For Preview Only

Book by Vera Morris Music and lyrics by Bill Francoeur

Performance License The amateur and professional acting rights to this play are controlled by Pioneer Drama Service, Inc., PO Box 4267, Englewood, Colorado 80155, without whose permission no performance, reading or presentation of any kind may be given. On all programs and advertising this notice must appear: 1. The full name of the play 2. The full name of the playwright and composer/arranger 3. The following credit line: “Produced by special arrangement with Pioneer Drama Service, Inc., Englewood, Colorado.” COPYING OR REPRODUCING ALL OR ANY PART OF THIS BOOK IN ANY MANNER IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN BY LAW. All other rights in this play, including those of professional production, radio broadcasting and motion picture rights, are controlled by Pioneer Drama Service, Inc. to whom all inquiries should be addressed.

For preview only FEE, FI, FO, FUM! Adapted and dramatized from the Benjamin Tabart version of the English folktale, “The History of Jack Spriggins and the Enchanted Bean”

Book by VERA MORRIS Music and Lyrics by BILL FRANCOEUR

CAST OF CHARACTERS (In Order Of Appearance) # of lines JACK ...... brave young lad; loves 149 adventure SUSAN ...... his sister 53 JACK’S MOTHER ...... about to lose her farm 65 VILLAGE WOMAN #1 ...... lives in fear of the Giant 11 VILLAGE WOMAN #2 ...... more of the same 14 TROLL ...... works for the Giant; nasty 64 CHICKEN ...... no turkey when it comes to 12 brains HIGH SHERIFF DUMDUM ...... full of self-importance 32 PRINCESS TULIP ...... lovely, dutiful daughter 15 MISS PRISS*...... Jack’s cow 18 BEAN-SELLER ...... mysterious visitor 25 COOK ...... likes to look busy 34 KITCHEN GIRL ...... busy, busy 28 HOUSEKEEPER ...... famous for making Wiggle- 66 waggle GIANT ...... terrible brute with a ﬁ erce 44 appetite GOOD QUEEN VIOLET ...... prisoner of the Giant 20 CHORUS ...... EXTRAS as VILLAGERS, n/a SERVANTS, etc. *MISS PRISS, the cow, can be played by one or two performers

For preview only SYNOPSIS OF SCENES Time: One day, long ago. Place: The Land of the Giant. Scene One: The farm belonging to Jack’s mother. Scene Two: The village square. Scene Three: Back on the farm. Scene Four: The kitchen in the Giant’s castle, up in the clouds.

SET DESCRIPTION There are two main sets: Jack’s mother’s farm and the Giant’s kitchen. The farm is represented by a backdrop or scenery fl ats UPSTAGE showing painted fi elds. The door to the cottage is STAGE RIGHT, or there could be a cutout front (façade) of the cottage with a door opening. A chair sits left of the cottage door. The Giant’s kitchen is represented by a painted scenery fl at to represent a portion of an oven/stove. A table is placed in front of it to represent the rest of the oven (with the front covered with paper or set up with a working oven “door”). There is a side table UP RIGHT CENTER and a dishware table DOWN LEFT with a washing basin. The Giant’s dinner table with chair or stool sits DOWN RIGHT. The road to the market can be played in front of the curtain, and the market scene is just a bare stage. The beanstalk is a simple step latter. (See PRODUCTION NOTES for details.) If a curtain is not used, props and set pieces can easily be brought on and taken off by EXTRAS, VILLAGERS or STAGEHANDS during BLACKOUTS.

(see set design on page 44)

For previewiii only SEQUENCE OF MUSICAL NUMBERS MC 1 Overture ...... Instrumental MC 2 Good Things are Bound to Happen ... Jack MC 3 Market Day ...... Villagers MC 4 Magic Beans ...... Bean Seller, Jack, Villagers MC 4a Scene Change— Good Things are Bound to Happen ... Instrumental MC 4b Scene Change— Good Things are Bound to Happen ... Instrumental MC 4c The Magic Beanstalk ...... Instrumental MC 4d Scene Change—Giant’s Kitchen ...... Instrumental MC 5 Wigglewaggle ...... Housekeeper, Cook, Kitchen Girl, Jack MC 6 Run, Jack, Run! ...... Chorus MC 7 Fight, Jack, Fight! ...... Chorus MC 7a Curtain Call ...... Instrumental

For previewiv only FEE, FI, FO, FUM! Scene One 1 MUSIC CUE 1: “Overture.” AT RISE: The farm. Dawn. SOUND EFFECT: ROOSTER CROWING. The door opens and JACK ENTERS RIGHT. Or, if the door is not practical, he steps INTO VIEW from behind the cottage façade. He 5 yawns and stretches out his arms. JACK: Oh, what a ﬁ ne night’s sleep I had. (Steps toward AUDIENCE.) I know today is going to bring good fortune. I feel it. SUSAN’S VOICE: (From OFF LEFT.) Jack! Is that you, Jack? JACK: (Calls LEFT.) Of course it’s me. (To AUDIENCE.) That’s my 10 sister, Susan. SUSAN: (ENTERS LEFT, carrying a small straw basket. She’s about JACK’S age.) About time you were getting up. I’ve been out of bed for an hour. JACK: What’s in the basket? Something good to eat, I hope. (Rubs 15 his tummy with a circular motion.) I haven’t tasted food in such a long time. SUSAN: Who has? I thought I might forage up some berries for breakfast. But there isn’t a berry to be had. MISS PRISS’ VOICE: (From OFF UP RIGHT.) Moooo-ooooo. 20 JACK: (Reacts, steps RIGHT. Looks OFF.) It’s Miss Priss. She’s hungry, too. She can’t give milk, you know, if she doesn’t eat. SUSAN: (To AUDIENCE.) How true. MISS PRISS’ VOICE: (From OFF UP RIGHT.) Moooo-ooooo. MOTHER: (ENTERS RIGHT from the cottage door or from behind it. 25 She has an old broom.) Any luck with the berries, Susan? SUSAN: Not a one, Mother. MOTHER: Tsk, tsk. SUSAN: The birds got them all. MOTHER: Nothing to eat, nothing to eat. Same old song. Soon we’ll 30 be nothing but skin and bones. JACK: Cheer up, Mother. Good things are bound to happen. (MUSIC CUE 2: “Good Things Are Bound To Happen.” Sings.) Good things are bound to happen, If you buckle down and do the best you can. 35 Look on the bright side, travel on the right side, Come take my hand. Good things are bound to happen, All ya gotta do is hold your head up high.

For preview1 only 1 Make a wish on a star, fi nd out who you are. Come on and give it a try, Climb up to the sky! When I wake up on the wrong side of the bed, 5 Feelin’ kind o’ low and grumpy, I make myself remember something fun, Like climbin’ up the wall with Humpty Dumpty. Good things are bound to happen, If you take the time to look inside yourself. 10 There’s a story to be told, laced in gold, A rainbow passing by for you and I, A treasure in your mind for you to fi nd, So get ready, climb up to the sky! (MUSIC OUT.) MOTHER: (Stops sweeping. To AUDIENCE.) My son Jack is such 15 an optimistic lad. Not as bright as he appears… but optimistic. (VILLAGE WOMAN #1 and VILLAGE WOMAN #2 ENTER LEFT in a state of excitement. Each wears an apron and carries a basket. EXTRA VILLAGERS ENTER LEFT, as desired.) VILLAGE WOMAN #1: (To MOTHER.) You poor, poor woman. 20 MOTHER: I can’t deny the truth. I’m poor. Plain enough to see. VILLAGE WOMAN #2: We’re all poor in this wretched village. (Nods to VILLAGE WOMAN #1.) But that isn’t what she means. SUSAN: What does she mean? VILLAGE WOMAN #2: (Indicates VILLAGE WOMAN #1.) She 25 means Sheriff Dumdum is headed this way. SUSAN: The High Sheriff? JACK: Why? VILLAGE WOMAN #1: You’re going to be evicted. MOTHER/JACK/SUSAN: (Horrifi ed.) Evicted?! 30 VILLAGE WOMAN #2: Yup. He’s going to toss everyone off this farm. MISS PRISS’ VOICE: (From OFF UP RIGHT.) Moooo-ooooo. VILLAGE WOMAN #2: Something about non-payment of taxes. MOTHER: Taxes? Who has money to pay taxes? 35 SUSAN: Besides, Good Queen Violet would never let us be evicted. She’s too kind for that. VILLAGE WOMAN #1: (Surprised.) Then you haven’t heard? JACK: Heard what? VILLAGE WOMAN #2: Good Queen Violet has been taken away 40 by— (Stops and nervously looks over her shoulder.)

For preview2 only 1 SUSAN: Taken away by what? JACK: Taken away by who? VILLAGERS: The Giant! (Reaction.) JACK: (Angry.) The Giant! The Giant! Always the Giant. Will we never 5 be free of the Giant? VILLAGE WOMAN #1: He’s demanding a huge ransom from Princess Tulip. Either she pays up, or she’ll never see her mother again. MISS PRISS’ VOICE: (From OFF UP RIGHT.) Moooo-ooooo. SUSAN: (Looks upward.) He’s lucky his castle is up there in the 10 clouds… (OTHERS look upward.) …where no one can reach him. VILLAGE WOMAN #1: Who’d want to? VILLAGE WOMAN #2: The less we know of the Giant, the better. That’s what I say. 15 JACK: (Points upward.) Look there! (ALL squint upward.) It’s the traveling bucket! ALL: (To AUDIENCE.) The Giant’s sending someone down! JACK: (Agitated.) Here it comes! Take cover! ALL: Ooooooooooo. (Cover their heads and drop to the ground. 20 BLACKOUT. SOUND EFFECT: THUD of something wooden hitting the ground.) TROLL’S VOICE: (From OFF LEFT.) Aaaaaauuuuugggghhhhhhhh! (LIGHTS UP as ALL stand and look LEFT.) VILLAGE WOMAN #1: (Shakes.) Who—who—who— 25 VILLAGE WOMAN #2: Is it? VILLAGE WOMAN #1: It’s not the Giant, is it? JACK: Of course not. He couldn’t ﬁ t in the bucket. (Bravely marches LEFT and looks OFF.) SUSAN: (Guarded.) Who is it, Jack? 30 JACK: It’s the Giant’s henchman, the troll. TROLL’S VOICE: (From OFF LEFT, louder.) Fee, ﬁ , fo, fum, I smell the blood of an Englishman. SUSAN: He’s coming this way! VILLAGE WOMAN #1: Let’s get out of here. 35 VILLAGE WOMAN #2: Run! (VILLAGERS run OFF RIGHT, followed by SUSAN.) MOTHER: Jack, what are we going to do? JACK: Fear not, Mother. I’ll protect you. (Grabs the broom away from his MOTHER’S grip and holds it like a musket.)

For preview3 only 1 TROLL: (Mutters and snarls. ENTERS LEFT. He [or she] is a nasty- looking creature dressed in rags, covered in matted green hair with a large wart on his chin and a long pointed nose.) Fee, ﬁ , fo, fum, I smell the blood of an Englishman. 5 MOTHER: (Scurries to cower behind JACK.) Ohhhhh!! TROLL: (Paces the FORESTAGE. To AUDIENCE.) Aaarrgghh!! I’m a troll, and I absolutely love it! (Rushes at JACK and his MOTHER, who cringe in fright.) Aaarrgghh!! (Laughs ghoulishly. To AUDIENCE.) Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! I love scarin’ people half to 10 death. (Turns towards JACK and his MOTHER.) Boo! JACK/MOTHER: (Startled.) Oh! TROLL: (To AUDIENCE.) What have we got here? (Walks around JACK and MOTHER.) Jack the blockhead and his mother the pinhead. Hee, hee, hee. 15 MOTHER: (Flutters her apron.) Go away. Shoo. No trolls. Shoo, shoo, I say. TROLL: Bah. Don’t provoke me. (Steps to MOTHER.) Gold, gold. My master, the Giant, demands gold. JACK: Then your master, the Giant, will be disappointed. There’s no 20 gold on this farm. TROLL: Hmmmm. If you don’t have any gold, you’ve got to give me something else. MOTHER: We have nothing else. You’ve been here before. MISS PRISS’ VOICE: (From OFF UP RIGHT.) Moooo-ooooo. 25 TROLL: What’s that? It’s a cow. Give me the cow. MOTHER: Miss Priss? Never. JACK: You heard my mother. Never. (Motions with broom.) Now, you get out of here. TROLL: Careful, Jack. Careful. I’ll tell the Giant on you. Hee, hee, 30 hee. He eats lads like you… seasoned with salt and sprinkled with pepper. (MOTHER hugs JACK close.) Hee, hee, hee. MOTHER: You’re horrid. TROLL: (Takes as compliment.) Thank you. (Stern.) If you don’t give me a tribute to take to my master, he’ll destroy this cottage with 35 one great sneeze! MOTHER: Oh! This is our home. TROLL: As if I didn’t know. (Torments her.) Aaaaah-chooooo. MOTHER: (Wipes away a tear.) If it isn’t Miss Priss, it’ll have to be the other. 40 JACK: But, Mother—

For preview4 only 1 MOTHER: No arguments, Jack. We have enough trouble. We mustn’t anger the Giant. JACK: (Dutiful.) If you say so. (Dejected, head low, EXITS UP RIGHT.) 5 TROLL: (To AUDIENCE.) Everybody has to pay tribute to the Giant. It’s the law. The Giant’s law. MOTHER: (Tentative.) Is it true the Giant has seized Good Queen Violet? TROLL: True, true, true. It’s up to Princess Tulip to come up with 10 the ransom money. Otherwise, Good Queen Violet will be Gone Queen Violet. Hee, hee, hee. (Does a weird little dance, hopping about on one foot.) Fee, ﬁ , fo, fum, I smell the blood of an Englishman. (To MOTHER.) That’s my master’s favorite poem. Isn’t it lovely? He’s a sensitive brute. (Dances some more.) Be he 15 alive or be he dead, I’ll grind his bones to bake my bread. JACK’S VOICE: (From OFF RIGHT.) Here we are, Mother. (ENTERS UP RIGHT. He holds a long rope and pulls CHICKEN ONSTAGE.) CHICKEN: (Walks birdlike and darts head from side to side.) Cheep, 20 cheep, cheep. MOTHER: Such a lovely chicken. Never gives me a bit of trouble. JACK: We raised it from a chick. TROLL: (Studies the bird.) What’s this? This is no ordinary hen. It’s a giant one. Where’d you get this bird? 25 JACK: We found it on the ground. Long ago. MOTHER: It was only a little bundle of feathers. TROLL: This must be the chicken that fell out of the Giant’s kitchen window. You’re giving me back something that doesn’t belong to you in the ﬁ rst place. That’s a special chicken… it can lay golden 30 eggs. (JACK and MOTHER are stunned, then amused.) JACK/MOTHER: Golden eggs? Ha, ha, ha. TROLL: What’s so funny? MOTHER: Why, this chicken has never laid a single ordinary egg. TROLL: If it doesn’t lay golden eggs, it will soon be on the Giant’s 35 dinner plate. MOTHER: Oh! TROLL: Covered in gravy and string beans. (Alarmed at the prospect of ending up on a dinner plate, CHICKEN squawks in outrage. JACK drops his end of the rope.)

For preview5 only 1 HIGH SHERIFF’S VOICE: (From OFF LEFT.) There’s nothing to fear, High Sheriff Dumdum’s here. JACK: (Looks LEFT.) It’s the High Sheriff. TROLL: The silly fool. (Unseen by the OTHERS, the CHICKEN 5 gathers up the rope and LEAVES the STAGE. It runs up an aisle and OUT the rear of the auditorium.) HIGH SHERIFF: (ENTERS LEFT. Wears some sort of uniform or offi cial robe. He carries a long staff decorated by ribbons or a gold knob at the top, the symbol of his lofty offi ce.) Good day to you. 10 MOTHER: How can it be a good day when we’re to be evicted? (Throws her apron to her face and sobs.) HIGH SHERIFF: That’s neither here nor there. You haven’t paid your taxes. Pay up or get out. TROLL: You tell them, High Sheriff, what a nice job you have. Tossing 15 people out of their homes. How I envy you. HIGH SHERIFF: (Notices TROLL. Startled, he jumps back.) Bless me! It’s the troll. (Shakes in fear.) TROLL: (Commands.) Bow to the Giant’s troll, you insignifi cant lump. 20 HIGH SHERIFF: (Offended.) See here, Troll, I’m a man of great importance. I have position in society. I don’t bow to trolls. TROLL: Bow or I’ll tell the Giant on you! HIGH SHERIFF: (Bows and shuffl es all over the stage.) Yes, yes, Your Horribleness. Whatever you say, Your Repulsiveness. 25 Please extend my compliments to your master, the Giant. (As he humbles himself, TROLL dances about in glee. JACK and his MOTHER stand close, fascinated by the scene.) TROLL: Bow, bow, bow. Hee, hee, hee. (Suddenly, he stops. Looks about.) Eh! Where’s the chicken that lays the golden eggs?! 30 HIGH SHERIFF: Chicken that lays golden eggs? TROLL: Shut up, fool. (Frantic.) Where is it? Where is it? JACK: I don’t know. MOTHER: It was here a moment ago. TROLL: (Speaks to AUDIENCE MEMBERS in the fi rst row.) Have you 35 seen the chicken? (Whether or not anyone answers, TROLL LEAVES the STAGE and moves into the AUDIENCE. As TROLL moves up the aisle, OTHERS move to the edge of the STAGE and stare after him. At fi rst, his words are loud as he questions AUDIENCE MEMBERS sitting in aisle seats, “Have you seen the chicken?” As he moves up 40 the aisle, his voice grows less audible, “The chicken? Have you seen

For preview6 only 1 the chicken? The chicken that lays the golden eggs?” Eventually, he EXITS out the back of the auditorium.) HIGH SHERIFF: What an unpleasant fellow. I’d slap him in irons if he didn’t belong to the Giant. 5 MOTHER: If you were a proper High Sheriff, you’d arrest the Giant. HIGH SHERIFF: Quiet! (Shakes in fear.) He might be listening. JACK: Why must everyone fear the Giant? Why don’t we do something about him? (MOTHER slaps one hand over JACK’S mouth. She and HIGH SHERIFF look upwards.) 10 PRINCESS: (ENTERS LEFT. She has a lovely smile but appears distraught.) Oh, dear. You got here before me, High Sheriff. HIGH SHERIFF: (Comes to attention and salutes in stupid fashion, his palm out, hand trembling.) Princess Tulip. MOTHER: (Curtsies.) Princess. 15 JACK: (Slight bow from the waist.) Princess. PRINCESS: (To MOTHER.) I wanted to tell you myself. I wanted to explain. MOTHER: You mean, about the eviction? HIGH SHERIFF: (Pats his costume.) I’ve got the eviction notice here 20 somewhere. PRINCESS: The Giant is holding my mother hostage and unless I give him two bags of gold, he says he’ll put my mother in a blackbird pie. MOTHER: The beast! 25 PRINCESS: I mustn’t stay long. There’s so much to be done. HIGH SHERIFF: (To MOTHER.) You’re not the only one to be evicted, you know. PRINCESS: The only way I can raise the ransom is to foreclose on those farms that haven’t paid their taxes to the Crown. I’ve 30 sold everything of value. My jewels, my robes, my silk dancing slippers. It’s not enough. MOTHER: You poor, poor child. HIGH SHERIFF: I’m sorry. Unless the taxes are paid, this farm will be auctioned in the morning to the highest bidder. (Bangs staff on the 35 ground.) Hear ye, hear ye… and stuff like that. JACK: But where will we live? HIGH SHERIFF: You can sleep in the palace garden with the others who have been evicted. (To PRINCESS.) I’ll look about the property. (With great pomp, ﬂ ourishing the staff as he walks, he 40 EXITS DOWN RIGHT.)

For preview7 only 1 PRINCESS: I came to apologize. I’ve been apologizing to everyone in the kingdom. But I must rescue my mother. (Sobs.) JACK: I’ve never seen a princess cry before. PRINCESS: I’ve only one bag of gold, but the Giant insists on two 5 bags of gold. MOTHER: Greedy Giant. PRINCESS: Could you pay something? Even a few coins would delay the sale. JACK: We don’t have so much as a penny. 10 PRINCESS: I’m afraid if you don’t have something by morning, the farm will be auctioned off. We must ransom the Queen. As loyal subjects, I trust you will understand. JACK: We are loyal subjects, Princess. Never doubt that. MOTHER: And we do understand, even if our hearts are breaking. 15 PRINCESS: Again, forgive me for doing what must be done. I must be off to the next farm. (Sweeps OUT LEFT. MOTHER curtsies. JACK bows.) JACK: If only we had those few coins. We could save the farm. MOTHER: There is only one thing left to do, my son… we must sell 20 the cow. (Sits.) JACK: (Horriﬁ ed.) Sell Miss Priss?! MOTHER: She’s all we’ve got left to sell. Fetch her, Jack. It’s market day in the village. It’s now or never. JACK: But, Mother, Miss Priss is a friend. 25 MOTHER: Don’t argue with me. (Dejected, head low, JACK EXITS UP RIGHT.) Being a mother in such times is not easy. (There’s a COMMOTION at the back of the auditorium as the CHICKEN runs IN from the back of the auditorium.) CHICKEN: Squawk, squawk, squawk! Cheep, cheep, cheep! (Runs 30 down an aisle for a few rows.) TROLL: (ENTERS from back of auditorium, in pursuit.) Come back, you fowl thing! You belong to the Giant! (Frantic, in a panic, CHICKEN pushes her way across a row of the AUDIENCE, making her escape as best she can. He, also, pushes his way into 35 the row of AUDIENCE MEMBERS, snarling and growling as they react to the disturbance.) Get out of my way! Make room! Step aside! I’m on ofﬁ cial business for the Giant! Don’t interfere! CHICKEN: Cheep, cheep, cheep! Squawk, squawk, squawk! TROLL: Come back, I say! Dumb chicken! (CHICKEN escapes OUT 40 the rear of the auditorium. He follows her OUT.)

For preview8 only 1 MOTHER: (Wipes away another tear. JACK RE-ENTERS UP RIGHT, leading MISS PRISS. ([See PRODUCTION NOTES.]) A sad, sad day. JACK: Must we sell Miss Priss, Mother? 5 MOTHER: You know our situation, Jack. Nothing to eat. Taxes to be paid. A queen to be ransomed. If it isn’t one thing, it’s another. MISS PRISS: Moooo-ooooo. MOTHER: (Stands, steps to MISS PRISS and kisses her on the head.) Good-bye, Miss Priss. Try to forgive us, if you can. We 10 wouldn’t be doing this if we weren’t desperate. MISS PRISS: Moooo-ooooo. MOTHER: Go along, Jack. (Picks up the chair and EXITS RIGHT into cottage.) JACK: Yes, Mother. (To AUDIENCE.) Mother knows best. 15 MISS PRISS: (Shakes head and resists.) Noooo-oooooh! JACK: The way I ﬁ gure it is like this. Somehow, we’ve got to get rid of the Giant. If only people weren’t so afraid. MISS PRISS: Moooo-ooooo. JACK: First things ﬁ rst. We’ve got to save the farm. 20 MISS PRISS: Moooo-ooooo. JACK: Off to the market we must go. MISS PRISS: (Resists.) Moooo-ooooo! End of Scene One

Scene Two MUSIC CUE 3: “Market Day.” VAMP INSTRUMENTAL UNDERSCORE. JACK is on the road to Village Square. He leads 25 MISS PRISS EXTREME DOWN LEFT. JACK and MISS PRISS EXIT DOWN LEFT as the VILLAGERS ENTER LEFT and RIGHT, bringing on necessary props and removing scenery as needed to establish the Village Square, which is nothing more than the open stage space. (See PRODUCTION NOTES.) EXTRAS can be employed 30 as SHOPPERS and/or SELLERS, or you can use characters from later scenes (HOUSEKEEPER, COOK, KITCHEN GIRL, QUEEN or PRINCESS TULIP, TROLL or even CHICKEN). One sells ribbons, another eggs, another ﬂ owers, another might hold a toy goose under an arm. VILLAGE WOMAN #2 has a tray of dipped apples with sticks. 35 The tray is looped around her neck with rope. VILLAGERS ad-lib either selling or buying. HIGH SHERIFF ENTERS and walks about with exaggerated dignity.

For preview9 only 1 VILLAGERS: (Ad-lib over instrumental vamp.) Apples! Tasty apples dipped in sugary goo! Ribbons for sale! What color? Eggs here! Bird for sale! How much? Get your popcorn! etc. HIGH SHERIFF: (Rings a hand bell and calls out.) Market Day! 5 Market Day! Bargains galore! Buy something, sell something! ALL: (Sing.) Market day, You’ll ﬁ nd a bargain here on Market day! Market day, 10 Come on and make a bid on Market day! Buy something, sell something For a good price. Sell something, buy something, 15 Take my advice, shop on… Market day, There’s nothing like the feel of Market day! Market day, 20 There’s nothing to compare with Market day! Buy something, sell something, Peddle your wares. Sell something, buy something, 25 Tell me what’s fair. BUYERS: (Sing.) SELLERS: (Sing.) Market Day Buy something, sell something, Means money. Sell something, buy something, Market day Buy something, sell something, 30 Means magic. Sell something, buy something, Market day Buy something, sell something, Is here to stay, Buy something, sell something, for a good price, Today! Sell something, buy something… 35 ALL: (Sing.) Take my advice, Shop on… Market day, It’s gonna be a sunny, 40 Market day! Market day, We’re gonna make the money,

For preview10 only 1 Market day! Buy something, sell something, It’s a steal! Sell something, buy something, 5 Is it a deal? BUYERS: (Sing.) SELLERS: (Sing.) Market Day Buy something, sell something, Means money. Sell something, buy something, Market day, Buy something, sell something, 10 It’s magic! Sell something, buy something, Market day Buy something, sell something, Is here to stay, Buy something, sell something, It’s a steal, Today! Sell something, buy something… 15 ALL: (Sing.) Is it a deal? It’s gonna be a money market… BUYERS: (Sing.) SELLERS: (Sing.) Day. Buy something, sell something, Sell something, buy something, 20 Buy something, sell something, Sell something, buy something… ALL: (Shout.) Market day! (MUSIC OUT.) HIGH SHERIFF: (Calls out. Rings hand bell.) Market Day! Market Day! Bargains galore! Buy something, sell something! 25 SUSAN: (ENTERS RIGHT, steps to VILLAGE WOMAN #2. VILLAGERS continue to mime market in background, some entering and exiting the stage.) Have you seen my brother Jack? VILLAGE WOMAN #2: I’m afraid not. Buy a gooey apple? SUSAN: I don’t have any money. 30 VILLAGE WOMAN #2: (Sighs.) That’s what everybody says. What the Giant doesn’t take from us, the Princess must. SUSAN: Alas. VILLAGE WOMAN #2: (Moves LEFT.) Delicious. I have delicious apples here… tasty apples dipped in sugary goo. It’s goo for you. 35 (NOTE: While SUSAN and VILLAGE WOMAN #2 have been conversing, BEAN-SELLER, a mysterious-looking fellow or lady in a long cape and a hat with a feather, ENTERS RIGHT, moves DOWNSTAGE.) SUSAN: (To AUDIENCE.) Maybe Jack and Miss Priss are coming 40 from the other side of the village. (EXITS LEFT.)

For preview11 only 1 HIGH SHERIFF: (Rings the hand bell.) Market Day! Market Day! Bargains galore! Help the economy of our poor village. Buy something! Sell something! (To BEAN-SELLER.) You, there. BEAN-SELLER: Me, sir? 5 HIGH SHERIFF: You, sir [madam], I don’t know you. BEAN-SELLER: Look at it this way… I don’t know you, either. We’re even. I am new to these parts. Passing through. HIGH SHERIFF: Well, I’ve got my eyes on you. I don’t like strangers. 10 BEAN-SELLER: That’s not very neighborly. HIGH SHERIFF: If you ask me, that’s the trouble with the world today. Too many neighbors. (Looks upward.) Especially, big neighbors. Big, big, big neighbors. BEAN-SELLER: (Looks upward.) You mean, Gogmagog? 15 HIGH SHERIFF: (Reacts.) How’s that? BEAN-SELLER: Gogmagog. The Giant. HIGH SHERIFF: (Nervous.) Speak softly, stranger. Speak softly. We don’t like to mention the Giant in this village. BEAN-SELLER: I don’t see how you can avoid it. Especially since 20 Gogmagog has stolen your Queen. HIGH SHERIFF: (Suspicious.) You seem to know a great deal about us. Perhaps I should slap you in irons. You could be a spy. BEAN-SELLER: I’m not dangerous, High Sheriff Dumdum. I am a simple seller of beans. 25 HIGH SHERIFF: Beans? BEAN-SELLER: (Conﬁ rms.) Beans. HIGH SHERIFF: I don’t like beans. JACK: (ENTERS RIGHT with MISS PRISS. Sings out.) Cow for sale! Cow for sale! (ALL VILLAGERS, except PRINCESS TULIP, 30 TROLL and CHICKEN, return, stand in background.) BEAN-SELLER: Perhaps this lad would like to buy some beans. HIGH SHERIFF: Him? Jack? Ha! Hasn’t a copper to his name. I, myself, am auctioning off his mother’s farm in the morning. JACK: Cow for sale! Cow for sale! 35 MISS PRISS: Moooo-ooooo. JACK: Would you like to buy a cow, High Sheriff Dumdum? HIGH SHERIFF: Buy a cow?! A person of my esteem? Certainly not. I don’t buy gooey apples, I don’t buy beans, and I never buy cows! (ONLOOKERS laugh. HIGH SHERIFF joins them. ONLOOKERS

For preview12 only 1 form something of a semi-circle UPSTAGE. BEAN-SELLER stands to one side.) JACK: Don’t be discouraged, Miss Priss. Remember… we’re all counting on you. 5 MISS PRISS: Moooo-ooooo. JACK: Bright eyes, head high. Step lively. (If possible, MISS PRISS bats her eyelashes. Holds her head high and steps lively in place, as if she were doing a brief tap dance. JACK leads her about the square, showing her off. Although she’s a bit clumsy, MISS PRISS 10 does her best to look magnifi cent. JACK sings, more or less, or chants.) Cow, cow, cow for sale! Cow, cow, cow for sale! ONLOOKERS: Cow, cow, cow for sale! MISS PRISS: Moooo-ooooo. (OPTIONAL COW DANCE. [See PRODUCTION NOTES.] JACK might pluck a fl ute or harmonica from 15 his costume and pretend to play, or clap his hands in rhythm. MISS PRISS dances. At the end of the dance, ONLOOKERS applaud.) JACK: (Speaks to one VILLAGER after another.) Buy a beautiful cow, madam? Buy a wonderful cow, sir? A good and loyal companion. (One by one, VILLAGERS shake heads no.) She’ll never be 20 any trouble. Honest. (VILLAGERS turn their backs and silently converse with one another. JACK and MISS PRISS are glum.) BEAN-SELLER: You there, lad. JACK: Sir [madam]? BEAN-SELLER: Let me get a closer look at that cow. (Happily, MISS 25 PRISS and JACK step to BEAN-SELLER.) JACK: (Salesman-like.) She’s always been a fi ne cow. She produces the fi nest milk and makings for cheese. She’s a good watch-cow, too. BEAN-SELLER: Never mind about that. I can see you are a lad who 30 loves adventure. JACK: (To AUDIENCE.) That’s amazing! I never told anyone before. It’s always been my secret. BEAN-SELLER: I will buy your cow, but I won’t insult you by offering money. 35 JACK: I wouldn’t be insulted. BEAN-SELLER: (Takes out a small pouch.) Inside this pouch are beans. JACK: Beans? VILLAGERS: (Turn about in unison.) Beans?! 40 BEAN-SELLER: With these beans, I will buy the cow.

For preview13 only 1 VILLAGERS: Ha, ha, ha! JACK: I could never sell Miss Priss for beans. BEAN-SELLER: What is your name, boy? JACK: Jack. Jack Spriggins. 5 BEAN-SELLER: Well, Jack Spriggins. (Looks cautiously from side to side.) I know you love adventure and know when a possibility comes along. So, you’ll understand when I say the ﬁ ve beans inside this pouch are… magic beans. JACK: Magic beans. (To AUDIENCE.) Wow! (MUSIC CUE 4: “Magic 10 Beans.”) BEAN-SELLER: (Sings.) Magic beans, magic beans, De best magic ever seen. Magic here, magic there, 15 Magic everywhere. (DANCE INTERLUDE. BEAN SELLER, JACK and MISS PRISS dance to the amusement of the VILLAGERS.) I don’t mean to pressure you, I got a buyer waiting, too. I tell no lies, I tell no tales, 20 I give to you wholesale. If you have no money now, Maybe trade you for this cow. Must admit that it’s a steal, Do we have a deal? 25 JACK: (Sings.) Magic beans, magic beans, The best magic ever seen. Magic here, magic there, Magic everywhere. BEAN-SELLER/JACK/VILLAGERS: (Sing.) 30 Magic beans, magic beans, De best magic ever seen. Magic here, magic there, Magic everywhere! Magic beans, magic beans, 35 De best magic ever seen. Magic here, magic there, Magic everywhere! (MUSIC OUT.) JACK: You mean, you’ll give me those magic beans for the cow? BEAN-SELLER: You have but to say “deal,” and a deal it is. 40 JACK: Oh, my, magic beans! Plain beans wouldn’t mean anything, but magic beans?! (Hugs MISS PRISS.) Good-bye, Miss Priss. You’re doing a wonderful thing, and I’ll never forget you.

For preview14 only 1 MISS PRISS: Moooo-ooooo. VILLAGE WOMAN #2: The boy’s a simpleton. He talks to a cow. ANOTHER VILLAGER: And the cow talks back. VILLAGERS: Ha, ha, ha! 5 BEAN-SELLER: It’s a deal? JACK: Deal. BEAN-SELLER: (He and JACK shake hands.) Here are the magic beans. I’ll take the cow. (Hands JACK the pouch, takes hold of MISS PRISS’S rope and leads her OFF LEFT.) 10 MISS PRISS: Moooo-ooooo. JACK: (Waves.) Good-bye, Miss Priss. Good-bye. Be a good girl. MISS PRISS: Moooo-ooooo. VILLAGER: Jack Spriggins should be locked up. ANOTHER VILLAGER: What a dunce. 15 STILL ANOTHER: I feel sorry for his poor mother! VILLAGER: And his poor sister. STILL ANOTHER: And his cow. ALL: Magic beans? Ha, ha, ha! (MUSIC CUE 4a: “Scene Change— Good Things are Bound to Happen.” JACK is on the road again, 20 this time on the way back home to his family’s cottage. VILLAGERS EXIT RIGHT and LEFT. JACK hasn’t heard them because he has busily been investigating the beans in the pouch. [NOTE: At this point, JACK can step onto the FORESTAGE, and the CURTAIN, if one is utilized, will close behind him and the cottage door can 25 be positioned behind the curtain as it was at the play’s beginning. Thus, the FORESTAGE becomes the road. Or, if a curtain is not being used, The cottage/farm scene will be brought on after he exits and re-enters the scene.) JACK: (Crosses EXTREME DOWN RIGHT then turns and begins 30 to cross EXTREME DOWN LEFT. As he turns, TROLL ENTERS EXTREME DOWN RIGHT and follows JACK CENTER. Counts the beans.) One magic bean. Two magic beans. Three magic beans. Four magic beans. Five magic beans. TROLL: (At CENTER.) What are you doing? (MUSIC OUT.) What are 35 you up to? JACK: (Quickly puts the beans back into the pouch.) None of your business. TROLL: Insolent boy. Why are you so conﬁ dent? JACK: (Recalls the words of the BEAN-SELLER.) Because, because… 40 I love adventure, and I know just when a possibility comes along.

For preview15 only 1 TROLL: (Speaks to AUDIENCE.) Whatever that’s supposed to mean. JACK: Some folks say I’m lazy or… that I’m a fool. TROLL: I can understand that. 5 JACK: Someday I’ll show them. I’ll be a (Poses.) storybook hero! TROLL: (Poses. Mocks JACK.) A storybook hero! JACK: Because I’ve got possibility. TROLL: (Continues to mock JACK.) Possibility! JACK: And if I should fall, I’ll rise and climb again! 10 TROLL: (Laughs.) How I wish I had you (Points skyward.) up there, in the Giant’s castle. You’d soon change your tune when you were smothered in mashed potatoes and applesauce. JACK: I’m not afraid of you. TROLL: If you’re not, you’re the only one in this village who isn’t. Hee, 15 hee, hee. (Hops about.) Fee, fi , fo, fum! (Stops, points to pouch.) What’s that you’re holding? JACK: Beans. TROLL: Beans? JACK: You heard me. 20 TROLL: How many beans? JACK: Five. TROLL: Five beans? Bah. What can you do with fi ve beans? Five beans would be of no use on the Giant’s dinner table. JACK: What have you done with the chicken? 25 TROLL: I sent it up in the bucket. JACK/TROLL: (To AUDIENCE.) A bucket of chicken. TROLL: I can’t waste time talking to a foolish boy. I must be about my chores. The Giant will soon be awake. (Moves DOWN RIGHT. Turns to JACK.) One day I’ll get even with you for your rudeness. 30 (Wiggles his fi ngers in a threatening fashion, hisses.) JACK: (Stomps his foot.) Scat! TROLL: Auuuuuuugh! (Scurries OFF DOWN RIGHT.) SUSAN’S VOICE: (From OFF DOWN LEFT.) Jack! Jack! JACK: (To AUDIENCE.) It’s Susan. 35 SUSAN: (Runs IN DOWN LEFT.) I’ve been looking everywhere for you, Jack. I wanted to say good-bye to Miss Priss. JACK: Too late, I’m afraid. I sold her. SUSAN: (Disappointed.) Oh. Who bought the cow?

For preview16 only 1 JACK: A mysterious stranger. I never saw him in the village before. SUSAN: (Eager.) How much did you get? Enough to stop the auction? JACK: Better than that. 5 SUSAN: A handful of pennies? JACK: Think big. SUSAN: One gold coin? Is such a thing possible? JACK: Better still. SUSAN: You don’t mean… two gold coins? 10 JACK: Better yet. SUSAN: (Overwhelmed.) It’s not possible! Three gold coins! JACK: See for yourself. (Holds out the pouch.) SUSAN: (Excitedly grabs it away. Opens the pouch and looks inside. Her face registers surprise and disappointment. She looks for a 15 moment longer and then stares blankly into the AUDIENCE. She checks again. Flat.) Beans. JACK: (Boasts.) Magic beans! SUSAN: (Flatter still.) Magic beans. JACK: Five magic beans. 20 SUSAN: (Sour.) Five magic beans. (Moans.) You’ve sold Miss Priss for ﬁ ve stupid beans. JACK: They’re not stupid. They’re magic. SUSAN: (Gives him back the pouch.) You keep them. I never want to see them again. What will Mother say? You’re going to break her 25 heart. Jack, how could you? (Turns and EXITS LEFT.) SUSAN’S VOICE: (From OFF LEFT.) What did I ever do to deserve a brother like you? You sold the cow for nothing. For nothing! Five stupid beans— JACK: (Struggles to put the pouch in his pocket while he follows 30 SUSAN.) Think of the possibilities. Anyone can have money. But magic beans are something special. SUSAN’S VOICE: (From OFF LEFT.) Five stupid beans… beans! JACK: (Calls OFF LEFT.) Come back, Susan. You don’t understand. Let me explain. 35 SUSAN’S VOICE: (From OFF LEFT.) Beans. JACK: (Runs OUT LEFT.) Come back! (MUSIC CUE 4b: “Scene Change—Good Things are Bound to Happen.” If the CURTAIN is being used, it opens to reveal the farm. If no curtain is used, some VILLAGERS and/or STAGEHANDS bring on necessary props

For preview17 only 1 and scenery including the cottage door, which is positioned as it was at the play’s beginning to establish the farm scene.]) End of Scene Two

Scene Three AT RISE: The farm. MOTHER: (ENTERS RIGHT, sweeping. To herself.) Oh, dear, oh, 5 dear! (To AUDIENCE.) Tomorrow’s auction day. I hope Jack has done well at the market. (Continues to sweep.) SUSAN: (Runs IN UP LEFT.) Mother, Mother! MOTHER: (Startled. Stops sweeping.) For goodness sake, Susan. Why all the shouting? Has something happened? 10 SUSAN: Jack! MOTHER: (Alarmed.) Something’s happened to Jack? (Runs about in a state of panic.) Jack! Jack! My boy! My son! SUSAN: Calm down, Mother. Nothing’s happened to Jack. MOTHER: (Relieved.) Oh. 15 SUSAN: It’s Miss Priss. MOTHER: I told Jack to sell the cow. What else could I do? (Worried.) Don’t tell me he wasn’t able to sell Miss Priss? SUSAN: (Frowns.) He sold the cow. MOTHER: That’s a relief. Things being so bad everywhere because 20 of the Giant, I was afraid he wouldn’t ﬁ nd a customer. SUSAN: He found one. MOTHER: How much did Miss Priss fetch? Enough to hold off the auction? SUSAN: No. And not enough to buy some food, either! 25 JACK’S VOICE: (From OFF LEFT.) Susan! Susan! SUSAN: I’d better let him tell you. (JACK runs IN UP LEFT, out of breath.) MOTHER: Jack! I’m so pleased, son. Your sister told me the good news. You sold Miss Priss. 30 JACK: Yes, Mother. MOTHER: How much did she bring? JACK: (Proud. Crosses to MOTHER. Holds out the pouch.) See for yourself. Put out your hand. SUSAN: (To AUDIENCE.) I don’t want to watch this. (Looks away.) 35 MOTHER: (Holds out her hand.) If you only got three copper pennies, I’ll be satisﬁ ed.

For preview18 only 1 JACK: Better than copper pennies, Mother. Much better. (Shakes the beans onto her hand.) MOTHER: (Looks at them. Long pause.) What’s this? JACK: (Proud.) Beans. 5 SUSAN: (Looks back at MOTHER and JACK.) Five stupid beans. MOTHER: (Bewildered.) Five beans? JACK: Five magic beans. MOTHER: Magic beans? (Suddenly, it dawns.) Jack, do you mean to tell me you sold our only thing of value for— 10 SUSAN: (Flat.) Five magic beans. MOTHER: Beans! Beans! How could you, Jack? (Steps to AUDIENCE.) What’s a mother to do with a boy like this? He’s always had too much imagination. And this is where imagination has gotten us. Empty tum-tums and no place to call home. 15 JACK: But, Mother. They’re magic. MOTHER: (Angry.) Magic? Magic, you say. Well, if these beans are magic, what can they do? JACK: Uh, uh… that’s a good question. SUSAN: You’ve been swindled. 20 MOTHER: (Furious.) Magic beans! Here’s what I think of your miserable magic beans. (In contempt, she tosses the beans UPSTAGE. BLACKOUT. MUSIC CUE 4c: “The Magic Beanstalk—Instrumental.” [NOTE: The scenery is changed as necessary during the BLACKOUT; farm props and cottage are removed and the beanstalk 25 is BROUGHT ON. The beanstalk is a stepladder completely covered with green vines and leaves. See PRODUCTION NOTES.] The following VOICES are heard in the darkness.) SUSAN’S VOICE: What’s happened to the sun? Why is it so dark? MOTHER’S VOICE: I’m frightened. 30 JACK’S VOICE: What’s that noise? SUSAN’S VOICE: Get the High Sheriff! ALL: Help! (MUSIC FADES OUT and the LIGHTS FADE UP with a GREENISH GLOW, if possible. VILLAGE WOMAN #1 and VILLAGE WOMAN #2, PRINCESS TULIP and HIGH SHERIFF 35 ENTER the scene, excited.) VILLAGE WOMAN #1: What’s happened? VILLAGE WOMAN #2: What can it be? PRINCESS: It sounded as if the earth were splitting in two. HIGH SHERIFF: (Notices.) Where did that beanstalk come from? It 40 doesn’t look legal. (ALL look, react. Gasp.)

For preview19 only 1 JACK: (Eager.) It must have been the magic beans. (Jumps to beanstalk.) It’s still growing. (Points to sky.) It’s going to reach to the clouds. I know it. (Thrilled.) Come on, everyone! This is our big chance. We’ll climb the beanstalk and get rid of the Giant. 5 HIGH SHERIFF: The boy’s mad. PRINCESS: No, Jack, you mustn’t. You don’t know what else is up there. JACK: All the more reason to climb the beanstalk. Who’s with me? (ALL take a step backward.) In that case, I’ll climb myself. (Foot on 10 ladder.) Ready or not, Giant, here comes Jack Spriggins! (Starts up the ladder as OTHERS crowd around the beanstalk.) ALL: (Ad-lib.) No, Jack! No! Come down from there! Don’t do it! You’ll end up on the Giant’s dinner plate! Come back, Jack! MOTHER: (To AUDIENCE. Very melodramatic.) My son, my son! (JACK 15 continues to climb a step or two—slowly—before CURTAIN closes or BLACKOUT. MUSIC CUE 4d: “Giant’s Kitchen—Scene Change.”) End of Scene Three

Scene Four LIGHTS UP/CURTAIN UP: The kitchen in the GIANT’S castle. COOK and KITCHEN GIRL ENTER from the back of the auditorium, each carrying a large platter. On the COOK’S platter is a coil of rope 20 covered with red paint to suggest spaghetti. On the KITCHEN GIRL’S platter is a large cream pie (shaving cream in a tin plate). OPTIONAL EXTRAS can be utilized here as additional KITCHEN STAFF. They wear chef caps and aprons, as do COOK and KITCHEN GIRL. They also carry large platters of prop food, such as circular cheese, fruit, 25 huge loaf of bread. One might carry in a basket of oversized garden vegetables, etc. In lieu of EXTRAS, the ACTORS who played MISS PRISS might double here as KITCHEN STAFF. COOK: (Skips down the aisle. Loud and strong voice.) Food, food for the Giant! 30 KITCHEN GIRL: (Skips. Loud voice.) Food, food for the Giant! OTHERS: (Skip. Loud voices.) Food, food for the Giant! COOK: He’ll never be tall and thin with sauce all over his chin! KITCHEN GIRL: Mutton to boil and beef to broil! COOK: Cakes for tea. None for me! 35 KITCHEN GIRL: Pies to see. Not for me! ALL: (Chant.) It’s all for the Giant! The Giant! The Giant! (KITCHEN GIRL and OTHERS EXIT LEFT and RIGHT, or up onto the FORESTAGE and OUT EXTREME DOWN LEFT and EXTREME

For preview20 only 1 DOWN RIGHT. A few seconds after KITCHEN GIRL starts down the auditorium aisle, BEAN-SELLER ENTERS. He [or she] passes out beans to some of the youngsters in the AUDIENCE [See PRODUCTION NOTES.], muttering softly “Beans. Magic 5 beans. Think of the possibilities. Beans here. Magic beans.” If the ACTOR(S) who portrayed MISS PRISS have not been utilized as extra kitchen helpers, they might accompany the BEAN-SELLER in their role of MISS PRISS. BEAN-SELLER [and MISS PRISS] eventually EXIT LEFT or RIGHT of FORESTAGE. LIGHTS 10 FLASH ON THE CURTAIN, if utilized, and it OPENS to reveal— THE KITCHEN IN THE GIANT’S CASTLE. [NOTE: If curtain is not used, then stage can be transformed by STAGEHANDS into Giant’s Kitchen in dim light as previous commotion is occurring out in the auditorium, or some of the characters themselves can 15 transform the stage in full sight as the previous action and lines are occurring.] UPSTAGE there’s a painted scenic FLAT [can be the reverse side of the scenic FLAT(S) used earlier in the show]. Painted on the fl at is the top part of a huge stove or oven. Maybe some pots and pans, too. In front of the fl at is a “cooking stove” 20 [table covered with paper]. To the RIGHT side of the stove is a small table with pots and pans, spoons, whisks, various cooking utensils. Suggestion of a wall UP RIGHT and UP LEFT. DOWN LEFT there’s a dishware table with cups and saucers and plates, a basin for washing, towel. DOWN RIGHT there’s a large table 25 with a stool behind it. [NOTE: Technically, everything should be “oversized” for the GIANT. However, this can be rather diffi cult. Consequently, paint a pail white or red and this becomes the GIANT’S “cup.” A large cutout of a ketchup bottle on the table will look good, as will another large [cutout] bottle for “A-1 Sauce” or 30 some-such. A giant knife.]) HOUSEKEEPER: (Stands CENTER with a large bowl under one arm. She’s whipping up pudding with a spoon. She wears a silly bonnet on her head and an apron. Her cheeks are over-rouged, and there’s red on the tip of her nose. Voice loud and strong.) 35 Mercy! What an appetite that giant has! He’s a bottomless pit. He can eat a whole cow at one sitting. When he says, “I’m hungry enough to eat a horse,” he means it. (Moves about. She mimes stirring the bowl’s contents.) COOK: Soups and broths. Sausages and pigs’ feet. Barrels of chili 40 and tubs of squash. When it comes to piggin’ out, he takes the cake… and eats it! HOUSEKEEPER: I’m sick of doing all the dishes… the cleaning up—

For preview21 only 1 COOK: We’ve made oceans of shrimp— HOUSEKEEPER: Swamps of fondue— COOK: Pineapple cake— HOUSEKEEPER: Elephant stew?! 5 COOK/HOUSEKEEPER: (To AUDIENCE.) There’s never enough food for the Giant. COOK: I’m sick to death of cooking. HOUSEKEEPER: Have you seen all the dishes? And the ﬂ oor? I’m so tired of cleaning— 10 JACK: (ENTERS FORESTAGE LEFT. “Knocks.”) Knock, knock. HOUSEKEEPER: (Pauses.) What was that? (Listens, nothing.) My imagination, I guess. JACK: (“Knocks” again.) Anybody home? I should like to come in. HOUSEKEEPER: (Stares in disbelief as JACK steps from 15 FORESTAGE into the kitchen. Scurries CENTER.) Bless me! It’s a boy. Oh! JACK: (Brave.) I should like a few words with the Giant, if you don’t mind. HOUSEKEEPER: With the Giant, you say? Don’t be ridiculous. 20 Gogmagog never has visitors. COOK: No visitors. Gogmagog never has visitors. No visitors. (Runs OUT RIGHT.) JACK: I have some harsh words to say to… what did you say his name was? 25 HOUSEKEEPER: Gogmagog. JACK: I’ll call him “Giant.” Makes things easier. HOUSEKEEPER: Oh! You’d better get out of here if you don’t want to end up in the soup. JACK: Would he really do that? 30 HOUSEKEEPER: Indeed, he would. Scares me half to death, he does. Always stomping about, calling out, “Fee, ﬁ , fo fum, I smell the blood of an Englishman.” JACK: I’m an Englishman. Or, at least… an English boy. HOUSEKEEPER: (Hands up, delighted.) So you are. A boy, a boy! 35 An English boy. I always wanted a boy of my very own. We’ll play checkers. Oh! (Grabs JACK and pulls him close, practically smothering him in the process.) JACK: I… can’t… breathe.

For preview22 only 1 HOUSEKEEPER: (Hugs him relentlessly.) A boy! A boy! A boy of my very own! KITCHEN GIRL: (Runs IN RIGHT with her pie. Voice loud and strong.) Food, food for the Giant! I have mutton to boil and then 5 there’s beef to broil! After baking pies, I’ll frost the cakes for tea… It’s all for the Giant! The Giant! The Giant! (She’s OUT RIGHT.) JACK: (Desperately tries to free himself.) Let me go, please. (Gasps.) Please, let me go! HOUSEKEEPER: Of course, of course, my boy. (Loosens her grip, 10 and JACK gasps for breath. He spins around a couple of times.) Poor boy, you must be starved. Where did you come from? Sit down, sit down. JACK: (Moves to table. Sits.) Thank you. I came from the village. HOUSEKEEPER: The village below? 15 JACK: Yes, ma’am. HOUSEKEEPER: Call me Mother. (Goes to stove and begins to fuss with this and that. Grabs a frying pan and spatula. Mimes cooking.) JACK: (To AUDIENCE.) But I’ve already got a mother. 20 HOUSEKEEPER: A boy can never have enough mothers. JACK: I never knew that. HOUSEKEEPER: Now you do. How did you get up here? In the bucket? JACK: Beanstalk. 25 HOUSEKEEPER: Beanstalk? JACK: Yes. I grew a beanstalk with some magic beans. HOUSEKEEPER: And the beanstalk grew all the way from down there to all the way up here? JACK: Yes, ma’am. 30 HOUSEKEEPER: Oh! Isn’t that wonderful! What will they think of next? JACK: You seem to be a very nice person to be married to the Giant. HOUSEKEEPER: Oh! (Laughs.) Bless me, son. You are confused. 35 I’m not the Giant’s wife. I’m the Giant’s housekeeper. JACK: I intend to get rid of the Giant. Or, if that’s not possible, I intend to free Good Queen Violet. HOUSEKEEPER: Don’t involve me. I never have anything to do with politics. (Points to the food.) Looks ready. (Takes the pan to the 40 table and sets it down.)

For preview23 only 1 JACK: What is it? HOUSEKEEPER: Wigglewaggle. It’s Gogmagog’s favorite. JACK: (Looks. An expression of distaste crosses his face. To AUDIENCE.) Yucky. 5 HOUSEKEEPER: Bon appetite. JACK: I don’t care for any, thank you. HOUSEKEEPER: Nonsense, son. You’ve got to keep up your strength. (Dips the spatula deep into the pan.) Open. JACK: I said I didn’t care for any, thank you. 10 HOUSEKEEPER: Mother knows best. Open. JACK: But you’re not my mo— (Since his mouth is open, HOUSEKEEPER shovels in the food.) HOUSEKEEPER: Wider. Open wider. Let me see the bottom of the well. (JACK is practically choking and tries to resist. He waves his 15 hands to signal “no more.” Loudly.) Funnel! COOK’S VOICE: (From OFF RIGHT.) Funnel! (Runs IN and crosses to dishware table, snatches up the funnel.) HOUSEKEEPER: Wigglewaggle will keep my boy healthy and wise. KITCHEN GIRL’S VOICE: (From OFF RIGHT.) Where’s that funnel! 20 (COOK runs over with the funnel. KITCHEN GIRL ENTERS RIGHT and runs to the table. Pulls at JACK’S hair, tilting his head back.) HOUSEKEEPER: Funnel. COOK: Funnel. KITCHEN GIRL: Funnel. (COOK hands funnel to KITCHEN GIRL, 25 who hands it to HOUSEKEEPER, who promptly sticks the spout end into poor JACK’S open mouth. She continues to spoon more and more Wigglewaggle into the funnel. [NOTE: There is actually nothing in the pan, of course, but JACK must struggle as if more and more of the vile stuff were being shoved down his throat.] His 30 eyes bug out. MUSIC CUE 5: “Wigglewaggle.”) HOUSEKEEPER/COOK/KITCHEN GIRL: (Sing.) Wigglewaggle, Wigglewaggle, yum, yum, yum, Wigglewaggle, gonna ﬁ ll your tum, tum, tum. COOK: (Sings.) You never tasted anything so good. 35 HOUSEKEEPER: (Sings.) Look, he likes it like I knew he would. KITCHEN GIRL: (Sings.) It’ll make you big and strong. COOK: (Sings.) Help you live a long, long time. ALL WOMEN: (Sing.) Come on and try it… Wigglewaggle, Wigglewaggle, yum, yum, yum, 40 Wigglewaggle, rub it on your tum, tum, tum.

For preview24 only 1 HOUSEKEEPER: (Sings.) I like to use it on my aches and pains. COOK: (Sings.) I like to spread it on my shrimp chow mein. KITCHEN GIRL: (Sings.) It’ll grow hair on your chest. HOUSEKEEPER: (Sings.) For dandruff it’s the best around. 5 JACK: (Speaks, gagging.) What’s in this stuff, anyway? COOK: (Speaks.) Why Jack, all the ingredients to make a body healthy. (Forces Wigglewaggle into JACK’S mouth.) First… (Speaks in rhythm.) You start out with the head of a very large fi sh, 10 Wrap it in a spider web then pop it in the dish. KITCHEN GIRL: (Speaks in rhythm.) A little red cabbage and some moldy cheese, A pound of peanut butter, smooth as you please. HOUSEKEEPER: (Speaks in rhythm.) 15 An ounce of bacon fat from a wild boar… (JACK tries to get up. The WOMEN push him back in his chair.) COOK: (Speaks in rhythm.) Don’t go… KITCHEN GIRL: (Speaks in rhythm.) Wait… HOUSEKEEPER: (Speaks in rhythm.) There’s more in store. 20 COOK: (Speaks in rhythm.) A cup of melted chocolate and a licorice stick, Stir it top to bottom till it’s nice and thick. KITCHEN GIRL: (Speaks in rhythm.) Maraschino cherries and spumoni ice cream, 25 A slice of bologna and some whipping cream. HOUSEKEEPER: (Speaks in rhythm.) A spoon of castor oil and some ginger ale, And for the fi nal touch, a dried gopher tail. ALL WOMEN: (Sing.) 30 Wigglewaggle, Wigglewaggle, yum, yum, yum, Wigglewaggle, gonna fi ll your tum, tum, tum. COOK: (Sings.) You never tasted anything so good. HOUSEKEEPER: (Sings.) Look, he likes it like I knew he would. KITCHEN GIRL: (Sings.) It’ll cure the rheumatism… 35 JACK: (Gets a “breather.” Sings.) What about… (Speaks.) … botulism? ALL WOMEN: (Sing.) That, too. Wigglewaggle, Wigglewaggle, yum, yum, yum, Wigglewaggle, gonna fi ll your tum, tum, tum. 40 COOK: (Sings.) You never tasted anything so good.

For preview25 only 1 HOUSEKEEPER: (Sings.) Look, he likes it like I knew he would. KITCHEN GIRL: (Sings.) There’s no two ways about it, I’d never be without it… COOK: (Sings.) It’s got a reputation for easin’ constipation. 5 HOUSEKEEPER: (Sings.) There’s them that would agree, It’s good for diarrhea, too. ALL WOMEN: (Sing.) There’s enough Wigglewaggle for me and you. HOUSEKEEPER: (Speaks.) Get it while it’s hot. 10 JACK: (Sits up, holds his nose and speaks.) Phew! (MUSIC OUT.) HOUSEKEEPER: He’s doing nicely, I think. I’m famous for my Wigglewaggle. COOK: Are you fattening him up for Gogmagog? HOUSEKEEPER: Certainly not. What a thing to say. He’s my boy. My 15 own little boy. KITCHEN GIRL: Has he got a name? HOUSEKEEPER: Mercy! I don’t know. Why don’t we ask him? COOK: Let’s. HOUSEKEEPER: You got a name, boy? 20 JACK: (Nearly breathless.) Jack. OTHERS: (Pleased with the sound of it.) Jack. COOK: Did you enjoy the Wigglewaggle? JACK: (Lies.) Yes. Thank you. It was… uh… tasty. (Forces a smile.) HOUSEKEEPER: Isn’t that marvelous? My boy is a gourmet. Oh! 25 (JACK breathes deeply, waves his hand in front of his mouth.) COOK: Jack is a nice name. I mean, if you have to have a name. JACK: G-g-g-g-lad you like it. HOUSEKEEPER: My very own boy. (To COOK and KITCHEN GIRL.) My boy came here by way of a beanstalk. 30 OTHERS: Beanstalk? COOK: I don’t know what Gogmagog will say when he fi nds out there’s a beanstalk in the area. KITCHEN GIRL: We won’t tell him. HOUSEKEEPER: That’s a good idea. (To AUDIENCE.) Why didn’t I 35 think of that? We won’t tell him. (The LIGHTS FADE TO DARK. SOUND EFFECT: A great RUMBLING SOUND, as if some gigantic beast were nearing the kitchen.) GIANT’S VOICE: (From OFF LEFT. [NOTE: If available, the GIANT’S VOICE can be magnifi ed by the sound system.]) Fee, fi , fo, fum, I 40 smell the blood of an Englishman.

For preview26 only 1 KITCHEN GIRL: It’s him! COOK: Gogmagog! HOUSEKEEPER: The Giant! KITCHEN GIRL: (Runs around in a panic.) What’ll we do?! What’ll 5 we do?! HOUSEKEEPER: Look busy. COOK: That’s it! (To KITCHEN GIRL.) Look busy. (Scampers OFF RIGHT.) KITCHEN GIRL: Busy. Look busy. (Follows COOK OFF RIGHT.) 10 GIANT’S VOICE: (From OFF LEFT. Strong and loud.) Be he alive or be he dead, I’ll grind his bones to make my bread! JACK: (Jumps up, alarmed.) He’s not going to grind my bones! HOUSEKEEPER: Oh! (To AUDIENCE.) I must hide my boy before the Giant sees him. Where? Where? Any suggestions? (AUDIENCE 15 reaction.) GIANT’S VOICE: (Strong and loud.) Fee, fi , fo, fum, I smell the blood of an Englishman. HOUSEKEEPER: The oven! I’ll put you in the oven! He never looks in the oven. 20 JACK: Is the oven hot? HOUSEKEEPER: Of course it’s not hot. Do you think I want any harm to come to my boy? Come on, Jack. JACK: I’m not afraid of the Giant. HOUSEKEEPER: In that case, you’ve got a lot to learn. Don’t dawdle. 25 (Pushes JACK UPSTAGE to the oven, and he steps behind the scenery fl at. [NOTE: If the table that represents the stove has a “door,” HOUSEKEEPER can open it and JACK can “climb in.” Or, JACK might enter from the side.]) GIANT: (ENTERS LEFT. He looks terribly threatening. Mean, cruel, 30 dangerous. He holds a large club and always seems ready to use it. [NOTE: Club can be a baseball bat, but wrapped with foam rubber and placed inside a dark pillowcase.] As he walks about, he sniffs at the air. Crosses to dinner table, crosses DOWN LEFT, sniffs at dishware table.) Fee fee, Fi fi , Fo fo, Fum, I smell the 35 blood of an Englishman. Be he live, or be he dead, I’ll grind his bones to make my bread. (To the AUDIENCE, menacingly, walks across FORESTAGE.) I love to eat. I’d love to see you on my grill! (Stops suddenly. Sniffs the air.) Fee fee, Fi fi , Fo fo, Fum… (Crosses near to oven.) I smell the blood of an Englishman.

For preview27 only 1 HOUSEKEEPER: (Rushes to put herself between the GIANT and the oven. Lightly, fussing with her bonnet.) Oh, you’re always saying that, Gogmagog. GIANT: (Emphasizes his power.) Be he alive or be he dead, I’ll grind 5 his bones to make my bread! HOUSEKEEPER: Speaking of bread… (Crosses down to one of the kitchen’s cooking tables.) Would you like me to ﬁ x you a sandwich? GIANT: (Sniffs. Crosses to HOUSEKEEPER.) I tell you, there’s an 10 Englishman somewhere in this castle. HOUSEKEEPER: No, no, Gogmagog. Not an Englishman. An English woman. Good Queen Violet. GIANT: (Suspicious.) Hmmmmm. HOUSEKEEPER: (Casual.) I hate to bring this up, Gogmagog. It’s 15 about my salary. I haven’t been paid in years, y’know. I’ve— GIANT: (Roars out. Angry.) Grrrrrrrrr! (Raises the club, as if to strike her down.) HOUSEKEEPER: (Terriﬁ ed, she runs OUT RIGHT.) Oh! Look busy! (As she EXITS, COOK and KITCHEN GIRL run back IN RIGHT 20 with the spaghetti and pie.) COOK: Look busy! KITCHEN GIRL: Busy, busy! Look busy! (They hurry OUT RIGHT.) GIANT: (Still thinks there’s an Englishman hiding somewhere in the castle. Lifts his nose toward the ceiling and sniffs again. Gives a 25 low growl.) Grrrrrr… (Moves to table and grins as he looks into the pan.) Wigglewaggle. My favorite. (Dips his hand, which is more like a paw, into the pan and scoops up some Wigglewaggle. Eats.) Goooood. Wigglewaggle goooooood. QUEEN: (ENTERS LEFT. To show that she’s a prisoner, perhaps she 30 holds a set of prison bars in front of her face. There are dangling chains on her wrists.) There you are, you dreadful creature. Eating, as usual. They shouldn’t call you Gogmagog. They should call you Glutton. GIANT: (Without turning, eating more Wigglewaggle.) Queen Violet. 35 Hee, hee, hee. QUEEN: If I had an army, they’d have been here long ago to rescue me and defeat you. GIANT: Well, you don’t have an army. Your kingdom is almost penniless. 40 QUEEN: Thanks to you. You’ve ruined my land. You’ve impoverished my people. (Unseen by either the GIANT or QUEEN, JACK sticks

For preview28 only 1 his head from around the back of the oven [or opens oven door and pokes his head out].) GIANT: Two bags of gold and you’re free. QUEEN: Until the next time. Until you want more. And more and 5 more. Until there is nothing left to give. Haven’t my people suffered enough? GIANT: Ha, ha, ha! QUEEN: I’ve known many giants in my time. Good, decent men and women. But you are the ﬁ rst evil giant I’ve met. And, I trust, the 10 last. GIANT: (Roars out.) More Wigglewaggle!!! VOICES OF HOUSEKEEPER/COOK/KITCHEN GIRL: (From OFF RIGHT.) More Wigglewaggle! QUEEN: One day you’ll be punished. 15 GIANT: Silence! Otherwise, I shall raise your ransom to three bags full instead of two. QUEEN: You’re not human. GIANT: (To AUDIENCE.) Everybody knows that. (EXITS RIGHT.) GIANT’S VOICE: (From OFF RIGHT.) Ha, ha, ha! 20 QUEEN: Alas, alack. What am I to do? (Sobs.) JACK: (Steps INTO VIEW.) No, no, Your Majesty. Tears won’t help. QUEEN: (Surprised.) Who are you, young man? JACK: (Courtly bow.) Jack Spriggins, Your Majesty. A loyal subject. QUEEN: I know Mrs. Spriggins. I knew your father before the Giant stole 25 everything he had. Goodness, Jack, how did you get up here? JACK: My magic beans grew a beanstalk. A beanstalk so high it reached here to the Giant’s castle. QUEEN: Beanstalk? JACK: I intend to get rid of the Giant and rescue you. All you need is 30 patience, Your Majesty. QUEEN: What a brave boy you are, but you’re not very practical. JACK: That’s what my mother says. TROLL’S VOICE: (From OFF LEFT.) Where are you, Queenie? QUEEN: It’s the troll. Quick! Hide. He mustn’t see you, Jack. 35 JACK: No problem. (EXITS behind the stove. [Or, into stove via door or side.]) TROLL: (ENTERS LEFT. Sees QUEEN. Points LEFT.) You’re not supposed to be roaming about the castle. Get back to your cell, Good Queen Violet.

For preview29 only 1 QUEEN: One day you’ll be punished. (EXITS LEFT.) TROLL: (Calls after her.) Yeah, yeah, yeah. I’ve heard that before. CHICKEN: (Wanders IN RIGHT.) Cheep, cheep, cheep. TROLL: (Sees CHICKEN.) If I were you, Chicken, I’d be thinking 5 about golden eggs. Otherwise, tomorrow’s menu will feature chicken potpie. (EXITS LEFT after QUEEN.) Hee, hee, hee. CHICKEN: (Upset.) Squawk! Squawk! Squawk! JACK: (REAPPEARS from behind oven.) Be quiet, Chicken, it’s me, Jack. Don’t you recognize me? 10 CHICKEN: (Looks at JACK. Confused, looks into the AUDIENCE.) Jack? JACK: (Amazed.) You can talk? (To AUDIENCE.) It must be the altitude. CHICKEN: This is a terrible place, Jack. I wish I were back on the 15 farm. JACK: If I have my way, you will be. GIANT’S VOICE: (From OFF RIGHT.) Lunch! I want my lunch! I’m famished. (In a panic, CHICKEN begins to ﬂ ap about the kitchen in hysterical fashion.) 20 JACK: (Does his best to calm her.) Calm down, calm down. I’m here. I won’t let any harm come to you. CHICKEN: I don’t want to be a chicken potpie. Squawk! Squawk! Squawk! GIANT’S VOICE: My lunch! I want my lunch! 25 CHICKEN: Did you hear that? He wants lunch! (Panicked, screams and darts OUT LEFT. Squawks madly.) Squawk! Squawk! Squawk! GIANT’S VOICE: (From OFF RIGHT. Draws near. Loud.) Fee, ﬁ , fo, fum, I smell the blood of an Englishman! 30 JACK: (To AUDIENCE.) Here I go again. (Hides, once more, in/ behind the oven.) GIANT: (ENTERS RIGHT.) Be he alive or be he dead, I’ll grind his bones to make my bread! Ha, ha, ha! (Sits at table, puts down club. Roars out.) Feed me! (Instantly, COOK runs IN with the platter of 35 spaghetti and sets it before the GIANT, then runs OUT. KITCHEN GIRL runs IN with the pie and sets it on the table, then runs OUT. HOUSEKEEPER runs IN and steps to the stove, grabs a pan and cooks something so fast she looks like a video on fast-forward. If EXTRAS are used as additional KITCHEN HELPERS, they run 40 IN with the food they carried at the opening of the scene and set

For preview30 only 1 it before the GIANT, then run OUT. The GIANT’S table manners are disgraceful. He uses his hands, and when he’s through with some bit of food, he tosses it over his shoulder. KITCHEN GIRL runs back IN with another platter, sets it on the table. She gathers 5 up a dirty plate or two and moves to the dishware table and begins to wash them. [NOTE: This sequence should resemble an old- time silent movie. If you have STROBE LIGHTS, use them. The “fl ickering” will add to the hilarity. Lively old-time/up tempo piano music would also add to the zany silent movie feel.] The action 10 is fast, fast, fast. HOUSEKEEPER cooks insanely at the stove. KITCHEN GIRL furiously washes and dries dirty plates. [If she needs more plates, she runs back to the table and gets them.] COOK runs IN with a pitcher of juice that she pours into GIANT’S cup. Runs OFF. OPTIONAL EXTRAS are running IN and OUT, 15 carrying still more food. The GIANT pigs out. He never fi nishes anything. A bite of this, a rip of that, a swallow of juice, a handful of grapes. And always, what he doesn’t use he tosses over his shoulder as if it were garbage. It looks like a food fi ght. GIANT eats and tosses food. HOUSEKEEPER cooks. KITCHEN GIRL 20 washes. COOK and OTHERS run IN and OUT. The sequence ends only when the GIANT has had enough. He slams both fi sts to the table and bellows as he rises.) Enough! (OTHERS FREEZE in place, even if the person is caught in the gesture of running.) HOUSEKEEPER: No more food? (Innocent.) But I’ve cooked up a 25 nice mess of fresh Wigglewaggle, all lumpy and thick. The way you like it. GIANT: No! Coffee! COOK/KITCHEN GIRL: Coffee! (They dash OFF again only to RE- ENTER almost at once. COOK carries a teeny cup and KITCHEN 30 GIRL carries a teeny saucer.) KITCHEN GIRL: (To GIANT.) Saucer. COOK: Cup. (Puts the tiny cup on the tiny saucer.) COOK/KITCHEN GIRL: Coffee. (Almost daintily, GIANT takes the cup and saucer. Slurps and slurps and slurps. There seems to be 35 no bottom to the cup. On and on goes the slurping.) GIANT: (Smacks his lips.) Delicious. (Puts aside the tiny cup and saucer. Bangs fi st on table.) Everybody out! Now! (CHARACTERS frozen in position UNFREEZE and run OFF. TROLL ENTERS DOWN LEFT as GIANT sits and yawns. KITCHEN GIRL ENTERS 40 UP LEFT, pushing a fl oor broom. At the same time, JACK sneaks INTO VIEW from the oven, UPSTAGE of the KITCHEN GIRL, who crosses RIGHT and makes a few pushes at the food the GIANT

For preview31 only 1 has tossed to the fl oor, then EXITS UP RIGHT. JACK remains UPSTAGE so he can see the GIANT and the TROLL but they can’t see him. GIANT yawns again, broadly, spreading his arms.) TROLL: (Interrupts as gently as he can.) Uh, master… 5 GIANT: (Unhappy at being interrupted.) Yes, Troll. TROLL: Those villagers will never get up the ransom for Good Queen Violet. GIANT: (Bangs his fi sts on the table.) In that case, I will crush every cottage in the village. I will drive every villager into the hills. I will 10 annihilate them! (JACK is aghast.) TROLL: (Even this is a bit much for him. Scared. Grovels.) Yes, yes. I understand, Your Greatness. GIANT: Do you have the golden key that unlocks Queen Violet’s prison cell? 15 TROLL: Yes, master. GIANT: Give it to me. TROLL: (Removes a string which has been around his neck but under his costume, from which dangles a large gold key. Hands it to the GIANT.) Here it is, master. 20 GIANT: (Holds up the key and admires it.) Ahhh! (To TROLL.) I’ve just had a light lunch. Now, I shall take a nap. For I must rest up for dinner. (Evil and loud.) After dinner, I shall destroy the village! Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha. (Even more aghast, JACK slaps one hand to his face.) Now leave me!! It’s time for my afternoon nap. 25 TROLL: Yes, master. (EXITS RIGHT.) GIANT: (Begins to doze off. Sings to himself, almost childlike. [NOTE: Stephen Foster’s “Beautiful Dreamer,” with “Giant” substituted for “Dreamer,” and “sleep” for “wake.” works nicely.]) Beautiful giant, sleep time for thee—starlight and dewdrops are waiting for me… 30 (Begins to fall asleep with the golden key still grasped in his hand.) Beautiful giant, king of all things… (Snores.) JACK: (Quietly crosses to AUDIENCE. Whispers.) I must get that key. (On tiptoes, cautions AUDIENCE to be quiet. GIANT sleeps fi tfully and snores loudly. Ever so carefully snatches the key from 35 the GIANT’S hand. Loud.) Got it! GIANT: (Groggy.) What say you? (JACK FREEZES. GIANT awakes, groggily, sniffs the air.) Fee, fi , fo, fum… JACK: (Whispers.) I’ve got to get out of here! GIANT: (Awakens fully, sees JACK and rises from the table.) I see an 40 Englishman!

For preview32 only 1 TROLL: (Runs IN RIGHT. Sees JACK.) Master! Master! (Points to JACK.) He’s got the golden key! GIANT: (Instantly in a terrible fury.) Aaaarrrrgggghhhh!! JACK: Aaaaahhhh!! (Dashes OUT LEFT.) 5 GIANT: I’ll crush his bones! (Picks up his club and stomps after JACK.) Fee, ﬁ , fo, fum, I smell the blood of an Englishman! (He’s OUT LEFT.) TROLL: Awake! Awake! There’s a thief in the castle! HOUSEKEEPER: (Runs IN LEFT.) What’s the trouble? 10 TROLL: Jack is in the castle. HOUSEKEEPER: Oh! That’s my boy! Where’s Gogmagog? TROLL: Chasing after Jack. HOUSEKEEPER: Aaaahhh! My boy, my boy! My very own boy! (Calls OUT.) We’ve got to save my boy! We’ve got to save Jack! (Runs 15 after GIANT LEFT to intercede. COOK and KITCHEN GIRL rush IN LEFT.) COOK: We’ve got to save Jack! KITCHEN GIRL: We’ve got to save Jack! (COOK and KITCHEN GIRL dash after HOUSEKEEPER. EXTRAS can also appear and 20 join in, “We’ve got to save Jack!”) VOICE: (From OFF DOWN LEFT.) Jack! Jack! We’ve got to save Jack! (JACK runs IN DOWN LEFT. He’s chased by HOUSEKEEPER, COOK and KITCHEN GIRL, EXTRAS, but not the GIANT. JACK runs OUT UP RIGHT. OTHERS follow.) Jack! Jack! We’ve got 25 to save Jack! (In a second, HOUSEKEEPER, COOK, KITCHEN GIRL, EXTRAS run back ON and then OFF UP LEFT.) HOUSEKEEPER: My boy! My boy! My very own boy! (JACK runs IN UP RIGHT and chases after the OTHERS. None of them have noticed that the GIANT isn’t with them. JACK EXITS UP LEFT.) 30 GIANT’S VOICE: (From OFF UP LEFT.) Come here, you miserable boy! JACK’S VOICE: You’ve got to catch me ﬁ rst. GIANT’S VOICE: Bah! HOUSEKEEPER’S VOICE: Run, Jack, run! 35 VOICES/COOK/KITCHEN GIRL: Run, run, run! EXTRAS’ VOICES: (Speak.) Run, run, run! (MUSIC CUE 6: “Run, Jack, Run!”) GIANT’S VOICE: (Speaks.) Eh? What’s this? Rebellion? CHORUS: (Chanted in rhythm; HOUSEKEEPER, COOK and 40 KITCHEN GIRL ENTER UP LEFT and are part of the CHORUS.)

For preview33 only 1 Run, Jack, run! Run, Jack, run! Run, Jack, run! Run, Jack, run! 5 Run, Jack, run! Run, run, run! Run, Jack, run, Jack! Run, run, run! SOLOIST: (Sings. One SOLOIST may be used or various SOLOISTS.) 10 The Giant’s out to getcha, better— SOLOIST/CHORUS: (Sing.) Run, Jack, run! SOLOIST: (Sings.) Ya know he’s bound to catch ya, better— SOLOIST/CHORUS: (Sing.) Run, Jack, run! SOLOIST: (Sings.) CHORUS: (Sings.) 15 If the Giant ﬁ nds you here, Hallelujah! Hallelujah! It won’t be fun, so— Hallelujah! Hallelujah! ALL: (Sing.) Pick yourself up by the heels and… Run, Jack, run! SOLOIST: (Sings.) Boy, don’t you be temptin’ fate— 20 SOLOIST/CHORUS: (Sing.) Run, Jack, run. SOLOIST: (Sings.) You could end up on a plate— SOLOIST/CHORUS: (Sing.) Run, Jack, run! SOLOIST: (Sings.) CHORUS: (Sings.) If you don’t want to wind up Hallelujah! Hallelujah! 25 In a hot-cross bun— Hallelujah! Hallelujah! ALL: (Sing.) Get yourself together, now, And run, Jack, run! CHORUS ONE: (Chanted in rhythm.) Run, Jack, run! 30 Run, Jack, run! Run, Jack, run! Run, Jack, run! CHORUS ONE: CHORUS TWO: (Chanted in rhythm.) Run, Jack, run! Hallelu! 35 Run, Jack, run! Hallelu! Run, Jack, run! Hallelu! Run, Jack, run! Hallelu! CHORUS ONE: CHORUS TWO: SOLOIST(S): (Chanted.) Run, Jack, run! Hallelu! Boy, this ain’t no place for you, 40 Run, Jack, run! Hallelu! Don’t let that giant catch you! Run, Jack, run! Hallelu! This ain’t no place for you, For preview34 only 1 Run, Jack, run! Hallelu! Don’t let that giant catch you! Run, Jack, run! Hallelu! Boy, this ain’t no place for you, Run, Jack, run! Hallelu! Don’t let that giant catch you! Run, Jack, run! Hallelu! This ain’t no place for you— 5 ALL: (Sing.) Don’t let that giant catch you! SOLOIST: (Sings.) Son, your mama’s bound to cry— SOLOIST/CHORUS: (Sing.) Run, Jack, run. SOLOIST: (Sings.) If you end up in a pie. SOLOIST/CHORUS: (Sing.) Run, Jack, run! 10 SOLOIST: (Sings.) CHORUS: (Sings.) If you don’t want to wind up Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Lookin’ overdone— Hallelujah! Hallelujah! SOLOIST: (Shouts.) Take my advice— SOLOIST/CHORUS: (Shout.) Hit the road— 15 SOLOIST: (Sings.) Run, Jack, run. CHORUS ONE: (Sings.) CHORUS TWO: (Sings.) Run, Jack, run, Hallelu! Run, Jack, run, Hallelu! Run, Jack, run, Hallelu! 20 SOLOIST: (Spoken in rhythm.) You could be a beef stew, Maybe a tall brew! CHORUS ONE: (Sings.) CHORUS TWO: (Sings.) Run, Jack, run, Hallelu! 25 Run, Jack, run, Hallelu! Run, Jack, run, Hallelu! SOLOIST: (Shouts.) You could be a barbeque… Maybe a fondue! CHORUS ONE: (Sings.) CHORUS TWO: (Sings.) 30 Run, Jack, run, Hallelu! Run, Jack, run, Hallelu! Run, Jack, run, Hallelu! SOLOIST: (Sings.) Boy, this ain’t no place for you! CHORUS: (Sings.) Don’t let that giant catch you! 35 ALL: (Sing.) Run, Jack, run! Pick yourself up by the heels and Run, Jack, run! (MUSIC OUT. JACK slides IN DOWN LEFT. He starts to run RIGHT, but is stopped by TROLL, who ENTERS RIGHT, holding a spear.)

For preview35 only 1 TROLL: What a treat! I said one day I’d get even with you for your rudeness. (Calls DOWN LEFT.) Gogmagog, I’ve got him. He’s here! (GIANT thumps IN LEFT, angry.) GIANT: How did he get to my castle in the clouds? 5 TROLL: The last time I saw this boy, he had some beans. And I noticed a beanstalk reaching up into the clouds not far away. GIANT: Who is he? TROLL: He’s a clever boy named Jack Spriggins. GIANT: Spriggins? Spriggins? Ah, yes, I destroyed the father, and 10 now I will destroy the son. JACK: (Defi ant.) Never, Giant! GIANT: Where is the golden key you stole from me? JACK: That’s for me to know and for you to fi nd out. GIANT: (Swings at JACK with the club. JACK, however, is too 15 nimble, and the club strikes the fl oor as he jumps aside. As the fi ght between JACK and the GIANT plays, COOK and KITCHEN GIRL run IN, look, and, horrifi ed, dash OFF. EXTRAS, too. The GIANT’S castle staff, with the exception of TROLL, are a bunch of silly zanies.) 20 TROLL: This is the end of you, Jack Spriggins. JACK: Think so? TROLL: Know so. GIANT: (With a horrible grunt, he whacks again at JACK. And, again, nimbly, JACK jumps aside.) Away with the club, I’ll use my 25 hands! (Tosses aside the club and grabs for JACK. The move is so fast it catches the boy off guard and the GIANT gets him in a hammerlock. JACK struggles.) TROLL: Try breaking free of that, Jack Spriggins! Hee, hee, hee. GIANT: Be he alive or be he dead, I’ll grind his bones to make my 30 bread! TROLL: (Dances about.) Fee, fi , fo, fum! Fee, fi , fo, fum! (Stops, to AUDIENCE as he points to JACK.) This is the end of Jack. Say good-bye to Jack, everyone. (Waves.) Bye, bye, Jack. Nothing can save him now! (As if in answer, the doors at the rear of the auditorium 35 fl ing open, and the VILLAGERS rush IN, including MOTHER, SUSAN, VILLAGER #1 and #2, HIGH SHERIFF, PRINCESS TULIP, EXTRAS. For weapons, they carry hoes and rakes. They yell out encouragement as they thunder down the aisle(s).) VILLAGERS: (Ad-lib.) We’re here, Jack! Hang on, Jack! Help is on 40 the way! We’re coming, Jack! Down with bad giants!

For preview36 only 1 JACK: (Surprised.) Mother? TROLL: (Terrifi ed.) Yipes! GIANT: How did they get to my castle? The beanstalk? TROLL: (Tosses aside the spear.) I’ll check with you later, Giant. I 5 think I hear the bucket calling. (Runs OUT LEFT.) GIANT: (Calls after him.) Traitor! (Upset by the arrival of the villagers, he loosens his hold on JACK, who springs free and grabs the spear. By now, VILLAGERS reach the stage and push into the kitchen. Suddenly, they are face to face with the GIANT, and their 10 energy seems to drain away. No one moves. GIANT looks at them.) Grrrrrrrrrrr! VILLAGERS: (Take a jump back.) Oh! GIANT: Ha, ha, ha! PRINCESS: (Bravely steps forward.) Where’s my mother? 15 GIANT: Where’s my gold? MOTHER: Did he hurt you, Jack? JACK: Where did you fi nd the courage to climb the beanstalk? HIGH SHERIFF: You gave it to us, Jack. SUSAN: We fi gured if you had enough courage to climb by yourself, 20 we’d at least have enough if we all stuck together. VILLAGER #1: Looks like we got here just in time. VILLAGER #2: (Looks about.) Look at this kitchen. It’s big enough for a giant. GIANT: (Fury builds.) I’ll deal with you all, one by one! I’ll crush you, 25 one by one. I’ll destroy you, one by one! VILLAGERS: (Another jump back.) Oh! GIANT: But fi rst I’ll fi nish with you, Jack Spriggins. (MUSIC CUE 7: “Fight, Jack, Fight.” Or, play some thrilling FIGHT MUSIC. GIANT stoops for the club. OTHERS pull back to the sides of the 30 kitchen. At this point, you might introduce the STROBE LIGHT(S), if available. JACK and GIANT duel as if they each were holding fencing foils. The GIANT’S club is awkward but powerful. JACK jumps here and there, poking with the spear. VILLAGERS react, interjecting comments. MOTHER and SUSAN cling to one 35 another. The club strikes and hits the fl oor. JACK pokes with the spear. The COMBATANTS move UP LEFT.) CHORUS ONE: (Chanted in rhythm.) Fight, Jack, fi ght! Fight, Jack, fi ght! 40 Fight, Jack, fi ght! Fight, Jack, fi ght! For preview37 only 1 CHORUS ONE: (Sings.) CHORUS TWO: (Chants.) Fight, Jack, fi ght! Hallelu! Fight, Jack, fi ght! Hallelu! Fight, Jack, fi ght! Hallelu! 5 Fight, Jack, fi ght! Hallelu! CHORUS ONE: CHORUS TWO: SOLOIST(S): (Sings.) (Chants.) (Chants.) Fight, Jack, fi ght! Hallelu! Boy, no matter whatcha do, Fight, Jack, fi ght! Hallelu! Don’t let that giant get you! 10 Fight, Jack, fi ght! Hallelu! No matter whatcha do, Fight, Jack, fi ght! Hallelu! Don’t let that giant get you! Fight, Jack, fi ght! Hallelu! Boy, no matter whatcha do, Fight, Jack, fi ght! Hallelu! Don’t let that giant get you! Fight, Jack, fi ght! Hallelu! No matter whatcha do, 15 ALL: (Sing.) Don’t let that giant get you! (MUSIC OUT. The GIANT hoists the club high over his head, and with a horrifi c groan, he swings it toward JACK. He leaps aside, and the club hits the fl oor with a THUD. The force of this maneuver has taken all the GIANT’S strength for the moment. He lets the club drop from his 20 grip and sighs heavily.) JACK: (Sees his chance and aims the spear at the GIANT’S midsection. Cries out as he thrusts.) For England and Good Queen Violet! (The force of the thrust causes the GIANT to back pedal and EXIT OUT UP LEFT. With the spear still at the GIANT’S 25 midsection, JACK pushes him OFF and follows him OUT UP LEFT.) VILLAGERS: For England and Good Queen Violet! (Some VILLAGERS rush UP LEFT and look OFFSTAGE. Dialogue fast and excited.) 30 PRINCESS: Can you see anything? SUSAN: I see Jack. MOTHER: I see the Giant. HIGH SHERIFF: The Giant’s by the window! JACK’S VOICE: (From OFF LEFT.) Out you go, evil giant! (We hear 35 a LONG DESCENDING WAIL from the GIANT as he falls from the castle, over sound system, if possible.) SUSAN: The Giant fell from the window! VILLAGERS: Hooray! (They pull aside as JACK RE-ENTERS.) Hooray, hooray, Jack! 40 JACK: (Moves CENTER.) We have nothing more to fear from that wicked giant. (APPLAUSE.)

For preview38 only 1 QUEEN: (Rushes IN LEFT. No bars.) Tulip! PRINCESS: Mother! (They embrace.) SUSAN: How did you get free, Your Majesty? QUEEN: The housekeeper unlocked my cell. 5 HOUSEKEEPER: (ENTERS DOWN LEFT with the key.) Jack tossed me the key when the Giant was chasing him. COOK: (Runs IN UP LEFT with KITCHEN GIRL.) Oh, dear, dear. What a mess! KITCHEN GIRL: The Giant fell to the village, slammed through the 10 ground and just kept going. BEAN-SELLER: (ENTERS RIGHT.) What did I tell you… magic beans. VILLAGER #1: How did you get here? BEAN-SELLER: I’ve been here all the time. In case Jack needed me. 15 There’s someone here for you, Jack. JACK: For me? Who? MISS PRISS: (Trots IN RIGHT.) Moooo-ooooo. VILLAGERS: Miss Priss! MISS PRISS: Moooo-ooooo. 20 SUSAN: (To BEAN-SELLER.) You mean, we can have her back? BEAN-SELLER: If you want her. MOTHER: We do, we do. JACK: (Hugs MISS PRISS.) It’s so good to see you, Miss Priss. HIGH SHERIFF: (To BEAN-SELLER.) Just who are you, sir? 25 BEAN-SELLER: (A wink to the AUDIENCE.) That’s for me to know and for you to ﬁ nd out. MOTHER: Even with the Giant gone, we’re still poor as poor can be. QUEEN: Let me show my appreciation to the lad who rescued us all. (To JACK.) Kneel, Jack. 30 MOTHER: Kneel? QUEEN: I need a sword. HOUSEKEEPER: I know just the thing. (To COOK.) The Giant’s table knife. COOK: (To KITCHEN GIRL.) Fetch. 35 KITCHEN GIRL: Good as done. (Crosses to table and picks up the long table knife. Holds it up for good AUDIENCE view. It’s large enough to be a sword. Hands it to the QUEEN. Curtsies, steps back. QUEEN indicates that JACK should kneel. He kneels on one knee. Silence. No one moves.)

For preview39 only 1 QUEEN: So that all future generations will know that a youngster who has imagination and courage is someone special, I dub thee, “Jack, the Giant-Slayer.” (Touches each shoulder with the tip of the giant knife.) Accept our gratitude and appreciation. Arise, Sir 5 Jack Spriggins. OTHERS: Sir? MOTHER: (About to pass out.) My son! A nobleman! I always knew he’d amount to something. JACK: Thank you, Your Majesty. A great honor. 10 QUEEN: No more than you deserve. (APPLAUSE.) CHICKEN: (ENTERS in a state of excitement, clucking merrily.) Cluck, cluck, cluck. Cheep, cheep, cheep! SUSAN: It’s our hen! (Proudly, CHICKEN holds out a golden egg.) ALL: A golden egg! 15 CHICKEN: (Boasts.) Cheep! Cheep! Cheep! I did it! I did it! JACK: (Steps to her, takes the golden egg and holds it up for all to see.) We’re not poor any longer, Mother. Nor is the village. Nor is the kingdom. ALL: Hooray!! (BLACKOUT.) END OF MUSICAL 20 Immediately after applause starts, ENSEMBLE ENTERS for ﬁ nal bows and MUSIC CUE 7a: “Curtain Call.”

For preview40 only PRODUCTION NOTES PROPERTIES THE FARM: Door to cottage or cutout front [façade] of cottage; backdrop cloth or some scenery fl ats illustrated with view of painted fi elds. GIANT’S KITCHEN: Painted scenery fl at to represent portion of stove/oven; table for stove (front covered with paper or with practical oven “door”); side table with pots, pans, cooking utensils; dishware table with cups, saucers, plates, funnel, basin for washing, towel; dinner table with chair or stool for Giant; oversized cup [pail], ketchup bottle and knife on dinner table. BROUGHT ON, Scene One: Basket (SUSAN) Old broom, apron (MOTHER) Baskets, aprons (VILLAGE WOMAN #1 and #2) Long rope for chicken (JACK) Long staff with ribbons (HIGH SHERIFF DUMDUM) BROUGHT ON, Scene Two: Market products: fruits, vegetables, ribbons, fl owers, eggs, toy goose (SELLERS, VILLAGERS) Tray with dipped apples and sticks (VILLAGE WOMAN #2) Hand bell (HIGH SHERIFF DUMDUM) Cloak, hat with feather, pouch with 5 beans [jellybeans work very well] (BEAN-SELLER) Flute or harmonica [optional] (JACK) BROUGHT ON, Scene Three: Pouch with 5 beans (JACK) Stepladder beanstalk (pushed on during blackout) BROUGHT ON, Scene Four: Large platter with rope (spaghetti) and red paint (sauce), chef cap, apron, pitcher, tiny cup (COOK) Large platter with pie (shaving cream), chef cap, apron, tiny saucer, fl oor broom (KITCHEN GIRL) Large prop food, chef cap and apron (EXTRAS, KITCHEN STAFF) Beans or jellybeans (BEAN-SELLER) Bowl, spoon, silly bonnet, apron (HOUSEKEEPER) Club (GIANT) Small set of prison bars, wrist chains (QUEEN) String with golden key (TROLL) Hoes and rakes (VILLAGERS) Golden egg (CHICKEN)

For preview41 only SOUND EFFECTS Rooster crowing (can be done by an actor); large wooden bucket hitting the ground (can be done by slamming a bundle of newspapers to the ﬂ oor, or tipping over a stack of wooden boxes); weird music or sound effects for growth of beanstalk (included on pre-recorded music available from the publisher); offstage thumping (walking) or rumbling sound of Giant; old-time lively music; ﬁ ght music.

LIGHTING Blackout(s); optional green light for beanstalk, Giant “light” (when he ﬁ rst enters scene); optional strobes.

COSTUMES As indicated in script. The usual “once-upon-a-time” wardrobe. Mentioned here are only those items that deserve special attention. MISS PRISS (COW): Use two actors, one for front and one for rear. If you can’t get an actual “cow” costume, have actors wear white trousers, a blanket to suggest cowhide and create a “head.” Same if you are using only one actor. A suit of long white underwear will work. Rent a cow head from a costume store or create one. Gloves for hooves. CHICKEN: Again, a rental costume is the easiest way to go, but if you have to create one, actor can wear a suit of long underwear dyed brown (red will work). Covered arms for wings. Tail feathers, beak. Yellow gloves. If you have access to some other “poultry” costume, don’t be afraid to substitute—GOOSE, DUCK. THE GIANT: He should look as big as possible—certainly “bigger” than anyone else on stage. To do this, he should wear high, cumbersome boots. The soles can be extra thick to add a few inches. Give him a high hat to add height. If not that, a bushy fright wig. He should wear a scary full beard and a wide belt. Body padding for bulk. Gloves. To add menace, he carries the club. Maybe false ears.

FLEXIBLE CASTING The following roles can be male or female, depending on your cast makeup: TROLL, CHICKEN, MISS PRISS, BEAN-SELLER and COOK. A talented actress might also be considered for the role of JACK. The musical can easily be performed with an all-female cast.

EXTRAS can be used as servants in the GIANT’S castle. If EXTRAS are not available, VILLAGERS can be the servants. For the Market

For preview42 only Day scene, the following characters can double as BUYERS and SELLERS: HOUSEKEEPER, COOK, KITCHEN GIRL, QUEEN or PRINCESS TULIP, TROLL or even CHICKEN.

COW DANCE Although the dance is strictly optional, give it consideration. It’s a great audience pleaser. MISS PRISS might tap-dance or waltz. Be creative. For example, someone might bring out a stool and the hind end might sit. Hind end’s feet “dance” one way, while the feet belonging to the front end can “dance” in the opposite direction, etc.

MORE ABOUT THE SET THE BEANSTALK: Quite simple. The stepladder is shoved or rolled into position during the blackout. It should be as “bushy” and as green as you can make it (vines, leaves). JACK only climbs a step or two— slowly—before curtain or blackout. MARKET DAY: Some pennants or ﬂ ags might be dropped from overhead. Someone could carry a bunch of balloons or pretty scarves on a pole to “color” the scene.

GIANT HAS HIS LUNCH This will prove a wildly funny scene. DON’T END IT TOO SOON. As you rehearse the nonsense, all manner of business will present itself. If it looks good, use it. Audience should see a mad, frantic scene of constant motion. Comings and goings. Busy, busy, busy. MUSIC and LIGHT will add to the onstage comedy.

JACK AND THE GIANT FIGHT Again, don’t rush it. This is where the villain gets defeated and your young audience will want to savor the moment. The ﬁ ght can be extended by having JACK and the GIANT leave the stage dueling, only to reappear at some new location and continue with the ﬁ ght: The clumsy but powerful GIANT versus the nimble but less powerful JACK.

For preview43 only Fee, Fi, Fo, Fum! - Set Designs

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