Page 22 Daily Mail, Saturday, June 12, 2010 Now THAT’S a footie strip! Tonight’s the by Claire Coleman

What do I need to know night the about tonight’s big game? IT’S England’s first game in the 2010 World Cup and they’re playing the USA at the Royal Bafokeng Stadium in Rustenburg, South World Cup Africa. The game kicks off at 7.30pm UK time, but coverage, which is on ITV and is being hosted by Adrian Chiles, starts at 6.30pm for an hour of build-up and tedious speculation. REALLY If England lose, is it all over? NO. THIS is the first game of the first stage of the tournament. There are eight groups, each Carlos Bocanegra, 31 containing four countries. In the first stage, LOOKS: Brawny biceps that could starts as which lasts two weeks, all the teams in each group play each other. So as well as the match save any damsel in distress. against the USA, we also have to play the other ON-PITCH ANTICS: Captain America two teams in our group, Algeria, on June 18, had a spell at Fulham before heading and Slovenia, on June 23, and they all have to across the channel to current club, play each other, too. Rennes. England After all those games have been played, the OFF-PITCH ANTICS: Apparently is a bit two teams at the top of each group go through to the second stage. Even if we lose badly of a whizz on the guitar-on- tonight, we’ll definitely be playing at least computer game Rock Band. another two games in this World Cup tournament. take on the Right, but aren’t the Yanks rubbish at football, anyway? U.S. Here’s OH NO! In fact, they’re currently ranked 14th in the world by Fifa, the sport’s governing body (England are eighth, but that still makes it a pretty even contest). ’s move to Los Angeles a few years ago was in part because the U.S. wanted to boost inter- what the est and investment in their domestic league — and it’s worked. The standard of Major League Soccer (MLS) — their version of the Premiership — is on the up, and a number of U.S. players play for Euro- sports pages pean sides, including eight of the national squad at English clubs. More impressively, in last year’s Confedera- tions Cup semi-finals, the U.S. defeated Spain 2-0 in a shock result that ended the European champion’s record unbeaten run. Oh, and the won’t tell you last time we played them in a competition was in 1950 and they beat us 1-0. Oh dear. What else should Landon Donovan, 28 Oguchi Onyewu, 29 I be worried about? LOOKS: A bit like Tom Cruise — but LOOKS: Like a rap star who works out. A lot. He’s that could just be because he’s short 6ft 4in, ‘ripped’ and not afraid to show it off. THE squad’s already been hit by injuries – most recently to captain and defender Rio with classic, all-American dentistry. ON-PITCH ANTICS: Has the measure of European Ferdinand. Then there’s , who ON-PITCH ANTICS: Captains our very football after stints at Standard Liege in Belgium, struggles to control his temper. During one of own David Beckham at LA Galaxy. Newcastle United and AC Milan. the recent warm-up matches, a referee OFF-PITCH ANTICS: Split last year OFF-PITCH ANTICS: Has been linked with some cautioned him about his foul language and, from actress wife Bianca Kajlich, but seriously hot totty, including Iranian model with rumours that FIFA are telling refs to crack in a rare demonstration of maturity Salomé Khorasanchi, with whom he posed for down on swearing, there’s a real possibility he for a footballer, has credited her some steamy underwear shots. could be sent off if he loses his rag. If this with teaching him about himself. happens, he’d miss England’s next game. There’s also the new football designed by adidas, who claim it’s the most stable and accurate football ever made. It has, however, been good form, but, the biggest reason this bunch of spoilt millionaires into from the squad dining room, criticised by both strikers and goal- to be cheerful is off the pitch. a lean, mean, fighting machine. insisted that the players If I get bored, can I keepers for being unpredictable. Manager, , has all eat together and he even laid always play spot the Midfielder Michael Carrick likened ushered in a new strict regime for into lanky Spurs striker Peter it to a beach ball, so expect it to be England — he abhors lateness, He sounds like a Crouch for shuffling around the WAG in the crowd? blamed for penalties that hit row Z, demands that the players wear hard task master… team hotel in slippers because he or any soft goals conceded. smart suits and, in his own quiet likes to see players in the correct AFRAID not. Capello’s banned them. yet forceful fashion, has whipped HE IS. He’s banned mobile phones attire at all times. He thinks they’re a distraction so has Brilliant. So is there anything to be cheerful about, then? How to make a Crouchy cooler or a Rooney wrap ABSO-BLOOMIN’-LUTELY. The WITH wall-to-wall football for the next cranberry juice; squeeze of lime. heat and a fiery kick. (Serves 4) doom-mongers might be ruing the month, you’ll need refreshments to Serve on ice. 1 tbsp vegetable oil; 2 large absence of injured Ferdinand and keep your strength up . . . boneless, skinless Beckham, but there is still a whole THE CAPELLO CROUCHY COOLER SMOOTH and stylish, with chicken breasts, cut lot of talent on that pitch. into strips; 1 red Rooney has had a hugely impressive Serve VERY long. It might go straight to an Italian twist. Per person: season for his club, Manchester your head. Per person: 1 measure gin; 1 1 measure of Amaretto chilli, thinly sliced; United, scoring 35 goals in both league measure lemon juice; 2 measures di Saronna; 2 measures 4 flour tortillas; 2 tbsp and cup matches. If he can let his feet orange juice; top up with bitter lemon. Prosecco or sparkling mayonnaise; grated do the talking, he could be one of Eng- cheddar; 2 tbsp spicy GERRARD’S BREEZE wine; 2 measures of land’s best World Cup strikers ever. orange juice. salsa; ¼ iceberg lettuce, That said, ’s ONE you can depend on — a solid shredded; 4 tomatoes, hardly been slacking on the goals favourite. Per person: 1 measure vodka; THE ROONEY WRAP chopped. front — at Chelsea this season, his 2 measures grapefruit juice; 3 measures Beware — this hearty snack has plenty of Method: Heat the oil in a pan and fry the tally was 30. Newly appointed captain is also on Daily Mail, Saturday, June 12, 2010 Page 23 Now THAT’S a footie strip!

Home goal: England manager Fabio Capello is devoted to his wife Laura

Frank Lampard, 31 LOOKS: Dark good looks, tanned all year round; prone to looking a bit vacant, though. ON-PITCH ANTICS: Celebrates goals by pointing to heaven in Fabio’s great tribute to his beloved late mother. OFF-PITCH ANTICS: Dating The One Show’s Christine Bleakley after splitting from Elen Rives, mother of his two daughters. love match Just don’t press him (on his tax affairs . . . )

ARE, for a moment, to dream. The date is Sunday, July 11, 2010, by David the scene is Soccer City, Johannesburg, and at last the long Jones

wait is over. After 44 years of Pictures: CAMERAPRESS; GETTY; ALPHA; ANDY HOOPER; AFP AFP HOOPER; ANDY ALPHA; GETTY; CAMERAPRESS; Pictures: D hurt, England have won the past. He is always moving forward.’ David James, 39 World Cup again. His father, Pierfilippo told me, prob- , 28 Back home, the entire country is in ably wouldn’t even put his winner’s LOOKS: 6ft 4in of rippling six-pack model good raptures. Church bells peal, car horns medal on display, for there are no looks with an ever-changing hairdo. LOOKS: Baby-faced and cute, honk, St George’s flags flutter proudly trophies on view in any of his five ON-PITCH ANTICS: Although he has the coveted though he does have a tendency and David Cameron declares a national homes: in London, Milan, Rome, for Lego man hair. holiday so that street parties can be Marbella and Switzerland. No 1, squad shirt, it’s rumoured he could be The aesthete Capello considers it second choice to Rob Green. The Portsmouth ON-PITCH ANTICS: A versatile thrown. Meanwhile, in South Africa, attacking midfielder with a Wayne, Stevie G, JT, Ashley and the tacky to cover one’s walls with football goalie struggles to shake his ‘Calamity James’ lads spray one another with Moet and mementoes, preferring to adorn them nickname, bestowed on him after a few blunders. penchant for memorable goals. OFF-PITCH ANTICS: Married Carly take the WAGs on a giant bender. with his art collection — said to be OFF-PITCH ANTICS: Left his wife and four children Amid all this wild ballyhoo, however, worth £17 million. He is believed to for his childhood sweetheart, Amanda Salmon. Zucker last year, and in March this one man is palpably absent. He is the own canvases by Russian-French year she gave birth to a daughter. architect of the team’s great triumph, master Marc Chagall and American their masterful coach Fabio Capello. calligraphist Cy Twombly, rated one of When the final whistle goes, the the greatest living artists. bespectacled Italian allows himself a The late Sir , who led satisfied little smile, like a geography England to World Cup glory in 1966, insisted they stay at home — or at teacher who has just coaxed an owned only one home — a modest least away from the players. The Bluffer’s Guide average class of pupils to over-achieve semi in Ipswich — but if he had been If you’re really bored, you could in their GCSEs. Then, tucking his given a medal (in those days they were count the vuvuzelas — the red IF YOU’RE out to impress, try SAY: ‘Howard should really have winner’s medal into the pocket of his awarded only to the 11 players), doubt- trumpets that are an iconic part of throwing a couple of these a handle on Rooney’s game.’ cashmere overcoat, he turns and less he would have behaved similarly. South African football and are so phrases into the mix. WHAT IT MEANS: The U.S. marches away. loud broadcasters fear they could SAY: ‘I don’t see the problem ’keeper Tim Howard was Of course, no one can be sure how drown out the commentary. Manchester United’s goalie for a 63-year-old Capello will react, should with playing 4-5-1 with Rooney HEN a d a n c i n g up front. It works for United.’ couple of years before joining he pull off the most audacious feat in an illustrious managerial career that N o b b y S t i l e s WHAT IT MEANS: Four players Everton, and should, in theory, be familiar with Wayne’s style. has already brought nine league titles attempted to hoist play in defence with five across in Italy and Spain and a UEFA Cham- Ramsey onto his How to make a Crouchy cooler or a Rooney wrap the midfield and a single player, SAY: ‘There’s still no obvious pions League trophy. But according to shoulders after Eng- Rooney, as a striker. This is the replacement for Beckham when the man who probably knows him best Wland had beaten West Germany at chicken breast strips until role Rooney played successfully it comes to set pieces, is there?’ — his son and agent, Pierfilippo Wembley, he pushed the player away. brown, adding the chilli when with his club this season, and a WHAT IT MEANS: Beckham had Capello — it will all be very low-key. ‘Someone had to remain sane,’ he they are nearly cooked. formation that Capello has used a good record of converting ‘He never celebrates; he never has,’ sniffed, when asked why he hadn’t in friendlies. Take the tortillas and spread corners and free kicks into goals says Pierfilippo, who will mark his 40th joined in the frivolities. each one with mayonnaise and SAY: ‘I just can’t understand why — you can’t say the same of birthday today by watching England’s Fabio Capello would have applauded the Gerrard/Lampard partner- anyone in the current squad. opening World Cup match against the such self-control. But then, at first sprinkle with a handful of United States on TV in Italy with his glance, there are many similarities cheese. Then at one end place a ship is so much less than the SAY: ‘Let’s hope the man in black sum of its parts.’ family and friends. between Ramsey and the Italian who line of chicken strips and top has a good game because seeks to emulate his finest 90 minutes Both Steven Simon’s not known for dodging ‘He has won a lot, but he never with salsa, shredded lettuce and WHAT IT MEANS: celebrates. He doesn’t care about (apart from some questionable activi- Gerrard and Frank Lampard controversy.’ ties that have attracted the interest of tomato slices. have excelled with their respec- celebrations. He goes on holiday, yes. Roll up into a sausage shape, cut WHAT IT MEANS: Brazilian But there are no parties. To him, the Italian tax authorities). tive clubs, Liverpool and Chel- referee, Carlos Simon, has been Both men rose from humble begin- in half and serve, with extra sea, in attacking midfield roles. (winning) is just part of his job and life reported to Fifa for an ‘unam- goes on. He doesn’t rest on what has salsa to dip into, if you wish. But when they play together for biguously inconsistent, unfair TURN TO NEXT PAGE England, it doesn’t work. and inequitable performance’.