IIT Madras April 2003 (Vol. 3 No. 2)

* For Internal circulation *Not a priced magazine

Editors Ajit Narayanan (Q) Quotable Quotes 351 Godavari

Rahul Pratap M. (Kondaiah) 360 Godavari “Try saying that to

Vipluv Aga (Satcho) your wife.” 161 Alakananda

Acknowledgements -Dr Santhakumar, HoD (Aerospace) to a group of We would like to thank: students who, as an ID110 assignment, submitted an odometer that didn’t work when tested. Their excuse The Dean of Students, Prof. S.S. Gokhale for was: “couldn’t perform since it was the first time”. providing us with the substantial financial support required for this production. The Fourth Estate wants you to contribute The Institute Gymkhana for allowing us to use its facilities and for giving us access to back Send in articles, poems, short stories or any issues of older campus publications. piece of original writing to the editors. Amusing or informative forwards or even unforgettable quotes heard on campus, such as the one above, are equally welcome.

April 2003 The Fourth Estate

April 2003 IIT Madras

From the Editors,

If your first question on seeing this magazine is, “Why is it so late?”, we will take recourse to that old lawyers’ maxim and deny everything. We are not going to apologize. This magazine isn’t two months late – it was two months ‘in the making’ – a small but crucial difference, as you will see!

In this issue, we have tried to explicitly concentrate on five different segments that are likely to interest you: a commentary on current affairs, a little bit of investigative journalism, some special features, lots of opinion, and the usual irreverent fun that has come to characterize our campus publications.

Our editorial this time, in sync with many of the articles, is, for a change, a song of praise for IIT and IITians. It is high time, we thought, that we stopped making a scapegoat of the Dean, and concentrate on what is good and pleasant instead. As you read through several of our articles, you will see optimism and success everywhere, as opposed to gripe.

We cover, most unforgivingly, the 38th Inter-IIT Sports Championship at IIT Delhi, where foul play and blatant favouritism took the Championship away from our boys. And we take a closer look at Saarang 2003, which most people believed we would summarise in a single word – Hi – but which we actually managed to flesh out quite a bit more.

In an exclusive feature, for this issue, we got in touch with various recently-passed-out alumni who pursued different job options after graduation, and got them to share their experiences with us. A combination of 3 guest articles, and a commentary thereof, form one of our special features this time, concentrating on the oft-neglected Job Option.

At around the same time as Saarang and Inter-IIT, alumni of the various IITs met in San Jose, California to sing, We are the world, We are the children, We are the ones to make a brighter day, So let’s start giving! This issue looks at IIT50, and Brand IIT, and a host of other issues that came to be discussed in a conversation with Dr. M.S. Ananth, Director, IIT Madras.

This issue also reminisces about Almost Atlantis – The Mandakini Story. The previous issue of The Fourth Estate was in press at the time the incident occurred. Lest it seem dated now, the article only looks at it as a distant lurking memory.

And there’s much more. We’ve tried hard to make this issue of The Fourth Estate readable and enjoyable, being, as it is, the last issue of the third successive term of The Fourth Estate. Finally, we want to dedicate this issue to former SAC Speaker, Lux, in whose tenure this magazine would have been released, had we not been a trifle late. But in the immortal words of Baba: “We may be late, but we are latest.” Read and enjoy.

Ajit Narayanan Rahul Pratap M. Vipluv Aga

2 April 2003 The Fourth Estate

Contents

A Birds’-Eye View

Almost Atlantis – The Mandakini Story 7 Anshumani Ruddra A small photo feature on the Mandakini incident that narrowly missed Anshumani Ruddra

being our cover story last issue . Foul, Language and All That M. Shamanth and Nisheeth S 10 A report on IITM’s performance at Inter-IIT 2002 M. Shamanth and Nisheeth S. The Wimp Observes… Elections 2003 12 A close, irreverent look at the Student Elections this year The Wimp Those Four Days 32 A reflection upon Saarang 2003 Gautam Kumar Raja

Opinion

Student-Faculty Interaction – Who Needs It? Dr. R. Ravi 8 A member of the faculty comments on a topic close to his heart Dr. R. Ravi Somebody Stop Me Sandeep Bhadra 14 Critical comments about IIT’s democracy scene – and how to improve it Sandeep Bhadra Editorial: The Chosen 16 Why students of IIT Madras have just cause to blow their own trumpets

The Fourth Estate Investigates Amrapali Cata Mega Mess or Giga Mess? 19 A less-than-flattering study on the Mega-Mess at Sarayu and Sharav Arjun N. Chennu Directorspeak 20 A talk with the Director, Prof Ananth, about Life, the Universe, Rahul Pratap M. and a lot of other things The Great B-Tech Wish List 24 An investigation into the proposed changes in curriculum AjitAmrapali Narayanan Cata The Job Option 25 A detailed investigation of what the recent Alumni feel about their jobs Ajit Narayanan

Special Features Nostalgia Ajit Q. and Kaushik R. 15 Guess who! The Lonely Planet Guide to IIT Madras 35 The second article in the series explores the secrets of the Academic zone Ajit Q. and Kaushik R. Vipluv Aga The Fifth Column M. Shamanth 4 The Future Once Again… Half-yearly horoscope for the hostels VipluvAnonymous Aga A Fitting Tribute 22 …to a tradition that all of us love and adore so: Fitting! M. Shamanth Vikram and Vetaal in IITM 38 A story of lies, deceit, sex and politics (yeah right!) Anonymous

3 April 2003 The Fourth Estate

The Future Once Again…

Vipluv Aga'

Once again as we gaze into our communicate the following equation to his FOK Ball, to see the future of the various friend on the other side of the room – hostels and the denizens, some wilting some β blooming, we prophesy strange and mystical ()∆ ij = 2 []2 + δ + ϕ E ∫∫∫ 2 xy (z sin )dxdydz events. The future is always what it seems, x= y=z tan x ij but again, the future isn’t what it used to be. Read on to find out the predictions for your “English for Communication” hostel. presentations by Sarasites, will be class acts in themselves, what with the Soc-Sec arranging for sets and props as well as Saraswathi costumes for his hostel mates. The formal creation of “Sarasites And All Literary A brilliant future is predicted for Enthusiasts” Club by their Lit-Sec will only Saraswathi. The enthusiasm for Lit-Cul see this fervour being spread to myriad events will shoot up to stellar levels. With places. harsh penance and perseverance the Sarasites will so muddle their lives with Literary skills, that they will be recognised a class apart even in their day-to-day lives. “Cheating during examinations, Due to all the JAM fervour ingrained in will be an art executed with them, Sarasites will take to banging their immaculate precision by Sarasites, desks and crying out, “Objection- ungrammatical” or “Objection-incoherent”, owing to their new found superiority in all their classes thereby earning the ire of in DumbC, and Tintoretto.” almost all their profs. As a consequence, the MSB, especially ED classes will see the procurement of fresh new benches, as most of the old ones will have been broken due to the vehement banging by Sarasites.

Cheating during examinations, will Narmada be an art executed with immaculate precision by Sarasites, owing to their new As a windfall of having a huge found superiority in DumbC, and alumni base of some very rich pass-outs Tintoretto. Their classmates will be who yearn to give back something to their flabbergasted when they will see, one guy hostel, Narmad will see their coffers flush expressing “the gaussian pulse has a with so much money that they will have to singularity only at its minima” to his friend think of imaginative ways to utilize all of it exclusively using DumbC codes. Even the lest it be lost in that whirpool of profs will be stupefied when they realise that unaccountability that Hostel Secretaries by, a series of ‘yes’ and ‘no’s only, done by dread, known as “The Hostel a/c” from nodding or shaking their heads, one guy will

' Vipluv Aga, aka Satcho, is one of the editors of this magazine, and is a consultant Astrologer.He lives in Alakananda.

4 April 2003 The Fourth Estate which no funds may be drawn but only be promised, one of the Alsatians bit me and deposited into. my app is ruined, I heard you can’t get aid if you have been in jail for 1 year. I will try to After doing the obvious things, like get parole in 6 months…but then Visa and creation of a new mess with really good all….pack da..” cooks and different sections and cuisines, viz. tandoori, Tam-Brahm, Gult, and continental catering for every taste, hot Sarayu water and computers in every room with internet, a TV with cable per wing, For those who don’t know (and we astroturfing the hockey quadrangle and hope there aren’t too many of them) Sarayu central air-conditioning for the hot summer used to be a girls’ hostel but which now months, they will still be left over with hosts freshies only, kept in isolation from more. Their problem will be solved as they well meaning seniors who would have will have to use most of it on security, inculcated values like teamwork, hostel spirit knowing the tendency of the other and other er…important fundaes which impoverished souls wanting to filch articles cannot be published. like ceramic mess jugs and DVD players from the CR. Retinal scanners will be A peculiar problem will arise out of installed at the entrance and the night this phenomenon. Poltergeists of those girls patrolling by Alsatians will be the norm. The who used to live in Sarayu a long long time students will adapt to the night long barking ago will haunt Sarayu and all its denizens. just as they have adapted to the moronic Freshies will wake up in cold sweat as some night long whistling by the present security. of them will hear quantum chemistry principles and Maxwell’s equations being recited in chant like form by wispy shadows in the dead of night. The more mischievous “Poltergeists of those girls who used to of the spirits will take to stealing boy’s live in Sarayu a long long time ago underwear and hanging them from branches will haunt Sarayu and all its of the trees. The sale of plastic sheets will take an upturn due to the frequent denizens.” bedwetting bouts that the ghosts will cause in Sarayu. As a revenge for all the rude graffitti that IIT guys have been writing about IIT girls down the annals of history, The Narmad hostel night will be an the ghosts will take to writing some very event to watch out for. The Gen Sec in a provocative and scandalous graffiti all over desperate bid to use up his entire budget will the walls of Sarayu in monkey-blood. have sets brought in from Film City and a pro show by AR Rahman. Just at the end of In just a few weeks, of these the year Narmad residents will realise that all developments, Sarayuites will have become the money they had incurred and spent was lily-livered wimps and will take to crying based on credit assurances from the donors loudly In turmoil. Steps will be initiated to and the amount seemed large only because quell this horror. Giant havans will be lit and there were some typographical errors with a great incantations recited but the rattling few zeroes here and there. In their zeal to bangles and unbridled giggles will continue. spend they will forget to actually collect the At the suggestion of some of the Sharav money. “It happens,” the Gen Sec will say residents, a massive graffiti clean-up drive, from his jail cell, “we shouldn’t have ‘Given will be initiated by all the guys of all the Our Loved Money Away As Losers’, now hostels in their departments. All the male Narmad has been stripped of even the chauvinists who had ere been rude and bathroom fittings to pay for everything we inconsiderate to their female classmates will

5 April 2003 The Fourth Estate write long apology letters and sign them. solvent will not be discarded but will be These will be consigned to flames and with distilled again, for reuse in an industrial the rising smoke, shall the spirits depart. distillation plant to be erected inside the Their desires satiated. hostel, energised by the dry wood so abundant in our campus.

Cauvery For drinking purposes too the Cauverites will grow genetically modified Owing to the ongoing water citrus fruits in their hostels. The Garden shortage and the ‘Amma’ politics relating to Sec, will change his designation to Orchard the Cauvery river, interesting events shall Sec due to the myriad fruit orchards in the occur in Cauvery. The residents will decide garden which grow on minimal water. The to limit use of water to the least possible. As juice from these citrus fruits will suffice for they progress with their substitutes they will all drinking needs. All food will be cooked realise how the use of water inside their in coconut water alone. Like the Australian hostels can be eliminated altogether. Against aborigines who kill desert frogs and drink the moisture stored in their sacs when thirsty, some of the more adventurous will breed different varieties of frogs in their “Reporters and media persons will room for their moisture sacs. The more mob Cauverites for interviews and barbaric consequences of their failed when asked as to how they managed experiments to drink water but ending up drinking something else will not be to reduce consumption of water in described. Reporters and media persons will the hostel to almost nil, pat will mob Cauverites for interviews and when come the reply, “By Our Own Zeal asked as to how they managed to reduce consumption of water in the hostel to & Energy”. almost nil, pat will come the reply, “By Our Own Zeal & Energy”.

For private consultations with our expectations, hygiene levels will be astrologer, junta are requested to contact the maintained. The ingenious Cauverite will use Editors as the astrologer has gone different kinds of articles for bathing. An underground owing to the very vitriolic and ethanol-kerosene mixture with some other aggressive response from some quarters additives makes for a good cleaning agent. with regards to some not-so-pleasing After washing themselves with it, the prophecies the last time around.

Examin-AXN

This will go down as a classic in the timeless war between demanding profs and uninspired students on the battlefields of ESB examinations. In a lab exam last semester, the following question was asked: ‘Take a square wave. Do transforms on it. The final waveform will contain ripples. Explain the nature of these ripples.” One student wrote the following gem of an answer: “I don’t understand what you mean by ‘nature of the ripples’, but the waveform was rippley, believe it or not!”

6 April 2003 The Fourth Estate

Almost Atlantis – The Mandakini Story

Anshumani Ruddra'

So everyone knows that Mandakini advantage of our Olympic sized water got flooded with water1 last semester. After reserve. (Refer to photographs) a gruesome2 previous year, the yellow eyed residents could only see blue3. The After finishing the camp and administration was however well prepared bidding the great food goodbye, the tired and chalked out a recreation camp for us. Manadakites returned to their holy abode This of course involved crossing over the only to find their rooms newly painted and invisible yet ubiquitous LoC between the B. their belongings thrown out. But nothing Techs and the M. Techs. could dampen their spirits. After all there is no place like home.

Camp Itinerary: Glossary of Not-so-technical Terms • Lugging your belongings for a kilometre 1. water: Ian Thorpe sized pieces of excreta (not • Climbing to the third floor necessarily human) floating in H20 mixed with the • fluids from the rest rooms and the oxidation pond Finding the keys to the room and ample helpings of suspended particles form missing mother earth’s infinite reserves. • The fitting workshop finally coming in handy for lock breaking 2. gruesome: short, compressed and jaundice packed (according to the administration the former being the cause of the latter) Just Around Mandak those without swimming pool memberships took full 3. blue = brown + yellow

' Anshumani Ruddra, of Mandakini(also briefly of Krishna!), is a survivor of the tragedy. There were no casualties!

7 April 2003 The Fourth Estate

Student-Faculty Interaction – Who needs it?

Dr R Ravi'

Act I Act II I was about to complete the first The above incident was on my mind year of my academic career. As I was for sometime and soon I spent more than walking through the shopping center one half a lecture hour discussing related issues. evening, I ran into some of my students. I can only recall mentioning an invisible, Our conversation proceeded beyond an impenetrable wall that seemed to exist exchange of pleasantries. One of the between the faculty and students. students was quite agitated as he related a recent unpleasant experience. He had Act III approached a faculty member regarding the The semester had just ended and it BTP and was rudely asked to leave the was summer time. I was having my office. I offered my sympathies. But why breakfast at a PG hostel mess: the vacation was he so worked up over the BTP? "I am mess was on. I was greeted by Mr.X, a applying for higher studies and a good reco student whom I had not met before. He said will be invaluable." What about his interest he had heard about me from some of my in the BTP once he got the reco? "Naturally, students who happened to be his wing- it would wane". Maybe the faculty had mates. Apparently, they had talked to him grown tired of such attitudes over the years, about my brief talk on student-faculty interaction. Our conversation was quite pleasant. Mr.X seemed to be enjoying his student life, only (or because?) he was not “When we reached the faculty paying much attention to the courses as the building, he took leave and said he instructors did not explain where he could had to get back to his room. He apply what he was being taught. We walked back towards my office. When we reached had come all the way just to the faculty building, he took leave and said accompany me? "Yes". I was he had to get back to his room. He had impressed.” come all the way just to accompany me? "Yes". I was impressed.

Act IV I pointed out. But it was hardly a A few days later I met Mr.X while consolation at the moment. Another student on an evening walk. He said that he was in the group complained that while a few of applying for higher studies abroad and his friends in another IIT had already got needed my advice. I offered to help. He their names on a couple of papers, he and promised to meet me after the summer his classmates here were unlikely to be so vacation. fortunate.

' Dr R Ravi is an Associate Professor in the Chemical Engineering department. This article was previously published in the Chemical Engineering Society magazine Alchemy.

8 April 2003 The Fourth Estate

Act V student-faculty interaction. I went with A new semester had begun and the some friends to the first meeting. Some light bank was overcrowded. I surveyed the music was playing in the background. A crowd to assess the time I would have to vendor was serving a sweet brew called spend there. Then I saw Mr.X. I beamed as "chai". A senior faculty member was holding I said "Hello". He gave me a cold stare and forth and several students were gathered turned away. Puzzled, I looked again in his around him and listening respectfully. I direction. Was it Mr.X? Or was I mistaken? ended up chatting with the friends I had No mistake. It was Mr.X. gone with. This was the first and last such meeting I attended. Later on I heard the We passed each other a few times show was discontinued after a couple of after that incident. It was clear he would weeks. rather avoid me. Why? I can speculate but will never know. Should I have confronted But the students did not give up. him on this matter? I guess I did not care Soon, I saw a notice from a student body enough to do so. which went something like this: "In an effort to promote student-faculty Over the years, the topic of student- interaction, we are pleased to announce faculty relationship cropped up occasionally screening of films for both faculty and in conversations with my colleagues. Many students felt that there had once been a healthy interaction but it had deteriorated over the 5:30 - 7:30 PM Show for faculty years. Various reasons were offered for the 8:00 - 10:00 PM Show for students current situation but none seemed sure what, if at all, could be done about it. Was the interaction to take place between 7:30 and 8:00 PM as one group But there were efforts from the leaves and another enters? Nice try, I students. A student body once announced thought. informal weekly get-togethers to promote

Interview fever

Heard at an IIM-I interview this year:

A certain student, who had got calls from IIMA and IIMI, was being interviewed by the folks at IIM-I. After his interview was over, the panellists asked him, “If you get A, will you choose I?” Our hero answered with a counter-question of his own, that sent the interviewers into splits of laughter: “If I say A, will I get I?”

9 April 2003 The Fourth Estate

Foul, Language and All That Inter-IIT 2002

M. Shamanth and Nisheeth Srivastav'

As we stepped out of our train early Our athletes did us proud, winning in the morning on the 13th, we realized that, by a huge margin of 26 points. Ask any well, this was the place for a chillout, quite participating athlete what he'd been seeing literally. By the time we settled down in our regularly, and he'll probably tell you that it hostel later in the day, it was warm, sunny was the receding back of a Madras athlete. and pleasant, the perfect weather for sport. Nothing could have been as absolute as our It would stay pleasantly salubrious domination of the track. The success of the throughout our stay, with the warmth of the team is largely attributed to the official song days providing a welcome interlude from of the athletics team - "Mama Mia" (which, the bitingly cold nights. incidentally was introduced with the intention of making the team seem 'pseud', a We may safely pass over the purpose that evidently has been fulfilled). inauguration ceremony, the usual The profundity of this song is beyond the pourparlers serving their purpose comprehension of lesser mortals, and adequately. The day clearly belonged to the therefore we withhold the sacred lyrics from smart aleck who, perhaps with the noble publication. intention of enlivening the proceedings, vociferated during the oath taking Our footballers were amazingly fluid ceremony, "Hey, remember, Mummy told in the field, and the fact that they'd practiced you not to swear?" The reluctantly attended almost every day the whole semester march past practice sessions, sadistically showed in their play. Good fortune, held at ungodly hours in the mornings, paid however, deserted us at the most off, as we comfortably won the trophy for inopportune moments. It was disappointing the best march past, an auspicious augur for to see lady luck (if not the ladies) frowning our campaign. We just hoped everything upon us when it mattered most. else would go according to plan. Our tennis team played Our cricketers were bang on target, exceptionally well, finishing second, one of finishing unbeaten. After two last ball our main players not being available for the finishes, we simply decimated our hapless finals. Theirs is a tedious occupation, with oppositions. The ball that got Hansie the matches lasting all day, leaving them wicket of a befuddled Delhi batsman was a exhausted at the end of it all. true beauty, pitching way outside off and swinging viciously to dislodge the bails. Our hockey team was unlucky too, Chakka's almost-a-hat-trick won 'wide' losing the finals to Bombay, whom we'd acclaim, as we made light of the streams of beaten with some measure of comfort in a abuse that came our way. previous engagement. Our badminton team finished third, after a spirited performance.

' Shamanth, of Narmada, is a star athlete, renowned PJ God and critic of the Girls’ Basketball Team! Nisheeth, of Sarayu, has taken the creative writing scene quite by storm. This is his first contribution to the magazine.

10 April 2003 The Fourth Estate

It was smooth sailing for our TT The girls' athletics 'team' did team, as they hardly shed a drop of sweat, particularly well. The fact that we had just clinically wrapping up matches, winning two athletes was hardly realized, as they comfortably, almost unnoticed. This was more than made up for lack of quantity by something we'd almost taken for granted. the exceptional quality of their performances. We were playing really well in volleyball, but lost a close match in the As it happened, we found ourselves decider. The refereeing as well as the crowd short by 6 points. Apparently, the umpires behaviour left a lot to be desired. The and referees were right, when they asked us, partisan crowd indulged in a rhapsody of time and again, "Do you know the rules?" invective, surpassed in its volume only by its The possibility that we might not be aware profanity. Delhi IITians, apparently under of the rules didn't quite strike us; the Delhi the impression that a glimpse of their players, officials and referees seemed to be unsightly nether regions was the raison d' the only ones who knew the rules, some of etre of our trip to Delhi, made an which owed there existence to the creative unsolicited public exhibition of the same. genius of the referees and umpires. A referee said, "Since you didn't know the Basketball was something we expected to win easily, with our exchange students, Greg and Andy, towering above “The Delhi weightlifting team the rest, quite literally. The referees reduced seems to have hit upon a new weight the final to a farce, as new 'rules' were invented to foul us, leaving us exasperated at loss regimen; either that or they spent the end. Short by a point, it was so near, yet a fortune on laxatives.” so far. This match eventually would cost us the GC. To our previous explanation for the outre' conduct of a certain section of the rules, you didn't deserve to win anyway, and audience, we find ourselves obliged to offer since the Delhi team won, they knew the another, which appears more plausible and rules; even if you'd known the rules, the is simply that Delhi IITians suffer from a Delhi team would have won, and that would chronic shortage of belts and dignity. still have meant that you didn't know the rules, and they did. Irrespective of whether The Delhi weightlifting team seems you knew the rules or not, you didn't know to have hit upon a new weight loss regimen, the rules, and because Delhi would have which seems to make them lose in excess of won in any case, they obviously knew the 5 kg in a single afternoon; either that or they rules. And because you'd not have known spent a fortune on purgatives and laxatives. the rules in any case, you deserved to lose." That referee absolutely rules. The girls' badminton matches were well attended, particularly by spectators of As we returned, we knew full well other IITs, perhaps in the hope of learning that we'd done our best, and deserved to the nuances of the subtle art of badminton. have won the GC. No referee or official can One must not suspect them of ulterior take that feeling away. In retrospect, Inter- motives, however palpable they may seem. IIT 2002 was indeed an expression of the The girls played very well, and finished IITians' love of sports. Wish the same could second. be said for sportsmanship!

11 April 2003 The Fourth Estate

The Wimp Observes Institute Elections 2003

The Wimp'

After last year's farce at the hustings it, "lit guys are useless in the core da, they when many candidates were elected are too pseud to get you votes!" uncontested, junta suddenly seemed to become more power hungry this year with a But A and B's decision to contest contest for almost all posts, be it at the insti- turned things topsy-turvy for X and Y who level or at the hostel level in various hostels. went on a recruiting spree trying to get some prominent people (let's call them P, Q, R) to The elections for the post of be in their core. But A and B too were Cultural Secretary (Cul-Sec) saw a massive gunning for these very people to be in their campaign this year. This is ironical core. This resulted in the unprecedented considering that a month before the polls it concept of "common core". P, Q, and R seemed as if there would be no contest at promised not to involve themselves in the all! In March 2001, this magazine ran a story elections and they would get into the core which went like this (it is supposed to have irrespective of the result. happened a few years ago): A and B were up against X and Y in the cul-sec elections. Another undesirable aspect of this Then, A was offered a position in the core year's cul-sec elections was that most of the group which prompted him to give up and campaigning was negative with the X and Y were elected unanimously! candidates just slinging mud at each other - each candidate telling the people why not to History was about to repeat itself vote for the other guy rather than telling this year (actually B was even promised the why to vote for him. Also, this time's post of General Secretary (Gen-Sec) elections threw up a new vote bank with uncontested) but then saner sense prevailed most of the freshies in one hostel (Sarayu). - A and B threw their hat back into the ring. These poor freshies had to endure two-and- X and Y were so apprehensive about losing a-half hour campaign speeches from one of the elections (apparently X is worried as he the incumbent cul-secs, they were was stripped of his security co-ordship last shepherded into their common room by one Saarang) that they began taking anybody and candidate after another, people visited them everybody who was planning to stand into every five minutes (I'm exaggerating) asking the core. The man tipped to be the events for votes. Most of them got pained with the core was one whose credentials did not elections and it was no surprise that their amount to much more than lit-sec of his turnout was low. hostel. In fact last year, he was seen at only one lit-soc event, that too because he was I think enough has been said about co-ord for that event!! He was tipped to get the cul-sec elections. Let us now turn to events core in case X and Y win. As A put others. As far as the scenario for Academic Affairs Secretary (AAS) is concerned, the

' The Wimp is widely acknowledged to be the best-informed person on campus when it comes to murky pieces of gossip!

12 April 2003 The Fourth Estate

campaign was low-key. Two prominent being extended over six hours (as against members of last year's Shaastra core group three last year), so there were no serpentine were against each other. Also up against queues to be seen in front of CC this year. them was a correspondent of this magazine But there were supporters of various who was oscillating between standing and candidates flooding the roads leading to the not standing at a period of five minutes! CC and chanting the names of the candidates whom they were supporting. The election for Gen-Sec witnessed Finally the Chief Election Officer had to a fight between two people who are personally intervene and chase them away. supposed to be good friends but could not All in all it was a peaceful poll. work out a compromise formula. They are such good friends that initially their In the elections for cul-sec, X and Y nominations were rejected as both their (refer to first part of article) defeated A and names had been proposed and seconded by B by a narrow margin. But only one of P, Q, the same people. Luckily for them, no one and R will be in their core since the other else was contesting or that person would two have been swallowed up into the have become Gen-Sec by default. Shaastra core by the AAS, who in fact is himself a member of last year’s Shaastra Campaigns for posts for sports sec core. He won the elections by a handsome and hostel affairs sec were low-key. There margin. The other elections went as were three candidates in the fray for sports expected with relatively big margins of sec and two for HAS. victory.

Addendum (on and after the elections) Finally, as they say, "All is fair in love, war and politics". This year, excellent arrangements were made for the elections with the voting

Quotable quotes of Elections 2003

"Core group is a wonderful thing da. Everyone should be in it" - Core group member Paddy on being asked how it felt to be in the core.

"I have all the officials of the insti in my backside" - Gen Sec Akhilesh Pareek during his election campaign last year.

"I am not standing for cul-sec because till date no cul-sec has gotten through CAT" - "A", when he was still a part of X and Y's core group and wasn't sure of contesting.

“Who is this Meera?” - A voter on being told by a candidate, “Vote for mee raaa…”

“Unlike facilities, events coordships will not be awarded based on hostel loyalties” - A member of the incoming Saarang core group at the aspiring coords meet.

13 April 2003 The Fourth Estate

Somebody Stop Me!

Sandeep Bhadra'

I am perhaps the most unathletic campus. Unlike what might happen to person on campus. So, every year, when the Saarang or what has been happening to Lit- hopefuls for the Sport-sec post come soc. Cultural activities are not as closely knocking at my door, I try to gauge them by regulated on campus and mismanagement at one or more of the following means: the top would lead to total disaster. 1. the way they look; Each year, the biggest effort by the 2. the way they talk; canvassing candidates in expended in getting 3. if they wear clean clothes. entire hostel vote banks. And we collect in clumps and vote en masse, making our Needless to say, with such astute choices the way Socrates would never have judgement on the qualities of a candidate as dreamt of. People who never play - like me - a sports sec, I have to seek the guidance of my friends and wingmates. So I normally end up adding another pointless reason for “…I normally end up adding my choice of a particular candidate on D- Day: another pointless reason for my 4. My friend thinks he is the right choice of a particular candidate on choice. D-Day: my friend thinks he is the

Clearly, when we sermonize on right choice.” democracy, and draw vivid pictures of a tradition learnt from the most erudite of white toga clad Greeks, THIS is hardly what vote for the Sports sec, others who have comes to our minds. Like all political never bothered about a lit-soc event and go theories, it is best only in terms of a theory. home for Saarang vote for the Cul secs and The success of democracy, at least in the those who think Shaastra is a caucus of classical Greek sense, presupposes the fact obsessive geeks vote for the AAS. that the voter has an independent will and an independent sense of judgement. It is I suggest we move to the club easy to see how I lack both of them in system used in some other IIT's. Enthu casting my choice for the sports sec. junta participate in club activities by registering for a club of some sort. They Fortunately for me though, the post select secretaries to coordinate club of sports secretary is not as fiercely activities. The club need not be restricted contested as some other posts. Moreover, only to events. For example, there could be the actions of the sports-sec are regulated facilities clubs to support routine events. It closely by the Gymkhana office so even a is like a sort of permanent coordship with bad choice on my part would not lead to a permanent vols. The members of the clubs collapse of the sporting activities on get to vote for the corresponding Institute

' Sandeep Bhadra, or Lingerie as he’s more commonly known, is an ex-editor of The Fourth Estate and a prolific contributor.

14 April 2003 The Fourth Estate secretary. These members are not are ways to beat this system too. But ask necessarily studs - they are only folks who yourself if this is not a more sensible system have some enthu beyond the desire to - for every one loophole in this new system, become a coord at Saarang. Coords are I could come up with five in the present selected among the club members, based on system. What needs to be worked out is the recommendations made by the club exact modalities on how we might move secretaries to a panel of selectors comprising from one system to another. faculty and students alike. This system might not select the most popular person on We need to work fast. And stop campus, but will certainly pick out the most people like me from voting for the Sports able since it is a peer review. sec (With apologies to the Sports Secs, present and past, I have no right to judge It might sound blasphemous. And how successful you were. As I have the easiest way to maul a good idea is to mentioned before, I simply cannot)! The declaim 'but it would be going against crux is letting other people realize that tradition’ or some such meaningless maybe they should not vote for what they bromide. As you might be thinking, there are not really bothered about.

Nostalgia Guess who!

Can you recognize this guy, who’s receiving the PGM from M.C. Chagla at the convocation of the Class of 1966?

15 April 2003 The Fourth Estate

Editorial The Chosen

First, a piece of trivia. A chap from starting hobby clubs and music classes, or IIT Kharagpur, commissioned by Penguin building the world’s greatest paper bridge, International, is writing a very interesting we from IIT Madras are showing the world book. It is a history of the IITs and IITians, that we dream big now, and we match our from the first stone that was laid in 1951 by dreams with our actions. Finally, it seems, Jawaharlal Nehru, to the present day. What the IITian has arrived – in Madras, at least. is to be the name of this book? According In every field of student activity – to Penguin, it had to be representative of academics, sports, cultural activities, social the awe those three capital letters invoke in service, co-curricular activities, socializing – lesser mortals. After much thought, Penguin IIT Madras is carving out a niche for itself, has decided on a tentative name. We’re to and receiving full points for effort and be called ‘The Chosen.’ enthusiasm. In this editorial, we want to take a good long look at ourselves and gloat. Yes, we’re proud to be IITians. But Gloat about what has made us the best IIT, over the last year (and probably a little first among the best colleges in India. more), we have found something that we can be prouder about – being IIT Madras They say the best thing about IIT is junta. This editorial, a much-needed the sheer range of people you meet. A first departure from the constant cribbing and observation would be that IIT Madras is a cringing that has marked Fourth Estate somewhat naturally more cosmopolitan editorials since the days that Shravan was campus than most others. As the number of the editor, is a celebration of this fact. students qualifying the JEE from the Madras zone gets progressively smaller, and Four years ago, or even less, the given that they have always tended to prefer typical IITian was a cynic. Do you Madras, progressively more students from remember those famous lines from the the rest of the country must now fill seats in booklets that are circulated by an IITM. Clearly, we are better exposed to unimaginative GCU year after year? ‘Some people from all parts of the country. Even IITians perform exceptionally well in earlier, the absence of a single uniting studies,’ it says, ‘while for some others, IIT language on our campus ensured that the is one big Taramani. But the vast majority of average IITM student unquestionably IITians are cynics.’ speaks more (we hazard adding ‘consequently better’) English than a Cynics? The last generation, maybe. counterpart in another IIT. Are we boasting, It’s time the GCU booklet was re-written. therefore, that the IIT-M guy is more For this generation of IITians, no ‘pseud’ than his, say, Kanpur or Delhi description could possibly be farther from counterparts? Perhaps. Perhaps not. What is the truth. true, though, is the fact that when IITians go abroad, or even when they go to a place There is a level of enthusiasm and energy within India that is alien to them, we’ve that permeates every activity in IITM today. heard that the IITM guys conduct Whether it’s about doing more meaningful themselves with social grace and tolerance summer internships, or about taking B.Tech. that outshines their fellow IITians. projects more seriously, or about winning awards in national conferences and design Even us, of The Fourth Estate, have competitions, or sweeping ex-culs, or cribbed that we, in IIT Madras, have divided

16 April 2003 The Fourth Estate ourselves into linguistic groups, and these will concede that our boys are extremely loyalties and sentiments have become mild when compared to the others. dominating factors in our institute’s reputed ugly student politics. And yet, it seems, there Apart from a comparison of the is more bonhomie amongst us IITM guys group behaviours of visiting IITs in a than there is in any other IIT. For instance, strange land, Inter IITs or cultural festivals we’re the source of constant envy of the such as Mood Indigo also offer us a peek at other IITs for our well-oiled and well- hostel life in the host IIT, both during the coordinated app scene. In the other IITs, vacations and during the semester. From apping is a matter of, well, ‘to each his/her these (and even from chance casual trips own’. RG abounds. Cooperation is unheard during a semester or conversations with of, almost. When people from IIT Bombay, other IITians), it is evident that the levels of for example, look at our app-files and our enthusiasm for sports and extra-curricular app-secs and our app-meetings, they do so activities in the other IITs are quite a bit with wonder and more than just a tinge of lower than our own. It isn’t uncommon for longing. hostel quadrangles in IITB to be empty and ridden with weeds, while Quake, UT and A trip to another IIT unfailingly gets AOE tournaments rage on the intranet. our students thinking rather seriously about Even the IITB students concede that they how it differs from our own. A lot of people waste too much precious time sitting glued (typically hailing from Bombay or Delhi) we to their computers and the music and know, after having grown in the IITM movies and porn and TV serials. And atmosphere for a year or two, return from subsequently discussing them. In some their vacations at home and many trips to other IITs, the extreme lack of recreation the local IIT, eternally grateful about the manifests itself as high levels of indulgence ‘braindead’ IITs they were fortunate not to in, well, die-hard habits of the substance land up in. In fact, converse with another kind! IIT guy who’s well-enough informed, and very soon, the envy will start showing. We While we expect that we are scorned are always being looked up to by the others, by the other IITs as Maddus, the uncool for our increased non-academic activities, prisoners of the stereotypical sambar city, it for our increased student power, and even turns out that we are actually quite respected for our curriculum! Yes, though we for how much more constructively we ourselves can never tire of complaining spend our time. Some IITB students sought about our own minor courses and free to confirm with us, “We’ve heard that junta electives and pass-fails, people in other IITs in IITM have more enthu in life – sports or look at us round-eyed with wonder, wishing reading or general hobbies. And that the lit they were here and sharing our relatively and cul standards are very high.” This ‘enthu immense freedom. in life’ seems to be reflected in our performances in the Inter IIT Cultural Meet The annual Inter IIT 2001, and the Sports Meet 2002, in which Championships prove to be a lesson to we steamrolled the opponents only to be most of us to ‘love our IIT’. Numerous edged out by the host teams under very contingent members return visibly affected dubitable circumstances. This is also by what they perceive as extremely boorish reflected in the quality of our festivals – and unruly behaviour of the other IIT Saarang and Shaastra. Only IITB is in the contingents. Girls return infinitely thankful same league in this respect. And it must be for how those people make our own lechers considered that a lot of it has to do with the seem like gentlemen. While the general ‘size’ and glamour value of Mood Indigo IITian male still leaves a lot to be desired as and TechFest. Their strengths are the regards his attitude towards girls, the girls amount of sponsorship and consequently

17 April 2003 The Fourth Estate prize money, which have more to do with presentation entries. Here, for Shaastra the land of opportunity that is Mumbai city, 2003, there were 150 coordships at stake – than with any better effort. While a technical and the Core Committee received 850 festival will have equal quality of applications! A few years ago, a few IITB participation in any IIT, Saarang is the guys came over for Saarang, and made snide undisputable winner among the cultural remarks about the fact that Informals at festivals for the same. Mood-I are much bigger than ours. When we visited, we noticed that this was, indeed, Speaking of Saarang, is it true that the case – but not because the students IIT Madras is more a part of Madras than there had put more fight. Oh no. We learnt, any other IIT is part of the city that it is in? to our disgust, that in Mood-I, the whole Kharagpur is several hours away from Informals stall is ‘outsourced’ to Calcutta. Roorkee, Guwahati and Kanpur professional event managers, who do all the are not much more than little towns. activities that we here at IIT Madras do with Bombay is quite removed from the rest of such enthusiasm and energy. They’ve the city, but may be said to belong to it sacrificed student enthusiasm on the altar of nonetheless, and Delhi is very much within Mammon, the god of Money. the city. But somehow, while IITD (and to a lesser extent, IITB) students may have the We are at this stage tempted to ask city’s hangout joints, discotheques, theatres, questions, which do not befit a discussion restaurants, and rock festivals within their that’s struggling not to be chauvinistic in its reach, their presence in the cities’ college tone – Is the average IITM student more cultural and social circuits is nowhere near intellectually inclined or at least exposed to as large as that of IITM in Chennai. Neither more people who are? Is life in IITM a relatively nor absolutely. We are respected in richer balance of academics, sports, social, our city as more than just bright students. and cultural activities than elsewhere? And We are also respected as ‘nice guys’, ‘enthu finally, is the average IITM student more guys’, people who know ‘how to organize a cultured or at least, once again, exposed to good show’, people who are ‘serious about more people who are? And, curiously but what they do’, and, on the whole, a jolly very importantly, how much of this has to good set of people to be with and do things do with the distinctly milder ragging in IIT with. A far cry from the other IITs, we hear. Madras? Here’s a starting point: we shed far In fact, apparently IIT Delhi students have fewer inhibitions as freshies than our been banned from taking part in the cultural counterparts in the other IITs. Just think of festival of nearby AIIMS, because of their the numerous consequences of that one fact extremely unruly and uncouth behaviour a alone! few years ago! And finally, one thing that we are How easy it is for IIT-M guys to get undisputedly proud of is our fine campus. It together and get organized! In Bombay, the is rumoured that in a few years, once it Cul fest, Mood Indigo, is organized by matures, IIT Guwahati will be the most about 15 core group members and 30 beautiful IIT. But in a few years, a lot of coordinators. Here, at Saarang, there are things can happen. For now, however, we more than 300 people involved. In IITD, have cause to celebrate – celebrate with a their technical festival, a joke called Tryst, is bang – for as of now, regardless of what organized by second year core committee poorer-informed people may say, regardless members; the fourth year students sit of what ranking India Today gives us this around leching at their juniors and year, IIT Madras is the best engineering submitting their mini-projects as paper college in India. Q.E.D.

18 April 2003 The Fourth Estate

Mega Mess or Giga Mess?

Arjun N. Chennu'

The Mega mess, an experimental him. He understandably, stays well clear of run-up to the proposed (‘mega’er) Mega the warpath… well, at least till he gets Mess II has not been without its share of bumped. And Hard. Some even asked him pitfalls. As was noted earlier, the mess to stick the food, well, where the sun don’t struggled to keep with the increasing load, shine! Well, one must confess, that’s all it an index of which was ever-lengthening was good for. This is obvious, for, since queues and ever-increasing mumbles and then… groans. This was soon allayed by putting the top floor into service. Since then… Irked by the withered rotis, squashed bananas, putrid sambars and well, some Users of the Winter Mess found the downright abominable display of culinary cooking so great that they’d cycle all the skills, the grumblers from Sharavati decided way from whichever hostel to have ‘Mega to boycott the mess. (This was however, a mess grub’. In fact, they’d “eat whatever “strike” for the mess sec.) After some they’d serve us!! Even if they bailed out furtive, and quite imaginably, hurtful, sewage water and served it, we’d have it. It conference with the warden and the was like heaven compared to our mess!” But manager, the “strike” (!) was called off… to many are the twists of fate. Because since no avail though, JUNTA had already then… packed. After all, thirteenth bitten, fourteenth shy! Miraculously, and actually There was an outbreak of cough, quite predictably, the food got better and at fever, headaches and sore throats (this the present, is determined on being mainly due to yelling at the mess staff). ambivalent about which direction it wants There also were cases reported of typhoid to head. (Both quality wise, and anatomy and jaundice in Sarayu. (This perhaps talks wise!). Nevertheless, junta have been more about the hospital than the mess.) surviving since then… That was not all, for since then… In all, Mega mess portends a Giga The quality of food plummeted to mess. Perhaps, the contract for the planned some indescribable and better left mess ought to be ‘dished’ out with plenty of apocryphal level. JUNTA packed the mess, aforethought. One must ensure timely food and flocked to Quark and G’nath like it was supply, hygiene, good food, water, cheap nobody’s business. This drop went on for prices and an efficient staff (that does not more than a student’s fortitude (an IITian give away free extras to the arguably gentler for crying out loud!) could take. The mess sex on receiving a few bashful smiles, OR secretary, at least of Sarayu, faced an ordeal to sycophantic guys who exchange OAT in sneaking to the mess 5 minutes before tickets for extras!) that can keep the running grub began, demanding food, gobbling it up well-oiled (and hopefully, the food too). with one or more eyes over his shoulder, Oh, and hopefully the menu will include and then taking flight a few minutes before something other than just onions. And belligerent students could come hunting for hope.

' Arjun N. Chennu, of Sarayu, is the most enthusiastic freshie contributor to The Fourth Estate.

19 April 2003 The Fourth Estate

Directorspeak

Rahul Pratap M.'

This article could have been a plain right from contrasting IITB to its interview with the Director of IIT Madras. We surroundings - namely a patch of land that’s would have had nothing more to offer than home to snake charmers and elephants, to his answers to a few questions on the Brand Narayanamurthy saying “My son wanted to IIT song that the world was given to hear not do Computer Science in IIT. But for that so long ago, and the dance it has been you need to be among the top 200, which he responsible for. Indeed, the exercise of couldn’t manage. So he went to Cornell.” interviewing the Director could have been quite dull, with only the long wait outside his So for all the pats we gave our own office to write home about. Somehow, to backs, what was hoped to be achieved? It’s substitute the name of Dr. M.S. Ananth for all too easy to say that we’re an institute at ‘Director’ reduces the very conceiving of that the level of MIT or Princeton and that we possibility to downright sacrilege! ought to be recognised for our quality. However, while our output is our students, Here we are now, with thoughts that these others differ in that they produce transpired during the first meeting of The research of volumes that would quite Fourth Estate with Dr. M.S. Ananth since he humble us if we didn’t consciously discount became Director of the Institute. it. All that keeps us from attaining their stature is the difference in the funding The first feeling that any report or received towards research - their grants newspaper article leaves one with, is that the being the order of several hundred times IIT50 Meet at San Jose was essentially, if not more than ours. And all we’re known for is entirely, a self-glorification exercise. It was the our undergraduates. idea of a few eminent and many otherwise successful alumni to arrange a congregation of So, a group of people meeting and the greatest minds of the past half-century. trying hard to sell Brand IIT in a way that’s The intergalactic, or simply international, or so typically American isn’t exactly what it more simply American spotlight needed to be takes to get us there. IIT50 San Jose was turned on the Indian Institutes of Technology, about the celebration of the success of and their contribution recognised and entrepreneurial IITians. However, the best applauded. Having Bill Gates, among others, from the academic world were conspicuous speaking at the summit, and having CBS’ 60 by their absence. The alumni may make it Minutes do a full feature on the IITs served seem like they’re drafting a vision for IIT. this purpose quite well. In fact CBS did come The fact remains that a vision for the IIT over to IITM to interview the Director, but system cannot be drafted in the US – it has the camera team went only to IITB and even to be done here in India. spoke to a few students there. The final program, as those of us who saw the screening Dr. Ananth warns, however, that the at Saraswathi Hostel Night will remember, was meet cannot be dismissed as only so much. made for a sensation-starved American He adds that he was personally quite thrilled audience. Every corner was shaped to sell - being there. Having taught in IITM for

' Rahul Pratap M., aka Kondaiah, is one of the editors of this magazine. He lives in Godavari.

20 April 2003 The Fourth Estate about thirty years and then become Director therefore, can only be used for facelifting, as of the same institute, he found himself with the hostel bathrooms last year, and reunited with his ‘mafia’, and for the above development projects, such as the Reverse reason, a larger mafia than any other director Osmosis plants. could have hoped for! Numerous smaller meets of alumni of the individual IITs Although this concluding part is happened as well. IITM alumni topped the probably off-topic, I asked Dr. Ananth overall attendance at San Jose! These meetings about it, as he had brought up the matter of were clearly less sung about than those graced improving JEE in a discussion in class by Bill Gates and others, but were of great before he left for San Jose. significance nonetheless. The Director was for the idea of The Directors of the respective IITs replacing the screening test with a 12th class made their presentations at these meetings. score cut-off (Some of us may remember a (And anyone who has heard our director SAC Meeting Agenda IP which mentioned speak would hardly be surprised that a report I this). This is to curb the coaching read described his speech as ‘head and revolution, hoping at worst that these shoulders above the rest’ both in terms of centres will start to coach for the boards. content and wit!) Dr. Ananth spoke Also, the performance of girls in the boards enthusiastically of the various cross- is much better than that of the boys, and disciplinary research programmes introduced making that the screening criterion will give by IIT Madras, as well as our Strategic the girls a fair chance to get into IIT. As of Management Project. Another pertinent issue now, the number of girls is small, largely that came to be discussed was of Intellectual because not all of them can attend coaching Property Rights. A lot of significant research is classes. Dr. Ananth also feels that the JEE is done in the IITs whose findings need to be not a test of raw intelligence as much as of patented. And we must exploit the fact that it’s acquired and honed skills. He speculates much easier to get a patent in the US than that introducing general knowledge as a here in India. subject may be a good idea, but the urban edge may come into play, inviting instant The Director adds that the warmth of protest, and beating down the very thought the alumni made the experience memorable. from being further worked on. And that’s Our alumni clearly want to contribute. For this quite regrettable, given that it’s the same reason, Dr. Ananth feels there should be confidence, zeal and awareness that we want student volunteers to welcome alumni to the in our students. It’s only the people who institute, take them around, update them, and come in here with that confidence, zeal and make them feel like a special part of the awareness (all parameters if properly defined system. But as far as contributing goes, he and understood, are actually independent of feels that attitudes need to fall into place. It’s urban or rural background), who leave with convenient to call the Ministry of HRD an education. Only those people eventually go autocratic, and for the alumni to voice doubts on to do any good for the nation, or for about how their money may be spent. Dr. science and technology. Or for IIT. Those Ananth, however, says that the alumni and are the people who make IIT a worthy administration alike must see IIT as bigger subject of those TV features. And those than both. Nobody’s doing anyone any summits. favours. Besides, alumni contributions are a drop in the bucket – until now, they have And having somehow led this article totalled about 15 crores, of which about 11 all over the place, I am satisfied that I can crores came from a single couple! Compare take it back where it started, thus keeping it this to the 100 crores that the ministry of what may be called logically bound! It is HRD gives us every year. Alumni money, with that satisfaction that I end.

21 April 2003 The Fourth Estate

A Fitting Tribute

M Shamanth'

I'm walking on a beach. I see the sea. I a name? Nice try, William. The Gods truly saw the saw. I see the saw. I saw the sea. I'm must be crazy. rudely awakened from this see-saw of thought by an obscene word, almost as if to say, Murphy's Law is a special case of a "Welcome to the real world." I'm shaken great universal law, the Fundamental Law of awake from my dreams of the beach, now I all Processes, FLoP in short. According to just see the saw, I'm all at sea. Reality comes this, "Even if anything can't go wrong, it rushing back. I've been sleeping (yet again) in will." You won't see this law better at work the fitting workshop, at 2:30 pm on a sultry, anywhere other that the fitting workshop. humid afternoon, right in the middle of No matter how well you think you've filed, murderous Chennai summer. no matter how perfectly you think you've cut the pieces, the pieces will never fit. No I suddenly hear the instructor uttering matter what you've used to measure the a profanity. He says something about a bastard pieces, no matter how measured you think file. I'm shocked; I'm aware of this particular you've been in measuring the pieces, your rule among IITian students that they should dimensions are wrong. The pieces will never utter a profanity every 10 seconds, but was ever fit. If there's anything that'll get a fit, unaware of the fact that the rule had been it'll be you. extended to staff as well. Later, I realized that the file is indeed called a bastard file. Legend The great FLoP manifests itself in has it that everyone in the forty-odd year just about everything you do in the fitting history of IITM got so very frustrated and workshop. No matter how neatly you think pained after having used the file, that they you've written the notes, the instructor finds started calling the file names (apparently, not them bad. No matter how carefully you very parliamentary ones). This, supposedly became so very common, that everyone forgot its real name, and began calling it a bastard file. “The fitting shop is where IITians receive endurance training. The fitting The Gods must be crazy. They shop's input is unskilled labour, its gleefully cast people against types, and gleefully mock at the comedy of errors they output is killed labour.” author. Most people's names mean the exact opposite of who they really are. I asked a beggar his name, and he said Sampath Kumar. But wait, you ain't seen nothing yet. God think you've drawn the tools, your reserved his best, or shall we say, worst, for neighbour has always drawn 'em better than IITM. Can you believe this - the instructor in you. the fitting shop is called Goodman?!! What's in

' Shamanth, whose articles also appear in other places in this magazine, justifies his well-earned reputation as the PJ god of the Institute in this crazy spoof!

22 April 2003 The Fourth Estate

Once, there was this female who was by much more than you want it to, so you'll sitting next to me in the fitting workshop (a have to take another piece and start from rare occurrence in IITM) In accordance with scratch yet again. the FLoP, her drawings were better and neater than mine. Eager in my enthusiasm to There's this guy called Garry compliment her, I immediately said," Your Kasparov. He said," Complications are my figure is very good." The next thing I knew territory." I bet he's never set foot in the was that I'd ended up with a black eye. Some fitting workshop. The fitting workshop is people just can't receive compliments. just about as complicated as it gets. The Crow English dictionary defines The FLoP is a greater truth than the 'complication', as anything half as law of conservation of mass. In the fitting complicated as an experience in the fitting shop, no matter how long you file, how hard workshop. The fitting workshop is a you file, the thickness of the metal piece does territory of complications, a labyrinth which not decrease. You see metal dust on the sucks IITians to their doom. Basically, the ground telling you that the thickness of the fitting shop sucks. The fitting shop is where piece should have decreased, but your scale IITians receive endurance training. The tells you the thickness is the same. Then fitting shop's input is unskilled labour, its there're times when it never rains, but pours. output is killed labour. When the thickness does change, it decreases

Heard at a Hostel Nite…

I have a daughter, aged 18, studying in Venkateshwara college. Does anyone want her e-mail address? -- Godavari Hostel Nite chief Guest, in the presence of the above-mentioned female!

Speaking of e-mail addresses…

Dr A. Mani [email protected] (Dept. of Mechanical Engg.)

Dr A. R. Manivasagan [email protected] (Dept. of Electrical Engg.)

23 April 2003 The Fourth Estate

The Great B.Tech Wish List

Amrapali Cata'

There is a possibility that next year semester; from reducing the number of onwards, workshop could be an elective! credits to allowing credit transfer to other That Engineering Drawing could mean institutes in India and abroad. nothing more than learning to read drawings! A task force was convened in the The number of credits might not be beginning of this semester to discuss a lot of further reduced but it was decided that these issues and decide the changes that can allowance should be made for the fact that be made to the B.Tech curriculum. It some courses like ID110 involve far more constitutes Professors from various number of hours of work than the number departments. They have considered a whole of credits allocated to it. So the number of range of very interesting ideas which can credits for such courses will be increased, drastically change the way B.Tech is done another good news is that from now on here. Of course, finally the senate might not there will be nothing on the grade card to ratify all the suggestions and life might be show that someone has failed a course. The just the same at the end of it all. new grade will be recorded as the original.

To ensure that they get suggestions To make the co-curricular activities from a wide range of people, all the more interesting, an Honors program might departments were asked to send in their be started where interested students can take recommendations. Besides this, there was a on more courses and hence have a 'value meeting where the class reps of all the education’. Besides this, there will be more departments met the Task Force (TF) to courses for the minor stream (offered by the discuss a list of issues. (Interestingly the Mechanical Engineering and Electrical Electrical Engineering department had no Engineering departments), more responsive representatives in this meeting) And even Class committees, better informed Faculty though very few of us got to know of it, the Advisors, DCFs for all departments, more word was to have been spread that if any of books in the lib and more organizations like us had very interesting suggestions, we were the CEA (to ensure that students and faculty to tell the class representatives or mail them meet frequently on a non academic basis). to Prof. V. Kalyanaraman. At the end of it all, only the last few The final list of issues covers a range ideas with degree-qualifiers might be of topics, from starting courses on implemented and the changes made might professional ethics, to letting the students be very imperceptible to us. It might still take mini projects instead of elective take a very long time before workshop and courses; from offering pedagogy courses to ED are made electives but looking at the professors, to allowing all the students to issues that were considered by this task improve the grades of any two courses in a committee, we might be there some day.

' Amrapali, of Sharavati hostel, is a frequent contributor to The Fourth Estate. Her March 2001 article on the deplorable interaction between the sexes on campus is particularly well remembered.

24 April 2003 The Fourth Estate

The Job Option

Ajit Narayanan'

There was a time, in IIT, not very perhaps not all for the same reasons. People long ago (because I can remember it first- in IT companies don’t care much for the hand), when the only people who took jobs kind of work they have to do, but they meet were the guys whose parents did not want people who are Gods of programming, have them to go abroad, and whose profs refused flexible work hours, have good employee to give them recos if they even mentioned care and get paid for doing relatively low- the word ‘CAT’. For most of these effort jobs. Most people who have taken unenthusiastic jobbers, their job was just a tech jobs usually end up wishing, very soon, temporary pit-stop between IIT and an that they’d put more enthusiasm in acads M.S., a Ph.D., an MBA or the IAS. back in college, and develop a new-found love for the subject once they actually see The Director, Prof Ananth, told us how people are making tons of money that on an average, about 30% of IIT putting those dusty Oppenheims, Kuos and graduates take up jobs, a number that has Ozisiks to action. Across all jobs, most apparently remained constant over the years. people make large numbers of good friends What is changing, however, is the increasing – which mostly comes as a surprise to them number of B.Techs who are working. Of because they thought that no one could late, the prospect of working immediately compare with the friends they’d made in the after one’s B.Tech. is becoming very real – Institute. And in most jobs, IITians are and very attractive. To explore this change being recognized more and more, not just in IIT lifestyle a little closer, we got in touch for their IIT tag, but for their abilities, and with several recently-passed-out alumni these guys get a nice warm feeling inside (class of 2002) who are working in a wide when their bosses come up to them and spectrum of jobs – from IT to management congratulate them, or when colleagues look to hard-core tech – and asked them for their up to them as gurus and gods, even though opinions. Three people were kind enough to they may have been 7-points in the Institute. give us articles. By a happy coincidence, we got one each from each of the above three Another reason that many IITians categories – from employees of i2, feel at home at their jobs is because there McKinsey and Texas Instruments are usually many other IITians, perhaps respectively, and we have published those from other IITs, working with them. articles here. But on the basis of those According to them, building a rapport with articles, and detailed talks with the other these other IITians is easy and almost alumni, we also made a few common instantaneous. Many jobbers who are not observations. staying in their home cities are sharing apartments with other IITians, and feel the The first, and most surprising same sort freedom and camaraderie that perhaps, is the fact that so many people are they did in the hostels. Finding people to go actually HAPPY with their jobs – though

' Ajit Narayanan of Godavari hostel, or Q, as he is better known, is one of the editors of the magazine.

25 April 2003 The Fourth Estate out with for a movie or grub is not a problem after the first two months at work. Too many people are also unhappy with the fact that the work that they’re Money is another thing that makes getting hardly tests their potential. Coding in most jobbers happy. After years of surviving COBOL (which is the most common on mess grub, travelling to and from classes programming language at Infy and CTS) is on cycles and watching movies on 6.50 hardly a test for people who have passed tickets, it comes as a welcome change to through 4 years of IIT. Neither is debugging find that you can actually spend money to and testing hardware – which is what one buy a 100-rupee ticket without it hurting guy does at Tejas Networks. However, there your wallet. Levels of satisfaction on this are also a good number of people who count vary, however. Our friends in expected their jobs to be uninspiring, but McKinsey and ITC earn salaries that allow are now enjoying them. An alumnus, them to lead king-size lifestyles; people in working at a company called Emmeskay, software companies earn considerably less which does CAD/CAM work, expected to money, but they’re not really complaining. be spending his hours sitting in front of a In fact, people working at CTS are delighted computer doing C coding or making that they are being paid Rs 17k a month for drawings. Instead, he’s designing control doing hardly anything. Many freshers at systems, and though he does have to sit in Infosys are usually put ‘on the bench’ for a front of a computer most of the time, the month or two, waiting for new projects; tools he uses are Matlab and Simulink – such people don’t need to do any work quite different from what he thought he’d except for the non-mandatory ‘self-training’, be in for. Similarly, one person at ITC and get paid full wages for doing so. thought his job would be pretty boring even through training. He was taught all about However, people do have cribs cigarettes, how they were manufactured, about their jobs too. The most common is how the plants were run, how they were the fact that they have to give up their casual positioned in the market and how they were and sedentary IIT lifestyle when they join a being distributed and sold. While he found company. This means getting up by 7:00am all this very enlightening and interesting (he (blasphemy for them – and us – when they even took up smoking as a result!) he was were still students here), getting dressed in told these procedures were standard – the formals (goodbye to the Hawai chappals results of years and years of trial and error – that we all know and love so much) and and there would be no creativity involved in often, working till very late in the night. The the job. After training, however, he was level of discipline needed at a job far placed, not in the tobacco division, but in exceeds the level of discipline needed even the still-nascent foods division. In his in a University abroad under a strict thesis words, working in that division is ‘almost advisor, and it takes a few months for like working in a start-up’. people to stop complaining about this. People at TCS, for example, need to be on Speaking of starting up, one 2002 call during weekends as well, and often passout has actually started his own return home only as late as midnight – or company! After a short stint at a software even later. At Tata Technologies, where half company called Newbreak, he broke free a dozen IITians are working, the weekly and started up his own software company. holiday is on Thursday, and the number of He’s only just begun, so we can’t report any other holidays in the year is in single digits. good news yet, but he has an office, and This is the source of a lot of cribbing, not four employees, and it looks as though he’s just from them but also from parents and going to make it big pretty soon. IIT friends who would like them to come and visit once in a while.

26 April 2003 The Fourth Estate

In conclusion, there can be no coming to IIT Madras because all the people denying that the job scene is definitely that they used to recruit would ditch them picking up. With the IIMs preferring work for some Univ or the other. Now, there is a experience, and the univ scene being much pleasantly quaint role inversion taking place less optimistic than it was four years ago, – people are trying for placement to good people taking jobs are finding more and companies on their own, and these more reasons to reassure themselves that companies are so impressed with their work they did the right thing. Which is good – not that they are coming to IIT for recruitments just for them, but also for IIT. Companies now. For some years now, the job scene in like Schlumberger, Haliburton and Capital IITM is likely to go in one direction only – One – among the best companies that ever up. came for campus placement – stopped

Guest Article: The TI Experience

Anant Kamath, Design Engineer (Texas Instruments) Electrical Engineering, Class of 2002

Working has been a continuation of BTech in Elec Engg. Almost all the courses I Then of course, the scope of took there come in handy. Including power learning is much wider, because any electronics, sometimes. The subjects which practical engineering is extremely complex, seemed unbearably boring back in IITM, like and you can find a lot to things about which electromagnetic waves and transmission lines you know nothing. are extremely useful, so they are now interesting somehow. And there is learning My job in particular is Analog and knowledge growth. The good part is that Design for communication chips. I find this the onus is on me. All I am given is a broad extremely interesting because I took both problem, and I have to learn all the stuff that comm. and analog courses in IITM. might come in handy while solving it. And the learning is through reading and asking and Then of course there is the thrill of thinking. Not listening. In college there are actually producing things that'll make money finite boundaries to learning each semester, for your company (of which money you'll beyond which it does not pay to learn. It’s the get back some!). And of solving practical non-syllabus-istic learning on the job and the problems, even knowing that those shift of the initiative on to me - hey I don't problems exist. know anything about this stuff at all- kind of thing that I think I am enjoying so much. I The grading system is different. mean, back in college, your job was simpler Those painful quizzes aren’t there. You and thus less challenging and so less enjoyable, don't have to agonize for weeks because of you just had to understand all that the prof silly mistakes you made in some 50 minutes was saying, which, since most of the profs time. spoke good English, wasn't so difficult to do. Speaking for myself, one never felt the need to The earning money part is also very take the initiative and find out about stimulating, actually, though I never thought something. I am explaining it in so many so much about it. I am eating better food words because I think it’s the main reason I than in college. A maid washes my undies am enjoying working, more than studying, and banians (hey what more can one want perhaps. after four years of Surf Excel!) And I am

27 April 2003 The Fourth Estate

playing more often and different games than boozo or anything (Not a comment on you, back in college, though I guess this is not Q) (Bloody well not be – Ed). No one works typical of job life. too many extra hours or nights either. No one expects that of you either. And the The atmosphere is pretty much like group generally knows each other well. And college, actually. Not much formality at all. when you know people closely there is no What I am missing is the luxury to use swear scope for un-healthy competition. words more often. People around don’t, so I One more point. Generally you are can't. I only have to say "f***" once or twice the only one doing a particular job at a and I feel bad about it. Pondy movies and particular time. So the competition is against books are something I miss. And the yourself rather than 99 other despos. Which "countryness" of the hostel in terms of living is very very nice. conditions(hostel rooms) and language and thought. I miss group-leching at females, The work, including study, is Saarang style. I miss wasting time and fart confined to weekdays. Which leaves the sessions and spending whole Sundays on the weekends completely totally off. There is wing cot. I miss watching cricket in the no assignment or quiz or lab report or common room. I miss being cheap, something to eat into weekends. Everything quantitatively not qualitatively, I mean, waits till Monday. So you can totally switch watching the 6.50 movies and eating in Laxmi off for two days, and pursue other interests. mess etc. I sometimes miss being a slob. Wearing chappals and old dirty T-shirts and The computer. Yeah, I have a comp going without a bath etc. at the office with hi-funda net access. And a nice monitor and a keyboard which makes The people are extremely genteel and pleasant mechanical noise when I type. I friendly and helpful. They help you out love to type on it. Which is why I have generally and watch out for you. There are written such a long article in the first place. quite a few seniors in the group working with I use it to write stories and things and stuff. you and they have more experience Writing has become my most important emotionally and professionally, so it is nice. Its hobby and I now know that all along I had good if not all your friends are as immature been wanting a computer. Yeah, there are and foolish as you are. The atmosphere is strange fringe benefits to working at TI! pretty relaxed. No one smokes big time or is a

Guest Article: A Day in the Life of a Consultant

Ajay Bharat Candade, Consultant (McKinsey & Co.) Chemical Engineering, Class of 2002

Consultants face stiff competition cholesterol, obesity and all those good from lawyers as the butt-of-most-jokes. things!!), good booze (there goes that 6 pack Jokes abound from the unprintable to the that owes its origins to mess grub), a very etymological origins (con-sultant if you chauffeur driven car when on a assignment are wondering). Yet there are some perks (if (so much for even the slightest form of you may call them so!!) accompany the physical exertion), frequent-flyer miles regular 70-80 hour of work per week (yes (airline food sucks!!) and a great view of that is per week and not the per month I sunset on Marine drive (the desk bound was so used to for the past 4 years): good nature of the work stakes its claim on the food (to increase the probability of backs of most consultants). Just to hedge

28 April 2003 The Fourth Estate myself as seeming the cribbo-type, there are The view from the office more than some other benefits too, all those good compensates, though. It’s magnificent. All things in life like working with some of the around, the commercial heart of Mumbai sharpest people in the country, working in throbs with energy. Behind and to the left, different sectors every few months (so the gothic buildings of old Bombay rise much for monotony!!) and the fact that you calm and majestic. On the horizon, where get to do genuinely good high impact work the great cranes of the Mumbai docks lift with some of the leading Indian and the mist back, low islands beckon softly, the international companies. sea around them gleaming in the morning sun. There’s constant traffic in the harbor: A typical day in the life of a tired freighters, destroyers proud in battle consultant should further elucidate my gray, and luxury cruisers white and argument. Following the modus operandi or graceful as swans. any true blooded consultant, I have 9:10 am: My EM (Engagement manager- leveraged my colleague Aseem Kaul’s earlier person who typically drives the effort from work in charting out a typical day in the life our side while working with clients) walks in of a consultant: while I’m staring out the window. A client meeting has come up, and we need to pull a 7:30 am: I hate alarm clocks!! pack together by tomorrow. A 3-hour 7:45 am: I still hate alarm clocks!! presentation, and we haven’t even started 8:30 am: I’m working out of the Mumbai thinking about it! Workplans. Deadlines. office and there is a regular car pool to ferry Panic. I sigh, leaning back in my chair. It’s us from the guest house to the office. Bid going to be a normal day. farewell to an amazing view from the 17th 9:30 am: The entire team’s gathered in a floor of an apartment overlooking the sea conference room. Time to pull the storyline and step into the lift. together. I love structuring. It always takes 8:35 am: Missed the car, so I’ll take a taxi. me back to when I was 5 years old, and I The drivers at the stand all recognize me. I would try to build things with LEGO climb into the nearest one and take out my blocks. The process is just as creative, the Walkman. Time for some Bob Dylan. But possibility of collapse just as real, and the the driver wants to talk. He’s secretary of end product just as satisfying. the Mumbai Taxi Driver Association. Noon: We’re done with the storyline. Our They’re protesting some new legislation. We EM suggests we go out to lunch, rather than spend the 30-minute ride discussing the wait an hour for the cafeteria to open. We pros and cons of the new rule. By the time I all hate the cafeteria food, so we readily get out, I have an overview of the acquiesce. economics of running a Mumbai taxi. I’ve 12:15 pm: We’re at India Jones, a restaurant also suggested a few negotiation strategies with Southeast Asian cuisine in a hotel the association could use with the opposite the office. Our EM, Jeff Kennedy, government. He seems really charged about is from the Shanghai Office and speaks my ideas. It’s 9 am, I’m not even in the fluent Mandarin, even though he’s originally office yet, and I’m already having impact! from the United States. We let him order. 9:05 am: Every time I walk into the It’s always a kick to see the shock on the Mumbai Office, the painting on the 21st chef’s face when Jeff calls him out and floor entrance depresses me. It’s gloomy – discusses dishes in Mandarin. an inky night scene with a despondent 1:00 pm: Back in the office. A few quick moon and a man urinating in a corner. It analyses to do before I get down to working takes away my enthusiasm for the day ahead. on the presentation. We need some indicative numbers, so Jeff asks me to do

29 April 2003 The Fourth Estate

back-of-the-envelope calculations. Using the finance. They don’t believe me. I tell them back of an envelope, I once calculated that I some general stuff, adding some random spend 35% of my time doing back-of-the- nuggets I’ve picked up. They look happy. It envelope calculations. Somewhere there’s a seems that’s exactly the solution they’ve warehouse with stacks of envelopes no one been looking for. I’m amazed. Could I can use because calculations have been done actually be good at finance? Naah. Only on the backs of them. with some of the people, some of the time. 4:00 pm: I go to the men’s room and bump 10:45 pm: Now the work is really done. into my ED. Have to give him an update on Wait for the elevator. the work. This seems to happen often. I call 10:55 pm: Still waiting for the elevator. The it the McKinsey urinal test. It’s a lot worse guard calls security. I’m trying to decide if I than the elevator test (The mark of a good hate elevators more than alarm clocks. consultant - The elevator test - the ability to give a full download on a study in 30 11:00 pm: Finally out of the office. seconds flat) because at least in an elevator Bombay’s Marine Drive looks as beautiful as you can legitimately maintain eye contact, ever. At this hour there aren’t too many and you have a pretty good idea how long it people about - just a handful of couples will take. sitting facing the sea. The light from the streetlamps settled on their shoulders like 7:25 pm: Proof reading time. The dust makes them seem permanent, almost government should move to a taxation eternal. system based on alcoholic content. That can’t be right. Coast synergies are the key to 1:00 am: Just spent an hour with a Margaret successful off-shoring. Oops. Atwood novel, having got back to my room. It’s late, but this is the only way I’lll keep up 9:30 pm: Final check on the presentation. with my reading. I’m actually impressed. I didn’t know we’d done so much work! 1:05 am: Just remembered – my flight to a client site leaves in 5 hours. Set the alarm for 9:40 pm: Just remembered that I promised 4 am and call it a day. to help some colleagues with deal- structuring issues. I call, and we decide on a 1:10 am: Last thought before I drop off: I 15-minute meeting. I tell them I don’t know hate alarm clocks. anything about CF&S, that I’m bad at

Guest Article: Six Months Hence

Adib Ibrahim, Software Engineer (i2 Technologies) Mechanincal Engineering, Class of 2002

I now work as a software engineer in A majority of you will end up in this Bangalore. My office space is a small cubicle world sooner or later and my experiences in just like other small cubicles where a the past few months, my gains, my losses etc thousand other people like me have their might help you in your metamorphosis from noses buried in for the better part of the an IITian to a corporate. day. I have successfully managed to drown myself in the vast underbelly that goes under Software companies can be broadly the pseud pseudonym "corporate world". divided into two: service-based and product- Six months hence, I have converted to "one based. Service-based companies are those of them" so to speak. that offer any kind of solutions to their customers. Eg. Infosys. Product-based

30 April 2003 The Fourth Estate companies like Microsoft, develop products accommodating to your needs. You can and sell to customers. If you are looking for walk up to your manager and tell him that frequent travel, then service-based software you don't like what you are doing and you companies are your best bet. Or you can want to do something else. (You should of join IT consulting. course, keep in mind that you don't do this too often!) Apart from these, you get a lot Whatever be the type of software of free time to pursue any other interests company that you are in, so long as you are you have. In short, this is a nice parking lot not in consulting, you will be a part of a to add value to yourself, before you decide team that develop a product or a solution. to move ahead in life. There are three main stages to a product or solution development: Design, But what are the pitfalls? You will of Implementation and Testing. course, not be doing justice to all that you Implementation, is what all of us, learnt in four years of your stay in IIT (if deprecatingly call, 'coding'. But, surprisingly, you did study, that is) This also means that this is where you can get the biggest you miss out on the opportunity to be on intellectual exercise in this industry. Broadly, the cutting edge of your area of expertise there are three kinds of resources (when I and four years of your life have not gained say resources I mean human resources): any specific expertise in the career path that Product manager, Developer and Test you have chosen. engineer. Product manager is responsible for gathering the requirements, conveying it to Whichever industry you decide to the developers, making sure the product is join, there are a few traits that every IITian complete within the stipulated timelines etc. has in him that will stand him in good stead The developer ‘codes’. The test engineer in the years to come. The foremost is the finds bugs in the code, incompatibility of ability to grasp things fast. For those of you the code with the requirements etc. who believe that last minute cramming for the quizzes don’t help; think again. It is this What have I gained in the past few practice that helps you in understanding months in this field? The foremost that things fast and sifting through tons of comes to mind is 'weight'! There are a lot of information to pick out what is relevant to team lunches, parties, bashes and what not. the job at hand. Add to it, the sedentary nature of the job. Combine it with your inherent lethargy and That is not to say that you are the you know you are headed to those areas of golden boy of the company that you are the weighing machine few mortals have ever working for. Most IITians come ill- scaled. equipped with communication skills. When your humanities prof gives you a choice Other than weight, you gain money between presentation and writing a report, (these companies pay much higher than tech you choose the latter. And then you cog the companies unless you are in elec) , avenues report or do a cut-paste from the net. What to spent money (since most software you are missing out here is the experience of companies are in metros like Chennai, presenting a topic to an audience in a lucid Bangalore etc and not in remote villages like manner. The importance of this skill in the Munger), insight into the working of an corporate world cannot be over- organization, the extent of software that emphasized. enterprises require, people management, change management. The best part, So, in a nutshell, here’s what defines however, is not any of these. It is the the job of an IT professional – cubicles, flexibility to learn what you want - on the coding, cash, competition and the corporate job or outside. Most companies are very world.

31 April 2003 The Fourth Estate

Those Four Days Saarang 2003

Gautam Kumar Raja'

“The time has come” the Editor said, The Shaan Show “To write of many things. Of shows - and Spons – and venerable cul-secs, The Shaan show was witness to a Of music – and the way LSG sings, sellout crowd that waited while the And pros and cons performer himself bypassed a number of And whether Saarang ’03 had wings.” Chennai city traffic rules to arrive an hour late. The show elicited a wide spectrum of Saarang 2003 has come and gone responses from the audience with leaving but memories and finances in its traditionalists panning the artiste whilst wake. Two months have passed, the smoke others who just came to have a good time has cleared, the alcohol has run out and we thoroughly enjoyed themselves. The show can safely reflect upon those four stayed for the most part in the realms of the memorable days. ordinary… though it must be admitted of the entertainingly ordinary variety. On Saarang day zero – the first of the PC Sorcar shows – core member Paddy in his introduction of Mr. Sorcar made a The Fusion Show telling comparison. He remarked that Saarang and Sorcar shared a common factor The fusion show was a major letdown with of pride – tradition. Tradition unfortunately, the performers more interested in resolving is also Saarang’s biggest drawback – many their own ego problems than in putting up outdated aspects of Saarang have settled an entertaining show … anyway the less said comfortably and inextricably into tight and about this show the better … one newsletter inaccessible grooves. Inertia keeps the coord expressed it best when he described machine running but the fun of the show as “Cold Fusion”. experimentation seemed to have been lost. Saarang ’03 was a refreshing first step The Rock Show towards breaking these shackles of tradition with the introduction of a host of new ideas A rock show is a rock show is a rock and eventiences that traditionally have no show no matter which way you look at it… interest in Saarang or the professional shows get the crowd interested with some during Saarang and for the fact that the Metallica, an obligatory Floyd or two, some show was of a nature that would appeal to Maiden and slip in some own compositions all ages. Sorcar enchanted and enthralled the when the audience appears sufficiently audiences on two separate nights with a receptive. Given that about two days before range of tricks that defy solution. Let us the show the cul-secs had their hands tied hope that Saarang keeps trying new ideas dealing with the meddling and the muddling with relation to ProShows in this vein. of the middlemen, in the end, it was a relief to see the show go off with only minor hitches. As for the performance itself,

' Gautam Kumar Raja, better known as Cueballs, has been our most enthusiastic correspondent this year.

32 April 2003 The Fourth Estate mention must be made of the overdone deepthroat vocals which marred Pink Floyd, Saarang ’03 also saw the debut of The Doors and Linkin Park, among others, two new quizzes – the Sports and Corporate beyond recognition! quizzes – both welcome additions to the fold. The Corporate Quiz had the highest prize money of them all while the Sports Quizzes Quiz was the largest crowd puller.

The Main Quiz Prelims, the first IIMB were the dominant force in all event on the first morning, posed the quizzes, winning all the team events and participants with 55 questions that taking the overall college trophy on the basis challenged one’s patience more than of these performances. anything else. Sadly the air of intractability and esotery that pervaded the Prelims proved to be a most effective deterrent for Music Events the audience and only a fraction remained to watch the Semis. The sixteen Oedipean On the Western music front we had qualifiers who managed to crack at least WM solo, group, Acoustix and Powerchord. five-and-a-half of the Sphinx-like riddles The quality of the participants in each of then proceeded to fight their way through these events was quite high and the events Mohan 101 (Advanced Unsolvable Riddles), were dominated by performances from local Sajal 309 (Hollywood-Trivia Specialty Chennai colleges. A band from IITM put up Round) and the PhD level course Shyam a creditable performance at Powerchord 707 (Indeciphearble, Incoherent including an excellent rendition of Where the Psychobabble) to secure Finals places. Streets Have No Name. Needless to say (but said anyway) only a fraction of the Semis audience turned up for We also had LM solo, LM group the Finals. Which is quite sad, for the Finals and Antakshari take place. This year’s proved to be quite interesting… Shyam Antakshari saw a significant improvement in decided to go AWOL, Mohan spent a the level of audience interaction as the good(?) half-hour explaining his intricate semiprofessional band that played colour-coded scoring system, Sajal tried to background music for the event conducted work out how to use the borrowed Wang- an impromptu jam session at the end of the buzzer and everyone else decided to take a event with the entire audience getting nap. The Finals did actually contain a few involved. moments of enlightening entertainment though, and hopefully next year’s coords will pick up from there. Dramatics

The A/V and India quizzes were The sad thing about this event was that it both well-conducted and well-appreciated was a contest only in name. Seven plays, at events. The Prelims were as they should be the end of which it was perfectly obvious with guessable questions yet with which play was coming first and which one sufficiently high cut-offs to ensure that the second. A couple of surprises though – the chance passerby guesser doesn’t get second prize for acting being shared by two through. The finals were a treat to people in a 15-minute play for cueing very watch/participate in and kudos must be well, I guess) and the Award for Best given to the coords for the way they framed Technical Excellence going to a play that their questions – making their respective was mimed. One of the judges did point out events the best witnessed over the last four that the quality of the competition had years. dipped in the four years he’d been coming

33 April 2003 The Fourth Estate

here. (Was that why he put on a choose a teammate from the audience. performance of his own at the end that was From what else he said, it became clear he’d as good as the best of the others?) spent some time at the Informals stall. Then, volunteers sat on a dark (unlit) stage and read out dialogues for a play. My theory Cluedo is that this was to console Mihir Mysore (IITM didn’t put up a play in dramatics). The finals had a new format. For a start, the coord asked each of the finalists to

Biological Warfare in IITM

Our Director’s reason for why there are so few foreign students studying in IITM, as opposed to the large number of Indians studying abroad: “The problem isn’t so much the studies as it is the water… One mistake, and they’ve had it. They’ve never seen the micro-organisms that we are immune to.”

Life on the cool side?

When the freshies in Sarayu decided to get together and make a T-shirt, we’re told some interesting suggestions came up. One true-to-life message that was unfortunately vetoed by our less uninhibited freshies reads:

We’ve just had a sex-change, and it feels better already!

brides.iitm.ac.in

The following was actually an entry in the Guestbook maintained at the IITM website:

We are looking for a bride for our son. Kindly tell B.Tech. Computer Science girls to contact us if they are interested.

Contact address will be made available on request!

(Hey, if this picks up, we’ll probably feature a Matrimonial column in The Fourth Estate from the next edition onwards! – Ed)

34 April 2003 The Fourth Estate

The Lonely Planet Guide to IIT Madras Part II: The Secrets of the Academic Zone

Ajit Narayanan and Kaushik Raghunath'

When you’re studying in an institute is the Pond. A fairly dry area now, it is a that was once a national park – the only one asuperlatively pleasant sight in the rainy in India that’s bang in the middle of the city seasons, filled with water lilies and green at that – it isn’t suprising to see deer, bats, moss floating on its surface – a balm for mongoose, blackbucks, snakes, crocodiles tired souls thwarted and outdone by the and all sorts of exotic and wonderful natural ESB. A must-see for everyone – and formations. A few of these natural wonders especially the Elec junta. we presented in our last issue. But many of the most interesting sights in IIT are man- made. This week we’ll go on a trek down The crashed airplanes the ESB-CC-LHC road, through the academic zone, and back along Alumni The crashed airplane opposite the avenue, uncovering some of IIT’s most Rockets and Missiles lab (turn left just amazing visual treats along the way. before Nandhiniee’s and keep going) is fairly well-known now (and should definitely be The ESB pond seen to be believed by those who don’t know about it). But very few people know Many people have spent four to six that there is one more crashed plane in the year at the ESB, lived, cupped and passed Institute! Go down the road connecting out, without Ranganathan having ever building and noticed the Nandhini, take ESB pond. the first left, Which is past the IC surprising, engines and considering HTTP lab, that it isn’t down to the even hidden Hydraulics in a dark and workshop. distant Guarded by a corner. The substation unit façade of the and overlooked ESB has a by a huge pillar driveway standing running along its length and parallel to the perhaps 10-12ft high that keeps changing road; the area between the driveway and the colour (red, yellow, orange sometimes), lie road encloses a partially wooded area, the remnants of what was once an airplane. fenced on one side. In the center of this area This one is in a more advanced state of

' Kaushik, better known as Succour, is a keen photographer. A jit and Kaushik have explored many otherwise unknown corners of the Institute, and conducted the Institute treasure hunt this year.

35 April 2003 The Fourth Estate decay than its cousin, but that makes it even festival, Waves, for conducting the popular more fascinating, lying there with its innards Mission Impossible. exposed. A goldmine for scavengers and salvage crews trying to make their own The NCC building, meanwhile, has airplanes. Not to be missed. also got some interesting sights, which should be seen not just by the NCC junta. The strange structure behind the Standing in the quadrangle are two old OEC battle-tanks and an old armoured vehicle. The training ground just behind, adjacent to The Ocean Engineering Center, the Chemplast stadium, is also worth a visit, opposite the NCC building, contains some if only to wonder on how strange the place of the most exotic equipment that IIT has would seem to a person who did not know got. Inside, on the first floor, is a wave pool what it was being used for. – a large swimming-pool like structure where waves several feet high can be The two towers generated. But behind the OEC, and viewed best from the terrace of the building, is a Of all IIT’s wonders, of all the strange structures and buildings and lakes and trees, this is the most bizarre, most exotic and most incredible. MIT apparently has a small little secret nuclear power plant on campus. This is IIT Madras’s equivalent.

This place is at the very edge of the campus, an edge that overlooks, not the relatively civilized environments of Taramani and Velachery, but embraces IITM’s wild and virgin roots – the Guindy National Park. Access is difficult – one must sneak past a very surly security guard first, wade through grass that is probably a few feet high, and risk getting bitten by scorpions and snakes to get there. But it’s worth the effort. Well worth it.

Easiest access is via the MEMH road, leading from almost opposite the NCC building inwards and naturally leaning right, connecting eventually with Nandhini’s. The MEMH is off this road, on strange structure that is apparently used for the left side. But instead of taking the more testing ship models. It resembles a set of inviting right, follow the road, which three medium-sized amphitheaters with a proceeds into a small lane straight on – past high gallery, except for a fair-sized pyramid a security guard who guards this intersection at the center of one of the pits, with a tree – and you will come to a structure that looks growing through the structure. This whole like it’s been taken straight out of the X- area is apparently filled with water once in a files. There is a huge open bay flanked on while and impressive-looking experiments both sides by what one would probably call are conducted inside it. It is also used by the walls – but that would be stretching the Naval Architecture junta during their definition of the word ‘wall’ to its limit. These have huge square holes in them, and,

36 April 2003 The Fourth Estate for some inconceivable reason, a set of rails and the magic of the tower is also the magic runs above them into a huge door that is of IIT Madras, and if you have explored its always shuttered. 660 acres, gone past the hostels and the

This place alone is worth many a visit – but for all its beauty, it is only the entry portal of something so immense that it will take your breath away – the Two Towers.

To see the first, and more recent, tower you’ll have to get off the road and sneak into the wild growth to the right of the right-side wall. A few meters ahead, beside the building, a five-storeyed tower will suddenly rear up. This tower is easy to climb, and looks best when ascended by moonlight.

But from top of this tower, you can see a sight that is frightening, intimidating, exciting and inviting at the same time. Further in the undergrowth, you can see another tower. This one is not half as civilized – it is rusted and overgrown, and from it hangs all manner of machinery that would look more at place in a nuclear power plant or a rocket launch-pad. This tower is approached by a small road that leads past the X-files walls to a massive gate. The steps are treacherous, and the undergrowth is crawling with strange nameless creatures. But standing at the foot of this tower, looking up, seeing this immense structure, departments into its bowels and innards, rust bathed by pale moonlight in the middle into the heart of its darkness, that magic will of a jungle, in the middle of a jungle remain with you and beckon you for the rest masquerading as India’s finest technological of your life. institute, you cannot help being touched by the magic of the place, the magic of the And you will realize that never in tower, the magic of the forest. There is your life will you see a place that’s as something unreal about this place, you will magical and as beautiful as IIT is. say to yourself, it cannot exist in this world of lab reports and weekly quizzes. But then, Never ever. most places in this Institute cannot, either,

37 April 2003 The Fourth Estate

Vikram and Vetaal in IITM A story of lies, deceit, sex and politics (yeah right!)

Anonymous'

Background for those who don’t know Vetaal stories:

Raja Vikram would climb up a tree to get the corpse of some person down, and carry it on his shoulder to some place. During his walk, the vetaal in the body would tell him a story, and then ask a question about the story. Vikram had to adhere to these conditions: • if he spoke, the corpse would return to the top of the tree, and Vikram would have to restart • if he knew the answer to Vetaal’s question, he would have to answer, otherwise his head would burst into a thousand pieces.

The details of why the king is doing all of this escape me. But the following story is self- contained.

In this story the role of Vikram is played by High-Funda – your average next-door IITian.

Editors’ Note: Please don’t be offended by this story. It’s just a piece of satire, not a slur on anybody or anything.

High-Funda was determined. thinking, “Let me first capture you, buddy! Patiently he got the dead body onto his Then I will make you write not only my shoulders from the roof of the Ad Block assignments, but also my B.Tech. project and began climbing down the stairs. Vetaal thesis. For small things such as cogging I am said, “Hey High-Funda! I admire your an expert myself.” perseverance, but sometimes I doubt your intentions. I wonder if, after capturing me, Vetaal continued, “You IITans are you will utilize me for the benefit of others used to listening with a plain face. This or for yourself. But I want to warn you up reminds me of a story. I am telling it to you front. Do not use me for cogging in quizzes so that you don’t get bored of walking. and end-sems. God will surely punish you if Listen carefully.” you do that.” Raja (king) Bhoj was in his darbar as High-Funda listened quietly, just as usual. As soon as the daily routine began, he would listen to a professor preaching in the minister notified that a representative of the class about things that students should the Director of Bhartiya Takaniki Sansthan not do. In his mind, however, he was (IIT) wanted to speak to him. Raja granted

' 'This story was written by an unknown IITian from another IIT a long time ago. It has been slightly modified to change its context.

38 April 2003 The Fourth Estate him permission to do so. The representative “Surely! Surely!” said Bhoj, happy that came into the darbar and bowed to Raja someone had accepted the challenge. Bhoj. Everybody in the darbar was surprised Varahamihira went out for a minute, invited to see the four identical persons that the kingdom’s Gaali-Pandits to the darbar, followed him, wearing identical Saarang T- and whispered some instructions in their Shirts. ears. A, B, C and D stood in a row, and Varahamihira ordered, “Get set! Go!” The representative said, “Rajan, I am Immediately, the Gaali-Pandits began saying here with a huge problem. The four samples the most obnoxious gaalis known in the standing in front of you are four distinct land. individuals, and not four xerox copies of the same person. Out of these, one is a B.Tech. All the darbaris were stunned. One student, one is a Research Scholar, one is a after one, they began stuffing their ears with Dual Degree student, and one is an M.Tech. their fingers. Bhoj himself stuffed his ears, who has done his B.E. outside somewhere. because he could not stand the disgusting Their identical looks has caused tremendous language. Varahamihira was watching the confusion. Once the UG stole a name plate four carefully. He thought, “At least the from the security department, and the poor freshie M.Tech. will express resentment.” freshie M.Tech. was punished. At another But the IITIans showed no expressions. time, the Dual Degree student collected the These routine gaalis were all too familiar to scholarship for all four of them. Hence our them in the hostels. Director feels that this would be a nice problem for the intelligent people in your After the Gaali-Pandits were done, darbar. Using non-destructive tests, you Varahamihira was looking down with need to determine who is who. For your shame. He tried mumbling some convenience we have marked their T-shirts explanation to Bhoj. But Bhoj looked at his with the letters A, B, C and D. If you cannot hung face, and said comfortingly, “Pandit! decide who is who, then you will have to This is a matter for Kalidas only. So don’t concede defeat, and pay 100 million rupees worry about it.” to IIT in foreign currency. Varahamihira did not lose heart altogether. He said, “Maharaj! Let me try only one Bhoj looked at his darbar. more time. I am confident that I will Everybody avoided his eye and kept quiet. identify at least one of them.” Bhoj said angrily, “What is this? Out of all “OK!” said Bhoj. “But this is your last these pandits, isn’t there any one who can chance.” take this challenge? Is Dharanagari full of fools?” Varahamihira sent a man with some All darbaris still kept quiet. instructions. The darbaris waited curiously “Mantri! Where is Kalidas?” demanded Bhoj for what was to follow. In the meanwhile angrily. Kalidas entered. Just as an IITIan’s face “Maharaj! He has not arrived yet. He must blooms when he gets an intro with a non- be on his way,” was the answer. IITIan girl, Bhoj’s face bloomed with “This Kalidas is coming later and later delight when he saw Kalidas coming. everyday,” muttered Bhoj to himself. (In his Kalidas also understood the matter as soon mind, Bhoj thought Kalidas had become a as he saw the IIT representative with the Head of the Department.) four identical students with their Saarang T- One of the pandits, Varahamihira, gathered shirts. Kalidas went and sat right next to his courage. He had done a short course of Bhoj and observed Varahamihira’s actions. three weeks in IIT. “May I try, your Majesty?” he ventured. Varahamihira’s man came back with four staff members from the jail. They had

39 April 2003 The Fourth Estate four dishes of food from the jail. On Sunday night Kalidas called his Varahamihira ordered the four students to spies to him and asked them for a report. eat that food. The darbaris, and Bhoj This is what they said: himself, felt sorry to see the guests eating 1. A began mugging right on Monday the food meant for prisoners. Some soft- night. B, C and D relaxed. hearted ladies even had tears in their eyes. 2. B, C and D went to see a movie on Friday night. It seemed that without the But Varahamihira was quiet. He was movie, they were feeling pretty restless. In certain that he would see different reactions the cinema hall they kept making a lot of to the food. “The freshie M.Tech. adjusted noise during the film. After the show they himself to the gaalis, but he will surely ran to the guesthouse and jumped to the complain about the food. And the one who food. They were excited to see dry dinner eats without cribbing must be the UG,” he (sandwiches and milk shake). A continued thought to himself. “After that, I can think with his mugging. of distinguishing between the other two.” 3. On Saturday B began browsing He began dreaming about defeating Kalidas through his notes. After dinner, however, he and winning the king’s favour. played bridge. He looked like an expert bridge player. A kept on mugging. C and D Alas! The four IITians ate the food were enjoying themselves without any complaints and regrets. 4. B, C and D were watching TV or Varahamihira was puzzled. He asked them playing carroms for most of the day on in a stuttering voice, “How was the food?” Sunday. B studied for one hour in the And a unanimous answer came, “Just like afternoon. After the news at 10:10 pm, they the food in our mess!” returned to their rooms. B went to bed. C and D began studying for the first time. A The darbar was filled with a huge continued mugging. laughter. The insulted Varahamihira walked out of the darbar, and never showed his face Kalidas ordered to watch C and D again in Dharanagari. Some people say that more carefully. On Monday evening, he he joined IIT. Some say he joined some received another report and the results of psychiatric ward. But those who are the test. enlightened know that these are equivalent 1. A was reading during his breakfast. things. 2. B had stopped his studies on Sunday night, and seemed without any tension. Now it was Kalidas’s responsibility 3. C and D were reading throughout to save Bhoj’s face. Kalidas was calm and the night. They came late to the breakfast composed. He said in a confident tone, table. They hurried through the breakfast “Maharaj! I believe that I will be able to take and rushed to the examination hall. They this challenge. But I will need some ten days had cog-sheets in their pockets. to do this.” Bhoj gladly agreed. Test results were: A and B got a ‘C’ Kalidas arranged for the four grade, and C and D got a ‘B’ grade. students to stay in the splendid guesthouse. He had his spies ready to watch the four. He Kalidas had mixed expressions of said to the students, “See, today is Monday. relief and puzzlement. He had recognized A Next Monday I will give you all a quiz at and B, but could not yet distinguish between 9:30 AM. Goodbye until then, and best of C and D. He had to solve the problem by luck.” Wednesday. He went back to his room, and thought for about three to four hours. When he came out of the room, he was

40 April 2003 The Fourth Estate happy. He gave a few more instructions to High-Funda took a deep breath and his spies. said, “Vetaal! I knew that you will ask me such a shady question. So listen. Although A The next day yet another report was adjusted himself for gaalis and food, he waiting on his desk. The report said this: could not escape the tension of a test. That “This morning C and D were strolling is why, after all his mugging, he got only a through the lawn. I went to C and said what ‘C’ grade. you wanted me to say into his ear. He just smiled. When I said the same thing to D, he B’s limited mugging was natural, got angry and cursed and hit me.” because to keep his scholarship, all he needs is a 6-pointer, and no more. So he utilized Kalidas had got his answer. The his time effectively in playing bridge, and darbar was full the next day. Everybody was got a comfortable ‘C’ grade. wondering if Kalidas would succeed this time. Bhoj was also concerned. Kalidas Despite all the activities of C and D, came with the IITians at the right time. they got a ‘B’ grade. Thus it is clear that they After seeking Bhoj’s permission, he are good old sinners of IIT, and are expert announced, “A is the freshie M.Tech. who in cogging and techniques of taking tests. did his B.E. outside of IIT. B is the The only problem was to distinguish Research Scholar. C is the UG B.Tech. between the two. So Kalidas applied student and D is the Dual Degree student.” Varahamihira’s technique in a different form. Bhoj looked at the representative of IIT. He was looking down with a quiet face. When his spy said a certain thing to “Does your silence mean that Kalidas is C he smiled, but D could not stand it, and right?” asked Bhoj. hit the spy. Clearly, there is only one such “Yes!” replied the representative, ashamed. gaali, and that was “PG m*******d.” Therefore, C was the UG.” The darbaris applauded. Bhoj hugged Kalidas. The IIT representative “Very good!” Vetaal said. But High- went back to IIT and never troubled the Funda’s silence was broken. So Vetaal king again. escaped and flew back to the roof of the main building. After narrating the story, Vetaal asked, “Hey High-Funda! What logic did High-Funda cursed, and slowly Kalidas use to reach the right answers? You returned to his hostel. He had to prepare probably know the answer, and if you try to cog sheets for the test the next day. He avoid answering intentionally, then your would try again tomorrow, he said to body will fall into thousands of pieces and himself. they will fall into the ditch that is going under the name of the swimming pool.” And people say IITians are modest!

41 April 2003 The Fourth Estate

Illustration by Kunal Kumar of Sarayu

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