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Volume 21 Lanthorn, 1968-2001

4-1-1987 Lanthorn, vol. 21, no. 26, April 1, 1987 Grand Valley State University

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Vol. 21 Bland Valley State College, Allendull, Michigan April Fool's Day, 1987 Evidence Links The Rock with Stonehedge Geologist LaFemur said, "Evidence By Kate Moron shows The Rock was then caught up in Idiot-ln-Cheef a late glacier after 600 A.D. and Rock samples and odd occurences depositied on what is now Bland have conclusively linked The Rock with Valley." The future 130 acre site of Bible Land, will be located one and a half miles Stonehedge, reported geologists "Alpha Drood Sigma rediscovered northeast from the Bland Valley Campus. Tommy Headricks and Richie LaFemur. the rock after members began having "The mineral samples matched visions of The Rock exactly!" gushed Headricks. "And The on The Bland Rock’s original position has been found Valley Campus," Bible Land Fun Park on the southeast side of Stonehedge - continuedCalendars. it’s an exact fit!" Whydrant said, "We noticed the similarity on a But w e ’ re recent field trip to Britain," said thinking of Sited for Allendull LaFemur. "It was just too striking to removing The Disney World, Biblical characters such ignore. Sure enough, caustic-14 Rock for By Amy Popcorn as Jonah and the three wise men will dating, mineral composition, everything disturbing Staff Lunatic be on hand to greet the youngsters added up." the peace. ALLENDULL- Allendull is to be the and have photos taken. The link to stonehedge explains the We've site for Bible Land- a Biblical fun theme The park will also boast attractions unueual noctur^n inc!dants. . park. The site, located just 11/2 Miles f like The Redemption Singers Opera documented by Campus Poleece northwest of the Bland Valley Campus, House, The New Born Again and Again Cheef Hal Whydrant and anthropologist has been bought and the project Revue and last but not least The Professor Calendars. proposed by ex-PTL Club President Tammy Bakker Cosmetic Boutique "We had hysterical students Jim Bakker. Layers upon layers and shelves upon reporting The Rock had levitated According to Bakker in a recent shelves of toiletries will be available at before their very eyes," said Whydrant. interview with Play Bunny Magazine discount prices. "It would then turn vertically and come the park "is going to be dedicated to to rest on it's end These incidents my forever faithful wife, Tammy." The hot spots at which you can pick were usually observed during the full Tammy Bakker unleashed a flood of up a good meal will include The moon. We could not, of course tears upon hearing the news "Praise Flaming Pit with a large variety of hot acknowledge this officially." the Lord, this is a fantasy come true" dogs, Divine Intervention Deli which will The most bizarre incident was Scheduled for completion in May of specialize in Greek food which tastes recorded by Professor Calendars 1990, the 130 acre site will feature as if it were cooked by gods, and The "During the full moon i was rides like Mary's Tunnel of Love (A ride Ghoul Post. The Ghoul Post will priviledged to be part of a rite for adults over 21 only), Parting the feature main dishes which are performed by the secret Grand River Log Ride, the Kane and guaranteed to come back and haunt fraternity, Alpha Drood Sigma Abel Fun House and Noah's Ark Boat you Don't worry, as Tammy plans to They brought down moon Ride open a detoxification close by energy in an occult ravine As Pluto and Goofy strut their stuff in should any type of overdose arise ritual to make Bland Valley students apathetic in school affairs and to infere in all Watch Out for ^college communications CONTENTS ^ , "They ended by Scurnb&rcj Pond baptizing the stone with paint, Kook-a-Koola, Blue Avenue p p 2 6 10 13 and Koors This Campus Life P 8 Monster magical mixture Classifieds p 16 is supposed Fools Capsule P 2 By Amy Popcorn to bring premature | Lanthorn P 5 Staff Lunatic graying to senate Lantoon p p 1 4 president Robby A layman's/Bland Valleyrte's guide to Law and Politics p 10 Titterson Scumberg Monster watching News Capsule P 6 "I'm currently writing a Opinion The monster is reputed to be seen at P 7 book on how this is all 2 15AM every second Thursday of Personals p 16 brought about by the every second month Predictions P 9 socio-economic Shorts P 4 First about Scumberg Pond conditions of Sports F n Inhabitants Various types of Lsh Bland Valley 'trout, bass, etc ) students Alpha Drood Sigma President Lubbers is reputed to "We believe have inhabited the lake during his first member caught in a there was some ___ rare photograph after Correction In the March ’ 8tr issue year of presidency Now he takes Greer slaves brought upTo England the ,azz orchestra will not perform as periodic dips when the moon is full a hard night of when the Romans ruled Britain We re dualizing stated Out will perform or April 21 st The lake is usually kept very ciean speculating The Rock was thenbrought The only scum to be found floatinq on over by early (rat members about 600 See Pond p 2 A D " Page 2 The Lantoon April 1, 1987 'We Wml Em!!. -' Uihhm Grants Students Tuition Fools Capsule Immunity Compiled by Can Tinman LOCAL STATE NATIONAL INTERNATIONAL

Allendull-Inspired by the current Lansing After two years of psychiatric Washington A shocking revelation Moscow-It was recently revealed that a Theater Grand Valley play "We Won't evaluation Michigan Gov. James rocked the capital yesterday. As certain Poli-science teacher at Grand Pay, We Won't Pay," President Arend Blanchard has been confined to a state reporters gazed on in amazement, they Valley State College is also a member Lubbers said in a news conference hospital. saw President Reagan doing some of the Soviet Politburo. yesterday (his first since the revelation Psychiatrist Sigmund Freudski said work. The dean of Social Sciences at the of money for professors scandal) that that, ” after evaluation it was our only "The confidence of our nation has school said that they had become' he believes the students "should no choice." He cited Mr. Blanchard's been shaken by this startling suspicious after re-reading the longer have to pay for a college incessant babbling about some realization," said one source in the Professor's doctoral thesis, which was education " Michigan guy, and how we were all basement of the White House. " I think titled," My Life as a Party Member “ people were under the impression that Lubbers added that, "as of now I am supposed to say yes to him, as the While no charges have been filed by ; granting immunity to all students from reason for his confinement. Oliver North did all the work." the school, the IRS currently has him I tuition. "We checked out this Michigan guy, Mr. Reagan was not available for under investigation for avoiding tax on and found him to be an unemployed comment as the work he had done Memorial services for Mr Lubbers ihe rubles he earned Presidency are to be held April 5th. auto worker, who had been picked up caused him to take an early nap. for murder several times in the city of Detroit-we just didn't think it was a good idea for the Governor to encourage that sort of person."

else out there. A certain member of Bland Valley's l' rom Rock p. 1 faculty was an e y e w i t n e s s : ------A) Prof, of Psychodoodlology- Ruff Prosecution on the frat is pending ." Ruff Byjerk: Waving a handkerchief in "We're hoping The Rock can be hand exclaimed-"Yah, it was after one put in the science dome," enthused of my night classes at Buffunian High Headricks "Who knows9 Maybe this'll School- I cruised back to B V to pick put Bland Valley on the map1" up one of my Ziggymund Droid books But if it's put in the science dome While in Mackinac I heard a weird, wouldn't the Droods threaten the lugubrious howling coming from the science building9 "We'll have the direction of Scumberg Pond. It was 2 wizard protect it," said Headricks A M as I had been detained by a bottle of special elixir I found in Prof Undy's filing cabinet I got to the pond. It was THE LANTHORN'S 2:15 and I was standing on the picnic DEADLINES table facing Jerkoff Center when I saw it- slimily glistening in the moonlight1 All Personals, Friday, Noon Ugh- It was a sight I shall never forget Classifieds, A huge pepperoni covered Puppyinos Display Ads, Pizza was emerging from the pond and Articles bearing Mozarella fangs, drooling and An unlucky Scumberg Pond watcher was grabbed and dragged down to the bottom by the frothing tomato paste at its mouth I ran Sports Articles Monday,Noon Scumberg Pond Monster before help could be summoned like Droid would, as if he were fleeing And All Photos from grade D cocaine From Pond p 1 l( Hardy returns he will be sealed up ______’ ______with the rest of the scum- at least for a Ihe surface recently was ex-perpetual term anyway student Henry Hardy Some skeptics say the only monster During the winter months it freezes of Scumberg was Hardy- well, that's over One of these years well be lucky true in a sense but there's something THERE ARE TWO SIDES TO BECOMING A NURSE IN THE ARMY.

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1 u -jr nr t) months membership for the prut- of oik-' - • . • V ^ it

V. J >j.o.ajLiLajLO-ajLg-fl.Q-fl.a-a.ttfl,itgJ«e8BeaBBaflftBftaa9BaaaBBQa.ft ^"innrinnnnrinnriro in n n n m rBTa aa rin e n oTnrgTTBTBTSTrTnnrrirB m -in r interest in Political Science and its related issues and areas, and 12 credit 12 and andareas, issues related itsand Science Political in interest active members. Membership is available to those who have an active an have who those to available is Membership members. active plctosmyepce padrtre opoesrJn. MAK. Junn. professor to andreturnedup picked maybe Applications hours of Political Science course work with a 3.0 completion grade, grade, completion 3.0 a with work course Science Political of hours » becoming in areinterested who those from applications accepting Is WHEN SHOULD THE COLLEGESTUDENT THE SHOULD WHEN ONAL POLI CAL SCI OR S ETY T IE C SO R NO O H E C N IE C S L A IC IT L O P L A N IO T A N E H T ) uigweknsutl5p udy n rm 11 pm from and Sunday, pm 5 until eekends w During a) c) Between 5 pm and 11 pm, Sunday through Friday, to Friday, through Sunday 11 pm, and pm 5 Between c) negative a reveals statement bank your minute The b) e) W hen you hear they’ve removed the mysterious the removed they’ve hear you hen W e) distance long clear a want you time AT&T, any With d) CALL FAMILY AND FRIENDS? AND FAMILY CALL T W A h t i w l i a r o t e m i t t s e b e h t , e e i v r - M . ; n i a l ip p x off 50% over save to Friday, through Sunday am 8 to if-in experience Your room a d e n i o j s t t a m m o o r r u o Y e c n e i r e p x e " \ d > n i - f i i e u g a l p e h t e k i l g n i d a e r d n e e b d ' u o y t a h t «.;t , r t . n i t ; . |« , > • t . r . A i e i > a e o n ' - t a e m n o e h c n u l s p i h s r o w t a h t t l u c w e n AT&T’s w eekday out-of-state rates. out-of-state eekday AT&T’sw connection. balance. $60 i m " n a d a h e h s u o y d l o t t h g i n t s a l e t a d r u o l ' “Venetian Blind” ritual from your fraternity initiation. fraternity your from ritual Blind” “Venetian rate. out-of-state eekday AT&T’sw off 38% save If so, |>nrlici|iiilc In Urnnil Valley's Valley's Urnnil In |>nrlici|iiilc so, If | [ s i l l e w ti n i x a M o t own seal ill Tor (lie slars. (lie Tor ill seal own h g i h y a d y r e v e r u o d n a s - d a o e i r r e n » p u ill g it. n i ,i l l * a n a c e t r r n u h t o . c l s o i o h d c r > u t o a n \ e a e u w a t e e r B n i u n e h \ \ m a x e s u l u c l a c e h t d ' t c a t s u j r v m Y p rlo enter C irklioi K , 9pm I linrstliiy, April Ifilli Ifilli April linrstliiy, I Pi Pi SigmaAlpha gVcb n tn o wn t \ "1“(1 or lello!’ t\ x to want you SgPVtcebs tune any w f .8002220300 f hator »t a Formoreinformation, give us a call at Theright choice e r m ' a ? ? e r e h t d n A » m i u o \ c | p o o i | e h t h l : "Yi>u won't believe th.r. but th.r. believe "Yi>u won't ;? cuniedj'WvrlljWnrk*/ cuniedj'WvrlljWnrk*/ ;? QUESTION *4. QUESTION liewill

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CHRISTIAN TEMPERANCE TEMPERANCE CHRISTIAN business. a m bs csoe ee H was He ever customer best my was call'em." killing a made "I Lenny. said world," store. convenience ht o ol htkdpti wy He Boycould likethatkid put itaway something that or Bruno name "His heldthosewhenthey days inthe back his the misses on really back and looks he experience but now, business construction the in Lenny’s obbed t bid hy n ot ot out ent w they d n a blind tt d e b b ro hm, in Tseed Lenny Testeverde Vinny champ, kmdapartialiofruit pies." to used they Keggers parlies. huge member Control of Bored former a View? apndt ta bidn b Campus by building that to happened de, I ee togt ed i a win he'dHeisman Trophy." thought never "I added, Lift-A-Thon and player, football Laker like much Lant f n o ffo u B n o to n a L e h T Rowdy Rodd d o R y d w o R y B acr h changes the cancer smoking nronchiti-s.emphysema, and lung whichwould be found after 10 to medical textson regular marijuana yas f ev tobacco heavy of years! 5 >n just ro t the to j prior u c>unds t are lungs that the in .lunges ) Dni Tsi o the of TaskinI niversity Calfomia of I.os Donaid at I)r e eu m n o chronic otfevelupment sr H fud h sr of sort the found He .sers esearcher found were like those nee rcnl conducted recently \ngelex I oe. olnt rd i fr the for it trade Wouldn't loved. "I e ody remembersonecustomer fondlyHe h csoe h' sekn o is of speaking he's customer The ItwasLenny bySkinny owned Sikes, Well,upononcea ittime a wasstore, I bet everyone's wondered whatever whatever wondered everyone's betI ALLENDALE WOMEN’S ALLENDALE 7-ELEVEN SIKE'S SKINNEY The Lantoon April 1, 1987 Page 3 Page 1987 1, April Lantoon The "DID YOU KNOW?" YOU "DID enns Hardware Vernon's UNION ASKS... UNION pnoe by sponsored a -lvn Students 7-Eleven. A w S s e

this Page 4 The Lantoon April 1,1987

Lions Sign Rivera As QB Munson but will crash on the right-field Luebbers to raise $8 million to fund the Trophy. -Mary Lou Retton will become the By The Big Guy, Staff roof. less endowed sports teams by May 1st Venusian, with The Hippie, The -Bob Uecker will finally get a front row or he will be called home. He is saved new spokesperson for SMU football Psycho, and The Skipper, Guest seat-but will have to share it with Rod­ at the last minute by a contribution from -All seven games of the '87 World M a n i a c s ______ney Dangerfield. the SMU booster's club. Series will be snowed out. -WLAV-FM's Dick Withers (The Are you being kept awake nights -Sport Goofy will become the national -The will finish Master Baiter) will become the host of wondering what will- happen in the pastime. so far behind in their division that the "Championship Fishing". sports world? Will you jump off the top -The Lions will sign a new NBA will cease keeping track of them -Jane Fonda will box Sly Stallone in row of Luebbers Stadium if you don't quarterback savior-Geraldo Rivera. with 8 games to go. In a post season know the truth? You need to go see -And Nell Carter will try out as a nose exibition they will lose to GVSC, 206-7. "Rocky V". -Oprah Winfrey and Nell Carter will Dr. Wayne Kinzie in the Campus tackle. -Former Tiger pitcher Dave Rozema enter a tag team wrestling match Counseling Center. For those of you -Dennis Connor will accept an offer to will star in "Karate Kid III". with a somewhat more level head, here skipper the Ethiopian America's Cup -The Tigers will trade Jack Morris for against Hulk Hogan and Randy "Macho is what will happen in the coming year: Challenge- one year late. Lance Parrish and Sidd Finch. Man" Savage. After winning they will hit - Tiger manager Sparky Anderson will -Martina Navratalova will flunk a sex -Darryl Rogers will resign as coach of the women's sumo wrestling curcuit move Oprah Winfrey to 3rd base. test and reveal her ten-year affair with the Lions to take the head coach's job with great sucess. -A freshman pitcher on the GVSC Chris Evert Lloyd. At Wimbledon she at SMU. -SMU will be granted an NFL baseball team will be offered a $2 will defeat Ivan Lendl for the men's -NBC will assign Dennis Miller to host franchise. million contract by the Tigers but will singles title. "NFL '87". -Bill the Cat will show up on the turn it down to become a bagwan in -Chuck Long will throw short -John Madden's new CBS Russian powerlifting team. India. -The Red Wings will celebrate play-by-play partner will be Charles -Sparky Anderson will enroll in an -Washington Bullets center Manute winning the Stanley Cup by moving the Manson. "English as a Second Language" Bol will hang himself on the rim after franchise to Nome, Alaska. -ABC will finally assign the "Monday course. blocking a shot. -Brent Musburger and Phil Donahue Night Football" team everyone's been -Tigers Lou Whitaker and Chet -Billy Marlin will buy the Yankees and will switch jobs--but no one will notice waiting for- Howard Cosell and Oprah Lemon will become Hare Krishnas immediately name George Stienbren- the difference. Winfrey. -Michigan will finally make the Final ner manager--but fire him after three -William "Refrigerator" Perry will -A.J.Foyt will win the Indianapolis 500 Four--in lawn bowling. days attend a celebrity costume bash in drag in reverse. -Woody Hayes will come back from -Kirk Gibson will attempt to land his jet and be mistaken for Oprah Winfrey. -GVSC tackle Mark Prins will be the the dead to punch Brent Musburger. in Tiger Stadium in memory of Thurman -God will tell GVSC President surprise choice for the 1987 Heisman r BVSC Going To Nose Bowl By Eric C. Nothing decided to put Grand Valley into horse in next years tournament, Staff Blindness Division I. because the winner of the GLIAC has Brand Valley has already been an automatic bid into the tournament MATTHEW BRODERICK j Fans, you asked for it and you selected the site of the 1988 Final The football team is looking forward to got it. Believe it or not the NCAA Four meeting place. With new recruits Ihe switch from "II" to "I" also. FERRIS j board went into session yesterday from and Arizona, the Because of the losing streak the Small and in less than an hour, unanimously team should be a dark Ten has been having over the years, BUELLER’S! the NCAA also has decided to put the DAY OFF If You Don’t Know winner of the GLIAC in the One man’s struggle to take it easy. I granddaddy ol them all-the Nose A I DIAMONDS Bowl! The winner of the GLIAC will >'l. II A PARAMOUNT PICTURE r i Know Your Jeweler face the winner of the PAC 10 Also, For special prices on diamonds, watches because of a rush of recruits, the £ jewelry, visit your nearest Sponsored by (he Program Board Hockey Club has turned into the 0 F jnded by Ihe Student Senate Hockey Team' The experts are saying that this may be the best Hockey team Sunday, April 5 at 7p.m. & 9p m. FCX zSf in the world1 They already have Students $1 50 Downtown, Roger* Plaza, scheduled exhibition matches against Other $2 00 North Kent, and Woodland the Soviets and Canadiens

4 FINE STORES TO BETTER Family Pantry Deli HELP YOU OPEN 24 HOURS 411 W ilson N.W. Standale, Mi (Corner of Lake Michigan Dr. & Wilson) 791-0740 1 Monroe Mall N.W. 3150 Plainfield r Coors/Light 2883 Wilson Grandville 1533 Wealthy S.E. i 6 pack Homogenized S 2 . 8 9 Peppino's Pizza Milk (Oke 8 pack $ 1.69 bottles 10 inch Pizza S 2.19 - i :: 3 re- TS ■ tax + dep 4.3Q3" MON-THUR. 4.30 P M. - 1 A M LARGE SELECTION OF PACKAGED LIQUOR 895-4308 FR1.-SAT 4:30 P M. - 2 A M Prices Good Thru Sunday, 'April 5 1987 I Free Delivery on Campus ASK ABOUT OUR DELIVERY SER. Vol. 21 Issue No. 26 Grand Valley State College, Allendale, Michigan April 1, 1987 ISSUED TICKETS VOIDED were being voided tickets to cars with expired meters in the parking in front of the Kirkhof Dan Tylman "We know there is a problem with the the Kirkhof lot He never bothered with Center is not for long term use "Those News Editor meters," said Phillips "The physical the cars parked in front of the center spaces are for people who want to go in Parking meters have suddenly plant has contracted with an outside though to the bookstore, or grab a bite to eat become a hot issue, both with the firm that specializes in the not for people who want to go to class When I relayed this story to Ms physical plant and with students here at re conditioning and re-calibration of There are lots cioser to the classes for Phillips she said, "they are not the school Alter Karen Wood's article parking meters." that purpose " supposed to park there " She then about tickets issued on the meters at After going out to randomly check the If you would like to appeal any ticket added that she, "doubted they were the Kirkhof Center meters again, I noticed a group of cars that you have received on what you there that long" Ms Wood's article exposed the fact parked in front of the Kirkhof Center feel is an incorrect meter, you have five that some of the meters were fast and with their hazard lights on Three of The reason they were not ticketed calender days in which to do so that some of the tickets issued on them those cars remained there for over two could lie in the fact that the front of the The physical plant apologizes to were wrongfully issued hours Kirkhof was not a part of the ticket anyone who has been wrongfully After speaking with Maxine Phillips In the meantime, a person from writer's assigned area issued a ticket, and hopes to have the we found that the tickets issued to cars Safety and Security came and issued Ms Phillips wanted to emphasize that problem taken care of soon One More "Time" ! Exploring The Facilities dT.-TTr’'-4Ty. Management Profession I

I he American work force is changing shirts The blue collar worker once the majority of the worker population, is being replaced with an ever growing number of white-collar workers Over 50% of the American work force today is made up ol white collar workers By the year 2000, that ratio will have reached 70% But while more and more workers are performing office (unctions office productivity has declined Increased attention into this productivity lag has resulted in the : * advent ot today's I acility Manager --'V Grand Valley's I adities Management ;),GG,G°n |C< t^fQuTjh i .. < - f , n p c c, T PAGE 6 The Lanthorn April 1,1987' Aids Vaccine More

News Capsule Thgn a Decade. Awav? Compiled by Laura Robinson

LOCAL STATE NATIONAL INTERNATIONAL Moscow-The Soviet Union Aliendale-A recent head on collision Detroit-Nearly a quarter of the Washington-John Hinkley, confined announced Sunday it will experiment on M-45 which claimed the lives of 5 homicide victims last year had used to a mental hospital Since he shot and with multiple candidate elections for people once again has raised fears that cocaine a few hours before their wounded President Reagan six years local governments during the the two- lane highway spanning Ottawa deaths, according to the county ago, wants to go home for Easter. upcoming June elections. county is unsafe. medical examiner. A spokesman for the secret service, Candidates still must be approved by According to statistics provided by A study of body fluids from 774 said he will protest and work to block a district electoral commision to get on 1 the state police, motorists on M-45 homicide victims in Detroit and Hinkley from leaving the hospital. the ballot, a process likely to allow have a much better chance of getting in surrounding suburbs in 1986 revealed However, a St. Elizabeth Hospital to an accident the closer they get to 188 of the dead had cocaine in their spokesman said,"Mr. Hinkley has officials, usually members of the Communist Party, to control the Allendale and Grand Rapids. systems. improved steadily over the past three East of Allendale, the traffic volume is years and is not considered a danger to process. 11,000-12,000 vehicles a day. The Detroit-Ed Asner, past president of himself or others." Johannesburg-South Africa's only state projects some 20,000 vehicles the Screen Actors Guild rallied 2,000 A court hearing is scheduled for cabinet minister of English descent, will travel M-45 east of Allendale every metro Detroiters Sunday with attacks April. Environmental Minister John Wiley, was day by the year 2000. on President Reagan's central Washington-Surgeon General C. found shot in the head Sunday in what The first public hearings on the study american policy. Everett Koop predicted that a vaccine police said was an apparent suicide. won't occur until late 1988. He said that U S. tax dollars could be for the AIDS virus will not be found until Wiley's death poses a problem for the better spent on education in this the next century. National Party, which has two days to country. With Reagan's "Even if you kill it, you can't change select a new candidate before the "monomaniacal" drive to aid the contras what the virus has done the tissues," nominations close for a whites-only "he is spending $500 million every ten explained Koop. general election on May 6. days on defense."

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Ij BlazingPERMS Scissors I Kirkhof Lower l.esi 895-3656 Expires 4 00 S7 Oral Roberts said that God would callhim home if he didn't raise 8 million forhis colleee tuition fund. Do vou believeMr. Roberts?

Larry Veeneman Leslie Ritter Monica Shirey Ted Kolasa Laurie Woodhull Freshman, Accounting Senior, Natural Res. Junior, Criminal Justice Freshman, Biology Junior, Business

"I don't think God would "I don't know-1 don't feel as "He could have, but I don't "No, I think all he wants is "I think Oral Roberts has make a monetary deal with though God would make a think that is what he would money for himself...I don't confused Christianity with Oral Roberts." deal with Oral Roberts life" have said. I think it's all think money is as important Capitalism...He is begging about money and politics.” to God as it is to Oral too much." Roberts."

Dear Editor, This letter is in regards to the article by Rodd Monts entitled, "Racism: Alive and Well at Grand Valley." I feel Arnie Smith-Alexander was wrong when she Security Reports said, "In this environment (blacks) have to be better than others to achieve the Dear Editor, average goals. Black Students seem to As a Christian, I feel I need to respond have to to be better than most." Rash of Break-Ins to the Pop Life segment on Oral I would like to know why any qualified Roberts that appeared on March 25. intelligent black student here is eligible arraigned on the charge April 8 in The tone and terms that Mr. Monts for twice as much scholarship money By Darren J Gibson Hudsonville District Court. - ^ used were quite uncalled for and seem from Grand Valley than I am because I News Staff A student reported the theft of $45.00 pretty narrow minded. He referred to am white? The black students who ------horn an unlocked dorm room. Police Mr. Roberts as a"con man" and implied have met the requirements are eligible On March 23 a student in Kistler Dorm have a suspect and have recovered the that Roberts is just going to take the to for both the Paul Phillips scholarship reported the larceny of a ring from an money. The matter will be turned over to money and run, "laughing in the faces and the Grand Valley Presidential un|0cked dorm room. The police have the prosecutor for disposition, of the American public." scholarship am a Prestd^nttal^scholar |eads and the investigation is continuing a female student in the dorms reported I am not sure if God really talked to here and to remain one, I must maintain A warrant was issued for illegal entry in a break-in of her room. It was found out Roberts or not, or if He did talk to him, a 3.5 gpa after 85 credits of study. To an incident where a non-student was that the incident was a prank and no what He actually said. I do know that remain a Paul Phillips scholar, the found sleeping off a drunk in the Ravine larceny occured. Two students will be the money is for a good cause. student need only maintain a 3.0 gpa Apartments The suspect will be referred and pay damages Graduates of Robert's college have How do you derive the fact, then Ms been hindered from going right out in Alexander, that black students need to to the mission field because they have do better than others to achieve the to work to pay off their schooling debts. same goal. The difference between a This money will help do away with the 3.5, and 3 0 is substantial and I feel that debt so that the graduates will be able $2000 a year is something that should to immediately enter the mission field. be earned These black students How can we pre-judge Roberts on his should have to work just as hard as to use of the money when we have no keep their scholarship as I do reason not to believe him7 When he Possibly , you feel Ms Alexander, raised the money for the college and that to receive the same job as me this cancer research center, that is where samw black student must have a gpa the money went He did not run off two-tenths higher than mine to make and laugh them, why should we up for the color of his skin, I think not assume he will do so now7 Affirmitive Action often causes just the It is this kind of one-sided media hype opposite to happen that actually stirs people up against Twice this term I have had a n t Roberts, something that might not appointment with an advisor in two happen with balanced reporting The different departments on campus names and charges that Mr Monts Twice this advisor turned out to be levelled come very close to libel in my black Both times the advisor I had was book, and I would caution him to use not well versed in the subject I came to more discretion in the future discuss with them Were these people In Christ, hired to meet a quota on campus7 Brian Smih doubt that but I find it hard to believe that the personnel directors of these Mr Monts column appeared in the Pop two departments could not find Life section which is in no way someone more qualified or dedicatee connected with the reporting part of than the two I spoke with regardless of our newspaper The comments made their race by Mr Monts are intended for light I do not want black employees to be reading, not as a source of news In the better than most, I only want them to future please keep this in mind know what they should know or be ed replaced by someone who does

Bnan Sayers ’i

f>

"Safe Sex" Dance To Be Held Friday U 2’s "The Joshua

By Amy Klofkorn "Grand Valley has failed to make a Campus Life Editor definitive stand on AIDS - the school Tree"Is Unforgettable seems lackadaisical" in its approach. The Media Club will sponsor a dance The dance will be a good chance for were mearly a sloganering hard entitled "When You're Fooling Around students to become more informed By Todd Saylor Make It Safe" on Friday, April 3 from 9 with the AIDS situation. Staff Writer______headed flash in the pan. With The p.m. to 1:00 a.m. downstairs Kirkhof According to Walters there is an 80 If you haven’t forgotten The Joshua Tree they hafre established Center. percent chance that free condoms will Unforgettable Fire, look out for U2's themselves as a band that can last. The theme of the dance is to be distributed at the dance. latest effort The Joshua Tree, Without making a show of its promote safe sex. Dance organizer Awareness and protection will "make The band that emerged from Dublin eclecticism, it features assertive rock , and media club member Ed Walters sex safe and save lives." in 1980 with a bracing brand of hard, raw frenzy, delicacy, chugging rythms, quoted national statistics which show emotional, guitar oriented rock, has and even acustic bluesiness. that approximately one person per Admission will be no more than $1 produced one of the most sobbering "Bullet in the Blue Sky," a grating every 10,000 has AIDS "so there's a fair and music will be provided via the albums in recent years. song that combines biblical imagery chance there's someone with AIDS on Media Club (previously the audio club). The Joshua Tree is an album with images of american decadents campus." This is the first event of its kind on steaped with haunting spirituality, and overseas, is a statement about America the Grand Valley campus so please Walters feels every citizen should be hypnotical musical toughness. that can't be ignored. support it. AIDS may be closer than properly informed about the growing It's not the musical mockery one finds "Mothers of the Lost," features a you think. AIDS epidemic. on a beer comercial. It truely does have gentle melody that is soothing and at integrity.This is an album that is the same time haunting. Its a song that destined to push and shove its way into explores the remorse a mother feels Roommate Game the minds of the masses. when she looses a child. But even this The album gets its name from a description cannot express the mystery twisted tree that grows in the American Is Long Windedof ones self as all of the contestants of "Mothers of the Lost." It just has to Southwest. A Morman legend has it be experienced. By Frank J. Maio did. that their early settlers called the "With or Without You" starts gently Campus Life Writer______The problem was that many of the Joshua tree “The praying plant," and it and builds into an estatic frenzy of The perfect definition of dumb is contestants weren't asked to elaborate on the reasons for their answers. is thought that its gnarled branches intensity. It depicts a man's frustrations when my roommate does this... Which suggested the Old Testament prophet and joys with living a life of hope in a Perhaps the reason was that there was best describes your first date? First world that tells him that he must have not enough time, given that there Joshua pointing the way to the class, second class or no class? When Promised land. something tangible to hold on to. were 20 contestants involved. This it comes to sex your roommate is a The album is a change of pace from "One Tree Hill" is a tribute to a U2 brings up another problem. It was far marathoner, a sprinter, a relayer, or a the music that made U2 a popular crew member who died in a motorcycle too long for this type of entertainment. sideline cheer leader? These success. It has a certain balance of accident. Part of the song depicts the This game dragged on for nearly an h questions were the highlights of the stlyes- from the bluesy acustic guitar reunion of friends after the second Nite Club Series Roommate/Couples hour and a half. and harmonica irv "Running to Stand coming of Christ. game held last Thursday. In spite of all the flaws the show had Still," to the relentless heavymetalness With a simple thumping, Adam Two groups of roommates and one a number of amusing moments. One of "Bullet in the Blue Sky"- that give it Clayton, bass line, "In God's Country" is group of couples competed in a show just couldn’t help but laugh at seeing a continuity that U2 had not achieved a seamingly whimsical song that just like the Newly Wed Game as seen some one try to collect ther selves before. explores the hope that can be found in on t v The premise is just "How well do when asked to tell about their sex Despite this, The Joshua Tree does the desolation of America. you know that special person you lives. All of the ladies said they were not seem to have any appearant smash "Where the Streets Have No Names' spend so much of your time with?" sideline cheer leaders when it comes hits It is an effort that seems in no way is a musical journey that starts with one An interesting premise, but whether to sex. comercial; although, ironically it will soothing tone and progresses, to a it makes for engrossing entertainment The show did not fully justify the probably become so because of its gothic organ, to the steady rapid strum is another issue altogether Watching efforts of the volunteers on the honesty. ofEdge's guitar, to a Driving beat. The the game felt a lot like being a Program Board. According to the The uproarious sound that made song depicts a young mans relentless spectator at a game of Scruples coordinator of the "Pride (In the name of love)," "Bloody yearning to go to a place where the happening in a stranger's home It is Roommate/Couples Game the Monday Monday” hits can not be interesting if you are a part of the Program Board had to overcome streets have no names found on The Joshua Tree This is not game, otherwise it just seems like several obstacles, such as the MC All things considered, The Joshua to say that it is tame, because it's not good gossip material cancelling two days before the event Tree is U2's best effort yet Its an album The difference is that it has a measure It took a tremendous amount of However that does not justify the fact that paints a realistic picture of the of subtlety and restaint. courage to sit up on the stage in front that the show was long and tedious troubles of our times to the sounds of U2 has stifled all rumors that they of of a crowd and reveal intimate facets Nice try kids. our times and beyond.

The cast d Dano Fos "kVe Won't Pay We Won't Pay1" nam it up From t-" to ng"’ are Mendyth Kidd. Mike Cassdy Dancy raymond. Martin Mann Pay Gautreau and Chris Wheeie' The play runs weekends tt-rough April 1 1 at Calder Fine Arts Center Show time is 8 00 p m and adrri'SSicn is $2 50 ter students with i D ana $4 50 general ...... 11 — — — 1 The Lanthom April 1,1987 PAGE 9 Choral Groups to Present Spring Concert Five choral groups will be presenting 'jazz ensemble will sing "When Sunny their spring concert of vocal music, Gets Blue" with Deb Melnik singing the Sunday afternoon April 5. The concert soprano solo and then will sing and is 3:00 in the Louis Armstrong Theatre dance to the Duke Ellington favorite "It It looks as though two different types MAJOR COMEBACKS include and admission is free. Don't Mean A Thing If It Ain't Got That of dogs have been in the spotlight unicycles, NASA, and Marathon candy The Madrigal Ensemble of 8 singers Swing", these days. Pitbulls and bull terriers. bars. Not necessarily in that order. will sing an early motet by Josquin des The Varsity Men, a male chorus, will Pitbulls are those mean dogs that HOUSEHOLD APPLIANCES IN Pres and two madirigals from the 16th sing the folk song "Down in the Valley", attack people. Bull terriers are those 2790 A.D. First we have talking century. The members of the Madrigal the spiritual "Poor Man Lazarus" and a fun-loving pups such as the legendary wastepaper baskets. What could they Ensemble are all music majors and were complex Bach work from the Peasant Don Cherry's dog, Blue. A more possibly tell us? Perhaps they'd say, chosen by audition. Madrigals are Cantatai "Good Fellows be Merry", popular bull terrier is Spuds McKenzie. "Hey fool. You missed your intended to be sung a capella and What's the significance between those two-pointer." Watch The Jetsons for therefore demand a great deal of GVSC singers will perform some two types of dogs? I'll tell you. Izods. further developments. Self-cleaning independence and idividual expertise music from a recent three-day tour You read me right. Izods. Check out brushes will be around for everyone. on the part of each singer. including The Last Words of David" by clothing stores in a few years and you'll Just push the button that's on the Festival chorale, a mixed chorus will Randall Thompson and "Deep River", see these izod shirts. Who will be handle and out comes those clumps of sing two a capella pieces by the The singers will end their portion of the wearing them? Not hippies. Not hair. twentieth century composer Jean program with two motets and two preppies. Not yuppies. Not guppies. What will be the common household Berger, a Norman Laboff arrangement movements from larger choral works, Not yuffies (young urban failures). Who pet in 2790? Not rhinos. Not doves. of the spiritual "All My Trials" and a The accompanist for GVSC singers is then? I'll tell you. Puppies. You read Not monkeys. Give up? I’ll tell you. composition by Lee Eitzen "Prayer of Dawn Cook. me right. Puppies. Pet apparel. Aardvarks. You read me right. Peace" with a Text by John Oxenham. Following the concert, the Delta Bloodhounds have the worst taste in Aardvarks. They'll be accepted as Festival Chorale will be accompanied by Gamma Chapter of Mu Phi Epsilon, an clothes. It's the Dalmations that are the common household pets. This will put Jill Meeuwseu. international honorary music fraternity, trend setters (not the Irish Setters). anf button companies out of businss. Music in Motion, a fifteen voice vocal will host a reception. Don’t panic. The people that get laid Spuds made tne turtleneck shirt off will find employment with Purina, "Thief in the Night" to be Shown fashionable so now all breeds of dogs making Aardvark chow. Yes, Purina will By Dan Hobbs should affect us, this film is a "must will wear izod shirts of other dogs (don't still be around. Guest Writer______see.” look for turtlenecks to make a In this same year, we'll hear This Thursday evening, April 2, This dynamic movie about Bible because they won't). Can you imagine polyphonic doorbells. These are Collegiate Bible Studies is sponsoring prophecy portrays with devastating a collie wearing a muscle-shirt with a doorbells that can ring more than one the film "Thief in the Night." This is a reality the Biblical prediction, 'There will izod of Margaret Thatcher? Me too. I note at a time. The chorus parts will film depicting some of the things likely be no place to hide." couldn't picture a collie wearing have hooks. Top 40 doorbell tunes to happen should the Bible prophecies "Thief in the Night" will be shown in platform shoes and listening to K.C. with Casey Kasem counting it down to concerning the end of times come to the North Commons promptly at 7:00 and the Sunshine Band. number one? You just wait. pass in the very near future. For all who pm on Thursday, April 2. No charge for are interested in knowing the course of admission. Free refreshments will be the most significant future events, and served after the movie. All students hqw the certainty of these events and faculty are welcome. If You're Tired of the High Cost of Utilities? Grand Valley Apartments Has the Solution: ? Come Live in NEW Solar Envelope Buildings * Virtually Free Apartment Cooling *Short Walk to Campus *Modem Spacious Rooms, Fully Carpeted *Convenient Laundry Facilities * Large Clean Yard With Fire Pit ^Sunbathing Balconies and Porches * Brand New Clubhouse

* Apartments for Fall 1987-88 and for Summer 1987 are still available. *Come to the new office in the club house. Don't delay...Rent today!

Fall: Two Bedrooms starling at Sb'M.OO Month, including Utilities Suminer; Two Bedroom Rates are S263.IMI Month (3 Month Lease I 895-6351 Oft ice Hours : April 1-30 9:00am -1 : 11 )am 2:00pm - 4;00pm PAGE 10 The Lanthom April 1,1987* blue avenue /h O ffice of w ecn r a n M s u ffl? lo e AN A m 6UMP/5 A fic m u u t... over ANNOUNCE A l v MSLUONFFN- SIMM, CVAVOHjWOJOM ah? sew , jz/srv w & 7 y u r sft ABcyr w 'j: , u je & iti o v r o f VMT? New efforts to reduce propety taxes the poor although Michigan has muted 7Ws 6HCsTVFAL,6ik. -jffiuKpiB rm r? / . w w c e that argument by removing the sales by shifting a larger burden to the state GOT AH h U a sales tax are sprouting in the Michigan tax on food and prescription drugs. ANSUffl- coueoe, legislature but seem likely to wither Still some lawmakers have lined up without the nature of Gov. James behind proposals to increase the sales Blanchard. tax by as much as 2 cents per dollar. Proponents argue that Mighigan The increase would be part of a plan to residents pay one of the lowest sales revamp school financing by reducing taxes in the nation, while property local reliance on property taxes while owners pay a tax that puts Michigan guaranteeing local schools a more among the top 10 states nationally. equal share of the state education They want to increase the sales tax and budget. use the money to reduce propety Sales taxes are collected by the penny but add up to billions. Michigan taxes. That might seem simple, but it 2 PAYS QA1BK 13 M/L&S tjUFST.. would probably require drastic changes expects to collect 2.4 billion in sales tax M i 6ov, ThaOs . .. in the way the state pays for education, this year. With 1.4 billion related to M T H im 7 m r5 m u v ant! td m a kf m t n m now financed in large part by local public schools. Each sales tax penny TO GV&E6 yOU'RF v s u r n , property taxes. raise about $600 million, which means a NOT A CSO MX CHM nm , m m v n f a m e ! MARK? HOf t But the Blanchard administration still 2-cent increase would generate 1.2 NOTH!Ha! M i&oy, favors higher taxes on banks and billion, how much you pay depends on insurance companies and closing tax how much you spend. In my view loopholes to find money for reducing you’re going to pay regardless of how, the property tax burden, according to it's just a measure of what's the best the state treasurer Robert Bowman. way to collect in order to benefit the The sales tax historically has been general public with a cost-benefit criticized as putting an unfair burden on analysist.

Apr.23 Student recital. Mindy Walling, Guitar® flute, and Dawn Cook, piano. Free. Calder Fine Arts Center. Gatemdsr 12 noon.

Student recital. Mina DeWitt, soprano. Free. Calder Fine Arts Announcements Center. 8 p.m.

"Sharpening Your Test Taking Skills’ 6:30 p.m., 207 ASH Apr.24 Student recital, Martha Apr. 2 ■Strategies for Problem Solving" 4:30 p.m., 2 1 6 ASH VanderEyk, soprano. Free. Lunchbreak. Modern dance by Calder Fine Arts Center. 8 p.m. Positions Kaleidoscope. Free. Calder Apr.26 GrandValley College-Community Fine Arts Center. Orchestra. Lee Copenhaver, Apr.5 Choral concert. Ellen Pool, conductor. Free. Cook conductor. Free. Calder Fine Auditorium, Grand Rapids Art Arts Center. Museum. 3 p.m. Open Apr. 8 Improving Concentration and Apr.27 Lecture. Sociologist Martin Memory" 6:3P p.m., 207 ASH Throw on "On General Education Lunchbreak. Douglas Niedt, and Professional Education." classical guitarist. Free. Free. Kirkhof Center. 2 p.m. Calder Fine Arts Center. For more information, please call Dan for next year's Apr.9 Student recital. Roelof Bijkerk, Dillingham, at ext. 3498. piano. Free. Calder Fine Arts Center. 12 noon. Lecture. Tougaloo College COLLEGIATE BIBLE President J. Herman Blake on STUDIES The American Future and Black Thurs. 7 - 8:30 on campus. For more Education." Free New Hope information call Keith 538-9771, John Baptist Church, Grand Rapids. 459-3081, or Prof. Sturm 895-5115 7.30 p.m. *Editor-ln-Chief Apr 1 0 Lecture J. Herman Blake on ‘News Editor For more AUCTION ’87 "Liberal Education From the ‘Sports Editor Black-Hand Side " Free Kirkhof Volunteer "GO-GETTERS" for Auction '87 information Center 2 p m are needed to solicit donations for Auction ‘Features Editor '87. To donate merchandise, services or please call Apr 1 2 Band concert, William Root, ‘Photo Editor cash, call Auction Central, weekdays conductor Free Calder Fine ‘Layout Artists Student Arts Center 3pm between 9 a m and 5 p.m. at 895-3386, or 1-800-442-2771 ‘ W rite rs Apr 14 College-Community Orchestra Employment and Grand Valley Chamber ‘Photographers Players Lee Copenhaver, ‘Business Manager at 895-3238 conductor Free Calder Fine Inter Varsity Christian ‘Office Manager or apply Arts Center 3pm Fellowship (IVCF) ‘Advertising Ap- ’ 5 "Time Ownership" 4 30 p m . 1 19 is a inter-denominational Christian at the MAK organization that allows both Christians and Manager Ap' ■ 6 Student recital Laura non-christians to learn about Jesus All are ‘Advertising Sales Lanthorn Snoor, soprano, and Jonathon welcome11 Please come and check us out11 ‘Typesetters Bates, baritone Free Calder We meet every Tuesday night, 9 00 p m in office in Fine Arts Center 12 noon the Portside room. ‘ Distribution Apr ’ Lunchbreak GVSC Faculty Manager the Kirkhof String Quartet Free Calder Center. Fine Arts Center 12 noon KANSAS CONCERT Apr 20- Monday-Friday Art Exhibit (By the Media Apr 12 Welsh Auditorium in the Grand Studio.) May ’ B F A Student Exhibit Calder Art Gallery 10 a m -5 p m Center. Tickets are $13 50 in advancem $14.50 at the door. Deadline: EdItor-ln-Chlei Position, April 3rd A p' 2 ' Lunchbreak O hio State 7 30 p.m., call Grand Center submit resume and cover letter to Bob Stoll. University Dance Company Free Calder Fme Ans Center Box Office, Believe-ln-Music or Ticketmaster ' 2 noon TT Johnson Pitches4th No-Hitter by gaining the 3rd walk of the inning. her record to 7-1. She had the one commenced when Kim Goerner Parent got an out and gave up a walk By Darren Struble and walk, struck out 5, and allowed only two singled to lead off the fifth inning. Kim at the start of the seventh. She then Eric Neitiing outfield putouts. The Grand Valley Bradeen then recieved a free pass, and gave way to Sue Bums, who earned Staff Writers offensive attack produced 7 runs in one out later Liz Huyck doubled her first save of the season. support of Johnson, lead by Lisa Goerner home. Bradeen crossed the Trish Johnson made sure the Laker Vawter's 3-for-3 with 2 runs scored. Liz plate on a wild pitch. The third and final The Lakers are piling up some softball team was ready to start the Baker also scored a pair of runs, drove run of the inning came across on a awesome statistics this season as a sacrifice fly by Shelly Tozer. This northern half of their season, and to be in two, and was 1 -for-3. Cathy Chartier team. In 15 games GVSC has deadlocked the score at 4-4. very blunt, she was HOT! The contributed 3 RBIs to the cause. The outscored their opponents 72-32 and Suspense reigned in the 6th as the opponent was Aquinas last Thursday Lakers scored 3 in the third, 2 in the 5th has out-batted them by .277 to .175, a Lakers had to earn the winning run. for a home doubleheader. In the first and picked up two more in the sixth. 102 point difference. The staff ERA is With one out opening-game heroine game the Raiders were shut down The 7-0 win upped GVSC's record to an astounding 0.96, paced by Trish completely as Johnson threw a 10-4. Lisa Vawter walked. Cathy Chartier Johnson's 0.54. Opponents’ ERA vs. no-hitter that would have been a In the second game, the Lakers van­ singled through the left side of the Grand Valley is 3.20. Liz Baker has 3 perfect game but for a first inning error quished a 4-1 deficit going into the infield. Goerner drew a base on balls to game-winning RBIs and 19 total RBIs to by Annette Ulasich and a walk to bottom of the 5th to give Heidi Parent load the sacks.Kim Bradeen .then lead thes9 catagories. Shelly Tozer is Aquinas' leadoff hitter in the 6th. (2-3) a 5-4 victory. forced in the go-ahead run and gained i burning the ball at a torrid .429 clip. Johnson went the distance in raising The Grand Valley comeback her first game-winning RBI of the year Santana Predicts Subway Series

weak of the middle. 86 was a fluke. Ch icago-Strengths- Starting year. By Mark Santana Detroit-Strenghts-Timely hitting pitching and the manager. Atlania-Strengths- Dale Murphy. Weaknesses- The other 23 players, Staff Writer______and pitching. Weaknesses- Leftfield Weaknesses- Offense. Could surprise. America's team??. Spring is in the air and once again and the manager.They’re in bad shape. Minnesota-Strengths- Power,short National League East stadiums all across America will resound Baltimore-Strengths- Good power. relief and the outfield. Weaknesses- New York-Strengths- Their roster. with the sound of wood hitting Weaknesses- Age, inexperience and Pitching and middle infield. Weaknesses- Still looking. Will repeat!!. horsehide. That's right my favorite pitching. No chance. Seattle-Strengths- Mark Langston Philadelphia-Strengths- Blend of sport is back. This is my analysis of the M ilwa u kee-Strengths- Good and Jim Presley. Weaknesses- age and youth and good offense. young talent. Weaknesses- Too Everything else. Not this year not ihis upcoming baseball season in the order Weaknesses- Shortstop and starting I predict they-will finish. young.One or two years away from century., ...„ pitching. Will challenge the Mets until contending. National League West American League East the end. American League West San Fransico-Strengths- New York-Strenghts- Awesome St.Louis-Strengths- Speed, Texas-Strengths- Outfield and Managing and pitching. Weaknesses- offense and solid bullpen. defense and manager. Weaknesses- Catching and youth. Could overtake Weaknesses-Starting pitching is starting pitching. Weaknesses- Catching position and McGee is still the Mets. suspect. They are favortites going into' Catchers are weak and pitchers are hurt. Still have a chance to contend. Cincinnati-Strengths- Eric Davis the season. erratic. This is the year. Montreal-Strenghts- Starting Oakland-Strengths- Good blend of and the rest of the offense. Cleveland-Strenghts- Best pitching. Weaknesses- Too many youth and experience. Weaknesses- Weaknesses- Catcher and starting offense in baseball and solid bullpen. Ch icago-Strengths- Good offense pitching. Weaknesses- Fielding is awful. They Pitching is inconsistent and outfield is and good bullpen. Weaknesses- Los Angeles-St re n g t h s- have a solid shot at winning the injury prone. Don't count them out. Everything else but catching. Experience and depth. Weaknesses- pennant. California-Strengths- Starting Pittsburgh-Strengths- Youth, Question marks at key positions. Have Toronto-Strenghts-Best outfield in pitching and power. Weaknesses- managing and Tony Pena an outside chance to win it baseball and awesome bullpen. Catcher position. They need Bob Weaknesses- Just too young A couple Houston-Strengths- Pitching and Weaknesses- Starting pitching and Boone. of years away from contending question mark at second base. If Kansas City-Strengths- George defense Weaknesses- Bench Don’t pitching comes around they could win Brett and power count out the defending champs Weaknesses-Inconsistent pitching and San Diego-Strengths- Youth and A.L. Champs- New York Yanks offense Quissenberry has to bounce manager Weaknesses- Inexperience Boston-Strenghts- Offense and N.L Champs- New York Mets starting pithcing Weaknesses- Very back. and too many new faces Rebuilding Wrestling Wrapup: Team Looks Forward

"Roger was the wrestler who made meet to clinch a share of the title letterwmners are Jerry Brown (Oak Allendale-A sixth place finish in the the most improvement from the Scott says he's anxious to get the Park), David Drath (Royal Oak), Esordi, NCAA Division I Wrestling beginning of the season to the end, season underway next year "Dan Jim Kolosowsky (Watervliet), Mike Championships by junior Roger Linton (Brooklin/Columbia Central), Jim said Scott "He was by far the most Morris (Cedar Springs) 126 was our Singleton, put the finishing touches on Price (Grand Ledge), Tom Richardson talented and dedicated." only senior this year, we started two an outstanding wrestling season for (Albion/Sprmgporl), Cal Zimmerman Scott's Lakers posted a 5-5 dual freshman, Dennis Crow (Jenison) and Coach Jim Scott and his Grand Valley record including a 4-2 mark in the Great Jim Koerber (Burton/Bentley) and the (Hudsonville) and Paul Zalenka (Grand , akers Lakes Conference GVSC won the majority of our team was juniors We will Haven) Juniors Curly, Lance Fntz and Singleton, a junior 118-pounder from Mike Heinritz (Lansing Eastern). Gohn GLIAC tournament to share the be tough next year, but so will Roseville/Lutheran East, became the wrestling crown with Ferris State It was everyone else," Scott explains (ConKlin/Sparta), Blake Groenhout .r st wrestler to win All-America honors (Grand Rapids/Christian) Matt Raedle the Lakers seventh conference title Rem; Esordi (Bay City'John Glenn) at it Grand Valley He was Great Lakes (Farmington Hills/Detrort Catholic) and But things weren't always that easy 134. Mike Curley (Lansing,Eastern) at inference champion and finished Singleton Freshman Tom Barker for Scott and his crew On December 150. Heavyweight Mike Gohn ■,nnenjp m the Division 11 Nationals iGranavillei Pat Lambrecht (Lutheran 10th, Grand Valley was 0-2 in a four Conklm,Sparta) and Singleton Will ungleton posted a 36-7 mark with 12 Fast) Scott Marvin team league "Our path was clear cut have a change to defend them • a is He became the third GVSC Temperance Bedford; Rob Wilsea after that, we had to come back and conference championships next year wr-'Stier to place in Division I, along with Portage Central) and Steve Wmgrove beat everybody." added Scott Crow and Koerber won freshman M*e Abrams in 1978-79 and Ron The Lakers rallied in what Scott calls a awards aiong with Mark Kelley (Madison Grass Lake Chelsea were redshirted - ss.nk .n 1979-80 Singleton's 36 wins along with sophomores Mike unton "esprit de corps' attitude to defeat •s’aoiished a new mark for 1181 His Bishop Foley and Manx Stankjs Ferns State Lake Superior and BrockiinColumbia Centra and Mike congers breaking the old record of Coc pe r s x i e c P - Northern Michigan and win the GLIAC v'oung Grand Haven set by Mark Mangianti in 1972-73 PAGE 12 The Lanthom April 1,1987 Cheech's NCAA Basketball Epilogue •All-American Team and got it. Everyone complains about business or get ready for the wonderful By Rodrick Wells Mr. Knight’s actions on the court as well of unemployment. Michigan Sports Editor as his brashness toward his players. I * After suffering through an 12-16 Indiana haven’t heard any players complain that season I feel its about time for Grand Navy Eric Feinstien (Washington Post) survived the four year program. Most of Valley State's men basketball team to Reggie Williams Georgetown take that. Yes, Bobby Knight won his all Knight helps mold 18 year old boys change their recruiting methods. They definitely need some players with Kansas third National Championship with an into men. ‘ These are five best players in 73-72 victory over the Orangemen of ‘ Indiana helped Rodd Monts edge athletic ability. Most of the players are college basketball by position. Syracuse. Knight is a great coach and out John Taylor in the second annual specialist. The Lakers need someone who is going to take over at the end of knows how to change with the times. A Cheech pool. Monts was fantastic as he *AII-Dunk Team posted a 48 and 15 record, I thought I ball games and be the "man". Mike prime example of this is Knight's two Jarvis Basnight UNLV junior college transfers Kieth Smart and was the expert. The pool came down to Davis is very capable of this but you . In previous seasons he the last game Monts had Indiana by five don't win championships depending Willie Glass St.Johns was reluctant to recruit junior college and Taylor had Indiana by six. By the on your point guard to score. We need Syracuse transfers but he knew what he needed way yours truly went 46 and 17 take more inner city recruits. Michigan swallowed some pride and went out that Jud Heathcote! ‘ This is the firs annual "Cheech Kieth Smart Indiana Awards" for college basketball. ‘ I can't wait to next year. The ‘ These are the players that excite us M.V.P.- Reggie Williams- is going to have with the electrifying jams on Saturday the state of Michigan hopping. First of Georgetown. Williams led an afternoons. all Antione Joubert is gone! Next year I undermanned Georgetown team to the regional finals. Williams did everthing can envision a starting line-up of Gary *AII-lgnorance Team Grant, Rumeaul Robinson, , for Georgetown but mop the floor. featured bands for Demetrious Gore Pittsburgh and . It's a Coach of the Year-Dale April shame but they won't even win the Big Brown-L.S.U.. I don’t know how he did Fred Banks UNLV Ten title due to the great talent the it but the Tigers cruised through the Sherm Douglass Syracuse conference has coming back. tournament and had National Gerald Paddio UNLV 2-4 2XL ‘ Why can't the boys at Livernois and Champion Indiana on the ropes. This Antione Joubert Michigan team was lacking talent but had a great Six Mile get it together. I'm talking about ‘ This team loves to shoot the ball. deal of heart. 9-11 Sea Cruisers the University of Detroit. They are In They don't care if they are tripled the middle of the city, yet they still let all teamed or what. They take shots with of the blue-chippers get away. John 16-18 Let’s Talk *AII-Underated Team total disregard for team concept. McIntyre could have been the person * All-Bomb Team about Girls to get them over the hump but he Mark Wade UNLV transferred. I think coach Don Sicko is Mike Larkin Xavier Kentucky 23-25 M y Dog Bob going to have to revevaulat^ his Nikita Wilson LSU Bill Harris N. Michigan 30-May 2 Passion recruiting program. I hate to compare Wyoming Steve Alford Indiana him to Dick Vitale but Vitale had a, solid Booker James W. Michigan UCLA program and he recruited players out ‘ This award goes to all the players Fred Banks UNLV Wednesday: of the city. They were good players who had great seasons, but Dick Vitale ‘ This are the players with the great It’s The Bimini Brothers! also; , Terry Tyler^Earl and the Detroit News didn't tell us shooting range. They hit jump shots Cureton and Terry Duerod all played in about them. from the locker room. This week come the N.B.A.. Sicko should take care of Dance to: 2XL Named MVP Davis (73). The 6-1 point-guard was also Senior letters went to Dungey and Thursday Allendale-Junior Mike Davis of Bloomfield Hills Lahser was named the named to the All-Great Lakes Jerry Pettway of Detroit Northern Come enjoy college recipient of the Paul Peterman Award, Conference First team on on both Dungey closed out his career with symbolic of the Most Valuable Player at offense and defense. 1,081 points, which put him 14th on night! Grand Valley. Other GVSC award winners were the career scoring list. He also finished Drafts are .25y The award is in honor of Peterman, Hustle, Kurt Thelen of St. Johns; sixth in career rebounding with 744. ( 9:00pm- 10:00pm ) former All-American center and Stopping the Ball, Terry Smith of Davis, Kolp, Thelen and Jim Carey of Caledonia High School girls basketball Wayland; Most Improved Player, Kent Ludington were junior letterwinners. coach, who passed away November Wiersma of Spring Lake; Free Throw Sophomores to receive letters were * Recieve 1/2 Off * 19, 1985 at the age of 29. Percentage, Thelen, who connected Smith and Wiersma. Freshman award cover with a valid on 32 of 45 free throws for .723; and winners were Rob Gurney of Sterling college I.D. Davis had an outstanding season for Team Spirit Award which went to Kevin Hts. DeLaSalle, Mike Johnston of the Lakers, both on offense and Dungey of Kalamazoo Christian. Ludington and Scott Leske of defense. He led the Lakers in scoring, Dungey and Wiersma were named Stevensville Lakeshore shooting 545 from the field and he GLIAC Honorable Mention and Andy 11 S Monroe Mall — > Paddington A Worthmore* scored 404 points for a 14 5 average Kolp of Birmingham Brother Rice was Grand Valley, under coach Tom I >r!i R e sta u ra n t Davis established new single season selected to the Great Lakes Villemure, finished sixth in the GLIAC 454-2223 records for assists (234) and steals Conference All-Academic Team. and 12-16 overall.

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By Eric C. Nietling the end. But, this just may be the end I Staff Writer of the beginning." People, beleive it or not, this is the beginning of a Laker Yes, friends, the grass is green, the Era. Last year the Lakers showed just sun is shining. Its spring time, time for a touch of whats about to come, rolling PHARMACY “YOUR fULL SERVICE DRUG STORE AND MORr FOOTBALL!! Football? In spring? up a 9-2 record and ending up ranked Yes, all you people who have in the top 20 in Division II polls. footballphobia look out. No, this isn't Coach Tom Beck is looking forward another Lantoon article, nor is this to a new season, even though four 6 Pharmacists to serve you, with fast, about the U.S.F.L. (Underminded new tougher schools will be playing friendly service and advice: Screw-ups Football Laugh). the Lakers this year. Coming into the My friends, football mania is about to Spring Drills he has 92 players hit the Grand Valley scene and take including 35 lettermen. over the minds of those football freaks Practice started on Monday and will £ who have just gotten over those bad go until April 25 when the annual Blue habits of just sitting there thinking and White intra-squad game takes about a football game. As Winston place. Its a long month, but it can only Churchill once stated, "This isn't the help this pumped up team to get end. This isn't even the beginning of better and tackle the GLIAC.

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I think the phrase most Americans will month, along with offers of more plastic hear in their lifetimes is, "Will that be money. Oh yeah, and your name is cash or charge?" The second, of placed on mailing lists, and you begin course, will be, "Would you like fries to get magazine subscription offers with that? How about something to and sweepstakes coupons from Ed for next year's drink?" McMahon. College juniors and seniors are "Plastic money" can be very bombarded by creditors seeking to dangerous. Especially when you belay credit cards upon them. Visas, begin to pay off Sears with Visa Master Cards, Amocos, all available to checks, or, say. . . Shell with $50 per week.work-study students. Mastercard. *Edltor-ln-Chlef The temptation is unbearable, the I am reminded of a freshman friend of "News Editor For more outcome is usually predictable. mine, you know, he’s the "spoiled rich "Sports Editor information kid" type. He got himself a Visa and "Features Editor The scenario goes a little somethin' promptly went out and charged himself "Photo Editor please call like this: a $1,000 stereo for his dorm room. "Layout Artists Student You're walking through the Kirkhof Then came a host of other "Writers Employment Center and pretty girl (or guy), very knick-knacks and accessories. A "Photographers proper of course, asks you if you would hundred here, a hundred there, it was "Business Manager at 895-3238 like to apply for some credit. And they as though he was saying "charge it" in "Office Manager or apply add, "You're practically guaranteed. If his sleep. The only problem was that "Advertising at the you have a job of course. Oh, you do the kid didn't even have a job. (Such a Manager have a job, don't you?" pity.) "Advertising Sales Lanthorn That's when it all begins. You begin I think from now on I’ll just stick to "Typesetters office in to use 'em, one by one. Pretty soon burgers and leave the "plastic money” "Distribution the Kirkhof alone. And yes, I'd like fries with that. Manager you have five or six bills coming each Center.

Joshua, a mountain man, was defendant, "I'm the Joshua that made (Behind the Galley next to the Media the moon shine." brought to court for making corn liquor. Studio.) "Joshua," said the judge with a Deadline for Editor-In- Chief April 3rd, submit cover letter smile, "are you the Joshua who made The chief deduction most people and resume to Bob Stoll in Student Activities. the sun stand still?" make from their income tax is that "No, your honor," said the government costs too much. CAMPUS VIEW features: Largest apartments on or near campus Totally new kitchens in many apartments Air Conditioned; Lighted Parking next to your apartment (New Parking lot to be completed this summer) Tastefully furnished; Fully Carpeted; Balconies or Patios Laundry Rooms in each building; Beautifully landscaped with water, and over 37 varieties of trees and shrubs; Carefully maintained (Same day maintenance if possible); Enclosed heated swimming pool; Billiard tables; Social area. T METERED UTILITIES: A' You pay for only what you yourself use. .Of occsu You do not pay for usuage when you are on break. cn*«» You do not pay for careless usage by others. !2k ■ v : i Do not be misled. The tenant always pays for 0 1 £ L 7 i utilities either directly or indirectly. Wouldn't you rather control this expense 5 yourself ? 1 I t 2 bedroom furnished apartment Stop by at our office or call for prices . 1 bednxmi furnished apartment We offer many options in 2BR, 1BR or Studio Apartments. Office open M-F , 1 - 5pm 5% DISCOUNT for total payment in advance Itr & ^ A PAGE 16 TheLanthom April 1,1987

To the person who picked up my keys JeffM., in the Kirkhof Center. Thanks! They You LIED! You’re still not nice. Ask cost me $65.00 in replacement fees. Dave. He Knows. I want a retake of P.S. They're useless! the text. Your in trouble. The keyless custodian Amy C.

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