Oldies but Goodies—SUSBC Oldies but 2019 Senior USBC TEAMS Teams Are Listed in Alphabetic Order & Will Be Numbered in Alphabetic Order for the Round Robin
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Volume 13, Issue 2 May 31, 2019 USBF President Marty Fleisher USBF Vice President Brad Moss USBF COO & Secretary Jan Martel USBF CFO Stan Subeck Directors ‐ USBC McKenzie Myers Rui Marquez Operations Manager Joan Paradeis Appeals Administrators Suzi Subeck, Chairman Bill Arlinghaus Martha Katz Appeals Panel: Bart Bramley Gary Cohler Mark Feldman Ron Gerard Geoff Hampson Mike Kamil Ralph Katz Chip Martel Jeff Meckstroth Beth Palmer Eric Rodwell Debbie Rosenberg Michael Rosenberg Kerri Sanborn Aaron Silverstein Ronnie Smith Danny Sprung In the Finals of the Mixed Teams, starring some seniors and some Adam Wildavsky juniors, in the penultimate segment, Michael and Debbie Rosenberg VuGraph Organizer had a nice normal auction to bid a cold small slam in hearts. At the Jan Martel other table, Zach Grossack and Botta had a messy auction to reach Bulletin Editor an impossible 7H. Zach upgraded his hand and opened 1C, and when Suzi Subeck his partner responded 1H, he bid 2NT instead of showing his 4‐card Photographer support. Peg Kaplan The grand slam had no play. At both tables, a diamond was led. De‐ Hospitality Chairs clarer won the ace, pulled trump and played off three rounds of Molly O’Neil spades shedding the diamond loser. Zach had nowhere to put his losing club and the small slam succeeded while the grand failed mis‐ erably… proving the older you get the wiser you are! 14 IMPs to Rosenthal UNITED STATES BRIDGE CHAMPIONSHIPS Oldies but Goodies—SUSBC Oldies but 2019 Senior USBC TEAMS Teams are listed in alphabetic order & will be numbered in alphabetic order for the Round Robin Brod Geoffrey Brod, Capt Jon Greenspan 250 lbs here on Earth is 94.5 lbs on Mercury. No, Karen McCallum Victor King I’m not fat. I’m just not on the right planet. Cappelli Robert Cappelli, Capt Robert Bitterman David Caprera Anne Brenner Kenneth Kranyak Phil Becker The best thing about good old days is that we were Denison Daniel Denison, Capt Richard Unger neither good nor old. Albert Shrive Michael Ranis Hamman Robert Hamman, Capt Peter Weichsel I have clean conscience. I haven’t used it once until Howard Weinstein Mark Feldman now. Neil Chambers John Schermer Jacobs George Jacobs, Capt Claude Vogel Jeffry Mandell Jon Sorkin Do I lose when the police officer says papers and I David Lehman Richard Melson say scissors? Kasle Gaylor Kasle, Capt Dan Morse Peter Boyd Steve Robinson If we shouldn’t eat at night, why do they put a light Bart Bramley Kit Woolsey in the fridge? Lall Hemant Lall Reese Milner Zia Mahmood Curtis Cheek Dennis Clerkin Jerry Clerkin If I got 50 cents for every failed math exam, I’d Petra Hamman, NPC have $ 6.30 now. Lewis Paul Lewis, Capt Ron Smith Mike Passell Marc Jacobus My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but Mark Itabashi Eddie Wold they turned 60 and that’s the law. Mahaffey Jim Mahaffey, Capt Sam Lev Drew Casen Jim KrekorianAlan Graves Matthew Granovetter Lew Stansby As the hostess at the casino buffet showed me to Reynolds W. Thomas Reynolds, Capt Lance Kerr my table, I asked her to keep an eye out for my David Pelka William Hall husband, who would be joining me momentarily. I Ellen Kent Robert Kent started to describe him: “He has gray hair, wears Simson Doug Simson, Capt Jeff Aker glasses, has a potbelly …” Allan Falk John Lusky She stopped me there. “Honey,” she said, “today is Steve Beatty Fred Stewart senior day. They all look like that.” Wolfson Jeffrey Wolfson, Capt Michael Rosenberg Mark Lair Steve Garner When a soldier came to the clinic where I work for David Berkowitz Alan Sontag an MRI, he was put into the machine by an attrac‐ A beggar approaches a grandmother at the beach tive, young technician. Sometime later, when the with his hands out. “Please, Señora,” the poor man examination was over, he was helped out of the pleads, “I haven’t eaten all day.” machine by a far older woman. The soldier re‐ marked, “How long was I in there for?” “Good,” says the grandmother. “Now you won’t have to worry about cramps when you go for a swim.” “What’s a hipster?” asked my four‐year‐old cousin. Seeing her friend Sally wearing a new locket, Meg “Someone who will wear something just to look asks if there is a memento of some sort inside. different,” I said. “They’ll often buy clothes in thrift “Yes,” says Sally, “a lock of my husband’s hair.” shops and wear thick glasses.” “But Larry’s still alive.” “Is Grandma a hipster?” he asked. “I know, but his hair is gone.” 2 “TRIALS” AND TRIBULATIONS—PRE-BULLETIN Tournament Schedule ROUND ROBIN DAY DATE TIME ‐ CDT BOARDS FRIDAY MAY 31 9:45 AM CAPTAINS' MEETING FRIDAY MAY 31 10:00 ‐ 11:21 MATCH 1 ‐ BOARDS 1‐9 11:30 ‐ 12:51 MATCH 2 ‐ BOARDS 10‐18 1:00 ‐ 2:21 MATCH 3 ‐ BOARDS 19‐27 79 MINUTE LUNCH BREAK 3:40 ‐ 5:01 MATCH 4 ‐ BOARDS 1‐9 5:10 ‐ 6:31 MATCH 5 ‐ BOARDS 10‐18 6:40 ‐ 8:01 MATCH 6 ‐ BOARDS 19‐27 SATURDAY JUNE 1 10:00 ‐ 11:21 MATCH 7 ‐ BOARDS 1‐9 11:30 ‐ 12:51 MATCH 8 ‐ BOARDS 10‐18 1:00 ‐ 2:21 MATCH 9 ‐ BOARDS 19‐27 99 MINUTE LUNCH BREAK 4:00 ‐ 5:21 *MATCH 10 ‐ BOARDS 1‐9 5:25 ‐ 6:46 *MATCH 11 ‐ BOARDS 10‐18 * THE FINAL 2 MATCHES ARE SEQUESTERED ‐ ONE PAIR ON EACH TEAM MUST PLAY BOTH MATCHES & REMAIN AT THEIR HOME TABLE FOR BOTH MATCHES. NO SCORE COMPARISON ALLOWED. Margin Winner Loser Margin Winner Loser Margin Winner Loser 0 10 10 16 15.26 4.74 31 18.25 1.75 1 10.41 9.59 17 15.50 4.50 32 18.40 1.60 “Looks to me like the 2 10.81 9.19 18 15.74 4.26 33 18.55 1.45 sort of fellow one doesn't play cards 3 11.20 8.80 19 15.97 4.03 34 18.69 1.31 with.” 4 11.58 8.42 20 16.20 3.80 35 18.83 1.17 5 11.94 8.06 21 16.42 3.58 36 18.97 1.03 ― H.G. Wells, 6 12.29 7.71 22 16.63 3.37 37 19.10 0.90 7 12.63 7.37 23 16.83 3.17 38 19.22 0.78 Meanwhile or the Pic‐ 8 12.96 7.04 24 17.03 2.97 39 19.34 0.66 ture of a Lady 9 13.28 6.72 25 17.22 2.78 40 19.46 0.54 10 13.59 6.41 26 17.41 2.59 41 19.58 0.42 11 13.89 6.11 27 17.59 2.41 42 19.69 0.31 12 14.18 5.82 28 17.76 2.24 43 19.80 0.20 “But that’s life right? 13 14.46 5.54 29 17.93 2.07 44 19.90 0.10 It’s just a shitty hand 14 14.74 5.26 30 18.09 1.91 45 20 0 of cards. But then maybe somebody pulls 15 15.00 5.00 out an Ace, and some‐ A group of Sun City Senior citizens was sitting around talking about their ailments: body else gets a four, “My arms are so weak I can barely hold a cup of coffee”, said one. or a ten. It’s all in the “Yes, I know. My cataracts are so bad I can’t even see my coffee”, replied another. draw and how you “I can’t turn my head because of arthritis in my neck”, said a third, to which several nod‐ play it.” ded in agreement. My blood pressure pills make me dizzy,” another went on. ― Mackenzie Herbert, “I guess that’s the price we pay for getting old,” winced an old man as he shook his head. Chasing Trains Then there was a short moment of silence. “Well, it’s not that bad,” said one woman cheerfully. “Thank God, we can all still drive!” 3 OLDIES BUT GOODIES Two retired professors were vacationing with their wives at a hotel in the Catskills. They were sitting on the ve‐ randa one summer evening, watching the sunset. The history professor asked the psychology professor, “Have you read Marx?” To which the professor of psychology replied, “Yes and I think it’s these damned wicker chairs.” Our pens, though not feather, Perhaps need a tether? Before the 1998 Chicago NABC, the ACBL commis‐ To keep them from flying away? sioned an artist named Jim Harrington from Wauke‐ gan, IL, to do a painting called “Our Game.” The lithos We always reuse them were sold at the ‘98 NABC and the original was auc‐ So please don’t abuse them, tioned off as a fund raiser for the tournament. Leo And leave on the table today! and Pat Perez from Garden Grove, CA, won the draw‐ ing and the winners were named at the Orlando NABC We clearly assert that year and awarded their painting. The picture was Your need to alert prominently displayed during both the Chicago and So use when explaining a call! Orlando NABCs. The lithos are numbered editions. Mr. Harrington’s widow, Sue, donated the remaining But leave at the site lithos to the USBF when she moved from her Wauke‐ gan home last year. We have several here at the tour‐ So others can write.