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Home , Diane Lane, Judy Holliday, Leelee Sobieski

therapy. It not only reduces the divorce rate among newlyweds, it makes their relationship stronger.

Researchers at the University of Rochester studied 174 couples over couples divorce.

Couples were randomly assigned to one of three month-long programs:

• • compassion training • movie-and-talk

required about twenty hours of therapist-supervised lectures and practice sessions, whereas movie-and-talk required half as much time, involved watching movies, and was almost entirely done at home.

The end result? All three groups halved the divorce rate of the control group, from 24% to 11%.

Incredible, isn’t it? Who knew that discussing a movie could be that powerful for couples? Discussing relationship movies,

And it is especially helpful as a way to augment such programs.

“For these couples to stop and look and say, ‘You know, I have yelled at you like that before. I have called you names before and that’s not nice. That’s not what I want to do to the person I love the most.’ Just that insight alone, is likely what makes this intervention work,” lead researcher Ronald Rogge said.

Is there a catch? Sort of.

It can’t be just any movie. It needs to be a romantic comedy – and not just any rom-com. The movie needs to have intimate relationships as a major plot focus.

time to portraying the ups and downs of day-to-day life in a committed romantic relationship. Ideally, a movie shows a couple handling some things well and also shows that same couple making some common mistakes in relationships.

© DRS. LES AND LESLIE PARROTT SYMBIS.COM

3 Since people watch movies all the time, what exactly makes this intervention so magic? It’s the discussion that follows the watching that matters most.

When you discuss whether a couple you just watched was able to open up and tell each other how they really felt, for

Becoming more aware of the dynamics between a couple you’re watching in movies helps spouses pay attention to their own behavior, both constructive and destructive. It gives us models to emulate (“I’d like to be that kind of spouse”) or stay clear of (“I don’t ever want to speak to you like that”). It allows us to sit down and painlessly consider our own relationship and how we want it to be.

H

“You never see the hard days in a photo album, but those are the ones that get you from one happy snap shot to the next.” Just Married

1.

2. What are the major problems the couple faced? Are any of these similar to the problems that we have faced or that we might face as a couple?

3. Did this couple strive to understand each other? Did they tend to accept one another, even if they were very

4. Did the couple have a strong friendship with each other? Were they able to support each other through bad moods, stressful days, and hard times? Did they listen to each other like good friends? Did the couple in the movie

them?

5. how they really felt, or did they tend to just snap at each other with anger? Did they try using humor to keep things

6. How did the couple in the movie handle hurt feelings? Did they apologize to each other? Did the apologies seem sincere? Did they tend to jump to negative conclusions when their feelings got hurt, or did they tend to give each

7. it seem like they were aware of their own expectations? Were their expectations reasonable? Did they share their

in this area?

8.

© DRS. LES AND LESLIE PARROTT SYMBIS.COM

4 ORIGINAL MOVIE LIST FROM THE STUDY

A Star Is Born (1954) and James Mason Adam’s Rib (1949) and Anna Karenina (2012) Keira Knightley and Jude Law As Good as it Gets (1997) Jack Nicholson and Barefoot in the Park (1967) Robert Redford and Children of a Lesser God (1986) William Hurt and Days of Wine and Roses (1962) and Lee Remick Desk Set (1957) Spencer Tracy and Katharine Hepburn The Devil's Advocate (1997) Keanu Reeves and Dying Young (1991) and Campbell Scott The Egg and I (1947) and Fred MacMurray Fools Rush In (1997) Matthew Perry and Salma Hayek Forget Paris (1995) Billy Crystal and French Twist (1995) Patrick Aubree and Josiane Balasko Funny Girl (1968) and Omar Sharif Gone With the Wind (1939) Clark Gable and Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner (1967) Spencer Tracy and Sidney Poitier Hanover Street (1979) Ha rrison Ford and Lesley-Anne Down Husbands and Wives (1992) Woody Allen and Mia Farrow Indecent Proposal (1993) Robert Redford and Demi Moore Jungle Fever (1991) Wesley Snipes and Anna Sciorra Love Jones (1997) Larenz Tate and Nia Long Love Story (1970) Ali MacGraw and Ryan O’Neal The Male Animal (1942) Henry Fonda and

© DRS. LES AND LESLIE PARROTT SYMBIS.COM

5 ORIGINAL MOVIE LIST FROM THE STUDY CONTINUED

Made for Each Other (1939) Carol Lombard and Jimmy Stewart Mississippi Masala (1991) Red Firecracker, Green Firecracker (1994) Denzel Washington and Sarita Choudhury Jing Ning and Gang Wu Move Over, Darling (1963) She's Having a Baby (1988) Doris Day and James Garner Kevin Bacon and Elizabeth McGovern Mr. Blandings Builds his Dreamhouse (1948) Steel Magnolias (1989) Cary Grant and Myrna Loy Shirley MacLaine and Olympia Dukakis My Favo rite Wife (1940) Terms of Endearment (1983) Irene Dunne and Cary Grant Shirley MacLaine and Debra Winger Nina Takes a Lover (1994) The Thin Man (1934) Laura San Giacomo and Paul Rhys William Powell and Myrna Loy Nine Months (1995) Untamed Heart (1993) Hugh Grant and Christian Slater and Marisa Tomei On Golden Pond (1981) The Way We Were (1973) Katharine Hepburn and Henry Fonda Barbara Streisand and Robert Redford The Out of Towners (1970) When a Man Loves a Woman (1994) Jack Lemon and Sandy Dennis Meg Ryan and Andy Garcia Pat and Mike (1952) Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf? (1966) Spencer Tracy and Katharine Hepburn and Richard Burton Penny Serenade (1941) With Six You Get Eggroll (1968) Cary Grant and Irene Dunne Doris Day and Brian Keith Yours, Mine and Ours (1968) Judy Holliday and Jack Lemmon Henry Fonda and Lucille Ball

© DRS. LES AND LESLIE PARROTT SYMBIS.COM

6 ADDITIONAL MOVIES

American Beauty (1999) Kevin Spacey and Anger Management (2003) Jack Nicholson and Adam Sandler Autumn in New York (2000) and The Back-up Plan (2010) Jennifer Lopez and Alex O'Loughlin Bee Season (2005) Richard Gere and Juliette Binoche Before Midnight (2013) Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy Before Sunset (2004) Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy The Best Man Holiday (2013) Monica Calhoun and Morris Chestnut The Big Wedding (2013) Robert De Niro and Blue Valentine (2010) Ryan Gosling and Michelle Williams The Bounty Hunter (2010) Jennifer Aniston and Gerald Butler The Break-up (2006) Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn The Campaign (2012)

Coal Miner's Daughter (1980) and Tommy Lee Jones Couples Retreat (2009) Vince Vaughn and Malin Akerman Crooklyn (1994) Alfre Woodard and Delroy Lindo Date Night (2010) Steve Carell and Tina Fey Deliver Us From Eva (2003) Gabrielle Union and LL Cool J The Devil Wears Prada (2006) and Don Jon (2013) Joseph Gordon-Levitt and

“Listen to me, mister. You’re my knight in shining armor. Don’t forget it.” On Golden Pond

© DRS. LES AND LESLIE PARROTT SYMBIS.COM

7 ADDITIONAL MOVIES CONTINUED “If my wife and I fought like that... we'd still be married.” Life as We Know It

The Door in the Floor (2004)

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004) Jim Carrey and The Family Man (2000) and Tea Leoni Fatal Attraction (1987) Michael Douglas and Father of the Bride (1991) Steve Martin and Diane Keaton The Five-Year Engagement (2012) Jason Segel and Emily Blunt Fool's Gold (2008) Matthew McConaughey and Kate Hudson Four Christmases (2008) and Vince Vaughn The Glass House (2001) and The Good Girl (2002) Jennifer Aniston and Jake Gyllenhaal Her (2013) Joaquin Phoenix and Hope Springs (2012) Meryl Streep and Tommy Lee Jones The Horse Whisperer (1998) Robert Redford and Kristin Scott Thomas It's Complicated (2009) Meryl Streep and Steve Martin Julie & Julia (2009) Amy Adams and Meryl Streep Jumping the Broom (2011) Paula Patton and Laz Alonso Just Married (2003) Ashton Kutcher and Brittany Murphy Life as We Know It (2010) Katherine Heigl and Josh Duhamel Longtime Companion (1989)

Love and Other Drugs (2010) Jake Gyllenhaal and Anne Hathaway Marley and Me (2008) Owen Wilson and Jennifer Aniston

© DRS. LES AND LESLIE PARROTT SYMBIS.COM

8 The Marriage Chronicles (2012) Think Like a Man (2012) Jazsmin Lewis and Darrin Dewitt Henson Chris Brown and Gabrielle Union Meet the Fockers (2004) This Is 40 (2012) Ben Stiller and Robert De Niro Paul Rudd and Leslie Mann The Mirror Has Two Faces (1996) True Lies (1994) Arnold Schwarzenegger and The Money Pit (1986) Unfaithful (2002) Tom Hanks and Shelley Long Richard Gere and Diane Lane Monster-in-Law (2005) Waiting to Exhale (1995) Jennifer Lopez and Michael Vartan Whitney Houston and Mr. & Mrs. Smith (2005) Wanderlust (2012) Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston and Paul Rudd The Notebook (2004) What Lies Beneath (2000) Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams Obsessed (2009) Why Did I Get Married? (2007) Beyonce Knowles and Idris Elba Tyler Perry and Janet Jackson Something's Gotta Give (2003) You, Me and Dupre (2006) Jack Nicholson and Diane Keaton Kate Hudson and Owen Wilson The Story of Us (1999)

Surviving Christmas (2004) You do not have to restrict yourself to the movies on these lists. You can use other movies, provided Sweet Home Alabama (2002) that they spend at least some screen time Reese Witherspoon and Patrick Dempsey showing the day-to-day struggles of romantic Sweet November (2001) relationships. (Movies showing couples falling in Keanu Reeves and love generally don't do that.)

“When You Realize You Want To Spend The Rest Of Your Life With Somebody, You Want The Rest Of Your Life To Start As Soon As Possible.” - When Harry Met Sally

© DRS. LES AND LESLIE PARROTT SYMBIS.COM

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