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Limericks and Humor

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Limericks and Humor LIMERICKS AT VATICAN II There was a New Yorker named Rynne There was a young Bishop from Spain Whose reports when in doubt he kept thin. Who would not from speaking refrain; But Bob Kaiser of Time But he went much too fast Thought conjecture no crime From the first to the last, And every doubt Rynne left out he put in. The rest found his Latin a strain. (Novak, Open Church, 14) There are some who affirm collegiality Of Murray, Weigel, Diekmann and Küng Will give the Church much greater vitality. The praises were everywhere süng. But Ruffini of Palermo The delegate then In a powerful sermo Seemed out of date when Denied it had any reality. He gave orders to have them all hüng. (Novak, Open Church, 15, referring to Call us comrades or cobbers or mates, CUA flap) Or even buddies, the term in the States; Secure in the knowledge Gus Weigel, John Murray, Hans Kung We belong to the college Today are on everyone’s tongue. With the Pope we’re to have tête-à-têtes. But Ottaviani Will get off his fanni Ottaviani, Parente and Browne, And see they’re all properly hung. Ecclesiastics of no mean renown, (John L’Heureux, Picnic in Bablyon: A Are not slow to hit back Jesuit Priest’s Journal 1963-1967 (New At a Curia attack York: Macmillan, 1967) 32) Harsh criticism merits their frown. Coadjutors are very intent Said Suenens in one Congregatio: Lest their bishops whose lives are far spent I’m weary of this Segregatio. In a moment neurotic The Patres are churls, Take an antibiotic Let’s bring in the girls, Without their advice or consent. Though there’s sure to be some admiratio. (Douglas Horton, Vatican Diary 1964, 132) There were Ratzinger, Rahner and Küng, Whom some would like decently hüng Among the periti The following limericks are Of various riti those given on a five-page document in But by others their praises are süng. the papers of Cardinal McIntyre. There were Ratzinger, Rahner and Küng, We are two thousand Patres in Session Whose praises by Liberals are süng, Who feel a great weight of oppression But said Ottaviani What with Cardinals talking “You wait till domani; And lesser lights squawking, I’ll have all those clever guys hüng. Thank goodness, the bar’s so refreshing. 2 Our Secretary’s not sympathetic We all admit that the deacon To an expert who’s peripatetic. Could shine in the Church like a beacon. He thinks a peritus “But...with a celibate’s vows, Should remain in his situs Or as a man with a spouse?” Unless he is rather dyspeptic. Is the question whose answer we’re seeking. A young titular Bishop Auxiliary The fault of the Doctrinal Commission Serves the Church in a fashion subsidiary. Is by no means a sin of omission. He was kept in the cooler For progressives are saddened By his episcopal ruler And conservatives gladdened In a kind of clerical penitentiary. That everything needs its permission. Bishop Hervas has made the proposal I think that they’re going too fast, That co-adjutors are ripe for disposal. When they hope the Third Session’s the last, For it’s hardly humane A mistake to be rushin’ That a man should remain The Council’s discussion Without definite hopes of espousal. Though, of course, the agenda’s quite vast. To force an ancient bishop to resign In the Council there’s mild perturbation Is considered by the Council not benign; For the Pope, after due consultation, Only secular planners To conciliar speeches With no Christian manners Now invites auditrices. Would a churchman to oblivion assign. They’ve accepted without hesitation. Cardinal Bacci, our great expert of Latin, It’s reported that three Latin nations Took his stand one fine day at the battin’ Have monopolised canonisations. On the sticky wicket It seems rather quaint Of ecumenical cricket, That a non-Latin saint But his stumps the Moderators did flatten. Get a halo, but with limitations. Some think the Episcopal Conference There was solemn and long disuptation Wouldn’t show the Ordinary due deference; On the founts of divine revelation, For while the Church is hierarchical There used to be two It’s also monarchical, But when under review, And to this should the Council make They have suffered a grave mutilation. reference. From Texas came young Bishop Leven, Some theologians with keen exposition Where the shooters are six and not seven, Seem intent on destroying Tradition; Saying, “They give me the pip,” On theology’s new wave He blazed away from the hip They ride very brave Sending numerous bishops to heaven. But they really lack true erudition. 3 Cardinal Cushing of Boston avows The Limerick’s inferior they say That he freedom to all men allows; To the poetry of Shelley or Gray. Though he’s no Latin scholar But the Bishop of “X,” He can certainly holler Without wishing to vex, At the Council he brought down the house. Composes at least one a day. The Greeks have the head of St. Andrew Ait Suenens Vaticano in coetu, Its return has been long overdue. “Hoc schemate irrigor fletu, But I am sorry to state Haud rudes nos Patres, That Ruffini’s pate Consedeant Matres, Progressives are now claiming too. Nec carpentium simus in metu. [Bishop Dworschak, Diary, October 8, 1964, has Rahneri, Vae, Küngi, Congari this: “Some stories for the day: When the head Audimus iam laudes contari; of St. Andrew was delivered in Greece, the At jubebis cras mane Orthodox Church ignored the matter: they Mi Octoviane, wanted the head of Ruffini!. Another variation is Mox laqueum istis mandari. that “the Germans wanted to send the head of Ruffini!”] Ex animo Felix phrenetico Some moralists claim that the Pill Perito ait peripatetico, May be used even though you’re not ill. A propria sede It gives the ability Ne vagus discede, To banish fertility, Ni hausu turberis emetico. But I can’t really think it’s God’s will. What John Carmel, Westminster’s Archbish And here is another set of them, this Dislikes most intensely is fish; from the conciliar archives of Cardinal He’s not slow in declaring Suenens: He can’t stand red Häring It just simply isn’t his dish. Limericks inspired by some incidents at the Sessions Maximos in the Patriarchs’ bench of the Second Vatican Council Whose ardour no mortal can quench, Gets quite temperamental Authorship of most is attributed to Bishop John PatrickO’Loughlin of About things Oriental, Darwin, Australia And makes fiery speeches in French. Bishop Herras has made the proposal Schema Thirteen is vast in its scope, That Coadjutors are ripe for disposal It bravely endeavours to cope For its hardly humane With all the world’s ills So long to remain Plus anovulant pills Without definite hope of espousal To complete it we haven’t a hope. 4 We are two thousand Patres in session The Council agrees that the Deacon Who feel a great weight of oppression Should sign in the Church like a beacon; What with Cardinals talking But with a celibate’s vows And lesser lights squawking, Or as a man with a spouse Thank goodness the bar’s so refreshin’. Is a question whose answer we’re seekin’. There are some who affirm collegiality Said Ottaviani to Cardinal Frings Will give the Church greater vitality. Strange what collegiality brings But Ruffini of Palermo How Ruffini opined In a powerful sermo Alfrink in mind, Denied it had any reality. This stuff with falsity rings. There was a young bishop from Spain From Texas came young Bishop Leven Who would not from speaking refrain. Where the shooters are six and not seven; He went much too fast He shot from the hip From the first to the last; With plenty of zip The rest found his Latin a strain. And sent many bishops to heaven. Ottaviani, Parente and Browne, [Bishop Leo F. Dworshak attributes the above Ecclesiastics of no mean renown, limerick to Bishop Lambert A. Hoch, Bishop of Are not slow to hit back Souix Falls, in a slightly different version: ] At a Curia attack, Harsh criticism merits their frown. There was a Tex bishop named Leven Who carried a six-shooter or seven, To force an ancient bishop to resign Who put in a clip, The Council considers not benign. Shot from the hip Only secular planners And sent hundreds of bishops to heaven! With no christian manners Would a churchman to oblivion assign. Lest the gals feel they are inferior Now there is Rahner, Congar and Kung Let’s bring them to the aula’s interior. Whose praises are everywhere sung But there’ll be a complaint But one fine domani For the gals who ain’t: Ottaviani “What’s the matter with Mother Superior?” Will have the three of them hung. Coadjutors are very intent The sin of the theological commission That their bishops though ill and far spent Is surely not one of omission. In a moment neurotic The progressives are saddened Taken no anti-biotic The conservatives gladdened Without their advice and consent. Because everything needs its permission. 5 And now there comes to the floor His Beatitude Maximos Four. In tones full of gloom He spells out our doom: We’ll never unite anymore. Said Suenens to the Congregatio “I’m fed up with this disceptatio. The bishops are churls, Let’s call in the girls, And we’ll all have a confabulatio.” (Although it may case admiratio.) In the last days of the Council, the non- Catholic Observers paid to the men who had acted as interpreters for them, including two Americans, Frank Norris and Daniel O’Hanlon, who were honored with limericks: To Frank the handsome son of Norris Who never ceases working for us All of us here Now loud and clear Join in a Hallelujah Chorris.
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