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MAY 27–JUNE 9, 2021 ISSUE #383 THE INKWELL Bryce Parks Publisher & Everything Else [email protected] Kristina Nesteby Design & Layout [email protected] Mike Ironside Nightlife [email protected] Lisa Stevenson Advertising [email protected] 563-580-1691 Lori Menke Advertising COVER [email protected] 20 Music in the Gardens 319-450-5151 Concert Series Returns for the 2021 Season CONTRIBUTING WRITERS Pack your picnic basket and enjoy live music on Sundays at the Dubuque Gwen Beatty Arboretum and Botanical Gardens Good Advice [email protected] Photo: General Bob Felderman Matt Booth FEATURES Mattitude [email protected] 16 Dubuque Bike Coop 23 Picture Yourself in the Tri-States Sara Carpenter DIY Advice 24 Upcoming Events at Five Flags [email protected] 32 Gino’s East of Dubuque Danny Fairchild Dining & Horoscopes SECTIONS [email protected] 4 Events Bob Gelms 15 Arts Bob’s Book Reviews 26 Nightlife [email protected] 32 Columnists Pam Kress-Dunn Columnist WHERE’S WANDO? [email protected] We’ve hidden Wando Sunil Malapati somewhere in this issue of Dining 365ink. Can you fi nd him? [email protected] Sara Eliot Steuer 365ink Magazine Feature Writer 432 Bluff St, Dubuque, IA 52001 [email protected] 563-588-4365 [email protected] Dubuque365.com SPECIAL THANKS Facebook: @Dubuque365 Instagram: @365ink Christy Monk, Gina Siegert, Julien’s Journal, Fran Parks, Gen. Bob Felderman, Ron & Jennifer All contents © 2006–2021, Tigges, Dave Haas, Rich Belmont & Community Incorporated. All rights Margie Blair, Mike Damaso, Paul Gilligan, reserved. All bacon served semi-crispy. Paul & Sandy Meyer, Coco the offi ce dog, Wesley Cat, Copper Kettle’s Seared Sesame Tuna Bowls, all of our 365ink friends and advertisers… and you for reading. 2 365INK MAGAZINE MAY 27–JUNE 9, 2021 ISSUE #383 DUBUQUE365.COM it sounds interesting but, hey, turns out it’s the most disap- making these constant excited wet mouth farting sounds as pointing thing I’ve seen in quite a while. At first, I thought they he tried to remember the score. We were literally laughing. sunk really low to invent this somewhat socially distanced The crowd could not go wild as I don’t think there was a outdoor sport during COVID. But no, we Googled it, and it spectator at the match. Behind the high fence which they did was invented in like 1965 in Brazil. And it only took 56 years at least have logo wrapped to look like they are a big deal, for me to ever hear about it. And I got my fill in 30 minutes. people were enjoying the beach and water. There were no This issue was all but in the can today as I still had not There are some very exciting still photos of it online if sponsor logos on anything, save for their single benefac- thought of something interesting, funny, informative, or even you look. But if you watch it on TV, you quickly find out tor. I’m sure after 56 years they are THIS CLOSE to landing pedantic to offer up here for my Inkubator column. I was that it’s not quite as exciting as all that. Do you love when a a big one though. Probably a sponsor that caters to people really trying to not talk politics as almost anything of note volleyball goes back and forth for 30 seconds getting more who love the equipment of volleyball but hate all of the relating to life seems to be political in nature these days. and more thrilling with each save and you can’t believe that excitement of the game the comes with using your hands. We strayed over to East Dubuque for the best BLT in the they’ve kept the ball going this long? Well then, Pro Footvol- The only advertiser during the breaks was, shockingly, the land at Thumser’s 19th Hole as Tuesday is BLT day and you can ley is NOT for you. If they manage to get the ball over the Pro Footvolley Tour, which was inexplicably trying to sell you a get one with fries for just $6.75. I assume most days it costs net three times from a serve, it’s headline-worthy. Not that I comically tiny “mini” footvolley net for home use. It was literally at least $7! It did not disappoint. Not only do they put on a could even get it over the net this way at all. But the point is, a 10-foot-wide net with a court 30 feet long from backline to lot of bacon, but they figured out the mathematical formula as amazingly athletic as they have to be to accurately send backline. It looked like a volleyball court from Munchkinland. between crispy and chewy for the perfect bacon done-ness a ball over the net with their feet, once you acknowledge As though people can’t play at home with a normal vol- on a BLT. I know you think the answer is full-on crispy, but you that skill, it gets dull pretty quick. I thought for sure we’d see leyball court or even a badminton net. It was just weird. It are not correct, and this BLT is the proof. Try it and tell me I’m some Pelé style backflips to spike the ball over the net, but almost seemed like a spoof ad from Saturday Night Live. wrong. Maybe part of the magic is in the fact that they par- nope. Oh, do you like great power spikes? Well, this sport I found a press release bragging a “MEGA-DEAL” where tially cook their bacon in advance so it doesn’t take as long to is also NOT for you. There are no spikes that I saw. It makes Genius Sports Group secured a long-term exclusive deal to fry up raw bacon, but also great that they don’t have a stack sense as it’s not easy to get your foot higher than the net to drive the global growth of footvolley. So if you’ve got stock of pre-cooked bacon sitting around to pretend to be freshly hit downward too often. So it’s kind of a game of serves and there, sell it quick. Get some Dogecoin. I can only imagine cooked. They also have great fries, whether you get the shoe- bumps until someone’s errant toe sullies the excitement. what else NBC Sports could not find to televise in order to string McDonald’s variety or the hand-cut variety. S’all good. But you would not know it wasn’t exciting based on the send a camera to this event. Well, I imagine they didn’t. Surely Usually, as we wait (not too long) for our BLTs, lone announcer who is nearly shouting the action as he the “geniuses” filmed it themselves and then begged NBC to people argue about ridiculous sports details. Not keeps getting the score wrong along the way. I assume he’s put it on TV at 2 p.m. on a Tuesday. And it was one camera. It game scores, but stuff like whether or not someone’s not only the announcer but the scorekeeper, and he likely was on a big boom arm with sweeping shots and high-angle ACL surgery in 2018 is going to affect his stats for the sets up the net too. Okay, I’m kidding but this guy was try- views, but it never cut away that I remember. So the whole upcoming fantasy season. Ugh. Not today though. ing way too hard. One of the players was nicknamed “The match was one constant camera shot and disembodied voice Today we were introduced to the most amazing sport ever Stallion,” and every time he made contact with the ball, who could not believe how friggin’ amazing this game is. concocted that will change the face of sports forever! Actually, the announcer decided it would be his trademark to make But I have to give “The World Leader with Global not really... at all. It was the Pro Footvolley Tour in the sand. that horse whinny sound you do with loose lips. You know TV Distribution” of Pro Footvolley credit, they got Yeah, you heard right. Guys playing volleyball with their feet, the one. Out of horse context, it just sounds like a big, wet it on TV at the 19th Hole in East Dubuque over my body, and heads, but not their hands. And I have to tell you, flatulence. So about 150 times in the match (not kidding) he’s lunch hour. It’s all downhill from here, baby! n DUBUQUE365.COM ISSUE #383 MAY 27–JUNE 9, 2021 365INK MAGAZINE 3 EVENTS Kickoff to Summer FRIDAY, MAY 28 @ 6 PM–MIDNIGHT DUBUQUE COUNTY FAIRGROUNDS BEER GARDEN (14569 OLD HWY RD) Verlo Mattress presents the Budweiser WI, and they are celebrating their 30th Kickoff to Summer as it moves the year of rockin’ the Midwest. They are sup- long-running party to the Dubuque ported by Bad Hair, a tribute to the great County Fairgrounds for 2021. Join the pop-rock and metal of the ‘80s as well as party on Friday, May 28 from 6 p.m. Tri-State up-and-coming favorites, Tanner to midnight in the beer garden. Lee and the Beach Bums. Cold beer and Always on the Friday of Memorial Day great food will be available for purchase. weekend, this year’s party lineup includes Kickoff to Summer is a free, all a roster of great local talent and touring ages event supporting the Ser- artists.