making recovery from addiction visible ISSUE 14

MELODY ROSE PAUL Bangor, Maine

Accessing Recovery Supports Everyone’s Welcome + Peer Support

Letting Go No Longer Carrying the Weight of My Past PAID ADVERTISEMENT

ADDRESSING MAINE’S OPIOID EPIDEMIC TOGETHER.

As we continue to battle the COVID-19 pandemic, the opioid crisis persists in communities across our state. That’s why we’re bringing organizations together and sharing best practices to help ensure individuals and families have the resources they need.

Learn more about the Rx Abuse Leadership Initiative of Maine and our partners at rali-me.org.

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Publisher Carolyn Delaney

Layout Joline Violette Edwards PRIVATE GIFTS Photographer Brian Delaney A very special thank you to these people ISSUE 14 Contributors Alison Jones Webb who have helped to support Journey Amy Paradysz getting to the printer. David Lee Elaine Shamos click on Private Gifts on our website for more info Glenn Simpson Kimble Greene Niki Curtis Thank You! Tyler Hall Zoe Brokos

Journey Team Barbara Conner Brenda Briggs Anonymous x 9 Leslie Clark Bruce Campbell Amy and Noodles Karen Stultz, CHt, CIWC Mary Atwood Jennifer Kimball Johnson Dennis & Debbie Gallant Mickie Kucinkas Nancy Wolach Sandra Stone Courtney Allen Susan Axelrod M.C. Hothem, DO Josh Riddle MaineWorks Dean Raymond Susan Britton Pettingill Lowell & Ella Brown [email protected] The Family Restored Rebecca Laber-Smith (207) 679-5005 Bella Vida Hypnosis B. Owens-DeWitt Portland, ME 04101 Isaac Shainblum Mandy Schumaker www.journey-magazine.com Bob Dawber Dave & Karen Packhem Stephen Andrew, LCSW LADC Mickie Kucinkas Mommabear7♯☮❤� Bill & Linda Lundborg Cover Barbara Lamont Barbara Sullivan Melody Rose Paul Karen St. Clair Mary Atwood photo by Brian Delaney Connie & Michael Mercer Craig & Lisa

Elaine D Blanchard Doug Dunbar CONNECT Celia Grand, LCSW, BCD Lisa Graves WITH US Body & Soul Health Solutions Phil & Linda Coupe /recovery.journey.in.maine Elizabeth Burke Beaty From the publisher

s we go to print with this For me that meant a focus on AJourney issue #14, I’m my physical and emotional well- reflecting on this past year. being—a stable and safe place to live and making informed Last year at this time, it seemed decisions on healthy choices that like my life was a 1,000 piece were now available to me. puzzle that someone had taken out of the box but there was no It meant surrounding myself with Recovery is a process of change cover to show the picture the people who had been where I had and change is constant. When pieces were supposed to make. been but weren’t living in that we participate in community, world anymore, and taking the we’re not alone at any time. Our We had just gone into lockdown, suggestions they offered on my excerpt article from the book everything seemed scary, and new path. Stealth Camping with Me and there was no clear visual of what Hundreds of My Closest Friends, is life would look like. My initial thought was that I from an anonymous traveler who was so different. That I had led has attended AA meetings in 48 This morning I realized it was a very different life and didn’t different states. similar to the early days of feel like I belonged anywhere. recovery. All I knew was that I But the reality is that many of us In our next issue, we’ll debut a didn’t want to keep living the feel that way. We call it “terminal new column, “The Anonymous way I was living, doing what I uniqueness” and it’s common in Path,” personal recovery stories was doing, and yet I didn’t know the recovery community. with first name/last initial only— things could be any different. for those who want to share their But eventually, I found my people, lived experiences recovering Thankfully, I landed in a half-way my peers. Eventually, I found in a 12-step community while house, Evodia, and the staff there others I could connect with on a respecting the longstanding gave me a framework by which deeper, spiritual level and today I tradition of anonymity. to start living a new way of life. am still a seeker and grateful for The women there (12 of us) and my own path. And finally, a big welcome those who showed up for support to Bruce Campbell, our new provided a picture of what life For some of us, finding and Northern Maine Accounts “could” look like. building community with our Coordinator with decades of peers takes a few extra steps, and personal recovery in addition I “could” feel comfortable in my in this issue we look at various to program and community own skin, I “could” find stacked accessibility challenges and building experience. moments of peace and serenity on successes. a daily basis—this type of living Our goal is to be available seemed more accessible to me by Amy Paradyz explores several of statewide by the end of 2021 virtue of others’ sharing their these groups in Accessing Recovery and with this issue, we start personal experiences. Supports. In Coming to Faith, Niki expanding into the Bangor area! Curtis writes about letting go But first things first. of past personal experiences to With immense gratitude, access a faith that works. visible recovery saves lives In this issue

6 ...... Accessing Recovery Supports 9...... Meet Journey’s Newest Team Member 9 10...... Personal Recovery Story: Melody Ross Paul 12...... We Have Superpowers! 14...... Bringing Love Into the Room 16...... Letting Go 10 18...... Couples in Recovery 20...... Coming to Faith 22...... When in Doubt, Choose Challenge 24...... Personal Recovery Story: Tania Margate 26...... Excerpt from Stealth Camping with Hundreds of My Closest Friends 28...... Managing Finances 16 30...... Funding Community Centers in Every Maine County 31...... Maine’s Recovery Community Centers 32...... Spirit Illuminated 24 33...... Recovery Programs 34...... Statewide Resources visible recovery saves lives Accessing Recovery Supports

Everyone’s Welcome + Peer Support by Amy Paradysz

e talk about the “recovery recovery community to better staff and residents, faith-based Wcommunity” as if there is support their needs. organizations, mental health and one—when, in fact, there are many. substance use professionals, and The recovery community is as Re-Entry nonprofits that can help with diverse as humankind. Substance everything from housing to job use disorder doesn’t discriminate When Bruce Noddin volunteered training to financial literacy. based on age, race, religion, gender, with Catholic Charities prison or sexual orientation and neither ministry and saw the same “The really cool thing that’s going does the recovery community, people appearing back in the on is the level of cooperation which tries to offer help and hope system repeatedly, he stirred up and collaboration that we’re able for everyone. But, within the some good trouble—asking what to do with the Department of larger recovery community and more could be done to reduce Corrections and with Sheriffs’ “everyone’s welcome” groups, many recidivism. Departments,” Noddin says. “We people in recovery find it helpful had this idea of going into prisons to also find a small group of peers From that conversation with five prior to release and introducing with whom they share more in people in June 2017 has evolved a the residents to community common than just substance use. Maine Prisoner Re-entry Network resources. And everyone involved (MPRN) connecting a statewide has embraced and included us in For this story, writer Amy web of people interested in helping everything that they can.” Paradysz gathered insights from make the transition to life after professionals who work with prison more successful. While COVID-19 protocols some of the branches of the have meant that meetings with recovery community family tree— “The excitement is contagious,” residents are on Zoom, being people who have experienced says Noddin, founder and remote has made it possible for incarceration, elders, adolescents, executive director of MPRN. MPRN to help even more residents. mothers, and the LBGTQA+ “We’ve had 60 or more people community. These professionals show up some weeks.” “We’ve had 350 meetings with talked about challenges and residents since April 1 of last year,” successes, and provided tips for Zoom calls connect Maine Noddin says. “Imagine being a empathizing with others in the Department of Corrections person in prison who has been out

6 ISSUE 14 recovery-journey.com a couple of times and been back level, and even whether they’re generation that grew up talking and never had any support, really, eating well. about “trauma” or “substance use and then having seven people in disorder,” and may not want to a Zoom meeting with all these “Aging is a condition of losses,” think of themselves as an “addict” people interested in you and your Menard says. “We have to look at or “alcoholic.” success. That’s pretty cool!” what’s going on and why they want to numb their feelings But, often, they do want to talk. Noddin, who is in long-term and memories.” recovery himself, says that the And if they’re losing control vast majority of people in Maine Consider the experiences to substances, in the midst of prisons have struggled with of aging—leaving behind a losing control in so many other substance use. As a result, the professional life, downsizing and ways, regaining control can be a goals of re-entry and recovery are giving up decades of collected motivator for recovery. tightly linked. possessions, making do in a body that doesn’t work as well as it once “Some come in for a session once a “A peer support or a recovery did, or, after decades of marriage, month for an atta-girl or an atta- coach can be huge,” Noddin says. managing without their spouse. boy,” Menard says. “Others come “It amazes me how receptive Imagine being in this stage of life to a point in recovery where they these folks are to a stranger who and having your own children can take a break and contact me wants to be their recovery coach. telling you what to do—and what again when there’s a triggering Recovery coaches are critical. It’s not to do. event in their life, like the death of that human contact, that one- a spouse, or one of their children on-one—and typically that lived “One of the going through a divorce.” experience. If it’s somebody like challenges is me who has the lived experience of navigating what Idea to build on: Menard says recovery, and you add to that the that she’d love to see recovery lived experience of incarceration, recovery actually meetings in elderly housing and the connections that are made looks like and what it facilities—with coffee and time to are just amazing.” means to them.” socialize, sweetening the prospect —Molly Ramirez for people who may have never Idea to build on: Noddin says, before considered attending a “One of the biggest things that “Children of alcoholics do the recovery support group. we fight all the time is stigma. Try wrong things for the right reason,” to get to know the folks around Menard says. “Shaming them Adolescents you have been in prison or jail. It doesn’t work. Taking control of just takes one conversation at a their life doesn’t work. I don’t tell At the other end of the age time to knock down these walls. people to stop drinking; I talk spectrum, teens also face You find out over time that these about the consequences and what challenges with independence, are people who have experienced they have to lose.” free will and internal motivation. immense, sometimes devastating, trauma and they’re engaging and Elderly people may need help “One of the hardest things that intelligent and funny. Give them a accessing websites such as I see my kids struggle with is a chance.” MyChart or organizing their sense of personal autonomy,” says prescription caddy and keeping Molly Ramirez, a recovery coach Elders track of what to take when. But employed by Portland Recovery when family members try pouring Community Center. “When you’re Mary Menard, 76, is a substance alcohol down the sink and think under 18, you already have a lot abuse counselor with a private they’ve solved the problem, less opportunity to make decisions practice based in Scarborough and Menard has seen some quite for yourself, let alone when you’re focused on the elderly. When she determined and creative behavior in treatment.” meets with a new client, she asks from older folks. about wedding photos or recipes or Ramirez, 23, went through the hobbies—dipping into comfortable Or they try to hide the problem. six-month Day One program when conversations about family and she was 16 and is now celebrating spousal relationships, activity Menard says that people in their seven years in recovery. Since seventies and up are not from a January 2020, she has been

recovery-journey.com ISSUE 14 7 meeting virtually with teens in the residential programs. “Some of the inclusive of not only all gender Day One residential programs in women who come to this program identities but also all paths of New Gloucester and Hinckley. haven’t been with their children recovery—12 steps, abstinence, for some time.” harm reduction, spirituality— “One of the challenges is whatever works. navigating what recovery actually The focus is rehab from 7:30 a.m. looks like and what it means to to 3:30 p.m. on weekdays, while “The intimacy of this small- them,” she says. “So many of them the kids are in licensed daycare. group format helps in developing are sent there because they don’t The rest of the time, the women safety and trust,” Fazio says of want to go to jail or because their are on mom duty and practicing her group, which is typically parents said they had to go.” parenting skills. attended by three to six Mainers via Zoom. “Building community Digging deeper than the substance The program also welcomes and connection is really abuse, girls often acknowledge women in any stage of pregnancy. important. You start to develop past sexual trauma or have “We had a woman who was in our sober friendships with other queer patterns of physical relationships program when she went into labor, people in recovery. And personal dominating their lives. Some girls and she came back with her little accountability goes up when we admit they’ve never had a stable, pumpkin with her,” Caron says. know that other people care about supportive friendship. But this “It’s awesome, because she’s sober, our recovery and how we’re doing.” often changes as the girls build and she has her child with her. ” their recovery skills and connect Idea to build on: To learn more with one another. And that’s a happy beginning. about creating an LGBT+ safe zone, she recommends The Safe Four young women who recently “The intimacy of Zone Project (thesafezoneproject. went through the Day One com). program stay in touch through a this small-group group chat, and one of those girls format helps in Everyone’s Welcome + Peer told Ramirez that she’d never had developing safety Support = Best of Both Worlds friends before. and trust.” Professionals in all five branches of “To see them come together in —Dani Fazio the recovery family tree explored friendship,” Ramirez says, “is the in this article—people who have sweetest thing I’ve seen.” Idea to build on: Caron, who is a experienced incarceration, elders, mother in a long-term recovery, adolescents, mothers, and the Idea to build on: Ramirez, whose encourages people to share the LBGTQA+ community—say that own life was changed by a word with young mothers who peer support and shared lived rehabilitation program for teens, are struggling with substance use experiences are crucial. Facilitators wants to see more of those disorder that there are options of “everyone’s welcome” supports, programs, less youth detention. for recovering WITH their children. like 12-step meetings, work hard In addition to Crossroads, where to understand the diverse needs of Mothers Caron works, another option in people in the recovery community, Southern Maine is The McAuley and an “everyone’s welcome” The Crossroads Children and Residence. mindset is fundamental to the Mother’s Program in Windham recovery family. can be a godsend for a woman who Queer Folx in Recovery needs residential rehab and has Many find that a specialized, small one or two children under the age Dani Fazio, an alcohol and drug and closely connected group of of five. But that’s not to say that counselor in private practice, peers makes all the difference. the 60-day program is easy. facilitates a virtual twice-monthly drop-in group called Queer Folx in “They’re getting sober—maybe for Recovery that she founded in Amy Paradysz is a freelance writer from the first time or for the first time May 2020. Scarborough and part in years, so their emotions are of the Journey team; right on the surface,” says Beth Because the path to healing relies she can be reached at Caron, a licensed clinical social on feeling safe, Fazio says, Queer amyparadysz@gmail. com. worker and Crossroad’s director of Folx is intentionally respectful and

8 ISSUE 14 recovery-journey.com Meet Journey’s Newest Team Member

ruce Campbell joins Journey as My life since has been a remarkable Bthe Northern Maine Accounts adventure. From living in a school Coordinator. bus, I returned to graduate school, married a beautiful woman and I was raised in Houlton, Maine, and we raised a family in a home we call while a fairly good student, I began our own. We returned to Maine in drinking in high school, just one 2004, and I have had an exciting of the crowd. Drinking and getting and rewarding career over the past Today, no matter how challenging stoned was, and still is, one of the 36 years. life may be, I have a sense of hope primary recreational pursuits in and purpose. rural Maine, because, don’t you Recovery has changed my life in so know, “there’s nothing to do.” many ways. Bruce Campbell, LCSW, LADC has been a professional social worker for over 30 Getting an OUI was almost as Before, no matter how good things years and in long-term recovery since much a right of passage as shooting may have been, I had a sense of 1984. Currently, he is serving as the Northern Maine Accounts Coordinator a deer. impending doom. for Journey Magazine. Contact him at [email protected]. I was 21 when I got my OUI; I never shot a deer.

I went to college, got a job, got married, and tried my best to settle down. By this time, I had a growing sense that despite all outward appearances, my life was smoke and mirrors. I needed to do something before I became a public embarrassment and brought shame to my family, my employer, and to whatever was left of my dwindling sense of self. I left town.

I found myself in California when I finally sought help. I found a thriving and diverse recovering community with hundreds of peers I could relate to and rely upon for support.

I learned that my personal recovery depended upon the unity of the recovering community, and I was taught to invest my time and energy in helping to ensure its health.

recovery-journey.com ISSUE 14 9 PERSONAL RECOVERY STORY

Melody Ross Paul

elody Rose Paul’s habit of that she could in order to fuel her Mblackout drinking resulted addiction. She was living in what in many nights in jail cells, but she calls “the Zombie Zone.” her long, winding struggle with addiction reached a turning point “I would do illegal things to get when she found herself alone in my drink or drug,” she says. “I just prison. wouldn’t care who I hurt. It’s like I was soulless.” “I started to realize… [that] my life path was going in the wrong In her mind, Melody was “helping” direction,” Melody, 40, says. Charlie’s sister when she got her some substances she had asked Her substance abuse began with for. Charlie’s sister died from prescription medicine after having an overdose that day. Her and her son. For years, Melody would Charlie’s grief didn’t stop them really enjoy going to recovery swap pills with her then partner or from buying some of the very same meetings. Today, she surrounds others she met in town. In 2012, drugs that had killed her. herself with friends who are more Melody was forced to attend rehab like family and who keep her or lose her son. She went, but it “You get so desperate and just so accountable. didn’t quite work. sick that the reality is not there,” Melody says. Now, Melody is a published author, “I lied that I had a sponsor [so works full-time and facilitates they’d graduate me],” she says. “I She and Charlie were both arrested a weekly Wellbriety meeting for was still having trouble but I didn’t for trafficking drugs. The arrest others on the road to recovery. know what to do.” actually helped her “clear her mind,” and in prison she began the “[If] you’re tired of being tired, Melody remained sober for a while, process of healing from her “self- you’re tired of lying, you’re tired but suffered from depression and sabotage.” of pawning all your stuff, you’re anxiety during that time. She tired of people looking at you eventually left her relationship “Every day when you’re weird—all this. You can stop doing with her son’s father to be with her incarcerated, it’s like a solid what you’re doing and take care of current partner, Charlie. reminder of the mistakes.” yourself and reach out to people,” she says. “I thought he was in recovery During her year-long sentence, but he wasn’t,” she says about Melody attended Bible study and For those interested in learning Charlie. “I didn’t know that he a 12-step program, worked toward more about the meetings Melody was secretly using.” her GED, and found a love for runs, visit the Bangor Area writing. She penned a book about Recovery Network’s website, Soon, Melody was also using her life in eight months. bangorrecovery.org. substances daily, including heroin for the first time. Even after When she was released, Melody Also, check out her book—Savaged witnessing Charlie overdose, she developed new healthy habits. to Wellness available on Amazon. somehow became more involved in Although she says she has always heroin use. She pawned everything been introverted, she started to As told to a Journey Team member.

10 ISSUE 14 recovery-journey.com Being of Service.pdf 1 3/5/2020 2:45:38 PM

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recovery-journey.com ISSUE 14 11 We Have Superpowers! Harnessed superpowers aid in community transformations by Alison Jones Webb

id you know that we all have Dsuperpowers? It’s true! But sometimes we don’t know how to turn them on. Our powers don’t come with a set of instructions.

That’s where Open Table can help.

Open Table is a national model that communities can use to address any local need, one person at a time.

The idea is that six-to-eight community members come together to form a “table” to help a “friend” in need meet self-identified goals. Usually, a community member is trained as an Open Table facilitator, who recruits members of the community and works within the community to identify the friend, who is also at the table. The people two friends, and she’s actively Everybody who is part of Open at the table commit to meet weekly recruiting table members now to Table benefits from the process, for at least one year or until the convene two tables. Erica explains. It’s not a one-way friend has reached their goals, street where the friend receives whichever comes first. Erica gives an example of how the help from others and gives nothing table might help a friend. If the in return. It’s a model based on Here in Maine, the Restorative friend has a goal of getting a job reciprocity; we are all enriched Justice Project (RJP) has decided and has a car that doesn’t work, when we are in relationship with to pilot Open Table in Knox the people at the table can work one another. When it comes to County to help people who are together on getting the car fixed. recovery, it’s not a model that re-entering the community after Somebody at the table might know says, “‘because you’re in recovery, being in jail. Open Table is part an auto mechanic and can introduce you need all of these people to of RJP’s work to build Community the friend to her. help you.’ It’s a model that says, Justice Centers in the midcoast ‘as a person in recovery, you have area. For Knox County Community Another example is a community something to offer,’ and we can all Justice Coordinator for RJP Erica that creates a table for youth who be enriched by that.” Buswell, it’s a way to respond to are transitioning from the foster a call she felt to “show up in the care system to the adult world of Erica is motivated by belief that world in a way that could promote social services. Open Table helps everybody has something to restoration.” Erica is working create a bridge to their new life. contribute to their community. with Knox County Jail to identify “We all come into this world with

12 ISSUE 14 recovery-journey.com gifts to share,” she says. “When we can’t do that because of systemic or personal reasons, the world has rol your stress & anx been denied what we have to offer. Cont iety We all have a responsibility to ith EFT Tapping! create conditions where people can w show up and offer what we have to share. We’re all enriched by that. Our communities need us to show up that way.” EFT Tapping “Connection is what holds our 207-878-8315 karenstclairEFT.com social fabric together,” Erica � says. “Open Table is one way to EFT-Journ 4.91” x 2.25” KSC_EFT-ad-0421-v2 March 8, 2021 9:41 AM DGD promote connection.”

Imagine if we could set an Open Table in every community in Maine to promote connection with people in recovery!

Alison Jones Webb is a public health professional who has worked in the field of substance use prevention, treatment and recovery in Maine for over 15 years. Looking for financia peace? Milestone Recovery

I can help bring calmness to you and your financials HOME Team (207) 838-8904 MondayFriday 9:30AM to 5:30PM milestonerecovery.org

The HOME Team is here to help you. We are compassionate, Bill Libby, CPA (207) 671-7610 nonjudgmental, and specialize in helping persons dealing with [email protected] substance use, mental health, and homelessness in Portland. Our Team can help with basic needs like clothing, food, local Ataraxy transportation to appointments, and access to Narcan and detox Financial Services programs. Individual & Business Taxes Financial Coaching If you or someone you know needs help, please reach out. Business Management

recovery-journey.com ISSUE 14 13 Bringing Love Into the Room

Harm reduction creates opportunities for positive change by Zoe Brokos

aving worked in public health We grow together, and we build or loved one for HIV or Hepatitis Hfor the last ten years, I have foundations of trust. We create C testing at a local health center, spent a lot of time talking with opportunities for positive change. like Greater Portland Health or people—in meetings, work groups, Frannie Peabody Center. Harm task forces, steering committees, I think the most precious wisdom I reduction is also safer sex supplies and workshops—about the received from my harm-reduction and birth control; reaching out negative effects of substance use. community is an understanding to Maine Family Planning offices In addition to discussing paths to that change is possible when we statewide can be a great way to get recovery, we also talk about how create safe, accepting spaces and connected. to reduce the harms associated when we honor and support all with substance use for the paths to wellness. For some, harm reduction is individuals in active use, for their taking medication—like suboxone friends and family, for the people There are many ways to support or methadone—to reduce opioid in recovery, and for our broader individual and community cravings and overdose fatality risk. community. wellness through harm reduction. There are providers in Maine to For those who work with people assist with this. Sitting in meetings is important who are actively using substances, for connection, education we might think of syringe service Harm reduction can be and strategy. But after years programs, naloxone (Narcan) encouraging smoking 19 cigarettes of meetings, I believe the distribution, overdose prevention a day instead of a pack. most important reason for all and education about safer those meetings is community. use practices. Harm reduction is meeting and Community is at the heart of accepting people where they are. harm reduction. When we’re in For people engaged in recovery, No expectations, just acceptance community, we learn together. harm reduction can also be and appreciation. We promote healing. We connect. practiced by referring a friend

14 ISSUE 14 recovery-journey.com Sometimes it’s a seemingly tiny movement—the interest in talking about resources, for example. Sometimes it’s bigger—connecting Naloxone/Narcan with safe supplies and resources through an organization like Naloxone, commonly known as be given quickly if necessary Maine Access Points or Amistad. Narcan, is a medication used to and everyone should have it, Sometimes it feels huge, treatment reverse the effects of an opioid especially people who are at risk for Hepatitis C or a detox program. overdose and allows the person for an opioid overdose, family Steps are individual. What seems to start breathing again. members, employers, recovery like a huge step to one person coaches, clergy. might be a tiny step for another. Naloxone works on all opioids, regardless of the strength- In Maine, anyone can carry We don’t need to judge. We are morphine, Percocet, heroin, naloxone and it is available at here to support each other on the fentanyl. Naloxone cannot be pharmacies without needing a road to wellness. We say today, abused and is not toxic. It is prescription. Health insurance right now: I am here to support safe and works quickly, which is coverage varies, MaineCare you and your goals for this important when responding to covers it 100%, with no out of moment. This day. This week. a respiratory emergency like an pocket fee. For people who want opioid overdose. Naloxone without navigating …change is possible the pharmacy system or want It’s easy to use. There are two training and educational when we create safe, preparations of naloxone- information, the state of accepting spaces and nasal spray and an injection. Maine offers free access across when we honor and Carrying naloxone in a bag the state. Check out www. support all paths to or a purse ensures that it can knowyouroptions.me for details. wellness.

And above all, we are here to love. Harm reduction is Love. Acceptance. Understanding. Being present, with compassion. Showing up, without judgement. And yes, it really is hard sometimes.

It does take practice. You’re Not Alone. But know this: Love, together in community, is always a good place Intense support for early to start. recovery and relapse For more information about Harm prevention with a strong Reduction services in Maine, focus on developing please email me at zoebrokos@ gmail.com. healthy coping skills.

Zoe Brokos is a harm reductionist who lives The Adult Intensive in Portland with her family. She is currently Outpatient Program working with the Maine Recovery Advocacy Project, the Church of Call 207.777.8700. Safe Injection, Maine People’s Housing Coalition and the ACLU.

recovery-journey.com ISSUE 14 15 Letting Go No longer carrying the weight of my past by Tyler Hall

hen I started my recovery leave everything behind in order All of a sudden, I started to feel Wjourney in 2019, I had no to move forward. differently. All of the writing I was idea the freedoms I would be able doing was not only helping me to enjoy today. While at times Two men I met and became very lead a drug-free life, but it was also the process has been extremely close with early on kept asking helping me understand myself. difficult, it always proves to be me the same thing every time I’d extremely rewarding. Through see them at meetings, “Did you It was like a golden key to the recovery process of the 12 get a sponsor yet?” It seemed unlocking those thoughts and Steps, I’ve been able to enjoy like just another one of the many feelings inside my head I could freedom from the one thing that slogans and sayings that came never comprehend, let alone know seemed to always haunt me, and with recovery, but until I made the what to do with. that is my past. decision to do so, I felt like I was treading water. I started to take a look at the My journey began much like many problems in my life, all those others, I became abstinent from I found a sponsor that I could messy times, traumas, and the chemicals that plagued my relate to and identify with, and memories, things from my existence for so many years, I he started giving me reading and childhood to the present, things was going to meetings regularly, writing assignments out of one that had kept me sick for so and gathering as many names of the books the program had many years, and I started to see and phone numbers as I could. I to offer. them differently. remember telling myself I had to

16 ISSUE 14 recovery-journey.com As each memory presented itself, For me that power was God. It I know that the ability to live my and I wrote out the answers to showed me that there was a greater life, on its own terms, with a clear- the questions on the page in front purpose to everything, that life mind, and to enjoy it, is based of me, I was starting to get rid of was a pre-written script, and all I purely on all those nights putting those burdens and feelings I had had to do was play my part. pen to paper in my step work. carried around for so long, and began to gain a lot of perspective As I persisted on in my step work My journey through the 12 Steps and knowledge surrounding and the scars from my past has taught me countless lessons, my behaviors. began to heal I started to take a about life, about relationships, look at the present—the things I and about what it really means I had no idea could do in my everyday life—to to be clean, but I think by far the the freedoms keep me from slipping back into most rewarding have been about I would be able to old patterns and acting out on surrender and self. old behavior. enjoy today. I’ve navigated the difficulties I had to take a daily inventory to of divorce, family and medical I took an inventory of my past, make sure those things weren’t struggles, while enjoying the the people in it, the things that rearing their ugly head, as I blessings of birth, children, they had done to hurt me, and continued to live this new life I marriage, and my faith. the things that I had done to built for myself. hurt them. It sounds like such a Each and every day I can simple thing to do, but much more I started to be able to catch things, experience it, and be present, difficult to carry out. and to see behaviors and change because of not only freedom from their course, which in turn showed addiction, but no longer having to Some nights I would blissfully me how to deal with everyday carry the unimaginable weight of write ten pages, while on others I struggles. my past. could barely finish a sentence, but I never stopped. I can’t tell you the day, the week, Recovery through the 12 Steps or the month, but one day life just saved my life; it didn’t just save me I was never going back, I was wasn’t so hard. from drugs and alcohol, it saved never giving in, or giving up. After me from myself. each assignment was finished, The unmanageable highs and I’d call my sponsor, or we’d meet lows, pressures and struggles, Tyler Hall, from up for coffee, and go over what I things that I seemed irrationally Augusta, is a freelance writer in had written, because he was my incapable of in the beginning, recovery and a new guide, my seasoned-veteran of the were now happening so freely, and contributor to the program that was meant to help nearly effortlessly. Journey editorial me through this process, much team. like he had and continued to go through his own.

While working through the steps and gaining freedom from my past, I was also understanding and developing a relationship with something for my present and my future, not only with my brothers and sisters in the program, and my sponsor, but with a power greater than myself.

Merriam-Webster defines a higher-power as: a spirit or being that has great power, strength and knowledge that can affect nature and the lives of people.

recovery-journey.com ISSUE 14 17 Couples in Recovery

by Elaine Shamos, MPH & Glenn J. Simpson, LCSW-cc, CADC

Welcome back to Couples in sacrifices from the other. This away from “needing” the other Recovery! For this issue we’re can look like poor boundaries, to “choosing” the other. There is going to define the difference the desire to control, or the need still a reliance on each other, but between co-dependency and to fix their partner’s behavior the couple allows for space to be interdependency because and struggles. The co-dependent honest about desires, boundaries ultimately, we all want our is essentially addicted to their and needs. Interdependent relationships to evolve into partner. In the relationship, both relationships are deemed a healthy, interdependent people become trapped in a cycle “healthy” because they empower relationship. The terms can of over-reliance, blame, drama, each person to have their own be confusing so let’s start power imbalance, and poor self- sense of “self,” and to be honest by defining them, and then worth. This relationship is deemed and supportive without the fear of learn why this concept is so “unhealthy” because both people losing the relationship. important for a relationship are overly dependent on that involves recovery. each other. Why is this concept so important for couples in What is a co-dependent What is an interdependent recovery? relationship? relationship? When a person has a substance use A person is co-dependent when When both partners maintain disorder or any kind of addiction, they seek their self-worth their individuality and support often the natural response of the by caretaking their partner each other when needed, while partner (or child or parent) is to to the point where they are not taking responsibility for “support” them unequivocally, consumed with pleasing, while the other’s happiness, they usually at the expense of their own not understanding or tending are interdependent. These needs. Not surprisingly, people to their own needs and feelings. relationships allow room for who are co-dependent are more Usually this dyad involves the each to grow and change without often attracted to those with an other partner feeling dependent the other feeling threatened. addiction, having learned to be on, and glad to receive, these In interdependence, we move the giver or rescuer early in life.

18 ISSUE 14 recovery-journey.com This “enabling” behavior initially Here are some of the features of offer some leads for getting to looks like support, a way to ease a healthy, more interdependent a more trusting interdependent tension, or fix a problem. However, relationship, which we’ll be relationship in columns to come. in the long term, it becomes discussing in future issues: an unhealthy way to connect. We invite you to ask questions on Our research has found that a • Understanding each our FB page: CouplesinRecovery. couple in recovery might find it other’s story Here’s one from a Joanna B.: more difficult to change their • Active Listening relationship. In recovery, it is so • Taking personal responsibility How do we create more common for partners to easily fall for behaviors space for understanding into a victim and rescuer duet. • Creating safety to be each other’s stories? vulnerable with each other We are great believers in regularly • Being honest, open, What are ways to build scheduled date nights! We often and approachable an interdependent recommend that a couple take • Creating healthy boundaries relationship? these opportunities to give each • Taking time for personal The first step towards a healthier partner a turn at asking the other interests relationship may be to get help something they never knew about • Clear communication evaluating if your relationship the other while the other practices • Sharing common goals is stuck in a co-dependent cycle. active listening. and values Education, couples’ counseling, 12-step programs, support groups, In reality, working on a healthy Elaine Shamos, MPH and individual therapy can help. relationship is a constant, vigilant & Glenn J. Simpson, The movement towards repairing LCSW-cc, CADC, from process, which changes as each an unhealthy relationship in Portland, are new individual’s insights and needs recovery is always changing, as contributors to the evolve. However, this can be a Journey editorial team, each partner grows. This requires playful, deeply satisfying and and they can be reached adaptation and ideally learning at facebook.com/ intimate process. We hope to new skills. CouplesinRecovery.

A GOOD JOB MAKES ALL THE DIFFERENCE MaineWorks is a proud B Corporation, member of the Alternative Staffing Alliance, and leader in social employment. We strive to be a model for other companies and a catalyst for change around the world.

Contact Us (207) 415-3585 | [email protected] | www.maineworks.us

recovery-journey.com ISSUE 14 19 Coming to Faith

Accessing a faith that works by Niki Curtis

earning that I would be and well-meaning Mormons I realized I was dying and I no L persecuted for my faith, I when I was pregnant with my son longer wanted to die. Through a laughed. Having suffered the still wasn’t enough to get me to series of events: the DEA showing horrors of active addiction, nobody believe. How could Jesus love me? I up in my kitchen, a life-threatening could persecute me more than was an unwed single mom. I didn’t blood infection, and finally, a look myself. Yet I fear your persecution “deserve” forgiveness. from my son, I had a moment of or worse, the idea you might not clarity that sparked the first good like me because I believe in Jesus. What I could do was believe that decision I had made in a long time. drugs would make it better. I had Since childhood, the fear of not proof right? When I used them, I reached out for help. being loved/lovable has been the I could reduce the volume of my foundation of my drug use. internal persecution soundtrack. The next few months were touch- Belief turned into faith because and-go with my life but I managed I had been to church and believed drugs were working. to walk into rehab with a sense of in God and also believed that if I hope and the inner knowledge that wasn’t perfect, God wasn’t going Until they stopped working. The God was looking down on me with to love me either. My perception of consequences of my bad decisions a sense of approval. love was warped from a young age. piled up faster and kept me trying I experienced things that children to fix things myself. I continued Three weeks into rehab I was aren’t supposed to experience. to fail. invited to church. The church was I couldn’t understand that the held in what used to be a bar. God God my family and people in the It took a long time before I could in a bar? I HAD to see this! community loved so much could no longer ignore God’s voice. Over possibly be the same God that was and over I heard the whisper, “I Walking down the street toward allowing my soul to be misshapen have more for you to do.” In anger, the church, I could hear music. into, “Not good enough.” I kicked the wall with both feet, It was a song about forgiveness breaking through the drywall. I and being redeemed. Big Daddy I still believed there was a God, I cried out at the hole, in the shape Weave’s lyrics spoke directly to just wasn’t worthy of His love. of a heart, that my feet had made. that hole in my heart I had broken a heart into the wall Hearing about the Good News but it was my heart that “All my life I have been called of Jesus from two well-dressed was broken. unworthy. Named by the voice of

20 ISSUE 14 recovery-journey.com my shame and regret. But when I hear You WHISPER, “Child lift up your head” I remember, oh God, You’re not done with me yet.”

I had made an uncountable number of bad decisions in my life, lived with shame and regret, called myself unworthy and the one thing I was being offered was to have faith in Jesus, and it was being made accessible to me through a woman in rehab who had been through what I had been through, at a bar that had been turned into a church, during a street party that was actually a baptism. God had reached into that filthy bedroom during my tantrum and put me on a path where I could meet him at a redeemed bar.

The easiest and best decision of my life happened when I accepted Jesus into my heart. Faith, love and forgiveness were made accessible to me and the only thing I had to do was receive them and to believe that I was worthy of them.

Throughout recovery, my faith has grown but it’s not through the hard work of inner reflection. It’s in the quiet moments of prayer that happens before a next right decision. My faith is accessible because I walk through fears that used to control me. I put my faith in what God believes about me and what I believe about God.

Persecution for my faith may come in many forms, but it’s my faith in a loving God that filled the hole in my heart, that drugs never could, that will carry me forward, head held high and redeemed.

Niki Curtis of Portland is a woman in long-term recovery whose passion is to help others and spread positivity. She loves to find creative ways to do that, including writing for Journey.

recovery-journey.com ISSUE 14 21 When in Doubt, Choose Challenge by David Lee started writing this on March 16 It’s like the training that elite A few hours prior to my heading Iafter taking a brief dip in athletes and Navy SEALS engage out for dinner, a friend who owned the ocean. in. They push themselves hard a publication found me in the in training, knowing that this conference expo hall and invited While the outdoor temperature increases their ability to rise to me to go to this great restaurant was mild—in the mid-40s—the the challenge their sport or battle with some other people she was water was 38 degrees. brings to them. taking out to dinner.

I wasn’t really in the mood for So, if you want to become braver She said the restaurant was one of jumping into the frigid water, and more resilient, practice a kind. It didn’t have a phone, they which is exactly why I did it. “choosing challenge.” didn’t take reservations, and they didn’t have a menu. The chef, a I’m glad I did it, even though the This could mean doing something master from New York City , would icy water stung my skin and my that is physically uncomfortable, whip up something amazing and feet hurt almost immediately. having a conversation you’ve been you got to experience it. avoiding, or putting yourself in I’m glad I did it because “choosing new situations where you feel out While the food sounded enticing, challenge” is one of the best ways of your element and insecure. the idea of sitting at a large table to become more resilient. of strangers did not. Here’s another example you might Choosing challenge— relate to, especially if you’re an I told her I would think about it. i.e. intentionally stepping outside introvert or have social anxiety. our comfort zone rather than I went back and forth in my doing what’s easy or anxiety-free— I was doing a keynote at a mind between the thought of is like strength and conditioning conference in Maine several just wanting to have my quiet training for the mind and spirit. years ago and had decided to dinner and not putting myself have a quiet dinner by myself the in the awkward situation of It makes us psychologically evening before I was to give my having to make small talk with stronger and more durable, presentation. strangers (something I despise) which enables us to handle life’s and reminding myself that the challenges more easily. I wanted to review one more time only way I would become more what I wanted to say and enjoy the comfortable in these situations is quietude of a solo dinner.

22 ISSUE 14 recovery-journey.com to step outside my comfort zone How You Can Apply This and get more experience doing it. Are you ready • Make sure you’re onboard with A couple of hours of this back and the important truth that to re-enter the forth went by and I still hadn’t stepping outside your comfort workforce? made up my mind. zone is a MUST for personal growth and developing I bumped into my friend again and resilience. she let me know that we would Connecting With all be leaving from the hotel in a • Use slogans like “discomfort courtesy van. is my friend” to remind yourself Opportunities that by definition you will not - can help! You know those scenes in movies feel comfortable stepping where the person does that slow outside your comfort zone, and motion “Noooooooo!!!!” with their stepping outside your comfort GOAL: To create opportunities hands out in front of them? zone is the only way to for individuals impacted directly grow. So…if you feel anxious or indirectly, by the opioid crisis That was my Inside Voice after she or scared doing something new to receive the support, training told me about the van. (that’s healthy), it means you and guidance they need to are growing. access and maintain sustainable So, if you want • Notice choice points where you employment. to become braver can do the easy thing or the and more resilient, hard thing and remind yourself CRITERIA: practice “choosing “I can do hard.” impacted by the opioid challenge.” • Start small. Just as William epidemic or James admonished over a would like to work in the If you’re an introvert or have social hundred years ago, practice fields related to SUD anxiety or just don’t like small talk with the little, seemingly treatment or recovery and chit chat, you know what I was inconsequential things first. thinking: If I go in the courtesy AND van, I’ll be trapped. • Celebrate your “small wins” when you choose challenge. If workers who have been laid I won’t be able to bail out early if it doesn’t go well, reward off or I’ve had enough. yourself for taking the leap, unemployed for more than so your brain associates 27 weeks Because I found the whole idea so positive emotions with challenging, so not what I would choosing challenge. CONTACT INFORMATION: normally choose to do, that’s what Cumberland, Knox, Lincoln, Sagadahoc, If jumping into a cold ocean I decided to do. • Waldo and York County residents: seems a bit much, try a few Workforce Solutions: seconds of a cold shower. Not Gerard Corcoran, And…it was one of the most only does it get you out of your 207-274-3305, Gerard.Corcoran fun evenings I’ve ever had at a @goodwillnne.org comfort zone, it’s one of the conference. best ways to strengthen Aroostook County residents: your nervous system…aka build Not only was the food great, but I Aroostook County Action Program (ACAP): resilience (google “hacks vagus Meghan O’Berry, had a great time with the people nerve” and read about this). 207-554-4154, I met. [email protected]

Now, if it had NOT been a fun David Lee is a career Androscoggin, Franklin, Hancock, time, I would have rewarded coach with Heart at Kennebec, Oxford, Penobscot, Piscataquis, Somerset and Washington myself later for having stepped Work Associates and a workplace relationship County residents: outside my comfort zone, so I consultant. He is the Eastern Maine Development Corporation would associate doing so with author of Dealing with (EMDC): positive emotions. a Difficult Co-Worker: Doug Dunbar, 207-299-5626, The Courageous [email protected] Conversations at Work Series.

recovery-journey.com ISSUE 14 23 PERSONAL RECOVERY STORY

Tania Margate

“ y name is Tania. I am 47 years support. A lot of friends started Mold and I live in Harpswell, avoiding me. My world got really Maine. My recovery spans through small. It got to the point where my different inpatient and long- disease was ruling my life. term recovery houses, recovery programs, halfway houses, and a The only people I wanted in my life lot of women along the way willing were the people that were going to support me and my family.” to use like me; so that I could use the way I wanted to. But I would Tania struggled with addiction rather use drugs by myself. until the very last moment of getting into recovery; starting the There’s that greed, that hunger, recovery journey and relapsing. that running out feeling that just She always thought of using drugs would make my skin crawl. for just “one last time.” Tania describes her journey: I decided that I was going to start being a middleman and start When he did, I was couch surfing “I identify myself as an addict. helping people get what they and using as much as I possibly It’s not necessarily from a specific needed when they wanted it. so could. He didn’t give up. He just thing. It didn’t matter what it that I could have what I needed kept touching base with me. was, I had to have more of it or when I wanted. something better. I was always One night, I ended up leaving looking for that next way to get That led me to some legal issues. the house I was staying at. I was myself out of my head. And away heading out the door for him to from my feelings . “I remember sitting at one point, pick me up. That’s when I started shortly after a drug raid. I had talking about serious recovery. He I spent most of my life as a some stuff that I had managed to started making phone calls for me. functioning addict and did not hide from them. Everybody’s gone really have anything that was and I’m there all by myself and The universe really blessed me throwing me off the rails. Then I’m using. with this person—coming back and I had a woman commit suicide reaching down into the darkness in front of my car. As a result, I Then all of a sudden it didn’t and pulling me out. started making some really work anymore. I could feel this bad choices. desperation coming up. And I’m He eventually found a spot where looking around at this cold empty I could get into; Crossroads for One of my biggest shames shell of a house. It wasn’t a home. Women and a 30-day program. I throughout my life has been that All of a sudden, I had this moment could go in on Monday and it was I’ve been an emotional basket of emotional clarity where I Friday. I snuck out of his house and case and using helped me stop realized I was alone. had my one last time. doing that. Eventually, I had an ex-boyfriend I don’t know how many last times I eventually burned through a lot who had gotten clean the year I had. of relationships, including family before. He ended up looking me up.

24 ISSUE 14 recovery-journey.com “I ended up getting in and learned to just be; how to just exist and a lot from Crossroads. It was a accept that balance that comes great start. I ended up having 30 with a happy, healthy, full life. days clean. When I came out, I went to an anonymous meeting. Mcauley Residence taught me how Accredited by the Joint Commission to listen without thinking of what on Healthcare Organizations Unfortunately, I went with the I’m going to say next. It taught me person who allowed me to use the that I don’t have to be right and Helping People Regain way I like because I thought he was that my feelings aren’t facts.” Control of Their Lives my friend. I didn’t understand that Since 1976 people, places, and things have “I put myself in the middle of a 12- Do you find yourself dependent to change. step program. I started becoming active and being of service. I had a on pain medication, heroin or He was somebody that I could job, I was riding my bicycle to work fentanyl? manipulate to give me what I until I could get a car. I started wanted. I was like: I’m pretty good. getting those material things. Are you looking to stop the I’ve got it under control. I can try just a little bit. However, it’s not about the daily use? That was the last time I used. ‘stuff’, it’s about the fact that I’m organized enough in my spirit, We can help start your That was May 26, 2013. heart, mind, and body to be able to be a functional adult. journey to recovery! After that, all of my real family and friends started coming out The newest accomplishment in my We provide respectful, effective, of the woodwork. I have my life is that I am back to my career science-based, low cost & best friend. He let me stay at his in nursing and have been for over confidential treatment of opioid place while I was going to Mercy a year. I recently met with the dependence Recovery. I was doing the dual Maine State Board of Nursing to diagnosis intensive outpatient request an early release from my program. That was great because it 5-year probation with them. It was Services: gave me the structure for my day. a unanimous vote accepting Methadone maintenance my request. treatment I feel like that’s where my recovery Individual & Group started taking off. Having that This milestone has me reflecting Counseling Services day after day of other women in on where I am now compared the house that were just like me. to then. It just blows my mind. Case Management People that were teaching me skills My friendships and family Crisis Intervention that had helped them in recovery. relationships are thriving. My life Hepatitis C and HIV They wanted people like me to is so big and beautiful. Not to say Education, Referral and know that there was a way out. that there are no ups and downs. Liaison with Healthcare The difference is that now I can Providers That was the beginning of falling have my feelings instead of them in love with myself. I never had having me. TB testing that in my whole life and then I EKG referral is provided went into the Mcauley Residence. For those struggling or DEEP services for CAP new in recovery patients Mcauley Residence is a two-year Accepting: program. It’s an amazing place “First, I was shown the switch where you’re not allowed to work between guilt and shame. Second, when you first get there so you can just because we feel something focus directly on your recovery, doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s which was so important for me at true. Lastly, the biggest thing is to that time. let yourself be loved.” (207) 856-7227 I always associate my self-worth One Delta Drive, Westbrook with work. I had no idea how As told to a Journey Team member. www.capqualitycare.com

recovery-journey.com ISSUE 14 25 An Excerpt from...

n excerpt from a recently a couple of decades. She has Apublished book by a Mainer seen me at my most miserable, who is a friend of Bill W’s. and she has seen me at my most enthusiastic. Enthusiastic is what Zinnia, a lonely, retired nurse, is she’s seeing now. I revere her. She’s Fast Forward: a Scene from a on a solo adventure. Road trip! a great listener and usually doesn’t New Day on the Road Trip Curiosity leads her to national give me advice unless I ask, or unless parks, the world’s largest golf tee, she thinks it’s important. I feel safe Noisy night in the parking lot. I’m colorful characters, and friendly enough to tell her anything and she up early. Tearful. Feeling lonely, AA meetings in all 48 contiguous doesn’t even flinch. She’s practical unloved, unlovable. Shamed by being US states. With humor and insight, and level-headed. I value her a victim of yesterday’s road rage and she describes stealth camping in opinion. She’s my touchstone. frustrated by lack of sleep. Time to her minivan and learning about move on. her country and herself. Ride along I had done stuff like this before. with her! Camping and traveling cross- In Zanesville, Ohio, I hit the AA country with my family as a kid, meeting guide app and find that a Excerpt: bicycle tripping, hitchhiking in the meeting starts in three minutes, seventies and roughing it (don’t tell a half mile away at the Indiana “I think you should do it.” That’s my parents), traveling, and traveling Street Recovery Center, which is what my AA sponsor says. We are alone. Though this time I won’t be on Moxahala Avenue. They’re just having breakfast at Bernie’s Diner, alone, I will find AA meetings. saying the opening Serenity Prayer as usual. “You’re energized just as I slide in and locate a seat in the talking about it.” This kind of a trip is easy to imagine. packed room. These are some of the Having a van to sleep in seems to me things I hear: I’m telling her about my daydream like luxurious accommodations. to take a road trip across the “If you believe you can, or if you country. She asks, “What is And the timing. After I quit work, believe you can’t, you’re right.” stealth camping?” I’ll have no job, no kids at home, no commitments. I’ll have money from “If you’re willing to drink yourself “That means nobody knows you’re my Social Security check and income to death, that means your life is camping out in your vehicle, so from my rental apartments. I have unmanageable.” you don’t have to pay anything for health and energy, and I just love the lodging, or a campsite. Just park idea. I think, “Now is my chance.” “Recovery is progressive.” somewhere legal overnight.” So, when I hear Faith’s reaction, Often, I hear that alcoholism, or My sponsor, Faith, knows me very that’s when I decide to go ahead addiction, is progressive, in that it well. She’s been my sponsor for and do it. That is the moment the gets worse and worse if not put into daydream becomes a plan.

26 ISSUE 14 recovery-journey.com remission. I know that recovery is also progressive, in that it gets better and better.

Rita, a woman my age with real short hair, invites me out to breakfast with her and two men who were at the meeting. I order a cup of decaf. We have a lively discussion about what it was like before AA and how much better it is now. Rita says, “I’m having some medical problems. Sobriety doesn’t guarantee that you’ll never have problems. Though this time I won’t be alone, I will find AA meetings.

But it’s way better if I don’t drink over it, and I have you people to support me.”

I say, “My first AA sponsor used to say, ‘If you have a problem and you drink over it, then you have two problems.’”

Clearly, after hanging out with people who get me, I feel much better. That’s one of the gifts of AA for me. I say to Rita, “I’m so glad you invited me. I feel fortified.”

Zinnia Abbott (a pseudonym) is a retired nurse, mom, and grandmother living in southern Maine. Since 1985, she has been in recovery from alcoholism. To this grown-up Girl Scout and flower child out of season, every day is a new adventure, and she was born ready. Subscribe Today to get Journey delivered right to your home (or the home o a loved one)

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recovery-journey.com ISSUE 14 27 Managing Finances Dropping the judgmental and prescriptive — shifting to personal goals and small actions by Chris Linder

’ve been in financial services for Why tell someone to save for confidence in taking other I20+ years, some in banking but retirement when they can’t buy financial steps. mostly helping folks who are often enough food? left out have better access. Some 2. Creating a “no judgment zone.” old terms we used were “financial The evidence has shown we can We all slip or splurge. I’m not literacy or education.” I’m usually help each other instead by: saying go borrow $45,000 for that not a semantics person, but these 1. NOT wagging fingers but brand new truck, but also don’t terms rub me wrong for being helping each of us set 1-2 self-chosen kick yourself for buying a nice gift judgmental and paternalistic. goals at a time. Preaching on what for your son’s birthday. You’re not one should do by overwhelming a failure if you’ve gotten behind on The poor, the disadvantaged them with budgeting spreadsheets student loans or medical debt. We are not any more financially and financial management apps are all one car accident away from illiterate or uneducated than is NOT the way. We can help each financial hardship—it can happen other Americans. other focus on 1-2 financial goals to anyone. at a time instead. A client of ours Much evidence shows that targeted decided to save $500 for a family 3. Making it action oriented. The people for these programs are camping trip and had a wonderful best way to learn about something quite savvy at managing money— experience. Many experts would new is in the moment of need and they just don’t have a lot say that was frivolous. I say the take action. So if you want to buy of income nor cushions to process helped her do something a house this year, take a home- withstand life events like a important to her and regain buyer’s class from one of the many disability or incarceration.

28 ISSUE 14 recovery-journey.com providers here in Maine like us. If you want to help your kids learn to save, go to your local bank/credit union and open a savings account 106.1 with $10-20. WCSA FM Portsmouth Community Radio There are organizations like us who can serve as financial coaches.

But like going to the gym with your ‘gym buddy’—maybe find a ‘financial buddy’ and set a few goals with each other. And don’t WSCA be too judgy with your buddy if they break down and buy a Addiction & Recovery 101-shot latte at Starbucks (the most expensive Starbucks drink Podcast Series at $83.75).

Chris Linder is the CEO of the nonprofit MaineStreamFinance. org, part of Penquis Community Action Stream us live in Bangor—helping ALL Mainers become or on-demand at homeowners, start a business, or improve www.wscam.or/listen financial health.

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recovery-journey.com ISSUE 14 29 Funding Recovery Community Centers in Every Maine County by Alison Jones Webb

he Maine Recovery Advocacy Why is this bill important? centers are one critical way to TProject (MeRAP) is putting combat the social isolation of its advocacy efforts into several A recovery community center is active addiction and as a result bills, including LD 488: A Resolve the recovery community’s home. of COVID-19 restrictions. The to Expand Recovery Community It provides a safe space for people, recovery community can turn to Centers Throughout Maine. supports multiple pathways, and recovery community centers to provides three key things: peer- come together, heal, and The bill is sponsored by Senator based recovery support services re-connect. Chloe Maxmin (D-Lincoln) and (recovery coaching, telephone recovery support, and meetings/ co-sponsored by Speaker Ryan How can I support this bill? Fecteau (D-Biddeford), Rep. Evans activities), public education, and Tell your representatives to (D-Dover-Foxcroft), Rep. Landry policy advocacy. People in recovery support this resolve by calling (D-Farmington), Rep. McDonald in every county deserve access to or emailing them. Find your (D-Stonington), Rep. Meyer this tremendous opportunity representative here: https:// (D-Eliot), Rep. O’Neil (D-Saco), for support. openstates.org/find_your_ and Rep. Poirier (R-Skowhegan). How can recovery legislator/ What does this bill do? community centers help our communities? Where can I get more LD 488 provides grant funding for information? seven recovery community centers Evidence shows that recovery located in every county that does community centers provide Contact Courtney Allen, MeRAP not currently have one. Right now, important peer support and links Policy Director, at courtney@ there are 13 recovery community to resources like housing and recoveryvoices.com. centers in nine counties across jobs, especially in early recovery. Maine. This bill fills the gap for Recovery community centers Alison Jones Webb those counties that don’t have also support families, educate is a public health one: Franklin, Hancock, Kennebec, the public about recovery, and professional who Piscataquis, Somerset, Waldo, and advocate for recovery support has worked in the field of substance use York Counties. services. Recovery community prevention, treatment and recovery in Maine for over 15 years.

30 ISSUE 14 recovery-journey.com Maine’s Recovery RecoveryCOMMUNITYCommunity CentersCENTERSin Maine

Aroostook Recovery Center of Hope 59 Main St, Houlton, ME 04730 (207) 254-2213

Bangor Area Recovery Network 142 Center Street, Brewer, ME 04412 (207) 561-9444

Bath Recovery Community Center 97 Commercial Street, Bath 04530 (207) 389-4236

Boothbay Harbor Peer & Wellness Center 35 School Street, Boothbay Harbor, ME 04538 (207) 315-6236

Coastal Recovery Community Center 11 White Street, Rockland, ME 04841 (207) 691-3697

DownEast Recovery Support Center 311 Main Street, Calais, ME 04619 (207) 952-9279

DownEast Recovery Support Center 11 Free Street, Machias, ME 04654 (207) 259-6238

Lakes Region Recovery Center Portland Recovery Community Center 25 Hospital Drive, Suite E, Bridgton, ME 04009 468 Forest Avenue, Portland, ME 04103 (207) 803-8707 (207) 553-2575 Larry Labonte Recovery Center REST Center 412 Waldo Street, Rumford, ME 04276 205 Main Street, Lewiston, Maine 04240 (207) 418-4983 (207) 783-7378 Pir2Peer Recovery Center Roads to Recovery Community Center 1009 Central Street Millinocket, ME 04462 1 Water Street, Caribou, ME 04736 (207) 447-9500 (207) 493-1278

Designates Maine Recovery Hub funded center

recovery-journey.com ISSUE 14 31 Spirit Illuminated by Kimble Greene, PhD

ver the years, many have splendor found in exploring the Life is about balance, going within, Oasked how I acquired my forest, and the depth of love, for having faith and loving­—first intuitive abilities. My answer is self and others, experienced deep oneself and then the world. always the same: intuition is your within and far beyond my being. sixth sense; it is the means by More and more life made me think Life is about the ability of humans which your spirit speaks. Intuition, hard, laugh knowingly, cry openly, to embrace their struggles and sift along with all your core sensory wonder naively, comprehend from them the nuggets of wisdom, capacities, is the seat of your unexpectedly, live passionately higher purpose, and meaning. power and knowing. Additionally, and, above all, deeply explore my it is through this nonphysical own sense of self, life, and spirit. Life is about the shift from core essence that the ever-present surviving to thriving. wisdom of the universe guides, The inherent duality of your supports, and uplifts you. existence on this earth—as a This spiritual quest has shown human and spiritual being—brings me the measure of a human being From the moment I inquisitively challenge as well as purpose. is how well s/he lives and loves, opened the door to the world of both as an imperfect human and energy and spirit, it sucked me in. Your spiritual existence is as all-knowing spirit. The honor As I began to explore the prospect about the expression of our soul of embracing my spiritual Self and of an inner spiritual existence, it through grace, creativity, joy, knowing the vast eminent universe wasn’t long before a divine essence wonder, service, compassion, has deeply and profoundly enriched emanated from and through me non-judgment, and love. Your and expanded my life—I wish the like sunlight as it peaks over physical existence is about the same for you. the horizon on a clear morning. expression of humanity through Reconnecting to my core essence growth, exploration, pain, grief, ignited my curiosity and passion trauma, angst, anguish, confusion, Kimble Greene for life, people, nature, and all betrayal, inhumanity, survival, PhD, Founder and things related to living. and still … love. Chief Catalyst at Catalyst Enterprises Worldwide, LLC is a The exuberance and wholesomeness Life is about keeping the light Bestselling Author, of it made me ache for all things on so that the darkness does Master Catalyst, and natural and pure; the feel of the not prevail. Trailblazer. You can warm sand beneath my feet, the reach her at [email protected].

32 ISSUE 14 recovery-journey.com Recovery PROGRAMS We are fortunate to live during a time when there are many options for finding and sustaining lasting recov- ery from addiction. We are all individuals and while there are many aspects of our personal journeys that may be similar to those of others, we are each called to discover for ourselves what works and what doesn’t work for us. Our goal is to provide options and shine a light on different approaches that people use to maintain lasting recovery without endorsing specific approaches or recovery programs. We ultimately leave it up to you, the reader, to decide what works best for you, while presenting you with multiple pathways to recovery.

Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) Food Addicts in Recovery Overeaters Anonymous (OA) 207-774-4335/800-737-6237 Anonymous (FA) is a free 12-step is a community of people who www.cso.aamaine.org recovery program for anyone support each other in order to suffering from food obsession, recover from compulsive eating Al-Anon /Alateen overeating, bulimia and under- and food behaviors. We welcome www.maineafg.org eating. www.foodaddicts.org everyone who feels they have a 207-284-1844 / 800-498-1844 problem with food. Gambler’s Anonymous (GA) Dial 211 for meeting info. Adult Children of Alcoholics 718-352-1671 / 888-830-2271 http://oamaine.org (ACOA or ACA) http://newenglandga.com A 12-step, 12-tradition program for Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous men and women who grew up in Heroin Anonymous (HA) (SLAA) dysfunctional homes A fellowship of heroin addicts who A program of recovery for people 207-322-6284 help each other practice complete addicted to sex and love, based www.adultchildren.org abstinence from drugs and alcohol on the 12 steps of AA 347-858-3601 207-323-5143 / 800-204-2803 Cocaine Anonymous (CA) www.heroinanonymous.org www.slaafws.org 617-539-6090 / 800-347-8998 (meeting info only) H.O.P.E. Group SMART Recovery www.ca.org A safe place where people Mutual-support meetings that are come together to find wellness free and open to anyone seeking Codependents Anonymous by sharing their stories and listening science-based, self-empowered 602-277-7991 / 888-444-2359 with an open heart and mind addiction recovery www.coda.org to others 440-951-5337 727-420-2964 (Liz) www.smartrecovery.org Debtors Anonymous (DA) www.hopehealing.org Debtors Anonymous offers hope Wellbriety Movement for people whose use of unsecured Marijuana Anonymous (MA) (White Bison) debt causes problems and A fellowship of people who share A sustainable grassroots suffering. 800-421-2383 / their experience, strength and movement that provides 800-974-0062 hope to recover from marijuana culturally based healing for https://debtorsanonymous.org/ addiction indigenous people 609-529-6332 / 800-766-6779 207-992-0411 / 877-871-1495 Drug Addicts Anonymous (DAA) www.marijuana-anonymous.org https://wellbriety.com A fellowship of men and women who have recovered from addiction Narcotics Anonymous (NA) and are committed to helping A support program for people those who still suffer, based on the in recovery from drug addiction 12 steps based on the 12 steps of AA 970-761-5189 www.namaine.org www.daausa.org 818-773-9999/800-974-0062

recovery-journey.com ISSUE 14 33 Statewide RESOURCES These resources are gathered from a variety of sources. Our goal is to provide information on nonprofits that provide free or affordable services that benefit the recovery community.

CRISIS HOTLINE POISON CENTER Domestic Violence Support 866 834 4357 Maine Crisis Hotline Maine Medical Center Maine Behavioral Health 800 222 1222 Information, crisis counseling, emotional support and 888 568 1112 The NNEPC poison help line advocacy. 24 hour hotline, mobile is available 24/7 by phone, assessment & crisis intervention chat and text to provide MISCELLANEOUS treatment advice for poisonings 211 Maine National Human Trafficking or to answer poison-related Resource Center/ questions. Directory connecting people Polaris Project to variety of health and human HOTLINES services in Maine that can 888 373 7888 Intentional Warm Line be accessed online or on the National, toll-free hotline, 50 Moody St Saco phone. available to answer calls and 866 771 9276 texts from anywhere in the Medical Professional’s country, 24 hours a day, 7 days Confidential telephone support Health Program a week, every day of the year. services for non-crisis situations, 20 Pelton Hill Rd Manchester including, but not limited to: 8a-4p Safe Voices (domestic violence) Peer-to-peer support, social 207 623 9266 ×5 800 559 2927 connection, sharing personal Assessment/screenings for Maine Coalition Against victories, overcoming fear, medical professionals who Sexual Assault grief or sadness, developing might have substance use 800 871 7741 effective strategies for the disorders/mental health future, assistance with referrals disorders. Referrals. Monitoring. Confidential services, free of to community resources, talking charge. Provides information, to someone when feeling sad, Wellness Mobile crisis counseling, and emotional lonely, or discouraged. 207 520 1683 support and advocacy. Outreach vehicle and materials Maine Tobacco Helpline for recovery or prevention. Maine Access Points 800 207 1230 207 319 8823 (call or text) [email protected] M-Th 10a-8p, F 10a-5p, S 10a-2p We provide state-wide If you call after hours please naloxone distribution, overdose leave a message. Staff will call prevention education, support you back. and aftercare. www.maineaccesspoints.org

34 ISSUE 14 recovery-journey.com HELP PEOPLE, HEAL PEOPLE w/ LIMITLESS VENTURES AN IMPACT CAPITAL FIRM

OUR MISSION

INVESTING $4 BILLION IN PRIVATE & PHILANTHROPIC CAPITAL TO CREATE 500,000 RECOVERED LIVES BY 2030

INVESTING ACROSS THE CONTINUUM OF CARE

PREVENTION LIFE-SCIENCES HEALTH-CARE TREATMENT LONG-TERM ACCESS RECOVERY

TEAM

PhD, CFA Alexander Holt Karen Sterling Life Science - Senior Partner Managing Partner Drexel University 9+ Years in Recovery Columbia University 5+ Years in Alt. Asset Management Biotechnologist & Strategic Advisor 3 Startups 4 Non-Profits 11+ Years Investment Banking Kite-surfer, golfer Antarctic Research Scuba Diver

Stuart Gitlow MD, MPH, MBA Gregg Roberts Chief Medical Partner Long Term Recovery – Senior Partner

Massachusetts Institute of Technology UC – Santa Barbara Mount Sinai, MD Harvard Business School (OPM) Uni. of Pittsburgh, MPH 20+ Years Commercial Real Estate Uni. Of Rhode Island, MBA 5 Startups 27+ Years Recovery-based Psychiatry 1 Non-Profit Commercially rated pilot Boxing and Tennis

OPPORTUNITIES EXIST FOR QUALIFIED INVESTORS

[email protected] | WWW.LIMITLESSVENTURES.US

recovery-journey.com ISSUE 14 35 SUBSTANCE USE DISORDER CAN HAPPEN TO ANYONE WE CAN HELP YOU BEAT IT

You deserve a care team that understands your unique situation and needs. Having a substance use disorder has never been a personal failing; rather, one that must be met with compassion. At Maine Behavioral Healthcare, we follow evidence-based treatment methods and offer support that can help you identify the recovery pathway that best meets your needs.

You don’t have to travel that path alone.

Our intensive treatment programs offer the following services: Accepting new substance use treatment patients in South Portland, Biddeford, Rockland and Springvale. • Medicated Assisted Treatment to control cravings and reduce withdrawal Call 1-844-292-0111. • Group and individual counseling • Peer support Learn more at mainehealth.org/IMAT • Patient navigation • Education about health maintenance through each level of treatment

Begin your path to recovery today.