men who shared their experiences of fear and domestic Wabuse for this research. We would also like to acknowledge the help of staff working for organisations providing services to people experiencing domestic abuse in Scotland, who assisted in arranging interviews. Rachel would like to thank Lucy Berrington, Peter Hopkins, Lynn Staeheli, Lynne Bargewell, Dot Kirkham and Tamlynn Fleetwood for their help and support during the research. This research was funded by a British Academic Small Research Grant (SG111095). 5 Everyday Terrorism: How Fear Works in Domestic Abuse Summary Aim his report presents the findings of research conducted in 2012 by the Centre for Social Justice Tand Community Action at Durham University in collaboration with Scottish Womens Aid. While there have been improvements in recognition of the harm that domestic abuse causes, it is still quite poorly understood in wider society and among some service providers. A question still commonly asked is: why don’t people who are being abused in intimate relationships simply leave? In answer to this, this research focuses on the fear that is experienced by adults suffering domestic abuse. It aims to explore the multi-faceted nature and effects of fear. Methodology The methodology included a wide-ranging literature review of existing research on fear, domestic abuse and national/international terrorism, and 18 in-depth qualitative interviews with 16 survivors of domestic abuse. They included women and men who are heterosexual, gay and lesbian, as well as migrant and non-migrant women. The research investigated: • how fear operates both in the immediate moment of abusive incidents and in the long term, • the ways in which domestic abuse entraps people through fear, • how children are implicated in this process, • how people being abused resist and manage both abuse and fear, • how fear relates to other emotions, • the role of emotions in resistance and the long process by which some of those who are abused become survivors. Key findings The research suggests that domestic abuse can be considered a form of everyday terrorism. It creates long-lasting fear and trauma, which reinforce the abuser’s control over the abused person. It affects vastly greater numbers of people than global terrorism, and it has impacts on many aspects of society as well as on the individual. The frequency and prolonged nature of domestic abuse, the psychological aspects of this control, and the setting in which domestic abuse takes place all help to explain these higher levels of fear and trauma. The research demonstrates that: 1.Fear in situations of domestic abuse is distinctive: • Being abused in a domestic setting, by an intimate partner, shapes the nature of the immediate fear during violent incidents. It also leads to chronic fear which builds up over the long term and leads to significant trauma and negative effects on health and wellbeing. • The social and physical entrapment and isolation which often accompanies abuse reinforce these fears, and make help-seeking more difficult. • Fear is often a key reason for not leaving, and this fear is rational and justified. 2. The psychological and emotional control that result from fear are a key way in which domestic abuse ‘works’: • Keeping another person in a state of chronic fear does not require physical violence to be used all of the time, or at all. • Using and playing on fear is common by abusers, and is made possible because of their intimate knowledge of the person they are abusing. 6 Everyday Terrorism: How Fear Works in Domestic Abuse • Abusers tell powerful stories about the abuse to the person they are abusing, often saying it is the fault of the person being abused. Many interviewees experience a state of ‘doublethink’ as a result. • Gender roles within intimate relationships – in other words, who it is who usually does the domestic and emotional work - make abuse easier to perpetrate and harder to escape. • Other social inequalities, especially those of sexual orientation, income, class, ethnicity, migrant status and disability, can also increase fear of domestic abuse and its effects. • All of these factors explain why it is so difficult for people who are abused to leave. 3. Concern for children is central to the fears of many people who experience domestic abuse: • Children are sometimes victimised by the abusive parent, and frequently witness abuse. • Children are sometimes deliberately used in one parent’s abuse of another. • Children are often a key reason for the parent being abused not leaving, as well as eventually being a key reason for leaving. This apparently contradictory situation is explained by the complex and risky nature of the decision to leave. 4. People experiencing domestic abuse are not passive victims, but take many actions to improve their security: • Considerable strength and courage are required to live with domestic abuse, and these emotions are experienced alongside fear. • Those interviewed tried to resist and manage abuse and fear in different ways. • While love of their partner turned to dislike or hate once abuse became established, many still feel some sense of duty and responsibility and some try to ‘fix’ the abuse. Humiliation and shame at being abused are also powerful emotions for some. • All interviewees describe a critical moment, a major or minor event which precipitates an emotional shift in fear/strength which had been building for a long time. Often this helped them to eventually separate from the abusive partner. 5. After separation, fear often continues. Recovery and restoration are long processes: • Abuse often continues after separation, and leads to continuing or heightened fear. • Trauma, an effect of chronic fear, may fully surface only after separation from the abuser. • All interviewees also describe positive outcomes of separation for themselves and their children. 7 Everyday Terrorism: How Fear Works in Domestic Abuse Introduction “Domestic abuse is the mental, physical and/or sexual abuse by a partner or ex-partner. In most cases, it is experienced by women and children, and is perpetrated by men. Domestic abuse is often serious and sustained and can be life threatening.” (Scottish Womens Aid, 2008) omestic abuse is a widespread, everyday phenomenon in higher and lower income countries Dalike, that cuts across boundaries of class, age, race, ethnicity and sexual orientation (McCue, 2008). A widely cited review of European studies suggests that around one in four women experience domestic abuse over their lifetime, and between 6-10% in any given year (Council of Europe, 2002). Domestic abuse does not only consist of acts of violence, although these are often present. It also commonly includes a range of tactics including threats, isolation, and undermining self confidence and self esteem. The severity of its impacts rest on the common operation of fear, terror and control (Dobash and Dobash, 1979; Johnson 2008; Stark, 2007). Domestic abuse is marked by its repeated and long-term nature: a large UK study showed that the average number of incidents

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