Nota Bene, April 1, 2000
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George Washington University Law School Scholarly Commons Nota Bene, 2000 Nota Bene, 2000s 4-1-2000 Nota Bene, April 1, 2000 Follow this and additional works at: https://scholarship.law.gwu.edu/nota_bene_2000 Recommended Citation George Washington University Law School, 7 Nota Bene 5 (2000) This Book is brought to you for free and open access by the Nota Bene, 2000s at Scholarly Commons. It has been accepted for inclusion in Nota Bene, 2000 by an authorized administrator of Scholarly Commons. For more information, please contact [email protected]. NO TA BANZHAF All the Hard News that's Fit to Print and Then Some Vol 7, No. 5 Saturday, April 1, 2000 NEW S BRIEFS Devil with a Blue Dress Off to GW Grad Lands Coveted Judge Judy Clerkship "Listen, do I look stupid?" Lois Frensner, 1999 Join Next Year's Crop of lLs J.D., hears the legal icon share those undistinguishabie colloquialism everyday. Lois Fresner is one of one lucky law students to become a BY JEFF CLI NT WILLIAMS this is the kind of bright new vision we need for the law clerk for Judge Judy, the popular sassy senior citi Staff Writer school in the 21st centnuy. Controversial people coming zen who tells it like it is. here without being invited by the Lawyers' Guild or the "It's everything I studied for at GW." Lois Federalist Society." says while going over an amicus brief for an upcom It's official. World famous intern Monica Lewinsky When reached by our staff of crack reporters Dean ing case involving two men who are accused of be will be packing up her presidential kneepads and coming to Tragsrud who has spent the year mired in his own "Ok, ing contributing to the death of a turtle due to lack GW Law School next year. It was supposed to be I'm leaving and I really mean it this time" scandal sim of food. "The legal issues I encounter are astound Washington's best kept secret, but the cat was let out of the ply said, "UFDA!" ing. I would never get this kind of exposure in a proverbial bag Ms. Lew firm, Department of Justice or Springer. She's like yesterday when insky who has Jesse Ventura in Uncle Phil's position!" law school Dean "Basically it was been more than Judge Judy is extremely excited to have Lois Michael Young generous with her as an apprentice. "Lois came here citing elements and University between us and Harvard, time has also con and negligence and blah-blah-blah and I was like President Stephen and facing another five firmed the news. look Poindexter, a real judge does less yappin', less Joel Trachtenberg point drop in the r*fifBWk After pointing out thinkin' and more inkin'." were overheard that Nota Bene discussing the the rankings this year, we i was a news force 1L Prepares to Submit "KILLER" matter over a plate wanted to do something to be reckoned Journal Competition Memo full of Burl Ives with, and that she to get noticed." was honored to be Jim Bennett, 1L, is putting the finishing sandwiches at speaking with us, touches on his self-described "killer" journal entry. Lindy's Red Lion. -Dean Michael Young the femme fatale "Most of the lazy people in this school turned a pal Young told Trachtenberg the said a mouthful. try few pages around in aweek end but not me. When m fix was in, and the two men exchanged high fives and „ . r c, j ,o "I' psyched on I do something I do it right. Soon to be Law Student? . GW. You guys Bennett's entry is the only one not submitted knowing glances. yet but Bennett is sure his journal entry will be When asked to comment, an angry Stephen Kameny have the best facilities and Library of any school I have successful. " With over two-hundred pages of mate- said, "Why wasn't I asked to come to this conference of Yalta visited— not mention Hot Professors (she licked her lips) rial, 1 gave the material the respect it deserves." like proportions!" like Larry Michel! and that international man of mystery Sources report that Mr. Bennett's entry is currently Initially, university officials declined to comment, but Louis Sohn." twenty-two pages in length. He has spent the last a late night phone call to Nota Bene from Dean Michael Lewinsky added that her time in the Grand Jury re week getting various students and faculty to proof Young confirmed the news. Apparently the law school bought ally inspired her to come to Law School. Ever the acade read it before submission. out Ms. Lewinsky's lucrative Jenny Craig spokesmodel con mician, she intends to focus on Consitutional issue while This isn't the first time Bennett has taken an tract in order fo her to come here. "Basically it was between at GW hopes to start a new clinic to assist the nearby unorthodox approach. Bennett has yet to submit his us and Harvard, and facing another five point drop in the White House and it variousl legal troubles, and hopes to contracts final which he dubbed a "take-home". "I rankings this year, we wanted to do something to get no get on the Law Review on her own merits took one look at this final and knew there was no ticed." Trachtenberg who has been on the phone with world way to properly cover the material in just 3 hours." Young confirmed that Dean Tragnsrud spawned the leaders and congressmen since the lunchtime rendezvous idea at last December's faculty Holiday party, "Monica cum could not be reached for comment. Law Student will energize the community, and Roger said New Nota Bene Editorial Board Voted in Where is he nOWI t he rapid Midnight Ballot:Banzhaf Editor-in-Chief ^ise and fall of Dean Lord BY MATT BRYANT of bandits burst through the doors of LL101 Staff Writer BY MATT "BURNS STACK" GELLER "How can someone resign after only one- in stolen police riot gear demanding that Staff Writer half of a semester?" There were rumors his name be put on the ballot. about administrative dissention and con In the waning hours of Sunday night "One of the ba[ndit]s told me he'd The time-Fall semester 1999. GW flicting egos. But we, the students, never in LL 101, Nota Bene conducted a secret break my thumbs sometime in the future if has welcomed in two new Deans. Dean got the true story of Dean Lord. Well, I election for its new editorial I didn't place the Professor's Michael "Don't Call Me Steve" Young had have temporarily left the friendly confines staff. The secret process was name on the ballot, reported escaped from the urban nightmare known of the Balcony to reveal to you the truth the result of Professor John the student-writer conducting as Columbia University, and was now the about our Shepherd, and what he is doing Banzhaf's threats to throw U the election, who requested to new Dean of our fair Law School. today. But I must warn you ... the truth his hat in the ring for Editor remain anonymous. He had GW also welcomed a new Assistant may be more painful than anything you in Chief of the student-run me trapped ... everybody who Dean for Student Affairs, hired as part of have ever heard before. newspaper. What many has ever taken Banzhaf's the new Young administration juggernaut. It all started with a poker game. Yes, thought to be idle threats Torts class knows that threats His name was John Foy Lord. He received Dean Young had been trained as a card came to pass when the good of future violence don't con his B.A. from Ramapo College of New Jer shark during his time in Harlem. He had Professor, reportedly acting stitute assault. I could either sey, and his J.D. from that basketball pow- initiated weekly, late-night, high stakes on a tip from his henchmen recognize the Professor's can erhouse-Gonzaga. He started something poker games with the other Deans, in or at Dicta, crashed the election didacy, or face taking finals called the Meta-Law Program, which der to invoke fear in his subordinates. This with storm troopers from his with two broken thumbs. sounded like some self-help seminar you fateful night, Dean Young had established legal activism class, affec Once his name was on registered for through a 1-900 number at poker playing four-some, himself, Dean tionately dubbed "The ballot, Athe race was as good 2:45 A.M., during a commercial break on Roger "The Iceman" Trangsrud, Dean Banzhaf Bandits" as his, reported on of the Ban- the Home and Garden Network. Alfreda "Chopsticks" Robinson, and our Allegedly, after an entire weekend of dits, who is allegedly related to Jet Li. Dean Lord was supposed to be our own Dean Lord. hot-tubbing and throwing rocks through the Banzhaf easily took the required 8 votes by Shepherd-the man who would be a voice The game started out badly for Dean windows of local night clubs and dry clean promising to finance the newspaper with for the alienated GW student body. Alas, Lord; after 2 hours, he had lost all of his ers which have defiantly thumbed their col his share of the settlements from the To our Shepherd disappeared as quickly as he money because of the cunning play of the lective noses at Banzhaf's "Ladies Night bacco law suits.