Shine Brighter Together With Monique Melton Episode 2.20: Connect, Elevate & Celebrate w/ Cyndie Spiegel [THEME MUSIC]

Monique Melton: [00:00:00] You're listening to the Shine Brighter Together podcast and I'm your host, Monique Melton. Here, we will explore the challenges, complexities, and sheer joy of building healthy relationships and doing the heart work to pursue black liberation so we all can live freely and fully in our humanity. You can expect to hear so episodes and heartfelt conversations with guests, from various backgrounds and various beliefs that are all committed to living a life aligned with humanity. Also, before we get started with today's episode, I must remind you that today's information is shared for informational purposes only and does not substitute professional or medical advice. And we do not edit out adult language or code for cuss words or swear words. So please consider this. We also discussed topics that may not be suitable for young children, or you may hear things that are triggering, so consider this as well. Thank you so much for listening to today's episode and I hope you enjoy!

[THEME MUSIC FADE]

Hey, what's up. Y'all welcome to another episode of the Shine Brighter Together podcast. I'm your host, Monique Melton, a published author, international speaker, your anti-racism educator and your host of the Shine Brighter Together podcast. Today, we have a very special guest with us. I cannot wait to get right to it. We have with us Cyndie Spiegel and I'm going to tell you a little bit about who Cyndie is. Cyndie is a igniter of powerful conversation and an aspirational voice within women's leadership and culture. She is a commanding keynote speaker who sometimes drops the F bomb casually and also uses words like manifesting and belonging. She is an innate connector community builder and an all around truth teller on a mission to empower folks to live more. Boldly and refine their mindsets for good uninspired by the current representation of hopeless older gen X women, Cyndie found it. Dear grown ass woman, a modern community and self development platform that is unapologetically for multifaceted women over the age of 35 and partnership with Goldman Sachs 10 K small business program. Dear grown ass woman launched in fall 2019. Cyndie also found it two previous digital communities, the community of us, an online hub for conversation and change making community. And the collective of us, a curated small business accelerator for women prior to building a successful business and speaking practice. She spent 15 years in the New York fashion industry working in senior roles for brands like coach and Narcy Scola Rodriguez. Cyndie is also a TEDx speaker, a form adjunct professor at Parsons, the new school for design and fashion Institute of technology, as well as being NY certified and applied positive psychology and a 500 hours train yoga and meditation teacher. She is a sought after facilitator and transformational speaker for creative conferences, brands, and organizations and she has been featured in entrepreneur Forbes, glamour magazine, teen Vogue, and the Huffington post, her first book a year of positive thinking, daily inspiration, wisdom, and courage was published in late 2018. Y'all I cannot wait to get into this conversation, so let's get to it. [THEME MUSIC]

Cyndie, I am super excited to get into this conversation with you. We just talk probably like what a good hour.

Cyndie Spiegel: [00:04:28] Wow.

Monique Melton: [00:04:29] An our offline about all things and I just can't wait to get this conversation going because I just adore you so much. Welcome to the show and I've already read your formal bio. So can you tell us something about yourself that you wish other people knew about you?

Cyndie Spiegel: [00:04:52] Now, you know what? You didn't, we just spent an hour talking and you never thought to ask me that, then you wait until now

Monique Melton: [00:04:57] that's the fun of it. That's the excitement of it. Yeah.

Okay. Focus. I'm going to do, I need you to focus. Okay. So the question was, tell us something about you that you wish more people knew about you.

Cyndie Spiegel: [00:05:19] That one of my ears is smaller than the other.

Monique Melton: [00:05:22] Okay. That's every 90% of the population.

Cyndie Spiegel: [00:05:26] No, it's severely smaller than the other, really much smaller. Now that I'm telling you, when you look at me, you're going to notice that it's much.

Monique Melton: [00:05:34] Now I'll look for it for people to

Cyndie Spiegel: [00:05:38] know.

Monique Melton: [00:05:39] Why is that

Cyndie Spiegel: [00:05:39] It's important because I think there's a perception of professionalism online and I think we need to know that folks are just normal and some of us have figures years and followers, not one is bigger than the other it that one is big and one is small,

Monique Melton: [00:05:53] well, I appreciate that. You want people to realize that no one is perfect, including our ears, you know...

Cyndie Spiegel: [00:06:03] The important things. Okay.

Monique Melton: [00:06:05] That was very deep. we started off in the deep end and I feel like we're going to only. Deeper I was gonna even be able to do this. It's just going to be laughing.

Cyndie Spiegel: [00:06:20] I'm ready. I'm back. Now.

Monique Melton: [00:06:23] This is what happens when you interview friends. Okay. I'm going to have a strict policy of only interviewing people that I know. Yeah. strangers. Strangers on the street, the stranger. Yeah. Cause no one's going outside at least I'm not going outside. No. See, this is about me. Okay. So you won't stop and I won't stop.

Cyndie Spiegel: [00:06:52] Okay. Let's take a deep breath. [breathe],

Monique Melton: [00:06:58] let's get some focus. Okay. So we made it through one question in three minutes, so it's good. Okay. So let's tell people, cause people are probably like, Oh my goodness, how do these two know each other? I don't. I know that I knew of you from Tosh and how much she loves and adores you. Well, I love and adore Tosh. So anybody she loves and adores, I'm going to love too. And so I remember just like, following you on Instagram and getting a little tiny little taste of your amazingness. But it wasn't until I got an opportunity to meet you the art summit. So I've mentioned that also some in a couple of times, that's where I met some really amazing people. It's where I met you there that it's like, Oh my goodness. Like. She is she's absolutely. She's everything I ever dreamed of and more! Oh my goodness. So you know, people who don't know you and all that, all the amazingness that you are like in person, it's a whole nother level. It's a whole nother level of your energy. You're just real like your connection. Your hugs are awesome. Really. You give good hugs. You give a really good deep hug. So...

Cyndie Spiegel: [00:08:18] I'm here for the real hugs. If you're going hug people do it right.

Monique Melton: [00:08:21] You gotta be prepared though people, because if she hugs you can't be like, Oh, I'm shy. Like it's going to be a good, I'll be a good like swoop in there, Like get you. But do you remember? I know you remember this. So when we met and you know what, what story I'm bringing up. Yeah.

Cyndie Spiegel: [00:08:39] I remember

Monique Melton: [00:08:40] your portion of it. I'm going to say, I'm going to clear the record before you even try it.

Cyndie Spiegel: [00:08:45] You can't do that. You can't clear the record before we've actually accept something to set the record straight on. You can't even do it.

Monique Melton: [00:08:51] I'm gonna just say it.

I'm gonna say it out the gate. Yeah. and then if you mess it up, I'll just edit it out.

Cyndie Spiegel: [00:08:59] You're the worst and you've got to leave that in so people know. This terrible; tell your side of the story.

Monique Melton: [00:09:07] so here we are, you were doing, you were doing a book signing. And there's this whole long line of people wanting to come and meet you. I think you had just spoke. I think you had just did just your keynote and then you were there doing it. So people were just like pumped up and like, Oh my God. Like, Oh my gosh. And Cyndies' amazing. And I'm like, Oh yeah, like, Oh, this is great. And so I was standing behind you cause I was finishing up my book signing and I have a long line of people and no one was saying. Yeah, this is very different world. We get to the end of the line. Cause that's when I'm like, Oh good. I can talk to her. Cause people were, and there comes this white lady. Oh, you know what story? this story...

Cyndie Spiegel: [00:09:53] I know where we're going.

Monique Melton: [00:09:56] I'm thinking that she's going to do what every other person had did that came up. Like they talked to you, they, some of them hugs, some of them wants to take a picture with you and they sounded like it was all of it was normal human behavior, right? No, that's not. First of all, she had like a dashiki on, she said, Oh, That was like white girl strike one. So then, so I was always already starting off wrong, but I was like, it's a lot of this kind of stuff going on here. So you know what, my first time, I don't know what they, except around appropriation. So a lot of appropriation going on, let people appropriate a lot of things. So I'm like, okay. So then she asked, do you remember? She asked will we take a picture as a human totem pole? I Said...

Cyndie Spiegel: sho-nuff

Monique Melton: I said, no, I'm not doing that.

Cyndie Spiegel: [00:10:53] Can I just, have you say in the tone that you used, I feel like I need to set the tone. Cause you're not doing this right. Yeah.

Monique Melton: [00:11:01] What did I say,

Cyndie Spiegel: [00:11:01] well, here's what happened at the end of the line, right? There's the end of the line. You and I finally get to like chat and connect and talk and homegirl comes up and says, can we can be take this picture, like a human totem pole. You just looked at me! Now I'm looking at you, I'm like, okay, Monique's going to save me from this. Cause it's the end of the line. Like she's going to take me with her. I look at you as as flat as I ever heard anybody say it. You just went, no! and turned around and walked away and you left me there with her. So then it's just the two of us and her friend with a camera and I'm like, Oh, this is some bullshit right here. She just left me by myself. Flatly turned this offer down and I'm left here to be the, the jerk whose like, Oh yeah, no, I can take a regular picture. No, you left me there.

Monique Melton: [00:11:58] But, you know what I figured that she was going to do just like take a normal picture, but I just figured, Oh, okay. Like, I was like, no, I'm not doing that and I walked away thinking that she was going to take a decent picture with you. I shouldn't, now that I look back, I should have just swapped you up, with me.

Cyndie Spiegel: [00:12:13] Swoop me up. That's right.

Monique Melton: [00:12:14] But, you're living, you learn, you do better, but that was our first comic. Like getting to getting a chance to meet in person.

Cyndie Spiegel: [00:12:21] And you were like No, and turned around, I was like, Oh, I like what she's doing. I was mad at you. Because I was like, that was fucked up, but at the same time, but I was like, but I can get down with that. I can get down. She's not having it. And it's up to me, to not have it too! It was just in the most flat tone. It was fantastic is what it was. It was so good, cause I was the one left behind to deal with her.

Monique Melton: [00:12:45] Because it was honest! It was honest. But you know what? That set the tone of my friendship.

Cyndie Spiegel: [00:12:54] I think we've done a break since then. You know what? I think it started off on a foundation of honesty and we've been just fine.

Monique Melton: [00:13:02] We have been just fine. I got, we got to hang out when I came to New York and I have with my husband and hubby, we ate the entire city.

Cyndie Spiegel: [00:13:12] So when I met your husband, he had lipstick on if I recall correctly and I was like, Uh, what's happening. Yeah. You were in Brooklyn and smoochin. Middle of the day and here you are now. I just know it wasn't his own lipstick. I knew it was you

Monique Melton: [00:13:35] right? Yeah. Because it wasn't like it was on there well, you know,

Cyndie Spiegel: [00:13:38] It wasn't on there well. Not only that, but I know that you don't share lipstick. So I knew that there was something going on.

Monique Melton: [00:13:43] You do know that. I know that.

Cyndie Spiegel: [00:13:46] Yeah.

Monique Melton: [00:13:48] But did I give you that lipstick? Did I not come through for you?

Cyndie Spiegel: [00:13:51] You did, no you did. You did. You came through, you came through.

Monique Melton: [00:13:56] I comes through. I come through so...

Cyndie Spiegel: [00:13:58] you did me right. Cause I couldn't find my lipstick. You did me right. So I can't be mad

Monique Melton: [00:14:02] Exactly! How you up there at show own event with lipstick that looked like you had a burger and fries, right before then? I love a good burger and fries, but that's

Cyndie Spiegel: [00:14:14] So it was little, like just one fry? Or is it like too many fries?

Monique Melton: [00:14:20] Many fries! ha ha

Cyndie Spiegel: [00:14:22] Okay. So you hooked me up. I can't get mad. I can't get mad.

Monique Melton: [00:14:29] Yeah. Cause I love people and I love black people. I love, I specifically love black people.

Cyndie Spiegel: [00:14:38] Yeah. you really did. You did mean, right. Monique Melton: [00:14:45] But you know what? You know, what.... I don't even know where this has gone, but bringing it back to another level, meeting you in person and being here with you in person. It's so much fun. Like we were at the, again, this year we were there together again. And, I had a keynote, so I started from the bottom

Cyndie Spiegel: [00:15:05] Yes, started from the bottom and worked my way up!

Monique Melton: [00:15:09] From doing what I think I did like a breakout session or something the first year. And then I was a Key, did a keynote. yeah, I mean, it is what it is. I did that. And you gave me the best, most loving embrace. When I got off stage, like I saw you when I was on stage, I could see you. And it's like, you had your hand on your heart and it was just such, it was such a beautiful, and we got someone, somebody did take a picture of it and I have the picture and I'll always cherish this picture for the rest of my life. But I want to know for you, like why was that such a light. What was like, what was that for you? Because a lot of the black women in the room, I looked at them to like anchor me and there was just such a, like an expression on their face of like, you could just tell there was so much love. Like it just, I felt so loved and supported by the few. It was a few black women in the room; wasn't a lot. But it was, so it just, it was beautiful. What was it like?

Cyndie Spiegel: [00:16:05] So I'll tell you what it was like and again, I'm going to set the stage here a little bit, a packed room packed with people. 95% of the audience was white, right. White women. And here you are with all your blackness, right? You got your hair. You're looking fabulous. You're like, you're doing, you're just showing up. You're looking stunning. You're on the stage. You pull zero punches. You said exactly what needed to be said, what I felt and I still went when you were talking about that moment. My, I got goosebumps. What I felt in the back of the room was extreme pride! And I'm going to tell you, and you probably remember this... everybody was sitting at tables, the black women in the room were standing in the back of the room watching you. That's not to say there weren't any black women at tables, but most of us stood in the back and we just watched you and we watched you and we were in awe of you. Because what you spoke about courage, right? In that room, particularly, always in life, what you do takes courage, but we sat back and we felt what you were saying for every single one of us and every single one of us who were not in that room, because what you said was. The words that you spoke were so dignified and so beautiful and so honest and so raw and so emotional that nobody in that room could not, but could turn away.

Monique Melton: [00:17:37] Yeah.

Cyndie Spiegel: [00:17:38] Right and not only is it your presence, because you have a presence. But it's beyond that. Right? It's about the words that you say and how you say them. It was like, everything that you did on that stage for 16 minutes was like a group hug for black people. Particularly in that room for black women, where we can all look from side to side and see one another in you, the woman on the stage.

Monique Melton: [00:18:02] Don't make me cry Cyndie Spiegel: [00:18:04] PRIDE, which is why at the end of it, I was like, I need to just go talk to her. Like you got a standing ovation, which I've never seen at all. And quite frankly, I've spoken there many times and I had never got a standing ovation. Right. You got a standing and you deserved it. Right. Let that not be misunderstood. You deserved it because it took such courage and you were brilliant, with what you did there. And I remember just feeling called to like go behind the curtain and give you a hug and let you know, firsthand what I saw, because I know what it's like to be on a stage and feel like I don't really know how I did or what I did or. I was just so proud of you that I wanted you to know what I saw from my perspective, and from the perspective of the rest of us in that room, it was pride.

Monique Melton: [00:18:49] I felt it. I felt that in that hug, that was just and I thank you for those words. And I'm so glad that it's recorded. Cause I can cherish them because it was definitely, it took a lot of courage to get up. I mean, public speaking about anything, you got to kind of psych yourself out a little bit to get up there and do your thing and getting your zone , but like, I talked about why white people don't talk about race to a room full of white people, mostly white people, And I said what I needed to say,

Cyndie Spiegel: [00:19:16] One thing that you said that I think was incredibly powerful is you talked about your son and your husband, right. And you said, I am afraid for my son growing up in this country as a black boy who will be a black man. Like, it was very personal. Right. It wasn't like you spoke about a general topic. It was very personal and when you did that, to me, it was almost like... people stopped fidgeting in their seats because there are a lot of mothers in that room. They couldn't look away. you, the words that you spoke, they couldn't look away from, they couldn't unsee that they couldn't unhear what you said, because they are mothers. They have children. it was just really. How powerful, the way you deliver that talk. It's really powerful.

Monique Melton: [00:20:00] Thank you, Friend. Thank you friend.

Cyndie Spiegel: [00:20:02] She's buying me shoes for that.

Monique Melton: [00:20:04] Yeah, I'm going to buy your shoes, my shoes and lipstick, my shoes and lipsticks. There you go. The rest of it, you figure it out yourself.

Cyndie Spiegel: [00:20:12] Yeah. but in all fairness, I really need those words and anybody in that room would say the same thing.

Monique Melton: [00:20:22] I really appreciate that because. It's just, from my, like the black women in the room, I want to know like, Did that resonate with you? You know what I'm saying? Because it's like, did that amplify you, your voice, your challenges did that connect to what your issues and concerns are? the white people in the room y'all need to hear it one way or another. So like, you need to get with us. And speaking of the white people in the room, you have a community of all kinds of people. You have a community of all kinds of diverse groups of people from well different ages, but they have to be at least 35. So I couldn't even be in the group technically until recently.

Cyndie Spiegel: [00:21:07] You couldn't be in there. Monique Melton: [00:21:09] I mean, you did have me on the panel speaking. Yeah, you was breaking your own rules. Talk about what it's been like for you. Facilitating building nurturing this community of diverse folks, especially with you being a black woman, like you're never not a black woman. Like, it's not like, you're like, Oh, I'm black today and I'm not black, I guess always you've always been black woman. What has this been like? What have been some of the challenges? What have been some of the what are some of the challenges.

Cyndie Spiegel: [00:21:56] So the community is called dear grown-ass women and it's a community for women 35 and over, and the vision that I have for this community when we launched was about essentially, I look at the personal community, i have and am. My own background is my mother's white. My father's Black. My mother is Jewish. Right? And so that makes me a black, white Jew. I am a black woman, right? My husband is white man from the Midwest. My brothers are black and so my community, my friends are from everywhere in the world. They look like none of them look alike. And what was really important for me is that as I was building my own business and growing in entrepreneurship, I didn't see that. I didn't see that representatives are represented rather in communities that existed. what happened was there was this fake sense of diversity. Right, right. I thought, Oh, I want to be a part of this community because particularly if entrepreneurs Dear Grown Ass Woman is not for women who run businesses just to clarify. But my own background in building a community was very much looking for a community of women who have businesses, small businesses. And this was probably about six years ago, seven years ago. And I found that when I would or become a member of these communities, everyone looked the same. They all believe the same things. They sounded the same. They followed the same people on social media and it became very one dimensional. Yeah. And the more I looked around for communities that existed, I didn't see any that represented. What my life experience was the folks that were in my life that were in my world that had different abilities, that spoke different languages that had, they were black and white and neither of those things and folks of color, but there wasn't a community that existed that truly represented the. Diversity that I knew in my own life and I don't just need rights. I also need socioeconomically. There are so many different ways to look at diversity. and so what I launched dear grown ass women, it was important to me that I very strategically built. Can you see that looked the way my own personal community left because I wanted that gift for everybody that I knew and everybody that I didn't know. Because what I also know to be true is that as a new Yorker and I did just move to New Jersey, I have to say that, but you know, what I had that can't be bought is access, right? We work as a very diverse place. I have access to lots of different people. I know that same thing is not true for somebody who maybe lives in Idaho.

Monique Melton: [00:24:41] Right.

Cyndie Spiegel: [00:24:42] Right. And so that access they don't have, and they're not going to find it there. And I can't expect somebody to leave Idaho to let you know, to build a community. But what I can do is bring that to folks, which is why deer grassland and so much of this platform is online. And we get together and I gather these women in conversation and I have to tell you, I love to take screen shots of our conversations, because I go back sometimes I don't really share them, but I go back myself, and I'll look at them on my desktop. And it gives me such pride.

Monique Melton: [00:25:14] Yeah.

Cyndie Spiegel: [00:25:15] These women would never be in a room together. These women would never know how similar they are to one another. If it weren't for this community, because we often do this thing called othering, which I know, very well. We think of every single reason as grown ass women to think that somebody is different than we are. and the foundation of my work is focusing on teaching myself, reminding myself and teaching others that we are essentially the same in many ways.

Monique Melton: [00:25:44] In many ways.

Cyndie Spiegel: [00:25:46] But there are also ways that we're different and we need to be in conversation about that too.

Monique Melton: [00:25:51] Exactly, because those differences matter and those differences have shaped the way that I'm able to move and operate in the world and it's absolutely important that we be in conversation about that and, I love that you said that because there's a lot of people who like to be like, Oh, we're all the same. Like, Oh, we're all, we're all one human race, blah, blah, blah. And just kind of mush it all together. Like people don't live in identities that experience very different realities because of those identities, And so what would you say? And I mean, it sounds like a community that. Oh, everyone deserves to be a part of where you can meet different people and you can be seen and you can be respected and you can be valued. You can be challenged, you can grow. but I know that's not come easy and I know that, it has come with its challenges. So tell me what of some of those been?

Cyndie Spiegel: [00:26:44] Yeah. it's interesting because this community and I've built other communities in the past; much smaller they were, those were never meant to be scalable communities. This has been fairly easy and I'm going to tell you why. And the reason it's been fairly easy is because as the third community that I've built and again, on a much larger scale, I've learned the hard lessons I learned that upfront. I had to say exactly what this community was and what it wasn't and we are not here for the bullshit. And if you don't believe in certain people or you don't appreciate certain people get the fuck out.

Monique Melton: [00:27:19] Yeah.

Cyndie Spiegel: [00:27:20] You're not welcome here. I realized as soon as we built this community and part of doing that as even keeping the name.

Dear Grown Ass Women,

Monique Melton: [00:27:27] Yeah dear grown ass women. Yeah,

Cyndie Spiegel: [00:27:30] I was in, I launched dear grown ass women while going through 10,000 small businesses, which is a program for that Goldman Sachs. it's a pretty exclusive program and I was in it and I was given the recommendation that I changed the name. I did not change the name. And this is a recommendation by folks that are highly. Yeah. They know what they're talking about. They really do and they said, if you have this name, you're going to turn a lot of people off. And I said that's great. That's exactly what I want. I think it's important as much as we want to be liked. And my motto is like, I'm not for everybody. I'm not for everyone as much as we want to be liked. And one of business that makes a ton of money, this to me is the foundation of my life's work. I'm not looking to build a community that is for everyone. Yeah. Looking to build a community that is inclusive, that is dynamic, that is about development and learning for grown-ass women. That means there are going to be certain women who are not attracted to that name and in fact, they are repelled by it. Those are not the women that should be in this community. right, yeah.

Monique Melton: [00:28:35] Please. No, please finish.

Cyndie Spiegel: [00:28:36] No, I want you to go now

Monique Melton: [00:28:38] Fine. But like, I was going to say, there's one thing, someone being repelled because it's, dehumanizing or it's, it's wrong in terms of treating people with dignity and respect. It's one thing to be repelled. I'm repelled by a lot of things because of that. It's another thing where this isn't really my style. This really doesn't connect with some of the things that I value. And when you're building a business, you do want people to either be attracted or repelled when it comes to, at the core of what you're about and what you're doing, because it's not going to be for everyone, And the problem becomes when. The reason why you're repelled is rooted in beliefs that are oppressive to other folks, like we can disagree all day long until that disagreement is rooted in my oppression. So that's where it's, that's where, it's the thing that is like, well, no, that's you need to fix, you need to deal with that thing. you didn't change the name? And what were other things that people tried to tell you to do? Or, well, what other things came up or have come up.

Cyndie Spiegel: [00:29:42] So the biggest one was the name change, right? You shouldn't have that name because a lot of women are not going to be attracted to that. And I say, great, they're not our women. Something else that has come up, not into your grown ass again because again, to me that keeping the name, what it is was the door. You're not even going to come inside the door, right? If this name repells you, then you're not going to come inside the door. For example, if you feel uncomfortable with the word ass, this is not for you. So essentially I shut down a lot of shit at the door by not changing the name. but in communities that I've built before, there was definitely racism. there was definitely, there were definitely folks in that community that I thought they shouldn't be here and I didn't know how to undo what I done because there is this part of me that wants to be accepting of everyone and everything. but sometimes we have to put boundaries around that and sometimes we have to trust our own instincts and I will say a few there. And it was very few in all honesty, there are a few experiences where I thought to myself, I shouldn't have trusted my gut instinct that these were not the right people and in all honesty, part of it is like, okay, but I really want to fill this program and the program will be filled, that's the mindset. With dear grown-ass women there are no numbers that have to be filled. I do other things for a living, I want, my goal is to have a thousand women in this community by the end of the year, but it's okay if it doesn't happen, I'm not chasing any dollar amount or anything number out there. I'm like, no, the right women are the women who are in this community.

Monique Melton: [00:31:16] exactly and you can really pour into it and not have to put pressure on it. which I mean people do you gotta do what you gotta do when you're in certain situations, especially as black women. A lot of times we're put in situations where we are constantly having to do what we have to do because I mean systemic racism. I mean, literally! But you know what, with your group. Especially with everything that was happening during the beginning of the very nationally publicized, protesting and all of that. Did you notice any difference of conversations that were happening in the group?

Cyndie Spiegel: [00:31:53] first I would like to say that I like to refer to this as a community versus a group of groups sounded like a random group of people, right. This is a community of women.

Monique Melton: [00:32:01] Gotcha.

Cyndie Spiegel: [00:32:02] And I will say that in my opinion, the conversations that were happening within our community didn't change when it became it didn't change substantially when the topic of racism began to quote unquote trend on social media, because we'd already been having that conversation. That is exactly what I think is one of the most important components of our community is about discourse. You don't wait until.

Monique Melton: [00:32:35] Right.

Cyndie Spiegel: [00:32:35] It becomes the next popular topic. This is what we do here and not just about race, but about lots of different topics and where we're willing to have the uncomfortable conversations. And we're willing to have discourse with people who maybe don't understand our perspective, but right now in this platform, we are willing to be patient enough to share and explain and listen, and be heard. So

Monique Melton: [00:32:59] That's a really good thing

Cyndie Spiegel: [00:32:59] the converstation. Didn't change drastically. And honestly, didn't.

Monique Melton: [00:33:03] That's a good thing because it's like, we were already building this momentum. We were already creating this, this tone within the community that this is what we do here. This is what we talk about here. this is how we do things and for a lot of people, I have not. in my entrepreneurial career, or even just like, even thinking about like, this is my, in my adult life. Cause she said, it's not a community for entrepreneurs, but I'm just even thinking about all the different types of communities that I've been in, where I've experienced a number of things. Usually I'm coming into a community and if it's a lot of white folks, it's a lot yeah. Racism that ends up happening and that's, that's something that a lot of, black women and black folks have shared and why they've, go and create their own groups for us. Because a lot of times when you have white folks in groups, they think that just because black people are there, then therefore there's no racism. Like, Oh, well the presence of black people means the racism is going, it's gone. So I think that is really good that you're having these conversations one because they need to be had, but also if we're creating a space where it is going to be diverse. You're going to be bringing in black folks and black folks are going to come in and want to be a part of it and other groups and all, and Brown and indigenous and people of color you want to make sure that it's a place where they feel safe. Especially if it's called me some white folks that are there, has that part of it been, what has that been like? creating that type of level of care and inclusion specifically, centering, protecting the black indigenous people of color.

Cyndie Spiegel: [00:34:47] First of all, I need to say this. There are, there's absolutely a need for safe spaces for folks to have that only include themselves right. To be in community with other black folks period end of story. Folks in the LGBTQ plus community also need to be in folks who understand their story. So Dear grown ass women is not about saying that those spaces aren't necessary. It is not those spaces. I'm saying and!

Monique Melton: [00:35:18] Yeah.

Cyndie Spiegel: [00:35:19] We need spaces where people are seeing us holistically for who we are and that's when we say I'm going to go my on community. If I can't find it with other people who look exactly like me. And have the same ability or disability that I have. And those places are 100% necessary. What I am saying with Dear grown ass women, this, we also need to have a safe space where we can come together in community and be willing to listen to somebody who thinks or sees the world through a different lens. And the reason that I think that has worked so well for us this far is because of who the founder of that community is. I am a Black White Jew right. I think the expectations of what white women who are walking into our community are expecting are very different than if they're walking into a different community where perhaps the founder of that community is a white woman. I have not said that til this is very much about if you are joining this community, who the founder is, right. You know what you're walking into and a lot of ways and I think there really needs to be more black women and more women of color who are heading up communities for this reason.

Monique Melton: [00:36:32] Yep.

Cyndie Spiegel: [00:36:34] But it hasn't been difficult because again, from the very start of the branding, we have, I was like very strategic about, we have characters, right? There are characters that are drawn, as part of our branding, it, even as early on as us choosing a name and going with these women that were going to represent us, I said, we can't have everybody that looks the same. And I remember when my designer, because incredible came back to me and I was like, Nope, This person has blonde hair. This person has this, and that's not to say there aren't white women who are in our branding. There are, but I want it to be very clear that anybody who comes on our website, anybody who sees any part of our brand is clear that this is a very inclusive community and that everyone is welcome here. Who identifies as a woman, 35 and older though. I have to say, I've never had more people say to me and more women come back to me. I cannot wait to turn 35 so I can be a part of this community.

Monique Melton: [00:37:28] no, it's rude. It was so rude. Cyndie Spiegel: [00:37:32] Do you remember the events at Palm Springs, when you were a panelist, right?

Monique Melton: [00:37:39] I was as a 34 year old but I know people who couldn't get in there. They were like I'm not. I was like, well, I ain't tell him I was 34.

Cyndie Spiegel: [00:37:54] You're friends with me and to tell him, this is where we get real shady because she's my friend though. But here all jokes aside, something that was so amazing about that night, there was a sign, there were signs at the entrance. First of all, there was a line of a hundred women. Lined up. I think we had like 250 women who came for the event, a line of a hundred women waiting to get into this event. There were signed at the door that said, must be 35 to enter what so many women came back to me and said, was like, Oh my goodness. I have never felt like I belonged in a space the way I felt like I belonged here.

Monique Melton: [00:38:28] Wow.

Cyndie Spiegel: [00:38:28] Art spaces that exist for women like us. And I don't just mean the diversity of women like us, but I also mean the age of women, 35 and over because so much of what exists, caters to me, in my opinion, to a much younger. I was like, wait a minute. I'm real fucking cool. My friends are very cool. Nobody's representing us, and what we look like and what we sound like and that night when we were in Palm Springs, that's the night, by the way that she loaned me her lipstick and hooked me up because I looked like I was eating a fry and some burgers. But what was the, all these grown folks in a room together that looked so different than one another had different abilities and different experience and came together and were just having so much fun because you never see it.

Monique Melton: [00:39:19] Yeah

Cyndie Spiegel: [00:39:19] wasn't that great?

Monique Melton: [00:39:22] It was a really good time. It was a really, it was fun meeting, different people. You know what that's one of the things that I do like about in person events. I go to them with as much as possible, no expectations because you don't know, like you don't know what's going to happen and if you go with the flow, something really magical can happen. And, that's what happened the first time I went to all. I met that's where I met Elizabeth and then I ended up in Madrid shortly. Yeah. After meeting her, I met, got to meet you in person. I met Sharan, which I got to go to her retreat where I met some amazing women from that. So it was just like, you never know what type of connections you'll make when you go to these events. Now, online is amazing too. I've made amazing connections online. So it's like, you need both, like you said, and it's not one or the other. So if you can make your way, when it's safe to travel to an in person event, something where you can get a chance to meet different people from different walks of life. And you go with an open mind and you go with a heart of, I want to make some connections. You might walk away with a life. Long friend, you might walk away with a lifelong friend or some really great opportunities and that's what that's been. And I really, I just really appreciate your heart for community and that's something that when I was earlier, we're on in my business talking about community and just really wanting to me community has always meant diverse . It almost feels like I shouldn't even have to say it, but you do right. You do. But it's like, how can you have community that's not diverse and call it community? It's like, that's not call it something else. Then don't call it community, call it

Cyndie Spiegel: [00:41:05] call it group,

Monique Melton: [00:41:06] right? Yeah. You would call it a group, call it a club, call it something. But community by design should be diverse. It absolutely should be okay. So to shift gears just a little bit shift gears, just a tiny bit. So you just made a move to New Jersey,

Cyndie Spiegel: [00:41:25] I Did.

Monique Melton: [00:41:27] So tell us what that's been like. Cause you're a new Yorker, like, Ooh, I didn't think this was gonna happen like this, what? This what's this mood. What's this transition been like?

Cyndie Spiegel: [00:41:36] Well, COVID! Speaking of that last time, that was one of the last times that any of us have been in a group of people and that was six months ago.

Monique Melton: [00:41:44] Yeah. Yeah. Cause it was going down and then people were kind of like getting kinda, yeah. Okay.

Cyndie Spiegel: [00:41:52] so much of the world has shifted underneath my feet and our feet collectively, I think, as a culture with coronavirus. Right. And what with what's been happening in the world in general for lots of reasons. Yeah. I have been in New York. I'm 42 years old. I'll be 43. This year. I have been in New York since I was 20 years old. I went to college in New York. I started off at a community college, went to FIT for my bachelor's degree, ended up going back to FIT for my master's degree. I had been in New York more than I've been anywhere else. I am a new Yorker. I did grow up in right. I grew up 40 minutes outsider, but I knew that New York was always the place that was going to end up. Because I never felt like I fit in where I was, where I was from New Jersey, because folks that look like me. So having spent 20 plus years in New York, I never thought that I would leave. my husband never thought that he would leave until something like a pandemic hits, and everything that we value starts to shift. Our lives have been so busy and we were running and chasing and doing, paying these crazy amounts of money for a very small apartment in Brooklyn and none of it moderate because you had access. And I talk a lot in my work about access, right? Because people really underestimate the value of having access to people, access to education, access to culture access is and being in New York without that access made it not seem worthwhile anymore.

Monique Melton: [00:43:26] Yeah. Cause Corona. Yeah

Cyndie Spiegel: [00:43:28] Coronavirus. Right. And so being in a place like New York during a pandemic means that you are now sequestered. Quarantined in your own home, which in our case was probably 600 square feet. My husband and I, you're quarantined. You can't go out nor is there the space when you do go out to really spread out to be six feet apart from each other. So it really felt like the city was closing in on me. the city was closing in on us and there was nothing that we could do except to stay inside. And so it really. Me question my perspective on space, the physical space that I was in, meaning our apartment, the space, meaning the city that I was living in the city that we were living in, but also internal space and thoughts and mindset. And I started to feel as though the physical space around me was closing in and the only way, and as that happened, my internal space for shutting down. My ability to connect to myself, which is very important to me. I have a deep yoga and meditation practice going inwards is really important. It's core to who I am. And in the age of Corona, the Corona virus, I felt like I was losing myself. And the only way that I consider. Finding myself again, in some ways was reinterpreting space and be in space, which meant finding more of it, not knowing when, even as New York starts to open up and the world starts to reopen where the country, I should say, knowing that was going to happen. I knew that I needed to change something. I needed to change it quickly. So our lease was ending. And as much as we talked about maybe moving somewhere else, I don't think we would have done it. Because there was too much at stake by living in New York city. I had access to everything and everyone and creativity and everything that matters to me was there, but when that was taken away, I realized that the space that we needed most was the space for the two of us to grow and expand, and also the space for us internally to grow and expand. And sometimes that takes physical space. I know. I just want real deep on everybody.

Monique Melton: [00:45:42] I mean, it's so good. It's just so no I like it. We went to the deep in.

Cyndie Spiegel: [00:45:46] We did, we started out real deep talking about my ears, but again, but really I think as a lifelong new Yorker for years, every new Yorker, both sides. Okay. I would say 90% of new Yorkers dream about space in a house somewhere else, because we don't have it. Well, we don't actually do anything about it, but this really shifted the world underneath our feet and you know this, but my nephew was also murder, which happened to have happened in New Jersey, but so much of my life in the last six months I was being called to reevaluate. To look inwards and really decide what was more important, what was most important and much of what came from those questions that I was asking myself was my family and my family's here in New Jersey. when my nephew was murdered and I haven't shared this story with anybody, when my nephew was murdered, I was the last one to know. So this happened at nine o'clock on a Friday, it was March 29th. I found out at 10:00 AM the next morning. Now the detectives went to my nephew, lived with my brother who lives in the same house with my mom, the detectives, but to, my family home about three o'clock in the morning. So hours after it happened, my nephew's the rest of his family. The other side of his family had already been at my house. Emily's house. Long story short. I was the last one because I wasn't there. And in the midst of everything happening. The people that got home for the people who were closest, not because I didn't matter, but because there were detectives there again, it was just, it wasn't even out of sight out of mind. It was like, we can't take on the emotional load of having to call Cyndie and tell her this over the phone and have her get here. I was the last to know that my first born nephew was killed. And to me, that was one of those things that I get chills right now, because I think. There's no other place that I want to be except here.

Monique Melton: [00:47:46] Yeah. Cyndie Spiegel: [00:47:47] To be the last phone call the last one to know changed everything for me.

Monique Melton: [00:47:55] Yeah.

Cyndie Spiegel: [00:47:56] Because not only was the idea of having space, a conversation that was happening, but it was also like what is important to me. I don't want to be the last one called anymore. And again, there was no personal th there was, it was the way it was, that's not to blame anybody. Everything happened exactly as it should handling, nobody knows how to handle that.

Monique Melton: [00:48:17] Yeah.

Cyndie Spiegel: [00:48:18] But what also, and, again, I have a deep spiritual background and a deep faith and I know that those things converged what happened to my nephew and my nephew being murdered and the conversations that I was happy having with myself kind of internal conversations with my husband about space and community. I knew that we had to move and I have to tell you to bring this up just a tiny bit. I manifested the fuck out of the space that we moved into. Like it had been so hard, like the stuff that might a family and that the world has been through in the last six months. But truly my, the core of me, my family has experienced in the last few months, I was so clear what I needed. After my nephew died, I planned my nephew's funeral. No one should have to plan a 32 year olds funeral, but you know, it wasn't going to do it. I was not going to have my brother and my former sister-in-law plan, their child's funeral. And so I had to step in and do that and I did it and I didn't question it. But what I knew was when I came out of the few weeks, following all of that, I knew exactly what I needed with a clarity that I never knew before. And I needed space and I needed light and I needed color and I needed joy and I need a things that I had disconnected from over the past few years. And I have to tell you, we live in the most beautiful neighborhood and we have the most beautiful space and the color and the pink Rose and the white brick. And there are plants everywhere and there's light everywhere. And we were literally, before you and I got on this call, we were putting up a big floral wallpaper on one wall.

Monique Melton: [00:50:03] Wow. Oh, I can't believe this

Cyndie Spiegel: [00:50:06] Going through everything that I have gone through and that we as a world and as black folks have gone through in the past few months, brought me to this space, this new physical space that I am sitting in right now, as I sit on pink pillows and a meditation in my fully windowed office with nothing but plants and color around me.

Monique Melton: [00:50:30] Sounds so nourishing.

Cyndie Spiegel: [00:50:33] This is where I need to be and so that was a very long answer to how the hell I got out of New York city. And it's all pay that we have to follow where we are called to be.

Monique Melton: [00:50:44] I mean, that in and of itself is a mic drop, like follow where we're called to be. And I want to say before I say anything goes, thank you so much for sharing all of that. Especially opening up about your dear nephew, Bobby Spiegel say his name like it's just so I just put my hand on my heart because grief is just so personal. yet collective and I w I just really appreciate you. Being vulnerable and opening up with us. And I believe you started our organization too. in his honor a foundation. So we can definitely include the details in the show notes. if you want it to say the name of it.

Cyndie Spiegel: [00:51:33] Yeah, please do. The foundation will actually be, and it's not founded yet. The money is all sitting in an account because we took moved. So one thing at a time, but the money I already set up an account and I have a call with my account next week will be called the Robert Bernard Siegel foundation. And it is for mental health and wellness for black boys and young men. so far we have raised over $30,000 that is sitting in a separate account. and initially we started to raise money to pay for her services, because again, this was, he was murdered. He, this was, this is a 32 year old that was walking through his farm house and there are parts of this that, because they did find the person who did this, there are things that I just won't say, and of course everything is over, but they do know exactly who did this and. Knowing my nephew and his own experiences. What I realized for me, I've never experienced a grief like this. My family has never experienced grief like this. My innate response to tragedy in this case was to create change, to create impact because what I couldn't let happen was to allow my nephew to have been murdered in vain for him to be forgotten for him to be. Forgotten. And so three days after this happened, I don't, it literally happened within moments. I went out on social media. It was an idea to a message on social media. Within five minutes, I then called my family and I said, I'm starting a foundation. And his name is this okay with you? I probably should have asked beforehand, but. Folks showed up black people showed up, the community showed up. You share that out and the money came in and I have to tell you the, and again, there's so many parts. I can't talk about Monique, but given what happened, the black community, particularly black boys and black young men, there are systemic issues that exist in this country.

Monique Melton: [00:53:42] Absolutely.

Cyndie Spiegel: [00:53:42] And when it comes to mental health and mental wellness, particularly in the black community, we need to do more and we need to protect these boys and we need to protect these men and we need to make sure that they are taken care of and that they are supported and that they are not ashamed to talk about what's happening with them. And so I will talk a lot more about this, in the future when my case is not pending. Unfortunately it's not going to bring my nephew back, but there will be some good to come from this,

Monique Melton: [00:54:12] Right.

Cyndie Spiegel: [00:54:12] And this foundation will exist and we will flush through what the details are, but we will, without question, be supporting the mental health and wellness of a black male can.

Monique Melton: [00:54:24] And what a beautiful way to honor his legacy, right? Like to pour into the community and create lasting change. so it's a beautiful expression of love. so thank you for sharing that. And I definitely want to be behind supporting that of course, with that. And you, there were so many things that you said that really resonated with me. And I imagine it resonated as well with listeners about all that's been going on COVID and just how it's. And how it has given a lot of us time, right? Cause we're not distracted with all the hustle and bustle in a lot of cases, a lot of people who were able to work from home, everything even just from having to get up and get ready and, commute lunch or whatever. There's been more, there's been more time to sit with yourself, sit with your thoughts and more time to get serious and get intentional about what really matters to you and your life. And I'm so grateful that you. We're able to be in a position to have the support of your family and your husband, and all of that to be able to move and do the things that you, like you said, we're called to do and it's something to just be so grateful to be able to do that. How did you, because you talked about being a very deeply spiritual person. I also am very much a spiritual person. I'm not a religious person, but I'm very much like a spiritual person. When you felt that call, did you initially, like yes, got to do it. Did you wrestle with it a little bit? Which like, what would the call like the call to move, to be near your family and to, make that transition into New Jersey? Like, did you initially hear the call and like, okay, I'm gone or did you take a little

Cyndie Spiegel: [00:56:10] Listen, I heard that call so many times and did nothing. I did nothing at all and given everything, it was everything came together at one time and there was no other alternative.

Monique Melton: [00:56:22] Yeah.

Cyndie Spiegel: [00:56:22] There are times in life where they're whispers. They're whispers. And we don't want to hear it. We don't want to hear it. We don't want to hear it. And then there was there's when somebody gets there with a microphone and starts yelling at your fucking ear, this is what that was right. There was like, it's time. There is no other way. And I find that is when the biggest change happens for me is when I decide now I want to be clear on that language. I decide, because that means I'm in agreement with something much bigger than me, because I have to agree. We can hear those whispers all day long, but if I, if you don't agree, if you don't decide to take part and listen, then they don't happen. So I decided that it was time, but the world had to be what the world was for me to finally. Do the thing, my mom who swears like a sailor would always say, when I was growing up, it's time to shit or get off the pot. This was me kind of going like, we're going to do this. There is no other way and by the time we had gotten to this point, there was no question. There was no question that it was time to go, which is when I say it manifested the space for it. When you are in that space of true knowing and inner knowing the way that I was given everything that was happening around me, there is no alternative,

Monique Melton: [00:57:42] Right

Cyndie Spiegel: [00:57:42] I was in the center of a storm. There was no alternative and so this magical space appeared. And I know how rude that sounds. I know I own it.

Monique Melton: [00:57:54] I mean, for some people, yeah, that maybe sounds rude, but like, for those of us who really know what it's like to connect to things on a spiritual level and to move at that type of level in your life. Cyndie Spiegel: [00:58:09] At that energetic level

Monique Melton: [00:58:10] It's different. You can't fully describe it and people can't fully understand it until they experience it. it's like becoming a parent. Like you can talk about it all day long. You can read books about it, but it's not until you actually become one that you know. Oh, that's what they meant. Oh, I see. You gotta be in it yourself and all of that, because I know like, even for me in my business and doing the work of anti-racism, I was called long before I actually said yes, long before. And like you said, it was the whispers and I was like, uh uh, I'm doing it.

Cyndie Spiegel: [00:58:48] I'm doing other things.

Monique Melton: [00:58:49] I'm doing other things. I'll do a little bit. Then I was like, I'll do a little bit, I do a little bit here a little bit there.

Cyndie Spiegel: [00:58:53] Dip the toe

Monique Melton: [00:58:54] Yeah, just a little bit. It's a little bit, but then I. There was a whole bunch of things happening and I just was like, all right, let's do this thing. And then it's like, once you make that full commitment to it, it's like, I'm not turning back. I'm not turning back, And it just starts...

Cyndie Spiegel: [00:59:09] Then you blow up and become a big deal

Monique Melton: [00:59:16] oh my God, overnight, that part happened overnight.

Cyndie Spiegel: [00:59:19] But, but...it might have happened overnight, but here's the thing you were riding on the energetic wave with what you were supposed to be doing. You weren't pushing against it anymore. You were going with it and so when we go with the thing we're meant to be doing and show up in the world and the way that we are called to be called things like that happen and we blow up, Oh, it's going to happen because we're doing all, you didn't change anything. You just kept doing the thing that you were called to do, even if you weren't certain and you heard, you were feeling the imposter syndrome, sometimes you felt like they should have been different. You kept doing it. You kept showing up, you kept speaking the word, right? And then things like this happen because you were riding that wave

Monique Melton: [01:00:02] Things happen. and it's just like people who were involved in my life prior to this whole blow up season and for those of you who are listening to the podcast, and maybe you just know me from when just now. Like you're just versus those who from the beginning, like this increased exposure happened in a very short time span. Like I literally woke up and there were people like in one week alone, I went from like 17,000 Instagram followers in one week, took 225,000. Like it was like, it was that kind of exponential growth. It was like, what? Yeah. And I'm like, what did I say? Like it was not anything. Nobody was listening and that was a really painful part of it though, is that it came. Because so much black death, right? We had George Floyd and Brianna Taylor, and, so many others who don't even get national recognition for our national, or even get any type of recognition yet alone, national, especially black trans women who are murdered constantly, over 20, this year alone that have been murdered and so it was also this very, Deep sense of sadness, that all of what we've been saying all this time, if people were really listening, we wouldn't have hashtags like this.

Cyndie Spiegel: [01:01:25] quite frankly, we don't fucking hashtags.

Monique Melton: [01:01:27] Yeah, no. I don't like, like even the cover of O magazine, I don't want to have to be dead to be on, you know what I'm saying? I don't want to be! Right, when it's all said and done, like that's all, that's a whole human being who deserves to be alive, who deserves to have. Her breath and her body, and here she is, she's gone. And we all know her name for a reason that no one wants their name to be known. it's just, it's so unfair. And we're definitely going to leave some show notes of content action steps that people can take to ensure accountability for Breana Taylor. because it's just horrible. But, I really could talk to you all day. We have been talking, we talked an hour before this we've been on here for an hour. You dropped so many incredible gems. Are you into crystals or is that your thing?

Cyndie Spiegel: [01:02:14] Is that a real question? Do you have any crystals? I have, I got the crystals. I got the plants. I got the oil. I got it all sister!

Monique Melton: [01:02:25] Okay. I want to learn more about like just different things and like different spiritual things. I want to learn. I want to learn more about things because. For most of my life, I practice Christianity as like my baseline of my spirituality. Like that was my baseline. And so I don't practice Christianity anymore, I'm exploring different things and curious about different things and opening my mind to different things. So I'm like asking people who I know are into crystals. Yeah, let me find out. I asked Latham, I was like, are you into crystals? And she was like, yeah, she uses them. And I was like, can you send me some websites? So she sent me a website of a black owned business who sells crystals. I know there's , no like, Oh, okay, let me get this crystal in my whole life. It's just about to be better. I mean, I mean, that's just not reality with anything. but like how do you incorporate them and for those of you who are listening, who are like, what are crystals? What is it? Just Google? What should they Google like crystals?

Cyndie Spiegel: [01:03:23] Healing work with crystals, Crystal energy.

Monique Melton: [01:03:26] Yeah. So like, how do you incorporate the do meditate with them? How do you incorporate them anyway?

Cyndie Spiegel: [01:03:31] So the first thing I'll say kind of speaking to spirituality in general, I'm 42. Now I would say I very much started to become. Just down the spiritual path. When I was about 25 years old, I am a certified yoga teacher multiple times over. I don't know if you've been know that meditation teacher.

Monique Melton: [01:03:48] I did not know that

Cyndie Spiegel: [01:03:50] because it's not something I talk about. It's not for other people. It's for me. And it's not who I am. it's just a part of me. but it's not all of me all to say I've done many different trainings on many types of energy and spirituality work. and I think it's really important for all of us to not necessarily barely just listen to somebody else and what works for them. I very much believe in tapping into what feels right for me. And that's meditating, that's crystals, that's essential oils that lots of different things. So try different things is the first part of this, right? Particularly if this is new to you, try different things. in New York city, we have someplace called the open center and they have tons of different classes in courses that explore so many different. Types of spirituality. So I would say, start at a place like that and take a couple of classes. See what you feel called to. Don't be afraid to go deeper into study with teachers that you believe in. Like I have teachers and I say that with full honesty, my teacher, one of my spiritual teachers actually became more gained and married my husband and I. That's how important my teachers are to me, this isn't something I talk about in all of my work, because it's very personal to me, but my team like have teachers that will help you, that will guide when it comes to your spirituality. So that was the first thing I want to share is that we don't want to be listening to what everybody else is doing. We have to try a few things ourselves and see what we feel called to use. So many different tools I do. I consider oils then and gemstones then meditate. These are all tools and a toolbox, right? For living well, for me personally. One gemstone that I always have with me is Rose Quartz.

Monique Melton: [01:05:42] Bought that one online. I just bought that one.

Cyndie Spiegel: [01:05:45] It's a very simple stone and Rose Quartz is really about universal love. And I know the F bomb all the time, but at the core of what I do, the foundation of Cyndie Spiegell is about inclusion and love.

Monique Melton: [01:05:58] Yeah,

Cyndie Spiegel: [01:05:58] To me, Rose Quartz is like some real base level shit. Like everyone should have Rose quartz and you can listen. you can find it all over the internet. You can find someplace. There are lots of black owned businesses that sell gemstones. I happened to go to the gemstone trade shows. That's a New Jersey that I go to. The big one is in Tucson. I've not been to that. but I like to go directly to the source versus going through retailers, but that doesn't mean anything they're there. We have ways to get them. I will say if you are going to buy gemstones as best, you can buy them from a black person or person of color.

Monique Melton: [01:06:33] Yes.

Cyndie Spiegel: [01:06:34] but I would say if you're gonna start with one stone, start with Rose quartz, it's a simple stone it's we have them all over the apartment. a friend of mine keeps it under her mattress, keeps a piece under her pillow. She even keeps the piece inside her bra. yes. Universal love. It's about carrying that with you. It's about encouraging unconditional love. It's about harmony and relationships and purification Rose quartz. Get it and get a bunch of it and just have it everywhere.

Monique Melton: [01:06:58] Well, I'm so glad you said all that, because like you said, it's about trying things for yourself and what you feel called to and that in and of itself requires a good amount of self awareness. But also self trust, right? Like being able to trust yourself and, tap into your ability to make decisions and sound decisions. but I'm excited. I can't wait for them to come and I told my son because they love watching power Rangers. I don't know if much about power Rangers, but they okay. So for those who don't, they have these stones that they use that they like, well metamorphis. And so like my son, I told him we were going to get some and he was like, Oh, we like to be metamorphine. we're not about to be morphing. Okay.

Cyndie Spiegel: [01:07:52] No, we're still going to be us.

Monique Melton: [01:07:55] Still going to be us, but I got one from, I got, I can't remember which one it was, but it's, that's kind of like for worry or fear or something like that. I got one for his room. Cause sometimes he'll have nightmares or, have a hard time sleeping. So he got so excited when I told him that I got one for him. So I'm excited. I'll let you know. But, before we head out, there is a really deep. Deep, very deep soul question and, it really can be a life changing question. So I want you to like, take a deep breath. Yeah. And for the listeners. sit down if you can, because it could really blow you away. the question that I want to ask you, cause this is going to tell me a whole lot about you. When you use lotion, like you're going to put lotion on your body.

Cyndie Spiegel: [01:08:51] Yes.

Monique Melton: [01:08:52] And are you the type of person who pours a lotion and puts a little bit on at a time, like pour a little bit, put it on, or are you the type that poor bunching hand and kind of like splat it all on and then just rub it all over. What is your style? Or do you use oil?

Cyndie Spiegel: [01:09:09] Hey, I'm about to blow this shit up. Cause I don't even use lotion, you this about me. and my skin glowy because I don't use lotion. I use oil. I use oil everywhere all the time.

Monique Melton: [01:09:26] Slipping and sliding. Okay.

Cyndie Spiegel: [01:09:28] But you don't, that's the beauty of oils. Listen, mofos been using oils for thousands of years, for a reason. They weren't using lotion. No, use the oil, straight up oil

Monique Melton: [01:09:39] I like oil too.

Cyndie Spiegel: [01:09:40] And what I do, just to answer that question, now that you blew it up, I was going to say, I'm about to blow your mind I don't use lotion. I use a little bit at a time.

Monique Melton: [01:09:50] That's a Shock to me,

Cyndie Spiegel: [01:09:53] This is a hometic thing, because again, my background is in data and yoga and. Are you Vedic meditation, but it has to do with how you apply a certain things. so I always start with my abdomen and then my chest and then my arms and I do my full arms. And then I worked my way down.

Monique Melton: [01:10:12] Huh? Cyndie Spiegel: [01:10:14] You want to know more and I'm not going to talk about it, but there's something that you should look up. It's called abhyang spelled Abhyang let me make sure I'm spelling this right. And I'm going to tell you, my computer's not working. Abhyang. And aryouvida is a type of a massage, a self massage, or you can get it done. I get Avianca when we were in first, then I would have people do this massage to me, but it's about oils and it's very healing. So I would highly recommend that folks start using oils and Avianca and look at the ways in which you put those oils on your body.

Monique Melton: [01:10:52] Okay. Okay. So wait a minute. This is when a different direction, but. Basically what that tells me about you, but I'm a little surprised though. So let me just see if this makes sense when I explain it means that you, when it comes to making decisions, yes, you are the type of person. So this doesn't, this is research.

Cyndie Spiegel: [01:11:18] Just saying, I'll tell you if your research is wrong

Monique Melton: [01:11:20] all right now, I just already know the type of person that likes to have it all planned out. You liked to have all the details in place like A plus B equals C before you go forward with it. I know I know you're the first person out of all these types of questions that did not

Cyndie Spiegel: [01:11:40] Oh yeah. Put a little bit on your time, but it's for a reason it's intent. it's not intuitive. Like it's not innate. It's because I learned to do something this way. I don't know if that changes it. Maybe I've given up before I've splattered it all along. But yeah, I do a little bit at a time. I don't like to waste. You don't grow up poor. I don't like to waste.

Monique Melton: [01:11:59] I've got. I gotta get a bigger sample group cause this...

Cyndie Spiegel: [01:12:04] didn't work out. Did it? That was just bad. Bad research for is terrible research. I need to go right from the strongly worded email. cause this one,

Monique Melton: [01:12:12] Well lol send it to hello@Moniquemelton. Because it's based on my opinion.

Cyndie Spiegel: [01:12:22] It's no damn research is it

Monique Melton: [01:12:24] It was my own limited research bias completely. I've only asked three people, this question.

Cyndie Spiegel: [01:12:34] That were wrong! I knew this wasn't going to be fun; this podcast. I knew we were not gonna have any fun.

Monique Melton: [01:12:39] Yeah, it's just not been fun at all. But do you have any last things that you would like to throw in here? Who knows even asking that question? What did I set myself up for? what shenanigans?

Cyndie Spiegel: [01:12:57] Forty five minute conversation, but I'm not going to do that because i love you. we don't do that to our people. Monique Melton: [01:13:03] Any last bits that you'd like to add?

Cyndie Spiegel: [01:13:06] Yes, I am not for everyone. Neither are you. And you should buy the tee shirt. I'm a wesite that says it. Boom, that's it.

Monique Melton: [01:13:15] I mean, if you don't get a spike in sales, right? This, when this releases I'm going to shut the podcast down, I will shut it down. Shut it down.

Cyndie Spiegel: [01:13:26] You should, everybody should buy that. T-shirt on their grown ass women, but not only that in all seriousness, every woman who listens to your podcast, who is 35 and older should join our community.

Monique Melton: [01:13:37] Second, if you don't get a spike in registration and member, strip and member strips, memberships if you don't reach it, I'm shuting it down. If y'all liked the podcast y'all about to take y'all butts over there.

Cyndie Spiegel: [01:13:56] Grownasswomen.com

Monique Melton: [01:13:57] Get on over there, get on over there. This has been fun. Tell folks where can they find you out here on these internet streets

Cyndie Spiegel: [01:14:04] on the internet streets. They can find me @CyndieSpiegel on Instagram and they're @deargrownasswomen on Instagram and www.Cyndiesspiegel.com. That's pretty much CyndieSpiegel everywhere, but don't go looking for me on Twitter because I don't know how to tweet. I'm not gonna learn either.

Monique Melton: [01:14:22] Well, you know what, everything ain't for everybody. Right.

Cyndie Spiegel: [01:14:25] BOOM, you just brought that right back.

Monique Melton: [01:14:26] Well you know, you really gotta just stand by your values

Cyndie Spiegel: [01:14:30] Instagram all the way Instagram and website.

Monique Melton: [01:14:33] There you go. So and Cyndie you do all kinds of things. So definitely check out her work, buy her book, buy your book. We didn't even talk about the book.

Cyndie Spiegel: [01:14:42] There are so many things. Really the focus is dear grown ass women. It's about inclusion women, diversity. Like it's all, dear grown ass women! There's so many things. If anybody's interested, come on over to Instagram and you'll find all

Monique Melton: [01:14:54] exactly. So if you don't get a spike in sales in the book,

Cyndie Spiegel: [01:15:00] come join the community. To me, that's about impacting others in a different way, but the book is amazing. It's called a year of positive thinking and everyone should go out by it.

Monique Melton: [01:15:08] So basically all the things that we just said, do all of them or else shutting down the podcast Cyndie Spiegel: [01:15:15] Shut the podcast, your Instagram there will be no more teaching. Like none of that will happen.

Monique Melton: [01:15:20] No. Y'all like do y'all like having classes, your best make sure you do it.

Cyndie Spiegel: [01:15:24] There you go. I mean, I didn't want to make her do that, but now that we agree this is what's happened

Monique Melton: [01:15:29] well, now that I should never lose use lotion again, I got to go start using my oils.

Cyndie Spiegel: [01:15:35] Yes gets you oil's. It changes everything. get some oils. Oils is oil.

Monique Melton: [01:15:41] Oh, okay. I have oil. I have all kinds of oils and I have a lot of them, so I just need to use them. All right. this is what happens. You go, I go like, no one stops

Cyndie Spiegel: [01:15:52] talking.

Monique Melton: [01:15:54] No one stops. I love you so much. Thank you so much for being on here

Cyndie Spiegel: [01:15:58] I love you so much and Imma see you very soon in the world.

Monique Melton: [01:16:00] Yes, yes

Cyndie Spiegel: [01:16:02] I love you.

Monique Melton: [01:16:03] Love you back.

[THEME MUSIC]

Thank you so much for listening to today's episode. If you enjoyed it and you got something out of it, I want to encourage you to do one or all of the following. Subscribe to the show and leave a review. This is one of the. Best ways and easiest ways that you can support the podcast and you can also support other folks being able to find and listen to the podcast. Another thing that you can do is share this podcast, this exact episode with a few, you are as many as you want of your friends and family and let them know something that you learned. From this podcast. Another thing that's really great is that you would share your takeaways. It's from today's episode over on, okay. Instagram with the hashtag #SBTpodcast. Be sure to tag me @moemotivate so I can see what you have to say about it. And speaking of Instagram, come on over. And follow and support and join the community over at Instagram @Moemotivate. And you can be sure to visit my website at www.Moniquemelton.com to learn more about the different services and products that I offer to support you in your journey of anti-racism. And you can support the podcast financially by becoming a member over at Patreon and last but not least remember, keep shining brighter together.