Downloaded by [New York University] at 05:21 15 August 2016 “Jefferson A

Downloaded by [New York University] at 05:21 15 August 2016 “Jefferson A. Singer and Karen Skerrett have done a great favor for couples and couples therapists. Our whole society needs a lot less focus on ‘me’ and a lot more emphasis on ‘We.’ Perhaps the best parts of the book are the stories—the authors use illustrations from their own lives in addition to tales of couples who fi nd meaning in the relationships they create together.” —Gene Combs, MD, Associate Clinical Professor of Psychiatry, Pritzker School of Medicine, University of Chicago. Co-author of Narrative Therapy: The Social Construction of Preferred Realities and Narrative Therapy with Couples. “Positive Couple Therapy forges a creative, dynamic marriage: excellent scholarship and real-world tools. It offers an accessible, practical guide for helping couples reclaim their stories of togetherness. Beyond that, it inspires all of us to re-discover and share the precious crystals of personal memory that refl ect our deepest love; to learn how to make the subtle but daring shift to not only being me, but being ‘We.’” —Susan Bluck, PhD, University of Florida “Singer and Skerrett have written a wonderful book about working with less distressed couples that accentuates building and drawing on a sense of ‘We.’ This book artfully integrates positive psychology, narrative practice, and an often ignored thread of research that unequivocally points to the value a sense of ‘We’ has in couple satisfaction and individual hap- piness. Full of wonderful life stories and case examples, Singer and Sker- Downloaded by [New York University] at 05:21 15 August 2016 rett’s book points to how couples can actively cultivate and grow their We-Stories and thus their relationships.” —Jay Lebow, PhD, ABPP, Clinical Professor, Family Institute at Northwestern University This page intentionally left blank Downloaded by [New York University] at 05:21 15 August 2016 POSITIVE COUPLE THERAPY Positive Couple Therapy: Using We-Stories to Enhance Resilience is a signifi cant step forward in the couple literature. Utilizing a strengths-based approach, it teaches therapists and couples a unique method for uncovering positive potential within a relationship. The authors demonstrate how “We-Stories”— created, recovered, and made anew—provide essential elements of con- nection. With vivid imagery, these stories capture the couple’s sense of “We-ness,” highlighting memorable moments of compassion, accep- tance, and respect. A shared commitment to the “We” simultaneously builds the relationship and enables each individual in the partnership to feel a greater degree of both accountability and autonomy. Couples that can fi nd their stories, share them with each other, and then carry them forward to family, friends, and a larger community are likely to preserve a sense of mutuality that will thrive over a lifetime of partnership. Positive Couple Therapy provides simple and practical instruction for reclaiming positive stories that can catalyze hope in relationships that have become stressed and strained. The authors weave together cutting-edge thinking and research in attachment theory, narrative therapy, neuroscience, and adult development, as well as their own research and clinical experience to present vivid case histories, step-by-step strategies, exercises, questionnaires, and interview techniques. They cover a range of contemporary couple experi- ences: couples in confl ict, LGBT partnerships, deployed and discharged mili- tary couples, and couples at various points across the life span. The authors’ unique ME (To US) Scale, a 10-item tool that assesses the degree of mutuality a couple possesses at the start of treatment, gives therapists of any theoretical orientation the ability to put this intervention to immediate use. Downloaded by [New York University] at 05:21 15 August 2016 Jefferson A. Singer is the Elizabeth H. Faulk Professor of Psychology at Connecticut College and a clinical psychologist in private practice. Karen Skerrett is a staff member at the Family Institute/Center for Applied Psychological Studies at Northwestern University and Clinical Associate Professor in the Department of Psychology at Northwestern University. This page intentionally left blank Downloaded by [New York University] at 05:21 15 August 2016 POSITIVE COUPLE THERAPY Using We-Stories to Enhance Resilience Jefferson A. Singer and Karen Skerrett Downloaded by [New York University] at 05:21 15 August 2016 First published 2014 by Routledge 711 Third Avenue, New York, NY 10017 and by Routledge 27 Church Road, Hove, East Sussex BN3 2FA Routledge is an imprint of the Taylor & Francis Group, an informa business © 2014 Taylor & Francis The right of Jefferson A. Singer and Karen Skerrett to be identifi ed as authors of this work has been asserted by them in accordance with sections 77 and 78 of the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reprinted or reproduced or utilized in any form or by any electronic, mechanical, or other means, now known or hereafter invented, including photocopying and recording, or in any information storage or retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publishers. Trademark notice : Product or corporate names may be trademarks or registered trademarks, and are used only for identifi cation and explanation without intent to infringe. Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Singer, Jefferson A. Positive couple therapy : using we-stories to enhance resilience / Jefferson Singer, Karen Skerrett. pages cm 1. Couples therapy. 2. Marital psychotherapy. I. Skerrett, Karen, 1946– II. Title. RC488.5.S544 2014 616.89'1562--dc23 2013040385 ISBN: 978-0-415-82446-0 (hbk) ISBN: 978-0-415-82447-7 (pbk) ISBN: 978-0-203-38399-5 (ebk) Typeset in New Baskerville by Apex CoVantage, LLC Downloaded by [New York University] at 05:21 15 August 2016 From Jefferson—To my parents and Anne From Karen—To Roger Downloaded by [New York University] at 05:21 15 August 2016 This page intentionally left blank Downloaded by [New York University] at 05:21 15 August 2016 CONTENTS About the Authors xi Acknowledgments xiii Preface xv Introduction: Positive Couple Therapy: Using We-Stories to Enhance Resilience 1 1 What is the “We”? 16 Exercise: Boosting Your Relational Positivity Ratio 33 Exercise: Resilience Boosters for Couples 34 2 The Power of Stories in Our Lives 35 3 Assessing the “We” in Therapy 61 4 Helping Couples Cultivate Their We-Stories 76 Exercise: Dialogue Guides for Couple Conversations 109 Exercise: Love Letters 110 5 Stuck Stories: Helping Couples Confront and Move Beyond Them 111 Exercise: How Our Past Relationships Infl uence Our Downloaded by [New York University] at 05:21 15 August 2016 Current Relationships 131 6 Building We-Stories Across the Life Cycle 132 7 Living and Telling the “We”: Giving Our Stories Away 158 Author Index 173 Subject Index 177 ix This page intentionally left blank Downloaded by [New York University] at 05:21 15 August 2016 ABOUT THE AUTHORS Jefferson A. Singer is the Elizabeth H. Faulk Professor of Psychology at Connecticut College and a clinical psychologist in private practice. He is the author of four books, Person- ality and Psychotherapy: Treating the Whole Person (New York, NY: Guilford Press); Memories that Matter (Oak- land, CA: New Harbinger); Message in a Bottle (New York, NY: The Free Press); and The Remembered Self: Emo- tion and Memory in Personality (with Peter Salovey, New York, NY: The Free Press), and the co-editor of a fi fth, At Play in the Fields of Conscious- ness: Essays in Honor of Jerome L. Singer (Mahwah, NJ: Erlbaum; again with Peter Salovey). He has published more than 90 articles, chapters, and book reviews in the fi elds of psychotherapy, personality, and autobiographical memory. Professor Singer served as an associate editor for the journals Contemporary Psychology and the Journal of Personality, and is on the editorial boards of the Review of General Psychology, Imagination, Personality and Cognition, and the Journal of Personality. He is a Fellow of the American Psychological Association Downloaded by [New York University] at 05:21 15 August 2016 and past recipient of a Fulbright Distinguished Scholar Award, the Theo- dore R. Sarbin Award for Narrative Psychology, and the Henry A. Murray Award for the Study of Lives. His work on memory and psychotherapy has been featured in national and international media outlets, including Cosmopolitan, Body and Soul, BBC Radio, Psychology Today, Bottom Line Per- sonal, Fitness, Newsday, and The Hartford Courant, among others. xi ABOUT THE AUTHORS Karen Skerrett is a staff member at the Family Institute/Center for Applied Psychological Studies at Northwestern University and Clinical Associate Professor in the Department of Psychol ogy at North- western University. She most recently was an Associate Professor at the University of San Diego, where she designed and implemented the ad vanced practice program in Psy- chiatric Mental Health Nursing. She has taught at the University of Illinois, the Adler Institute, and has been a longtime faculty member at the Chicago Center for Family Health, an affi liate of the Univer- sity of Chicago. She maintains ties to her dual training as a nurse and a clinical psychologist through a long-term clinical and consulting practice specializing in the treatment of couples and families, particularly those challenged by illness and disability. She has contributed numerous book chapters and articles to professional journals and is co-editing the upcoming Couple Resilience Across the Lifespan: Emerging Perspectives with Dr. Karen Fergus for Springer Press. She reviews for Family Process and the Journal of Family Nursing , among others. She presents nationally and internationally on adult development, life cycle transitions, innova- tive approaches to couple treatment, and the unique processes of relational resilience and growth in couples across the life span. Her work has appeared in The Chicago Tribune, Parents magazine, and The San Diego Union Tribune .

Load more