PROBABILITY-1: TERMINATION Minuscule Moves in the Struggle for Funds

FUTURES SCIENCE FICTION PROBABILITY-1: TERMINATION Minuscule moves in the struggle for funds.

BY EUAN NISBET Visit of King George the Wise, whose meet-

ing with Field Marshal Washington led to the JACEY hrough the days just before the inau- Great Democratic Reforms of 1783. A lock guration of Lady Clinton as Viceroy, of George III’s hair, given to the redoubtable Washington buzzed with specula- Abigail Adams, was now in the museum. Ttion and intrigue. In St Petersburg, the Tsar’s As she delicately lifted a single strand of spokesman denied that Preobrazhensky the king’s hair, Sara noticed another royal Guards were moving to the Alaska–Yukon lock nearby: a knot of Victoria’s lovely cas- border. Peking’s Dowager Empress was silent, cades on loan from the Queen for the Inau- even though the Kaiser had despatched SMS gural celebrations. Sara quickly lifted that Bismark to Tsingtao, overruling Chancellor strand too, and scuttled back to her lab. Kohn’s anguished pleading. In Foggy Bottom, Two days later she had the DNA sequences the press clamoured for a statement from the of each monarch. All she needed now was Secretary. There’d been no fighting since their dates of conception, when their DNA 1918, when the Jerusalem Treaty ended the molecules had been single, unique. That took War of Turkish Succession. But despite a cen- guessing but they could spread the signal a bit. tury of universal prosperity, clouds were dark. Tom surfaced from the sublime bowels of Deep in the Smithsonian’s corridors, the Sibelius 8th. “We can’t do this! Changing two postdocs gloomily discussed events. history? Anything can happen!!” “They can’t fight, of course,” Tom Garcia Sara insisted. “Be patriotic! Stand up for said. “There are only five battleships on the Tom sank his glass in misery. “Not a hope! the Union and Stripes! You’re just jiggling a whole planet, and each empire is limited to Teleportation works in all space and all few atoms. George will have a chronic illness, 10,000 soldiers. But the League of Nations time. But it’s incredibly selective. I can only so he’ll be a less-effective bargainer in 1783. will impose huge sanctions.” wiggle single atoms, not kidnap gold bars. Remember how he out-negotiated Washing- Sara Chakrabarti, fellow in molecular And I have to identify exactly a unique ton on American contributions to the Crown palaeontology, was in misery. “We’re breaking receptor at one specific moment in time, in fiscus to pay the Royal Navy’s budget? If King contract. It’ll be a monster indemnity. Tens all the long history of the entire Universe.” George hadn’t won such a large share of mili- of billions. They’ll take it out of the science Sara yelled at him: “Useless!” She fell silent. tary costs, the science budget here in Amer- budget, of course. We’ll lose our funding.” They sat in gloom for hours. Tom was ica would be less at risk. Likewise if Victoria’s Ever since the Turkish War, the League washing in the depths of Russia’s soul, Shos- Russian descendants have problems, we’ll had diverted almost all the former mili- takovich’s mighty 7th, The Peace of Jerusalem, probably get away with a smaller fine and tary expenditure to science, reasoning that when Sara suddenly muttered: “Maybe …” we might even keep the Yukon.” science is the principal beneficiary of war. “Maybe?” Tom asked. “Too dangerous!” Conversely, each time the League imposed “If you can rebuild just a molecule, then “Chicken!! The situation is terrible! Some sanctions, payment came from the science maybe,” she said. soldier might even be hurt! Just tweak two budget of the offending empire. “All I can do is jiggle a few atoms. But little molecules! It’s impossible to do long- The birth of the Princess Heir Appar- I repeat: the target has to be specified. A term damage. All scholars agree history is ent had triggered the chaos. The Dowager single unique molecule, the only one in the inevitable, determined by mass movements. of China loudly demanded betrothal to the Universe at that exact time.” Tolstoy proved that. So did Sir Charles Marx.” three-year-old Emperor Hsüan-tung II, with She projected a 3D molecular hologram. Hong Kong as the dowry. Russia, supported Frantic days followed. Despite support from “This is George the Wise’s DNA. Target the by the Kaiser, justifiably claimed that the the outgoing American viceroy, the newly day the sperm met the egg. Just switch these Princess was promised to the five-year-old elevated Duke of Chicago, the Queen was atoms,” she pointed. “And here’s Victoria’s. Tsarevich, quoting an unwise commitment overruled by Congress and India’s Lok Sabha. Change her DNA this way.” by a previous Prime Minister in London. Yukon and £250 billion placated Russia; Ger- “What will this do?” Tom asked as his Given the trade implications, British North many got Hanover but left Tsingtao; Con- finger hovered, ready to press the button. America, India and Australasia all supported stantinople’s Sublime Porte signed the CO2 “Nothing deadly — it’ll just make George a the Chinese proposal. Unhelpfully, from her Treaty for Turkish Arabia. Thus, Britain and little odd occasionally. It won’t affect Victoria winter palace in Nairobi, Queen Elizabeth, China united, delighting American and Aus- at all, or her son — only the female line mar- in council with former Viceroy Mandela and tralian miners. India rested peacefully; Japan rying Russian royalty.” Tom’s finger pressed Archbishop-emeritus Tutu of Canterbury, exhaled. All rejoiced, except the scientists. down as she added confidently: “For George, proposed the extraordinary notion that the Sara and Tom expected layoff imminently. mild porphyria. For Victoria, haemophi …” ■ baby choose for herself when she came of age. Luckily Sara had privileged access to the Reaching the bottom of the whisky bottle, Smithsonian collec- Euan Nisbet is in the Department of Tom was scolded by Sara: “You’re a quantum NATURE.COM tion. One night she Earth Sciences, Royal Holloway, University teleportationist! Can’t you do something? Follow Futures: crept into the exhibi- of London, where, being Zimbabwean– Teleport us some gold bars out of Fort Knox, @NatureFutures tion commemorating Canadian, he studies ancient rocks and maybe?” go.nature.com/mtoodm the American Royal modern atmospheric methane.