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The Reluctant Famulus 109
January/February 2016
Thomas D. Sadler, Editor/Publisher, etc.
305 Gill Branch Road, Owenton, KY 40359
Phone: 502-484-3766
E-mail: [email protected]

Contents
Introduction, Editor 3 Rat Stew, Gene Stewart 7, Chirps, Sheryl Birkhead 11 A Change of pace, Editor 12 SINAGUA SAGA ,Alfred D. Byrd 13 New Ancient Earthlings Part One, Gayle Perry 20 The Crotchety Critic, Michaele Jordan 27 A Bit of Silliness, Editor 28 New Ancient Earthlings, Part 2 , Gayle Perry 30 Letters 35 More Silliness, Editor 48

Artwork/Photos

A. B Kynock Front cover, Back cover Alfred Byrd 13 —18
Brad Foster 10, 28 NASA 6 Spore

The Reluctant Famulus is a product of Strange Dwarf Publications. Some of the comments expressed herein are solely those of the Editor/Publisher and do not necessarily reflect the thoughts of any sane, rational persons who know what they are doing and have carefully thought out beforehand what they wanted to say. Material not written or produced by the Editor/Publisher is is printed by permission of the various writers and artists and is copyright by them and remains their sole property and reverts to them after publication. TRF maybe obtained for The Usual but, in return for written material and artwork, postage costs, The Meaning of Life, and Editorial Whim.

2 The Reluctant Famulus

Introduction: Some Rambling Thoughts . . .

Prompted by a transcript copy of that novel, the 1952 of an interview with a fairly Gnome Press version pur- well-known science fiction chased at a used book store.) writer. Robinson said he wrote his One of my patiently dedi- books based on what was cated and frequent loccers, learned from the Viking ex- Dave Rowe, informed me of a plorer; some new things were transcript of a BBC interview learned since then. with science fiction writer However . . . Stop and think Kim Stanley Robinson and about the name for our provided me with a copy as (mostly) favorite genre: Sci- possible material for TRF. ence Fiction. Two words. The Dave thought you readers second one, “fiction” is in- might find it of interest. I’m sure it would be, cluded for a reason. The reason “fiction” is but to do things properly I would need to ob- included is to remind readers that what they tain BBC’s permission to reprint it. Having are reading is not necessarily real. It is a liter- never done something like that, I’m hesitant ary work based on the imagination and cur- to go through whatever process would be rently known science. SF may be based on needed to obtain BBC’s permission. As current science concerning outer space, plan- tempting as it may be to try I’ve decided not ets and space travel. The word “fiction” is to. I will, however, append a link to the BBC there also to remind us readers that the sto- interview if anyone should be interested. ries we read are only speculation of what The interview is called “What If There is might be real under certain circumstances. no Planet B?” (Isn’t that clever? A variation SF’s intent is to present possibilities that on the words “Do you have a Plan B? I wish might exist as far as current science knowl- I had thought of that. Not really.) I will also edge is aware or probable conditions. SF provide the gist of the interview. Needless to writers are saying this or that might occur. say—although, of course I am saying it—I’ll Back to Robinson. He admits there’s follow that with some of my thoughts relat- nothing to stop Terra-forming Mars but he ing to the interview for what little they may adds the caveat that, if it takes 10,000 years be worth. If anything. rather than 300, people think about it differ- Robinson starts off noting that Science ently. That’s when he says there is no Planet fiction has been based on the science of its B. I can understand that but there may also time One example he used was referred to be another reason that terra-forming Mars Percival Lowell claiming there are canals on might never happen. I‘m guessing that in ad- Mars which led SF writers to theorize a civi- dition to the time factor such a program lization there. It was later learned that wasn’t would cost a lot of money to undertake. It so, that Mars was a dry world. He made a doesn’t seem likely any single country would reference to Arthur C. Clarke’s Sands of be willing to finance the project alone and Mars. (Not surprisingly, I suspect, I have a trying to convince other countries to help out

3 might not be easy. said he would love to visit for three or four But what he says about terra-forming and months; he really would. If I he could get colonizing Mars leaves me wondering if he there in two weeks and see it for six months think he’s the only one who has given any or even a year and get back in two weeks that thought to such possibilities. would be great but he would never want to Then the interviewer asked Robinson live there. He would have plenty of com- about his comment that space isn’t like the pany. There are many people who spend old west but more like Antarctica. Robinson some time on Mars but very much preferred responds that it once Mars was going to be living in a safe and, comforting place with like a new frontier. From all I’ve read about which they were familiar. I probably would the subject I never thought space was any- be one of those too. thing like the old west and more sensible, I’ve pretty much covered the major smarter writers than I thought the same way. points of the interview so on to my ram- Space, in general is far worse than Antarc- blings. (By the way, I think this Introduction tica. The temperature is absolute zero, - is longer than the interview transcription and 459.67 Fahrenheit. Humans need to wear the interview supposedly was only about five protective clothing that keeps them warm minutes long.) and are equipped with an air supply so they Back to SF writers. If our country—or can breathe. Then, too, there’s the matter of even some other—develops practical and cosmic radiation which wasn’t as serious possible working spaceships that we humans hazard to Earth’s old west. could safely and quickly travel to and ex- Then the interview goes on to discuss plore planets such as Mars and Venus up faster than light travel and the problems en- close to see what their destination is like and countered in traveling to distant planets, sub- if life is or has been on those planets. Con- jects which have been debated by others. The nected to that possibility is that of coloniza- interviewer says, “You’ve thought about tion of any one or all of them except, most these issues more than most . . .” Really? likely for Saturn, Uranus and Neptune. The And no one else has? No scientists or hard writers are saying that is something that science writers? What about strongly science might possibly happen, not that it will hap- -oriented writers such as Robert A. Heinlein, pen. Isaac Asimov, Arthur C. Clarke, Hal Clem- That also applies to the theme of extrater- ent, Greg Benford, Larry Niven, Ben Bova, restrials and any encounters with them. and others? I could be wrong but it seems to They’re saying, what if there were other be- me that those gentlemen are/were as aware ings with highly developed civilizations and of, if not more so, the no Planet B possibility technology, what would the outcome be of as Mr. Robinson. If I remember correctly, discovering and encountering them? What Heinlein. wrote about a generation interstel- might they look like, think like, and behave lar spacecraft, and I believe other SF writers like? Again, SF writers are saying if such have done so also. Sure, there were so-called things are possible, could what we write hack writers who weren’t meticulous with about become true? science but the entire genre of SF shouldn’t Yes, SF writers know that outer space is be judged by them. I think a harsh and forbidding, unforgiving environ- But then there will always be someone ment for humans. Yes, we know that every who will be the first one to give a lot of other star than our sun lies anywhere from thought to such things. four or so light years up to hundreds and When asked if he would go to Mars, he thousands of light years, and traveling to

4 them, even at light speed, would take an there could possibly be one or more Earth- equal number of years to reach any one of like planets that could support humans. them. That leads to the speculation of the It should be noted, in regard to transpor- possibility—admittedly extremely remote— tation, that humans first went from place to that spacecraft might possibly somehow place on foot, which was a slow, tiring proc- reach and exceed the speed of light even ess. But they advanced in intelligence over though astrophysicists have been able to es- time invented the wheel. From there on it tablish it’s impossible. But SF writers may was all uphill. Humans went from riding ani- reply, “Yes, as far as we know currently. But mals to operating steam powered vehicles to what if at some unknown future time from gas powered ones, soon electric vehicles up our current time it’s learned such a thing is to airplanes, rockets, and space shuttles mov- possible?” ing at ever increasing speeds. Speeds which How can Mr. Robinson be so sure there would have boggled the minds of those who is no Planet B? Yes, so far, astronomers were impressed with speeds of 25 m.ph. or haven’t found any planets that are com- thereabouts. So there may be a chance (I’ll pletely equal to Earth as far as size and at- concede it could be a very small chance.) for mosphere are concerned circling a star simi- FTL travel. lar to our familiar Sol that we could inhabit. I admit, however, all the preceding is per- The universe is a big place. Who’s to say that haps wishful thinking on my part. There may in time we may in fact find such a planet, be a limit to the knowledge we humans can maybe more than one, that we could colo- acquire; it very well may not be endless. But nize? on the other hand, if it turns out otherwise it We humans have learned a lot in the mil- would be gratifying to know Mr. Robinson lennia since we became intelligent, curious, was wrong. Too bad neither of us will be thinking beings seeking knowledge about the around then. On second thought, maybe world around us and acquiring all they can. that’s for the best because then Mr. Robinson With each new discovery, earlier beliefs had can’t gleefully say, “See. I was right!” to be changed to accept the new knowledge I apologize for the rambling, disjointed and lead our distant ancestors to learn even mess I threw at you readers. I jotted down more. It’s an unending process and we’re the thoughts as they came to me. That shows still in that process, as more new discoveries you what a disorganized mind I have. Like a are made. dusty attic filled with a jumble of odds and The one drawback and unavoidable fact ends. I hope it made sense and doesn’t make is that we who are now living will never have me look like a prize idiot. At the least this the pleasure and satisfaction of learning the might generate some responses even if only new information which proves previous be- to tell me what a nutcase I am and I should liefs wrong. In time it may be that there are have got permission from the BBC to reprint better, safer, more efficient spaceships, a way the transcript. to exceed the speed of light and have learned Just for the hell of it, here are some that there is a Planet B after all. What’s even quotes from another well-known and proba- more saddening—that is, if the human race bly prestigious author: exists that long— is the fact that none of us “Hard” science fiction is based on reality, will be around to tell Mr. Robinson, “See. the real world, as science has discovered and We told you so!” explained it. But it goes a step farther, be- Heck, if there are such things as alternate yond the known and into realms that have universes and a way was found to enter them not been discovered and explained—yet.* 5 The rule of thumb for a writer of “hard” safer for colonists to bring food with them science fiction is that the writer is free to use rather than grow their own, as envisioned by anything his or her imagination can invent Mars One. and depict—so long as no one can show that “Bringing food along would remove any it contradicts the tenets of known science. issues with crop-derived excess oxygen con- The scope of “hard” science fiction is sumption, and any risks with sub-optimal truly breathtaking: the entire universe and all growth yields and crop failure. That crop of the past, present and future are the canvas failure could cause the colonists to starve. on which we work. The simulation also showed the cost of deliv- The point is, “hard” science fiction exam- ering the spare parts essential to the colony ines the world as it really is, and projects would be prohibitive—the simulation’s most what it might be like in ten, a hundred, a important finding. thousand years from now. Ben Bova The MIT students’ findings, if true, don’t Editor. The first sentence would ex- sound encouraging at all. Yeah. Mars sure clude starships moving faster than light isn’t like the Wild West speed . The second sentence: could that The Mars One mission calls for a perma- include FTL? What about the last two nent colony to be established on Mars in sentences, particularly the last part of the 2025. More than 200,000 people applied for last sentence? the one-way mission, with several hundred Kim Stanley Robinson: “There is no Planet finalists still in the running. If those prob- B” (Newshour) 17 December 2015 which lems were actually to occur maybe those ap- can be found at the following location: plicants should give some serious thought to http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p03bhzdg their decision to travel to Mars. Unless some- one comes up with non-inflatable fireproof On a subject somewhat related to the habitats and greenhouses for the plants hu- Robinson interview, specifically regarding mans use for food as well as protecting hu- the planned colonization of Mars: mans from lethal doses of harmful rays. A new computer simulation by students That’s it for my usual prolix introduction. at MIT may seriously complicate the Mars Onward to the rest of this issue. One mission. According to Sydney Do, a doctoral stu- dent and one of the students behind the simu- lation claims they have found some problem areas which will affect the long-term life of the project. Those problems are as follows: oxygen given off by the colony’s crops would build up—raising the risk of fires and placing structural stress on the habitat. The habitat would vent excess gas into space, and the colony’s nitrogen tanks eventually would be depleted, making it impossible to maintain enough high air pressure within the habitat. The colonists would suffocate. Also according to Doctor Do, the simula- tion also intimates it would be cheaper and 6 Rat Stew A Column by Gene Stewart Past Echoes In Future Dreads

We are witnessing America going fascist but said nothing and did not smile. in appalling lurches. Little is gradual about it It’s the number of thoughts in his head, I although certainly the prep-work took all the remember thinking. When he gets to that decades since WW II. Bigotry, intolerance, number he’ll die of a stroke. and militant nationalism rooted in trumped- up fear and hate usher in textbook Nazi-style It was chilling later to realize it was fascism just as Sinclair Lewis warned it probably a death-camp tattoo from when he would back in his 1932 novel It Can’t Hap- was a little kid. He looked haunted, or maybe pen Here. like a haunting. More recently, Stephen King’s novel The When the train came we met my aunt Dead Zone warned of how a clownish popu- outside and hustled her into the car for the list spouting utter hateful nonsense could long ride home. easily win superficial popularity and be Last year, quietly, the FBI released 750+ swept into the Presidency, only to reveal his pages of documents that had been classified hollow core of psychopathic nihilism and since WW II. They cover the FBI’s search end up literally destroying us all in nuclear for Adolf Hitler. exchanges. Hitler escaped. When I was about 15 I rode shotgun with He flew out of Berlin, rested in Spain, my dad one very snowy night to pick up my submarined to the Canary Islands , rested aunt at a lonely, makeshift railroad station — there at Winter Haus, then submarined to Ar- an empty trailer with a Franklin coal burner gentina, where he was kept protected in a in it, and a double line of knocked-together safe house behind an estate mansion in plywood benches against either long wall — woods, accessible only by lake, eight miles in the industrial train yards of Altoona, PA. from the nearest town, itself a haven for SS We got there about midnight, snow falling so officers with one road in and out, and a loyal densely it dimmed the one street light they populace tight-lipped to this day. had mounted on a pole over the doorway. We went in and found the train had not yet ar- Not yet sure if Hitler moved on from rived, so we waited, and that’s when I saw an there or died there but he did not commit sui- old man on the bench facing the door. cide in that bunker. He was hunched in an overcoat at least a He reached Tempelhof Airport via a tun- size too big for him, with a fedora on his nel from his bunker. It has been found and head. He dropped a rolled newspaper and confirmed, along with seven stories of under- leaned down to get it. Hat fell off. I picked it ground city built by Speer for Hitler and used up to hand to him and, as I did so, noticed during the end of the war to get people and through his thinning hair a long number tat- loot out. Tunnels are often big enough to tooed in blue ink across his scalp. He glanced drive convoys of trucks through. up at me, snatched the hat, and put it on his Hitler’s personal belongings, listed on the head as if covered it in shame. He nodded 7 manifest as such, flew out days earlier, then Witnesses still alive tell of four Enigma he was flown out with many others in a machines at this base, and of mysterious twenty-plane flight on 21 April 1945, a day movements of a cadre of people from an un- after the last time he was ever seen in public, announced sub just after the war ended. They which had been greeting troops and well- were taken to an estate, the Winter Haus, wishers on his birthday. named after its owner, a wealthy Nazi ex- The FBI found invoices, bills of lading, patriot businessman. At least, that was his and flight manifests in typical Nazi detail. cover. Recent investigations found witnesses to cor- This mysterious group is thought almost roborate this flight, and many other things. certainly to have been Hitler and his escort In Spain he stayed at one of Generalis- and entourage. simo Francisco Franco’s more isolated man- The Winter Haus is fortified, even ors. Keep in mind that, although officially walled, and has a tower that can see and sig- neutral, Franco was fascist and did covertly nal the ocean. It’s on a slanted plain barren support the Nazi regime, lending aid and as- for miles around it, so no one can approach it sistance when he could. unseen. Guard shacks perch in mountains Some of the aid rendered consisted of a behind and around it. There is a single road. chain of monasteries run by the Vatican al- It is also due to be demolished to make lowing fleeing Nazis to hide as monks while way for a resort. further preparations for re-settlement were Hitler’s bunker was filled in with con- made via the Odessa rat lines. crete and paved over for a parking lot. Hitler was ill with a severe stomach ail- The safe house hidden behind the estate’s ment, among other things. He required both mansion in Patagonia was imploded, razed, medical attention daily and rest between and buried. stints of fleeing. Systematically these sites associated with Submarining was difficult on the healthi- the flight of Adolf Hitler are being expunged, est of sailors and hard on Hitler, a withering as was Spandau Prison almost immediately old man. At least one nurse and possibly two after the sole prisoner, ostensibly Rudolf other women accompanied him. He would Hess, was “found dead” in impossible cir- not have survived the trip across the Atlantic cumstances. to Argentina if done in one leg so a rest at a huge Nazi/Spanish submarine base let him What happened with the rise of the Nazis break the journey. in Germany and the resultant WW II is being erased from history, swept into memory Keep in mind, this huge underground sub holes planned all along. re-supply base on Spanish soil was there de- spite Spain having no submarines. The old guard Nazis gotten out of a col- lapsing Third Reich starting in 1945 via The tunnels, hoists, and winches in the Odessa rat lines, with the help of sympathetic Canary Islands sub base are huge, suitable countries including Spain, Argentina, (long a for moving tons of supplies and torpedoes. refuge-of-choice for retired Nazis and with Sealed rooms housed explosives and allowed huge German enclaves throughout the coun- torpedoes to be armed without threatening try), and the Vatican, who chose Catholic the entire facility, which exists extant to this Hitler over Atheist Stalin to receive its sup- day. It’s a huge complex. port and compassion — these old guard Na- 8 zis remain rich and powerful. They are quite started. So generations grow today who have obviously influential in current GOP politics, no idea they’re being misled, lied to, and en- for example. slaved by ideas only psychopaths and sadists In France, currently reeling from the can embrace. Daesh terror attacks, currently seething with Those who forget history are condemned lust for revenge, it’s been a problem since to repeat it, as Santayana wrote. WW II ended to ferret out the identities of Trouble is, combined with today’s global Vichy collaborators who remain in the gov- reach of corporate corruption and fascist can- ernment bureaucracy. Third-tier life-long si- cer, the ecology itself is mortally wounded, necures have allowed such comfy hiding. It and cannot sustain higher life forms much is known there were and remain many such longer. History itself is about to end, at least fifth columnists, to borrow a cold war term insofar as any meaningful primate participa- of paranoid art. These cancers lodged in the tion is involved. body politic often influent things toward a resurgence of fascism, when possible. Wit- This is where space alien saviors, the re- ness the current anti-Muslim scapegoating, ligion scams, and other forms of delusional fear, and hate, which is used to create both escapism come in to comfort the dying ani- crackdowns and profitable war. mal in its dark burrow as the predatory night brings endless dark and cold to its awareness. Britain never came to grips with its pro- Nazi, fascist-boosting aristocracy. Blue A cynic is not a pessimist per se, but bloods wanted to hand Britain to the Nazis in someone who sees the world at dog level. exchange for a separate peace. Len Deigh- Ask any dog what it’s like to be kicked, de- ton’s novel SS-GB offers detail insights into spised, beaten, starved, abandoned, ignored, plans never implemented, which were uncov- and condemned at every turn, eking a meager ered after the war. He depicts how it might subsistence by scavenging, tortured by have been, even as Philip K. Dick imagined mange and fleas and broken bones from the Axis powers having won and having di- speeding cars, ask those street and woods vided America at the Mississippi between a dogs what it’s like, this existence, before be- triumphant Japan and Nazi Germany in his ing too quick to dismiss realism as “merely” superb Man In the High Castle. In Father- cynical. land, Robert Harris novelizes a British SS Slavery, genocide, the holocaust, the dis- officer whose innate decency solves a crime ruption and destruction of WW II — yet Hit- regardless of consequence, set against a ler escaped. He was arguably not even near backdrop of Nazi Britain. the worst history can show us. Those psycho- We see a strong fascist streak still in Brit- paths who do the worst to us rarely pay any ain’s Tory party and even in its Freemason price sane people would consider commensu- police scandals and banking murders, all of rate to the harm they do. which perhaps cover much worse. Villains skate. Predators gorge. So Hitler is long dead of old age and in- And we all fall down. firmity. So the death camp tattoos face as what were once children behind barbed wire Currently we’ve fallen to a new nadir, for wither into old folks with feeble memories. American ideals, at which calls for marking, So history is rewritten by a modern crop of tracking, and banishing select groups of peo- fascists determined to finish what Hitler ple based solely on bigoted category rooted in fear and hate without foundation, at which 9 calls for outright murder and slaughter, vie delusions of grandeur on the part of a hand- for our attention with the daily mass shoot- ful of people so wealthy and powerful their ing. We can get only a little bit lower before dreams become games in which entire na- hitting the rock bottom of extinction, with tions are pawns. pollution leading the way toward that, all so We know who most of them are, even one tenth of one percent of mankind can get where. even richer than they are already, when they already control over 97% of the entire We could, if we dropped our petty squab- world’s wealth, which is unimaginable even bles over skin color, god yap, territory, oil, for them. minerals, and so many other unimportant things, rise up now and take them down, to They live and move among us, invisible, redistribute their wealth and make a paradise their world apart from ours, rarely imping- we can all share. ing, never overlapping. Wealth and power Could have. It’s too late now, with run- are scoffed at by these few, who have it all away greenhouse affect already underway. and so have no need even to keep score. Earth will soon resemble Venus, uninhabit- They do not win, they own. able and sterile due to temperatures over We’re property, Charles Fort concluded. 900° and maybe a burned-off atmosphere, if Of what or whom, he did not know and could we break the Van Allen belts that protect us not guess. from radiation. Now we know. We coulda been a contender. Didn’t turn out to be gods, extraterrestrial I used to wonder but science fiction ruined intelligences, or automated robotic machine that sense for me. code digital matrix Zen illusion, it turned out to be approximately 30 families, maybe 400 people total, of whom just under 100 pick, choose, arbitrate, and decide what goes for all we call reality. These are those who believe they can sur- vive even a mass extinction with ecological collapse. They believe they can ride it out in their underground enclaves of lush luxury and infinite supplies. They believe they can reduce the population to under half a billion and rid Earth of its “useless eaters” who clut- ter reality and spoil their view. They believe they can retain just enough of these Moloch & Eloi slaves to do the scut work required for them to live in a new paradise, a heaven they themselves design and own. They be- lieve this is well under way and they are happy. To believe is to pretend. Mankind has been murdered by infantile

10 Chirps

by Sheryl Birkhead

Gather round children! the wall, atop the plastic cover of the long Once upon a time there was a day— fluorescent light. I willed that sucker to usually some time in early fall—when all the chirp. Nothing. clocks got turned back an hour. That was I went over to the forced air vent and sat when Daylight Saving time went back to the down on the side of the tub. Perhaps, just normal clock settings. All the good little girls maybe, if the culprit was the newest and boys dutifully changed the clock and (unlikely but . . .) of the detectors that was in new batteries were put into all the smoke de- the ceiling of the furnace room, close to the tectors to keep homes safe. ducts, the sound might be transferred through Well, that time is gone. Now the Fall the duct system and heard in just about any Back date is around Halloween and changing room in the house. As if playing statue would it back is only a few months down the line. I help things to happen sooner, I sat stock still used to remember to change the batteries for what seemed an hour. No chirp. whenever I had to change the clock, but that Sigh. is now a fluid date and I forget. For a few Another full day passed without extra- years I remembered to do it once a year, but neous sounds and I had fingers crossed that I lately, I just . . . forget. had replaced any expiring batteries. Once About a month ago a chirp that seemed to again, at about 2 a.m. I was awakened but be very close to my ear woke me at about 2 this time the only talking smoke/CO detector a.m. Now being totally awake, I figured was stridently proclaiming “low battery, low somehow the battery back-up on the clock battery”. Annoying, but at least I knew had gotten a voice and was . . . So I got up, which detector was having a hissy fit. once went down and pulled the batteries out of again I pulled out the ladder and replaced the cold storage, grabbed a 9 volt and stumbled batteries. back to replace it. Ahh. Back to sleep. Prob- At this point (counting the probably in- lem solved. nocent radio back-up battery) I had replaced Two nights later that same insistent chirp two of the possible five sources. Oh, what woke me, but I was awake enough not to re- the heck! I went ahead and replaced all the peat the same maneuver. I just sat stock still batteries, doing a functioning test as I went. and listened. No chirp. Okay back to sleep. At this point all the detectors passed and all Chirp. Okay, pick another detector and re- were smartly outfitted with brand new batter- peat the process. ies. Tah dah! Wait—no chirp. Back to sleep. This next Two nights later—wanna guess? I heard morning I was feeling pretty good about my- one chirp but still had no idea where the self. I went down the hall to the kitchen, past noise came from. Then I waited, waited and . the main bathroom. Chirp. Aw, c’mon! . . Yawn. As the sun rose over the—time to I walked into the bathroom and looked at get up. I turned the TV on, started one of the the smoke detector simply propped against VCR tapes and got—huh, chirp. This was not a scientific possibility. The batteries had all

11 either been pulled or replaced . There was years and you don't replace batteries, just one very remote possibility. I rewound the chuck the whole thing in ten years. I thought VCR tape a bit, played it, then played it it interesting that the detectors cannot be re- again. Well, I’ll be darned! This chirp was cycled due to the small amount of radioiso- actually on the tape! Apparently (at last) topes present—but you just put them out problem solved. with the regular trash—to have them slowly I had to leave to get some repair work die in the landfill! These units are now sitting done on the car, but I felt pretty confident (still inactivated) on the hallway table since it that the chirping days were over. is going to take a bit of work ( I am basically lazy) to put them up properly over the previ- As I headed home, I saw the local volun- ous spots. Yeah, I’ll get to it RSN. teer Fire Department trucks going house to house in the little cull de sac. I pulled out my checkbook to be certain I had already made Now, a change of pace: my donation to them for the year. Yup, up to date so what was this all about? The hidden Probably useless facts farm across the street was trying to reclaim a A snail can sleep for three years. wooded hillside for a horse grazing field. In Turtles can breathe through their butts. order to do this they bypassed the permit ap- Donkeys kill more people annually than plication process and merely had a variety of plane crashes. accelerants to enhance burning down each Consuming chocolate was once considered a tree or two. Neighbors nervously watched sin during the 16th and 17th century. (It’s a this whole process. Then, two nights before good thing I didn’t live back then. I’d have this, 70 firefighters had to be called in as a 3 been in big trouble.) alarmer since there aren’t any hydrants in the area and the big pumper trucks had to load Cats sleep 16 to 18 hours per day. Hmm, up and roll in. The various accelerants stored furry door stops in a tent-like garage had ignited and pretty Isaac Asimov is the only author to have a much destroyed the house, no loss of life hu- book in every Dewey-decimal category. man or otherwise. So, the Fire Department was following up and going house to house The newspaper serving Frostbite Falls, Min- to discuss the value and need for smoke and nesota, the home of Rocky and Bullwinkle, is carbon monoxide detectors. the Picayune Intellegence. When they got to my house and asked if I The Neanderthal's brain was bigger than knew about smoke detectors, I smiled and yours is. mentioned it was funny they should ask. With a trapped audience I regaled them with The word "lethologica" describes the state of the tale. It was worth it. The last firefighter to not being able to remember the word you arrive listened to the end of the tale, then want. (So that explains my occasional prob- asked if I needed any . . . Now that you men- lem in writing.) tion it . . . ! So I now have two new, free (!), sealed, 10 year warranty smoke detectors. The bagpipe was originally made from the They are not the one$ I would have chosen, whole skin of a dead sheep. (I bet there was a but I already have the one talking smoke and sigh of relief when the bagpipes were made carbon monoxide detector so I guess I’ll take from different material.) my chances. These are warranted for 10

12 SINAGUA SAGA

Part One: Pueblo Origins by Al Byrd

This series of articles is as ancestral to theirs object to based on reading on Ancestral this name for it as disparag- Puebloans that I’d done before ing to their relatives. Hopis a trip to Arizona; literature and call members of this culture other information that I gath- Hisatsinom, “persons from ered there on visits to Heard long ago” or “ancestors.” The Museum, Montezuma Castle Hopi claim of descent from National Monument, Elden them will arise in several Pueblo, Wupatki National contexts in this series. Mod- Monument, Tusuyan Ruin in Grand Canyon ern anthropologists, accepting Hopi and National Park, and Walnut Canyon National Pueblo claims, now generally call the ad- Monument; and talks with Hopi guide Gary vanced culture Ancestral Puebloan. Still, the Tso on a guided tour of Second Mesa name Anasazi hangs on. (Sipaulovi, Mishongnovi, Kykyotsmovi, and Ancestral Puebloans share several cul- Old Oriabi) and the Taawali Petroglyph Site tural traits with one another: construction of on Black Mesa. Any errors, if provable, are complex structures of native stone with asso- mine. ciated kivas; dry farming of maize, beans, Before Columbus came to what he squash, and cotton; and a distinctive set of thought was Asia, what we now call North basketry and pottery styles. The best known America held advanced native cultures that Ancestral Puebloans are the Kayenta Culture reached in some cases the level of civiliza- of northeastern Arizona (this culture’s type tion, “the art of living in cities.” In past arti- settlement is Betatakin in Navajo National cles on these cultures, I focused on the Monument), the Chaco Culture of central Adena/Hopewell culture that flourished in New Mexico, and the Mesa Verde Culture of south-central Ohio until about 500 A.D. The southeastern Colorado. I hope to visit sites of advanced native cultures peaked soon after all of these cultures someday. Just now, I’ll 1000 A. D., when two major cultural com- tell you of the Sinagua Culture of north- plexes throve side by side. While the Missis- central Arizona, as I visited several Sinaguan sippian Culture, which reached its zeniths at sites on a recent (late September to early Oc- Cahokia in present Illinois and at Mounds- tober of 2015) trip to Arizona. ville in present Alabama, dominated what’s No one knows what Sinaguas called now the Eastern United States, another ad- themselves, if they used a single name for vanced Native American culture spread over their society (or if it was a single society), the Southwest, particularly over what are though Hopi tradition may preserve Sinaguan now Arizona, New Mexico, and southern place names. The name Sinagua comes from Colorado. Sierra Sin Agua, as the Spanish called the The name for this culture is politically volcanic San Francisco Peaks (their volcan- touchy. Anthropologists used to call it Ana- ism shaped and changed the Sinaguan world) sazi, Navajo for “ancient enemies.” Hopis north of Flagstaff. Lack of water in their and other Pueblo Indians who see this culture homeland drove the rise and fall of all of the

13 Ancestral Puebloan cultures, but particularly the Clovis or Folsom points not yet assisted of the Sinaguas, who had no reliable year- by atlatls. Second was the Archaic phase, round river. How they throve and then failed during which nomads began to settle in semi- in two types of desert defined the Sinaguan permanent camps, and gathering became as way of life. important as hunting had been. Hunting be- Anthropologists divide Sinaguas into came easier, if less rewarding, in the Archaic Southern Sinaguas and Northern Sinaguas by phase than it had been in the Paleo-Indian where they lived. South of the steep Mogol- phase, as Archaics hunted the smaller surviv- lon Rim (it terrified me to drive down from ing game with smaller-tipped spears made Flagstaff to Phoenix), which parts Arizona’s deadlier by atlatls. Life is easier if you can cactus-desert lowlands from its pine-desert leverage it, I hear. highlands, Southern Sinaguas dwelt in Verde In any case, in the Southwest, the Ar- Valley. On my visit there, its chaic phase lasted longer than name seemed to me a land- elsewhere, but passed around agent’s jest along the line of 550 A.D. to the Basketmaker Greenland, as arroyos, phase. This featured the pro- gulches, washes, creeks, and duction of large, elaborate bas- rivers held only sand. Still, at ketry, supplemented towards other times, I hear, the valley the phase’s end by ever more does deserve its name. Above sophisticated pottery. The Bas- the rim, Northern Sinaguas ketmakers lived in pit houses, lived in canyons and on a pla- round holes dug in the ground, teau where piñon pines, junipers, and Pon- covered with roofs consisting of limbs and derosa pines made life easier for humans thatch and upheld by four beams, and ac- than it was below the rim. As we’ll see, life cessed through ladders running through a was challenging, but rewarding, in both of smoke hole in the roof. Pithouses were far the Sinaguan zones. from safe. As charred bones in pithouses Like the rest of us, unless one of us hap- show, roof fires, perhaps set by sparks from a pens to be Athena, the Sinaguas didn’t spring fire for heating the pit, often trapped whole full grown from Zeus’ brow. Instead, they families underground. Still, don’t space heat- arose from ancestors less culturally advanced ers sometimes cause the same kind of catas- than they were. Just as the ancestors of the trophe among us? Adena/Hopewell culture determined how it A pithouse’s floor had a sealed hole that would live in south-central Ohio, the ances- Hopis call a sipapu. This, in a modern kiva, tors of Sinaguans shaped their lives in north- stands for the passageway through which the central Arizona. Thus, before we get to the Hopis’ ancestors fled from the Third World, Sinaguas, let’s look at their forebears. destroyed by a flood in judgment on the evil The first two phases of these were uni- of that world’s inhabitants, into our present versal throughout sub-Arctic North America. Fourth World, which some see as aching for I’ve covered them in articles on the Adena/ a judgment of its own. I must confess to hav- Hopewell culture, so I’ll just mention them ing lacked courage to ask Gary Tso of Ko- again here. First was the Paleo-Indian phase, yaanisqatsi. Sorry, Philip Glass fans. If the at the last Ice Age’s end. The Paleo-Indians hole in the Basketmakers’ floor meant what a ranged freely over the continent as they modern sipapu means, the Basketmakers hunted big game (bigger game than we have may already have developed a cycle of origin nowadays) with large-tipped spears sporting accounts shared by Hopis, other Pueblo Indi-

14 ans, and Navajos. I’ll discuss these accounts dition: the potter’s wheel and enclosed fur- in this series’ second article. Like the later naces. Instead, Native Americans in the Sinaguans and other Ancestral Puebloans, Southwest made, and still make, pots by the Basketmakers congregated their dwell- hand-smoothing rings of clay and then firing ings in villages set in characteristic locations: them in a covered pit in which pots are held most often atop mesas, but also in recesses of in place by cordons of rocks. Still, with these cliffs. Both locales suggest protection from limited techniques, some branches of the An- raiders, but this suggestion, as I’ll discuss cestral Puebloans produced glazed poly- later, may be wrong. chrome pottery almost as fine as that of the The transition from fine basketry to fine Mississippians, whose wares dazzled Spanish pottery marks the transition from scattered adventurers and still dazzle museum-goers. bands of semi-nomads to dwell- The Ancestral Puebloans lacked ers in lasting settlements. In the only the Mississippians’ trade Southwest, pots may’ve come secret: the use of finely ground into being to let humans eat seashells as temper to keep wa- beans. In the Basketmaker ter adsorbed into clay from phase, cooking consisted of bursting the clay, or from dropping heated rocks into shrinking and cracking it, when soups contained in pitch-lined it’s fired. baskets set into the ground. As Some branches of the Ancestral pitch came from the sap of cer- Puebloans made striking pot- tain pines, especially piñon pines, I suspect tery, but generally not the Sinaguans. Al- that those who made soup in pitch-lined bas- though they received polychrome pottery in kets had to develop a taste for pine-scented trade, they did not themselves produce such soup. If I were kind to make puns, I’d speak pottery. They produced only serviceable of soup du fir, but I’ll spare you the lowest monochrome pottery, either Southern brown- form of humor. Such cooking, too, failed to ware of Verde Valley clay tempered with soften beans, or to break down their protein, sand, or Northern grayware of uplands clay enough to make them digestible for humans. tempered with volcanic ash. In contrast with Steady heat beneath a pot of fired clay, how- smooth-surfaced polychrome ware, which ever, did the trick. was mainly a prestige item meant for display, Now, students of anthropology, it’s time monochrome ware was often roughened by for the obligatory lecture on pottery. Aren’t rolling corncobs over it to increase the effec- you glad of your having come to class today? tive surface for heating. Now, one could eat Pots have three advantages over baskets: pots pinto beans, which, as any Eastern Ken- make possible prolonged heating of food by tuckian can tell you, are the staff of life. An- an external source of heat, pots can be sealed cestral Puebloans produced cornbread, too. for long-term storage of foodstuffs and medi- Now, if only they’d been able to make maca- cines, and pots keep out pests better than bas- roni and tomatoes, they’d have been able to kets keep them out. On the other hand, pots make a complete Eastern Kentuckian meal. are heavy and fragile, difficult to transport, But to our tale. Who made pottery, poly- so a pot-based culture (make whatever pun chrome or not? Not male artists whom we you like here) tends to be tied to one place. may ethnocentrically envision. If Basketmak- Basketmakers and their Ancestral ers and Ancestral Puebloans were like mod- Puebloan descendants lacked two major tech- ern Hopis, basketry and pottery came from nical innovations of the Western pottery tra- women who learned traditional techniques of

15 production through their mat- to cultivate the Southwestern rilineal clans. In contrast, the complex of crops: maize (corn production of woven cloth, to all of us but agronomists, another major item of trade anthropologists, and subjects (but an item that, sadly, is less of Her Britannic Majesty), persistent through time than beans, squash, and cotton. The pottery is), was the work of Basketmakers also learned men who learn their craft from the Mexicans the use of from their maternal uncles. bow and arrow, replacing earlier spears and Often, despite our best intentions, pottery atlatls as in the Mississippian culture to the gets broken. It then goes on to the subject of east. our next obligatory lecture in anthropology. When I speak of continent-wide trade A feature of every Basketmaker or Sinaguan networks in pre-Columbian North America, village is the midden, where waste (an item keep in mind that no wheeled vehicles or do- far smaller in the ancient Southwest than in mestic beasts of burden supported these. today’s America) ended up. From broken Also, in the Southwest, no reliable rivers al- pottery, bones left over from cooked meat, lowed transport by canoe. Instead, most trade and worn-out tools, anthropologists can learn items moved by men who used tumplines to much of ancient lifeways. support on their backs packs of much of a Contents of middens can at times be man’s body weight. Pairs of men might carry amazing. Although it’s out of historical se- cages of macaws on a pole over their shoul- quence for me to mention Old Oraibi, center ders, and teams of men carried heavy logs, of Hopi ceremonialism, here, the village’s generally of upland Ponderosa pine, long dis- midden, which dates back as far as 1050 tances (as far as a hundred miles in some A.D., offers the viewer unexpected, astonish- cases) to where the logs served as roof beams ing sights: fragments of Ming Dynasty china, for pueblos. The Spanish, when they came to brought to the Franciscan mission there in the Southwest, would exploit native trade the early 1600’s, when it was part of a global networks; Franciscan missionaries forced Spanish Empire. You haven’t felt culture Hopi men to carry trunks of Ponderosa pines shock until you’ve gaped at bright blue and from the Sierra Sin Agua to Oriabi to raise a white broken Ming vases amid Old Oraibi’s mission there. Sadly for the Franciscans, in drab grayness on a hot, dry, windy afternoon. the Pueblo Revolt— It’s truly a small world and has been one for Oops, I may be getting into mission some time. It also saddens me that the Hopis creep. This is, after all, a series of articles on broke the Ming vases instead of saving them Sinaguas, not Hopis. Still, if you’ve heard for today’s collectors’ market. The Hopis Elton John sing “Burn Down the Mission,” could’ve lived well from selling the vases you know the story. The Hopi village of Si- centuries after the Pueblo Revolt. Still, when paulovi still keeps up walls that it built to the Hopis shattered the vases, the Hopis were repel the Spanish should they ever return to down on all things Spanish. Second Mesa. Have I mentioned that Hopis Although not such globetrotters as the have long memories? Spanish would be, the Basketmakers were Now, before I move on, let me mention linked through far-flung trade networks to that long-distance running may well have civilizations in central Mexico. From these, been a daily feature of Basketmaker and An- when drought-resistant varieties of maize cestral Puebloan life just as it is of Hopi life became available, the Basketmakers learned today. Since the founding of Hopi High

16 School back in the ‘80’s, ing in four perfect kernels) in its cross-country team has rites of passage, and corn- won every cross-country meal marking out sacred championship in Arizona. boundaries or consumed in So said Gary Tso; now, I cakes in an elaborate year- know what pride sounds round set of rituals. From like in a Hopi’s voice. As glimpses of Hopi cornfields a former cross-country on Second Mesa, I got a runner myself, I can say, sense of what a work of de- having seen the Hopi me- termination, and a labor of sas’ wide-open spaces and love, it is to grow maize in winding paths from highlands to lowlands, the desert. In tiny patches of fertility amid that these call to the runner in one. If only I immense wilderness, cornstalks, already still had a runner’s knees. Age doth us all ill, straw colored, reached hardly higher than the as the elders said in my youth long ago. In waists of men harvesting them, just as their any case, though trade networks were exten- ancestors were doing when the Bear Clan sive, they were limited in trade goods to what founded Oraibi in 1050 A.D., and likely just the human body could carry. Only what an- as the Basketmaker ancestors of the Sina- thropologists like to call prestige items could guans had been doing for centuries before make a trading trip worthwhile. then. For everyday items, a pueblo had to be As maize is a sacred crop, it must be self sufficient. As in food for example. Let’s raised in a sacred way. Modern Puebloans, look at what fueled life in the Southwest. For rising at dawn to tend their cornfields, pray Basketmakers, as for later Ancestral Pueb- to the sun and offer it corn pollen before they loans, maize made up as much as seventy start work. They usually work in the cool of five per cent of crops grown. It had to be a the morning and in the cool of the evening. culture shock for the Basketmakers to transi- Likely, Ancestral Puebloans did likewise. tion from hunting and gathering to maize ag- Mention of maize brings me to a ritual riculture, as they went from having abundant disclaimer in articles like this one. When I free time to doing continual hard labor. Their speak of the Southwest’s native inhabitants, life sounds like a Depression-Era criminal’s, keep in mind that I’m discussing them in a but I digress. Men had to clear, plant, weed, Western linguistic tradition foreign to them. and harvest fields; then, for women, the For Puebloans, ancestral or modern, termi- really hard work began as, with mano and nology such as “sacred” or “ceremonial,” metate, they knelt for hours and slid one while needful to our understanding them, is smooth stone over a trough in another misleading. Observant (or “traditional” or smooth stone to turn kernels into cornmeal. “conservative”) Puebloans see no distinction There had to be grumbling throughout North between sacred and secular. Rather, they see America as maize made its way up from themselves as living every moment within an Mexico, but most of the North American endlessly repeated annual round recalling peoples grew it. ancient accounts of creation, escape from If the lifestyle of modern Hopis mirrors worlds doomed by their inhabitants’ evil, and that of their ancestors, maize may not have a cycle of migrations and gathering within been mainly for daily use among them. the present world. Puebloans live every mo- Rather, maize was for ceremonial use as pol- ment within “religion” or “history,” but have len in prayer, corn mothers (ears of corn end- no words for either. To observant Puebloans,

17 our image of them is distorted by our effort ing and gathering. Hunters preferred white- to place them within classifications meaning- tailed deer, pronghorn antelope, rabbit, and ful to us, but not to them. Likely, the Ances- squirrel when they could get them; but, in tral Puebloans thought much as their descen- times of famine, just about anything went dants think. into the pot, as my Eastern Kentuckian fore- Ancestral Puebloans grew crops in a re- bears have told me of another challenging gion with low annual rainfall that came in place to live. Besides bow and arrows, Sina- three forms: snow, monsoon rains (the Nava- gua hunters used clubs, throwing sticks, and jos’ “female rains”), and often catastrophic snares. The last were set to catch small mam- late-summer thunderstorms (the Navajos’ mals that raided gardens. Thus, these became “male rains”). To grow crops, the Ancestral a source of meat as well as of grain and vege- Puebloans had to use what anthropologists tables. call, as I’ve mentioned, dry-farming tech- As for gathering, the Southwest’s inhabi- niques. The most advanced of the Ancestral tants learned to use for food or medicine over Puebloan cultures, the Chaco Culture of two hundred and forty varieties of plants. northwestern New Mexico, built dams and Life was richest above the Mogollon Rim. developed full-blown networks of irrigation There, piñon pines provided pitch and edible canals. Sinaguans did build an occasional nuts, junipers provided berries (edible by canal, but relied generally on dry-farming themselves, but most often used to season techniques more modest than building irriga- venison in cooking), and Ponderosa pines tion canals is. The Sinaguans terraced their provided timber. Like any other successful land, and built check dams of rocks lined up desert dwellers, the Basketmakers and the to hold drainage in, to stretch water from rain Sinaguas were geniuses at exploiting any to rare useful rain. available resource. Some Arizonans have The Sinaguans also practiced a technique taken to imitating those who came before that some like to call “semi-cultivation.” The them. While I was at Walnut Canyon, many Sinaguans used tobacco, smoked either in persons, most of them no more obviously clay pipes or as cigars, in their ceremonials, Native American than I am, had parked by but didn’t plant it as Eastern Woodlands In- the park’s entrance road and were gathering dians or Mexicans did. Instead, the Sina- piñon nuts. Yes, folks, Euell Gibbons lives guans smoked wild tobacco, patches of on. which they carefully kept free of competing Next time, I’ll discuss daily life among plants. Southern Sinaguans also semi- the Sinaguas and take you on a tour of a hid- cultivated prickly-pear cactuses, which den petroglyph site on the Hopi mesas. yielded them important food sources: deli- cious red fruit, and pads that were edible if one carefully removed their spines. The spines themselves were useful as sewing nee- dles and as decorations in cotton cloth or deerskins. I could go on to mention elderber- ries and sunflowers, but you’ve grasped the principle. Throughout both Basketmaker and Sina- guan phases, agriculture (as it was small scale, some anthropologists insist on calling it horticulture) was supplemented with hunt-

18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 The Crotchety Critic By Michaele Jordan Escape from Baghdad! by Saad Z. Hossain

This issue I did my homework. After But . . . There are a lot of first novel considerable rooting through the stacks, I flaws. Ms. Tanser has many interesting ideas, was forced to admit that most of the books but she tosses them out and forgets them. She lying around my house were inappropriate is woefully lacking in follow-through. For for review here, due either to age or to con- instance, right up front she builds a weird tent. So I checked out a couple of west that includes a provocative presence of ‘Best of 2015’ lists online. As I bear-folk, but these entertaining feared, I was deluged with more characters prove to be little more titles than I could possibly read. than décor. Some didn’t appeal, in spite of Ms. Tanser attempts to flesh out the plug. Others, I couldn’t find. Lou’s character by giving her some Eventually three arrived on my cof- family issues, but these are resolved fee table: Vermillion by Molly Tan- in a single conversation, and there- ser, Escape from Baghdad! By Saad after prove irrelevant to her personal Z.Hossain and Radiance by Cath- development. In the beginning of erynne M. Valente. I haven’t gotten the book, we see Lou acting out her to Radiance yet. (I like Ms. role as a psychopomp, and it is in- Valente, so I saved it for last.) Per- triguing. But not too far into the haps I’ll tell you about it in #109. story, she ceases to use her skills for any- Vermillion (Word Horde, Petaluma, CA, thing much more than a generic ability to 2015) is a weird Western and was recom- detect spirits. The Chinese magic also disap- mended as a ‘best debut novel’. I was at- pears early on, to be replaced by standardized tracted to it because I liked the title. And I western tropes, such as vampires and the phi- liked that it appeared to be based on Chinese losopher’s stone. magic. You don’t see that much Chinese The plotting is a little shaky, too. She is magic in SF/F. I also liked that the heroine, not sure if she is writing a detective story or Lou Merriweather, was a psychopomp, a a romance, and “like a man to double busi- magical title so obscure that I had to look it ness bound, [she] stand[s] in pause where up to make sure it was a real word. (It is. A [she] shall first begin, and both neglect[s].” psychopomp is “a person who conducts spir- This leaves her mystery weak and her ro- its or souls to the other world, as Hermes or mance unconvincing and ultimately a bit Charon”.) creepy. Her grand finale is significantly less And I especially liked that Lou dressed as than grand, especially since she had took a man, not out of some twisted and anachro- pains to rescue all her villains, in a heavy- nistic feminism, but because she was homely handed bid for a sequel. enough to pass. In 19th century San Fran- Escape from Baghdad! came as a wel- cisco, she’s more put upon for being half come relief. It was originally published by Chinese than female. All in all, there is a lot Bengal Press in 2012 as Baghdad Immortals. to like in Vermillion. Apparently English is an accepted second

26 language in Bangladesh, as Saad Z. Hossain with a wife and daughter. The war took care makes his living there writing for a variety of of that. Now he is a black marketeer. His English language periodicals. Nor is there partner is Kinza, who is a militant, and is be- any indication the book needed to be trans- yond loss. Their prisoner is Captain Hamid, lated for its first publication in an elite of the former Republican North America and the United Guard. And circling them, we Kingdom by The Unnamed Press, have Hoffman, an American Ma- Los Angeles, in 2015. rine who plainly describes him- On the most superficial level, self as a cog, but who is very Escape from Baghdad! is a simple good at surviving. Many call him action/adventure tale. Our pro- stupid, but he keeps winning— tagonists are searching for a treas- maybe because he doesn’t waste ure. Along the way, they come time and energy on anger. into possession of a secret artifact I mentioned above the many that may be a greater treasure ways we come to know these than the one they are looking for. four, but I left out the most im- There are, of course, enemies be- portant one. We know them by hind and before them. There is their interactions with their sur- fighting and bloodshed, and the roundings, the very surroundings pace is: Go, Go, Go! The science that created them (except for fiction is underplayed, providing the infra- Hoffmann) in the first place. structure for the story. The story starts in Baghdad, in the So what makes this book special? The neighborhood of Ghazalia. The characters characters are sketched in so quickly and want to go to Mosul, but to do that, they have lightly that you don’t expect them to become to start with crossing the city. They run into intimate portraits. And yet, without ever trouble at the first boundary—between 13th pausing to give the matter thought, and cer- and 14th streets. tainly without a single golden moment, we It’s been one hundred fifty years since come to know them intimately. We know the United States has suffered a war on its exactly how they'll handle problems and own turf. Even during the Civil War, even in when they’ll fail to do so. We know their Atlanta, we did not experience a slow, dis- spirits and their expectations. We know them puted military occupation with armies by their actions, which are harsh and realis- marching back and forth across urban terri- tic. Or stupid enough to inspire us to laugh tory. We simply do not understand what the at pain and blood. word, ‘war-torn’ means. We do not under- And we do laugh. Even though it really is stand political division, either. We engage in pain and blood. Which tells you all you need angry political battles between two clearly to know about the tone. It’s fast and funny— identified parties, or eventually candidates, at and bleak—more so than you expect to find regular intervals and are always surprised in an action/adventure. But the humor is irre- how bitter the arguments get. sistible, black but intoxicating. Coffee, not Baghdad is war-torn. There are a at least soda pop. a half dozen separate powers, strong enough We have four protagonists. First and to command military forces, competing for foremost is Dagr. He is what’s left of a good dominance—and probably more that Mr. man. He was once an economics professor Hossain didn’t bother to mention. They

27 rarely rely on the use of elections to resolve A hangover is the wrath of grapes. situations, although many are quasi-legal. It’s Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of not just Sunni vs. Shi’a, although that par- floor play. ticular divide carries a staggering weight of Does the name Pavlov ring a bell? malevolence. The fall of Saddam Hussein When two egotists meet, it’s an I for an I. has not eliminated the Republican Guard or What’s the definition of a will? (It’s a dead the Mukhabarat (Saddam’s Secret Service). give away.) Plus, every popular imam has his own local She was engaged to a boyfriend with a power base, militia and personal agenda. wooden leg but broke it off. There are ruins everywhere. Mostly inhab- The man who fell into an upholstery machine ited. And there are monsters. is fully recovered. The book does not tell us about any of A lot of money is tainted— ‘Taint yours and these things. It just relates a story that has to ‘taint mine. navigate these obstacles. In the process of He had a photographic memory that was reaching the end, the reader acquires an as- never developed. tonishing array of unexpected insights into— I stayed up all night to see where the sun not war itself, but the men who inhabit it. went. Then it dawned on me. Do read this book! I'm reading a book about anti-gravity . I can’t put it down . Broken pencils are pointless . Editor: Now a bit of silliness. I tried to catch some fog . I mist. England has no kidney bank, but it does have The fattest knight at King Arthur’s round a Liverpool . table was Sir Cumference —too much pi. I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest . Earthquake in Washington obviously govern- She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved ment’s fault . her still. I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m Two silk worms had a race. They ended up not so sure. in a tie. A hole has been found in the nudist camp I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew wall. The police are looking into it. on me. Atheism is a non-prophet organization. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you’d be in Seine. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says “Dam!” Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsur- prisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it, too. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, “'I’ve lost my electron.” The other says “Are you sure?” The first replies, “Yes, I’m positive.”

28 29 30 31 32 33 The Readers’ Turn To Speak

From: John Thiel Now, after having published two of them I decided they were not tight 11/27/2015 for TRF and nothing I wanted to use on a regular basis. As far as Thomas: I’m concerned it was a failed ex-

periment. You and others may dis- Very surprised to see the article agree but people’s taste vary by Robin Bright in your De- greatly. Bright might find some cember issue. He’s been writing other periodical that would take his articles for Surprising Stories articles.// Pyramids are unusual and futunarian women are usually part of his structures the purposes of which are uncer- topic for these articles. I didn’t know he’d tain and questionable. I’ve found that there turn up in a regular paper fanzine. His article are many speculations as to what their pur- was interesting, as usual—he really gets into pose and use really was, so anyone’s guess a novel. could be correct.// Well it now seems I won’t Pyramids are unusual for their architec- be retiring TRF anytime soon. So you’ll still tural form. It would seem that people would be able to “see” me. If you’re not aware of not want to have this form for a building, it it, I have an article in John Purcell’s does, in fact, make the building look like a ASKANCE 35. You may want to check it out. crypt and the pointed top has no reason for I also had one in an earlier issue of existing. ASKANCE but I don’t remember the issue’s I can recall reading very clear and coher- ent books by Mickey Spillane and enjoying number.]] them, but for the last n number of years I’ve From: Gene Stewart found his writing to be hackwork, resembling toxic waste and with violence irrationalized. 12/29/2015 Maybe he went through some sort of trauma which disarranged his view of things and im- Hi, Tom, peded his writing. Don’t sweat typos, they become part of I hope you don’t retire the fanzine—I the content. The world will adjust. don’t ever see you anywhere else but in your Dangling participles are not only al- own zine, so if you stopped publishing it lowed, they are insisted upon. See? might be the last time I saw you. Glad to hear you’re reading The Mystery -John Thiel of Edwin Drood. Drood by Dan Simmons is excellent, too, [[I had never heard of Robin Bright until I by the way, mostly for its research and not received an email wanting to know if I would necessarily for its hugger-mugger plot. be interested in using an article of his. Out of “Pareidolia aside…” - All the ghosts say curiosity I accepted it. After skimming over it that. lol I decided to try an experiment and print it to /// see what kinds of responses it would get. Sheryl Birkhead - 34 Reading Dickens is never amiss. No one historical mystery fantasies that do just this was better, ever. sort of thing, many of which are enjoyable. Cuyler Brooks, RIP, indeed. May his Some include fictional characters, others journey be swift and sure. stick to possibilities in the lacunae of real I’ve not heard from Henry Welch or lives. Knarley Knews in ages, and I did a column Some I’d recommend include Matthew for him. Pearl’s The Dante Club, The Poe Shadow, Children who kill do indeed present a set and The Last Dickens; of chicken/egg conundrums. Linday Faye’s Dust & Shadow and The Kim Neideigh - Defending Spillane and Gods of Gotham, etc. hating Har? That’s your opinion and you’re Lynn Cullen’s Mrs. Poe and Twain’s End stuck with it. Death and Mr. Pickwick by Stephen Jar- Alexis Gilliland - It’s a fanzine, Mr. Nu- vis, not a novel so much as a researcher’s ance. Apparently speaking in USA TODAY fantasia. simplicity falls short of conveying meaning Genug. to everyone. Huh. /// Never was a mummy ever found in any Politics IS lying: How else can it be pyramid, ever. The sarcophagi and other ac- done. coutrements of which you speak were used in / Dr. Kark ceremonies. /// To believe is to pretend. Dialogue. It's like talking, only com- Milt Stevens - Liberals and sane people pletely different. don’t like you, either, so it’s at least balanced Plot. Where you bury the dead. nicely on the head of a pin. Keep that gun Narrative. A native of Narragansett Bay warm, there are So many people different or the recounting of events that may or may from you. not have happened. Jerry Kaufman - Even speaking of gen- Dénouement. Being in the present but not tlefolk involved with publishing, big or small jumping out of the cake just yet. press, means you’ve swallowed bad Kool- / W B Kek, “Writer, Rider, What’s the Ade from the Victorian Era. Nonesuch exist. Difference?” All you can hope for is meeting like-minded folks who like you approximately as much as [[I have at last resigned myself to the inevita- you like them. bility of typos in TRF. As a somewhat ironic Publishing is as bad now or worse than it phrase goes, “It’s not a bug—it’s a feature.” was during Dickens and Twain. I’ve adjusted to that fact and so the world But who has the time to research for real will also adjust. Regarding dangling partici- in dusty library stacks among books no ples: Great I’ll dangle them all over. I have 8 longer acknowledged as ever having existed? Dickens novels in my library. So far I’ve John Purcell - Thank you, sir, for finding read only The Pickwick Papers, which I en- my Dickens column enjoyable. joyed very much. Well there’s also A Christ- Dickens met Poe during the former’s sec- mas Carol. I keep intending to read the oth- ond visit to America. Didn’t much like Poe, ers but keep getting distracted by so many who was needy & egocentric. A faan, in other, living, writers. Somehow I will get short. them read—if I live long enough. I’m plan- As to books featuring Poe and/or Dickens ning on reading Bleak House and The Old solving crimes, there is a cottage industry of Curiosity Shop first. The novel Drood sounds

35 like something to con- the past 70 years, some in sider reading. So do state or national parks, the Poe/Dickens nov- others in rural areas or els . small towns. The most From: Frederick Moe notorious example in- 36 West Main Street volves five disappear- Warner NH 03278 ances from the Benning- (603) 456-2665 ton VT area within a 28 November 2015 span of five years in the late 1940’s (I would gladly write an article about those incidents if in- Letter of comment re: The Reluctant Famulus vited!) #108 Thank you again for including informa- tional and thought provoking articles in every Dear Thomas, edition of The Reluctant Famulus. Sincerely, Frederick Moe Thank you for publishing Gene Stewart’s article "Where'd You Go? - Disappearances in [[ Gene manages to come up with some inter- National Parks. Several months ago, I learned of esting, unusual, sometimes obscure subjects David Pauhdeg’s Missing 411 project via Coast and always worthwhile reading and not dis- to Coast and other media sources. This series of appointed. What you bring up sounds in- mysteries has captivated me ever since, and it is triguing and worth writing about. Well, Fre- heartening to read Gene Stewart’s solid introduc- derick, you’re invited to write that article tion to the topic in The Reluctant Famulus. and get it to me.// Thank you for sending The deeper one goes into investigating Na- those amateur press publications to me. They tional Park disappearances, the more baffling all were worthwhile. I hope more of them these disappearances become. Some are fairly ex- come my way occasionally.]] plainable given the information surrounding indi- vidual cases—hikers who were clearly lost in the From: Kim Neidigh woods, no remains ever found—yet the major- 12/3/2015 ity of these cases have no clear-cut solution. If one examines all of the factors involved Dear Thomas, with the Missing 411 mysteries—weather at the time of disappearance, age, wilderness experience, “The Guts of Starship Troopers” by physical and mental acuity —here is no real pat- Robin Bright is an incomprehensible reli- tern other than many of the historical cases in- gious diatribe that seems to promote hatred volve children going missing in inexplicable cir- of gay men and approval of lesbians while, cumstances, seconds after having been visually somewhere, claiming Islam is more pro- observed by an adult. Yes, the woods are vast but women than Christianity. Really? Sanctioned children are not inclined to venture away from the rape and murder? Can’t see it myself. Now, security of loved ones in unfamiliar surroundings I’m all in favor of Freedom of Speech but even when beckoned by curiosity. Also, there are prefer said expressions to be coherently writ- just as many adults who vanish and are never ten and logically presented. heard from again. Regarding Harlan Ellison: My comment I believe that these cases are not limited to Na- wasn’t aimed at his work, rather at his per- tional Parks. There have been dozens of unex- sonality as revealed in various interviews. As plained vanishings in northern New England over a matter of fact, I actually enjoyed a couple

36 of his stories. So now dark matter was involved in the From: Milt Stevens death of the dinosaur? I remember when it was mini-black holes. Once again, where’s 12/5/2015 the proof? Anyone can dash off an unsup- ported theory and get their name in the pa- Dear Tom, pers. More science fiction pretending to be science fact. In Reluctant Famulus #108, Michaele The Martian photos are fun. Personally, I Jordon reviews Seveneaves by Neal Stephen- suspect the helmet picture to be a hoax. As to son. I’ve seen the book included on various the before-and-after doughnut, examinations lists of potential Hugo nominees for 2015. show it to be two photos of two different ar- However, I haven’t been in any rush to read eas of the same terrain. it. I’ve read two previous Stephenson novels, I’ve always enjoyed The Twilight Zone, Cryptonomicon and The Diamond Age. I but, as much as I liked Time Enough at Last” wasn’t particularly enthusiastic about either as someone whose worn glasses for over fifty novel. years and dropped them hundreds of times, Cryptonomicon didn’t impress me as sci- they simply don’t break that easily, espe- ence fiction. There are lots of books that de- cially those thick glass lenses. Old Rod was pict events in WWII that didn’t really hap- playing with us. pen. Just because something didn’t happen doesn’t make it science fiction. I also recall All my best, Kim that the novel was very long and obviously padded. There was a multipage sections on [[Regarding your first paragraph: you’ll get eating Captain Crunch breakfast cereal and no disagreement from me. My publishing it another on having a root canal. If you be- was an experiment to see what sorts of reac- come aware that you are reading padding tions the article would receive. It’s not some- while you are reading it, the author has done thing I’d repeat. My apologies for misunder- something wrong. standing your comment about Harlan Elli- I’ve described the plot of The Diamond son. Harlan does have a prickly and some- Age as beginning as science fiction, wander- times abrasive personality but he is a good ing into fantasy, staggering into surrealism, writer and he knows it. He also has a big ego and finally collapsing into complete incoher- but there are other people who also do.// ence. This progression didn’t prevent the Dark matter’s culpability is one groups’ sup- novel from winning the Hugo. My reaction position and shouldn’t be taken seriously un- to these previous Stephenson novels has not til substantial evidence is found that will sup- encouraged me to read Seveneves. If it gets port the hypothesis. Until then, as you say, on the ballot, I will read it despite my reser- “Where’s the proof?” The helmet could have vations. been a hoax but it’s more likely a product of Alfred D. Boyd’s continuing article on people’s imaginations, hence the pareidolia. under ground cities made me think of the I thought the doughnut claim was rather sus- Shaver Mysteries. Shaver wrote a lot about pect and questionable.// Regarding Time underground cities. He postulated that solar Enough at Last maybe the man had cheap rays caused aging. If you wanted to live for- glasses—I’m just kidding. It was probably ever, you built your super scientific cities just a plot device to explain the irony of what underground and lived in them until you de- the reader would be facing.]] generated into evil deros who did all sorts of

37 evil things because they were the Shaver Mysteries—if any bloody tired of living like go- are available and not obscenely phers. Did I mention Shaver pre- expensive. Ah ha! Seek and ye sented these ideas as fact rather shall find. I did some checking than fiction? Naturally, people and found the Shaver Mysteries said Shaver was crazy. They were for sale—on Amazon.com, right. Shaver was totally buggy. naturally. Four paperback vol- However, underground cities umes at $12.95 each.]] on earth might be a good way of practicing for the eventual occu- From: Al Byrd pation of the outer solar system. There are all sorts of medium sized moons and asteroids 12/7/2015 along with a lot of resources in the outer so- Thank you for TRF #108. Again, it de- lar system. Apparently, they continue on out lighted me to find an ish of TRF in my mail- to hell and gone and beyond that. box, and, again, it provided me with a varied Panspermia is unfortunate terminology. It and engrossing offering of facts and specula- sounds bad. People will develop all sorts of tions. strange ideas as to what you are talking about. If people can get the wrong impres- Before I comment on them, let me just sion, they will get the wrong impression. mention that I forgot to loc the last ish be- cause it came just before Anna and I set out Yours truly, on a week-long trip to northern Arizona. Some of what I learned as a result of this trip Milt Sevens will show up in a three-part series on the 6325 Keystone St. branch of the Ancestral Puebloans known as Simi Valley, CA 93063 the Sinagua Culture. [email protected] On flights to Phoenix by way of Detroit, I saw hopeful signs in the fight against global [[Fortunately for me, Panspermia isn’t my warming: a massive wind farm on what I word but was created up by someone else. I guess was the border between Kansas and certainly can’t help it if people get the wrong Colorado (just before the Rocky Mountains, impression; that says more about their states anyway) and an even more massive wind of mind than my use of someone else’s word. farm in northern Ohio. Looking up the latter // I haven’t read any of Stephenson’s novels on line, I learned that it was the AMP Ohio so I can’t pass judgment on them. After what farm, just southwest of Toledo. From the you wrote about Cryptonomicon I’m not sure same source, I learned that Ohio is in the I’d want to read it. Maybe I should read one forefront of converting its main source of of hem purely out of curiosity. Yeah. What energy to wind power, as, from 2001 to characterizes SF is the inclusion of science 2012, Ohio went from 0 MW to 426 MW in of some sort and its quantity. The Diamond this source of energy. Even more hearten- age doesn’t seem much better than Cryp- ingly, another 1,000 MW will soon come on tonomicon but I’m tempted to read it just to line. As much as it pains me as a born Michi- follow the downward spiral of the novel. Af- gander to say so, “Go, Ohio!” ter having novels like that have you found Also, I learned that Ohio, Michigan, and yourself wondering how they got published? Ontario haven’t begun to tap what’s likely A publisher found something worthwhile in their best venue for wind power, western it. // I’m tempted to look for a collection of 38 Lake Erie. Having a flat, shallow bottom and well, in about four years. The Diamond Age protected from hurricanes, western Lake Erie and Cryptonomicon are two of my favorite could provide dwellers on its shores thou- novels in sf. sands of MW’s of power and make them My thanks to Sheryl Birkhead for her nearly energy independent. Who’d have kind words about Kentuckiana. I plan to get guessed that Lake Erie, once a poster child of back to it after the three-parter on the Sina- a world being lost to pollution, could become gua Culture. My next focus will be on a “lost a poster child for the world’s revival? world” only a few miles from Lexington. Not On to actual loccing. Thank you for Shakertown, though it’s right on the edge of printing more examples of Martian parei- this world… dolia. All of them but the old army helmet Harlan Ellison, forgotten? May one be were unconvincing to me. As for the helmet, cursed from A to Z in the Chocolate Alpha- it wouldn’t take extraterrestrials to explain it bet for saying so! I’d scream, if I only had a were it to prove a genuine artifact. Given mouth. Readers must be adrift just off the how many earthly space probes Mars has islets of Langerhans if they’re neglecting his chewed up and spit out over the decades, work. You’d have to be a beast at the heart of could it be protective cowling from one of the earth not to love it. Maybe, some Santa those probes? Claus could deliver copies of his dangerous “The Most Mysterious Star in Our Gal- visions to overcome the spider of neglect… axy” presents a true puzzle. It would be won- Sorry. I’ve just exorcised the spirit of derful if the solution to it were something Ferdinand Feghoot, so there’ll be no more like Larry Niven’s Ringworld. Sadly, how- puns from me this ish. ever, the solution is more likely to be a clus- RE William Shatner as Mark Twain. ter of comets — or of dark matter. Shatner (who is, by the way, a resident of Gene Stewart presents a truly haunting Kentucky’s Bluegrass these days) is a fine article on disappearances in national parks. actor if he has a director who can keep his What makes this article convincing is the re- flamboyance and ebullience under control. straint with which it was presented. There Left to himself, he shows a distressing ten- seems to me too much substance and mystery dency to ham. Whether he could handle a here for an explanation of it to be trivial. Missouri accent is another question. By the My thanks to Gayle Perry for another in- way, have you seen the film adaptation of stallment of New Ancient Earthlings. For Philip Jose Farmer’s Riverworld? If so, what me, the prize entry in this installment was do you think of the portrayal of Mark Twain “Poor Little Upside-Down Fish.” It’s diffi- in it? cult for me to imagine what selective pres- My thanks to Milt Stevens, Jerry Kauf- sures produced such a creature as Rheg- man, and John Purcell for their comments on maspis xiphoidia. Still, I note that they were my first article in the Children of the Flood unable to keep it or anything else like its series. I note that there’s no ground swell to- morphology around. I appreciate the amount wards subterranean living. (Back, Feghoot!) I of research and analysis that goes into pro- hope that your readers enjoyed the second ducing a series like New Ancient Earthlings. installment in the series. The third install- It’s heartening to learn from Michaele ment is on hold while I investigate the setting Jordan’s column that more Neal Stephenson for it. If it does appear, it’ll be Ken- is out there. I hope to make up what I’ve tuckiana… missed of his writing when I retire, if all goes Again, my thanks for TRF 108. I hope

39 that all works out for TRF to scribes, and this is what I appear in my mailbox many wrote about it in my trip re- more times. port (published in LOF- GEORNOST #100): Best wishes, It’s not our custom to rely Al upon guides when we travel. I like to do my homework, and spend months [[ I suppose there is a possibility the so- consulting guidebooks and websites the bet- called helmet is a piece of probe junk but ter to plan out the details of a rewarding trip. more likely it’s only a rock. // A kind of Ring- But there are times when hiring a local guide world would be something well worth seeing seems a good idea, and one of these times is up close but it’s too far away for us humans when one is about to explore an underground to reach since we don’t have FTL spacecraft. What a bummer. And, yes, it’s likely to be city. something prosaic or mundane.// Gene’s ar- The soft stone of Cappadocia not only ticle was also alarming in some ways, now lends itself to carving out artificial caves for knowing that people have mysteriously dis- dwellings and churches and monasteries. It appeared in national parks. That may cause can be dug downward as well as inward. For some people to refrain from visiting any of thousands of years Anatolia has been a rough them. I’ve never been to any national parks. neighborhood. The Hittites knew this well, The closest I came when I took my family on and built strongholds all across the plain of a trip to Gettysburg and the adjacent battle- Hattusha. The folk of Cappadocia, being less ground. Well there was also Colonial Wil- ferocious, placed their trust in hiding rather liamsburg, Jamestowne and Yorktown, Vir- than in conquest. They dug extensive net- ginia and Mystic Seaport, Connecticut. Many works of rooms and tunnels under the earth, years ago. I wouldn’t mind seeing the Grand and took refuge there when enemies ap- Canyon but there are historical places I’d peared. rather visit more such as Salem, Massachu- We could have explored the Kaymakli setts. In fact, I’m planning on my wife and I underground city by ourselves, but we would returning to Colonial Williamsburg for our have seen little and understood less of what 50th wedding anniversary this coming Au- lay within. Our guide showed us the large tumn.// Ferdinand Feghoot . . . I have a copy stone circles that were wheeled into place to of The Compleat Feghoot dated 1975, a far close off the city to invaders, and the shallow too slender a volume. pits dug into the stones of their refectories to substitute for serving dishes. He told us how From: Fred Lerner the city was ventilated, and where its cattle Dear Tom, were stabled, and where people ate and worked and slept. And if some of what he 12/8/2015 told us might not coincide with what an an- thropologist or historian might conclude, was Thanks for The Reluctant Famulus #108, his testimony any less reliable than the words whose contents ranged from the fascinating of our guidebooks? to the incomprehensible. I must say that I wonder what arrange- Alfred Byrd’s “Children of the Flood: ments were made for sewage disposal. I sus- The Coming Space” brought back memories pect that the underground cities were both of my trip to Turkey five years ago. I visited unhealthy and aromatic – though if cattle and one of the underground cities that he de-

40 other livestock were stabled there the human wouldn’t like to visit such places alone. That contribution to the situation might have gone may seem ridiculous but there it is. In regard unnoticed. to sewage disposal, maybe they had an un- I like Neal Stephenson's work, and I’m derground midden a reasonable distance not at all dismayed by the length of his nov- which was covered with a layer of soil peri- els. The accounts I’ve read of the subject odically.// Again, I think I should read at matter of SEVENEYES appeal to me. But least one of Stephenson’s novels to see what Michaele Jordan’s observations on the struc- I think of it. Deciding which one I should ture of the book give me yet another reason read might be a stumbling block. I’ve never to want to read it, and when I get round to it I heard of Peter Watts or Blindsight. I don’t shall keep her comments in mind. (And I want to end up feeling as if I had wasted my share her disdain for Peter Watts’s BLIND- money. // I won’t dare to determine what SIGHT.) Robin Bright was trying to accomplish with I don’t know what to make of Robin that article and the previous one. They’re Bright’s “The Guts of Starship Troopers”. Is beyond me. It was a strange interpretation as it meant to be a satiric parody of postmodern far as I’m concerned. That’s all in the past literary criticism (in which case it goes on now an I hope to expunge it from my mem- considerably longer than necessary), or is it ory. I hope.]] meant as a serious interpretation of Heinlein’s novel? Whatever point the article is attempting to make is fatally weakened by From: Dave Rowe its use of idiosyncratic terminology: I sup- 8288 W Shelby State Road 44 pose that “futanarian” means something, but Franklin IN46131-92115-December-13 I’ve got no idea what that something might be. And a sentence like “In Judaism it isn’t Dear Tom, possible to be born a Jew unless from a Re: TRF 107 woman, which means women are Jews” You wrote that TRF is “a relaxed makes no sense whatever. hobby publication with no great pretensions.” All best, All well and good, but it's noticeable you beat National Geographic into print with that short Fred Lerner piece on the discovery of Homo naledi in 81 Worcester Avenue South Africa. Re: TRF 106 White River Junction, Vermont 05001 Just read Arthur C. Clarke’s A Fall Of Moondust. About half a century after NASA [email protected] found out that the “seas of the moon” were (802) 295 6548 not deep with dust. The only reason for men- www.fredlerner.org tioning this belated reading is that one of the [[I’m sorry about the incomprehensible. That characters on the Selene mentions “the bridge was a big mistake—made twice. From now on the moon” which Eric wrote about a few on I’ll be judicious in what I accept for pub- TRFs ago. lication.// That was an informative travel ar- Re: TRF 108 ticle of yours. Since it’s unlikely I’ll ever Alfred’s articles on underground make it to Turkey or any other country that “cities” brings to mind the informal community has to be reached by airplane. My wife is of “street-people” who live under the streets of dead set against getting onto one and I New York in tunnels built of the railroad and

41 subway, flood drainage and with Agnes Moorhead. To me, it sewage. There are, at least, a was creepy. If my fickle memory couple of books about them: is correct it seemed to me that the The Tunnel: The Underground character played by Agnes Moor- Homeless Of New York City head was a giantess who was by Margaret Morton (1995) fighting off an exploratory mis- and The Mole People: Life sion of people from Earth. I could In The Tunnels Beneath New be mistaken but that was my im- York by Jennifer Toth (1993). pression at the time. I don’t re- Altho’ the second book’s accu- member ever having nightmares racy has been roundly ques- after having watched the Twilight tioned, even by the Straight Zone or having any conversa- Dope column, which has known to be ques- tions about the episodes/]] tionable itself. In the locol The Twilight Zone was From: John Purcell referred to as “mild,” more than once. Now it might be mild but 55 years ago that was a 12/23/2015 series where good was not always triumphant Or is that TRF #107? The cover art has and the “all American family” did not always #108 inside the star in the upper right corner, come through. At that time that series was yet the colophon page states that this is issue anything but mild and definitely unsettling. #107. So I went to my records and resolved Despite being a brand new series in 1961, The this issue: this is indeed the 108th rendition Twilight Zone was screened on Britain's com- of your fine, long running fanzine. mercial station, once a week with two epi- Speaking of long running, I do hope you sodes back-to-back. The first pair included The consider keeping it going for a number of Invaders with Agnes Moorhead as a shack- years yet. Your ruminations on how much dweller battling off what was obviously a longer you plan on producing The Reluctant small clockwork toy trying to portray an ar- Famulus are valid, although the typo argu- mored “alien”, but it was nevertheless ment is the weakest. As you and I both know, SCARY! Next day it was the only subject of what's a fanzine without typographical er- conversation in the playground, even amongst rors? One cannot catch them all - unlike those that hadn’t seen it. Pokemon toys - so it is best to accept them as necessary evils and keep on pubbing. When [[ I still maintain that statement no matter what. you do finally decide to close the presses, As for beating the National Geographic it was make it a significant issue both in number - simply a fortuitous fluke that will never recur— say, like 125 or 130 - and content. Chris Gar- in my lifetime at least. The article that included cia did that with The Drink Tank when he hit the Homo naledi Now that National Geo- the #400 issue mark. But, as we all know, graphic has a new owner I wonder what it will Chris is a maniacal ball of energy, yet even be like. New owners of such publications always so, that was quite the issue. want to put their mark on it, for good or ill.// Sometimes I wonder about how much Hmm, was Eric aware of that when he wrote the longer I shall run Askance, and I'm thinking I article?// Living in underground , homeless peo- want to continue it for another ten years for ple would be somewhat warmer in Winter thank sure. As a quarterly (sort of), that would be sacking out on sidewalks or alleys should take another 40 issues, so the wrap up would be the credit. Now that I remember that episode 42 issue #75. That's substantial. And then I considered as bugs by some alien civiliza- think, nah. I'm having too much fun with the tion, and eradicated by, say, an interstellar fanzine, which usually ends the internal de- pest control company whose mission is to bate. Arguing with myself is rather counter- fumigate the Sagittarius Arm of the galaxy productive. before the move-in date by the new tenants You know, some of those Martian Odd- arriving shortly from the Andromeda Galaxy. see pictures are really just people going OOH! What a great basis for a sfnal novel! I crazy. The lunatic fringe that believes in con- wonder if anybody's written this one yet? spiracies and other nuttiness will see what- This idea will have to wait until I finish that ever they want to see. For example, you Steampunk detective novel featuring the called that "spaceship" a discarded Twinkie, team of Charles Dickens and Edgar Alan but to me it looks like a petrified hot dog. In Poe. Ideas, ideas, ideas. reality it's just a freaky rock formation on Anyway. A fine issue. You done good, another planet. Case closed. Tom, and I thank you so much for this zine. Oh, what else is in this latest TRF? Gene Keep up the good work. Stewart once again wrote an entertaining col- umn; in fact, I think "Rat Stew" is probably All the best, my favorite regular feature now, although it's John Purcell a toss-up this time with Al Byrd's series on underground cities, and Gayle Perry's dino- [Believe the front cover issue number. Some saur revelations. Michaele Jordan's book re- idiot didn’t put the correct issue number on views are also interesting, so overall, this the contents page when the editor wasn’t fanzine contains quality work front to back. I looking. That’s the trouble with cheap labor am impressed, Tom. With a stable of writers these days: you just can’t trust them. I ought like this there is no reason to throw in the to fire him but there are complications . . .// towel on the zine anytime soon. Maybe I can As I’ve noted earlier I’ve become resigned to get you another article in not too long. What typos and accept their inevitability. Life’s too to write about is the question. If I come up short to keep obsessing over the damned with something I shall let you know. In the things (not to be confused by The Damned meantime, locs will suffice. Thing, by Ambrose Bierce.) ] I’ll strive to I do question the conclusions that Robin keep your advice about both “. . . a signifi- Bright arrived at about Heinlein's Starship cant issue and number . . . “ in mind. When- Troopers. It is not that I disagree with ever the time comes to end TRF I’ll work on Bright's argument that the novel is analogous going out with a bang. I hope I’m not senile to Christian theology about the Christ birth at the time.// Chris is indeed “a ball of en- mother, blah-blah-blah; however, I rather ergy. That he was able to come up with such doubt that Heinlein consciously thought material astounds me. On occasion, I find along those lines when writing what is essen- myself afraid I’ll run out of material to pro- tially a straight space opera, shoot ‘em up, duce another issue./ It’s a relief to know adventure novel for young adults. I must ad- you’ll keep publishing for at least a decade mit that Mr. Bright presents a reasoned, more. I often argue with myself—but a final documented argument that is logical and well decision gets made, so that’s something.// supported, but I just think that, hey, this is The “Twinkie”—it wasn’t meant seriously space opera, nothing more. Then again, but to show a possibly far out idea of what it Heinlein may have written Starship Troopers was. Of course it’s a “freaky rock formation, as a cautionary tale about how we could be 43 nothing else.// By all means, please PLEASE work as planned, much like the tech that work up an article for TRF. And in revenge Sheryl Birkhead often writes about. (This I’ll submit one for ASKANCE.// Your take on time it was her cat instead of computer, water Heinlein’s purpose for Starship Troopers heater, auto, etc.) make more sense than Bright’s.// That’s an I’m glad that Gayle Perry haunts the intriguing idea for a novel. But I think Internet to bring together all that paleontol- Dr Who beat you to it with the Daleks and ogy (unless she subscribes to all those pro- their obsessive “Exterminate! Extermi- fessional journals)—it saves the rest of us a nate!”]] lot of time. In the item about the Coelacanth she mentions the famous find of a living From Jerry Kaufman specimen in 1938. This made me wonder if it is the only living example, but according to December 26, 2015 Wikipedia others have been caught in waters Thanks for sending along the most recent near other African countries like Kenya and TRF. As usual, there was much of interest Tanzania. Good to know. and a bit of not interesting. Sooner or later—probably later—I’ll pick You are welcome to continue with your up a copy of Seveneyes because I enjoy Ste- obsession with images on Mars, and can re- phenson's books. Thanks to Michaele for re- turn to your obsession with Mark Twain any- viewing it. time. I think they are interesting; so are tid- I started to read Robin Bright’s article on bits from new research in science. “The Guts of Starship Troopers” but stopped Gene Stewart’s column on David when I got to “As futanarian women have Paulides is intriguing. I took Gene’s advice, their own penis’ semen and host wombs…”. and found Paulides’ website, You ran a piece about a different Heinlein www.nabigfootsearch.com. Yes, that’s the book a year or two ago. I’m sure it had a dif- right one—there's a section of it that covers ferent byline, but otherwise it could have the Missing Persons stuff, http:// www. been the same author. It too was a theologi- nabigfootsearch.com/missing-411--north- cal discussion that used unexplained terms americ.html. However, my knee-jerk reaction and really was not about the book ostensibly was what you would expect from a skeptic being examined. To me it seems like non- like me. I inferred that Paulides ran across sense, but you must know more than I do the reports of people missing in National about it, or I'm sure you would not have pub- Parks, National Forests, and other wilderness lished it. areas while researching Bigfoot sightings. It Yours, could well be that people do disappear and Jerry Kaufman sometimes turn up dead miles away from the area they disappeared in, and that the infor- mation is verified and significant. But I have [[ Don’t tell me, let me guess. The “not inter- a lot of resistance to hearing about it from a esting” has to do with a certain bird with a Sasquatch hunter. red breast. The other article you mention Alfred Byrd’s “Children of the Flood” was indeed by Robin Bright. I can’t imagine makes fascinating reading, especially about two different people coming up with the same the Maginot Line. Not being a well-read sort of off-the-wall interpretations. I included military history buff, I knew next to nothing that Troopers article because I was curious about the Maginot Line except that it didn’t to see what sorts of responses it would gen-

44 erate. I expected (or hoped for) some inter- maybe you should retire my response is NO, esting and possibly contentious ones. Unfor- do not stop. tunately the inclusion of the article was bad The Mars photos were quite interesting judgment on my part.// I’’ continue to in- as was “The Most Mysterious Star in Our clude photos of Mars whenever I can find Galaxy”. new ones and I’ll likely have something more Alfred D. Byrd’s commentary concerning about Twain occasionally. I’m also always underground cities continues to be fascinat- looking for interesting or unusual science ing as do all of his columns. items since the most interesting topics are And what can be said about “New An- SF, history, Mark Twain, oddball or obscure cient Earthlings” by Gayle Perry. Where tidbits and science. Way back in antiquity, does she obtain all that information? Any- when I was in high school there was a par- way, keep it up. ent’s open-house night so parents could see what we were learning. I was picked to be a Dave Rowe: Your comments concerning guide/demonstrator for the science class. the movie LIFEFORCE (1985) resulted in Some of the snooty high school students were Santa leaving me a copy for Christmas. Yes, incredulous about that: “What’s he doing Mathilda May does have a nice everything. here?” It was feather in my cap, as the old Since you have apparently seen the movie cliché goes// ]A certain amount of skepticism you may have noticed that there is no clear I fine; it shouldn’t go to an extreme. // I’m full frontal nudity. There are a couple of par- certain Sheryl would be delighted not to have tial side shots. Also, there is a full shot on all those problems. She certainly doesn’t the stairs. But, the quality is poor. Her fel- have them on purpose. She’s a good person low actors (especially the males) obviously doesn’t deserve all that stress and misery. did see everything and I would like to have And yet, she endures it all. ]] been there myself. As for Patrick Stewart being kissed by a man, the man was the main Robert Kennedy male character and he knew that May had 1779 Ciprian AVENUE taken over Stewart’s body so that he actually Camarillo, California 93010-2451 saw it was May he thought he was kissing. (805) 987-2164 Given that the movie was made in 1985 [email protected] (thirty years ago) I thought that the acting December 27, 2015 and effects were excellent and it kept my at- tention. On my rating scale of 1-5 I gave Tom Sadler, LIFEFORCE a 5. Of course a big reason for The Reluctant Famulus the 5 just might be Mathilda May. The end of the movie did leave one question. With Dear Tom, all the vampires apparently having been ex- terminated where was the alien spaceship Thank you for #108. heading out with all the souls that it had ac- Well, I’ve been retired for a good number cumulated? of years and I still get busy “with real world For anyone who is interested, Mathilda activities and obligations that can’t be ig- May was born Karima Mathilda Haim on nored.” February 8, 1965, in Paris, France. She has a As for your beginning to wonder if 27 very long Filmography covering 1983 years of publishing TRF are enough and through 2015. Information concerning her

45 can be accessed at page 2, so I checked imdb.com. You can my records, and this is also Google her which indeed issue 108.) has lots of informa- It is always difficult to tion. participate in any in- Well, enough of terest, especially if that. I have to get there isn’t enough time back to reading Dean or money to devote to Koontz’s latest novel—Ashley Bell it properly, in your own opinion. For me, I [[ Yes. Even in retirement there are activities never seem to have enough money, and for and obligations that can’t be ignored. Bill many areas, fandom is truly for the rich. Pro- paying, doctor appointments, grass mowing, fessionally, I have been an editor and proof- that good book that’s beckoning to be read, reader, but I do not let typos get to me. If you corresponding with family and fan friends want me to catch then and react to them, you the “modern” way, email, and so on./ Well have to pay me. Otherwise, I am ignoring since you (and others) forcefully exhorted me them on my own time. not to stop publishing TRF how could I re- Are humans an infection? I think so… fuse? Thanks to all for their support of a look at the way we’ve infested this planet. sometimes weird old geezer—or whatever it We should be okay, as long as no one sprays is that I am.// Thanks for you comment on the any HumansBeGone…but, we seem quite Mars photos and the mysterious star. Al has able to do away with ourselves. Watching the a knack for finding interesting subjects and news just gives me the impression that we writing about them entertainingly. I wish I will be the cause of our own extinction. knew where Gayle gets that dinosaur infor- Cthulhu for president? Why not? Seems bet- mation too. As far as I know, they’ll continue ter than Trump any day… until there are no more new dinosaur find- Alfred Byrd might have revise his article ings.// That’s some interesting background a little, and he should look up the PATH in on your Christmas gift. Did you give Santa a downtown Toronto. Its website bills the big thank you?// See—there’s one of those PATH as the biggest underground shopping obligations I mentioned; a good novel.]] area in the world. It’s been expanding further From: Lloyd Penney south, getting closer to the shore of Lake On- tario, so it might yet outpace Montréal’s 1706-24 Eva Rd. RÉSO by a few metres. Etobicoke, ON Hello to Sheryl! Hope you are enjoying CANADA M9C 2B2 Season 8 of Murdoch Mysteries, and you December 28, 2015 have another season to look forward to, plus a Christmas special that was broadcast here Dear Thomas: last week. It is just past Christmas, the presents “The well-executed Brad Foster…” have been oooohed and aaaahed over, and a When was he sentenced? That sounds rather wonderful dinner has been eaten. We hope harsh… J you and your family have had some marvel- My loc…the resumes continue to flow ous days. Just a few days left on the calendar, out, and I remain hopeful. As soon as all the but there is still time to write up a loc or two, holidays are done, I will ramp it up, and get so here are some comments on The Reluctant something soon. Might even have an oppor- Famulus 108. (Everything says 108 except 46 tunity with Yvonne’s chiropractor. She needs Greetings Tom ~ a data entry clerk. We did indeed have a change of government, and the change has Have had issue #108 of The Reluctant been most refreshing. Famulus here on the “get to this stuff” pile Getting close to dinner time, so off I go for several weeks, and the holiday stuff and shortly to help make it. Take care, Happy other “usual” just kept the pile growing for a New Year!, and may 2016 be a better year. while. For all I know, you’re already mostly We sure could use it. See you then. finished with the next issue! Yours, Lloyd Penney. Last year was also a very low one for get- ting artwork done, blame mostly on the [[ Regarding the issue number: I refer you to funky vision the growing cataract has given my reply to John Purcell on that particular me. I can draw, but often slightly “off” focus, point. Gotta have a flaw of one kind or an- or a blur, and takes a few seconds to get other—or more than one—in every issue. around that. So I just didn’t sit down as often Like a prize in a box of Cracker Jack. // I as usual to work on things. Hoping, if we can certainly don’t want to spoil your own time get out from under some other financial with pointing out typos. So feel free to ignore problems, we might be able to get that fixed them. I won’t mind.// Considering the way a in the new year. It's always something, ain't noticeable humans act they certainly are an it? infection. It would be tempting to advocate for using Human-Be-Gone on them but that Anyway, I did do some pieces, and at- would make the advocates no better than in- tached should be two of the last of the 2015 festers. Oh yes humans are doing their best fresh fillos that I hope will give you a grin, to exterminate each other. I strongly hope we and will keep my subscription up to date for humans don’t ultimately succeed, which TRF. matches your impression. Cthulhu does seem Regarding your thoughts in your intro to be a better choice than Trump. At least about bringing the zine to an end after 27 Cthulhu would tell the truth and knows what years. Now, personally, because I like nice he’s doing..// I hope Al takes note of your round numbers, I would push it to at least 30 suggestion about PATH. // No need to worry years. But that's just me. But it’s your zine, about Brad: he was acquitted and exoner- we all just get to enjoy a new issue each time ated of all charges, both real and (mostly) you do one. If you decide to quit, or to put bogus. He’ll be able to continue committing out fewer issues per year, or whatever, totally more of his wonderful weird art.// You Cana- up to you. You should be doing this because dians are lucky with your change of govern- you enjoy it. If that stops happening, ments. It would be nice if that happens in the bring it to an end. U.S. in a similar manner in 2016 and the Your notes about the CONSPIRACY U.S. ends up as lucky as Canada. Despite a THEORY was also funny. Thing is, I’ve got certain party claims, it wouldn’t be the end a couple of folks on my Facebook friends list of the world—or at least the U.S. We all who, while they have not shared that particu- could use a better 2016, the year I become lar one, do tend to pull up all kinds of such 70 a little over a month and a half from things and totally believe them to be true. now.// And speaking of Brad Foster . . .]] When it all finally comes to an end and noth- From: B. Foster ing happens, they never acknowledge that they might have been wrong—it’s just on to January 4, 2016 swearing that the next theory is really, really,

47 totally true this time. Real people are weirder people who believe in conspiracies. It’s than any satire we could ever come up with. something they can’t help. But there might be Unfortunately. some probability law that says some day one Regarding Sheryl’s loc comment about r more may prove to be real. There are real hoping to see me writing about Sasquan, not people who are indeed weird. Treat them really much to say. I’ve never been good at carefully; they can’t help themselves ei- doing interesting trip reports. And, aside ther..]] from constantly saying “I can't believe how nice everyone was to me the whole week”, any “report” I might write would be pretty boring. Cindy and I had a great time, but I can't think of much that happened that would be of interest to anyone else, I just don't have those kind of writing skills. Sorry. stay happy~ Brad

[[ I was mostly finished with TRF 109 but not quite completed. Your loc and the fillos ar- rived in plenty of time. Normally I would have started on it around the middle of Janu- ary. This time I was finished by the middle of January, which surprised me.// I hope you can get out from your “other financial prob- I couldn’t resist it. Here are some more lems” and you are able to get your cataract useless facts, for what they’re worth. properly taken care of. And, yes, “it’s always something. Curse it.// Your fillos always The United States has never lost a war in make me smile and even chuckle. You need- which mules were used. (Maybe the U.S. n’t worry about keeping your subscription up should have used mules longer.) to date. I’m willing to continue it on credit, The elephant is the only animal with 4 knees. i.e. when you’re able to provide fillos or a (Now that’s something that never occurred to cover it counts toward your subscription. me even after having seen elephants fairly There’s no added interest to it.// 30 years. close up.) Hmm. At 6 issues a year that would be 18 Light doesn’t necessarily travel at the speed more for a total of 126 issues. That’s a of light. The slowest we’ve ever recorded round number too. I have to confess that light moving at is 38 mph. once I get started on an issue I can hardly When two hippos are about to fight, they wait to get it finished. So I guess I still enjoy point their anuses at each other, wag their it. Only two things would cause me to stop: stubby little tails vigorously, and flick feces 1) Running out of material; 2.) The Grim at each other. (That kind of puts me in mind Reaper. Only one of them would be certain of the current mob of Republican presiden- and permanent. What a dismal, morbid tial candidates’ debates.) thought.// I thought that theory was funny too Hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliaphobia is the and completely unbelievable, more so than fear of long words. (Great Scott! That’s a many others. We should take pity on those

48 word to be scared of. Just try pronouncing goddess, a toilet god, and a god of excre- it.) ment. (No shit, Sherlock.) The lion costume in the film Wizard of Oz Before trees were common, the Earth was was made from real lions. (That’s not good.) covered with giant mushrooms. (Did any of Daniel Boone hated coonskin caps. them have a large caterpillar sitting on it According to Einstein's Special Theory of smoking a hookah?) Relativity, it is possible to go slower than Red Wine Kills Cancer Cells. (I’ll drink to light and faster than light, but it is impossible that.) to go the speed of light. Also, there is a parti- Ancient Romans used a sponge on a stick to cle called tachyon, which is supposed to go clean themselves after pooping, shared it faster than light. This means if you fire a with everyone. (No thanks. I brought my tachyon beam, it travels before you fire it. own.) No word in the English language rhymes Albert Einstein's eyes remain in a safe box in with month, orange, silver, or purple. NYC. (Here’s lookin’ at you, kid). (Except for the last one, “purple” which I There’s a pill that makes farts smell like managed in my bit of doggerel titled chocolate. (Umm, couldn’t chocolate do “Purple” with “twerp’ll”(Yeah, yeah: It’s a that? And it would taste better.) forced rhyme or a made-up word.) Farting helps reduce high blood pressure and In Ancient Rome, the punishment for killing is good for your health. (So, let ‘er rip!) one’s father was the death penalty, consisting Until 1913, children in America could legally of being sewn up in a sack along with a vi- be sent by parcel post.( I don’t care what you per, a dog, and a cock. (No, not that kind, you say—get into the damn box!) naughty people. A fowl.) Scientists want to introduce global warming Anatidaephobia is the weird fear that some- on Mars to make life habitable for coloniza- where, somehow, a duck is watching you. tion. (How long would it take and how can (Duck! What? Where? Run!) they do it?) Hippopotamus’ milk is pink. (And it proba- Scientists estimate that the moon’s width has bly tastes better than Pepto-Bismol.) shrunk by about 600 feet (182 meters) since Sound waves can be used to make objects the rocky body first formed. (Sounds like a levitate. (That’s for sure; the sound of an ex- long term weight loss diet.) plosion always lifts me up.) It costs 41 cents per year per American citi- Galileo’s middle finger is on display at a mu- zen for NASA's entire Curiosity program. seum in Florence, Italy. (He’s giving people (That seems like a bargain to me. A well the bird for all eternity—or thereabouts.) spent 41 cents.) A slug’s anus is on its head. (That sounds a Pluto has ice made out of water and a blue lot like the current GOP presidential candi- sky. (Now if it only had a breathable atmos- dates.) phere and wasn’t so far away . . .) Farts have been clocked at a speed of 10 feet Pagophagia is a disorder involving the com- per second (7 mph). (Why did they want to pulsion to chew ice. (There’s always a name know that? Of what use is it? ) for something whether it’s useful or not.) In older versions of Little Red Riding Hood, the girl and the wolf eat grandma together. There. I think I’ve tormented all you readers enough. For now, anyway. Better (Bon appétit anyone? ) luck next time. See you in March or April. The inhabitants of ancient Rome had a sewer That should give you time to recuperate.

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