Great Expectations: Maternal Ideation, Injustice and Entitlement in the Online Infertility Community by Krista Lee Whitehead A thesis submitted in conformity with the requirements for the degree of Doctor of Philosophy Department of Sociology University of Toronto © Copyright by Krista Lee Whitehead 2013 Great Expectations: Maternal Ideation, Injustice and Entitlement in the Online Infertility Community Krista Lee Whitehead Doctor of Philosophy Department of Sociology University of Toronto 2013 Abstract Motherhood is one of the most enduring and consequential rites of passage to adult femininity for women. Indeed “motherhood changes everything” (Nelson 2009, p. 3, Fox 2009). However, not all women have access to motherhood. What happens then when women do not have access to the gender ideal of motherhood or to the cultural spaces that define it? How do women deal with this exclusion? In the course of this research I answer these two questions through an examination of women’s blogging in the online infertility community. Women in the online infertility community characterize their fertility challenges as unfair and unjust, wherein their expressions of desire to become mothers are made in direct relation to, and in comparison with, the women around them who are on their way to becoming mothers (i.e., pregnant) or have already become mothers. In characterizing their experience as an injustice, I argue that women begin to lay claim to motherhood as an entitlement. They do so by drawing on, engaging with, and seeking out a multiplicity of cultural and scientific discourses associated with motherhood and women’s bodies. Through an examination of these discourses, I argue that the pursuit of motherhood is a journey that is relational and comparative, and one that happens in a single- gender, homo-social environment. Conceptualizing motherhood as a gendered entitlement, rather ii than a gender identity achievement allows us to recognize that women’s relationality and sociality are central to how women negotiate gender norms and expectations more broadly. In the face of infertility women in the online community express incredulity about the prospect of never having a biological child of their own and become industrious in navigating their circumstances. Their industrious responses help us locate infertility as a gendered penalty in the larger context of misfortune, which is often overlooked by sociologists. iii Acknowledgments Completing a dissertation can be an exceptionally isolating experience, yet this project would never have come to fruition without the collective support of so many people. I am deeply indebted to the unfailing encouragement of my committee. Thank you to my mentors, Judith Taylor and Bonnie Fox, whose support, advice, and guidance are invaluable to me, and always will be. Thanks to Bonnie who pushed me to “just get on with it.” Thanks to Judy who made my most difficult learning moments entirely worthwhile, for having an enviable sociological imagination, and for setting a brilliant example of how one can have both an academic and non-academic life. These two women didn’t advise me, or supervise me, they mentored me, and I am so lucky for that. Thanks to Adam Green who provided an excellent teaching example and whose analytic clarity and feedback are unparalleled. I would be thrilled to be considered any measure of scholar that these three people are. They’ve pushed me further than I ever thought I could go. The unconditional love and support of my family is what helped me start this process, and keep it going. Thank you to my parents (Leanna and Lynn Whitehead), who never asked (many) questions about what was taking me so long, who never asked why I needed to move back in with them in adulthood to get it done, or why I was doing it in the first place! They re-mortgaged their home for me, they fed me, they hugged me, and they told me they loved me and were proud of me. Thank you to my brother Darryl who never stopped asking me when I was going to be done, and teasing me for not having a “real job.” Thank you to my nephew Mason who reminded me how important, precious and incredible the rest of life is. And thank you to my uncle Mark who never asked why I was so often in need of financial assistance. My friends, who offer unending encouragement and confidence in my abilities, are inspiring. I’m so lucky to have them in my life. Sina Akbari, Jeremy Barretto, Justin Ball, Rachael Carson, Kim De Laat, Athena Engman, Tyler Frederick, Aviva Frenkel, Paul Glavin, Alex Mann, Meghan Park, Harlane Perley, Roberto Petrollini, Robin Phillips, Sara Quin, Tegan Quin, Sarah Reid, Emma Rodgers, Jaime Schachar, and Annalea Sordi. These people made me feel sane when I thought I was losing my mind, they made me laugh when I wanted to cry, and held me when I cried. A giant thank you to Robin Phillips who always reminded me when I most needed iv reminding that the ‘real world’ would always be waiting. Jaime Schachar’s work ethic is unlike any I’ve known, and watching her literally hold lives in her hands helped me get over some extremely difficult writing moments. Thanks to Sara Quin for talking me through some particularly harsh critiques. Thank you to Athena Engman for offering excellent perspective on the “difficulties” of graduate student life. Thanks to Tyler Frederick with whom my conversations about Plan B, C, and D kept me stable, balanced, and reasonable. To Sarah Reid I owe a great deal; she picked me up of the floor of rejection and criticism too many times to count. Through nine years of graduate school, I’ve collected an impressive history of therapists (and medications!). Each of them has contributed in their own way to the completion of this project. My deepest gratitude to Dr. Frank for helping me “play a new tape” and Carmen Richardson who encouraged me to give myself “permission to shine.” And finally huge merci beaucoup to “My Sun and Stars,” “My stick, ” Jeremy Herbison, who made me laugh all the time, who helped build my confidence as a person, who always reminded me that the value of my contributions isn’t measurable via income, who never complained about my unpredictable irrational moments, who supported me with endless distractions, awesome food, great wine, interesting music, and restful trips, while also keeping me grounded by having conversations about the world that had nothing to do with this project. We met in the 6th year of my program, and he supported me as though he had been there from the beginning. v Table of Contents Acknowledgments .............................................................................................................................. iv Table of Contents ................................................................................................................................. vi List of Tables ....................................................................................................................................... viii List of Appendices ............................................................................................................................... ix Chapter 1 The Online Infertility Community and Culture ...................................................... 1 The Motherhood Imperative ....................................................................................................................... 1 Why Study Infertility? ................................................................................................................................... 4 Feminist Frameworks, Infertility and Stigma ....................................................................................... 6 The Online Infertility Community and Culture ................................................................................... 10 1.1.1 Shared Consciousness ................................................................................................................................. 18 1.1.2 Narratives ......................................................................................................................................................... 19 1.1.3 Moral Code ....................................................................................................................................................... 19 1.1.4 Practices and Norms .................................................................................................................................... 20 Case, Methods, and Methodology ............................................................................................................ 20 Chapter 2 The Injustice of Infertility: Motherhood and Entitlement ............................... 26 2.1 The Factual Narratives: Statistics, Cost, Anger, Hope and the Consumer Approach ....... 28 2.2 The Relational Accounts: Other Women’s Pregnancies, Bodies and Children .................. 49 Chapter 3 Maternal Ideation: “Othering” Mothers, and the Importance of Intentionality and Responsibility ................................................................................................. 66 3.1 Responsibility and Preparation: Intentionality toward Motherhood ................................. 68 3.2 Hard Work and Sacrifice: The Invisible Labour of Infertility ................................................. 76 3.3 “Othering” Mothers, Entitlement, and Maternal Ideation ........................................................ 84 Chapter 4 Doing the Homework: Science, Medicine and Women’s Bodies ..................... 88