Australia´s National Infertility Network
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IVF Surrogacy: h S
t c a A Personal Perspective F 30 updated October 2011
In May 1988, Linda Kirkman gave birth to her niece, Alice, who was conceived from her mother (Linda’s sister) Maggie’s egg, fertilised by sperm from a donor. Maggie had no uterus and her husband, Sev, had no sperm. It was the first example in Australia (and one of the first in the world) of IVF surrogacy. Linda doesn’t call herself a ‘surrogate’ because she doesn’t feel that she is a substitute for anyone; she is a gestational mother.
By the time Linda’s pregnancy was con- what would happen during IVF, such if she felt unable to proceed or couldn’t rmed, in October 1987, the family as whether Linda would ever go with relinquish the baby it would not be a had undertaken intense personal and Maggie to early morning clinic sessions, loss. eir relationship with Linda and interpersonal psychological work, many and whether Linda would have hormone Linda’s well-being were paramount. is attempts to negotiate with resistant eth- treatment or use her natural cycle. What was fundamental to ensuring that Linda ics committees, legal consultations at the if IVF failed? If Linda became pregnant, was able to make choices without duress, highest level in Victoria, and the rigorous would they accept screening tests for including backing out of the arrangement medical procedures that constitute IVF. abnormalities? How would complications at any point. e whole extended fam- ey were tremendously lucky to succeed with the pregnancy be managed? What ily was committed to Linda’s well-being, on their rst cycle. would it be like at the birth of the baby? and if this meant that Maggie and Sev Who would hold the baby rst? What if remained an aunt and uncle and not a Success in such a potentially there were twins? What if the baby were mother and father, so be it. hazardous venture as surrogate disabled? What if Linda felt too attached motherhood depends on more to the baby to relinquish it? What if e family holds strongly to the than the skills of IVF doctors and Maggie and Sev died before or soon view that no woman should ever scientists. aer the birth? How would they all feel be forced to relinquish a baby at various milestones (decisions about who’s grown inside her body, Linda, Maggie, and their husbands had schooling, teenage rebellion) as the baby regard less of the baby’s genetic considered every aspect of what might grew up? What if the adults diered in origins. happen; mentally walked through each aspects of the child’s upbringing? Every moment in the near and distant future; imaginable permutation was pondered Linda didn’t form a maternal bond envisaged all kinds of possible outcomes. and discussed many times until they felt with Alice, but other women have done It was like embarking on one of those condent in their understanding and so. Women who embark on a pregnancy inter active books with choice points agreement. for someone else seem to know before and alternative endings: turn to page 10 they’ve given birth whether that baby is if Maggie becomes a mother and page From the outset Maggie and Sev adop- their own son or daughter. For this reason, 15 if Linda decides she can’t go through ted the attitude that Linda was giving and to protect the interests of the child, with it. ey thought and talked about them an extraordinary opportunity, but the family favours a four-week period
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of grace after the birth during which and was admitted to hospital with a diag- and gradually grow into their meaning. a gestational mother can ascertain her nosis of placenta praevia. She remained Because they were clear about what they’d feelings and be supported in her decision in or near a hospital for the next seven done and convinced it was right for their to relinquish or not. weeks, until the premature birth by cae- family, they were able to be consistent sarean section, and for a week aerwards. and condent about her birth story. Once that month is up, the child From the outset Maggie spent every day must be allowed to develop a with Linda, plus every night once Alice Alice grew up knowing Linda as stable relationship with whom- was born. When Linda le hospital, she her aunt who also happened to ever is then considered to be the and Maggie spent several weeks together, give birth to her. mother. ere’s no going back. mostly to help Maggie as a new mother but also because they’d been together so She knows the identity of her sperm Linda had no desire for another child much it was hard to part. donor and accepts his desire for privacy. of her own; she and Jim already had the To her, that’s what ‘normal’ is. Because two children they wanted and Jim had Linda’s support included helping Maggie she’s condent about her family, she can had a vasectomy. eir primary concern to establish breastfeeding, a process that use all this information against them, as was for Heather and William, and that began (with the advice of lactation con- any angry kid will do. It wasn’t a shock they should not be made anxious or un- sultants) as soon as Linda’s pregnancy or distressing when she said to Maggie, happy by their mother’s pregnancy with was conrmed. Where possible, it’s every “You’re not really my mother, so you can’t their cousin. e children knew what child’s right to be breastfed; Alice didn’t be the boss of me”. She cleaned her room was happening and why, and never felt need to be deprived because of her unusual anyway. at accusation lost its power as though a sister has been given away or arrival in the world. Maggie eventually lac- and was dropped from the repertoire that their security was threatened. Linda’s tated without the use of drugs, helped by once she realised it had no eect. Ever attitude to the pregnancy was one of ‘all a small group of wonderful new mothers since the rst journalist surprised Alice by care but no responsibility’. Her intentions who donated breast milk while Maggie’s asking her if it wasn’t strange to have two in gestating this baby were of profound supply developed. mothers, Alice has claimed three mothers signicance in the outcome: to produce (Maggie, Linda, the sperm donor’s wife) a niece or nephew, not a daughter or son. Sev and Maggie adopted Alice and three fathers (Sev, Jim, the sperm All the same, the possibility of attachment when she was fourteen months donor). But only one mum and dad. to the baby had to be accepted. old. She had been in their care from birth. Alice was not merely the production of It’s wrong to assume that genetic connec- two sisters. In addition to those remark- tion is what makes the dierence. ere’s Alice can’t remember not knowing about able women who endured hours at the another sister between Maggie and Linda : her origins. From the day she was born, breast pump, the whole extended family Cynthia knew that she couldn’t gestate a Maggie told her how she began as an egg provided practical and emotional support, baby and give it to her sister, but oered inside her mum, but then grew inside and friends and neighbours were kind to donate eggs if Maggie’s were unsuitable. Linda because Maggie no longer had and non-judgemental. Many people cared Linda, on the other hand, couldn’t “give the special nest that babies need. When that this child existed and thrived, which away a baby who looked back at me with Alice was three and other children were contributed to the happy outcome for all my brown eyes”. But Sev couldn’t love his telling their birth stories at kindergar- concerned. daughter more even if she were his genetic ten, Alice told hers. e class accepted April 2005 child; Linda might have become attached it without question. Soon aer, Maggie to a baby even though it wasn’t from her told her that you also need special seeds Maggie Kirkman, Linda Kirkman, egg; and Maggie would have felt as much a called sperm to allow eggs to grow into and Alice Kirkman mother to a baby conceived from Cynthia’s babies, but that her dad had none of his egg. Genes and biology are signicant but own and a kind man gave him some. We not denitive. referred to him as the sperm donor. Few children know about sperm at that age, e pregnancy wasn’t uneventful; one of but Sev and Maggie didn’t want Alice to their contemplated fears came true. At have any big surprises about who she was. 29 weeks gestation, Linda haemorrhaged ey decided that she’d know the words
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Further reading e And here’s one we prepared d Still not maternal: Giving birth earlier... e biotech baby 14 to my niece (10 years on) years on Kirkman, L. (1999). In R. Jansen & D. Kirkman, A. (2005). In H.G. Jones & M. Mortimer (Eds), Towards Reproductive Kirkman (Eds), Sperm Wars: e rights Certainty: Fertility and Genetics Beyond and wrongs of reproduction, pp. 181-184, 1999, pp. 116-119, Parthenon, Lancashire. ABC Books, Sydney. a My Sister’s Child b Sister-to-sister gestational ‘surrogacy’ thirteen years on Kirkman, M., & Kirkman, L. (1988). Penguin, Melbourne. Kirkman, M., & Kirkman, A. (2002). A nar- rative of parenthood, Journal of Reproduc- tive and Infant Psychology, 20, pp. 135-147. m Inducing lactation: A personal account after gestational ‘surrogate motherhood’ between sisters
Kirkman, M., & Kirkman, L. (2001). Breastfeeding Review, 9 (3), pp. 5-11.
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