Manny Road Sport 5
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Monday, September 13 th, 2009 (Issue 5) NO NEWS NO G OSSIP TWO PHOTOS S OME SPORT Free inside – Spot the ball! BRITAIN’S WORST TABLOID! 5-star Defence of the Realm! Manny Road hit Watlington for five with no return as they look towards the top of the table. Manny Road earned an defending that kept their impressive clean sheet fierce and potent enemy at against Watlington and bay and allowed for their scored five in the process to strikers to score 5 goals on earn their first win, three the break-away, and Scotland points, and more could also be described as importantly, to send a unlucky to not have qualified message to the rest of the for the World Cup, and both league on yet another descriptions would be equally glorious Saturday. correct, for this game was all about the outstanding Manny Manny Road (Sunday) had a Road Defence. day to forget in the outer reaches of Oxford The defence lined up with (Bletchingdon) as they sunk Byrne in goal, seeking a to a disappointing second half consecutive clean sheet, and performance that lacked with Sweeper Dickie on the quality, fitness, and nerve. playstation control, dictating the movements of the two Manny Road’s game at home famed man-markers Jones to Watlington could be and Burton, who once described as a tale of dreamed that they were wonderful and resolute strikers. In midfield and upfront there were some of the Year award, is merely other guys, who were not another devastating striker playing in the amazing that does not play in defence, defence, oh let’s say the where the true glory resides. pacey O’Connor out left, the nimble footed Frost out right, Meanwhile the reserves had the measured Kaiser Kay been posted to the outer anchoring, with Trinder and realms of the empire to Potter weaving their magic preach the Manny Road behind Lazarus (resurrected gospel to some non-believers from his wild header last in Bletchingdon. Due to them week, see picture) and playing in a land ‘far, far, McGillycuddy (L), way’, we are reliant upon an resurrected from his viaje in old crackling wireless for de la mancha. Leaving the updates on their game, we romantically inclined will try to keep you posted, Boorman on the bench, but we did hear that they calculating the true cost of were starting with a 4-4-2 of that ring, alongside debutant Schofield in goal, and a Marcus McGillycuddy, who, disgruntled back four of like his brother and current Hassanain, Burton, George, holder of the Players’ Player and Cannon, with a midfield Was this the greatest Scorpion kick ever, or merely the worst diving header so far? ‘line’ of Xie, O’Niel, ‘Bobbins’, over a defender’s head near and Pothecary, behind a front the bye-line and then two of Oyston and Shabala, volleyed the ball past the with Su on the bench. More keeper with his left before on that game later. running the full length of the field, a la Adebayour, to And we’ve just heard that the celebrate with Dickie, Jones, Reserves are a goal down and Burton, who’s brilliant already after a horrible mix- defending had allowed it all to up, GOAL! 1v0 to happen, GOAL! Manny Road Bletchingdon, what a take the lead on 7 minutes! disastrous start, what could have happened? Very soon after Dickie Unfortunately our crackling launched a perfect circle wireless appears to have (long) pass that was headed died, so we will be restricted out for a corner. Trinder, the to the occasional telegram non-defender, then curled in from Bletchingdon for further a perfect corner to Lazarus, updates. another non-defender, who headed in at the far post, Back at Manny Road the GOAL! 2v0! Lazarus rushes defence is coping admirably towards Trinder to as Burton wins a header celebrate, whilst the rest of before Jones then wins 83 in the, more appreciative, a row, Dickie’s circle button team rushes towards Dickie for Burton must be broken… to celebrate! The first key moment in the Incoming telegram… Goal… match came when Dickie Mann-Road…Oyston-volley made a superb tackle and stop then passed to Burton who launched a long diagonal ball (slice) that could only be put Lazarus then had a great out for a throw in by the chance to seal the points very early on, but with just the struggling Watlington defender. Frost then played keeper to beat he tried a an intelligent throw-in to the foolish, almost disobedient, lob, result – off-target. He feet of McGillycuddy (L) who nonchalantly flicked the ball then hit a powerful shot from outside the box, but again, his SPOT THE BALL COMPETITION! Can you mark an ‘X’ where the ball is? If not, can you a) tell us what happened next? Or b) what keeper Byrne is shouting? or C) why Dickie looks so much bigger than Burton? or D) why Burton is looking at the ground, with his eyes shut? or E) why, when there are 6 Manny Roaders in shot, not one of them is marking the only Freeland player in sight? effort was, strictly speaking, off-target. Some more great Of course Jones was defending by Manny Road smothered in the resultant then ensued, culminating in a melee of the celebrations but superb 5 yard pass by Jones he managed to compose to the feet of Kaiser Kay, who himself in time to ensure a almost had no choice, thanks clean sheet at the interval. to the brilliance of Jones, Half-time: Manny Road 3 v other than to slide through a 0 Watlington. perfectly weighted 20 yard through ball to the Incoming telegram… Goal... overlapping Frost on the Mann-Road… Oyston- right who could not help but dribble… halftime stop hit a perfectly timed low and hard drive across the face of The second half started in the goal for Lazarus to much the same vain as the convert and score his second, first, with the Manny Road GOAL! 3v0 and it’s all over! defence leading the way, and good job that a bored Burton the Watlington defence decided to take a break and playing a very high line wander off (in his mind at (probably trying to get closer least), but nobody noticed as to the Manny Road defenders Dickie and Jones and Byrne that they so admired), which were doing such a good job. of course left plenty of space McGillycuddy (M) was keen for the Manny Road strikers to impress and his quick-feet to run into and then be danced past a dazzled cheerfully welcomed by the Watlington but then with just opposition lino and his the keeper to beat he opted enthusiastic and friendly to…to…to pass! What? Are flag-waving. Still, the pace of you sure he’s a Frost and now Boorman on McGillycuddy? the left (replacing the injured O’Connor at half-time) was Still no word from ample enough for them to Bletchingdon, we believe latch onto any through balls the communication lines despite the requisite 10 yard are down, but we are sure start they had to give to their they are doing fine… opposing full-backs. Although it was the venerable Trinder Manny Road had many that broke free on the left for chances to get the fifth, but the fourth goal, chipping in a the closest were a flicked delightful curled cross that Frost header from a Dickie the keeper could only brush free-kick, a great run by into the path of the waiting Frost that resulted in him McGillycuddy (L) who duly tamely shooting wide at the poked the ball home for his near post, a McGillycuudy second and Manny Road’s (M) shot from a tight angle fourth, GOAL! IT’S ALL after yet more dancing, and OVER! best of all, a Kaiser Kay shuffle on the penalty spot Lazarus was now keen to get when he only had the keeper his hat-trick so with 20 to beat, however his plan to minutes remaining Sanghera beat the keeper by making replaced him with him laugh failed as he then McGillycuddy (M). The passed the ball straight into defence was doing such a his arms, never mind Dave, dribbling round the keeper is such an amazing defence. a very, very, difficult skill. So difficult in fact that Twinkle Toes Trinder then showed No word yet from just how difficult it is as he Bletchingdon, but wait, waltzed past the keeper a what’s this, a carrier pigeon mere 60 seconds later before has just entered the office… slotting home, GOAL! 5v0! “Save our souls. Open goal misses, passes to The game then eased into its opposition forwards, final moments, with the phantom free-kicks, cars points and the all-important broken into, lost 6v2, we clean sheet secure, until want to come home!” Byrne decided to try his own twinkle-toes routine, dancing Oh dear…. round the ball before crudely fouling the approaching After the game, 1st team striker. Thankfully the manager Sanghera had this referee was one of those to say, modern types that ‘over- “Now that’s what I call protects’ goalkeepers and defending! Joel, you were gave Manny Road a free-kick! rubbish!” Full-time: Manny Road a And Reserve team manager clean sheet and a goal or two Mills said, v Watlington, who had no “I hate being ref!” chance of scoring against Sanghera’s Man of the Match went to ‘Harry’ Potter which is quite surprising for two reasons, i) he’s not a defender, and ii) he’s not been mentioned in this report, but the truth is a good midfielder is much like a good referee, and goes about his business largely unnoticed, effortlessly mopping up the midfield and distributing possession neatly and efficiently.