SQUEAL TEAM SIX

Written by

GARY M. HOWELL

This script is the confidential and proprietary property of the author and no portion of it may be performed, distributed, reproduced, used, quoted or published without prior written permission.

Gary M. Howell 10314 Shady River Dr. Houston, Texas 77042 (281) 630-5703 [email protected] © 2017 Gary Howell All Rights Reserved WGA Registration #1918578 FADE IN:

INT. RESIDENCE - BEDROOM - DAY A single cardboard box rests on the floor. Comic books, old T- shirts, and other mementoes thrown in haphazardly. A hand places a framed picture of a FATHER and SON sitting on a picnic table. Broad smiles on their faces. The son in the picture, CHARLIE DRUMHOUSE, 15, a thin, disheveled teen, is not smiling now as he looks down at the photo. It's more a look of despair. A lid goes on top of the box.

EXT. RESIDENCE - DRIVEWAY - DAY A moving van sits in front of the house. MOVERS close the doors to the van, finished with their packing. MEG DRUMHOUSE, 40, stands next to a weathered car as the moving van pulls away. Certainly a beauty in her time, circumstances have her as beaten down as the car. Charlie shoves the box into the back of the car. Handwritten on the box's side: "CHARLIE'S STUFF - KEEP OUT". MEG Ready to go, Charlie? Charlie takes a last look and climbs in the car. It's not a happy moment.

INT./EXT. AUTOMOBILE - SUBURBAN STREET - DAY (MOVING) This isn't the idyllic neighborhoods from 50's TV shows. Charlie watches the drab wood frame homes pass one after another with disinterest, until: MEG We're here! She wheels into a driveway. There's nothing to distinguish this house from any of the others, really. CHARLIE How can you tell? 2.

INT. CHARLIE'S RESIDENCE - DEN - DAY Meg and Charlie stand in the den of his new home. He holds his personal box, clearly unimpressed with the surroundings. MEG It'll look better when we get the furniture in. Charlie nods. It's all he can do at this point. MEG (CONT’D) Why don't you go pick your room? (As he leaves) But not the one with the bathroom in it. That's mine... Charlie? Charlie is already down the hall.

INT. CHARLIE'S RESIDENCE - BEDROOM - DAY The room he's picked out is small, but big enough for a guy like Charlie. He places the box on the floor and pulls out the photo. Places it on the floor. Charlie sits, his back against a wall. Looks around. CHARLIE (to the picture) Well? What do you think? He waits. Pretends to hear an answer. CHARLIE (CONT’D) Yeah. Me too.

EXT. CHARLIE'S RESIDENCE - MORNING Meg stands at the front doorway and sips coffee. She rubs Charlie's head as he trudges past. Dead man walking. MEG Have a good day, sweetie. I'll see you when I get home from work. (as he moves past) Make new friends, okay?

EXT. RESIDENTIAL STREET - MORNING Charlie waits at a corner with a hodgepodge of other STUDENTS. No one speaks to the new kid. It's a rule. 3.

A school bus pulls up. Charlie steps inside.

INT. SCHOOL BUS - MORNING Charlie sits alone near the front. Happy students joyously greet friends they haven't seen all summer. A wave of self- consciousness comes over Charlie as the bus rumbles away. In the seat across from Charlie: ISABEL "IZZY" BLOOM, 16. A sudden, singular ray of sunshine in Charlie's bleak world. Just as he looks her way and they catch each other's attention, the bus makes another stop, and a series of bizarre looking characters step on. GOTH GEEK, 16, dark and dreary, leads the way. Behind him is an assorted collection of nerd nobodies: JEDI, 17, TREKKIE, 17, and HOBBIT, 16, each nerdier than the last. Passengers suddenly quiet down as the gang scours the aisles looking for a victim. They pass Charlie and zero in on another teenager: KOBY "SNACKS" CONRAD, 15, who cowers in his seat. An odd nickname, as there are stick bugs fatter than he is. An easy target. Charlie turns to watch what is happening. Papers fly as Goth Geek knocks away Snacks' binder and grabs his t-shirt. GOTH GEEK Well? You gonna join us or not? Snacks nervously shakes his head. JEDI Benny ain't gonna like this. GOTH GEEK (to Snacks) Listen, punk, you need to know something. Like the Dark Lord Skulk and his clan of vampires... A collective GROAN fills the bus. GOTH GEEK (CONT’D) ... we nerds stick together here at Pinkley High. (to others) What? TREKKIE Why are we always vampires? 4.

JEDI Technically, vampires are loners. They wouldn't even be in a clan. HOBBIT It'd be called a coven, not a clan. TREKKIE A coven would be witches, you dope. Goth Geek is not amused. He focuses on Trekkie, Snacks' shirt still in his grasp. GOTH GEEK You saying that J.J. Blinks, author of the greatest vampire series ever written, got it wrong? Charlie quietly seeths over Snacks' treatment. GOTH GEEK (CONT’D) You all think he got it wrong? When no one rises to his challenge, he notices the new guy. Goth Geek hones in on an unamused Charlie.

EXT. HIGH SCHOOL - MAIN ENTRANCE - MORNING The bus stops at the entrance to VERNON PINKLEY HIGH SCHOOL. A sign welcomes students back to the new year.

INT. SCHOOL BUS - MORNING GOTH GEEK (to Charlie) What do you think? Did J.J. Blinks get it wrong? Charlie slips on his backpack as the bus door opens. CHARLIE I've always thought vampire books were for girls. (regarding Goth Geek's intense makeup) Nice eyeliner, by the way. Furious, Goth Geek lunges for Charlie, who slips under his grasp. He slides around students exiting the bus, does a parallel vault over a bus seat, and zips out the door. 5.

Goth Geek and the other nerds are in hot pursuit, knocking down students who block the aisle. Charlie makes a beeline for the front door of the school. So much for making new friends.

INT. HIGH SCHOOL - MORNING Charlie races through the halls, the geeks not far behind. He slides down a bannister and right through a "WELCOME BACK" banner two FEMALE STUDENTS are preparing to hang. As he rounds a corner, he passes by PRINCIPAL CARL DUGGAN, 38. Duggan is a beanpole, clean shaven and dressed like a computer store salesman. Basically a grown up school nerd. Charlie knocks a cup of coffee out of Duggan's hand and the liquid flies all over his poofy-haired assistant, APRIL, 44. Charlie doesn't stop. The nerds are right on his tail. Duggan nods his appreciation at the spectacle as April soaks. PRINCIPAL DUGGAN First day of school hijinks. Some things never change, do they?

INT. HIGH SCHOOL - HALLWAY - MORNING Charlie spots a locker room doorway and bursts inside.

INT. HIGH SCHOOL - LOCKER ROOM/BATHROOM STALLS - DAY He darts into a stall and quickly flips the lock. He's skinny, but he's not meek. Mostly, he's outnumbered. Outside the stall, Goth Geek and his band of nerdy men alternate runs on the stall door. BAM. BAM. BAM. It finally gives, just as Charlie disappears underneath the divider into the next stall. CLICK. The locks slides in place on the new stall. BAM. BAM. BAM. The nerds again take shots at the door, though, with just a bit less verve, as their tiny shoulders can only take so much. Once again, the door flings open. This time, Charlie disappears over the wall and drops into the next stall, nearly landing on top of: 6.

TOOTS HANSON, 16. A laid-back guy who loves to experiment with fire. Not in a bad way, mind you. Toots, not particularly thrown by Charlie's grand entrance, sits on the closed toilet, lighter in hand. TOOTS Wanna see something cool? BAM. The outside forces have begun what looks to be their final assault. CHARLIE Uh, I really don't have time... Toots takes a square of toilet paper and lights it on fire. The tiny fireball floats toward the ceiling before eventually burning out. That was pretty cool, but Charlie's out of time. BAM. The door nearly gives. Toots pulls out a bag full of CHERRY BOMBS. TOOTS Wanna see something else cool? The bag gives Charlie gets an idea. BAM. BAM. CHARLIE Can I borrow one of those? TOOTS Sure. CHARLIE And the bag? Toots empties the bag and hands it to Charlie. SECONDS LATER BAM. The door flies open. Goth Geek presses in. TOOTS (cool as ever) Hey, man. What's up? Goth Geek steps toward Toots. It's a bit threatening. GOTH GEEK Where did he go? Toots points up, over the wall to the previous stall. 7.

Goth Geek slowly swings the previous stall door open. GOTH GEEK (CONT’D) You’ve got nowhere to go, fish. The door opens. Charlie stands inside. Grinning. He holds the bag, CHERRY BOMB inside, wick sticking out. He lights the wick and drops the device into the toilet. Goth Geek's face drops. They both know what's about to happen. BOOM! WHOOSH! A fountain of toilet water rains down on the occupants. To Goth Geek's dismay, he now drips with just as much offending liquid as Charlie. Goth Greek grabs Charlie by the collar. GOTH GEEK (CONT’D) You're gonna regret that. A FIGURE appears behind Goth Geek, though he doesn't notice. Charlie certainly does. CHARLIE You're gonna regret breaking the stall doors. GOTH GEEK Like I care what anyone-- A hand lands on Goth Geek's shoulder. A strong hand. It belongs to KEVIN "KILLER" MANKINS, 38, straight out of a 'Guns and Ammo' magazine. Tall, hard body, straggly beard. Killer GROWLS at the nerds and they scramble madly away. CHARLIE Thanks for the help. KILLER You smell like crap. (holds out his hand) Kevin Mankins, head of security. People round here call me "Killer." Charlie limply shakes Killer's hand. KILLER (CONT’D) You're Jack's kid. (off Charlie's look) Yeah, I knew your father. 8.

Charlie hangs his head. KILLER (CONT’D) Sorry about what happened, kid. Tough business, losing your dad at your age. But it'll get better. (beat) I guess. Looks like you're off to a good start here. The Jets try to get you to join their "gang?" CHARLIE Actually they tried to get some other kid to join. When he said no, they went after me instead. Killer nods subtlety, but Charlie picks up on it. He leads Charlie out of the locker room.

INT. HIGH SCHOOL - HALLWAY - MORNING KILLER Gotta get to your first class. Who do you start with? Charlie looks at the palm of his hand. His course schedule is written there in ink. CHARLIE Room 141. Ms. Cooper. English. Killer sticks an unlit half-cigar in his mouth. Points down the hall. As Charlie walks away, Killer calls after him: KILLER Hey, kid. You want to survive in this school? Don't be the prey. Charlie stops and turns, a quizzical look on his face. KILLER (CONT’D) In the high school jungle, there's the predators and the prey. The Jets. Athletes. Senior girls. All predators. They eat up weak, innocent freshmen like you and spit their bones into the hallways for other predators to feast on. CHARLIE Doesn't sound very nice. 9.

KILLER The jungle isn't supposed to be nice. It's cruel and unforgiving. Survival of the fittest. That's why runts like you need to form packs. CHARLIE Because we're stronger as a group? KILLER No. Because it increases the odds someone other than you will get picked off by the predators. Charlie's shoulders sag as he exits the locker room.

INT. HIGH SCHOOL - CLASSROOM - DAY Charlie slowly saunters in as the BELL RINGS, self-conscious with the attention focused on him by the entire class. He wilts under the tractor-beam glare of MS. MARLENE COOPER, 35. A drill sergeant in Forever 21 attire. MS. COOPER Well? CHARLIE I'm... I'm in this class. MS. COOPER I can see that. What I can't see is why your butt isn't parked at a desk. You need a note from mommy to take a seat or can you figure it out all by yourself? SNICKERS all around. Charlie bows up. He's about to respond, but Cooper gives him a "don't even think about it" look. He looks around the room. Only one open desk available. And it's right next to--IZZY. He slowly melts into his chair next to this raven-haired lass. Izzy rolls her eyes, looks away, pretends to ignore the new guy. She's not altogether uninterested, though, evidenced by the sneaky glance that follows. MS. COOPER (CONT’D) A new year. New meat. I can't wait to destroy any vestiges of hope that might reside in those barren wastelands you call brains. 10.

The various faces in the room look horrified. MS. COOPER (CONT’D) But we'll get to that soon enough. I'm supposed to remind you that a freshman school assembly will be held this afternoon at two p.m. Attendance is mandatory. Charlie looks over to Izzy, seemingly lost in her presence, until -- CLUNK! A large book drops on Charlie's desk, jolting him back to reality. Ms. Cooper towers over him. MS. COOPER (CONT’D) We're starting the year with "Pride and Prejudice." You'll need to read the first twenty pages by tomorrow. GROANS. Charlie mumbles what's on everyone's mind, but doesn't have the courage to say. CHARLIE Seriously? Homework on the first day of class? I'm pretty sure that's against the law. Ms. Cooper leans down, right in Charlie's face. This can only end in tears. MS. COOPER If learning is against the law, I'm guessing you'll never be arrested. Charlie wants to hide under his desk. He looks to Izzy, but she won't even glance in his direction. MS. COOPER (CONT’D) Oh, and let's add ten more pages to the reading assignment. Courtesy of Mr. Drumhouse. Death glares from everyone. Charlie's day just got worse.

INT. HIGH SCHOOL - LUNCHROOM - DAY Charlie slogs through the cafeteria slop line. PLOP. A mound of unidentifiable sludge melts across his plate. PLOP. Another. PLOP. Last one. Three separate mounds, each one more disgusting than the last. Charlie heads for a quiet corner of the lunchroom and sits at an empty table. 11.

He eyes the "food," slides it away from him. SNACKS (O.S.) Can I have it? I mean, if you're not gonna eat it? Charlie looks around. There, behind him. It's Snacks. He hangs suspended, duct-taped face-first to a vending machine. Charlie pokes at his food. CHARLIE What is it? SNACKS Who cares? It smells awesome. Oh, and thanks getting those guys off my back earlier today. CHARLIE I just re-directed their line of fire. You want some help? SNACKS That'd be great. I've got a couple quarters in my pocket. Hit D-5. CHARLIE I meant help getting down. SNACKS Better not. They'll just double the tape next time. Charlie grabs the knife from his tray. CHARLIE I can't leave you here. He begins to hack at the tape holding Snacks to the machine. CHARLIE (CONT’D) I'm Charlie. SNACKS Koby, but everyone calls me Snacks. CHARLIE Of course they do. Suddenly, a hand presses Charlie's against the glass. The knife drops to the ground. Charlie's surrounded, swallowed by a sea of nerds. 12.

GOTH GEEK Bad idea, toilet boy. CHARLIE I think the bad idea was your parents ever meeting. Goth Geek slams into Charlie and the boys roll around, fighting for control. Students swarm from every direction to get a view of the action. "Fight. Fight. Fight." Charlie gets the upper hand, pins Goth Geek to the ground. He pulls his fist back... The crowd suddenly goes silent as a chill fills the cafeteria. Charlie tries to make out what's going on. FOOTSTEPS echo across the room. The crowd parts. A long, black cape nips at black boots as an ominous figure splits the crowd and moves to Charlie's side. BENNY OLTORF, 17, King of the Nerds, has arrived. While he surely thinks of himself as Darth Vader, he's really more a modern-day Ichabod Crane. He lowers his shades and stares down Charlie. Speaks with an accent that seems to be a strange mix of Spanish and Swedish. BENNY This the guy? GOTH GEEK Yeah. BENNY (to Charlie) Do you know who I am? CHARLIE David Lame, boy magician? BENNY No! CHARLIE Dork Vader? BENNY Stop guessing! I'm Benny Oltorf-- Charlie stifles a laugh at the name. 13.

BENNY (CONT’D) What is so funny? CHARLIE Oltorf? What kind of name is that? BENNY I'm Swedish on my father's side and Latin American on my -- stop distracting me! Benny circles Charlie. Makes a show of his cape. BENNY (CONT’D) You're either very brave or very stupid. No one has ever turned down an invitation to join the Jets. CHARLIE The Jets? BENNY Junior Engineering Technological Society, but we think Jets sounds more menacing. (beat) It will be a shame to kill you. Hobbit leans over and whispers in Benny's ear. A frown. BENNY (CONT’D) Unfortunately, I can't kill you. Benny grabs a fistful of Charlie's shirt. A crooked smile reveals a set of equally crooked teeth. BENNY (CONT’D) But I can make your life a living hell. What shall it be, compadre? The Jets or hell? CHARLIE Doesn't actually sound like a choice to me. (a wicked smile) But if it is, then I choose hell. Benny, furious, pushes Charlie to the floor. Looks to Goth Geek - "deal with him." Benny sweeps his cape dramatically, turns and walks away. The crowd parts as he does. Charlie watches him leave. His jaw drops as he notices: 14.

IZZY. She walks alongside Benny, who reaches over and grasps her hand. Ugh. But suddenly she glances back to Charlie. A hint of a smile, and Charlie grins in return. For a moment, all is right in his world. Unfortunately, this is Charlie's world, so naturally, the joy is short-lived. A PAIR OF HANDS grabs him by the shoulders. LATER Snacks, still taped to the vending machine, is not alone. Charlie hangs next to him. Upside-down. SNACKS Which one is your favorite? I like the Animal Crackers. Let 'em get stale, dunk 'em in milk -- Charlie's head bangs softly against the glass. CHARLIE Is every day going to be like this? SNACKS Most likely, yeah. Charlie resumes banging his head against the glass. A candy bar drops from its perch. SNACKS (CONT’D) Sweet! Charlie looks to the floor. A pair of steel-toed shoes appear in his line of sight. He tilts his head up to see: KILLER. A menacing stare. He reaches into his pocket, pulls out a LARGE knife and holds it next to his shoulder. Flicks the blade open. ZWING! He steps towards the two.

INT. HIGH SCHOOL - AUDITORIUM - DAY The gaggle of geeky freshmen -- nervous, gawky, helpless -- wait for the beginning of the assembly. A depressed Charlie rips a large piece of tape from his shirt as he walks in, still a lost little puppy. He looks around, spies Izzy across the way. She sees him look in her direction, but ignores his awkward wave as she strikes up a conversation with others in her row. 15.

Charlie finds a seat clear of everyone else. He slinks down to make himself as invisible as possible. The lights dim as Principal Duggan walks across the stage to a podium. He surveys the crowd. Time to impose his authority. PRINCIPAL DUGGAN Good afternoon, new freshmen students. I'm Principal Carl Duggan, and let me welcome you all to Vernon Pinkley High School, the finest school in all the counties of midwestern Kansas. In your time here at Pinkley, you'll find that I will be your biggest supporter -- as long as you adhere to the rules that our teachers are handing out. A group of TEACHERS hand out papers to the students. Charlie takes his paper and glances at it. INSERT: The paper says "THE ELEVEN COMMANDMENTS" and a list of rules follows. PRINCIPAL DUGGAN (CONT’D) Most of these rules should be easy to follow. For example, Commandment Number One. Leaving campus during the school day is VERBOTEN. Charlie looks around, mouths "Verboten?" and smirks. Principal Duggan catches it from the corner of his eye. PRINCIPAL DUGGAN (CONT’D) Some of you might find these rules amusing. Not meant for you. You would be wrong. So do not test me. You cannot win. Faces of the students show the message is getting through with everyone, except perhaps Charlie, who just looks bored. PRINCIPAL DUGGAN (CONT’D) Just a couple of highlights to point out -- our Chess Club has its first match of the season tomorrow here in the auditorium, and the football team's first game is Friday night. Even though they haven't won a game in two years, I hope you'll still cheer them on. Duggan grips the podium tightly for one final announcement. 16.

PRINCIPAL DUGGAN (CONT’D) Last point. Number Eleven. No one - I repeat, NO ONE - is to attempt the Challenge under any circumstances. I will not have the students of Pinkley High engaging in this archaic ritual, which only results in students getting hurt and heightening tensions with the students at James Ryan High. Duggan hones in a laser-like glare at Charlie, who looks completely confused. The Challenge? What Challenge? PRINCIPAL DUGGAN (CONT’D) Any student who thinks they're above this rule, who chooses to ignore this warning - will face severe consequences. Are we clear? Duggan lets that dour news sink in, and then: PRINCIPAL DUGGAN (CONT’D) (cheerily) Welcome back, and enjoy your year!

INT. CHARLIE'S RESIDENCE - BEDROOM - NIGHT Charlie lays on his bed, reads his copy of "Pride and Prejudice." His attention wanders over to the picture of he and his dad on the night stand next to the bed. CHARLIE It's not what I expected, dad. I don't fit in. (beat) How do I stop being the prey? Nothing. Charlie sighs, returns to his book.

INT. HIGH SCHOOL HALLWAY - LOCKER AREA - DAY Charlie opens his locker. Inside, a NOTE. It simply reads: "TAKE THE CHALLENGE." Charlie looks around, then studies the note for a moment. Confused, he stuffs it in his backpack. He grabs a few books and shuffles away. 17.

INT. HIGH SCHOOL - AUDITORIUM STAGE - DAY A chess board sits on a wooden table, a game in progress. A knight gets taken by a queen. A HAND slams a timer next to the board. It belongs to Benny, who wears a scowl that would make Michael Phelps proud. He flings his cape back, exposing a uniform of sorts: a shirt with the letters "PHS" curving over the number 42. Across from Benny, a diminutive TEEN who is clearly out of Benny's league. In the background, multiple tables form a line, each manned by a misfit CHESS CLUB MEMBER in a matching uniform -- each across from an equally over-matched OPPONENT. For a chess meet, the auditorium is packed. That is, it's maybe a quarter full. But, it's full enough that a curious Charlie doesn't stand out when he sneaks in the back. Benny's opponent visibly shakes as he moves a bishop. BENNY You fool! He slides a rook across the board, trapping the Teen's king. BENNY (CONT’D) (like Clint Eastwood) Checkmate, punk. Down the line of tables, the dominos fall quickly. "Checkmate. Checkmate. Checkmate." It's a clean sweep. The "crowd" CHEERS. Hiding behind his copy of "Pride and Prejudice," Charlie peers over the top, his gaze fixed on the small PEP BAND that sits just below the stage, playing a victory tune. Izzy sits among them, nearly lost in the twisting turns of a tuba. Her cheeks puff with every note. OOMP. OOMP. OOMP. Benny stands and acknowledges their applause, disregarding the outstretched hand of the Teen offering congratulations. Drunk with adrenaline, Benny leaps from the stage and lands in front of Izzy, then plants a kiss on her lips. It's a bit awkward given she's wrapped in a giant tuba. It's equally awkward when she immediately withdraws and shoves a shocked Benny in the chest. 18.

IZZY (low) What are you doing? BENNY What does it look like? I'm kissing my girlfriend! Why are you making a big deal out of it? IZZY Because you just assumed that you could do it. Maybe I wasn't in the mood to be kissed, especially in front of everyone! BENNY Not in the... I don't get it. You've been acting strange ever since the school year started. Benny straightens up, and notices Charlie near the back. He becomes visibly angry. BENNY (CONT’D) Is there another guy? Like that idiot in the back? Izzy spins as best she can in a tuba. Notices Charlie. She turns back to Benny. IZZY Don't be stupid. That touched a nerve. The minions cower in fear. BENNY Don't. Ever. Call. Me. That. Again. Snacks plops down in the seat next to Charlie as Benny and Izzy continue to argue. SNACKS What's goin' on? CHARLIE Benny kissed Izzy -- and I think I'm gonna get beat up over it. At the front of the auditorium, Benny points to Charlie. BENNY (to Izzy) I don't want you talking to him. 19.

IZZY Don't tell me who I can and can't talk to! CHARLIE We better get out of here. Charlie picks up his backpack, but the zipper is open and the contents spill out on the floor. Charlie ducks under the seat, scrambles to gather his stuff. SNACKS Uh -- Charlie -- you might -- Charlie looks up just as Izzy arrives. Still in her tuba. She grabs Charlie and yanks him up. Stopping only to make sure that Benny is watching, she proceeds to plant a big wet kiss right on Charlie's lips. She turns and stomps out of the auditorium, leaving a stunned Charlie behind. Snacks quickly snaps him to attention. SNACKS (CONT’D) Incoming. Benny and the minions stalk in their direction. Charlie grabs his backpack, but it's too late. BENNY (O.S.) You spineless, puke-for-brains pinhead. CHARLIE Am I supposed to be insulted by that? The reason I ask is because I'm a puke-for-brains pinhead. Benny is thrown off kilter. BENNY You think you're a brave man now, Charles, but if you don't stay away from my girlfriend... I'll smash open your head and puke in it. CHARLIE Now you're just being repetitive. Benny reaches down and grabs Charlie's backpack, turns it upside down. The note from Charlie’s locker flutters to the floor in front of Snacks. 20.

Benny takes the backpack and jams it on Charlie's head. Zips it up. Charlie has the proverbial turkey on the head look. SNACKS Leave him alone, Benny. Please? The backpack turns in Snack's direction. CHARLIE (muffled) I got this, Snacks. Benny pushes Charlie into a seat. BENNY You're nothing more than a tribble. CHARLIE A what? BENNY A tribble. The backpack shrugs. BENNY (CONT’D) Star Trek Season Two. Episode fourteen-- TREKKIE Fifteen. Benny throws his hand up, silencing the minion. BENNY Fifteen. The Trouble With Tribbles? CHARLIE Yeah, sorry. I'm more a 'Battlestar Gallactica' guy. More GASPS from the minions. Benny leans into the backpack. It's all very surreal. BENNY (low) She may think you're cute and cuddly. But I know what you are. You're nothing more than a cockroach. One that I will soon stomp on. 21.

CHARLIE Wait. I thought I was a tribble. But I guess I'm confused, since I'm a puke-for-brains pinhead. A frustrated Benny stomps off. Charlie struggles to get the backpack off. As he does: Snacks finds the note on the floor. He picks it up and reads: TAKE THE CHALLENGE. He waves the note at Charlie. SNACKS What is this? CHARLIE It was in my locker. SNACKS Forget it, okay? Didn't you hear Principal Duggan? CHARLIE I don't even know what we're talking about. What the heck is this Challenge anyway?

INT. HIGH SCHOOL- MAIN ENTRANCE - DAY Charlie and Snacks stand in front of the school trophy case. It's pretty sparse. Pinkley High is obviously not known for its sports prowess. Above the meager collection of trophies is a banner: "PINCKLEY HIGH SCHOOL - HOME OF THE FIGHTING LEGUMES!" In the corner of the case rests a BEANSTALK. SNACKS The Pork and Beans Challenge. Charlie is too distracted by the banner. CHARLIE The Fighting Legumes? SNACKS When the only thing your town is known for is producing soybeans, the name kinda sticks. CHARLIE Kinda sucks. 22.

SNACKS This is a big deal around here, Chuck. Winning the Pork and Beans Challenge would bring mad respect and glory. See, our big rival is James Francis Ryan High. The Wild Hogs. Every year students from both schools try to steal each other's mascot the week before the big game. To win the challenge, they have to get the rival's mascot to midfield during the halftime show. CHARLIE Crazy. Anyone ever pulled it off? SNACKS People round here say some group from Pinkley managed it about twenty years ago. But I think it's just one of those urban legends. Charlie is fixated on the beanstalk in the trophy case. CHARLIE (to himself) Mad respect and glory... PRELAP: The off-kilter sounds of a high school marching band.

EXT. HIGH SCHOOL - FOOTBALL FIELD - DAY The trophy case beanstalk is replaced by an exact replica on the front of a T-shirt worn by a TRUMPET PLAYER. The Pinkley High marching band, a small but willing bunch, go through their routines for the upcoming game. Charlie sits in the stands. "Pride and Prejudice" is open in his lap, but he isn't interested in it at the moment. His focus is on Izzy, marching in place, her cheeks puffing madly into her tuba's mouthpiece. Charlie is mesmerized by this young girl in shorts and beanstalk T-shirt. The band's song devolves into a series of bass drum beats. BOOM, BOOM, BOOM. Charlie closes his eyes, Izzy still on his mind, and we SMASH CUT to:

EXT. HIGH SCHOOL - FOOTBALL FIELD - NIGHT A scoreboard that shines brightly: HOGS 35 LEGUMES 0. 23.

It's halftime of the big game and a marching band steps lively across the field. In the middle of the group, a large BASS DRUM rolls to midfield, stopping at the fifty yard line. BOOM. BOOM. BOOM. The drum pounds out the beat as the band, now in uniform, fans out in formation. The music stops. On each side of the large drum: gangly teenagers in partial mascot suits. One, a bean pod, the other, a wild hog. Both suits incomplete, heads missing. P.A. ANNOUNCER (V.O.) What is this? Ladies and gentlemen, could it be that Pinkley High has their first Pork and Beans challenge victory in 20 years? The crowd reacts with a mix of sneers, chuckles and outright mocking. "Yeah, right." P.A. ANNOUNCER (V.O.) Or is it more likely the winner is from Ryan High? If the winning Hog would please step forward... A silence falls over the crowd. On the Hog's sideline, football players, all huge, exchange glances: "Do you have them?" "No. You?" On the Pinkley sideline, football players, much smaller, do the same. Suddenly, at midfield: The bass drum explodes, ripped wide open in a burst of glory. A student emerges. He wears the hog's head and holds the head of the bean pod mascot under one arm. The crowd GASPS, as crowds often do. The student tosses the bean head to the Pinkley mascot and rips the hog head from his own, holding it triumphantly to the sky. It's Charlie. The crowd erupts as the band blasts a victory march. Izzy, unable to contain her love, throws her tuba aside and races to Charlie, plants a large kiss dead on his lips. Charlie swoons. 24.

IZZY I've always loved you, Charlie. She kisses him again, this time even more passionately. Charlie is ripped from Izzy's arms and lifted into the air. The football team has commandeered the new hero. CROWD Charlie! Charlie! Charlie! It's magnificent. Everything Charlie's ever wanted. Until -- The stadium lights SNAP OFF. The music stops. The chanting stops. The crowd on the field parts as a large and dark presence emerges. Very large. Very dark. Benny strides to the center of the field, much taller than normal. More confident. More sinister. His voice is deep and powerful. Almost Vader-like in intensity. BENNY I've come for what is mine, Charles. Benny raises his arms, casting a shadow that swallows the tiny Charlie. Benny laughs that deep, evil laugh that all great bad guys possess. It shakes Charlie to his core. Izzy walks toward Benny. IZZY Sorry, Charlie. Benny laughs again, this time louder. The crowd chants. CROWD Benny! Benny! Benny! BENNY Mine! All mine!

EXT. HIGH SCHOOL - FOOTBALL FIELD - DAY CHARLIE Izzy!! Charlie snaps awake. Several high school FRESHMEN stand nearby and laugh at Charlie, who slinks away, embarrassed. ON THE FIELD -- The band is on a break, and Izzy watches with pity as Charlie makes his escape. 25.

INT. HIGH SCHOOL - STAIRWELL - DAY Charlie sits on the stairs, sullen and depressed. The school year is not off to a good start for him. The PLODDING of footsteps in the stairwell shakes him from his reverie. Killer stops and looks back at Charlie. KILLER What's your problem? CHARLIE What isn't? Charlie stares into the wall of the stairwell. He's pretty much at his wit's end. CHARLIE (CONT’D) School sucks. The Jets are picking on me. Don't have any friends here. (beat) The thing is, I talk to my dad about my problems. I know it's weird, but it helps. I would get a sense of what dad would do in a situation. It was like he was right there with me. Now when I need him most... nothing. KILLER What were you asking him? Charlie hangs his head. CHARLIE How do I stop being the prey? Killer takes the half-chewed cigar from his mouth. KILLER Simple, kid. Become the predator. Charlie gives Killer a look: "And how do I do that?" KILLER (CONT’D) Listen. This isn't rocket science. You stand up for yourself. Stand up for others. Make a statement - something bold that shows Benny and the Jets you're not gonna be a pushover for the next four years. CHARLIE Something bold... like what? 26.

KILLER Figure it out yourself. Now get outta here before I get a reputation as a nice guy. Charlie dashes off. Here endeth the lesson.

INT. CHARLIE'S RESIDENCE - GARAGE - NIGHT Charlie tinkers with an old lawn mower engine. He attempts to mount it to a very homemade-looking go-kart frame. His frustrations mount along with his failed efforts. Finally, he throws a wrench, nearly hitting MEG, who deftly ducks as she carries laundry into the garage. MEG Bad day? CHARLIE Sorry. She loads the washing machine. MEG Not the first wrench I've dodged. Your father had a bit of that in him, too, when I first met him. Need some help? CHARLIE I've got it. MEG I could -- CHARLIE (snaps) -- I said I've got it! It's harsh. She slams the washing machine door. MEG We're all dealing with stuff, bud. Charlie slumps as his mother slides out of the garage.

INT. CHARLIE'S RESIDENCE - MASTER BEDROOM - NIGHT Meg paces the bedroom. 27.

MEG Why that? You couldn't have taught him your sense of humor? Charlie slowly opens the door. MEG (CONT’D) Or, the way you learned to go calm right in the middle of everything breaking down? Yeah. Why didn't you teach him that one first? Charlie pushes in. CHARLIE You talking to Dad? She's embarrassed. But she presses through. MEG Yes. It helps. A little. CHARLIE I do it, too. She wraps him up. They sit on the bed together. MEG I think about him every day. I know how much you miss him. It'll get better with time. (beat) How's school? Making any friends? Charlie flops back on the bed. CHARLIE Ugh. A couple. Maybe. I don't know. I think I've made more enemies. MEG The new guy is always an easy target, I guess. Once they get to know you, it'll get easier. DING DONG. The doorbell. She moves to the window. MEG (CONT’D) Everyone is battling something. Your dad instinctively knew that. (looks out) You expecting someone? She hides a smile. 28.

MEG (CONT’D) It's a girl. She's cute. Charlie is, of course, petrified. And intrigued. He attempts to smooth his hair, catching a quick glance at a mirror. Another DING DONG. MEG (CONT’D) You going to answer that, or do you want me--? CHARLIE I got it! Just stay there. Please. LIVING ROOM Charlie takes a deep breath, and slowly opens the front door. It's Izzy. Holy cow. Charlie's knees buckle just a little. CHARLIE Izzy. Hi. IZZY You know my name. That's a start.

EXT. CHARLIE'S RESIDENCE- NIGHT Charlie collects himself. He steps out onto the porch and looks around. IZZY Don't worry. He's not out there. Charlie breathes a sigh of relief. But then: CHARLIE How did you know where I lived? IZZY I volunteer occasionally in the school office. Snuck a peak in your file when no one was around. CHARLIE I don't know whether to be scared or flattered. What brings you here? IZZY Thought I'd check on you. I kind of messed with your head today. 29.

CHARLIE You think? IZZY Sorry about that. I guess I needed to explain what happened. Didn't want to leave you wondering what the deal was, you know? Because-- CHARLIE --You were only doing it to make Benny jealous? IZZY Busted. Although honestly, I'm not sure that's entirely it. Still trying to figure it out. Maybe part of me was trying to make him jealous. But I think I was trying to show him he doesn't own me and can't tell me what to do with my life. Sorry to put you in the middle of my fight. Charlie shuffles his feet. A hint of disappointment. CHARLIE Can I ask you something? IZZY Sure. CHARLIE Why are you with him? Izzy ponders the question. Perhaps longer than she should. IZZY Believe me, I've asked myself that more than once. Just... because, I guess. No real reason. I don't love him, that's for sure. Maybe it's because he's who he is. Girls always go for the bad guy, you know. Maybe it's because I don't know what I'm really looking for in a guy. Yet. Izzy isn't sure whether she's answered Charlie's question. His face is expressionless. IZZY (CONT’D) So -- no hard feelings? 30.

CHARLIE No, I guess not... (beat) Just one problem. IZZY What? CHARLIE Benny already had it in for me. That kiss probably sealed my fate. Izzy steps off the porch and starts to walk away. IZZY You're a smart guy, Charlie. You'll figure something out, I'm sure.

INT. CHARLIE'S RESIDENCE - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT Charlie walks back through the living room. Meg watches TV. MEG Well? CHARLIE Girls! They make no sense. MEG Your dad thought the same thing about me. Don't give up. We're worth it. Charlie's expression indicates he's not so sure about that.

INT. CHARLIE'S RESIDENCE - BEDROOM - NIGHT Charlie picks up his copy of "Pride and Prejudice." Stuck to the bottom of it is the note. He reads it again. CHARLIE "Take the challenge." The cogs begin to whirl in Charlie's head.

INT. HIGH SCHOOL HALLWAY - DAY Charlie passes STUDENTS hunched over from the massive weight of their backpacks. 31.

He pulls up to his locker. A few lockers away, a faint BANGING noise. Charlie rushes over and opens it. Snacks is curled up inside. Charlie helps him out. CHARLIE You okay? Snacks stretches himself back into shape. SNACKS Wasn't too bad. I was able to finish some homework. CHARLIE I'm going to do it. SNACKS Your homework? CHARLIE No! The pork and beans challenge! Snacks SLAMS his locker door shut. SNACKS You're crazy. You know we're not allowed to do that. CHARLIE But I'm not crazy! You said it yourself! If I can pull this off, I'll be the biggest man on campus! A hero! Mad respect and glory! No more bullying from Benny and his minions. Girls throwing themselves at me. Especially Izzy! SNACKS Chuck, even if you were able to win the Challenge, Izzy isn't going to leave Benny for you. He's the man. The King of the Nerds. CHARLIE (as they walk away) Trust me, Snacks. I pull this off, and there'll be a new king in town. Nearby, Duggan peers from behind a bank of lockers, a disapproving look at Charlie as he leaves. 32.

INT. HIGH SCHOOL CLASSROOM - DAY Ms. Cooper faces the class, hands folded behind her. MS. COOPER Everyone has immersed themselves in this novel, I take it. Unexcited faces stare back at her. She steps towards them, a tiger about to pounce. MS. COOPER (CONT’D) Let's dig in, shall we? 'Pride and Prejudice' is, above all else, a novel about overcoming obstacles and finding love. Incidentally, the original title was 'First Impressions.' She strolls up to Toots' desk, and as he slides down in his chair, she instead turns her focus to Izzy. MS. COOPER (CONT’D) Ms. Bloom, what would you say were Elizabeth's first impressions about Mr. Darcy? IZZY I think she thought of him as being rude and arrogant. Maybe too sure of himself. MS. COOPER Was he? CHARLIE I don't think he was. Ms. Cooper is surprised by the interruption. MS. COOPER Please enlighten us, Mr. Drumhouse. CHARLIE Because nothing is ever as it first seems. I hated pizza the first time I tried it, but it grew on me. You thought I was a complete loser when I first walked in here. MS. COOPER You haven't convinced me otherwise. 33.

CHARLIE Point is, Mr. Darcy comes off as this high society fancy pants who's too good for Elizabeth, but he barely even knows her true nature, and vice versa. Something's gonna happen later for each of them to realize that the first impressions they had of each other weren't really right at all, and maybe they'll come to accept each other for who they really are. Ms. Cooper finds herself actually nodding at his answer. Charlie looks over to Izzy, who does the same.

INT. FAST FOOD RESTAURANT - NIGHT Izzy and Benny sit across from each other in a booth. Benny gnaws on a cheeseburger as Izzy watches. She tries to sneak a french fry from his tray, but he slaps her hand away. BENNY If you had wanted fries, then you should have ordered your own. IZZY You know what? You're selfish. That's just a fact. An egotistical, bullying, selfish know-it-all. I should have figured that out a lot sooner than I did, but I'm just a freshman and I'm dating a junior and I was oblivious about it, and not even realizing it when it was happening to me. But not any more. You understand? BENNY I understand that you're rambling. Izzy doesn't respond. Looks away. Benny doesn't seem to care about her non-response. He returns to his meal. BENNY (CONT’D) This is about Charles, isn't it? IZZY (exasperated) Of course not. It's about you. It’s always about you. (she gets up) We're done, Benny. 34.

BENNY Suit yourself, Isabel. But stay away from Charles, or you'll only have yourself to blame if something terrible happens to him. She only chews on that for a second before marching off. Benny fumes in his seat. But not enough that he doesn't enjoy another french fry.

INT. HIGH SCHOOL - CHEMISTRY CLASS - DAY Numerous lab tables are scattered around the room. FRESHMEN, divided at the tables by the social classes of nerds, jocks and cool kids, participate in experiments. Charlie and Snacks know their place. They sit amongst the nerds. Toots sits across from them. Toots leans over a Bunsen burner. Pulls out a small bag. TOOTS Watch this. CHARLIE I've seen this trick before. Toots take a small pinch of white powder from the bag and throws it into the burner's flame. A magnificent orange-white flame shoots toward the ceiling. OOOH's rise from other students. CHARLIE (CONT’D) Or maybe I haven't. Cool. MR. KANTOR, a short, squatty, teacher with a bad comb over, barely can muster the energy to complain. MR. KANTOR Mr. Hanson, this chemistry experiment is about testing the pH acid in a lemon. It doesn't require you to burn down the school. Toots shrugs. Charlie is amazed. CHARLIE Maybe you should teach this class. SNACKS Least you know what you're doing. 35.

TOOTS Everybody has their own gifts, man. Charlie squeezes a quarter-lemon onto some pH paper. Snacks has his lemon in his mouth. Creates a solid yellow smile. CHARLIE I've been thinking. I can't do this on my own. I need to build a team to take on the Challenge. Snacks' lemon smile becomes a lemon frown. He spits it out. SNACKS No way. Not a chance in H-E-double hockey sticks. We're a bunch of brainiacs, Chuck. Nerds with a capital N. We're not designed to do the heavy lifting you need to pull this off. Not like those hulks. Snacks points over to the muscle bound athletes gathered at one table. They're making airplanes out of their test paper. TOOTS Don't need heavy liftin'. Just need a good plan. (to Snacks) Who you think invented pulleys? Levers and fulcrums? Lunkheads like those guys? Our brains can conceive what their brawn can't achieve. CHARLIE See? SNACKS May I remind you that once you humiliate the brawns, they'll beat the brains out of you. CHARLIE Not if we have a plan to avoid it. SNACKS And what about Principal Duggan? CHARLIE He can't tell us what we can and can't do off school grounds. (to Toots) So you in? 36.

TOOTS Yeah, sure. CHARLIE (to Snacks) What about it? SNACKS Thanks, but no thanks. Toots sets the pH paper over the bunsen burner and it floats to the ceiling, burning along the way. CHARLIE You know we're supposed to turn that in, right?

INT. HIGH SCHOOL - LUNCH ROOM - DAY The usual chaos. Charlie stares at his disgusting slice of frozen microwaved pizza, while Snacks goes to town. Two tables away, Killer and Duggan eat their lunch with a group of other teachers, completely ignored by students. Toots walks up with a tray. With him is EMO, 15, whose nickname doesn't fit well at all. An Asian-American in garish, loud colors. A big bandage sits on his forehead. CHARLIE Hey. Who's this? TOOTS Li Wei. We just call him Emo, because he's such a punk. EMO Hello. I don't know what he means. CHARLIE None of us do. (points at the bandage) What happened to you? EMO Benny super glued my history book to my forehead. Everyone nods. They've all been there. Emo stabs at his food with his fork, then lifts the offending food in the air and examines it. Grimaces. 37.

EMO (CONT’D) You are going to pursue the Challenge. This is exciting. (off Charlie's look) Toots told me. Do you need help? CHARLIE Yes. Absolutely. SNACKS You too? Why? TOOTS Man, you of all people should know why. How many times have you been taped to that vending machine? How often has Emo had mashed potatoes crammed in his pants? Emo shifts uncomfortably in his seat. TOOTS (CONT’D) I'm tired of the gluing and toilet plunging and the Jets generally making our lives miserable. We're only four weeks into our freshman year. I can't take another three years of this. It's time we did something about it. SNACKS How is stealing a rival's mascot going to solve our problems? CHARLIE You said it yourself. Respect. We win, and the students here will look up to us, including - hello - the football team? That's going to get the Jets off our backs. The football team may not win games, but the Jets aren't going to upset those guys. TOOTS Bro, the worst that happens is that we fail. But least we'll have tried. But to try we need a team. EMO There is an ancient Chinese saying: "When people work with one mind, they can even move Mount Taishan." 38.

CHARLIE Mount Taishan? EMO No clue. I'm from Wichita. CHARLIE (to Snacks) Please? SNACKS You sure this isn't about a girl? CHARLIE Were you not listening just now? And as he says this, Izzy enters the lunch room. SNACKS (nods towards Izzy) Your honor, may I present into evidence Exhibit A? With her is CALISTA BEAMER, 15. Every inch of her screams drama, from her outlandish hair to her extravagant clothes. A firecracker waiting to go off. Calista spots Charlie and sprints to his table. CALISTA Oh my god oh my god OH MY GOD! CHARLIE Hi Calista. CALISTA Tell me you're really going to do the Challenge? CHARLIE How did you know? CALISTA Toots told me. CHARLIE (to Toots) You told her? TOOTS This some sort of big secret? 39.

CHARLIE If we're doing a secret operation, then, yeah, sorta. Izzy walks up. Charlie gives her a subtle nod. CALISTA I want in! CHARLIE Umm... CALISTA What, because I'm a girl you think I can't handle it? CHARLIE (off her nasty look) Fine, you're in. Izzy? IZZY In for what? CHARLIE The Challenge. IZZY Yeah, whatever. I've got nothing else going on. CHARLIE Your enthusiasm is overwhelming. (to the others, serious) Okay, team. From this point on, we don't talk about this to anyone. (to Toots) Anyone. If Duggan finds out we could all get suspended. The cafeteria suddenly settles down. Benny, Goth Geek and Trekkie enter the lunch room. Snacks cowers behind Emo. SNACKS It's Benny and the Jets. EMO We should leave. The mashed potatoes looked very lumpy today. Charlie looks across the room. Catches Killer's eye. He hears Killer's voice in his head. 40.

KILLER (V.O.) Do something bold... CHARLIE (snaps to) No! We can't keep running from him. At some point we're going to have to take a stand and let him know he can't bully us anymore. Benny zeroes in on his target. Goth Geek, Hobbit and Trekkie stand around Benny as he faces Charlie. BENNY Being a bad boy again, are you Charles? Talking with Izzy? IZZY He was talking with Calista. Not that it should matter anyway. We're through, remember? CHARLIE Really. Charlie glances at Izzy. She merely shrugs. BENNY Don't get your hopes up, Charles. You're far beneath her standards. Or at least I used to think that. But go ahead and try if you want to be utterly embarrassed. We'll all revel in the misery of your massive failure at love. CHARLIE You mean like you did? Benny frowns. He picks up a slice of pizza from Charlie's plate. Killer's voice plays again in his head. KILLER (V.O.) Stand up for yourself... CHARLIE Hey! Put it down, jerk. BENNY That's not very nice, Charles. You need to learn to share. Killer tenses up. Senses something is about to go down. Duggan watches with interest as well. 41.

Goth Geek reaches down to grab a slice as well. Charlie suddenly grabs his fork and STABS the table right next to Goth's outstretched hand. He screams like a little girl. Benny, frustrated at Charlie's insolence, throws his pizza slice into Charlie's $3.99 K-Mart T-shirt. A trail of grease left behind as it slides down. Oh, now it's on. Charlie leaps on the table top. Benny wasn't expecting that. BENNY (CONT’D) What are you-- Before Benny can finish the sentence, Charlie jumps. IN SLOW MOTION: A deranged Charlie flies through the air towards Benny, who braces for impact. Just as they're about to collide, Charlie STOPS in mid-air. Benny looks up to see Charlie dangling in the air, held aloft by the massive arm of Killer. KILLER What were you thinking? CHARLIE I was doing something bold. KILLER We need to have a talk about what the word "bold" means. PRINCIPAL DUGGAN (O.S.) What's going on here? Everyone wheels to see Duggan standing behind them. CHARLIE (points at Benny) They were bullying us. As usual. BENNY Don't be silly. I was just pointing out how futile it is for Charles to moon after Izzy, and he went crazy. Killer's eyebrows raise. The others protest Benny's lie. PRINCIPAL DUGGAN (to Charlie) My office. Now. 42.

CHARLIE (points to Benny) What about him? PRINCIPAL DUGGAN I didn't ask for him, did I? Duggan turns to leave. Charlie looks around, then follows Duggan. Killer tags along, and Duggan pulls up. PRINCIPAL DUGGAN (CONT’D) I didn't ask for you, either. KILLER But as head of security, I think I-- PRINCIPAL DUGGAN If I wanted your opinion, I would have asked for it. Killer bows up. The anger evident on his face. KILLER It still eats at you, doesn't it? After all these years? Duggan considers a response, but instead moves on. PRINCIPAL DUGGAN Mr. Drumhouse? Charlie looks to Izzy as he follows. IZZY It'll be okay, Charlie. Benny's eyes narrow at this proclamation. BENNY (mocking) "It'll be okay, Charlie." Your faith is misplaced, Izzy. You'll regret ever leaving me for this worthless piece of rabble.

INT. HIGH SCHOOL - PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE - DAY Duggan and Charlie step into Duggan's office. It's not typical of your average school principal's office. Very little of the school spirit, and more of the sci-fi spirit. 43.

A BB8 robot on the desk. A Starship Enterprise model on a credenza. Harry Potter, Star Trek and other memorabilia scattered about. Charlie has entered a nerd museum. PRINCIPAL DUGGAN Sit down, please. (after Charlie sits) Mr. Drumhouse, I know you are new here and I know that circumstances for you are...unique. I'm sorry for the loss of your father, and perhaps that's clouding your thinking. However, that does not give you the right to come into this school acting like rules are for others but not for you. CHARLIE That's not true! PRINCIPAL DUGGAN Isn't it? Let's review your first few days here at Pinkley, shall we? (opens a folder) Destroyed a spirit banner. Exploded a cherry bomb in the men's locker room. Insubordination with a teacher. Created a disturbance during the chess match. CHARLIE That's not what-- PRINCIPAL DUGGAN --and just now, tried to stab someone's hand with a fork, stood on a lunchroom table and tried to attack one of our honor students. Quite the rap sheet. Charlie is clearly flustered and confused. CHARLIE You mean Benny? I don't understand. He... I... He and his group of suck ups have done nothing but make my life miserable since the moment I walked in the front door! 44.

KILLER Mr. Drumhouse, I will not have you disparaging the reputation of some of our best students just because of your inability to get along with anyone. Word gets around, son. CHARLIE You're not even paying attention! PRINCIPAL DUGGAN The problem for you is that I have been paying attention. (beat) In school suspension this Saturday morning. CHARLIE That's not fair! PRINCIPAL DUGGAN 8:00 a.m. Don't be late. Stay out of trouble from now on, or the consequences will be even more severe. Now get back to class. CHARLIE But-- PRINCIPAL DUGGAN You're excused, Mr. Drumhouse. Charlie runs out of the office, angry.

EXT. HIGH SCHOOL - MAIN ENTRANCE - MORNING Meg's car comes to a stop in front of the school. Charlie gets out and trudges up the steps to the entrance.

INT. HIGH SCHOOL - CLASSROOM - MORNING Charlie enters the room. Two other STUDENTS are already there. One texts incessantly on her phone, the other listens to music on headphones. Both do so out of boredom. Charlie sits at one of the desks, unsure what to do, so he fidgets with his backpack. The door opens, and Killer, of all people, walks in. Parks himself at the teacher's desk. 45.

The other two students don't even acknowledge Killer's presence, but Charlie is dumbfounded. KILLER Something wrong? CHARLIE Just surprised that you're here. KILLER You're not the only one on Duggan's bad side. CHARLIE What'd you do? KILLER Stood up for myself. CHARLIE Thought doing that was supposed to be a good thing. Seems like it only gets you into trouble around here. KILLER Standing up for yourself isn't a bad thing, kid. Just have to pick your battles. For instance, don't pick the middle of the lunchroom to stand up to Benny when everyone, especially Duggan, is watching. Charlie mulls that over. CHARLIE Don't be the prey. Do something bold. Stand up for yourself unless someone’s watching. Sounds like a game with no rules on how to play. KILLER Life gives you the directions, kid. You just don't want to follow 'em. CHARLIE What did you mean when you told Principal Duggan "It still eats at you after all these years?" Killer ponders the question. 46.

KILLER That's a story for another time. Now go do some homework so I can take a nap.

EXT. CHARLIE'S RESIDENCE - BACK YARD - DAY Charlie's backyard is as nondescript as he is. Splotchy grass, a row of hedges against the house, a single tree, under which rests a grainy picnic table. It's the same one he sat on in the picture with his dad. The team sits around the table, drinking sodas and trying their best to come up with ideas. CHARLIE Three weeks until the Challenge. We need a plan. Any ideas? CALISTA Super awesome uniforms that scream "espionage!" CHARLIE Any other suggestions? CALISTA Oh, I see. Only the guys get to contribute to this little "team." I HATE YOU AND YOUR SEXIST ATTITUDE YOU PIG! It gets really quiet. CALISTA (CONT’D) (cheerily) Anyone want a soda? CHARLIE Any other suggestions? TOOTS Drugs? CHARLIE We're not doing drugs, Toots. TOOTS No, man, we drug the hog. Put it to sleep so we can kidnap it. 47.

IZZY So we drug a 500 pound hog, then just pick it up and put it in a U- Haul. Sounds simple enough. Charlie's mom brings out a tray of snacks, happy that Charlie has some actual friends to spend time with. MEG What are you guys up to? Toots just can't help himself. TOOTS Making plans to win the Pork and Beans Challenge. CHARLIE Why don't you just call up Ryan High and let them know we're on our way over while you're at it? Meg beams with delight at the news of the Challenge. MEG Following in your dad's footsteps. He would've been so proud. Charlie is dumbfounded. This is news to him. CHARLIE What?

INT. CHARLIE'S RESIDENCE - DINING ROOM - DAY PLOP! A weathered high school yearbook drops on the dining room table. The team watches as Meg flips through the pages. Charlie stops her at one page. Points to a young Meg with the hideous 80's hair and even more hideous clothing. CHARLIE That's you? Holy cow... CALISTA Your clothes! They're awful! And that hair! Yuck. Everyone stares awkwardly at Calista. CHARLIE C'mon. You caught dad's eye. 48.

MEG Speaking of which... She flips over a couple of pages and finds Jack. Charlie and the others laugh at the sight of the nerd poster boy. MEG (CONT’D) Might as well laugh at Duggan, too. She points. Drumhouse. Duggan. Right next to each other. Two nerds for the price of one. The group HOWLS at the sight. Meg flips through some more pages. MEG (CONT’D) Here you go. INSERT IN YEARBOOK - There's a picture of a group of high school guys surrounding a behemoth hog. MEG (CONT’D) There's your dad. Charlie studies the picture with pride. CHARLIE This is so awesome. Why didn't you ever tell me? MEG Guess it wasn't relevant until now. Meg points out the people in the picture. MEG (CONT’D) There's your dad, then Skip, Kevin, Donny, Mickey and Evan. CHARLIE Wow. Dad. That is so cool. As Izzy studies the picture, her eyes squint a little. IZZY (points at the picture) Wait a second. This guy. MEG Kevin? IZZY (to everyone else) Is that... Killer? 49.

MEG ‘Killer’? That’s a weird name for such a sweet guy. CHARLIE You sure we’re talking about the same person? MEG How do you know him? CHARLIE He's the school's head of security. MEG Really! I wondered what happened to him after high school. Most of us went off to college. He took a different path. Became a Navy Seal. Lost track of him after that. EMO Navy Seal. That's impressive. Once again the cogs in Charlie's mind start to turn. CHARLIE You guys thinking what I am?

INT. HIGH SCHOOL - SECURITY OFFICE - DAY Charlie peeks in the office door, a kid on Christmas morning. Killer sits at a desk, fills in a form. He looks up to see Charlie peering in the door. KILLER You lost? He holds Meg's yearbook under his arm. The other group members fill in the door behind him, each sporting a big smile. Killer wheels his chair around to face the crowd, confused. KILLER (CONT’D) This can't be good. Charlie holds up the yearbook. CHARLIE You're holding out on us. 50.

KILLER Am I? IZZY Show him. Charlie starts to open the yearbook, but Killer stops him. KILLER I know, okay? The Challenge. That was a long time ago. CHARLIE We're going to do it, and we want you to train us. Killer laughs, then turns back to his form. TOOTS What's so funny? KILLER You guys are real gluttons for punishment. First you tick off the Jets, now you want to take on the Challenge? You're nuts, that's what you are. CHARLIE We're not nuts! We're doing the same thing you and dad did in high school. KILLER That was different, kid. CHARLIE It isn't different! And stop calling me kid! (Off Killer's shrug) You told me to be bold! KILLER Bold. Not stupid. Two different things. Stupid gets you killed.

INT. HIGH SCHOOL HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS Principal Duggan strolls the halls. He spots the group congregated around Killer's office door. 51.

INT. HIGH SCHOOL - SECURITY OFFICE - CONTINUOUS The Cheshire Cat smiles are gone, replaced with anxiousness. IZZY You were a Navy Seal. You can train us on how to win this thing. KILLER Wrong. Keep me out of your little suicide mission. CHARLIE But you have the history. You have the expertise. You can-- Killer grabs Charlie's ear and pulls him close. Speaks firmly in it. KILLER ARE YOU LISTENING? Forget it. Ain't happening. CHARLIE Owww. Why? KILLER Because I have a job. It's a crappy job, but I need to keep it, because I have to pay rent at my crappy apartment and put crappy food on my crappy table. And If Duggan were to find out-- PRINCIPAL DUGGAN (O.S.) Find out what? Principal Duggan stands behind the group in the doorway. Panicked faces, but Killer rises to the occasion. KILLER These guys wanted me to teach them how to protect themselves from the Jets. But I was about to tell them no way, that you would blow a gasket, seeing that, back in high school, you were a Jet yourself. I mean, how would that look? The gang stares blankly at Duggan, who is clearly unamused at Killer revealing this info. 52.

PRINCIPAL DUGGAN (to the students) Back to your classes. The students look to Killer, who nods and they shuffle off. Duggan shuts the door. He is not pleased with Killer. PRINCIPAL DUGGAN (CONT’D) Why are you undermining me? KILLER Don't be so dramatic, Carl. PRINCIPAL DUGGAN When you treat me with disrespect, you give them the green light to do the same, and I won't stand for it. KILLER Jack was your own personal punching bag in high school, and now Benny's doing the same to Charlie. I’m not going to let that continue. PRINCIPAL DUGGAN You're the one being dramatic. We were just boys being boys. Harmless fun. Same thing now. KILLER I don't believe that for a second, but now I see why you're protecting Benny over Charlie. You're still angry that Jack wouldn't let you join our team when we stole the Ryan mascot, and you're taking it out on his son. And me. The cigar goes in. It punctuates a severe frown. PRINCIPAL DUGGAN You are walking a very fine line here, mister. It's not your place to get involved. (as he opens the door) If these kids are taking on the Challenge, and they better not be, then you'll stay out of it if you want to keep your job here. Duggan SLAMS the door as he goes. Killer stews in his chair. 53.

INT. CHARLIE'S RESIDENCE - DINING ROOM - AFTERNOON The team crowds around a laptop. A map on the screen. CHARLIE How do we know this is where the hog is located? TOOTS My cousin Booger goes to Ryan High. He told me where they keep it. CHARLIE Does anyone have a normal name around here? Toots points to a large area along a rural road. TOOTS There. Charlie converts the screen from a standard map to a satellite view. More detail comes into view. A farmhouse. A barn. Pens for animals. CHARLIE (points to screen) Here's probably where they're keeping it. IZZY Look how far the pen is from the road. How are we going to get that hog all the way from there to the road without getting nailed? TOOTS We need a current map. Who knows when this was updated. EMO Snacks has a drone. He could fly it over the farm and get video. Charlie immediately pulls out his phone and starts dialing.

INT. SNACKS' RESIDENCE - BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS The room is unlike most other teenage boys, that is, it's clean. Snacks sits in a chair and plays a "Star Wars" type video game. His phone BUZZES and he pauses the game. 54.

SNACKS Hello? INTERCUT CALL WITH CHARLIE CHARLIE Snacks, it's Charlie. Listen. I know you don't want to be a part of our mission, but I'm wondering if you could help us in another way. Snacks listens to the request.

INT./EXT. RURAL ROAD - IZZY'S CAR - AFTERNOON (MOVING) Izzy drives Charlie, Snacks and Toots down a lonely highway surrounded only by trees and farmland. Toots looks at a map on his phone. IZZY Are we getting close? TOOTS Yeah. Stop here. Izzy stops the car. Toots confirms his bearings and points. TOOTS (CONT’D) It's a half-mile in that direction.

EXT. RURAL ROAD - AFTERNOON As everyone vacates Izzy's car, Snacks places the drone on the blacktop roadway. He flips a switch on a handheld device, and the drone fires up. He maneuvers the drone into the air, and it takes off down the road. CHARLIE Awesome. Snacks hands the controls to Charlie, whose eyes go wide. SNACKS DON'T do anything. Just hold it. Snacks pulls a laptop from a backpack and opens it up. He gets the camera feed from the drone on the screen, then snags the controls back from a disappointed Charlie. 55.

EXT. FARM - AFTERNOON A drone's eye view of the farm. Large, expansive fields meet endless rows of wheat. Near the edge of each, a large pen. The drone moves over the pen, where a massive hog feeds in a trough. Next to the hog pen is another pen, where dozens of baby calves wander around their mothers.

EXT. RURAL ROAD - AFTERNOON Charlie watches the view from the drone on the laptop. TOOTS Bingo. IZZY That hog is massive. (points to the screen) Looks like the satellite map was accurate. So now what, Einstein? Charlie watches the screen, perplexed.

INT. HIGH SCHOOL - HALLWAY - MORNING Duggan watches students drag themselves down the hallways. He spots Benny and Goth Geek and waves them to his office. Goth Geek shoulder shoves a puny high school kid into a wall of lockers on the way. Duggan tries to hide a smile.

INT. HIGH SCHOOL - PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE - MORNING Benny and Goth Geek sit across from a serious-looking Duggan. PRINCIPAL DUGGAN I need you to do something for me. It seems like Charlie Drumhouse and his friends are up to something. Benny and Goth Geek exchange glances. PRINCIPAL DUGGAN (CONT’D) I need you to find out what's going on and fill me in. (beat) Use whatever means necessary to get that information. Benny nods his understanding as he exits with Goth Geek. 56.

INT. HIGH SCHOOL - HALLWAY - DAY Snacks walks alone down the main hallway. Ignored by everyone, except for Benny, Goth Geek, and Trekkie, who follow twenty feet behind him. Charlie is down the hall, talking with Toots and Emo. He sees the Jets tracking Snacks and he's suddenly on high alert. Snacks looks nervous. He notices the Jets following and ducks into a bathroom. The Jets wait a moment, then follow him in. CHARLIE C'mon. Benny is after Snacks. TOOTS This doesn't seem like a good idea. EMO The Chinese master of war, Sun Tzu, once said: "Move not unless you see an advantage." Charlie notices Killer approaching down the hall. CHARLIE There's our advantage. Let's go.

INT. HIGH SCHOOL - BATHROOM - MORNING Snacks washes his hands, and as he looks up in the mirror, the Jets are looking back at him. He tries to get by, but the Jets block his path and back him into a wall. SNACKS Leave me alone, guys. BENNY Snacks. What a nickname. I've seen fishing line thicker than you. Snacks tries to slide away from Benny. BENNY (CONT’D) Easy there, buddy, I just want to ask you some questions. SNACKS Questions? About what? BENNY You know what. You and your buddies up to something, aren't you? 57.

SNACKS Up to? I don't understand. BENNY I think you do. Maybe you're thinking about stealing the Ryan mascot. Perhaps you're getting help from that oaf Killer. Why don't you tell us what you know? Snacks suddenly gets tight-lipped. Benny gives him a quick punch to the gut. Snacks doubles over in pain. BENNY (CONT’D) Remember anything now? SNACKS (panting) Yeah... that you punch like a little girl. A furious Benny gives him another gut punch, and Snacks tumbles to the floor, just as: CHARLIE (O.S.) Why don't you pick on someone your own size, jerk? The Jets wheel around to see Charlie and his cohorts standing in a line behind them. Benny laughs. BENNY Oh, goody. The island of misfit toys has arrived to save the day. This'll be fun. The Jets move aggressively towards Charlie, Emo and Toots, but freeze in their tracks when Killer steps through the door. Killer stares down Benny, who looks like he might pee his pants. At least he's in the right place. KILLER There a problem here? Silence from everyone. Charlie helps Snacks up. CHARLIE You okay? What happened? SNACKS What do you think? 58.

KILLER (to the Jets) Go wait outside. I'll deal with you idiots in a minute. BENNY Nothing to see here. Just having a friendly discussion. KILLER Sure. You and I can have a "friendly" discussion too. They can't get out fast enough. As the door closes, Snacks turns to Charlie. SNACKS I'm in. Charlie and the others smile at this news.

INT. HIGH SCHOOL - HALLWAY - MORNING Killer steps out of the bathroom. He scans the halls. The Jets are nowhere to be seen. Principal Duggan stands nearby. Shows Killer a smirk, then moves on down the hall. Killer is beside himself with anger.

EXT. APARTMENT COMPLEX - NIGHT It's a modest two story building. Drab, set in a nondescript part of town.

INT. APARTMENT - NIGHT Killer's pad is an obvious extension of his personality. Bold and manly. Movie posters of "Kelly's Heroes" and "Saving Private Ryan" line the wall. He stands in the living room and lifts hand weights as he watches TV. A two-bit anchor in a bad suit and even worse hair reports the local sports news. SPORTS ANCHOR (ON TV) The Pinkley Legumes take on the Keniston Cayahogas tomorrow in their weekly exercise in futility. (MORE) 59. SPORTS ANCHOR (ON TV) (CONT'D) The Legumes, who have lost every game for the last two years, have dropped the first two games of this season and things don't look to get any better-- Killer turns off the TV and returns to lifting. In between GRUNTS, his door bell BINGS. Curious, he drops the weights and goes to the door. He peers through the peephole. Eyebrows raise and he opens the door. It's Meg Drumhouse. There's a momentarily awkward silence, but then the recognition washes over each of them. KILLER Hello, Meg. MEG Kevin! It's so good to see you after all these years. They embrace in a warm hug. As they break: KILLER Come on in. Excuse the mess. MEG Don't be silly. It's fine. KILLER Can I get you anything? Water? Or, um, beer? I think that's pretty much your options. MEG Thanks, I'm good. Meg sits on the sofa. Killer joins her. KILLER This is certainly a surprise. I guess Charlie told you I work at the school. MEG He did. He looks up to you. It's been a big help to have you around since Jack died. 60.

KILLER Tore me up about Jack. Regret I didn't know about it until I got home from my last tour of duty. Sorry I missed the service. (beat) How are you holding up? MEG As expected. There's good and bad days. Being back home helps. Family is here. Working as an assistant to the county Sheriff. Keeps me busy. KILLER Good to stay busy after something like that. Speak from experience. He starts to add to that, then stops. His eyes gravitate to a shelf. On it sits two framed pictures. One is of his Seal Team. Brothers in arms. The other is the picture from the yearbook. Killer with five others, standing around a large hog. He gets up, walks up to the shelf. As he studies the picture, the focus shifts to the person next to Killer. Jack. KILLER (CONT’D) Why'd you come by, Meg? Meg wanders over. Looks over Killer's shoulder at the high school picture. MEG Look at those guys. What a motley crew. Would never have thought that they could have won the Challenge. KILLER I wouldn't have bet on us either. But we were dumb and stupid and... (beat) Hang on. I have a feeling you're going somewhere with this. MEG Look, Kevin. I don't care whether Charlie and these guys pull it off. I'm just happy he's making friends. From what I understand, these guys need all the friends they can get. (beat) (MORE) 61. MEG (CONT'D) And after Jack's death, I like the idea of having a positive male role model in his life. And it would mean the world to me - to Charlie - to have you help them with this. KILLER They're just kids, Meg. They're not up for something like this. MEG So they try and fail. They'll have a common bond and the memories of a lifetime. Like you and Jack had. Meg puts her hand on Killer's shoulder. It lingers there. MEG (CONT’D) I have to go. Promise me you'll think about it? Killer half nods. MEG (CONT’D) Hope I see you again soon. Meg leaves. As she walks out, Killer's gaze returns to the high school picture, the focus on Jack. A sigh. KILLER You always were a pain in the butt.

EXT. FOOTBALL STADIUM - NIGHT This time it's not a dream. The scoreboard shows the Fighting Legumes losing 33-6 at halftime. Even the band is limping halfheartedly through its fight song. Charlie, Emo, Toots, Snacks and Calista sit in the half vacant stands. Izzy tromps on the field with the band. Charlie points out an opening in the stands at the 50 yard line, where players enter the field after halftime. CHARLIE I'm guessing that's where we'll have to bring in the hog. TOOTS Why there? Why not the gate behind the end zone? 62.

KILLER (O.S.) Doesn't matter where you come from. The others turn to see Killer sitting two rows behind them. KILLER (CONT’D) Even if you are successful in stealing the hog, Ryan High will have students parked at every entrance to the stadium to try and stop you from bringing the hog in. The gang is bewildered. Why is he telling us this? KILLER (CONT’D) You guys really serious about this? Everyone nods. It's not exactly awe-inspiring. Killer looks like he's having second thoughts about coming. KILLER (CONT’D) Boy, I may regret this, but I'm going to help you guys out. If they weren't showing excitement before, they are now. Excited cries of joy from everyone. Killer rolls his eyes. KILLER (CONT’D) Okay. Listen. First rule is: I'm in charge. I'm going to train you hard. Really hard. Half of you will want to quit. But if you stick with it, and do everything I say, then you might just get lucky. You don't, you'll fail, and fail miserably. But as of now, you're a team. There are no individuals. CALISTA Oooh. A team! What's our team name? KILLER Team name? CALISTA We have to have a team name. All the good teams have names, right? Bennifer. Bradgelina. Everyone looks at Calista like her hair is on fire. But fortunately for the team, inspiration hits Charlie. CHARLIE Squeal Team Six. 63.

KILLER I'm a little offended, but okay. Everyone looks as if they've just been bestowed the highest honor anyone could ever receive. But: KILLER (CONT’D) (glares at Toots) You don't talk to anyone -- anyone, about what we're doing. This is our mission, and our mission alone. So if you're not serious about this, get out now, because we begin tomorrow morning. The excited faces turn somber. Killer turns to leave. CHARLIE Thought you didn't want to get involved. Killer sticks the cigar in his mouth. KILLER I told you. Sometimes you have to stand up for others. The band begins an up tempo march, heavy on the drum beat. The music SWELLS as we SMASH CUT to:

EXT. ELEMENTARY SCHOOL - MORNING The team descends on a school playground. Cocky. Assured. Unfortunately, they look out of place as they stand in the midst of monkey bars, swings, and other equipment built for young children. They're dressed for school, not for training. Calista and Izzy take the opportunity to swing as high as they possibly can. They glide through the air, high on both ends of the arc. EMO Why'd he want to meet here? TOOTS Probably because he knows no high school student would be caught dead playing on this equipment. Calista launches herself from the swing on the upslope, gracefully slices through the air and sticks her landing, right at the feet of the approaching Killer. 64.

KILLER That'd be impressive if we were stealing a mascot from the circus. (to the others) Okay, huddle up. They gather in a semi-circle around Killer. KILLER (CONT’D) I need to see what I'm working with here, and hope that I haven't made a huge mistake. Drop and give me ten pushups. The team looks at each other, as if Killer speaks a foreign language. They slowly get down on the ground. KILLER (CONT’D) If you could finish them today, that'd be lovely. IZZY I haven't done one of these since I was in third grade. SNACKS Mom is not going to be happy if I get this shirt dirty. KILLER Stop your yapping and get to it! They try, but it's ugly. Strains and groans and plain bad form is on full display. No one can get past four. KILLER (CONT’D) My grandmother is 83, has one arm, and she can do more pushups than you slobs! (beat) Holy cow! Let's try setups instead. See if you're any better with that. EMO Spoiler alert: no. They struggle through the setups, and the same is true with: PULL-UPS Charlie can barely do one. Emo can't even reach the bars. Toots makes it look easy, by cheating. He sits on Snacks' shoulders and barely has to exert energy. 65.

KILLER Calista? Calista holds up her hand to Killer. CALISTA No way. Broken fingernail. KILLER I'll put you in for a purple heart. And it's on to the: MONKEY BARS, where no one can get from one end to the other on the bars without dropping off and collapsing in a heap on the ground. It's a massive failure. KILLER (CONT’D) So this is the hand I've been dealt. A bunch of out of shape eggheads who could be beaten up by a gang of pre-schoolers. Do you yahoos think you can at least run a hundred yards without collapsing? SNACKS No. KILLER Don't know why I asked. Run to the road and back. (as they run away) Without stopping! LATER Killer sits on a playground picnic table, drinks a cup of coffee and reads the paper. The team members jog up, barely. Calista and Charlie have to help Toots make it the last twenty yards. They wheeze and cough. Emo hustles over to a trash can and HURLS inside. EMO (wiping mouth) I probably shouldn't have had all those doughnuts this morning. Killer folds up the paper and finishes his coffee. KILLER Well, this is a promising start. 66.

He looks the group over. They're sad and defeated, like they've just realized what they're up against. SNACKS I told you guys this was hopeless. KILLER So you're not world class athletes. Neither were the guys that won the challenge with me. It was a nerd all-star team. Five guys, and none of them had an ounce of muscle between them. (beat) Let's approach this another way. Tell me something each of you are really good at, and then maybe we can figure out our plan of attack. Focus on our strengths rather than our weaknesses. Faces scrunched as the team considers the question. SNACKS I'm really good at computers. KILLER Awesome. CALISTA I have a flair for drama. KILLER You think? IZZY I can play the tuba... Killer is mystified at this response. IZZY (CONT’D) And I'm first chair, so I guess I have leadership skills. KILLER There you go. EMO I live on a farm, so I can handle animals pretty well. KILLER Now that's a skill we can use. 67.

TOOTS I know pyrotechnics. CHARLIE That's true. He knows his stuff. KILLER If we plan on blowing up a bridge we'll let you know. (to Charlie) What about you, superstar? Charlie searches for an answer. Then finally: CHARLIE I'm good with improvising. Thinking on my feet. Learned it from my dad. KILLER We'll see about that. Okay. We're making progress. CHARLIE So you think we have a shot? KILLER Hey, even a blind pig finds a truffle once in awhile. Blank stares from the team, then: KILLER (CONT’D) It means... oh, forget it. Killer hangs his head. Oh God.

INT. CHARLIE'S RESIDENCE - DINING TABLE - NIGHT Charlie, Snacks, Killer and Meg sit at the dining room table and look at a laptop screen. INSERT - COMPUTER SCREEN - the drone footage taken by Snacks shows the hog's pen and the nearby pen of calves. BACK TO SCENE KILLER Well, this sucks. That's a good hundred yards from the road to the pen. The guards will see you coming from a mile away. Charlie and Snacks are downcast. 68.

KILLER (CONT’D) Unless they don't see you coming. CHARLIE Sorry, dude, but none of us have invisibility cloaks. KILLER Won't need them. Meg, isn't the big game always right around Halloween? Meg SNAPS her fingers. MEG And Ryan always holds a bonfire party the night before the game. SNACKS Wait a second. You're saying we're going to steal the mascot at a party full of Ryan students? CHARLIE Doesn't sound difficult at all. KILLER No one's going to expect you, that's for sure. We'll have the element of surprise. (beat) And if it wasn't difficult, anyone could do it. Killer's focus returns to the computer screen.

EXT. EMO'S FARM - NIGHT The team huddles around Killer. It's cool. Each breath hangs in the air like cigarette smoke. Killer stands next to an ugly cud-chewing cow. The kids can't help but gawk at this pathetic excuse for a farm animal. TOOTS This ain't a hog. KILLER Thanks, Captain Obvious. But since we don't know anyone that raises pigs, we have to improvise. That hog ain't going in the trailer on his own. 69.

Killer produces a rope fashioned into a halter and hands it to Charlie. Points to an open-bed trailer thirty yards away. KILLER (CONT’D) So for now, this cow is the hog. Let's see you slip this over the cow's neck, then lead him up that ramp onto the trailer. Charlie has a blank look. CHARLIE You mean by myself? Killer doesn't say anything. Charlie looks to the others - no one steps forward. Charlie walks hesitantly to the cow. He slips the rope over the cow's head and tightens the halter. But that's as good as it gets for Charlie. He tries to pull the cow toward the trailer, but the cow is having none of it. Charlie yanks, cajoles, pleads. The cow doesn't budge. In fact, it's comical in the more Charlie tries, the less the cow is determined not to move. KILLER (to Emo) Cow whisperer. You have some ancient saying for moving Bessie? EMO Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood. KILLER Whatever you say. Emo nonchalantly takes some straw from a nearby hay bale and walks over. He takes the rope from Charlie and waves the straw in front of the cow. The cow lunges forward with its head to grab the straw, but Emo pulls it back and walks backwards right into the trailer. The cow slowly follows him, up and in. The others are amazed with the ease Emo controls the cow. IZZY Can it really be that easy? 70.

KILLER Piece of cake. Unless that hog doesn't like what you're offering and you wind up as the pig slop. Izzy's face drops. KILLER (CONT’D) Let's try it again. (to Izzy) Your turn, princess.

EXT. EMO'S FARM - DAY Emo and Toots take turns tossing fireworks at a nearby scarecrow wearing a Ryan High t-shirt. The fireworks land all around, but completely miss the target. A nearby cow gets spooked by the noise and skitters away. Charlie watches, shakes his head. CHARLIE You know you can't actually hit anyone with these fireworks, right? Against the law. TOOTS Ain't trying to hit anyone. Just wanna scare 'em. CHARLIE We're trying to be inconspicuous. This is the opposite of that. We might as well pop out of a cake and yell "We're here!" EMO We can do that? CHARLIE Nope. TOOTS Scaring them away from the hog might be just what we need. Killer leans up against a tree watching the activity. KILLER It's exactly what you don't need. But you've given me an idea. Calista suddenly jumps up. 71.

CALISTA Guys! I have a surprise for you! Something we can use for the Challenge! (to Killer) You, too. It’s super awesome and I can't wait to show you! Let's meet at Charlie's house tonight after dinner and I'll show you. Did I mention it was super awesome? Everyone murmurs their acknowledgement.

INT. CHARLIE'S RESIDENCE - DINING ROOM - NIGHT Charlie and Meg eat their evening meal. Charlie studies his mom as he chews his food. CHARLIE Been nine months since Dad died. MEG Seems like it's been even longer. CHARLIE Think you might ever remarry? Things are suddenly awkward. MEG What on earth made you ask that? CHARLIE Nothing. I mean, I miss him a ton. I used to talk to him all the time, but it seems like I'm doing less and less of that. I'm making friends now and they help keep me focused on other things. But it's not the same for you and so I was just curious whether it ever crossed your mind. MEG To be honest, no. Just not sure the time is right. For me or you. CHARLIE I think Dad would want you to. He would want you to be happy. (beat) I want you to be happy. 72.

Meg dabs at a tear in the corner of her eye. MEG That's so sweet of you, bud. It really means a great deal to-- CHARLIE Ah, geez, mom. You're not going to cry, are you? Charlie makes a gagging motion with his finger. Meg can't help but smile through the tears. The doorbell CHIMES. CHARLIE (CONT’D) I got it. The team is coming over. Calista has some surprise for us. MEG Kevin, too? Charlie nods as he goes to the door. CHARLIE Just call him 'Killer', okay? Meg quickly checks her hair in the mirror and turns expectantly as Charlie opens the door. Everyone except Calista and Killer come in. IZZY Hey. Calista is right behind us. MEG What about Kev-- Killer? SNACKS Parking his car. Calista flings the door open and waltzes in. She holds something large, square and flat with a white sheet over it. CHARLIE What is that? CALISTA Just keep your underwear on, sailor. You'll see. Meg motions her to the dining room table to put the object just as Killer enters. 73.

KILLER Am I in time? Don't want to miss the big reveal. CALISTA Just in time. I'm so excited! Meg gives Killer a hug as everyone gathers around the table. CALISTA (CONT’D) Ok. Ok. I've worked really hard on this, and it may still need a little bit of fine tuning, but I think we'll be able to use this to prepare. Everyone ready? Everyone nods in anticipation. What could this be? Calista carefully raises the sheet with Izzy's help. OOOH'S and AAAH'S quickly fill the room. Calista is beside herself with pride. It's a full mock layout of the farm, all carefully crafted to the exact specifications from Snacks' drone video. Amazing is not the word. The road by the barn. A barn and a pen on one corner. A toy hog sits inside the pen. Army men represent the pig's guards. Inside the calf pen, baby calves. KILLER Calista, this is incredible. How in the world did you do this? CALISTA Thanks. Just something I'm good at, I guess. I want to be a set designer in Hollywood one day. TOOTS Girl, this is off the rails. Calista beams. CALISTA Think we can use this? KILLER Absolutely. In fact, I’ve been giving this a lot of thought, so let's begin walking through the plans. 74.

Killer points repeatedly to the map as the team huddles up. He's very animated, and the kids have his full attention.

EXT. EMO'S FARM - DAY The team circles around Killer. KILLER Five days. We're almost there. Let's hit the training hard today, because we won't be able to train during the school week. SERIES OF SHOTS: -- The team runs around hay bales on the ground. -- Snacks flies his drone over the team, making sure to keep them focused on his laptop. -- Toots and Emo practice their firecracker tosses. -- Charlie cuts a chain with a small bolt-cutter. -- Calista and Izzy coax a cow into a trailer with some straw. Once the cow is in the trailer everyone leaps in the back of pickup attached to the trailer as Killer times them. -- Excited high fives as Killer gives them a thumbs up. LATER Killer hands out small devices to each team member. KILLER (CONT’D) These are wireless communication devices. You'll wear these during the mission so we can communicate with each other. Killer straps one on himself, then puts one on Charlie. KILLER (CONT’D) Testing, testing, you read me? Charlie faces lights up. CHARLIE (RADIO) Roger that. (to the others) This is so cool. But not everything is so cool at the moment. 75.

EXT. EMO'S FARM - WOODS - CONTINUOUS In heavy brush on one side of Emo's farm, Benny gets video on his phone of Killer passing out the radio gear. Goth Geek, bored, leans against a tree. Plays a video game on his phone. GOTH GEEK Killer helping them? BENNY Yes, but who cares? Those guys have zero chance of winning the Challenge. I don't know why Duggan is out to get these guys. It's much better when we're the ones doing the hazing. GOTH GEEK Maybe so... but Duggan's still going to want to know about this. They disappear into the bushes. Squeal Team Six continues with their training on the radios.

INT. HIGH SCHOOL - SECURITY OFFICE - DAY Killer looks over some papers. Duggan knocks on the door and steps inside. Killer watches with disinterest as Duggan prowls around the room, like a lion stalking its dinner. Finally: PRINCIPAL DUGGAN Have a good weekend? Do anything interesting? KILLER You never were good at small talk. PRINCIPAL DUGGAN I told you to stay away from these kids and the Challenge, but you couldn't help yourself, could you? Duggan holds out his phone and shows Killer the video taken by Benny. KILLER And you couldn't help but have the Jets do your dirty work for you. You're a pathetic jerk. 76.

It's tense. Resentment seeths through both of them. PRINCIPAL DUGGAN Leave your keys and badge with April. You're fired. Duggan chews a little harder on his cigar as Duggan leaves.

INT. HIGH SCHOOL - LOCKERS - DAY The team stands around Charlie's locker, chatting. Everyone is in an upbeat mood. Charlie spots Killer walking down the hallway, a large box in his hands and a scowl on his face. CHARLIE Hey! What's going on? KILLER Go away. CHARLIE Go away? What's the big deal? KILLER I knew I shouldn't have gotten involved. Always go with your first instinct. But I got myself suckered into it by your mom and now I'm out of a job. So thanks a lot. (As he walks off) You're on your own with the Challenge. Good luck with that. IZZY You can't just walk away! KILLER Oh, yeah? Watch this. And they do, watching as he marches down the hall. Suddenly Charlie gathers up his nerve for one last desperate salvo: CHARLIE You coward! I can't believe you ever got to be a Seal! Killer stops. He drops the box on the floor. Hard. No regard for the contents. He slowly walks to the team. Everyone gathers behind Charlie. 77.

KILLER What did you say? CHARLIE You heard me. I thought Seals were all about commitment to the team. Leave no one behind and such. But you run into one obstacle and you turn tail and run. My dad abandoned me when I needed him most. Now you're going to do it too. KILLER It's not the same! You cost me my job, you little fart! CHARLIE You knew the danger going in. Besides, you said it yourself. The job sucks. Now you have an opportunity to find a real job. The two study each other. The tension hangs in the air. CHARLIE (CONT’D) I'll make you a deal. Stick with us, and I'll have my mom talk with the Sheriff about a job with his department. Killer's eyes narrow slightly at that. He considers it, then: KILLER Here's my deal. I'll give you a mission. If you pull it off, I stay on. If not, the Challenge is off. Charlie looks to the rest of the team. By their facial expressions and body language, they're all in. CHARLIE What do we have to do?

INT. HIGH SCHOOL - HALLWAY - DAY The team walks the hallway. SNACKS There's no way we can do what Killer's asking. And if we get caught, we're kicked out of school for sure. 78.

CHARLIE Duggan's threatening to kick us out if we take on the Challenge. What's the difference? No guts, no glory. Benny suddenly darts out of a class and almost runs over Charlie. He pushes Charlie to the ground. BENNY Watch where you're going, punk. (to Izzy) I see you're still hanging out with this loser. What’s sad is that you know you can do so much better. Perhaps you'd like to reconsider? IZZY I'd rather eat toxic glass from a toilet than waste my time with a low-life backstabber like you. BENNY Suit yourself, you little tramp. Charlie hops up, infuriated, ready to take a swing at Benny, but Izzy beats him to it. POW! It's a pretty good shot, right to the nose. Benny is dazed. A drop of blood trickles out. Benny looks around, but none of his minions are there to do his bidding. BENNY (CONT’D) You'll pay for this. Squeal Team Six circles around Benny. They seem emboldened after the encounter with Killer. Benny looks uncomfortable. CHARLIE We're not taking your bullying anymore. You threaten one of us, you threaten all of us. Other students in the hallway stop to watch. CHARLIE (CONT’D) (points to the crowd) Look around you, Benny. These are the people you've tormented. You may think it's funny, it may make you feel big, but not to the people who've had to endure it. We're all standing together to say no more. (to the crowd) Who's with us? 79.

The gathered crowd is quiet. Hesitant. No one steps forward. Benny feels back in control. BENNY Oh, Charles. It looks like your reign over the worthless rabble of Vernon Pinkley High is going to be a very short one. Such a shame. As he moves towards Charlie, there's movement behind Benny. RANDOM STUDENT (O.S.) No more. The random student steps forward and stands next to Charlie. It starts a slow wave of students moving towards the circle, each one adding their cry of "no more" until a mass of students engulfs Benny all chanting in one voice: No more! CHARLIE The king is dead, Benny. Benny glares at Izzy. She gives a smug glance in return as he pushes his way through the cheering crowd.

INT. CHARLIE'S RESIDENCE - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT Meg sits on the couch and watches television. Charlie comes in, lugging a backpack. MEG Where do you think you're going? CHARLIE I'm heading over to Snacks' house to work on a school project. MEG You mean the Challenge? CHARLIE No, this is actually school- related. I won't be late. (beat) Can I ask you a favor? MEG Need me to drive you over? CHARLIE No, I'm gonna take my bike. But Principal Duggan fired Killer for working with us-- 80.

MEG Are you kidding me? What a jerk. CHARLIE Seriously. But you think you can talk to your boss about hiring Killer as a deputy? MEG Of course. Can't promise anything, but I'm happy to talk to him. CHARLIE Thanks, mom. Charlie gives her a hug and heads out the door.

EXT. HIGH SCHOOL - NIGHT A head pokes out a clump of bushes. Then another. Eventually several heads look out from the shrubs. Squeal Team Six is on the move. All of them in black long- sleeved "Ryan High School" shirts. Charlie motions to the others and they slip on balaclavas. Masks on, they slide around the side of the building. A brightly-lit side entrance greets them. A large steel door. Charlie surveys the situation. There's a window two stories up, slightly open. Just to the side, another story up, a stone statue protrudes from the roof. A gargoyle. Staying in the shadows, Charlie grabs a rope from a duffel bag and ties a hammer onto the end. He tosses the hammer and rope up and over the statue. He quickly fashions a harness of sorts and begins the climb. Once even with the window, Charlie swings side to side, arcing higher and higher as his momentum builds. He reaches for the opening, but he's miscalculated. He's too high, and nearly topples from his harness as he stretches for the window. It takes several tries, and multiple adjustments, but eventually, he grabs the window frame. It's a tenuous grip, but it's enough. 81.

On the ground, Izzy spots movement and gives a low whistle. Charlie freezes just as he's about to pull himself up. The others back into the shadows. There's SINGING. Approaching below Charlie. A JANITOR, male, late 30s, has arrived for work. Distracted by the music in his headphones, he doesn't see Charlie hanging from the window above the door. Nor does he see Charlie's SHADOW, cast onto the sidewalk by the light above. JANITOR I was born this way - hey, I was born this way - hey, I'm on the right track baby... Charlie makes himself as flat as possible. As he does, he SLIPS. Charlie lunges with his off-hand to grab the window. Unfortunately for Charlie, the window begins to close. Very slowly. Until, finally, it closes completely. CLICK. The sound of the lock engaging, meaning Charlie's hand is disengaging. It gives way, sending Charlie on a large arc back into the shadowy darkness. The other team members hold their breath. The Janitor looks up, but Charlie's arc continues deeper into the darkness. His cover won't last long, though, as Charlie reaches the apex on the other side. Lucky for Charlie, a passing police car, sirens blaring and lights flashing, catches the Janitor's attention. The Janitor removes his headphones. Turns to watch the cop car just as Charlie arches back into the light behind him. The Janitor looks back at the door. Charlie's in the dark. Back to the patrol car. Charlie swings back into the light, flailing for control. Finally, Charlie grabs a downspout and holds tight, firm in the cover of the night. The Janitor loses interest and turns for the door. He slips the headphones back on. 82.

JANITOR (CONT’D) Don't be a drag, just be a queen... Without even bothering to get a key, he opens the door and disappears inside. EMO (whispers) It was unlocked the whole time? Charlie lightly bangs his head on the metal downspout.

INT. HIGH SCHOOL - GYM - NIGHT The team sneaks inside a dark and empty gym. Toots eyes a basketball net, then throws up an imaginary shot. Celebrates to the non-existent crowd, which earns a glare from the others. A RATTLE of an opening door send the team scurrying into the-- LOCKER ROOM The team surveys the empty locker room. Football jerseys hang in each locker, along with pads, helmets, etc. Calista picks up a jock strap off the floor. Makes a face. CALISTA What is this? IZZY Shhh! Put that down! Charlie leads everyone to the back of the room. The faint sound of the Janitor singing another pop tune comes into earshot. As the sound grows closer, they dash out a side door. Emo knocks over a trash can as he goes. The noise from the can reverberates throughout the room as the Janitor enters. He lowers his headphones. What was that? The janitor grimaces at the spilled trash can. He looks around suspiciously. HALLWAY The team reaches Principal Duggan's office. Charlie tries the door -- locked. But Izzy reaches into her pocket and pulls out -- a key. 83.

CHARLIE How... IZZY (whispers) I work here, remember? I took his assistant's key before I left this morning. We'll leave it when we go. Izzy opens the door as footsteps sound out in the hallway. The team scrambles inside and quietly closes the door.

INT. HIGH SCHOOL - PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE - NIGHT Through a small window in the door, the team watches the Janitor pass by the principal's office. The room they're in now is an outer room to the office where Duggan's assistant sits. Another door leads to Duggan's office. The team quietly enters the second door.

INSIDE DUGGAN'S OFFICE The team is jittery as they surround Duggan's desk. Charlie sets the duffel bag on the desk and is ready to unzip it when they hear: The sound of an opening door in the outer office. If they weren't in panic mode before, they are now. Charlie, wide-eyed, puts a finger to his lips and points in the direction of a filing cabinet in the corner. The door opens, and the Janitor pushes a large wastebasket in the room. The headphones still on, music barely seeps out and he sings along, unfortunately. JANITOR I'm too sexy for my car Too sexy for my car Too sexy by far... It takes everything Calista can do to keep from breaking out in laughter. Charlie gives her a stern look, then recoils in horror when he notices: The duffel bag sitting on the desk. He points it out to Izzy. The Janitor grabs Duggan's wastebasket and empties it. As he heads for the door, he stops when he notices the bag. 84.

At first he looks as if he's going to open the bag, then to the great relief of the team, he reconsiders and exits the office, singing again about his sexiness. Everyone can breathe again. When they're certain the Janitor is gone, Charlie unzips the bag and hands screwdrivers around. CHARLIE Let's get started.

EXT. HIGH SCHOOL - PARKING LOT - MORNING Duggan pulls his beat up Toyota Corolla into the reserved parking space near the main entrance of the school. As he approaches the school, students and teachers alike point and giggle as they whisper to each other. Duggan, confused, lashes out. DUGGAN (to a nearby student) What's so funny? The student dashes away. Others do the same.

INT. HIGH SCHOOL - PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE - MORNING Duggan barges into his office, the sound of laughter filling the hallway behind him. Izzy ignores Duggan as she files paperwork. PRINCIPAL DUGGAN (under his breath) Stupid kids. Scum sucking low -- (notices Izzy) Why are you here? IZZY I volunteer here some... But Duggan's already into his office. PRINCIPAL DUGGAN (O.S.) What the...? BLOOM! Izzy smiles broadly, then wipes it clean as she steps into Duggan's office. 85.

IZZY Yes, sir?

IN DUGGAN'S OFFICE The office is empty. Desk, gone. Filing cabinets, gone. Everything, well except for the nerd memorabilia. They're lined up on the floor. On one side, the good guys: Chewbacca, the Star Trek Enterprise, Harry Potter. On the other, the Death Star, Voldemort, Sauron. The difference - the Good Guys stand upright over the Bad Guys, who lay prone on the floor. PRINCIPAL DUGGAN Who did this? WHO DID THIS? IZZY I have no clue. I'm not allowed in your office. Duggan trembles with rage. He rushes out to the hallway.

INT. HIGH SCHOOL - HALLWAY - MORNING Duggan looks up and down the hall. Students gawk at him, then duck their heads as they walk by. PRINCIPAL DUGGAN Get to class! Now! Go! COACH BIVINS, 45, the head football coach and a fireplug of a man, saunters up to Duggan. PRINCIPAL DUGGAN (CONT’D) What do you want? COACH BIVINS Any reason your office is all over my football field? Duggan stares at him for a moment, then takes off running down the hall.

EXT. HIGH SCHOOL - FOOTBALL FIELD - MORNING Duggan, out of breath, runs onto the football field. 86.

There, at midfield, is Duggan's desk and filing cabinets. His phone and computer sit on the desk. Sitting in the chair behind the desk is a provocative female blow-up doll with Duggan's picture stuck on the doll's face. A sign hangs from the desk: "RYAN HIGH WINS AGAIN" Coach Bivins walks up next to a still heaving Duggan. COACH BIVINS That just ain't right. I'll bet you look much better in a bikini than she does. PRINCIPAL DUGGAN (muttering) Drumhouse.

INT. HIGH SCHOOL - SECURITY OFFICE - MORNING Duggan sits at Killer's old desk, frantically trying to find security camera tapes from the previous night. All he sees is a recurring loop of the Janitor dancing down a hallway with a large wastebasket. He SLAMS the keyboard on the desk.

INT. HIGH SCHOOL - CLASSROOM - MORNING Ms. Cooper walks in front of the class, holding a well-worn copy of "Pride and Prejudice." Toots, Charlie and Izzy all look half-asleep. It's been a long night, apparently. MS. COOPER Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth accused each other of not acting with the noblest of intentions, but that was before they had all the facts -- Charlie's head droops. He's sound asleep. Ms. Cooper stops at Charlie's desk just as his chin hits his chest. The door flies open and the noise startles Charlie awake. Duggan appears in the doorway. MS. COOPER (CONT’D) Can I help you? 87.

Duggan points at Charlie. Walks angrily towards him. PRINCIPAL DUGGAN You! Come with me! MS. COOPER Hold on. What do you need him for? PRINCIPAL DUGGAN None of your concern, Cooper. MS. COOPER When you bust in here causing such a commotion, I think it is. PRINCIPAL DUGGAN I'm the principal. I don't have to explain anything I do here to you! MS. COOPER Like when you fired Killer? PRINCIPAL DUGGAN Especially when I fired that meathead! He deserved to be fired! Do you hear me? Deserved it! And anyone that gets in my way can join him in the unemployment line! (thumps his chest) I'm in control here! Me! Me! MS. COOPER You're in control. If you say so. PRINCIPAL DUGGAN I do say so! (to Charlie) Get outside! Ms. Cooper gives an encouraging nod to Charlie. He gets up without looking to either Toots or Izzy. Not giving them up. MS. COOPER (to Duggan) I'll give my father your regards. Duggan stops in his tracks, considers a response, then moves on, Charlie right behind him.

INT. HIGH SCHOOL - HALLWAY - MORNING Charlie follows after Duggan. 88.

CHARLIE Who's Ms. Cooper's father? PRINCIPAL DUGGAN None of your beeswax. At that point, the Janitor strolls by, headphones on, singing. He pushes Duggan's chair, the blow-up doll intact with Duggan's picture on it. JANITOR Oh where do we begin? The rubble or our sins? Duggan angrily snatches the picture off the doll. PRINCIPAL DUGGAN (to Janitor) Get this out of here, you moron! (turns to Charlie) I know you and your buddies were behind this. CHARLIE Behind that? I wish. But nah, I didn't have anything to do with it. PRINCIPAL DUGGAN You want to keep trying me, don't you? You got Killer fired with your antics and you just keep poking the tiger. Well, I have news for you, kid. This tiger isn't afraid to bite back. If I find out you had anything to do with this, I'll suspend you and your rabble rousing friends from school for the rest of the year. Are we clear? Charlie is as calm as can be. CHARLIE Sure. Can I go now? PRINCIPAL DUGGAN I'll tell you where you can go. You can go straight-- Ms. Cooper sticks her head out the door. PRINCIPAL DUGGAN (CONT’D) --Back to your classroom. I've got my eye on you, Drumhouse. 89.

Charlie calmly walks back to class. Gives a wink to Ms. Cooper as he passes by.

INT. APARTMENT - NIGHT Killer watches a war movie on the TV, but his attention is elsewhere. He sips on a beer, lets his focus move to the pictures on the wall. The reverie is shaken by the CHIME of the doorbell. As he opens the door, the wistfulness turns to pleasure as he sees Charlie on the other side. KILLER Hey, kid. Come on in. Charlie walks in, holding his phone. KILLER (CONT’D) Well? How'd it go? Charlie flicks through his phone. Hands it to Killer. Killer laughs at what he sees: a selfie of Squeal Team Six gathered around the chair with the blow-up doll, mugging for the camera. CHARLIE There's more pictures there, but I thought you'd appreciate that one. KILLER Son of a gun. I can't believe it. CHARLIE Duggan has no clue who did it, but he's threatening to suspend me from school for the entire year. Killer's bemusement is gone. The scowl returns. KILLER Figures. CHARLIE I'm not worried. And I talked with my mom. She spoke with her boss, and he wants to meet with you. Killer actually looks touched. Charlie went to bat for him. 90.

KILLER Seriously? CHARLIE Yeah. So we had a deal, right? Charlie smirks. Killer knows he has no choice. KILLER So tell me how you pulled it off... And as Charlie spins the tale of that evening, we’re off to:

INT. CHARLIE'S RESIDENCE - BEDROOM - NIGHT The team surrounds the table with Calista's layout. Everyone is in a particularly good mood after their success with Duggan's office. Even Killer isn't wearing his usual scowl. KILLER Well, you did it. I have to admit, I wasn't sure you could pull it off, but you surprised me. Very gutsy. I'm proud of you guys. But that was a walk in the park compared with what you're facing tonight. If any of you aren't feeling it, you're anxious, or just plain scared, then speak now. No one speaks up. The mood turns intense, focused. KILLER (CONT’D) So we're good? Cause we're on a tight schedule here. (off their nods) Let's go over the plan one last time. From the beginning-- Killer points to various places on the map as he goes. KILLER (CONT’D) One. EVERYONE Everyone but Snacks is on the run. KILLER Two. EVERYONE Snacks sends up the drone to get a good view. 91.

KILLER Three. EVERYONE We all enter by the big oak tree. KILLER Four... As they continue to go through the steps to their operation, the music builds up, reaches a crescendo as we SMASH CUT to:

INT./EXT. RURAL ROAD - FORD F150 (MOVING) - NIGHT Killer drives. It's a cool, moonless night. Darkness covers the countryside. Nothing to make out except the headlights from the vehicle. The truck pulls a large trailer, designed for carrying livestock. It's currently empty, but hopefully not for long. Snacks sits with a laptop in the passenger seat. The rest of STS shiver in the bed of the truck. No one speaks. The team is focused on the task ahead. Killer pulls the truck/trailer over to the side of road next to a grove of pine trees. He gets out and addresses the team. KILLER Ready? Thumbs up from the team members. They climb out of the back. KILLER (CONT’D) Remember: Don't deviate from the plan unless I tell you. If things get out of control, bail out. Not worth anyone getting hurt over. You can always try again next year. (beat) Good luck. I'll see you shortly. Snacks pulls a drone from the truck and powers it up. He maneuvers it with the ease of someone playing a video game. The drone follows the team as they walk to the party. As they walk, the team gets ready. CHARLIE Masks on. 92.

Masks go on. Charlie is a ninja. Izzy wears a goalie mask, a la Jason from "Friday the 13th." Toots sports a Darth Vader mask. Emo, a Kansas City Chiefs football helmet with a visor that covers the top part of his face. Calista puts on the Mask from "The Mask." They all wear their Ryan High shirts from before. Izzy adjusts a mic under her mask. IZZY Radio check. Killer, you copy? KILLER (V.O.) Copy that. Emo? EMO Copy. KILLER (V.O.) Charlie? CHARLIE Charlie good. KILLER (V.O.) Toots? TOOTS Good to go. KILLER (V.O.) Calista? CALISTA (sing-songy) READY!! No response on the other end from Killer, other than a clearly audible sigh.

EXT. FARM - NIGHT The team walks through the entrance to a large farm. A house sits near the front entrance. Behind the house, far in the distance, a large barn. Near the barn, dozens of cars sit in the grass. 93.

EXT. FARM / BARN - NIGHT A party is in full force. STUDENTS roam about, all dressed in costumes. Halloween decorations hang from trees. Pumpkins rest on the ground and on hay bales. A large bonfire roars in the center of the activity. Nearby are several pens to hold animals. One pen holds numerous baby calves, fifty or more. A second, and much smaller pen, holds one animal. The animal that Squeal Team Six seeks - the WILD HOG mascot. Three teenage GUYS guard the pen. Surprisingly, they're not big, hulking dudes, but instead just average-size teens.

EXT. FARM ENTRANCE - NIGHT The team waits near the entrance. CHARLIE (RADIO) Squeal Team Six in position. KILLER (V.O.) Roger that Six, you are clear to proceed. Go bring home the bacon.

EXT. FARM - BARN AREA - NIGHT STUDENTS mill around. Loud, boisterous. A typical party. The team surveys the situation. They keep a low profile, trying not to draw attention to themselves. Izzy notices the drone floating high above them. IZZY (to Charlie) Snacks' has the drone up. A group of FEMALE RYAN STUDENTS walk by. One of them, dressed like a zombie, talks trash to the other girls. Calista eavesdrops on the conversation. ZOMBIE STUDENT I swear if Allie is here tonight I'm going to straight up kill her. SECOND FEMALE STUDENT What did she do now? 94.

ZOMBIE STUDENT What do you think? She hit on Luke. That freshman "b" won't be happy until she's been with every boy at Ryan. Maybe at Pinkley too. The girls proceed to the party entrance. CHARLIE Okay, let's go. The team follows them to the party's entrance. A couple of MALE STUDENTS dressed as cowboys, bandanas covering their faces, guard the gate leading to the party. As the team tries to walk in, the Cowboys stop them. COWBOY #1 Whoa. Hold on there pardners. Pay up first. Five dollars. Izzy and Charlie look at each other. No drills for this. IZZY There's a cover charge? COWBOY #2 Always has been. (to Cowboy #1) Freshmen. CHARLIE That obvious, huh?

INT. RURAL ROAD - FORD F150 - CONTINUOUS Killer watches STS on Snacks' laptop. Listens to the exchange through his earbuds. KILLER Are you kidding me? (into radio) Tell them you left your wallet in the car.

INT. FARM - PARTY ENTRANCE - CONTINUOUS CHARLIE I left my wallet in the car. Can we pay you later? 95.

COWBOY #1 Boo hoo. You're breaking my heart. Five bucks, loser. Calista saunters up to the Cowboys as seductively as is possible for a female nerd. Whispers in Cowboy #1's ear. CALISTA (low) Hey, it's me. Allie. Let us in and I'll make it worth your while after the party. Cowboy #1 straightens up. Looks to Cowboy #2, then waves the team through. Calista squeezes #1's arm as she goes through. COWBOY #2 What was that all about? COWBOY #1 Dude, we're going to get lucky later. Everyone heads through the entrance and towards the bonfire. Calista makes a gagging motion with her finger. IZZY (RADIO) We're in. Charlie does a quick survey of the barnyard. CHARLIE Toots, take your position. Emo and Calista, get to the calf pen. Toots hands Emo a bag and a zippo lighter. TOOTS Dude, be careful. These things are LOUD and dangerous. Like seriously. EMO Do you not trust me? TOOTS Not really, no. CHARLIE Geez, chill, man. He's got this. IZZY Signal us when you're in place. 96.

Toots takes up a position next to a haystack. Emo and Calista walk over to the pen holding the baby calves. They examine the gate. It's locked with a narrow chain. Emo pulls a small bolt cutter from his pocket. EMO Keep an eye out, please? CALISTA Stop being so polite and just get to it, okay? Calista covers Emo as he goes to work on the chain, which is quickly cut. He ducks inside the gate. The pen is a big mud pit. Emo slips several times as he struggles with his footing.

INT. RURAL ROAD - FORD F150 - CONTINUOUS Killer watches the laptop. On the screen, Emo slowly makes his way across the pen. KILLER (RADIO) Taking too long, Emo. Move it!

EXT. BARNYARD - CALF PEN - CONTINUOUS EMO (RADIO) (low) It's a freakin' mud pit in here. I can barely move as it is. Emo is in the middle of the herd by now. He takes another step forward when disaster hits. He steps into a huge mud sinkhole and sinks into the mud up to his thigh. EMO (CONT’D) Shoot! Emo wiggles his leg. Tries to pull himself up, but it's no use. It's like quicksand. He's stuck. KILLER (O.S., RADIO) What's the problem? EMO (RADIO) I'm stuck! KILLER (O.S., RADIO) Jeezus. Calista, can you see him? 97.

Calista tries not to be obvious as she scours the pen. CALISTA (RADIO) Yeah. Emo -- I'm coming. Stay put.

INT. RURAL ROAD - FORD F150 - CONTINUOUS Killer chews on this for a moment. KILLER (RADIO) Calista, no. We can't have two people in there at once.

EXT. BARNYARD - HAY BALE - CONTINUOUS Toots looks across the barnyard to the pen. He notices a couple of Ryan students approaching the pen. TOOTS (RADIO) Guys, incoming five o'clock.

EXT. BARNYARD - CALF PEN - CONTINUOUS Calista is confused. CALISTA (RADIO) Five o’clock? It's already like eight-thirty. TOOTS (O.S., RADIO) It means you got visitors behind you and to your right. (to Emo) Emo, make yourself invisible. The Ryan students approach the calf pen. One of them, in a Peanut M&M outfit, reaches out to pet a calf. The other, a Plain M&M, does the same, but as she reaches out, she sees Emo laying prone on the ground. PLAIN M&M Hey! What are you doing? Emo tries to ignore her. Doesn't move. PEANUT M&M Are you okay? Calista turns away from the students, tries to ignore them. 98.

Emo finally lifts his head up. Puts a finger to his mask to shush them. PLAIN M&M What? EMO (low) Hold it down! I'm trying to hide from my psycho ex-girlfriend. She's not out there, is she? Looks like that Jim Carrey character? The M&M's look over to Calista, who tries to act nonchalant. PLAIN M&M Yeah, man, she is. EMO Just pretend I'm not here, okay? Please? She's a freak and won't leave me alone. Calista suddenly wheels around. CALISTA You're the freak! I'm going to come in there and crush your skull!

INT. RURAL ROAD - FORD F150 - CONTINUOUS Killer wants to jump through the laptop screen. KILLER (RADIO) Calista! Get out of there. Now!

EXT. BARNYARD - CALF PEN - CONTINUOUS The M&M's watch Calista stomp her foot and storm off. PLAIN M&M C'mon, let's get a drink. As the duo walks away: PEANUT M&M (holds up his massive costume hands) Like I can hold a drink with these. Why'd you pick these costumes? 99.

Izzy and Charlie wait anxiously by the hog pen as Emo struggles to free himself. IZZY We've got to get this moving. CHARLIE What happened to Calista? KILLER (O.S., RADIO) I got her out of there. She was about to blow the operation. (beat) Charlie, take over her job. Izzy, go talk Calista off the ledge. Izzy eases over to Calista, tries to reason with her. IZZY What the heck? CALISTA Hello? It’s called acting! IZZY Just stick with the playbook from here on, okay? CALISTA Party pooper. Charlie goes over to the calf pen. Stands at the gate and talks to Emo over the radio. CHARLIE (RADIO) Can you get up? EMO (RADIO) No, man. It gets worse the more I try to pull out. CHARLIE (RADIO) Okay, I'm coming in to get you. EMO (RADIO) No! We can't take a chance on you getting stuck in here too. Try to get them moving. CHARLIE (RADIO) How am I supposed to do that? EMO (RADIO) Just open the gate and shoo them. 100.

Charlie ponders the situation. He looks around to make sure no one is watching, and kicks the gate open. He waves to the calves, but it's not very convincing. CHARLIE C'mon, guys. Gals. Whatever. Don't you want your freedom? There's a great big world out there just waiting for you! Now go! EMO (RADIO) Are they moving? CHARLIE (RADIO) No! What now? Toots pipes in as he watches. TOOTS (RADIO) You gotta set 'em off, Emo. KILLER (O.S., RADIO) Toots is right. We've gotta get those calves on the run. CHARLIE (RADIO) But then we really will blow our cover for sure!

EXT. RURAL ROAD - FORD F150 - CONTINUOUS KILLER (RADIO) We don't have time to argue. We have to keep moving forward! (beat) Give the lead calf a little slap.

EXT. BARNYARD - CALF PEN - CONTINUOUS Charlie looks confused, but he does what he's told. He gives the lead calf a little love slap across the snout. KILLER (O.S., RADIO) On the butt, you bozo! Charlie, chagrined, goes to the calf's rear, takes a deep breath and gives it a firm SLAP. It sort of has the desired effect. The calf moves forward, but at a leisurely pace, as calves tend to do. The rest of the herd doesn't want to miss out, so they amble along as well. It's the most boring stampede ever. 101.

CHARLIE (RADIO) This'll send everyone into a panic. True to Charlie's sarcastic statement, there's no panic amongst the students as the calves wander into the barnyard. In fact, it's just the opposite. They mingle with the calves, petting and gushing over them. ZOMBIE STUDENT Oh my gosh! Baby calves! So cute! The gate-guarding Cowboys rush over to the calves, irritated. COWBOY #1 What the heck is going on? Who let them out? The M&M's pat the calves with their big mitts. Plain M&M points in Calista's direction. PLAIN M&M Talk to her. She was hanging out by the pen's gate a few minutes ago. Calista watches the Cowboys approach. Toots see them as well, pleads to Emo. TOOTS (RADIO) Set 'em off now Emo! Calves still loiter about, some making their way to the gate. EMO (RADIO) I still have calves all around me! TOOTS (RADIO) You'll be okay! Just do it! Emo opens the bag. Looks inside. A plethora of fireworks inside. He struggles with a decision on what to do. The Cowboys track down Calista just as Izzy heads back over to Charlie. COWBOY #1 Allie! What'd you do? Calista doesn't respond. Cowboy #2 is suspicious. COWBOY #2 I don't think that's Allie. Calista starts to move away, but Cowboy #1 grabs her arm. She SCREAMS. It's loud, ear-piercing. 102.

INT. RURAL ROAD - FORD F150 - CONTINUOUS The scream is so loud, even Killer whips off his earphones. KILLER Holy crap! (into radio) Calista, stall them best you can. We're on our way. Killer jumps out of the truck. Rushes across the road to a barb wired fence. He breaks out wire cutters and quickly snaps all three wires and pulls them apart. Snacks continues to steer the drone and monitors the laptop. As the watches the monitor, he zooms in on Calista and the Cowboys. Cowboy #2 looks up and notices the drone.

EXT. BARNYARD - CONTINUOUS Calista struggles to break free of Cowboy #1's grip. CALISTA Let me go! Help! COWBOY #2 (points up) Someone's spying on us! Cowboy #2 pulls off her mask. Calista looks sheepish. CALISTA So, we getting together later? COWBOY #1 You're not Allie. Who are you? COWBOY #2 She's a Pinkley student. (yells to the crowd) We've got a Legume in our midst! The Ryan students turn. Several start moving in her direction. Toots pulls off his backpack, takes a baggie filled with a powder out. TOOTS (RADIO) (to Emo) Do it, Emo! Now! Emo closes his eyes, takes a deep breath. He grabs a massive firecracker and flicks on a zippo lighter. He lights the fuse and tosses it towards the back of the pen. 103.

A calf walks along and steps on the firework. It sinks into the mud and fizzles. EMO Oh, come on! Izzy and Charlie nervously inch to the hog pen gate. The massive hog grunts angrily. IZZY Sure you want to do this? CHARLIE Hey, what could go wrong? (beat) Hey - thanks for being a part of the team. Even if we fail miserably, I've had a great time. IZZY Good thing I put that note in your locker, then. CHARLIE That was you? It's all falling in place for Charlie, just as: Emo finally gets another firework lit and throws it again. Lights one after another, tosses them as well. The Ryan students take turn picking up rocks and tossing them at the drone. One of them finally gets lucky and clips one of the propellers. The drone spins around and dives. It falls into the bonfire just as Toots throws his large bag of powder into the roaring fire. The powder causes a massive flame to shoot fifty feet in the air. WHOOOSH!! The flame gets everyone's attention. Even the Cowboys lose their interest in Calista. Then immediately: POP!! POW!! POP!! One after another, huge explosive noises emerge from the calf pen. NOW there's a stampede. The calves, spooked, immediately gallop in all directions. Students are no longer interested in petting the calves -- they're more interested in survival. It's a comical sight. Costumed kids run around, trying to avoid the stampede. The Cowboys and the hog pen guards run about, trying to corral calves best they can. 104.

EXT. RURAL ROAD - FORD F150 - CONTINUOUS The truck and trailer zip through the fence line and race towards the hog pen. Izzy and Charlie leap into the pen. Charlie pulls a small lasso from his backpack and cautiously slides it around the hog's neck. Toots is in the calf pen, helping extract Emo from the mud. TOOTS You okay? Emo looks at him strangely. EMO WHAT? TOOTS No need to scream, dude. Can't you hear me? EMO HAVE TO SPEAK UP. I CAN'T HEAR YOU! Toots and Emo make their way to the hog pen, dodging runaway calves along the way. Killer pulls the truck up in the field next to the pen. He and Snacks jump out and disassemble the rails making up a section of the fence holding the hog inside. In the confusion with the calves and the fireworks, no one is paying attention as Charlie tries to pull the hog forward. The hog is having none of it, though. He won't budge. CHARLIE Izzy! Get out the apples! Izzy pulls a couple of apples out of Charlie's bag. Hands one to Calista, who has shown up to help. Emo and Toots rush into the pen as well. CHARLIE (CONT’D) (to Emo and Toots) I need you to push this thing from behind. TOOTS Uh, say what? 105.

EMO WHAT DID HE SAY?? CHARLIE Push! He's not going anywhere! Izzy and Calista, get those apples in front of him! Toots and Emo get behind the sow. The sight is ugly, and the smell is not enticing either. They hold their noses and gingerly place their hands on the hog's butt. Gross! CHARLIE (CONT’D) C'mon, guys! TOOTS You wanna come back here and push on a pig's butt? Izzy and Calista wave the apples in the hog's face. The beast snorts and squeals. And then it happens. The hog charges forward. It drags Charlie along through the mud as he struggles to hold on to the rope. Emo and Toots fall into the mud as the hog suddenly disappears from in front of them. The hog drags Charlie right into a fence post, but he continues to hang on. Calista and Izzy run up and in the trailer, apples in hand. The hog trots behind them right up to the trailer, then stops. No amount of cajoling from the girls will coax him in. And now in the middle of the calf chaos the M&M's finally notice the attempted hog theft. PLAIN M&M They're trying to steal the hog! The M&M's run across the barnyard towards the trailer. Other students follow, dodging calves running about the barnyard. KILLER Trouble on the way. Toots, see if you can delay them. Toots nods and pulls more fireworks from his bag. Roman Candles. He stands like an old west gunfighter and aims the candles at the feet of the oncoming students. WHOOSH!! WHOOSH!! 106.

Students and calves scatter. Peanut M&M continues forward but gets waylaid by a skittish calf, knocking him ten feet away. The Cowboys by now have gotten on horses, and steer them toward the trailer, avoiding stampeding calves as they go. Killer, Snacks, Emo and Charlie all get behind the hog and push. It's like pushing a small car stuck in park. Izzy holds her apple right at the hog's mouth. The hog tries to bite it and Izzy pulls it away, which angers the hog. It SQUEALS loudly. The Cowboys get closer. Toots pulls out several cherry smoke bombs and lobs them in their direction. As the red smoke fills the air, he integrates some whirling pinwheel fireworks for full effect. The horses rear up and dump the Cowboys on the ground. Killer, frustrated, finally gives the recalcitrant hog a firm SLAP on the butt, and it jolts forward and up the trailer ramp, knocking Izzy to the side. The hog bolts right at a screaming Calista, who drops her bag of apples and leaps to the side just as the hog reaches the back of the trailer. KILLER (CONT’D) (to Izzy and Calista) C'mon, get out of there! The girls scramble out and the trailer doors are shut. KILLER (CONT’D) In the truck! Everyone leaps in the back of the truck as Killer puts the car in gear and peels out. The gang laughs and high fives as they make their way out of the fence opening by the road. The excitement is short-lived, though, as the headlights of several TRUCKS suddenly appear down the road behind them. The trucks race quickly towards the F-150. CHARLIE (to Killer) They're following us! Killer floors it. 107.

KILLER (to Charlie) Let them know we're coming! Charlie pulls out his phone and hits a number on speed dial. CHARLIE (INTO PHONE) We're heading your way and we've got company! The F-150 takes a corner quickly and everyone slides to one side. Izzy winds up on top of Charlie. Not that he doesn't mind. But she quickly disengages. Killer reaches the edge of town. He cuts across a railroad track, then makes a couple of turns at traffic lights in town. The trucks are only fifty yards behind them now. Rounding another corner, he passes another Ford F-150 just like his with a trailer in tow. The gang waves at the driver as they pass. Killer takes another turn and disappears. The truck whips around the corner and SKIDS to a stop at the sight of the second F-150. The Ryan students, which include the Cowboys, circle the truck. The window rolls down on the truck as the students approach. The driver: MEG. She laughs as the confused Ryan students look on in horror. MEG Looking for someone? Or something? One of the Ryan students opens the trailer. Empty. The students pile in their trucks and peel out. MEG (CONT’D) Was it something I said?

EXT. RURAL ROAD - FORD F150 (MOVING) - LATER The truck speeds along a deserted country road on the other side of town. Happy faces abound on the team members. Izzy and Charlie grin at each other, and she slides her hand into his. Calista notices and starts to say something, but lets it go. The drama can wait for another time. 108.

EXT. EMO'S FARM - NIGHT The F-150 pulls in to a large wheat farm. The truck swings around to a barn where the doors are already open.

INT. BARN - NIGHT Killer pulls the truck to a stop inside the barn. Everyone jumps out, where they're greeted by Emo's PARENTS. Backs are slapped, hair tussled. Congrats all around. Refreshments are served by Emo's mom. Killer looks suitably impressed. He looks in the back of the trailer. Whistles. Snacks comes up, a lemonade in each hand. Killer reaches for one of them. KILLER Thanks, kid. (raises his drink) To Squeal Team Six. You guys totally earned the name tonight. EVERYONE (raised drinks) Cheers! Everyone take a drink, but they're jolted back to reality: SNACKS I don't want to be the buzzkill guy, but how are we gonna get this hog in the stadium? Those Ryan students are going to be blocking every entrance to the stadium, and they'll be out for blood. It is buzzkill. The other team members stop what they're doing and look to Killer. He's not fazed. KILLER You leave that to me. You guys just worry about getting on the field at halftime.

INT. HIGH SCHOOL - MAIN ENTRANCE - MORNING Charlie and Snacks enter the main hallway. The first people they run into are Benny and his minions. 109.

The two sides stand a few feet apart. The tension so thick it can be cut with a light saber. Finally, Benny breaks the silence: BENNY So you did it, Charles? CHARLIE Don't know what you're talking about. BENNY Ah. Come one, come all, to the great circus sideshow, where Master Charles Drumhouse and his merry sidekicks will thrill us all with his feats of daring do. CHARLIE You're weird, dude. BENNY What will be weird is not seeing you and your loser friends when Principal Duggan kicks you out of school. Or have you forgotten? Benny suddenly gets bumped halfway across the hall into some lockers by DAX, 18, a hulking student in a football jersey. Benny crumples to the floor, dazed and confused. DAX There a problem here? BENNY (stunned) No... no problem. Dax turns to Benny's minions. They back away slowly. DAX From now on, you hassle these guys, you'll have to deal with me. Benny and the Jets make themselves scarce. DAX (CONT’D) (to Charlie) So. Is it true? Charlie and Snacks look at each other. CHARLIE/SNACKS Toots. 110.

INT. HIGH SCHOOL CLASSROOM - MORNING Ms. Cooper walks through the aisle, handing out exams. MS. COOPER This is a closed book exam. It consists of multiple choice and short answers. Izzy and Charles exchange a smile. Ms. Cooper drops an exam on each of their desks. MS. COOPER (CONT’D) Keep your eyes on your own paper -- and don't be thinking that just because you're a future big shot at this school I'm going to let you get off easy with your grade. Charlie looks up at Ms. Cooper. She winks at him. He's caught off-guard by this display of friendliness. MS. COOPER (CONT’D) You may begin. The students launch into the test. LATER Students turn in their completed tests and walk out of the classroom. Charlie lingers until he's the only student left. He approaches Ms. Cooper with confidence. Hands her his test. MS. COOPER (CONT’D) Word in the teacher's lounge is that you won the Challenge. CHARLIE (under his breath) Apparently someone can’t keep his mouth shut. (then) Maybe. We still have to bring home the bacon tonight, so to speak. MS. COOPER Fingers crossed, then. (beat) You'll be happy to know that your grades have been outstanding so far this semester. Depending, of course, on how this exam turns out. 111.

CHARLIE Do you accept bribes? MS. COOPER Don't think that'll be necessary. As Charlie starts to walk away: MS. COOPER (CONT’D) I misjudged you, Charlie. Based on that first day, I thought you were going to be a miserable failure as a student, but you've actually been quite a revelation. CHARLIE Thanks. I think. (beat) Is it true your father is President of the school board? MS. COOPER He is. And Duggan is a burr in his butt, so to speak. Why do you ask? The marching band DRUM BEAT once again builds. CHARLIE Duggan's threatened to kick us out of school. I'm kind of hoping it doesn’t come to that. And as she considers it, the drum beat CRESCENDOS, and we know we're headed to:

EXT. FOOTBALL STADIUM - NIGHT The scoreboard tells the same old tale: Visitors, 27, Pinkley 13, but the crowd actually seems energized tonight despite the score. There's a buzz in the air. IN THE STANDS -- Izzy blows out an OOMPH OOMPH OOMPH on her tuba as the band plays a poor rendition of a rock song. The rest of Squeal Team Six huddles with the Pinkley High Legume mascot -- a human body with a grotesque bean pod head. A sheriff's deputy stands nearby. CHARLIE (to the mascot) Here's the deal. Wait here with the deputy until halftime. (MORE) 112. CHARLIE (CONT'D) Don't leave his side - we can't risk one of the Ryan students trying to capture you. Got it? The bean pod head nods vigorously. A big thumbs up. Charlie turns to the team. CHARLIE (CONT’D) Let's get ready. Squeal Team Six runs into a tunnel under the stadium.

EXT. FOOTBALL STADIUM / PARKING LOT - NIGHT A mass of Ryan students gathers at the main entrance to the stadium. There's no way they're going to let the hog get by. COWBOY #1 We’re gonna make those losers pay if they have the nerve to show up. The crowd murmurs its agreement. An ugly scene is unfolding. This crowd wants blood.

EXT. FOOTBALL STADIUM - NIGHT A horn BLARES. The head referee signals the half is over. P.A. ANNOUNCER (O.S.) And that's the end of the first half, with Ryan leading Pinkley 27- 13. Don't go anywhere -- the Pinkley marching band will perform its tribute to "1980's TV Theme Songs." And will there be a surprise appearance tonight? The crowd ROARS its approval as the Pinkley marching band makes its way onto the field. On the sidelines, Principal Duggan surveys the stands. Looks around the field. No sight of Squeal Team Six.

EXT. FOOTBALL STADIUM / PARKING LOT - NIGHT As the Ryan crowd grows more surly, the Ford F-150 appears at the parking lot entrance, the large trailer in tow. COWBOY #2 There it is! 113.

The crowd surges forward. If they just had pitchforks and torches, it would be the perfect mob scene. They descend on the truck, which stops in its tracks. As the crowd nears, it slowly goes into reverse.

EXT. FOOTBALL STADIUM - NIGHT The band awkwardly plays the theme from "Different Strokes." C/U on Izzy, whose cheeks puff with each OOMPH on the tuba. But a closer look shows a listening device in her ear. And suddenly we hear: KILLER (RADIO)(O.S.) On our way. ETA one minute. Izzy excitedly fingers the tuba's valves at this news.

EXT. FOOTBALL STADIUM - PARKING LOT - NIGHT The crowd surrounds the truck. Yells and screams at the driver. The truck's door opens and Meg emerges. The anger subsides and turns to confusion. It's the second time in two days that they've been duped. COWBOY #1 What the hell is going on? Where's our mascot? MEG This is the second time you guys have mistaken me for someone else. I guess Ryan students are really slow on the uptake. One of the mob members opens the trailer. INSIDE: A baby pig stares out at everyone. It's adorable, but it's not the Ryan mascot. COWBOY #2 Are you trying to be funny? MEG It's a visual gag. I'm really disappointed you don't appreciate it a little more. 114.

COWBOY #1 You've got five seconds to tell us where our mascot is before we destroy this truck of yours. As he makes that threat, a faint but familiar WHOOMP WHOOMP WHOOMP sound fills the air. Meg smiles. MEG I'll tell you... when pigs fly. WHOOMP WHOOMP WHOOMP. Meg looks to the sky. The Ryan students track where she's looking, then GASP and SCREAM when they see: The Ryan High Wild Hog mascot FLYING through the air. Well, technically. The hog is suspended by huge straps, hoisted through the air by a large Chinook CH-147 helicopter. All that's needed is "Flight of the Valkyries" blaring from the chopper to make this any more surreal.

INT. HELICOPTER - NIGHT (MOVING) Killer looks out from the side entrance of the helicopter. It's a happy look, like he feels where he ought to be. He spots the truck down below, gives Duggan a thumbs up.

EXT. FOOTBALL STADIUM - PARKING LOT - NIGHT After the initial shock of seeing their mascot fly over their heads, the Ryan students make a mad rush for the stadium. Meg casually strolls to the stadium after them.

EXT. FOOTBALL STADIUM - NIGHT The helicopter appears over the stands and hovers over the center of the field. WILD APPLAUSE breaks out from the fans. Meg watches the hog glide over the field, mouth agape. Benny, Goth Geek and Trekkie are equally amazed. Izzy nods to the band CONDUCTOR. He tries to yell over the WHOOMP WHOOMP WHOOMP. Raises his baton and the band starts to play the "LIBERTY BELL MARCH" by John Philip Sousa. The CH-147 slowly lowers the hog to the field. 115.

Izzy tosses her tuba aside and rushes towards midfield. The fans wait anxiously for the other team members to show. Then, one by one, the rest of Squeal Team Six, also dressed as band members, slip out of formation and run behind Izzy. The crowd noise is deafening. The Ryan students race through the tunnel, but as they approach the field, they're met by a line of angry looking DEPUTIES who are in no mood for rivalry feuds. The students stop in their tracks. The disappointment in their faces evident as they realize they've been bested. Squeal Team Six forms a line at midfield as the hog touches down. Killer rappels down from the chopper to join them. They quickly unhook Killer and the hog, and the chopper zooms off. P.A. ANNOUNCER (O.S.) Do you believe in the unbelievable? Pinkley High has done it! For the first time in twenty years the Challenge has been won!! Duggan is apoplectic on the sidelines. He starts to head in the team's direction, when: MS. COOPER (O.S.) Let them have their moment, Carl. Duggan turns. Ms. Cooper’s laser-like glare has returned. MS. COOPER (CONT’D) This is the biggest thing to happen to the school in years. We all need this. PRINCIPAL DUGGAN They purposely disobeyed my orders! They showed a complete lack of respect for my authority! MS. COOPER Maybe it's because you showed them a complete lack of respect on your end. Celebrate their accomplishment and quit being such a bull-headed dictator, and maybe you'll get the respect you so desperately seek. (beat) Or I could speak with dad about how you've been treating these kids. Your choice. 116.

Ms. Cooper heads off, cheering on the victors. Duggan is swamped in the wake of the long-suffering Pinkley students as they rush the field. They swallow up Squeal Team Six and lift them on their shoulders. The team washes happily in the glory. The band plays on. It's a victory march for the ages. DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. CHARLIE'S RESIDENCE / BACKYARD - DAY The team gathers around a picnic table. Laughter and joy ensue. A wrapped gift sits on the table next to Izzy. Emo's dad works the grill. Burgers and hot dogs are the order of the day. He scoops some patties onto a plate. EMO'S DAD Burgers up! He hands a plate to Emo, who carries it to table. Before he can even set it down, Snacks has already swiped three of the burgers for himself. Killer grabs one of the burgers from a frowning Snacks. KILLER You guys are going to go down in history at Pinkley High. Hope you handle your fame as well as you did your mission. CHARLIE What do you mean? KILLER Fame is intoxicating. Too much of it is a bad thing. EMO I thought the point of doing it was to get the Jets off our backs, not to be famous. Killer looks to Charlie, whose poker face gives nothing away. CHARLIE I think we'll handle it just fine. 117.

Meg brings out drinks for everyone. She hands one to Killer and sits down next to him. Killer doesn't mind at all. The mood stays jovial as Izzy holds up the gift. IZZY We got you something. KILLER That wasn't necessary, guys. CHARLIE It's not much, but we thought you'd like it. Killer rips off the paper. We don't see the gift, but Killer smiles broadly at the sight of it. KILLER Guys. It's perfect. Charlie gives Killer an admiring look. CHARLIE Thanks for everything. It's meant a lot to me. Killer rustles Charlie's hair. For the first time, we see a true smile appear across Killer's face. KILLER You're all right, kid. But don't let anyone know I said that, okay? Charlie beams noticeably. Meg pulls out her phone. Yells to Charlie and Killer to smile for the camera. MEG This will be great! Just as Meg is ready to snap the shot, Killer sticks his well- worn cigar in his mouth. CLICK!

INT. CHARLIE'S RESIDENCE - BEDROOM - NIGHT The battle map sits in the corner. Charlie's costume from the night of the Challenge hangs from a chair. Charlie enters the room. He grasps a frame as he sits on the end of his bed. Glances at the photo happily. 118.

He places the frame next to the one of he and his dad, and now we see that it's the picture Meg took of Charlie and Killer, sitting on the bench just like Charlie and Jack. CHARLIE Thought you might like to have an old friend to keep you company. Charlie looks wistful as he takes in both the pictures. CHARLIE (CONT’D) I might not be having as many conversations as I've had in the past, but I want you to know that it doesn't mean I don't love you any more. If anything, I love you more than ever. It's just time for me to move on with my life. (beat) I hope I've made you proud, dad. And as Charlie soaks in the moment, we DISSOLVE TO:

INT. APARTMENT - NIGHT Killer's living room is cleaned up. Respectable. Instead of the TV, country music plays in the background. From a SIDE ANGLE, we see Killer hang something on his wall. Steps back and admires it. KILLER Looks good. He turns, and now we see him in full profile. Not only is his room respectable, Killer looks good too. Dress shirt and new jeans. Beard is trimmed, hair combed. KILLER (CONT’D) Ready? He walks across the room to a waiting Meg. MEG So, where're we going? KILLER One thing you'll learn about me. I never reveal my missions to anyone. MEG And you expect me to just follow along with the plan? 119.

KILLER It's worked well for me so far. MEG Uh-huh. We'll see about that. They exit the apartment, and now our focus shifts back to the wall. The first thing we notice is his Navy Seal team, then the picture of Killer, Jack and their friends that won the Challenge years ago. And then we shift our attention along the wall and notice a new picture hung next to it. It's the gang surrounding the massive hog. Charlie and Killer stand next to each other, smiling proudly. The picture captures the moment perfectly, a group of misfits joyously celebrating where they came together as a team: Squeal Team Six. FADE OUT.