The Deepest Intimacy. a Sociological Account of Bondage, Domination, Sadism and Masochism (Bdsm) in Contemporary Italy
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UNIVERSITÀ DEGLI STUDI DI MILANO‐BICOCCA Dipartimento di Sociologia e Ricerca Sociale Dottorato in Sociologia Applicata e Metodologia della Ricerca Sociale XXVII ciclo THE DEEPEST INTIMACY. A SOCIOLOGICAL ACCOUNT OF BONDAGE, DOMINATION, SADISM AND MASOCHISM (BDSM) IN CONTEMPORARY ITALY Tutor: Prof.ssa Roberta SASSATELLI Tesi di Dottorato di: Laura ZAMBELLI Matr. nº 760216 Anno Accademico 2013 – 2014 2 Ai miei genitori To my parents 3 4 The Deepest Intimacy. A Sociological Account of Bondage, Domination, Sadism and Masochism (BDSM) in Contemporary Italy 5 6 INTRODUCTION 12 The Role of the Sexual Revolution 16 What Next? BDSM after the Sexual Revolution 19 In Theory: from Social Constructionism to Queer Theory 21 PART ONE. PUTTING BDSM ON THE SOCIOLOGICAL AGENDA 30 1. PRESENTING BDSM 32 1.1 Toward a Sociological Definition 32 1.2 Key Issues for the Study of BDSM 36 2. FROM SADOMASOCHISM TO POLIAMORY: THEORIES OF MARGINAL SEXUALITY 48 2.1 Sadomasochism as a Perversion 48 2.1.1 Degeneration and Genetics 49 2.1.2 Psychological Approaches 54 2.1.3 Discourses on the Aetiology of BDSM 57 2.1.4 Contemporary Paraphilias: DSM and ICD 60 2.1.5 Therapist and Counsellors: Contemporary Research in the Medical Sphere 63 2.2. Sadomasochism as a Practice: Kinsey and Colleagues 67 2.3 Sociology of Deviance and Subculture 68 2.4 Contemporary Socio‐anthropological Approaches 73 2.5 BDSM‐related Subjects: an Analysis of Peripheral Concepts 87 2.5.1 BDSM as a Subculture 88 2.5.2 Sexing Bodies, Feeling Bodies 91 2.5.3 Power, Play and the Feeling Self 94 2.5.4 Gender and BDSM 96 2.5.5 The Role of Pain and Pleasure 98 2.5.6 Polyamory and BDSM 100 2.5.7 Selves, Subjects and Identity 102 2.5.8 Violence and Symbolic Violence 105 2.5.9 The Social Stigma 108 2.5.10 Sexual Citizenship 110 3. STUDYING BDSM: METHODS AND METHODOLOGY 114 3.1 Research Design 114 3.2 Studying a Subculture through an Idioculture 117 3.3 BDSM practitioners’ Portraits 122 7 3.4 In‐depth Interviews 123 3.5 Participant Observations 130 3.6 The Ethics of the Research 134 3.7 The Body of the Researcher 138 PART TWO. DOING AND BEING: THE BDSM COMMUNITY IN MILAN 141 4. FOLK NARRATIVES OF A SEXUALITY SUBCULTURE 143 4.1 Europe and the United States 145 4.2 The Development of BDSM Communities in Italy 148 4.3 ‘Founding Myths’ about the Origins of Rope Bondage and BDSM 150 5. BODIES OF EXCITEMENT, STORIES OF PARTICIPANTS 153 The First Ethnography 153 The First BDSM Play Party 159 The Bus Episode 172 5.1 BDSM Practitioners’ Positionality and Narratives 174 5.1.1 Compelling Heterosexuality 174 5.1.2 Practitioners’ Positionality between Sexual and Identitarian Dimensions 178 5.1.2.1 The Sexual Dimension 180 5.1.2.2 The Identitarian Dimension 183 5.1.2.3 Reuniting the Identitarian and Sexual Dimensions of BDSM 186 5.1.3 Who Spanks Who? Reading Sexual, Play and Other Relationships 188 5.1.4 How and Where it All Started: Narratives about Life Trajectories toward BDSM 190 5.1.4.1 Fanny and the Overcoming of Abusive Experiences in Her Late Teens 193 5.1.4.2 Olive: the Myth of Shibari and how She Becomes a Mistress 195 5.1.4.3. Frank, or the Enjoyment of Trust 198 5.1.4.4 Tania, between the Old Guard and the Younger Kinksters. On Exploring Polyamory 202 5.1.5 Concluding remarks 206 6. SEX WARS AND THE TRANSLATION OF FEMINIST AND QUEER DISCOURSES INTO CONTEMPORARY BDSM 208 6.1 Situating the Feminist Debate about SM, from 1970s to 2000s 210 6.2 The Sex Wars in the United States and the United Kingdom 212 6.2.1 SM as an Empowering Practice: How to Get Rid of Oppression by Enacting it 212 6.2.2 SM as a Re‐enactment of Patriarchal Oppression. Consent is Extorted 219 6.2.3 Tertium Datur: In‐between Positions in the Debate 225 8 6.3 The Italian Feminist Debate around SM 230 6.4 Comparing Discourses: United States, United Kingdom and Italy 240 6.5 The (Unconscious) Reappropriation of Discourses. Practitioners Discuss Feminist and Queer Theories 246 6.5.1 The Embodiment of Consent and the Discourses on SSC and RACKS 246 6.5.1.1 The Management and Perception of the Violation of Consent 263 6.6 Negotiation: the Importance of the First Impression and the Ability to Read Partner’s Bodily Signals 269 6.6.1 Safewords as Limits. Building Mutual Trust in Order to Avoid Them 275 6.6.2 Deconstructing Gender(s) and Gender Roles 280 6.6.2.1 A Generational Issue? 285 6.6.3 The Exploration of Polyamory as a Way to Overcome the Problems of the Couple 287 6.6.4 BDSM as a Consciousness Raising Practice 293 6.6.5 Is it Pushing Limits or Rapeplay? How BDSM can Challenge Boundaries. On the Female Presence in the Scene 295 6.7 Conclusion: how BDSM Practitioners Discuss Feminist and Queer Issues 308 7. RECONCEPTUALISING BDSM WITHIN CONTEMPORARY INTIMACIES 311 7.1 Pain not for Pain’s Sake. The Link between Pleasure and Pain 311 7.2 Meanings of Pain and Pleasure among BDSM Practitioners 315 7.2.1 Malcolm and the Submission through Pain 319 7.2.2 Cecil or Pain as a Natural Demonstration of Love 322 7.2.3 Isabel or Topping from the Bottom 324 7.2.4 Paula, the Physiological Excitement of Pain and the “Gender Irritation” 325 7.3 Beyond the Pleasure Principle: Contemporary Intimacies 329 7.3.1 New Forms of Intimacy 331 7.3.2 Postmodern Intimacies 334 7.3.3 Power and Intimacy 336 7.3.4 Proximity and Public Spaces: the Importance of Spatiality in BDSM 337 7.3.5 Relational and Spatial Aspects of Intimacy 342 7.3.6 Relational Aspects of Intimacy: the Importance of Communication and Bonding 351 7.3.7 Variations of Intimacy 361 8. IN GUISE OF A CONCLUSION 365 8.1 Pain and Safety 368 8.2 Safety Protocols 369 8.3 Negotiating Legitimacy 371 8.4 BDSM Practices and Intimate Relationships 374 8.5 Queering Intimacy or Normalising Marginal Sexuality? 377 9 APPENDICES 383 Appendix A. Comparison among research on BDSM practitioners, from 1960s to 2014 383 Appendix B 391 Interview Guide 391 Interviewees: Names, Gender, Age, Education, Profession, Sexual Orientation and BDSM Role 393 REFERENCES 399 10 11 Introduction When it came out in 1954, Historie d’O published under the name of Pauline Réage went almost unnoticed by the larger public. The media and the readers became aware of it only one year after, when the novel won the French literature prize “Prix des Deux Magots”. A great scandal about the explicit sadomasochistic content of the book accompanied growing sales. The French publisher faced, because of the plot, obscenity charges, which though did not stop the printing. From there on, several editions and translations followed, as well as film adaptations. It was only forty years later, in 1994, that the author of the book, Anne Desclos, declared in an interview to the Guardian that she wrote the famous Historie d’O (Réage, 1954). This caused the surprise of the public, since it was deemed that the author was a man, namely Pauvert, the publisher. Anne was a journalist and novelist who worked for the famous publisher Gallimard in Paris. The novel is often cited as a literary milestone both as a French literary product and as erotic book. It is so famous in the western literature that it is imprinted in the public memory of European readers, as well as BDSM practitioners. For the time it was published, it clearly represented a scandal for its explicit content and descriptions of sexual acts, as well as the corporal punishment which O and other young women face. At the same time, though, what struck the media and the public was the fact that, after a moment in which O behaves as a submissive woman just for the love she brings to her lover, she starts enjoying the pleasure of submission autonomously. The book came out in the fifties, almost ten years after the end of the Second World War, a period of material reconstruction and of re‐building of national and personal identities. Those were the years that immediately preceded the sexual 12 revolution, a series of close events that changed sexual and social attitudes and behaviours of western countries. Historie d’O could be thought as one of the first literary events that embodied the forthcoming changes brought about by the youth and women’s movements. The plot of the novel insisted on the fact that O does not oppose to enter and later remain in the elegant house with the other slaves and masters. She chooses to remain. For this reason, the novel has been usually read as empowering for women (Bedell, 2004) since it proposed an alternative model to that of the housewife, the mainly model proposed to European women after the Second World War. After the war, when the men returned, women were relegated to the home and raising children. The model proposed by O is different, since the protagonist makes her own choices and decides to embark on a journey following her lover’s request. The agency of O is deemed to be evident in this context. Fifty‐seven years after the first edition of Historie d’O, E. L. James, nom de plume of Erika Mitchell, a studio manager assistant, wrote the trilogy named Fifty Shades of Grey (Brennan, 2012; James, 2011a, 2011b, 2011c).