Issue 839 University of Surrey Students' Union lOth March 1995 Situations Vacant

ominations for the remaining Sabbatica! posts of be completed during the next Président's term of office. The Président and Communications Officer open next constitution will be re-drafted over the easter vacation, ready for week. These posts remained unfilled after the élection a change during next term. One of the most controversial aspects earlier this term, and a by-election has been called. of this change may be the end of a Sabbatical Ents Officer. The N new Président would have to prepare for the change to a full- un in parallel with this will be the referendum on NUS 'affiliation. time member of staff in charge of entertainments. The Univer- m sity going semesterised next year will ihrow many of the Students are being encouraged to put as much effort into the Union's activities out of their usuai pattern. Intro week for first by-election as they did into the main élection. Jonathan Bennett, years will be during everyone else's week three. Communications Officer said "it would be a shame if, after taking the time to select the team they wanted at the first élection, Nominations open Monday week 10 (i3th) and dose on Friday students took little interest in selecting the two others. These two week 1 (28th Aprii). Forms can be picked up from Pam Mill- posts are cruciai to the ninning of the Union. Students should bank. Finance Officer together with the election régulations. make sure they get what they want". If you have any queries about either post, go and see Mano] or The élections come at a time when the Union's future is being Jono, who will be glad to help. shaped. The extension to Union House will have the first phase completed over the summer vacation, and the second phase will The Jobs:

Président Communications Officer Responsible for the overall running of the Union. Negotiates Responsible for ali matters of communication between the with the University on the students' behalf. Represents the Union, its members and the locai community. Represent the Union on many University committees, and on some locai Union on matters of communication and Public Relations, bodies. Be an Ambassador for students and the Students' and liase with University staff on such matters. Union. Editor of Bare Facts. Responsible for ensuring Bare Facts Chair of Club Committee, and as such responsible for the is published every week. Along with the Editorial board, running of the Union's commercial activities, including décidés the content of Bare Facts, adn responsible for Bars and catering. ensuring a balance in the contents.

Responsible for the running of Union activities, and for Responsible for the production of ali Union publications. ensuring the duties of Union Officiais are fulfilled, espe- Deals with ali matters conceming the media, and ensures cially when posts are unfilled. the Union is informed of developments in communication.

Nominations Open Monday week 10, and dose Friday week 1 of next term. To NUS or not to NUS? unning alongside the Sabbatical by-election will be a Is there more to the NUS than just cheap beer? Are they an referendum on NUS affiliation. Here students will have effective campaigning force, or just a bunch of politicai factions the opportunity lo decide whether or not this Union who do nothing but argue? Make sure you come and bear ali the Raffiliates to NUS next year. There will be adebate (date information, views and opinions, and make your own décision. to be announced) where speakere for and against NUS affiliation will put their points across. Students will be able to ask questions More information will be published in Bare Facts next term of the Officiais conceming NUS, and find out how NUS help the Union or otherwise. 2 Bare Facts Bank Managers Attempt Why Should We Disaffiliate ? Student Life ay I take an opportunity to explain the rationale behind the motion passed at the GM concerning wo bank managers are to swap places with two disaffiliation from NUS. The basis of proposing this undergraduates for a week to experience life on a Mmotion was to illustrate how ineffective the whole student grant of £23.10 a week. movement is for representing students on a national level. The The switch, an idea of Hull Universitys Students Union motion aimed to point out that we pay a horrendous amount of T money in affiliation fees (£27,000) to NUS and how our own President, involves two Bank Managers (one from Barclays and one from Midland). Mark Moody, Äe Union President, aims to Union could put the money to much better use. Examples could use this as part of his campaign to highlight the poor level of include a new sabbatical officer or increased budgets to clubs financial aid available to undergraduates. He stated that "Last and societies. As NUS stands at the moment the money is a year we managed to get four University Staff to live on a student complete waste and we should withdraw it until the movement grant for a week. Three cut of the four couldn't survive." decides to thoroughly reform itself. Both the Bank Managers involved have dealings with students I fully agree with the principle of a National Union of Students as their branches serve the University campus. Neither of them but this particular NUS has constantly proved to be undemo- are graduates, the Midland manager started his banking career cratic and unworkable. How accountable can the members of with six o-levels while the Barclays manager started on a YTS the National Executive Committee be with one annual con- course. ference? As External Affairs Officer in my first year, I know that the new NUS structures are nothing more than talking Mr Macadam, Barclays Manager said "I am preparing for a tour shops. The delegates who attend regional conferences and of the cheapest supermarkets. We have a full programme of national council meetings have no real power to hold the activities from lectures to helping out in the community, so I National Executive Committee (NEC) members accountable dont think it will be a 'doss'. I'll be surprised if either of us or decide policy. This therefore gives the NEC a virtual free | manages to live on the £23". hand for the whole year.

Whilst the managers are enjoying lectures on fluid dynamics, This has often led to rash campaigns and demonstrations. An the two students they are replace with will be working for the example which springs to mind is the Target 70 campaign that bank, being paid up to six times their weekly grant for their was run at the 1992 General Election. The NUS literally work. targeted 70 constituencies where the Tories had marginal seats and essentially sided with the opposition parties. Unfortunately Jeff Blackham for NUS the election results could not have turned out any worse. The Tories got back into power. This disastrous policy of taking a political stance almost cost students dearly with the Phantom College places Education Bill (1993). This piece of legislation would not only discovered have completely transformed Student Unions as we know them but also would have virtually destroyed NUS (maybe not such abour was plunged into more part problems at the a bad thing). The House of Lords, the Committee of Vice- weekend, as groups linked to the party were accused of Chancellors and Principals and students persuaded the govern- running phantom college courses. Police were called in ment to drop the most damaging of the proposals only through after a college carried out spot checks on 3,000 students combined efforts. Does a Union as ours with a tradition of L independence need an NUS who only serves to antagonise the it had funded to the tune of £140,000. government of the day? The Bournville college in Birmingham, which was due to hand over £930,000 under franchise arrangements found that many It dismays me that members of the NEC will still resort to cheap of the courses had not occurred. Staff who visited addresses political stunts in order to convince the student movement that where courses were supposed to be, found that addresses did not all is well at NUS. It is true that Steve Hale (NUS National \ exist and others were private houses. The college immediately Treasurer) did stand on an independent label and holds the same froze funding when they realised the problem. views as the majority (I believe) in our Students' Union. Naturally, the NEC sent him down to speak to us for exactly A police spokesman said "We are investigating complaints of those reasons. My problem is with the NEC members who possible fraud following complaints by the college". It is unclear stand on political labels and are therefore committed to the whether the Labour party, after suspending four other Midlands toeing of a party line rather than representing student issues. constituency members last week, intend to take action against Contrary to what the National Treasurer said, the situation is the party members involved. not improving at all. Heather Stych pointed out at the GM that only about 6 of the 50 candidates standing for election to the Jeff Blackham NEC this year were standing on independent labels.

Library Opening Hours The talk has to stop. While the political factions within NUS were squabbling with each other, the government was able to Easter Vacation introduce student loans, cuts in grants, reductions in funding to the Higher Education sector and student overcrowding. A Monday to Thursday 0900 - 2000 united and non-political NUS may have been able to stop these changes or at least water them down significantly. Who knows Friday & Saturday- 0900-1700 if the student situation will get worse in years to come?NUS must undergo a complete package of radical reforms to trans- Sunday CLOSED form it into a true National Union of Students. We should send a clear message to the NEC that all is not well in the ranks. If Thiirs 13» Tues 18 Wed 19 April 0900 -1700 that means disaffiliation then so be it! Pete Feldman Easter Wwkend: Proposer of NUS Disafiiliation Motion MayJ;4th toMoEday Hthj^ift-CLOSED lOtfa March 1995 The Road to Hell hen was the last time you walked down Walnut Tree The residents are now looking into ways to prevent the increase Close (The road goes past the station on the way into of crime in the road. Yes vandalism is a crime and students have town) ? Maybe it was on the way to a nightclub in been charged with criminal damage in the past. If you are caught Guildford or was it on the way back from a nights you will te prosecuted and the University will stand behind the W residents, not you. One of the suggestions that the residents want worth of drinking. implemented is a closed circuit television system and they are How many of you then thought of the people who live in Walnut looking towards the University for funding. I for one am in Tree Close? I would like to believe that we, as the top 10% of favour of this as it will catch the minority of people who arc the populous, would at least be able to behave in a civilised giving the rest of us students a bad name but I really would prefer manner. Sadly it seems that this is not the case. it if it was not necessary.

It has long been known that the Walnut Tree Close residents Walnut Tree Close gets a lot of use from many people and no association has regularly complained to the university about the one can point the finger of blame entirely at students, there must disturbance caused by students using the road as a route in to the be other incidents caused by non-students but considering the town centre, especially at night. I know that you will have heard majority of disturbance and vandalism occurs at night at ap- all this before but how many of you stopped to consider if there proximately the time when the towns nightclubs are closing, was anything behind these complaints and that it could more especially on student nights, it looks like a very high proportion than a few windbags letting off steam. I recently attended a can attributed to students. Residents Association meeting held in Senate House to find out what the residents had to say for themselves. I am here to be educated but I was shocked by some of the things that were Now just a final word (if you have read this far it probably does brought to light by the residents. not apply to you) to the people who think that the hedges along Yorkies bridge make good latrines remember you have just woken up the residents so they take a look out the window The first thing I would like to point out is that these people are and see you urinating in the hedge. Besides, are you really that human beings, they have their own lives to live. This may seem desperate for piss that you can't last the 2 or 3 minutes that it a strange comment to make, but it would appear that some would take you to get back to your hall of residence on students prefer to class them as a zoo exhibit. Widnut Tree Close campus?The main thing that these people want is some peace. is the shortest way into town and a very large number of students Why can't we give them something that simple? use it daily to go shopping and to experience the entertainments that Guildford has to offer. With this amount of pedestrian traffic Les there is inevitably going to be some friction between the resi- dents and students however the problem is most severe at night. If you have any information on possible incidents along Walnut As far as the residents are concerned students are trouble. This tree close please contact Security. Let's get rid of this image that is because there is a lot of damage caused by what must be a we have in the eyes of the residents. minority of students. It may seem a joke to some people (espe- cially after a few pints), but the senseless damage to private property is costly and distressing to anyone and this is not the odd accidental knock by a staggering drunk. There are countless incidents where wing-mirrors have been ripped off cars along with aerials and windows being smashed. It may seem like Student nothing to you but at £40 a go it soon mounts up for the residents as these can not be considered as individual incidents, there are a number of residents who have had their cars and property Advice damaged repeatedly. With the amount of vandalism happening it can not be considered accidental. It takes effort to find a Service shopping trolley, pick it up and place it in the boot of car, ignoring the fact that there is a window in the way. There are other cases where it is obvious that someone has had to go to a lot of trouble to cause damage.

The physical damage is still only part of the story. There is a constant grinding effect on the people of Walnut Tree Close. This is caused by the noise generated by several hundred, mostly drunk students travelling to and from the town centre. Now drunk students make a lot of noise. It can't be much fiin to be woken up at 2am when you need to get up and go to work at six that morning. It is a wide spread of people who live in Walnut Tree Close, many of whom provide vital services for Guildford Opening hours and the surrounding areas. Imagine you if had to be treated for alcohol poisoning by the doctor you prevented from getting a for the Easter decent nights rest and he makes a mistake. There are even students who may have exams that live in walnut tree close and it may surprise you to find out that some of these are very active Vacation in the residents association. The standard response to this by a student is that the residents should move house or not have moved in to the road in the first place knowing the University Mon - Fri was there. That may appear to be an easy way out for most of us but many of the residents it could mean the fu^t change of house in their entire lives and some people have been living there for 11am - 3pm longer than this university has existed. It is US that should try to fit in with the area not the area that has to fit in with us. 4 Bare Facts Captains Log - Additional tardate 931995. Six months, in and its time for an update looking at doing some outdoor activities, with the possibility of on wots new with da boyz from da hut. taking part in a weekend survival course at a local RAF base. Finally we've been hooked up to e-mail. So if you're Anyone is welcome to attend these sessions. Sdesperate to get in touch with us, then the address is: [email protected] Do feel free to get in touch. Also, if you Finally, news of a new award which has just been launched are aware of anything on the internet which may be related to within universities within the south of the country. The South- Student Enterprise, picase let me know. ern Region Student Enterprise Network (SRSEN) Regional awards are intended to distil and encourage innovative and For anyone who expressed an interest in community work last ente^rising activities amongst all studentsin the south. If you term, (or in fact anyone at all with an interest in this area!) Tve are involved in any ongoing project or activity which shows now got a database organised so please get in touch and T II give initiative, develops transferable skills and is innovative you you a list of contacts. If any of you specifícally asked me for could win a £200 prize to fiirther support and enhance your information on becoming a citizen advócate. Tve got informa- activity. The closing dates for applications is 17th March tion packs from Community Partners that I can let you have. (Week 10); more information from the usual place. Just drop into the ofñce when you are passing. If you want any more information about any of these activities Student Tutoring is nearing the completion of its run, and by ail or have ideas of what Student appearances so far has run remarkably smoothly. If you still haven't claimed your expenses yet please get the daim into Rob Enterprise could/should be doing, let us know. There are four or myself asap. ways of contacting us:

The group working on TV production is still going strong, and Phone either 9920 (internal) or 01483 259920 (extemal) j now working on making a promotional video for Student En- terprise. Enthusiasm is running high, and the group is now or Write to Student Enterprise and stick in the internal post gelling into a team. As well as enjoying what they do and system either at your court reception, post room or Students leaming about how videos are produced, they are gaining Union or Come and see us in Hut 10 Room 2 (behind the valuable skills in planning, teamworking and time manage- satellite research centre, across from Senate house) or e-mail us ment. on [email protected]

We still have room for more people, so if you're interested drop We look forward to hearing from you soon. me your name and address and l'il be in touch. Dave Vincent Skills training will continue to run next term. For those not in Project Leader the know, we are running once weekly sessions on skill as diverse as leadership, time management, interview technique p.s. the advert with a piccy of a film director on it was ours, but and persuasion skills. Next term (if it's nice & sunny) we'll be bf cocked it up a bit! lit Enteri Mahíng a différence In this e)^ert^nging worid

r more information complete the slip öelow and return It ù Student Enterprise, Room 2, Hut 10, Unl\/erslty of Surrey, Gulldford, Surrey. GU2 SXH

Name-

Telephone: lOtfa March 1995 Cheesy Quavers either. One lecturer begins every year by distributing a question- G'day naire to 'challenge the students' préjudices and overcome their hat lecturer lost his £25,000 a year inhibitions'. He asks if students indulge in casual sex and would job after sending this love letter be prepared to have an affair with someone who is married. They to a Student: " Submit! I want you to bring are then asked to write a short account of their most frequent Wyour body to my room wrapped in an elegant dress, sexual fantasy (ooh err, missus). When challenged, he replies or send a note saying 7 give in " ? that it's simply a harmless exercise designed to break down It seems that university lecturers are ever the Romeos, according barriers and encourage openness. to a study recently published. Interestingly (or perhaps predictably, depending upon your outlook), it seems to be maie Of course, not ail of these lecherous lecturers are cads and heterosexual lecturers who want to entice sweet innocent young bounders. Although they all tend to sleep with more than one if women to their rooms and their beds — female lecturers and they can get away with it, some are mor¿ enough to want to 'do gays, it seems, can keep their hands to themselves. According the right thing'. One fell for a student, bed her then wed her. But to rumour (and the study), there is an Oxbridge don who, after then he got another batch of students in, fell in love with one, a few relaxing pints, likes nothing more than to serenade his divorced the wife, bed the new girl and wed her (not necessarily prettier tutelages. Allegedly he has been seen taking a tutorial in that order). He's now on wife number three. with his trousers around his ankles, but his intellectual prestige is such that he could bonk in the Bodlian and get away with it. So why don't the authorities take action? You might well ask. Here at this very august institution any sexual shenanigans Indeed, one academic found so little résistance by the authorities would be slammed down on hard. Or would it? Harrassing — to his activities, he's now a pro-vice chancellor (with the yes, everyone is against it. Consenting relationships — well, emphasis, perhaps, on vice). One vice-chancellor, when that's another matter. Since October 1992 each department has confronted with evidence of another lecturer's little been responsible for its own policy towards prurient power peccadilloes, told the Women's Officer: 'He's a leader in his politics and lecture-room lizards. Cuirently the university is in field ... an asset the university cannot afford to lose'. the process of reviewing this. From a possible departmental position of "well, they're adults now, it's up to them to look after Some universities take 'damage limitation' measures and pro- themselves; if they want to get into a relationship and bedspring mote their more excitable members of staff to post-grad lecture- kiss with a lecturer, as long as the lecturer is not harassing them, ship, so that they deal with more mature students and the that's their problem", what will the university's new stand be? fresh-faced 17-18 year olds are kept away from them. But some slip the net. One lecturer at Bristol used to whip out (eh hem) Oh yes, who was it that lost their £25,000 p.a. job? A lecturer his camera halfway through the first lecture for freshers and take at the University of Central Lancaster was found guilty of a snap of his 'intended' one. harassing a student, reducing her to tears. His only comment was, "At the time it seemed areasonable thing to do." This sort So who amongst the world of academia are more likely to of thing wouldn't happen at Surrey, now would it? salivate over students? Well, it seems that arts teachers are the Eau reservoir worst, followed closeiy by sociologists and linguists. S'funny, Lee Hopkins but don't we have sociologists and linguists on this campus? Hmmm, I wonder... Anyway, psychologists don't get off easy,

Zumbís ëal6 UiHverthy of Surrey Studoiti' Union lursdoy lóth Bare Facts will March be out on Thiirsday 2 to 2 Dm next week only. Please ensure Séuidemés moii ail submissions are received by 12 noon on Monday. 6 Bare Facts Dear Editor Dear Editor, I thought I'd write this letter to "It's crap being in the union. It's expens- let other students be aware of ive - you can get cheaper beer if you leave Domestic Appliance Repair and go elsewhere. Some think that the shops in Guildford. I took a needs of the students aren't being catered microwave oven to P.R. Har- for, that they're not being properly rep- vey on Guildford Park Road resented. We're not getting a good de¿, last week as a fuse had blown. getting disenchanted with it. We don't I told them to phone me if it want to be involved any more."Why? was going to be expensive. On collection they charged me A sabbatical may wave a patronising £31.96 less my £5 deposit. This finger at you and recite this years catch consisted of £2 for the fuse and phrase with a smugness that only a 'U- £25 plus VAT for the labour. I nion Official' can achieve, "Student Information and told them I was a student and apathy" they'll chant. "The union is here unhappy with this as they had for you. You can change it." You are only Helpline service carried out the repair without one weak voice in a sea of about 5(XK) phoning me. They said it was students, but it is true - you CAN still only policy to phone clients if change it.But hang on a minute. 8pm - 8am the value was going to exceed £50. As students, I'm sure we all con- Was my first paragraph a student's view Phone ext. 4949 sider £31.96 to be excessive for putting a of the Students' Union, or was it what the fuse into a microwave. sabs have been saying recently about the Between Wey and National Union of Students? It could be Wandle in Surrey Court I would suggest students taking electrical either. We are repeatedly being told by appliances for repair get a quote before a sabs that we can change things in the repair, no matter how simple it seems. students union if we get ofí" our arses and do something, rather than cop out by James Collier leaving and going elsewhere for cheaper beer, more value for money (the easy Dear Editor, way out.) We could get a lot out of the students union etc. There can only be Hiere is no requirement for Lee Hopkins about 150 universities in the country - We are to apologise to 'an offended student' for giving us a relatively strong voice in the allegedly confusing India with Pakistan. running of the NUS. I'm sure I don't need In fact Lee Hopki^ was absolutely cor- to spell out the analogy any further. still open rect in stating in issue 837 that Pakistan was a 'country that Gandhi wanted to Simon Rogers It is disturbing to know that any students build up to be a multi-cultural, multi-re- think that Nightline has closed down, this ligious region of peaceful cohabitation.' is definatly not the case. The office, situ- To quote directly from Philip Ziegler's ated between Wandle and Wey, Surrey biography of Mountb^en, 'it did not Dear Editor, court, is still open every night between take Moimtabatten long to conclude that 8pm and 8am. As you probably know we Gandhi was committed to the concept of So, Chancellors is to stop providing a can provide all sorts of information so if a united India and that any step in the food service. This is a shame as Chancel- you are stuck for the times of train, need direction of partition would be resolutely lors has always provided the best food on the number for PIZZA+ etc., drop in or opposed'. Indeed though Mohanda Ka- campus (not that difficult considering phone and we can sort it out. We also ramchad (Mahatma) Gandhi was a de- central catering don't serve anything have loads of info on such matters as vout Hindu he was a deeply tolerant man which is edible). However, I realise that contraception, drugs and HIV etc. We are who believed, in a united secular liberal there are economic arguments etc. which not just here for information though, we state of all India. mean that this service will probably not are also a listening service. If you have be returning. even the smallest (or largest) problem and it's getting you down, come down to It was Mahommad Ali Jinnah, the leader the office, or call and we will talk it of the Muslim league, who led the fight I also note that PI221A+ is to be providing through with you. Nightline is a com- for the creation of the independent state the same quality of service that Chancel- pletely confidential organisation so any- of Pakistan. lors previously provided? Now, it's not thing you tell a Nightliner will never be that I have found PIZZA+ to give poor repeated. The offended student should spend more service, but this week I decided to take time researching his facts before com- advantage of the FREE delivery service. mitting himself to paper. I got a decent warm pizza delivered on Also we operate a firee emergency con- time, but the guy delivering said "What, dom and sanitary service so if you get Nigel Shepherd no tip then?" after I had paid. lucky or caught short drop in and we will provide you with the necessary! Pon't forQGt to I consider this action to be out of order. Although it has never happened in the Remember, if it's information you want past when I have had a pizza delivered, or you need someone to talk to, Nightline RECYCLE is there a new policy now that PI2ZA+ is here to help, it's confidential, conveni- has been elevated to a level of greater ent and free, use it. Bare Facts responsibility in the catering stakes? The Telephone number is 4949 on the Paper bins in the Nigel Hawken internal phones or 32710 on the extemal Union and all lines. court receptions. Kate Nightline lOtfa March 1995 Editorial his week Fm taking the unusual step of responding to a letter to me. In this Bare Facts case, Simon Rogers' letter. Firstly, I must say it is pleasing to discover people Union House are taking notice of their surroundings, and actually thinWng about it. University of Surrey r JMr Kosogere s does have a point. The analogy is basically a good one. My immediate Guildford response is that is the reason I'm going to NUS Conference; to try and make a difference. There, we will be electing next year's NEC on your behalf, and I for one Surrey intend to take in as much information as I can before making my decisions who to vote for. I, and several others, are trying to make NUS work for you, should you choose to GU2 5XH stay with them next year. There are some differences between oiu- local situation and the national one. Surrey Tel: (01483) 259275 students get the chance to hold their Sabbaticals accountable once a week. We get one chance a year to hold the NUS National Executive accountable. The National Council Fax: (01483) 34749 of NUS is supposed to bridge that gap, but in practise all Council can do is give a slap Email: [email protected] on the wrist. The sheer fact that you can grab hold of us in our offices makes us much more accessible. I don't have time to go up to Holloway Road (NUS' headquarters) every time I think NUS aren't doing their job. There's no 'In the Hot Seat' for them. The deadline for submission is Noon Monday There are 125 Universities or University sector colleges in the UK. These make up a for inclusion in next weeks issue. minority of the constituent members of NUS. There are far more Colleges of Further AI) submissions must have a education affiliated to NUS than Universities. Even so, there is the 'card vote'. This procedure for voting at conference makes your vote proportional to the number of name and Union card number. students at your institution. This is where size is important. The larger institutions tend Submission is no guarantee to get their way with the important issues due to this. of publication. I'll add a personal comment; people ask why NUS is full of political factions who just fight all the time, why these people get elected. This year there are around half a dozen independent candidates standing for the NEC. Why? Why don't the people who really care stand for the posts and stop the careerists getting elected? From a personal point of view, if I had spent the past few months building a campaign for election to the NEC, I would have been neglecting my duties here at Surrey. I think that's the reason; the people who do care are too busy working for students. Are these people really just careerists? You tell me.

Jonathan Bennett Mature Stuaents ¡^A & Posigraduates Communications Officer AsscciaiUms PRESENT an evening of Uve Muslc^ Cocktails and Pancing

20:00hrs until 23:OOhrs for cocktails, vtnth dancing to mONEDAT-aundo^ 16h Apri 1996 the music chosen by Alan Phoneday - when all the old STD codes stop working - is D.Roy until 02:00hrs during tiie Easter Holidays. Therefore it is a good idea to start using the new codes now. As from Wednesday, all the old STD codes will no longer work from University exten- Smart Dress required in the sions. Lower Bar on Thursday 16th The code changes are: March The International Code becomes 00 instead of 010 Tickets available from David Smithee or Lawrence Bristol numbers (0272) become (0117) 9 Wynch for Mature Students and Post-grads before Leeds numbers (0532) become (0113) 2 Monday 13th March with tickets being made Leicester numbers (0533) become (0116) 2 available to everyone else afcer then Nottingham numbers (0602) become (0115) 9 Sheffield numbers (0742) become (0114) 2 All other STD codes have an 1 inserted between the 0 and the second digit i.e. 0483 become 01483 IrtKfTS Ì3 Mobile phone numbers, 0800,0345 and 0898/0891/0836 etc. do not change. 8 Bare Facts Laughter Lines his weeks comedy column is brought to you by the comedy time over here, I had an opportunity. Everybody always Publicity company for Greg Proops, why? Well as they asks me that and I always get the feeling that they are going to have phoned me no less than four times and sent me say and when are you going to leave you know? I got a good three envelopes full of stuff about him, I thought l'd opportunity a few years ago, l've been on Whose Line you T know and shit, did this T.V. show and got a chance to do give them ten out of ten for trying! I also earlier on did an interview with said comedian but that comes later. Edinburgh and Edinburgh went really well! About three years ago my buddy Tom Roach said, your on T.V. in England right. Time for the usual review of last weeks Avalon Comedy Man! handle that bad boy! Network in the lower bar. Well I could sum them up easily in one word, but l'm supposed to be a writer so I wop't. There What's it iike working on 'Whose Line is it Anyway'? were two acts and unusually no compere (not that they needed one!). The first act Helen Austin Pure hell, they whip us and they're mean. Clive makes us wear came on stage to a completely funny clothing and Clive non-committal welcome, she wears nipple clamps and a may weil have been forgiven for butt plug and he's really dis- thinking that everybody in the ciplinary, I don't like anyone room had just taken a four hour else in the show because maths final, but she soon had the they're not as good as me are laughter flowing with a very they? and Fm tired of dragg- funny mixture of observation ing them along behind me and some very good send ups of lüce a fucking husky team, some weil known hits(Sade's they're dead weight and the ' smooth operator become a show should be called 'Greg smooth vibrator etc.) The sec- and nothing but', you know ond act Sean Lock was every- my negotiations fall on deaf tWng I promised you in the last ears because T.V. people comedy column, tìie man who's aren't visionaries, so I just good with his hands used some muddle through. No its a very funny and originai material good show, not the worstl've to eam him a well deserved en- ever had you know. core at the end. So Sean Lock was brilliant but he could have I hear you're going to do a been better if he had a more re- show ahout Gardening sponsive audience, there was what's that about? very little heckling, which I think this comedian thrives on, Its like that show you know Sean Lock has some great ma- the David Attenborourgh terial but he's at his funniest one, where he goes looking at when he*s improvising off an plants and stuff, well like audience. he's an expert and on loca- tion, my shows just like that except that, l'm not an expert What's on? and we're not on location and we don't have a budget and I Pretty much naff ali really, al- don't know anything about though there's always the last plants, I don't whisper ail my lines or wear the same blue Comedy night of the term (Wed- top and white trousers, I can nesday 15th March) in the lower also stand still, but I love bar featuring Matt Welcome David Attenboroughs shows. Tickets :£2 show starts 8.30 pm The show will be on in May.

Yoar very sarcastic in stage Just to cheer you up, you ali shows. I thought that missed Frank Carson at the Civic Hall on Saturday 4th March Americans didn't understand sarcasm? (Thank Christ for that I hear you say!) Weil that's alot like saying British people can'texperiencejoy, On Saturday 25th March Gregg Proops plays the Civic Hall as true generally but its not always true land of thing. part of his tour, and as his publicity agents were trying so hard we thought we'd interview him (badly, my fault not his). We then had various discussions relating to Jimmy Nail and my degree of ail things. So on Wednesday Ist March I phoned the numberthe persistent publicist had given me, and was completely thrown by Greg Anyway, Greg is live at the Civic Hall on Saturday 25th March answering the phone and not some snotty secretary, from here Tickets:£8.50 & £9.50 available from the Civic Hall box office on things go down hill rapidly. Tel: 01483 444555 So whereabouts in Canada are you from? Paul WîUiamson 'A small town in the south called San Francisco' Why did you move to England? 'Well I was tired of Canada and l'm tired of the wheat, l'm tìred of listening to Rush. To work, there's lots of work man it's lOtfa March 1995 Doing Well at Selection Centres 4. Written Tests A not dissimilar test is known as the in-tray exercise. You are t is easy to see why so many employers place the ability to asked to play the role of a personnel manager, for example, who write clearly and effectively so high on the list of attributes has returned from holiday to find a huge pile of papers waiting they look for in potential employees. Time and again a to be dealt with. You have to separate the urgent from the piece of work needs to be formally presented in a written non-urgent and the important from Üie unimportant. The key to I doing well in this test is to skim all of the papers very quickly at summary. Whether it takes the form of a report, a letter, a memo or an article for publication, it is essential that the author's first. It is tempting to try to read everything, including the thoughts are expressed lucidly, accurately and relevantly and cleverly placed 30 page report which would taJce up the whole with the correct use of grammar. of the time allocated to the test if you fell into the trap of reading it! After your initial skimming, attempt an early prioritisation Exercises designed to measure candidates' writing ability vary of papers. Some are obviously important - like Äe memo from considerably. In one of the commonest tests you are asked to the managing director requesting a review of safety procedures respond to a letter of complaint from someone - it could be a following the recent fire. Take a look at your watch and see how colleague or a customer for example. Although the detailed much time you have for a more detailed look at the material. circumstances will vary in each case, there are some general This could lead to some changes in your priorities. The written guidelines which might help you. Make sure you convince the summary of your recommendations is, once again, fairly brief, recipient that you have understood their grievance. Consider but should nevertheless be clear, logical and concise. You must whether an apology is required or whether an explanation would take care to leave enough time to write your summary. The suffice instead. Avoid responding aggressively, try instead to assessors won't be able to guess what you intended to write after be both polite and tactful. you'd found you'd nin out of time!

Another common test involves analysing a mass of complicated Russ Clark written material before presenting a reasonable solution to the Careers Service problems which it contains. TTiere aren't necessarily any right or wrong answers, the assessors are simply interested in know- ing whether you have understood the issues and whether your PS The latest Prospects for the Finalist has just arrived. Also, proposals are well thought out. Whilst the written part of this we shall be open tiiroughout the vacation apart from the days exercise is minimal, it is still impoitant to make sure that your when the whole University closes. recommendations are lucidly and logically presented. Why are you here?? When you leave university you will be searching for a job and have to show sustained improvement and so can use activities hopefiilly this will lead to being asked to interviews. You will that you are already doing. As everyone at this university is over then probably brush up on your interview technique as well as 18 this means that you will have direct entry to the gold award remembering the contents of your CV and all the answers to (oohhhh!!) and this can be completed in 18 months. You could possible questions. do it nearly three times while at University. One last thing is that You remember your CV, didn't seem very long for more than in speaking to a lot of people it is obvious that the award is twenty years of life, well at least that means there isn't much for commonly seen as a group of people hiking across Dartmoor in them to ask you questions on, can't be bad can it? the rain. This couldn't be further from the truth and the award is What I would like to say is what are you going to say during the good fun and not about getting Hyperthermia. interview when asked "Tell us why we should employ you". I The Duke of Edinburgh Society meets every Tuesday at 6pm in know, why don't you tell him about the time you won the fastest LtB. We are currently planning for a hike to the Brecon Beacons. pint competition. Is that really what a prospective employer New members always welcome. wants to hear~I don't think so do you?? The above is just an example of what may happen to you and Anthony Ede shows that gone are the days when simply having a degree was a guaranteed ticket to Join the Reformed employment. Employers are looking for other things that will make you a good employee such as commitment and team work not your ability to drink copious amounts of alcohol and stay out late. Don't Kart Club get me wrong I'm no boring teetotal fart I just want to be able to offer an employer more than a degree. e-mail Jake Conway The Duke of Edinburgh Award Scheme (Getting to the point) is designed to develop [email protected] young adults(US!!!) through a system of five sections both physical and non physi- cal and catering for all tastes. The award Please quote your usemame scheme is completely open to all and is non as a "SUBJECT:" so that I competitive catering for all abilities rang- can infbnn you of forthccMnìng ing from the gifted to the shall we say not events. so gifted. ITiere is such a diverse range of activities that can be undertaken for the Hie wifuifi". Mii hin l N InitTKK'hi.r. on lite pace award that something will always appeal to anyones taste. I would also like to point out Michael Schumacher does it, why don't you! ! ! ! that starting the award doesn't mean that you have to start new activities you simply 10 Bare Facts ALBUM REVIEWS Album Of The Week The ambient tinges that you get between most songs are good enough to grace any 'Greatest Hits Of Ambient' album that may Spiritualized Electric Mainline: come out very soon, this isn't a party album, it's one for those sunny Sunday afternoons where the t.v's crap and your friends Pure Phase (dedicated) want to play football, and you just want to sleep. 'Pure Phase' ollowing on from the mammoth classic that is quite wonderful if you're a lazy drug taking hippy bastard, was 'Lazer Guided Melodies', Spiritualized which Pootle Flump probably is. return with a new trimmed down outfit, and Fpossibly the most unenergetic album ever Apache Indian: Make Way For The Indian made. 'Pure Phase' sees Spiritualized enter a new dimension of music, one so diverse it's almost (island) unmusical. From sheer brilliance to sheer bollocks, well nearly anyway. It kicks of with a re-recording of 'Medication' which Apache Indian is best known for trying to sound like Shaggy, sounds like Jason Pierce is singing from inside a drug on his 'best' single 'Boomshakalak' which as it happens is on enduced coma, following this is 'The Slide Song' this album and sounding just as shite as ever. In fact the whole which is all quiet and ambient music backed with album is cluttered with dodgy bhangra beats and even dodgier Pierce's whispery vocals. The thing with 'Pure Phase' ragga chanting. is that no song sounds the same, take 'These Blues' a song where 100 guitars kick in at the same time and The last single also inspiredly tided 'Make Way For The Indian' then 75 harmonicas follow it, it sounds like it is going kicks off this album, and basically puts you on a bit of a downer on forever and ever but is only about 4 minutes long. for the rest of the album, it picks up a bit with the reasonably good 'Boba' and a fun cover version of 'Armageddon Time'. 'Make Way For The Indian' is a poor effort from a man who Spiritualized aren't against making the pop song here we expected considerable amounts from. For most of the album and there 'Lay Back In The Sun' is the song that Oasis he sounds very gruff, and probably makes himself very hoarse, and The Stone Roses have been waiting to make, all but it does have it's good bits, so instead of apredictableMorph, mellowing out and smoking various forms of ciga- it gets a stunning Bungle, just to be controversial. rette, whilst staring out over that green valley. SINGLES REVIEWS you think of it by switching on your T.V's every half an hour Single Of The Week when it's bound to be on. Only tfie 4 remixes stapled on to the rest of the C.D stops this being a Pootle Flump and is therefore Ned's Atomic Dustbin:all I Ask Of a Pingu. Myself Is That I Hold Together (fur- tive) Very nice, but not very clever. The Ned's return with a C.D REEF:One Good Feeling (Sony) packaged all in metal which looks lovely but the metal is quite sharp and kiddies could pick it up and scratch their faces with Reef, for those ignorant fools out there who don't know, are the it so extra marks for them this week. band from the MiniDisc advert, who don't want to release the song from the advert because they'll end up like Stiltskin. So Anyway the first Ned's single in a few years sees yet another have instead decided to put out this crock of shite. 'One Good new direction from them, amidst claims that they have "Gone Feeling' is tripe, it is R 'n' B with that grunge twinge added to rap" The Ned's actually have gone back to their roots, and given it that makes it sound rather too much like Living Colour for us the sort of stuff that sent us wild in 1991. my liking. If that song from the advert "I'll Blow You Away etc.!' is half as bad as 'One Good Feeling' then I am glad you 'All I Ask Myself..' is transit pop at its best. Churning guitars, have decided not to release it you silly bunch of Bungles. which when played live will result in jumping around a-plenty, Steve French a thumping bass which has a bloody organ wailing away in the background and Jon's half arsed vocals which sound as good as they did on 'Kill Your Television'. Yup, that good. Almost as good as Pootle's hat but not quite. THE MARKING SCHP:ME Commercial Rip-off Single Of The Week 5 - Paddington Freakpower:turn On, Tune In, Cop Out 4 • Pootle Flump (4th & Broadway) 3 - Pingu Yes, not strictly true the above, but this is in fact the music from the latest Levi's Ad, where the "attractive" girl that everyone 2 - Bungle wants to shag, actually turns out to be.... A BLOKE. Luckily the music is better than the advert. I - Morph

Freakpower have subsequently reissued their album, and this Anything Else is Bob Holnes.s single, which as it happens isn't shite like certain other Levi's Jeans records. (Stiltskin outside NOW!!) It is in fact a dance dub type of thing which I can't help but link to the sound of Beats International. Anyway you can work out yourselves what l#nC#lj^jOCifc rBC^f Cftl DEíEÍIDICÜmBÜU Monday to Tbursday 7 p.m. - 9 p.m. Main Union Doors open at 7.B0 p.m. Quiz starts at 8.00 p.m

sa pnzes Ruddles fo be TOAVOIDDISAPPOINIENTGETTHERE EARLY 1 pínt

Now openfrom 5 pj. Sandwiches from 8.30 a.m. to 5.00 p.m Nondayto Frída y Monday to Friday Jackct potatocs Both Freshiy Cut availablc from 5 to 7 & Toasted available £2.00 Wdevariely Varicty of Fillings of fillings PHONE EXTENSION 3444 Eat in or Take Away WEEK ENDING FRIDAY 17TH MARCH 1995 Friday 1 Oth Saturday 11 th R>VG HI/V\X/>evii/\fS| RARTY 8-2am IMAflM I.OUIMGE UOS Club presents £3 In acfvance fi'otT» Union foyer weeKdav^ MARCH IVIADNESS' COCICr/KILS featuring Vodka & Tonic 8-1 1 .30pm L.OWER BAR reat "TIHE JOOKS' Tickets £2.50 from Trading Desk Tickets £2.50 trom Tk-âding Oesfc or on the door if available Sunday 12th Monday 13th FREE BAISI DS Quiz IMite Orange Deluxe & Headnoise 7.30pnii I-OWER BAR Show starts 9.00pm. OFU film - OFU Film - 'Jurassic Park' 'Jurassic Park' LTG 8pm LTG 5pm, 8pm

Tuesday 14th Wednesday 15th Comedy Night Folk Club presents featuring JOHN OTWAY A/IATT WELCOME 8pm Main Lounge 8pm LOWER BAR NBA Eia bottle Admission is Free £2 admission Thursday 16th Friday 17th MSA/PGA present C. J.LEWIS Cocktails, Music and Dancing at the End of Term plus Darkman 9-2am LOWER BAR Tickets £6 FORTHCOIVlINO EVENTS Aprii 28th BIG HOEDOWN Aprii 29th UOS Clubs Summer Dreams' May 25th-29th FREE FESTIVAL lOth March 1995 11 MUSIC NEWS he main news surrounding the music world this week 'Vegas' taken from the Top Ten album 'Smart' will be out on is the sudden hospitalising of REM's drummer Bill March 20th, it backed with a song where Graham Coxon from Berry who has suffered a brain haemorrhage and has (cue ceremonial trumpeting) Blur playing a saxophone. subsequently put in doubt REM's entire world tour. TAlthough Berry is only expected to be in hospital for a short Talking of (cue much wailing and gnashing of teeth) Blur, a time, it is unknown whether Berry wil! want to tour. The band recent survey by students at Exeter Campus Radio found that have said that the British Tour in Aprii will almost certainly be we students prefer to listen to the joys of Queen, The Beatles, cancelled but have high hopes for the summer Stadium shows, Rush and Simple Minds than (cue yawnnnn) Blur, Oasis and the there is no question of the band hiring a stand in drummer. Soup Dragons.

Stanmer Park in Brighton has announced the headiine acts for The survey intended to find the most popular 100 songs, accord- it's second three day celebration of 'Essential Music'. Each day ing to students, and only 4 records released in the 1990' s reached will host a different style of music. The Friday is 'indie' day with the top 20, they were 'Losing My Rehgion' by REM, 'Smells Carter and Gene (Oh good, falafel time) headlining. The Satur- Like Teen Spirit' by Nirvana, 'Motorcycle Emptiness' by The day is dedicated to jazz and funk and it features such weli known Manie Street Preachers and some godforsaken pile of poo by luminaries as Mica Paris, Incognito and Izit. The Sunday is U2. Incidently (YAAAWWWNNN) Blur's 'Giris and Boys' reggae day and stars the urban poet Linton Kwesi Johnson, and weighed in at an impressive No.74, just after 'Disco Divas' by Junior Reid. More artists are to be confirmed, and tickets go on Shakatak. Oasis reached No.51 with 'Cigarettes and Alcohol' sale in Aprii. beaten to the Fab 50 by Elvis and his Hound Dog.

Suede have announced a couple of gigs which will be on behalf And finally, the rudest song ever to go Top 40 and have it's title of Friends Of The Earth, the gigs will take place in May and will read out on TOTP by Gary Davies, namely 'Too Drunk To Fuck' be the bands biggest to date, the first one will be in Blackpool by The Dead Kennedys is to be reissued because it features in a and the second at The Royal Albert Hall. forthcoming film, so expect not to hear Mark 'Twat' Goodier read that out when it goes Top 10 in the next few weeks. Sleeper, whose singer recentiy annoyed feminists by telling them to "shut up and shave", are set to release a new single. Steve French FOLK CLUB hanks to everybody for coming down to see Ivor Game scaffolding. By this time Barrett had left, leaving Otway with a last Tuesday - it's nice to see that my plea for Floor backing band ali to himself. Singers has been taken to heart - please do keep on "We were first up on Sunday lunchtime, and we ñnished the set Tturnin g up, as usuai with "Down the Road", especially next term which [for the uninitiated, this compo- does tend to get quieter, what sition is more a performance with exams(!) and piece in which Otway describes everything. famous people coming down the road in their own recognised The next FOLK CLUB is style: He uses two mike stands Tuesday Week 10, 14th to imitate Eddie the Eagle, and March, and is going to be a becomes Boris Becker by serv- little different from normal ing small spherical hand held (you have been wamed!). Fir- objects with the back of his gui- stly it will be up on the Main tar]. Meatloaf had played the Stage in the Student's Union previous night and got bottled and secondly the act is none off, so I sang 'today I saw Meat- other than John Otway. I loaf down die road...' and sud- think I just heard cries of denly ali I could see was this "Who?" OTWAY is one of wave of glasses and bottles and the originai failed rock mega- things heading straight towards siars who has been gigging me, and they were smashing on continuously for the last 17 the back of my guitar which I years (some failure!), here are was using as ashield. People stili some bits from his biog: remember that as being stun- ning. l'm one of the few acts Long ago, in the days when ever to request to be bottled..." record companies would take a gamble on signing bizarre Please come along to the Student acts, a duo called John Otway Union on Tuesday Week 10 at and Wild Willy Barrett ap- about 8pm to see John Otway. peared on Top of the Pops Floor Singers please note that performing a song entitlwì, "Cor Baby, That's Really ruvio-. »DU» BATTcne uniess you know you are playing Free". This is OTWAY's "Hit". JOHN OTWAY already there are not any spaces left. Please come aiong to Folk Club next temi when we will be back in the Lower Bar on The "Hit" took Otway and Barrett out of the pubs and onto the Tuesdays week's 2,4,6,8 and 10! live circuii, having acts such as Squeeze and ITie Clash open for Have a good break, them. Their popuiarity as a live draw eamed them a slot at the 1978 Reading Festival, where Otway took full advantage of the Duncan. 14 Bare Facts CUNNING STUNTS aving aiready seen the Welsh National In the second act she encounters a very presentable and amorous Opera production of The Cunning Little fox, played strongly and consistently by Sara Fulgoni. They Vixen eight years ago, I was really pleased retire to their den together and reappear with a vast cohort of to see it revived as pan of the ENO's spring young foxcubs. Hseason at the London Coliseum. In the meantime, the forester is getting drunk in the locai As Leos Janácek is not as popular as he deserves to hostehy with his drinking pals, the pompous, lanky school- be, I should point out teacher (John Gra- before con- ham-Hall and the tinuing that parson {Andrew his music is Greenan). Come very ac- closing time, the cess i ble drunken crew are and not at surprised and be- ali "diffi- witched by the cult" for vixen. It is Üie dis- non-opera covery of the locai • bu f f s. poacher later that un- W h at's wittingly sets a trap more. The to bring the downfall Cunning of the vixen in the Uttle Vixen climax of the opera. is one of those rare This may ali sound operas that awfiiily twee, but the manage to quality of the singing combine and production, and genuine pa- the originality of the thos and music mean üiat this drama with opera never strays real hu- into the realm of the mour and sentimental. c h a r m . David Lesley Garrett leads Poutney's the cast with con- marvellou summate skill and sly originai and in- great energy. seeing ventive production such an accom- only enhances these plished singer of her qu^ities. standing gambolling and rolling around The storyline of the takes some getting opera carne from a used to! Unhappily, book of cartoon not ali the cast did drawings which were quite as well, and serialised in a 1920s some voices were Brno daily news- occasionally paper. The vixen losLThe real stars of (Lesley Garrett) is the show were, how- captured by a locai ever, the woodiand forester, B artos, sung and acted with great skill by Nicholas creatures played by schoolchildren from the Greater London Folwell. He is hoping that she'11 amuse his children, but after area. terrorising the family, she is tied up in a shed with their obese dachshund. The latter' s unwanted advances serve to awaken her sexuality in a beautifully choreographed allegorical scene. In summary, a superb production from the ENO that really deserves the effort of getting up to London. Catch it while you can. When the vixen encounters the forester's hens and cocke> rei, in a wonderfully comic Further performances o/The scene, she tries to preach a Cimnìng Little Vixen may neo-feminist message. How- be seen at the Coliseum on ever, bored by their stupidity, March 10, J3 and 16. ENO she kills them one by one! BoxOffice: 0171 6328300 The forester's wrath allows her an opportunity to escape JasonHall back to tiie woods... lOth March 1995 13 Professor strips for fun with whips hey said it was absurd, and it was. The latest production After the break. The Two Executioners comes as something as from SUDS, our very own on-campus theatre company, a shock. Clever use of lighting and music really sets the mood is showing on Friday and Saturday 10 and 11 March, for a spinechilling experience. The tension mounts as a mother but Bare Facts was invited to the dress rehearsal for a and her two sons wait for the eponymous executioners to get to T work on "poor little Daddy". I don't know whether those instru- special preview. ments of torture were real, but they certainly looked pretty An Absurd Double Bill consists of two one-act plays, separated gruesome from where I was sitting. And I daren't tell you what by an interval. The first, Professor Taranne, starts off with a they do with a selection of kitchen perquisites! The horrific striptease before the scene shifts to a police station, where a nature of this play is broken from time to time with welcome heavily sardonic Chief Inspector is interrogating a somewhat moments of stark humour, but the overall mood is perversely shambolic Professor who seems to think he's God's gift to dark, especially as the drama moves towards its inexorable academia (now, which of us doesn't know someone like thaúX). climax. The bizarre plot {concerning an alleged case of indecent expo- sure) thickens when a joumäist appears on the scene, followed In short, then, an extremely enjoyable evening with generous by two extremely strange gentlemen, whose odd quirks and helpings of horror and comedy in equal measures, and one that mannerisms had me in stitches. Soon the Professor finds himself I can thoroughly recommend. investigated for another crime by two policemen fi-om the West Country; these are wonderful comic creations -1 and my fellow press reviewers were quite literally doubled up and shrieking An Absurd Double B ill is in Lecture Theatre Mat 8pm on Friday with laughter throughout their turn. I won't spoil your enjoy- 10th and Saturday 11th March. Student tickets cost only £1.50 ment by revealing how the play ends; suffice it to say that the and can be bought on the door. involvement of the Professor's dotty sister, an extremely camp Andrew Fancourt hotel manager and a mysterious letter from Belgium (1) all add to the fun.

ARTSROUND Yvonne Arnaud Theatre, Guildford ON CAMPUS 15 March -1 April: The Millionairess. Raquel Welch stars as Epifana Ognisanti di Parerga (sic) in George Bernard Shaw's Friday 10 and Saturday 11 March: SUDS present A/t Absurd rôle-swapping comedy. Double Bill. In Professor Taranne, a lecturer is accused of indecent exposure and of plagiarism. Watch out for the comic Box Office: 01483 440000. policemen! The Two Executioners is a gruesome tale of marital breakdown with absurd humour and spinechilling horror. Please The Founder's Studio, Guildford note that some scenes in these plays may cause offence. Tickets (only £1.50 for students) are on sale in the Union, Friday lunchtime, in the Senate Information Office all day, and on the 14 -18 March: Third-year students from the Guildford School door. of Acting present Spring Awakening, Frank Wedekind's no- torious play about adolescent sexual repression. Note that some scenes in this production may cause offence. Sunday 12 March: 3.30pm: PATS Studio One: Chiligrian String Quartet play Tavener, Mozart and Schubert. GSA Box Office: 01483 60701

New Victoria Theatre, Woking Monday 13 March: 8pm: PATS Studio One: "Bach to the 16 March - 2 April: Woking Dance UmbreUa: a dynamic Future" - instrumentai music by Bach, Telemann and Corelli three-week festival of terpsichore kicks off with the highly-ac- played by the youthful and highly acclaimed Palladian En- claimed Mark Morris Dance Group in an extraordinary pro- semble. gramme featuring four stylistically varied pieces set to a wide range of music: Grand Duo performed to the classic composi- tion for violin and piano by the American composer Lou Harri- Wednesday 15 March: l.lSpm: PATS Studio One: FREE son; Three Preludes, a solo dance by Mark Morris to Gershwin's Lunchtime Concert. University Music students play Hindemith, popular piano triptych; New Love Song Waltzes performed to Purcell and Bartók. Brahms' s glorious Neue Liebesliederwaltzer song cycle; and the British première of the company's popular hit Going Away Thursday 16 March: 8pm: Guildford Cathedral: Purcell Ter- Party, performed to the music of Bob Willis and his Texas centenary Celebration. Sebastian Forbes and Andrew Milling- Playboys. ton conduct the University of Surrey Players and Guildford Cathedral Choir in Purcell's Hail, bright Cecilia and the first Box Office: 01483 761144. modem performance, after 300 years, of Blow's Great Choir of Heaven. Thorndike Theatre, Leatherhead

Until 18 March: Dead Guilty - a brand new thriller from *** For full details of and booking for, events forming part of Richard Harris. Julia, a high-flyer, is left in deep shock and the GUILDFORD '95 INTERNATIONAL MUSIC FESTIVAL housebound after an horrific car accident. While recuperating, see the special brochure, available everywhere, or phone 01483 sinister events begin to occur around her, leading her to question 444008 *** whether there is anyone she can trust. Are these happenings real, or simply the imaginings of a traumatised crash victim? Listings compiled by Andrew Wilcock, Box Office: 01372 377677 Arts £ditor 14 Bare Facts ***** Super. **** Jolly smashing. *** Rather. ** Oh I say. * What rot. Clear and Present Danger (12) 101 mins, Starring Harrison Ford, Willem Dafoe, Anne Archer, Joaquim de Almeida.

Dir. Phillip Noyce.

Harrison Ford again dons the Jack Ryan frown in another tali tale of international espionage, bad soits and corrupt officiais. In this follow up to the average, but far superior Patriot Games, Ryan is temporarily upgraded to deputy head of the CIA while his boss, Darth Vader (James Earl Jones), is in hospital. Ryan is put in charge of the investigation into the bombing of one of the US President's drug-running buddies, and soon fmds himself out of his depth, as every loony right-winger in the senate orders covert missions to Colombia behind his back. I have been told that the book was much better - and frankly, it has to be. Indifferently acted, totally predictable and insultingly simplistic, this is a by-the-numbers sequel which has no raison d'etre. The only enjoyable moments are in the ludicrous O.A.P. Rambo-esque finale which had me in stitches. Wyatt Earp (15) 182 mins, Starring Kevin Costner, Dennis Quaid, Gene Hackman, David Andrews.

Dir. Lawrence Kasdan.

Another retelling of the Wyatt Earp/Doc Holliday Legend, Kasdan's over-thoughtful film follows Earp from his youthful attempt (foiled by his overbearing father played by Hackman) to join his brothers in the Civil War, through his violent career as a lawman, and his briefer career as a lawbreaker, right up to the gunfight at the OK Corrai and beyond. Lawrence an had a hand in the screenplays for two Star Wars movies, one Indy Jones movie, and directed The Big Chili and Silverado. How he came to write and direct such a limp, rambling screenplay is completely beyond me. A stream of competent actors do a competent job with an adequate script, but there are simply no fireworks and nothing to keep you even vaguely interested for the most of the film's 182 minutes. 182 mins is 3 hours two minutes - is it really worth spending an entire evening on this film?

Karl ACC DISCOUNT DAY OFU: extinct? e've been having punch-ups at OFU over who will be projecting this week's film. We've kept you SUNDAY waiting two years for this one, building up the Wsuspense, and we think if we leave it just one term more then we're running the riskof having hundreds of students MARCH 12TH exploding from the pressure, and the cleaners are overworked as it is.... so this weekend we bring you Jurassic Park (LTG Sunday 5pm, 8pm & Monday 8pm). If you ever been worried by the advance of genetic research then come along and I guarantee you'll never trust any of your SAVEAN friends in the SOBS again. Dickie Attenborough is the con- vincing Scotsman who recreates extinct dinosaurs for the EXTRA ultimate theme park, but slightly overlooks the fact that these tyrranosaurus rex's and whatnot are not quite so tame as your average pet hamster. With a sprinkling of other stars (Including 10% ON Jeff Goldblum who plays a chap who prefers to be referred to as a 'chaotician' rather than a mathematician. Sad, isn't it?), Jurassic Park proved to be a huge hit with everyone else, so ALL why should you be any different?

Tickets are £2 from the trading desk, or £2.50 if reserved with CALLS the House Officer upto one hour in advance. And we can't seil tickets on the door so don't ALL DAY even ask, right? OFU will back next term with a sea- son of truly stupendous films, so look out for the posters and buy your sea- son tickets soon. -Andy

ACC Long Distance UK Ltd. Freefone 0800 100 222 lOtfa March 1995 ODEON, EPSOM ROAD Enquiries/Credit Card bookings : Guildford 578017. Advance Box Office open 2pm • 7pm. Student Discount available Mon-Thurs before 7pm (with NUS or ISIC card only). Friday 10 March for Seven Days Screen 1 : NATURAL BORN Screen 3 : PRET-A-PORTER KILLERS (18) (18) The real crits have given this a very hard time, but it's nowhere All dressed up with nowhere to go. Director Robert near as bad as they've made out. True, the characters are Altman, after his critically acclaimed "Short Cuts" and somewhat less than one dimensional, the story is predictable, Hollywood satire "The Player", has set his sights on the message confused and the violence explicit. But the way attacking another shallow, greedy, business. This time it's put together is breathtaking. Using some stunning editing it's the fashion industry, during tfie Paris fashion week, and effects, director Oliver Stone tells the story of Mickey and As before, he has included anotiier all-star cast that other Mallory, two all-American psychos who kill people for, well, directors would kill for. unfortunately though, some- no reason really, and who inhabit a world where everyone is thing has going slightly wrong: it's almost as if Altman sick and depraved - even the so-called good guys. It's flashy, doesn't care enough about the fashion business to hate it. it's morally dubious, it assaults your senses and it feels like Consequently, his usual biting satire is weakened, and the someone shouting at you through a megaphone for two hours, jokes are reduced to the level of people continuously All in all, it's definitely an experience. While its messages stepping in dog turds. Altman's skill at interweaving about violence, and the complicity of the media are muddled, more plotlines and characters than in a year's worth of at least it's got passion and intelligence behind it. Discuss: soap opera, just about holds the piece together. And of which is worse, "Pulp Fiction" which uses violence for laughs course, there are star turns from the likes of Julia Roberts, or NBK which tries to make a point about violence? Tim Robbins, Kim Basinger, Richard E Grant, Sophia Loren et al, all seamlessly intermingled with the Paris Fri/Mon-Thurs 2.15 5.40 8.30 Sat/Sun 2.00 5.40 8.30 fashion show. It all ends with a nude catwalk parade of supermodels in an attempt at 'The emperor's new clothes' RUDYARD KIPLING'S THE - ______/f^ÄV all the parts are better than the whole. While it is enter- JUNGLE BOOK (PG) talning (especially if you're a fashion victim), it's not as funny as it wants to be or as clever as it thinks it is. Forget the hip apes in the Disney classic, this is more like the "Absolutely Fabulous" does it better, live-action 1942 Alexander Korda version. With loads of animals and Jason Scott Lee taking the role previously played Daily 1.45 5.00 8.00 by Sabu (and turning Mowgli into a kind of Indiana Jones character) this will be enjoyed by most, and kiddies in particu- ScrGGIl 4 ' THE SHAWSHANK lar will find it a rattling good adventure. REDEMPTION (15) Sat/Sun 1.00 3.20 Somehow this very familiar story (man sent to prison, maintains SCTGen 2 ' THE RIVER WILD M2) innocence, suffers hardships and tortures from the nasty inmates • ' ' and warders and, eventually redeems himself and those around Meryl's in peril. Having tried almost every other role (and ^ini) transcends ikelf and adds a surprising freshn^s to what is some remarGbly strange accents) Ms Streep now puts forward F^fjy ^ hackney^ old plot. In fact, ^though it is almost 2 and a her claim to be an action hero (heroine surely?). This actioner ^^^ hour^ong, time seems to p^s a lot quicker than most 2-hour is directed by Curtis Hanson, who reprises the plot of his "The This is partly thanks to Stephen ^ng s ongind story and Hand That Rocks The Cradle", which goes something like: a strong character, party due to first-time director Fr^k Darabont family having problems allows a stran^r to intrude into tiieir ^^ ^^o due to the quality of Üie cast which includes Tim Robbins, world, the in^der turns out to be nasty, kills a few people, and Morgan Freem^ ^d a hos of excellen^upporting actors^ In the tiien the family finally solve their own problems by killing the States this bombed, probably ^cause Ae yanks don t understand psycho. Here,Merylandhusband(DaNadStrathairn)ti7tosort Red^ption , but hopefully this side of the pond, out their marriage on a rafting holiday, dragging along their audiences will te more appreciaüve of its undoubted (and Oscar son and pet labrador, and meet (tiie ever-excellent) Kevin nominated) qualities. Bacon and his mate - robbers on the run who ingratiate them- ^ ., I CA C AC O IA selves into the family with nasty intentions. What lifts this out of the ordinary, however, are Streep's surprising skill at this Pete V Phil genre and some spectacular river sequences. Not bad at all.

Fri/Mon Thürs 1.10 3.40 6.05 8.45 Sat/Sun 3.40 6.05 8.45 ANDRE A child and an orphaned marine mammal try to warm the audience's cockles but instead just sink under all that cuteness. Despite being supposedly based on a true story, it's not in the same league as the most obvious antecedent, "Free Willy".

Sat/Sun 1.30 16 Bare Facts ^ Matt Brown - Can I run my ^ Monsieur Darren - 'Combien de pasta ^ Oi....You dirty herbert. Come on! pinkies through your rose- shells avez-vous?' Love la croupier. ^ Daves Bottom:- ... chances are some hip locks?? Love and kisses ^ Matt & Mike - We're getting there favourite aunts love it more than potted ? slowly! Thanks for all your 'support' ! plants kittens crave it, puppies love ^ Dearest Rosie, kiss curls Love Clara xx it...Darren, who do you want it to be don't suit me, take the hint or ^ Mange lets hope it's a good one Happy from? I may have to get rough - K Birthday Old Bag, Love Cara ^ I couldn't tell how fast my bottom was ^ Tim. Maybe I shall wait for <ì> Duncan - Wot no box! ! Thanks Tilly 3. going!!! the car to stop before asking ^ Angel eyes! You know where to get a ^ Wonder Woman - Hianks for helping Bob to remove hiniself from bit of peace and quiet, but bring some me spend all my money - it was good the bonnet. Liz xx boxing gloves Love fromME ! fun! From your ^ Mr Blonde - now we know ^ Heather (of the moors) - I'll sup from ^ boottastic friend!!! what you look like without your cup anytime. Anon. ^ Craig, How come you were seen leav- the hat - did the superglue ^ Bob. Like the new look lamp post!! ing Mole 2 at 1:30 in the morning?? wear off? Miss Redhead. Liz, Tim and Simon. Tut Tut!! Nathan you light weight - ^ James - How was the party? Jelly, ice- ^ Bunny Uni Court, Keep on 'hopping' what happened to the pub cream and lead balloons! P.S. Nice fur cut!! crawl? ^ Brett - I'll see you in Ireland! Revenge ^ Carole (with an e). Look up + give us ATTENTION ALL GIRLS: will be sweet! a smile Nathan Heslop doesn't sniff Like RUBBER RINGS do we Miss ^ Hum, I think Skippy needs a friend. - he just likes to make Grose! ^ Darren and Rosie: Natural Born women feelgood about A.P. The problem with your bum is, Lovers! themselves! that it's hard to miss the shadow! ^ Lisa - you didn't quite make it to 14

FENCING AGM, on Wednesday week 3, at 7.30pm in the PLEASE DO NOT ORGANISE ANY Sports Hall. _ AGMs IN CHANCELLOR'S JUDO CLUB, there will be a session on Wednesday firom BOAT CLUB ACM, Monday week 10, 6pm, in the 2-4pm in the Campusport Studio, There are sessions every Nelson Mandela Room. Sunday 3.30-5.30pm, beginners welcome. First session free.

DRAMA SOCIETY AGM, Monday !3th March, WINDSURFING AGM on Tuesday 14th March (week 10), 0) 7pm, in the Teaching Block. from 7.30-8.30pm, in the Nelson Mandela Room. Could ali members make an effort to attend! GOLF CLUB AGM, Monday 13th March, 6pm, in Chancellors'. PLAYSOC meeting, on Wednesday week 9, at l-2pm in the Nelson Mandela Room. AFRICAN-CARIBBEAN SOCIETY AGM Tues- day week 10, TB20, 6:30pm. PLAYSOC AGM, on Wednesday week 10, at 12-lpm in the Nelson Mandela Room. Everyone interested please attend. LIBERTY Meetings Mondays 7pm in the Union. If it gets noisy upstairs, we usually adjourn to the Mature LAW SOC There will be an essential law talk in TB2, Wednes- Students' Common Room. day 15th March. It includes: when, where and how to apply for articles/pupillage. Interview Techniques and common question- NETBALL CLUB AGM meeting, on Monday March s. It will start at 2.30 pm 13th (week 10), at 6.30pm campusport. Sports Hall. Everyone welcome. MENS HOCKEY AGM Tuesday 14th March in the Serveryat 7pm 18 Bare Facts Surrey WFC - 3, Law College WFC - 3 t seems ridiculous to say, but the performances at this game tually play if we tried. Everyone's work rate was quite outstand- actually warrant a "real" match report, instead of the usual ing, but perhaps one of our number had a bit more to prove. concentration on our incredible drinking skills. However, Yes, Gazza blasted in her hatrick from all angles, each one more that said, the perfomiances at this weeks AGM/Pub crawl impressive than the last - well we can't all be Tottenham fans I can we? were just as outstanding and, in line with team tactics, deserve priority. Only one other player could lay claims to "Man Of The Match" With reigns handed over, the "new" committee demonstrated and that was our keeper once more. It must be said the girls a their organisational power in running a tight schedule round the nutter and should get the Victoria Cross for bravery in the face pubs. Perhaps if our enthusiasm to get the ball matched our of certain death and certain people's studs. Even the ref. swal- enthusiasm to get to the next pub on time we might win more lowed his whistle in astonishment at some of the saves. often. We may not be the fittest team on campus but we could race anyone between drinks - and during drinks. Hats of to Sarah and Heidi - and don't worry the mucky pints are stacked up, one per goal isn't it? A word at this point for our "opposition" - 25 yr. old pub's bouncers, lovely chaps with roses, strange people with collect- The only downer was slipping up and letting the opposition pull ing cans, stroppy bar maids, 4 pigs (Sorry Alyson), to name but level again on the break. Though to be fair both teams deserve a few - NO chance mates! Team spirits were seriously high, as a share of the spoils - whatever they are. were the penalty pint ratings at the end of the night. Its about this time bribery should have been considered for not landing Everyone deserves a mention for this excellent effort, the team too many peeps in it - just as well everyone was too pissed to was: Heidi, Caroline, Sissel, Cheryl, Beth, Chili, Sarah L., remember their phone numbers though. Lynne, Lisa, Sarah H., Sarah F., Alyson (and Nikki in all her birthday greenness). We came out with our heads held high and The ultimate test of dedication was that everyone made it to a full quota of footballs, you cant ask for much more than that. Sunday, though some were more green than others. So the game started fairly slowly, it must be said that perhaps a bit more And finally a word from our sponsors - since this report went effort earlier might have prevented the law college from going in before the "launch night" of our team at the Firkin, we'd like two up in the fu-st half. But then "The Gaffer" stepped in, to take this opportunity to apologise for any embarrassment we smacked us all around the head and sorted it out. intend to cause. Hmmm, just think of all the ways we can fit Firkin into our team songs. As the breaks became more and more frequent the home side picked up momentum as it became parent we COULD ac- BUSA Regional Plate Soccer Final Surrey 4th XI 5 Essex XI 1 professional foul by the Essex substitute, leaving the referee with no choice but to show him the red carol. fter a long tedious journey through the wastelands of Essex, the fearsome fourths arrived to find cattle shed On this blustery day the sad face football reared it's ugly head changing arrangements. The atmosphere in thew once again. Continuous rowdy behaviour by Surrey Supporters Achanging room was somewhat subdued as team the 'Guildford Four', Richie 'magpie' Pattison, Chris 'Hard- selection went ahead. Dave 'Taffy' Goodwin's purple briefs man' Hardman, Amie 'Unconcious' Laurence and 'Golden' livened up the fourth team, who began to fancy their chances. Graham Meads, followed numerous dubious offside decisions against Surrey. Their anger accumulated, culminating in verbal Essex won the toss and forced Surrey to face the howling head abuse of the referee. The ref was left with two choices, aban- on wind in the first half. Kick off commenced and Surrey were doning the match or banning the Surrey supporters from the under the Cosh for sustained periods, conceding a debated early playing field. He chose the latter and under protest the trouble goal. Surrey could have gone two down but for a stupendous makers were ejected from the touchline. goaline header be captain courageous Paul '(Chopper' Evans and several well timed slaves by Cooper 'Super' Keeper. For- tunately, our blue and black aces went in for half time after a A substitution saw joint top scorerer Haj Langford join the moment of inspired freekick wizardry from hatrick hero Gary action, and despite die missing vocal support Taffy Goodwin 'Chubby' Kellet, to level the scoreline. managed to save a lucky toe poke, padietically looping the keeper. Paul 'Jackie' Webb had a relatively quiet second half running the touch line as Surrey piled on the pressure. Micky With the wind at their backs, and springs in their steps, surrey ' Nobby' Bothwell was almost the second player to be cautioned emerged with renewed confidence after a rousing half time talk after a mindless tackle on the cocky Essex forward with white from club captain Gary 'Baresi' Barr. Astounding wing play by stockings. He luckily escaped with a stiff talking to. Tom 'Blond Bimbo' Bannister and Stuart 'Randy the new generation' Bryan, along with hard tackling defensive play by Dave 'Lemsip' beeching provided the backbone for Surrey to To round off a fine performance by hitting his hattrick, Kellett launch their attack. scored with a glancing header from a superb swerving free kick from the from Baresi Barr, Fourths now enter unknown terri- Chubby Kellett sent Surrey ahead with a left foot drive sending tory, the national semi-finals! the keeper sprawling. "Hie tally was masterfully added to by Dan Daniel Babbs 'Tin Tin' Babbs with a pin point precision söike past the now disheartened Essex goalie. The Chubster desperately wanting to add to his two goals was viciously brought down by a blatant lOth March 1995 19 Peak Practice t was with some trépidation that the motley crew of not so Back to the bus to cook dinner and warm up for the short walk hardened mountaineer types gathered outside the sports to the pub. After arriving dangerously early we ali laid into as hall on Friday night ready for what the weather man had many pints as possible in préparation for the joumey back to promised would be a cold and wet weekend. After some the campsite. A few more snow ball fights later everyone was I ready for bed. amount of persuasion we decided to brave the éléments and get away. The next moming showed some fi^esh snowfall and a few As we approached our Derbyshire destination the evidence of hangovers. After forcing down breakfast we packed up and a the recent snow fall was becoming ever more apparent. By the drove a short way in search of some sheltered climbing (shelter time we reached the farmers field which was affectionately in the peak district, who were we trying to kid!). We spent the referred to as 'the campsite' the snow was several inched deep. day bumbling around between rocky outcrops, having a quick We pitched the tents and prepared for a cold night. clamber round, a few more snowball fights and then back to the tea room for more cream teas. The morning brought glorious sunshine reflected of a scene straight from a Christmas card, everything covered under a We had a most excellent (if a little chilly) weekend playing in blanket of brilliant white snow. After a breakfast an a few the snow, ali those 'wooses' who were put off by a little cold snowballs we set of for a days climbing. The sun was warm the missed out ! Thanks to everybody who turned up and had a great rock cold and most hardy soles managed to get a few good routes time. in. Others were content to run around throwing snow at every- thing that moved. If your interested in joining in or coming away with us we meet on Wednesday aftemoons in the sports hall and then after in ' As evening approached we retreated to the warmth of the tea Chancellors. room at the farm house opposite the campsite for a weil earaed Cream tea. Not content with the tons of snow and ice outside, BoB. Adrian couidn't resisi a bowl or two of ice cream !

Campusport 8c Campusdance TO ALL DANCE STUDENTS! BUSA Don't forget the CAROL BROWN WORKSHOP this Saturday, 1 Uh March at 2.00 - 5.00 p.m. in the Campusport Centre Studio. Trampolining £3.50 for DOSH card holders - enrol at the Campusport Centre today. ^^ ast Saturday saw the BUSA Trampolining I compétition at Nottingham University. 9 The CAMPUSDANCE SUMMER BROCHURE is now available at the I members of the Universitie's squad took Campusport Centre with a enormous selection of classes, courses, Work- .^^^Ipart. Each member of the squad had a shops and performances. Sign up before 24th April for a 10% discount on compulsory routine to do in the moming, and a weekly courses. voluntary routine to do in the aftemoon. There were 15 Universities taking part altogether, some of URGENT which were sports Colleges, so we were up against GALLING ALL MARTLVL ARTS, SPORTS & some tough compétition. RECREATION CLUBS Throughout the moming nerves set in as we slowly went through 85 people, in the womens compétition Campusport has only heard fi-om three Clubs about the request for space and 27 men in the aftemoon. allocation at the Campusport Centre, Varsity Centre (ATP, tennis courts etc), Studios, Squash Courts etc. IF YOUR CLUB DOES NOT APPLY FOR- After a long day the results at the end of the two MALLY FOR SPACE do not be surprised if you are not included on the routines were: timetable for the Summer Term. (Application forms are in your Club pigeon holes or available from Jackie MacGuire.) Beccy Trippet 47.4;Sarah McMath 46.2; Shirley Jones 45.4; Nicola Judge 43.9; JaneTumer 39.5; Antonia Bayliss 38.4; RED MOSES (they change colour this SianClarke 38.1 year) ARE ON SALE AT THE CAMPUSPORT CENTRE. Mens compétition: Graham Bird 41.4; Last but not least, have you signed up for the COMIC RELIEF Fun Simon Smith 32.8 Run/Walk/Hop/Do Anything You Like to Attract Attention on the "campus crawl" next WEDNESDAY 15TH MARCH AT 2.30 P.M. fi-om the Cam- Our team came lOth out of 15. Ail marks were out pusport Centre. If not, don't be shy, the more people prepared to let their of 60. Everyone did really well, especially as for hair down and take part, the more we can raise for Red Nose Day. Come most of us it was our first compétition. along and join the fun! Entry £1 per person (and if you can get your friends to sponsor you, event better!) Entry and Sponsorship forms available from Now we're looking forward to many more. We ail the Campusport Centre, Students Union Sports Officer and ID Reps. had a really good time. A big thankyou goes out to Sian Clarke for organising the driving. (Entry forms also in this week's édition of Bare Facts). Nicola Judge Sally Edie Head of Sports Programmes Bare Facts la tf i

Surrey Mens Badminton 5 Essex Mens Badminton 4 ast Wednesday at 10 a.m. the Second Mens Badminton Team piled on to a coach, Colchester bound. Our intention, to play the regional finals of Lthe BUSA plate competition. (Against the University of Essex, in case you hadn't guessed.) C^uite how we got there, were not actually sure, having won only one previous match, and that was by default! Anyhow, with spirits high, due largely to the presence of one of our Universities many football teams, and the thought of a reasonably priiced pint or two in the Union Bar before the matches conmienced, we bore the three hour journey. Audio Visual Services Feeling totally refreshed by the aforementioned drinks, and a spot of greasy lunch, we started our first game at are pleased to he associated with and be printing for 2:30 p.m. After eight matches, the score stood at an incredibly equal four games all, and the time was already starting to push 5:30 p.m. Unfortunately we were sche- The University of Surrey duled to finish at 5:00. It was announced to us that the final game, would have to be played on the comer court, so that the aerobics class, could continue as normal, as Students' Union The University of Essex, is not solely a university for badminton. (Hey, is it our fault they took so long to lose!). "Bare Facts" ^ Therefore, with the final hanging in the balance, the last game had to be played to the rhythmic beat of M People, A warm welcome is extended to ali University and the chants of "one and two and lift that leg higher". Staff & Students to fulfill your requirements in With approximately twenty people looking on, and an aerobics class of about 100 females stretching their limbs around them, our second pairing, played the game of their Printing & Photocopying lives, winning it two sets to one, and putting us into the National competition this Wednesday in Preston. Having Graphic Design played so well on this outing, we are expecting another victory against The University of Central Lancashire, Photography (Preston Poly.), and hope to be able to report it next week. Teievision & Audio Team: Simon Hurdle, Marcus Adams, Robert Deedman, Mark Pascoe, (jilbert Barnwell, and Thim Mohanuel. . Projec;tioìi' Services

Simon Hurdle i mstomers welcoìite, Captain -»1 • • 'Fv' • "" bnìversityofSurrey, i . ^Tel: f^ff^j. Surrey) 25929, Cm2SX'H0 Fax (01483. ) 259.>[;)