The Fioretti (1958)

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The Fioretti (1958)

Marian University - Indianapolis

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THE FIORETTI

VOLUME XVI

NUMBER 2

Indianapolis, Indiana

1958-1959

AN ANTHOLOGY OF

MARIAN COLLEGE

PROSE AND VERSE THE STAFF

Editor-in-Chief

James Jenks, '60

Assistant Editors

Peggy Delaney, '60

Sue Farney, '61

J.udy Parrish, '60

Elaine Thomas, '60

Art

Mary lou Szuter, '61 CONTENTS

ESSAYS The First Driving Lesson 4 Charles Robinson My "Two" Sisters 6 Mary Alice Chance Science in the Coffee Cup 12 Bill Logan Jerry 13 Betty McWilliams The Brothers 16 Sylvia Johnson Not Only Paul 24 Peggy Delaney A Brief Analysis 26 James Jenks The Cat and the Canary 29 Louise Divel- Long Distance, Please 40 Judy Wehrmeister The Voice from the Stairs 43 Louise Diver

SHORT STORIES Dangerous Precedent 9 Louise Diver The Intruder 30 Rose Chan

POEMS The Challenge 8 Nancy Zore Ambitions 15 Mary Lou Szuter The Retreat of the Beats 22 James T. O'Donnell Snow Scene 28 Mike Welsh Man 38 Rebert D. Jackson I Thirst 44 Ruth Ramsdell There comes a time in every young man's life that usually causes the first major break in parent-son relations. It comes The with the desire to drive the fam ily car. Johnny, our budding young d;iver, usually breaks the ice First with a subtle approach as this: "Dad, all the guys are get ting cars to drive to school, and I was wondering . . . " "We only live two blocks, Driving J01111, and you can walk!" "But, Dad ' I need a car," John retaliated: "What for?" John had violated a lawyer's Lesson first rule: never decoy yoursel f into a question for which you don't have an answer. His only alternative was to stalk out of the room in order to show his father he had so many uses for CHARLES ROBINSON, '62 a car that the question was too obvious to answer. John let his father think about it . for a while, for our fact that the latter relied on boy is too clever to keep press tremendously. ing the point with his father. Several days after speaking He took the line of least re to Dad, John reverted his at sistance which all sixteen-year tack to his mother. olds will do. "Mom, you know I'll be six John's line of least resistance teen in two more weeks and I was forty-two years old, had was wondering if ... " black hair with a touch of grey, "Son, we can't afford to buy and the apple of her eye was you a car. VVe just don't have her one and only son, John, a the money." 4 Boy, she cut me off. I've got hear because he is wondering to think, John thought. Then when Dad is going to let him it struck him. have the wheel and Dad doesn't ,. How about you letting me hear because he is wishing he drive your car ?" were home watching the basket "vVe'll see," was all she said, ball game on television. but John knew he had won. Finally, the moment arrives. \Vhen any mother says "\i\1e'Jl \ Ve are now fifteen miles from see," she might as well say l1owhere, out among the shel "O.K." tering pines and Johnny is ad In a few weeks occurred the j l1sting himself behind the grfMest event in any si xtf'ell w heel. Good old John, with all year-old's life. Johnny W:lS go the contidence of sixteen years, ing out to drive. Visualize the promptly turns the ignition key, scene: Mothei- standll1g ill the presses the accelerator and the driveway firing instructions 10 roar of the engine is music to hoth of them: father and SOil. his ears. After putting the car i 11 gear and assuring Mother, .oN ow be careful and look for the seventeenth time, that bo~h w,~ys and don't go fast he'll be careful, he begins to re and ... lease the clutch which will send . "I'll be careful. Mom," was him and his two passengers the reassuring reply. sailing down the road. There is "Yes, dear," answered Dad a sudden jolt, thel1 another, and \vith the favorite cliche of hen then silence. Dad informs J ohn pecked husbands. ny needlessly: She looked at both of them "You've killed it," which is a nd then said: an idiomatic expression mean "Wait a minute while I get ing that if we had a newer car my coat. I'm going too." She instead of this old rattle-trap had to protect her prodigy from (three years old) it wouldn't the wrath of Dad, although she have died on us. By this time had never driven a day in her Mother is near hysterics and life. Dad uses the incident as a good Now the three of them are excuse to hurry back to catch moving down a country road. the second half of the game. Mother is still firing words of Thus ends John's first driving caution which Johnny doesn't lesson. 5 "c-r 11 -Jwo S isters

MARY ALICE CHANCE, '62

Why did she do it? She was childhood. She is the older Iw such a popillar girl in high two years, and we are, I sup .school, always so active and pose, typical sisters. Oh, we had happy. vVhat makes a young our arguments and fights and girl like this one join a re spankings, but she was always ligious order, especially just there when I needed her. May after graduation? \ i\1 hy didn't be she spoiled me ; she certainly she want the exciting life of a pampered me, for no matter college . student instead of the what happened, she was there to Ii fe of a religious behind gray build up my hopes, to share my convent walls? As I sat in the joys, to wipe away my tears. drab parlor of the convent, all As the years passed, \'v'e grew these questions, and many more up together. And only one who flashed through my mind. has or has had an older sister It was visiting day and the can begin to realize the fun we first time we, our family, had had. \ i\1 e wore each other' s seen my sister for three months. clothes, arranged each other's Listening to her talk, I began hair, plucked each other's eye to recall the happy days of OUf brows, and did all the other 6 wonderful things that life al characteristics enabled her to be lows girls to do-only we did a good Catholic girl, and finally them together. It seems so long gave her the strength to follow ago, yet I remember distinctly her vocation. the magical night of my first A smile never left her face, formal dance. I attended only and she showered kind words after my sister's continued in on those around her. She stud sistance. She let me wear her ied hard and made very good formal and applied all the fin grades, but more important she ishing touches to my appear learned how to live with others ance. -a lesson we all must learn. She was a friend. a com She dated a little, but seemed forter, a confessor; but mainly, to be waiting for that special Someone to come along, and she was a big sister. And be He did. He called her, not 011 cause she means so much to me the telephone, or even audibly, I would like to share her with but · He did call, and she gave everyone. Her faith is like a up all to follow Him. daisy, delicate and yet stalwart. Even though a Catholic high N ow as Sister Mary Virgil school education was denied sat talking gaily to our parents, her. she lived ' her religion in she bubbled over with hap h~r school life and in her as piness. She was happy. happy sociations with her fellow stu as someone in love. for she was clents. Hope fil1s her whole life in love. in love with God, and as the sweet scent of roses fil1 s so much in love that she gave the room where they stand. Li fe herself to Him. is 110t an easy thing and she But. dear sister, our days of had her bad days, too. In fact, being together are gone, and she had a few more than most each 0 f us has chosen her O\\7n people; but she never faltered. way to happiness. 1 leave you she never hesitated. She had to reluctantly, but hope to share choose between rig h t and you with many. \vrong daily, just as we all do. I hope that those others who hut her choice was always for meet my sister through me will God. Her charity is like a flower also better understand why a that blooms every day of the . girl like this should give up al1 year and disperses its beauty to to follow Him. her Love, her those around it. :\nd these Someone. 7 The Challenge

1 f I should speak the thoughts that fill my mind And free these captives of my covvardly soul. I dare· not hope for criticism kind From listeners who must assume a role. My words would fall on dull, misshapen ears Untuned to wisdom of obscurity vVhose form was hewn by hammering of years A common form-a false security. For thus, the mind of man is always weak To thwart the standards of majority; vVith patterned minds, they puppet-like \vould speak Of non-conformists-fools' minority. I'd judge it worth the risk of ridicule To prove one listener, not 1. the fool.

NANCY ZO'RE, '60

8 Dangerous

Precedent

Judge Dan Thompson rolled back the taIl, black chair tiredly, pushed himself up from its leather cushion. Straightening 1.0 UISE DIVER, '59 his Jeft leg by a firm clasping down on the knee, he stepped off the rostrum. It is time, he thought as he walked to his office at the rear of the Court. 9 time to give up this business. and fro movement helped re \i\That Margaret says is true, solve problems. "Dan, I know you think I'm "If I could interpret a broken record," and usually squeaks," his secretary had he would keep looking out the once said about the chair, "I dinette window, watching the would know in advance your robins. Sometimes he heard the decisions." The Judge was glad remainder of the "record" : ... tonight that his secretary was "some men can take that work. not there to hear squeaks, pos To them it's just a pay check, sibly read thoughts. He had a and they let it slide out of their decision to make. tonight, be minds like water off a duck's fore going home. back. But you, Dan, you try to Rather, since the decision give every case the benefit of all was made, he had only to de you have studied and read and cide just how he should carry learned the past 35 years. it through. Maybe he \vouid You've earned a break. And if say tomorrow morning, "It will you want an office of your own, surprise you, Margaret, to you could" ... know that I am going to retire." Closing the door between the Then he would tell her that he court chamber and his office, had written the letter, that it Judge Thompson walked the was ready to be sent tomorrovy. worn path to his desk, pulled Dan Thompson was very open its wide middle drawer. sure of Margaret's reaction. Hebeilt down to look into the "\iVhatever finally made YOll drawer in which he was shuffl make up your mind?" He was ing papers purposefUlly. There equally confident that she it was, the plain , white sealed would accept his casual answer. en vel 0 p e, unaddressed. He "I just decided that you were wedged it firmly into the right right all the time. I do need a lower corner of his desk blot rest and besides, aren't you ter, then sat down. The chair glad! Maybe we can get off on squeaked as he, tilted back, in that trip to Europe next fall." terlocked his fingers close to his \ \T hat had happened today face and put the paired index would remain hidden from fingers to his lower lip, the pose Margaret as safely as it had the Judge always took when he been secreted in the past. Not weighed thoughts as if the to only would Margaret he spared 10 knowing of Phyllis Barnett, His carefully phrased de hut Phyllis Thompson Barnett cision fell knell-like: would never know that the de ... that the parents of this child cision which had cost her the relinquished her freely, will custody of her own little. black ingly ... that she was fondly eyed. eight-year old had been cared for am;l knew only the a deliberate decision of her own care, kindness and affection of father. her foster parents, James and 'Vhen Phyllis Barnett had Alene Sanders, these last eight stood at his high desk, he be years ... that for the best in trayed no emotion. But there, terest of the child . . . and, and unmistakably so, was the furthermore, in order not to child, now a woman, Dan had establish a precedent dangerous never expected to see. His eyes to the welfare of children and greedily studied her lovely face. a precedent dangerous to our Dan Thompson v,'ould have legal, adoptive processes ... "It known her had he not seen the is therefore now ordered by the hirth certificate. The blue eyes, court that said child, Judith, be that complexion, a second Nora and is hereby adopted as the if there ever was one. child and heir of said James and Alene Sanders," ... The Judge's intense study did not go unnoted. "MeL" Judge Thompson had dis Phyllis had asked, "did you missed the parties quickly, notice how Judge Thompson coolly. Quickly, before the res looked at me? All the time. ervoir of tears Phyllis so brave well. he seemed to he trying to ly withheld burst forth. Coolly, figure me out. As if he just while Dan Thompson, Judge, couldn't understand why we had ascendancy 0 v e r Dan couldn't have married and kept Thompson, Father. the baby. Mel. he doesn't under Dan loosed his locked hands stand at all. he couldn't know to glimpse the watch: 5 :40. It how my folks acted. I know was late. He would take a taxi that there is no use to hope. to make up for some of the ~Ie1." Although he was less ob time. And if Margaret noticed servant, Mel shared Phyllis' the unusual mode of arrival. feelings. J u d g e Thompson Dan would say, "Can't a retired would not grant them custody judge splurge for a taxi once of Judy. in a while?" 11 Did you ever consider the in volved scientific and mathe matical principles shown in the Science simplest of everyday occur rences? Your morning cup of coffee, for example, could re quire a lifetime of study to de • termine all the equations in volved. First the chemical .In the and physical equations in the brewing of the black liquid. The slight stirring required to dis tribute the cream and sugar molecules increases the light re flection and produces bubbles Coffee that resemble small clear plastic spheres floating in a muddy brown ocean. The path oi these spheres describes curves; and the small curves within curves caused by und~r currents which Cup resemble modulated limacons would require an · analytical . geometry formulation or the use of the integral calculus and

hyperbolic functions to devise BILL LOGAN, '62 their formula. Vve would need the physicist to explain the strange attraction which makes the hubbIes suddenly dart to the side of the cup when they fin ally float within a quarter of an inch of it. Taking all this in to consideration, how much does man know about the uni verse? But then again. if it's early 111 the morning. who cares? 12 Jerry is my little brother. His full name is Jerome Paul. Jerry is nicknamed Dennis the Men ace for various reasons. If you ask ] erry how old he is, he will say four years, eithy months, and fifthteen days. He is very Jerry exact about things. Especially . about his age. He is almost five and he feels that when he is five he will be grmvn up be canse he will begin going to school the following Septem BETTY VVILLIAMS, '62 ller. Jerry is really quite a charac ter. He repeats practically in a box completely covered everything he hears, especially with shirts and socks, all our television commercials, adult pennies. Mother asked Jerry conversations, etcetera. The what he was going to do with other day as we were eating the pennies. He very calmly dinner, Jerry'.s excuse for not said, ''I'm going to save them eating his salad was, "It makes until I am old enough to 'spend me feel unbalanced and if I'm them." That is pretty good unbalanced I won't be able to thinking for a young man only ,valk and if I can't walk I won't four years, eithy months, and he ahle to help Mother around fifthteen days old. the house." Jerry has a particular knack A few members of our fam for getting into things. Noth ily save pennies. In fact we are ing in particular, just anything almost fanatical- about saving that he knows he shouldn't get pennies. Once, for some strange into. For example, we keep reason, our pennies began to cookies and candy in a cabinet disappear. vVe looked and above the ice-box. Now this looked, under chairs, in closets, particular ice-box is six feet under mattresses; we just about tall and there is ahol1t half a turned the house inside out. One foot between the ice-box and , day when Mother was cleaning the cabinet which is set back out Jerry's drawers, she found about two feet from the icc- 13 box. The other day when I got Jerr)'. Mother said the men home from school Jerry Paul were very polite and tried to was sitting on top of the ice be calm. I wouldn't know; I box having the time of his life. was afraid to go into the office His mouth was full of cookies, with her. Lying on the man his pockets full of candy, and ager's desk were two drain his hands held an assortment of covers and three drain filters. crackers. When I asked him \Vhat happened to the other what he was doing up there he cover Jerry wouldn't say. but mumbled (his mouth was so I understand they caught him full he could do nothing but just before he unscrewed the mumble) , "Eating!" I surely main plug to the junior pool. wasn't going to argue with him. Traffic boys guard the street Every day during the sum corners in our neighborhood, mer Mother takes the children After kindergarten one after to the local country club to noon Jerry came home and told swim. For about two weeks Mother that the traffic boy Jerry hounded Mother about wasn't on the corner. vVhen taking a screw driver to the Mother asked why. Jerry said pool with him. For about two he was sick with a cold or an upset stomach. "In fact," Jer w~eks Mother's reply was no. But finally, simply to shut him said, "he died of a heart attack up, she gave in and let him this morning." Jerry has quite have a screw driver. On this an imagination. particular day when Mother Bedtime comes all too soon went to take the children home for his royal highness. Like all from the pool the man at the other little boys J er can think desk told her that she was of a million reasons for staying wanted at the Club office. Up up. He will argue, fight. and on opening the office door she cry; but when he is defeated. found her number SIX son he is defeated. As I walk out ( Jerry, in case you couldn't of his room after kissing him guess) sitting in the manager's good-night, I hear his lullaby chair with a sheepish grin on voice saying "God bless you" his face.' In the office there were and I realize that Jerry isn't also three very nervous men. I just a little boy. Jerry Paul is , say nervous because they had part angel and that makes him just spent the last hour with very, very special in our eyes. 14 I Ambitions

Ambitions creep up on me; Like fantastic jungle creatures they prowl about waiting to spring, And in the flickering sunlight of my pretend world I gloat in my talents. Oh they have a way with me; Those ceaseless works that seldom turn themselves alive but silently stalk through my thoughts, Excusing their presence with tomorrow, tomorrow. vVill the haunting emptiness of a vainful reverie plague me forever more?

1iARY Lou SZUTER, '61

15 In the study of literature. nothing is more difficult than trying to form an honest per sonal evaluation of one of the so-called "classics," the ack now 1 e d g e d masterpieces of world literature. The Brothers The i(armna,'Jov) by the great Rus sian writer, Dostoyevsky, 1S such a work and the problems encountered in reading and un derstanding it illustrate this difficulty. For this book, like so many others of equal value, has a ready-made reputation and it is hard to avoid being influenced by the countless critics who have helped build this reputa tion. Their efforts have been combined to form a stereotyped vocabulary of praise that quite naturally comes to mind when Dostoyevsky is mentioned. Besides the danger of suc cumbing to the s e cr:tical cliques, other obstacles arise in the reading of this book. The SYJ.n.-\ JOHNSON, '59 very vastness and complexity of the wnrkare discouraging. \Ve are tempted to view The Brotli ers Karml/az ov merely as all impressionistic panorama of Russian life and thought. It is comparable to a large tapestry viewed from a distance, seem ingly a jumble of color and shape, forming one gigantic scene. But when we approach it closer . .we discover that the 16 :scene is made up of individual figures and groups, each telling their own story in finely drawn details. The tapestry of words which makes up The Brothers Kara B 'Inazov can be separated into in dividual groups of stories, all of which are centered on the IZaramazov family. The main r plot is built around Dmitri, the oldest brother, and his contlict with his father Fyodor which ends with Dmitri being accused o and convicted of the old man's murder. Dostoyevsky t a k e s Illore than nine hundred pages to tell the story and many other t characters become involved in it. Dmitri's brothers, I van and .\lyosha, are important both in relation to the central plot and h in their own right. The Kara mazov brothers are larger-than life characters and are easily :seen as embodied ideas. This e last and perhaps greatest of Dostoyevsky's works is also the final expression of his ideas about life and the solution to r its riddle. Each of the Karamazov hrothers tries to solve the puz zle of life in the events of the s hook. Life and its meaning deeply concern all three: they are all philosophers, and it is to the :1 11thor' s credit that this role docs not seem unnatural to any 17 of them. Even Dmitri who fol tually makes it possible for him lows most closely in his corrupt to be condemned for his fa father's footsteps is able to ther's murder though he is not pause in the midst of his de guilty. Dmitri is essentially a baucheries and contemplate noble character despite his with awe the conflict of his own faults. His expansive nature, soul. He tells his brother Alyo impulsive generosity, and ca sha of this mystery of op pacity for suffering has seemed posites: " ... a man with the to many to be typically Russian. ideal of Sodom in his soul does To Dmitri, living is some not renounce the ideal of the thing sensual and violent: he Sb.donna, and his heart may be chases wildly after life through on fire with that ideal ... Yes alleys and gutters, and as he man is broad, tOQ broad in describes himself, falls head deed. " Dmitri)s such a man. long with heels up into the pit \ Vide , though perhaps shallov1J of degradation, "pleased to be in soul, he can turn from mo falling in that degrading atti ments of deep despair and guilt tude." His youngest brother, to joyful absorption in his sins. Alyosha, plays a more tranquil His passionate feelings are his and contemplative role in the only guide. Dn~itri is driven by drama of li fe. This · sensihn:, them to perform wildly irra boy had felt strongly drawn tG tional acts in complete serious monastic Ii fe and spent some ness and sincerity. The comi time as a novice in the mon cal1y pathetic means he devises astery in his home town. But to obtain the money he owes the elder of the monastery. Katerina I vanovna rev e a I Father Zossima, orders him to his emotion-driven irrationality enter the world again and try rmd his peculiar sense of honor. to bring peace to his troubled Dmitri would rather humiliate f8mily. \lyosha is able to pre himself before a peasant, or be serve the monastic calmness fore the merchant Samsonov, 2nd sweetness of his nature sur whom he has every reason to rounded by the turmoil and ugli hate". and avoid. rather than be ness of the events which eng-11il: tray 11is personal honor. As he him. Faced with the corruptness says, " ... I should be a scoun of Dmitri and his father. a1ld drel. but not a thief. Y011 1)1;1), I van's bitter atheism, Alyosha say what 1'0 11 like. not a tHef !" still treats his family with ten His unthinking behavior evell- derness and affection, censnri1l .r: 18 not them but their evil actions. him as the central character in Alyosha's love is not passive. another novel. In Dostoyev 1'or him, to love is to act, and sky's diary, there is a hint that he throws himself wholeheart Alyosha was to be the subject edly into helping to solve the of his unwritten masterpiece, problems of his loved ones. He The Life of a Great Sinner) in becomes the messenger between which he was to live through a the feuding members of his period of sin, yet be saved by family and the reader receives the faith and strength which is a touching impression of him partly revealed in The Brothers hurrying through the streets of Karamazov. the town in his long monk's Dmitri and Alyosha boih robe, his face serious with the love life in their own way, but weightiness of his task. It is to the third brother I van says of Alyosha that . Dmitri and I van himself that he loves the mean turn when they must speak their ing of life better than life it tortured thoughts and confused self. He is an intellectual, a emotions. Burdened with the re philosopher, constantly probing sponsibility of their confidences and searching for an answer to and impelled by his desire to the "eternal questions." He is help, Alyoshaoften finds him typical of his generation, of the self embroiled in situations be young Russians who met in yond his understanding. His at salons and taverns and talked of tempt to straighten out the en nothing but ". . . the eternal ormously complicated relations questions, of the existence of between Katetina I vanovna, God and immortality. And and Dmitri and I van, fails and those who do not believe in Goel he admits sadly that he knows talk of socialism and anarchism, nothing. about such matters. of the transformation of all Alyosha's lack of maturity is humanity on a new pattern, so revealed in this and in other in that it all comes to the same, stances. This, combined with they're the same questions the sometimes unnatural seren turned inside out." ity of his character, gives an I van has solved the mystery impression of incon1pleteness of life: for him the eternal about him. Indeed some critics questions cannot be answered. think that Dostoyevsky did not Like Dmitri, I van sees a con intend to develop Alyosha com flict of opposites which cannot pletely in this book, but to use be reconciled. but this conflict 19 pervades all of Ii fe and is 111- peace and happiness. This, tolerable to him. In a famous Dostoyevsky implies, is also the passage called "Pro and Con plan of Russian socialism which tra," I van tells Alyosha of his he says is stupid but terrible, disillusionment. It is not God "for the young are with it." In which he cannot accept, but the a letter to N. A. Liubimov, he world which God created, a presents I van's story as what world in which even one inno now seems an almost prophetic cent child is allowed to suffer warning as to the course of unjustly. Even though such Russian socialism: "Bread, the suffering is the price of eternal tower of Babel, (i.e. the future harmony, it is too high a price kingdom of socialism), and the to pay. It is not within man's completest overthrow of free means to pay so much for the dom of conscience -----.:. that is entrance ticket into such a what the desperate denier and world. I van says, "It's not God atheist arrive at." that I don't accept, Alyosha, The inexperienced Alyosha is only I most respectfully return unable to answer I van's potent Him the ticket." argument: indeed he is forced Chapter V in "Pro and to admit that if the world is as Contra," the legend of "The I van describes it, then he can Grand Inquisitor," is said to not accept it either. Dostoyev contain a somewhat obscure sky' gives the task of answering attack on the socialists of Dos I van to another man of God, toyevsky's day, his particular the saintly elder, Father Zos enemies. In this chapter Ivan at sima. In the book following tempts to refute Alyosha's "Pro and Contra" called "The eager claim that Christ and His Russian Monk," Father Zossi teachings are the foundation of ma is dying, and his final words the world. and the suffering of to his congregation contain Dos innocent children can be for toyevsky's philosophy of life. given because Christ had for and his refutation of I van's gIven 11is own tormentors. argument. The monk preaches I van's legend is an ohvious at the doctrine of love, of accep tack on the Roman Catholic tance of life. He recognizes the Church, which he describes as injustice and suffering _in the "correcting" the teachings of world but accepts them because Christ by taking away man's they fit into the divine plan. free will and thereby giving him This plan includes suffering, 20 for each man is responsible not commit. I van is also changed only for his own sins but also but there is no conversion in the sins of others, and must his case, only increased doubt seek out and welcome suffering and despair. Confronted by his in expiation. Suffering is made own guilt and ugliness mirrored easy, even beautiful, by love. in Smerdyakov, he is further .Dostoyevsky considered this tortured by apparitions of the the most important part of the devil , who appears to him as a book. He spent more time writ shabbily dressed Russian gen ing this chapter than any other tleman. The devil mocks I van, and said for its sake the whole repeating and ridiculing his novel was written. The weak youthful theories and laughing ness in style of this vital chap at his enormous pride. I van rec ter compared to the convincing ognizes in the apparition his strength of "Rebellion" and own pettiness and cynicism but "Pro and Contra" is probably he cannot admit he was wrong. due not to the weakness of Dos A Iyosha sees the struggle: toyevsky's convictions but rath "God. in whom he disbelieved. er to the importance be attached and His truth were gaining to their expression and his at-. mastery over his heart, v.Thich tempt to fit hi~own thoughts to still refused to submit" ; but his the character of the Russian prayers do not help to resolve monk. it. Father Zossima saw the The book ends on an inde meaning of life in accepting cisive note. YAi e do not kno\v suffe1-ing in love. Dmitri too, what will happen to any of the who is greatly changed by his principle characters. But the ordeal, is convinced that he final scene with Alyosha and the must bear his share of pain and children is bright and full of guilt. He is wiIIing to spend the hope and we can only repeat the remainder of his life in Siberia, boys' cheer: "Hurrah for Kara paying for a crime he did not mazov!"

21 The Retreat

Life---:-like a square question mark, man. The vVorld-a foul ball, man. People-like running nowhere, frying shoes.

The Beat Virgin hair laureled with hair, Draped in the togae of sweat shirts, Musing with Homeric eyes.

22 of the Beats

The Retreat Down to the dungeons of despair. Up with the walls of fantasy; the black bricks of escape, the yellow mortar of cowards. Potential lions damned in turtle shells Ostrich-headed in a sandless world.

The Bleat Uncombed hair crying sophistication. Sweat shirts wet only with wine. The world presents its plea; It receives oracles of nonsense.

Retreat, beat, and bleat.

JAMES T . O ' DONNELL, '59

23 ______~ PEGGY DELANEY, '60

Last night, I told the -Lord. been sick entirely too long. Of Usually, I spend my time on course, it's \ ' our world and I everyday things, like praying know 'You're sl11arter than ,ve that is doesn't rain on washday human beings, and we all ex or that the insurance won't pect some suffering in our need paying just when we don't lives. but enough is enough! have any extra money, and Let's let Paul get well now, praying that I'm being a good s h~ l ll vve? wife and mother. But last night "I'm sure You know him, was different. Last night I Lord. You sent him to rne in TOLD the Lord. the first place, remember? You I said, "Listen Lord, the Jet us fall in love and marry. time has come to stop this non and You sent us the children. sense. You know, Paul has Even if You fo rgot about us 24 after that, so many people are it feels to know that a person praying for Paul now, I'm cer so close to You, a person wht tain "Your attention is being is almost your whole life is drawn to him again. going through such lonely an "I didn't mind (well, I tried guish. not to mind) when he first got "It isn't fair, Lord. He's sick, Lord. It was a big ex never done anything to deserve pense and I could see the lines this. Ii is whole life has been begin to tighten around Paul's lived for You, with You. He's mouth, lines caused by worry been like Your sanctuary light, he never spoke of. But we man whose flickering serves as a re aged. Paul kept us happy. Paul minder of Your unseen pres said that things would work ence, leading others to where out fine. I believed him I guess You are. Please let him live because I wanted to so much. the way he did before. You Only sometimes, when there must love him, Lord, and You was no one to see but me, he'd couldn't let someone You really turn his face away and hide it and truly love suffer and die in his hands. this slow, painful death. He's "I suppose I knew then that needed on earth, Lord. You're things were almost hopeless, All-Powerful, so please Lord, I that it was just a matter of want a miracle." time. It was different, though, Had I whispered the words before the pain. I could keep up or had I shouted them? The the game we were playing with room was still, hushed, telling Ollr friends, with the children, me nothing, uninterested in with ourselves. But I haven't my cry. I rose slowly and, my the strength to go on, Lord, not mind still full of confusion, I if I have to stand by and see looked at the thing of wood and him suffer like this. I haven't metal that is the crucifix. And his courage. So much for one suddenly a voice, endlessly to suffer alone. peace ful, quietly sorrowful. "You don't know ""'hat it's coming from nowhere and like, Lord. You never watched everywhere, coming from the someone You love moaning in wood and the metal and myself agony, unable to help them perhaps, said only this, "Did selves or have anyone else help you hear what they did to My them. You can't imagine how Son?" 25 Crillle and Pun£shm,ent en joys popularity not only be A cause it is from the I<_ussian school, which speaks for itself, but it also serves to enlighten the reader as a searching analy Brief sis of human nature. Without these noteworthy points, the work would probably be rele gated to the huge mass of med Analysis iocre 1 i t era t u r e. Fyodor Dostoevski, however, is as sm·ed of a lasting place in the rank of literature's great as he wields his forte - the con JAMES JENKS, '60 flict between the two natures of man. Adhering to the tenets of realism -and not sparing detail f or exactness· s sake, Dosteo vski vividly portrays mid driven by poverty to believe nineteenth century Russian life. that he is exempt from the Besides presenting an insight moral law. into the thoughts of the time, Dostoevski uses Raskolnikov he emphasizes man·s universal as an instrument to trans nature; yet, the reader does port the reader from incident not lose, -even for an instant, to incident. This method of the nationalistic flavor so vit plot development differentiates al to this novel. Crime and Punish111ent from f<'rom the simple thesis that other novels which rely on ac man pays by suffering for his cidents to carry the plot. By crime against men, Dostoevski this same technique Dostoevski evolves a complicated plot that reveals his sympathy for the utilizes psychological realism social downtrodden as exempli which is best portrayed by fied in the person of Sonia, a Raskolnikov - a tremendous young prostitute, and he pro study of a sensitive intellectual vides realistic descriptions of 26 slum life ill a large Russian veloped little by little to re city during the mid-nineteenth veal clues both to Raskolnikov's c~ntury. physical stature and to his neu The plot of this novel is rotic inclinations, Vve become chiefly concerned with the acquainted with his problem mental conflict of Raskolnikov, immed~ately after the mur the main character. Though in der; in fact, part of his prob the murder of the widow pawn lem, his disgust at the plight broker and her step-sister there of the poor, is hinted at in is evidence of physical con the very beginning of this flict, the author exploits the work. mental sef-searching tendencies The stereotyped character of Raskolnikov. At first blush, has no part in Dos:oevski's one may condemn Dostoevski plan. Rather each character is as being too effusive with de a distinct being of the species, tails in developing his plot, but man. Sonia displays the apathy never does this effusiveness that pervades the thought of suggest lengthy tirades. By this the lower classes. Not only is style Dostoevski eliminates the her apathy apparent, but one al excuse of excessive plot. so sees in her the ",'arm, ten The · enormous and interest der heart of the lover. ing study of characterization affords the critic a chance to Dounia presents the typical, expose the true mettle of the and somewhat universal, theme author. The main character, of love for brother - "blood Raskb]nikov, reveals the genius is thicker than water." She of the author. In glimpses the sacrifices her happiness for character of the capricious Raskolnikov's sec uri t y and Raskolnikov unfolds. Some benefit. Theirs isa healthy re critics have said that when lationship - at least for her the character is revealed in part. bits, interest is suspended un Dostoevski with his artistic til the final word. Such a com genius introduces the reader prehensive statement signifies to a thorough exposition of the author's greatness or the Russian Ii fe and thought while critic's ingenuousness. conveying an interesting story However, the character is de- -- a must for people who have not read this book.

27 Snow Scene

On this blustery winter day [ wonder at the funny way The snowflakes fall.

Blowing up and dmvn in swirls Drifting all around in t\yirls Nature's ermine pall.

Snow-heaped houses. roads, and trees

~hifting shapes in the winter breeze _\re all that I can see.

~ly frosty breath clouds like a fog; _-\nd through the haze of curling smog Comes Nature' s soft caress.

The snowy scene, so clean. so fresh. So \,,,hite. so pure, is newly dished From Nature's store of loyeliness.

~IrKE \VELSH, '60

28 vVhen Tweedle Canary was in front of the windovv one wintry afternoon. she sang all the melodies she knew. HudclIec1 The Car close by the fireplace was Browsie, the cat, who was shrugging his fuzzy coat and twitching his long whiskers. and "Must you sing every after noon?" he asked in annoyance. "Yes," twittered }\1rs. Ca nary, "for my Mistress likes the Canary my singing." "But there is no need to sing so long and so ioun." he yawned and continued. "it spoils my naps." LOUISE DIVER, '59 "If I sing loudly enough my Mistress can hear me no matter where she is." .' "Ah, yes. a'nd so she does, but she is shelling corn in the barn this afternoon. She can weeks, and Mistress keeps me not possibly hear you." very well." "You are very right, friend Tweedle, paying no attention Browsie. but if I do not prac to Browsie's bragging, was just tice. I cannot sing so prettily." opening her beak to begin anew "You . are a foolish one, when a broom landed squarely feathery one." Mr. Browsie on Browsie's back. \Vith an tacked his claws into the carpet other swift movement he was and stretched his shiny. black swept right into the snowdrift forepaws, "you are a fool to at the corner of the porch. Over work so hard when your Mis the lazy eat's loud protest. tress does not even know it." Tweedle heard Mistress shout. Then placing his head on his "Out of here, you lazy creature. sleek paws. Browsie added I can't stand cats who Jet mice sleepily. "\Vhy, I haven't caught eat all my corn!" the mice in the barn for three S \ V ISH ! Swish ~ 29 air was chilly, and leaning against the solid parapet of The granite only seemed to accen tuate the coolness of the morn mg. Sage stood beside me gazing intensely into the dim horizon. vVith the collar of his gray Intruder jacket pulled up, only the upper part of his face was visible, and it looked grim. His lips were pressed into a thin line, and except for the constant opening and closing of his nos trils, there was hardly a sign of life in him. Of course, this is quite typical of Sage: taciturn ROSE CHAN. '59 and often lost in thought. Peo ple have remarked about his friendship with me, so talkative and in many ways a contrast to ..Sage and I watched the sun him. Perhaps it was on these rise this morning. I also saw it dissimilarities that our mutual set, but did he? I wonder. understanding was founded. I It was 4 :30 a.m. when he remember I once asked him woke me. I am not particularly "vVhat made you pick crazy about the idea of sacrific m~ among all the other boys? · You ing sleep for the appreciation of know we're awfully different this wondrous natural phenom in character and ideas." enon; but somehow Sage al ways manages to have his way. "I didn't choose you, nor you In a jiffy, we were on the roof, me," he replied icily, without leaving behind us the sighs and even looking at me. "We're moans of the slumberers in the simply two loose twigs that dormitory. The sky was grey; have drifted together in this here and there a star still shone world stream." ori bravely, as though trying to Sage always gets so bitter defy the fast approaching dawn. when we talk about things like Not a breeze stirred, but the that. I guess it's hecause they 30 remind him painfully that he is didn't \"ant any children, least the product of an unhappy mar of all timid me, with none of riage. those irresistable charms of my "My father is a perfect father . . . She had hated me gentleman, everyone tells me," ever since I was born." He he said to me one day. "The paused. I didn't have the cour only thing wrong with him is age to look him in the face. that he married my mother for "But ironically enough," the her money." strange voice went on, "I loved I can still see that cynical. her dearly. To me she was hateful expression on his pale the most beautiful creature in face as those words slipped the world. I seldom saw her for through his clenched teeth. J she was mostly away from remember I tried to change the home. Perhaps that was one subject, but he ignored my ef reason why I was so afraid of fort and contInued. her. I never dared to approach "My mother needed a hand her, and an angry look frol11 some amI devoted escort for her her was enough to make me cry. numerous social activities and My tears irritated her more my father was generally consi than my presence. dered as 'Apollo' incarnated. "I used to have a pictute of though poor as a church her in my room and whenever mouse." He bit his lips so I felt lonesome. I would talk to fiercely that I thought he was the picture, telling her all sorts going to tear them: and the of things which I'd never dare vein . above his left temple be to say in her presence. There came a blue lumpy swelling. were times when I even went "For heaven's sake, stop it!" to sleep holding her photograph I wanted to scream I remember. close to my heart. I loved hee but the formidable silence sti fl with such a fear and reverence ed my words. I stood there that even the ground she walked stupidly and watched him suf on became sacred to me. N 0- fer. body knew about this except "Through their many argu Mrs. Kinde who ha.d taken ments," his voice was hoarse. "J care of me ever since I was a soon learned that I was not only baby ... I had often asked her a burden to my mother's social why mother didn't ]ike me but Ii fe, but also a disappointment she would merely shake her to my father's dreams. She head and say, 'Your mother is 31 a very busy woman, my dear She did not seem to notice me boy. Now run along!' for she said nothing. I watched "Perhaps if it had not been her closely. She was wearing for what happened three years a flowing f r e n c h-b lu e satin ago, I would still be loving her g 0 wnw h i c h matched her as I did before." His voice d rea m y pale-blue eyes. Her dropped. The muscles on his long golden hair, twisted ex face twitched convulsively at qui sit ely into a bun, and the painful memory of the inci adorned with a little crown of '-lent. His eyes were shut. I glittering stones, intensified that (ould not bear it any longer. majestic air so typically hers. "Stop it, Sage, stop it! Fair and slender were her bared Please!" I cried frantically. arms, and her tapering fingers "Let me go on, Roy. I want looked as fragile as the china to talk about it. It has oppressed cup she held in her hands. She me too long: I must let it out. was too exquisite to be true. A Perhaps I can forget it then." sigh of pride and satisfaction I saw in his usually h3rcl escaped me when I remembered piercing eyes a softness, a hum that she was my' mother. hIe pleading. "It was a warm summer eve "This startled her. S h , ~ ning three years ago." His looked around and saw nTe. voice was gentle with reminis " 'What in heaven's name are cence. "Mother was drinkirig you doing in that corner?' tea in the dimly-lit living 'room, "'N ... Nothing, mother,' waiting for dad. They were in I stammered, almost petrified. vited to one of their usual din "'\t\1ell, don't sit there ancl ner parties. Mother was an dream like ' a sissy. Don't you noyed because dad came home have any 'friends or anything late; he explained nonchalantly to do?' She sounded extremely that he was detained by busi annoyed. ness, but mother was not im "'But I wasn't dreaming, pressed with such a standard mother.' I defended m y s elf ized excuse. She complained eagerly. For a moment, I al bitterly, and this irritated fa most forgot my fear. 'I was ther who went upstairs angrily. looking at ... you, mother.' "I was' sitting quietly in a "'At nle?' Her voice be- cor n e r 0 f the living room trayed her 'surprise and the "'atching mother sip her tea. gleam of curiosity overshad- 32 owed the irritation in her eyes. to betray my emotions by speak This provided me with the en ing. couragement I needed. " 'My, how you've grown! I " 'You look so beautiful! I dare say you must be as tall think you're the loveliest lady as your father! . . . How old in the world!' did you say you are?' "'Oh ... thank you "I could see the embarrass Ed-win.' ment on her face, but I was "I was such .a stranger to in no mood to hurt her feelings . her that she almost forgot my "'Fifteen, mother,' my deep name. But at that moment, I voice echoed in the quiet room. preferred to think it was my " 'Fi fteen years! That's a praise that caused her confu long, long time.' She mur sion. mured to herself. I could tell "For sometime, neither of her thoughts were far away. us spoke. I don't remember Suddenly, she shook her head what mother was doing. but I violently, and shut her eyes as can· stilI see mysel f crouching if trying to brush away some in that corner: my face flushed unpleasant vision. Just then. with embarrassment and my the clock on the mantel struck. heart trembling- at my own im It was seven o'clock. l)ul siveness. " '\i\That in the world is tak " 'You know, that is the first ing that father of yours so compliment you've ever paid long?' She cried impatiently. me.' . She broke the menacing 'Run upstairs and tell him to silence; she seemed to have re come down immediately because gained her composure for she I don't want to be late !' was sipping her tea once again, "I did not move right away. 'I guess it's partly my fault I was studying the change' of that we don't know each other expression in her face. The hetter. Come nearer, and let sweetness' that had suffused her me take a good look at you.' countenance a little while ago "Her voice was gentle-no. was gone. In its place, I could it was almost tender. If it had only see the cold and cruel not been for my male ego, I heauty of finely chiselled fea would have wept. Slowly, I ttu-es .. walked to her chair and stood "'\\Tell. don't jus t s tan d hy her in silence. I was afraid there! Go!' 33 "But she was too lovely to "Somehow, my mother's de leave behind. Besides, she was sire was to a g rea t ext e n t my mother and I wanted her to granted: after that night, ex know I loved her. \tVith a cept for some rare occasions, fiercely throbbing heart, and a w e s e I d 0 m encountered each body trembling like a last au other. She and dad stayed out tun111 leaf. I bent and kissed oftener and later at night, and her on the cheek. Then turning had I not been awakened now abruptly, I headed for the door. and then in the night by loud I n my excitement, my swing noises from their room, I would ing arm knocked the cup off almost have believed they had her hand. left the house for good. They " 'You clumsy f 0 0 I!' she quarrelled very often, and my cried in livid anger, looking at name was mentioned not infre her tea-soaked gown. quently. It was through these "Terrified. I stared at her as verbal battles in the depth of though I were nailed to the the night that I discovered their tloor. She tried to dry her tea sentiments toward me. ~tained dress with a napkin. "Poor dad, he was so disil Liftiilg her eyes, she saw me lusioned. He thought he had still dumfounded, standing in reaped a unique harvest of fr.ont of her. beauty and wealth when he " 'You wretch! ... Get out! slipped the ring on mother's T don't want to see you again! finger. But he found too late Get out!' that where the source of man "The words \vere as ugly as na was, there lay the authority. the speaker was b e aut i f u 1. Mother was the law: he was to Hardly able to withhold my escort her everywhere she de tears. I ran out of the room. si red, and had to keep up the and threw mysel f on the bed, pretense that they were the trying to soothe my injured happiest couple under the sun. pride by indulging in that fa To this pressure he succumbed. \' 0 r i t e occupation of most Luxury and empty prestige ex v.'omen. Yes. I wept: loud and tinguished his pride; he is too hard. till my eyes were dried. weak to fight, and he'll be a "If that was the last time I discontented slave for the rest cried in all these years. that of his life. evening was also the last time "Perhaps I discouraged his T Im'ed .... resistance as much as other 34 things did. He thought he could to keep her since I was going have a son \\"ho would follow to live here in the dorm. And his footsteps in business. But father couldn't care less one he forgot to instil that fanatical way or the other. How could ambition in me." he? He doesn't even remember Here he chuckled. I looked he has a son; or if he does, it at him but he did not see me. is because his legal councillor He was far away in the world reminds him of it on necessary of reminiscences, uniquely his occasions, or because mother own. keeps him awake at night, re "He soon found to his great minding him repeah~cl1yof his humiliation that I hated busi good-for-nothing son, a; chip off ness; and he has never forgiven the old block." me. However, he has been very He laughed. But the laughter generous to me: providing ev was cold, mirthless and un ery material comfort and need nerving.... which an only son can desire. Sage is very intelligent; he But all this could not make me knows it and is proud of the love him. I can't make myself fact. Vve are only second se forget his motive in marrying mester freshmen, and yet he mother 1101' can I ever sympa has already made himsel f fa thize with him for attempting mous in the University as the constantly to drown his sor most outstanding scholar of the rows in an intoxicated forget year. In fact. that is how his fulness. nickname originated. Some of "The only person who cared the hoys "Sage" him through anything about me at home was admiration but most of them Mrs. Kinde. Even when I was do it out of envy and sarcasm. little, I did not h a v e man y Sage always holds himself aloof friends and so she became my from the crowd, and people sole playmate whenever I got mistake that for conceit. It is tired of being alone. She had really timidity on his part. That been more than a mother to me is a pity, for he is such a val all through these years, and to uable friend to have. her, I'll always be grateful. But Perhaps Sage read what was I was destined to begin my col going on in my mind, for as I lege Ii fe and career alone: for Ii fted my head, I met his eyes: she was dismissed last fall. sad but penetrating. As if an Mother didn't thinl~ it necessary swering my thoughts. he spoke: 35 .. People always blame me for roar with laughter every time b e i n g sullen, unfriendly and the incident was mentioned. cynical. But do they expect me * * * to be a lark when I am made The last time I saw Sage to feel that I am an intruder? today was before dawn, when Do they know what it means we went up on the roof to see to be 'unwanted'? Do they? the sunrise. Since I did not Answer me!" have any classes in the morn He choked and angry tears ing, I went back to bed without rolled down his cheeks. That breakfast. Sage usually meets was the first time I saw him me at the Student Union for cry, and it was a painful sight. lunch but somehow, he did not I wanted to console him, but turn up this noon. I could not without hurting his pride. I wait for him because I had could feel to my very bone that class. words at that moment were My second afternoon class completely out of place. Yet, 1 was Physics, and after the final felt ridiculous just standing bell had rung with still no sign there. of Sage, I became extremely Fortunately, my d i I e m m a uneasy. Sage has never cut was solved wh~h Sage suddenly classes and it seemed most un stopped sobbing. Lifting his likely that he would start now. head, he brushed away the tears All through the lecture, I tried with his fist. I offered him a in vain to think of some valid handkerchief; he looked at it reasons for Sage's absence. and his lips broke into a grin. If time seemed to crawl dur It was the same gaudy hand ing that lecture, the rest of the kerchief which I had to put afternoon was eternity itself. into Miss Julie Snob's purse Sage did not come for Creative secretly on the first day of · the vVriting nor was he there for freshmen initiation, and which Theory of Equations. To go I had to reclaim from her in through those classes with the class, under the nose 0 f Pro whereabouts of Sage a mystery fessor Barkis, nicknamed "The was like sitting on a pin cushion Bear." It was an unforgettable and waiting for a gallon of see n e 0 f embarrassment and water on a bunsen burner to hysterics. I didn't think it was boil. ... very funny then because I had If I did not know how to to play the fool but Sage would fly before. I learned it that af- 36 ternoon.. No sooner had the VVith trembling, eager fin dismissal bell rung when I was gers, I pulled out the note. already half way down the cor Noon ridor. Instead of taking the us Dear Roy, ual fifteen minutes to go to the In a few minutes, I'll be gone dormitory, I created a new rec from here - for good? - per ord of only five minutes. 1 haps and perhaps not. could not bear the thought of This is not a rash decision standing idly waiting for the for I have planned it for quite elevator to take me to the third a while. 1 must apologize for floor, and so with the little having kept it a secret, but I breath and energy I had left, realized that you would dis I managed to finish the three suade me from it if I let you flights of stairs without apo know ahead of time. plexy. I don't know exactly where When I carne to our room, I I am going but it'll be some found the door ajar, as if some where far, far away. I feel and body leaving hurriedly had been know I must leave here. I want unsuccessful in slamming it to forget the past; I want to shut with one swing. start all over again like a new "Sage"! I shouted, pushing born baby. And to do that, I the door wide open. The empty have to leave these familiar room returned my call, and be surroundings and atmosphere came quiet again. which constantly bring back ex cruciating memories. Falling exhausted into my You've many a time talked chair, I closed my eyes and to me of your God and His Di rested my listless body. vine Providence. I f He really I must have fallen asleep for exists, and if you believe what when I opened my eyes again, you say, then pray to Him for the room was pitch' dark. Grop me. I want to love. not hate. ing with my hands. I felt for But I have lost the key to the the desk-lamp. secret door of love. So pray to Before I had time to accus your God and ask Him to help tom myself tot h e sud den me. b rig h t n e s s of the room. I I f I succeed in finding what caught sight of an envelope ad I am seeking, I shall return. So dressed to me on the desk. The good-bye and good luck. handwriting was Sage's. Your friend. Sage 37 They lived like beasts in holes, \"1\1ear ing skins. Grunting, They said thrown stones would bring food. And they threw stones. Crushing skulls.

They lived in marble halls. Draped in fine cloth. \ \lith classic diction They said swords and spears would hring wealth . .- \nd they fought, T earing fle sh.

38 They lived behind castle walls, vVearing iron. vVith noble breath They said black powder would bring peace. And they touched it with fire, Mangling bodies.

They lived in towers, touching the sky, Wearing ties. \i\[ith diplomatic charm, They said great bombs would end all war. And they dropped them on cities, Leveling all.

And they lived like beasts in holes.

ROBERT D. JACKSON~ '60

39 Distance,

please

Everyone does silly things. There is yet to' live the person who has gone through life without making at least a few blunders. Sooner or 1 ate r , everyone makes a mistake. However, it seems as though some people are more liable to misfortune than others. These are the ones for whom life is really miserable because no mat ter what they do, it turns out wrong. 40 and had so much to talk ro= her about . .Kathy must have been as happy to hear from Jane as Jane was to call, for they talked and talked. It was such a pleas JUDY \iVEHRMEISTER, '62 Ul'able experience that the two girls become thoroughly en grossed in their conversation. oblivious to everything around them. In the midst of their con versation, the operator cut in Jane, my roommate, is an ex and calmly informed them that cellent example of this type of they had been talking for 45 person. Since I've been living minutes, and asked if they with her, she has pulled any cared to talk any longer. Kathy number of boners; but a couple uttered a sharp gasp and be of weeks ago, she outdid her came speechless, but Jane was self. Let me tell you about it. up to the occasion. She was able When Jane left Detroit to to manage a weak "No," and come to school in Indianapolis, hung up the receiver. It wasn't she had to leave her dearest until the operator's interruption fri.end, Kathy. They had grown that Jane even recalled the fact up together and were quite that this had been a telephone close, in fact, practically in call to a place 300 miles away. separable. \iVithin a few months and not just down the street. of Jane's departure, Kathy's Jane rushed back to our mother died. N aturally Jane room, and had no sooner ex was saddened by the death of plained the situation than the her best friend's mother, and telephone rang sharply at the wished to extend her condol end of the corridor. I looked at ences. After waiting a week, in her bewildered face and said. order that Kathy might get "That's probably the operator: over the shock of her loss, Jane you had better answer the placed a long distance telephone phone." call to Kathy in Detroit. After My words trailed behind her. expressing her sorrow , Jane for I hadn't even finished speak carried the conversation to var ing when she bolted through the ious other subjects. She hadn't door and down the hall. Some seen Kathy in several months one else was just answering, 41 but Jane snatched the receiver door and quickly explained the from her hand, so that the situation. The housemother whole dorm wouldn't know agreed to talk to the operator about her blunder. and advised Jane to gather as "Hello," she whispered, quite much change as she could. out of breath. Like a begger with his tin "Is this the party who just cup, Jane with her pad of paper completed a call to Detroit, and pencil began knocking on Michigan?" the operator asked. doors and inquiring how much "Yes," replied Jane. change each girl had. Hurriedly "Hold the line for a moment, she scribbled down each contri please,' the voice continued, bution and in a wild frenzy "we are adding your bill." moved on to the next door. She "Adding my bill ?" cried h2dn't canvassed more than 5 Jane. "What bill? I didn't talk or 6 rooms when the house that long. I already paid them mother told her to call operator 70 cents." 23 when she had collected the "Please deposit $9.60," the required amount. icy voice directed. Half an hour later, with 10 "Nine dollars and six t y sore knuckles and a housecoat cents !" she choked. "Look, pocket full of change, Jane re I(!dy, I already deposited 70 turned to the phone booth and cents and I only have a quarter began the long process of de left in my hand." positing the 38 quarters and 1 "Your deposit of 70 cents clime. was for the first 3 minutes; you A large group of girls had talked 45 minutes. Can you get gathered around the booth as a the change or not?" asked the result of the "change cam operator sarcastically. paign" and as the coins jangled "No, 1 can't get the money, into the machine, flash bulbs because we can't go out of the popped. The loud clanking of dorm after 8 o'clock at night the quarters made a sharp con and it is already 9." trast to the last coin, the dime. "I'm sorry, but I'll have to which just went plink. A loud call the dean of your college cheer and a round of applause then." echoed after Jane as she headed "Oh, no, Jane shouted. back for her room with the re "\Vait a minute." mark, "I'll never use that phone She ran to the housemother's again as long as I live." 42 The Voice from the Stairs

LOUISE DIVER, '59

.. Mary, are you up?''' shaker from off its hook. "Yes, Mother, just . a mm shaken the heavy iron grates ute." until they let fall yesterday's I had not really been asleep ashes. He threw in bits of wood for almost an hour. In a dream kindling, a little kerosene splat ing, uncaring kind of way, I tered, a match scratched against had been hearing the progress iron, and a whoop of fire roared ions of early morning sounds up the chimney. The kitchen so familiar to home, and to me, pump missed a stroke or two and to my world. And those as Mother drew water for cof particular noises inevitably lead fee. Almost simultaneously, to "Mary, are you up?" coffee pot and skillet were set I had heard the indistinct on the stove. The spitting, siz mumblings from my parents' zling bacon was frying in bedroom. I didn't know what staccato when Mother's voice was said, but I think that Fath· climbed the stairs and sought er was telling MOlner the time. me in bed. The floor creaked beneath Again, "Mary, are you up?" Father's feet as he shuffled Oh, it would be lovely to be from the chair to dresser in th( home again. ritual of dressing. Next, Mothet "Yes, Mother, just a min pulled tight the bedroom door ute. " al]ld moved swiftly to the kitch And to be ten, just ten year5 en where Father had taken the old. 43 Passing through ivied walls with footsteps lingering, I question- VVhat most of all have you given me In these four years that I've known your embrace? Yau smile and say-"\iVait."

Passing from your sheltered portals, I stand and stare at the desert of life before me.

Then begins ~he long journey through blistering sands, Yielding no fountain which can satisfy my craving, Thirsting always for' the Infinite.

RUTH RAMSDELL, '59