JULY 31-AUGUST 1, 2021 CHIP Mel Buttle Life lessons OFF from school Heroin bust Secret jungle operation THE BLOCK He’s been honing his axe skills since he could walk, now fifth-generation woodchopper Archie Head is eyeing Ekka glory JILL POULSEN FEEDBACK Upfront 28 William McInnes 3 Mel Buttle 3 Ordinary Person 15 You & Me 16 Features Class of their own 4 EDITOR’S NOTE Rock star return 8 Flight of fancy 12 There is plenty of anticipation 18 surrounding this year’s Ekka after it Life&Style became one of the many events of last year that were cancelled or reduced to Culture Club 19 small online affairs. The Cut 19 To welcome the country heroes back into the city, Jill Poulsen meets a few of Fashion 20 those hopeful of victory in three of the 44 Cafe 21 competition sections. Cover star Archie Recipe 22 Head, 9, will compete alongside his parents and two siblings. Reigning Ekka Dining 23 champions, the Iseppi family reveal their Travel 24 preparations ahead of the cattle exhibit, and cake decorator Malcolm Pratt, 73, Books 26 will celebrate his 50th year entering the Weddings 28 cookery section. Big Quiz 30 In these uncertain times, the return of the Ekka is something worth cheering. 21 My Life 31 Cover Archie Head Photography Lachie Millard Editor Natalie Gregg Deputy Editor Alison Walsh Arts Editor Phil Brown Design Sean Thomas Stage 1 Selling Now! At last…Luxury Retirement without leaving the Bayside. Marrying the expertise and vision of two of the most esteemed retirement and aged-care providers, the award-winning Village Retirement Group and Anglicare are thrilled to deliver the best retirement living to the Bay in decades! Call Kath on 3854 3737 to register your interest today! Visit our Information Centre, Tue-Sat 10am-4pm 162 Oceana Terrace, Manly thevillagemanly.com.au 02 QWEEKEND.COM.AU JULY 31-AUGUST 1, 2021 V0 - BCME01Z01QW MEL WILLIAM BUTTLE McINNES “The centre of any tuckshop pie, sausage roll In love with or lasagne will be lava. Do not bite directly in” the nuke box The things people do to or try to do with man’s best friend can sometimes beggar igh school was a long time belief. The fact that I have been ago – the Spice Girls were complicit in such activity is not a source topping the charts, Blue of pride, but I am coming to terms with Heelers was my favourite my failings. Man’s best friend. Gender show and I had a massive specific perhaps, so we can update to Hcrush on Jesse Spencer from Neighbours. human being’s best friend if you like, Despite the rich cultural backdrop, I was although it strikes me that men, in still able to retain some core pieces of particular men like me, treat man’s best knowledge from school, so here they are: friend very shabbily at times. Relax, I’m not talking about dogs. I’m I remember the full choreography to the referring to another man’s best friend, following dances: Agadoo, the Nutbush the microwave oven. and the Heel and Toe Polka. They’ve Some say they don’t heat evenly and not yet come in handy, but I don’t kill off all bacteria from old meals remain optimistic. but I’ll take a punt on the radioactive roulette wheel of stodge. They never let Objects in motion stay in motion, you down until they do. Which means objects at rest stay at rest. This was from the operator is trying to perform a task a video to see if we should enrol in they were never designed for. physics in Years 11 and 12. Seeing as Microwaves used to be a thing of the that’s all I remember from physics, I’d future. A mum of a high school friend say I made the right call to end up in all said: “The really good ones are only ever the humanities subjects instead. on Sale of The Century as a prize; no way we could ever afford a good one.” The periodic table of elements does not Sale of the Century was a game show include earth, wind and fire – that’s a band tempting the viewers with unimaginable that mum plays on a Sunday afternoon prizes, like a “good microwave”. while doing the ironing. I first came into contact with microwaves at petrol stations on the A simile is saying something is like way home from a night out, hulking something else, however, a metaphor is boxes that would create a meal out of saying something is something else. some bread roll with a bit of chook and “Poetry is like the most boring thing gravy. I was an instant convert. I think ever”, however, is not a simile. “Poetry is my problem was I always maintained a boring” isn’t a metaphor either. neatly print their name on a piece of art? home to when dinner is ready is about belief in the miraculous capabilities of Nope, it’s always a nondescript squiggle. 9.6 hours most afternoons. microwaves, which a friend described as A monotreme is a mammal that lays eggs. “very Redcliffe of you”. Echidnas and platypuses are monotremes. You can eat a cream bun and a sausage Whatever subject is first or last in the day From cooking boiled, poached and This sometimes comes in handy at trivia roll for lunch five days a week and never may be subject to a slightly lighter scrambled eggs and giving new life to nights, lock it away. put on any weight. Also, these two items attendance due to late buses, early buses, stale bread, to heating cold coffee and will give you quite some change out of a orthodontist appointments, car soup to scorched lips and blistered gum The teacher will ask your group to go $5 note. Enough for a bag of lollies on breakdowns, or whatever else the school levels, I’ve maintained the faith. first in drama if you all look either at the the way home. will buy without a note from home. Perhaps too much. I’ve tried to dry teacher or at the floor, so a mix of both is clothes in them and thought I could encouraged to buy your group time. Any sandwich featuring tomato will be a The centre of any tuckshop pie, sausage reanimate a mobile that’d gone through soggy mess by lunchtime. No ifs or buts roll or lasagne will be lava. Those things the wash by blasting it in the nuke box. When a teacher says to you, “look at this about it, if your sandwich has tomato on it have been in the pie warmer on high No Lazarus from the grave, just an handwriting, I can barely read this”, it just you’re going to sog town. Pulling it off since 7am. Do not bite directly into them explosion and some explaining to do to means you’re really creative, and not does little, the damage has been done. if you value the roof of your mouth. Give the concierge. When I told him what I’d headed for a future as a paper shuffler or a those hot savouries at least 10 minutes to done he said, “fair enough”. The bean counter. Take it as the compliment You will be starving when you get home cool down to an edible temperature. brotherhood of the microwave at work. it’s intended to be. Ever seen an artist from school. The wait time from getting Mel Buttle is a Brisbane comedian William McInnes is an actor and author V1 - BCME01Z01QW JULY 31-AUGUST 1, 2021 QWEEKEND.COM.AU 03 It’s the sheer love of the show that is passed through the generations 04 QWEEKEND.COM.AU JULY 31-AUGUST 1, 2021 V1 - BCME01Z01QW COVER STORY CLASS OF THEIR OWN From showing cattle and woodchopping to cake decorating, it’s a labour of love for those seeking success at this year’s Ekka JILL POULSEN hen the Ekka springs throughout the state and have made a life to- back to life next gether breeding and showing cattle. week after a year’s The pair runs Ellendale Simmentals, which hiatus it signifies specialises in breeding high-performance red more than just a re- and black Simmentals, and are taking 12 cattle turn of the country and two calves to this year’s Ekka, preparations to the city – it’s a for which started months ago. continuation of the stories that bind us together. Simmental cattle in Australia are used pre- WIt’s the absolute best of Queensland on show dominantly for beef production, although the for all to celebrate and a chance for skills to be breed, which originated in Switzerland, is used passed on to another generation. for dairy and beef in Europe. For those who never miss a year visiting their Feeding the cattle to get them in the right beloved Royal Queensland Show, 2021 brings condition started about two months ago and with it a chance to continue the tradition. now the family is hard at work breaking the cat- Ask a senior Queenslander what they love tle in so they’re ready for when they hit the about the Ekka and it’s simple: “It’s just always bright lights of Brisbane. been there.” “We teach the cattle to lead, get them used to So after the spread of Covid-19 saw the can- all of the things we’re going to do to them – so cellation of the show last year for only the third washing them, drying them, combing them – and time in its 143-year history, the anticipation for then all of the noise they will encounter, getting the return of an institution – that despite the them used to that gently at home so when we get changing times has never abandoned its agricul- to the show they’re not completely freaked out,” tural roots – has never been so high.